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[ UP-TEMPO MUSIC PLAYS ]
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>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING!
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GOOD MORNING.
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GOOD MORNING.
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>> GRFT: [ ROARS ]
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>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING.
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GOOD MORNING!
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>> RAWR!
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SMASH!
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CRASH!
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BASH!
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RAAAAWR!
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>> HI, FRIEND.
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HOW ABOUT A BIG HUG?
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>> CUT!
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[ SIGHS ]
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YOU REALLY DON'T MAKE FOR THE
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BIG, TALL, AND SCARY TYPE.
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THIS IS NO WAY TO MAKE A
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GIANT-MONSTER MOVIE!
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>> Uncle Grandpa: GOOD MORNING,
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JAPAN!
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[ CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS ]
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[ CLICKS SHUTTER CLICKS ]
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BREATHTAKING.
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>> [ GROANS ]
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>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GASPS ]
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AKIRA!
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WHAT'S GOING ON, BUDDY?!
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>> OH, HEY, UNCLE GRANDPA!
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WELCOME TO JAPAN.
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IT'S SO COOL TO FINALLY MEET
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YOU.
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>> Uncle Grandpa: I'M REALLY
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SORRY, SON...
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BUT I DON'T SPEAK JAPANESE!
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>> Mr. Gus: UNCLE GRANDPA, THE
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KID'S SPEAKING ENGLISH.
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>> Pizza Steve: IT'S DEFINITELY
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JAPANESE, BUT DON'T WORRY.
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PIZZA STEVE CAN TRANSLATE.
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HE SAID, "WELCOME TO JAPAN"
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AND THAT IT'S SO COOL TO FINALLY
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MEET HIS ALL-TIME GREATEST HERO,
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PIZZA STEVE!
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>> Uncle Grandpa: WELL, NOW WE
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KNOW HE'S GOT GOOD TASTE.
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SORRY ABOUT BURYING YOU UNDER
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A PILE OF RUBBLE, AKIRA.
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>> OH, THAT'S NO BIG DEAL,
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UNCLE GRANDPA.
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[ GRUNTS ]
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THIS IS EXACTLY THE KIND OF
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DESTRUCTION I WANT TO SEE IN
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THE ACTION-PACKED, GIANT-MONSTER
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MOVIE I'M MAKING.
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>> Uncle Grandpa: WHOA, WHOA,
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WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
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YOU'RE MAKING AN ACTION-PACKED
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G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-G-
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GIANT-MONSTER MOVIE?!
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OH, MR. DIRECTOR, SIR, MAY I
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HELP YOU MAKE YOUR MOVIE?
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>> SURE.
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I JUST NEED SOMEONE TO PLAY THE
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GIANT GREEN MONSTER.
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>> Uncle Grandpa: YOU NEED A
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GIANT GREEN MONSTER FOR YOUR
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MOVIE?
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WHERE ARE YOU GONNA FIND SOMEONE
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LIKE THAT?
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>> Mr. Gus: [ CLEARS THROAT ]
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I CAN DO IT.
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>> Uncle Grandpa: YOU, MR. GUS?
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I DON'T THINK SO.
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>> Mr. Gus: I CAN, AND I'LL TELL
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YOU WHY -- ACTING.
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YOU'RE IN LUCK, KID.
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I HAPPEN TO BE AN ACCOMPLISHED
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ACTOR.
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>> Uncle Grandpa: ACTOR?
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[ LAUGHS ]
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YOU'RE NOT AN ACTOR, MR. GUS.
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>> Pizza Steve: YEAH, YOU'RE
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ABOUT AS GOOD AT ACTING AS I AM
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AT BRAIN SURGERY.
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WAIT.
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I'M TOTALLY REALLY GOOD AT BRAIN
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SURGERY.
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>> Mr. Gus: YEAH?
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WELL, I CANACT.
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>> I DON'T KNOW.
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YOU DON'T LOOK GIANT ENOUGH.
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>> Uncle Grandpa: HE'S RIGHT,
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MR. GUS.
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YOU'RE TINY ENOUGH TO FIT
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BETWEEN MY FINGERS.
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WE NEED TO MAKE YOU GIANTER!
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NOW SWALLOW THIS GIANT-MAKING
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PILL!
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>> Mr. Gus: [ GULPS ]
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[ CREAK! ]
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>> Uncle Grandpa: THERE HE IS,
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MR. DIRECTOR, SIR -- YOUR GIANT
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GREEN MONSTER.
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>> THANKS, UNCLE GRANDPA.
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HEY, MONSTER, CAN YOU STOMP
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AROUND AND FRIGHTEN THE
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RESIDENTS OF TOKYO?
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>> Mr. Gus: YOU WANT THE MONSTER
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TO STOMP AROUND?
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HMM, BUT WHY IS HE BEHAVING THIS
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WAY?
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I KNOW.
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I'LL ACT OUT A MONOLOGUE TO
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BETTER DEMONSTRATE THE MONSTER'S
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MOTIVATION.
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>> Uncle Grandpa: MR. GUS,
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YOU'RE NOT AN ACTOR, BUT THAT'S
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OKAY.
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ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS STOMP
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AROUND LIKE A BIG, DUMB MONSTER.
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HERE, LET US HELP YOU.
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>> Mr. Gus: G-GUYS, WHAT ARE YOU
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DOING?
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STOP IT! THAT TICKLES!
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WHOA! WHOA!
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[ ALL SCREAMING ]
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AAH! AAH! AAH!
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A-A-A-A-AAH!
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>> PERFECT!
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THANKS, UNCLE GRANDPA.
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>> Uncle Grandpa: OH, BOY!
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THIS MOVIE'S GONNA BE THE
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COOLEST.
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SEE, MR. GUS?
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PLAYING A MONSTER IS A CINCH.
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IT DOESN'T MATTER THAT YOU CAN'T
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ACT.
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>> Mr. Gus: I CANACT.
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YOU'LL SEE.
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>> OKAY, THIS IS THE SCENE WHERE
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THE MONSTER BREATHES FIRE ON ALL
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OF TOKYO.
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>> Mr. Gus: HMM. FIRE.
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YES!
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I MUST SHOW THE MONSTER'S
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PASSION, THE PART OF HIM WHERE
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THE FIRE LIVES.
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>> Uncle Grandpa: OR WE COULD
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JUST FILL YOU UP WITH THIS FIRE
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SAUCE.
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[ POP! ]
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[ WHISTLE! ]
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[ GLUG! GLUG! GLUG! ]
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[ INHALES DEEPLY ]
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[ EXHALES DEEPLY ]
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>> CUT! THAT WAS AMAZING!
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OKAY, HERE'S YOUR BIG SCENE --
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THE MONSTER DEATH SCENE.
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>> Mr. Gus: THE DEATH SCENE,
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HUH?
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NOW YOU GUYS ARE GONNA ACTUALLY
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TAKE MY ACTING SERIOUSLY THIS
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TIME?
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>> Uncle Grandpa: DON'T WORRY,
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MR. GUS.
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ALL YOUR SCENES ARE COMING OUT
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REALLY GREAT.
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>> Mr. Gus: OKAY.
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THIS WILL BE A PERFORMANCE SO
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DRAMATIC, IT WILL MOVE THE
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AUDIENCE TO TEARS.
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>> Pizza Steve: OH, THIS SCENE
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IS GONNA BE DRAMATIC, 'CAUSE
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PIZZA STEVE'S IN IT!
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TASTE SOME ROCKET,
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GIANT GREEN MONSTER.
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>> Mr. Gus: THAT LOOKS LIKE
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IT'LL HURT.
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NO, NO, NO!
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>> CUT!
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>> Uncle Grandpa: DID YOU GET
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ALL THAT, AKIRA?
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>> I THINK THAT'S A WRAP,
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UNCLE "G."
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>> Uncle Grandpa: YOU HEAR THAT,
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MR. GUS?
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THAT'S A WRAP.
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>> Pizza Steve: UH, MR. GUS
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AIN'T LOOKING SO GOOD.
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>> Uncle Grandpa: MR. GUS!
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HELLO?!
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OH, NO.
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WHAT HAVE WE DONE?!
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[ SOMBER ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS ]
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[ CLEARS THROAT ]
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THANK YOU ALL FOR COMING.
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WE ARE GATHERED HERE TODAY NOT
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TO CELEBRATE DEATH...
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>> [ SIGHS DEEPLY ]
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>> Uncle Grandpa: ...BUT RATHER
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TO CELEBRATE LIFE.
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[ SNIFFLES ]
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TODAY, WHEN WE LOOK AT MR. GUS,
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ALL WE SEE IS A DEAD DINOSAUR IN
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A PINE BOX.
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BUT MR. GUS USED TO BE SO MUCH
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MORE THAN THAT.
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MR. GUS USED TO BE ALIVE.
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AND MR. GUS USED TO BE...
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[ SNIFFLES ]
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...A GREAT FRIEND.
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WHENEVER I LOOKED INTO MR. GUS'
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EYES, I SAW A KIND, WARM SOUL
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STARING BACK AT ME.
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THAT, AND EYE BOOGERS.
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MR. GUS ALWAYS HAD BIG, CRUSTY
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EYE BOOGERS IN HIS EYES.
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IT WAS PRETTY GROSS.
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AND MR. GUS WAS STRONG.
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WE COULD ALWAYS COUNT ON HIM TO
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MUSCLE THAT JAR OF TACOS OPEN
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JUST IN TIME FOR DINNER.
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AND WHENEVER HE WORKED OUT, HE
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SMELLED REALLY BAD.
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HE SMELLED LIKE GARBAGE.
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AND NOW
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GIANT REALISTIC FLYING TIGER
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WOULD LIKE TO SAY SOMETHING.
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>> GRFT: [ ROARS ]
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[ ALL SNIFFLE ]
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[ ROARS ]
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>> Mr. Gus: [ WHIMPERING ]
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>> GRFT: [ ROARS ]
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>> Uncle Grandpa: YOU'RE UP,
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PIZZA STEVE.
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>> Pizza Steve: TODAY IS A
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REALLY SAD DAY.
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[ SIGHS ]
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I WENT DOWN TO THE ICE-CREAM
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STORE EARLIER.
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FELT LIKE HAVING SOME
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TRIPLE-CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM.
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[ SNIFFLES ]
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[ Voice breaking ] I'M SORRY.
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BUT WHEN I PLACED MY ORDER, THE
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ICE-CREAM-STORE DUDE WAS ALL,
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"SORRY, WE'RE ALL OUT OF
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TRIPLE-CHOCOLATE."
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>> Uncle Grandpa: [ GASPS ]
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WHAT?!
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>> Pizza Steve: [ SOBS ]
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HOW COULD THERE NOT BE A SPECIAL
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RESERVE FOR CELEBRITIES?
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I'M PIZZA STEVE, FOR CRYING OUT
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LOUD!
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[ SOBS ]
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SO, ANYWAY, I HAD NO CHOICE BUT
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TO SETTLE...
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FOR DOUBLE-CHOCOLATE!
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>> Uncle Grandpa: [ SOBS ]
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>> Pizza Steve: UNCLE "G," GET
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UP HERE AND WRAP THIS THING UP.
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I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE.
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[ SOBS ]
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HYAH!
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>> Uncle Grandpa: THAT WAS
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BEAUTIFUL, PIZZA STEVE.
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THANK YOU.
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IN CLOSING, I HAVE JUST A FEW
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MORE WORDS BEFORE WE PUSH THE
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COFFIN INTO THE FURNACE.
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>> Mr. Gus: [ GASPS ]
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>> Uncle Grandpa: MR. GUS WAS A
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LARGE GUY.
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>> Mr. Gus: [ GROWLS ]
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>> Uncle Grandpa: MR. GUS WAS SO
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LARGE, WHEN HE SAT AROUND THE
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RV, HE LITERALLY SAT AROUND THE
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RV.
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>> GRFT: [ ROARS ]
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>> Pizza Steve: [ SOBS ]
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>> Uncle Grandpa: MR. GUS WAS
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SO LARGE, WHEN HE BACKED UP, HE
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WENT, "BEEP, BEEP, BEEP!"
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>> Mr. Gus: ALL RIGHT!
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[ ALL GASP ]
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THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH!
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I'M NOT LARGE, I DON'T SMELL
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LIKE GARBAGE, AND I'M NOT DEAD,
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EITHER.
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I JUST WANTED YOU GUYS TO TAKE
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ME SERIOUSLY AS AN ACTOR AND
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PROVE THAT MY PERFORMANCE COULD
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MOVE AN AUDIENCE TO TEARS.
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AND JUDGING FROM ALL YOUR
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REACTIONS...
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IT LOOKS LIKE I ACHIEVED THAT.
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>> Pizza Steve: THE UNDEAD WALKS
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THE EARTH!
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AAH!
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>> Uncle Grandpa: MR. GUS IS A
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ZOMBIE!
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ATTACK! ATTACK!
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00:08:27,006 --> 00:08:27,016
[ CHAIN SAW BUZZES ]
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>> Mr. Gus: IT'S ME! IT'S ME!
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>> AWESOME!
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[ EPIC MUSIC PLAYS]
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>> [ ROARING]
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>> Uncle Grandpa: COOL MOVIE,
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MR. DIRECTOR.
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AND I'M SORRY, MR. GUS.
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I'M SORRY I DIDN'T TAKE YOUR
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ACTING SERIOUSLY.
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YOU'RE A GREAT ACTOR.
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>> Mr. Gus: [ GROANS ]
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[ Weakly ] REALLY?
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[ GROANS ]
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YOU REALLY LIKE MY PERFORMANCE?
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>> Uncle Grandpa: ARE YOU
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KIDDING, MR. GUS?
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ANYONE WHO CAN PRETEND TO BE SO
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INJURED AFTER BEING ATTACKED BY
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A CHAIN-SAW-WIELDING,
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ZOMBIE-DESTROYING MOB IS A
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MASTER ACTOR!
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>> Mr. Gus: [ GROANS ]
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00:09:03,023 --> 00:09:05,023
>> Uncle Grandpa: UH-OH!
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00:09:05,018 --> 00:09:07,018
>> Pizza Steve: AND NOW
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00:09:07,022 --> 00:09:09,022
"SLICE OF LIFE WITH
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00:09:09,017 --> 00:09:11,017
PIZZA STEVE."
333
00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:14,000
[ CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]
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00:09:17,003 --> 00:09:19,023
[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
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'SUP, BRAH?
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00:09:21,014 --> 00:09:23,024
YOUR RADIO WAS BROKEN, BUT I
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00:09:23,022 --> 00:09:26,002
FIXED IT.
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00:09:26,003 --> 00:09:27,013
>> Mr. Gus: I WAS LISTENING TO
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00:09:27,010 --> 00:09:28,010
THAT.
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00:09:28,015 --> 00:09:31,005
[ CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]
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00:09:31,015 --> 00:09:32,005
[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
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>> Pizza Steve: SORRY, BRO.
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00:09:33,014 --> 00:09:35,004
IT'S JUST THAT I'M ALLERGIC TO
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00:09:35,003 --> 00:09:37,003
CLASSICAL MUSIC.
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>> Mr. Gus: [ MUTTERING ]
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00:09:38,006 --> 00:09:39,006
[ CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]
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IT'S MY TURN TO DRIVE, SO IPICK
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00:09:41,002 --> 00:09:41,022
THE MUSIC.
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HANDS OFF.
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>> Pizza Steve: NO HANDS?
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00:09:44,018 --> 00:09:45,008
NO PROBLEM.
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00:09:45,012 --> 00:09:46,022
[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
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BETTER KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF,
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00:09:48,010 --> 00:09:51,000
MR. GUS.
355
00:09:51,005 --> 00:09:52,005
[ LAUGHS TRIUMPHANTLY ]
356
00:09:52,015 --> 00:09:53,015
MINE NOW!
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00:09:53,023 --> 00:09:56,003
>> Mr. Gus: DISGUSTING.
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00:09:56,003 --> 00:09:57,013
WHY YOU GOT TO TEST ME,
359
00:09:57,007 --> 00:09:59,997
PIZZA STEVE?
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00:10:00,006 --> 00:10:02,996
[ CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]
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00:10:03,003 --> 00:10:04,013
>> Pizza Steve: MR. GUS, YOU
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00:10:04,013 --> 00:10:07,003
BROKE IT AGAIN.
363
00:10:07,003 --> 00:10:08,013
[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
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00:10:08,007 --> 00:10:09,007
>> Mr. Gus: I'D LIKE TO BREAK
365
00:10:09,007 --> 00:10:09,997
YOU.
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00:10:10,003 --> 00:10:12,023
[ CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]
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00:10:12,023 --> 00:10:14,013
[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
368
00:10:14,011 --> 00:10:15,021
>> Pizza Steve: YEAH!
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00:10:15,020 --> 00:10:18,010
[ GASPS ]
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00:10:18,011 --> 00:10:20,011
[ CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYS]
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00:10:23,004 --> 00:10:23,024
>> Mr. Gus: NO!
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00:10:24,000 --> 00:10:26,020
DON'T YOU TOUCH THAT DIAL AGAIN.
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00:10:27,001 --> 00:10:29,021
HEY, RELAX, DUDE.
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00:10:29,021 --> 00:10:31,011
I WAS JUST ADJUSTING THIS AIR
375
00:10:31,012 --> 00:10:32,022
VENT.
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00:10:33,001 --> 00:10:34,011
[ ROCK MUSIC PLAYS]
377
00:10:34,012 --> 00:10:37,002
SEE? NO TOUCHY.
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00:10:37,006 --> 00:10:38,016
WHOA, NOW, M.G.
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00:10:38,017 --> 00:10:40,997
YOU NEED TO CHILL OUT.
380
00:10:46,000 --> 00:10:48,020
>> Mr. Gus: [ ROARS ]
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00:10:49,001 --> 00:10:49,021
FINE.
382
00:10:49,017 --> 00:10:50,017
YOU WANT TO LISTEN TO YOUR
383
00:10:51,000 --> 00:10:51,020
ANNOYING MUSIC?
384
00:10:51,020 --> 00:10:53,010
YOUCAN DRIVE!
385
00:10:53,009 --> 00:10:54,019
>> Pizza Steve: FINALLY!
386
00:10:55,000 --> 00:10:57,020
GEEZ. THANKS, DAD.
387
00:10:58,000 --> 00:11:00,020
CLASSICAL MUSIC. [ SCOFFS ]
388
00:11:01,000 --> 00:11:02,000
OKAY, MR. GUS.
389
00:11:02,004 --> 00:11:03,024
YOUR TURN TO DRIVE NOW.
390
00:11:03,022 --> 00:11:04,022
>> Uncle Grandpa: UH-OH!
391
00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,010
[ GRUNTING ]
392
00:11:06,012 --> 00:11:08,002
NOTHING'S WORKING.
393
00:11:08,004 --> 00:11:09,014
HELP!
394
00:11:09,014 --> 00:11:11,014
[ GRUNTING ]
395
00:11:11,009 --> 00:11:12,019
THANK GOODNESS YOU'RE HERE.
396
00:11:12,018 --> 00:11:14,018
ALL MY CATS GOT OUT.