1 00:00:06,000 --> 00:00:06,000 Edited at https://subtitletools.com 2 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:10,680 I met a girl I like today. She's like... beautiful. 3 00:00:10,680 --> 00:00:12,120 Emily Fitch... 4 00:00:12,120 --> 00:00:15,400 Emms, you oughta spruce up, yeah? Get some decent threads like Katie. 5 00:00:15,400 --> 00:00:17,520 Katie Fitch... 6 00:00:17,520 --> 00:00:20,480 Well, here it comes. She tried to snog my sister at middle school. 7 00:00:20,480 --> 00:00:22,400 Naomi Campbell... 8 00:00:22,400 --> 00:00:23,720 People tell lies about me. 9 00:00:23,720 --> 00:00:25,760 Jonah Jeremia Jones... 10 00:00:25,760 --> 00:00:26,800 Prestissimo!! 11 00:00:26,800 --> 00:00:29,520 James Cook... 12 00:00:29,520 --> 00:00:31,000 Pandora Moon... 13 00:00:31,000 --> 00:00:32,360 Bonkers! 14 00:00:32,360 --> 00:00:33,520 Elizabeth Stonem... 15 00:00:33,520 --> 00:00:35,320 Maybe we could get to know each other. 16 00:00:35,320 --> 00:00:39,320 Fill in the form. First one to fill it out gets to... get to know me. 17 00:00:39,480 --> 00:00:41,080 Grab my balls... 18 00:00:41,080 --> 00:00:43,360 Grab my balls... Grab my balls...balls. 19 00:00:43,360 --> 00:00:47,360 EXCITED PANTING 20 00:01:05,120 --> 00:01:09,120 Contains very strong language, drug taking, violence and scenes of a sexual nature. 21 00:01:29,920 --> 00:01:31,160 22 00:01:31,160 --> 00:01:33,440 23 00:01:33,440 --> 00:01:35,000 24 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:36,960 25 00:01:36,960 --> 00:01:38,880 26 00:01:38,880 --> 00:01:40,760 27 00:01:40,760 --> 00:01:43,000 28 00:01:43,000 --> 00:01:44,960 29 00:01:44,960 --> 00:01:48,200 what you say... 30 00:01:48,200 --> 00:01:49,360 Get on home... 31 00:01:49,360 --> 00:01:51,720 32 00:01:51,720 --> 00:01:53,400 33 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:56,800 the ace of spades... 34 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:58,720 Dude, calm down a bit. It's like five o'clock. 35 00:01:58,720 --> 00:02:00,200 Neighbours hasn't even started yet. 36 00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:03,360 Sorry. Actually, no, not sorry. 37 00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:05,320 I'm so fucking stoked, man. 38 00:02:05,320 --> 00:02:06,920 I'M 17 TODAY! 39 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:09,440 That's an event horizon, that's a milestone. 40 00:02:09,440 --> 00:02:11,280 Isn't 18 traditionally the age... 41 00:02:11,280 --> 00:02:12,960 Fuck tradition. 42 00:02:12,960 --> 00:02:14,560 Just hope some people turn up. 43 00:02:14,560 --> 00:02:15,680 They'll come. 44 00:02:15,680 --> 00:02:17,040 You invited half the college. 45 00:02:17,040 --> 00:02:20,760 All I know is that it involves my dick getting damp. 46 00:02:20,760 --> 00:02:23,480 What are you looking at, you posh student bastards? 47 00:02:23,480 --> 00:02:25,960 Fuck off back to playgroup. 48 00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:29,880 Fucking wankers, come here. Come here... 49 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:32,080 Come on, leave it. Forget 'em. 50 00:02:32,080 --> 00:02:35,280 Ah, we're here. 51 00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:39,160 Best pub in the west. 52 00:02:39,160 --> 00:02:40,560 Hello boys. 53 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:41,720 All right, Christina. 54 00:02:41,720 --> 00:02:44,320 Ay, ay lads, here's the birthday boy. 55 00:02:44,320 --> 00:02:45,400 Did you do all this? 56 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:49,040 Took me a long time, a good forty, forty five minutes. 57 00:02:49,040 --> 00:02:50,680 Ooh. 58 00:02:50,680 --> 00:02:52,040 You all right? 59 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:55,600 Touch of pain in the privates, it's the old whore wound. 60 00:02:55,600 --> 00:02:57,320 Nothing I can't handle. 61 00:02:57,320 --> 00:03:01,320 Oh, these are me boys, Freddie, JJ. Boys, this is Uncle Keith. 62 00:03:01,400 --> 00:03:02,600 Hello. 63 00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:06,600 Pull my finger! 64 00:03:09,800 --> 00:03:11,240 HE FARTS 65 00:03:11,240 --> 00:03:15,240 You dirty old bugger! 66 00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:18,800 If you'd be so kind, Christina? 67 00:03:18,800 --> 00:03:21,680 Right you are, big boy. 68 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:25,680 And when I woke up, the pool was three feet deep in piss. 69 00:03:25,880 --> 00:03:28,600 Mum, I shouted, don't jump in! But it was too late. 70 00:03:28,600 --> 00:03:32,600 So, you and the Buxton Rovers under 21s managed to do that in one night? 71 00:03:33,040 --> 00:03:36,800 Just me, the lads, and a shit load of all-inclusive mild. 72 00:03:36,800 --> 00:03:38,360 And they never pinned it on me. 73 00:03:38,360 --> 00:03:41,600 Plus, you got to remember, this was 1962. 74 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:44,760 I mean, Pontin's was a fairly permissive place back then. 75 00:03:44,760 --> 00:03:47,320 Bit like Afghanistan in the '70s. 76 00:03:47,320 --> 00:03:50,560 But with the Krankies and slightly more Taliban. 77 00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:52,800 Tell that one where you hit Bob Dylan over the head 78 00:03:52,800 --> 00:03:54,640 with a box of fish fingers. 79 00:03:54,640 --> 00:03:58,320 Another time. I've gotta go and see a man about a dog. 80 00:03:58,320 --> 00:04:00,200 A dog filled with drugs. 81 00:04:00,200 --> 00:04:04,200 See you boys. Oh, happy birthday, Cookie. 82 00:04:11,040 --> 00:04:14,160 That, my friends, is what you call a legend. 83 00:04:14,160 --> 00:04:15,640 To who, exactly? 84 00:04:15,640 --> 00:04:16,680 What? 85 00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:18,560 Who is he a legend to? 86 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:20,440 Me. 87 00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:23,040 Blokes in pubs. Christina. 88 00:04:23,040 --> 00:04:24,080 People. 89 00:04:24,080 --> 00:04:25,040 I think the guy's crazy. 90 00:04:25,040 --> 00:04:28,840 I think the guy's crazy. Exactly man. Exactly. 91 00:04:28,840 --> 00:04:32,840 Same again please, Christina. 92 00:04:34,880 --> 00:04:36,320 Wey! 93 00:04:36,320 --> 00:04:39,920 Look, man. Look at that. Quality totty. That's top shelf shit. 94 00:04:39,920 --> 00:04:41,880 Guys, guys, hey baby... 95 00:04:41,880 --> 00:04:45,160 I'm so happy to introduce you to my legendary night out 96 00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:46,800 in celebration of my birthday. 97 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:47,840 Apart from you. 98 00:04:47,840 --> 00:04:48,920 But I... 99 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:51,560 What are you doing here! You burnt my house, man! Get out! 100 00:04:51,560 --> 00:04:54,480 It was an accident. I'm sorry... 101 00:04:54,480 --> 00:04:56,920 What the fuck! 102 00:04:56,920 --> 00:04:59,920 I'm 17 today, so all bets are off. Do what the fuck you like. 103 00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:02,720 Flush your mates down the toilet. Eat grapes off each other. 104 00:05:02,720 --> 00:05:04,280 Smash speakers over your heads. 105 00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:06,960 If partying's a crime, who's gonna get arrested first? 106 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:10,960 LET'S GO FUCKING MENTAL! 107 00:05:12,400 --> 00:05:14,800 Way hey hey hey hey! 108 00:05:14,800 --> 00:05:16,600 Party people! 109 00:05:16,600 --> 00:05:18,960 110 00:05:18,960 --> 00:05:21,320 111 00:05:21,320 --> 00:05:25,320 112 00:05:26,160 --> 00:05:29,560 113 00:05:29,560 --> 00:05:32,160 Thanks man, thank you very much. 114 00:05:32,160 --> 00:05:33,480 What's next? 115 00:05:33,480 --> 00:05:36,640 Oh, yeah. More drinks! More drinks! 116 00:05:36,640 --> 00:05:39,960 More drinks! More drinks! More drinks! More drinks! Yeah? 117 00:05:39,960 --> 00:05:42,960 Yeah. Yeah. Yeah... 118 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:44,000 He's fun. 119 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:45,040 You have no idea. 120 00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,120 He's already had half a bottle of vodka. 121 00:05:47,120 --> 00:05:48,880 Really? How crazy! 122 00:05:48,880 --> 00:05:50,600 Ha ha ha. Yeah! 123 00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,800 Tequila! Who's in? 124 00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:54,160 Yeah... OK. 125 00:05:54,160 --> 00:05:55,320 Anyone else? 126 00:05:55,320 --> 00:05:57,080 Yeah, go on then. Yeah. 127 00:05:57,080 --> 00:05:58,320 Airwolf. 128 00:05:58,320 --> 00:06:00,040 Let's go, man. 129 00:06:00,040 --> 00:06:02,920 Awoo! 130 00:06:02,920 --> 00:06:05,480 Awoo! 131 00:06:05,480 --> 00:06:07,520 Awoo! 132 00:06:07,520 --> 00:06:09,800 Awoo! 133 00:06:09,800 --> 00:06:11,960 Awoo! 134 00:06:11,960 --> 00:06:14,680 Awoo! 135 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:16,120 Awooooooooo. 136 00:06:16,120 --> 00:06:17,000 Awooooo! 137 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,040 Awooooo! Awooooo. 138 00:06:18,040 --> 00:06:20,440 Hey, Cook. Do you wanna see your birthday trick? 139 00:06:20,440 --> 00:06:21,480 Lay it on me, magic man. 140 00:06:21,480 --> 00:06:23,640 One pint of normal drinking water. 141 00:06:23,640 --> 00:06:25,720 You'll like this one. I've seen it before. 142 00:06:25,720 --> 00:06:29,720 What? He does magic? 143 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:33,000 Wow! 144 00:06:33,000 --> 00:06:37,000 Shazam, motherfucker! 145 00:06:41,640 --> 00:06:42,760 Cook, what you doing? 146 00:06:42,760 --> 00:06:46,200 That's minging. 147 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:50,080 (HE BELCHES) 148 00:06:50,080 --> 00:06:51,560 What is wrong with you? 149 00:06:51,560 --> 00:06:55,560 Yes! Come on! 150 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,760 Someone's been drinking... 151 00:06:57,760 --> 00:06:59,680 milkshake? 152 00:06:59,680 --> 00:07:01,240 Strawberry milkshake. Am I right? 153 00:07:01,240 --> 00:07:02,480 Yes. How did you know? 154 00:07:02,480 --> 00:07:04,560 Ah, am I ninja, or am I not a ninja? 155 00:07:04,560 --> 00:07:06,360 Christina, we've had rejection. 156 00:07:06,360 --> 00:07:08,440 We need a bucket, a mop 157 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:12,440 and 16 shots of tequilaaaaaa! 158 00:07:29,360 --> 00:07:32,920 Oh, great, it's the lesbian come to gay us up. 159 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:35,760 Shh... I've told you to fucking... Just leave it, ok! 160 00:07:35,760 --> 00:07:37,200 Um. Hi, everyone. 161 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:41,200 Hi. 162 00:07:44,000 --> 00:07:45,200 Want to know a secret? 163 00:07:45,200 --> 00:07:46,560 What? 164 00:07:46,560 --> 00:07:47,680 I know the cure. 165 00:07:47,680 --> 00:07:49,680 The cure for what? 166 00:07:49,680 --> 00:07:52,680 (It's my cock.) 167 00:07:52,680 --> 00:07:56,680 What the hell are you talking about? 168 00:07:57,520 --> 00:07:59,360 Hey, look what I made. 169 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:01,840 Cake! Top, man, fucking top! 170 00:08:01,840 --> 00:08:03,840 It's double chocolate chip cookie. 171 00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:05,120 Cheers, girl. Mmmm. 172 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:09,120 Cake. My cake! Mine! 173 00:08:12,240 --> 00:08:15,160 Mmmm. 174 00:08:15,160 --> 00:08:19,160 Mmm. 175 00:08:26,720 --> 00:08:30,720 Fucking good, man... 176 00:08:39,600 --> 00:08:43,600 Thank you, man. 177 00:08:50,120 --> 00:08:53,320 Uh! (WHISTLES) 178 00:08:53,320 --> 00:08:54,360 You OK? 179 00:08:54,360 --> 00:08:56,960 Yep. Totally cool. Just a bit... 180 00:08:56,960 --> 00:08:59,120 you know, full. 181 00:08:59,120 --> 00:09:00,920 Can't believe you ate the whole thing. 182 00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:02,000 Well, someone had to get this party started. 183 00:09:02,000 --> 00:09:04,640 Party? Do you call this a party? 184 00:09:04,640 --> 00:09:06,280 Where's the conversation? 185 00:09:06,280 --> 00:09:09,160 Where's the dancing? Where are the men? 186 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:09,360 We're men. 187 00:09:09,360 --> 00:09:10,400 You're boys. 188 00:09:10,400 --> 00:09:13,640 Do you want to measure my dick? It's daddy-sized. 189 00:09:13,640 --> 00:09:15,360 So you lot think this party's shit, yeah? 190 00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:16,120 It's a little bit... 191 00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:17,280 It could be... 192 00:09:17,280 --> 00:09:21,280 It could be... It's shit. 193 00:09:25,880 --> 00:09:27,960 Shit. 194 00:09:27,960 --> 00:09:29,680 Something's got to happen, man. 195 00:09:29,680 --> 00:09:31,800 Something big. 196 00:09:31,800 --> 00:09:32,960 Come on, man. 197 00:09:32,960 --> 00:09:35,600 I'm ready! Just tell me when. 198 00:09:35,600 --> 00:09:37,120 Give me a sign! 199 00:09:37,120 --> 00:09:38,920 CLAP OF THUNDER 200 00:09:38,920 --> 00:09:41,800 Oh, yeah! Yeah! Thank you, man... 201 00:09:41,800 --> 00:09:43,800 What? 202 00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,600 But where are you, I can't hear... 203 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:47,760 I don't have anything, OK? 204 00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:48,760 Who is it? 205 00:09:48,760 --> 00:09:49,800 My sister, Karen. 206 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:50,800 Tell her I said hi. 207 00:09:50,800 --> 00:09:52,960 No, I haven't got anything, OK? 208 00:09:52,960 --> 00:09:56,960 You'll have to find your own. No, I don't have any drugs! Bye. 209 00:09:57,480 --> 00:09:59,320 Why couldn't you hear her? 210 00:09:59,320 --> 00:10:01,440 She's at some engagement party. Her mate Kayleigh's getting hitched. 211 00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:05,360 So it'll be free bar, free entry, that kind of thing? 212 00:10:05,360 --> 00:10:07,240 Yeah, I suppose, why? 213 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,520 No. 214 00:10:08,520 --> 00:10:10,440 No, no, no, no, no. No way! 215 00:10:10,440 --> 00:10:11,840 Why not? 216 00:10:11,840 --> 00:10:14,280 Cos my sister's there, and I don't want to see her. 217 00:10:14,280 --> 00:10:15,840 Plus, she doesn't like you very much. 218 00:10:15,840 --> 00:10:18,480 Why not? I'm always touching her and flirting with her. 219 00:10:18,480 --> 00:10:18,840 Yeah. 220 00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:21,480 Yeah. Her tits stand to attention when I'm around. I've seen it. 221 00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:23,880 Listen to me, we're not going. No. 222 00:10:23,880 --> 00:10:27,880 No. No way. 223 00:10:28,600 --> 00:10:32,600 Come on everybody, cos, yeah we going to a party! 224 00:10:35,720 --> 00:10:38,840 All right? 225 00:10:38,840 --> 00:10:40,520 Not coming in. 226 00:10:40,520 --> 00:10:40,720 Why not? 227 00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:42,040 Why not? Private party. 228 00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:43,600 Plus underage. 229 00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:46,520 Plus don't like look of you. Not coming in. 230 00:10:46,520 --> 00:10:49,120 Listen to me, robot. 231 00:10:49,120 --> 00:10:52,160 You may rank way above me in terms of strength and size, 232 00:10:52,160 --> 00:10:54,640 but at least I can love. 233 00:10:54,640 --> 00:10:57,760 Now can you let me in? 234 00:10:57,760 --> 00:11:01,200 Not coming in. 235 00:11:01,200 --> 00:11:03,560 Listen, fate has brought me here. 236 00:11:03,560 --> 00:11:06,320 Do you understand? You're not letting fate in the club. 237 00:11:06,320 --> 00:11:08,400 It's not like fate is wearing trainers. 238 00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:11,000 Fate just wants a couple of drinks, a little dance. 239 00:11:11,000 --> 00:11:14,600 And fate is actually also desperate for the toilet. Now can we come in? 240 00:11:14,600 --> 00:11:16,680 How about you fuck off? 241 00:11:16,680 --> 00:11:18,560 How about you're a fucking cock? 242 00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:20,280 I'll fucking break your fucking face, mate! 243 00:11:20,280 --> 00:11:22,000 What? 244 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:24,680 I said I'll fucking break your fucking face. 245 00:11:24,680 --> 00:11:27,040 You'll get your fucking head kicked in here! 246 00:11:27,040 --> 00:11:29,160 Come on! Fucking prick. 247 00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:30,200 Just chill out, yeah? 248 00:11:30,200 --> 00:11:32,000 I don't think he's going to let us in. 249 00:11:32,000 --> 00:11:34,240 Nah, he's just an obstacle. 250 00:11:34,240 --> 00:11:35,960 We're meant to go this party. 251 00:11:35,960 --> 00:11:37,840 Fate'll sort it. Just wait. 252 00:11:37,840 --> 00:11:40,400 (Brilliant. Idiot. He's such a fucking tosser.) 253 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,920 Freddie?! What the fuck are you doing here? 254 00:11:42,920 --> 00:11:44,400 Hi, Karen. 255 00:11:44,400 --> 00:11:45,880 You can't come in. It's private. 256 00:11:45,880 --> 00:11:47,560 It's Cook's birthday. 257 00:11:47,560 --> 00:11:49,840 Unless you've got drugs, fuck off, and take your friends with you. 258 00:11:49,840 --> 00:11:51,520 Oh, come on Karen. 259 00:11:51,520 --> 00:11:53,640 I'll make it up to you, I promise. 260 00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:56,760 Yeah. Look, it's not my decision. It's her party. 261 00:11:56,760 --> 00:11:58,680 I'm getting married. 262 00:11:58,680 --> 00:12:02,680 Congratulations. 263 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:07,600 Jesus. 264 00:12:09,800 --> 00:12:11,960 Will you let us in? 265 00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:14,000 Well, there is a pretty strict dress code. 266 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:18,000 How strict exactly? 267 00:12:35,960 --> 00:12:38,440 Let's cock and roll, baby! 268 00:12:38,440 --> 00:12:41,200 Isn't it lush? Daddy says nothing's too good for me. 269 00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:44,960 You got that right, babe. So, who you marrying? 270 00:12:44,960 --> 00:12:47,680 Oh, just some guy. He's a bit of a twat. 271 00:12:47,680 --> 00:12:50,240 Ah, cheers, man. 272 00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,080 When she said "party"... 273 00:12:52,080 --> 00:12:56,080 You thought she meant an acid-fuelled sex rave without the Mancunians. 274 00:12:56,440 --> 00:12:57,720 This is more... 275 00:12:57,720 --> 00:13:00,360 Jelly and ice cream. 276 00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:02,400 Uhh, get it down you, girls. 277 00:13:02,400 --> 00:13:06,400 Top freebies, yeah? Love it. 278 00:13:08,640 --> 00:13:09,840 I hate champagne. 279 00:13:09,840 --> 00:13:11,280 Then why you fucking drinking it, then? 280 00:13:11,280 --> 00:13:12,240 It's free. 281 00:13:12,240 --> 00:13:14,080 Dad! 282 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:14,840 Kaleigh-kins. 283 00:13:14,840 --> 00:13:18,840 Hi! This is Cookie... 284 00:13:19,760 --> 00:13:22,640 Finish your drink, kid. 285 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:24,960 Have as much as you like. 286 00:13:24,960 --> 00:13:28,800 Nothing's too good for my Kayleigh... Right? 287 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:31,760 And I wouldn't want anything to ruin the evening... 288 00:13:31,760 --> 00:13:33,880 drop the tone... 289 00:13:33,880 --> 00:13:35,640 Anything at all. 290 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:38,080 OK? 291 00:13:38,080 --> 00:13:42,080 Right you are. 292 00:13:42,240 --> 00:13:45,080 Enjoy. 293 00:13:45,080 --> 00:13:48,400 Kayleigh. You're almost a woman... 294 00:13:48,400 --> 00:13:50,040 Thanks, Daddy. 295 00:13:50,040 --> 00:13:54,040 Almost. 296 00:13:58,480 --> 00:14:02,120 See you around, Cookie. 297 00:14:02,120 --> 00:14:04,800 You twat. Didn't you know? 298 00:14:04,800 --> 00:14:06,320 Fuck it, man. I'm just getting started. 299 00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:07,080 What's the fuss? 300 00:14:07,080 --> 00:14:09,640 He's Johnny White. The gangster. 301 00:14:09,640 --> 00:14:11,040 Yeah. Legend. 302 00:14:11,040 --> 00:14:12,440 He murdered those two nuns over a pint of Guinness. 303 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:13,520 Allegedly. 304 00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,720 I hear he stabbed a policeman in the neck with a stuffed guillemot. 305 00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:19,720 That's so not true. It was a puffin. 306 00:14:20,560 --> 00:14:22,800 So. Who's for narcotics? 307 00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:23,600 Me. 308 00:14:23,600 --> 00:14:24,080 Me. 309 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,280 Me. 310 00:14:25,280 --> 00:14:26,040 Me? 311 00:14:26,040 --> 00:14:27,400 What? 312 00:14:27,400 --> 00:14:31,400 I've decided I love drugs. 313 00:14:38,640 --> 00:14:41,080 Aah. 314 00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,320 Rum punch. 315 00:14:43,320 --> 00:14:45,000 What is it? 316 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:46,920 Uncle Keith's special blend. 317 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:49,760 A hallucinogenic opiate and stimulant. 318 00:14:49,760 --> 00:14:52,600 Four hours of THC giggles and MDMA highs 319 00:14:52,600 --> 00:14:55,320 with a transcendental kicker. 320 00:14:55,320 --> 00:14:57,400 Sounds good. 321 00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:58,880 Well, come on, then. Jesus. 322 00:14:58,880 --> 00:15:01,480 All in good time, babes. Weird girl? 323 00:15:01,480 --> 00:15:01,840 Yeah? 324 00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:02,640 Yeah? Hold that. 325 00:15:02,640 --> 00:15:06,640 Yeah? Hold that. Fuck's sakes, are we getting any or what?! 326 00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:11,920 No, no, no. Wait! 327 00:15:11,920 --> 00:15:13,800 Hang on, what you doing? 328 00:15:13,800 --> 00:15:15,000 What? 329 00:15:15,000 --> 00:15:16,280 Was that wrong? 330 00:15:16,280 --> 00:15:17,320 Did you just swallow my drugs? 331 00:15:17,320 --> 00:15:17,840 She's fucking finished it! 332 00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:19,080 It tastes horrible! 333 00:15:19,080 --> 00:15:21,000 You're not supposed to eat it! 334 00:15:21,000 --> 00:15:22,800 It goes up the nose, you twat. 335 00:15:22,800 --> 00:15:25,640 Let's go fly a kite, girl! 336 00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:26,920 What about us? 337 00:15:26,920 --> 00:15:28,640 Well, you can drink some of the weird girl's blood, 338 00:15:28,640 --> 00:15:31,080 she's like a walking syringe. 339 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:32,240 My mouth's gone all numb. 340 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,200 I'm not surprised! 341 00:15:34,200 --> 00:15:36,280 We've done ours, let's go! 342 00:15:36,280 --> 00:15:40,280 Come on Panders, we're out of here. 343 00:15:40,280 --> 00:15:42,520 I said you shouldn't have let them in. 344 00:15:42,520 --> 00:15:43,040 I said you shouldn't have let them in. Where's the love? 345 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:44,600 You're a wanker, James. 346 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:48,600 (LAUGHS) 347 00:15:50,440 --> 00:15:52,840 You will get us some more, won't you, Cookie? 348 00:15:52,840 --> 00:15:54,320 Yeah. 349 00:15:54,320 --> 00:15:56,640 Cos if you could, 350 00:15:56,640 --> 00:15:59,880 that would be - God - 351 00:15:59,880 --> 00:16:03,880 really, really great. 352 00:16:21,400 --> 00:16:23,160 I need more class A drugs, quick. 353 00:16:23,160 --> 00:16:24,200 Why? 354 00:16:24,200 --> 00:16:26,200 Cos that Kayleigh girl just gave me the look. 355 00:16:26,200 --> 00:16:28,240 What sort of look is that? 356 00:16:28,240 --> 00:16:31,400 This one. 357 00:16:31,400 --> 00:16:33,240 Right. I see what you mean. 358 00:16:33,240 --> 00:16:36,040 Freddie, we've got to get this man some drugs. 359 00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:39,960 Why? Do the look. 360 00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:40,920 What does that mean? 361 00:16:40,920 --> 00:16:43,440 It means I'm getting laid tonight, Fred. 362 00:16:43,440 --> 00:16:46,440 Please, not Kayleigh. Think of me and JJ. 363 00:16:46,440 --> 00:16:47,840 You're not fucking her. 364 00:16:47,840 --> 00:16:49,120 I thought you liked Effy. 365 00:16:49,120 --> 00:16:52,600 Yeah, she's a peach. But I already tapped that. Top-dollar shag. 366 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:54,760 She's my last resort. Sure thing, I reckon. 367 00:16:54,760 --> 00:16:56,720 You shagged Effy? 368 00:16:56,720 --> 00:16:59,360 Oh, come on, Freds. 369 00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:00,520 When? 370 00:17:00,520 --> 00:17:04,520 First day I met her. 371 00:17:06,000 --> 00:17:08,760 Why didn't you tell us? 372 00:17:08,760 --> 00:17:11,320 Because apart from those times when my cock is up your arse, 373 00:17:11,320 --> 00:17:14,240 you have no reason to worry about where it is the rest of the time. 374 00:17:14,240 --> 00:17:16,800 But... 375 00:17:16,800 --> 00:17:20,640 ..JJ likes her. 376 00:17:20,640 --> 00:17:22,920 I was going to ask her out. I mean, 377 00:17:22,920 --> 00:17:24,480 she seemed like she liked me. 378 00:17:24,480 --> 00:17:26,720 You snooze, you lose, dude. I've got a snake 379 00:17:26,720 --> 00:17:30,720 in my dick that's about to throw up. 380 00:17:48,400 --> 00:17:51,760 Naomi. Wait! 381 00:17:51,760 --> 00:17:53,560 What? 382 00:17:53,560 --> 00:17:54,640 Where are you going? 383 00:17:54,640 --> 00:17:56,400 Home. 384 00:17:56,400 --> 00:17:58,560 Don't go. 385 00:17:58,560 --> 00:17:59,720 Why not? 386 00:17:59,720 --> 00:18:03,720 I dunno. Because... 387 00:18:05,960 --> 00:18:09,320 Why does your sister think I'm gay? 388 00:18:09,320 --> 00:18:12,120 Sorry. 389 00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:16,120 See you around, Emily. 390 00:18:16,440 --> 00:18:17,800 Thank you. Yes, please. 391 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:19,880 Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. 392 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:21,680 The father of the bride, 393 00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:25,680 Mr Johnny White. 394 00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:33,480 So. My daughter's getting married 395 00:18:33,480 --> 00:18:37,400 and she couldn't have chosen a nicer bloke - Steve Heston. 396 00:18:37,400 --> 00:18:39,120 APPLAUSE 397 00:18:39,120 --> 00:18:42,280 Unfortunately, Steve couldn't attend today without violating 398 00:18:42,280 --> 00:18:45,760 the terms of his probation. He couldn't be here himself, 399 00:18:45,760 --> 00:18:48,440 but he is well represented by members of his family. 400 00:18:48,440 --> 00:18:51,600 Welcome, Hestons. No more rucks. 401 00:18:51,600 --> 00:18:54,880 No more knives. No more pliers. 402 00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,240 We're gonna be tight as a badger's bum. 403 00:18:57,240 --> 00:19:01,040 The Whites and the Hestons brought together in the marriage bed, 404 00:19:01,040 --> 00:19:04,120 still fucking each other, but in a good way. 405 00:19:04,120 --> 00:19:07,320 APPLAUSE 406 00:19:07,320 --> 00:19:11,320 Come up here, sweetheart. 407 00:19:18,960 --> 00:19:21,560 You've kept yourself pure for so long 408 00:19:21,560 --> 00:19:24,000 for this task of peace. 409 00:19:24,000 --> 00:19:27,360 In times of strife, you've lit up my life, 410 00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:29,160 and now you're gonna be Steve's wife. 411 00:19:29,160 --> 00:19:33,160 LAUGHTER 412 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:38,000 And I just want to say... 413 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:40,600 Don't she look a picture? 414 00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:44,600 APPLAUSE 415 00:19:45,440 --> 00:19:49,440 I could just eat her. 416 00:19:51,960 --> 00:19:55,240 RHYTHMIC HAND-CLAPPING 417 00:19:55,240 --> 00:19:59,240 Right, charge your glasses with free booze, and raise 'em. 418 00:19:59,440 --> 00:20:03,440 Kayleigh and Steve. 419 00:20:06,280 --> 00:20:08,920 Pandora, wake up, you dozy cow. 420 00:20:08,920 --> 00:20:12,920 Hi. It's me. 421 00:20:13,680 --> 00:20:17,680 I need a favour. 422 00:20:22,600 --> 00:20:24,440 Uncle Keith! 423 00:20:24,440 --> 00:20:25,520 All right, Cookie? 424 00:20:25,520 --> 00:20:26,960 Cheers. 425 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:28,000 Not a problem. 426 00:20:28,000 --> 00:20:29,800 There you go. 427 00:20:29,800 --> 00:20:31,640 Direct from Weston-super-Mare. 428 00:20:31,640 --> 00:20:33,400 You're a lifesaver, Keith. 429 00:20:33,400 --> 00:20:36,800 Gotta go, Cook. Gotta see a dog about a bone. 430 00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:40,800 A bone that is my cock. 431 00:20:42,000 --> 00:20:43,040 Get it out, then. 432 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:44,680 OK. 433 00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:47,120 Not that. The drugs, idiot. 434 00:20:47,120 --> 00:20:51,120 Oh, OK. 435 00:20:53,360 --> 00:20:57,360 Thank you. 436 00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:04,160 Ooh! 437 00:21:04,160 --> 00:21:05,480 Is that all you're doing? 438 00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:07,240 Yep. 439 00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:09,800 That was a hamster-sized bump. Don't you want any more? 440 00:21:09,800 --> 00:21:11,560 No. 441 00:21:11,560 --> 00:21:14,800 OK. 442 00:21:14,800 --> 00:21:16,160 So... 443 00:21:16,160 --> 00:21:19,760 So. 444 00:21:19,760 --> 00:21:21,320 OK, I'll see you later! 445 00:21:21,320 --> 00:21:23,480 What? I thought we were gonna bone. 446 00:21:23,480 --> 00:21:25,240 And what made you think that? 447 00:21:25,240 --> 00:21:27,640 You've had the drugs and you gave me the look. What look? 448 00:21:27,640 --> 00:21:29,000 This one. 449 00:21:29,000 --> 00:21:31,120 That's the "I'll fuck for drugs" look. 450 00:21:31,120 --> 00:21:33,600 Now stop arguing and get on my cock. No. 451 00:21:33,600 --> 00:21:35,600 Blow me, then. My dick is clean. 452 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:38,080 I don't care! Hand-job? 453 00:21:38,080 --> 00:21:40,520 But you've got to let me have a go on your tits whilst you're doing it. 454 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:41,840 Listen... 455 00:21:41,840 --> 00:21:45,840 If anyone's going to get a lick of my fanny, they'll have to impress me. 456 00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:48,800 So...if you do... 457 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:51,080 I'll let you stick it anywhere. 458 00:21:51,080 --> 00:21:55,080 My tits, my arse, my armpit... 459 00:21:56,800 --> 00:22:00,800 anywhere. 460 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:03,960 You're filthy. 461 00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:06,360 Yes, I am. 462 00:22:06,360 --> 00:22:10,360 And look, no knickers. Whoops. See ya! 463 00:22:18,280 --> 00:22:22,280 OK. 464 00:22:38,920 --> 00:22:41,000 What's he doing now? 465 00:22:41,000 --> 00:22:42,600 Is he going to sing? 466 00:22:42,600 --> 00:22:44,120 Yeah. 467 00:22:44,120 --> 00:22:46,200 Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to dedicate this 468 00:22:46,200 --> 00:22:48,680 to a very special lady. 469 00:22:48,680 --> 00:22:52,240 MUSIC STARTS 470 00:22:52,240 --> 00:22:56,240 Oh, shit. This is going to be bad. 471 00:23:03,640 --> 00:23:07,640 472 00:23:09,040 --> 00:23:13,040 473 00:23:13,440 --> 00:23:15,440 Go on, my son. 474 00:23:15,440 --> 00:23:19,440 and the melodies together 475 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:25,800 476 00:23:29,560 --> 00:23:33,560 the whole world sing 477 00:23:35,480 --> 00:23:39,480 and special things 478 00:23:42,760 --> 00:23:46,760 those young girls cry 479 00:23:49,040 --> 00:23:53,040 I write the songs 480 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,160 481 00:23:57,160 --> 00:24:01,160 to take a chance 482 00:24:01,720 --> 00:24:05,720 some rock 'n' roll so you can move 483 00:24:08,480 --> 00:24:10,880 484 00:24:10,880 --> 00:24:14,160 a real fine place to start 485 00:24:14,160 --> 00:24:16,640 486 00:24:16,640 --> 00:24:18,680 487 00:24:18,680 --> 00:24:22,680 488 00:24:23,040 --> 00:24:27,040 the whole world sing 489 00:24:30,040 --> 00:24:34,040 and special things 490 00:24:37,040 --> 00:24:41,040 the young girls cry 491 00:24:43,800 --> 00:24:47,800 I write the songs 492 00:24:50,080 --> 00:24:54,080 that make the whole world sing 493 00:24:56,360 --> 00:25:00,360 and special things 494 00:25:02,640 --> 00:25:06,640 the young girls cry 495 00:25:09,680 --> 00:25:13,680 I write the songs 496 00:25:19,000 --> 00:25:23,000 and I write the songs... 497 00:25:45,440 --> 00:25:47,200 I'm upset, Cookie. 498 00:25:47,200 --> 00:25:49,160 You made me look like a fucking idiot 499 00:25:49,160 --> 00:25:50,560 and I'm not used to that, you know? 500 00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:52,880 and I'm not used to that, you know? Are you sure? 501 00:25:52,880 --> 00:25:54,160 Stick him up on there. > 502 00:25:54,160 --> 00:25:58,160 I wanna teach this fucker a lesson he'll never forget. 503 00:26:02,200 --> 00:26:05,200 See? You tried to ruin my lovely party. 504 00:26:05,200 --> 00:26:09,200 And now, really really bad things are gonna happen. 505 00:26:10,200 --> 00:26:12,400 It was worth it. Her tits were mint. 506 00:26:13,680 --> 00:26:15,920 Mr...Mr White. 507 00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:19,920 He's very sorry. I'll take him home, and we're leaving. 508 00:26:20,200 --> 00:26:24,200 We don't want to upset your beautiful daughter any more. 509 00:26:24,280 --> 00:26:26,640 You're right. 510 00:26:26,640 --> 00:26:29,000 She is beautiful. 511 00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:33,000 It's your lucky day. 512 00:26:33,440 --> 00:26:35,640 Let him go. 513 00:26:35,640 --> 00:26:36,360 Aaaaargh! 514 00:26:36,360 --> 00:26:38,240 Aaaaargh! Not like that, you tossers! 515 00:26:38,240 --> 00:26:39,880 My fucking dress! 516 00:26:39,880 --> 00:26:41,640 Fucking hell, Johnny, you fucking told... Oh, fuck. 517 00:26:41,640 --> 00:26:45,400 Fucking hell, Johnny, you fucking told... Oh, fuck. Oh, God, whoopsey! 518 00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:53,720 Look at my tracksuit, you weasely little prick! 519 00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:57,000 What'd you say? 520 00:26:57,000 --> 00:27:00,640 You're a weasely cunting prick! 521 00:27:00,640 --> 00:27:01,920 You fucking Hobbit! 522 00:27:01,920 --> 00:27:04,120 And we've all fucked your daughter. Ain't we lads? 523 00:27:04,120 --> 00:27:07,480 And we've all fucked your daughter. Ain't we lads? (ALL) Yeah! 524 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:09,840 What'd you fucking say? 525 00:27:09,840 --> 00:27:13,840 Aaah, fuckers!!! 526 00:27:14,760 --> 00:27:18,760 SCREAMING 527 00:27:32,400 --> 00:27:36,400 to say I'm sorry? 528 00:27:36,840 --> 00:27:40,840 together again? 529 00:27:42,040 --> 00:27:45,960 530 00:27:45,960 --> 00:27:48,800 531 00:27:48,800 --> 00:27:52,800 Pfft! 532 00:28:04,320 --> 00:28:08,320 Get out, get out! 533 00:28:14,440 --> 00:28:18,440 LAUGHTER 534 00:28:28,000 --> 00:28:30,320 (THEY COUGH AND WHEEZE) > 535 00:28:30,320 --> 00:28:32,840 (GASPING) OK. That's far enough. 536 00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:34,120 Cool party! > 537 00:28:34,120 --> 00:28:35,720 Cheers. 538 00:28:35,720 --> 00:28:37,440 You're fucking unbelievable. 539 00:28:37,440 --> 00:28:39,880 (GIGGLES PLAYFULLY) 540 00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:40,520 I needed to get laid, man. 541 00:28:40,520 --> 00:28:42,640 I needed to get laid, man. You're always fucking trying to get laid. > 542 00:28:42,640 --> 00:28:46,640 I try. I succeed. Right? 543 00:28:47,600 --> 00:28:51,600 Speaking of which, any of you girls fancy it? 544 00:28:52,160 --> 00:28:56,160 (LAUGHS) No, thanks. You're repulsive! 545 00:28:59,120 --> 00:29:01,920 Weird girl. 546 00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:03,520 You're beautiful, but no. 547 00:29:03,520 --> 00:29:07,520 My tuppence feels all funny. 548 00:29:11,560 --> 00:29:13,360 How about it then, Peachy? 549 00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:17,360 Looks like it's just me and you. 550 00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:28,640 Come on, Amy Winehouse. Home. 551 00:29:28,640 --> 00:29:32,640 See ya! 552 00:29:34,600 --> 00:29:36,400 Come on, we'll go somewhere else. 553 00:29:36,400 --> 00:29:37,680 Somewhere with women. 554 00:29:37,680 --> 00:29:39,520 Nah. 555 00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:40,800 I ain't going anywhere. 556 00:29:40,800 --> 00:29:41,320 Why the fuck not? 557 00:29:41,320 --> 00:29:42,360 Why the fuck not? I'm tired. 558 00:29:42,360 --> 00:29:44,640 I'm going home, all right? 559 00:29:44,640 --> 00:29:48,640 you talking about, "you're tired"? 560 00:29:49,160 --> 00:29:52,440 I'm tired of you, mate. 561 00:29:52,440 --> 00:29:54,000 What's that supposed to mean? 562 00:29:54,000 --> 00:29:58,000 It means I can't look after you any more. 563 00:29:59,400 --> 00:30:03,400 I can't do it. 564 00:30:03,600 --> 00:30:06,560 Oh, fuck you then! 565 00:30:13,200 --> 00:30:16,440 Coming then? 566 00:30:16,440 --> 00:30:20,440 Sure. 567 00:30:20,680 --> 00:30:24,680 Let's go find some fucking women. 568 00:30:39,080 --> 00:30:40,760 Hey, Cook, 569 00:30:40,760 --> 00:30:43,480 w-w-what is this place? 570 00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:45,360 Oh, it's just a club. 571 00:30:45,360 --> 00:30:46,880 Late night thing, you know? 572 00:30:46,880 --> 00:30:49,360 Lots of girls. Friendly. 573 00:30:49,360 --> 00:30:53,360 Oh, OK. 574 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:59,000 RandB MUSIC PLAYS 575 00:31:16,320 --> 00:31:20,000 Oh, my stars and garters! 576 00:31:20,000 --> 00:31:24,000 All right, my lover? 577 00:31:35,640 --> 00:31:39,320 (FRENCH ACCENT) Hello boys. Looking for a sex dance? 578 00:31:39,320 --> 00:31:40,720 You like Frankie? > 579 00:31:40,720 --> 00:31:42,400 Hello, darlings. 580 00:31:42,400 --> 00:31:45,560 She's double jointed. 581 00:31:45,560 --> 00:31:47,360 So? 582 00:31:47,360 --> 00:31:50,240 Slinky! But we're actually after... 583 00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:52,000 the other service. 584 00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:53,280 Bit of the other? 585 00:31:53,280 --> 00:31:56,880 Stepping this way, please. 586 00:31:56,880 --> 00:31:58,160 The other service? 587 00:31:58,160 --> 00:32:00,800 Yeah. Tonight's your lucky night, GayJay. 588 00:32:00,800 --> 00:32:04,600 You get to lose your virginity to an odds-on moderately pretty girl. 589 00:32:04,600 --> 00:32:06,080 I'm not sure I want to. 590 00:32:06,080 --> 00:32:10,040 Listen to me. Are you a fucking scrawny little mousy queer boy, 591 00:32:10,040 --> 00:32:13,160 or are you a man with a functioning set of cock and balls? 592 00:32:13,160 --> 00:32:14,520 Um... 593 00:32:14,520 --> 00:32:15,680 the second one. 594 00:32:15,680 --> 00:32:19,680 Good. Come on, let's get our fuck on. 595 00:32:24,520 --> 00:32:25,920 So. 596 00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:28,560 What sort of thing are you looking for? 597 00:32:28,560 --> 00:32:30,320 I'd like a woman with big tits. 598 00:32:30,320 --> 00:32:31,760 And you? 599 00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:34,400 Er...same thing. 600 00:32:34,400 --> 00:32:36,400 But not too big, right? 601 00:32:36,400 --> 00:32:40,400 Yes, I know the perfect girls for you. > 602 00:32:41,760 --> 00:32:45,760 Amber! Megan! 603 00:32:46,400 --> 00:32:47,880 Ha-ha! Yeeaaahh!! 604 00:32:47,880 --> 00:32:51,240 All right, gorgeous? This way. 605 00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:52,840 And Megan. Here she is. 606 00:32:52,840 --> 00:32:54,400 Hello! 607 00:32:54,400 --> 00:32:58,400 Oooh, curly hair! > 608 00:32:58,720 --> 00:33:01,920 So, will you let me do anything I ask ya? 609 00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:04,240 Anything. But it'll cost you, mind. 610 00:33:04,240 --> 00:33:05,680 How much to whack you up the cracker? 611 00:33:05,680 --> 00:33:06,880 How much to whack you up the cracker? Hundred. 612 00:33:06,880 --> 00:33:09,160 Whoa! 613 00:33:09,160 --> 00:33:12,040 That's a lot more than I've got. 614 00:33:12,040 --> 00:33:14,360 How much for your straight ahead, 615 00:33:14,360 --> 00:33:16,280 run of the mill, bread and butter shag? 616 00:33:16,280 --> 00:33:18,200 run of the mill, bread and butter shag? 75. 617 00:33:18,200 --> 00:33:19,640 What if I'm really good? 618 00:33:19,640 --> 00:33:22,960 It don't make no difference, darling. 619 00:33:22,960 --> 00:33:26,040 Ok. I'll guess I'll just have a hand-job then. 620 00:33:26,040 --> 00:33:29,680 All right. 621 00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:33,680 (SNIGGERS) 622 00:33:36,760 --> 00:33:39,360 This your first time then? 623 00:33:39,360 --> 00:33:40,560 You got cash on you? 624 00:33:40,560 --> 00:33:42,120 You got cash on you? (NERVOUSLY) Mm-hmm. 625 00:33:42,120 --> 00:33:43,320 Right. Tick sharp! 626 00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:45,600 Clothes off, we'll get you started. 627 00:33:45,600 --> 00:33:47,520 Come on then, let's have a look at it. 628 00:33:47,520 --> 00:33:48,720 OK. 629 00:33:48,720 --> 00:33:52,720 You don't have to do anything you don't want to. 630 00:33:53,360 --> 00:33:55,840 Could I...kiss you? 631 00:33:55,840 --> 00:33:58,320 We don't do kissing. 632 00:33:58,320 --> 00:34:01,120 That's all I want to do. 633 00:34:01,120 --> 00:34:02,760 Sod it. 634 00:34:02,760 --> 00:34:05,240 Come on then. 635 00:34:05,240 --> 00:34:07,160 Could you...show me how? 636 00:34:07,160 --> 00:34:08,520 I've never really... 637 00:34:08,520 --> 00:34:10,360 You've never kissed a girl? 638 00:34:10,360 --> 00:34:12,240 No. Well... 639 00:34:12,240 --> 00:34:14,360 My mum. My Aunt Lucy. 640 00:34:14,360 --> 00:34:16,120 Right. Aunt Lucy. > 641 00:34:16,120 --> 00:34:18,520 I'm sorry. 642 00:34:18,520 --> 00:34:22,520 Come here. 643 00:34:26,080 --> 00:34:27,800 That was nice! 644 00:34:27,800 --> 00:34:29,520 Much better than Aunt Lucy! 645 00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:31,640 Want to do it again? 646 00:34:31,640 --> 00:34:33,400 I don't mind. 647 00:34:33,400 --> 00:34:37,400 Yeah! 648 00:34:44,400 --> 00:34:46,080 Oh, Jesus, Amber, you've got liquid fucking fingers! 649 00:34:46,080 --> 00:34:47,360 Oh, Jesus, Amber, you've got liquid fucking fingers! You like that, yeah? 650 00:34:47,360 --> 00:34:48,880 I like it very much. 651 00:34:48,880 --> 00:34:50,680 WHIPPING IN NEXT ROOM 652 00:34:50,680 --> 00:34:52,040 Oh Yeah! Yeah! 653 00:34:52,040 --> 00:34:53,600 Harder! Harder! > 654 00:34:53,600 --> 00:34:55,080 MORE WHIPPING 655 00:34:55,080 --> 00:34:56,160 Yeah! 656 00:34:56,160 --> 00:34:57,200 Harder! 657 00:34:57,200 --> 00:34:58,600 You like that? > 658 00:34:58,600 --> 00:34:59,640 Harder! 659 00:34:59,640 --> 00:35:00,760 MORE WHIPPING 660 00:35:00,760 --> 00:35:03,240 Who's that? Is that...? 661 00:35:03,240 --> 00:35:04,760 Oh, that's just Johnny. > 662 00:35:04,760 --> 00:35:07,480 Greta's regular. Seven inches. > 663 00:35:07,480 --> 00:35:09,560 Freaky foreskin. Big tipper. 664 00:35:09,560 --> 00:35:10,880 Naughty boy! > 665 00:35:10,880 --> 00:35:11,880 Wicked! 666 00:35:11,880 --> 00:35:14,080 sorry if you're fucking, 667 00:35:14,080 --> 00:35:18,080 Sorry if you're fucking... 668 00:35:19,400 --> 00:35:22,400 What kind of fucking gay shit is this? 669 00:35:22,400 --> 00:35:23,440 Cook! 670 00:35:23,440 --> 00:35:26,200 You're supposed to be banging her, not canoodling! 671 00:35:26,200 --> 00:35:27,760 Sorry. 672 00:35:27,760 --> 00:35:29,400 Pay the girl, JJ. 673 00:35:29,400 --> 00:35:32,440 Something's come up, and I'm not talking about your willy. 674 00:35:32,440 --> 00:35:34,760 No, no. No charge. I can't charge for a kiss. 675 00:35:34,760 --> 00:35:37,680 Really? 676 00:35:37,680 --> 00:35:41,680 Actually, no. That'll be a tenner, please. 677 00:35:47,960 --> 00:35:49,240 What's going on? 678 00:35:49,240 --> 00:35:50,400 Sssh! 679 00:35:50,400 --> 00:35:51,200 You like that? > 680 00:35:51,200 --> 00:35:52,280 You like that? > I like it! > 681 00:35:52,280 --> 00:35:53,440 Madame Greta, say Madame Greta! > 682 00:35:53,440 --> 00:35:54,560 Madame Greta, say Madame Greta! > Madame Greta! > 683 00:35:54,560 --> 00:35:55,120 Electrocution! > 684 00:35:55,120 --> 00:35:56,200 Electrocution! > Electrocution! > 685 00:35:56,200 --> 00:35:58,800 Behind this door is opportunity! 686 00:35:58,800 --> 00:35:59,560 Not enough! > 687 00:35:59,560 --> 00:36:00,840 Not enough! > Enough! Ha-ha! > 688 00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:04,640 What do you mean? Who's that? 689 00:36:04,640 --> 00:36:05,800 (It's Johnny...!) 690 00:36:05,800 --> 00:36:07,800 Yes! Now you stay here, naughty boy. > 691 00:36:07,800 --> 00:36:09,080 I'm gonna get the barbed wire. > 692 00:36:09,080 --> 00:36:10,680 I'm gonna get the barbed wire. > Quick, hide! 693 00:36:19,360 --> 00:36:22,080 WHIP CRACKS 694 00:36:22,080 --> 00:36:25,600 FOOTSTEPS 695 00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:28,720 Right. Come on. You're my witness! 696 00:36:28,720 --> 00:36:29,880 To what? 697 00:36:29,880 --> 00:36:33,880 (GIGGLING) This is gonna blow your mind! 698 00:36:42,640 --> 00:36:45,720 Say cheese! 699 00:36:45,720 --> 00:36:48,320 What the fuck are you doing here? 700 00:36:48,320 --> 00:36:49,680 We're visiting, Johnny. 701 00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:51,360 Look at you! 702 00:36:51,360 --> 00:36:51,960 Fuck off. I'm busy! > 703 00:36:51,960 --> 00:36:55,960 Fuck off. I'm busy! > Shut the fuck up, or I'll fucking punch you in your fucking cock! 704 00:37:00,320 --> 00:37:03,440 So. Who'd have thought big bad gangster man Johnny White 705 00:37:03,440 --> 00:37:05,880 likes to be spanked like the naughty boy he is? 706 00:37:05,880 --> 00:37:07,840 I like spanking. What's your problem? 707 00:37:07,840 --> 00:37:10,800 You ruined my chances of sleeping with two girls tonight 708 00:37:10,800 --> 00:37:12,400 by making me look stupid. > 709 00:37:12,400 --> 00:37:15,480 So, once I show this little Kodak moment to everyone I know, 710 00:37:15,480 --> 00:37:17,000 you're gonna look stupid, 711 00:37:17,000 --> 00:37:21,000 and I'll be a legend for managing to take it. 712 00:37:21,440 --> 00:37:25,320 (WHISTLES APPROVINGLY) 713 00:37:25,320 --> 00:37:28,160 This is mine now! 714 00:37:28,160 --> 00:37:29,720 See you around. 715 00:37:29,720 --> 00:37:32,000 You don't have the balls to show that photo. > 716 00:37:32,000 --> 00:37:32,560 What? 717 00:37:32,560 --> 00:37:36,280 What? I said, you don't have the balls to show that to anyone. 718 00:37:36,280 --> 00:37:38,600 Right? 719 00:37:38,600 --> 00:37:41,360 little pussy. Watch me. 720 00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:43,440 Do you know who I am? What I can do? 721 00:37:43,440 --> 00:37:45,880 Yeah! 722 00:37:45,880 --> 00:37:47,720 You heard what I said, boy. > 723 00:37:47,720 --> 00:37:49,000 Why don't you say it once more? 724 00:37:49,000 --> 00:37:52,720 Why don't you say it once more? You don't have the fucking balls! 725 00:37:52,720 --> 00:37:56,000 You don't have the fucking balls! 726 00:37:56,000 --> 00:37:59,200 (LOUDER) You don't have the fucking... 727 00:37:59,200 --> 00:38:01,120 ELECTRIC CURRENT BUZZES 728 00:38:01,120 --> 00:38:05,120 (GROANS AND CHOKES) 729 00:38:06,440 --> 00:38:08,680 Nnngh...! Aargh...! Turn it off... 730 00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:11,320 Cook! 731 00:38:11,320 --> 00:38:13,760 (WINDS DOWN DIAL) 732 00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:17,760 Come on, let's go! 733 00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:23,840 Hey, Cookie. Does your mummy know where you are? 734 00:38:25,720 --> 00:38:27,040 Your mum. 735 00:38:27,040 --> 00:38:29,280 I bet you're the apple of her cunting eye. 736 00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:32,000 Shut up. Don't speak about my mum. 737 00:38:32,000 --> 00:38:34,640 I think you came here to see her, didn't you? 738 00:38:34,640 --> 00:38:36,400 SHUT UP! 739 00:38:36,400 --> 00:38:38,800 Because your mum is a fucking slag! 740 00:38:38,800 --> 00:38:40,720 Raaaargh! 741 00:38:40,720 --> 00:38:43,840 Shut up about my family. You don't know me, so shut the fuck up! 742 00:38:44,400 --> 00:38:45,760 Do you know who I am? 743 00:38:45,760 --> 00:38:46,560 What I can fucking do?! 744 00:38:46,560 --> 00:38:47,800 What I can fucking do?! 745 00:38:47,800 --> 00:38:49,800 I'm Cook! I'm fucking...! 746 00:38:49,800 --> 00:38:50,960 Stop it!!! 747 00:38:50,960 --> 00:38:52,360 I'm COOOOOK! 748 00:38:54,520 --> 00:38:56,040 It's me! 749 00:38:56,040 --> 00:39:00,040 It's JJ! 750 00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:21,000 Fucking bastard... 751 00:39:22,800 --> 00:39:26,800 Fucking shit... 752 00:39:27,360 --> 00:39:29,120 Fucking cunt... 753 00:39:29,120 --> 00:39:33,120 Kid, kid! 754 00:39:33,200 --> 00:39:35,480 I like you, kid. You're all right. 755 00:39:35,480 --> 00:39:39,480 SHUT UP! 756 00:39:39,520 --> 00:39:42,320 The next time I see you, 757 00:39:42,320 --> 00:39:46,320 you're dead. 758 00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:18,880 759 00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:28,840 760 00:40:35,360 --> 00:40:39,360 761 00:40:46,160 --> 00:40:50,160 to break you down? 762 00:41:08,840 --> 00:41:11,720 Cook, what the hell are you doing? It's 6am. It's Saturday morning. 763 00:41:11,720 --> 00:41:13,320 Everyone's asleep. Including me. 764 00:41:13,320 --> 00:41:14,160 Wait! Wait! 765 00:41:14,160 --> 00:41:15,520 Shhh! 766 00:41:15,520 --> 00:41:16,800 What? 767 00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:19,160 I need to speak to you. 768 00:41:19,160 --> 00:41:23,160 OK, OK, I'll meet you in the shed. 769 00:42:14,120 --> 00:42:18,120 CAN OF DRINK OPENS 770 00:42:18,600 --> 00:42:21,120 Jesus, man. Have you not stopped drinking? 771 00:42:21,120 --> 00:42:25,120 Oh, don't be a cock about it. I've been up all night. 772 00:42:43,400 --> 00:42:44,960 So what are we doing today, then? 773 00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:46,800 Didn't you hear what I said last night? 774 00:42:46,800 --> 00:42:49,960 Oh, come on, man. You were just in a bad mood. 775 00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:52,760 Yeah. I was. 776 00:42:52,760 --> 00:42:55,640 Cos you almost got us killed. 777 00:42:55,640 --> 00:42:58,920 (LAUGHS) Yeah. Sorry about that. 778 00:42:58,920 --> 00:43:01,960 You're apologizing? 779 00:43:01,960 --> 00:43:05,960 That's a first. 780 00:43:16,000 --> 00:43:20,000 Something happened. 781 00:43:21,840 --> 00:43:24,440 I wasn't me. 782 00:43:24,440 --> 00:43:27,680 I was me. 783 00:43:27,680 --> 00:43:31,680 I don't know. 784 00:43:33,280 --> 00:43:35,480 I did something stupid. 785 00:43:35,480 --> 00:43:36,640 That's nothing new. 786 00:43:36,640 --> 00:43:40,000 Something really stupid. Something I wouldn't have done if you was there. 787 00:43:40,000 --> 00:43:43,800 Right. So you've come here to ask me to look after you all the time. 788 00:43:43,800 --> 00:43:46,240 Make sure you don't do anything stupid ever again. 789 00:43:46,240 --> 00:43:48,680 Something like that. 790 00:43:48,680 --> 00:43:52,680 No. 791 00:43:52,760 --> 00:43:53,800 What? 792 00:43:53,800 --> 00:43:55,000 I'm not going to do that. 793 00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:56,320 Why not? 794 00:43:56,320 --> 00:43:59,680 Cos lately, it's like you go looking for trouble. 795 00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:00,760 I wouldn't say I go... 796 00:44:00,760 --> 00:44:03,000 Do you want to die, mate? Is that what you want? 797 00:44:03,000 --> 00:44:06,160 You're drinking yourself to death, you're fighting gangsters. 798 00:44:06,160 --> 00:44:09,280 I don't even want to know what happened last night. 799 00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:13,280 You're killing yourself to impress some pissed-up old wanker in a pub. 800 00:44:16,320 --> 00:44:20,040 Why are you smiling? 801 00:44:20,040 --> 00:44:24,040 Because it's us... 802 00:44:26,960 --> 00:44:29,520 ..isn't it? 803 00:44:29,520 --> 00:44:31,640 Me, you and JJ. 804 00:44:31,640 --> 00:44:34,920 Best mates for life. 805 00:44:34,920 --> 00:44:38,920 You're not taking me with you, OK? 806 00:44:40,280 --> 00:44:44,280 I fucking love you, man. 807 00:44:45,640 --> 00:44:47,920 I fucking love you to bits. 808 00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:51,920 I... 809 00:44:53,240 --> 00:44:57,240 Yeah. 810 00:44:58,200 --> 00:45:01,920 OK. 811 00:45:01,920 --> 00:45:05,920 But you've got to stop all this crazy shit. 812 00:45:06,280 --> 00:45:10,280 Shut it, you pussy. 813 00:45:19,120 --> 00:45:23,120 ENGINE APPROACHES 814 00:45:28,560 --> 00:45:32,560 ENGINE BACKFIRES 815 00:45:37,000 --> 00:45:41,000 (LAUGHS) 816 00:45:48,040 --> 00:45:52,040 ace of spades, the ace of spades. 817 00:45:56,200 --> 00:45:59,680 Dancing with the devil 818 00:45:59,680 --> 00:46:03,680 It's all a game to me... 819 00:46:06,360 --> 00:46:10,000 Are you here for business or pleasure? 820 00:46:10,000 --> 00:46:14,000 Sorry? 821 00:46:14,400 --> 00:46:16,360 Let's get this started! 822 00:46:16,360 --> 00:46:20,360 Hang on. He's pushing dope at my fucking shindig! 823 00:46:22,400 --> 00:46:26,400 You're African, come on! 824 00:46:29,080 --> 00:46:32,720 Fuck off out of my... Ooof! 825 00:46:32,720 --> 00:46:36,720 I want you to see what kind of man you're dealing with, Thomas. 826 00:46:54,200 --> 00:46:58,200 Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd