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Top Gear S09E01
TransGear subtitle team
The Sim-Race Federation of China
www.srfc.com.cn
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crew
transcription: catchup, bitcars, RS4
check: catchup, bitcars, RS4, Z102
timeline: bitcars, catchup
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Tonight, Jaguar supercharged XKR versus its twin sister.
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Why do roadworks take so long?
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Come on! Put it back into it, you, man.
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And Jamie Oliver prepares a delicious lap in our reasonably-priced car.
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Hello, hello and yes!
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We'll also be showing you...
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We'll also be showing you a very small man having a very big car accident.
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But,
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even we with our limited knowledge of television realize
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that you don't do that now,
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you have to do that later on in the show,
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otherwise everyone would just watch it now
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and turn over to watch the final of Big Brother.
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So what we're actually doing about that is
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saving you from yourselves, really.
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Yeah, we are. That's one problem solved.
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But we do have another one of course,
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because all the time that we've been off air,
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people have been coming up to me and Jeremy,
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and they've been saying
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will Top Gear go back to the way it was?
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Is it still just gonna be three normal blokes cocking about and arguing?
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I mean it's actually a problem really,
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because obviously one of us blokes
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has now become Princess Diana.
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It's tricky.
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No, he really has.
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However, Princess Diana himself has said quite explicitly
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that he just wants to come back onto a show
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that is the way it was back in the summer.
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Exactly. He said please don't make any changes, please.
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Yeah, he actually said explicitly
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"for pete's sake, don't make a big fuss."
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Absolutely. So it gives me really great pleasure
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'cause I didn't think I'd ever be saying this at one point.
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Ladies and gentlemen, would you please welcome
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Richard Hammond!
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Oh, well, this is a pretty awkward.
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Thank you, I said
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no fuss, no fu...
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Oh, sorry gals, sorry, sorry,
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sorry gals, sorry
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I said no fuss.
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Mate!
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Hammond!
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- Oh man!
- I'll be great to have you back!
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James May!
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Oh, that's embarrassing, really is embarrassing.
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That's em, that whole stairs thing,
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That was the most embarrassing thing I've ever had to do.
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Well I wouldn't say that to any of the people
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who just had to jump off a Boeing 737 at Luton
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We were gonna get some like / ones, do you know the big ones?
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Do you know how much they were to gonna be to build?
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300 quid.
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Oh, fair enough.
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I mean we like it, OK? We are glad you're back.
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But 300 quid to build a gate?
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So no, the aeroplane stair.
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I wish you hadn't bothered, thank you.
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Anyway, listen. This is the big question, I guess,
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everybody wants to know.
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Here ready?
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Are you now a mental?
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No.
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I'm not.
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I'm fixed.
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I'm completely fixed and normal and healed. Thank you.
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What are you doing?
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Well you know it's a,
it's a tissue for if you start dribbling.
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That's all I've had for four months.
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What? Tissues?
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No, people hanging around just watching,
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waiting for my eyes to point in different directions and me to go bonkers.
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I'm fixed. I'm normal.
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Are you the same person that you were before?
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Yeah, I mean the doctors were worried
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because it's brain damage, about, you know, personality change or whatever
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But, no, the only difference really between me now and me before the crash,
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is I like celery now and I didn't.
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So you're still shouty, you're still fighty?
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Yes.
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And if I take you to the pub
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are you still gonna want to punch me in the face after 15 minutes?
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Yes, though that's to be honest,
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more your personality than mine.
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- You see, I always want to punch him in the face after 15 minutes
- Yeah, that's perfectly normal.
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...sometimes less
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OK, look, the most important thing I think
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really is to make sure this never happens again, the crash.
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'cause I mean that you're like the cat from "Shrek II" here.
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You have used up 8 of your 9 lives really.
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So I've decided that in future,
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all the very fast cars, the Lambos, the Astons, the Ferraris,
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I'll look after them, I'll...
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You'll drive them?
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Yeah, I'll drive them.
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No personality change for you either.
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Then it's business as usual.
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Absolutely, I'm still the same kind thoughtful soul that I always was.
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That's quite moving.
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- OK, brilliant.
- Thank you.
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Thank you for that and thank you as well for
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the embarrassing stairs thing, that's great.
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There is one more thank you please if you don't mind,
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difference here is perhaps,
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I mean this one.
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I'd like to say thank you to all of the nurses,
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and the doctors and all the staff in Leeds and in Bristol
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where I was when I was being stuck back together,
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and the people, Yorkshire air ambulance, who got me there in time,
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and particularly, and particularly right now,
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to everybody who wrote in.
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Some of the people here maybe, and you perhaps
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that wrote in just to wish me the best.
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It really meant a lot and helped and thank you for that.
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Hey, bravo!
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The stairs are nice
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You're eyebrows aren't burnt
and what?
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You eyebrows
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Oh they are fixed
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they can't be broken.
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Shall we resume normal service?
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Absolutely, err, good idea,
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because I've got a bit of bean in my bonnet.
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- See what I mean?
- Yeah.
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Listen, the thing is, roadworks.
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For the last year or so,
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I have been virtually cut off from London
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because they've been digging up the Oxford ring road, OK?
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At one point, they had it down to a single lane,
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and you had to go down that,
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being escorted by a van with yellow flashing lights on the roof at 10 mph.
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It'd be better off and quicker on a horse.
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Then they said it was something you going this slowly to protect the work force
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but there wasn't a work force there.
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They were never doing anything
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'cause they were in a hut having a health and safty lecture.
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He is absolutely right.
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These days with roadworks,
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you never get that sense that they are getting on with it,
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doing it quickly and efficiently
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for the benefit of those people who might be inconvenienced.
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Who pay their wages exactly.
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I mean it's really simple.
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Close the road,
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slap some new tarmac on it,
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tell the health and safety people to get stuffed
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and get the damn thing open as quickly as possible.
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I mean how hard can it be?
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Oh, how I've missed the pang of dread I feel
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whenever you mentioned the words
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how hard can it be?
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Well, we are just about to find out.
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This is the critically important D5481
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just outside the village of Bidford-on-Avon in Warwickshire.
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The surface looks like a lunar teenager's face.
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And the council said repairing the 1.5 miles stretch
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would mean closing it completely for one working week.
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A massive inconvenience for the people of Bidford.
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But we've taken the job over
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and by being efficient, and hard working and organized,
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we're gonna try and get the job done in 24 hours.
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Are we ready?
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Oh yeah.
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Let's go!
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Immediately though, there was a problem.
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I just wanna go through the barriers, the safety aspects before we start work.
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First of which is the protective equipment you're gonna have to use.
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You all must have your boots, your trousers, jackets and your hat on.
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We don't have time for this.
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/ would go in backwards as well forwards
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So anyone walking beyond the plant must have a chaperone with them,
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Just beware the rabbit holes please, don't want any broken ankles or sprained ankles
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6 days of this and 1 day of work.
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telling you which piece of PPE(Personal Protective Equipment) you must wear
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Let's just get out of the way.
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everybody general PPE, any questions?
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Can we start now?
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not until you're suited and booted, I'm afraid
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well, we're dressed
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Can't see my genitals.
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The safety lecture droned on for so long that we really had to get cracking,
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if we were to begin as planned on the dot of 9 a.m.
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Now it's a 1.5 miles stretch.
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And we're gonna dig it up, repave it, roll it, paint new white lines, the lot.
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Yeah, and because the road is actually gonna be closed,
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we have to have a diversion set up.
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And that's what James is doing right now.
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Right, this is really very simple.
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Here is our road, here,
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and obviously that's closed 'cause that's where we're working on.
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So anybody wanted to go down there to Ardens Grafton
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would have to go round the block.
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So I'm gonna put a sign up that takes them towards Stratford down there,
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and then somewhere I'll take them back around
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back around there and they'll be back around at Ardens.
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at the other end of this road.
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Easy.
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Normally for a job like this, they'd use 14 men.
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We were using 32.
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And to pat them up,
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I prepared a stowing motivational speech.
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the Parthenon, the pyramids,
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the Great Wall of China,
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Each a shining...
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each a shining beacon of ambition.
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And today gentlemen, the D5481 will join that list.
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We shall build this road in a day!
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Our resurfacing work will last for 1,000 years!
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Sadly, Jeremy's speech went on a bit.
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But nevertheless,
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on the dot of 9:07,
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we began.
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The first job was to rip up the old surface
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and for that, we needed a plainer.
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To operate it safely, you're supposed to use three men
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but we put two on other jobs and decided to go it alone.
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You're gonna drive that.
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Yes.
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Teeth dig up the road,
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rubble goes up there and into the truck.
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Exactly right.
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Which...
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Well, you can drive it.
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James' diversion meanwhile, hadn't got off to a good start.
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Hey?
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Oh, cock.
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Yeah, all right.
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Well, I finally upped the cutters.
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all the revs
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Here we go, hand brake, off.
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Engine.
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OK, let's go, yeah.
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Jeremy, catch up, man, what are you doing.
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Just look behind you and see if it's going in the bloody lorry.
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Ignore the sign.
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Ignore the sign, it's wrong.
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James was being rubbish,
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but then we were hardly employees of the month either.
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Stupid idiot!
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look, stop putting me off
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You've missed the truck.
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Sorry, sorry, sorry.
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And then things got worse.
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Jeremy, there is a slight problem.
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What?
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I've sort of set off with a bit of angle,
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and I'm on the wrong bit of road.
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- This is Bidford, isn't it? - Yeah.
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If you wanted to get back to there,
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but without using that road,
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which is the best way to go?
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Err, up to the island,
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- Up there?
- Yeah.
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third turn in after the island.
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What's happened is it goes in the bit of a straight line,
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Yeah.
261
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:35,350
and then when you tried to turn it back in, it stalled.
262
00:11:35,350 --> 00:11:36,920
So I'm trying to get it back to the...
263
00:11:36,920 --> 00:11:38,350
Give it more power.
264
00:11:39,320 --> 00:11:40,570
There is a Clarkson answer to a problem
265
00:11:40,570 --> 00:11:42,100
Just more power.
266
00:11:42,270 --> 00:11:45,770
So far, in forty minutes, we've done...
267
00:11:45,770 --> 00:11:46,720
- 20 yards?
268
00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:47,570
- 20 yards.
269
00:11:47,570 --> 00:11:48,900
And you think this is helping?
270
00:11:50,170 --> 00:11:53,600
Right, left, industrial estate...
271
00:11:57,320 --> 00:12:00,320
I'm quite pleased with the way this is going now.
272
00:12:01,370 --> 00:12:02,970
You've just hit me again!
273
00:12:03,700 --> 00:12:07,020
I feel as though we are working as a team well.
274
00:12:08,250 --> 00:12:10,000
Jeremy, we've got to stop.
275
00:12:10,170 --> 00:12:11,070
What for?
276
00:12:11,070 --> 00:12:13,500
Because the truck is full and overflowing
277
00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,420
and it might not be able to tip it out
278
00:12:15,420 --> 00:12:17,900
which means we'll have to do it with shovels, you pillock.
279
00:12:18,620 --> 00:12:21,670
To save time, I simply parked the lorry at the side of the road
280
00:12:21,670 --> 00:12:23,300
and emptied it there.
281
00:12:24,000 --> 00:12:25,500
Empty!
282
00:12:25,670 --> 00:12:28,500
This didn't seem to go down well with my colleagues.
283
00:12:28,870 --> 00:12:30,070
That's a gate.
284
00:12:32,150 --> 00:12:33,170
Whose gate?
285
00:12:33,170 --> 00:12:35,950
I... Does it matter? It's a gate, it's somebody's gate.
286
00:12:35,950 --> 00:12:38,550
and you put several tons of road in it.
287
00:12:38,550 --> 00:12:41,300
And I won't... I can't do a 3 point turn now either, can I?
288
00:12:42,320 --> 00:12:44,950
No, you can't. That's the only turning place.
289
00:12:46,350 --> 00:12:47,820
You're on your own, man. I'm sorry.
290
00:12:47,820 --> 00:12:48,650
Can you get a digger?
291
00:12:48,650 --> 00:12:49,370
No!
292
00:12:49,370 --> 00:12:53,000
So it goes left, right, left,
293
00:12:53,000 --> 00:12:55,670
industrial estate, right.
294
00:12:55,670 --> 00:12:57,420
Yeah, pass the industrial estate
295
00:12:57,420 --> 00:12:59,250
There's only a mini round about.
296
00:12:59,250 --> 00:13:00,570
Turn right up Georges Elm Lane.
297
00:13:00,570 --> 00:13:02,970
Georges Elm Lane, which is the first on the right.
298
00:13:02,970 --> 00:13:04,450
Pass industrial estate.
299
00:13:09,420 --> 00:13:12,250
At this stage, things were going quite badly.
300
00:13:12,250 --> 00:13:15,970
So we handed the lorry and the plainer over to the professionals.
301
00:13:15,970 --> 00:13:19,350
Richard was then given the simple job of tidying up,
302
00:13:19,350 --> 00:13:23,170
and I went back to making motivational speeches.
303
00:13:23,670 --> 00:13:26,320
This is not the end,
304
00:13:26,320 --> 00:13:28,820
this is not the beginning,
305
00:13:28,820 --> 00:13:32,250
this is not the beginning of the end,
306
00:13:32,250 --> 00:13:33,550
it's not even...
307
00:13:33,550 --> 00:13:35,520
With the men motivated nicely,
308
00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:37,270
we soon have the old surface cleared
309
00:13:37,270 --> 00:13:41,300
and then started to lay the bitumen which glues the new tarmac in place.
310
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:45,150
Some people then began to ask if they could have a break.
311
00:13:45,150 --> 00:13:47,400
But of course the answer was no.
312
00:13:48,800 --> 00:13:51,250
This is how we're managing to speed things up.
313
00:13:51,850 --> 00:13:55,720
Lunch on this job is what you can find in the hedge.
314
00:13:56,650 --> 00:14:01,270
Dickensian work practices alone though, would not get this job done in a day.
315
00:14:01,270 --> 00:14:03,850
You also need to throw resources at it.
316
00:14:03,850 --> 00:14:07,170
something councils seem unwilling to do.
317
00:14:08,720 --> 00:14:11,170
I really wanna get these math worked out
318
00:14:11,170 --> 00:14:13,320
because the way we're doing this,
319
00:14:13,320 --> 00:14:15,700
throwing men and machines at it and doing it in a day
320
00:14:15,700 --> 00:14:17,970
is 7,000 pounds more expensive
321
00:14:17,970 --> 00:14:21,070
than having 8-hour days, and taking a week.
322
00:14:22,350 --> 00:14:23,900
But I reckon,
323
00:14:24,650 --> 00:14:29,120
you only need inconvenience 500 people for an hour a day,
324
00:14:30,450 --> 00:14:32,870
for you to be better off doing it our way.
325
00:14:36,020 --> 00:14:39,520
At 1 o'clock, James finally finished his diversion
326
00:14:39,520 --> 00:14:41,670
giving locals lots of alternatives
327
00:14:41,670 --> 00:14:44,800
and returned to find me having a power nap.
328
00:14:44,800 --> 00:14:46,750
Work sets you free.
329
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:51,420
Refreshed, I came up with yet more ways to speed things up.
330
00:14:52,170 --> 00:14:54,250
You know when the trucks back up,
331
00:14:54,250 --> 00:14:55,250
Yeah.
332
00:14:55,250 --> 00:14:57,100
There's a man walking behind them.
333
00:14:57,100 --> 00:14:58,150
The banksman, yeah.
334
00:14:58,150 --> 00:15:00,650
But all trucks've got to have cameras on them as well.
335
00:15:00,650 --> 00:15:01,770
They do as well.
336
00:15:01,770 --> 00:15:04,200
So why do you need a man and a camera?
337
00:15:04,200 --> 00:15:07,100
That man could be better employed making roadworks.
338
00:15:07,100 --> 00:15:08,600
It's double protection, isn't it?
339
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,450
- If somebody...
- It's not. It's just... what?
340
00:15:10,450 --> 00:15:11,520
Well, did you hear though,
341
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:15,270
in fairness, one bloke recently got run over by that plaining machine.
342
00:15:15,270 --> 00:15:16,920
How interest am I in that?
343
00:15:16,920 --> 00:15:17,950
They only found his hand.
344
00:15:17,950 --> 00:15:18,770
Don't care.
345
00:15:21,120 --> 00:15:24,500
By 2:30, the road had been sprayed with bitumen glue
346
00:15:24,500 --> 00:15:27,300
and was ready to receive the new layer of tarmac.
347
00:15:28,450 --> 00:15:32,500
This is the most critical part of our whole operation.
348
00:15:32,970 --> 00:15:38,770
Normally, they would reckon on laying between 250 and 270 tons of tarmac in a day.
349
00:15:38,770 --> 00:15:41,170
Now we're gonna try and lay, how much is it?
350
00:15:41,170 --> 00:15:42,920
Eleven hundred tons.
351
00:15:42,920 --> 00:15:45,350
One thousand and one hundred tons in a day.
352
00:15:45,670 --> 00:15:48,170
That's why we've got Hammond up at tarmac's
353
00:15:48,170 --> 00:15:50,420
kind of quarry plant thing, up near town
354
00:15:50,420 --> 00:15:53,250
to make sure the supplies keep coming.
355
00:15:55,720 --> 00:15:58,720
The modern quarry is full of heavy part,
356
00:15:58,720 --> 00:16:02,020
but actually it is all controlled by a computer.
357
00:16:03,000 --> 00:16:06,670
Oh, mother of....
358
00:16:06,670 --> 00:16:10,220
We've got / mixer and a pump
359
00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:11,300
OK, stay calm.
360
00:16:11,300 --> 00:16:14,470
I can do e-mails, I can do this lot, em.
361
00:16:14,470 --> 00:16:15,920
Plainly he mastered it,
362
00:16:15,920 --> 00:16:18,720
because soon the trucks began to arrive.
363
00:16:18,720 --> 00:16:21,770
But unfortunately, the paving machine that lays the tarmac
364
00:16:21,770 --> 00:16:25,270
was being driven by the slowest person in the world.
365
00:16:27,020 --> 00:16:27,920
Wait, James.
366
00:16:27,920 --> 00:16:28,970
What?
367
00:16:28,970 --> 00:16:32,050
If a job is worth doing, it's worth doing quickly.
368
00:16:32,050 --> 00:16:33,950
No, well.
369
00:16:33,950 --> 00:16:34,820
Quickly.
370
00:16:34,820 --> 00:16:35,320
Well.
371
00:16:35,320 --> 00:16:35,670
Quickly.
372
00:16:35,670 --> 00:16:36,050
Well.
373
00:16:36,050 --> 00:16:36,450
Quickly.
374
00:16:36,450 --> 00:16:36,850
Well.
375
00:16:36,850 --> 00:16:39,770
Still, overall, things were moving along nicely.
376
00:16:39,770 --> 00:16:42,050
Men of the D5481
377
00:16:42,050 --> 00:16:45,850
things are looking good, I'm seeing machines moving about now.
378
00:16:49,250 --> 00:16:50,520
Yeah, yes.
379
00:16:51,320 --> 00:16:53,520
Err, now we're gonna pick up that later on
380
00:16:53,520 --> 00:16:57,870
when obviously everything starts to go wrong.
381
00:16:57,870 --> 00:16:59,220
Um now though,
382
00:16:59,220 --> 00:17:03,100
now it's time to put a star in our reasonably priced car.
383
00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:06,350
Now, since our guest tonight first came on the show,
384
00:17:06,350 --> 00:17:08,770
he launched a campaign to improve school dinners
385
00:17:08,770 --> 00:17:10,100
and has become really a saint
386
00:17:10,100 --> 00:17:13,070
he now wields more political power than a president,
387
00:17:13,070 --> 00:17:17,020
he glides through Hollywood parties like a film star,
388
00:17:17,020 --> 00:17:20,550
interestingly though, he still talks like he's eating a pillow.
389
00:17:21,250 --> 00:17:24,270
Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Jamie Oliver.
390
00:17:25,850 --> 00:17:27,000
Hello there.
391
00:17:28,650 --> 00:17:29,400
Hello.
392
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:30,520
Have a seat,
393
00:17:34,920 --> 00:17:36,200
it's nice of you to come back.
394
00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:37,420
thank you very much.
395
00:17:37,820 --> 00:17:38,720
very good.
396
00:17:39,370 --> 00:17:42,770
this uh...this school dinner thing really has propelled you along.
397
00:17:42,770 --> 00:17:44,770
you were just like "another chef",
398
00:17:44,770 --> 00:17:47,270
and now you're national hero, a God, I tell you.
399
00:17:47,270 --> 00:17:48,250
I take offence to that.
400
00:17:48,250 --> 00:17:50,550
I was never just another chef, was I, guys?
401
00:17:51,450 --> 00:17:52,220
there is a... I mean you could...
402
00:17:52,220 --> 00:17:53,070
was I, guys?
403
00:17:54,900 --> 00:17:55,670
anyway Gordon,
404
00:17:55,670 --> 00:17:56,420
um...
405
00:17:58,300 --> 00:17:59,870
it didn't go down well in Rotherham?
406
00:18:00,300 --> 00:18:04,670
Rotherham? oh with those old birds putting the old err the Mac and cheese through the railings
407
00:18:04,670 --> 00:18:06,820
Yeah, they were feeding their... what were they feeding their kids with? BigMacs?
408
00:18:06,820 --> 00:18:09,870
That's right, coz we... they... they changed... the regulations came in,
409
00:18:09,870 --> 00:18:11,050
they changed all the junk,
410
00:18:11,050 --> 00:18:16,050
err and basically some moms started selling the junk food through the railings
411
00:18:16,050 --> 00:18:17,600
but I was in Australia when I saw it,
412
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:18,600
it was on BBC world news,
413
00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:20,100
and I just woke up literally,
414
00:18:20,320 --> 00:18:23,900
and all I can see is like hundreds of hands coming through bars,
415
00:18:23,900 --> 00:18:27,270
and these old...big old scrubbers poking stuff through there,
416
00:18:27,270 --> 00:18:29,370
taking all their money and um...
417
00:18:29,370 --> 00:18:31,420
I used to work in Rotherham...please
418
00:18:31,620 --> 00:18:32,470
thing is, I¡¯m abso...
419
00:18:32,470 --> 00:18:34,550
are you...you're absolutely convinced this is for real,
420
00:18:34,550 --> 00:18:36,620
this "we've all got to eat more healthily",
421
00:18:36,620 --> 00:18:40,050
I just think getting fat is actually evolution,
422
00:18:40,750 --> 00:18:44,970
I am evolving into a more civilized being by being fatter.
423
00:18:44,970 --> 00:18:45,850
yes.
424
00:18:45,850 --> 00:18:48,300
which actually brings me onto an important point, dieting
425
00:18:48,300 --> 00:18:48,870
yes.
426
00:18:48,870 --> 00:18:51,320
- I've got a diet, impossible. - OK.
427
00:18:51,320 --> 00:18:52,820
well what are you eating for crying...
428
00:18:52,820 --> 00:18:54,420
Food, well now I mean when I diet,
429
00:18:54,420 --> 00:18:56,400
I eat carrots and diet coke.
430
00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:57,020
right
431
00:18:57,020 --> 00:18:57,900
and that's it.
432
00:18:58,420 --> 00:18:59,750
and it works, I lose weight,
433
00:18:59,750 --> 00:19:01,170
but I faint all the time.
434
00:19:02,070 --> 00:19:02,920
you faint all the time?
435
00:19:02,920 --> 00:19:04,350
I do faint coz the problem I got Jamie,
436
00:19:04,350 --> 00:19:06,450
genuinely, I walk into a supermarket
437
00:19:06,450 --> 00:19:07,020
yes?
438
00:19:07,020 --> 00:19:09,600
and you look at food and think: what's fattening and what isn't
439
00:19:09,600 --> 00:19:12,000
Uh, well I think you know... you can try and simplify it,
440
00:19:12,000 --> 00:19:15,270
uh for instance, if you cook, um... you know Jeremy,
441
00:19:15,270 --> 00:19:18,570
that's a lot healthier than buying sort of pre-packed food
442
00:19:18,570 --> 00:19:20,220
also if you like chili,
443
00:19:20,220 --> 00:19:23,720
chili speeds up your metabolism by 25%,
444
00:19:23,720 --> 00:19:25,550
uh and also you can get high on it,
445
00:19:25,550 --> 00:19:26,470
which is great, and it's legal,
446
00:19:26,470 --> 00:19:29,250
go raving, nice.
447
00:19:29,250 --> 00:19:31,120
I¡¯m all over chili, mate.
448
00:19:31,120 --> 00:19:33,470
So if I put chili in my diet coke?
449
00:19:35,050 --> 00:19:36,420
I grew a load of chili this year,
450
00:19:36,420 --> 00:19:39,400
and I grew the hottest in the world and I¡¯m telling ya, hoho.
451
00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:41,520
coz there is another thing,
452
00:19:41,520 --> 00:19:43,320
you do grow quite a lot of your organic...
453
00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:45,400
- yeah, the last 3 years, yeah.
- what?
454
00:19:45,400 --> 00:19:47,600
- about 5% of the stuff to 15 - it's impossible
455
00:19:47,600 --> 00:19:48,570
it's not impossible
456
00:19:48,570 --> 00:19:49,450
yes it is.
457
00:19:49,450 --> 00:19:53,320
Li...listen, if I, I¡¯ve never grown anything until 3 years ago,
458
00:19:53,320 --> 00:19:56,200
like like...it...uh, the first year, I didn't know what I was doing,
459
00:19:56,200 --> 00:19:58,020
just by putting seeds in mud,
460
00:19:58,020 --> 00:20:00,270
you'd amazed, 80% of the stuff grows into something,
461
00:20:00,270 --> 00:20:02,900
you have to be a complete idiot to not grow anything
462
00:20:04,100 --> 00:20:06,800
I planted a field of barley last year
463
00:20:06,800 --> 00:20:07,450
Barley?
464
00:20:07,450 --> 00:20:08,100
Barley
465
00:20:08,100 --> 00:20:10,000
What are you planting barley for?
466
00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:13,220
- If you really want to know, it was to attract a certain type of bird, - grow potatoes and beans
467
00:20:13,220 --> 00:20:15,650
which I like, I...I¡¯m a RSPB member,
468
00:20:15,650 --> 00:20:16,570
don't mention that to...
469
00:20:16,570 --> 00:20:18,300
please don't say that.
470
00:20:18,300 --> 00:20:20,270
- and I want to... a bit...
- are you a twitcher?
471
00:20:20,270 --> 00:20:21,450
shhh, please,
472
00:20:21,450 --> 00:20:22,770
the thing is, I grew this but I thought:
473
00:20:22,770 --> 00:20:25,100
I won't put any fertilizer on it coz that'll poison the birds,
474
00:20:25,100 --> 00:20:27,400
it grew to this long and was bright grey,
475
00:20:27,400 --> 00:20:29,420
it's costed me a fortune
476
00:20:29,420 --> 00:20:32,750
and I just think fertilizer works, fertilizer is good
477
00:20:32,750 --> 00:20:33,950
- no no
- it is.
478
00:20:33,950 --> 00:20:35,200
Don't spray the ground
479
00:20:35,200 --> 00:20:35,770
Why?
480
00:20:35,770 --> 00:20:38,250
Coz it just wrecks all the microbes and their organisms
481
00:20:38,250 --> 00:20:39,050
and the stuff that goes on
482
00:20:39,050 --> 00:20:41,200
on and a lot of it are versions of poisons,
483
00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:41,970
you just don't know what you...
484
00:20:41,970 --> 00:20:44,170
Yes, but who knows? there was something I bought the other day,
485
00:20:44,170 --> 00:20:45,100
it was organic,
486
00:20:45,100 --> 00:20:46,770
do you know what it had been fertilized with?
487
00:20:46,770 --> 00:20:47,400
Crap
488
00:20:47,400 --> 00:20:51,120
- yes, human excrement from Mexicans
- Not human, it's illegal
489
00:20:51,120 --> 00:20:53,720
- it is, Mexicans can crap on your food, and then they...
- no.
490
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:55,400
It's organic,
491
00:20:55,400 --> 00:20:57,450
- they're all out in the fields,
- no.
492
00:20:57,671 --> 00:21:01,150
With some subras and ponchos on, defecating on your bananas
493
00:21:01,150 --> 00:21:01,800
Can I just say,
494
00:21:01,800 --> 00:21:03,720
if your introduction into growing stuff
495
00:21:03,720 --> 00:21:05,820
and all the wonderful things that makes you feel good about,
496
00:21:05,820 --> 00:21:08,820
if your introduction is barley, no wonder you're miserable.
497
00:21:09,850 --> 00:21:11,100
it is complicated though,
498
00:21:11,100 --> 00:21:12,970
eating well is complicated.
499
00:21:12,970 --> 00:21:14,720
I mean my donkey died the other day,
500
00:21:14,720 --> 00:21:16,500
do I eat it?
501
00:21:16,900 --> 00:21:18,520
Have you ever eaten a donkey?
502
00:21:19,970 --> 00:21:21,320
It was Jeffery, man.
503
00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:22,450
you can't...
504
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:24,800
- I know you could make sausage
- a little bit of rosemary, a bit of time,
505
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:26,520
A bit of garlic, tenderize it,
506
00:21:26,520 --> 00:21:29,600
you know, 170 for about 6 hours, it will be lovely.
507
00:21:30,820 --> 00:21:32,500
especially the tail.
508
00:21:33,870 --> 00:21:35,250
can we talk about cars?
509
00:21:35,250 --> 00:21:36,900
yes, let's talk about cars.
510
00:21:37,150 --> 00:21:39,550
You came down here obviously primarily, I know
511
00:21:39,550 --> 00:21:40,420
I wanted to beat Gordon,
512
00:21:40,420 --> 00:21:41,500
let's be honest about it, make...
513
00:21:41,500 --> 00:21:42,920
Coz Gordon is at the top
514
00:21:42,920 --> 00:21:45,200
And he got a really good speed as well,
515
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:46,350
which was 46.3,
516
00:21:46,350 --> 00:21:48,170
um last time I came on the show,
517
00:21:48,170 --> 00:21:49,170
it was just after Gordon,
518
00:21:49,170 --> 00:21:51,050
and we both got 1:50 in the old moaner
519
00:21:51,050 --> 00:21:52,320
in the old car, exactly.
520
00:21:52,320 --> 00:21:55,000
And I kinda maintain pride by at least joining him,
521
00:21:55,000 --> 00:21:56,870
I was so geared up this week
522
00:21:56,870 --> 00:21:59,950
You were, he actually said, can I come down early to practice
523
00:21:59,950 --> 00:22:01,320
coz I really wanna beat Gordon.
524
00:22:01,320 --> 00:22:01,900
Yeah.
525
00:22:01,900 --> 00:22:05,200
And this was the scene that greeted him when he got here, early.
526
00:22:07,520 --> 00:22:08,120
There it is,
527
00:22:08,120 --> 00:22:09,100
there are the cars,
528
00:22:09,100 --> 00:22:11,000
ready for you to go out in them.
529
00:22:11,500 --> 00:22:14,050
We did wait for the snow to fall,
530
00:22:14,050 --> 00:22:15,470
and you went out, ok?
531
00:22:15,470 --> 00:22:16,600
who'd like to see...
532
00:22:16,600 --> 00:22:18,650
well I think we just got one bit of practice here,
533
00:22:18,650 --> 00:22:19,450
would you like to see that?
534
00:22:19,450 --> 00:22:20,320
[crowd]Yeah.
535
00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:23,370
Let's play the tape of Jamie having a bit of bash here,
536
00:22:23,370 --> 00:22:24,420
oh coming up...where are we?
537
00:22:24,420 --> 00:22:26,120
bound to be the second to last corner,
538
00:22:26,450 --> 00:22:29,900
catches everybody out and yes it is, nice line through...
539
00:22:29,900 --> 00:22:32,700
oh no, that's wrong
540
00:22:33,270 --> 00:22:37,200
oh no no no oh
541
00:22:40,320 --> 00:22:41,920
Bring out the new car.
542
00:22:45,870 --> 00:22:48,950
And that was , that was the end of that car then
543
00:22:48,950 --> 00:22:51,500
yeah, I, I actually... I... it was, I think
544
00:22:51,500 --> 00:22:52,070
totaled it
545
00:22:52,070 --> 00:22:54,700
I think the wheel, broken radiator and suspension, so
546
00:22:54,700 --> 00:22:55,400
No worries
547
00:22:55,400 --> 00:22:57,270
- we'll have it fixed for next week, - sorry.
548
00:22:57,270 --> 00:23:00,020
after that, ok? after that,
549
00:23:00,020 --> 00:23:01,420
you were ready to do your lap
550
00:23:01,420 --> 00:23:02,270
yes
551
00:23:02,270 --> 00:23:03,520
ok? Gordon to beat,
552
00:23:03,520 --> 00:23:06,520
- which is what?1:46...
- I never, I just doubt it so much
553
00:23:06,520 --> 00:23:07,870
Who'd like to see his lap?
554
00:23:07,870 --> 00:23:09,050
[crowd]yes
555
00:23:09,050 --> 00:23:10,600
Here we go, let's have a look.
556
00:23:12,520 --> 00:23:14,220
Well, it looks like you've been off in this one as well
557
00:23:14,220 --> 00:23:15,120
yes, I had
558
00:23:16,520 --> 00:23:18,870
here we go, looking keen,
559
00:23:19,300 --> 00:23:21,400
how is the old car? compared to the old old one?
560
00:23:21,400 --> 00:23:23,450
it's a little bit faster on the faster bits
561
00:23:23,450 --> 00:23:25,200
- it is. - but it's still a hair dryer
562
00:23:26,720 --> 00:23:28,200
that's a nice line through that
563
00:23:28,200 --> 00:23:28,920
thank you Jeremy.
564
00:23:28,920 --> 00:23:29,850
I am very brilliant
565
00:23:30,020 --> 00:23:32,420
Oh you...though you say so yourself,
566
00:23:32,420 --> 00:23:34,550
around Chicago, here we go again,
567
00:23:34,550 --> 00:23:35,450
looking good
568
00:23:36,670 --> 00:23:37,900
this power cuts out,
569
00:23:38,120 --> 00:23:39,720
this is a piece of crap, this car.
570
00:23:41,300 --> 00:23:43,200
then you'll find that's called a rev-limiter,
571
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:44,450
most cars have it,
572
00:23:44,800 --> 00:23:46,420
- oh, a bit of understeer there - Look at that lean
573
00:23:46,420 --> 00:23:50,420
- you are towing around most of Surrey underneath there
- That's so tight though, isn't it?
574
00:23:50,950 --> 00:23:52,270
That was... actually that was very good,
575
00:23:52,270 --> 00:23:53,950
that was well rescued from the last understeer,
576
00:23:53,950 --> 00:23:55,170
did you lift here?
577
00:23:55,900 --> 00:23:56,400
You do...
578
00:23:56,870 --> 00:23:59,650
Do look like special needs sometimes Jamie, there,
579
00:23:59,650 --> 00:24:00,670
there we go...
580
00:24:01,300 --> 00:24:04,350
I actually spent most of my school years in special needs, Jeremy
581
00:24:04,350 --> 00:24:05,420
Yes, and there we are,
582
00:24:05,420 --> 00:24:07,520
so that's...oh that's a good one,
583
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:10,070
and around the last one into Gambon,
584
00:24:10,070 --> 00:24:11,550
- you got into 2nd,
- go on go on go on...
585
00:24:11,750 --> 00:24:13,200
always a risk,
586
00:24:13,200 --> 00:24:16,250
but come on, come on, come on,
587
00:24:16,251 --> 00:24:19,101
nice one, nice one.
588
00:24:26,420 --> 00:24:28,400
now plainly and obviously,
589
00:24:29,570 --> 00:24:31,820
Gordon did have a sticky hot grippy day
590
00:24:31,820 --> 00:24:32,750
so you're not gonna beat him,
591
00:24:32,750 --> 00:24:34,920
so where do you think, bearing in mind...
592
00:24:34,920 --> 00:24:38,050
well if I can't Gordon then at least let me be right up his arse.
593
00:24:43,300 --> 00:24:44,950
I don't know what to say now,
594
00:24:44,950 --> 00:24:47,800
ok this is the fastest wet lap we've had,
595
00:24:47,800 --> 00:24:50,170
Philip Glenister 1:54.3 ,
596
00:24:50,170 --> 00:24:51,820
these are super hot laps
597
00:24:51,820 --> 00:24:53,500
excuse me, we're talking about wet laps,
598
00:24:53,500 --> 00:24:57,070
does everyone in the audience not think that snow has a di... slightly different context?
599
00:24:57,070 --> 00:24:59,470
- I'm sorry, I don't recall seeing snow there.
- Well...
600
00:24:59,470 --> 00:25:01,070
It wasn't snowing!
601
00:25:01,070 --> 00:25:02,750
It was wet.
602
00:25:02,750 --> 00:25:03,200
Ah...
603
00:25:03,200 --> 00:25:04,150
You're having a "wet"
604
00:25:04,150 --> 00:25:05,700
Put "w/s"
605
00:25:06,950 --> 00:25:08,020
Wet,
606
00:25:08,470 --> 00:25:09,400
and you did it...
607
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:10,600
You've changed, Jeremy.
608
00:25:13,820 --> 00:25:15,700
Wet lap, 1 minute,
609
00:25:15,700 --> 00:25:16,900
Well that's sort of a relief.
610
00:25:17,300 --> 00:25:18,150
40,
611
00:25:19,400 --> 00:25:22,700
7 point 7 seconds
612
00:25:22,700 --> 00:25:23,650
Oh so close, oh so close
613
00:25:23,650 --> 00:25:26,470
The fast...that is an astonishing time,
614
00:25:28,500 --> 00:25:29,570
genuinely.
615
00:25:30,720 --> 00:25:32,920
We were absolutely staggered, the Stig...
616
00:25:41,900 --> 00:25:42,600
ah
617
00:25:45,170 --> 00:25:46,870
Melted snow,
618
00:25:48,370 --> 00:25:50,570
- which is water.
- That's pretty good, though, isn't it?
619
00:25:50,570 --> 00:25:51,670
It's better than pretty good,
620
00:25:51,670 --> 00:25:53,000
honestly and genuinely
621
00:25:53,000 --> 00:25:55,770
the Stig is just standing open...well we think he's open mouthed
622
00:25:55,770 --> 00:25:58,100
it's hard to say, just can't believe how good you were. It's...
623
00:25:58,100 --> 00:25:59,250
All credits to the Stig I say.
624
00:25:59,250 --> 00:26:00,920
No, all credits to you, all credits to the fact
625
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:05,050
that somehow it seems that Britain's fastest people are chefs.
626
00:26:05,420 --> 00:26:07,020
-Come on!
- Heaven knows why.
627
00:26:07,020 --> 00:26:08,420
just to massage my ego,
628
00:26:08,420 --> 00:26:10,000
coz you know, our chefs are quite competitive,
629
00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:10,770
what I want to know
630
00:26:10,770 --> 00:26:15,700
is what does wet/melting snow... what... in seconds what does that give me back?
631
00:26:15,700 --> 00:26:17,170
I would say,
632
00:26:17,170 --> 00:26:18,820
and I¡¯m really sorry about this Gordon
633
00:26:18,820 --> 00:26:20,770
coz I know you're watching like this,
634
00:26:20,770 --> 00:26:22,150
four.
635
00:26:22,670 --> 00:26:23,870
(SING) Come on now!
636
00:26:32,800 --> 00:26:35,320
And then miraculously in the edit...
637
00:26:35,320 --> 00:26:37,200
Oh just, just for today,
638
00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:39,620
- just, just keep it there, just for today.
- I'll leave it up there just for today
639
00:26:39,620 --> 00:26:41,120
anyway, there you go, Jamie Oliver!
640
00:26:41,120 --> 00:26:42,150
Thank you.
641
00:26:48,703 --> 00:26:49,380
Now
642
00:26:50,083 --> 00:26:52,679
Now, this is a Jaguar XK8.
643
00:26:52,806 --> 00:26:54,880
We drove it on the last series and we loved it.
644
00:26:55,127 --> 00:26:57,803
But we always sort of knew that it was a support actor really
645
00:26:57,989 --> 00:27:00,241
a kind of warm-up man for the main event,
646
00:27:00,266 --> 00:27:02,569
the supercharged XKR,
647
00:27:02,687 --> 00:27:04,929
which I haven't been driving.
648
00:27:04,997 --> 00:27:07,387
Jeremy selflessly protected me from that one.
649
00:27:14,658 --> 00:27:15,623
This is it.
650
00:27:23,671 --> 00:27:25,364
It has big wheels
651
00:27:26,033 --> 00:27:27,176
vents in the bonnet
652
00:27:27,826 --> 00:27:30,171
brushed aluminum gills and a sort of
653
00:27:30,205 --> 00:27:32,677
stubbly Coulthardy chin
654
00:27:33,447 --> 00:27:39,017
So you can think of it as the standard car with cufflinks and a nice watch
655
00:27:43,286 --> 00:27:45,106
You've got to say, it looks good.
656
00:27:45,309 --> 00:27:48,424
In profile especially, it's just stunning.
657
00:27:54,174 --> 00:27:58,163
Sadly however I can't say the same for the interior.
658
00:27:59,831 --> 00:28:02,321
I'm sorry but this just doesn't feel
659
00:28:02,363 --> 00:28:05,617
like a 73,000 pound car. I mean...
660
00:28:05,677 --> 00:28:09,633
Mercedes give you seats that massage you as you drive along
661
00:28:09,633 --> 00:28:11,733
and BMW gives you i-Drive
662
00:28:12,054 --> 00:28:13,392
All I've got in here,
663
00:28:14,332 --> 00:28:15,839
a sort of five acres of
664
00:28:17,117 --> 00:28:18,082
tin-foil.
665
00:28:25,638 --> 00:28:29,719
The supercharged 4.2 litre V8 is a bit disappointing too.
666
00:28:29,736 --> 00:28:32,792
Because it's pretty much exactly the same as the
667
00:28:32,868 --> 00:28:37,473
supercharged 4.2 litre V8 they put in the old XKR.
668
00:28:40,384 --> 00:28:42,881
Merck gives us a new engine every five minutes.
669
00:28:43,101 --> 00:28:47,179
Audi designed a whole new V8 while I was just saying that.
670
00:28:47,552 --> 00:28:51,069
But Jag's been making this one for nearly ten years now.
671
00:28:51,355 --> 00:28:52,997
So come on, chop, chop!
672
00:28:54,665 --> 00:28:57,878
Yes it generates 420 BHP, but...
673
00:28:57,878 --> 00:29:01,959
Merck is now making engines with 520 BHP,
674
00:29:02,135 --> 00:29:04,691
and BMW isn't far behind.
675
00:29:06,089 --> 00:29:09,365
The only good thing is that the XKR is quite light.
676
00:29:09,365 --> 00:29:12,065
So while it doesn't have a shed-load of power, it's still¡
677
00:29:13,284 --> 00:29:14,825
quite fast.
678
00:29:21,216 --> 00:29:24,797
You pass 60 miles an hour in 4.9 seconds.
679
00:29:25,085 --> 00:29:28,680
You pass 100 in 13 seconds, and that's good.
680
00:29:29,055 --> 00:29:33,381
But imagine how good it would be if it had more POWER!
681
00:29:41,100 --> 00:29:43,030
Now you might think at this point
682
00:29:43,089 --> 00:29:47,870
"Well there you go, it's a half-arse car made by a cash strapped company"
683
00:29:48,306 --> 00:29:51,354
"and that it is no match for its German rivals."
684
00:29:54,682 --> 00:29:56,863
Then you'd be wrong, because this car¡
685
00:29:58,032 --> 00:29:59,386
is brilliant!
686
00:30:10,679 --> 00:30:12,679
The standard car sounds pretty good
687
00:30:12,696 --> 00:30:14,737
but this is deeper, ruder.
688
00:30:15,295 --> 00:30:17,631
Like Tom Jones gaggling in NASCAR.
689
00:30:18,613 --> 00:30:20,044
And then is the handling.
690
00:30:25,602 --> 00:30:29,132
It has got an absolutely fabulous chassis.
691
00:30:29,716 --> 00:30:34,660
It is the easiest car in the world to drive if you are lunatic.
692
00:30:35,142 --> 00:30:38,215
Honestly I know of nothing else that's this good for
693
00:30:38,723 --> 00:30:41,856
slithering about the smoke pouring off the back end.
694
00:30:44,455 --> 00:30:45,284
Look here we go.
695
00:30:45,775 --> 00:30:50,837
Sliding, still sliding, still sliding, no danger, still sliding.
696
00:30:51,494 --> 00:30:55,563
I mean that's doing power slides at like 110 mph, easily!
697
00:30:56,723 --> 00:30:57,699
This is just¡
698
00:30:59,283 --> 00:31:02,643
makes a BMW or a Mercedes look like they're made of wood.
699
00:31:10,306 --> 00:31:12,769
And the great thing is that, when you take your
700
00:31:13,222 --> 00:31:15,626
looney-tunes hat off, and just settle down.
701
00:31:16,142 --> 00:31:18,798
It becomes all quite and comfortable.
702
00:31:19,712 --> 00:31:23,380
It really is Dr. Jimmy and Mr. Jim.
703
00:31:29,633 --> 00:31:30,265
Yes
704
00:31:30,561 --> 00:31:34,404
it has less power and fewer toys than its German rivals.
705
00:31:34,599 --> 00:31:37,468
And it's made with less satisfactory ingredients.
706
00:31:38,196 --> 00:31:42,241
But it is a damn sight cheaper and I'm sorry to keep hopping on about this,
707
00:31:42,701 --> 00:31:44,987
a damn sight better looking as well.
708
00:31:47,159 --> 00:31:50,029
I know that is a particularly horrible colour.
709
00:31:50,055 --> 00:31:52,154
But imagine it in silver or black.
710
00:31:53,026 --> 00:31:57,142
And then imagine walking away from it and buying a Mercedes or a BMW instead.
711
00:31:59,028 --> 00:32:00,179
I'm not sure I could.
712
00:32:02,457 --> 00:32:05,416
Ah. Yes you're thinking this is all very interesting.
713
00:32:05,638 --> 00:32:08,990
But what about the Jag's main rival, its sister,
714
00:32:10,524 --> 00:32:11,328
This.
715
00:32:16,293 --> 00:32:19,186
The Aston Martin V8 Vantage.
716
00:32:20,676 --> 00:32:22,632
It's even better looking than the Jag,
717
00:32:23,024 --> 00:32:24,337
and that's just the start.
718
00:32:26,314 --> 00:32:28,253
It's also even louder.
719
00:32:29,734 --> 00:32:31,736
It's harder too,
720
00:32:32,177 --> 00:32:33,573
much more aggressive,
721
00:32:35,141 --> 00:32:37,732
much more taut and angry.
722
00:32:45,621 --> 00:32:47,491
And it's an Aston Martin,
723
00:32:47,593 --> 00:32:51,336
which is a royal flush to the Jag's two pairs
724
00:33:01,738 --> 00:33:03,118
The thing is though, as you...
725
00:33:04,007 --> 00:33:07,258
stir away on the manual gearbox and you...
726
00:33:07,258 --> 00:33:10,367
ride the wave of noise
727
00:33:11,163 --> 00:33:15,152
feel the grip from these super sticky Pirelli tires,
728
00:33:16,439 --> 00:33:17,787
you realize,
729
00:33:19,214 --> 00:33:22,262
you ain't actually pulling away from the Jaguar.
730
00:33:26,358 --> 00:33:28,153
Feels like I'm going faster,
731
00:33:29,575 --> 00:33:31,708
sounds like I'm going faster,
732
00:33:33,548 --> 00:33:35,842
and my heart is certainly beating faster.
733
00:33:35,893 --> 00:33:41,198
But, my rear view mirror is still full of Jag.
734
00:33:58,801 --> 00:34:01,448
You must imagine that flat out in a straight line,
735
00:34:03,445 --> 00:34:06,896
the Aston will pull away 'cause the Jag's limited to 155,
736
00:34:06,896 --> 00:34:07,946
but haha¡
737
00:34:09,498 --> 00:34:13,748
we tested one the other day and the Jag sailed up to 175.
738
00:34:16,203 --> 00:34:19,221
So, while the Aston is more exciting,
739
00:34:23,681 --> 00:34:25,592
the Jaguar is more powerful.
740
00:34:26,743 --> 00:34:30,205
It's also 12,500 ponds less expensive.
741
00:34:30,544 --> 00:34:31,644
It's more comfortable.
742
00:34:32,025 --> 00:34:36,571
It's better equipped with goodies like full leather and satellite navigation.
743
00:34:39,129 --> 00:34:41,356
And it's got two small seats in the back.
744
00:34:41,408 --> 00:34:44,244
So it's a bit more practical as well.
745
00:34:51,401 --> 00:34:55,921
Emotionally then, this car beats anything from Mercedes and BMW
746
00:34:56,344 --> 00:34:57,368
and on points
747
00:34:58,122 --> 00:34:59,948
it beats its sister as well.
748
00:35:00,951 --> 00:35:02,187
It is quite simply,
749
00:35:02,982 --> 00:35:04,362
spectacular!
750
00:35:08,701 --> 00:35:10,183
Yeah. And you know¡
751
00:35:10,462 --> 00:35:12,697
That's what I was actually filming¡
752
00:35:13,112 --> 00:35:16,071
I was actually making that film the day you crashed.
753
00:35:16,071 --> 00:35:18,509
Yeah, a much better day than I did though.
754
00:35:18,953 --> 00:35:20,240
Well, that's because I am a better driver.
755
00:35:20,714 --> 00:35:22,750
- Whatever.
- I just¡ I just stayed on the gravel.
756
00:35:22,766 --> 00:35:25,171
Anyway, listen. You know that thing I said about¡
757
00:35:25,780 --> 00:35:28,642
You'd buy this because it's got two extra seats in the back.
758
00:35:28,819 --> 00:35:30,277
- Yeah, yeah.
- The Aston hasn't got any.
759
00:35:30,319 --> 00:35:31,673
- Irrelevant.
- Why?
760
00:35:31,716 --> 00:35:35,230
Because while you're away, OK, imagining that you're a dog.
761
00:35:35,518 --> 00:35:37,502
- Chicken.
- Chicken. Whatever, OK.
762
00:35:37,637 --> 00:35:41,455
The EU had said that now if you're your height, you've got to have like a booster seat.
763
00:35:41,958 --> 00:35:43,481
- No seriously, they have.
- Yeah.
764
00:35:43,558 --> 00:35:44,582
I know it came to here.
765
00:35:44,590 --> 00:35:46,239
The thing is that to fit in there you got to be your height,
766
00:35:46,239 --> 00:35:48,000
but now you've got to have a seat.
767
00:35:48,559 --> 00:35:50,291
- Yeah?
- Which means you aren't gonna fit.
768
00:35:50,308 --> 00:35:51,366
Oh, you'll be too big with a booster seat...
769
00:35:51,366 --> 00:35:53,068
And no one will ever be able to get in the back.
770
00:35:53,068 --> 00:35:56,421
That's gonna be the same for all these 2 2s with tiny little back seats then
771
00:35:56,463 --> 00:35:59,595
Exactly, the EU's rendered them useless, so you might as well buy the Aston on that front.
772
00:35:59,976 --> 00:36:03,467
Thing is though, I do still really adore this car.
773
00:36:03,470 --> 00:36:07,136
And now we've gotta find out how fast it goes round our track.
774
00:36:07,136 --> 00:36:10,065
And that of course means handing it over to our tame racing driver.
775
00:36:10,751 --> 00:36:14,653
Some say he once threw a microwave oven at a tramp,
776
00:36:16,624 --> 00:36:20,181
and that long before anyone else he realized that Jade Goody was
777
00:36:20,562 --> 00:36:23,590
a racist pig-faced waste of blood and organs.
778
00:36:28,335 --> 00:36:29,119
But he didn't.
779
00:36:37,732 --> 00:36:40,716
All we know is he's called the Stig.
780
00:36:42,551 --> 00:36:43,575
And he's off.
781
00:36:44,490 --> 00:36:48,733
We can hear the super charger whining over that thunderous V8 base line.
782
00:36:49,359 --> 00:36:51,124
Just look how wet it is out there.
783
00:36:52,732 --> 00:36:55,555
Ok Stig ploughs fearlessly into that corner.
784
00:36:55,555 --> 00:36:56,596
Radio: I change my mind.
785
00:36:57,205 --> 00:37:01,069
I want the chance to spend the rest of my life, loving you.
786
00:37:01,484 --> 00:37:05,670
Oh dear, the Stig seems to have developed a taste for romantic fiction on CD.
787
00:37:06,111 --> 00:37:09,147
OK, he's through Chicago, sliding around like a go-cart.
788
00:37:09,231 --> 00:37:10,502
Here he is coming into Hammerhead.
789
00:37:11,061 --> 00:37:13,211
Plagues of melted snow every where.
790
00:37:13,253 --> 00:37:15,768
Is he gonna understeer? Not a bit of it. Look at that!
791
00:37:15,776 --> 00:37:18,367
You see there is no car that drifts like this one.
792
00:37:20,838 --> 00:37:22,144
With the backward plaining.
793
00:37:22,398 --> 00:37:26,445
Radio: With her own golden haired ruddy faced Archilles
794
00:37:27,257 --> 00:37:29,060
He's really got the hammer down now.
795
00:37:29,060 --> 00:37:32,802
you see the car twitching over the standing water. Stig isn't faced.
796
00:37:33,214 --> 00:37:35,762
Maybe it's 'cause his home planet is quite swampy.
797
00:37:36,101 --> 00:37:37,764
Err¡penultimate to the corner,
798
00:37:38,120 --> 00:37:40,279
dips into the grass, Gambon now,
799
00:37:40,304 --> 00:37:43,354
hard in, chucks it side ways
800
00:37:43,667 --> 00:37:45,572
and across the line!
801
00:37:47,436 --> 00:37:47,766
Now
802
00:37:50,174 --> 00:37:51,258
he did it...
803
00:37:52,432 --> 00:37:54,743
in 1:34.7,
804
00:37:54,751 --> 00:37:58,705
which is obvious pathetic, but I think it was really very very very wet.
805
00:37:58,739 --> 00:38:00,652
Err.. we were gonna put the Aston round afterwards,
806
00:38:00,660 --> 00:38:02,582
but it started to snow again, so don't blame us
807
00:38:02,607 --> 00:38:03,572
Err... 'cause we didn't bother,
808
00:38:03,801 --> 00:38:05,672
don't blame the Stig do what every one else does.
809
00:38:05,994 --> 00:38:07,273
And just blame Global Warming.
810
00:38:08,949 --> 00:38:11,268
Now earlier on we set out on a mission
811
00:38:11,268 --> 00:38:14,519
to demonstrate that roadworks needn't take so long
812
00:38:14,824 --> 00:38:21,410
Warwickshire council reckoned it will take 5 days to resurface a 1.5 mile stretch of the D5481.
813
00:38:21,876 --> 00:38:26,100
But we reckoned, by working hard, and not get all tangled up in Health and Safty
814
00:38:26,278 --> 00:38:28,564
We could do it in just 24 hours
815
00:38:29,023 --> 00:38:31,953
And when we left the action it was going really rather well I thought.
816
00:38:31,995 --> 00:38:35,872
Hammond here was down at the quarry keeping up a steady stream of fresh tarmac
817
00:38:36,193 --> 00:38:38,546
I was driving a paver laying it on the road
818
00:38:38,572 --> 00:38:41,456
and Jeremy was fulfilling the vital role
819
00:38:41,507 --> 00:38:43,844
of shouting at everyone down a megaphone.
820
00:38:50,223 --> 00:38:51,538
Come on! Put it back into it.
821
00:38:51,563 --> 00:38:53,299
You, man, here, let me show you.
822
00:38:54,585 --> 00:38:57,413
But then all of a sudden everything went wrong.
823
00:38:58,860 --> 00:38:59,961
Run out of tarmac!
824
00:39:00,582 --> 00:39:01,759
What do you mean you've run out?
825
00:39:01,962 --> 00:39:03,495
For Hammonds lorry's not here.
826
00:39:03,613 --> 00:39:04,987
We need a thousand tons.
827
00:39:05,351 --> 00:39:08,111
And his lorry load only does that little stretch there.
828
00:39:08,475 --> 00:39:09,982
And if he doesn't get it here quick enough
829
00:39:09,982 --> 00:39:12,497
that bitumen stuff goes off and it won't stick.
830
00:39:13,157 --> 00:39:14,890
Hammond we're out!
831
00:39:15,330 --> 00:39:16,325
We've done 100 feet.
832
00:39:16,325 --> 00:39:18,636
How many trucks have you got working on this?
833
00:39:18,636 --> 00:39:19,911
We've got three in here now
834
00:39:19,911 --> 00:39:22,772
We've got one be loaded one on the way bridge that I can see.
835
00:39:22,772 --> 00:39:24,559
And I am... I can't get anymore in it.
836
00:39:24,694 --> 00:39:26,667
You've only got five trucks? Right.
837
00:39:26,701 --> 00:39:29,240
Are there any other roadwork's going on today?
838
00:39:30,502 --> 00:39:32,585
- What? That we can nick their tarmac?
- Yeah.
839
00:39:33,890 --> 00:39:35,955
I like your thinking there. that's quite devious.
840
00:39:36,243 --> 00:39:37,572
Nick their tarmac.
841
00:39:37,820 --> 00:39:39,454
Your next job, do you know where it's going?
842
00:39:39,809 --> 00:39:41,561
Is it going to... You see that's not our road
843
00:39:41,561 --> 00:39:43,237
Well that's useless. Send it to us.
844
00:39:43,390 --> 00:39:45,786
Just don't send it to them. We need it.
845
00:39:46,170 --> 00:39:48,294
Crack now to the max. And change that calendar.
846
00:39:48,294 --> 00:39:49,903
It's far too calming and relaxing.
847
00:39:53,734 --> 00:39:56,451
Move! Come on! Go!
848
00:39:56,477 --> 00:39:58,568
Fast, Get on with it!
849
00:39:59,076 --> 00:40:00,261
Hahahh, another one.
850
00:40:00,269 --> 00:40:01,288
I cracked the whip
851
00:40:01,406 --> 00:40:03,726
and even introduced an incentive scheme.
852
00:40:03,726 --> 00:40:05,928
I want you to go like the wind, OK?
853
00:40:06,258 --> 00:40:08,197
I'll pay you speeding fines.
854
00:40:09,148 --> 00:40:12,280
But the fact remained that the quarry was an hour away.
855
00:40:12,288 --> 00:40:14,092
And Hammond only had five trucks.
856
00:40:14,252 --> 00:40:15,819
That wasn't enough.
857
00:40:17,093 --> 00:40:20,721
The main reason why roadworks take a long time
858
00:40:21,356 --> 00:40:24,684
is because the trucks just don't come regularly enough.
859
00:40:24,684 --> 00:40:26,944
- That guy that... you're working with.
- Yeah.
860
00:40:27,147 --> 00:40:28,991
He said he's worked till the way it is now for 32 years
861
00:40:28,991 --> 00:40:31,539
24 of which has been standing around waiting for the trucks.
862
00:40:31,827 --> 00:40:32,907
We told Hammond this.
863
00:40:33,085 --> 00:40:36,776
We said to Hammond it's the only important thing: keep the trucks coming.
864
00:40:37,801 --> 00:40:40,138
The tarmac did continued to dribbled in,
865
00:40:40,138 --> 00:40:41,856
but far too slowly, and then
866
00:40:42,085 --> 00:40:43,075
Back at the quarry
867
00:40:45,024 --> 00:40:46,370
What's killed it? Why is it stopped?
868
00:40:46,396 --> 00:40:47,293
Emergency stop.
869
00:40:47,437 --> 00:40:49,100
Why is it in the emergency stop? There is no...
870
00:40:49,362 --> 00:40:50,895
Who's lent, we've lent on the what?
871
00:40:51,580 --> 00:40:52,786
- Who's...
- Your man.
872
00:40:52,845 --> 00:40:55,376
The camera man lent... we lent on the emergency...
873
00:40:56,902 --> 00:40:57,960
You stopped the plant?
874
00:40:58,883 --> 00:41:00,974
Yeah, we sort of hit the emergency stop a bit.
875
00:41:03,125 --> 00:41:03,972
Why have you done that?
876
00:41:04,116 --> 00:41:05,267
Well this was a bloody accident, wasn't it.
877
00:41:05,267 --> 00:41:06,994
I didn't do it on purpose.
878
00:41:07,316 --> 00:41:09,008
Richard, Richard, Richard
879
00:41:09,152 --> 00:41:12,038
I'm gonna make a suggestion: Don't come back here.
880
00:41:12,690 --> 00:41:13,977
Don't... don't come back,
881
00:41:14,095 --> 00:41:16,339
go away, go to Tierra del...
882
00:41:16,567 --> 00:41:20,597
Tierra del Fuego, and even I'm gonna hunt you down and kill you there as well.
883
00:41:23,727 --> 00:41:25,895
Men at the D5481
884
00:41:27,636 --> 00:41:29,820
This is our darkest hour
885
00:41:30,591 --> 00:41:33,833
We will not allow Adolf Hammond
886
00:41:34,112 --> 00:41:38,667
to ruin our plans for this great, this wonderful, this magnificent...
887
00:41:39,556 --> 00:41:40,165
Shut up!
888
00:41:42,324 --> 00:41:44,298
We buried the Health and Safety man
889
00:41:44,298 --> 00:41:46,939
While we waited for the quarry to restart.
890
00:41:47,752 --> 00:41:48,539
But it didn't
891
00:41:48,556 --> 00:41:50,707
It was five o'clock, knocking-off time.
892
00:41:51,613 --> 00:41:52,900
And they'd all gone home.
893
00:41:53,462 --> 00:41:55,367
We've shut down the plant, that...
894
00:41:55,376 --> 00:41:56,612
That's it. We can't work anymore.
895
00:41:57,340 --> 00:41:59,437
Well, your friends're on a 35-hour week
896
00:42:00,114 --> 00:42:02,104
Most jobs would stop at this point.
897
00:42:02,159 --> 00:42:06,691
But we used our initiative and found a new quarry that would stay open through the night.
898
00:42:07,284 --> 00:42:08,579
Where is it? This new one?
899
00:42:09,187 --> 00:42:11,270
- Ashbourne
- Ashbourne?
900
00:42:11,312 --> 00:42:13,357
- That's in Kent.
- In Derbyshire.
901
00:42:13,357 --> 00:42:14,718
If I go over to Ashbourne with the other plant?
902
00:42:14,718 --> 00:42:17,469
Don't go to Ashbourne, don't go anywhere near a quarry.
903
00:42:17,704 --> 00:42:18,805
You're ruining it.
904
00:42:19,118 --> 00:42:21,708
And then just as we were getting on top of things.
905
00:42:23,911 --> 00:42:27,202
In the immortal words of Basil Fawlty: "Oh spiffing!"
906
00:42:29,606 --> 00:42:32,598
If a storm broke it wouldn't matter how much tarmac came.
907
00:42:32,598 --> 00:42:34,088
'Cause we wouldn't be able to lay it.
908
00:42:34,723 --> 00:42:36,611
Plainly, a speech was in order.
909
00:42:37,220 --> 00:42:40,028
We shall not go quietly into the night.
910
00:42:41,044 --> 00:42:43,496
We are faced diversity in the day shift, but...
911
00:42:59,240 --> 00:43:01,264
As night fell, the rain came.
912
00:43:01,425 --> 00:43:04,094
And in a normal roadworks that would be that.
913
00:43:05,279 --> 00:43:07,233
But I refused to let anyone stop
914
00:43:07,326 --> 00:43:10,382
Because the second quarry had just started to deliver.
915
00:43:10,804 --> 00:43:13,200
This is a sight to warm the cockles of your heart.
916
00:43:13,514 --> 00:43:15,572
- Marvelous.
- Men working at night.
917
00:43:15,572 --> 00:43:18,518
You're always hearing people say that 'I went to Japan and they work through the night.'
918
00:43:18,518 --> 00:43:20,881
'I went to Switzerland, they work through the night.'
919
00:43:21,491 --> 00:43:24,009
Here we are in England and we're working through the night.
920
00:43:25,710 --> 00:43:29,080
And to make sure that people of Bidford got their work done quickly
921
00:43:29,173 --> 00:43:31,358
We've been working through our supper break as well.
922
00:43:33,627 --> 00:43:36,387
Can I have Cod and chips, 75 times
923
00:43:52,042 --> 00:43:54,489
- And a butter sausage.
- Yes, thank you.
924
00:43:59,748 --> 00:44:01,179
- Chips!
- Ohh!
925
00:44:01,179 --> 00:44:03,287
Yeah, but don't just grab them, I got to hand them out, I got a job for you.
926
00:44:03,287 --> 00:44:04,861
- Can you hand out the wipes?
- Yeah.
927
00:44:05,225 --> 00:44:07,248
- That'll appreciate...
- There you go.
928
00:44:07,282 --> 00:44:08,868
While Richard was getting supper,
929
00:44:08,910 --> 00:44:13,328
I'd installed another motivational tool to keep everyone spirits up.
930
00:44:13,896 --> 00:44:17,159
The night is dark, the road is long.
931
00:44:17,303 --> 00:44:19,436
And we are far from our families.
932
00:44:19,888 --> 00:44:20,836
But don't worry,
933
00:44:21,200 --> 00:44:24,088
Gentlemen at D5481,
934
00:44:24,257 --> 00:44:27,335
Because I have music to take us through the night!
935
00:44:28,123 --> 00:44:29,392
Chech it out!
936
00:44:32,257 --> 00:44:33,831
It's put me off the sausage.
937
00:44:40,275 --> 00:44:41,392
/One-all, James.
938
00:44:43,946 --> 00:44:45,791
This is how you run roadworks
939
00:44:45,800 --> 00:44:47,797
Good fish and chips, good music
940
00:44:47,873 --> 00:44:49,812
No Health and no Safty.
941
00:44:50,235 --> 00:44:53,087
I just think that this is the happiest roadwork crew
942
00:44:53,146 --> 00:44:55,858
working in the land right now anywhere.
943
00:44:56,484 --> 00:44:59,845
The guys also like the willingness of the bosses to muck in.
944
00:45:00,031 --> 00:45:03,570
And with that in mind, James and Richard took over the roller.
945
00:45:03,663 --> 00:45:05,754
You've got to, just overlap the edge of this.
946
00:45:05,754 --> 00:45:08,879
If I go too far over the edge just stick it in the verge, and then you've got to..
947
00:45:08,879 --> 00:45:10,538
No, God, bugger
948
00:45:11,020 --> 00:45:13,112
You've run over the stop cock you cock.
949
00:45:13,188 --> 00:45:14,296
I heard it go clanging.
950
00:45:14,973 --> 00:45:16,776
Woo, that's bad, we are gonna in trouble.
951
00:45:16,790 --> 00:45:18,339
Who are we gonna tell about this?
952
00:45:18,678 --> 00:45:21,819
Ahh. Well, what we could do is take steamroller.
953
00:45:23,433 --> 00:45:24,796
- And just keep going?
- Yeah.
954
00:45:30,614 --> 00:45:34,458
At 4 am, there were still 700 yards to go.
955
00:45:34,466 --> 00:45:36,202
And the men were flagging.
956
00:45:37,438 --> 00:45:41,195
So, I brought out the motivational big gun
957
00:45:41,195 --> 00:45:43,488
... another Winter of discontent?
958
00:45:44,013 --> 00:45:46,002
This is... Mrs Thatcher
959
00:45:46,900 --> 00:45:48,229
- Yeah.
- To motivate the men.
960
00:45:49,491 --> 00:45:50,354
This is going well.
961
00:45:51,079 --> 00:45:55,439
And I hope it will be followed by a Winter of common sense.
962
00:45:55,531 --> 00:45:58,020
Yes, I like that one.
963
00:45:58,036 --> 00:45:59,688
Don't encourage him, man, this is...
964
00:45:59,688 --> 00:46:02,795
The chaps however were not telegraph readers like James
965
00:46:02,804 --> 00:46:07,301
So I promised them that the sooner they finish the laying the sooner I'll switch her off.
966
00:46:10,297 --> 00:46:13,511
That worked, and by day break the road was resurfaced
967
00:46:13,993 --> 00:46:17,080
But there were still only time for a quick power breakfast.
968
00:46:17,910 --> 00:46:19,579
Why do tramps live in London?
969
00:46:20,197 --> 00:46:21,509
- When there is all this out here.
- Yeah.
970
00:46:24,548 --> 00:46:28,823
We'd promised the people of Bidford they'd have their road back by 9:07
971
00:46:28,831 --> 00:46:30,270
And there was still much to do
972
00:46:30,703 --> 00:46:32,134
The plants needed clearing
973
00:46:32,142 --> 00:46:34,191
Hammond needed to get the signs back up.
974
00:46:34,640 --> 00:46:37,266
And James and I had the white lines to paint.
975
00:46:37,596 --> 00:46:40,048
Look, that's a little bit, OK?
976
00:46:41,623 --> 00:46:43,283
- That perfect.
- It isn't.
977
00:46:44,240 --> 00:46:46,280
Hahhaha..
978
00:46:47,305 --> 00:46:48,262
We did our best,
979
00:46:48,295 --> 00:46:51,097
but the men from the council didn't seem impressed.
980
00:46:51,732 --> 00:46:56,218
Hehahaha..
981
00:46:56,814 --> 00:47:00,238
We had made a terrible mess of the lines and with the clock ticking
982
00:47:00,365 --> 00:47:02,008
we ram to see Hammond,
983
00:47:02,397 --> 00:47:05,174
who've made a even bigger mess with his signs.
984
00:47:05,284 --> 00:47:06,164
The hill is there,
985
00:47:07,519 --> 00:47:09,382
And that's... you're going that way.
986
00:47:10,161 --> 00:47:11,312
They should be facing that way.
987
00:47:11,719 --> 00:47:14,749
You're right, I'm just telling people they've just been around some bends.
988
00:47:14,766 --> 00:47:16,155
- And down a hill.
- Go away, leave me lone.
989
00:47:16,214 --> 00:47:16,696
Alright.
990
00:47:17,213 --> 00:47:19,391
As it turned out, he's done them all wrong.
991
00:47:19,416 --> 00:47:22,515
And we had just ten minutes to put them right.
992
00:47:22,515 --> 00:47:23,491
Oh, bloody hell!
993
00:47:23,516 --> 00:47:25,319
- Did you do this stuff? - Yeah.
- Right, stand back.
994
00:47:25,641 --> 00:47:26,388
How did you do it...
995
00:47:27,540 --> 00:47:28,920
- There you go. Perfect.
- There. That's it, finished.
996
00:47:29,004 --> 00:47:30,240
- Open road!
- Right.
997
00:47:32,836 --> 00:47:34,867
I've been wanting to do this for a long time.
998
00:47:36,108 --> 00:47:36,802
Oh, come on!
999
00:47:37,217 --> 00:47:38,444
I'm coming.
1000
00:47:39,217 --> 00:47:41,293
You're the one who's been shouting all day.
1001
00:47:41,506 --> 00:47:47,084
So there you are. People of Bidford-on-Avon in just under one day,
1002
00:47:47,973 --> 00:47:49,031
your road is open.
1003
00:47:49,886 --> 00:47:51,232
Glad to be of service.
1004
00:48:02,220 --> 00:48:05,168
If we can do that... If we can do that.
1005
00:48:05,414 --> 00:48:06,565
They should be able to do that.
1006
00:48:06,565 --> 00:48:09,782
Really we do have some Top Gear top tips here for the construction industry.
1007
00:48:10,369 --> 00:48:11,581
Work fast,
1008
00:48:12,038 --> 00:48:13,139
Eat blackberries
1009
00:48:13,537 --> 00:48:16,187
Get 100 trucks, not 5.
1010
00:48:16,280 --> 00:48:19,011
Yeah, and fit that paving machine thing with a turbo charger
1011
00:48:19,028 --> 00:48:20,907
- Yeah, and don't let him drive it
- No, don't do that.
1012
00:48:21,285 --> 00:48:24,425
Anyway, now, it's the moment
1013
00:48:24,713 --> 00:48:25,771
you've all been waiting for.
1014
00:48:27,151 --> 00:48:29,775
Devena is live on state of the Big Brother.
1015
00:48:30,156 --> 00:48:32,560
winner is about to be announced.
1016
00:48:33,356 --> 00:48:35,948
Here on BBC2 however we got our little fella's car crash
1017
00:48:35,999 --> 00:48:37,235
So come on mate, talk us through it.
1018
00:48:37,334 --> 00:48:39,552
Oh Ok. Well, and look, we got some video of it we never looked.
1019
00:48:39,561 --> 00:48:41,559
Here is umm.. Here's before it happened.
1020
00:48:41,576 --> 00:48:44,134
This is the car. It's called the Vampire.
1021
00:48:44,329 --> 00:48:49,133
Basically it's just a socking great jet engine with a chair bolted to the front of it.That's it.
1022
00:48:49,573 --> 00:48:50,724
So is it high tech?
1023
00:48:51,029 --> 00:48:51,867
Yes, it's fairly high tech.
1024
00:48:51,876 --> 00:48:54,178
The engine, the jet engine, comes out of a Red Arrow.
1025
00:48:54,601 --> 00:48:57,759
The steering box is from a Reliant Robin.
1026
00:48:58,256 --> 00:49:00,169
And the fuel pumps from a cement mixer.
1027
00:49:02,075 --> 00:49:04,174
Oh, that's the airfield where I was gonna be driving it.
1028
00:49:04,191 --> 00:49:06,765
- See, that's in Elvington near York.
- Oh, it's complicated.
1029
00:49:07,906 --> 00:49:13,365
There is of course one thing you really don't want when you're doing this sort of stuff up a runway.
1030
00:49:13,713 --> 00:49:15,550
Like that one. Cross winds.
1031
00:49:18,792 --> 00:49:20,067
Yeah, there was a bit of breeze.
1032
00:49:20,076 --> 00:49:21,693
Oh that was me getting in it, you see.
1033
00:49:21,848 --> 00:49:22,728
At there and...
1034
00:49:23,101 --> 00:49:25,649
And then I got a briefing from the man who built it.
1035
00:49:26,026 --> 00:49:28,693
So my challenge today is to drive this thing,
1036
00:49:29,447 --> 00:49:32,377
except, that's not the full story
1037
00:49:32,631 --> 00:49:37,754
Because my challenge today is to drive this thing and hit this innocent-looking little button.
1038
00:49:38,254 --> 00:49:41,785
Because when I do that, it sends a flame, shooting through the engine
1039
00:49:42,005 --> 00:49:43,413
which ignites the afterburner.
1040
00:49:43,794 --> 00:49:46,808
And when that happens I haven't got 5,000 horse power,
1041
00:49:47,244 --> 00:49:49,860
I've got, 10,000 horse power,
1042
00:49:50,410 --> 00:49:53,974
I'm possibly the biggest accident, you've ever seen in your life.
1043
00:49:58,567 --> 00:50:00,134
I bet when you said that,
1044
00:50:00,150 --> 00:50:01,573
it was one of those...
1045
00:50:03,746 --> 00:50:04,355
Yeah!
1046
00:50:06,355 --> 00:50:08,700
Pathetic, very pathetic.
1047
00:50:10,613 --> 00:50:12,213
And I bet when you said that you thought
1048
00:50:12,230 --> 00:50:16,380
it's one of those snappy lines to make this look a bit more dangerous than it really is.
1049
00:50:16,414 --> 00:50:18,844
It's exactly what I thought when I said it.
1050
00:50:18,886 --> 00:50:20,959
Can I just qualify something about it? Is it...
1051
00:50:21,120 --> 00:50:23,360
It doesn't have like a throttle in the accelerator.
1052
00:50:23,394 --> 00:50:25,485
- Like a normal car.
- No, a jet car. No, it is complete different to drive.
1053
00:50:25,519 --> 00:50:27,319
There is no clutches or such.
1054
00:50:27,345 --> 00:50:29,259
You just turn the engine up to what you want with the knob on the dash.
1055
00:50:29,259 --> 00:50:30,351
That's before you set off.
1056
00:50:30,377 --> 00:50:31,875
Yeah, you do that when you start it, you leave it.
1057
00:50:31,892 --> 00:50:33,018
So there is no accelerator.
1058
00:50:33,027 --> 00:50:35,058
You pull away by just taking you foot off the footbrake.
1059
00:50:35,084 --> 00:50:36,100
You don't touch that again.
1060
00:50:36,287 --> 00:50:38,370
So when you're going along, what you've got is a steering wheel
1061
00:50:38,594 --> 00:50:40,677
and a lever to stop the engine and pull the parachute.
1062
00:50:40,719 --> 00:50:41,752
So it's quite simple.
1063
00:50:41,786 --> 00:50:43,726
Oh, it's easier to control than your chair, mate.
1064
00:50:45,190 --> 00:50:47,484
Ok, well, let's have a look what happened next.
1065
00:50:47,776 --> 00:50:50,155
Let us get these, err... just keep your arms through there.
1066
00:50:51,686 --> 00:50:52,499
What're they for?
1067
00:50:52,863 --> 00:50:53,735
These are arm strands
1068
00:50:54,395 --> 00:50:57,246
Uh, in event if you're going upside down.
1069
00:50:58,134 --> 00:50:59,709
They'll stop your arms coming out of the cockpit
1070
00:51:01,345 --> 00:51:02,572
I don't want to go upside down.
1071
00:51:04,536 --> 00:51:05,171
Throttle
1072
00:51:05,907 --> 00:51:07,355
Set to half.
1073
00:51:07,559 --> 00:51:09,176
OK, so ignition
1074
00:51:12,214 --> 00:51:13,509
Bloody hell fire.
1075
00:51:13,915 --> 00:51:15,168
That's a jet's engine.
1076
00:51:16,748 --> 00:51:18,187
Holy crap.
1077
00:51:20,199 --> 00:51:21,934
This is terrifying!
1078
00:51:29,591 --> 00:51:31,094
Here we go. This is it.
1079
00:51:33,541 --> 00:51:34,480
Oh my god.
1080
00:51:35,411 --> 00:51:38,824
The feel's just unbelievable. And it's vibrating.
1081
00:51:39,399 --> 00:51:42,184
Oh my God, Oh my God!
1082
00:51:44,250 --> 00:51:45,943
I can feel it pulling to the right!
1083
00:51:48,147 --> 00:51:49,592
I'm on the black tarmac.
1084
00:51:49,905 --> 00:51:54,485
/ / to use the parashute, I need a parachute
1085
00:51:59,562 --> 00:52:00,172
That...
1086
00:52:01,323 --> 00:52:01,949
is...
1087
00:52:03,465 --> 00:52:04,413
Oh, it's amazing.
1088
00:52:04,904 --> 00:52:07,020
Ah... (DEEP BREATH)
1089
00:52:10,881 --> 00:52:11,880
Ahhh!
1090
00:52:11,888 --> 00:52:14,292
I just want to go faster.
1091
00:52:15,085 --> 00:52:16,076
More speed.
1092
00:52:16,220 --> 00:52:17,151
How quick was that.
1093
00:52:17,278 --> 00:52:19,028
Eh, that's 220.4.
1094
00:52:22,939 --> 00:52:24,317
- 220.
- Yeah.
1095
00:52:25,714 --> 00:52:26,867
Now we are achieving...
1096
00:52:27,366 --> 00:52:30,160
pretty close to that kind of speed now on our own runway here.
1097
00:52:30,331 --> 00:52:32,727
So what's the difference you say a Lambo here and that?
1098
00:52:32,761 --> 00:52:35,285
It's just the way the jet engine delivers the power.
1099
00:52:35,285 --> 00:52:37,173
You're aware that there is so much of it.
1100
00:52:37,190 --> 00:52:39,201
Just a huge amount of power going on.
1101
00:52:39,252 --> 00:52:41,572
So it's a sensation of that more than the actual speed.
1102
00:52:41,868 --> 00:52:44,946
How did you know though when to pull the parachute lever.
1103
00:52:45,327 --> 00:52:47,668
En, well we just put some cones out on the runway so...
1104
00:52:47,703 --> 00:52:49,546
You see I would have pull it much sooner than that.
1105
00:52:49,690 --> 00:52:50,850
I'm off! It's gone.
1106
00:52:52,356 --> 00:52:54,545
I'd pulled it before I set off. Just in case.
1107
00:52:55,722 --> 00:52:58,143
With hindsight, yeah. Bet... better idea perhaps.
1108
00:52:58,358 --> 00:53:01,626
OK, so next time it was the afterburner.
1109
00:53:01,778 --> 00:53:02,714
Yes, absolutely.
1110
00:53:02,917 --> 00:53:04,559
And you can see that in the film, can you?
1111
00:53:04,585 --> 00:53:08,361
Yeah, you'll see you'll know when it's lit because this flame's coming out of the back of the engine.
1112
00:53:08,513 --> 00:53:10,435
OK. Now I have to explain to everybody in case you don't know
1113
00:53:10,443 --> 00:53:13,775
An afterburner is really only fits to the fastest military jets.
1114
00:53:14,157 --> 00:53:16,452
Or, and Concord, actually, for that matter.
1115
00:53:16,485 --> 00:53:19,846
A Harrier jump jet, for instance, doesn't have one.
1116
00:53:20,083 --> 00:53:22,027
Ok, it's not deemed necessary for that.
1117
00:53:22,272 --> 00:53:25,176
But he was about to light one in a car.
1118
00:53:26,266 --> 00:53:26,596
Yeah.
1119
00:53:27,722 --> 00:53:28,840
Well I wanted to do this,
1120
00:53:29,085 --> 00:53:29,745
And now I am.
1121
00:53:29,974 --> 00:53:32,531
I've emm... I'd be lying if I said I wasn't
1122
00:53:33,750 --> 00:53:34,732
quite scared.
1123
00:53:36,494 --> 00:53:36,943
However...
1124
00:53:39,040 --> 00:53:42,079
I think it's the fact that once you started, that's it.
1125
00:53:42,153 --> 00:53:44,414
You don't mess about with the throttle. Once it go, you go.
1126
00:53:46,081 --> 00:53:49,099
That's, you know... commitment.
1127
00:53:50,928 --> 00:53:52,443
Here we go, here we go, here we go, come on.
1128
00:53:53,577 --> 00:53:54,993
This is it. I've got to be going.
1129
00:53:58,625 --> 00:54:00,084
Ohh Hahaaaa!
1130
00:54:25,851 --> 00:54:31,190
You /
1131
00:54:31,215 --> 00:54:33,899
Yes, I can't describe. I...
1132
00:54:35,255 --> 00:54:36,720
I think I'm gonna cry.
1133
00:54:37,939 --> 00:54:39,065
I'm not joking.
1134
00:54:39,188 --> 00:54:42,345
Every part of my body is full...
1135
00:54:43,016 --> 00:54:43,930
of adrenaline
1136
00:54:45,081 --> 00:54:46,283
Oh, yes.
1137
00:54:46,749 --> 00:54:49,965
I'm so alive. I'm so alive.
1138
00:55:08,046 --> 00:55:09,926
Now that looked really quick.
1139
00:55:10,019 --> 00:55:12,464
That was quicker. That was 314 miles an hour.
1140
00:55:13,260 --> 00:55:18,077
And that is the fastest anyone's actually traveled in Britain before, isn't it?
1141
00:55:18,339 --> 00:55:19,707
Well, technically, I suppose it is.
1142
00:55:19,707 --> 00:55:22,570
'Cause I think the British land speed record is 301 miles an hour.
1143
00:55:22,570 --> 00:55:23,801
- In that car?
- Yes.
1144
00:55:23,801 --> 00:55:25,911
- Nobody's gonna beat it.
- No, probably not now. No.
1145
00:55:27,511 --> 00:55:29,814
But to be an official record, you've got do
1146
00:55:29,814 --> 00:55:32,996
another run in the other direction then take an average of the 2 speeds.
1147
00:55:33,005 --> 00:55:35,858
The worse we know from telemetry that that was 314,
1148
00:55:35,884 --> 00:55:38,043
- Oh yeah!
- that's the fastest anyone's ever traveled.
1149
00:55:38,242 --> 00:55:39,960
Oh yeah, but it's not, you know, official record.
1150
00:55:40,392 --> 00:55:41,332
So what's it feel like?
1151
00:55:42,008 --> 00:55:43,142
Eh, fast.
1152
00:55:43,523 --> 00:55:47,173
Eh, it's... I weren't trying to set a record.
1153
00:55:47,173 --> 00:55:49,018
I just wanted to get really really fast.
1154
00:55:49,077 --> 00:55:51,083
- But you did 314
- Yeah.
1155
00:55:51,354 --> 00:55:53,868
- and you wanted to know what it was like to go really fast.
- Yeah.
1156
00:55:53,885 --> 00:55:54,994
So you'd found out.
1157
00:55:55,460 --> 00:55:57,875
Why didn't you just get in your car and go home?
1158
00:55:58,688 --> 00:55:59,772
I don't know really.
1159
00:56:00,009 --> 00:56:02,777
Emm, the thing is that run that you just saw
1160
00:56:02,811 --> 00:56:07,028
that was at 5 o'clock and we had the runway until 5:30.
1161
00:56:07,308 --> 00:56:07,753
And...
1162
00:56:09,886 --> 00:56:11,613
I know now obviously,
1163
00:56:11,655 --> 00:56:14,044
Eh, I don't know, I think it's a bit like, you know, when you were a kid,
1164
00:56:14,044 --> 00:56:15,288
and you are out playing with your mates.
1165
00:56:15,407 --> 00:56:17,864
And then your Mom would shout for you to come in for your tea.
1166
00:56:17,898 --> 00:56:20,548
And you just pushing a bit and keep going a bit longer.
1167
00:56:20,677 --> 00:56:22,759
And that's always when you fall out of the tree.
1168
00:56:23,521 --> 00:56:25,584
With hindsight again, yes
1169
00:56:25,906 --> 00:56:28,940
Well, alright. I suppose this it is then, isn't it really now?
1170
00:56:29,194 --> 00:56:30,490
This is what happened next, yeah.
1171
00:56:57,880 --> 00:56:59,489
It was all over quite quickly so
1172
00:56:59,531 --> 00:57:00,818
do it again in slow motion.
1173
00:57:01,165 --> 00:57:04,396
You can see the moment when the tire goes.
1174
00:57:04,396 --> 00:57:06,528
It's still doing 288 miles an hour here.
1175
00:57:07,247 --> 00:57:09,703
But then it's off. It's away.
1176
00:57:10,041 --> 00:57:13,754
I think it's about 0.4 of a second really from the tire blowing to it all going wrong.
1177
00:57:15,252 --> 00:57:18,265
Then when it digs in on the grass, the car rolls.
1178
00:57:18,612 --> 00:57:22,279
It's still doing 230 when it's upside down on the grass
1179
00:57:23,795 --> 00:57:27,732
which is so... here now it's still doing 230 mph when it's upside and down.
1180
00:57:28,401 --> 00:57:29,643
Then it flips a bit.
1181
00:57:30,870 --> 00:57:33,029
And then it settles down.
1182
00:57:33,116 --> 00:57:36,849
And the rollbar digs into the ground along with my head. And that stops it very quickly,
1183
00:57:38,493 --> 00:57:39,657
Indeed.
1184
00:57:41,760 --> 00:57:42,499
Oh, thank you.
1185
00:57:54,659 --> 00:57:57,131
The tragedy is, that would be
1186
00:57:57,606 --> 00:57:59,663
the fastest car crash ever in Britain.
1187
00:58:00,036 --> 00:58:03,134
But Guinness Book of Records' people saying you got do it going in the other direction.
1188
00:58:05,407 --> 00:58:07,583
I don't want the record. It's not what I want.
1189
00:58:07,972 --> 00:58:10,199
So you've come away with no record at all
1190
00:58:10,207 --> 00:58:12,952
for having done that. That's a bit of a tragedy.
1191
00:58:13,468 --> 00:58:15,077
The thing is though, can I just ask,
1192
00:58:15,610 --> 00:58:18,446
you can see again in the crash run,
1193
00:58:18,448 --> 00:58:19,523
Ok, your last run.
1194
00:58:20,031 --> 00:58:22,918
The tire is starting to come apart.
1195
00:58:22,977 --> 00:58:25,618
Ok, if we watch this you can see it, look at it, on the right end tyre.
1196
00:58:25,864 --> 00:58:26,651
Look there.
1197
00:58:27,792 --> 00:58:28,664
Now
1198
00:58:28,952 --> 00:58:29,560
I'm sorry mate,
1199
00:58:30,000 --> 00:58:31,617
why didn't you spot that.
1200
00:58:31,812 --> 00:58:32,193
Well...
1201
00:58:33,014 --> 00:58:36,544
I hadn't known all. I was doing 288 miles an hour.
1202
00:58:36,595 --> 00:58:37,364
I can have a lot.
1203
00:58:37,364 --> 00:58:39,904
I'm in the office the kids are shouting, I'm writting a story and I'm on the phone.
1204
00:58:39,921 --> 00:58:42,935
If a lion walks in I'm going to notice it.
1205
00:58:43,349 --> 00:58:47,262
It was 0.4 of a second from the tire started to go to the accident started.
1206
00:58:47,516 --> 00:58:48,202
I could have held it.
1207
00:58:50,310 --> 00:58:52,317
What, in the world's longest power slide?
1208
00:58:52,740 --> 00:58:55,449
Whilst telling us about the price and there was no room in the boot?
1209
00:58:55,483 --> 00:58:57,082
- Easy-peasy.
- Yeah.
1210
00:58:57,083 --> 00:58:58,031
The problem is
1211
00:58:58,353 --> 00:59:01,714
fundamentally you weren't wearing your EU booster seat.
1212
00:59:01,833 --> 00:59:04,230
You were too low and you couldn't see it.
1213
00:59:04,264 --> 00:59:05,890
If I had a booster seat on,
1214
00:59:05,932 --> 00:59:08,101
my head would have come off when it rolled eventually.
1215
00:59:08,194 --> 00:59:09,472
Have you read the highway codes?
1216
00:59:09,523 --> 00:59:11,258
Well, I didn't have a copy with me.
1217
00:59:11,284 --> 00:59:12,977
Because it quite plainly says here,
1218
00:59:13,205 --> 00:59:16,647
When the car goes out of control, steer into the skid.
1219
00:59:17,747 --> 00:59:18,653
He's right.
1220
00:59:18,772 --> 00:59:20,963
Look, the expert guys that did the telemetry that was on the car
1221
00:59:20,980 --> 00:59:22,266
you know the computers and stuff,
1222
00:59:22,368 --> 00:59:25,155
they said I had the reactions of a fighter pilot.
1223
00:59:28,163 --> 00:59:30,508
They didn't say it was a World War I fighter pilot.
1224
00:59:32,463 --> 00:59:37,360
Riding-my-Sopwith-Camel-wooden-controls fighter pilot, exactly.
1225
00:59:37,487 --> 00:59:40,936
No, I think we could sit here as we have done for the last few months to take the Mickey out of you.
1226
00:59:40,936 --> 00:59:43,288
The fact is though I would just like to say:
1227
00:59:43,929 --> 00:59:45,817
you were very brave to getting in that thing.
1228
00:59:45,869 --> 00:59:48,501
It's not something I would have done. It certainly not something he would have done.
1229
00:59:48,992 --> 00:59:52,098
But more than that I think you've just performed a miracle
1230
00:59:52,158 --> 00:59:55,078
and really brave getting well and getting back on the show again.
1231
00:59:55,188 --> 00:59:55,733
Thanks mate.
1232
00:59:57,951 --> 00:59:58,615
You've...
1233
01:00:00,063 --> 01:00:01,214
You just been nice to me.
1234
01:00:01,400 --> 01:00:04,194
I promise, I promise I'll never do it again, ever.
1235
01:00:04,194 --> 01:00:06,632
Good, talking about things will never happen again
1236
01:00:07,371 --> 01:00:10,198
That we never mention that crash on Top Gear again.
1237
01:00:10,529 --> 01:00:11,519
- Never.
- Ever.
1238
01:00:11,519 --> 01:00:12,311
You up for that?
1239
01:00:12,555 --> 01:00:14,485
- What?
- Never gonna mention the crash.
1240
01:00:16,864 --> 01:00:17,406
There you go.
1241
01:00:20,708 --> 01:00:23,120
We will never mention that crash again. That's a promise.
1242
01:00:23,146 --> 01:00:25,596
We won't mention it now 'cause that is the end of the show.
1243
01:00:25,994 --> 01:00:29,649
The thing is though we have learned an important lesson today. Thanks to Richard.
1244
01:00:30,157 --> 01:00:32,510
Do please remember. Speed kills.
1245
01:00:36,495 --> 01:00:38,679
See you next week. Take care. Thanks for watching.
1246
01:00:39,000 --> 01:00:44,000
Top Gear S09E01
TransGear subtitle team
The Sim-Race Federation of China
www.srfc.com.cn