1 00:00:33,341 --> 00:00:34,103 What is it? 2 00:00:34,209 --> 00:00:34,903 What? 3 00:00:34,976 --> 00:00:36,534 Why are you staring at my bust? 4 00:00:36,811 --> 00:00:38,642 I'm not, I was looking at your shirt. 5 00:00:38,713 --> 00:00:39,839 Yeah. 6 00:00:39,915 --> 00:00:41,382 Are the 'Smurfs' your favorite? 7 00:00:41,449 --> 00:00:43,041 Yes, I've seen every episode. 8 00:00:44,920 --> 00:00:45,682 They're cute, 9 00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:49,451 especially Smurfette She's just so... womanly. 10 00:00:49,524 --> 00:00:51,754 Y'know, I've always wanted to be like her. 11 00:00:51,826 --> 00:00:55,284 I suppose you are aware this woman was the only female in the Smurf village. 12 00:00:56,131 --> 00:00:57,120 So? 13 00:00:57,199 --> 00:01:00,999 Doesn't it seem odd that out of all those little blue characters she was the only female? 14 00:01:01,069 --> 00:01:04,505 No, I never thought about it before today. 15 00:01:04,573 --> 00:01:08,202 They just laugh and have fun all week long. It's weird. What are they happy about? 16 00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:13,175 Stuck in a village full of male dwarfs. Think about it, that's not normal. 17 00:01:13,248 --> 00:01:15,443 So what happens? They get aggressive. 18 00:01:15,517 --> 00:01:16,575 What's your point? 19 00:01:17,285 --> 00:01:18,411 Hey, I'm just saying, 20 00:01:18,486 --> 00:01:22,217 why don't these men have more fights when they're competing to go out with that one female? 21 00:01:22,290 --> 00:01:27,353 They should have leveled that village by now. It should be all smoke and blood and blue carcasses. 22 00:01:29,130 --> 00:01:30,495 Then I came up with it. 23 00:01:30,565 --> 00:01:33,363 Y'know why Smurfville never wiped itself out? 24 00:01:34,236 --> 00:01:37,672 It's real simple Smurfette gives herself freely to all the male smurfs. 25 00:01:38,607 --> 00:01:39,471 She sleeps around? 26 00:01:39,541 --> 00:01:41,873 Yeah, Smurfette's the whore of the village. 27 00:01:41,943 --> 00:01:44,878 She does them all Everyone lives happily ever after. 28 00:01:45,113 --> 00:01:48,105 No question, Smurfette's the coolest chick around. 29 00:01:48,183 --> 00:01:50,617 Thanks a lot, you've ruined my whole childhood. 30 00:01:57,559 --> 00:02:00,426 Ants in the Pants 31 00:02:00,495 --> 00:02:03,055 Tobias Sehenke 32 00:02:03,198 --> 00:02:05,666 Axel Stein Luise Helm 33 00:02:05,734 --> 00:02:08,100 Byorn Kirsehniok Minatander 34 00:02:39,100 --> 00:02:40,431 Produced by: Bernd Eichinger 35 00:02:40,502 --> 00:02:43,232 Directed by: Marc Rothemund 36 00:02:48,877 --> 00:02:54,281 Seeing as I'm going to be telling you a lot of personal stuff I'd better introduce myself first. 37 00:02:54,349 --> 00:02:58,649 My name is Florian Thomas but my friends call me 'Fly'. 38 00:02:59,454 --> 00:03:03,015 You'll probably want to know the whole story from the beginning but I'm warning you 39 00:03:03,091 --> 00:03:10,463 It isn't exactly Grimm's fairy tale. As far as I know there isn't a big ending everyone lives happily ever after. 40 00:03:10,532 --> 00:03:13,330 But there is definitely a big beginning. 41 00:03:15,303 --> 00:03:20,639 Hey! Hello! Wake up! Have you got cotton in your ears? Hello! 42 00:03:23,978 --> 00:03:29,245 Finally paying attention. Today's the first day of the rest of our life. 43 00:03:29,317 --> 00:03:30,181 Our life? 44 00:03:30,251 --> 00:03:32,344 Yep, just the two of us. 45 00:03:34,656 --> 00:03:39,559 At that moment, realized that there were mysterious forces of nature that one didn't always understand. 46 00:03:44,332 --> 00:03:46,099 Florian, breakfast. 47 00:03:46,134 --> 00:03:50,537 And even worse, I soon learned that these forces were impossible to control. 48 00:03:51,272 --> 00:03:53,467 Psst, slowly look to your right. 49 00:03:55,877 --> 00:03:57,640 Florian, pass the milk please. 50 00:03:59,647 --> 00:04:02,980 Florian, would you please pass your aunt the milk. 51 00:04:05,487 --> 00:04:08,320 There's nothing as delicious as creamy fresh milk. 52 00:04:08,390 --> 00:04:10,984 Mmm, especially when it comes in containers like those. 53 00:04:11,493 --> 00:04:12,790 Watch it! 54 00:04:14,329 --> 00:04:16,024 Oh, Florian! 55 00:04:17,565 --> 00:04:19,192 It's alright, really. 56 00:04:20,702 --> 00:04:21,498 I'm sorry. 57 00:04:23,638 --> 00:04:24,366 Look, honey. 58 00:04:24,639 --> 00:04:28,905 The drama department will be performing 'Romeo and Juliet' this weekend at Florian's high school. 59 00:04:29,544 --> 00:04:32,274 Shakespeare? Not again. 60 00:04:33,348 --> 00:04:36,374 Is there some reason you're not performing? All your friends seem to have parts. 61 00:04:36,451 --> 00:04:38,783 Yeah, because their folks are all forcing them. 62 00:04:40,789 --> 00:04:45,419 I'd love to see you play the part of Romeo. Your father played him so well. 63 00:04:47,662 --> 00:04:48,788 Remember, dear? 64 00:04:50,131 --> 00:04:51,723 And I was your Juliet. 65 00:04:51,933 --> 00:04:54,094 And you were the best one ever. 66 00:04:56,504 --> 00:04:59,064 Speaking of school, can I stay home today, please? 67 00:05:01,342 --> 00:05:02,809 What's wrong with you, Florian? 68 00:05:04,012 --> 00:05:06,276 I feel kind of... upset. 69 00:05:06,347 --> 00:05:08,076 Is it something I said? 70 00:05:09,050 --> 00:05:10,642 Will you die from it? 71 00:05:11,186 --> 00:05:12,414 I hope not. 72 00:05:12,487 --> 00:05:15,149 Good, then you can make it to school. 73 00:05:17,425 --> 00:05:20,690 Take another look. You won't see those puppies until you get home. 74 00:05:36,511 --> 00:05:37,034 Good morning. 75 00:05:37,111 --> 00:05:37,873 Hi, Lisa. 76 00:05:37,946 --> 00:05:39,004 Is Florian ready? 77 00:05:39,080 --> 00:05:40,012 Come in, dear. 78 00:05:40,081 --> 00:05:43,618 He's behaving strangely. I hope he's not coming down with something. 79 00:05:43,653 --> 00:05:44,778 Who are you anyway? 80 00:05:45,019 --> 00:05:46,577 C'mon, you know me. 81 00:05:46,654 --> 00:05:49,350 Oh, yeah? You were never this chatty. 82 00:05:49,424 --> 00:05:51,756 Sure I was. You just didn't hear me until now. 83 00:05:53,561 --> 00:05:55,586 Fly, who are you talking to? 84 00:05:55,663 --> 00:05:57,153 Why can't you just disappear? 85 00:06:00,034 --> 00:06:01,262 Fly? 86 00:06:11,112 --> 00:06:12,409 You should have turned left back there. 87 00:06:13,014 --> 00:06:14,845 No. Dear, the hospital's right up this street. 88 00:06:14,949 --> 00:06:18,407 That's it, buddy. From now on only button-fly pants for you. 89 00:06:21,756 --> 00:06:22,916 Almost there. 90 00:06:26,194 --> 00:06:27,889 Ah, this is it. 91 00:06:32,233 --> 00:06:34,201 The animal hospital? 92 00:06:34,802 --> 00:06:38,238 When I say 'now' bite down on that latex bone as hard as you can. 93 00:06:39,274 --> 00:06:42,038 Be a good boy... when we're done I'll make sure you get a treat. 94 00:06:43,912 --> 00:06:45,038 Get ready... 95 00:06:49,684 --> 00:06:50,651 My pal was relentless. 96 00:06:51,052 --> 00:06:53,282 That experience at the vet didn't slow him up a bit. 97 00:06:54,122 --> 00:06:56,886 I love school especially Miss Pringle's geometry. 98 00:06:56,958 --> 00:07:02,396 Such lovely curves. Boy I'd like to bisect her equilateral triangle. 99 00:07:08,770 --> 00:07:11,568 Can anyone tell me what the tangent's radiant is? 100 00:07:13,274 --> 00:07:18,940 Florian? Florian? 101 00:07:23,151 --> 00:07:23,947 Yeah? 102 00:07:24,018 --> 00:07:25,815 Stand up and give us the answer. 103 00:07:27,021 --> 00:07:29,683 He's already up just look. 104 00:07:36,764 --> 00:07:39,426 Ah, summertime. The heat, the hard bodies. 105 00:07:39,500 --> 00:07:41,832 Oh, what selection what variety! 106 00:07:41,903 --> 00:07:44,337 Everywhere you look something is hot. 107 00:07:45,740 --> 00:07:48,208 I know what you're thinking... that he doesn't exist without me. 108 00:07:48,376 --> 00:07:50,344 But you're wrong. 109 00:07:52,380 --> 00:07:54,848 2 hours later 110 00:07:57,085 --> 00:07:58,518 Look at that tasty treat... 111 00:07:58,586 --> 00:07:59,352 or that one. 112 00:07:59,387 --> 00:08:02,481 They've definitely got my pilot-light going. How can you be cold? 113 00:08:02,557 --> 00:08:06,721 Not only was I seeing boobs butts and bodacious babes everywhere, 114 00:08:06,794 --> 00:08:09,558 but this voice in my shorts was driving me bonkers. 115 00:08:09,664 --> 00:08:11,598 C'mon, let's go for a swim. 116 00:08:12,500 --> 00:08:14,263 What are you waiting for? Frostbite? 117 00:08:14,836 --> 00:08:16,997 Let's go. Buddy. I'm shriveling. 118 00:08:18,439 --> 00:08:20,771 Since he put it that way I had no choice. 119 00:08:25,380 --> 00:08:29,476 It's like he had a mind of his own. And his mind only focuses on one thing. 120 00:08:30,018 --> 00:08:31,383 Lift-off! 121 00:08:31,986 --> 00:08:39,222 Man! What was wrong with me? I decided to research my problem. 122 00:08:39,293 --> 00:08:41,693 But I couldn't find any answers in the books I had. 123 00:08:42,030 --> 00:08:43,793 Any good booby shots in there? 124 00:08:43,865 --> 00:08:45,059 Hey, piss off! 125 00:08:45,133 --> 00:08:49,695 Out of desperation I decided to turn to the two people who had brought me into the world. 126 00:08:53,541 --> 00:08:57,671 Well, Florian it's a little hard to explain but it's simple biology. 127 00:08:57,745 --> 00:08:59,906 The woman gets a warm feeling in her... 128 00:08:59,981 --> 00:09:02,108 and the man may also... 129 00:09:05,219 --> 00:09:07,517 also have a warm stiff... 130 00:09:07,588 --> 00:09:13,527 Let me handle this, Petra. Y'see, Florian... It's all biological. 131 00:09:14,128 --> 00:09:16,460 The human body is like any well-oiled machine. 132 00:09:16,831 --> 00:09:20,267 The heart pumps blood into all the vital organs. 133 00:09:20,468 --> 00:09:22,732 And then, when the man is excited by the woman... 134 00:09:22,804 --> 00:09:25,204 Because he is so in love with that woman... 135 00:09:25,273 --> 00:09:28,208 Well, a lot of blood rushes down to his... 136 00:09:31,979 --> 00:09:33,241 ...wee-wee. 137 00:09:36,684 --> 00:09:41,246 I mean, this isn't a woman that the man has met casually just walking down the street. 138 00:09:41,322 --> 00:09:44,257 He's dreamed about her his whole life. In fact he wants to tie the knot. 139 00:09:44,325 --> 00:09:49,126 Petra, would you stop interrupting? We're not discussing marriage here. This is biology. 140 00:09:49,197 --> 00:09:51,791 I don't want him to think he can have these feelings lightly. 141 00:09:51,866 --> 00:09:55,302 You feel this way about girls who are very very special. 142 00:09:55,369 --> 00:09:59,207 Now, as I was saying the blood is pumped... 143 00:09:59,242 --> 00:10:01,641 and the wee-wee gets larger... 144 00:10:02,376 --> 00:10:07,143 and larger... and closer and... 145 00:10:07,215 --> 00:10:12,278 What your father is attempting to say is that the man puts his we-wee 146 00:10:16,457 --> 00:10:19,290 ...he puts it into the woman's flowerpot. 147 00:10:23,498 --> 00:10:24,795 It's better if you stay out of this. 148 00:10:24,899 --> 00:10:25,627 Why is that? 149 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:28,491 Because you're confusing him. Where did you get 'flowerpot'? 150 00:10:28,803 --> 00:10:32,068 Well, your 'wee-wee' sounds like a piglet in a nursery-rhyme. 151 00:10:34,142 --> 00:10:39,546 Look, Florian what we're trying to say is this thing between your legs is... 152 00:10:39,714 --> 00:10:42,581 ...not only used just to go to the toilet. 153 00:10:43,885 --> 00:10:49,187 It's like a very good friend. You have your whole life ahead of you. 154 00:10:49,257 --> 00:10:52,226 Life is like a long road-trip and it can be a lonely one at times. 155 00:10:52,293 --> 00:10:56,195 So it's nice to have a dear friend along for the company and support. 156 00:10:58,633 --> 00:11:00,794 Parents mean well but this was serious. 157 00:11:00,868 --> 00:11:04,326 So I decided to consult the most manly guy at school. 158 00:11:06,174 --> 00:11:09,337 If Coach didn't know what was wrong with me I knew no-one would. 159 00:11:10,711 --> 00:11:14,010 I'm tuned-in. Son. I know exactly what's happening. 160 00:11:14,081 --> 00:11:16,174 Many guys experience what you're going through. 161 00:11:17,885 --> 00:11:18,579 I'm not unique? 162 00:11:18,653 --> 00:11:19,642 That's right. 163 00:11:20,254 --> 00:11:26,284 And you mustn't go through life always being ashamed. In fact for many years, I was ashamed. 164 00:11:26,360 --> 00:11:27,520 You were? 165 00:11:29,497 --> 00:11:31,465 Are you anxious about your problem? 166 00:11:32,033 --> 00:11:35,264 Yeah, well, sort of. It wants to control me. 167 00:11:35,336 --> 00:11:37,236 I hear it telling me to... 168 00:11:37,305 --> 00:11:39,603 Listen, none of that matters. 169 00:11:40,007 --> 00:11:43,272 Don't forget. Homosexuality is totally normal. 170 00:11:45,046 --> 00:11:47,674 And you are normal. 171 00:11:48,282 --> 00:11:49,647 Thanks for your help. 172 00:11:49,717 --> 00:11:51,184 I was getting nowhere, fast. 173 00:11:51,252 --> 00:11:55,052 The only person I had left to talk to was my best friend Red Bull. 174 00:12:00,695 --> 00:12:05,394 All I can say is it is definitely about time, Fly. Here. 175 00:12:11,305 --> 00:12:12,203 Are you positive? 176 00:12:13,741 --> 00:12:19,577 No question. If your willy hadn't started talking to you with all these women running around 177 00:12:19,714 --> 00:12:21,477 then I'd be really worried about you, Fly. 178 00:12:21,782 --> 00:12:22,942 Yeah, but 179 00:12:23,017 --> 00:12:25,178 he's totally driving me bughouse, dude. 180 00:12:25,253 --> 00:12:27,050 I mean how can I get him to shut up? 181 00:12:27,121 --> 00:12:30,284 Why rock the boat? Just let him talk. 182 00:12:43,170 --> 00:12:45,104 Like kids my age I go to school. 183 00:12:45,439 --> 00:12:48,272 And like most kids my age I have no choice. 184 00:12:48,342 --> 00:12:51,641 But my friends and I make the best of it. 185 00:13:09,163 --> 00:13:10,323 What's up with you guys? 186 00:13:10,398 --> 00:13:12,298 Nothing much. Only... 187 00:13:12,867 --> 00:13:14,994 Fly's pecker has been talking to him. 188 00:13:16,570 --> 00:13:17,662 Hey! Wait a minute! 189 00:13:17,738 --> 00:13:19,535 Entire sentences? 190 00:13:20,841 --> 00:13:23,036 How come you had to go and broadcast it to everyone? 191 00:13:23,844 --> 00:13:24,970 What does he say to you? 192 00:13:25,479 --> 00:13:27,037 Stuff... I don't know. 193 00:13:28,015 --> 00:13:30,711 I guess mostly he gives me advice. 194 00:13:30,785 --> 00:13:31,843 Cool! 195 00:13:31,919 --> 00:13:35,184 Is he good at math? I could use some help with my homework. 196 00:13:35,256 --> 00:13:38,123 Awesome, dude. My banana doesn't speak to me. 197 00:13:38,192 --> 00:13:41,059 That's because you don't have one. It's understandable. 198 00:13:41,128 --> 00:13:43,255 Sshh, can it Sean. We have a 'babe-alert' 199 00:13:43,931 --> 00:13:45,364 Oh, my God! 200 00:13:51,138 --> 00:13:52,605 She's a bomb! 201 00:13:52,673 --> 00:13:56,200 My sister said Leone slept with the entire football team. 202 00:13:57,345 --> 00:13:58,471 You bitch. 203 00:13:58,546 --> 00:14:00,070 I'm going to sign up for football. 204 00:14:00,147 --> 00:14:02,945 At that second it struck me like a flash of lightning. 205 00:14:03,017 --> 00:14:05,713 This was that special girl mom was talking about. 206 00:14:05,786 --> 00:14:07,549 There's our flowerpot. 207 00:14:07,621 --> 00:14:12,752 Leone... even her name sounded like sweet music. 208 00:14:13,094 --> 00:14:16,154 Leone 209 00:14:20,401 --> 00:14:22,426 Hey, bonerhead, wake up. Let's follow her. 210 00:14:24,772 --> 00:14:28,799 Just put one foot in front of the other. It's called walking. 211 00:14:46,160 --> 00:14:49,618 Look out, here comes Kye. Move it, geek! 212 00:14:54,568 --> 00:14:57,059 I suppose you heard what Kye did to Kevin last Monday. 213 00:14:57,138 --> 00:14:58,298 No, what? 214 00:14:58,372 --> 00:15:00,704 He held the guy over the dirtiest toilet in school, 215 00:15:00,775 --> 00:15:08,238 It hadn't been cleaned in forty years and he gave the kid a 'swirly' He even tried to flush him down. 216 00:15:14,488 --> 00:15:15,614 You know what that was all about? 217 00:15:16,190 --> 00:15:18,124 Because Kevin looked at Leone a little too long. 218 00:15:18,192 --> 00:15:19,784 That was all? 219 00:15:24,165 --> 00:15:25,757 Do you plan to say anything, Sparky? 220 00:15:25,833 --> 00:15:27,460 I have no words. 221 00:15:27,735 --> 00:15:29,498 You have no words for what? 222 00:15:30,538 --> 00:15:32,096 To describe how I feel. 223 00:15:32,173 --> 00:15:34,334 Oh, yeah. I'm a theatre fan myself. 224 00:15:35,342 --> 00:15:36,604 Say what? 225 00:15:37,378 --> 00:15:39,278 Oh, Romeo and Juliet. 226 00:15:39,613 --> 00:15:41,581 That's right. I play Juliet. 227 00:15:41,649 --> 00:15:44,516 She's the tragic heroine that everyone falls in love with. 228 00:15:47,054 --> 00:15:48,783 Remember, it's this weekend? 229 00:15:50,091 --> 00:15:52,286 Will you be going? 230 00:15:54,528 --> 00:15:56,428 Go on and touch them. They're probably real. 231 00:16:01,635 --> 00:16:03,535 Yep, they're real. How about a kiss? 232 00:16:05,606 --> 00:16:10,339 Hey, that doesn't go in your mouth. Aaw, just when things were getting interesting. 233 00:16:16,083 --> 00:16:19,644 So, my name's Leone. What's yours? 234 00:16:21,789 --> 00:16:22,551 What? 235 00:16:24,758 --> 00:16:28,387 Frenchy? Oh, you're French. How nice. 236 00:16:29,196 --> 00:16:30,390 Oh, I just love French. 237 00:16:30,898 --> 00:16:32,365 Say something to me in French. 238 00:16:34,068 --> 00:16:35,729 That's so romantic. 239 00:16:39,306 --> 00:16:40,330 Are you ok? 240 00:16:43,978 --> 00:16:46,742 Are you interested in becoming a stage performer? 241 00:16:46,814 --> 00:16:47,712 Yes yes yes! 242 00:16:47,781 --> 00:16:48,770 A stage performer? 243 00:16:48,883 --> 00:16:49,542 Say yes! 244 00:16:50,284 --> 00:16:51,979 Oh, yeah. It's my hobby. 245 00:16:52,753 --> 00:16:55,688 But I seldom get a chance to show off my talent any more. 246 00:16:55,756 --> 00:16:56,814 Well, you're in luck. 247 00:16:57,825 --> 00:17:00,157 Kevin, our under-study for Romeo just left the show. 248 00:17:00,761 --> 00:17:01,489 Kevin? 249 00:17:04,231 --> 00:17:05,289 I don't think so. 250 00:17:09,336 --> 00:17:10,234 For me 251 00:17:10,304 --> 00:17:11,362 Please? 252 00:17:11,438 --> 00:17:13,599 My parents aren't home Friday so come to the house. 253 00:17:13,707 --> 00:17:19,111 We can practice undisturbed. Just the two of us. We'll have fun. 254 00:17:19,180 --> 00:17:20,477 Ooo, fun fun fun. 255 00:17:22,349 --> 00:17:23,179 Ok. 256 00:17:23,250 --> 00:17:24,945 On Friday, there's a full moon. 257 00:17:25,019 --> 00:17:26,145 What? 258 00:17:26,854 --> 00:17:29,345 You know, a 'full moon'. 259 00:17:30,891 --> 00:17:31,789 A big boy like you 260 00:17:31,859 --> 00:17:36,296 doesn't need an encyclopedia to know what that means. Uh, no, of course not. 261 00:17:36,363 --> 00:17:37,591 Ok, that's enough. 262 00:17:37,665 --> 00:17:40,133 Hi, Kye. This is my new friend. 263 00:17:40,834 --> 00:17:46,830 He's willing to help me with my lines. He'll come over Friday and we'll practice them together. 264 00:17:46,907 --> 00:17:49,273 I thought I was coming over that day. 265 00:17:50,177 --> 00:17:57,174 Maybe if you'd shown a little interest in what I approached you then you could have rehearsed your part with me. 266 00:17:57,251 --> 00:18:00,345 But you passed. So I found someone else to practice with me... 267 00:18:00,421 --> 00:18:03,982 You better watch yourself. You and I are going to be meeting up again real soon. 268 00:18:05,426 --> 00:18:05,790 See you. 269 00:18:05,859 --> 00:18:08,919 Bingo! See how easy it is when you listen to me? 270 00:18:12,766 --> 00:18:14,199 Alone with Leone? 271 00:18:14,268 --> 00:18:15,735 Friday afternoon? 272 00:18:16,303 --> 00:18:17,361 At her house? 273 00:18:18,772 --> 00:18:19,704 That's amazing! 274 00:18:20,407 --> 00:18:21,305 That's bitchin! 275 00:18:23,077 --> 00:18:24,374 What's so great about her? Tell me. 276 00:18:24,445 --> 00:18:27,107 A couple of things and they're right out front to see. 277 00:18:27,181 --> 00:18:28,375 Settle please... 278 00:18:28,449 --> 00:18:29,347 thank you. 279 00:18:29,416 --> 00:18:32,817 As soon as Patricia gets her tongue dislodged from George's ear 280 00:18:32,886 --> 00:18:35,150 I'll be happy to continue. 281 00:18:38,425 --> 00:18:42,589 Now, as everyone knows we have only five days left before Saturday�s performance. 282 00:18:43,364 --> 00:18:44,388 How many lines do you have? 283 00:18:44,465 --> 00:18:46,057 Only one. Why? 284 00:18:47,067 --> 00:18:50,332 Before we begin today's rehearsal I have a small announcement to make. 285 00:18:50,771 --> 00:18:54,172 As some of you may be aware Kevin isn't here today. 286 00:18:54,608 --> 00:18:56,166 He's not well. 287 00:18:56,710 --> 00:18:58,610 He had a very traumatic experience. 288 00:18:58,679 --> 00:18:59,270 In the bathroom. 289 00:19:00,781 --> 00:19:03,306 As you know, the part he was under-studying is important. 290 00:19:03,884 --> 00:19:05,408 And if Casper gets sick... 291 00:19:05,486 --> 00:19:07,647 Me? No way. 292 00:19:07,721 --> 00:19:09,951 ...then we'd have a gigantic problem. 293 00:19:10,391 --> 00:19:12,154 But, because of Leone's help, 294 00:19:12,226 --> 00:19:14,820 Florian is our new under-study for the part of Romeo. 295 00:19:17,097 --> 00:19:19,122 Huh? I'm under-studying Romeo? 296 00:19:19,833 --> 00:19:25,863 We should give a big round of applause to the guy for taking on this assignment with such short notice. 297 00:19:25,973 --> 00:19:30,410 To learn hundreds and hundreds of impossible lines in Ancient English. 298 00:19:31,779 --> 00:19:35,044 Way to go, man. Why didn't you tell us? 299 00:19:35,115 --> 00:19:36,480 Want to say anything, Florian? 300 00:19:38,252 --> 00:19:39,310 I have something to say. 301 00:19:40,154 --> 00:19:40,677 Who are you? 302 00:19:40,754 --> 00:19:42,016 I'm Kyle. 303 00:19:42,623 --> 00:19:48,118 Someone else got suddenly sick so I've decided to step in and take over their part in the play myself. 304 00:19:52,166 --> 00:19:52,996 Show off. 305 00:19:55,269 --> 00:19:59,899 Not only do I have to learn all of the lines for Romeo but the class psychopath is out to get me now. 306 00:19:59,973 --> 00:20:03,272 Don't worry about learning all those lines. Casper won't get sick. 307 00:20:03,444 --> 00:20:07,642 Kyle won't be able to get near you. You're never alone. You've got us, your friends. 308 00:20:07,715 --> 00:20:10,115 That's right. There's safety in numbers. 309 00:20:10,184 --> 00:20:16,214 If that moron Kye ever comes near you I'll teach him a lesson. 310 00:20:22,830 --> 00:20:28,029 Listen to me real good, you little rug rat. You stay away from my girl friend do you understand? 311 00:20:28,102 --> 00:20:30,536 Your middle name is going to be changed to 'swirly' 312 00:20:30,604 --> 00:20:33,971 If I ever catch you looking at her again... is that clear? 313 00:20:34,041 --> 00:20:40,970 According to my encyclopedia, full moons make people a little wild and bring out tremendous passions in them. 314 00:20:41,281 --> 00:20:43,511 Nine months later many babies are born. 315 00:20:45,886 --> 00:20:46,818 Oh, my god. 316 00:20:47,988 --> 00:20:49,717 She wants to have sex with me. 317 00:20:50,624 --> 00:20:52,285 Oh, man, that's awesome! 318 00:20:54,928 --> 00:20:57,453 Oh, man, that's awesome! She's a real pro. 319 00:20:57,531 --> 00:20:58,657 Well, I'm not. 320 00:20:58,732 --> 00:21:01,565 She's going to expect a real lot from you 'cos she knows what she's doing. 321 00:21:01,635 --> 00:21:03,728 And you, you've got to get ready. 322 00:21:03,804 --> 00:21:08,673 You've got to be a sex-machine. Women always want a lot. You've got to make her see stars. 323 00:21:09,443 --> 00:21:12,742 Hey, if she's not satisfied, you can never show your face around school. 324 00:21:12,813 --> 00:21:13,905 Oh, man! 325 00:21:14,081 --> 00:21:16,845 I hear she's done every position in the Karma Sutra. 326 00:21:16,984 --> 00:21:17,916 Karma-what? 327 00:21:18,252 --> 00:21:21,813 Remember when you got that remote-control car a few months ago? Yeah. 328 00:21:21,922 --> 00:21:23,913 It came with a manual to operate it. 329 00:21:23,991 --> 00:21:25,083 Yeah, so? 330 00:21:25,159 --> 00:21:28,151 Well, the Karma Sutra is like a manual on how to operate women. 331 00:21:28,629 --> 00:21:29,220 Really? 332 00:21:29,296 --> 00:21:32,390 Yeah, but girls don't come with them. You have to buy them separately. 333 00:21:35,602 --> 00:21:36,300 Hey, Red. 334 00:21:36,335 --> 00:21:36,999 What? 335 00:21:37,070 --> 00:21:39,231 I've got a bad feeling about this. 336 00:21:41,241 --> 00:21:43,766 Hello, I'll take this copy of the Karma Sutra please. 337 00:21:43,877 --> 00:21:47,005 Excuse me young man, but you're not old enough to buy this book. 338 00:21:47,481 --> 00:21:48,743 Red, let's just forget about it. 339 00:21:48,816 --> 00:21:55,312 How are we supposed to learn about making love if you won't allow us to buy a book on it. 340 00:21:55,389 --> 00:21:57,983 Sex is dangerous dammit if you don't know much about it. 341 00:21:58,058 --> 00:22:00,253 We could contract a serious disease and pass out of the picture. 342 00:22:00,327 --> 00:22:02,192 Imagine the guilt. Could you bear it? 343 00:22:02,262 --> 00:22:06,096 How will you sleep knowing two young boys are rotting in the ground six feet under? 344 00:22:07,067 --> 00:22:07,931 Alright! Alright! Go ahead. 345 00:22:08,001 --> 00:22:08,865 What? 346 00:22:09,937 --> 00:22:11,234 That'll be $24.50. 347 00:22:11,305 --> 00:22:12,363 Ok. 348 00:22:16,677 --> 00:22:21,205 Hey man, no matter what they say sex is all about technique. 349 00:22:22,216 --> 00:22:23,478 This is supposed to be fun? 350 00:22:24,151 --> 00:22:25,049 Look at that one? 351 00:22:25,118 --> 00:22:27,177 "The Blow of the Lumberjack". 352 00:22:29,423 --> 00:22:31,448 Leone knows all these positions? 353 00:22:32,526 --> 00:22:36,792 You worry too much. There are only about... 354 00:22:40,367 --> 00:22:43,393 To try to learn 69 positions in 4 days was impossible. 355 00:22:43,904 --> 00:22:44,893 Florian. 356 00:22:46,306 --> 00:22:46,897 Yeah? 357 00:22:48,509 --> 00:22:50,500 Homework hell? How's it going? 358 00:22:51,378 --> 00:22:52,242 Good. 359 00:22:52,312 --> 00:22:54,940 We'll be back in a few hours. Don't stay up too late. 360 00:22:55,015 --> 00:22:58,416 190-566-566. 361 00:22:59,186 --> 00:23:02,087 190-566-566. 362 00:23:03,156 --> 00:23:05,147 What are you waiting for? Give her a buzz. 363 00:23:06,193 --> 00:23:08,354 Welcome to the 'Sex-line'. Mastercard or Visa? 364 00:23:09,363 --> 00:23:10,091 Hello, 365 00:23:10,631 --> 00:23:11,757 Mastercard. 366 00:23:11,832 --> 00:23:12,890 Cardholder's name? 367 00:23:14,167 --> 00:23:15,395 Petrick Thomas. 368 00:23:15,469 --> 00:23:18,165 Thank you Miss Thomas. Enjoy. 369 00:23:18,238 --> 00:23:22,197 Press a number now to select a qualified teacher for your needs. 370 00:23:22,442 --> 00:23:24,603 For Professor Pamela, press one... 371 00:23:24,711 --> 00:23:26,372 for Professor Candy, press two... 372 00:23:26,446 --> 00:23:28,778 for Professor Lolita, press three... 373 00:23:28,882 --> 00:23:31,009 for Doctor Andreas, press four. 374 00:23:31,084 --> 00:23:32,073 Andreas? 375 00:23:32,152 --> 00:23:34,712 No, don't pick her Go for the sugary one, number two. 376 00:23:39,059 --> 00:23:39,957 Hello sweetie, 377 00:23:40,027 --> 00:23:41,392 I'm Professor Candy. 378 00:23:42,362 --> 00:23:43,624 What's your name? 379 00:23:44,364 --> 00:23:45,422 Um... Florian. 380 00:23:45,499 --> 00:23:47,558 What can I do for you Florian 381 00:23:49,870 --> 00:23:51,565 I've got a question about safety. 382 00:23:52,773 --> 00:23:55,139 How safe is 'The Blow of the Lumberjack'? 383 00:23:55,242 --> 00:23:56,869 Blow a lumberjack? 384 00:23:56,944 --> 00:24:02,211 A friend of mine was in an exercise class last week, he was only trying to touch his toes and he... 385 00:24:02,282 --> 00:24:04,682 Listen, Florian I have a better idea. 386 00:24:04,952 --> 00:24:06,385 Why don't we talk about you? 387 00:24:06,787 --> 00:24:08,846 You know you have a very sexy voice. 388 00:24:09,656 --> 00:24:10,213 Yeah? 389 00:24:10,290 --> 00:24:11,484 Y'know what? 390 00:24:11,558 --> 00:24:13,685 Just hearing your sensual voice has already 391 00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:16,923 got my little pussy starting to purr. 392 00:24:17,864 --> 00:24:18,694 Really? 393 00:24:20,100 --> 00:24:23,695 Y'know, my own cat got run over last summer on the freeway by a truck. 394 00:24:23,870 --> 00:24:26,964 Your father forgot something... typical. 395 00:24:27,841 --> 00:24:29,103 Is your homework completed? 396 00:24:29,176 --> 00:24:30,040 Well, just about. 397 00:24:30,110 --> 00:24:32,670 C'mon, give my little tiger a bone. 398 00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:35,310 Is one of your friends on the phone? 399 00:24:35,549 --> 00:24:36,777 It's Lisa. 400 00:24:36,850 --> 00:24:37,748 Oh, good. 401 00:24:40,754 --> 00:24:43,689 Good heavens Florian. She sounds like she's very sick. 402 00:24:44,224 --> 00:24:45,191 It's just a little cold. 403 00:24:45,258 --> 00:24:46,782 Let me say hello... 404 00:24:48,228 --> 00:24:48,785 Lisa. 405 00:24:50,764 --> 00:24:51,731 Oh, my god! 406 00:24:52,633 --> 00:24:53,395 I'll call you back. 407 00:24:55,736 --> 00:24:58,170 I had a nice chat with candy and her cat 408 00:24:58,238 --> 00:24:59,728 but I still don't know what was up with that. 409 00:25:01,208 --> 00:25:05,372 Sex and romance don't seem to drive but the Karma Sutra says I've got to keep them both alive. 410 00:25:07,014 --> 00:25:08,003 I wonder how they're related. 411 00:25:08,081 --> 00:25:10,276 Beats me. I think it's something adults invented. 412 00:25:10,350 --> 00:25:12,215 Hey, romance is overrated anyway. 413 00:25:12,285 --> 00:25:13,513 Look at that! 414 00:25:13,820 --> 00:25:16,948 There's nothing better a double-dip on a hot day. 415 00:25:23,196 --> 00:25:24,254 It looks more difficult than it is. 416 00:25:24,331 --> 00:25:25,263 Do you think so? 417 00:25:25,365 --> 00:25:27,458 Yeah. C'mere... 418 00:25:31,338 --> 00:25:32,600 ...alright, you stand on one leg 419 00:25:33,774 --> 00:25:35,105 while I lift the other. 420 00:25:41,014 --> 00:25:42,174 Oh, I'm sorry. 421 00:25:42,249 --> 00:25:43,341 Didn't mean to disturb you guys. 422 00:25:44,751 --> 00:25:45,445 Just carry on. 423 00:25:51,525 --> 00:25:55,621 My chatty little buddy said to forget about romance but I had a feeling he was lying. 424 00:25:56,163 --> 00:25:57,755 Hey pal, why would I lie to you? 425 00:25:57,831 --> 00:25:59,355 Trust me. 426 00:26:01,234 --> 00:26:03,862 These lines shift according to the politics of the day. Sometimes... 427 00:26:03,937 --> 00:26:08,169 What would Leone find romantic? I knew I couldn't just go up to her and ask. 428 00:26:08,775 --> 00:26:09,639 Lisa. 429 00:26:11,745 --> 00:26:12,803 Do you want to have sex? 430 00:26:12,879 --> 00:26:14,210 No way Red Bull. 431 00:26:14,281 --> 00:26:15,305 No way Red Bull. 432 00:26:15,382 --> 00:26:17,475 Red 433 00:26:18,552 --> 00:26:19,519 Come up front. 434 00:26:25,025 --> 00:26:26,652 Sorry Mrs. Mueller what was the question? 435 00:26:26,727 --> 00:26:29,855 Indicate to the class where the Flatlands of Europe can be found. 436 00:26:37,904 --> 00:26:40,270 Um... they're right... here. 437 00:26:56,590 --> 00:26:59,559 I don't know what to do. They're just not getting very big yet. 438 00:26:59,594 --> 00:27:01,220 I keep checking in the mirror 439 00:27:01,294 --> 00:27:03,023 but nothing's happening. 440 00:27:05,899 --> 00:27:08,060 I don't have big breasts that flop around. 441 00:27:09,102 --> 00:27:10,228 Does it bother you? 442 00:27:10,303 --> 00:27:11,861 You better believe it, toots. 443 00:27:11,938 --> 00:27:14,372 No problem at all. 444 00:27:15,509 --> 00:27:18,103 I mean, on the bright side you save money. 445 00:27:18,178 --> 00:27:19,873 You don't need a bra. 446 00:27:26,019 --> 00:27:28,749 I mean... boobs, 447 00:27:29,289 --> 00:27:30,187 They're overrated. 448 00:27:30,290 --> 00:27:31,279 Liar. 449 00:27:33,493 --> 00:27:34,460 Liar. 450 00:27:36,696 --> 00:27:37,685 Let's go back inside. 451 00:27:41,802 --> 00:27:43,997 Red Bull organized a field-trip for the two of us. 452 00:27:44,070 --> 00:27:46,038 Knowing him, I didn't expect much 453 00:27:46,106 --> 00:27:48,233 but it turned out to be pretty cool. 454 00:27:51,311 --> 00:27:51,902 Mother! 455 00:27:51,978 --> 00:27:52,842 Mommy! 456 00:27:52,913 --> 00:27:53,811 Get out! 457 00:27:54,514 --> 00:27:55,276 Are you demented? 458 00:27:59,386 --> 00:28:00,546 Mom? Just looking for my mother. 459 00:28:00,620 --> 00:28:01,416 Mom? 460 00:28:01,488 --> 00:28:02,455 Occupied! 461 00:28:04,224 --> 00:28:05,054 Do I know you? 462 00:28:06,326 --> 00:28:07,520 Florian! 463 00:28:12,833 --> 00:28:13,231 You're not my mother! 464 00:28:13,300 --> 00:28:14,460 And you're not my son. 465 00:28:16,002 --> 00:28:19,529 The first thing to learn is opening the bra... brasiers. 466 00:28:19,906 --> 00:28:24,741 Next you need to learn the various bra sizes. It's considered a basic requirement. 467 00:28:25,345 --> 00:28:28,906 They start in A, which is the smallest... and they go up to a D 468 00:28:29,816 --> 00:28:30,908 How big is Leone? 469 00:28:31,518 --> 00:28:33,213 I think she'd be a solid C. 470 00:28:33,286 --> 00:28:35,948 Unless, of course she wears a wonderbra. 471 00:28:36,323 --> 00:28:37,551 Then you can't tell. 472 00:28:38,191 --> 00:28:40,318 Yeah, but how do you know what you'll be getting. 473 00:28:41,795 --> 00:28:44,992 They don't want you to know. That's why they wear them in the first place. 474 00:28:45,832 --> 00:28:46,628 How sneaky. 475 00:28:46,700 --> 00:28:48,361 Can I help you with something? 476 00:28:48,802 --> 00:28:52,533 Yes. My friend needs a bra for... his mother. 477 00:28:56,710 --> 00:28:59,235 Very well. What size is your mother? 478 00:29:00,447 --> 00:29:03,314 He's forgotten. But if you show him some he'll remember. 479 00:29:06,086 --> 00:29:08,020 Don't forget to watch how they open. 480 00:29:08,655 --> 00:29:11,749 Because some unfasten in the front others unfasten at the back. 481 00:29:11,825 --> 00:29:14,419 Some un-snap some have catches. 482 00:29:14,995 --> 00:29:16,860 Well, how do you know which is which? 483 00:29:16,930 --> 00:29:19,296 You don't. That's the problem. 484 00:29:20,367 --> 00:29:22,335 Opening a bra is like playing poker. 485 00:29:22,502 --> 00:29:26,097 You need some skill to pull it off and a whole bunch of luck. 486 00:29:26,206 --> 00:29:30,199 Ok, there's this brasier and another style 487 00:29:30,577 --> 00:29:33,045 and there are these two choices. 488 00:29:34,714 --> 00:29:37,376 You see this one opens at the front. 489 00:29:40,186 --> 00:29:41,551 Does your mother wear that type of bra? 490 00:29:42,789 --> 00:29:43,778 Sure. 491 00:29:44,224 --> 00:29:45,919 Now try to open it with one hand. 492 00:29:46,259 --> 00:29:47,089 Are you serious? 493 00:29:47,560 --> 00:29:51,018 Yeah. And hooks can really be a bitch. Snaps are a lot easier. 494 00:29:51,564 --> 00:29:53,259 You've got to keep the other hand free. 495 00:29:53,667 --> 00:29:57,603 Ok, that's it. Out! Now! 496 00:30:01,675 --> 00:30:02,539 Wait a minute. 497 00:30:03,643 --> 00:30:05,372 You misunderstand what's going on. 498 00:30:06,313 --> 00:30:09,749 My friend's mother over there was in a serious automobile accident. 499 00:30:12,052 --> 00:30:13,076 You poor thing. 500 00:30:13,153 --> 00:30:16,850 His father wasn't so lucky. They're still looking for the top of him. 501 00:30:17,590 --> 00:30:20,889 So young Florian here... he's all she has left. 502 00:30:26,666 --> 00:30:32,263 Oh... you boys practice as long as you need to. Take the time to get it right. 503 00:30:33,473 --> 00:30:35,134 My family thanks you. 504 00:30:37,010 --> 00:30:38,978 Lesson two is the lower half. 505 00:30:39,446 --> 00:30:41,175 How to get a woman out of her pants. 506 00:30:41,514 --> 00:30:43,778 A lot of women wear skin-tight jeans. 507 00:30:43,850 --> 00:30:49,152 You need a crowbar to remove them. It's almost an impossible task to do even, if the girl helps you. 508 00:30:49,222 --> 00:30:51,816 Try taking them off without her noticing it's happening. 509 00:30:51,891 --> 00:30:53,256 I think I'm lost. 510 00:30:53,326 --> 00:30:55,920 You can't be crude and say "Hey babe, drop 'em". 511 00:30:55,996 --> 00:30:57,759 If she's turned off, it's over. 512 00:30:57,831 --> 00:31:04,134 She wants to get naked too... only you know the way girls are. She'd never admit it. 513 00:31:04,304 --> 00:31:06,795 You have to peel them off her from the front. 514 00:31:06,873 --> 00:31:08,033 But how? 515 00:31:08,274 --> 00:31:12,802 Make up a story, something amazing and wild as you're waving one hand right in front of her face. 516 00:31:12,946 --> 00:31:17,610 This will distract her so you can pull down her pants with your other free hand. 517 00:31:17,684 --> 00:31:19,151 I've never heard of that technique. 518 00:31:19,219 --> 00:31:24,213 Oh, yeah, why do 98% of Italian men only have sex after they get married? 519 00:31:24,324 --> 00:31:24,915 I don't know. 520 00:31:24,991 --> 00:31:26,515 The answers are right in front of you. 521 00:31:26,926 --> 00:31:28,587 Italians speak with both hands. 522 00:31:28,695 --> 00:31:31,721 Did you ever see an Italian guy who spoke with just one hand? 523 00:31:31,831 --> 00:31:32,320 I guess not. 524 00:31:32,432 --> 00:31:33,592 That's right. 525 00:31:34,200 --> 00:31:37,533 With no hands free he's forced to marry her just so she'll undress for him. 526 00:31:37,604 --> 00:31:39,367 That sucks. 527 00:31:39,672 --> 00:31:41,936 That's why the Catholic Church has so much power in Italy. 528 00:31:42,042 --> 00:31:45,500 If a grown man want's to undress a woman he has to marry her first. 529 00:31:45,945 --> 00:31:46,934 Have you seen the phone anywhere? 530 00:31:47,013 --> 00:31:51,814 Florian took it to his room to call Lisa. They're doing homework on it. 531 00:31:53,520 --> 00:31:57,081 Amazing. He just keeps surprising me. 532 00:31:57,657 --> 00:31:59,955 Dig your claws into my back... 533 00:32:00,026 --> 00:32:01,323 Scratch me! 534 00:32:01,394 --> 00:32:07,731 Deeper! Harder! Give my pussy a wild ride, cowboy. 535 00:32:08,401 --> 00:32:10,266 Alright let's rehearse this like a movie. 536 00:32:11,171 --> 00:32:13,901 Here we go... places everyone and... 537 00:32:14,340 --> 00:32:14,965 Action! 538 00:32:15,041 --> 00:32:18,477 Come cruel... 539 00:32:18,812 --> 00:32:20,803 Stop! What the hell are you doing? 540 00:32:22,315 --> 00:32:23,543 Professor, you said 'action'. 541 00:32:24,350 --> 00:32:25,783 Kye, you're playing a musician. 542 00:32:25,852 --> 00:32:27,012 Yeah, so? 543 00:32:27,454 --> 00:32:30,116 Musicians don't carry weapons. They carry guitars... hey! 544 00:32:35,862 --> 00:32:36,521 George! 545 00:32:38,898 --> 00:32:39,762 What's up? 546 00:32:42,235 --> 00:32:45,227 I was more and more convinced there was something wrong with me. 547 00:32:46,039 --> 00:32:47,370 I mean, everywhere I looked, 548 00:32:47,440 --> 00:32:48,668 I saw Leones. 549 00:32:52,178 --> 00:32:52,837 Big Leones... 550 00:32:55,148 --> 00:32:56,581 Little Leones... 551 00:32:57,617 --> 00:32:58,914 Thin Leones... 552 00:33:00,487 --> 00:33:01,749 Fat Leones 553 00:33:03,123 --> 00:33:04,715 They were everywhere. 554 00:33:05,325 --> 00:33:07,020 I was so worried about Friday 555 00:33:08,161 --> 00:33:09,788 and time was running out fast. 556 00:33:10,563 --> 00:33:12,121 Florian, what's going on? 557 00:33:12,899 --> 00:33:15,925 Well, I like this one person but I'm so nervous around her 558 00:33:16,002 --> 00:33:19,199 that I haven't been able to tell her yet. She won't want to know anyway. 559 00:33:19,272 --> 00:33:20,739 Don't be so negative. 560 00:33:21,941 --> 00:33:24,034 So I thought it would be nice to buy her a present. 561 00:33:24,110 --> 00:33:25,737 Yeah, a flavored condom. 562 00:33:25,812 --> 00:33:27,302 Oh, really? What for? 563 00:33:27,647 --> 00:33:29,342 Just so she'd notice me. 564 00:33:29,415 --> 00:33:30,973 I'd get her attention. 565 00:33:31,684 --> 00:33:32,981 How about a ring? 566 00:33:34,420 --> 00:33:35,250 You mean it? 567 00:33:35,788 --> 00:33:37,779 To remember me when I'm not around. 568 00:33:40,093 --> 00:33:41,685 I hope you know her finger size. 569 00:33:46,699 --> 00:33:48,792 I'd say she's just about your size. 570 00:33:50,703 --> 00:33:54,195 Then I guess I should keep you company when you go to get the ring. 571 00:33:54,574 --> 00:33:55,632 Does Friday work? 572 00:33:56,476 --> 00:33:57,340 That'd be great. 573 00:33:57,977 --> 00:33:59,467 Ok, that's perfect. 574 00:34:03,983 --> 00:34:09,421 Red Bull's next lesson concerned other people's privacy and how to effectively invade it. 575 00:34:10,623 --> 00:34:12,591 It looks like we're about to hit paydirt... 576 00:34:13,193 --> 00:34:14,854 ...ah, false alarm. 577 00:34:15,461 --> 00:34:18,123 Do you always spyin' on your neighbors? 578 00:34:18,198 --> 00:34:19,722 Not constantly. 579 00:34:19,799 --> 00:34:26,671 No more than a couple of times a day. Observation is one of the basic building blocks of education. 580 00:34:28,408 --> 00:34:30,205 I still don't see anything. 581 00:34:30,276 --> 00:34:33,245 Patience, my friend is very important. 582 00:34:33,313 --> 00:34:35,508 Especially if you get stuck. 583 00:34:36,516 --> 00:34:37,881 Stuck'... what are you talking about? 584 00:34:38,751 --> 00:34:42,687 When dogs are breeding they often get stuck together and you can't pull them apart. 585 00:34:42,755 --> 00:34:45,952 The lady dog gets freaked out and tries to run off down the road 586 00:34:46,025 --> 00:34:48,585 and the poor male dog gets dragged behind on his butt. 587 00:34:48,661 --> 00:34:50,128 What's that got to do with me? 588 00:34:50,196 --> 00:34:52,960 Well, basically the same thing can happen to men and women. 589 00:34:53,032 --> 00:34:57,833 When the woman is done she usually wants to get up and brush her hair... or whatever. 590 00:34:57,904 --> 00:34:59,531 Women are always doing something. 591 00:34:59,606 --> 00:35:04,236 The guy is stuck, trapped in there. If you don't find a way to hold her down she's going to 592 00:35:04,310 --> 00:35:09,304 drag your skinny ass all over the house. And your dick could sustain permanent injuries. 593 00:35:10,416 --> 00:35:11,576 No way. 594 00:35:11,651 --> 00:35:14,711 Yeah. Why do you think men sometimes tie women to the bed? 595 00:35:15,788 --> 00:35:16,777 Whoah! Look at that... 596 00:35:19,125 --> 00:35:20,092 Down there. 597 00:35:21,060 --> 00:35:22,152 That looks like a whip. 598 00:35:22,729 --> 00:35:24,196 Why does she have a whip? 599 00:35:25,231 --> 00:35:28,200 Obviously the guy didn't perform well. 600 00:35:30,770 --> 00:35:33,136 I don't know... I don't think I'm ready for this. 601 00:35:33,773 --> 00:35:39,177 It seems the more I learn about sex the more confused I am. I'm really lost. 602 00:35:39,245 --> 00:35:43,204 You're way too naive for your age. You need some professional help. 603 00:35:43,750 --> 00:35:48,449 Go to an expert first. Get it solved now. 604 00:35:50,123 --> 00:35:51,317 It wouldn't be right. 605 00:35:51,424 --> 00:35:52,152 Get real! 606 00:35:52,225 --> 00:35:56,161 Sign me up! What you need is an emergency training program now. 607 00:35:56,229 --> 00:36:03,158 Otherwise Leone is going to eat you alive. Or even worse whip you like a horse. 608 00:36:11,444 --> 00:36:12,103 Hello? 609 00:36:12,178 --> 00:36:16,444 You've selected 'Dominating Darlings', Mistress Vanya will be right with you. 610 00:36:17,083 --> 00:36:19,574 Mistress Vanya speaking. Who the hell are you? 611 00:36:20,753 --> 00:36:22,015 Ah... Florian. 612 00:36:22,088 --> 00:36:25,148 Alright Florian Are you sitting all nice and comfy? 613 00:36:25,224 --> 00:36:25,849 Yeah. 614 00:36:25,958 --> 00:36:27,255 Well, get your ass up! 615 00:36:27,327 --> 00:36:31,787 Vanya doesn't tolerate any sitting sissies. I'm into pain and more pain understood? 616 00:36:31,864 --> 00:36:33,832 Stand up, slave! Now! 617 00:36:34,701 --> 00:36:35,793 Whatever you say. 618 00:36:35,868 --> 00:36:39,235 Wrong! The correct response is "Yes Mistress Vanya!". 619 00:36:39,305 --> 00:36:41,068 Yes. Mistress Vanya! 620 00:36:41,140 --> 00:36:46,840 Kneel down, you stinky good-for-nothing dog and bark for your mistress. 621 00:36:46,913 --> 00:36:47,937 Bark, Fido! 622 00:36:48,014 --> 00:36:50,005 I really don't think that would be such a good idea. 623 00:36:50,083 --> 00:36:52,643 On your knees you maggot-ridden flea-hound! 624 00:36:52,719 --> 00:36:54,186 Ok ok ok... 625 00:36:54,354 --> 00:36:58,085 Repeat after me, and get it right word for word... 626 00:36:58,157 --> 00:37:00,648 Mistress Vanya, I am so unworthy! 627 00:37:00,727 --> 00:37:02,820 Mistress Vanya, I am so unworthy! 628 00:37:02,895 --> 00:37:05,386 Louder, you filthy scum! 629 00:37:05,498 --> 00:37:07,295 Mistress Vanya, I am so unworthy! 630 00:37:07,367 --> 00:37:11,929 Oh, yeah? Well, show me you mean it and kiss the carpet. 631 00:37:12,972 --> 00:37:14,906 The carpet? 632 00:37:16,275 --> 00:37:18,004 It looks pretty dirty. Do I have to? 633 00:37:18,077 --> 00:37:22,673 You whip! Get down on all fours and bark like a dog and make it loud. 634 00:37:24,951 --> 00:37:28,250 I said make it loud... or I'm going to whip you! 635 00:37:31,924 --> 00:37:32,982 Florian... 636 00:37:34,694 --> 00:37:36,457 Why are you barking on the carpet? 637 00:37:37,096 --> 00:37:39,428 I was looking for my book. 638 00:37:39,499 --> 00:37:42,127 Bark again! Put more bite into it you... 639 00:37:43,202 --> 00:37:44,396 It's a school project. 640 00:37:46,572 --> 00:37:48,938 Talking to Mistress Vanya hadn't made anything clearer. 641 00:37:49,342 --> 00:37:53,244 I mean, what do barking dogs and carpet-kissing have to do with sex? 642 00:37:53,880 --> 00:37:56,781 Red Bull was right I needed professional help. 643 00:37:58,084 --> 00:37:59,779 The thing I like about Red Bull is that 644 00:37:59,852 --> 00:38:03,344 when he makes up his mind to do something he does it well. 645 00:38:03,423 --> 00:38:06,085 You see, there was a small sum of $200 involved. 646 00:38:06,159 --> 00:38:08,252 And where can two kids get that kind of money? 647 00:38:08,461 --> 00:38:12,261 This next issue is something special. It's one of my personal favorites. 648 00:38:13,866 --> 00:38:16,858 Farrah Fawcett was the Pamela Anderson of her day. 649 00:38:25,344 --> 00:38:27,676 Ok, here's my final rock-bottom price... 650 00:38:28,681 --> 00:38:29,477 5 bucks. 651 00:38:29,549 --> 00:38:31,141 Hey, I'll give you three. 652 00:38:34,387 --> 00:38:39,290 Wait a minute. Give me four and I'll throw in this extra strength water-balloon, alright? 653 00:38:40,626 --> 00:38:46,895 This balloon is not sold in stores. It can hold over a gallon of water without exploding. 654 00:38:47,467 --> 00:38:50,197 Electronically tested it's guaranteed to perform. 655 00:38:51,604 --> 00:38:52,866 And best of all 656 00:38:52,939 --> 00:38:56,033 it holds its shape even thrown off the fourth floor. 657 00:39:03,049 --> 00:39:04,983 4, 5 bucks 658 00:39:05,051 --> 00:39:07,485 5, 6, 7, 8 bucks 659 00:39:08,087 --> 00:39:10,317 Anyway, Mistress Vanya kept telling me to kiss the carpet. 660 00:39:10,389 --> 00:39:12,448 I don't know how often you clean your carpet but... 661 00:39:12,525 --> 00:39:15,358 No no no... kissing carpet is when... 662 00:39:15,428 --> 00:39:17,988 well, you know... when you kiss a girl 'down there'. 663 00:39:20,199 --> 00:39:21,359 Why would I want to do that? 664 00:39:21,434 --> 00:39:22,958 It drives them wild. 665 00:39:23,035 --> 00:39:27,301 It's the warm-up, called foreplay. You'll want to remember it when you get in there. 666 00:39:27,373 --> 00:39:28,601 What's it like? 667 00:39:28,674 --> 00:39:32,110 Like... it's like... 668 00:39:32,178 --> 00:39:33,702 I can't describe it. 669 00:39:33,779 --> 00:39:35,440 It smells like... 670 00:39:38,951 --> 00:39:40,145 rabbit. 671 00:39:40,219 --> 00:39:41,049 You're kidding. 672 00:39:41,120 --> 00:39:42,519 Like dead rabbit. 673 00:39:42,588 --> 00:39:44,021 How long dead? 674 00:39:44,257 --> 00:39:46,555 Well, think of a rabbit hit by a gigantic truck 675 00:39:46,626 --> 00:39:50,027 and left by the side of the road for a few days. It smells like mayonnaise in a sauna. 676 00:39:50,796 --> 00:39:51,228 Man! 677 00:39:51,297 --> 00:39:52,127 What? 678 00:39:52,198 --> 00:39:55,531 I don't know if I can do it. I've got a weak stomach. 679 00:39:56,068 --> 00:39:57,000 Women get angry 680 00:39:57,069 --> 00:39:58,536 If you don't do this foreplay first. 681 00:39:58,604 --> 00:40:02,734 But maybe, since we're paying for it she'll make an exception for you. 682 00:40:02,808 --> 00:40:03,604 This is it, buddy. 683 00:40:05,444 --> 00:40:08,140 You know, maybe this isn't such a good idea. Let's just go home. 684 00:40:12,351 --> 00:40:12,942 What do you want? 685 00:40:14,954 --> 00:40:15,852 We're here to see Mona. 686 00:40:16,522 --> 00:40:17,318 For what? 687 00:40:18,424 --> 00:40:19,550 For my friend here. 688 00:40:23,796 --> 00:40:26,959 Tell her I'll do anything... 689 00:40:28,100 --> 00:40:29,362 but foreplay. 690 00:40:31,003 --> 00:40:35,463 Foreplay? I can't believe it. You blew the gig. He was about to let you in, Fly. 691 00:40:36,108 --> 00:40:38,303 You wait right here, Ok? And let me arrange it. Uh? 692 00:40:42,315 --> 00:40:43,304 All this because of you. 693 00:40:43,382 --> 00:40:45,373 Hey, I'm worth it, buddy. 694 00:40:46,586 --> 00:40:50,989 Listen, I really appreciate you setting this up. It's very nice of you. 695 00:40:51,057 --> 00:40:52,081 Have a good one. 696 00:40:53,759 --> 00:40:54,589 Well, what did he say? 697 00:40:55,328 --> 00:40:56,590 The guy was nice. 698 00:40:56,662 --> 00:40:58,994 He even took our cash so we're paid in advance. 699 00:41:00,499 --> 00:41:05,061 They were all booked up for today. But tomorrow, at 12:00 noon you have a date with Anita. 700 00:41:12,612 --> 00:41:14,512 Women are just like cars you know what I mean? 701 00:41:15,081 --> 00:41:16,105 No. How do you figure? 702 00:41:17,049 --> 00:41:21,145 I read somewhere that a healthy relationship shouldn't last more than about 4 years or so. 703 00:41:21,220 --> 00:41:22,482 Yeah, but my parents have been together for... 704 00:41:22,555 --> 00:41:25,149 Yeah yeah yeah, I know. But your folks aren't normal. 705 00:41:25,925 --> 00:41:31,158 Biologically it takes a couple about 4 years to have a child and when it walks 706 00:41:31,230 --> 00:41:34,961 the man goes on the hunt for the next woman. It's scientifically proven. 707 00:41:35,034 --> 00:41:35,557 Really? But what... 708 00:41:35,635 --> 00:41:38,900 Hey, no 'buts'. That's why mankind has existed for so long. 709 00:41:38,971 --> 00:41:43,431 That's why you hear a little voice, telling you what to do "Boy, look at that babe... and that!" 710 00:41:43,509 --> 00:41:46,569 Alright, even if it's true what's it got to do with cars? 711 00:41:47,146 --> 00:41:48,272 I'm coming to it. 712 00:41:48,981 --> 00:41:52,144 Y'see, most people keep their car for four years and then hey trade it in. 713 00:41:52,585 --> 00:41:55,884 The ignition breaks, the tires wear out and on and on and on... 714 00:41:55,955 --> 00:41:58,947 With women the same thing happens. They start to fall apart. 715 00:41:59,025 --> 00:42:01,721 Then it's time for all kinds of plastic surgery... 716 00:42:01,794 --> 00:42:05,321 silicone implants, liposuction, everything under the hood. 717 00:42:05,398 --> 00:42:07,662 Before you know it they're nickel and diming you to death. 718 00:42:07,933 --> 00:42:11,801 A woman wears down just like car's transmission. 719 00:42:11,971 --> 00:42:14,303 That's why so many men marry secretaries. 720 00:42:14,907 --> 00:42:18,343 All these secretaries are 20 years old, fresh and new, like the parts in an auto-assembly line. 721 00:42:18,411 --> 00:42:21,073 They wait for the bosses wife to crumble and rust. 722 00:42:21,213 --> 00:42:22,874 Not all marriages end up like that. 723 00:42:22,948 --> 00:42:25,041 Tell me, whose folks are still together? 724 00:42:25,117 --> 00:42:25,776 Mine are. 725 00:42:25,851 --> 00:42:30,550 I told you're parents are not exactly normal. They're like a disaster waiting to happen. 726 00:42:33,693 --> 00:42:34,591 Aunt Zelda... 727 00:42:38,864 --> 00:42:41,628 Are my dad and mom really happy together? 728 00:42:42,935 --> 00:42:44,402 What kind of a question is that? 729 00:42:45,571 --> 00:42:49,837 It's just that all of my friend's parents are divorced or split up. 730 00:42:50,543 --> 00:42:52,204 Or having affairs. 731 00:42:53,846 --> 00:42:59,546 Yet my dad and mom seem so content and happy with each other. Is that normal? 732 00:43:01,020 --> 00:43:02,647 Oh, Florian. 733 00:43:04,423 --> 00:43:06,084 Don't worry about your folks. 734 00:43:06,559 --> 00:43:10,256 Your mom and dad are good together. They get along very well and are happy. 735 00:43:10,329 --> 00:43:13,992 And tonight they're having a romantic evening to celebrate their love. 736 00:43:14,066 --> 00:43:15,192 Phone sex. 737 00:43:17,236 --> 00:43:18,066 What? 738 00:43:18,270 --> 00:43:21,103 Don't pretend you didn't hear me. Telephone sex! 739 00:43:22,975 --> 00:43:24,806 Please keep your voice down everyone can hear. 740 00:43:24,910 --> 00:43:26,138 I'll speak as loud as I please. 741 00:43:26,212 --> 00:43:28,146 I repeat, telephone sex! 742 00:43:28,214 --> 00:43:30,739 How are you able to have sex with a telephone? 743 00:43:31,917 --> 00:43:34,647 You've been calling up girls for sex on the phone. That's disgusting. 744 00:43:38,190 --> 00:43:39,589 What are you talking about, Petra? 745 00:43:39,658 --> 00:43:40,716 You can't recall? 746 00:43:41,460 --> 00:43:45,157 Well then, perhaps this girl Candy or maybe Mistress Vanya will refresh your memory. 747 00:43:46,665 --> 00:43:47,393 What is this? 748 00:43:48,334 --> 00:43:50,495 How disrespectful to call them from our home! 749 00:43:50,569 --> 00:43:54,528 Where our innocent boy could overhear. What example are you setting for our son? 750 00:43:54,640 --> 00:44:01,739 And to have the nerve to put these filthy calls on my credit card! 751 00:44:05,518 --> 00:44:09,852 She can grease me up like that any time she wants. Do you think we can get a good-night kiss? 752 00:44:26,205 --> 00:44:28,366 Time to turn off your light young man. It's late. 753 00:44:32,578 --> 00:44:35,809 Tomorrow will be another long hard day. You'll need a good sleep. 754 00:44:35,881 --> 00:44:38,179 Who needs a good sleep? Introduce me! 755 00:44:38,284 --> 00:44:40,718 I had less than 24 hours to prep for Leone 756 00:44:40,820 --> 00:44:42,583 and I hadn't even kissed a girl yet. 757 00:44:42,988 --> 00:44:46,685 Now, rest well, Florian. Sweet dreams. Here comes that kiss. 758 00:44:46,759 --> 00:44:49,125 Here's our chance pal... slip in the tongue. 759 00:44:59,672 --> 00:45:00,730 You idiot! 760 00:45:00,806 --> 00:45:02,899 Hey! A little tongue is better than nothing. 761 00:45:06,512 --> 00:45:07,308 Rabbits... 762 00:45:08,347 --> 00:45:10,907 Cute little white bunny rabbits. 763 00:45:12,117 --> 00:45:13,209 A carpet of them. 764 00:45:15,020 --> 00:45:19,923 Foreplay on the carpet... girls love it. 765 00:45:19,992 --> 00:45:22,790 Carpet tastes like dead rabbit. 766 00:45:39,078 --> 00:45:40,511 C'mon, let's go. 767 00:45:40,579 --> 00:45:42,911 My father discovered his Playboys were missing. 768 00:45:42,982 --> 00:45:45,251 I'm grounded until I'm thirty. 769 00:45:45,286 --> 00:45:46,218 Shit, man! 770 00:45:46,719 --> 00:45:48,050 Go and see Anita on your own. 771 00:45:48,120 --> 00:45:50,680 C'mon, can't we change the appointment or something? 772 00:45:50,756 --> 00:45:51,814 Are you nuts? 773 00:45:51,924 --> 00:45:52,720 Are you nuts? 774 00:45:52,791 --> 00:45:55,385 I already gave the guy all the money we made from selling the magazines. 775 00:45:55,461 --> 00:45:58,726 C'mon, if you don't go I'll have gotten into trouble for nothing. 776 00:45:59,498 --> 00:46:00,260 I don't know... 777 00:46:00,566 --> 00:46:06,061 You owe me this one. You and I both know you need experience for tonight. Understand? 778 00:46:28,460 --> 00:46:33,420 I'm shrinking by the minute here. This is the most important moment of your life. 779 00:46:33,499 --> 00:46:34,193 Go back! 780 00:46:34,266 --> 00:46:34,732 No! 781 00:46:34,800 --> 00:46:35,459 Yes! 782 00:46:35,534 --> 00:46:36,296 No! 783 00:46:36,368 --> 00:46:39,132 Yes! I don't know the meaning of the word 'no'. 784 00:46:39,204 --> 00:46:40,728 No is no and that's final! 785 00:46:41,473 --> 00:46:42,701 Who are you talking to? 786 00:46:48,647 --> 00:46:50,114 I'm looking for Anita. 787 00:46:51,183 --> 00:46:52,150 Who are you? 788 00:46:52,885 --> 00:46:54,011 I'm Florian. 789 00:46:54,353 --> 00:46:55,911 Aren't you a little bit young to be coming here? 790 00:46:56,522 --> 00:47:00,481 I don't know. I had an appointment at 12:00. 791 00:47:01,026 --> 00:47:03,722 But at your age you must have a girl friend. 792 00:47:05,331 --> 00:47:10,064 There is this girl... who really seems to want me... I hope. 793 00:47:10,135 --> 00:47:12,831 And the problem is I've never done it before. 794 00:47:14,039 --> 00:47:15,802 I'm afraid I'll disappoint her. 795 00:47:16,642 --> 00:47:17,540 Is that stupid? 796 00:47:17,810 --> 00:47:23,771 No, it isn't. It's cute in fact. It feels kind of cold. How about we go get a hot chocolate? 797 00:47:24,683 --> 00:47:26,446 Yeah... 798 00:47:30,022 --> 00:47:31,546 It's difficult being a young guy. 799 00:47:31,623 --> 00:47:34,353 Up to now I was only interested in sports and things. 800 00:47:34,426 --> 00:47:38,863 Then out of the blue, bang, a voice begins telling me that I'm supposed to have sex. 801 00:47:39,031 --> 00:47:42,159 It's driving me crazy. It doesn't stop bugging me for a minute. 802 00:47:42,234 --> 00:47:44,259 I don't know what to do. It won't stop. 803 00:47:44,336 --> 00:47:46,702 You mean it will get worse? 804 00:47:46,772 --> 00:47:50,936 No. One day you'll begin to realize that a person's life isn't just about sex. 805 00:47:51,010 --> 00:47:53,706 When that happens the voice you're hearing will no longer be a problem. 806 00:47:53,779 --> 00:47:56,213 That's a lot of blah blah, pal. I'm your biggest asset. 807 00:47:56,882 --> 00:48:00,045 Come... sit next to me. 808 00:48:15,100 --> 00:48:16,533 I'll show you something. 809 00:48:28,013 --> 00:48:30,573 Ok, ever feel that before? 810 00:48:35,421 --> 00:48:37,082 It feels pretty good, huh? 811 00:48:54,339 --> 00:48:57,365 Do the same to your girl friend. She'll really love it. 812 00:49:07,286 --> 00:49:10,517 Red, you lied about the smell. It's not at all like dead rabbit. 813 00:49:11,423 --> 00:49:12,583 Yeah, I know... 814 00:49:13,759 --> 00:49:14,225 once more. 815 00:49:14,293 --> 00:49:15,089 Hey! 816 00:49:15,360 --> 00:49:15,849 Don't hurt my hand. 817 00:49:15,928 --> 00:49:17,589 Watch this... 818 00:49:22,134 --> 00:49:22,862 It's my turn... 819 00:49:23,368 --> 00:49:25,063 Hey! You're using up the smell. 820 00:49:25,370 --> 00:49:27,270 Ok, this is the last round. 821 00:49:29,241 --> 00:49:30,071 Stop it! 822 00:49:53,132 --> 00:49:54,497 I thought you were rehearsing. 823 00:49:58,904 --> 00:49:59,996 What does it cost? 824 00:50:00,072 --> 00:50:00,766 Let me see... 825 00:50:02,975 --> 00:50:04,272 DM 2,000 826 00:50:08,614 --> 00:50:13,984 I was thinking about... DM 50. 827 00:50:14,052 --> 00:50:17,146 That's going to be very difficult. Let me see... 828 00:50:20,859 --> 00:50:22,292 This one's quite lovely. 829 00:50:24,229 --> 00:50:27,756 You know what, this one's even better. 830 00:50:31,170 --> 00:50:32,262 It's beautiful. 831 00:50:33,705 --> 00:50:35,138 Should we get it? 832 00:50:39,311 --> 00:50:41,006 Do you think Leone will like it? 833 00:50:42,714 --> 00:50:43,840 Excuse me? 834 00:50:43,916 --> 00:50:44,883 Leone. 835 00:50:46,251 --> 00:50:47,479 The ring is for Leone? 836 00:50:47,553 --> 00:50:49,077 Yeah, what did you think? 837 00:50:50,822 --> 00:50:52,517 Hey, Lisa, wait! 838 00:50:53,525 --> 00:50:58,758 I didn't understand what had gotten into Lisa. But then I was preoccupied with some other important stuff. 839 00:51:00,399 --> 00:51:03,493 The big night had finally arrived and I felt confident that I was ready. 840 00:51:04,069 --> 00:51:04,865 I had the ring 841 00:51:04,937 --> 00:51:07,337 and I'd memorized every position in the Karma Sutra. 842 00:51:07,406 --> 00:51:11,308 Although one or two of them still gave me a few problems. 843 00:52:01,860 --> 00:52:05,557 Hi, Leone. I hope my technique is as good as Kyle's. 844 00:52:17,276 --> 00:52:23,545 Here Leone, take this ring as a sign of my... affection. 845 00:52:30,656 --> 00:52:33,250 Just introduce me and I'll do the rest. 846 00:52:33,325 --> 00:52:34,690 Now or never. 847 00:52:36,228 --> 00:52:37,456 Hello! 848 00:52:37,929 --> 00:52:39,419 Florian, what are you doing here? 849 00:52:41,700 --> 00:52:44,032 I was invited... remember? 850 00:52:44,102 --> 00:52:45,899 Oh, yeah, but... 851 00:52:47,739 --> 00:52:49,138 Oh, 'Whiffy'... 852 00:52:49,207 --> 00:52:50,970 Whiff-whiff' back away. 853 00:52:51,043 --> 00:52:53,341 Get down 'whiffy'. 854 00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:57,311 Whiffy'! Stop! 855 00:52:59,885 --> 00:53:01,147 Are those for me? 856 00:53:01,219 --> 00:53:02,186 Yeah. 857 00:53:02,721 --> 00:53:03,745 Well, since you're here 858 00:53:03,855 --> 00:53:06,119 you might as well come in. 859 00:53:07,492 --> 00:53:08,652 It's a nice house. 860 00:53:10,062 --> 00:53:10,926 Sit! 861 00:53:12,631 --> 00:53:18,866 I'll put the flowers in that corner over there. Right next to mom's priceless porcelain figurine collection. 862 00:53:19,971 --> 00:53:21,336 Whiffy'! 863 00:53:21,406 --> 00:53:22,930 Now, stop! 864 00:53:24,142 --> 00:53:27,543 He becomes so jealous when I mention mom's porcelain figurines. 865 00:53:28,613 --> 00:53:31,081 Let's tend to business before I become tenderloin for that mutt! 866 00:53:31,149 --> 00:53:34,846 I'll be right back. I'll get some water for the flowers. 867 00:53:50,435 --> 00:53:51,868 I got this to show... 868 00:53:51,937 --> 00:53:54,235 Sorry, but I totally forgot I invited you here. 869 00:53:56,908 --> 00:54:00,776 I'd like to offer you something to drink but Kyle will be here any minute 870 00:54:00,846 --> 00:54:03,508 and you know weird he gets when a guy even looks at me. 871 00:54:03,582 --> 00:54:05,607 Remember what happened to poor Kevin? 872 00:54:30,108 --> 00:54:32,633 Hi. Leo-ne... 873 00:54:32,711 --> 00:54:33,575 You! 874 00:54:33,645 --> 00:54:34,134 Oh, shit! 875 00:54:44,723 --> 00:54:47,590 Kyle's here. It's swirly time. 876 00:54:51,263 --> 00:54:52,628 There's no escape. 877 00:54:57,602 --> 00:55:03,336 You can play at this. You want to bump uglies with me? Alright! 878 00:55:24,162 --> 00:55:26,255 Kyle! That's enough. 879 00:55:37,576 --> 00:55:38,201 Oh, shit. 880 00:55:38,276 --> 00:55:39,265 Oh, shit. 881 00:55:40,412 --> 00:55:41,709 Oh, my god! 882 00:56:03,034 --> 00:56:06,629 You're a dead man! See you on stage tomorrow. 883 00:56:17,616 --> 00:56:19,846 How can we stay together when you won't even trust me? 884 00:56:20,452 --> 00:56:21,919 Anyone could have made those calls. 885 00:56:21,987 --> 00:56:25,548 So now you're saying that somebody sneaked into our house, 886 00:56:25,657 --> 00:56:29,684 took my credit card out of my purse then spent 25 and a half hours 887 00:56:29,761 --> 00:56:32,229 on our phone talking to this Professor Candy? 888 00:56:32,297 --> 00:56:35,494 Ok, let's just say for a second that I did make those calls... 889 00:56:35,567 --> 00:56:38,627 which I didn't... what's the big deal, anyway? 890 00:56:38,703 --> 00:56:40,603 I feel like a lilly-pad here. 891 00:56:41,773 --> 00:56:43,001 This is your fault. 892 00:56:43,775 --> 00:56:46,608 The big deal is that you're denying what you did. 893 00:56:46,678 --> 00:56:50,273 How can I ever trust you again? We might as well separate. 894 00:56:50,682 --> 00:56:53,173 Why don't we go back to Leone's and give it another shot? 895 00:56:53,251 --> 00:56:54,775 Shut up! 896 00:56:54,853 --> 00:56:56,912 So now we're talking about divorce? 897 00:56:56,988 --> 00:57:00,651 Let me remind you the play tomorrow night is the last chance to score with Leone. 898 00:57:00,792 --> 00:57:03,352 In the meantime get this slimy goldfish of me! 899 00:57:07,999 --> 00:57:12,459 This guy doesn't care about anything. Not only has he cause me a ton of trouble, 900 00:57:12,537 --> 00:57:16,667 but now thanks to him, my whole family is freaking out permanently. 901 00:57:19,578 --> 00:57:25,744 The problem at hand was way out of Red Bull's line of expertise. I only had one friend who could help me with this. 902 00:57:44,836 --> 00:57:45,495 Are you crazy? 903 00:57:46,104 --> 00:57:47,628 Can I come in? 904 00:57:52,410 --> 00:57:53,570 You look like shit. 905 00:57:55,146 --> 00:57:56,408 What happened to you? 906 00:57:57,048 --> 00:57:58,447 I've got to talk to you. 907 00:57:58,516 --> 00:57:59,983 There's nothing to say. 908 00:58:12,130 --> 00:58:14,030 This has been the worst night of my life. 909 00:58:15,367 --> 00:58:18,564 I'm only 15 and I've already screwed up my entire future. 910 00:58:18,637 --> 00:58:23,939 A psychopath wants to kill me and somebody I thought wanted to be with me could give a shit. 911 00:58:24,009 --> 00:58:28,912 Thanks to me my best friend is grounded until he's 30,I can't show my face around school now. 912 00:58:29,014 --> 00:58:33,280 And I have to memorize a gazillion lines of classical literature by tomorrow evening. 913 00:58:33,718 --> 00:58:36,482 And my very best friend won't even talk to me. 914 00:58:41,726 --> 00:58:45,594 My folks want a divorce and it's all my fault. 915 00:58:46,498 --> 00:58:48,659 The only thing to do is put you up for adoption. 916 00:58:49,267 --> 00:58:50,199 Hey, I'm serious. 917 00:58:50,268 --> 00:58:51,394 Oh, really? 918 00:58:51,469 --> 00:58:54,734 I seriously liked you until you humiliated me yesterday. 919 00:58:55,740 --> 00:58:57,071 I thought the ring was for me. 920 00:58:57,142 --> 00:58:58,939 I'm sorry about that. 921 00:59:13,358 --> 00:59:13,949 Fly... 922 00:59:14,025 --> 00:59:15,185 Yeah? 923 00:59:18,930 --> 00:59:21,558 If I had let my parents down or caused them a lot of pain, 924 00:59:21,633 --> 00:59:27,469 something they've always wanted me to do, to make them proud of me. 925 00:59:28,640 --> 00:59:30,631 Yeah, but what are my options? 926 00:59:32,177 --> 00:59:37,308 My mother's biggest wish is to see me on stage. She wants me to play Romeo. 927 00:59:37,382 --> 00:59:38,178 Then play him. 928 00:59:39,017 --> 00:59:40,814 Yeah, but Casper has got the part. 929 00:59:40,885 --> 00:59:42,216 Come up with a plan. 930 00:59:42,287 --> 00:59:43,754 Dear mom and dad... 931 00:59:43,855 --> 00:59:46,790 It was me who made all those calls on your credit card, mom. 932 00:59:46,858 --> 00:59:49,326 I'll understand if you never want to see me again. 933 00:59:49,427 --> 00:59:53,989 But in case you do come to the play tonight. I will be playing Romeo. 934 00:59:54,499 --> 00:59:58,458 I hope I will make you proud though I'm sure I won't be as good as you were, dad, 935 00:59:58,536 --> 01:00:00,299 when you and mom did the show. 936 01:00:00,371 --> 01:00:03,169 If you don't come I'll know you are through with me. 937 01:00:03,241 --> 01:00:04,265 Please don't get a divorce. 938 01:00:04,342 --> 01:00:06,606 Love, your son, Florian. 939 01:00:07,512 --> 01:00:09,980 It was now time to put the plan into action. 940 01:00:10,048 --> 01:00:13,415 I hope you're talking about my plan to jump Leone's bones. 941 01:00:18,823 --> 01:00:21,656 The chemist said one small dose had his dog shitting for a whole week. 942 01:00:21,726 --> 01:00:24,593 So it's very important we don't let Casper eat a whole lot of these. 943 01:00:29,934 --> 01:00:31,401 He's coming. Heads up! 944 01:00:33,605 --> 01:00:36,631 Hi Casper. Would you like a chocolate? 945 01:00:38,309 --> 01:00:41,142 I'll pass. It might ruin my voice. 946 01:00:41,212 --> 01:00:44,045 Man, don't be stupid. It actually improves your voice. 947 01:00:44,849 --> 01:00:46,612 Yeah? How? 948 01:00:46,684 --> 01:00:53,283 Chocolate relaxes your vocal chords. All the big Hollywood celebrities eat it. 949 01:00:53,424 --> 01:00:57,622 DeNiro, Pacino... It must really work. 950 01:00:57,829 --> 01:01:01,424 But I'm allergic to chocolate. Too bad. 951 01:01:02,567 --> 01:01:03,431 But thanks. 952 01:01:05,170 --> 01:01:05,795 I don't believe it. 953 01:01:05,870 --> 01:01:07,098 This sucks! 954 01:01:11,676 --> 01:01:12,142 Ok... 955 01:01:12,210 --> 01:01:12,972 Follow me. 956 01:01:26,558 --> 01:01:27,354 Oh, my God! 957 01:01:27,425 --> 01:01:33,830 I wouldn't go on stage like that. But, c'mon, we'll find a sewing kit. 958 01:01:37,569 --> 01:01:38,831 It's pretty dark in here. 959 01:01:39,604 --> 01:01:40,866 Where's the light switch? 960 01:01:41,773 --> 01:01:42,705 Hey! 961 01:01:46,544 --> 01:01:47,670 Let me out! 962 01:01:50,481 --> 01:01:52,176 Let me out! I'm Romeo! 963 01:01:52,250 --> 01:01:56,084 Everyone's here... Romeo? Oh, my God, where's Romeo? 964 01:01:56,955 --> 01:01:58,479 Has anyone seen Casper? 965 01:01:58,556 --> 01:02:00,456 Yeah, a couple of minutes ago over there. 966 01:02:01,192 --> 01:02:02,819 Casper felt sick. 967 01:02:02,894 --> 01:02:04,623 Yeah, it came out of nowhere. 968 01:02:05,263 --> 01:02:08,357 My stomach can't take showbiz stress. 969 01:02:12,170 --> 01:02:15,537 Dirk, will you please stop coughing. I can't think. 970 01:02:17,575 --> 01:02:18,564 Florian! 971 01:02:19,177 --> 01:02:20,906 Where's Florian? 972 01:02:22,080 --> 01:02:23,104 Here. 973 01:02:23,181 --> 01:02:25,775 Florian! Thank heaven. You've saved us! 974 01:02:29,354 --> 01:02:31,686 I can't believe it. You dared to show your face here? 975 01:02:32,056 --> 01:02:33,387 Let him go. We need Romeo. 976 01:02:33,458 --> 01:02:35,289 What is the matter with you? I don't need him. 977 01:02:35,360 --> 01:02:38,557 Hey, without him you can't say your one big line. Back off! 978 01:02:39,130 --> 01:02:42,190 Get ready for your swirly after the show. Forget this personal business. 979 01:02:42,267 --> 01:02:44,167 You must get ready for the show. Go get dressed. 980 01:02:45,870 --> 01:02:48,737 I want everybody to take your places. Now go go go! 981 01:02:52,010 --> 01:02:53,272 Is your equipment all warmed up? 982 01:02:55,013 --> 01:02:55,741 George! 983 01:02:56,981 --> 01:02:58,676 Are you talking to me Mr. Winterfield? 984 01:03:05,490 --> 01:03:07,720 It won't work. There's no time left. 985 01:03:07,792 --> 01:03:10,192 I'll be the laughing stock of the entire school. 986 01:03:10,261 --> 01:03:11,091 Henry! 987 01:03:11,162 --> 01:03:11,856 Yes sir? 988 01:03:11,930 --> 01:03:14,728 Try to stay awake for the entire play, ok? 989 01:03:14,799 --> 01:03:20,203 Don't panic. The cue-cards are almost done now. Whatever's left out I'll whisper to you. 990 01:03:31,516 --> 01:03:33,143 Curtain up! 991 01:03:41,392 --> 01:03:44,589 Two households both alike in dignity... 992 01:03:45,229 --> 01:03:45,854 Louder! 993 01:03:45,930 --> 01:03:47,363 ...in fair Verona... 994 01:03:47,432 --> 01:03:48,330 Project out! 995 01:03:52,170 --> 01:03:53,296 What's that noise? 996 01:03:54,205 --> 01:03:57,106 From ancient grudge borne from mutiny... 997 01:03:57,175 --> 01:03:59,666 where civil blood makes hands unclean... 998 01:04:00,278 --> 01:04:06,581 from forth, the fatal loins of these two foes. A pair of star-crossed lovers take their life... 999 01:04:06,651 --> 01:04:13,557 If you have patience to attend what here, shall miss our labors shall strive to mend? 1000 01:04:13,624 --> 01:04:14,818 Good work! 1001 01:04:17,462 --> 01:04:19,020 I can't stop shaking. 1002 01:04:20,098 --> 01:04:22,328 Florian, you'll be fine. 1003 01:04:24,535 --> 01:04:25,695 Thanks to you. 1004 01:04:26,371 --> 01:04:28,498 Don't get sidetracked! I want Leone. 1005 01:04:29,607 --> 01:04:30,801 Good morrow, cousin... 1006 01:04:32,076 --> 01:04:33,634 You're supposed to be out there! 1007 01:04:36,280 --> 01:04:37,804 Good morrow, cousin! 1008 01:04:45,590 --> 01:04:47,080 Good morrow, cousin. 1009 01:04:59,404 --> 01:05:00,632 Is the day so young? 1010 01:05:00,705 --> 01:05:02,229 Is the day so young? 1011 01:05:05,243 --> 01:05:06,938 Is the day so young? 1012 01:05:07,011 --> 01:05:08,444 It has struck nine. 1013 01:05:09,180 --> 01:05:14,413 Aye, me, sad hours seem long. Was that my father who went hence so fast? 1014 01:05:15,186 --> 01:05:20,089 Sweet goodnight. This bud of love by summer's ripening breath 1015 01:05:20,158 --> 01:05:23,491 may prove a beauty as flower when next we meet. 1016 01:05:24,796 --> 01:05:31,964 Goodnight, as we repose and rest. Come to thy heart as that within my breast. 1017 01:05:32,036 --> 01:05:34,300 And trust me, her breasts are sweet. 1018 01:05:35,306 --> 01:05:36,534 Why don't you just put a lid on it? 1019 01:05:37,141 --> 01:05:39,735 O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied? 1020 01:05:39,811 --> 01:05:42,439 O, wilt thou leave me so unsatisfied? 1021 01:05:43,147 --> 01:05:45,445 What satisfaction can thou have tonight? 1022 01:05:45,516 --> 01:05:47,245 I can think of a couple of things. 1023 01:05:48,352 --> 01:05:49,751 Why don't you just shut up? 1024 01:05:50,288 --> 01:05:54,088 Don't release the rose petals until you get the signal from me to get the right timing. 1025 01:05:54,692 --> 01:05:55,989 Do you know what the signal is? 1026 01:05:56,794 --> 01:05:57,761 No. Should I? 1027 01:05:58,796 --> 01:06:00,491 When you see me do that! 1028 01:06:00,565 --> 01:06:01,930 I gotcha. 1029 01:06:02,600 --> 01:06:08,197 My bounty is as full and boundless as the sea. My love as deep. 1030 01:06:08,272 --> 01:06:09,569 Yeah, what ever you want, baby. 1031 01:06:10,942 --> 01:06:11,601 Shut up! 1032 01:06:12,977 --> 01:06:14,877 The exchange of thy faith. 1033 01:06:15,580 --> 01:06:19,346 Friends, we can end this confrontation and then be on our way. 1034 01:06:21,619 --> 01:06:23,644 ...for both are infinite. 1035 01:06:25,556 --> 01:06:29,549 I hear a noise within. Dear love... adieu... adieu. 1036 01:06:32,497 --> 01:06:33,327 Adieu. 1037 01:06:33,397 --> 01:06:34,091 Adieu. 1038 01:06:34,165 --> 01:06:38,101 Adieu already? What happened to hello? This play needs a script doctor. 1039 01:06:39,070 --> 01:06:40,162 Good scene. 1040 01:06:45,409 --> 01:06:46,740 ...and be on our way. 1041 01:06:53,885 --> 01:06:56,149 Tibalt! Mercutio! 1042 01:07:04,095 --> 01:07:09,658 The prince expressly has forbid this bandying in Verona streets. 1043 01:07:14,338 --> 01:07:18,069 No! Kyle, this is not your scene. You're a musician! 1044 01:07:45,770 --> 01:07:47,203 Well, am I alright? 1045 01:07:48,272 --> 01:07:49,296 You're great. 1046 01:07:54,145 --> 01:07:58,343 Oh, man! 1047 01:07:58,883 --> 01:08:01,545 It's alright. It'll pass. It's stage-fright. 1048 01:08:13,564 --> 01:08:15,794 Yeah, that's it. I'm a genius. 1049 01:08:18,169 --> 01:08:20,137 I've got an idea for my entrance. 1050 01:08:20,204 --> 01:08:21,228 Ok, up! 1051 01:08:22,006 --> 01:08:23,564 But that isn't the way we rehearsed it. 1052 01:08:24,175 --> 01:08:25,870 Who asked you? Just do what I want! 1053 01:08:35,119 --> 01:08:38,885 He's got the first line. 1054 01:08:40,191 --> 01:08:41,283 Where's Kyle? 1055 01:08:41,359 --> 01:08:42,553 Forget this asshole. 1056 01:08:45,463 --> 01:08:47,761 My dear friends, we can end... 1057 01:08:51,369 --> 01:08:52,358 What's going on? 1058 01:08:55,206 --> 01:08:56,138 My dear friends... 1059 01:09:13,457 --> 01:09:15,288 My dear friends... 1060 01:09:26,537 --> 01:09:30,029 My dear friends we can end this confrontation and then... 1061 01:09:39,050 --> 01:09:41,575 ...and then... be on our... 1062 01:09:44,822 --> 01:09:45,686 What's? 1063 01:09:56,934 --> 01:09:57,696 Nurse! 1064 01:09:58,636 --> 01:10:00,126 What should she do here? 1065 01:10:02,840 --> 01:10:09,439 My dismal scene. My needs must... act on my own. 1066 01:10:09,513 --> 01:10:15,008 What if this mixture do not work at all? Shall I be married then tomorrow morning? 1067 01:10:15,086 --> 01:10:18,544 No! No... No! 1068 01:10:23,394 --> 01:10:27,558 This shall forbid it! If I wake, shall you be there? 1069 01:10:29,367 --> 01:10:32,461 Shall I not then be stifled in the vault? 1070 01:10:33,604 --> 01:10:35,299 What's going on out there? 1071 01:10:38,909 --> 01:10:40,809 Please hear me, God. It's all I'll ask... 1072 01:10:53,924 --> 01:10:55,551 Bring down the curtain now! 1073 01:10:59,897 --> 01:11:01,421 Next scene, next scene! 1074 01:11:09,373 --> 01:11:10,431 What happened here? 1075 01:11:10,508 --> 01:11:11,873 I didn't see anything, I swear. 1076 01:11:11,942 --> 01:11:14,137 I want you to phone for a doctor right now. 1077 01:11:15,246 --> 01:11:18,738 Lisa, get to wardrobe. You'll replace Leone. 1078 01:11:19,683 --> 01:11:20,411 Me? 1079 01:11:20,718 --> 01:11:21,582 Yes. 1080 01:11:22,319 --> 01:11:23,081 Go on. 1081 01:11:28,926 --> 01:11:29,688 I'll make the call. 1082 01:11:45,976 --> 01:11:47,204 Do you like my costume? 1083 01:11:51,916 --> 01:11:54,009 Holy gazoomba! This is a new development. 1084 01:11:54,084 --> 01:11:55,415 I'm switching to 'Plan B'. 1085 01:12:01,459 --> 01:12:02,926 You're absolutely gorgeous. 1086 01:12:06,363 --> 01:12:08,957 Don't just stand there with your teeth hanging out make a move. 1087 01:12:09,033 --> 01:12:11,467 Romeo and Juliet, you're on! Let's go! 1088 01:12:15,906 --> 01:12:19,239 What are you waiting for, a full moon? Don't let her out of your sight. 1089 01:12:25,916 --> 01:12:27,281 Here's to my love. 1090 01:12:33,123 --> 01:12:37,685 O true apocothery thy drugs are quick... 1091 01:12:39,129 --> 01:12:43,122 ...thus with a kiss... I die... 1092 01:12:58,916 --> 01:12:59,848 Romeo... 1093 01:12:59,917 --> 01:13:04,217 Hey, hello! Wake up! Prayers do come true to 1094 01:13:08,792 --> 01:13:10,885 Boy, talk about Twin Peaks... 1095 01:13:11,795 --> 01:13:13,763 Finally, he's talking to me. 1096 01:13:21,539 --> 01:13:24,633 Now's your chance pal. Show her there's some life in the old body yet. 1097 01:13:28,712 --> 01:13:30,407 Lisa... Lisa... 1098 01:13:33,450 --> 01:13:35,884 Even her name sounded like sweet music. 1099 01:13:37,021 --> 01:13:39,455 Liii-sa. 1100 01:13:39,523 --> 01:13:41,923 Pull! Pull the curtain! 1101 01:13:42,826 --> 01:13:44,088 I hadn't felt this way 1102 01:13:44,161 --> 01:13:46,061 since I fell in love with Leone. 1103 01:13:50,568 --> 01:13:51,262 Wrap it up. 1104 01:13:53,604 --> 01:13:55,629 A gloomy peace brings with the morn. 1105 01:13:56,140 --> 01:13:58,768 Some shall be pardoned and some punished. 1106 01:13:59,476 --> 01:14:04,971 For never was a story of more gloom than this of Juliet... and her Romeo. 1107 01:14:10,421 --> 01:14:11,615 Bravo! 1108 01:14:20,130 --> 01:14:21,722 Wanna play Romeo and Juliet later? 1109 01:14:21,799 --> 01:14:23,130 How about Romeo and Romeo? 1110 01:14:31,542 --> 01:14:34,033 Anybody interested in having their flowerpot fertilized? 1111 01:14:59,336 --> 01:15:01,531 Oh, no. 1112 01:15:02,840 --> 01:15:04,933 Like I said at the beginning, I don't know if you could 1113 01:15:05,009 --> 01:15:08,911 call this a big happy ending but it is happy. On top of everything else 1114 01:15:08,979 --> 01:15:12,881 I didn't have to injure myself trying to fit into one of those Karma Sutra positions. 1115 01:15:13,317 --> 01:15:17,185 Here we are, just you and me. Just the two of us. 1116 01:15:17,254 --> 01:15:18,516 What am I, chopped liver? 1117 01:15:18,589 --> 01:15:20,853 Wait a minute forget I ever used that term. 1118 01:15:21,992 --> 01:15:22,754 Fly. 1119 01:15:22,826 --> 01:15:23,622 Yeah? 1120 01:15:23,694 --> 01:15:26,288 Nothing will ever come between us, will it? 1121 01:15:26,363 --> 01:15:27,489 Of course not. 1122 01:15:30,300 --> 01:15:32,632 I think you might have to make an exception for me. 1123 01:16:03,567 --> 01:16:05,262 So how was your date with your friend Lisa? 1124 01:16:05,936 --> 01:16:06,903 Good. 1125 01:16:09,673 --> 01:16:11,106 And what did you two do? 1126 01:16:11,875 --> 01:16:16,972 First this warm feeling came over me and I guess my blood started pumping. 1127 01:16:17,581 --> 01:16:22,985 Because, before I knew it, she let me putt my wee-wee into her flowerpot. 1128 01:16:28,392 --> 01:16:33,056 Now you're catching on. This my friend is the beginning of a beautiful relationship.