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This programme contains some strong
language and adult humour

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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to
Mrs Brown's Boys!

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Agnes

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Agnes

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Mm.
SHE SIGHS

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Well?

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Give me a minute, Cathy, I, need to
let my taste buds, you know, savour

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the flavour and allow my palate to
excite the various ingredients, mm.

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For God's sake, Mammy.

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That is shite.

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Fine, try this one next. OK.

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Cathy, I don't know why you're
making such a big fuss of this,

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it's just a meal. Just a meal?

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DOORBELL RINGS
I'll get it, it might be him.

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MOCKING: "I'll get it, it might be
him."

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Hiya, Winnie. Hi, Agnes, love.

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Here, what's all this?

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Oh, Cathy's cooking
a meal for the new date

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and she's trying to pick a sauce.

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Oh, well, I'm going to try a bit of
that.

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Not that one, Agnes, it has no
taste.

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Yeah, because that's the bowl
I wash me fingers in.

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It did have a taste of fish off it.

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Was it him? No, postman. Oh.

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How are you, Cathy, love?
Hello, Mrs McGoogan.

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So, Mammy, which one is
your favourite? Oh, Mark, of course.

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The sauces, Mammy, which of the
sauces? Mark is lovely.

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Yeah, he is lovely, yeah.
Which one? Fine!

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That one if you're doing fish
and that one if you're doing beef.

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I'm doing pasta.

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Oh, well, then something Italian
like, maybe, soy sauce.

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That's Chinese.

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But Chinese is nice, I love
chicken's balls.

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Winnie, it's chicken balls.

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Oh. Otherwise the servings
would be only tiny, you know?

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You two are useless! Cathy,
why are you making a big fuss?

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It's just a date.

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I know, but I really like this

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fella, and he has two lovely
daughters. Aw.

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Ah, he's married? He's a widower,
he lost his wife two years ago.

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BOTH: Oh, Lord rest her.

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And he always goes on about what
a wonderful cook his wife was.

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Oh, Cathy, take my advice, do not

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try and compete with another man's
wife.

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Especially one that's dead.
BOTH: Lord rest her.

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Cathy, it's been my experience that
it doesn't matter what you

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feed them as long as when they've
finished eating it you

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give them a nice b...

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No, no, Winnie, no, no. A nice b...
Winnie, do not.

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..blueberry pie!

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Oh. Concentrate on the dessert,
love. Well, you were no help.

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And you are welcome. She's uptight.

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I know. The only time I'd put that
amount of effort into cooking

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for a man if I was trying to poison
him.

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THEY LAUGH

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Here, Agnes, you did a great
job of redecorating the house.

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Oh, thanks, Winnie, yeah.

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Well, listen, I asked you how many
rolls of wallpaper you

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got for your sitting room
and you said seven.

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That's right. Yeah, I got seven
and I had two left over. So did I!

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PHONE BEEPS

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Oh, what's this? I'd better go,

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Sharon can't find the shaving cream.

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Oh, is she going to shave her legs?
No, her chest.

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It's a card from me cousin
in Liverpool, asking for money,

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always asking for money.

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I hope you're having a nice
Christmas, we are.

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Oh, Your Majesty, you will be
missed.

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AUDIENCE: Aw!

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Not like me cousin in Liverpool.

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Look at this, Happy Christmas
from Finglas Hardware Store.

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Now, ten years ago, I bought some
cable ties, duct tape, a shovel

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and a bag of lime off them,
don't ask, and every year

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since, they've sent me a Christmas
card and a little calendar.

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I don't even get a Christmas card
every year from me kids.

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AUDIENCE: Aw!

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I know, and I spent hours pushing
them out of me froufrou.

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Hee-haw! Hee-haw!

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Hello, boys. Happy Christmas, Ma.
Happy Christmas, Son.

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Happy Christmas, Mrs Brown. And a
Happy Christmas to you, Buster.

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You want tea, Dermot? Yes,
please, Ma.

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Oh, and for you, Buster, ha-ha.

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I got you an amazing Christmas tree,
Mrs Brown. How much?

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Usual, but this is a magic
Christmas tree. Really?

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A magic Christmas tree?
Yeah, you know what that means?

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Yeah, it was stolen from a magician.

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No, not a magician. But stolen?

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No comment.

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Anyway, you can only see this tree

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if everybody in the house is pure of
heart and believes in Santa Claus.

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Aw, that sounds like...bullshit.

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Erm, no, really, you need to be
pure of heart

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and B-E-L...B-E-F...

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..belief.

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I think it's a scam.

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Buster, do not have me visiting
hospitals over the Christmas.

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To see who? You!

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Look, I may have a reputation of
being a soft-spoken, genteel lady...

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What?

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..but do not mess with me. You won't
like me when I turn green. Oomph.

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GROWLS: I'm the Hulk.

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Hulk.

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It's the Hulk.

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Agnes, did I tell you me nephew came
home from America for a visit?

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No, you didn't. Well, he did.
Oh, did you meet him at the airport?

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No.

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God, I've known him years,
since he was a child.

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Agnes? What?

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I'm going to say something that
might sound odd. Oh, I'm in shock.

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I bumped into Cathy yesterday,
with the boyfriend.

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Oh, yeah, yeah, erm, Boris, yeah.

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Do you think Cathy's fella might
be...

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..a vampire?

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Don't be ridiculous, Winnie!
They don't exist!

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Fuck's sake.

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Well, I think he might have fangs.

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Winnie, will you stop it?
Where do you get your ideas?

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Have you met him?

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No, not yet, but Cathy says
she likes him, and that'll do me.

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What if he turns into a bat?

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Will you stop, Winnie? Well... What?

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Nothing. Good, cos I'm running
out of fuckin' drink.

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Hold him steady, Mrs Brown. Argh!

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You work on your end, all right?

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Give it to him. Ah! Ah-ha-ha! Ooh,
oh, oh! Are you done?

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Can I release him?

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Not yet, that was just
his flu injection,

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I could've easily given it to him
in the arm.

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Yeah, yeah, but it wouldn't have
been as much fun.

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No, no, no, sit. Gently, gently,
gently, sit down. Argh! Oh, oh, oh!

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Here, you just missed the Grandad
rodeo.

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That's all of his injections now,
he's had the Covid booster,

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he's had the shingles, and he's had
the flu, he's had them all.

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That's them all, Grandad!

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You'll soon be the healthiest
corpse in the morgue.

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It was worth the rodeo.
If it was a rodeo, I could buck you!

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And buck you, too!

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Oh, hello, girls.
Hiya, Mrs Brown. Hi, Betty.

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Hiya, Mrs Brown. Hi, Grandad!

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Buck you, too!

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What's wrong with him?

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Oh, don't mind him, he has worms.
Do you want tea? No, thanks.

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No, we just dropped in, we're on
our way to do some serious shopping.

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Oh, so what brings you down?
Oh, this. Oh, what's this?

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Oh, Cathy's cooking
a meal for the new boyfriend,

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she's looking for inspiration.

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I'll give her inspiration, shag him
and get some takeaway.

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Right, we're off. Betty, don't make
yourself at home, come on.

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Oh, here, Betty, before you go,

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I want to give you something for
Bono.

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Now, here, give him that, tell him
I sent it, it's his favourite.

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Not any more. Why not?

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Well, apparently the wrappers are
destroying the oceans,

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and the chocolate comes from farmers
who are exploited,

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and the cows' farts are destroying
the planet.

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It's a bar of chocolate,
not a nuclear buckin' bomb.

158
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Tell me about it,
he's talking about joining

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Greenpeace during his summer
holidays.

160
00:09:01,880 --> 00:09:07,239
Oh. You just missed the girls.
Maria left a book for you.

161
00:09:07,240 --> 00:09:09,319
Yeah, yeah, whatever.

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Calm down, Cathy,
have you got your ingredients?

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Yeah, he's picking me up any minute,
cross your fingers for me.

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Oh! Don't forget your chicken
breasts in the fridge. Oh, God, yes.

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DOORBELL RINGS
It's him, it's Boris!

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Relax, I'll let him in,
you concentrate on your breasts.

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Oh, and don't forget your chicken.

168
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DOOR CREAKS, WIND HOWLS

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FOOTSTEPS ECHO

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Are you Boris? Yes, I'm Boris!

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Oh, well, how do you do?
That's a foggy night out there.

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Fog?

173
00:09:49,280 --> 00:09:51,920
Oh, I didn't notice.
Oh, this is Grandad.

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Is he dead?

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No, not yet, but nearly.

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Hello, darling. All set?

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00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:08,919
I think so. I'm looking forward to
it. Good.

178
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I hope your twins like chicken.

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00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:12,879
Oh, they'd eat anything.

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CHUCKLES: Anything.

181
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Good!

182
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:19,439
Erm, have you decided on what sauce?
Garlic.

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HE SPLUTTERS

184
00:10:20,520 --> 00:10:22,239
Oh, lovely.

185
00:10:22,240 --> 00:10:25,679
Excuse me. Do you know
something? I've been thinking.

186
00:10:25,680 --> 00:10:28,919
Really? And you still picked her?

187
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:32,199
Mammy, please! Erm, I'm just
kidding.

188
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:33,959
What, Boris? What were you thinking?

189
00:10:33,960 --> 00:10:38,759
I think that tonight maybe it should
just be the two of us.

190
00:10:38,760 --> 00:10:40,079
You want me to cook for just two?

191
00:10:40,080 --> 00:10:43,119
No, no, let's just you
and me have a nice drink and a nice

192
00:10:43,120 --> 00:10:44,799
romantic night.

193
00:10:44,800 --> 00:10:47,279
Oh, that sounds nice,
maybe a Christmas drink?

194
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:51,199
A drink. Anyway, I'm not a big
fan of Christmas. Oh, really?

195
00:10:51,200 --> 00:10:53,919
So you think all that Christmas
stuff is a myth?

196
00:10:53,920 --> 00:10:56,679
Well, not all of it,
no, but, I mean, a jolly fat man

197
00:10:56,680 --> 00:10:58,919
coming down the chimney
in the middle of the night?

198
00:10:58,920 --> 00:11:01,479
SCOFFS: Ha! Mm! Mm!

199
00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:03,959
Yeah, well, I understand,
you're a widower,

200
00:11:03,960 --> 00:11:07,039
my first few Christmases were
dreadful.

201
00:11:07,040 --> 00:11:09,680
As a widow? No, as a wife.

202
00:11:13,200 --> 00:11:15,679
But what about the meal and your
girls?

203
00:11:15,680 --> 00:11:18,399
Yeah, well, I will phone
the baby-sitter and...

204
00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:22,560
..and who needs food on a beautiful
night like tonight?

205
00:11:23,760 --> 00:11:25,399
It's pissing rain and fog out there.

206
00:11:25,400 --> 00:11:28,279
Yeah, well, I'm sure
the food will keep

207
00:11:28,280 --> 00:11:30,039
and you can cook on another night.

208
00:11:30,040 --> 00:11:32,439
What do you think, Mammy,
will the chicken keep?

209
00:11:32,440 --> 00:11:35,360
I don't know, love, we're halfway
through this episode, erm, I dunno.

210
00:11:36,520 --> 00:11:37,999
You go on, have a good night.

211
00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:41,199
Where could we go that would be
a nice, intimate night,

212
00:11:41,200 --> 00:11:43,799
just, just me and you?

213
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:48,679
May I suggest our local, Foleys? You
won't be disturbed there.

214
00:11:48,680 --> 00:11:50,600
Follow me!

215
00:11:52,400 --> 00:11:54,199
Sing up!

216
00:11:54,200 --> 00:11:55,720
Would you like to dance, Bozo?

217
00:11:56,800 --> 00:11:59,119
It was so awful, Mammy!

218
00:11:59,120 --> 00:12:01,759
Cathy, how was I to know that
Barbara was having the

219
00:12:01,760 --> 00:12:05,479
Wash and Blow Christmas party last
night in Foleys?

220
00:12:05,480 --> 00:12:07,679
It can't have been that bad. It was!

221
00:12:07,680 --> 00:12:11,919
Dermot kept at Boris to sing,
Buster kept picking Boris's pocket,

222
00:12:11,920 --> 00:12:15,079
then giving him back his wallet,
then picking it again.

223
00:12:15,080 --> 00:12:18,919
Mark got Boris in a headlock,
demanding that he marry me...

224
00:12:18,920 --> 00:12:22,599
Oh. ..and I think Dr Flynn kissed
Boris, tongues and all.

225
00:12:22,600 --> 00:12:24,000
Urgh. It was awful! Oh.

226
00:12:26,080 --> 00:12:28,239
Hi, Winnie. Hiya, love.

227
00:12:28,240 --> 00:12:30,359
SHE MUMBLES

228
00:12:30,360 --> 00:12:33,719
No, no, no, a disaster last night,

229
00:12:33,720 --> 00:12:37,000
with the boyfriend, a disaster.

230
00:12:38,040 --> 00:12:42,760
What? Go on, I'll tell you later.
No, I'll tell you later.

231
00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:46,479
Fuck off!

232
00:12:46,480 --> 00:12:48,280
Winnie, just sit down!

233
00:12:52,800 --> 00:12:55,520
What's wrong, Cathy? Have you been
dumped again?

234
00:12:57,280 --> 00:13:00,439
No, I haven't been dumped again,
Winnie, thank you.

235
00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,400
Erm, well, not yet, anyway. Mammy!

236
00:13:03,800 --> 00:13:06,999
Mind you, after last night, maybe.

237
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:09,319
Ah, yeah, Sharon said last night
the

238
00:13:09,320 --> 00:13:11,439
Wash and Blow party was a great
night!

239
00:13:11,440 --> 00:13:13,639
It was not a great night!

240
00:13:13,640 --> 00:13:16,599
Yeah, she said that. It was awful.

241
00:13:16,600 --> 00:13:19,439
Cathy, I'm sure he's had worse
nights than last night.

242
00:13:19,440 --> 00:13:21,160
I mean, he's been married before.

243
00:13:22,480 --> 00:13:26,679
Yeah, and I'm divorced
so we've both been there,

244
00:13:26,680 --> 00:13:28,559
maybe you're right, Mammy.

245
00:13:28,560 --> 00:13:33,119
Ah, now, you're divorced. Winnie.
I said before, we don't go there.

246
00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:35,519
Don't mention the war, eh?

247
00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:39,840
Winnie, that's a whole different
sitcom altogether. Sorry.

248
00:13:42,400 --> 00:13:44,679
When are you seeing Bosch again?

249
00:13:44,680 --> 00:13:47,599
It's Boris. We were supposed to
go to the pictures tonight,

250
00:13:47,600 --> 00:13:50,119
but his baby-sitter let him down.

251
00:13:50,120 --> 00:13:52,880
Sure, your mammy will look
after them, won't you, Agnes?

252
00:13:54,880 --> 00:13:57,959
I beg your pardon? Would you, Mammy?

253
00:13:57,960 --> 00:14:00,319
He could drop the girls off
when he's picking me up.

254
00:14:00,320 --> 00:14:03,760
Of course she will! Sure, you're not
doing anything else, are you?

255
00:14:04,680 --> 00:14:08,279
I don't know, Winnie, I might be
plotting the murder of my friend.

256
00:14:08,280 --> 00:14:11,920
Oh, well, that won't take long.

257
00:14:13,200 --> 00:14:15,079
Would you, Mammy?

258
00:14:15,080 --> 00:14:16,679
Of course I will, no problem.

259
00:14:16,680 --> 00:14:20,799
Aw, thanks, that's great,
I'll call him now! Aw.

260
00:14:20,800 --> 00:14:22,959
Thanks for that. Ah, you're welcome.
SCOFFS: Yeah.

261
00:14:22,960 --> 00:14:26,079
So, Winnie, you should enter the
competition in the Northside People,

262
00:14:26,080 --> 00:14:29,559
it's called the Mind Your Own
Fuckin' Business competition.

263
00:14:29,560 --> 00:14:33,600
Would you stop, Agnes? You know
you would do anything for your kids.

264
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:37,279
I suppose you're right. Yeah.

265
00:14:37,280 --> 00:14:41,639
At one time, me and Redser decided
we didn't want any kids of our own.

266
00:14:41,640 --> 00:14:44,400
What changed your mind?
Nobody would take them.

267
00:14:48,720 --> 00:14:50,399
Do I switch it on?

268
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:54,959
No, not yet. Nearly finished,
Mrs Brown! OK, Buster.

269
00:14:54,960 --> 00:14:58,320
Right, OK, Blister, switch it on.

270
00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:01,720
AUDIENCE: Woo!

271
00:15:03,080 --> 00:15:04,999
Now, repeat after me,

272
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:08,319
"I do believe, I do believe,"
and then just make a wish.

273
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:11,439
No, I'm going to see Santa later,
I'm going to make him

274
00:15:11,440 --> 00:15:13,880
an offer he can't refuse.

275
00:15:15,760 --> 00:15:18,799
I love you, Son!

276
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:21,799
Right, come on.
Mrs Brown! We're finished.

277
00:15:21,800 --> 00:15:27,200
Oh, good man, there you go, Buster.
It's all there.

278
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,599
DOOR SHUTS
Who's that?

279
00:15:30,600 --> 00:15:33,839
Just us, Mammy.
Oh, you two are a bit early.

280
00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:36,959
Oh, no, no, no, we haven't even
picked the girls up from after music

281
00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:39,279
school yet, I just wanted to come

282
00:15:39,280 --> 00:15:42,399
and tell you how grateful
I am to you for baby-sitting.

283
00:15:42,400 --> 00:15:45,399
All right. No problem.

284
00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:49,520
Oh, hello. How are ye?
HE LAUGHS

285
00:15:51,040 --> 00:15:53,679
This is my son, Blister.

286
00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:57,279
Ah, how do you do, erm, Blister?
How are ye?

287
00:15:57,280 --> 00:16:00,199
Mm. Right, we'll be off, then!

288
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:05,599
Hang on, Boris. Buster - wallet?

289
00:16:05,600 --> 00:16:07,079
Gosh!

290
00:16:07,080 --> 00:16:08,799
HE LAUGHS

291
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:11,799
My wristwatch? Buster?

292
00:16:11,800 --> 00:16:16,600
I didn't take his watch.
Well, it's definitely gone!

293
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:21,679
Sorry.

294
00:16:21,680 --> 00:16:26,079
Way to go, Son! I love you!

295
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:28,999
All right, next, I'm going to show
you the three-card trick.

296
00:16:29,000 --> 00:16:32,719
Right, well, I'm going to try to get
myself a little nap.

297
00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:34,839
Well, we'll drop the girls off
and we'll ask them

298
00:16:34,840 --> 00:16:36,959
not to make too much noise
until you wake up.

299
00:16:36,960 --> 00:16:39,279
Not at all, I'll be well
awake by the time they get here.

300
00:16:39,280 --> 00:16:41,799
Come on, Boris, let's go.
I'll show yous out.

301
00:16:41,800 --> 00:16:44,240
I want to show you me tree.

302
00:16:46,560 --> 00:16:50,319
The lying bastard!

303
00:16:50,320 --> 00:16:51,839
What's wrong, Mammy?

304
00:16:51,840 --> 00:16:54,640
I've been duped by Buster again,
there's no tree.

305
00:16:55,640 --> 00:16:57,959
I'll fucking kill him.
You should know better.

306
00:16:57,960 --> 00:17:02,000
Go have your nap,
we can deal with Buster later.

307
00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:06,679
So what movie are you going to see?
Oh, I don't know, a horror, maybe?

308
00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:10,159
Oh, no, maybe a Christmas comedy.
Same thing.

309
00:17:10,160 --> 00:17:12,159
Mwah-ha-ha-ha-ha!

310
00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:14,399
Ha-ha-ha, ah-ha-ha-ha.

311
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,160
SCOFFS: Ha-ha-ha-ha.

312
00:17:17,640 --> 00:17:19,639
SHE SIGHS

313
00:17:19,640 --> 00:17:22,880
Sometimes, I don't know where
she gets them.

314
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:28,879
What the fu...? What's that?

315
00:17:28,880 --> 00:17:31,080
It's a Christmas tree,
you stupid woman!

316
00:17:32,480 --> 00:17:36,039
I know it's a Christmas tree,
but where did it come from?

317
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:39,160
Well, let me guess,
I'd say, erm, a forest?

318
00:17:40,200 --> 00:17:41,800
Meh, meh!

319
00:17:43,360 --> 00:17:45,319
I must be losing me mind.

320
00:17:45,320 --> 00:17:48,919
Sure, I could've told you that,
stupid, stupid woman.

321
00:17:48,920 --> 00:17:50,759
DOOR OPENS

322
00:17:50,760 --> 00:17:54,799
Who's that? What's wrong?
Nothing, Boris just forgot his cane.

323
00:17:54,800 --> 00:17:57,319
Yeah, sorry about that.
Oh, I'm glad yous came back,

324
00:17:57,320 --> 00:18:00,960
and now yous can have a look at
me...

325
00:18:02,120 --> 00:18:03,840
Your what?

326
00:18:05,240 --> 00:18:09,119
Nothing. See you later, Mammy.
See you later.

327
00:18:09,120 --> 00:18:10,719
DOOR SHUTS

328
00:18:10,720 --> 00:18:14,520
Maybe I AM having flashbacks to
when I was in Vietnam.

329
00:18:17,560 --> 00:18:19,839
I think it was Phnom Penh.

330
00:18:19,840 --> 00:18:23,679
Oh, don't talk to me about Phnom
Penh - the battles, the nights.

331
00:18:23,680 --> 00:18:27,480
Oh, God, worst holiday
I was ever on.

332
00:18:30,440 --> 00:18:33,839
I'm going through the change
of life.

333
00:18:33,840 --> 00:18:35,280
Again.

334
00:18:36,280 --> 00:18:37,640
This'll be me fourth time.

335
00:18:39,440 --> 00:18:40,560
You know, it's not...

336
00:18:44,840 --> 00:18:46,440
Ah, for feck's sake!

337
00:18:53,120 --> 00:18:56,999
Now, let me get this right,
the Christmas tree was there?

338
00:18:57,000 --> 00:18:58,919
SHE MUMBLES

339
00:18:58,920 --> 00:19:01,839
Then it wasn't? Puff! Then it was?

340
00:19:01,840 --> 00:19:04,719
SHE MUMBLES

341
00:19:04,720 --> 00:19:06,599
But then it wasn't?

342
00:19:06,600 --> 00:19:10,640
It was...it...vamoose! Exactly.

343
00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:15,439
That Christmas tree there,
the one I'm looking at right now?

344
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:19,600
I'm afraid to look, is it still
there. Yes, Granny, it's there.

345
00:19:20,640 --> 00:19:22,919
Granny, I learned
about this at school,

346
00:19:22,920 --> 00:19:25,199
it's called hyper-stress
hallucination.

347
00:19:25,200 --> 00:19:29,279
There you go, Ma, nothing serious.
No, Dad, it is.

348
00:19:29,280 --> 00:19:33,199
Granny, what you need to do is get
some rest, plenty of rest.

349
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:37,399
Thank you, Bono, love.
He's right, Ma, it will pass.

350
00:19:37,400 --> 00:19:39,559
Do you want a cup of tea, Bono?

351
00:19:39,560 --> 00:19:42,600
Is it ethically sourced
from a sustainable tea plantation?

352
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:49,399
No, no, it was ethically
sourced from buckin' Tesco's. Nah.

353
00:19:49,400 --> 00:19:50,439
Your mammy tells me

354
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:54,199
you're thinking about going with
some eco warriors this summer.

355
00:19:54,200 --> 00:19:57,639
Yeah, I want to do my bit to
save the planet.

356
00:19:57,640 --> 00:20:00,279
Oh, that'll be nice, you might get
to meet that lovely girl,

357
00:20:00,280 --> 00:20:02,280
erm, Greta Thornbush, lovely.

358
00:20:03,560 --> 00:20:05,439
Thunberg.

359
00:20:05,440 --> 00:20:07,999
Oh. And, yeah, she's one
of my heroes, she's determined to

360
00:20:08,000 --> 00:20:11,400
undo the damage that your generation
have done to the planet.

361
00:20:15,360 --> 00:20:19,519
I beg your pardon? I'm just saying.
What are you just saying, Bono?

362
00:20:19,520 --> 00:20:22,119
I'm just saying that your generation
didn't really

363
00:20:22,120 --> 00:20:25,360
care about the environment back
then.

364
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:33,359
In the Dark Ages? You know what I
mean. Yous didn't care. Here we go.

365
00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:35,839
Well, you're probably right, love,
we didn't care,

366
00:20:35,840 --> 00:20:38,959
but we did bring our milk bottles
and our mineral bottles back to the

367
00:20:38,960 --> 00:20:42,399
shop, and they'd send them back to
be washed and sanitised and reused

368
00:20:42,400 --> 00:20:45,839
again and again, yeah, but you're
right, we didn't really care, yeah.

369
00:20:45,840 --> 00:20:49,359
I'm not saying you, Granny, I'm just
saying... In my day, we washed the

370
00:20:49,360 --> 00:20:53,600
babies' nappies, we didn't throw one
out every time a baby had a shit!

371
00:20:55,840 --> 00:20:58,799
And we didn't have a 2,500-watt
dryer to dry them in, no,

372
00:20:58,800 --> 00:21:02,039
we hung them on the line!
I suppose you could say

373
00:21:02,040 --> 00:21:05,000
we used solar power
and wind power to dry our washing.

374
00:21:06,400 --> 00:21:09,279
Look, all I'm saying is...
And I tell you something else,

375
00:21:09,280 --> 00:21:11,319
we drank water out of the tap,

376
00:21:11,320 --> 00:21:15,159
we didn't buy plastic bottles
of water, no, and we didn't send

377
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:19,360
a signal out to space for 1,000
miles to order a buckin' pizza!

378
00:21:21,400 --> 00:21:23,080
We walked down to the chipper!

379
00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:29,319
But you're probably right, Son,
we didn't care,

380
00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:31,040
not like your generation.

381
00:21:32,720 --> 00:21:36,839
Are you sure you don't want tea?
No, thanks.

382
00:21:36,840 --> 00:21:39,760
Come on, Dad, I'm going.

383
00:21:40,920 --> 00:21:44,280
Good idea, Son. See you later, Ma.
See you, love, see you, Bono.

384
00:21:45,360 --> 00:21:47,040
Tell Greta I said hello.

385
00:21:50,480 --> 00:21:52,440
SHE SNORES AND MUTTERS

386
00:21:56,800 --> 00:21:58,319
Oh, oh, God!

387
00:21:58,320 --> 00:22:00,640
SHE GROANS

388
00:22:02,480 --> 00:22:04,839
I didn't expect to sleep that long.

389
00:22:04,840 --> 00:22:07,919
BOTH: Hello, Mrs Brown.

390
00:22:07,920 --> 00:22:10,760
ARGH!

391
00:22:16,920 --> 00:22:20,399
What the hell?
I'm trying to sleep, woman!

392
00:22:20,400 --> 00:22:25,719
BOTH: Hello, Grandad.
Sorry, did we wake you?

393
00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:27,960
HE MOANS

394
00:22:29,880 --> 00:22:32,480
You must be Boris's daughters?

395
00:22:34,480 --> 00:22:36,479
Make yourselves comfortable.

396
00:22:36,480 --> 00:22:39,679
BOTH: Thank you.

397
00:22:39,680 --> 00:22:43,919
Oh, God. I got the fright of me
feckin' life there.

398
00:22:43,920 --> 00:22:46,440
ARGH!

399
00:22:47,840 --> 00:22:50,760
A little bit of wee just came out
there.

400
00:22:51,840 --> 00:22:54,600
BOTH: We fixed your table.

401
00:22:58,880 --> 00:23:01,600
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

402
00:23:05,560 --> 00:23:07,360
How did yous do that?

403
00:23:09,680 --> 00:23:12,560
BOTH: We like fixing things.

404
00:23:13,600 --> 00:23:15,320
Mother of God!

405
00:23:18,520 --> 00:23:20,440
BOTH: Merry Christmas, Mrs Brown.

406
00:23:24,040 --> 00:23:27,479
No, no, I will not touch that till
you wash it, no.

407
00:23:27,480 --> 00:23:28,839
Mammy, Mammy...

408
00:23:28,840 --> 00:23:31,359
Argh! Leave me alone,
leave me alone!

409
00:23:31,360 --> 00:23:34,119
Mammy, it's me and Boris.

410
00:23:34,120 --> 00:23:36,519
Oh, the girls, where's the girls?

411
00:23:36,520 --> 00:23:39,439
They're in the car.
They were asleep, too,

412
00:23:39,440 --> 00:23:43,719
I carried them there, they had
a great time, thank you so much!

413
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:49,559
Great time? Goodnight, Cathy.
Goodnight, Boris.

414
00:23:49,560 --> 00:23:52,080
Mwah-ha...excuse me.

415
00:23:54,000 --> 00:23:56,079
Thanks again, Mammy!

416
00:23:56,080 --> 00:23:59,760
Cathy, those girls are evil!

417
00:24:00,760 --> 00:24:06,039
Mammy, those girls are seven,
they don't even know what evil is!

418
00:24:06,040 --> 00:24:09,400
Really? Really? Now, then, tell me
this, what is that?

419
00:24:11,600 --> 00:24:13,479
A coffee table.

420
00:24:13,480 --> 00:24:16,279
Yes, but it was a coffee table that
was smashed to bits

421
00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:20,239
and then put back together again
and they didn't even touch it!

422
00:24:20,240 --> 00:24:22,679
Cathy, I'm telling you,
there's something not right here.

423
00:24:22,680 --> 00:24:25,199
Look, tree is here, Boris is gone,
Boris is here, tree goes.

424
00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:30,559
And they float, they float across
the feckin'...they float.

425
00:24:30,560 --> 00:24:32,679
Get real, Mammy,

426
00:24:32,680 --> 00:24:35,559
it must've been their skateboards,
they love those skateboards.

427
00:24:35,560 --> 00:24:38,999
Cathy, I AM real, and skateboards,
my arse. They floated across there,

428
00:24:39,000 --> 00:24:41,599
they floated across the hatch.
I'll show you, look!

429
00:24:41,600 --> 00:24:45,240
Calm down, Mammy!
I AM calm! Argh! Jesus!

430
00:24:47,600 --> 00:24:50,200
Who owns that fuckin' skateboard?

431
00:24:51,240 --> 00:24:56,520

and a Happy New Year!

432
00:24:58,280 --> 00:24:59,919
Hey, come on, join us, yous two.

433
00:24:59,920 --> 00:25:02,919
Oh, I don't think so,
we're good here, aren't we, Cathy?

434
00:25:02,920 --> 00:25:06,079
Well, I wouldn't mind. Erm, no, no,
no, we're fine, we're fine.

435
00:25:06,080 --> 00:25:09,399
Look, Boris, you're going to have to
accept that we like to have fun.

436
00:25:09,400 --> 00:25:12,879
Yeah, we get a bit rowdy
but that's just the way we are.

437
00:25:12,880 --> 00:25:16,119
I suppose a bit of rowdiness
among friends is OK.

438
00:25:16,120 --> 00:25:19,879
Oh, no, Boris, we're not just
friends, we're all family!

439
00:25:19,880 --> 00:25:23,239
THEY CHEER
Hit it there, Sharon!

440
00:25:23,240 --> 00:25:26,000
MUSIC: We Are Family
by Sister Sledge

441
00:25:31,920 --> 00:25:36,479


442
00:25:36,480 --> 00:25:40,399


443
00:25:40,400 --> 00:25:44,079


444
00:25:44,080 --> 00:25:47,400


445
00:25:49,840 --> 00:25:56,559

together as we walk on by

446
00:25:56,560 --> 00:25:57,599


447
00:25:57,600 --> 00:26:01,879

of a feather

448
00:26:01,880 --> 00:26:04,719


449
00:26:04,720 --> 00:26:06,399


450
00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:09,879

they say

451
00:26:09,880 --> 00:26:13,199


452
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:17,239


453
00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:21,039


454
00:26:21,040 --> 00:26:22,799


455
00:26:22,800 --> 00:26:25,079


456
00:26:25,080 --> 00:26:27,599


457
00:26:27,600 --> 00:26:29,199
Come on, everybody!

458
00:26:29,200 --> 00:26:31,999


459
00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:35,719


460
00:26:35,720 --> 00:26:37,719


461
00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:40,240


462
00:26:41,360 --> 00:26:43,600


463
00:26:45,160 --> 00:26:48,239


464
00:26:48,240 --> 00:26:51,040
CHEERING AND APPLAUSE

465
00:26:54,800 --> 00:26:59,479
Well, this is a timely
reminder that most

466
00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:01,799
accidents in the home
happen around Christmas.

467
00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:03,119
SHE CHUCKLES

468
00:27:03,120 --> 00:27:07,000
I can vouch for that because I had
two of them, Dermot AND Trevor.

469
00:27:08,160 --> 00:27:11,759
It's been a weird year, you know,
with celebrations and loss.

470
00:27:11,760 --> 00:27:14,799
I feel sorry for Cathy's Boris
and his loss.

471
00:27:14,800 --> 00:27:19,039
I can remember back then,
being in the church, surrounded

472
00:27:19,040 --> 00:27:21,199
by friends, but feeling all alone.

473
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:22,239
ALL: Aw!

474
00:27:22,240 --> 00:27:23,999
It was a sad day, I cried a little,

475
00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:29,480
and the priest looked at me, and
I looked at him, and I said, "I do".

476
00:27:31,680 --> 00:27:35,199
We got outside and the people were
throwing some rice at us,

477
00:27:35,200 --> 00:27:37,479
it was lovely,
except Winnie was throwing rice

478
00:27:37,480 --> 00:27:39,479
and it was still in the fuckin' tin.

479
00:27:39,480 --> 00:27:42,439
And then me waters broke
and, well, here we are.

480
00:27:42,440 --> 00:27:43,999
SHE CHUCKLES

481
00:27:44,000 --> 00:27:47,279
I love Christmas, but it can be
a lonely time for many people,

482
00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:50,239
so pick up your phone and pick
someone out of your contacts,

483
00:27:50,240 --> 00:27:53,319
somebody that you haven't
spoken to for a long time, call them

484
00:27:53,320 --> 00:27:55,039
and just say, "Happy Christmas".

485
00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:57,959
And also, be careful around

486
00:27:57,960 --> 00:28:01,599
Christmas, I really mean it.

487
00:28:01,600 --> 00:28:04,559
The worst accidents
at Christmas happen in the home.

488
00:28:04,560 --> 00:28:09,439
Happy Chris... Happy Chris...
Ah, oh, shit!

489
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:13,880

of Dublin town

490
00:28:15,560 --> 00:28:21,119

the crown

491
00:28:21,120 --> 00:28:24,519


492
00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:27,799


493
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:33,559

life get her down

494
00:28:33,560 --> 00:28:36,639

Agnes

495
00:28:36,640 --> 00:28:38,759

Agnes...

496
00:28:38,760 --> 00:28:40,399
Merry Christmas!

497
00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:43,240