1 00:00:02,170 --> 00:00:04,003 * Doo, be, doo, be, doo 2 00:00:04,038 --> 00:00:06,140 * Doo, be, doo-be-doo * Doobee, doobee, doobee-do * 3 00:00:06,174 --> 00:00:09,377 * Doo, be, doo-be-doo * Doobee-doobee-do be-dah * 4 00:00:09,410 --> 00:00:12,746 * Doobee-doobee-do be-dah * * Doo, be, doo, be, doo 5 00:00:12,780 --> 00:00:16,917 * Doobee-doobee-do be-dah * * Doo, boo, doo, be-bah 6 00:00:16,950 --> 00:00:19,520 * Doo, be... 7 00:00:21,189 --> 00:00:22,423 * Doo, doo, doobee 8 00:00:22,456 --> 00:00:25,226 * Doo, doo-wah. 9 00:00:25,259 --> 00:00:26,827 (school bell ringing) 10 00:00:26,860 --> 00:00:28,862 All right, class. 11 00:00:28,896 --> 00:00:30,764 Recess is over. 12 00:00:30,798 --> 00:00:32,700 (all grumbling) 13 00:00:32,732 --> 00:00:34,602 I know. 14 00:00:34,635 --> 00:00:37,105 Malcolm, I think you should say something 15 00:00:37,138 --> 00:00:38,372 to your classmates. 16 00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:40,608 They stayed inside while you were out 17 00:00:40,641 --> 00:00:42,476 playing ball with your friends. 18 00:00:46,247 --> 00:00:48,015 Thanks. 19 00:00:48,048 --> 00:00:51,585 * Yes, no, maybe 20 00:00:51,619 --> 00:00:54,122 * I don't know 21 00:00:54,155 --> 00:00:57,391 * Can you repeat the question? 22 00:00:57,425 --> 00:00:59,593 * You're not the boss of me now * 23 00:00:59,627 --> 00:01:01,962 * You're not the boss of me now * 24 00:01:01,995 --> 00:01:04,397 * You're not the boss of me now * 25 00:01:04,432 --> 00:01:06,467 * And you're not so big 26 00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:08,969 * You're not the boss of me now * 27 00:01:09,002 --> 00:01:10,971 * You're not the boss of me now * 28 00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:13,541 * You're not the boss of me now * 29 00:01:13,574 --> 00:01:16,277 * And you're not so big 30 00:01:16,310 --> 00:01:19,980 * Life is unfair. 31 00:01:21,014 --> 00:01:22,616 (groans) 32 00:01:22,650 --> 00:01:24,985 I don't know why Mom makes me get up at 8:00. 33 00:01:25,018 --> 00:01:27,488 School doesn't even start till 8:15. 34 00:01:36,130 --> 00:01:37,431 What are you doing? 35 00:01:37,465 --> 00:01:38,766 Nothing. 36 00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:40,768 You look different. 37 00:01:40,801 --> 00:01:42,236 I took a shower. 38 00:01:42,270 --> 00:01:43,204 I knew it! 39 00:01:44,605 --> 00:01:46,240 (humming) 40 00:01:46,274 --> 00:01:47,841 REPORTER: ...on the state- legislature-sponsored initiative 41 00:01:47,875 --> 00:01:49,410 limiting the cabinet's attitude 42 00:01:49,443 --> 00:01:52,280 of overanalyzing past and current positions, 43 00:01:52,313 --> 00:01:53,947 aimed toward curbing this type of governmental interference. 44 00:01:53,981 --> 00:01:57,518 In international news, boring, boring, boring. 45 00:01:57,551 --> 00:01:58,852 I'm incredibly boring. 46 00:01:58,886 --> 00:02:01,255 Do you know who's boring? Me. 47 00:02:01,289 --> 00:02:03,624 Boring, goring, zoring, loring, doring, noring, foring. 48 00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:06,093 Why haven't you changed the channel yet? 49 00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:08,529 (cartoons playing) 50 00:02:16,704 --> 00:02:19,173 What? I took a shower. 51 00:02:19,207 --> 00:02:20,608 Is that a crime? 52 00:02:20,641 --> 00:02:22,943 Reese, is this going to be a daily thing? 53 00:02:22,976 --> 00:02:24,512 Because we got a schedule... 54 00:02:24,545 --> 00:02:27,815 Honey, let me handle this. 55 00:02:27,848 --> 00:02:29,950 Son, are you on drugs? 56 00:02:29,983 --> 00:02:31,785 No, it's just... 57 00:02:31,819 --> 00:02:34,355 Why doesn't everyone just leave me alone?! 58 00:02:35,889 --> 00:02:38,559 Wow. Usually we don't get someone storming off 59 00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:41,028 from the table until after pancakes. 60 00:02:41,061 --> 00:02:42,363 ANNOUNCER: Hey, kids, it's a new, 61 00:02:42,396 --> 00:02:44,232 improved sleepy-time Herbie, 62 00:02:44,265 --> 00:02:46,200 now with super-sleepy fuzzy fur. 63 00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:48,469 I'm sleepy. 64 00:02:48,502 --> 00:02:49,903 Herbie's not available in stores. 65 00:02:49,937 --> 00:02:50,971 Order yours now 66 00:02:51,004 --> 00:02:52,873 through this special TV offer. 67 00:02:52,906 --> 00:02:54,242 (yawns) Hi, Dewey. 68 00:02:54,275 --> 00:02:55,543 I can make you happy. 69 00:02:55,576 --> 00:02:57,411 I can make your brothers be nice to you. 70 00:02:57,445 --> 00:03:00,214 I can get you out of school. 71 00:03:00,248 --> 00:03:02,683 Your parents want to buy me for you. 72 00:03:02,716 --> 00:03:04,752 All you got to do is ask them. 73 00:03:04,785 --> 00:03:06,520 They're right there in the kitchen. 74 00:03:06,554 --> 00:03:07,821 Why don't you go ask them? 75 00:03:07,855 --> 00:03:09,890 Go on. Yeah. 76 00:03:09,923 --> 00:03:11,292 Go ask them. 77 00:03:12,226 --> 00:03:13,727 Can you buy me a Herbie? 78 00:03:13,761 --> 00:03:16,330 No, they're too expensive. 79 00:03:16,364 --> 00:03:18,499 Maybe. Ask me again in four seconds. 80 00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:22,002 Can you buy me a Herbie, please? 81 00:03:22,035 --> 00:03:23,437 Didn't you just hear me? 82 00:03:23,471 --> 00:03:24,605 I said no. 83 00:03:24,638 --> 00:03:26,206 Ask louder. 84 00:03:26,240 --> 00:03:30,711 Son, what were you thinking?! 85 00:03:30,744 --> 00:03:33,046 Stealing 200 frogs from the biology lab 86 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,215 and setting them loose on the highway! 87 00:03:35,249 --> 00:03:38,118 I was freeing the alleged frog, sir. 88 00:03:38,151 --> 00:03:41,054 Killing live animals in the name of science is inhumane. 89 00:03:41,088 --> 00:03:44,224 No! Inhumane is sitting in a car 90 00:03:44,258 --> 00:03:46,226 for two and a half hours 91 00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:49,129 when I live only eight blocks from campus. 92 00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:50,230 Sir, I didn't mean to... 93 00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:51,632 I am very tired 94 00:03:51,665 --> 00:03:54,468 of all the things that you didn't mean to do. 95 00:03:54,502 --> 00:03:57,371 You didn't mean to come in four hours after curfew. 96 00:03:57,405 --> 00:04:00,207 You didn't mean to replace the morning reveille record 97 00:04:00,240 --> 00:04:03,311 with a selection from trip-hop wizard Tricky. 98 00:04:03,344 --> 00:04:06,414 Maybe I should just rename this 99 00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:10,050 "Francis's 'I didn't mean to' file." 100 00:04:10,083 --> 00:04:11,985 That would be a bold choice, sir. 101 00:04:12,019 --> 00:04:13,421 Glibness. 102 00:04:13,454 --> 00:04:14,788 What a surprise. 103 00:04:14,822 --> 00:04:18,392 I'm giving you exactly ten seconds to tell me 104 00:04:18,426 --> 00:04:21,094 why I shouldn't put you on latrine detail 105 00:04:21,128 --> 00:04:22,996 for the rest of this semester. 106 00:04:23,030 --> 00:04:25,999 Okay. Um, why shouldn't I have to clean toilets 107 00:04:26,033 --> 00:04:28,001 for the next three months? 108 00:04:28,035 --> 00:04:29,937 It's an intriguing question. 109 00:04:29,970 --> 00:04:31,572 Is that a new tie, sir? 110 00:04:31,605 --> 00:04:33,407 Four seconds. 111 00:04:33,441 --> 00:04:35,343 What a beautiful beach. 112 00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:37,277 Did you take this, sir? 'Cause... 113 00:04:37,311 --> 00:04:40,914 you've certainly captured your young male friend's Speedo. 114 00:04:40,948 --> 00:04:42,783 That is a picture of me. 115 00:04:42,816 --> 00:04:44,117 Now, if I were you, 116 00:04:44,151 --> 00:04:47,321 I wouldn't try to distract me and... 117 00:04:55,463 --> 00:04:56,697 Sir? 118 00:04:58,231 --> 00:04:59,533 Sir? 119 00:04:59,567 --> 00:05:00,834 Hmm? 120 00:05:03,337 --> 00:05:04,705 That'll be all, Cadet. 121 00:05:11,479 --> 00:05:13,414 (sobbing) 122 00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:24,157 (sobbing stops) 123 00:05:24,191 --> 00:05:25,693 Were you crying? 124 00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:27,227 No, I was reading. 125 00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:28,328 You don't read. 126 00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:30,197 Just shut the door, Krelboyne. 127 00:05:32,199 --> 00:05:34,368 (sobbing resumes) 128 00:05:36,203 --> 00:05:37,838 I'm still in here, perv! 129 00:05:40,774 --> 00:05:42,309 (sobbing) 130 00:05:42,342 --> 00:05:43,944 Ha! You're crying. 131 00:05:45,045 --> 00:05:46,780 Oh, man. You're crying. 132 00:05:48,716 --> 00:05:51,018 You don't want to talk about it, do you? 133 00:05:51,051 --> 00:05:53,554 It's about a girl. 134 00:05:53,587 --> 00:05:55,188 I should've just walked away. 135 00:05:55,222 --> 00:05:57,491 Wendy Finnerman-- she hates me. 136 00:05:57,525 --> 00:05:58,926 I don't know what to do. 137 00:05:58,959 --> 00:06:01,261 I've tried everything to make her like me. 138 00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:03,130 (girls chattering) 139 00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:07,768 (laughing) 140 00:06:09,470 --> 00:06:12,205 (laughing) 141 00:06:14,708 --> 00:06:16,877 (laughing) 142 00:06:21,949 --> 00:06:24,351 I'm toilet-papering her house tonight. 143 00:06:24,384 --> 00:06:26,687 If that doesn't work, I'm out of ideas. 144 00:06:26,720 --> 00:06:28,922 Look, Reese, maybe I can help you. 145 00:06:28,956 --> 00:06:30,290 What am I supposed to do? 146 00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:31,859 I don't know. 147 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:34,094 Just try anything that doesn't make her cry. 148 00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:36,530 I guess you could start off 149 00:06:36,564 --> 00:06:38,065 by finding out stuff about her. 150 00:06:38,098 --> 00:06:39,967 You know, do the things she likes to do. 151 00:06:40,000 --> 00:06:42,803 Is that before or after I go T.P. her house? 152 00:06:42,836 --> 00:06:43,937 Instead. 153 00:06:43,971 --> 00:06:45,939 All right. 154 00:06:45,973 --> 00:06:47,340 I'll try it your way. 155 00:06:48,275 --> 00:06:49,409 Thanks. 156 00:06:49,443 --> 00:06:50,978 No problem. 157 00:06:51,011 --> 00:06:52,880 I know I'm going to pay for this, but... 158 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,114 (singsongy): Reese loves Wendy. 159 00:06:54,147 --> 00:06:55,983 Reese loves Wendy. 160 00:06:56,016 --> 00:06:57,150 Come here! Stay here! Ha-ha! 161 00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:58,552 (chanting): Go Wildcats, go! 162 00:06:58,586 --> 00:07:00,588 Go Wildcats, go, go! 163 00:07:00,621 --> 00:07:03,156 Go Wildcats, go, go! 164 00:07:03,190 --> 00:07:05,425 Go Wildcats, go, go! 165 00:07:05,459 --> 00:07:07,027 (cheering) 166 00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,907 That's it. 167 00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:21,341 (screams) 168 00:07:21,374 --> 00:07:23,644 Reese! 169 00:07:30,217 --> 00:07:31,485 Reese, why are you dressed like that?! 170 00:07:31,519 --> 00:07:32,920 I figured out what she likes. 171 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,622 I saw her cheering for the football team, 172 00:07:34,655 --> 00:07:36,256 so I joined the cheerleading squad. 173 00:07:36,289 --> 00:07:38,692 Why didn't you join the football team, doofus? 174 00:07:38,726 --> 00:07:41,461 She's a cheerleader. 175 00:07:41,495 --> 00:07:42,830 Reese, you're a guy. 176 00:07:42,863 --> 00:07:45,666 Guy cheerleaders are the lowest of the low, 177 00:07:45,699 --> 00:07:49,136 worse than band, worse than Krelboynes. 178 00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:50,604 The only thing lower is that guy 179 00:07:50,638 --> 00:07:52,606 that never takes his hand out of his butt. 180 00:07:52,640 --> 00:07:53,641 Oh, Chester? 181 00:07:53,674 --> 00:07:54,975 He's a cheerleader, too. 182 00:07:55,008 --> 00:07:56,610 Does a lot of solo work. 183 00:07:56,644 --> 00:07:57,878 I tried to help him. 184 00:07:57,911 --> 00:07:59,179 I gave him advice. 185 00:07:59,212 --> 00:08:01,114 I tried reasoning with him. 186 00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:03,483 There's only one thing left to do: 187 00:08:03,517 --> 00:08:05,553 sit back and laugh my ass off. 188 00:08:05,586 --> 00:08:07,254 Good luck. 189 00:08:09,890 --> 00:08:12,159 Come in, Cadet. 190 00:08:12,192 --> 00:08:13,527 Look, sir... 191 00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:15,529 I have the floor. 192 00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:20,300 In the short time that you have been under my care, 193 00:08:20,333 --> 00:08:23,170 we have had our share of conflicts. 194 00:08:23,203 --> 00:08:25,873 In all my efforts to get through to you, 195 00:08:25,906 --> 00:08:29,242 I have tried every method I know how. 196 00:08:29,276 --> 00:08:30,744 And besides mental and physical abuse, sir, 197 00:08:30,778 --> 00:08:32,712 exactly which methods would those be? 198 00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:37,083 This photo made me realize something. 199 00:08:37,116 --> 00:08:39,753 I used to be like you. 200 00:08:39,787 --> 00:08:42,322 Insolent, arrogant, cavalier. 201 00:08:42,355 --> 00:08:45,325 Sir, I... Floor! 202 00:08:45,358 --> 00:08:47,260 Now, son, you are 203 00:08:47,294 --> 00:08:49,863 on the precipice. 204 00:08:55,268 --> 00:08:57,337 Now, I am going to tell you a story 205 00:08:57,370 --> 00:09:00,608 about my life, in the hopes of finally getting you 206 00:09:00,641 --> 00:09:02,275 to straighten yourself out. 207 00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:04,778 Now, in the coming hours, you are going to hear things 208 00:09:04,812 --> 00:09:06,413 that are going to horrify you. 209 00:09:06,446 --> 00:09:08,949 It sounds illuminating, sir, but I have biology. 210 00:09:08,982 --> 00:09:10,350 I've taken the liberty 211 00:09:10,383 --> 00:09:12,886 of canceling your next three classes. 212 00:09:13,954 --> 00:09:18,225 Son, do you know what a wet nurse is? 213 00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:39,046 Dewey, have you forgotten me? I thought we were friends. 214 00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,748 All of the boys and girls 215 00:09:40,781 --> 00:09:43,050 on your street are my friends. 216 00:09:43,083 --> 00:09:44,484 They all bought me. 217 00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:46,720 Your parents have lots of money. 218 00:09:46,754 --> 00:09:48,055 They're just hiding it. 219 00:09:48,088 --> 00:09:50,624 But I don't want you to buy me for me. 220 00:09:50,658 --> 00:09:52,125 It's for your own good. 221 00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:53,927 I didn't want to tell you this, 222 00:09:53,961 --> 00:09:56,664 but if you don't buy me, you'll die. 223 00:09:58,265 --> 00:10:00,567 Honestly, Hal, I don't know what's wrong with Reese. 224 00:10:00,600 --> 00:10:02,169 Oh, he's just a little slow. 225 00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:04,104 No. I mean the way he's been acting. 226 00:10:04,137 --> 00:10:06,106 Hey, Mom, where's the iron? 227 00:10:06,139 --> 00:10:07,307 Ah. 228 00:10:09,042 --> 00:10:10,911 It's a girl. It's a girl. 229 00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:12,846 Hal, it's time for the talk. 230 00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,614 I don't know what you mean. 231 00:10:14,648 --> 00:10:16,183 The talk, Hal. 232 00:10:16,216 --> 00:10:18,418 Oh, geez, he's a little young, don't you think? 233 00:10:18,451 --> 00:10:21,121 You waited so long with Francis; look what happened there. 234 00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:23,523 All right, but if I'm giving the talk, 235 00:10:23,556 --> 00:10:25,325 all three boys are getting it at the same time. 236 00:10:25,358 --> 00:10:26,827 And I'm not doing it again. 237 00:10:26,860 --> 00:10:28,962 So if we have any more kids, they're on their own. 238 00:10:30,731 --> 00:10:34,301 Mom, Dad, I'd really like a Herbie doll. 239 00:10:34,334 --> 00:10:37,270 I know it's expensive, but I don't ask for a lot. 240 00:10:37,304 --> 00:10:39,139 And I've been very good lately. 241 00:10:39,172 --> 00:10:42,209 I want it! I want it! I want it! I want it! 242 00:10:42,242 --> 00:10:44,544 I want it! I want it! I want it! 243 00:10:44,577 --> 00:10:46,213 Looks like he found the sugar. 244 00:10:46,246 --> 00:10:49,817 Oh, doesn't he look just like a little dust mop? 245 00:10:49,850 --> 00:10:50,984 (chanting): Ready? Hit it. 246 00:10:51,018 --> 00:10:53,821 B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E! 247 00:10:54,654 --> 00:10:57,791 B-E A-G-G-R-E-S-S-I-V-E! 248 00:10:57,825 --> 00:10:59,326 (clapping rhythmically) 249 00:10:59,359 --> 00:11:01,028 What's that spell? 250 00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:02,062 Be aggressive! 251 00:11:02,095 --> 00:11:03,831 B-E aggressive! 252 00:11:03,864 --> 00:11:06,033 V-I-C-T-O-R-Y. 253 00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:08,568 That's the Wildcats' battle cry! 254 00:11:08,601 --> 00:11:10,738 What a... geek. 255 00:11:10,771 --> 00:11:12,740 I never thought... 256 00:11:12,773 --> 00:11:14,207 I'd get... to say that. 257 00:11:14,241 --> 00:11:15,843 Oh, my God. 258 00:11:15,876 --> 00:11:18,245 I'm a Krelboyne with a brother who's a cheerleader. 259 00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:19,913 I could wet my pants in public, 260 00:11:19,947 --> 00:11:21,681 and it would be a lateral move. 261 00:11:21,715 --> 00:11:23,650 ...O-R-Y. 262 00:11:23,683 --> 00:11:25,218 That's the Wildcats' battle cry! 263 00:11:26,186 --> 00:11:27,254 Success! 264 00:11:27,287 --> 00:11:28,488 Victory, success! 265 00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,190 Victory, yes! 266 00:11:30,223 --> 00:11:33,060 Ow! Ow! 267 00:11:33,093 --> 00:11:35,328 So clumsy. (girls murmuring) 268 00:11:35,362 --> 00:11:36,663 Hey, Malcolm, 269 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:39,499 you think your brother will lend me his corset? 270 00:11:39,532 --> 00:11:41,268 When a Krelboyne makes fun of you, 271 00:11:41,301 --> 00:11:42,770 you know you're in trouble. 272 00:11:42,803 --> 00:11:44,738 See, that comment was playing off the concept 273 00:11:44,772 --> 00:11:46,774 that we all have specific notions 274 00:11:46,807 --> 00:11:49,076 of gender-appropriate roles. 275 00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:50,778 At least they're no good at it. 276 00:11:50,811 --> 00:11:52,212 So there we were-- 277 00:11:52,245 --> 00:11:54,581 the ocean, my stepfather and me. 278 00:11:54,614 --> 00:11:56,683 As the storm raged overhead, 279 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,386 he made one final lunge for the rudder. 280 00:11:59,419 --> 00:12:02,856 I ripped it from his hands and stared him down. 281 00:12:02,890 --> 00:12:06,059 He knew that I was prepared to kill him. 282 00:12:06,093 --> 00:12:07,861 I left port 283 00:12:07,895 --> 00:12:10,197 that day a 16-year-old boy. 284 00:12:10,230 --> 00:12:12,499 I returned a man. 285 00:12:14,234 --> 00:12:16,303 That was an amazing story, sir. 286 00:12:16,336 --> 00:12:18,471 I mean, I was skeptical at first, 287 00:12:18,505 --> 00:12:20,908 but we do have something in common. 288 00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:24,744 I mean, look at the way both our mothers abandoned us. 289 00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:26,579 What are you talking about? 290 00:12:26,613 --> 00:12:28,248 You know, how I was shipped off here 291 00:12:28,281 --> 00:12:30,383 and you were left with your wet nurse for all those years. 292 00:12:30,417 --> 00:12:33,720 That story had nothing to do with my mother. 293 00:12:33,753 --> 00:12:37,557 It had to do with me finally taking responsibility 294 00:12:37,590 --> 00:12:39,226 for my own actions. 295 00:12:39,259 --> 00:12:41,761 Just sounded like she may have been a little bit distant. 296 00:12:41,795 --> 00:12:43,997 Well, that is none of your business. 297 00:12:44,031 --> 00:12:47,134 I swear, you are absolutely fixated on mothers. 298 00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:48,468 I am not fixated. 299 00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:50,070 Can you name one thing in your life 300 00:12:50,103 --> 00:12:51,805 that you don't blame on your mother? 301 00:12:51,839 --> 00:12:53,706 Sure. 302 00:12:56,509 --> 00:12:59,479 (grunts) I'm sorry. I was just giving an opinion! 303 00:12:59,512 --> 00:13:02,449 Well, it's that pop psychology nonsense that's... 304 00:13:02,482 --> 00:13:04,784 It is nothing to get defensive about. 305 00:13:04,818 --> 00:13:06,353 I am not defensive. 306 00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:09,589 Every time anybody denies a lie, 307 00:13:09,622 --> 00:13:11,324 they're called defensive. 308 00:13:11,358 --> 00:13:13,293 Fine. I take it back. Your mother was a saint. 309 00:13:13,326 --> 00:13:15,562 I am not saying that at all. 310 00:13:16,897 --> 00:13:18,798 Does this look anything like a "Q"? 311 00:13:18,832 --> 00:13:20,100 Reese, just stop this. 312 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,534 You're acting like a moron. 313 00:13:21,568 --> 00:13:23,636 And you're making no progress with Wendy. 314 00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:26,106 And what the hell do you need a "Q" for anyway? 315 00:13:26,139 --> 00:13:28,141 You're right. I'm terrible. 316 00:13:28,175 --> 00:13:30,844 I'm just not coordinated unless I'm hitting somebody. 317 00:13:30,878 --> 00:13:32,946 But I really like her. 318 00:13:32,980 --> 00:13:34,481 I have to get good. 319 00:13:34,514 --> 00:13:36,116 Listen to the words. 320 00:13:36,149 --> 00:13:38,651 Good. Boy. Cheerleader. 321 00:13:38,685 --> 00:13:40,320 Quit while you still have some dignity. 322 00:13:40,353 --> 00:13:41,989 Oh, and let her think I'm a quitter? 323 00:13:42,022 --> 00:13:44,824 You can't even remember a simple six-step routine. 324 00:13:44,858 --> 00:13:47,294 There's six steps? 325 00:13:47,327 --> 00:13:50,964 Yes. It's just right, left, right, left, reverse, pose. 326 00:13:50,998 --> 00:13:53,200 You remember that from just watching? 327 00:13:53,233 --> 00:13:56,069 You guys did it, like, ten times. 328 00:13:56,103 --> 00:13:57,037 So... 329 00:13:57,070 --> 00:13:58,405 you know my routine? 330 00:13:58,438 --> 00:14:00,173 It's not that hard. 331 00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:01,708 But... you know my routine. 332 00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:03,143 Yes, I do. 333 00:14:03,176 --> 00:14:04,844 Look, I know where this is going, and... 334 00:14:04,878 --> 00:14:05,845 No, you don't. 335 00:14:05,879 --> 00:14:07,247 You're going to help me. 336 00:14:07,280 --> 00:14:08,681 That is where I was going. 337 00:14:08,715 --> 00:14:10,183 Oh. Good. Let's get started. 338 00:14:10,217 --> 00:14:12,219 No! Oh, come on, you have to. 339 00:14:12,252 --> 00:14:13,353 No. Don't you know how embarrassing 340 00:14:13,386 --> 00:14:14,721 that could be for me? 341 00:14:14,754 --> 00:14:17,057 I know what's more embarrassing. What? 342 00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:20,860 Getting beaten into a coma by a good boy cheerleader. 343 00:14:20,894 --> 00:14:24,531 SPANGLER: My mother was neither a Madonna or a whore! 344 00:14:24,564 --> 00:14:26,833 She was a damn fine woman! 345 00:14:26,866 --> 00:14:28,268 Stick your arms out! 346 00:14:28,301 --> 00:14:29,736 We have to sell this! 347 00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:32,272 Can you move your hand a little to the left? 348 00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:33,840 REESE: Spread your legs! 349 00:14:33,873 --> 00:14:35,042 MALCOLM: No! 350 00:14:35,075 --> 00:14:36,243 REESE: I said spread your legs! 351 00:14:36,276 --> 00:14:37,344 MALCOLM: No! 352 00:14:37,377 --> 00:14:38,711 It's time for the talk, Hal. 353 00:14:38,745 --> 00:14:40,380 REESE: Come on, spread your legs! 354 00:14:40,413 --> 00:14:42,615 MALCOLM: I'm not spreading my legs! 355 00:14:47,220 --> 00:14:48,455 (chanting): Fight, fight, fight! Fight harder! 356 00:14:48,488 --> 00:14:50,257 Wildcats, help us out, fight! 357 00:14:50,290 --> 00:14:51,624 Fight, fight, fight! 358 00:14:51,658 --> 00:14:52,725 Fight harder! 359 00:14:52,759 --> 00:14:54,627 Wildcats, help us out, fight! 360 00:14:54,661 --> 00:14:57,965 We got spirit! Wildcats, we got spirit! 361 00:14:57,998 --> 00:15:00,633 Wildcats, we got what? What, what, what? 362 00:15:00,667 --> 00:15:02,602 What, what, what, what, what, what, what? 363 00:15:02,635 --> 00:15:03,903 We got spirit! 364 00:15:03,937 --> 00:15:05,872 Wildcats, we got spirit! 365 00:15:05,905 --> 00:15:08,541 Wildcats, we got what? What, what, what? 366 00:15:08,575 --> 00:15:10,910 What, what, what, what, what, what, what? 367 00:15:10,944 --> 00:15:12,645 We got spirit! 368 00:15:12,679 --> 00:15:14,381 (cheering) 369 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,416 Yes. Yes. 370 00:15:17,184 --> 00:15:18,218 (sniffs) 371 00:15:18,251 --> 00:15:20,753 Reese, that was incredible. 372 00:15:20,787 --> 00:15:22,922 Who's been helping you on your spirit kicks? 373 00:15:26,359 --> 00:15:28,095 (laughing) 374 00:15:32,865 --> 00:15:35,802 (Reese sobbing loudly) 375 00:15:35,835 --> 00:15:39,639 Come on, Reese, I really have to go! 376 00:15:39,672 --> 00:15:43,310 I'm the most worthless, putrid loser in the world. 377 00:15:43,343 --> 00:15:44,777 Everybody hates me. 378 00:15:44,811 --> 00:15:46,146 I hate me. 379 00:15:46,179 --> 00:15:47,480 (sobbing) 380 00:15:47,514 --> 00:15:48,848 Your brother in there? 381 00:15:48,881 --> 00:15:50,817 Where else? 382 00:15:50,850 --> 00:15:53,620 Reese? Come on out. We need to have a talk. 383 00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:54,954 Finally. 384 00:15:54,988 --> 00:15:57,090 No, Malcolm, you're in on this talk, too. 385 00:15:57,124 --> 00:15:58,491 Me? Why do I have to be here? 386 00:15:58,525 --> 00:16:00,593 Relax-- it's going to be far worse for me 387 00:16:00,627 --> 00:16:02,929 than it is for you. 388 00:16:02,962 --> 00:16:04,197 Boys, this talk 389 00:16:04,231 --> 00:16:05,665 is very important, 390 00:16:05,698 --> 00:16:08,435 so I need your undivided attention. 391 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:09,802 It's very important 392 00:16:09,836 --> 00:16:12,005 that you be bored and squirm a lot. 393 00:16:12,039 --> 00:16:14,174 Now, I want to tell you about what happens 394 00:16:14,207 --> 00:16:16,976 when a boy really, really likes a girl. 395 00:16:17,010 --> 00:16:20,480 And, Dewey, I'll try to make this easy for you to understand. 396 00:16:20,513 --> 00:16:21,881 Ah. 397 00:16:23,183 --> 00:16:25,885 Aw, man, I still play with that. 398 00:16:25,918 --> 00:16:27,354 Here we go. 399 00:16:27,387 --> 00:16:29,289 You see, there's a certain thing that happens 400 00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:30,890 between normal, healthy people. 401 00:16:30,923 --> 00:16:33,226 It's called chemistry. 402 00:16:33,260 --> 00:16:34,661 Well, that doesn't happen. 403 00:16:34,694 --> 00:16:36,196 Except maybe the first time. 404 00:16:36,229 --> 00:16:37,564 What does happen 405 00:16:37,597 --> 00:16:38,631 is this. 406 00:16:38,665 --> 00:16:40,200 I like you. 407 00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:41,901 (high-pitched voice): I like you, too. 408 00:16:41,934 --> 00:16:43,503 And if they love each other 409 00:16:43,536 --> 00:16:45,305 and take the proper precautions, they'll have sex. 410 00:16:45,338 --> 00:16:47,074 But I've told you about that already. 411 00:16:47,107 --> 00:16:48,007 Not me. 412 00:16:48,041 --> 00:16:50,177 Well, ask your brothers. 413 00:16:51,578 --> 00:16:54,981 Now, unfortunately, if the boy is from our family, 414 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:57,717 it goes a little more like this. 415 00:16:57,750 --> 00:16:59,018 I like you. 416 00:16:59,052 --> 00:17:00,420 I hate you! 417 00:17:00,453 --> 00:17:02,655 Now I love you! 418 00:17:02,689 --> 00:17:04,022 Leave me alone! 419 00:17:04,057 --> 00:17:05,758 Your insane neediness is driving me away! 420 00:17:05,791 --> 00:17:07,827 Look at me! Look at me! 421 00:17:07,859 --> 00:17:09,195 Look, oh, I'm crazy! Look-it! 422 00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:10,663 Ooh! Ooh! Pay attention to me! 423 00:17:10,696 --> 00:17:12,531 Look at me! Look at me! I'm crazy! 424 00:17:12,565 --> 00:17:13,833 I'm an idiot! I'm an idiot! 425 00:17:13,866 --> 00:17:14,934 Watch me crash and burn! 426 00:17:14,967 --> 00:17:16,603 (hooting) 427 00:17:16,636 --> 00:17:18,738 There's no explaining it. 428 00:17:18,771 --> 00:17:20,173 It's hereditary. 429 00:17:20,207 --> 00:17:21,840 And it goes back for generations. 430 00:17:21,874 --> 00:17:24,511 Francis has it, so does Uncle Pete. 431 00:17:24,544 --> 00:17:26,413 It's why your great grandpa went to work 432 00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:27,714 on that oil rig in Peru. 433 00:17:27,747 --> 00:17:30,083 All I know is your mother must carry 434 00:17:30,117 --> 00:17:31,751 some sort of internal antidote, 435 00:17:31,784 --> 00:17:35,955 because, through some fluke, I was lucky enough to get her. 436 00:17:37,457 --> 00:17:39,792 I just wanted you boys to know what you were in for. 437 00:17:44,997 --> 00:17:48,801 There was so much I wanted to tell her... 438 00:17:48,835 --> 00:17:51,070 but she was gone. 439 00:17:51,104 --> 00:17:54,307 And I... I... 440 00:17:54,341 --> 00:17:55,608 Come on, sir. 441 00:17:55,642 --> 00:17:56,943 Just say it. 442 00:17:56,976 --> 00:17:59,546 I hated her! 443 00:17:59,579 --> 00:18:01,748 (sobbing) 444 00:18:05,785 --> 00:18:08,155 (sniffles) 445 00:18:08,188 --> 00:18:10,890 All these issues with my mother. 446 00:18:10,923 --> 00:18:14,627 I know now that this was not an accident. 447 00:18:16,463 --> 00:18:18,765 You know, talking with you has helped me 448 00:18:18,798 --> 00:18:21,334 work out some things with my own family. 449 00:18:22,635 --> 00:18:24,337 I mean, all those years I blamed my parents 450 00:18:24,371 --> 00:18:28,007 for every senseless act of self-destruction. 451 00:18:28,040 --> 00:18:31,144 And all this time, I was at least partially responsible 452 00:18:31,178 --> 00:18:32,979 for a couple of them. 453 00:18:34,046 --> 00:18:36,183 (school bell ringing) 454 00:18:49,529 --> 00:18:51,331 You know, it really means a lot to me 455 00:18:51,364 --> 00:18:53,933 to know that I can come to you when I need to talk. 456 00:18:53,966 --> 00:18:56,369 Familiarity breeds contempt, Cadet. 457 00:19:07,914 --> 00:19:08,948 What are you doing? 458 00:19:08,981 --> 00:19:10,283 What's the point? 459 00:19:10,317 --> 00:19:12,452 You heard Dad. I'm doomed! 460 00:19:12,485 --> 00:19:15,188 You can't quit! I've worked too hard for you to quit now! 461 00:19:15,222 --> 00:19:16,656 I hate to inform you, brain boy, 462 00:19:16,689 --> 00:19:18,525 it's not about you, it's about me. 463 00:19:18,558 --> 00:19:20,460 That's before I spent an entire day 464 00:19:20,493 --> 00:19:21,861 with your hand on my ass! 465 00:19:21,894 --> 00:19:22,962 You owe me! 466 00:19:22,995 --> 00:19:24,130 I can't help you. 467 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:25,532 Yes, you can! 468 00:19:25,565 --> 00:19:28,034 You can break the cycle Dad was talking about! 469 00:19:28,067 --> 00:19:29,736 You have to talk to Wendy! 470 00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:31,471 I can't! I freeze up! 471 00:19:31,504 --> 00:19:34,574 Do you want to end up like Francis? Or Uncle Pete? 472 00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:35,742 I don't care anymore! 473 00:19:35,775 --> 00:19:37,344 Anything's better than this! 474 00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:40,280 Even marrying Mom? 475 00:19:43,115 --> 00:19:47,153 Dewey, your mother and I want to talk to you. 476 00:19:47,186 --> 00:19:48,888 You're a good boy. 477 00:19:48,921 --> 00:19:50,223 But in life, 478 00:19:50,257 --> 00:19:51,224 being good doesn't always 479 00:19:51,258 --> 00:19:52,859 get you the things you want. 480 00:19:54,060 --> 00:19:55,595 I guess what I'm trying to say is 481 00:19:55,628 --> 00:19:57,930 that when your mother and I don't buy you a toy, 482 00:19:57,964 --> 00:19:59,866 it doesn't mean that we don't love you. 483 00:19:59,899 --> 00:20:01,268 Hmm? 484 00:20:01,301 --> 00:20:03,270 You just have to learn that disappointment 485 00:20:03,303 --> 00:20:05,204 is all part of being a grown-up. 486 00:20:05,238 --> 00:20:08,575 But, luckily, you're not a grown-up yet! 487 00:20:08,608 --> 00:20:09,709 Ta-da! 488 00:20:09,742 --> 00:20:11,444 Wow! 489 00:20:11,478 --> 00:20:13,680 (both laugh) 490 00:20:13,713 --> 00:20:16,449 Oh, come on, how cute is that? 491 00:20:17,884 --> 00:20:19,352 Break me. 492 00:20:19,386 --> 00:20:20,487 Okay. 493 00:20:21,288 --> 00:20:22,955 (chuckles) 494 00:20:22,989 --> 00:20:25,758 Okay, second row. 495 00:20:27,494 --> 00:20:29,729 Okay, ready? Here we go. 496 00:20:31,631 --> 00:20:34,100 I... I... 497 00:20:34,133 --> 00:20:36,536 Did you say something? 498 00:20:36,569 --> 00:20:38,805 Wendy, I really like you. 499 00:20:38,838 --> 00:20:41,308 Like when a boy likes a girl-- normal and healthy. 500 00:20:41,341 --> 00:20:43,743 I'm sorry for hurting you all those times. 501 00:20:43,776 --> 00:20:45,278 I'm really not a bad guy. 502 00:20:45,312 --> 00:20:49,115 Anyways... thanks. 503 00:20:51,984 --> 00:20:53,953 I like you, too. 504 00:20:55,855 --> 00:20:57,457 Really? 505 00:20:57,490 --> 00:20:58,791 Yeah. 506 00:20:58,825 --> 00:21:01,494 I even kind of liked your bad boy side, too. 507 00:21:08,034 --> 00:21:10,803 (all screaming) 508 00:21:10,837 --> 00:21:12,572 (gasping) (gasping) 509 00:21:12,605 --> 00:21:14,507 Oh, my God! 510 00:21:14,541 --> 00:21:16,743 Call... 511 00:21:16,776 --> 00:21:19,412 nine... 512 00:21:19,446 --> 00:21:22,014 one... 513 00:21:22,048 --> 00:21:24,216 (clamoring) 514 00:21:28,821 --> 00:21:31,157 Hello, Mother? 515 00:21:31,190 --> 00:21:33,426 It's Edwin. 516 00:21:33,460 --> 00:21:36,463 Yes, it has been a long time. 517 00:21:36,496 --> 00:21:37,830 So be sure to try 518 00:21:37,864 --> 00:21:39,999 the new and improved Chip-A-Roo cookie today. 519 00:21:40,032 --> 00:21:43,636 I can make you taller, I can make you better-looking. 520 00:21:43,670 --> 00:21:46,839 If you eat enough of me, I can make you president, 521 00:21:47,707 --> 00:21:49,542 maybe even emperor of the world. 522 00:21:50,810 --> 00:21:52,311 Honey, can you buy me a box of these cookies? 523 00:21:52,812 --> 00:21:53,880 Make it two. 524 00:21:54,514 --> 00:21:55,548 Make it two boxes.