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Invader Zim
Door to Door
s01e11A (s03e03)

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Subtitles: Ainee and Andy

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Then!

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Add a card to represent the
overworked educational system.

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Now! Add the dead weight
of students like you.

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So, you can see, children,
that our whole society is

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nothing more than a
perilous house of cards.

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Destined to collapse under
its own weight.

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Dib! The warranty on
your desk has run out.

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Get a replacement from the pile!

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Yes, m'am.

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Well, children, as you know,
the desk budget for this year

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has run out.

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But the school board is giving you
a chance to lessen your misery.

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Lights!

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Word up, kids!
This is Poop Dawg,

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the Poop Cola gangsta
clown with a little fund-raiser!

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Do you wanna go
baggin' with the monies?

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What does that mean?

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Then check this box
of Poop Cola candy!

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It's the great taste
of Poop Cola,

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wrapped in a layer
of chocolate badness!

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Every bar you sell earns
money for your school.

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But what's in it for you?

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Prizes, prizes, prazizes!

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Sell a hundred bars
and you'll win a...

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...adhesive medical strips.

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Sell a thousand, you'll
win a crash helmet.

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Sell ten thousand, you'll
win an electro scooter.

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At five hundred thousand
you'll get a hover craft.

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Plus a helmet.
Plus a box of...

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...adhesive medical strips.

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Garbage!

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That hovercraft is a joke
of engineering and that helmet

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would never protect
your brain from lasers.

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But if you all think you's all
somet'in with the top sellies,

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and... wit...
I can't do this...

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Cuuut!

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The top prize is something
your b-b-b-brain won't believe.

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Nonsense.

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It's so amazing,
it's a secret.

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Secret?!

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What are you hiding,
dawg man?

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Tell me!
Tell meee!

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Good luck my
fellow poop slices.

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Warning: candy made
entirely of saw dust.

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Secret? Yes, of course.
But what could it be?

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What? What? I must
posses the secret prize.

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Miss Bitters? Why don't they
take the money they spent

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on candy and prizes
and use it to buy desks?

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That answer wasn't in the video.

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Fundraising!

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Children!

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Then that horrible man-dawg
hybrid taunted us

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by not revealing the secret prize.

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It must be something of
unimaginable power, GIR.

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Hey, Zim! I sold a whole
box at my dad's lab.

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Beat that!

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So, you're trying to beat me
to the prize, is that it?

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Just more proof of its
strategic value.

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The only reason I'm
selling this dirt in a wrapper,

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is to watch you fail
at something else, Zim!

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I can sell these horrible
candies better than any human.

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Just watch!

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Why is his head so biiig!

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Why is his head so biiig?!

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Just follow my lead.

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Please, m'am. If you
don't buy my candy,

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my little brother
will go insane.

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Good heaven! He's
worse than I thought.

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Please, of course I'll
buy some candy.

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Mhm, that's the saw dust.

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She only bought one of
these horrible things.

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You'll just have to
try harder, GIR!

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I don't understand.

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Today has been
a horrible failure.

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GIR!
Don't eat that filth!

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It is the key to the
mystery of the prize.

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The mystery of the prize.

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This miserable Earth sun.
Even ... minor didn't orbit

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such a horrible star.
So hot!

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Zim!

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Zim!

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I have come for you.

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What is this?
Who are you?

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I am...

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Who are you?

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I am...

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Who are you?

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I am Poop Dwag, the
gangsta spectre of defeat

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people of ...
And you will never win

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the mystery prize, fool!

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What is this miraculous
prize thing?

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I ain't tellin', yo.

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Does it defy the
laws of time and space?

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Can it alter the minds
of sentient beings?

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Is it the key to
controlling all mankind?

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The prize will never
be yours, Zim!

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So say the gangsta
spectre of defeat.

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I will not give up!

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Poop Dawg!

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Never!

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Yo!

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Geez, Zim! I haven't even
done anything to you yet!

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Get out of here,
gangster of defeat!

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Be gone with you.

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Man, Zim! Defeat's
made you crazy.

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Of course. That has
been my mistake along.

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I've been trying to sell
like a miserable human.

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GIR!

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Yes, my lord!

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I will use inferior human
fundraising technics no longer!

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Now watch as I unleash the
full power of Irken persuasion.

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I'm gonna be sick!

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Human residents!
I have come selling candy!

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I am selling candy for
your local school.

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And you will buy some.

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W-we don't want none
of your government candy.

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We don't want none
of your government candy.

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Yes, you do.

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Now! See a world in
which you do not buy

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my delicious treats.

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All that you know
and love lies in ruins.

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Horrible!

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I just wanted a school
desk of my own.

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This horrible tragedy
can be prevented.

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If and only if you surrender
your money to me.

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And buy my candy!

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Pleaseee!
For the children.

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We'll buy your candy!
We'll buy your candy!

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We'll buy your candy!
We'll buy your candy!

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We'll buy your candy!
We'll buy... we'll buy your candy!

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Just stop this horrifying future
from ever happening.

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Yes! Witness
my victory, poop beast!

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Children, your performance
was miserable.

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Your parents will all receive
phone calls instructing them

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to love you less now.

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But, in a shocking
display of school spirit,

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Dib, has come in first,
by selling one hundred candy bars.

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Congratulations,
you win a...

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...adhesive medical strips.

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First place!

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Take that,
space boy!

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Hey! Where's Zim?

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I am here, Dib worm.

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And I have sold over
1.2 million revolting candy units!

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I am prepared to receive the
power of the mystery prize.

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Give to Zim!

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Well, this is never
happened before.

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Zim, your prize is...

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Your prize is...

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...nothing! There's
no mystery prize!

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They just made it up
to make kids work harder

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for no money.

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As a consolation...
...here's some tuna.

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Curse you, Poop Dawg!
Curse youuuu!

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Subtitles: Ainee and Andy