1
00:00:03,837 --> 00:00:06,574
Okay. The gutters are clear.

2
00:00:06,674 --> 00:00:11,045
You know, I loved you guys
when you were little and cute,

3
00:00:11,179 --> 00:00:14,848
but I love you even more now
that you're grown and useful.

4
00:00:16,050 --> 00:00:19,187
Oh, Marty, Pops is being
super nice. (laughs)

5
00:00:19,287 --> 00:00:21,122
He's about to ask us
to do something else.

6
00:00:21,222 --> 00:00:23,324
You know what? About
all these hedges right here,

7
00:00:23,424 --> 00:00:24,692
-I need you to clip 'em...
-(overlapping protesting)

8
00:00:24,792 --> 00:00:28,062
I hear the voice
of my son Malcolm.

9
00:00:28,196 --> 00:00:29,730
But that couldn't be, could it?

10
00:00:29,830 --> 00:00:31,132
Is that you, Malcolm?

11
00:00:31,199 --> 00:00:33,467
-Get out my face, Mama.
-(chuckling)

12
00:00:33,534 --> 00:00:36,337
Yes, I've been
a little bit busy.

13
00:00:36,404 --> 00:00:37,571
Oh. I get it.

14
00:00:37,705 --> 00:00:40,141
Your girlfriend's
a fancy reality star.

15
00:00:40,208 --> 00:00:41,842
She keeps her men
on a short leash.

16
00:00:41,909 --> 00:00:43,211
That is not true.

17
00:00:43,311 --> 00:00:45,679
Trophy Divas,
season four, episode six.

18
00:00:45,746 --> 00:00:48,616
She had her husband Garnett
on a leash.

19
00:00:50,918 --> 00:00:54,088
Are you guys ready for Dave's
surprise party this weekend?

20
00:00:54,188 --> 00:00:55,956
Oh-ho-ho, so ready.

21
00:00:56,056 --> 00:00:59,360
Titanic themed
murder mystery party? Yeah.

22
00:00:59,427 --> 00:01:02,896
Uh, Gemma, that's the most
Dave-ass thing I've ever heard.

23
00:01:03,731 --> 00:01:05,099
Oh, here comes Dave.

24
00:01:05,199 --> 00:01:06,700
Be cool. Be-be cool.

25
00:01:06,767 --> 00:01:08,669
-Be cool.
-(protesting)

26
00:01:08,769 --> 00:01:10,571
Hey, buddy. What you got there?

27
00:01:10,670 --> 00:01:13,541
-Ah, just been out collecting
all my birthday freebies.
-Ah.

28
00:01:13,607 --> 00:01:14,775
Got a smoothie, a latte,

29
00:01:14,908 --> 00:01:17,044
small fries from Gravy Jack's.

30
00:01:17,845 --> 00:01:19,045
Dave, that sounds like a lot.

31
00:01:19,113 --> 00:01:21,014
Oh, I'm just getting started.
You know,

32
00:01:21,115 --> 00:01:23,283
this is why you always put
your D.O.B. in the apps.

33
00:01:23,384 --> 00:01:25,719
Next stop, Jiffy Lube.

34
00:01:25,819 --> 00:01:28,856
Um, Malcolm,
feel free to bring Mercedes.

35
00:01:28,922 --> 00:01:30,291
Fat chance, Gemma.

36
00:01:30,390 --> 00:01:32,593
He's scared
to introduce her to us.

37
00:01:32,693 --> 00:01:34,027
Oh, not us, Mama.

38
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:35,295
Just you.

39
00:01:36,664 --> 00:01:38,299
Look, look, Malcolm, Malcolm.

40
00:01:38,399 --> 00:01:42,470
You know, if this thing
with you and Mercedes is real,

41
00:01:42,603 --> 00:01:45,973
you're gonna have to introduce
her to your mama sometime.

42
00:01:46,106 --> 00:01:48,142
Think about it, man.
It's a big party.

43
00:01:48,276 --> 00:01:50,077
We're all there
running interference.

44
00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:52,979
Dave's making everything
about his birthday.

45
00:01:53,080 --> 00:01:55,115
-I mean, that's a good point.
-Yeah.

46
00:01:55,249 --> 00:01:56,783
All right. Uh, uh, Gemma?

47
00:01:56,917 --> 00:01:57,785
I will ask her.

48
00:01:57,884 --> 00:01:59,253
-Yes.
-And, no,

49
00:01:59,353 --> 00:02:01,289
Mama, I will not be on a leash.

50
00:02:01,389 --> 00:02:03,691
That's exactly
what Garnett said.

51
00:02:05,259 --> 00:02:07,295
* Welcome to the block,
welcome to the neighborhood *

52
00:02:07,395 --> 00:02:08,862
* Welcome to the hood. *

53
00:02:13,634 --> 00:02:15,236
Okay. I have spent all day
on this lemon

54
00:02:15,369 --> 00:02:17,171
olive oil cake,
but I got to go do my makeup.

55
00:02:17,238 --> 00:02:19,707
So if the timer goes off,

56
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:20,908
please check it.

57
00:02:21,041 --> 00:02:22,210
And do what?

58
00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:24,378
-Just check it.
-Yeah. Check it for what?

59
00:02:24,512 --> 00:02:25,946
Just check the cake, man!

60
00:02:29,750 --> 00:02:30,584
(timer dings)

61
00:02:30,718 --> 00:02:32,753
(door shuts in distance)

62
00:02:37,024 --> 00:02:38,492
Checked.

63
00:02:38,559 --> 00:02:40,761
(knocking)

64
00:02:45,233 --> 00:02:46,700
Ahoy, my good man.

65
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:48,067
Oh, uh, no, thank you.

66
00:02:48,168 --> 00:02:49,837
We already love the Lord.

67
00:02:51,739 --> 00:02:53,541
(knocking)

68
00:02:55,409 --> 00:02:57,578
Uh, no, I'm, uh, here
to set up the party.

69
00:02:57,678 --> 00:02:59,980
-Oh! Oh. I'm-I'm sorry. Please.
-Yeah. All right.

70
00:03:00,080 --> 00:03:02,182
It happens a lot.

71
00:03:03,684 --> 00:03:04,618
Uh, I'm Casper.

72
00:03:04,752 --> 00:03:06,420
And, uh, the birthday boy's son

73
00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,256
is going to help me
this evening.

74
00:03:08,389 --> 00:03:09,690
Oh. Uh...

75
00:03:09,790 --> 00:03:11,692
Hey, what's up, Grover?

76
00:03:11,759 --> 00:03:13,927
I'm not Grover, Mr. Calvin.

77
00:03:14,061 --> 00:03:18,432
Tonight I am
the coal baron Chazz Muldoon.

78
00:03:18,566 --> 00:03:20,000
I'm rich in money

79
00:03:20,100 --> 00:03:22,703
and in enemies.

80
00:03:24,704 --> 00:03:26,039
(grunts)
Baby, this thing weighs a ton.

81
00:03:26,139 --> 00:03:27,174
What's in it?

82
00:03:27,275 --> 00:03:28,809
Only the best hostess gift ever.

83
00:03:28,942 --> 00:03:30,278
I really want
to impress your family.

84
00:03:30,411 --> 00:03:31,779
Okay.
(grunts)

85
00:03:32,613 --> 00:03:33,947
-Oh.
-Hey.

86
00:03:34,081 --> 00:03:37,285
I have got to set this down
before I tear a bicep.

87
00:03:38,418 --> 00:03:39,553
Salutations.

88
00:03:39,620 --> 00:03:41,088
I'm Chazz Muldoon.

89
00:03:41,188 --> 00:03:42,990
Perhaps you've enjoyed my coal?

90
00:03:43,757 --> 00:03:46,960
Uh, Grover,
don't be weird, okay?

91
00:03:47,094 --> 00:03:48,262
He's not family.

92
00:03:48,362 --> 00:03:49,930
Ah.

93
00:03:50,030 --> 00:03:51,064
You must be Mercedes.

94
00:03:51,131 --> 00:03:52,966
I'm Calvin. I'm Malcolm's dad.

95
00:03:53,066 --> 00:03:54,201
-It's so nice to meet you.
-Good.

96
00:03:54,302 --> 00:03:55,869
-Uh, call me Sadie.
-Okay.

97
00:03:55,969 --> 00:03:57,070
Mercedes.

98
00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:58,472
Hi. I'm Tina.

99
00:03:58,572 --> 00:04:00,374
Nice to meet you.
Sorry I'm a mess.

100
00:04:00,474 --> 00:04:02,576
-I just finished decorating
the cake.
-Oh.

101
00:04:02,643 --> 00:04:04,345
It smells wonderful.

102
00:04:04,445 --> 00:04:06,614
-Uh, you know, I checked on it.
-(chuckles)

103
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:09,450
Well, the only thing better
than a cake

104
00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:11,652
-is...
-(chuckling)

105
00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,487
...two cakes.

106
00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:14,955
What? Wha...

107
00:04:15,022 --> 00:04:16,557
-Whoa.
-That is art.

108
00:04:16,656 --> 00:04:19,026
A-Are you telling me
this is a cake?

109
00:04:19,159 --> 00:04:20,694
-It's amazing, right?
-Wow.

110
00:04:20,793 --> 00:04:22,530
I'm friends with the producers
of that show Is It Cake?

111
00:04:22,630 --> 00:04:24,197
(chuckling):
Wow.

112
00:04:24,298 --> 00:04:26,166
-(shutter clicking)
-You brought
a big old fancy cake

113
00:04:26,266 --> 00:04:27,368
that, uh,

114
00:04:27,501 --> 00:04:29,670
dwarfs the cake
I spent all day on.

115
00:04:32,105 --> 00:04:33,741
That's-that's nice.
R-Really nice.

116
00:04:33,841 --> 00:04:35,008
-Nice, nice.
-(chuckles)

117
00:04:35,108 --> 00:04:36,176
Oh, yeah.

118
00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:37,678
-(stammers) Uh...
-(chuckles)

119
00:04:37,811 --> 00:04:40,514
Okay, now I'll get
a picture of yours, too.

120
00:04:40,648 --> 00:04:42,182
(shutter clicks)

121
00:04:43,317 --> 00:04:45,419
Oh! Uh, I see Dave
and Gemma coming.

122
00:04:45,519 --> 00:04:47,955
-Oh, uh, should we hide?
-(chattering)

123
00:04:48,055 --> 00:04:49,523
Uh...

124
00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:50,991
(groans)

125
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:56,296
(door closes)

126
00:04:56,364 --> 00:04:58,098
ALL:
Surprise!

127
00:04:59,132 --> 00:05:01,335
Greetings, sir.

128
00:05:02,570 --> 00:05:04,037
And welcome

129
00:05:04,171 --> 00:05:07,174
aboard the RMS Titanic.

130
00:05:10,378 --> 00:05:12,312
I regret to inform you

131
00:05:12,380 --> 00:05:14,982
that there is about to be...

132
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:16,149
a murder.

133
00:05:16,216 --> 00:05:18,151
(gasps)

134
00:05:19,019 --> 00:05:20,388
Best birthday ever!

135
00:05:26,727 --> 00:05:28,462
(loud clanging)

136
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,504
Good evening, passengers.

137
00:05:36,604 --> 00:05:39,840
Each of you
have been given a dossier.

138
00:05:39,940 --> 00:05:42,376
It tells you
not only who you are but how

139
00:05:42,476 --> 00:05:46,346
and why you are capable
of the ultimate crime--

140
00:05:46,414 --> 00:05:47,681
murder.

141
00:05:48,516 --> 00:05:50,518
If there is a red card
in your dossier,

142
00:05:50,584 --> 00:05:52,284
then you are the murderer.

143
00:05:52,420 --> 00:05:54,555
And for the rest of you, well,

144
00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:56,323
your mission is simple--

145
00:05:56,424 --> 00:06:01,094
solve the case and ensure
that justice is served

146
00:06:01,228 --> 00:06:04,131
before dessert is served.

147
00:06:04,264 --> 00:06:06,033
(chuckles)
This guy's a trained actor.

148
00:06:06,133 --> 00:06:07,034
You can tell.

149
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,436
Guilty.

150
00:06:08,569 --> 00:06:09,537
(laughs)

151
00:06:09,637 --> 00:06:10,538
Now, you, sir,

152
00:06:10,604 --> 00:06:12,940
please introduce yourself.

153
00:06:13,040 --> 00:06:15,042
(French accent):
The name is Count Montague.

154
00:06:15,142 --> 00:06:19,413
I have an exquisite collection
of jewels.

155
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:22,215
How did I come by them?

156
00:06:22,282 --> 00:06:26,186
That is none of your business!

157
00:06:27,254 --> 00:06:28,756
Oh. Uh, uh...

158
00:06:28,856 --> 00:06:30,123
Jimmy's the name, see?

159
00:06:30,223 --> 00:06:32,092
I'm a simple stowaway,
I tell ya.

160
00:06:32,192 --> 00:06:33,627
Thinking ain't my strong suit,

161
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:34,962
but if you underestimate me,

162
00:06:35,062 --> 00:06:36,464
think again, pal.

163
00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:38,031
Get your foot off my table.

164
00:06:40,233 --> 00:06:43,303
(mid-Atlantic accent):
My name is Violet Clendenington,
darling.

165
00:06:43,437 --> 00:06:45,773
No doubt you've read about me
in the gossip columns.

166
00:06:45,839 --> 00:06:50,944
I'm engaged to the wealthy
coal baron Chazz Muldoon.

167
00:06:51,044 --> 00:06:53,246
(chuckling)

168
00:06:53,313 --> 00:06:58,519
But is it love or opportunity?

169
00:07:01,922 --> 00:07:03,256
(Spanish accent):
Hola!

170
00:07:03,991 --> 00:07:07,160
Mi nombre es Prince Mauricio.

171
00:07:07,294 --> 00:07:09,262
And I am a lover of women.

172
00:07:12,833 --> 00:07:15,335
And I have had conquests
on every continent.

173
00:07:15,435 --> 00:07:18,606
But, today,
the fuego en mi corazón

174
00:07:18,672 --> 00:07:21,074
blazes only for one woman.

175
00:07:21,909 --> 00:07:23,977
Violet Clendenington.

176
00:07:24,077 --> 00:07:26,179
Ha! That's Mama.

177
00:07:27,915 --> 00:07:29,316
You nasty, Mauricio.

178
00:07:29,382 --> 00:07:30,551
-No.
-You're nasty.

179
00:07:30,651 --> 00:07:31,885
-No. Uh...
-What?

180
00:07:31,985 --> 00:07:33,687
-Hey, Dave, switch with me.
-What?

181
00:07:33,821 --> 00:07:35,322
I'm already lost in Jimmy.

182
00:07:35,422 --> 00:07:37,090
-Come on, man.
-Okay, fine.

183
00:07:39,893 --> 00:07:41,562
Okay. Uh...

184
00:07:41,695 --> 00:07:44,197
I guess I am now,
uh, Prince Mauricio.

185
00:07:44,297 --> 00:07:47,635
But because I'm Castilian,
I pronounce it "Maurithio."

186
00:07:48,969 --> 00:07:52,005
(lisping):
And when Muldoon goes to sleep,

187
00:07:52,105 --> 00:07:56,243
we will make sweet, sweet amor.

188
00:07:58,045 --> 00:08:00,480
Count Montague
about to kick your royal "ath."

189
00:08:01,915 --> 00:08:03,551
(Cockney):
Pip, pip, cheerio!

190
00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:06,153
I'm Zelda Cadwallader, I am.

191
00:08:06,253 --> 00:08:09,089
Proud daughter of a ratcatcher
and a cheesemonger.

192
00:08:09,222 --> 00:08:13,093
Now I'm personal assistant
to Mr. Chazz Muldoon.

193
00:08:13,226 --> 00:08:14,461
(gasps, regular voice):
Oh, my God.

194
00:08:14,562 --> 00:08:15,896
Remember when you made
your assistant

195
00:08:15,996 --> 00:08:16,997
do traffic school for you?

196
00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:19,099
-I loved that.
-Thank you.

197
00:08:19,232 --> 00:08:20,467
(chuckles)

198
00:08:20,568 --> 00:08:22,570
(New York accent):
Uh, cigars, cigarettes?

199
00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:23,771
I'm Daisy Summers.

200
00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:25,639
I work the floor
at the Starlight Club.

201
00:08:25,739 --> 00:08:27,675
But I've got dreams bigger
than this.

202
00:08:27,775 --> 00:08:29,009
Just you wait.

203
00:08:29,076 --> 00:08:32,345
I'm wholesome, but I got
a thing for millionaires.

204
00:08:33,046 --> 00:08:35,414
(scoffs)
Well, half of that is true.

205
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:38,818
-Come on. Play nice.
-No, you tell her to play nice,

206
00:08:38,919 --> 00:08:41,421
showing me up
with some big dumbass cake.

207
00:08:42,255 --> 00:08:43,724
Uh, uh, uh, Marty,

208
00:08:43,823 --> 00:08:44,758
who are you?

209
00:08:44,858 --> 00:08:45,993
Oh, uh...

210
00:08:46,093 --> 00:08:48,862
Wham! Bam! Pow!

211
00:08:48,962 --> 00:08:50,864
(lisping):
Name's Joltin' Joe Jenkins,

212
00:08:50,931 --> 00:08:51,999
heavyweight boxer.

213
00:08:52,099 --> 00:08:53,300
And I could've been a contender.

214
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:55,068
But I fell in
with some bad mugs.

215
00:08:55,135 --> 00:08:56,770
Bah!

216
00:08:59,973 --> 00:09:02,843
And I am Madame Lita,

217
00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:05,278
fortune teller, seer of secrets.

218
00:09:05,412 --> 00:09:08,916
Let me gaze into the mists
of your future.

219
00:09:09,016 --> 00:09:11,384
Although, truth be told,
if I were really psychic,

220
00:09:11,484 --> 00:09:13,520
I would have never gotten
on the Titanic.

221
00:09:15,222 --> 00:09:16,123
Oh, no.

222
00:09:16,223 --> 00:09:19,126
I regret to inform you...

223
00:09:19,226 --> 00:09:21,294
(sighs)
Chazz Muldoon,

224
00:09:21,394 --> 00:09:24,998
the millionaire coal baron,

225
00:09:25,098 --> 00:09:27,567
will not be joining us
for dinner.

226
00:09:27,635 --> 00:09:31,571
Because he has been murdered!

227
00:09:31,639 --> 00:09:34,141
(gasping)

228
00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:36,844
Sacré bleu!

229
00:09:45,653 --> 00:09:46,687
Oh, God!

230
00:09:46,787 --> 00:09:48,455
They done killed Grover.

231
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:50,891
I know it's a game,

232
00:09:50,991 --> 00:09:53,260
but I'm uncomfortable with
Grover laying there like that.

233
00:09:53,360 --> 00:09:57,364
I know. He's on my bed
wearing his outside clothes.

234
00:09:57,464 --> 00:09:59,833
Guys, come on.
Look, the game is afoot.

235
00:09:59,933 --> 00:10:02,202
Now let's all look for clues.

236
00:10:02,335 --> 00:10:04,972
I believe that's lipstick
on his collar.

237
00:10:05,673 --> 00:10:08,541
-There's a rope
under the pillow, see?
-(gasps) Oh!

238
00:10:08,642 --> 00:10:10,678
(Cockney): There's a little
bottle next to his sherry glass,

239
00:10:10,811 --> 00:10:13,613
and, blimey,
if it don't have a skull on it.

240
00:10:13,681 --> 00:10:15,348
(lisping):
It's poison!

241
00:10:15,482 --> 00:10:16,817
(gasping)

242
00:10:16,884 --> 00:10:18,585
(French accent):
Was he stabbed?

243
00:10:19,352 --> 00:10:20,854
Or was he poisoned?

244
00:10:21,655 --> 00:10:23,023
(New York accent):
Or strangled?

245
00:10:23,123 --> 00:10:24,658
The spirits are telling me

246
00:10:24,758 --> 00:10:28,495
that someone should have made
stronger narrative choices.

247
00:10:30,197 --> 00:10:31,865
Well, dead or alive,

248
00:10:31,965 --> 00:10:34,467
-these shoes are coming off.
-MARTY: Mama.

249
00:10:36,904 --> 00:10:39,372
I have drunk deeply
at the nectar of your passion.

250
00:10:39,472 --> 00:10:41,675
But do you love me enough
to draw blood for me,

251
00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:44,211
my beautiful flower?

252
00:10:44,344 --> 00:10:46,013
The next name you call me
better be Tina,

253
00:10:46,113 --> 00:10:48,348
or there's gonna be
another murder.

254
00:10:50,050 --> 00:10:52,085
I will mark you down

255
00:10:52,219 --> 00:10:53,887
as a maybe.

256
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:55,588
Yeah, you do that.

257
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:58,225
Tina.
(chuckles softly)

258
00:10:58,325 --> 00:11:02,262
I am catching the vibe that you
and I got off on the wrong foot.

259
00:11:03,196 --> 00:11:04,164
Was it the cake?

260
00:11:04,231 --> 00:11:06,266
Yeah, let's go with the cake.

261
00:11:07,400 --> 00:11:08,601
Yeah, well, um,

262
00:11:08,702 --> 00:11:10,103
it's a little over-the-top,
I know.

263
00:11:10,203 --> 00:11:12,505
I was just trying so hard
to impress you guys.

264
00:11:12,572 --> 00:11:14,274
I can be a little clueless
sometimes.

265
00:11:14,374 --> 00:11:17,244
Mm. Like the episode you wore
white to Sienna's wedding?

266
00:11:17,377 --> 00:11:19,179
-(laughs)
-That was crazy.

267
00:11:19,246 --> 00:11:20,948
-(chuckling)
-No, that was on purpose.

268
00:11:23,050 --> 00:11:25,252
Hey, look, look, look, y'all,
they smiling.

269
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:26,686
And laughing.

270
00:11:26,787 --> 00:11:28,388
Ah, you know what,
Pop, you were right.

271
00:11:28,455 --> 00:11:30,423
This was a great idea.

272
00:11:30,523 --> 00:11:32,159
(French accent):
This is what I do.

273
00:11:32,259 --> 00:11:34,227
You can always count
on the Count...

274
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:36,596
(Jamaican accent):
for a great idea, mon.

275
00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,531
So now you're Jamaican?

276
00:11:38,598 --> 00:11:40,500
Shabba!

277
00:11:41,935 --> 00:11:43,403
While I've got you,

278
00:11:43,503 --> 00:11:45,773
I want to surprise Malcolm,
but I need your help.

279
00:11:45,873 --> 00:11:48,540
-Mm.
-Can you get me
his passport number?

280
00:11:48,641 --> 00:11:50,210
Oh, his passport?
Is he going somewhere?

281
00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:52,412
I want to kidnap him
and take him to Barbados.

282
00:11:52,512 --> 00:11:54,948
-Oh, wow. That's nice. When?
-(chuckles)

283
00:11:55,048 --> 00:11:56,583
The second week of April.

284
00:11:56,649 --> 00:11:58,685
Oh.

285
00:11:58,786 --> 00:11:59,887
On my birthday.

286
00:11:59,987 --> 00:12:01,121
Oh!

287
00:12:01,254 --> 00:12:02,422
You're an Aries.

288
00:12:02,522 --> 00:12:03,757
(chuckles)

289
00:12:03,824 --> 00:12:06,393
Okay, I'm catching
that cake vibe again.

290
00:12:06,493 --> 00:12:09,296
Don't be silly. I mean, I just
always knew the day would come

291
00:12:09,396 --> 00:12:11,965
when Malcolm wouldn't celebrate
my birthday with me.

292
00:12:12,099 --> 00:12:14,067
I just always thought
I'd be dead, but...

293
00:12:14,134 --> 00:12:16,804
(laughs)
you never know. Maybe I will be.

294
00:12:16,904 --> 00:12:18,571
Okay.

295
00:12:18,638 --> 00:12:20,073
So let me get this straight.

296
00:12:20,173 --> 00:12:22,776
You want me to reschedule
a trip out of the country

297
00:12:22,843 --> 00:12:24,912
so your grown son

298
00:12:25,012 --> 00:12:26,713
can spend
your birthday with you?

299
00:12:26,814 --> 00:12:28,248
Oh, so you get it.

300
00:12:28,315 --> 00:12:29,817
(chuckles)

301
00:12:29,917 --> 00:12:31,919
I'm sorry, but I went
through a lot of trouble

302
00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:34,521
to get Malcolm booked
at the best spa in Barbados.

303
00:12:34,621 --> 00:12:36,656
Oh. Well, I went
through a lot of trouble

304
00:12:36,790 --> 00:12:39,960
to push Malcolm's giant
baby head through my pelvis.

305
00:12:41,394 --> 00:12:43,163
So, ladies,
how's it going over here?

306
00:12:43,263 --> 00:12:44,597
Oh, it's going great
for Malcolm.

307
00:12:44,697 --> 00:12:46,466
He's going to Barbados.

308
00:12:46,566 --> 00:12:48,101
-Ooh.
-Whoa, I am?

309
00:12:48,168 --> 00:12:49,837
-TINA: Mm-hmm.
-Uh, it was supposed
to be a surprise.

310
00:12:49,937 --> 00:12:51,571
Oh, I didn't say
the other surprise,

311
00:12:51,671 --> 00:12:52,806
which is the date.

312
00:12:52,906 --> 00:12:54,407
Which is on my birthday.

313
00:12:54,507 --> 00:12:55,475
Oh, damn.

314
00:12:55,575 --> 00:12:57,344
MALCOLM:
Okay, wait, wait. Mama,

315
00:12:57,444 --> 00:12:58,912
there's no way
she could've known that.

316
00:12:59,012 --> 00:13:01,448
It's fine, Malcolm.
I knew this was coming.

317
00:13:01,548 --> 00:13:02,549
This is what she does.

318
00:13:02,649 --> 00:13:04,351
You get your claws in a man,

319
00:13:04,451 --> 00:13:05,418
you take over his life,

320
00:13:05,518 --> 00:13:06,653
and the next thing you know,

321
00:13:06,719 --> 00:13:08,088
you've got him on a leash.

322
00:13:08,188 --> 00:13:10,190
Okay, wait, wait,
I am not on a leash.

323
00:13:10,290 --> 00:13:11,524
Oh, forget the leash.

324
00:13:11,624 --> 00:13:13,793
You're the one
who needs to cut the cord.

325
00:13:13,894 --> 00:13:15,195
Oh.

326
00:13:16,396 --> 00:13:18,765
Uh, g-guys?

327
00:13:18,866 --> 00:13:20,400
(sighs)
Guys,

328
00:13:20,500 --> 00:13:21,935
it is my birthday party,

329
00:13:22,035 --> 00:13:24,872
and apparently I'm the only one
that's excited that...

330
00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:27,374
Grover is dead
in the other room.

331
00:13:28,208 --> 00:13:29,809
Dave, don't say it like that.

332
00:13:29,910 --> 00:13:32,846
Yes, and the killer
is still at large.

333
00:13:32,946 --> 00:13:36,249
Casper,
would you please read the room?

334
00:13:37,150 --> 00:13:40,553
I bet you this cake
don't even taste good.

335
00:13:43,423 --> 00:13:44,992
Damn it. It's delicious.

336
00:13:51,464 --> 00:13:52,665
I'm sorry, Malcolm.

337
00:13:52,732 --> 00:13:54,968
You know, I should've seen
this one coming.

338
00:13:55,068 --> 00:13:59,439
We Butler men, we don't go
for quiet, demure women.

339
00:13:59,539 --> 00:14:03,376
We like strong women
that speak their minds.

340
00:14:03,510 --> 00:14:07,147
Are you saying I like Mercedes
'cause she's like Mama?

341
00:14:07,214 --> 00:14:08,415
(chuckles)

342
00:14:08,548 --> 00:14:10,317
It's a family curse.

343
00:14:10,383 --> 00:14:14,021
So, how do I choose
a side here, Pop?

344
00:14:14,087 --> 00:14:18,158
Well, I'm-a tell you like my
great-grandfather would tell me.

345
00:14:18,258 --> 00:14:20,360
And he would say, "Son,

346
00:14:20,460 --> 00:14:21,895
"if you have to choose

347
00:14:21,995 --> 00:14:26,066
"between the two most important
women in your life,

348
00:14:26,166 --> 00:14:29,836
choose the one
you go home with."

349
00:14:29,937 --> 00:14:31,738
(door opens)

350
00:14:33,406 --> 00:14:35,442
How can you not like Titanic?

351
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:38,278
I'm just saying, the movie
could have been so much shorter.

352
00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:41,048
They get on board.
"Hey, everybody, great boat!"

353
00:14:41,114 --> 00:14:43,183
Then, boom, iceberg! Aah!

354
00:14:43,283 --> 00:14:45,352
-Splash! The end.
-Okay, okay.

355
00:14:45,452 --> 00:14:47,687
Hey, hey, hey, nerds.

356
00:14:47,754 --> 00:14:49,589
We are kind of talking out here.

357
00:14:49,689 --> 00:14:51,124
Uh, I'm sorry, Malcolm.

358
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:52,926
Do you own outside?

359
00:14:53,760 --> 00:14:54,962
You better relax, man.
Calm down.

360
00:14:55,062 --> 00:14:56,396
-(arguing)
-Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!

361
00:14:56,463 --> 00:14:58,298
Stop this.
What are y'all doing out here?

362
00:14:58,431 --> 00:14:59,732
Leaving me in there with her.

363
00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:01,068
Okay, Mama,

364
00:15:01,134 --> 00:15:04,371
there's no great way
to say this, but...

365
00:15:04,471 --> 00:15:06,773
I got to pick sides and...

366
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:08,841
...I choose Mercedes.

367
00:15:08,942 --> 00:15:09,809
You what?

368
00:15:09,943 --> 00:15:11,378
Our relationship is real, Ma.

369
00:15:11,478 --> 00:15:13,580
I've been seeing her
for almost three months now.

370
00:15:13,646 --> 00:15:16,916
And I've been seeing her for
five seasons of Trophy Divas.

371
00:15:16,984 --> 00:15:20,420
Well, six if you count the
spin-off Hell in the Hamptons.

372
00:15:20,487 --> 00:15:22,089
And the only difference

373
00:15:22,189 --> 00:15:25,592
between that Mercedes
and the one that I met today

374
00:15:25,692 --> 00:15:27,760
is that there aren't
any cameras here.

375
00:15:27,860 --> 00:15:28,996
Okay, fine.

376
00:15:29,129 --> 00:15:30,797
You have made up your mind
about her.

377
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:32,265
But you know what?

378
00:15:32,365 --> 00:15:33,900
So have I.

379
00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:35,668
And I choose Mercedes.

380
00:15:42,509 --> 00:15:44,944
-Where is this coming from?
-Well, I...

381
00:15:46,679 --> 00:15:47,680
Pop!

382
00:15:48,648 --> 00:15:51,351
Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

383
00:15:51,451 --> 00:15:54,921
I just said that you have to be
on your woman's side.

384
00:15:55,022 --> 00:15:58,725
Like I'm on your side
against Malcolm.

385
00:15:59,759 --> 00:16:01,061
Mm-mm.

386
00:16:01,161 --> 00:16:03,763
No, Malcolm,
this is not about me.

387
00:16:03,830 --> 00:16:05,465
I'm trying
to protect you from her.

388
00:16:05,532 --> 00:16:08,201
I don't need to be protected
from Mercedes.

389
00:16:08,335 --> 00:16:09,869
Excuse me.

390
00:16:10,003 --> 00:16:11,471
Mercedes would like
to weigh in here.

391
00:16:11,538 --> 00:16:13,273
Uh, no, Sadie, look, baby,
it's okay, all right?

392
00:16:13,340 --> 00:16:15,208
No, no, I want to.

393
00:16:16,109 --> 00:16:17,744
Um...

394
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:18,845
I get it.

395
00:16:18,945 --> 00:16:21,448
I'm your worst nightmare.

396
00:16:21,548 --> 00:16:22,982
Your son
just brought home someone

397
00:16:23,050 --> 00:16:24,284
who was on TMZ last week

398
00:16:24,384 --> 00:16:26,553
having a slap fight
with Alec Baldwin.

399
00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:29,122
What can I say?

400
00:16:29,222 --> 00:16:30,623
Sometimes I can be blunt.

401
00:16:30,723 --> 00:16:32,692
Oh. I can see.

402
00:16:32,792 --> 00:16:34,694
And I don't apologize for it.

403
00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:36,529
Oh, big surprise there.

404
00:16:36,629 --> 00:16:38,198
And you know what?

405
00:16:38,331 --> 00:16:40,533
I have only known you
for an hour,

406
00:16:40,633 --> 00:16:42,702
and I can already tell...

407
00:16:42,835 --> 00:16:44,404
you're exactly like me.

408
00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:46,039
-Didn't I call it?
-You did.

409
00:16:46,139 --> 00:16:47,707
They're the same.

410
00:16:48,540 --> 00:16:49,376
Am I wrong?

411
00:16:49,476 --> 00:16:51,578
No, you're not wrong.

412
00:16:51,678 --> 00:16:53,580
I don't hold my tongue
for anyone.

413
00:16:54,447 --> 00:16:56,883
Diva recognize diva.

414
00:16:56,983 --> 00:16:58,285
Good.

415
00:16:58,385 --> 00:17:00,787
Because I need you to understand

416
00:17:00,887 --> 00:17:03,323
I am crazy about your son.

417
00:17:04,090 --> 00:17:08,027
He gets me in a way
that no one ever has.

418
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:11,364
So I'm gonna say to you
what I said to Denise Richards

419
00:17:11,431 --> 00:17:14,134
at the season three reunion when
she told me I was in her seat.

420
00:17:15,702 --> 00:17:16,969
I'm not going anywhere,

421
00:17:17,069 --> 00:17:18,338
-honey.
-Honey.

422
00:17:23,376 --> 00:17:25,377
I loved when you said that.

423
00:17:25,444 --> 00:17:26,913
Yeah, I never liked her.

424
00:17:27,012 --> 00:17:28,481
(laughing)

425
00:17:33,052 --> 00:17:34,254
Hello?

426
00:17:35,088 --> 00:17:37,890
If I wanted to spend the night
hanging with Gemma

427
00:17:37,990 --> 00:17:40,760
while my son
lies around lifelessly,

428
00:17:40,860 --> 00:17:43,463
I would have stayed at home.

429
00:17:43,563 --> 00:17:45,098
All right. All right. Come on.

430
00:17:45,198 --> 00:17:46,233
Let's play.

431
00:17:46,299 --> 00:17:48,435
* *

432
00:17:49,469 --> 00:17:51,838
It has become clear to me
that everyone in this room

433
00:17:51,938 --> 00:17:54,407
had a motive
to kill Chazz Muldoon.

434
00:17:54,474 --> 00:17:57,410
-Even this dashing lothario.
-GEMMA: Aw.

435
00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:00,613
At first,
I thought it might be Violet.

436
00:18:00,713 --> 00:18:02,649
(dramatic sting)

437
00:18:03,583 --> 00:18:05,885
Sweet, sultry Violet.

438
00:18:05,952 --> 00:18:08,488
Oh, the moments of passion
we shared.

439
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:11,624
Well, it was not me.

440
00:18:12,425 --> 00:18:14,794
My love.
(gagging)

441
00:18:14,894 --> 00:18:16,463
It was not her.

442
00:18:16,563 --> 00:18:18,365
But...

443
00:18:18,465 --> 00:18:19,732
Count Montague.

444
00:18:19,832 --> 00:18:21,033
(dramatic sting)

445
00:18:21,134 --> 00:18:24,404
You stole Muldoon's jewels.

446
00:18:24,504 --> 00:18:25,438
(French accent):
Yes.

447
00:18:25,538 --> 00:18:28,808
I may have stolen the jewels.

448
00:18:28,941 --> 00:18:31,211
Those beautiful,

449
00:18:31,311 --> 00:18:33,513
glimmering jewels.

450
00:18:33,646 --> 00:18:34,614
But murder?

451
00:18:34,714 --> 00:18:36,549
(dramatic sting)

452
00:18:38,685 --> 00:18:39,686
No.

453
00:18:39,819 --> 00:18:41,821
You are no murderer.

454
00:18:41,954 --> 00:18:43,590
Why would you kill the man,

455
00:18:43,656 --> 00:18:46,659
when you and he were in cahoots
to share the insurance money?

456
00:18:46,759 --> 00:18:49,262
-Oh. Been there, done that.
-(chuckles)

457
00:18:49,329 --> 00:18:50,830
Season four finale.

458
00:18:51,564 --> 00:18:52,832
I love you.

459
00:18:54,334 --> 00:18:57,304
And then there's... Jimmy.

460
00:18:57,404 --> 00:18:59,472
(dramatic sting)

461
00:18:59,539 --> 00:19:00,907
The stowaway.

462
00:19:01,007 --> 00:19:05,077
Sweet, dumb Jimmy.

463
00:19:05,912 --> 00:19:07,414
I know it wasn't you.

464
00:19:07,514 --> 00:19:10,517
Yep. (grunts) Because you knew
Muldoon was my real pappy.

465
00:19:10,617 --> 00:19:11,718
He was?

466
00:19:12,685 --> 00:19:13,620
N-No. No.

467
00:19:13,686 --> 00:19:15,722
Because I looked at your dossier

468
00:19:15,822 --> 00:19:17,023
before we traded characters,

469
00:19:17,123 --> 00:19:19,226
-and it didn't say "murderer."
-Oh.

470
00:19:21,694 --> 00:19:23,996
Which brings me to...

471
00:19:24,096 --> 00:19:24,964
Madame Lita.

472
00:19:25,064 --> 00:19:27,200
(dramatic stings)

473
00:19:28,000 --> 00:19:31,304
It was the unique jewels
on the handle of the dagger

474
00:19:31,371 --> 00:19:32,372
that gave her away.

475
00:19:32,472 --> 00:19:34,073
The same jewels

476
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,008
on the Lita family's crest.

477
00:19:36,075 --> 00:19:38,545
-Mm.
-Proving beyond a shadow
of a doubt

478
00:19:38,678 --> 00:19:40,213
that Madame Lita

479
00:19:40,347 --> 00:19:41,281
is the murderer.

480
00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:43,816
(dramatic stings)

481
00:19:43,916 --> 00:19:44,884
No.

482
00:19:44,984 --> 00:19:47,654
It says "innocent" on my card.

483
00:19:47,754 --> 00:19:49,389
Huh?

484
00:19:51,358 --> 00:19:53,125
Oh. Well, then...

485
00:19:53,926 --> 00:19:55,395
The murderer must be Zelda!

486
00:19:55,528 --> 00:19:57,163
(dramatic stings)

487
00:19:58,030 --> 00:20:00,433
(Cockney):
Yes! I killed him.

488
00:20:00,567 --> 00:20:02,602
-Ha.
-Muldoon stole my idea

489
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:05,071
for a coal-powered submarine,
he did.

490
00:20:05,204 --> 00:20:06,506
So, yeah,

491
00:20:06,573 --> 00:20:07,940
I killed him, I did.

492
00:20:08,074 --> 00:20:09,576
And I'd do it again!

493
00:20:10,377 --> 00:20:11,644
He's already dead.

494
00:20:11,744 --> 00:20:13,246
How would you do it again?

495
00:20:15,448 --> 00:20:18,285
-Captain! Take her to the brig!
-(gasping)
-CASPER: Ah.

496
00:20:18,418 --> 00:20:20,853
-Come with me, you foul fiend!
-Oh. Oh.

497
00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:22,121
(quietly):
Oh, uh,

498
00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:24,424
-you got my Venmo, right?
-Oh, yeah, yeah.

499
00:20:25,592 --> 00:20:27,193
Not so fast!

500
00:20:27,260 --> 00:20:29,762
Chazz Muldoon
is still very much alive

501
00:20:29,862 --> 00:20:32,599
and hungry for revenge.

502
00:20:32,699 --> 00:20:34,066
The game is over, Chazz.

503
00:20:34,166 --> 00:20:36,503
You can go in there
and eat your piece of that boat.

504
00:20:36,603 --> 00:20:38,771
(mutters)

505
00:20:39,772 --> 00:20:42,309
Honey, um,
thank you for the party.

506
00:20:42,409 --> 00:20:44,777
Oh, I'm so glad
you liked it, babe.

507
00:20:46,212 --> 00:20:48,147
I have
one more birthday request.

508
00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:51,618
Can you keep the accent
for later?

509
00:20:53,786 --> 00:20:56,823
(Cockney): I'm up
for a good shag, I am, I am.

510
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:06,799
Captioning sponsored by
CBS

511
00:21:06,866 --> 00:21:10,503
and TOYOTA.

512
00:21:10,637 --> 00:21:15,074
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org