1 00:00:04,110 --> 00:00:04,710 I'm late! 2 00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:31,040 Right on time. 3 00:00:36,100 --> 00:00:37,950 Feel the burn. 4 00:00:50,480 --> 00:00:54,260 Hey, Malloy, nice jersey. Looks like you're wearing a purple dress. 5 00:00:54,260 --> 00:00:57,300 Yeah, I'm gonna take fashion critiques from a guy in a clip-on and mom jeans. 6 00:00:57,300 --> 00:01:00,560 These aren't my mom's jeans, she couldn't fit into them anymore, they're mine. 7 00:01:00,560 --> 00:01:03,970 Hey, Malloy's just showing his spirit for the big game today. 8 00:01:03,970 --> 00:01:06,400 I can't wait to watch it with you, little buddy. 9 00:01:06,400 --> 00:01:08,670 Aw, damn it! My cookie. 10 00:01:08,680 --> 00:01:10,470 - Five second rule! - Five... 11 00:01:10,480 --> 00:01:11,730 - I can't get it! - Four... 12 00:01:11,730 --> 00:01:14,190 Connie, help! 13 00:01:15,880 --> 00:01:18,890 Oh, my God. That was a close one. 14 00:01:18,890 --> 00:01:20,620 Thank you, Connie. 15 00:01:20,620 --> 00:01:23,250 - No problem. - Oh, come on, Connie. 16 00:01:23,250 --> 00:01:25,780 Don't be so modest. You're like a freak of nature. 17 00:01:26,360 --> 00:01:27,250 Steve! 18 00:01:27,250 --> 00:01:28,900 We all know Connie's a lumbering, hulk-like 19 00:01:28,910 --> 00:01:31,230 affront to humanity, but it's not nice to say it. 20 00:01:31,240 --> 00:01:34,270 That's why I learned sign language. 21 00:01:34,270 --> 00:01:36,660 I was giving Connie a compliment, Ethel. 22 00:01:36,660 --> 00:01:39,420 God blessed her with unnatural lesbian strength. 23 00:01:39,420 --> 00:01:41,660 Lesbian? Watch your mouth, Steve. 24 00:01:41,670 --> 00:01:43,250 That's a hate word. 25 00:01:43,250 --> 00:01:46,200 I think it's high time I speak to you all about tolerance. 26 00:01:46,210 --> 00:01:50,550 We should be tolerant of everyone, be they straight, be they gay, 27 00:01:50,550 --> 00:01:53,740 or the Jesus hates homos church who are having a rally at the Park today. 28 00:01:53,740 --> 00:01:56,700 Jesus hates homos? They're an ignorant cult. 29 00:01:56,700 --> 00:01:58,600 Well, that's intolerant. 30 00:01:58,600 --> 00:02:01,240 How would you feel if they said bad things about you? 31 00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:04,420 That's all they do! I know because... 32 00:02:04,420 --> 00:02:06,550 I used to be a member. 33 00:02:06,550 --> 00:02:08,490 It was 15 years ago. 34 00:02:08,490 --> 00:02:12,930 I was your average, everyday little girl. 35 00:02:13,130 --> 00:02:17,390 I wanted to please my mother so much. 36 00:02:20,030 --> 00:02:24,190 She just ignored me and my hankering for hoo haa untill she couldn't anymore. 37 00:02:24,190 --> 00:02:27,490 My father and the church members made a "gay curing" machine. 38 00:02:27,490 --> 00:02:30,060 They called it "the homo eradicator." 39 00:02:30,060 --> 00:02:32,270 You like that, sinner? Do you? 40 00:02:32,270 --> 00:02:35,630 I'll bet Slater from Saved by the Bell would make you Screech. 41 00:02:36,830 --> 00:02:39,070 Doesn't Pat Sajak hold your gay back? 42 00:02:40,040 --> 00:02:42,640 And try romancin' Ted Danson. 43 00:02:53,360 --> 00:02:54,880 - You had enough? - No. 44 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:57,830 I wanna see how it ends. 45 00:02:57,840 --> 00:03:00,590 When it didn't work, my parents disowned me. 46 00:03:00,590 --> 00:03:03,530 They bought a St. Bernard, named it Connie, 47 00:03:03,530 --> 00:03:06,320 and photo shopped me out of all the family pictures. 48 00:03:06,320 --> 00:03:08,590 I never spoke to them again. 49 00:03:08,590 --> 00:03:09,800 Man, that's messed up! 50 00:03:09,810 --> 00:03:12,600 If they wanted a dog named Connie, they could've just kept you. 51 00:03:12,600 --> 00:03:13,750 Shut up, idiot. 52 00:03:13,750 --> 00:03:16,130 Connie, I never knew you'd been through so much. 53 00:03:16,130 --> 00:03:18,240 Woody, you can't have that hate-filled church here. 54 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:21,980 Yeah, yeah. Maybe I should reconsider having these hate-mongers at our Park. 55 00:03:21,980 --> 00:03:23,880 - They paid cash. - Cha ching! 56 00:03:23,880 --> 00:03:25,820 Welcome, hate mongers! 57 00:03:25,820 --> 00:03:27,680 We need to make these people feel comfortable. 58 00:03:27,680 --> 00:03:30,610 Time to de-gay the Park! Connie, put on this dress. 59 00:03:30,610 --> 00:03:33,090 Yow. That's a tough sell. Here. 60 00:03:33,090 --> 00:03:35,460 For the next 24 hours, you're gonna be a straight guy 61 00:03:35,460 --> 00:03:38,880 named Chester... Beefbottom. 62 00:03:43,370 --> 00:03:45,930 You don't think I'm a freak, do you? 63 00:03:45,930 --> 00:03:49,160 Whatever you say. Just don't stick me in your crotch again. 64 00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:51,400 Connie? Oh, Sweetie, take that off. 65 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:53,800 I cannot believe how insensitive Woody is. 66 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:56,930 I already took off the fake one! 67 00:03:56,930 --> 00:03:59,720 - Ooh! Sorry. - Thanks for understanding, Ethel. 68 00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:02,510 - You know I didn't choose to be this way. - Well, that's up for debate. 69 00:04:02,510 --> 00:04:04,530 But you are an incredible person. 70 00:04:04,530 --> 00:04:08,860 You're sweet, you're considerate, you're beautiful, inside and... 71 00:04:08,860 --> 00:04:10,590 Well, inside. 72 00:04:10,590 --> 00:04:15,690 - Oh. I didn't know you felt this way. - Of course I do. Come here. 73 00:04:15,690 --> 00:04:17,870 Go for it! 74 00:04:17,870 --> 00:04:21,210 Connie... no! Oh, God, gross! 75 00:04:21,210 --> 00:04:23,840 Connie, wait! I didn't mean gross. I just meant... 76 00:04:23,840 --> 00:04:27,410 Slightly nauseating. I just feel a little sick. 77 00:04:27,410 --> 00:04:30,650 I probably won't vomit! 78 00:04:33,580 --> 00:04:35,920 Welcome to Brickleberry. Make yourselves at home. 79 00:04:35,930 --> 00:04:37,590 Who put that there? 80 00:04:37,590 --> 00:04:39,460 Woody, here's the remainder of the payment. 81 00:04:39,460 --> 00:04:41,600 - I hope cash is okay. - Cash? 82 00:04:41,600 --> 00:04:43,140 I love cash! 83 00:04:43,140 --> 00:04:45,740 But not as much as I love vagina. 84 00:04:45,740 --> 00:04:48,380 Don't you think vagina's much better than a dude's butthole? 85 00:04:48,380 --> 00:04:50,360 I do. 86 00:04:50,810 --> 00:04:52,580 Where are you taking us, Connie? 87 00:04:52,580 --> 00:04:54,100 Away from everyone. 88 00:04:54,100 --> 00:04:58,650 Woody's having that stupid church here, and Ethel thinks I'm slightly nauseating. 89 00:04:58,650 --> 00:04:59,980 Slightly? 90 00:04:59,990 --> 00:05:02,180 Hey. No smoking in the Park, mister. 91 00:05:02,180 --> 00:05:04,220 Uh-oh! 92 00:05:08,120 --> 00:05:10,550 How am I ever gonna get in here? 93 00:05:10,550 --> 00:05:12,350 Oh. 94 00:05:14,100 --> 00:05:16,140 Uh-oh. 95 00:05:16,850 --> 00:05:20,180 Ooh. They may be ignorant Morons, but their cash is green. 96 00:05:20,180 --> 00:05:23,130 Think I'm gonna play golf this weekend to celebrate the windfall. 97 00:05:23,140 --> 00:05:25,230 Denzel, do you wanna caddy again? 98 00:05:25,230 --> 00:05:29,200 He can't. Denzel and I have plans. We're going to Pez Con! 99 00:05:29,210 --> 00:05:31,580 - Pez Con? - Uh, yeah! 100 00:05:31,580 --> 00:05:33,380 For pez collectors. Like me. 101 00:05:33,380 --> 00:05:35,290 Will you say that again, so I can record it? 102 00:05:35,290 --> 00:05:38,510 Then I'll have something to play back when I forget why I hate you. 103 00:05:38,520 --> 00:05:42,510 Denzel, why the hell are you going? You're not a dork like Steve. 104 00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:46,750 He's going with me because we're friends. Something money can't buy. 105 00:05:46,750 --> 00:05:50,260 You must have forgotten, Steve, that I always get what I want. 106 00:05:50,260 --> 00:05:53,370 - Denzel, I'll pay ya double. - Double? Oh, hell, yeah. 107 00:05:53,370 --> 00:05:56,060 Come on, Denzel. I can't go to Pez Con alone. 108 00:05:56,060 --> 00:06:00,200 The pez heads will think I'm a loser! 109 00:06:00,200 --> 00:06:01,200 Got it. 110 00:06:01,200 --> 00:06:03,840 Gays are witty. Gays are clean. 111 00:06:03,840 --> 00:06:06,650 They are polite, they are good dancers, 112 00:06:06,650 --> 00:06:10,120 snappy dressers, and raise property values. 113 00:06:10,120 --> 00:06:12,660 But you got to take my word for it... 114 00:06:12,660 --> 00:06:15,660 Homosexuals are evil! 115 00:06:15,960 --> 00:06:19,570 Thank you. There is nothing that Jesus hates more than a gay... 116 00:06:19,570 --> 00:06:23,660 Not a murderer, not a rapist, not even a Jew. 117 00:06:23,660 --> 00:06:27,800 - But Jesus was a Jew. - Stone him! 118 00:06:29,750 --> 00:06:32,460 At ease, soldiers. Just a Park Ranger. 119 00:06:32,460 --> 00:06:34,860 Sorry about that, Mr... Beefbottom. 120 00:06:34,860 --> 00:06:37,170 Wow. What is this place? 121 00:06:37,170 --> 00:06:40,770 You're inside of a top-secret military research facility. 122 00:06:40,770 --> 00:06:42,610 - Top secret? - Yes! 123 00:06:42,610 --> 00:06:44,950 So you must promise to keep our secret a secret. 124 00:06:44,950 --> 00:06:46,810 Pinkie swear! 125 00:06:46,810 --> 00:06:48,140 Good enough for me. 126 00:06:48,140 --> 00:06:51,220 The government has been using Brickleberry as a cover for decades. 127 00:06:51,220 --> 00:06:55,890 What we do here is develop highly classified, specialized explosives. 128 00:06:55,890 --> 00:06:58,460 This bomb gives the enemy low blood sugar. 129 00:06:58,460 --> 00:07:00,780 Try fighting a war when you're all cranky. 130 00:07:00,780 --> 00:07:03,340 This one makes your face look like Bruce Jenner's. 131 00:07:03,340 --> 00:07:05,400 Usually leads to mass suicide. 132 00:07:05,400 --> 00:07:07,930 This bomb turns people into dead people. 133 00:07:07,930 --> 00:07:10,010 Just a regular bomb, really. 134 00:07:10,010 --> 00:07:12,170 This one's a gay bomb. This one's a... 135 00:07:12,180 --> 00:07:15,340 Whoa, whoa, whoa. Gay bomb? Tell me about this one. 136 00:07:15,340 --> 00:07:17,620 It's, uh... top secret. 137 00:07:17,620 --> 00:07:20,270 - Show the top secret film! - Are you sure about that? 138 00:07:20,270 --> 00:07:22,170 Yeah. He did the pinkie swear. 139 00:07:22,170 --> 00:07:26,550 Top secret Movietone news, your source for all things classified. 140 00:07:26,550 --> 00:07:29,250 The Jerries were on the march to take over all of Europe. 141 00:07:29,250 --> 00:07:31,590 Uncle Sam's only hope was a secret weapon 142 00:07:31,590 --> 00:07:34,850 developed using state-of-the-art homo-nuclear technology... 143 00:07:34,850 --> 00:07:36,950 The gay bomb. 144 00:07:36,950 --> 00:07:40,360 Ka-pow. And like that, those krauts went from sour to sweet. 145 00:07:40,360 --> 00:07:44,520 The gay bomb... pride of America, savior to the world! 146 00:07:44,530 --> 00:07:49,570 This baby turns every person in a 20-mile radius into an instant homosexual. 147 00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:52,090 Wow. I never knew there was a gay bomb. 148 00:07:52,100 --> 00:07:54,040 Well, that's just the slang name. 149 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,890 The eggheads back in Los Alamos call it "the sissy missile." 150 00:07:56,890 --> 00:07:58,750 Hmm. 151 00:08:06,380 --> 00:08:08,940 Screw it. Set this bitch off. 152 00:08:08,940 --> 00:08:11,330 What did that hand just say? 153 00:08:11,330 --> 00:08:14,270 No! Stop that hand! 154 00:08:21,960 --> 00:08:24,960 Oh, no, you didn't! 155 00:08:28,500 --> 00:08:30,040 What have you done? 156 00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:33,710 The shock wave is going to hit all of those people any minute now! 157 00:08:33,710 --> 00:08:36,810 He's my friend, and he's going to Pez Con with me! 158 00:08:36,810 --> 00:08:39,100 Bullshit! He is a grown man. 159 00:08:39,100 --> 00:08:44,500 He can make his own decisions. He's caddying for me. 160 00:08:44,520 --> 00:08:45,820 Denzel is my man! 161 00:08:45,820 --> 00:08:51,720 You can have him after I get through with his brown chocolate ass and balls. 162 00:08:57,580 --> 00:09:01,300 Wow! This is the utopia I've dreamed of! 163 00:09:01,300 --> 00:09:03,400 Connie, is that you? 164 00:09:03,400 --> 00:09:05,030 Uh, Reverend Rusty? 165 00:09:05,030 --> 00:09:08,610 Oh, talk about an eye opening moment, you know? 166 00:09:08,610 --> 00:09:11,850 I can't believe I was all about hate for so many years. 167 00:09:11,850 --> 00:09:15,210 I just wanna apologize for being so rude to you. 168 00:09:15,210 --> 00:09:17,550 Uh... no problem. 169 00:09:17,550 --> 00:09:19,290 Would you two cut it out? 170 00:09:19,290 --> 00:09:21,850 We're late for the Kathy Griffin show in Tucson. 171 00:09:21,860 --> 00:09:25,340 All aboard the winky wagon! 172 00:09:30,400 --> 00:09:32,040 Hiya, Coco. 173 00:09:32,040 --> 00:09:35,250 Oh, my God, have you seen my snuggly wuggly? 174 00:09:35,250 --> 00:09:36,870 - Who, Malloy? - Mall... ha ha! 175 00:09:36,870 --> 00:09:40,490 No, miss thing. My boy toy, Denzel. 176 00:09:40,490 --> 00:09:43,310 Ooh! There he is. 177 00:09:49,620 --> 00:09:51,620 How do these pants make my ass look? 178 00:09:51,620 --> 00:09:54,200 - Big? - Good! 179 00:09:54,210 --> 00:09:57,030 Conini Panini! There you are. 180 00:09:57,030 --> 00:09:59,620 Hey, Steve. I love your frosted tips. 181 00:09:59,620 --> 00:10:01,770 Thank you. What did Woody want? 182 00:10:01,770 --> 00:10:04,180 - He's looking for Denzel. - That bitch! 183 00:10:04,180 --> 00:10:05,760 Ta ta! 184 00:10:05,760 --> 00:10:07,350 This is awesome! 185 00:10:07,350 --> 00:10:09,050 What the hell is going on, Connie? 186 00:10:09,050 --> 00:10:12,050 Woody's acting really weird. Steve, pretty much the same. 187 00:10:12,050 --> 00:10:16,100 Well, I found this secret base, I accidentally set off a gay bomb, and then.. 188 00:10:16,100 --> 00:10:19,580 Oh, yeah, yeah. No, I read about that in highly unlikely bullshit magazine. 189 00:10:19,580 --> 00:10:21,890 Connie, sorry about earlier. 190 00:10:21,890 --> 00:10:26,020 I've always liked you a lot as a friend, but something's different about you. 191 00:10:26,030 --> 00:10:30,390 Your thighs are so... your breasts are completely... 192 00:10:30,390 --> 00:10:32,890 I just wanna bang your frigging brains in. 193 00:10:32,890 --> 00:10:35,340 Thank you, Jesus! 194 00:10:35,340 --> 00:10:37,460 Ethel, don't rush it. 195 00:10:37,460 --> 00:10:39,290 I've dreamed of this moment. 196 00:10:39,290 --> 00:10:42,710 I wanna do it just right. 197 00:10:48,940 --> 00:10:51,110 This is like a dream, Connie. 198 00:10:51,110 --> 00:10:52,660 I know. 199 00:10:52,660 --> 00:10:55,900 Don't ever wake me up. 200 00:11:03,950 --> 00:11:05,730 Oh, no! 201 00:11:05,730 --> 00:11:07,850 Oh, my God... no! 202 00:11:07,850 --> 00:11:11,690 - What's wrong? - I'm straight! 203 00:11:12,220 --> 00:11:15,830 Ten seconds left in triple overtime! One final play! 204 00:11:15,830 --> 00:11:18,140 Give me that! It's The Cupcake Wars season finale. 205 00:11:18,140 --> 00:11:21,550 - Hey, hey, what are you doing? - Ugh. I cannot get into sports. 206 00:11:21,550 --> 00:11:23,770 Change it back. 207 00:11:23,770 --> 00:11:27,310 And that's it! The best play in the history of sports! 208 00:11:27,310 --> 00:11:29,900 What's that, Jim? Our instant replay machine broke? 209 00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:33,260 Hmm. Well, it looks like if you missed that play, you'll never get to see it. 210 00:11:33,260 --> 00:11:35,690 We now join The Bachelorette already in progress. 211 00:11:35,690 --> 00:11:37,630 Yay! Ow! 212 00:11:37,630 --> 00:11:38,920 You know that's a hate crime. 213 00:11:41,790 --> 00:11:43,430 Hi, brown sugar. 214 00:11:43,430 --> 00:11:45,600 - You getting pretty for me? - Maybe. 215 00:11:45,600 --> 00:11:47,100 These are for you. 216 00:11:47,100 --> 00:11:48,610 Oh... my... 217 00:11:48,610 --> 00:11:50,220 God! 218 00:11:50,220 --> 00:11:52,240 Wow. You really like roses, huh? 219 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:57,580 Oh, Woody, Woody, I love it, I love it, I love it! 220 00:11:58,970 --> 00:12:01,120 I can't believe I'm not gay anymore. 221 00:12:01,120 --> 00:12:03,970 The blast from the bomb must have done it somehow. 222 00:12:03,970 --> 00:12:04,820 I wonder if... 223 00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:11,250 Oh, no. My lesbian strength. 224 00:12:11,250 --> 00:12:13,660 It's gone! Oh, my heavens. 225 00:12:13,670 --> 00:12:15,300 I broke a nail. 226 00:12:15,300 --> 00:12:17,980 Honk, honk. Why'd you run off, sexy? 227 00:12:17,990 --> 00:12:20,800 You left me high and not-so-dry back there. 228 00:12:20,960 --> 00:12:25,570 Uh, Ethel, look, I don't know how to explain this, but... 229 00:12:25,580 --> 00:12:27,490 I'm just not into you anymore. 230 00:12:27,490 --> 00:12:29,640 What? You're kidding. You're rejecting me? 231 00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:32,110 Nobody rejects me. I am (Bleep) hot. 232 00:12:32,110 --> 00:12:34,740 I'm at least a nine. You're, what, a four, a five? 233 00:12:34,740 --> 00:12:36,580 And that's on the goddamn Richter scale! 234 00:12:36,580 --> 00:12:39,190 Oh. Look, I'm sorry, Ethel. 235 00:12:39,200 --> 00:12:41,680 You don't understand. I can be with whoever I want. 236 00:12:41,680 --> 00:12:44,040 - And I wanna be with you. - No. 237 00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:46,270 Oh, your mouth says no, but your body says... 238 00:12:46,270 --> 00:12:48,860 No! My body says no too. 239 00:12:48,860 --> 00:12:50,670 Hmm. Playing hard to get, huh? 240 00:12:50,670 --> 00:12:56,430 Well, that gets my lady parts barking like a Jack Russell. 241 00:12:57,770 --> 00:13:02,570 That big, pasty butt'll be mine soon enough. 242 00:13:03,450 --> 00:13:05,930 Oh, I can't believe I'm straight. 243 00:13:05,930 --> 00:13:08,870 This is a disaster. 244 00:13:11,210 --> 00:13:13,550 Excuse me, Sir. We're late. 245 00:13:13,550 --> 00:13:16,210 Do you know where the Jesus hates homos rally is? 246 00:13:16,220 --> 00:13:18,440 Mom? Dad? 247 00:13:19,680 --> 00:13:21,720 Connie? 248 00:13:22,170 --> 00:13:26,250 Oh, not you, Connie. The bull dyke. 249 00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:32,830 Your eyes glisten like a star. 250 00:13:32,830 --> 00:13:37,990 Your skin is brown and tasty like a Kit Kat bar. 251 00:13:40,110 --> 00:13:42,310 Yoo-hoo! Denzel! 252 00:13:42,310 --> 00:13:46,330 Wanna take a ride on a real boat? 253 00:13:46,540 --> 00:13:47,950 You're not leaving me, are you? 254 00:13:47,950 --> 00:13:50,680 No, Steve, I'd rather stay here and listen to your poem. 255 00:13:50,680 --> 00:13:52,350 - Really? - Hell, no! 256 00:13:52,350 --> 00:13:55,170 (Bleep) Your poem. 257 00:13:57,940 --> 00:13:59,490 Aah! 258 00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:01,810 Dear, why haven't you called in all these years? 259 00:14:01,810 --> 00:14:03,850 You moved and didn't give me the number. 260 00:14:03,850 --> 00:14:05,900 Right. Well, it's been fun. 261 00:14:05,900 --> 00:14:08,330 - Let's do it again in 15 years. - Or 20. 262 00:14:08,330 --> 00:14:12,800 Wait. Mom, dad, I have something to tell you. 263 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:14,720 - I'm straight! - Oh! 264 00:14:14,720 --> 00:14:17,080 Really? Oh, thank God! 265 00:14:17,080 --> 00:14:20,740 My little girl. Oh, we've got our daughter back! 266 00:14:20,750 --> 00:14:24,120 Alan, it may be kind of awkward having two Connie's around though. 267 00:14:24,120 --> 00:14:26,690 Way ahead of you. 268 00:14:26,690 --> 00:14:28,190 Shh, shh... 269 00:14:28,190 --> 00:14:30,290 Go to sleep, Connie. 270 00:14:30,290 --> 00:14:32,750 Go to sleep. 271 00:14:35,160 --> 00:14:36,830 She called me her little girl. 272 00:14:36,830 --> 00:14:39,100 Mommy's little girl! 273 00:14:39,100 --> 00:14:40,430 Hello, lover. 274 00:14:40,430 --> 00:14:41,670 Aah! 275 00:14:41,670 --> 00:14:44,600 Ethel, stop trying to get a peek at my baby maker. 276 00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:46,840 You're gonna ruin everything with my mom. 277 00:14:46,840 --> 00:14:49,560 Oh, screw that crotch blocker. That woman had you tortured. 278 00:14:49,560 --> 00:14:51,280 Things are different now, Ethel. 279 00:14:51,280 --> 00:14:53,240 She even bought me this body wash. 280 00:14:53,250 --> 00:14:57,220 No! I like it when you smell like the floor of a circus. 281 00:14:57,220 --> 00:15:00,950 - Alan, we have a problem. - Yeah. 282 00:15:00,950 --> 00:15:04,220 I can't believe you ruined my game, Woody. 283 00:15:04,220 --> 00:15:05,630 What the hell are you doing? 284 00:15:05,630 --> 00:15:08,650 I have company coming over later, and you're shedding all over the house. 285 00:15:08,660 --> 00:15:10,500 And you left toothpaste in the sink again. 286 00:15:10,500 --> 00:15:12,830 Toothpaste in the sink? Last week you got drunk 287 00:15:12,830 --> 00:15:14,640 and shit down the garbage disposal. 288 00:15:14,640 --> 00:15:17,650 Well, that was the old me. Meet the new me, honey. 289 00:15:17,650 --> 00:15:20,700 I'm here, I'm queer, get used to it! 290 00:15:20,710 --> 00:15:22,410 I'm fine if you turn into a gay guy. 291 00:15:22,410 --> 00:15:25,100 But only you would turn into the most annoying gay guy on Earth. 292 00:15:25,100 --> 00:15:29,840 That was uncalled for, you heartless bastard! 293 00:15:30,810 --> 00:15:34,550 And now I suddenly have sympathy for Katie Holmes. 294 00:15:34,550 --> 00:15:35,990 My little girl is straight. 295 00:15:35,990 --> 00:15:38,290 Oh, we're gonna spend the whole day together. 296 00:15:38,290 --> 00:15:39,790 I'm so excited, mom. 297 00:15:39,790 --> 00:15:44,650 Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy! 298 00:15:45,280 --> 00:15:47,170 Hope I'm not interrupting anything! 299 00:15:47,170 --> 00:15:49,230 Can't you see we're busy getting busy? 300 00:15:49,230 --> 00:15:51,020 I'm not speaking to you. 301 00:15:51,020 --> 00:15:53,000 Denzel, I just wanted to give you this. 302 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:56,070 Ooh, arts and crafts! Oh, turn down the flame a little bit. 303 00:15:56,070 --> 00:15:58,130 Oh, Steve, I love it. 304 00:15:59,820 --> 00:16:01,610 Oh, no, you don't! He's mine! 305 00:16:01,610 --> 00:16:03,450 - Says who? - Says me! 306 00:16:03,450 --> 00:16:06,010 Will you two stop it? I like both of you. 307 00:16:06,010 --> 00:16:09,540 - But he likes me more. - You shut your big mouth! 308 00:16:09,540 --> 00:16:11,400 Aah! 309 00:16:13,290 --> 00:16:15,290 I'll claw your eyes out. 310 00:16:15,300 --> 00:16:18,420 That's it. I'm done. 311 00:16:20,100 --> 00:16:24,360 Hey, anybody else got a little stiffy? 312 00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:27,250 Ethel, I've come to my senses. 313 00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:31,270 I need your evil lesbian body now. 314 00:16:32,710 --> 00:16:34,220 Connie? 315 00:16:34,220 --> 00:16:36,100 That was a weird note, but I... 316 00:16:36,100 --> 00:16:40,180 No! Hey! What are you doing to me? 317 00:16:40,250 --> 00:16:43,310 Meet the homo eradicator. 318 00:16:43,310 --> 00:16:45,900 You know, I never really liked that name that much. 319 00:16:45,900 --> 00:16:49,160 I always thought we should call it "the queer-o-disappear-o." 320 00:16:49,160 --> 00:16:51,360 - Alan, stop! - Shh, shh. 321 00:16:51,360 --> 00:16:52,970 - I was just kidding. - Go to sleep, Chuck. 322 00:16:52,970 --> 00:16:56,060 - I like the name, Alan. - Go to sleep. 323 00:16:59,560 --> 00:17:02,080 Connie, you look great in your outfit. 324 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:04,440 I don't know. It's kinda itchy, mom. 325 00:17:04,440 --> 00:17:07,830 Well, sometimes having class is itchy, dear. 326 00:17:07,830 --> 00:17:10,140 What's the matter? You haven't touched your crumpets. 327 00:17:10,140 --> 00:17:12,590 Oh, I was just thinking about my friend Ethel. 328 00:17:12,590 --> 00:17:15,620 Oh, that evil lez ho? About her... 329 00:17:15,620 --> 00:17:17,380 It was supposed to be a surprise, 330 00:17:17,380 --> 00:17:20,870 but your father is reprogramming her as we speak! 331 00:17:20,870 --> 00:17:21,890 No! 332 00:17:21,890 --> 00:17:25,920 What? You should be happy for that skank. Look how well this worked on you. 333 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:29,210 It doesn't work, mother. That machine is torture. 334 00:17:29,210 --> 00:17:32,410 It does work. Look at you now. You used to be a freak. 335 00:17:32,410 --> 00:17:36,400 I liked being a freak. All my life, I just wanted your acceptance. 336 00:17:36,400 --> 00:17:39,570 But it's not worth it. I gotta be me! 337 00:17:39,570 --> 00:17:43,890 Now, excuse me while I save my friend. 338 00:17:44,740 --> 00:17:47,560 I'm taking these. 339 00:17:48,260 --> 00:17:50,540 And these. 340 00:17:51,150 --> 00:17:54,070 You gonna eat that pink one? 341 00:17:54,070 --> 00:17:55,470 Ethel! 342 00:17:55,470 --> 00:17:58,410 I can't get past those guards without my lesbian strength. 343 00:17:58,410 --> 00:18:01,610 Come on, Connie. You must have a little lesbian left in there. 344 00:18:01,610 --> 00:18:03,030 Just dig deep. 345 00:18:03,030 --> 00:18:05,970 Yeah. You're right. 346 00:18:11,930 --> 00:18:13,770 You bastard! Let her go. 347 00:18:13,770 --> 00:18:14,960 Let her go! 348 00:18:14,960 --> 00:18:17,820 That's it, sinner. Let it all out. 349 00:18:17,820 --> 00:18:21,000 Get your hands off me. 350 00:18:22,300 --> 00:18:26,670 Those maniacs are gonna torture Ethel to death, and I'm powerless to stop them. 351 00:18:26,670 --> 00:18:27,770 That's it! 352 00:18:27,770 --> 00:18:29,960 I need to reverse the effects of the gay bomb. 353 00:18:29,960 --> 00:18:32,190 - Yes, we do. - Malloy? 354 00:18:32,190 --> 00:18:34,190 Yes. This is my problem too. 355 00:18:34,190 --> 00:18:36,670 A gay Woody is hard to swallow. 356 00:18:36,670 --> 00:18:42,570 Get your mind outta the gutter, Connie. We need to get to the army base. 357 00:18:53,680 --> 00:18:56,660 This is exactly what I thought secret government bases were like. 358 00:18:56,660 --> 00:18:59,220 Beefbottom! How are you? 359 00:18:59,220 --> 00:19:01,170 - We need to reverse the... - What? 360 00:19:01,170 --> 00:19:02,690 We're hoping that you know a way... 361 00:19:02,700 --> 00:19:05,700 - What? - We need the goddamn antidote. 362 00:19:05,700 --> 00:19:07,780 Oh! Here. 363 00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:10,960 We only have one dose. 364 00:19:11,710 --> 00:19:13,710 Hey, who says you get it? I'm taking this to Woody. 365 00:19:13,710 --> 00:19:15,370 No, I need it to save Ethel. 366 00:19:15,380 --> 00:19:17,900 Give me that! 367 00:19:21,850 --> 00:19:24,320 Oh, look what you did. 368 00:19:24,320 --> 00:19:27,250 That was my last chance to save Ethel. 369 00:19:27,250 --> 00:19:29,620 Ha ha ha! I was just (Bleep) with you. 370 00:19:29,620 --> 00:19:35,520 That wasn't the antidote. That was a Mai Tai that Bruce made. 371 00:19:35,900 --> 00:19:37,560 Well, where's the real antidote? 372 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:41,400 There isn't one. The effects wear off in 24 hours, silly. 373 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:44,100 What kind of bomb goes away after 24 hours? 374 00:19:44,100 --> 00:19:45,900 Uh, anything Katherine Heigl's in. 375 00:19:45,910 --> 00:19:51,130 So the effects should be wearing off right about... 376 00:19:52,310 --> 00:19:56,030 What the (Bleep) am I wearing? 377 00:19:59,750 --> 00:20:02,240 Are you guys feeling straight? 378 00:20:02,240 --> 00:20:04,230 - Yeah. - Yeah. 379 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:07,000 Five-second rule? 380 00:20:10,000 --> 00:20:12,410 Hey! I'm not gay anymore! 381 00:20:12,420 --> 00:20:17,340 Of course you'd say that. Crank up the juice! 382 00:20:20,110 --> 00:20:24,510 Oh, I... I think we're all done here. Congratulations. You passed. 383 00:20:24,510 --> 00:20:27,550 Oh, no need to thank us for fixing your friend. 384 00:20:27,550 --> 00:20:29,410 You'll have to come over for Christmas dinner this year. 385 00:20:29,420 --> 00:20:31,720 Dad, I'm gay again. 386 00:20:31,720 --> 00:20:32,180 Or not. 387 00:20:33,350 --> 00:20:35,100 You know what I'm really regretting right now. 388 00:20:35,100 --> 00:20:39,270 - Choking our dog to death? - Yeah. 389 00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:42,640 Thank you for saving my life, Connie. 390 00:20:42,640 --> 00:20:45,140 I'm sorry I caused all this trouble, guys. 391 00:20:45,140 --> 00:20:47,970 Next time, instead of turning everyone gay, 392 00:20:47,970 --> 00:20:51,180 I'm just gonna sneak into Ethel's cabin and Chloroform her. 393 00:20:54,970 --> 00:20:55,710 Wait, what?