1 00:00:15,038 --> 00:00:17,393 America's most wanted. Have you seen this man? 2 00:00:18,558 --> 00:00:20,833 (Police radio, sirens) 3 00:00:23,998 --> 00:00:27,593 'Eagle, you're looking great. Coming up nine minutes.' 4 00:00:31,758 --> 00:00:37,071 Hear me now, you has got to be well clever to run a massive business. 5 00:00:37,118 --> 00:00:40,315 I has h'actually met Ronald McDonald, 6 00:00:40,358 --> 00:00:43,509 at me cousin's 15th birthday party in Egham. 7 00:00:43,558 --> 00:00:46,914 And him, even though he dress like a total prick, 8 00:00:46,958 --> 00:00:48,949 is h'actually a genius. 9 00:00:48,998 --> 00:00:52,673 If 'im can be the 'ead of a massive business so can I. 10 00:00:52,718 --> 00:00:55,755 I's gonna find out 'ow. Check it! 11 00:01:05,158 --> 00:01:07,228 I ain't never had an idea before. 12 00:01:07,278 --> 00:01:09,667 How does you know when you has had one? 13 00:01:09,718 --> 00:01:13,552 Right. How do you know? For a business idea? 14 00:01:13,598 --> 00:01:17,511 I mean, like, I has had the idea of, like, eating chicken 15 00:01:17,558 --> 00:01:21,028 or switching on the telly but I has never had an idea. 16 00:01:21,078 --> 00:01:23,069 Right. A business idea? 17 00:01:23,118 --> 00:01:25,109 - Well, whatever. - Right. 18 00:01:25,158 --> 00:01:28,753 If you had all the money in the world, this is a good exercise, 19 00:01:28,798 --> 00:01:31,756 and you could do anything with this money 20 00:01:31,798 --> 00:01:34,995 to make your life easier, what would you invent? 21 00:01:36,358 --> 00:01:41,227 Like... free bitches. 22 00:01:41,278 --> 00:01:44,031 That... That is a good place to start. 23 00:01:44,078 --> 00:01:47,388 - Always, like, up for anything. - Right. OK. 24 00:01:47,438 --> 00:01:52,193 And there's... That could be a good business. Erm... 25 00:01:52,238 --> 00:01:54,468 If me tell someone me idea, 26 00:01:54,518 --> 00:01:57,157 how does I know they ain't gonna nick it? 27 00:01:57,198 --> 00:01:59,666 That's tough. People usually do. 28 00:01:59,718 --> 00:02:02,755 Cos, like, when the PlayStation one came out, 29 00:02:02,798 --> 00:02:06,791 me was telling me Julie what would be wicked 30 00:02:06,838 --> 00:02:10,831 would be if they brought out something that was better than this. 31 00:02:10,878 --> 00:02:12,436 Right. 32 00:02:12,478 --> 00:02:15,914 And two years later, what come out? PlayStation 2. 33 00:02:15,958 --> 00:02:19,030 How does you think they got the idea from me? 34 00:02:19,078 --> 00:02:21,638 Maybe Julie told 'em. I don't know but... 35 00:02:21,678 --> 00:02:25,193 - Well, if she did then... - And if she did, then... 36 00:02:25,238 --> 00:02:28,196 - Yo, then that is serious. - You have to talk to her. 37 00:02:28,238 --> 00:02:31,071 - Cos there is something called trust. - Absolutely. 38 00:02:34,598 --> 00:02:38,637 I has got some business idea that I wanna tell you about. 39 00:02:38,678 --> 00:02:40,077 Very quickly. 40 00:02:40,118 --> 00:02:43,633 What is the most popular thing in the world? 41 00:02:45,038 --> 00:02:48,667 - Music. - No. 42 00:02:48,718 --> 00:02:50,834 - Tell me. - Ice cream. 43 00:02:50,878 --> 00:02:52,869 - OK. - Everyone has it. 44 00:02:52,918 --> 00:02:55,557 And what is the problem with ice cream? 45 00:02:55,598 --> 00:02:58,158 - I have no idea. - It drips! 46 00:02:58,198 --> 00:03:00,792 - OK. - So me idea is what? 47 00:03:00,838 --> 00:03:02,908 To make a drip-proof ice cream. 48 00:03:02,958 --> 00:03:05,711 No. That's a fucking brilliant idea. 49 00:03:05,758 --> 00:03:09,546 All right, whatever. You ain't gonna come out with that though? 50 00:03:09,598 --> 00:03:11,589 No, I promise I won't. 51 00:03:11,638 --> 00:03:15,836 Me idea is to come out with these ice-cream gloves 52 00:03:15,878 --> 00:03:18,995 that make the ice cream not go on your 'ands 53 00:03:19,038 --> 00:03:21,074 and make it all well sticky, 54 00:03:21,118 --> 00:03:23,837 - and also it keep your 'ands warm... - OK. 55 00:03:23,878 --> 00:03:26,108 ...when you is eating the ice cream. 56 00:03:26,158 --> 00:03:28,149 - OK. - Is you in or is you in? 57 00:03:28,198 --> 00:03:31,110 It sounds good and I hope you make a lot of money. 58 00:03:31,158 --> 00:03:34,389 It's been nice seeing you, take care of yourself, OK? 59 00:03:34,438 --> 00:03:37,953 Is you in on that? We's got P Diddy is gonna be in it. 60 00:03:37,998 --> 00:03:39,192 Good. 61 00:03:45,878 --> 00:03:47,994 Here, here's an ice cream. 62 00:03:50,238 --> 00:03:53,036 - Do you want me to eat this? - No. 63 00:03:53,078 --> 00:03:55,273 - What's my idea? - Lay it on me. 64 00:03:59,638 --> 00:04:01,754 The ice-cream glove. 65 00:04:04,198 --> 00:04:08,157 - That C means you can't nick it. - All right. 66 00:04:08,198 --> 00:04:10,393 - Has you seen one of these? - Sure. 67 00:04:10,438 --> 00:04:13,635 - Everyone in school learns these things. - Sure. 68 00:04:14,518 --> 00:04:17,112 - Zen diagrams. - Sure. 69 00:04:17,158 --> 00:04:19,274 People who like ice cream. 70 00:04:20,678 --> 00:04:25,468 - People who has hands. - Sure. 71 00:04:25,518 --> 00:04:27,634 What's this section here? 72 00:04:27,678 --> 00:04:30,067 - That's our target market. - OK. 73 00:04:30,118 --> 00:04:32,837 Me did an intranet search for ice cream. 74 00:04:32,878 --> 00:04:38,589 Me come back with 62... 6,121 result. 75 00:04:38,638 --> 00:04:41,152 Me did an intranet search for the gloves. 76 00:04:41,198 --> 00:04:43,268 How much results did me get? 77 00:04:43,318 --> 00:04:47,516 325... 0... 113. 78 00:04:48,878 --> 00:04:52,029 So you times those together, what does you get? 79 00:04:52,078 --> 00:04:54,717 This is just people on the intranet, lookin' in. 80 00:04:54,758 --> 00:04:58,034 203 zillion, whatever, 81 00:04:58,078 --> 00:05:02,629 496 thousand, four hundred and then a one. 82 00:05:02,678 --> 00:05:07,229 Check this out - if all those people bought one glove... 83 00:05:07,278 --> 00:05:09,872 - Right. - At $19.99. 84 00:05:09,918 --> 00:05:12,068 - Right. - Just one glove. 85 00:05:12,118 --> 00:05:14,109 Business would be worth... 86 00:05:15,358 --> 00:05:17,588 - Wait for it. - I'm waiting. 87 00:05:18,758 --> 00:05:24,628 That much. That is such a big number I couldn't fit it that way. 88 00:05:25,678 --> 00:05:27,669 That, in English... 89 00:05:32,238 --> 00:05:36,026 How does we... promote this company? 90 00:05:37,838 --> 00:05:42,628 - We promote it with the strongest image. - All right. 91 00:05:42,678 --> 00:05:45,067 All right, that's different. 92 00:05:45,118 --> 00:05:47,871 (Ali) Naked woman on a 'orse. 93 00:05:49,358 --> 00:05:52,714 Shaven or with, like, bush, whatever. 94 00:05:54,198 --> 00:05:56,837 You know? Money talks, pubes walk. 95 00:05:56,878 --> 00:05:58,869 (Chuckles) All right. 96 00:06:00,958 --> 00:06:05,190 This may be... This may be the worst idea I've ever heard. 97 00:06:06,718 --> 00:06:08,993 I actually don't dislike the idea. 98 00:06:09,038 --> 00:06:11,188 - Safe. Respect. - But... 99 00:06:11,238 --> 00:06:14,150 I don't dislike the idea, you use it, you know. 100 00:06:14,198 --> 00:06:16,268 It's not... There's something to it. 101 00:06:16,318 --> 00:06:20,357 - This is not gonna happen. - I has got another business idea. 102 00:06:20,398 --> 00:06:23,515 Erm, OK, what is that? 103 00:06:26,638 --> 00:06:28,629 What's this? 104 00:06:28,678 --> 00:06:33,069 That is a skateboard. No. It is a toothbrush. No. 105 00:06:34,238 --> 00:06:36,468 - Don't be... - OK. What is it? 106 00:06:36,518 --> 00:06:38,748 Grow a brain. What is it? 107 00:06:38,798 --> 00:06:40,993 - Me'll tell you what it is. - Oh. 108 00:06:43,958 --> 00:06:46,153 It's a hoverboard. 109 00:06:59,158 --> 00:07:01,592 - I don't understand. - It's a hoverboard. 110 00:07:01,638 --> 00:07:04,277 - Has you seen Back To The Future? - Yeah. 111 00:07:04,318 --> 00:07:09,153 Has you seen the bit where they jump on the board and it flies around? 112 00:07:09,198 --> 00:07:11,792 - It's in the future. - Yeah. Yeah. 113 00:07:11,838 --> 00:07:14,306 That film must have been about ten years ago. 114 00:07:14,358 --> 00:07:18,397 No one has even thought about making that thing. 115 00:07:19,798 --> 00:07:21,789 But it doesn't do that. 116 00:07:21,838 --> 00:07:25,308 It doesn't do it yet. That's where you lot come in. 117 00:07:25,358 --> 00:07:27,553 You come up with the science... 118 00:07:27,598 --> 00:07:30,988 We don't do that. This is nothing. 119 00:07:31,038 --> 00:07:33,029 It was... It's a film. 120 00:07:33,078 --> 00:07:35,911 They must have used the board from somewhere, 121 00:07:35,958 --> 00:07:38,552 - they made one that worked. - No. No, no. 122 00:07:38,598 --> 00:07:42,113 So how did he jump on it and fly all around, then? 123 00:07:42,158 --> 00:07:46,595 It's called special effects. How do they do anything in a movie? 124 00:07:47,718 --> 00:07:49,709 Good luck. 125 00:07:51,238 --> 00:07:54,833 You're gonna put on the glove before you shake my hand? 126 00:07:56,038 --> 00:07:57,551 Good luck. 127 00:08:03,478 --> 00:08:06,356 ( 128 00:08:25,838 --> 00:08:28,068 (Man) I'm gonna give you a premise, 129 00:08:28,118 --> 00:08:30,109 - The premise is... - Yes. 130 00:08:30,158 --> 00:08:33,514 ...that you are with a young lady. 131 00:08:33,558 --> 00:08:36,277 - Yes. - This is your second date. 132 00:08:36,318 --> 00:08:37,512 Yes. 133 00:08:37,558 --> 00:08:39,867 The second time you've been out with her 134 00:08:39,918 --> 00:08:43,991 and you are going to propose marriage to her. 135 00:08:44,038 --> 00:08:45,790 I have a wife in Kazakhstan... 136 00:08:45,838 --> 00:08:49,194 That's even better, that adds more of a conflict. 137 00:08:49,238 --> 00:08:53,550 - But my wife will not allow it. - This is... This is imaginary. 138 00:08:53,598 --> 00:08:57,034 We're gonna make believe that she will agree to it. 139 00:08:57,078 --> 00:08:59,672 Ah, I will have time here with her! 140 00:08:59,718 --> 00:09:02,516 - Yeah, that's right! - Every time... 141 00:09:02,558 --> 00:09:08,588 But you have to convince her to come with you to Kazakhstan tonight. 142 00:09:08,638 --> 00:09:11,436 - Yes! - Whatever you need to do. 143 00:09:11,478 --> 00:09:14,515 - But I have a wife. - I... 144 00:09:16,798 --> 00:09:18,948 This is not really gonna happen. 145 00:09:18,998 --> 00:09:21,796 - Why not? - Let's say you were in a movie. 146 00:09:21,838 --> 00:09:24,398 Yes, I have been in a movie - Dirty Jew. 147 00:09:24,438 --> 00:09:28,909 OK. Now when you were in that movie, what part did you play? 148 00:09:28,958 --> 00:09:32,428 I play the one, the hero, who shoot them. 149 00:09:32,478 --> 00:09:36,471 - OK. - Do you know, er... famous people? 150 00:09:36,518 --> 00:09:41,387 I actually did a scene with Claire Danes in my acting class. 151 00:09:41,438 --> 00:09:45,113 You might not know her but she's an American actress. 152 00:09:46,078 --> 00:09:49,866 Is Freddie Mercury homosexual? 153 00:09:50,878 --> 00:09:52,869 Is Freddie Mercury a homosexual? 154 00:09:52,918 --> 00:09:57,196 I... I don't know if I'm qualified to comment on that. 155 00:09:57,238 --> 00:10:01,356 Er, now, the young lady that you're doing the improv with... 156 00:10:01,398 --> 00:10:05,994 - Yes. ...is Jennifer De Francesco. 157 00:10:06,038 --> 00:10:07,517 Yes. 158 00:10:07,558 --> 00:10:11,790 What we're gonna is, er, we're going to do an improv. 159 00:10:11,838 --> 00:10:13,635 - OK. - He's married. 160 00:10:13,678 --> 00:10:16,795 You're going to say, "Hey, let's get it on right now." 161 00:10:16,838 --> 00:10:19,306 OK. Erm... 162 00:10:20,238 --> 00:10:22,798 - So, I've only known you... - (Laughs) 163 00:10:22,838 --> 00:10:25,033 - (All laugh) - Nice. 164 00:10:26,038 --> 00:10:28,268 I like. I like this. 165 00:10:28,318 --> 00:10:30,991 - OK, stay in the scene. - OK. 166 00:10:34,558 --> 00:10:36,150 Hm. 167 00:10:36,198 --> 00:10:39,235 So, I know you have to go back home soon. 168 00:10:39,278 --> 00:10:41,269 Yes. 169 00:10:41,318 --> 00:10:45,357 But I was wondering if on your last night 170 00:10:45,398 --> 00:10:48,993 we could have a really special evening... 171 00:10:49,038 --> 00:10:51,108 - Yes. ...together. 172 00:10:51,158 --> 00:10:54,912 But they film this on a camera, my... 173 00:10:54,958 --> 00:10:57,074 my wife will see this. 174 00:10:57,838 --> 00:11:01,148 Yeah, well, we're just... we're in a class, we're just... 175 00:11:01,198 --> 00:11:03,314 - Yes. Ah, yes. - We're acting. 176 00:11:03,358 --> 00:11:06,873 You do not like me but you touch me before. 177 00:11:06,918 --> 00:11:09,034 Well, that's cos we were acting. 178 00:11:09,078 --> 00:11:12,309 I thought there were some excellent moments there. 179 00:11:12,358 --> 00:11:15,350 - Er, so, Jennifer, thank you. - Yeah. Thank you. 180 00:11:15,398 --> 00:11:18,231 Thanks. Thanks. No. Thank you. 181 00:11:25,798 --> 00:11:27,868 - Hi. - Hello. 182 00:11:27,918 --> 00:11:29,909 What will you be doing? 183 00:11:29,958 --> 00:11:35,316 I will perform from, er, television show... 184 00:11:35,358 --> 00:11:38,509 - Great. ...that I in in Kazakhstan. 185 00:11:38,558 --> 00:11:40,947 - Locust. - OK, great. 186 00:11:40,998 --> 00:11:42,989 Yes, I come! 187 00:11:43,038 --> 00:11:45,029 In ten minute. 188 00:11:46,078 --> 00:11:48,069 Eight minute. 189 00:11:48,638 --> 00:11:50,754 No, she cannot come. 190 00:11:50,798 --> 00:11:53,153 She dead. 191 00:11:53,198 --> 00:11:55,189 In the throat. 192 00:11:55,238 --> 00:11:57,388 Yes, she good kid. 193 00:11:57,438 --> 00:11:59,554 I like her, too. 194 00:11:59,598 --> 00:12:01,907 I come. Yes! 195 00:12:14,878 --> 00:12:16,869 (lmitating gunshots) 196 00:12:24,118 --> 00:12:27,030 Hey, it's you! Let her go. 197 00:12:27,078 --> 00:12:29,069 Why you take her? 198 00:12:29,118 --> 00:12:31,632 She nothing to do with this. 199 00:12:31,678 --> 00:12:35,034 You, me, was partner. 200 00:12:35,078 --> 00:12:37,228 I am Locust! 201 00:12:38,718 --> 00:12:41,710 (lmitates gunshots in slow motion) 202 00:12:53,118 --> 00:12:55,552 (lmitates gunshots) 203 00:12:57,118 --> 00:12:59,791 I, Locust. 204 00:12:59,838 --> 00:13:01,908 Fuck to you. 205 00:13:02,878 --> 00:13:08,236 You safe now. You do not need worry about him. 206 00:13:09,318 --> 00:13:11,309 (lmitates gunshot) 207 00:13:15,958 --> 00:13:19,473 - Thank you very much. - When will I hear? 208 00:13:19,518 --> 00:13:24,353 Erm, you know, if we're interested then we usually call. 209 00:13:30,718 --> 00:13:32,754 ( 210 00:13:50,438 --> 00:13:53,191 - Hello, how are you? - I'm fine. How are you? 211 00:13:53,238 --> 00:13:57,151 I'm very good. Tell me about your latest fashions. 212 00:13:57,198 --> 00:13:59,553 These are clothes for after 9-11. 213 00:13:59,598 --> 00:14:02,715 A lot of clothes on the runway are still from... 214 00:14:02,758 --> 00:14:06,307 They're very pre-9-11. They're SO pre-9-11. 215 00:14:06,358 --> 00:14:10,112 - They're very September 10. - They are, that's so true. 216 00:14:10,158 --> 00:14:13,434 All my September 10th clothes are in the closet. 217 00:14:13,478 --> 00:14:17,187 Why don't they get everybody's clothes they were wearing 218 00:14:17,238 --> 00:14:19,672 from September the 10th or before 219 00:14:19,718 --> 00:14:21,629 and put them in a massive pile 220 00:14:21,678 --> 00:14:24,875 and just hire some terrorists to just blow it up? 221 00:14:24,918 --> 00:14:29,548 - That's a great idea. - Do a September 12th face into camera. 222 00:14:29,598 --> 00:14:32,510 A September 12th face, er... 223 00:14:32,558 --> 00:14:35,197 is-is very inscrutable 224 00:14:35,238 --> 00:14:38,275 because nobody knows what's gonna happen next. 225 00:14:38,318 --> 00:14:40,707 Show me the face. Do it. 226 00:14:44,118 --> 00:14:49,067 - You don't know what will happen next. - And do a September 10th face. 227 00:14:49,118 --> 00:14:53,714 - The September 10th face was happy. - Yes. Look into it. 228 00:14:53,758 --> 00:14:57,353 September 10th face was a very, very happy face. 229 00:14:57,398 --> 00:14:59,787 Do it. No speaking. 230 00:14:59,838 --> 00:15:01,874 What is September 13th face? 231 00:15:03,798 --> 00:15:05,993 You mean it really happened? 232 00:15:06,038 --> 00:15:08,029 Yes, it did happen. 233 00:15:08,078 --> 00:15:11,036 Er, I wasn't dreaming, it wasn't a nightmare. 234 00:15:11,078 --> 00:15:13,831 Yes, September 11th did happen. 235 00:15:13,878 --> 00:15:16,028 What about September 14th face? 236 00:15:17,278 --> 00:15:19,792 - Oh, it goes on and on... - Just do it. 237 00:15:19,838 --> 00:15:21,874 September 14th? 238 00:15:24,558 --> 00:15:26,549 What's gonna happen next? 239 00:15:30,278 --> 00:15:32,633 We have a bit of a problem, 240 00:15:32,678 --> 00:15:36,114 we can't get to speak to the designer, Carolina. 241 00:15:36,158 --> 00:15:39,787 - Could you pretend to be her? - Where are you from? 242 00:15:39,838 --> 00:15:42,591 From Austria. They don't know a fucking thing. 243 00:15:42,638 --> 00:15:45,277 You want me to talk about the collection? 244 00:15:45,318 --> 00:15:47,957 Also, jetz bin inc hier mit Carolina Herrera. 245 00:15:47,998 --> 00:15:51,513 I'm here with Carolina Herrera, the designer of that crazy show. 246 00:15:51,558 --> 00:15:53,594 So, Carolina, how was it all? 247 00:15:53,638 --> 00:15:56,675 I thought it turned out absolutely wonderful. 248 00:15:56,718 --> 00:16:00,916 My vision this year was to mix casual with very elegant. 249 00:16:00,958 --> 00:16:03,791 It's an eclectic mix, very dichotomous 250 00:16:03,838 --> 00:16:06,989 with very rich colours, very beautiful fabrics 251 00:16:07,038 --> 00:16:09,029 but mixed with cargo pants. 252 00:16:11,038 --> 00:16:14,553 - I want to say, it's fantastic show. - Thank you. 253 00:16:14,598 --> 00:16:16,793 And why the nautical theme? 254 00:16:16,838 --> 00:16:20,797 - Nautical? - Er, the ships, the waves... 255 00:16:20,838 --> 00:16:23,477 - I didn't have nautical. - A bit of this, no? 256 00:16:23,518 --> 00:16:24,951 No. 257 00:16:24,998 --> 00:16:26,954 - Why not, why not? - Why not? 258 00:16:26,998 --> 00:16:30,195 Because I was in someplace else, I was not in the sea. 259 00:16:30,238 --> 00:16:32,877 - What did you think of the show? - I loved the show. 260 00:16:32,918 --> 00:16:35,876 What about the nautical theme? 261 00:16:35,918 --> 00:16:40,355 The nautical theme I wasn't too crazy about. 262 00:16:40,398 --> 00:16:44,027 There were some pieces I did like but it was a bit too much 263 00:16:44,078 --> 00:16:46,876 cos so many pieces were influenced by it. 264 00:16:46,918 --> 00:16:49,352 Why do you think that she wanted 265 00:16:49,398 --> 00:16:52,834 to push this ship and ocean theme so hard? 266 00:16:52,878 --> 00:16:55,267 Why she wanted to? 267 00:16:55,318 --> 00:16:59,675 Maybe just cos we think of ships as an escape away from land, 268 00:16:59,718 --> 00:17:04,075 and the state of the country has just been so distressed, 269 00:17:04,118 --> 00:17:06,234 maybe she kind of thought of ships 270 00:17:06,278 --> 00:17:09,793 as a way to get away from all the craziness of here. 271 00:17:16,798 --> 00:17:20,268 These people trying to get in to the Marc Jacobs show. 272 00:17:20,318 --> 00:17:23,151 He already told us he wants us to come. 273 00:17:23,198 --> 00:17:25,428 We do the press. You're not on the list. 274 00:17:25,478 --> 00:17:28,788 I know Marc. You look at the list one more time 275 00:17:28,838 --> 00:17:31,352 - and you will find... - You're not on the list. 276 00:17:31,398 --> 00:17:33,628 - Look again. - I don't need to. 277 00:17:33,678 --> 00:17:36,067 - Look at it, please. - You're not on it. 278 00:17:36,118 --> 00:17:38,188 Do you know who I am? 279 00:17:38,238 --> 00:17:41,833 I've won two Österreichischer Fernsehen prizes. 280 00:17:41,878 --> 00:17:45,712 - I'm like Jesus in Austria. - That's wonderful. 281 00:17:45,758 --> 00:17:49,637 I'm prepared to do anything to get in, and I mean anything. 282 00:17:49,678 --> 00:17:51,669 - Try it. - What? 283 00:17:51,718 --> 00:17:55,108 - You're not getting in. - I will give you the best head ever. 284 00:17:55,158 --> 00:17:57,149 And I'm not even gay. 285 00:17:57,198 --> 00:18:00,235 - You want me to blow you? - No, please. 286 00:18:00,278 --> 00:18:03,827 - Tickle your balls. You tickle my balls. - No. No. 287 00:18:03,878 --> 00:18:06,995 I will let you take me in the scheissenpump. 288 00:18:07,038 --> 00:18:10,997 This is my last offer. You can fuck me von hintern. 289 00:18:12,278 --> 00:18:14,792 You can take me up the schtinker. 290 00:18:14,838 --> 00:18:17,989 - Yes or no? I'm not even gay. - Hell, no. 291 00:18:18,038 --> 00:18:19,835 What you have to do? 292 00:18:19,878 --> 00:18:23,348 I'm supposed to be doin' some work, I have to meet with Tony. 293 00:18:23,398 --> 00:18:25,195 Bullshit. 294 00:18:25,238 --> 00:18:27,911 I just got to get something out there... 295 00:18:40,198 --> 00:18:43,395 Great to see you. I haven't seen you for so long. 296 00:18:43,438 --> 00:18:45,906 - How you been? - I'm very good, thank you. 297 00:18:45,958 --> 00:18:50,668 You remember we met and we had a great time in Los Angeles? 298 00:18:52,238 --> 00:18:56,277 - I'm sorry. I've met you before? - Yes, we have met in Los Angeles. 299 00:18:56,318 --> 00:18:58,036 Bruno, Bruno. 300 00:18:58,078 --> 00:18:59,989 - Bruno... - You remember? 301 00:19:00,038 --> 00:19:03,394 I don't know. I'm sorry, I think I know you. 302 00:19:03,438 --> 00:19:05,554 Yes. Good to see you. 303 00:19:13,198 --> 00:19:15,348 Wagwan, everything irie. 304 00:19:15,398 --> 00:19:19,596 I is 'ere with my main man, his name be Newt Gingrich 305 00:19:19,638 --> 00:19:23,950 and 'im was the leader of the House of Representatives. 306 00:19:23,998 --> 00:19:25,989 - Is that right? - Yes. 307 00:19:26,038 --> 00:19:28,677 Do you think a woman will ever be president? 308 00:19:28,718 --> 00:19:32,427 - Absolutely. - Ain't there a problem that if there is, 309 00:19:32,478 --> 00:19:37,029 they is gonna spend all their time on facials, shopping and new shoes? 310 00:19:37,078 --> 00:19:41,356 If you said that to most women you'd be surprised how tough they are. 311 00:19:41,398 --> 00:19:46,028 But wouldn't the whole cabinet be, like, Brad Pitt on defence 312 00:19:46,078 --> 00:19:50,037 and George Clooney on 'ealth, you know, cos him from ER 313 00:19:50,078 --> 00:19:52,911 and you has all these other good-looking geezers 314 00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:55,108 and King Dong in the background. 315 00:19:55,158 --> 00:19:57,547 Margaret Thatcher was probably 316 00:19:57,598 --> 00:20:01,386 one of the three best prime ministers of the 20th century. 317 00:20:01,438 --> 00:20:03,429 But wouldn't there be a danger 318 00:20:03,478 --> 00:20:07,357 that they'd fall in love with someone bad like Saddam Hussein? 319 00:20:07,398 --> 00:20:11,311 - No more than for a man. - Yeah but women love bastards. 320 00:20:11,358 --> 00:20:15,033 I don't have any... I think that's just a stereotype. 321 00:20:15,078 --> 00:20:17,228 No but I know from me experience 322 00:20:17,278 --> 00:20:20,111 the worse you treat 'em the more they want you. 323 00:20:20,158 --> 00:20:23,150 He could be doin' bad things to the US all the time 324 00:20:23,198 --> 00:20:25,792 and it would just get her more and more horny. 325 00:20:25,838 --> 00:20:28,636 I don't think that kind of woman... 326 00:20:28,678 --> 00:20:32,637 would be president any more than a guy who's easy to push around. 327 00:20:32,678 --> 00:20:36,148 People who get pushed around don't get to be president. 328 00:20:36,198 --> 00:20:41,318 But ain't there the problem that if 'e declares war she'll just start cryin'? 329 00:20:41,358 --> 00:20:45,237 A woman who could be president would be comfortable saying, 330 00:20:45,278 --> 00:20:48,236 "If you want a fight we'll do what it takes." 331 00:20:48,278 --> 00:20:50,997 - Not if she was in love with him. - Otherwise... 332 00:20:51,038 --> 00:20:54,951 Treat 'em rough, you'll get your muff, that's what they say. 333 00:20:54,998 --> 00:20:57,068 I think whoever you dated is different 334 00:20:57,118 --> 00:20:59,837 than the kind of people who get to be president. 335 00:21:08,638 --> 00:21:13,314 How does you make countries do stuff you want? 336 00:21:13,358 --> 00:21:17,271 Well, the way you deal with countries in foreign policy, 337 00:21:17,318 --> 00:21:19,991 I think that's what you're asking me... 338 00:21:20,038 --> 00:21:23,747 - No doubt. ...is you deal with carrots and sticks. 339 00:21:23,798 --> 00:21:28,588 But what country is gonna want carrots 340 00:21:28,638 --> 00:21:32,551 even if there is, like, a million tons of carrots you is giving? 341 00:21:32,598 --> 00:21:35,158 Carrots, I'm not using that term literally. 342 00:21:35,198 --> 00:21:39,157 You might offer foreign aid to... money, OK? Money. 343 00:21:39,198 --> 00:21:41,428 Money is better than carrots. 344 00:21:41,478 --> 00:21:43,867 Even if a country love carrots 345 00:21:43,918 --> 00:21:46,910 and that is, like, their favourite national food, 346 00:21:46,958 --> 00:21:50,553 - if they get given... - Don't get hung up on carrots. 347 00:21:50,598 --> 00:21:52,589 That's a figure of speech. 348 00:21:52,638 --> 00:21:56,187 So would you ever send carrots? 349 00:22:00,638 --> 00:22:02,993 - Is there any situation? - No. No. 350 00:22:03,038 --> 00:22:06,951 - What about in a famine? - Carrots themselves? No. 351 00:22:11,158 --> 00:22:15,868 Was it embarrassing working as a secretary? 352 00:22:15,918 --> 00:22:20,753 Did it have the same kind of stigmata as being a male nurse? 353 00:22:20,798 --> 00:22:26,316 I think... The word secretary is used in different ways. 354 00:22:26,358 --> 00:22:29,907 Why do you think politicians use so many words 355 00:22:29,958 --> 00:22:32,711 that young people just don't understand? 356 00:22:32,758 --> 00:22:35,591 Like "discussion" or "conflict"? 357 00:22:35,638 --> 00:22:38,311 Only chi-chi men would use them words. 358 00:22:38,358 --> 00:22:42,476 Oh, I don't think so. You'd find those in high schools in America 359 00:22:42,518 --> 00:22:44,748 and classrooms everywhere you go. 360 00:22:44,798 --> 00:22:47,756 But surely if politicians used words like 361 00:22:47,798 --> 00:22:52,030 holler, swallow back, check this out all my peeps in your cribs, 362 00:22:52,078 --> 00:22:54,069 all you mofos out there, 363 00:22:54,118 --> 00:22:57,428 swallow this, booyakasha, wagwan, 364 00:22:57,478 --> 00:23:01,949 then people would 'ear it and understand, innit? 365 00:23:01,998 --> 00:23:03,989 That's crazy. 366 00:23:04,038 --> 00:23:07,030 You can't find me five people in the entire country 367 00:23:07,078 --> 00:23:09,512 who could understand what you just said. 368 00:23:09,558 --> 00:23:12,118 - That ain't true. - Not five people. 369 00:23:12,158 --> 00:23:14,194 I could find you five billion. 370 00:23:14,238 --> 00:23:16,308 Cos of your jobs 371 00:23:16,358 --> 00:23:21,716 you must know a lot of secrets that happened back then. 372 00:23:22,958 --> 00:23:26,268 It's been ten years. I don't remember many of them. 373 00:23:26,318 --> 00:23:30,675 What about Hillary Clinton? Does she drink from the furry cup? 374 00:23:30,718 --> 00:23:32,709 I don't know Hillary. 375 00:23:32,758 --> 00:23:34,953 Does she eat from the bushy bowl? 376 00:23:34,998 --> 00:23:37,193 I don't know anything about her. 377 00:23:37,238 --> 00:23:39,229 If she does, just cough. 378 00:23:39,278 --> 00:23:41,473 I don't know anything about her. 379 00:23:49,318 --> 00:23:51,912 So is this your interview technique? 380 00:23:51,958 --> 00:23:54,108 I was waiting to see if you coughed. 381 00:23:54,158 --> 00:23:56,547 This is your interview technique? 382 00:23:56,598 --> 00:23:59,715 This interview is over. The guy's an idiot. 383 00:24:04,038 --> 00:24:06,268 - I can interview you? - For what? 384 00:24:06,318 --> 00:24:08,513 Österreichischer Jungenrundfunk. 385 00:24:08,558 --> 00:24:10,549 - Erm... - I'm from Austria. 386 00:24:10,598 --> 00:24:13,635 - Just really quickly cos... - OK, great. 387 00:24:13,678 --> 00:24:17,671 So... Wait, let me go this side because this side I look fat. 388 00:24:19,518 --> 00:24:21,634 Wait a minute. 389 00:24:21,678 --> 00:24:25,068 Just do more of me, right? It's my show, it's not... 390 00:24:25,118 --> 00:24:28,872 - All right? - (Woman) We have to go. 391 00:24:28,918 --> 00:24:32,513 You know, I sort of need to go. Can we hurry? 392 00:24:32,558 --> 00:24:34,276 - OK, right. - Sorry. 393 00:24:34,318 --> 00:24:36,388 (Woman) Do you wanna do this? 394 00:24:36,438 --> 00:24:39,635 Really quickly you can ask me a couple of questions. 395 00:24:39,678 --> 00:24:41,748 OK, great. Er... 396 00:24:43,718 --> 00:24:46,835 - Er, do I look fat? - No, you look lovely. 397 00:24:46,878 --> 00:24:48,948 - Yeah? - Let's go. 398 00:24:48,998 --> 00:24:50,989 So... 399 00:24:52,238 --> 00:24:54,229 Er... 400 00:24:58,398 --> 00:25:02,516 I've forgotten, I was... Just say something. Anything. 401 00:25:07,478 --> 00:25:11,949 Peeps, stay in college and off the crack 402 00:25:11,998 --> 00:25:14,353 and big up yourself.