1 00:00:08,083 --> 00:00:11,708 ♪ It's Christmas Eve and snow is on the ground ♪ 2 00:00:16,250 --> 00:00:21,875 ♪ Mistletoe and holly all around ♪ 3 00:00:23,708 --> 00:00:27,541 ♪ Yes, all the world is happy ♪ 4 00:00:27,625 --> 00:00:31,000 ♪ but since you went away ♪ 5 00:00:31,083 --> 00:00:34,208 ♪ my Christmas will be just ♪ 6 00:00:36,375 --> 00:00:38,083 ♪ another lonely day... 7 00:00:38,166 --> 00:00:40,291 Oh, it's cold! I need to pee. 8 00:00:40,375 --> 00:00:41,583 Oh, golly gee. 9 00:00:41,666 --> 00:00:42,916 I'll be right back! 10 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:45,125 Please stop. 11 00:00:45,208 --> 00:00:47,208 That's your sister! Look. 12 00:00:47,291 --> 00:00:48,416 Don't punch your sister. 13 00:00:48,500 --> 00:00:50,416 Please stop! 14 00:00:50,500 --> 00:00:53,500 All three of you are gonna get in so much trouble. 15 00:00:53,583 --> 00:00:54,791 Hold on. 16 00:00:54,875 --> 00:00:56,416 Hi. Can I help you? 17 00:00:56,500 --> 00:00:58,208 Hi. Do you mind 18 00:00:58,291 --> 00:01:00,666 if I have a word with your kids? 19 00:01:00,750 --> 00:01:02,083 Uh, sure. 20 00:01:02,166 --> 00:01:04,875 Okay, kids, I couldn't help but notice 21 00:01:04,958 --> 00:01:09,458 that your mommy here is trying very hard to keep you happy, 22 00:01:09,541 --> 00:01:13,833 and I just wanted to say that, um, you really should be nicer to her. 23 00:01:13,916 --> 00:01:15,666 Okay? 24 00:01:15,750 --> 00:01:19,208 Because someday she's going to be dead. 25 00:01:20,500 --> 00:01:22,083 Merry Christmas. 26 00:01:25,083 --> 00:01:26,833 Oh, don't look at me like that. 27 00:01:26,916 --> 00:01:29,958 Scrooge gets famous for being grumpy around the holidays, 28 00:01:30,041 --> 00:01:32,875 and I'm not entitled to one little outburst? 29 00:01:32,958 --> 00:01:34,166 -Bye. -Come to think of it, 30 00:01:34,250 --> 00:01:35,666 where are the holiday movies about moms? 31 00:01:35,750 --> 00:01:37,916 I can name a dozen about men, easy. 32 00:01:38,000 --> 00:01:40,625 There's Christmas Vacation, It's a Wonderful Life, 33 00:01:40,708 --> 00:01:43,791 The Santa Clause, Home Alone, Elf, 34 00:01:43,875 --> 00:01:46,500 this one, that one, that guy, this guy, 35 00:01:46,583 --> 00:01:47,833 him, them. 36 00:01:47,916 --> 00:01:50,250 Heck, Steve Martin is some kind of hero 37 00:01:50,333 --> 00:01:52,750 because he spends a few days trying to get home 38 00:01:52,833 --> 00:01:54,625 in Planes, Trains and Automobiles. 39 00:01:54,708 --> 00:01:56,500 And what does his beautiful wife get? 40 00:01:56,583 --> 00:01:58,791 You know, the woman at home who's been taking care of the kids, 41 00:01:58,875 --> 00:02:00,791 cooking and cleaning. 42 00:02:00,875 --> 00:02:03,583 Around 89 seconds of screen time. 43 00:02:03,666 --> 00:02:07,666 They need to make a movie about the true heroes of the holidays: 44 00:02:07,750 --> 00:02:09,541 moms. 45 00:02:11,416 --> 00:02:14,833 I was all prepared for my favorite holiday, Christmas. 46 00:02:14,916 --> 00:02:17,250 I'd been planning it since January 1st... 47 00:02:17,333 --> 00:02:21,375 ...and I was watching my number one TV program, Zazzy Tims. 48 00:02:21,458 --> 00:02:24,250 And, folks, stay right here, because after the break, 49 00:02:24,333 --> 00:02:27,208 we'll be joined by Chef Emeril Lagasse, 50 00:02:27,291 --> 00:02:30,333 and he's gonna tell us how to cook a beautiful Christmas turkey 51 00:02:30,416 --> 00:02:32,250 with a little Cajun twist. 52 00:02:32,333 --> 00:02:34,666 Bam! Oh, and don't forget, 53 00:02:34,750 --> 00:02:37,958 the annual Zazzy Tims Holiday Mom Contest is upon us. 54 00:02:38,041 --> 00:02:42,958 And you've got one day left to nominate your very own holiday mom 55 00:02:43,041 --> 00:02:48,583 to win an all expenses paid Christmas trip out to Burbank to be a guest on my show. 56 00:02:48,666 --> 00:02:50,416 It's your chance to show your mom 57 00:02:50,500 --> 00:02:52,166 how special she is. 58 00:02:52,250 --> 00:02:55,125 So get those applications in before it's too late. 59 00:03:05,666 --> 00:03:07,583 I don't need this. 60 00:03:09,750 --> 00:03:10,916 -Hey, hon. -Hey. 61 00:03:11,000 --> 00:03:13,250 Oh, my God, you're just starting that? 62 00:03:13,333 --> 00:03:16,666 Honey, it's gonna take me 45 minutes to an hour tops to build this thing, okay? 63 00:03:16,750 --> 00:03:18,708 And Ben and Lucy are gonna love it. 64 00:03:18,791 --> 00:03:20,625 That's a lot of parts. Good luck. 65 00:03:20,708 --> 00:03:22,166 So I'm gonna run errands. 66 00:03:22,250 --> 00:03:23,958 -You need anything? -Nope, I'm good. 67 00:03:24,041 --> 00:03:25,250 Just drive safe. 68 00:03:25,333 --> 00:03:30,041 Hey, the kids haven't mentioned the, um, Zazzy contest to you, have they? 69 00:03:30,625 --> 00:03:32,958 Because I've sent them messages about it. 70 00:03:33,041 --> 00:03:34,416 Um, I definitely did. 71 00:03:34,500 --> 00:03:35,750 Contest? 72 00:03:35,833 --> 00:03:37,541 The Holiday Mom Contest? 73 00:03:37,625 --> 00:03:39,125 Your kids have to submit you. 74 00:03:39,208 --> 00:03:41,166 It's... it's a whole thing. 75 00:03:42,333 --> 00:03:45,666 Did you... tell them to submit you? 76 00:03:45,750 --> 00:03:48,708 I can't ask them to submit me. 77 00:03:48,791 --> 00:03:50,791 That would be cheating. 78 00:03:50,875 --> 00:03:52,750 I want them to want to submit me. 79 00:03:54,250 --> 00:03:57,458 I mean, who cares? It's just a silly little contest. 80 00:03:57,541 --> 00:04:00,375 It's really not that important to me. 81 00:04:00,458 --> 00:04:02,791 I see it. 82 00:04:02,875 --> 00:04:05,500 I see it on your face. 83 00:04:05,583 --> 00:04:08,291 I suppose I could text them one more time. 84 00:04:09,375 --> 00:04:10,750 Couldn't hurt. 85 00:04:24,791 --> 00:04:28,500 ♪ Welcome to my Christmas song ♪ 86 00:04:28,582 --> 00:04:32,082 ♪ I'd like to thank you for the year ♪ 87 00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:37,791 ♪ So I'm-a sending you this Christmas card ♪ 88 00:04:37,875 --> 00:04:41,541 ♪ to say, "It's nice to have you here" ♪ 89 00:04:43,875 --> 00:04:46,916 ♪ I'd like to sing about all the things ♪ 90 00:04:47,000 --> 00:04:50,582 ♪ your eyes and mind can see ♪ 91 00:04:50,666 --> 00:04:53,957 ♪ So hop aboard your turntable ♪ 92 00:04:54,041 --> 00:04:59,375 ♪ Oh, step into Christmas with me, yeah ♪ 93 00:05:00,666 --> 00:05:03,916 ♪ Step into Christmas, let's join together ♪ 94 00:05:04,000 --> 00:05:07,416 ♪ We can watch the snow fall forever and ever ♪ 95 00:05:07,500 --> 00:05:09,250 ♪ Eat, drink and be merry ♪ 96 00:05:09,333 --> 00:05:11,166 ♪ Come along with me ♪ 97 00:05:11,250 --> 00:05:12,916 ♪ Step into Christmas ♪ 98 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:16,000 ♪ The admission's free ♪♪ 99 00:05:17,291 --> 00:05:19,541 Channing is my oldest. 100 00:05:19,625 --> 00:05:23,291 She, her husband Doug and their twins, Lucy and Ben, 101 00:05:23,375 --> 00:05:26,750 live just a few hours away in Austin. 102 00:05:26,832 --> 00:05:30,416 Makes me so happy to have her close by. 103 00:05:30,500 --> 00:05:35,832 She's her own woman now, but I still make an extra stop at Schultz's every year 104 00:05:35,916 --> 00:05:37,625 just so she can have her pfeffernuss. 105 00:05:37,707 --> 00:05:40,125 -Hello! -She loves pfeffernuss. 106 00:05:40,207 --> 00:05:41,541 Hello! 107 00:05:41,625 --> 00:05:43,875 Mom? 108 00:05:43,957 --> 00:05:45,541 - The Christmas tree! - Dad? 109 00:05:45,625 --> 00:05:47,207 - So cool. - Ding-dong. 110 00:05:47,291 --> 00:05:50,457 She hasn't gotten rid of a single decoration since we were kids. 111 00:05:50,541 --> 00:05:51,750 That one's mine. 112 00:05:51,832 --> 00:05:53,375 Hey, don't touch the presents. 113 00:05:53,457 --> 00:05:54,832 Mom? 114 00:05:54,916 --> 00:05:56,291 -I'm here! -Hi, Mom. 115 00:05:56,375 --> 00:05:57,625 Hello! 116 00:05:57,707 --> 00:05:59,041 - Grandmama Claire! - Come here! 117 00:05:59,125 --> 00:06:00,541 I have missed you two so much. 118 00:06:00,625 --> 00:06:02,833 Hey, I thought I heard voices. 119 00:06:02,916 --> 00:06:04,625 - Little Bean! - Oh, hey, Dad! 120 00:06:04,708 --> 00:06:06,083 -Hey. -Hey. Hey! 121 00:06:06,166 --> 00:06:07,958 -Hey, handsome. -Hi, beautiful. 122 00:06:08,041 --> 00:06:09,583 -How are you? Thanks for having us. -I'm good. 123 00:06:09,666 --> 00:06:11,583 -So happy to see you. -I'm gonna squeeze upstairs. 124 00:06:11,666 --> 00:06:13,125 -Excuse me. Keep talking. -Oh, you want a hand with those bags? 125 00:06:13,208 --> 00:06:15,000 -I don't need a hand. I am very-- -Let me give you a hand. 126 00:06:15,083 --> 00:06:16,875 -Nope. Nick, I got it. Nick. Nick. -Yeah, come on. Especially this big one. 127 00:06:16,957 --> 00:06:18,500 - It's too big for you. - You guys... 128 00:06:18,582 --> 00:06:21,791 Hey, you guys haven't heard of this show, um, 129 00:06:21,875 --> 00:06:24,750 the, uh-- So You're a Dancer, have you? 130 00:06:24,832 --> 00:06:26,082 - It's our favorite show. - I got it. 131 00:06:27,666 --> 00:06:29,000 - Here we go. Come on. - I am so relieved, 132 00:06:29,082 --> 00:06:30,416 because I have been wondering... 133 00:06:30,500 --> 00:06:35,625 ...what to do with all these tickets that are burning a hole in my pocket 134 00:06:35,707 --> 00:06:38,875 for the So You're a Dancer Holiday Tour, 135 00:06:38,957 --> 00:06:42,500 coming to Houston tomorrow, and we are all going! 136 00:06:42,582 --> 00:06:44,207 Yay! 137 00:06:44,291 --> 00:06:46,625 Here you go, pal. All set? 138 00:06:46,707 --> 00:06:48,166 -Thank you so much. Appreciate it. -All right. 139 00:06:48,250 --> 00:06:49,707 -Thank you. -You got it from here? 140 00:06:49,791 --> 00:06:51,375 Got it from here. I'll take it. 141 00:06:55,625 --> 00:06:57,750 Hey, did anyone find Barnaby? 142 00:06:57,832 --> 00:06:58,916 Who's Barnaby? 143 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:03,291 Barnaby is the Elf on the Shelf 144 00:07:03,375 --> 00:07:09,416 who is hiding somewhere in or around this very house. 145 00:07:09,500 --> 00:07:15,000 And at night, he flies back to the North Pole and reports back to Santa 146 00:07:15,083 --> 00:07:17,291 on who's being naughty or nice. 147 00:07:17,375 --> 00:07:19,207 Yeah, we-we know how it works, Mom. 148 00:07:19,291 --> 00:07:21,457 We have an elf at home, too. 149 00:07:21,541 --> 00:07:23,707 His name is Sneaky Pete. 150 00:07:23,791 --> 00:07:24,832 Ew, Sneaky Pete? 151 00:07:24,916 --> 00:07:26,457 That's so creepy. 152 00:07:26,541 --> 00:07:28,207 Yeah. Sneaky is creepy. 153 00:07:29,582 --> 00:07:31,707 Okay. Go, go, go, go, go! 154 00:07:31,791 --> 00:07:32,875 -He's hidden very well. -Come on, guys, let's check downstairs 155 00:07:32,957 --> 00:07:34,000 and see if he's down there. Come on! 156 00:07:34,082 --> 00:07:35,125 -And you better hurry. -Let's see if we can find him. 157 00:07:35,207 --> 00:07:36,207 - Yay! - Come on. 158 00:07:36,291 --> 00:07:38,332 - They're so cute. - Where is he? Where is he? 159 00:07:38,416 --> 00:07:39,916 Yeah, they are. 160 00:07:40,000 --> 00:07:42,250 It is so good to see you. 161 00:07:42,332 --> 00:07:44,332 Hey. 162 00:07:50,375 --> 00:07:51,750 Hot, hot, hot, hot! Watch out. 163 00:07:51,832 --> 00:07:53,375 Mmm. 164 00:07:53,457 --> 00:07:54,791 So how are you? 165 00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:56,916 I'm-I'm good. Yeah, you know-- 166 00:07:57,000 --> 00:07:59,041 -Are you hungry? -No, I'm okay. 167 00:07:59,125 --> 00:08:01,041 -We-we had some-- -Here, have some carrots. 168 00:08:01,125 --> 00:08:02,125 Okay. 169 00:08:02,208 --> 00:08:03,708 Oh, thanks. 170 00:08:03,791 --> 00:08:05,083 Tell me everything. 171 00:08:05,166 --> 00:08:08,833 My little girl, weight of the world on her shoulders. 172 00:08:08,916 --> 00:08:12,333 Things are a little unhinged right now with the... 173 00:08:12,416 --> 00:08:14,875 No one warns you how the older your kids get, 174 00:08:14,958 --> 00:08:18,416 the harder it is to have an informed opinion about their lives. 175 00:08:18,500 --> 00:08:19,832 That's so great. 176 00:08:19,916 --> 00:08:22,291 No, it's-it's not... not great. 177 00:08:22,375 --> 00:08:25,375 It-It's just, I've never written a murder mystery before. 178 00:08:25,457 --> 00:08:27,957 It's the, it's the trickiest thing I've ever tried to plot and-- 179 00:08:28,041 --> 00:08:31,125 I'm sure you will do a good job. You're so smart. 180 00:08:31,207 --> 00:08:33,832 I mean, you know, you just-- you'll make something up. 181 00:08:33,915 --> 00:08:36,250 Oh, that reminds me, um, 182 00:08:36,332 --> 00:08:38,625 I bumped into Julie Sager, 183 00:08:38,707 --> 00:08:43,290 and she said you never reached out to her daughter Alyssa. 184 00:08:43,375 --> 00:08:44,665 I know. I know. 185 00:08:44,750 --> 00:08:48,665 'Cause it-it didn't make, it didn't make any sense what you were asking. 186 00:08:48,750 --> 00:08:51,083 Alyssa writes about the stock market. 187 00:08:51,165 --> 00:08:54,540 I write novels. It's totally different. 188 00:08:54,625 --> 00:08:55,625 Well, okay. 189 00:08:55,708 --> 00:08:58,250 Well, could you at least send her 190 00:08:58,333 --> 00:09:01,125 one of those... free copies? 191 00:09:01,208 --> 00:09:05,125 They're called galleys, and no, they're for trade reviewers. 192 00:09:05,208 --> 00:09:06,541 How do you know she's not one? 193 00:09:06,625 --> 00:09:08,541 'Cause she's not. 194 00:09:10,625 --> 00:09:11,708 Candles. 195 00:09:15,500 --> 00:09:17,958 You've got to smell these candles. 196 00:09:20,166 --> 00:09:21,166 Mom. 197 00:09:21,250 --> 00:09:24,333 That is the scent of dusk. 198 00:09:24,416 --> 00:09:25,875 -No. -Uh, Zazzy Tims-- 199 00:09:25,958 --> 00:09:27,541 you know, Zazzy-- 200 00:09:27,625 --> 00:09:30,333 well, she did a whole segment on them. 201 00:09:30,416 --> 00:09:33,708 They're called Monochrome candles. 202 00:09:33,790 --> 00:09:35,665 It's a luxury aesthetic. 203 00:09:35,750 --> 00:09:40,208 I'm giving one of these to that Jeanne Wang-Wasserman across the street. 204 00:09:40,290 --> 00:09:43,083 Well, I'm sure she'll love it, Mom. 205 00:09:48,708 --> 00:09:50,208 Thanks. 206 00:09:53,165 --> 00:09:55,333 - Uncle Sammy's here! - He's here! 207 00:09:55,415 --> 00:09:57,250 Uncle Sammy's here! 208 00:09:57,333 --> 00:09:58,333 Yay! 209 00:09:58,415 --> 00:09:59,665 Uncle Sammy's here! 210 00:09:59,750 --> 00:10:01,416 -He's here! -We're gonna surprise him when he comes. 211 00:10:01,500 --> 00:10:02,708 Uncle Sammy's here! 212 00:10:02,791 --> 00:10:06,125 Sammy is the baby of the family. 213 00:10:06,208 --> 00:10:08,833 He lives in Portland with his soulmate Mae-bell, 214 00:10:08,916 --> 00:10:10,541 who we are finally getting to meet. 215 00:10:10,625 --> 00:10:12,416 I'm not going. 216 00:10:12,500 --> 00:10:13,916 What? Why? 217 00:10:14,000 --> 00:10:17,625 For one, I want to go to Los Angeles to see my family. 218 00:10:17,708 --> 00:10:19,708 -You see your family all the time. -And two, 219 00:10:19,791 --> 00:10:22,250 -I-I think we should break up. -Okay. 220 00:10:22,333 --> 00:10:24,291 Is there a third thing? 221 00:10:24,375 --> 00:10:26,958 I know this is not what you expected. 222 00:10:27,041 --> 00:10:28,458 I can't believe you're doing this. 223 00:10:28,541 --> 00:10:30,416 We had sex last night. 224 00:10:30,500 --> 00:10:32,208 I don't really see how that's relevant. 225 00:10:32,290 --> 00:10:33,958 We had sex this morning. 226 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:35,708 We're young, Sammy. That's what we do. 227 00:10:35,790 --> 00:10:38,583 But I'm in love with you, Mae-bell. 228 00:10:38,665 --> 00:10:41,540 And I think you're great, too, 229 00:10:41,625 --> 00:10:44,290 but... I want more. 230 00:10:44,375 --> 00:10:47,083 What more could you possibly want? 231 00:10:47,165 --> 00:10:49,125 You don't have a job. 232 00:10:49,208 --> 00:10:51,040 I do have a job. 233 00:10:51,125 --> 00:10:53,790 A camp counselor? For three months of the year? 234 00:10:53,875 --> 00:10:55,583 What happened to the other nine? 235 00:10:55,665 --> 00:10:56,665 Mae-bell, listen to me. 236 00:10:56,750 --> 00:11:00,625 You're cool and fun, and I just can't imagine my life without you. 237 00:11:00,708 --> 00:11:04,458 So, please, I'm begging you, don't do this. 238 00:11:05,541 --> 00:11:06,875 ♪ Welcome home ♪ 239 00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:08,375 ♪ Uncle Sammy ♪ 240 00:11:08,458 --> 00:11:10,500 -♪ If you want to eat a-- ♪ -Mae-bell dumped me. 241 00:11:10,583 --> 00:11:12,958 - Aw. - I'm a husk of my former self. 242 00:11:13,041 --> 00:11:14,250 I need a cinnamon roll. 243 00:11:14,333 --> 00:11:15,875 - Sorry, Sammy. Come, come. - Come on. 244 00:11:15,958 --> 00:11:17,625 Sweetie... 245 00:11:17,708 --> 00:11:20,541 listen to me. 246 00:11:20,625 --> 00:11:23,541 You are wonderful and fantastic in every way, 247 00:11:23,625 --> 00:11:27,583 and if Mae-bell doesn't see that, well, that's her loss. 248 00:11:27,666 --> 00:11:28,833 Uh, you don't know that. 249 00:11:28,916 --> 00:11:30,208 It's competitive out there. 250 00:11:30,291 --> 00:11:32,415 People have options these days. 251 00:11:32,500 --> 00:11:34,125 Exactly. Options. 252 00:11:34,208 --> 00:11:36,290 Get back out there. Meet new people. 253 00:11:36,375 --> 00:11:38,250 These cinnamon buns taste different. 254 00:11:38,333 --> 00:11:39,583 Take a pottery class. 255 00:11:39,665 --> 00:11:41,125 What's different about them? 256 00:11:41,208 --> 00:11:43,458 She's trying Zazzy recipes again. 257 00:11:44,540 --> 00:11:48,458 You could go on one of those Club Med vacations for singles. 258 00:11:48,540 --> 00:11:49,833 Mom. 259 00:11:49,915 --> 00:11:53,083 That or apply to grad school, you know, open a savings account. 260 00:11:53,165 --> 00:11:54,333 You know, take some time 261 00:11:54,415 --> 00:11:56,040 - to work on you, Sammy. - Mm-hmm. 262 00:11:56,125 --> 00:11:58,083 - Taylor's here! Taylor's here! - Taylor's here! 263 00:11:58,165 --> 00:11:59,165 Taylor's here? 264 00:11:59,958 --> 00:12:02,291 Taylor is my middle child. 265 00:12:02,375 --> 00:12:05,041 -Every year for the past ten years... -Hi! 266 00:12:05,125 --> 00:12:07,125 ...she's brought home a different woman for the holidays. 267 00:12:07,208 --> 00:12:09,708 And every year, we act excited... 268 00:12:09,791 --> 00:12:10,916 Hi! 269 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,708 ...because we love her, and that's family. 270 00:12:12,791 --> 00:12:15,375 All right, all right, family. Hold up. 271 00:12:15,458 --> 00:12:19,750 Let me introduce you to someone very special to me. 272 00:12:19,833 --> 00:12:24,541 The most beautiful, best emcee in all of Minneapolis... 273 00:12:27,416 --> 00:12:30,250 ...my girlfriend, DJ Sweatpants. 274 00:12:32,625 --> 00:12:34,750 -Aw, that's great. -Aw. 275 00:12:34,833 --> 00:12:37,583 Also, you can call me DJ Sweatpants or Sweet-P or... 276 00:12:37,665 --> 00:12:38,958 -Yeah. -...even just Donna. 277 00:12:39,040 --> 00:12:40,083 Mm-hmm. 278 00:12:40,165 --> 00:12:41,915 I told y'all she was the best, huh? 279 00:12:42,000 --> 00:12:43,540 -Welcome to Texas! -Ah! 280 00:12:43,625 --> 00:12:45,415 - Whoo! Yeehaw! - Hi! 281 00:12:45,500 --> 00:12:47,208 - Hey, honey. - I missed you guys. 282 00:12:47,290 --> 00:12:48,290 -Hi. -Hi. 283 00:12:48,375 --> 00:12:50,708 - What's up? - So nice to meet you. 284 00:12:50,790 --> 00:12:52,083 Hi, Channing. Oh, I've heard so much about you. 285 00:12:52,165 --> 00:12:54,208 I missed you. 286 00:12:58,875 --> 00:13:00,625 Wow. 287 00:13:00,708 --> 00:13:03,291 Claire! Let's say hi! 288 00:13:03,375 --> 00:13:05,250 Hi, Jeanne! 289 00:13:05,333 --> 00:13:07,500 - Hi. - Jeanne Wang-Wasserman, 290 00:13:07,583 --> 00:13:09,375 my impossibly perfect neighbor. 291 00:13:09,458 --> 00:13:13,166 One of those people who make you feel like you're somehow always falling short. 292 00:13:13,250 --> 00:13:14,250 Merry Christmas! 293 00:13:14,333 --> 00:13:17,291 You remember my kids, right? 294 00:13:17,375 --> 00:13:19,083 Astrid, Elizabeth, 295 00:13:19,166 --> 00:13:22,416 Marcus, Gar and his sweetheart Diane. 296 00:13:23,666 --> 00:13:25,333 Of course. Hello. 297 00:13:25,416 --> 00:13:26,833 So nice to see you. 298 00:13:26,916 --> 00:13:28,708 Merry Christmas, Jeff. 299 00:13:28,791 --> 00:13:30,708 Nick. Merry Christmas. 300 00:13:31,791 --> 00:13:33,333 It is a merry Christmas. 301 00:13:33,415 --> 00:13:34,915 I see you took my advice 302 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:37,665 and went sans lawn inflatables this year. 303 00:13:37,750 --> 00:13:43,250 I think I speak for everyone on the block when I say that we all really appreciate 304 00:13:43,333 --> 00:13:46,625 that you decided not to put them up this year. 305 00:13:46,708 --> 00:13:52,375 Oh, well, actually I'm still in the decision-making process, so... 306 00:13:52,458 --> 00:13:54,250 Well, okay. 307 00:13:54,333 --> 00:13:56,040 I better let you all get to your dinner. 308 00:13:56,125 --> 00:13:57,583 - Bye. - Blessings! 309 00:13:57,665 --> 00:13:58,833 -See ya. -Bye. 310 00:13:58,915 --> 00:14:00,291 -Blessings. -Blessings. 311 00:14:00,375 --> 00:14:02,083 See ya. 312 00:14:03,333 --> 00:14:06,083 -Blessings! -Blessings. 313 00:14:06,166 --> 00:14:07,208 Blessings! 314 00:14:07,916 --> 00:14:09,125 Blessings. 315 00:14:09,208 --> 00:14:12,166 Sammy, Doug, go get the lawn inflatables and the air pump out of the shed now. 316 00:14:12,250 --> 00:14:13,958 - Speed walk? - Go. 317 00:14:19,125 --> 00:14:24,625 ♪ Silent night ♪ 318 00:14:24,708 --> 00:14:28,041 ♪ Holy night ♪ 319 00:14:29,125 --> 00:14:34,040 -♪ All is calm ♪ -♪ All is calm ♪ 320 00:14:34,125 --> 00:14:37,790 ♪ All is bright ♪ 321 00:14:37,875 --> 00:14:38,958 ♪ Ooh ♪ 322 00:14:39,040 --> 00:14:43,290 -♪ Round yon virgin ♪ -♪ Virgin ♪ 323 00:14:43,375 --> 00:14:47,958 ♪ Mother and child ♪ 324 00:14:48,040 --> 00:14:51,375 ♪ Holy infant ♪ 325 00:14:51,458 --> 00:14:54,708 ♪ so tender and mild ♪ 326 00:14:54,790 --> 00:14:56,915 ♪ So tender and mild ♪ 327 00:14:57,000 --> 00:15:00,041 ♪ Sleep in heavenly ♪ 328 00:15:02,333 --> 00:15:05,791 ♪ peace ♪ 329 00:15:05,875 --> 00:15:10,000 ♪ Sleep in heavenly ♪ 330 00:15:10,083 --> 00:15:13,500 ♪ peace ♪♪ 331 00:15:13,583 --> 00:15:17,708 Aw, oh, God! 332 00:15:19,833 --> 00:15:21,250 Beautiful. 333 00:15:30,166 --> 00:15:31,833 Barbaric. 334 00:15:43,415 --> 00:15:45,083 -Hey, Mrs. C. -Hey, Donna. 335 00:15:46,540 --> 00:15:48,583 Inflatables are up. 336 00:15:48,665 --> 00:15:51,708 ♪ They say she may be beaten, but I know... 337 00:15:51,790 --> 00:15:54,000 Taylor, feet off the furniture, please. 338 00:15:54,083 --> 00:15:56,375 I just cleaned that table. 339 00:15:57,083 --> 00:16:01,041 I didn't realize Mom's old wooden table was a family heirloom. 340 00:16:01,125 --> 00:16:03,083 Ooh, snap. 341 00:16:04,166 --> 00:16:07,500 ♪ Met a man in Beirut... 342 00:16:14,208 --> 00:16:16,333 Channing tells me that you're getting into photography. 343 00:16:16,416 --> 00:16:18,583 Is that true? 344 00:16:18,666 --> 00:16:21,250 Uh, I-I mean, I guess I told her 345 00:16:21,333 --> 00:16:24,916 that I picked up, like, an old camera at a yard sale. 346 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,166 -But, I mean, kind of. -That's so cool. 347 00:16:27,250 --> 00:16:29,166 That's-that's how it starts, the old habit. 348 00:16:31,666 --> 00:16:33,125 Poor Doug. 349 00:16:33,208 --> 00:16:35,000 He's an only child. 350 00:16:35,083 --> 00:16:37,750 No natural defenses against my kids. 351 00:16:37,833 --> 00:16:39,708 I keep expecting he'll build some up, 352 00:16:39,790 --> 00:16:42,915 but at this point, I don't know what it'll take. 353 00:16:43,000 --> 00:16:46,125 Yeah, I don't know if she mentioned it, but, you know, I'm, uh... 354 00:16:46,208 --> 00:16:49,040 was a bit of a shutterbug myself. 355 00:16:50,165 --> 00:16:51,290 Huh. 356 00:16:51,375 --> 00:16:53,750 No, no, she never told me that you were 357 00:16:53,833 --> 00:16:56,290 -a shutterbug yourself. -Really? 358 00:16:56,375 --> 00:16:58,750 So funny. She didn't tell you. 359 00:16:58,833 --> 00:17:00,416 If you ever... 360 00:17:00,500 --> 00:17:03,041 whatever, if you ever want to talk about it, I'm here... 361 00:17:03,125 --> 00:17:04,125 Yeah. 362 00:17:04,208 --> 00:17:05,665 ...to talk about it with you. 363 00:17:07,083 --> 00:17:09,500 Hey, did I ever tell you I, um... 364 00:17:09,583 --> 00:17:12,540 um, I kissed this guy in high school once? 365 00:17:12,625 --> 00:17:14,375 And he-- 366 00:17:14,458 --> 00:17:17,000 I'm gonna go and get some more wine. 367 00:17:17,083 --> 00:17:19,333 -Right now. -Yeah. 368 00:17:20,415 --> 00:17:21,415 Sorry. 369 00:17:23,458 --> 00:17:26,458 ♪ Wise men better get themselves together... 370 00:17:26,540 --> 00:17:28,165 So you're a shutterbug? 371 00:17:29,000 --> 00:17:30,708 Hmm? 372 00:17:30,791 --> 00:17:32,291 Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 373 00:17:33,125 --> 00:17:35,250 - Oh, my God, is that Taylor? - Yeah. 374 00:17:35,333 --> 00:17:37,416 - She looks exactly the same. - I know. 375 00:17:37,500 --> 00:17:40,125 -And there... Sammy. -Oh, oh. 376 00:17:40,208 --> 00:17:41,833 Oh, I didn't recognize him with his glasses on. 377 00:17:41,916 --> 00:17:44,750 - Yeah. - And who's that? 378 00:17:44,833 --> 00:17:50,583 Oh, that is, um, Taylor's old foreign exchange student friend Mia. 379 00:17:50,666 --> 00:17:53,041 Right. 380 00:17:54,291 --> 00:17:58,416 ♪ Why not start it up with Christmas Day? ♪ 381 00:17:58,500 --> 00:17:59,541 ♪ Merry ♪ 382 00:18:01,708 --> 00:18:05,750 ♪ Merry, merry, merry, merry ♪ 383 00:18:05,833 --> 00:18:07,583 ♪ Merry Christmas ♪ 384 00:18:07,666 --> 00:18:09,541 ♪ Merry, merry ♪ 385 00:18:09,625 --> 00:18:14,416 ♪ Merry, merry, merry, merry ♪ 386 00:18:14,500 --> 00:18:16,500 ♪ Merry Christmas... 387 00:18:16,583 --> 00:18:18,375 -Hey, Mom. -Hmm? 388 00:18:18,458 --> 00:18:21,791 Donna is a vegan, and I forgot to tell you. 389 00:18:21,875 --> 00:18:22,875 Taylor. 390 00:18:22,958 --> 00:18:24,750 We're eating sirloin. 391 00:18:26,541 --> 00:18:28,916 I mean, whatever you can make for her is totally fine. 392 00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:31,666 Like, as long as it's vegan, yeah. 393 00:18:33,041 --> 00:18:34,375 Don't mind me. 394 00:18:34,458 --> 00:18:36,083 Mom, did you get the pfeffernuss? 395 00:18:36,166 --> 00:18:37,500 Yes, yes, I did. 396 00:18:37,583 --> 00:18:40,541 It's in the, um, uh... 397 00:18:40,625 --> 00:18:42,166 Just one second. 398 00:18:42,250 --> 00:18:43,708 - Who's that? - Kate. 399 00:18:43,791 --> 00:18:46,750 -She was sweet. -And, uh, she is...? 400 00:18:46,833 --> 00:18:49,541 Oh, Isabelle... I think her name was. 401 00:18:49,625 --> 00:18:52,500 - Who is that? - Patricia. Also sweet. 402 00:18:53,625 --> 00:18:55,000 And who's that? 403 00:18:55,083 --> 00:18:56,958 - That's, um, Rebecca. - She's pretty. 404 00:18:57,041 --> 00:18:59,416 Yeah. 405 00:18:59,500 --> 00:19:01,041 Taylor didn't like her knees. 406 00:19:01,125 --> 00:19:02,666 Oh. 407 00:19:02,750 --> 00:19:06,875 But I bet your knees are very nice knees. 408 00:19:06,958 --> 00:19:08,583 Uh... 409 00:19:08,666 --> 00:19:10,666 Yeah. I mean, they're just... 410 00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:12,458 they're normal knees. 411 00:19:12,541 --> 00:19:13,833 Pfeffernuss! 412 00:19:13,916 --> 00:19:15,083 - And that is...? - Want a cookie? 413 00:19:15,166 --> 00:19:16,541 - Erin. - Thank you. 414 00:19:16,625 --> 00:19:18,083 She was very into conspiracy theories. 415 00:19:18,166 --> 00:19:19,416 Yeah, awesome. 416 00:19:19,500 --> 00:19:21,375 -Oh. -Thanks. 417 00:19:21,458 --> 00:19:22,750 -Who can blame her? -Mmm. 418 00:19:22,833 --> 00:19:24,833 I mean, obviously Taylor, 419 00:19:24,916 --> 00:19:26,666 who apparently broke up with her. 420 00:19:28,416 --> 00:19:29,625 Doug. 421 00:19:31,916 --> 00:19:33,333 - Hey, hon? - Hey. 422 00:19:33,416 --> 00:19:35,916 Do you know where the fire huffer-puffy thing is? 423 00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:37,916 Oh, yeah. It's, uh, in the big basket behind the chair. 424 00:19:38,000 --> 00:19:39,000 Oh, great. 425 00:19:39,083 --> 00:19:40,583 Ah, there it is. 426 00:19:40,666 --> 00:19:42,250 All right. Hey, Doug. 427 00:19:42,333 --> 00:19:43,500 Hey, Nick. 428 00:19:43,583 --> 00:19:45,166 Got the TV working, huh? 429 00:19:45,250 --> 00:19:46,500 Oh, wow. 430 00:19:46,583 --> 00:19:47,666 What's going on up there? 431 00:19:47,750 --> 00:19:50,625 You guys, uh, watching anything you like these days? 432 00:19:50,708 --> 00:19:54,291 Yeah, I only watch PBS documentaries. I don't watch regular TV. 433 00:19:54,375 --> 00:19:56,000 It's all junk. 434 00:19:56,083 --> 00:19:58,583 That's why I love the LBJ documentary that PBS did. 435 00:19:58,666 --> 00:20:01,125 -Uh-huh. -I mean, it's 18 hours. 436 00:20:01,208 --> 00:20:02,125 -Whoa! -Hey, guys. 437 00:20:02,208 --> 00:20:04,041 -Hey. Whoa. -Here they go. All right! 438 00:20:04,125 --> 00:20:06,125 - Hey, dinner's almost ready. - Get over here. 439 00:20:06,208 --> 00:20:07,416 Twenty minutes. 440 00:20:07,500 --> 00:20:09,333 -Twenty minutes? Honey, we're starving. -Aw, Mom, come on. 441 00:20:09,416 --> 00:20:11,708 Okay, ten. Ten. 442 00:20:11,791 --> 00:20:14,291 Sammy, play a little Christmas tune while we wait. 443 00:20:14,375 --> 00:20:16,875 A little holiday cheer. 444 00:20:16,958 --> 00:20:18,416 - Yeah, Sammy. - Liven things up a bit. 445 00:20:18,500 --> 00:20:19,625 - Yeah, Sam. - Yes. 446 00:20:21,500 --> 00:20:24,375 See, this why you guys got to learn an instrument later. 447 00:20:24,458 --> 00:20:25,666 -I know. -So you can do this. 448 00:20:25,750 --> 00:20:26,750 Bring joy and mirth. 449 00:20:26,833 --> 00:20:27,875 -You guys ready? -All right. 450 00:20:27,958 --> 00:20:28,958 -Yeah! -Whoo! 451 00:20:29,041 --> 00:20:30,000 -Let's go! -Come on. 452 00:20:30,083 --> 00:20:31,416 Do it! 453 00:20:49,625 --> 00:20:52,458 ♪ On the first day ♪ 454 00:20:52,541 --> 00:20:54,833 ♪ of Christmas ♪ 455 00:20:54,916 --> 00:20:59,125 ♪ my true love gave to me ♪ 456 00:21:00,208 --> 00:21:02,916 ♪ a partridge ♪ 457 00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:06,166 ♪ in a pear tree ♪ 458 00:21:09,500 --> 00:21:13,875 ♪ On the second day of Christmas ♪ 459 00:21:13,958 --> 00:21:18,916 ♪ my true love gave to me ♪ 460 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:23,041 ♪ two turtledoves ♪ 461 00:21:23,125 --> 00:21:26,083 ♪ and a partridge ♪ 462 00:21:26,166 --> 00:21:30,333 ♪ a partridge, a partridge ♪ 463 00:21:30,416 --> 00:21:35,083 ♪ I never said I wanted a partridge ♪ 464 00:21:35,166 --> 00:21:39,041 ♪ in a pear tree ♪ 465 00:21:39,125 --> 00:21:42,458 ♪ No-o-o-o-o-o-o ♪ 466 00:21:42,541 --> 00:21:44,541 -♪ In a pear-- ♪ -Dinner's ready! 467 00:21:44,625 --> 00:21:46,125 Hey! Come on, guys! 468 00:21:46,208 --> 00:21:47,208 - Yay! - Wow. 469 00:21:47,291 --> 00:21:49,291 You know how Mom gets right after she calls us. 470 00:21:49,375 --> 00:21:50,875 - Really good. - Good job, son. 471 00:21:50,958 --> 00:21:52,875 - Come on, guys. - Come on, Samster. 472 00:21:52,958 --> 00:21:55,583 - Last one's a rotten egg. - ♪ Partridge ♪♪ 473 00:21:57,250 --> 00:21:59,250 Don't you guys want to hear the whole song? 474 00:22:17,750 --> 00:22:19,875 I would like to make a toast. 475 00:22:19,958 --> 00:22:21,958 Ooh, a toast. 476 00:22:22,041 --> 00:22:23,916 - Claire? - Mom, s-sit down for the toast. 477 00:22:24,000 --> 00:22:25,208 - Honey. - G-Get a glass of wine. 478 00:22:25,291 --> 00:22:26,666 - Get some wine. - Claire, sit. Sit, honey. 479 00:22:26,750 --> 00:22:27,791 -Mom, sit next to me. -Come on, sit down for a minute. 480 00:22:27,875 --> 00:22:29,125 - Come on. Sit. - All right, 481 00:22:29,208 --> 00:22:30,250 -but only for a minute. -Sit. Okay. 482 00:22:30,333 --> 00:22:33,708 - Okay. Yeah. - Everybody have, um, something? 483 00:22:33,791 --> 00:22:35,708 - Kids, you can use water. - Did you get my messages? 484 00:22:35,791 --> 00:22:38,000 - All righty. - Oh, thank you so much, Doug. 485 00:22:38,083 --> 00:22:39,208 Claire, honey? 486 00:22:39,291 --> 00:22:41,625 -The ones, um, you know, about Zazzy. -What? 487 00:22:41,708 --> 00:22:42,916 Claire. 488 00:22:43,000 --> 00:22:45,208 -Yeah, probably. I don't know. -Honey, are you paying attention? 489 00:22:45,291 --> 00:22:46,458 Oh. 490 00:22:46,541 --> 00:22:47,583 Ready? 491 00:22:49,166 --> 00:22:52,541 - Mm-hmm. - I would like to make a toast 492 00:22:52,625 --> 00:22:55,375 to a very special person... 493 00:22:55,458 --> 00:22:57,000 - Mm. - ...somebody that I think is 494 00:22:57,083 --> 00:23:00,500 the heart and soul of this operation, 495 00:23:00,583 --> 00:23:05,958 and somebody that I think embodies the true spirit of Christmas. 496 00:23:07,333 --> 00:23:10,208 Somebody that I really believe... 497 00:23:10,291 --> 00:23:11,625 -Here we go. -Where is he going? 498 00:23:11,708 --> 00:23:12,875 ...maintains the Christmas spirit. 499 00:23:12,958 --> 00:23:14,041 -Dad! -Uh-oh. 500 00:23:14,125 --> 00:23:15,541 Somebody who just gives and gives... 501 00:23:15,625 --> 00:23:16,916 - Dad, why'd you leave the room? - ...selflessly. 502 00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:19,541 Some people might call this person a saint. 503 00:23:19,625 --> 00:23:21,375 - What are you up to? - And I'd agree 'cause 504 00:23:21,458 --> 00:23:23,541 - it's Santa Claus! - Yay! 505 00:23:23,625 --> 00:23:26,916 Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! Ho, ho! 506 00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:28,875 - Santa Claus! - Merry Christmas, everybody! 507 00:23:28,958 --> 00:23:31,750 - Dad. What the heck? - Ho, ho, ho! 508 00:23:31,833 --> 00:23:33,458 - Merry Christmas! - That is so good! 509 00:23:33,541 --> 00:23:36,166 Ho, ho, ho! 510 00:23:36,250 --> 00:23:37,958 -Ho, ho, ho. There we go. -Cheers. 511 00:23:38,041 --> 00:23:40,208 - Cheers to Kris Kringle. - Cheers to Kris Kringle! 512 00:23:40,291 --> 00:23:41,416 Kris Kringle! 513 00:23:41,500 --> 00:23:42,833 -Cheers! -Okay. 514 00:23:42,916 --> 00:23:45,958 To Santa Claus, everybody. 515 00:23:46,041 --> 00:23:51,500 I'm sorry, but why does Saint Nick get all the credit? 516 00:23:52,375 --> 00:23:55,458 The elves make toys in their workshop... 517 00:23:55,541 --> 00:23:58,125 ...and the reindeers pull the sleigh. 518 00:23:58,208 --> 00:24:02,166 And nobody mentions what Mrs. Claus does. 519 00:24:02,250 --> 00:24:04,041 I told her I was a shutterbug. 520 00:24:04,125 --> 00:24:06,416 What am I, from the 1930s or something? 521 00:24:06,500 --> 00:24:09,416 It's like I forget how to have a normal human conversation with her. 522 00:24:09,500 --> 00:24:11,708 It's like-- She's really cool. 523 00:24:11,791 --> 00:24:15,000 And intimidating, and I just-- sometimes I just think that she doesn't like me. 524 00:24:15,083 --> 00:24:17,000 She's not that cool. 525 00:24:17,083 --> 00:24:18,375 I mean, guess who didn't order 526 00:24:18,458 --> 00:24:20,333 Mom's Cheese of the Month Club Christmas present. 527 00:24:20,416 --> 00:24:23,041 - No. - She can't be trusted. 528 00:24:23,125 --> 00:24:24,291 So where's the cheese? 529 00:24:24,375 --> 00:24:26,250 No cheese. 530 00:24:33,083 --> 00:24:37,250 George Washington: The Legacy, a 40-hour PBS series 531 00:24:37,333 --> 00:24:40,750 where we will explore the mysteries of the Founding Father. 532 00:24:40,833 --> 00:24:42,208 Were his teeth really wooden-- 533 00:24:42,291 --> 00:24:44,083 ...American made-- 534 00:24:45,083 --> 00:24:46,500 How could you? 535 00:24:48,916 --> 00:24:51,125 No, no, no, no. Not with him. 536 00:24:51,208 --> 00:24:54,208 Look, I mean, it's really nice that she bought the tickets and everything, 537 00:24:54,291 --> 00:24:56,625 but she didn't even ask. 538 00:24:56,708 --> 00:24:58,875 The moves these dancers do, 539 00:24:58,958 --> 00:25:01,250 it's not really suitable for young kids. 540 00:25:01,333 --> 00:25:04,291 There's a... there's a lot of pelvic action. 541 00:25:05,541 --> 00:25:06,750 Yeah. 542 00:25:06,833 --> 00:25:10,541 I mean, should I, should I say we don't want to go? 543 00:25:17,125 --> 00:25:20,041 I-I don't know if I'd... I'd want to say that. 544 00:25:27,750 --> 00:25:29,583 Beddy-bye. 545 00:25:29,666 --> 00:25:31,250 - Let's get in! - Oh! 546 00:25:31,333 --> 00:25:32,458 Oh! Oh, my God. 547 00:25:32,541 --> 00:25:34,250 Doug? You okay? 548 00:25:41,500 --> 00:25:43,625 Sneaky Pete's not creepy. 549 00:25:43,708 --> 00:25:44,958 Not at all. 550 00:25:45,041 --> 00:25:48,000 Barnaby is way creepier. 551 00:25:48,083 --> 00:25:50,958 It's like the name of a serial killer. 552 00:25:51,041 --> 00:25:52,291 Barnaby. 553 00:25:52,375 --> 00:25:55,833 "My name's Barnaby, and I'm... 554 00:25:55,916 --> 00:25:58,791 gonna kill you." 555 00:25:58,875 --> 00:26:01,875 "My name's Barnaby..." 556 00:26:03,375 --> 00:26:04,833 That's scary as heck. 557 00:26:04,916 --> 00:26:07,333 "Barnaby..." 558 00:26:46,000 --> 00:26:50,916 The one thing I really wanted for Christmas. 559 00:26:53,250 --> 00:26:56,833 And I couldn't even get it for myself. 560 00:27:01,291 --> 00:27:03,583 ♪ Frosty the Snowman ♪ 561 00:27:03,666 --> 00:27:06,833 ♪ Was a jolly, happy soul ♪ 562 00:27:06,916 --> 00:27:10,458 ♪ With a corncob pipe and a button nose ♪ 563 00:27:10,541 --> 00:27:13,583 ♪ and two eyes made out of coal ♪ 564 00:27:13,666 --> 00:27:18,583 ♪ Oh, Frosty the Snowman is a fairy tale, they say... 565 00:27:18,666 --> 00:27:20,583 Psst. 566 00:27:20,666 --> 00:27:22,416 Nick, are you up? 567 00:27:22,500 --> 00:27:23,916 Psst. 568 00:27:24,000 --> 00:27:26,500 Nick. Psst. 569 00:27:26,583 --> 00:27:28,291 Are you up? 570 00:27:30,416 --> 00:27:31,583 Hi, honey. 571 00:27:31,666 --> 00:27:34,541 You're awake. I wasn't sure if you were awake. 572 00:27:35,625 --> 00:27:36,875 Yeah. 573 00:27:39,750 --> 00:27:41,250 It's Christmas Eve. 574 00:27:44,375 --> 00:27:46,208 Can you believe it? 575 00:27:47,666 --> 00:27:49,416 Okay. 576 00:27:49,500 --> 00:27:51,250 Everything okay? 577 00:27:52,708 --> 00:27:54,333 No. 578 00:27:56,083 --> 00:27:57,708 I'm pouting. 579 00:27:59,625 --> 00:28:01,666 We missed the deadline. 580 00:28:01,750 --> 00:28:04,083 -To the Zazzy contest. -Oh. 581 00:28:04,166 --> 00:28:05,958 Poof. 582 00:28:06,041 --> 00:28:08,291 -Gone. -Oh, hon, I'm sorry. 583 00:28:09,791 --> 00:28:11,000 I wouldn't take it personally. 584 00:28:11,083 --> 00:28:13,000 I mean, they're our kids. 585 00:28:13,083 --> 00:28:14,583 You've met 'em, right? 586 00:28:16,250 --> 00:28:18,458 I really wanted that trip. 587 00:28:19,541 --> 00:28:21,416 I deserved that trip. 588 00:28:22,916 --> 00:28:24,541 I know, honey. I'm sorry. 589 00:28:24,625 --> 00:28:27,041 You know what? 590 00:28:27,125 --> 00:28:29,541 I'll take you on a trip. 591 00:28:29,625 --> 00:28:32,041 Okay? I'll take you... 592 00:28:32,125 --> 00:28:36,125 take you on a trip someplace like we've never been before, you know? 593 00:28:36,208 --> 00:28:38,333 Like, Florence. Florence, Italy. 594 00:28:38,416 --> 00:28:43,166 He's so sweet, but it didn't make me feel any better. 595 00:28:43,250 --> 00:28:44,708 I'll tell you another place we could go. 596 00:28:44,791 --> 00:28:46,791 Boston, like, where we first met. 597 00:28:46,875 --> 00:28:49,208 Like, Fenway. Fenway Park. You never went there, honey. 598 00:28:49,291 --> 00:28:51,083 No, no. Not for baseball. 599 00:28:51,166 --> 00:28:52,875 Honey, they have concerts there. 600 00:28:54,041 --> 00:28:55,666 The Doobie Brothers are playing there this summer. 601 00:29:01,208 --> 00:29:02,291 See ya, Channing. 602 00:29:02,375 --> 00:29:04,000 - Hey. - Hold up. 603 00:29:04,083 --> 00:29:06,416 Hold up. Remember, we need to leave the house 604 00:29:06,500 --> 00:29:08,458 by noon at the latest if we're gonna make it 605 00:29:08,541 --> 00:29:10,125 -to the dance show on time. -Okey dokey. 606 00:29:10,208 --> 00:29:11,750 Morning. 607 00:29:11,833 --> 00:29:13,041 Hey. 608 00:29:24,833 --> 00:29:26,041 You like this sweater? 609 00:29:27,125 --> 00:29:28,833 -Mm-hmm. -It look okay on me? 610 00:29:28,916 --> 00:29:31,250 -Yeah. Yeah. -What are you working on? 611 00:29:32,750 --> 00:29:37,208 On my book that I am writing that I get paid for. 612 00:29:37,291 --> 00:29:40,083 Gosh, don't you ever get a break? 613 00:29:40,166 --> 00:29:43,833 Surely your book people know it's Christmas. 614 00:29:45,583 --> 00:29:48,166 Damn it. The "little something." 615 00:30:02,791 --> 00:30:05,916 -Hi, Jeanne. -Good morning, Claire. 616 00:30:06,000 --> 00:30:07,166 Happy Christmas Eve. 617 00:30:07,250 --> 00:30:09,375 Happy Christmas Eve to you. 618 00:30:09,458 --> 00:30:14,125 I was out on my walk, and I figured I'd swing by and bring you a little something. 619 00:30:14,208 --> 00:30:16,083 Thank you, Jeanne, and I have 620 00:30:16,166 --> 00:30:17,583 a little something for you. 621 00:30:17,666 --> 00:30:19,708 Oh. 622 00:30:19,791 --> 00:30:22,041 -You go first. -No, you go first. 623 00:30:22,125 --> 00:30:24,375 You go first. I insist. 624 00:30:24,458 --> 00:30:25,708 Hi, Jeanne. 625 00:30:25,791 --> 00:30:27,541 Hi, Channing. 626 00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:36,916 Oh. 627 00:30:38,000 --> 00:30:40,041 -It's a...? -Monochrome candle. 628 00:30:40,125 --> 00:30:42,000 That's what they're called. 629 00:30:42,083 --> 00:30:43,333 Isn't it beautiful? 630 00:30:43,416 --> 00:30:44,458 Smell it. 631 00:30:44,541 --> 00:30:45,916 That's right. 632 00:30:46,000 --> 00:30:47,666 Breathe in the dusk. 633 00:30:47,750 --> 00:30:51,791 Wow, it's lovely, and so many wicks. 634 00:30:51,875 --> 00:30:54,708 I guess now I'll open your "little something." 635 00:30:54,791 --> 00:30:56,333 Wait. Stop. 636 00:30:56,416 --> 00:31:00,458 I just realized, um, that's not yours. 637 00:31:00,541 --> 00:31:01,625 It has my name on it. 638 00:31:01,708 --> 00:31:05,625 Uh, yeah, I have two friends named Jeanne, and this is for the other one. 639 00:31:05,708 --> 00:31:07,583 Mom, you-you just showed me-- 640 00:31:11,125 --> 00:31:13,208 And if it's okay with you, 641 00:31:13,291 --> 00:31:18,416 I'll just swing by a little later and give you your "little something." 642 00:31:18,500 --> 00:31:19,666 Okay. 643 00:31:19,750 --> 00:31:21,250 Okay. Okay. See you soon. Bye, now. 644 00:31:21,333 --> 00:31:23,791 -Blessings! Blessings! -Blessings. Blessings. 645 00:31:25,958 --> 00:31:27,083 Oh, that was close. 646 00:31:27,166 --> 00:31:28,250 What was that? 647 00:31:28,333 --> 00:31:30,875 You have a gift for Jeanne. You made me stick my nose in it. 648 00:31:31,625 --> 00:31:34,500 I got her a one-wick candle. 649 00:31:35,666 --> 00:31:39,416 You can't give someone a one-wick candle who got you a three-wick candle. 650 00:31:39,500 --> 00:31:41,750 -It's logic. -Mom, I think it's fine. 651 00:31:41,833 --> 00:31:43,208 No, no. 652 00:31:43,291 --> 00:31:44,666 Get dressed. We're going to the mall. 653 00:31:44,750 --> 00:31:47,250 The-the mall on Christmas Eve? 654 00:31:47,333 --> 00:31:49,500 W-Well, what about the show? 655 00:31:49,583 --> 00:31:52,083 -The twins are so excited. -We'll be quick. 656 00:31:52,166 --> 00:31:54,250 Come on. It'll be... 657 00:31:54,333 --> 00:31:55,750 -Fun. -Mm. 658 00:32:02,750 --> 00:32:04,583 Hi there. Welcome to Crate and Barrel. 659 00:32:04,666 --> 00:32:09,083 Hi. Do you have any candles with more than three wicks? 660 00:32:09,166 --> 00:32:11,416 More than three? It has to be more? 661 00:32:11,500 --> 00:32:12,500 Yes, of course. 662 00:32:12,583 --> 00:32:14,916 -Well, candles are over there... -Okay. 663 00:32:15,000 --> 00:32:19,208 ...right by the potpourri. 664 00:32:19,291 --> 00:32:20,583 Sorry. 665 00:32:20,666 --> 00:32:22,333 Oh. 666 00:32:25,000 --> 00:32:27,541 - All right, good point. - Sorry. 667 00:32:27,625 --> 00:32:30,708 We're going to tighten these one-eighth-inch screws, 668 00:32:30,791 --> 00:32:33,333 then fit together the brace brackets... 669 00:32:33,416 --> 00:32:35,291 -Okay, I'm trying. -...with the eyelets, 670 00:32:35,375 --> 00:32:38,750 grommets, rivets, set spacers and mini hex spacers. 671 00:32:38,833 --> 00:32:40,041 You know what I'm talking about. 672 00:32:40,125 --> 00:32:41,250 Easy stuff. 673 00:32:41,333 --> 00:32:45,208 Then we're going to tighten the plastic lattice panel. 674 00:32:45,291 --> 00:32:48,833 You should see that you have installed all 13 posts. 675 00:32:48,916 --> 00:32:50,750 Congratulations to you on that one. 676 00:32:50,833 --> 00:32:53,458 Uh, now, in the next 27 steps... 677 00:32:55,750 --> 00:32:57,541 Hey, sleepyhead. 678 00:32:57,625 --> 00:32:59,750 How's it going? Everything cool? What's up? 679 00:32:59,833 --> 00:33:01,666 Oh, man, I'm still kind of waking up. 680 00:33:01,750 --> 00:33:02,833 Yeah. 681 00:33:02,916 --> 00:33:04,750 Hey, where is everybody? 682 00:33:04,833 --> 00:33:08,000 Uh, Channing and your mom went to the mall, Nick's in the garage, 683 00:33:08,083 --> 00:33:11,208 and Sammy and DJ Sweatpants went to play tennis. 684 00:33:11,291 --> 00:33:14,916 I'm just here working on my world-famous pecan crunch. 685 00:33:15,000 --> 00:33:16,083 That's weird. 686 00:33:16,166 --> 00:33:18,041 Tenn-- They don't even play tennis. 687 00:33:24,791 --> 00:33:28,083 I, um... was curious. 688 00:33:28,166 --> 00:33:33,375 When did you know that you were going to make your life about hairstyling? 689 00:33:33,458 --> 00:33:34,958 How did you know that hairstyling-- 690 00:33:35,041 --> 00:33:37,208 Oh, you know, it's so crazy. 691 00:33:38,291 --> 00:33:41,000 Uh, I-I got to go outside, 692 00:33:41,083 --> 00:33:47,083 because I usually do my morning meditation and my sun salutations, 693 00:33:47,166 --> 00:33:48,916 but we'll-we'll catch up. 694 00:33:49,000 --> 00:33:50,708 - I'll see ya. - Okay. 695 00:33:54,291 --> 00:33:55,583 Okay. 696 00:33:55,666 --> 00:33:57,833 -Guys. -Hey, we get here on time? 697 00:33:57,916 --> 00:33:59,166 -Thanks for coming, man. -Yep. 698 00:33:59,250 --> 00:34:00,708 Merry Christmas. 699 00:34:00,791 --> 00:34:01,875 Hey, boss. 700 00:34:01,958 --> 00:34:04,583 -Take a look at this. -What you got? 701 00:34:04,666 --> 00:34:06,875 Believe this? 702 00:34:06,958 --> 00:34:08,500 All day. 703 00:34:08,583 --> 00:34:11,166 All day I been looking at this thing. 704 00:34:12,250 --> 00:34:14,583 Seven thousand million pieces. 705 00:34:14,666 --> 00:34:16,166 We got you. 706 00:34:16,250 --> 00:34:17,875 I need part BP-01. 707 00:34:17,958 --> 00:34:19,291 BP-01. 708 00:34:19,375 --> 00:34:20,333 It's insanity. 709 00:34:20,416 --> 00:34:22,291 What are these, and why are there so many of them? 710 00:34:22,375 --> 00:34:24,041 -The specs have to be off. -Will you please-- 711 00:34:24,125 --> 00:34:25,333 If we just put the stickers on it-- 712 00:34:25,416 --> 00:34:27,625 Like that's gonna solve everything? Putting stickers on everything? 713 00:34:27,708 --> 00:34:28,708 What is this slide? 714 00:34:28,791 --> 00:34:30,791 The slide goes from one room to the other right there. 715 00:34:30,875 --> 00:34:32,750 -That's how they slide into the pool. -Yeah. 716 00:34:41,541 --> 00:34:43,416 - Hey, honey. - Hi. 717 00:34:43,500 --> 00:34:44,833 -How's it going? -Good. 718 00:34:44,916 --> 00:34:45,916 -The kids? -Huh? 719 00:34:46,000 --> 00:34:47,000 Are-are the kids okay? 720 00:34:47,083 --> 00:34:49,083 They're just doing kid stuff and hanging out. 721 00:34:49,166 --> 00:34:52,708 -Great. -Uh, and I'm just sort of sitting here, 722 00:34:52,791 --> 00:34:57,666 you know, cooking the pecans and just bombing with your sister as-as usual. 723 00:34:57,750 --> 00:35:01,125 Mom's driving me crazy, and it's only the second day. 724 00:35:01,208 --> 00:35:04,041 -Mm. -I can't keep doing this much longer. 725 00:35:04,125 --> 00:35:08,291 I think we really need to have the talk. 726 00:35:08,375 --> 00:35:10,750 It is up to me to break the cycle. 727 00:35:10,833 --> 00:35:11,833 Whoa. 728 00:35:11,916 --> 00:35:15,708 I know. It's... it's scary, but I have to do it. 729 00:35:15,791 --> 00:35:17,666 -Okay, bye. -Bye, hon. 730 00:35:20,250 --> 00:35:24,000 When the cat's away, the mice will play. 731 00:35:36,583 --> 00:35:38,083 Get inside. 732 00:35:40,500 --> 00:35:42,041 -And look at this one. -Oh, my God. 733 00:35:57,916 --> 00:35:59,458 - We'll just go upstairs. - Yeah. 734 00:36:00,541 --> 00:36:02,625 -It looks amazing. -Yeah. 735 00:36:02,708 --> 00:36:04,625 So, when are you gonna tell Donna? 736 00:36:04,708 --> 00:36:06,416 I don't know. 737 00:36:06,500 --> 00:36:08,125 I got to figure out how I'm gonna tell her. 738 00:36:14,500 --> 00:36:15,708 Hey. 739 00:36:17,583 --> 00:36:18,750 Hey, Mom. 740 00:36:18,833 --> 00:36:20,250 Hmm? 741 00:36:20,333 --> 00:36:23,833 There's, um, there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about. 742 00:36:23,916 --> 00:36:26,083 Uh-huh? What's that? 743 00:36:26,166 --> 00:36:31,041 Well, Doug and I were thinking-- rather, I was thinking: 744 00:36:31,125 --> 00:36:34,541 What if, next year, we did something else? 745 00:36:34,625 --> 00:36:36,708 What-What's that mean? "Something else"? 746 00:36:36,791 --> 00:36:38,500 I'm not following. 747 00:36:38,583 --> 00:36:41,166 What if we didn't come home for Christmas next year? 748 00:36:41,250 --> 00:36:43,375 What if we did our own thing? 749 00:36:43,458 --> 00:36:44,416 Like skiing. 750 00:36:44,500 --> 00:36:45,875 Skiing? 751 00:36:45,958 --> 00:36:48,291 -You don't ski. -That's my point. 752 00:36:48,375 --> 00:36:51,291 I mean, we don't have to do the same exact thing till we die. 753 00:36:51,375 --> 00:36:54,083 It's a lot having us all home for the holidays. 754 00:36:54,166 --> 00:36:57,875 It might be easier on you if-if you didn't have all this to worry about. 755 00:36:57,958 --> 00:37:00,083 Oh, I see. 756 00:37:00,166 --> 00:37:01,750 So, you're doing us a favor. 757 00:37:01,833 --> 00:37:06,250 Right, and the nice part is everyone can do something they actually want to do. 758 00:37:07,333 --> 00:37:11,333 I mean, Sammy is always saying he thinks Christmas is just a corporate holiday, 759 00:37:11,416 --> 00:37:16,291 and-and Taylor, well, I assume these women she dates have families, too, 760 00:37:16,375 --> 00:37:18,666 and you and Dad could enjoy some quiet time. 761 00:37:18,750 --> 00:37:20,458 -Yeah. -Just the two of you. 762 00:37:20,541 --> 00:37:22,250 What do you think? 763 00:37:22,333 --> 00:37:23,333 Hmm. 764 00:37:23,416 --> 00:37:26,333 I figured she'd already put down the deposit on the old folks' home. 765 00:37:26,416 --> 00:37:28,291 -Sound nice? -You know what I think? 766 00:37:29,375 --> 00:37:31,541 I think we'd better get looking for that candle. 767 00:37:32,833 --> 00:37:34,291 Okay. 768 00:37:34,375 --> 00:37:36,000 Find the candle. 769 00:37:37,666 --> 00:37:40,833 I think I might be one of those people that peaked in the fourth grade. 770 00:37:40,916 --> 00:37:44,083 Like, after the fourth grade, I just stopped being cool. 771 00:37:44,166 --> 00:37:46,083 Feel like a Fruit Roll-Up. 772 00:37:46,166 --> 00:37:47,958 Honestly, Sammy, you just need to be true to yourself. 773 00:37:48,041 --> 00:37:49,083 You'll be fine. 774 00:37:49,166 --> 00:37:52,000 Yeah. That's good advice. 775 00:37:53,083 --> 00:37:55,541 Isn't that one of those neighbors from across the street? 776 00:37:57,125 --> 00:37:58,541 Yeah, it's one of Jeanne's kids. 777 00:37:59,500 --> 00:38:01,416 Her name's Elizabeth. 778 00:38:01,500 --> 00:38:03,875 We went to school together, like, forever. 779 00:38:03,958 --> 00:38:06,333 - She's cute. - Oh, yeah. 780 00:38:06,416 --> 00:38:10,041 Plus she was, like, the best hurdler in the state of Texas our senior year. 781 00:38:10,125 --> 00:38:12,625 And class president. 782 00:38:12,708 --> 00:38:14,875 She's basically perfect. 783 00:38:16,500 --> 00:38:18,166 So what about asking her out? 784 00:38:18,250 --> 00:38:19,333 Get back in the game. 785 00:38:21,375 --> 00:38:23,041 Elizabeth Wang-Wasserman? 786 00:38:23,125 --> 00:38:25,541 That's hilarious. 787 00:38:25,625 --> 00:38:27,625 I doubt she even remembers my name. 788 00:38:28,708 --> 00:38:30,458 Hi, Sammy. 789 00:38:32,416 --> 00:38:33,625 Hey. 790 00:38:38,125 --> 00:38:39,541 Oh. 791 00:38:42,375 --> 00:38:43,458 Oh, my God. 792 00:38:43,541 --> 00:38:44,916 Look at that. 793 00:38:45,000 --> 00:38:46,583 Careful. 794 00:38:46,666 --> 00:38:48,666 It's perfect. 795 00:38:50,750 --> 00:38:52,708 - Next guest. - Oh, no, no, no, no. 796 00:38:52,791 --> 00:38:54,833 We are not waiting in that. 797 00:38:54,916 --> 00:38:57,208 Mom? Mom? 798 00:38:58,208 --> 00:38:59,458 Mom, you can't just take that. 799 00:38:59,541 --> 00:39:00,958 -Excuse me, ma'am! -Mom, you can't take it. 800 00:39:01,041 --> 00:39:02,958 -You have to pay for that! -Happy holidays! 801 00:39:03,041 --> 00:39:04,916 Ma'am, you have to pay for that! 802 00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:07,958 - What are you doing out there? - I was just outside there. 803 00:39:08,041 --> 00:39:09,958 Okay, go back to the kid stuff. 804 00:39:10,041 --> 00:39:12,208 See you later. Yeah. 805 00:39:12,291 --> 00:39:13,875 Just gonna go... 806 00:39:14,875 --> 00:39:16,250 This is illegal. 807 00:39:16,333 --> 00:39:18,208 I'll come back and pay for it later. 808 00:39:18,291 --> 00:39:21,666 Mom, you cannot give Jeanne Wang-Wasserman stolen goods for Christmas. 809 00:39:23,750 --> 00:39:27,208 I-I don't want to alarm you, but those two mall cops are following us. 810 00:39:27,291 --> 00:39:28,583 What do we do? 811 00:39:28,666 --> 00:39:29,625 Run. 812 00:39:29,708 --> 00:39:31,458 Ladies, halt! 813 00:39:48,375 --> 00:39:50,625 -Woo-hoo! -All right, let's keep moving! 814 00:39:50,708 --> 00:39:52,541 Channing, grab my keys. 815 00:39:52,625 --> 00:39:53,666 -My keys. -Where? 816 00:39:53,750 --> 00:39:56,250 They're in my bag. Where else would they be? 817 00:39:56,333 --> 00:39:58,500 -I can't find them. -Oh, my God, are you even looking? 818 00:39:58,583 --> 00:40:00,166 -Yeah, I'm looking. -What is wrong with you kids? 819 00:40:00,250 --> 00:40:02,041 "Where's the peanut butter?" "Where's my gym socks?" 820 00:40:02,125 --> 00:40:04,166 -How about right in front of your f-- -Found 'em. 821 00:40:08,625 --> 00:40:09,916 -Hi. -Hi. 822 00:40:10,000 --> 00:40:12,208 -How are you? Mm, brother-in-law. -Okay. 823 00:40:12,291 --> 00:40:15,041 Uh, I'm gonna go to my room. Merry Christmas. 824 00:40:15,125 --> 00:40:16,750 You, too. 825 00:40:29,250 --> 00:40:30,416 Oh, God! 826 00:40:33,083 --> 00:40:34,875 You want to party, lady? 827 00:40:34,958 --> 00:40:36,083 I'll party. 828 00:40:38,333 --> 00:40:40,791 Mom! Oh, my God! 829 00:40:40,875 --> 00:40:42,875 -Settle down. -Mom. 830 00:40:42,958 --> 00:40:47,083 You're gonna mess with the eagle, you got to learn how to fly. 831 00:40:52,125 --> 00:40:53,000 Mom! 832 00:40:53,791 --> 00:40:55,000 Mom! 833 00:41:03,791 --> 00:41:05,708 All units, all units. 834 00:41:05,791 --> 00:41:07,583 They're multiplying! 835 00:41:15,375 --> 00:41:17,416 The pecan crunch! 836 00:41:19,958 --> 00:41:21,375 No, no. No, no, no, no. 837 00:41:21,458 --> 00:41:23,625 Oh, God. 838 00:41:38,208 --> 00:41:39,833 Whew! That was close. 839 00:41:41,333 --> 00:41:44,166 Oh. Oh. Good. We're making great time. 840 00:41:44,250 --> 00:41:47,791 We'll just grab a little lunch when we get home and head out to the show. 841 00:41:47,875 --> 00:41:49,416 Might even get there early. 842 00:41:50,416 --> 00:41:53,541 ♪ It's my life ♪♪ 843 00:41:53,625 --> 00:41:55,666 We're gonna be late for the dance show! 844 00:41:55,750 --> 00:41:58,416 Taylor! DJ Sweatpants! 845 00:41:58,500 --> 00:42:00,625 Hey, honey, what do you think? Hat or no hat? 846 00:42:00,708 --> 00:42:02,708 -No hat, no hat, no hat. -Honey, you haven't even seen it yet. 847 00:42:02,791 --> 00:42:03,875 Look, look. 848 00:42:03,958 --> 00:42:05,166 Kids, you go with your mom and dad, 849 00:42:05,250 --> 00:42:07,541 and, Taylor, DJ Sweatpants, we'll go in your car. 850 00:42:07,625 --> 00:42:08,750 Okay, I'm gonna pull my car around. 851 00:42:08,833 --> 00:42:09,875 - Here, take these. - Okay. 852 00:42:09,958 --> 00:42:11,333 -All right. -In case we get separated. 853 00:42:11,416 --> 00:42:12,833 -Which car am I going in, Mom? -Um, either one. 854 00:42:12,916 --> 00:42:14,875 Taylor, we're about ready to go! 855 00:42:14,958 --> 00:42:17,125 You don't want to get left behind! 856 00:42:17,208 --> 00:42:22,541 This could be the last Christmas we all are together as a family, ever! 857 00:42:22,625 --> 00:42:24,208 What is going on with you? Why would you say that? 858 00:42:24,291 --> 00:42:26,333 Now everyone's gonna think you're dying or something. 859 00:42:26,416 --> 00:42:27,458 Oh, no! 860 00:42:27,541 --> 00:42:30,958 Did I just blurt out something worrisome and alarming? 861 00:42:31,041 --> 00:42:33,250 Mom, we can just talk about it! 862 00:42:34,250 --> 00:42:35,416 I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming! 863 00:42:35,500 --> 00:42:36,750 Nobody's seen my shoes? 864 00:42:36,833 --> 00:42:37,958 Taylor, where are my shoes? 865 00:42:41,958 --> 00:42:45,833 Mom, you cannot give Jeanne Wang-Wasserman stolen goods for Christmas. 866 00:42:47,250 --> 00:42:49,000 Damn it. 867 00:42:49,083 --> 00:42:50,708 "A little something." 868 00:43:02,750 --> 00:43:06,250 Doug, how many... how many tickets do you have? 869 00:43:06,333 --> 00:43:07,833 Doug, how many tickets do you have? 870 00:43:07,916 --> 00:43:09,333 I have one, two, three, four. 871 00:43:09,416 --> 00:43:10,541 -I have four. -Okay. All right. 872 00:43:12,333 --> 00:43:13,500 No, I got five. I got five. 873 00:43:25,083 --> 00:43:26,375 We're leaving! 874 00:43:26,458 --> 00:43:28,333 - See you there! - Bye! See ya! 875 00:43:28,416 --> 00:43:29,666 - Let's go. - Bye! 876 00:43:31,000 --> 00:43:32,916 Bye! 877 00:43:34,250 --> 00:43:35,958 Oh, hi. Claire. 878 00:43:36,041 --> 00:43:37,041 Hi, Jeanne. 879 00:43:37,125 --> 00:43:39,583 I just thought I'd pop by and drop off your "little something." 880 00:43:39,666 --> 00:43:41,083 -Here you go. -Oh. 881 00:43:41,166 --> 00:43:42,125 Wait. 882 00:43:42,208 --> 00:43:44,166 Aren't you gonna stay while I open it? 883 00:43:44,750 --> 00:43:45,791 Sure. 884 00:43:45,875 --> 00:43:47,208 Let's go, guys! The first car already left! 885 00:43:47,291 --> 00:43:48,541 - We're gonna be late! - Come on, guys. 886 00:43:48,625 --> 00:43:49,958 - Let's go, let's go. Come on. - Ready. 887 00:43:50,041 --> 00:43:52,125 Ready, ready, ready, ready. Go. 888 00:43:52,208 --> 00:43:54,416 - I made it myself. - Really? 889 00:43:54,500 --> 00:43:57,583 It looks just like the kind they sell at the store. 890 00:43:57,666 --> 00:44:01,250 It seems like you just dumped some out of a metal tin into this bag. 891 00:44:01,333 --> 00:44:04,333 No, I made it from scratch. 892 00:44:05,416 --> 00:44:06,875 From scratch, huh? 893 00:44:06,958 --> 00:44:09,625 Can you share the recipe with me? 894 00:44:09,708 --> 00:44:11,000 Sure. 895 00:44:11,083 --> 00:44:12,708 It's chocolate, 896 00:44:12,791 --> 00:44:16,291 and then you just crunch up a shit ton of candy canes, 897 00:44:16,375 --> 00:44:20,416 and you shake it all up like you're making shake and bake chicken. 898 00:44:20,500 --> 00:44:22,041 Then what? 899 00:44:22,125 --> 00:44:23,875 Then you eat it, Jeanne. 900 00:44:25,500 --> 00:44:27,291 Where is your family going? 901 00:44:57,416 --> 00:45:00,208 ♪ Have yourself ♪ 902 00:45:00,291 --> 00:45:06,333 ♪ A merry little Christmas ♪ 903 00:45:06,416 --> 00:45:11,041 ♪ Let your heart be light ♪ 904 00:45:13,125 --> 00:45:15,458 -Hello? -♪ Next year ♪ 905 00:45:15,541 --> 00:45:19,083 ♪ all our troubles will be ♪ 906 00:45:19,166 --> 00:45:22,541 -Hello? -♪ out of sight ♪ 907 00:45:24,125 --> 00:45:26,125 Anybody here? 908 00:45:29,291 --> 00:45:32,166 -Nick? -♪ Have yourself ♪ 909 00:45:32,250 --> 00:45:34,291 -Channing? -♪ a merry ♪ 910 00:45:34,375 --> 00:45:37,708 ♪ little Christmas ♪ 911 00:45:37,791 --> 00:45:41,333 ♪ Make the yuletide gay ♪ 912 00:45:44,166 --> 00:45:46,791 -♪ Next year ♪ -Channing, hey. Channing, over here! 913 00:45:46,875 --> 00:45:49,541 ♪ all our troubles ♪ 914 00:45:49,625 --> 00:45:53,083 ♪ will be miles away ♪ 915 00:45:59,750 --> 00:46:01,208 ♪ Once again... 916 00:46:01,291 --> 00:46:02,958 Hey. Taylor. 917 00:46:03,041 --> 00:46:04,250 Where's Mom? 918 00:46:04,333 --> 00:46:05,375 Huh? 919 00:46:05,458 --> 00:46:06,541 Where is Mom? 920 00:46:06,625 --> 00:46:08,416 What? 921 00:46:10,791 --> 00:46:12,208 Forget it. I see her. 922 00:46:13,291 --> 00:46:18,166 ♪ Faithful friends who are dear to us ♪ 923 00:46:18,250 --> 00:46:24,833 ♪ will be near to us once more ♪ 924 00:46:29,166 --> 00:46:30,750 Mom? 925 00:46:34,291 --> 00:46:36,291 Mom, I'm... 926 00:46:36,375 --> 00:46:38,583 I'm sorry about what I said before. 927 00:46:38,666 --> 00:46:41,916 I mean, not that I said it but that I blurted it out like that. 928 00:46:42,000 --> 00:46:43,333 I... 929 00:46:43,416 --> 00:46:46,625 I should've been more grown up about it and asked to talk to you. 930 00:46:47,625 --> 00:46:49,958 It was inconsiderate, and I'm-I'm sorry. 931 00:46:53,458 --> 00:46:54,958 Oh. 932 00:46:55,041 --> 00:46:57,583 Sorry, lady. I don't speak English. 933 00:46:58,291 --> 00:47:00,875 You're an odd woman. 934 00:47:01,291 --> 00:47:02,375 Right. 935 00:47:02,458 --> 00:47:03,666 Ladies and gentlemen, 936 00:47:03,750 --> 00:47:05,833 -please welcome the So You're a Dancer... -Okay. Okay. 937 00:47:05,916 --> 00:47:07,583 ...Holiday Tour. 938 00:47:24,625 --> 00:47:26,458 Damn, Santa's jacked. 939 00:47:37,583 --> 00:47:38,958 Where's Mom? 940 00:47:39,041 --> 00:47:41,166 Uh, Taylor said you were with her. 941 00:47:41,250 --> 00:47:42,541 No, it wasn't her. 942 00:47:42,625 --> 00:47:44,041 -Oh. -Where is she? 943 00:47:44,125 --> 00:47:45,916 -I don't know. So-- -What do you mean you don't know? 944 00:47:46,000 --> 00:47:48,000 Well, she was, she was in your car, right? 945 00:47:48,083 --> 00:47:49,750 -No, she went with you. -She wasn't in my car. 946 00:47:49,833 --> 00:47:51,125 -She was in your car. -No, she was with you. 947 00:47:51,208 --> 00:47:52,375 -Oh, my God. -Dad, we lost Mom? 948 00:47:52,458 --> 00:47:54,166 -We got to go. We g-- -We got to go. 949 00:47:54,250 --> 00:47:55,291 Hey, guys, Sammy, 950 00:47:55,375 --> 00:47:56,833 -everybody, we got to go. -Come on. 951 00:47:58,000 --> 00:47:59,875 -Taylor, Taylor. -We got to go. 952 00:48:14,083 --> 00:48:15,541 Hurry up. Hurry up. Hurry up. 953 00:48:49,458 --> 00:48:51,791 -Claire? -Mom? 954 00:48:51,875 --> 00:48:53,375 Honey? 955 00:48:53,458 --> 00:48:55,166 -Check the garage and downstairs, too. -Mom? 956 00:48:55,250 --> 00:48:56,458 Mom? 957 00:48:56,541 --> 00:48:58,833 We got you a promotional tote bag! 958 00:48:58,916 --> 00:49:00,125 And a water bottle. 959 00:49:00,208 --> 00:49:01,833 Grandma? 960 00:49:01,916 --> 00:49:03,416 Anything? Anybody? 961 00:49:03,500 --> 00:49:04,500 Mom? 962 00:49:04,583 --> 00:49:06,208 I had nothing to do with it. 963 00:49:06,291 --> 00:49:08,083 Hell. 964 00:49:08,166 --> 00:49:09,583 Downstairs? 965 00:49:09,666 --> 00:49:12,416 No. And her... her car's gone. 966 00:49:21,916 --> 00:49:23,458 Thirty-five years of marriage, 967 00:49:23,541 --> 00:49:25,791 and I have never lost your mother, not once. 968 00:49:25,875 --> 00:49:28,791 I'm not sure that's quite the triumph that you think it is, Dad, 969 00:49:28,875 --> 00:49:31,208 but... congratulations. 970 00:49:31,291 --> 00:49:33,916 No need to lump us into your sinking ship, Dad. 971 00:49:34,000 --> 00:49:36,041 I mean, we're her kids. She has to love us. 972 00:49:36,125 --> 00:49:37,458 Sammy's right. 973 00:49:37,541 --> 00:49:39,500 You're less of a sure thing. 974 00:49:39,583 --> 00:49:40,791 No offense. 975 00:49:40,875 --> 00:49:43,083 Give her a little bit of time and she'll come back. 976 00:49:44,375 --> 00:49:47,083 Taylor's right. She's making complete sense, okay? 977 00:49:47,166 --> 00:49:50,875 She's gonna come back, and when she does, we will just admit we screwed up, 978 00:49:50,958 --> 00:49:53,708 say we're sorry, we'll own it, and until that point, 979 00:49:53,791 --> 00:49:58,833 I want everybody to just suck it up and act like adults. 980 00:49:58,916 --> 00:50:02,791 I'm in charge now, and I just want rational thinking here, okay? 981 00:50:02,875 --> 00:50:06,041 Everybody, just stay cool, calm and-- 982 00:50:06,125 --> 00:50:07,750 What the hell am I talking about? 983 00:50:07,833 --> 00:50:09,250 I can't do anything without your mother. 984 00:50:09,333 --> 00:50:10,291 -Dad? -Oh, my God, what are we gonna do? 985 00:50:10,375 --> 00:50:11,541 -Oh, God. -Dad. 986 00:50:11,625 --> 00:50:12,916 Is she gonna come back? Oh, my God. 987 00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:14,000 -All right. -Dad? 988 00:50:14,083 --> 00:50:15,583 -Need some water? -You okay? -What am I gonna do without your mother? 989 00:50:15,666 --> 00:50:18,541 I'm lost without her. What am I gonna do? 990 00:50:18,625 --> 00:50:21,041 ♪ Communication is the problem ♪ 991 00:50:21,125 --> 00:50:22,833 ♪ To the answer ♪ 992 00:50:22,916 --> 00:50:24,625 ♪ You've got her number ♪ 993 00:50:24,708 --> 00:50:27,666 ♪ and your hand is on the phone ♪ 994 00:50:27,750 --> 00:50:28,833 ♪ The weather's turned ♪ 995 00:50:28,916 --> 00:50:30,541 ♪ and all the lines are down ♪ 996 00:50:30,625 --> 00:50:35,000 ♪ The things we do for love, the things we do for love ♪ 997 00:50:35,083 --> 00:50:38,125 ♪ Like walking in the rain and the snow ♪ 998 00:50:38,208 --> 00:50:39,833 ♪ when there's nowhere to ♪♪ 999 00:50:49,000 --> 00:50:51,041 Okay, anybody got to pee? 1000 00:50:51,125 --> 00:50:53,083 Anybody got to pee? All right. 1001 00:50:53,166 --> 00:50:54,666 Okay, good. 1002 00:50:54,750 --> 00:50:56,750 Oh, it's cold! I need to pee. 1003 00:50:56,833 --> 00:50:58,625 Oh, golly gee. 1004 00:50:58,708 --> 00:51:00,833 So let me see if I got this straight. 1005 00:51:00,916 --> 00:51:05,875 A grown woman got in her car, with luggage, and drove away from you 1006 00:51:05,958 --> 00:51:09,083 after you forgot her while going to an event she planned? 1007 00:51:09,166 --> 00:51:11,125 Yep, that's what happened. 1008 00:51:13,708 --> 00:51:15,125 Right. Look. 1009 00:51:15,208 --> 00:51:17,958 We see this a lot with moms around the holidays. 1010 00:51:18,041 --> 00:51:20,000 Next time, try a head count. 1011 00:51:20,791 --> 00:51:23,833 You can give us another call if she's not back by New Year's. 1012 00:51:27,000 --> 00:51:28,541 Merry Christmas. 1013 00:51:28,625 --> 00:51:30,625 -Thank you. -Bye. 1014 00:51:33,291 --> 00:51:35,791 ♪ The winter's flaking, snow is brushing... 1015 00:51:35,875 --> 00:51:38,208 So, I got in my car, 1016 00:51:38,291 --> 00:51:41,333 and now I'm here, sitting next to you, 1017 00:51:41,416 --> 00:51:44,416 drinking a very strong cup of coffee. 1018 00:51:46,125 --> 00:51:48,958 Being a parent is a wonderful gift, but-- 1019 00:51:49,041 --> 00:51:51,708 Mm-hmm. But where's the gift receipt? 1020 00:51:51,791 --> 00:51:55,375 Excuse me, but I'd like to make an exchange, please. 1021 00:51:58,125 --> 00:51:59,958 Nice chatting with you. 1022 00:52:01,583 --> 00:52:03,416 Hold on a second there. 1023 00:52:04,750 --> 00:52:06,666 -Take my coat. -No. No, no, no. 1024 00:52:06,750 --> 00:52:08,000 -I couldn't do that. -I insist. 1025 00:52:08,083 --> 00:52:10,875 My own mama would come back to life just to hunt me down 1026 00:52:10,958 --> 00:52:15,333 if she knew I let you go out there freezing like that, so... 1027 00:52:17,125 --> 00:52:18,458 Thank you. 1028 00:52:18,541 --> 00:52:20,291 My pleasure, ma'am. 1029 00:52:22,916 --> 00:52:25,500 I need to be worried about you? 1030 00:52:25,583 --> 00:52:27,416 Well, nobody else is. 1031 00:52:27,500 --> 00:52:29,750 Don't know why it ought to start with you. 1032 00:52:31,458 --> 00:52:36,041 Isn't there anyone who knows what Christmas is all about? 1033 00:52:36,125 --> 00:52:39,791 Sure, Charlie Brown, I can tell you what Christmas is all about. 1034 00:52:43,791 --> 00:52:44,791 What the hell is that? 1035 00:52:44,875 --> 00:52:48,416 The same thing we have every Christmas Eve. 1036 00:52:48,500 --> 00:52:51,000 We're doing Christmas the way Mom planned it. 1037 00:52:51,083 --> 00:52:53,750 -Okay? -I followed the recipe that Mom wrote down 1038 00:52:53,833 --> 00:52:56,000 to the letter, so if there's a problem, 1039 00:52:56,083 --> 00:52:57,708 you should take it up with Mom... 1040 00:52:57,791 --> 00:52:59,166 ...'cause it's her fault, 1041 00:52:59,250 --> 00:53:01,166 not mine. 1042 00:53:01,250 --> 00:53:02,541 Here we go again. 1043 00:53:02,625 --> 00:53:04,041 What's that supposed to mean? 1044 00:53:06,250 --> 00:53:10,041 Okay, uh... you try to distance yourself from Mom 1045 00:53:10,125 --> 00:53:13,916 because your similarities to her trigger a deep-seated sense of insecurity 1046 00:53:14,000 --> 00:53:17,166 inside of you that you've obviously yet to confront. 1047 00:53:17,250 --> 00:53:19,500 First of all, 1048 00:53:19,583 --> 00:53:21,416 if we're psychoanalyzing now, 1049 00:53:21,500 --> 00:53:25,958 Taylor, you're a love addict who abandons any shred of responsibility 1050 00:53:26,041 --> 00:53:27,875 every time you meet a new woman, which is-- 1051 00:53:27,958 --> 00:53:32,208 let me check my calendar-- oh, yeah, all the time. 1052 00:53:32,291 --> 00:53:34,833 Geez, Channing, don't you think wrecking Christmas is enough for one year 1053 00:53:34,916 --> 00:53:36,333 without destroying love, too? 1054 00:53:36,416 --> 00:53:38,958 You think I screwed up Christmas? 1055 00:53:39,041 --> 00:53:40,416 Uh, yeah, kind of. 1056 00:53:40,500 --> 00:53:42,083 "Get your life together, Sammy." 1057 00:53:42,166 --> 00:53:43,666 "Apply to grad school, Sammy." 1058 00:53:43,750 --> 00:53:45,916 News flash: I got a mommy and a daddy. 1059 00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:48,125 I don't need you jammed up my butt playing parent, too. 1060 00:53:48,208 --> 00:53:50,625 Well, I'm sorry, but somebody's got to be honest with you, 1061 00:53:50,708 --> 00:53:52,416 'cause it's sure as hell not gonna be Mom. 1062 00:53:52,500 --> 00:53:55,583 Patting you on your head and stuffing cinnamon buns in your face 1063 00:53:55,666 --> 00:53:58,875 and lying to you about how perfect you are! 1064 00:53:58,958 --> 00:54:00,333 Are you gonna back me up here? 1065 00:54:00,416 --> 00:54:02,958 Channing's kind of right. Mom babies you. It's-it's weird. 1066 00:54:03,041 --> 00:54:04,541 I see how it is. 1067 00:54:04,625 --> 00:54:06,166 Two against one, right? All right. 1068 00:54:06,250 --> 00:54:08,000 -You want to fight? Let's fight! -Yeah, yeah! 1069 00:54:08,083 --> 00:54:09,083 -Bring it on! -Come on. 1070 00:54:09,166 --> 00:54:10,208 Hey. Hey! 1071 00:54:10,291 --> 00:54:11,958 Mustard or ketchup? 1072 00:54:12,041 --> 00:54:13,791 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait! Stop, stop, stop. 1073 00:54:13,875 --> 00:54:15,583 Everyone, stop. 1074 00:54:15,666 --> 00:54:18,541 -Take you anytime. -Lighten up. It's been a long day, okay? 1075 00:54:18,625 --> 00:54:20,708 Let's, uh, all just take a deep breath... 1076 00:54:20,791 --> 00:54:23,666 ...and go to our happy place, all right? 1077 00:54:23,750 --> 00:54:24,875 I-I'll go first. 1078 00:54:24,958 --> 00:54:26,708 I'm going to Corpus Christi. 1079 00:54:26,791 --> 00:54:28,458 Great tubing. 1080 00:54:28,541 --> 00:54:29,750 Feel better already. 1081 00:54:29,833 --> 00:54:31,375 Taylor, your turn. 1082 00:54:31,458 --> 00:54:33,250 Oh, my God! Doug! 1083 00:54:33,333 --> 00:54:34,416 Shut up! 1084 00:54:34,500 --> 00:54:36,750 Don't tell Doug to shut up! 1085 00:54:36,833 --> 00:54:38,208 No one cares what you have to say! 1086 00:54:41,208 --> 00:54:45,541 I try really hard to be your friend. 1087 00:54:45,625 --> 00:54:48,666 But no matter what I do, it doesn't seem to be good enough, 1088 00:54:48,750 --> 00:54:50,291 and I don't understand what the problem is. 1089 00:54:50,375 --> 00:54:52,083 You're boring. 1090 00:54:53,166 --> 00:54:54,875 I don't know if I'd say boring. 1091 00:54:54,958 --> 00:54:56,250 Maybe I'd say dry, but... 1092 00:54:56,333 --> 00:54:58,250 If "small talk" were a noun, 1093 00:54:58,333 --> 00:54:59,583 it'd be you. 1094 00:54:59,666 --> 00:55:01,541 - "Small talk" is a noun. - We get it. 1095 00:55:01,625 --> 00:55:03,375 You write books now, so you think you're smarter than all of us. 1096 00:55:03,458 --> 00:55:04,958 Well, guess what, Channing. 1097 00:55:05,041 --> 00:55:07,791 Your books are too long, and some of your dialogue's wooden. 1098 00:55:07,875 --> 00:55:11,791 "Wah-wah," cries the man baby whose girlfriend dumped him 1099 00:55:11,875 --> 00:55:14,166 'cause he's eternally stuck at summer camp. 1100 00:55:14,250 --> 00:55:15,833 You leave 1101 00:55:15,916 --> 00:55:17,666 Camp Derryberry out of this! 1102 00:55:17,750 --> 00:55:20,125 Donna, Taylor had another woman in her room today 1103 00:55:20,208 --> 00:55:22,041 while you were out playing tennis with Sammy! 1104 00:55:22,125 --> 00:55:23,666 -I saw the whole thing! -What? 1105 00:55:23,750 --> 00:55:25,166 - Is-is that true? - Donna-- 1106 00:55:25,250 --> 00:55:26,875 - Oh, my God, it is true. - Yeah, I-I saw the whole thing. 1107 00:55:26,958 --> 00:55:28,333 -I did. -No. What are you doing? 1108 00:55:28,416 --> 00:55:29,458 You're mean. 1109 00:55:29,541 --> 00:55:31,041 What do you mean there was somebody in the room? 1110 00:55:31,125 --> 00:55:32,250 -We were gone for two hours. -No, it's not-- 1111 00:55:32,333 --> 00:55:33,791 -Donna, it's not how that happened. -Oh, my God. 1112 00:55:33,875 --> 00:55:35,583 -Are you kidding? -He's completely misconstruing it. 1113 00:55:35,666 --> 00:55:36,916 Listen, listen. Let me tell you. 1114 00:55:37,000 --> 00:55:38,125 No, she's mean! She had a woman-- 1115 00:55:38,208 --> 00:55:40,291 He wasn't in her business all the time-- 1116 00:55:40,375 --> 00:55:42,875 All right! Hey! 1117 00:55:42,958 --> 00:55:44,333 Enough! 1118 00:55:44,416 --> 00:55:45,791 Everybody, be quiet. 1119 00:55:45,875 --> 00:55:49,208 Nobody utter another word. 1120 00:55:53,166 --> 00:55:55,666 You know what? Thank you, everyone. 1121 00:55:55,750 --> 00:55:56,958 This entire week has been 1122 00:55:57,041 --> 00:56:00,666 the most memorably mortifying experience of my entire life. 1123 00:56:03,666 --> 00:56:07,833 Except her because she's a guest, but nobody else utter a word. 1124 00:56:07,916 --> 00:56:10,375 God, no wonder you have no siblings. 1125 00:56:10,458 --> 00:56:11,500 Loser. 1126 00:56:11,583 --> 00:56:13,166 -Donna! -That's not how it works. 1127 00:56:13,250 --> 00:56:14,458 You know what? Your mother's right. 1128 00:56:14,541 --> 00:56:17,083 You kids, you can't do anything right. 1129 00:56:17,166 --> 00:56:19,208 -I should've gone with her. -Screw this. 1130 00:56:19,291 --> 00:56:23,708 I'm going to the bar, I'm getting drunk, and I don't want to see any of you there! 1131 00:56:23,791 --> 00:56:25,291 Sammy, you can't go to the bar. 1132 00:56:25,375 --> 00:56:28,041 -It's-it's Christmas Eve. -No, it's not. 1133 00:56:28,125 --> 00:56:31,375 It's just another Tuesday without Mom here doing things for us. 1134 00:56:31,458 --> 00:56:32,500 Do you want a ride? 1135 00:56:32,583 --> 00:56:34,583 I got my bike. 1136 00:56:36,416 --> 00:56:37,916 Okay. 1137 00:56:44,791 --> 00:56:46,416 Ow. Damn it! 1138 00:56:46,500 --> 00:56:48,166 Come on. 1139 00:56:48,250 --> 00:56:49,458 Geez. 1140 00:56:52,583 --> 00:56:55,750 I was with my friend Geraldine, who is straight. 1141 00:56:58,500 --> 00:57:01,083 She makes really great jewelry, 1142 00:57:01,166 --> 00:57:03,916 and I had her make you a ring. 1143 00:57:04,625 --> 00:57:07,166 And I was hoping... 1144 00:57:07,250 --> 00:57:10,250 I could propose to you with it. 1145 00:57:10,333 --> 00:57:11,833 What? 1146 00:57:20,916 --> 00:57:23,333 Come on, Donna, you can't listen to Doug. 1147 00:57:23,416 --> 00:57:24,500 Nobody listens to Doug. 1148 00:57:24,583 --> 00:57:27,875 He's like the weird family ghost that hangs around and haunts us all. 1149 00:57:27,958 --> 00:57:31,958 But... it's only been like three months. 1150 00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:35,541 I mean, how could you possibly know how you feel-- 1151 00:57:35,625 --> 00:57:40,708 I have a gut feeling about us, a strong gut feeling. 1152 00:57:40,791 --> 00:57:43,208 Here I'm giving your brother relationship advice, 1153 00:57:43,291 --> 00:57:44,791 saying, "Be true to yourself, Sammy." 1154 00:57:44,875 --> 00:57:48,541 Meanwhile, I'm... not being true to myself. 1155 00:57:48,625 --> 00:57:53,625 The truth is I'm actually kind of old-fashioned. 1156 00:57:53,708 --> 00:57:57,833 I'm a DJ, but I hate staying up late at night. 1157 00:57:57,916 --> 00:58:00,000 I'm a morning person. 1158 00:58:00,083 --> 00:58:03,958 And-and I want to date someone without feeling like I'm competing 1159 00:58:04,041 --> 00:58:07,833 with the cast of an entire first episode of The Bachelor. 1160 00:58:07,916 --> 00:58:09,125 Hmm. 1161 00:58:13,041 --> 00:58:14,291 I'm sorry, Taylor. 1162 00:58:16,208 --> 00:58:18,208 I thought I could handle you, but... 1163 00:58:19,958 --> 00:58:21,291 ...I can't. 1164 00:58:38,375 --> 00:58:40,375 - Hey. For Donna? - Yes, ma'am. 1165 00:59:14,916 --> 00:59:17,000 Please. I'm exhausted. 1166 00:59:17,083 --> 00:59:20,541 Are you sure you don't have one tiny little room open? 1167 00:59:20,625 --> 00:59:23,208 No, two. Two rooms. Two little rooms. 1168 00:59:24,583 --> 00:59:25,875 Okay. 1169 00:59:25,958 --> 00:59:27,458 Ma'am, ma'am, ma'am. 1170 00:59:27,541 --> 00:59:30,541 I am a mother. It is Christmas Eve. 1171 00:59:30,625 --> 00:59:32,500 Do you have any idea what that means? 1172 00:59:32,583 --> 00:59:35,375 It means that I haven't slept 1173 00:59:35,458 --> 00:59:38,541 for more than three hours in a row in over a week. 1174 00:59:38,625 --> 00:59:41,875 And I'm a delivery driver on Christmas Eve. 1175 00:59:41,958 --> 00:59:44,541 Do you have any idea what that means? 1176 00:59:44,625 --> 00:59:48,666 I mean, jingle all the way, but your girl is tired. 1177 00:59:48,750 --> 00:59:50,916 Okay. 1178 00:59:51,000 --> 00:59:53,791 I always keep one room available 1179 00:59:53,875 --> 00:59:57,375 just in case a big celebrity like Ryan Seacrest show up. 1180 00:59:57,458 --> 01:00:01,166 But for you, I'll make an exception. 1181 01:00:01,250 --> 01:00:03,041 Thank you! Thank you! 1182 01:00:04,083 --> 01:00:05,416 - Oh, thank you, thank you. - Go, go. 1183 01:00:05,500 --> 01:00:07,666 Uh, you-you mean to share that? 1184 01:00:07,750 --> 01:00:09,458 Y-You mean to share it? 1185 01:00:09,541 --> 01:00:10,958 Yeah, and? 1186 01:00:12,875 --> 01:00:15,458 Well, I will if you will. 1187 01:00:24,875 --> 01:00:26,750 -Hey, hon. -Hey. 1188 01:00:30,958 --> 01:00:32,708 -Mind if I join you? -No. 1189 01:00:32,791 --> 01:00:35,416 -How you doing? -Okay. 1190 01:00:41,791 --> 01:00:46,541 Did I ever tell you the story about how me and your mom first met? 1191 01:00:46,625 --> 01:00:48,791 Yes. Like a thousand times. 1192 01:00:48,875 --> 01:00:51,083 -Oh. -But I want to hear it again. 1193 01:00:51,166 --> 01:00:53,250 Oh, yeah? 1194 01:00:53,333 --> 01:00:54,500 Okay. 1195 01:00:56,208 --> 01:01:02,291 So, I was working as a stock boy in this Boston pub called... 1196 01:01:02,375 --> 01:01:04,708 Hanrahan's. 1197 01:01:04,791 --> 01:01:06,333 Correct. 1198 01:01:06,416 --> 01:01:08,958 And I'm... I was such an obnoxious kid. 1199 01:01:09,041 --> 01:01:10,833 I just thought I knew everything. 1200 01:01:10,916 --> 01:01:14,458 I was always mouthing off and always getting my ass kicked. 1201 01:01:14,541 --> 01:01:19,375 And this particular night, I had a big juicy shiner. 1202 01:01:19,458 --> 01:01:23,833 I mean, this whole side of my face looked like some kind of swollen ham. 1203 01:01:23,916 --> 01:01:28,000 And I'm carrying two cases of paper towels into the cellar, 1204 01:01:28,083 --> 01:01:34,458 and I pass the most beautiful girl I've ever seen in my life. 1205 01:01:35,458 --> 01:01:37,500 And she takes one look at me, and she said-- 1206 01:01:37,583 --> 01:01:39,875 "You remind me of a Picasso." 1207 01:01:39,958 --> 01:01:42,166 Exactly. 1208 01:01:42,250 --> 01:01:45,250 Yeah, for a second, I'm like, "Who's this Picasso guy? 1209 01:01:45,333 --> 01:01:48,250 I want to find him... 1210 01:01:48,333 --> 01:01:49,458 beat the crap out of him." 1211 01:01:49,541 --> 01:01:52,916 And then I look into those eyes, and I'm just like... 1212 01:01:54,416 --> 01:01:55,833 I was done. 1213 01:01:55,916 --> 01:01:59,875 I was done in that very moment. 1214 01:01:59,958 --> 01:02:02,666 And, uh, the truth is, without her... 1215 01:02:03,750 --> 01:02:07,375 ...I'd probably still be stocking paper towels at... 1216 01:02:07,458 --> 01:02:08,750 Hanrahan's. 1217 01:02:12,375 --> 01:02:13,916 Okay, baby. It's all right. 1218 01:02:20,583 --> 01:02:22,166 - Dad? - What? 1219 01:02:22,250 --> 01:02:24,083 Is that Jeanne? 1220 01:02:27,541 --> 01:02:28,833 Is she smoking a cigarette? 1221 01:02:28,916 --> 01:02:31,958 Oh, my God. 1222 01:02:32,041 --> 01:02:34,625 Your mother would kill to see this. 1223 01:02:38,375 --> 01:02:40,375 Where do you think she could be? 1224 01:02:43,000 --> 01:02:45,208 I don't know, hon. 1225 01:02:48,333 --> 01:02:50,875 Everyone loves Santa, but let's face it, Santa's... 1226 01:02:50,958 --> 01:02:52,333 What's your deal, lady? 1227 01:02:52,416 --> 01:02:54,916 You forget your kid at home in your mansion, 1228 01:02:55,000 --> 01:02:58,750 and now you're on some crazy cross-country journey to make sure 1229 01:02:58,833 --> 01:03:01,083 you make it back to them in time for Christmas? 1230 01:03:01,166 --> 01:03:02,916 Yeah. Right. 1231 01:03:03,000 --> 01:03:04,791 No. 1232 01:03:04,875 --> 01:03:11,333 Believe me, I'm trying to get as far away from my family as possible. 1233 01:03:11,416 --> 01:03:12,625 Mm. 1234 01:03:12,708 --> 01:03:14,625 What about you? 1235 01:03:14,708 --> 01:03:16,375 What about me? 1236 01:03:16,458 --> 01:03:19,500 Where's your family? You got any plans for Christmas? 1237 01:03:20,083 --> 01:03:21,250 Lady... 1238 01:03:23,166 --> 01:03:25,583 -...I'm working. -Oh, right, of course. 1239 01:03:25,666 --> 01:03:28,083 -I'm sorry. -Are you kidding me? 1240 01:03:28,166 --> 01:03:29,541 I love it. 1241 01:03:29,625 --> 01:03:31,625 I got my true crime podcast. 1242 01:03:31,708 --> 01:03:33,625 I got my solitude. 1243 01:03:33,708 --> 01:03:38,083 I even got to see the Grand Canyon, the Carlsbad Caverns 1244 01:03:38,166 --> 01:03:41,375 and the world's largest pistachio all in a month. 1245 01:03:41,458 --> 01:03:43,458 And I got me some good selfies. 1246 01:03:43,541 --> 01:03:46,791 Come on, now! Where they do that at? Okurrr? 1247 01:03:49,833 --> 01:03:52,250 Mm-hmm. 1248 01:03:52,333 --> 01:03:55,625 Uh, thank God for Shark Tank. 1249 01:03:55,708 --> 01:04:00,166 I mean, they rag on Mr. Wonderful, but he's actually got a heart of gold. 1250 01:04:00,250 --> 01:04:01,416 Mm. 1251 01:04:03,000 --> 01:04:04,541 Hey. 1252 01:04:04,625 --> 01:04:05,916 It's midnight. 1253 01:04:06,000 --> 01:04:07,875 It's Christmas. 1254 01:04:07,958 --> 01:04:09,833 Merry Christmas, lady. 1255 01:04:09,916 --> 01:04:12,333 Merry Christmas. 1256 01:04:12,416 --> 01:04:15,250 -Good night. -Good night. 1257 01:04:17,583 --> 01:04:19,791 Tired. Oof. 1258 01:04:35,875 --> 01:04:38,750 ♪ I'm trying ♪ 1259 01:04:38,833 --> 01:04:40,041 ♪ I'm trying to... 1260 01:04:40,125 --> 01:04:42,000 Alone on Christmas Eve. 1261 01:04:42,083 --> 01:04:45,708 ♪ Part of the day that I cannot sleep away ♪ 1262 01:04:46,791 --> 01:04:49,583 ♪ I'm trying ♪ 1263 01:04:49,666 --> 01:04:51,458 ♪ I'm trying to ♪ 1264 01:04:51,541 --> 01:04:53,750 ♪ drink away part of the day ♪ 1265 01:04:53,833 --> 01:04:56,833 ♪ that I cannot sleep away ♪♪ 1266 01:05:07,250 --> 01:05:10,916 I, uh... I have trouble falling asleep. 1267 01:05:12,083 --> 01:05:14,041 I like to keep the TV on. 1268 01:05:14,125 --> 01:05:17,041 Just-just hearing the voices just keeps me company. 1269 01:05:17,125 --> 01:05:18,958 It helps me sleep. I hope you don't mind. 1270 01:05:19,041 --> 01:05:21,000 No, no, that's fine. 1271 01:05:21,083 --> 01:05:23,208 -Okay. -Good night. 1272 01:05:23,291 --> 01:05:26,041 Okay. 1273 01:05:28,875 --> 01:05:30,375 ...but we're not gonna agree on a valuation, then. 1274 01:05:30,458 --> 01:05:32,416 What about a different structure? 1275 01:05:32,500 --> 01:05:34,291 I-I need it kind of loud. 1276 01:05:34,375 --> 01:05:36,125 Mr. Wonderful, how about we do this? 1277 01:05:36,208 --> 01:05:40,000 How about you do 200,000, you make 50% of the profit, 1278 01:05:40,083 --> 01:05:42,041 but once you get your money back... 1279 01:05:42,125 --> 01:05:44,500 ...you drop down to ten percent, and that remains your equity. 1280 01:05:44,583 --> 01:05:46,541 Are those... 1281 01:05:46,625 --> 01:05:48,208 Is that whales? 1282 01:05:48,291 --> 01:05:50,208 Yep. It's for relaxation. 1283 01:05:50,291 --> 01:05:52,166 I have to play that, too. 1284 01:05:52,250 --> 01:05:54,250 It helps with my blood pressure. 1285 01:05:56,875 --> 01:05:58,500 Well, well, well. 1286 01:05:58,583 --> 01:06:01,666 Elizabeth Wang-Wasserman, as I live and breathe. 1287 01:06:01,750 --> 01:06:03,166 Lizzie. 1288 01:06:03,250 --> 01:06:06,250 No one calls me Elizabeth anymore except for my parents. 1289 01:06:06,333 --> 01:06:07,708 Okay, Lizzie. 1290 01:06:07,791 --> 01:06:09,666 Is this seat taken? 1291 01:06:13,416 --> 01:06:15,458 So... 1292 01:06:15,541 --> 01:06:18,250 Dive bar. Christmas Eve. 1293 01:06:18,333 --> 01:06:20,083 You needed a break from your mom? 1294 01:06:20,166 --> 01:06:22,916 Good old Cardigan Queen Jeanne. 1295 01:06:23,000 --> 01:06:24,875 Yep. 1296 01:06:24,958 --> 01:06:27,250 She makes my mom go mental. 1297 01:06:27,333 --> 01:06:29,916 Care Bear Claire has a similar effect. 1298 01:06:30,000 --> 01:06:31,958 Care Bear Claire? 1299 01:06:32,041 --> 01:06:35,083 Yeah, women get wild when they get old. 1300 01:06:35,166 --> 01:06:37,666 Can't wait to see what kind of psycho bitch I turn into. 1301 01:06:38,833 --> 01:06:41,208 It's gonna be sick. 1302 01:06:41,291 --> 01:06:46,000 You know, this is the longest conversation you and I have ever had. 1303 01:06:46,083 --> 01:06:48,791 Despite being in the same class since the third grade. 1304 01:06:48,875 --> 01:06:51,583 First, actually. 1305 01:06:51,666 --> 01:06:53,500 First what? 1306 01:06:53,583 --> 01:06:55,750 First grade. 1307 01:06:55,833 --> 01:06:58,500 You sat behind me. 1308 01:06:58,583 --> 01:07:02,416 You had one of those horrible, like, turtlenecks that's just a bib, and, like, 1309 01:07:02,500 --> 01:07:04,625 you don't-- it's not attached to anything. You just push it in the sweater. 1310 01:07:04,708 --> 01:07:05,916 A dickie? 1311 01:07:06,000 --> 01:07:07,958 -What? -The little turtleneck things. 1312 01:07:08,041 --> 01:07:10,166 Th-They're called dickies. 1313 01:07:10,250 --> 01:07:14,416 It's a really unfortunate name for a really unfortunate accessory. 1314 01:07:15,500 --> 01:07:16,750 I loved that accessory. 1315 01:07:59,333 --> 01:08:01,333 Mm. 1316 01:08:01,416 --> 01:08:03,833 I'm doing business school and law school at the same time. 1317 01:08:03,916 --> 01:08:05,625 Impressive. 1318 01:08:05,708 --> 01:08:07,041 Thanks. 1319 01:08:07,125 --> 01:08:10,291 I got fired from a Starbucks once. 1320 01:08:10,375 --> 01:08:12,291 Impressive. 1321 01:08:14,583 --> 01:08:17,457 ♪ At the sun, see... 1322 01:08:17,541 --> 01:08:21,082 How come we never, uh, hung out in school ever? 1323 01:08:21,166 --> 01:08:23,416 'Cause I didn't want to. 1324 01:08:23,500 --> 01:08:26,082 Cool. Glad I asked. 1325 01:08:28,000 --> 01:08:30,332 I had a really big crush on you. 1326 01:08:36,707 --> 01:08:38,082 Oh, my God, I love this song. 1327 01:08:38,166 --> 01:08:39,957 I love this song. Do you know this song? 1328 01:08:40,041 --> 01:08:41,500 Yeah, of course. Who doesn't know this song? 1329 01:08:41,582 --> 01:08:44,082 I love this song. 1330 01:08:44,166 --> 01:08:45,957 ♪ It's funny how ♪ 1331 01:08:46,041 --> 01:08:47,541 -I love this song. -♪ I find myself... 1332 01:08:47,625 --> 01:08:48,875 Oh, my God. 1333 01:08:48,957 --> 01:08:50,125 -Please dance with me. -No. 1334 01:08:50,207 --> 01:08:51,250 -Please. Please, please. -Lizzie. 1335 01:08:51,332 --> 01:08:53,875 - No. - It's Christmas Eve! 1336 01:08:59,375 --> 01:09:02,791 ♪ If I could buy my reasoning ♪ 1337 01:09:04,916 --> 01:09:07,957 ♪ I'd pay to lose ♪ 1338 01:09:13,082 --> 01:09:15,457 ♪ One half won't do ♪ 1339 01:09:19,916 --> 01:09:22,000 ♪ And I asked myself ♪ 1340 01:09:22,082 --> 01:09:24,750 ♪ How much do you ♪ 1341 01:09:27,625 --> 01:09:30,750 ♪ commit yourself? ♪ 1342 01:09:30,832 --> 01:09:33,666 ♪ Oh, it's my life ♪ 1343 01:09:33,750 --> 01:09:36,666 ♪ Don't you forget ♪ 1344 01:09:38,041 --> 01:09:39,416 ♪ It's my life ♪ 1345 01:09:41,832 --> 01:09:46,416 -♪ It never ends ♪ -♪ It never ends ♪ 1346 01:09:56,625 --> 01:10:01,958 ♪ Funny how I blind myself ♪ 1347 01:10:02,041 --> 01:10:05,000 ♪ I never knew ♪♪ 1348 01:10:07,833 --> 01:10:09,083 Hey! 1349 01:10:09,166 --> 01:10:11,500 Hey, hey! There's someone in here! 1350 01:10:11,583 --> 01:10:13,916 ♪ Jingle bells, jingle all the way... 1351 01:10:15,625 --> 01:10:18,250 Help! Help! 1352 01:10:18,333 --> 01:10:20,208 Are you kidding me?! 1353 01:10:22,291 --> 01:10:23,875 Hey! Hey! 1354 01:10:23,958 --> 01:10:25,208 ♪ Jingle all the way ♪ 1355 01:10:25,291 --> 01:10:28,750 ♪ Oh, what fun it is to ride in a one-horse... 1356 01:10:28,833 --> 01:10:30,875 No! Stop! 1357 01:10:30,958 --> 01:10:33,291 -Wait, wait, wait, wait! -♪ Dashing through the snow ♪ 1358 01:10:33,375 --> 01:10:35,583 ♪ on a one-horse open ♪♪ 1359 01:10:40,041 --> 01:10:41,500 Can I help you? 1360 01:10:41,583 --> 01:10:42,958 Did you not see me in there? 1361 01:10:43,041 --> 01:10:45,625 I was in the car that you towed. 1362 01:10:45,708 --> 01:10:46,958 I'm sorry, ma'am. 1363 01:10:47,041 --> 01:10:48,041 Rules are rules. 1364 01:10:48,125 --> 01:10:49,750 Here. You want some cash? 1365 01:10:49,833 --> 01:10:51,750 -I can give you cash. -Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 1366 01:10:51,833 --> 01:10:53,541 Keep your blood money, lady. 1367 01:10:53,625 --> 01:10:55,291 You parked in a yellow stripe zone. 1368 01:10:55,375 --> 01:10:57,208 Striped like that for a reason. 1369 01:10:57,291 --> 01:10:59,583 Now, you can take it up with the parking bureau Monday morning. 1370 01:10:59,666 --> 01:11:00,666 -No. Please. -I got to go. 1371 01:11:00,750 --> 01:11:02,250 I-I can't wait till Monday. 1372 01:11:02,333 --> 01:11:03,583 There's nothing I can do. 1373 01:11:03,666 --> 01:11:07,375 Once those wheels leave the ground, out of my jurisdiction. 1374 01:11:07,458 --> 01:11:11,000 Now, you have a very merry Christmas, okay? 1375 01:11:11,083 --> 01:11:13,291 Can I at least get my things? 1376 01:11:40,458 --> 01:11:41,791 Thanks. 1377 01:12:05,416 --> 01:12:10,125 So, this year for Christmas, I got a '76 AMC Pacer. 1378 01:12:14,500 --> 01:12:16,708 But what did I really want? 1379 01:12:26,083 --> 01:12:29,500 ♪ The snow is falling down ♪ 1380 01:12:29,583 --> 01:12:34,333 ♪ Gets colder day by day ♪ 1381 01:12:34,416 --> 01:12:37,041 ♪ I miss you ♪ 1382 01:12:39,791 --> 01:12:43,208 ♪ Our hearts were singing ♪ 1383 01:12:43,291 --> 01:12:48,000 ♪ It felt like Christmastime ♪ 1384 01:12:50,125 --> 01:12:56,666 ♪ It must be Christmastime ♪♪ 1385 01:13:15,708 --> 01:13:18,333 Okay. Here we come. 1386 01:13:18,416 --> 01:13:20,125 Hey, Taylor, can you move that stuff for me? 1387 01:13:20,208 --> 01:13:24,875 This is something that Santa brought 1388 01:13:24,958 --> 01:13:26,708 special for you guys. Ready? 1389 01:13:26,791 --> 01:13:29,333 Three, two, one. 1390 01:13:29,416 --> 01:13:31,250 Yeah! 1391 01:13:32,125 --> 01:13:34,125 Here it is. 1392 01:13:37,208 --> 01:13:40,000 What is it, Grandpa Nick? 1393 01:13:40,750 --> 01:13:42,583 Wh-What do you mean what is it, kid? 1394 01:13:42,666 --> 01:13:44,375 It's a friggin' Dreamhouse. 1395 01:13:44,458 --> 01:13:47,166 What happened to the roof? 1396 01:13:54,750 --> 01:13:55,958 Ugh! 1397 01:13:56,041 --> 01:13:57,666 Geez! 1398 01:14:00,583 --> 01:14:02,083 Forget it. 1399 01:14:02,166 --> 01:14:03,375 Who's next? 1400 01:14:03,458 --> 01:14:05,375 Come on, Taylor. 1401 01:14:05,458 --> 01:14:06,541 You're up. 1402 01:14:06,625 --> 01:14:09,083 Nah, I'm good. 1403 01:14:09,166 --> 01:14:11,208 Fine. I'll do it. 1404 01:14:11,291 --> 01:14:12,833 I'll be the elf. 1405 01:14:12,916 --> 01:14:14,583 Mom's usually the elf. 1406 01:14:14,666 --> 01:14:16,791 Yeah, but Mom's not here, so you got me. 1407 01:14:16,875 --> 01:14:18,208 Right. 1408 01:14:18,291 --> 01:14:20,666 This one is from Doug. 1409 01:14:22,083 --> 01:14:23,416 Oh. 1410 01:14:23,500 --> 01:14:25,583 Is it the last 24 hours of my life back? 1411 01:14:25,666 --> 01:14:28,541 Oh, wait. Is my girlfriend in there? 1412 01:14:28,625 --> 01:14:31,083 It's something that I got for you that I thought you'd like. 1413 01:14:31,166 --> 01:14:32,375 It's a T-shirt. 1414 01:14:32,458 --> 01:14:33,875 Oh. 1415 01:14:45,250 --> 01:14:46,916 Dad, your turn. 1416 01:14:47,000 --> 01:14:48,416 Do you want a present? 1417 01:14:48,500 --> 01:14:50,750 I'm not opening any presents till your mother gets back. 1418 01:14:50,833 --> 01:14:52,208 I'll feel sick to my stomach. 1419 01:14:52,291 --> 01:14:56,208 Can you guys please just at least, you know, try to get it together? 1420 01:14:56,291 --> 01:14:57,416 Yeah? You know? 1421 01:14:57,500 --> 01:15:00,083 I mean, Christmas, it-it's supposed to be fun. 1422 01:15:00,166 --> 01:15:02,500 Do you know how few Christmases we get in life? 1423 01:15:02,583 --> 01:15:04,541 With this group of people? 1424 01:15:04,625 --> 01:15:06,750 - I mean, it's a finite number. - Where's Sammy? 1425 01:15:06,833 --> 01:15:08,708 I mean, is he gonna sleep all morning? 1426 01:15:10,625 --> 01:15:11,666 Sammy? 1427 01:15:11,750 --> 01:15:13,791 He's not in his room! 1428 01:15:13,875 --> 01:15:16,583 You got to be kidding me. We lost another one? 1429 01:15:16,666 --> 01:15:19,541 Uh, I could be mistaken, but is that Sammy's bike 1430 01:15:19,625 --> 01:15:21,208 in the Wang-Wasserman front yard? 1431 01:15:21,291 --> 01:15:23,416 Where? 1432 01:15:23,500 --> 01:15:25,833 Oh, my God. 1433 01:15:37,541 --> 01:15:41,541 ♪ Maybe it's true what they say about ♪ 1434 01:15:41,625 --> 01:15:45,750 ♪ Maybe we can't make the ends meet ♪ 1435 01:15:45,833 --> 01:15:49,791 ♪ Maybe we'll all have to do without ♪ 1436 01:15:49,875 --> 01:15:54,333 ♪ Maybe this world's just incomplete ♪ 1437 01:15:54,416 --> 01:15:58,583 ♪ Well, we all look for truth in this life... 1438 01:16:01,166 --> 01:16:02,750 -Can I help you? -Yes. 1439 01:16:02,833 --> 01:16:05,750 I'm here for The Zazzy Tims Show taping. 1440 01:16:06,833 --> 01:16:09,458 Are you a VIP? This is the VIP entrance. 1441 01:16:09,541 --> 01:16:12,041 Uh, no. 1442 01:16:12,125 --> 01:16:13,166 Um, I'm just-- 1443 01:16:13,250 --> 01:16:15,916 Okay, so you're gonna have to come through here and circle back around, all right? 1444 01:16:16,000 --> 01:16:18,083 -This is the VIP only entrance. -Mm-hmm. 1445 01:16:18,166 --> 01:16:20,458 You're gonna want to go over to general admission and reenter there. 1446 01:16:20,541 --> 01:16:21,750 That's gate number two. 1447 01:16:21,833 --> 01:16:23,666 Okay. Thank you. 1448 01:16:27,375 --> 01:16:31,750 ♪ Some see the road as clear ♪ 1449 01:16:31,833 --> 01:16:35,833 ♪ Some say the end is here ♪ 1450 01:16:35,916 --> 01:16:38,750 ♪ They say it's a hopeless fight ♪ 1451 01:16:38,833 --> 01:16:43,083 ♪ But I say I gotta try now ♪ 1452 01:16:44,958 --> 01:16:48,250 ♪ Oh, I've got to try, baby ♪ 1453 01:16:48,333 --> 01:16:52,750 ♪ Maybe it's too much to think about ♪ 1454 01:16:52,833 --> 01:16:57,000 ♪ Maybe there ain't nothing left to say ♪ 1455 01:16:57,083 --> 01:17:01,083 ♪ But if our time is really running out ♪ 1456 01:17:01,166 --> 01:17:04,208 ♪ then this ain't no time to run away ♪♪ 1457 01:17:16,708 --> 01:17:19,041 And welcome back for this very spectacular, 1458 01:17:19,125 --> 01:17:22,208 very extraordinary Christmas episode. 1459 01:17:22,291 --> 01:17:26,541 You know we've been doing the Zazzy Christmas Special for five years now? 1460 01:17:26,625 --> 01:17:28,541 That's right, five years! 1461 01:17:30,291 --> 01:17:35,791 And what makes it such a special tradition in my heart is you, our audience, 1462 01:17:35,875 --> 01:17:39,750 which is why every member of the audience 1463 01:17:39,833 --> 01:17:44,625 will be going home today with a beautiful Monochrome candle! 1464 01:17:48,750 --> 01:17:53,125 But first, you've sent in your video, submitted your nominations, 1465 01:17:53,208 --> 01:17:56,166 a record number of applications this year. 1466 01:17:56,250 --> 01:17:58,000 Eight thousand! Can you believe that? 1467 01:17:58,083 --> 01:18:00,125 - Excuse me. - Yes! 1468 01:18:02,041 --> 01:18:07,000 Eight thousand caring, generous mothers who were all so deserving. 1469 01:18:08,375 --> 01:18:10,333 Yeah. 1470 01:18:10,416 --> 01:18:15,166 We heard stories of moms from Pasadena all the way to Nairobi. 1471 01:18:15,250 --> 01:18:17,333 People could not tell us 1472 01:18:17,416 --> 01:18:19,250 - enough good things about their mamas. - Can I put this on? 1473 01:18:19,333 --> 01:18:22,250 - And we can't wait to meet them. - Uh, yeah, sure. Yeah. 1474 01:18:22,333 --> 01:18:25,625 Here onstage, we're gonna have a mom who adopted 19 children! 1475 01:18:25,708 --> 01:18:28,875 Yeah. She's got her hands full. 1476 01:18:28,958 --> 01:18:30,500 - And, uh, we also have another-- - Yeah, you're good. 1477 01:18:32,833 --> 01:18:33,833 - Hey. - Hi! Hey! 1478 01:18:33,916 --> 01:18:34,916 -Merry Christmas. -Hi. 1479 01:18:35,000 --> 01:18:36,291 You here for Sammy? 1480 01:18:36,375 --> 01:18:37,541 -Yeah. -Yeah. 1481 01:18:37,625 --> 01:18:38,791 You can come in. 1482 01:18:39,875 --> 01:18:41,333 Oh, Dad. 1483 01:18:44,458 --> 01:18:46,791 - Good tidings. - Hi. 1484 01:18:53,166 --> 01:18:54,708 Unbelievable. 1485 01:18:54,791 --> 01:18:56,583 Sammy, get up! 1486 01:18:56,666 --> 01:18:59,416 You're passed out in Jeanne's house! 1487 01:18:59,500 --> 01:19:01,750 Nicholas Samuel Derwin Clauster the Third, 1488 01:19:01,833 --> 01:19:05,250 get your B-U-T-T out of this house before I kick it there. 1489 01:19:07,750 --> 01:19:09,666 Sammy. Sammy. 1490 01:19:12,291 --> 01:19:14,208 Stop. Ow. 1491 01:19:16,833 --> 01:19:18,750 -Sammy, go. -Go. Let's go. 1492 01:19:18,833 --> 01:19:20,833 Come on. Just-- 1493 01:19:22,333 --> 01:19:23,500 We got him. 1494 01:19:23,583 --> 01:19:25,875 Okay. 1495 01:19:25,958 --> 01:19:28,416 Uh, your home is so beautiful. 1496 01:19:28,500 --> 01:19:30,208 - Thank you. - ...Christmas episode, 1497 01:19:30,291 --> 01:19:33,125 -I'm gonna introduce you to some wonderful women. -Oh, look, it's... it's Zazzy. 1498 01:19:33,208 --> 01:19:35,041 -Mom's favorite show. -We received a record number 1499 01:19:35,125 --> 01:19:36,750 of applications this year. 1500 01:19:36,833 --> 01:19:37,916 -Guess how many. -Wait. 1501 01:19:38,000 --> 01:19:41,125 -Eight thousand applications! -The-the Holiday Mom Contest. 1502 01:19:41,208 --> 01:19:42,458 She's been texting and... 1503 01:19:42,541 --> 01:19:44,416 -emailing me about this for weeks. -Yeah! 1504 01:19:44,500 --> 01:19:47,083 - Oh, me, too. - Mm-hmm. - Same here. 1505 01:19:47,166 --> 01:19:49,208 I never responded. Did you? 1506 01:19:49,291 --> 01:19:51,375 -No. Me, neither. -Ditto. 1507 01:19:51,458 --> 01:19:53,166 Without further ado, let's give a warm Zazzy round of applause... 1508 01:19:53,250 --> 01:19:54,708 None of us responded. 1509 01:19:54,791 --> 01:19:56,750 ...to the fabulous winners 1510 01:19:56,833 --> 01:19:59,416 of the Holiday Mom Contest! 1511 01:20:00,666 --> 01:20:02,041 -Oh, my God! -Here we go! 1512 01:20:02,125 --> 01:20:04,333 Come on. You got this. 1513 01:20:04,416 --> 01:20:06,333 Hey, come on. Dance your heart out. 1514 01:20:06,416 --> 01:20:07,666 Let's go, let's go! 1515 01:20:17,791 --> 01:20:19,916 Oh, I love this! 1516 01:20:20,000 --> 01:20:22,666 Welcome, moms! 1517 01:20:23,666 --> 01:20:25,083 How did you guys get here? 1518 01:20:25,166 --> 01:20:27,958 - I'm a nominee. - You're a-- And who nominated you? 1519 01:20:31,291 --> 01:20:33,833 Oh, my God, that's Mom. 1520 01:20:33,916 --> 01:20:35,250 Welcome, welcome! 1521 01:20:35,333 --> 01:20:37,875 I told her not to go off those hormones. 1522 01:20:37,958 --> 01:20:39,958 ♪ Heaven... 1523 01:20:40,041 --> 01:20:41,500 Jess? Uh, Jess? 1524 01:20:41,583 --> 01:20:45,791 Who's that woman doing the Cabbage Patch and waving to camera two? 1525 01:20:45,875 --> 01:20:47,750 I don't know? 1526 01:20:47,833 --> 01:20:49,875 Let me check. 1527 01:20:49,958 --> 01:20:51,083 Hmm. 1528 01:20:51,166 --> 01:20:52,666 - My children! - Oh, my God. 1529 01:20:52,750 --> 01:20:54,291 She's got 19 children! 1530 01:20:54,375 --> 01:20:56,458 Who nominated you, honey? 1531 01:20:56,541 --> 01:20:58,166 Oh, my-my son. 1532 01:20:58,250 --> 01:20:59,625 Oh, her son! 1533 01:20:59,708 --> 01:21:01,291 My son! 1534 01:21:01,375 --> 01:21:03,500 - Who nominated you? - My husband. 1535 01:21:03,583 --> 01:21:06,041 Oh, your husband must love you. 1536 01:21:06,125 --> 01:21:08,125 Where'd she get that jacket? 1537 01:21:08,208 --> 01:21:09,708 - You think she'll let me borrow it? - Wow. 1538 01:21:09,791 --> 01:21:11,666 Your mom is a great dancer. 1539 01:21:11,750 --> 01:21:13,083 Hey. 1540 01:21:13,166 --> 01:21:15,583 Last night, did we, uh... 1541 01:21:15,666 --> 01:21:17,916 I can't decide if she's an icon or a train wreck. 1542 01:21:18,000 --> 01:21:19,791 Icon. 1543 01:21:19,875 --> 01:21:21,666 No. You got so drunk, and you threw up on my shoe, 1544 01:21:21,750 --> 01:21:24,625 and then I had to walk you and your bike home ten blocks. 1545 01:21:24,708 --> 01:21:25,708 Oh. 1546 01:21:25,791 --> 01:21:28,375 Oh, wow! 1547 01:21:28,458 --> 01:21:30,958 Oh, I'm really here. 1548 01:21:31,041 --> 01:21:33,291 -It's really you. -Whoo! 1549 01:21:33,375 --> 01:21:35,958 Hi! So, how did you get here? 1550 01:21:36,041 --> 01:21:37,625 Oh. Oh, gosh. 1551 01:21:37,708 --> 01:21:40,833 Um, uh, well, the short answer is that I... 1552 01:21:40,916 --> 01:21:43,375 I tried to get my kids to nominate me... 1553 01:21:43,458 --> 01:21:47,000 ...for the Holiday Moms Contest, and, well, they blew that off. 1554 01:21:47,083 --> 01:21:48,958 - Oh. - And then, um, 1555 01:21:49,041 --> 01:21:52,708 I got my whole family tickets to a dance show, 1556 01:21:52,791 --> 01:21:54,916 and they forgot me. 1557 01:21:55,000 --> 01:21:57,500 - Oh, my God. - Yeah, yeah. I just, I just got in my car 1558 01:21:57,583 --> 01:21:59,708 and said, "Fuck it." 1559 01:22:06,208 --> 01:22:07,500 She'll be here in a minute. 1560 01:22:10,958 --> 01:22:12,791 Ah, you got her! 1561 01:22:12,875 --> 01:22:14,333 Glad that's over. 1562 01:22:14,416 --> 01:22:16,458 Oy vey. We did it. 1563 01:22:16,541 --> 01:22:18,083 - Great show, Zazzy. - Awesome. 1564 01:22:18,166 --> 01:22:20,041 It's Cameron, right? 1565 01:22:20,125 --> 01:22:22,041 Uh, actually, it's Claire. 1566 01:22:22,125 --> 01:22:25,458 Do you know why I started the Holiday Mom Special? 1567 01:22:26,541 --> 01:22:28,416 Was it to launch your-- 1568 01:22:28,500 --> 01:22:33,458 It's because I've been buying myself Christmas gifts for the last 15 years. 1569 01:22:33,541 --> 01:22:35,291 -Oh. -Just so that I could have something 1570 01:22:35,375 --> 01:22:38,875 to open while my family tears into the gifts I bought them 1571 01:22:38,958 --> 01:22:41,416 like a pack of coked-up howler monkeys. 1572 01:22:42,583 --> 01:22:44,333 You know what my husband got me last year? 1573 01:22:44,416 --> 01:22:46,208 An upholstery cleaner. 1574 01:22:46,291 --> 01:22:49,625 Yeah. And my son, he got me, uh-- 1575 01:22:49,708 --> 01:22:54,458 oh, an autographed basketball by one of the Harlem Globetrotters. 1576 01:22:54,541 --> 01:22:56,875 Not even the lady one. I would've liked that. 1577 01:22:56,958 --> 01:22:58,958 Yeah. Oh, and my daughter made me pancakes. 1578 01:22:59,041 --> 01:23:00,375 Oh, well, that's sweet. 1579 01:23:00,458 --> 01:23:01,666 I hate pancakes. 1580 01:23:02,750 --> 01:23:03,916 And she knows that. 1581 01:23:04,000 --> 01:23:05,625 -Oh. -So I thought, 1582 01:23:05,708 --> 01:23:08,333 "Why not get the things I actually want?" 1583 01:23:08,416 --> 01:23:09,833 You know? 1584 01:23:09,916 --> 01:23:11,375 So now I play Santa to myself. 1585 01:23:11,458 --> 01:23:13,041 Same. 1586 01:23:13,125 --> 01:23:14,833 My stocking looks like a limp penis. 1587 01:23:14,916 --> 01:23:16,125 So depressing. 1588 01:23:16,208 --> 01:23:18,083 -It just hangs there. -Oh. 1589 01:23:18,166 --> 01:23:20,500 No love. Her family just lets it dangle there. 1590 01:23:21,666 --> 01:23:22,708 Yeah. 1591 01:23:22,791 --> 01:23:24,708 And we can admit that, you know? 1592 01:23:24,791 --> 01:23:26,333 But let me tell you something else. 1593 01:23:26,416 --> 01:23:29,041 -Here, I'm a boss bitch. -Yes, you are! 1594 01:23:29,125 --> 01:23:31,916 But at home, I'm everybody's bitch. 1595 01:23:32,000 --> 01:23:33,791 We're all just little bitches. 1596 01:23:33,875 --> 01:23:35,833 But what you did was spectacular. 1597 01:23:38,125 --> 01:23:39,916 -They never turn off a light. -Ugh. 1598 01:23:40,000 --> 01:23:42,291 Never. They-they can't close the fridge door. 1599 01:23:42,375 --> 01:23:44,375 They can't close any door. They let all the bugs in. 1600 01:23:44,458 --> 01:23:46,250 - Mm-hmm. - They come home, 1601 01:23:46,333 --> 01:23:48,791 and it's like, why so much toothpaste everywhere? 1602 01:23:48,875 --> 01:23:50,375 -In globs of blue. -Ugh! 1603 01:23:50,458 --> 01:23:52,625 It's disgusting. I use my fingernails. 1604 01:23:52,708 --> 01:23:55,041 My husband always tells me, 1605 01:23:55,125 --> 01:23:57,291 "Don't worry. It'll all get done. 1606 01:23:57,375 --> 01:23:59,083 It always does." 1607 01:23:59,166 --> 01:24:01,250 I tell him, "Yes, I know it does. 1608 01:24:01,333 --> 01:24:02,541 Because I do it!" 1609 01:24:02,625 --> 01:24:03,625 Mm-hmm. 1610 01:24:03,708 --> 01:24:04,958 - That's right. - 'Cause you do it. 1611 01:24:05,041 --> 01:24:06,541 Yep. Uh-huh. 1612 01:24:06,625 --> 01:24:08,125 I got four kids. 1613 01:24:08,208 --> 01:24:10,541 I carried them, I birthed them, I fed them. 1614 01:24:10,625 --> 01:24:14,333 You know? I've had one partially successful vaginoplasty, 1615 01:24:14,416 --> 01:24:16,416 and-and I bug them? 1616 01:24:16,500 --> 01:24:18,291 You know why? Because that's the score. 1617 01:24:18,375 --> 01:24:21,041 - Mm-hmm. - That's the score. 1618 01:24:21,125 --> 01:24:23,125 Mm. 1619 01:24:23,208 --> 01:24:25,083 That's tight. 1620 01:24:25,166 --> 01:24:28,208 What? My vagina or the metaphor? 1621 01:24:29,041 --> 01:24:30,250 Whole situation. 1622 01:24:33,875 --> 01:24:36,333 ♪ On the radio, whoa-oh-oh-oh ♪ 1623 01:24:36,416 --> 01:24:38,708 ♪ On the radio ♪ 1624 01:24:38,791 --> 01:24:40,541 ♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh ♪ 1625 01:24:40,625 --> 01:24:42,166 ♪ On the radio ♪ 1626 01:24:42,250 --> 01:24:44,875 ♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh ♪ 1627 01:24:44,958 --> 01:24:46,250 ♪ On the radio ♪ 1628 01:24:46,333 --> 01:24:47,916 ♪ Whoa-oh-oh-oh ♪ 1629 01:24:48,000 --> 01:24:49,458 -It's a strong table. -♪ Now, now ♪ 1630 01:24:49,541 --> 01:24:54,500 ♪ Don't it kinda strike you sad when you hear our song? ♪♪ 1631 01:25:07,250 --> 01:25:08,750 Mazel, delivery drivers. 1632 01:25:08,833 --> 01:25:11,000 We hope you get to sleep in tomorrow. 1633 01:25:11,083 --> 01:25:13,833 On that note, it's time for my Mazel of the Week. 1634 01:25:13,916 --> 01:25:19,208 And this one goes out to a mom who made her big broadcasting debut. 1635 01:25:19,291 --> 01:25:22,375 It's the Houston mother who drove through the night 1636 01:25:22,458 --> 01:25:25,500 just to appear on The Zazzy Tims Show. 1637 01:25:25,583 --> 01:25:29,875 I don't know if you guys saw this video, but I cannot stop watching it. 1638 01:25:29,958 --> 01:25:32,750 She put on an impromptu dance show. 1639 01:25:32,833 --> 01:25:37,541 And for that, Claire Clauster, you are Mazel of the Week. 1640 01:26:00,416 --> 01:26:03,083 Just wanted to say that I'm sorry. 1641 01:26:04,250 --> 01:26:06,125 Do you want to talk about it? 1642 01:26:06,208 --> 01:26:08,500 What is there to talk about? 1643 01:26:08,583 --> 01:26:11,083 Mom's gone, Channing thinks I'm an irresponsible love addict, 1644 01:26:11,166 --> 01:26:14,625 and you... you told the love of my life that I cheated on her, 1645 01:26:14,708 --> 01:26:16,333 after which she walked out on me. 1646 01:26:16,416 --> 01:26:17,458 Forever! 1647 01:26:17,541 --> 01:26:21,166 So, no, Doug, I don't really feel like talking to you right now. 1648 01:26:23,166 --> 01:26:26,375 You said I was boring. I had to defend myself. 1649 01:26:26,458 --> 01:26:30,833 ♪ Better stop before it goes too far... 1650 01:26:30,916 --> 01:26:32,666 You can't hate me forever. 1651 01:26:32,750 --> 01:26:34,375 Family forgives. 1652 01:26:35,583 --> 01:26:37,166 No matter what. 1653 01:26:40,208 --> 01:26:44,000 ♪ Sometimes I feel like... 1654 01:26:44,083 --> 01:26:47,250 I'm sorry I called you a man baby. It was mean. 1655 01:26:47,333 --> 01:26:49,208 I'm sorry that I said your books are too long. 1656 01:26:50,500 --> 01:26:51,708 That's not true. 1657 01:26:51,791 --> 01:26:52,916 They're just the right size. 1658 01:26:53,000 --> 01:26:55,708 And the dialogue wooden? 1659 01:26:55,791 --> 01:26:57,750 -Hmm? -Well, you said 1660 01:26:57,833 --> 01:27:00,625 too long and the dialogue is wooden. 1661 01:27:00,708 --> 01:27:02,791 -You remember? -Yeah. 1662 01:27:02,875 --> 01:27:06,375 And I just said they're not too long at all. 1663 01:27:06,458 --> 01:27:08,000 Just the right length. 1664 01:27:27,791 --> 01:27:31,041 ♪ Don't you know ♪ 1665 01:27:31,125 --> 01:27:34,541 ♪ that I love you? ♪ 1666 01:27:35,791 --> 01:27:39,041 ♪ Sometimes I feel like... 1667 01:27:39,125 --> 01:27:40,666 Channing? 1668 01:27:40,750 --> 01:27:42,583 You think I'm gonna end up alone? 1669 01:27:42,666 --> 01:27:44,583 No. 1670 01:27:44,666 --> 01:27:46,625 -You've got us. -Yeah. 1671 01:27:46,708 --> 01:27:49,708 Till you all forget me on the side of the road like our own mother. 1672 01:27:49,791 --> 01:27:50,958 Oh, God. 1673 01:27:51,041 --> 01:27:53,416 We really can be the worst. 1674 01:27:53,500 --> 01:27:58,208 ♪ That fell down here to lay... 1675 01:28:01,125 --> 01:28:02,708 - You all right? - Yeah. 1676 01:28:06,250 --> 01:28:08,083 - "Great kids"? - Yes, yes! 1677 01:28:08,166 --> 01:28:09,666 -That's it! You got it! Yeah, that's it! -I did? Oh, my God! 1678 01:28:09,750 --> 01:28:11,875 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah! 1679 01:28:11,958 --> 01:28:13,958 Yeah, yeah, yes, yes, yes! 1680 01:28:16,250 --> 01:28:17,250 -Fantastic. -Oh, my God. 1681 01:28:17,333 --> 01:28:20,416 Sixty-three thousand one hundred dollars. 1682 01:28:20,500 --> 01:28:21,916 Oh, my God. 1683 01:28:22,000 --> 01:28:23,625 Congratulations! 1684 01:28:23,708 --> 01:28:26,083 Oh, my God. What? 1685 01:28:27,166 --> 01:28:29,375 -Okay, car leaves in 30 minutes. -Hey. 1686 01:28:29,458 --> 01:28:30,583 Who are you? 1687 01:28:30,666 --> 01:28:32,500 I'm Trish from The Zazzy Tims Show. 1688 01:28:32,583 --> 01:28:34,500 Oh, you do not look ready yet. 1689 01:28:34,583 --> 01:28:35,666 Oh, please come in. 1690 01:28:35,750 --> 01:28:38,750 The car leaves in 30 minutes, and we really got to move. 1691 01:28:38,833 --> 01:28:42,625 I doubt she has shoes, so if we could please get those Jimmy Choos on her. 1692 01:28:42,708 --> 01:28:45,083 Fix this stuff in her hair. It's kind of-- 1693 01:28:45,166 --> 01:28:47,625 What's all the-- What's going on? 1694 01:28:47,708 --> 01:28:49,875 Did you not check your phone? 1695 01:28:51,375 --> 01:28:54,083 Zazzy wants you back on the show today. 1696 01:28:56,166 --> 01:28:59,208 Happy Boxing Day. Have we got a great show for you. 1697 01:28:59,291 --> 01:29:03,625 We have a live in-studio performance by the incredible band the bird and the bee, 1698 01:29:03,708 --> 01:29:06,833 and Emeril Lagasse is back to show us 1699 01:29:06,916 --> 01:29:09,958 how to make a gumbo that'll kick us right into the new year. 1700 01:29:10,041 --> 01:29:13,875 But first, by popular demand, we are bringing back 1701 01:29:13,958 --> 01:29:18,000 the most relatable mama in America, Claire Clauster! 1702 01:29:20,583 --> 01:29:22,666 -Great to see you again. -Oh. 1703 01:29:22,750 --> 01:29:24,458 Great to see you, too, Zazzy. 1704 01:29:24,541 --> 01:29:26,708 Now, for those of you just tuning in, 1705 01:29:26,791 --> 01:29:30,750 Claire's family forgot her on Christmas Eve. 1706 01:29:30,833 --> 01:29:32,041 Can you believe that? 1707 01:29:32,125 --> 01:29:36,750 But the funny thing is a lot of women have connected to your story. 1708 01:29:36,833 --> 01:29:38,666 Can you tell me why that is? 1709 01:29:39,625 --> 01:29:44,041 Um, I bet a lot of women probably feel... 1710 01:29:44,125 --> 01:29:46,291 overlooked, Zazzy. 1711 01:29:46,375 --> 01:29:47,375 Mm-hmm. 1712 01:29:47,458 --> 01:29:49,208 -Unappreciated. -That's right. 1713 01:29:49,291 --> 01:29:52,000 Taken for granted, you know. 1714 01:29:52,083 --> 01:29:54,125 That's pretty much year-round. 1715 01:29:54,208 --> 01:29:58,625 I'd say during the holidays most of all. 1716 01:29:58,708 --> 01:30:01,875 You know, it's just all the behind-the-scenes stuff that moms do 1717 01:30:01,958 --> 01:30:05,166 so that everyone can have a good time. 1718 01:30:05,250 --> 01:30:07,291 It's a lot of work to have fun. 1719 01:30:07,375 --> 01:30:10,833 Yeah, and somebody's got to do that work. 1720 01:30:10,916 --> 01:30:15,083 And, well, most of them don't want to do it, 1721 01:30:15,166 --> 01:30:18,500 and, you know, they just don't want to step up. 1722 01:30:18,583 --> 01:30:20,250 So true. 1723 01:30:20,333 --> 01:30:22,666 You know who steps up? 1724 01:30:23,500 --> 01:30:25,708 -Moms. -Moms. 1725 01:30:25,791 --> 01:30:27,541 - Moms. - And... 1726 01:30:28,958 --> 01:30:30,750 ...I miss my mom so much. 1727 01:30:31,666 --> 01:30:36,291 And I really wish that instead of rolling my eyes... 1728 01:30:37,833 --> 01:30:40,458 ...thinking she was silly, that I... 1729 01:30:40,541 --> 01:30:45,375 I-I just said those three little words that mean so much to moms. 1730 01:30:45,458 --> 01:30:47,000 "I love you." 1731 01:30:47,083 --> 01:30:48,875 "Can I help?" 1732 01:30:48,958 --> 01:30:51,041 Oh. 1733 01:30:51,125 --> 01:30:55,000 And then I'd just give her a big bear hug while I still had the chance, 1734 01:30:55,083 --> 01:31:00,083 because, you know, all she was trying to do was make things joyous for us, 1735 01:31:00,166 --> 01:31:03,250 and there is nothing silly about joy. 1736 01:31:03,333 --> 01:31:05,375 Wow. 1737 01:31:06,250 --> 01:31:07,666 Well... 1738 01:31:07,750 --> 01:31:09,666 that was so beautiful, Carmen. 1739 01:31:09,750 --> 01:31:12,458 -Claire. -But guess what. 1740 01:31:12,541 --> 01:31:16,750 We are not done yet, because we have an in-studio surprise, 1741 01:31:16,833 --> 01:31:18,458 a Zazzy Tims exclusive. 1742 01:31:18,541 --> 01:31:22,291 They've traveled through the night, and we convinced them to come on the show. 1743 01:31:22,375 --> 01:31:24,916 A group of people I think we can all agree 1744 01:31:25,000 --> 01:31:28,125 owe you a big, huge apology! 1745 01:31:28,208 --> 01:31:29,708 - Hey. - Sorry, Grandma Claire. 1746 01:31:29,791 --> 01:31:31,500 Hey, hon. 1747 01:31:32,666 --> 01:31:34,833 Hi. Hey. 1748 01:31:34,916 --> 01:31:36,541 -How are you? We're so sorry. -I'm okay. 1749 01:31:36,625 --> 01:31:38,166 - They're the Clauster family! - Oh, hey. 1750 01:31:38,250 --> 01:31:40,166 -We're sorry. -We love you, Mom. 1751 01:31:40,250 --> 01:31:41,500 Yes! 1752 01:31:41,583 --> 01:31:43,583 - We're sorry. - Hi, Channing. 1753 01:31:43,666 --> 01:31:44,875 - Hey, Mom. - Oh, my goodness. 1754 01:31:44,958 --> 01:31:47,375 Reunited right here on the show. 1755 01:31:47,458 --> 01:31:48,500 Don't go away. 1756 01:31:48,583 --> 01:31:51,333 When we're back, we've got the bird and the bee. 1757 01:31:51,416 --> 01:31:53,125 And cut to commercial! Back in five! 1758 01:31:53,208 --> 01:31:54,250 We're moving it to our stage. 1759 01:31:54,333 --> 01:31:57,000 - Honey, you look so great. - Oh, thanks. Thank you. 1760 01:31:57,083 --> 01:31:59,375 - Yeah. - Yeah. 1761 01:31:59,458 --> 01:32:01,166 We're so sorry about this whole thing. 1762 01:32:01,250 --> 01:32:03,041 -Yeah, it was nice seeing you all. -Yeah. 1763 01:32:03,875 --> 01:32:06,333 Enjoy the sun, if you're into that sort of thing. 1764 01:32:06,416 --> 01:32:07,500 Where you going, hon? 1765 01:32:07,583 --> 01:32:09,791 This has been a nice little publicity stunt and all, 1766 01:32:09,875 --> 01:32:13,041 but... what's really changed? 1767 01:32:13,125 --> 01:32:16,625 I'm sorry you came all this way, but Mom's closed up shop. 1768 01:32:16,708 --> 01:32:19,000 For good. Peace out, y'all. 1769 01:32:20,500 --> 01:32:22,041 Is she allowed to do that? 1770 01:32:22,125 --> 01:32:24,958 I don't know. I think she's-- Hon? 1771 01:32:26,041 --> 01:32:27,291 Mom? 1772 01:32:27,375 --> 01:32:29,125 Mom? 1773 01:32:29,208 --> 01:32:30,458 What is going on? 1774 01:32:30,541 --> 01:32:33,833 I-I just, I just-- I wasn't expecting that, you know? 1775 01:32:33,916 --> 01:32:35,833 Well, I know. They reached out to us. 1776 01:32:35,916 --> 01:32:37,375 It was all very last-minute. 1777 01:32:37,458 --> 01:32:39,750 We were going for grand gesture. 1778 01:32:39,833 --> 01:32:40,833 Yeah, well, I don't know. 1779 01:32:40,916 --> 01:32:44,500 Maybe I'm just not quite done being mad yet. 1780 01:32:44,583 --> 01:32:45,958 I-I get that. 1781 01:32:46,041 --> 01:32:48,666 The last three days have... 1782 01:32:48,750 --> 01:32:50,291 -been a lot. -I know. 1783 01:32:50,375 --> 01:32:52,208 For us, too. 1784 01:32:52,291 --> 01:32:55,041 Y-You're right. We-we didn't support you. 1785 01:32:56,500 --> 01:32:59,416 You asked us to do this one thing for you, and we completely ignored it, 1786 01:32:59,500 --> 01:33:00,791 which is terrible. 1787 01:33:00,875 --> 01:33:02,708 I mean, it's-it's unforgivable. 1788 01:33:02,791 --> 01:33:05,833 And I'm... well, I'm so sorry, truly. 1789 01:33:07,916 --> 01:33:11,083 And I know that what I said about doing the holidays separately next year, 1790 01:33:11,166 --> 01:33:12,625 it hurt your feelings. 1791 01:33:12,708 --> 01:33:14,833 And I'm sorry about that, too. 1792 01:33:14,916 --> 01:33:19,833 But... well, sometimes I want to have my own special traditions. 1793 01:33:21,125 --> 01:33:22,916 With my family, you know? 1794 01:33:23,000 --> 01:33:25,750 Is that so wrong? 1795 01:33:25,833 --> 01:33:27,291 No, honey. 1796 01:33:28,541 --> 01:33:31,000 There's nothing wrong with that at all. 1797 01:33:31,083 --> 01:33:34,125 It's just that... sometimes... 1798 01:33:36,958 --> 01:33:41,625 ...I feel like you don't support me, either. 1799 01:33:45,541 --> 01:33:50,041 And I... I just had to say that. 1800 01:33:50,125 --> 01:33:53,750 'Cause it's like you're so in awe of Taylor. 1801 01:33:53,833 --> 01:33:56,208 I mean, I mean, we all are. 1802 01:33:56,291 --> 01:33:59,958 And-and... you still act like Sammy is a baby. 1803 01:34:00,041 --> 01:34:01,833 Uh, don't get me wrong. 1804 01:34:01,916 --> 01:34:07,208 I'm glad, but-but I have a family and a career I love, 1805 01:34:07,291 --> 01:34:10,875 and I'm actually doing pretty okay at it. 1806 01:34:10,958 --> 01:34:13,833 You just brush right over all of it. 1807 01:34:16,000 --> 01:34:19,041 Like it doesn't even matter. 1808 01:34:20,125 --> 01:34:25,458 I think maybe, subconsciously, if you, if you weren't gonna be impressed by me, 1809 01:34:25,541 --> 01:34:27,875 then I-I wasn't gonna be impressed by you. 1810 01:34:30,625 --> 01:34:34,791 The-the truth is your... your opinion means... 1811 01:34:34,875 --> 01:34:36,916 it means more to me than anything. 1812 01:34:39,541 --> 01:34:40,916 Anything. 1813 01:34:43,416 --> 01:34:45,500 My Little Bean. 1814 01:34:47,500 --> 01:34:51,958 I am so impressed with you there aren't even words. 1815 01:34:55,458 --> 01:34:59,875 I don't know, maybe I'm-I'm-I'm afraid of, um, 1816 01:34:59,958 --> 01:35:02,625 if I tell you that, that... 1817 01:35:02,708 --> 01:35:06,583 if I let the cat out of the bag, that... 1818 01:35:06,666 --> 01:35:10,916 then you'll know that you don't need me anymore... 1819 01:35:13,416 --> 01:35:14,625 ...and I'll lose you. 1820 01:35:14,708 --> 01:35:16,625 Yeah, maybe that's it. I think that's what it is. 1821 01:35:16,708 --> 01:35:19,375 Uh, that's my biggest fear. 1822 01:35:20,083 --> 01:35:25,208 And maybe I'm always gonna need you to need me 1823 01:35:25,291 --> 01:35:28,208 just... a tiny little bit. 1824 01:35:29,458 --> 01:35:31,000 Is that so wrong? 1825 01:35:34,583 --> 01:35:36,625 You'll never lose me, Mom. 1826 01:35:38,500 --> 01:35:39,875 I'm sorry. 1827 01:35:45,458 --> 01:35:47,208 Honey? You there? 1828 01:35:47,291 --> 01:35:48,583 Honey, you in there? 1829 01:36:05,291 --> 01:36:07,208 There we go. 1830 01:36:07,291 --> 01:36:12,000 ♪ Too many broken hearts have fallen in the river ♪ 1831 01:36:12,083 --> 01:36:15,916 ♪ Too many lonely souls have drifted out to sea ♪ 1832 01:36:16,000 --> 01:36:17,125 ♪ You lay your bets... 1833 01:36:17,208 --> 01:36:18,708 Ah, honey, I was so scared. 1834 01:36:18,791 --> 01:36:21,291 Oh, don't be dramatic. 1835 01:36:21,375 --> 01:36:23,041 -No-- -You weren't going to starve to death. 1836 01:36:23,125 --> 01:36:24,833 You could always make yourself a sandwich. 1837 01:36:24,916 --> 01:36:28,291 No, no, no, that's not it. See... 1838 01:36:28,375 --> 01:36:32,208 40 years ago, I caught my luckiest break, 1839 01:36:32,291 --> 01:36:36,208 and I swore to myself if I got you, I would never take it for granted. 1840 01:36:36,291 --> 01:36:39,125 And... come to find out, 1841 01:36:39,208 --> 01:36:41,875 complacency snuck up on me. 1842 01:36:41,958 --> 01:36:44,375 -Right? -Mm. 1843 01:36:44,458 --> 01:36:47,708 So thank you for the wake-up call, and I want you to know 1844 01:36:47,791 --> 01:36:51,875 that wh-what you do for us, for all of us... 1845 01:36:53,333 --> 01:36:55,083 ...is never behind-the-scenes. 1846 01:36:57,208 --> 01:36:59,125 ♪ You think you're gonna break up ♪ 1847 01:36:59,208 --> 01:37:03,000 ♪ Then she says she wants to make up ♪ 1848 01:37:03,083 --> 01:37:07,458 ♪ Ooh, you made me love you ♪ 1849 01:37:07,541 --> 01:37:12,166 ♪ Ooh, you've gone away ♪ 1850 01:37:12,250 --> 01:37:16,291 ♪ Ooh, you had me crawling ♪ 1851 01:37:16,375 --> 01:37:19,375 ♪ up the wall ♪ 1852 01:37:42,500 --> 01:37:45,791 ♪ Like walking in the rain and the snow ♪ 1853 01:37:45,875 --> 01:37:47,583 ♪ when there's nowhere to go ♪ 1854 01:37:47,666 --> 01:37:53,375 ♪ and you're feeling like a part of you is dying ♪ 1855 01:37:53,458 --> 01:37:57,875 ♪ And you're looking for the answer in her eyes ♪ 1856 01:37:57,958 --> 01:37:59,250 ♪ You think you're gonna break up ♪ 1857 01:37:59,333 --> 01:38:01,625 ♪ Then she says she wants to make up... 1858 01:38:01,708 --> 01:38:03,500 Sammy, hi. 1859 01:38:03,583 --> 01:38:05,791 Mae-bell. How'd you get in here? 1860 01:38:05,875 --> 01:38:08,333 Oh, my friend Brian has an internship with the art department. 1861 01:38:08,416 --> 01:38:10,500 -He snuck me in. -Okay. 1862 01:38:10,583 --> 01:38:11,666 Cool. 1863 01:38:11,750 --> 01:38:14,958 Anyway, I saw your mom on Zazzy, and ever since then, 1864 01:38:15,041 --> 01:38:18,250 I've been thinking about us nonstop. 1865 01:38:18,333 --> 01:38:20,333 That was, like, half an hour ago. 1866 01:38:20,416 --> 01:38:24,958 I know, and I immediately texted Brian and jumped in an Uber. 1867 01:38:25,041 --> 01:38:28,958 It's just, Sammy, I wish I knew how to quit you. 1868 01:38:29,041 --> 01:38:31,291 -Isn't that from Brokeback Mountain? -It doesn't matter. 1869 01:38:31,375 --> 01:38:34,708 What matters is I came here because 1870 01:38:34,791 --> 01:38:37,041 when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody-- 1871 01:38:37,125 --> 01:38:39,291 Sorry. My phone. 1872 01:38:39,375 --> 01:38:42,916 ♪ The things we do for love, the things we do for love ♪ 1873 01:38:43,000 --> 01:38:44,375 ♪ The things we do for love... 1874 01:38:44,458 --> 01:38:47,208 ...you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. 1875 01:38:47,291 --> 01:38:49,208 Sorry, what? 1876 01:38:49,291 --> 01:38:52,958 I said, when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody-- 1877 01:38:53,041 --> 01:38:55,958 Oh, yeah. That's, uh, uh, When Harry Met Sally... 1878 01:38:56,041 --> 01:38:57,791 Oh, congrats, Sammy, you watch a lot of movies. 1879 01:38:57,875 --> 01:38:59,583 I'm saying we should get back together. 1880 01:38:59,666 --> 01:39:01,833 You know what? I think it's okay. 1881 01:39:01,916 --> 01:39:03,375 We're probably better off this way. 1882 01:39:03,458 --> 01:39:05,375 You will be fine. I will, too. 1883 01:39:05,458 --> 01:39:07,458 Oh, my God, are you breaking up with me now? 1884 01:39:07,541 --> 01:39:10,541 No, you definitely broke up with me first. 1885 01:39:10,625 --> 01:39:12,833 Hug it out? 1886 01:39:12,916 --> 01:39:15,458 ♪ The things we do for love ♪♪ 1887 01:39:15,541 --> 01:39:17,541 Blessings. 1888 01:39:30,083 --> 01:39:34,000 So, Channing got to have her Christmas ski trip, 1889 01:39:34,083 --> 01:39:37,000 and we all came along as well... 1890 01:39:38,458 --> 01:39:41,791 ♪ Lawn inflatables in the yard, December's got my tinsel tangled... 1891 01:39:42,958 --> 01:39:46,916 ...as did Sammy and his new love, which means... 1892 01:39:47,000 --> 01:39:50,166 the Cardigan Queen is still never far away. 1893 01:39:50,250 --> 01:39:53,791 I'm so happy our families could do this ski trip together. 1894 01:39:53,875 --> 01:39:56,041 Yeah, me, too, Jeanne. Me, too. 1895 01:39:56,125 --> 01:39:57,166 -Blessings! -Blessings. 1896 01:39:59,375 --> 01:40:02,708 It is nice to try new things. 1897 01:40:04,625 --> 01:40:07,250 Mind, some old habits do persist. 1898 01:40:07,333 --> 01:40:10,875 Guys, guys, everybody, this is my new girlfriend Serena! 1899 01:40:10,958 --> 01:40:12,916 Welcome to the family! 1900 01:40:13,000 --> 01:40:15,708 ♪ Shake, shake, shake the snow globe... 1901 01:40:15,791 --> 01:40:17,791 But you know what? 1902 01:40:17,875 --> 01:40:20,541 The whole family used those three little words, 1903 01:40:20,625 --> 01:40:25,875 and I had so much help that they shooed me away for a little me time. 1904 01:40:25,958 --> 01:40:28,708 ♪ This Christmas... 1905 01:40:28,791 --> 01:40:30,708 Don't worry. 1906 01:40:30,791 --> 01:40:32,916 I'll head back inside in a minute. 1907 01:40:34,000 --> 01:40:36,625 But until then... 1908 01:40:36,708 --> 01:40:38,416 cheers, moms. 1909 01:40:38,500 --> 01:40:42,666 May your hearts always be full this time of year, 1910 01:40:42,750 --> 01:40:45,000 even if your stockings aren't. 1911 01:40:45,083 --> 01:40:47,583 Merry Christmas. 1912 01:40:47,666 --> 01:40:49,208 -♪ Merry, merry ♪ -♪ Ho! ♪ 1913 01:40:49,291 --> 01:40:50,833 -♪ Very, very ♪ -♪ Ho! ♪ 1914 01:40:50,916 --> 01:40:54,833 ♪ Very merry Christmas ♪ 1915 01:40:56,250 --> 01:40:57,916 -♪ Merry, merry ♪ -♪ Ho! ♪ 1916 01:40:58,000 --> 01:40:59,416 -♪ Very, very ♪ -♪ Ho! ♪ 1917 01:40:59,500 --> 01:41:03,458 ♪ Very merry Christmas ♪ 1918 01:41:04,916 --> 01:41:06,416 -♪ Merry, merry ♪ -♪ Ho! ♪ 1919 01:41:06,500 --> 01:41:08,166 -♪ Very, very ♪ -♪ Ho! ♪ 1920 01:41:08,250 --> 01:41:11,958 ♪ Very merry Christmas ♪♪ 1921 01:41:16,250 --> 01:41:22,291 ♪ I heard the bells on Christmas Day ♪ 1922 01:41:22,375 --> 01:41:28,916 ♪ Their old familiar carols play ♪ 1923 01:41:29,000 --> 01:41:35,041 ♪ and wild and sweet the words repeat ♪ 1924 01:41:35,125 --> 01:41:38,000 ♪ of peace on Earth ♪ 1925 01:41:38,083 --> 01:41:42,958 ♪ goodwill to men ♪ 1926 01:41:43,041 --> 01:41:45,708 ♪ I thought how ♪ 1927 01:41:45,791 --> 01:41:50,375 -♪ as the day had come ♪ -♪ The day had come ♪ 1928 01:41:50,458 --> 01:41:55,958 ♪ the belfries of all Christendom ♪ 1929 01:41:56,041 --> 01:41:58,458 ♪ had rolled along ♪ 1930 01:41:58,541 --> 01:42:01,875 ♪ the unbroken song ♪ 1931 01:42:01,958 --> 01:42:05,083 ♪ of peace on Earth ♪ 1932 01:42:05,166 --> 01:42:08,666 ♪ goodwill ♪ 1933 01:42:08,750 --> 01:42:12,958 ♪ to men ♪♪ 1934 01:42:13,041 --> 01:42:15,125 Oh! 1935 01:42:24,958 --> 01:42:28,458 ♪ Welcome to my Christmas song ♪ 1936 01:42:28,541 --> 01:42:32,291 ♪ I'd like to thank you for the year ♪ 1937 01:42:33,750 --> 01:42:37,791 ♪ So I'm sending you this Christmas card ♪ 1938 01:42:37,875 --> 01:42:42,458 ♪ to say, "It's nice to have you here" ♪ 1939 01:42:43,875 --> 01:42:46,833 ♪ I'd like to sing about all the things ♪ 1940 01:42:46,916 --> 01:42:50,500 ♪ your eyes and mind can see ♪ 1941 01:42:50,583 --> 01:42:53,791 ♪ So hop aboard the turntable ♪ 1942 01:42:53,875 --> 01:43:00,416 ♪ Oh, step into Christmas with me, yeah ♪ 1943 01:43:00,500 --> 01:43:03,875 ♪ Step into Christmas, let's join together ♪ 1944 01:43:03,958 --> 01:43:07,458 ♪ We can watch the snow fall forever and ever ♪ 1945 01:43:07,541 --> 01:43:10,916 ♪ Eat, drink and be merry, come along with me ♪ 1946 01:43:11,000 --> 01:43:17,000 ♪ Step into Christmas, the admission is free ♪ 1947 01:43:17,083 --> 01:43:21,166 ♪ Take care in all you do next year ♪ 1948 01:43:21,250 --> 01:43:26,625 ♪ and keep smiling through the days ♪ 1949 01:43:26,708 --> 01:43:30,625 ♪ If we can help to entertain you ♪ 1950 01:43:30,708 --> 01:43:35,083 ♪ oh, we will find the ways ♪ 1951 01:43:36,458 --> 01:43:39,458 ♪ So merry Christmas, one and all ♪ 1952 01:43:39,541 --> 01:43:42,833 ♪ There's no place I'd rather be ♪ 1953 01:43:42,916 --> 01:43:46,333 ♪ than asking you if you'd oblige ♪ 1954 01:43:46,416 --> 01:43:53,375 ♪ stepping into Christmas with me ♪ 1955 01:43:53,458 --> 01:43:56,541 ♪ Step into Christmas, let's join together ♪ 1956 01:43:56,625 --> 01:44:00,125 ♪ We can watch the snow fall forever and ever ♪ 1957 01:44:00,208 --> 01:44:03,583 ♪ Eat, drink and be merry, come along with me ♪ 1958 01:44:03,666 --> 01:44:09,208 ♪ Step into Christmas, the admission is free ♪ 1959 01:44:17,291 --> 01:44:20,791 ♪ Welcome to my Christmas song ♪ 1960 01:44:20,875 --> 01:44:26,000 ♪ I'd like to thank you for the year ♪ 1961 01:44:26,083 --> 01:44:30,125 ♪ So I'm sending you this Christmas card ♪ 1962 01:44:30,208 --> 01:44:35,166 ♪ to say, "It's nice to have you here" ♪ 1963 01:44:36,208 --> 01:44:39,083 ♪ I'd like to sing about all the things ♪ 1964 01:44:39,166 --> 01:44:42,875 ♪ your eyes and mind can see ♪ 1965 01:44:42,958 --> 01:44:46,166 ♪ So hop aboard the turntable ♪ 1966 01:44:46,250 --> 01:44:52,833 ♪ Oh, step into Christmas with me, yeah ♪ 1967 01:44:52,916 --> 01:44:56,125 ♪ Step into Christmas, let's join together ♪ 1968 01:44:56,208 --> 01:44:59,750 ♪ We can watch the snow fall forever and ever ♪ 1969 01:44:59,833 --> 01:45:03,208 ♪ Eat, drink and be merry, come along with me ♪ 1970 01:45:03,291 --> 01:45:08,291 ♪ Step into Christmas, the admission is free ♪ 1971 01:45:08,375 --> 01:45:09,833 ♪ Oh ♪ 1972 01:45:09,916 --> 01:45:11,375 ♪ Step into Christmas ♪ 1973 01:45:11,458 --> 01:45:13,166 -♪ Let's join together ♪ -♪ Let's join together ♪ 1974 01:45:13,250 --> 01:45:16,750 ♪ We can watch the snow fall forever and ever ♪ 1975 01:45:16,833 --> 01:45:18,500 ♪ Eat, drink and be merry ♪ 1976 01:45:18,583 --> 01:45:20,416 -♪ Come along with me ♪ -♪ Oh, come along ♪ 1977 01:45:20,500 --> 01:45:25,458 ♪ Step into Christmas, the admission is free ♪♪