1
00:00:46,000 --> 00:00:50,399
My life is in a cloud.
Well... not all.
2
00:00:50,440 --> 00:00:53,839
My body is not,
but everything else yes.
3
00:00:53,880 --> 00:00:58,839
All I see,
thoughts, feelings...
4
00:00:58,880 --> 00:01:02,959
And it's so strange...
that body and soul are separate,
5
00:01:03,000 --> 00:01:04,999
It makes me feel fragile
6
00:01:05,040 --> 00:01:09,079
as if my life
was drifting.
7
00:01:09,120 --> 00:01:11,479
Do you think it's strange?
8
00:01:11,520 --> 00:01:15,959
It's just that I take everything literally
and I imagine it as a real cloud.
9
00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:21,399
A rather defined cumulus cloud
10
00:01:21,440 --> 00:01:25,039
which makes it easy to think
that contains something.
11
00:01:25,080 --> 00:01:28,079
But sometimes I also imagine cirrus clouds,
12
00:01:28,120 --> 00:01:32,999
or worse
just a translucent veil of clouds.
13
00:01:33,040 --> 00:01:37,159
And I worry that it won't succeed
to support the weight of things.
14
00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:43,159
And that all that I am will fall
in the street and will be washed away by the rain.
15
00:02:28,680 --> 00:02:30,839
SEX - DREAMS - LOVE
16
00:02:30,880 --> 00:02:32,159
DREAMS - LOVE
17
00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:32,700
DREAMS
18
00:02:45,480 --> 00:02:50,439
- You're applying to the Academy, right?
- For dancing? - Yes. - No.
19
00:02:50,480 --> 00:02:54,719
Why not? You have talent.
Did you study classical ballet or am I wrong?
20
00:02:54,760 --> 00:02:56,919
Yes, but I found it humiliating...
21
00:02:56,960 --> 00:03:01,799
I read somewhere that it is based
on outdated gender stereotypes
22
00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:04,279
and that it should be abolished.
23
00:03:04,320 --> 00:03:07,839
- Not all dance is classical ballet.
- Yes, this is true.
24
00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:09,719
I want to study sociology.
25
00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:15,519
- You read a lot, huh?
- Very.
26
00:03:15,560 --> 00:03:18,399
- Don't you read?
- Mm...
27
00:03:18,440 --> 00:03:22,279
Just a little
when someone gives me books.
28
00:03:22,320 --> 00:03:25,399
I like it, I'd say it flatters me,
29
00:03:25,440 --> 00:03:30,759
that people think of me
I'm a big reader.
30
00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:34,199
But not everything in the books is true.
31
00:03:34,240 --> 00:03:38,999
Sure, but that's not why I read,
not to find out what is true.
32
00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:43,559
I read to have somewhere to go
and to find myself.
33
00:03:44,280 --> 00:03:50,319
It all started with a book
which led me to write my own.
34
00:03:51,760 --> 00:03:55,879
It wasn't even a famous book, just one
that I found in my grandmother's cabin
35
00:03:55,920 --> 00:03:58,599
and which I read when we were
were there last Easter.
36
00:03:58,760 --> 00:04:01,959
- I went with Jenny, a friend.
- Did you take my bra?
37
00:04:02,000 --> 00:04:07,239
Her family doesn't have a cabin and she continued
to say how lucky we were to have one.
38
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:10,279
It would be beautiful
have a cabin where you can play cards and...
39
00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:13,279
And my mother, who refuses
to recognize our privileges
40
00:04:13,320 --> 00:04:17,479
he made things worse by saying
that you don't need to be rich to have a cabin.
41
00:04:17,520 --> 00:04:21,759
Don't worry, she just meant that if
your family is rich, you don't need money.
42
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:26,479
- Mom! Stop it. - You can
live off your inheritance, what are you worried about?
43
00:04:26,520 --> 00:04:27,879
- Did you find the bra?
- Yes.
44
00:04:27,920 --> 00:04:30,519
I had sprained my ankle and needed to rest.
45
00:04:30,560 --> 00:04:35,599
And when mother, grandmother and Jenny went out
I took a book from the shelf.
46
00:04:35,640 --> 00:04:38,359
It was a coincidence, actually.
47
00:04:38,560 --> 00:04:43,319
It's called "Family Spirit" and it's similar
to "Little Women", which you may know.
48
00:04:45,320 --> 00:04:50,399
There are four sisters here too. They are daughters
of the doctor and live in the suburbs of Paris.
49
00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:54,559
The protagonist, Pauline, is 16 years old.
50
00:04:54,600 --> 00:04:58,239
The book begins with her leaving
to attend a new school in Paris.
51
00:04:58,640 --> 00:05:04,479
There he meets a girl named Bea,
whose uncle is an artist.
52
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:07,919
One day they visit his studio.
53
00:05:07,960 --> 00:05:11,879
He is different
from everyone he knew,
54
00:05:11,920 --> 00:05:15,519
He looks her in the eyes and
speak as if she were an adult.
55
00:05:15,560 --> 00:05:19,479
Even if it is much bigger
and he has a ten year old daughter,
56
00:05:19,520 --> 00:05:22,119
Pauline falls in love with him.
57
00:05:22,840 --> 00:05:27,039
He doesn't tell anyone
but she continues to visit him with Bea.
58
00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:29,719
Until one day Bea gets sick.
59
00:05:29,760 --> 00:05:32,879
She gathers courage and goes to him alone.
60
00:05:32,920 --> 00:05:35,679
When he opens the door and sees that she is alone,
61
00:05:35,720 --> 00:05:40,039
she understands that he has the same feelings as her
and who was waiting for her.
62
00:05:43,280 --> 00:05:45,359
And then they have sex.
63
00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:50,679
Here... how can I say it?
64
00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:56,839
When I read it I recognized something
a kind of desire inside me.
65
00:05:56,880 --> 00:05:59,599
Something I had felt before, in childhood,
66
00:05:59,640 --> 00:06:04,879
but I didn't understand
and I tried to keep my distance.
67
00:06:04,920 --> 00:06:08,359
But now I felt it in my body, on my skin.
68
00:06:08,400 --> 00:06:13,999
A kind of tingling that arose
from the desire to be naked next to someone.
69
00:06:16,280 --> 00:06:19,319
But there is another thing
in the book that I loved very much.
70
00:06:19,360 --> 00:06:23,799
Pauline had
a long knitted scarf
71
00:06:23,840 --> 00:06:30,319
and every time he left his house
he wrapped it around his neck three times.
72
00:06:30,360 --> 00:06:36,439
Always three times
and he did it with such tenderness...
73
00:06:36,480 --> 00:06:39,119
that I was moved reading it.
74
00:06:39,160 --> 00:06:41,519
Especially because
I found it such a beautiful gesture,
75
00:06:41,560 --> 00:06:47,519
but also because I hoped
that one day it could happen to me too.
76
00:07:04,640 --> 00:07:08,999
Months have passed, but even if
I had been thinking about it all spring and summer
77
00:07:09,040 --> 00:07:11,759
It wasn't so intense anymore.
78
00:07:11,800 --> 00:07:16,799
When I felt that desire return
it was mid-autumn
79
00:07:16,840 --> 00:07:20,119
It was so strong that it took me by surprise.
80
00:07:20,160 --> 00:07:23,359
Maybe that's how it works,
things happen when you least expect it.
81
00:07:23,400 --> 00:07:29,119
Hello, my name is Johanna and this year
I will be your French and Norwegian teacher.
82
00:07:29,160 --> 00:07:31,279
I'll tell you a little about myself.
83
00:07:31,320 --> 00:07:34,799
So, my name is Johanna as I already said.
84
00:07:34,880 --> 00:07:39,679
Um... I studied Textile Art at the Academy
85
00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:42,439
and I also worked as a teacher.
86
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:45,519
I spent a year in the United States,
in the Midwest,
87
00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:50,919
where I worked on a farm
of organic peanuts for six months.
88
00:07:50,960 --> 00:07:55,559
It was pretty boring, so I moved
in New York and got a job in a cafe.
89
00:07:55,600 --> 00:08:00,759
I also studied fashion in Paris
for a year. That's all.
90
00:08:00,800 --> 00:08:03,479
If you have any questions, just ask.
91
00:08:03,520 --> 00:08:08,519
Please, now say your name
and a fun fact about you.
92
00:08:08,560 --> 00:08:13,319
- What is your name?
- My name is Anine and I like dyeing my hair.
93
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:15,839
- Beautiful color.
- Thank you.
94
00:08:15,880 --> 00:08:19,919
- And you?
- My name is Josef, and I like to train.
95
00:08:22,040 --> 00:08:24,039
My name is Helene
and I don't like chocolate.
96
00:08:25,480 --> 00:08:31,639
- And you? Your name?
- My name is Johanne and I like... salmon.
97
00:08:31,680 --> 00:08:34,959
I'll remember, it's like
mine only changes the final vowel.
98
00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:36,839
And what is your name?
99
00:08:36,880 --> 00:08:41,359
- My name is Johannes
and are outlawed in 69 countries. - Oh!
100
00:08:41,400 --> 00:08:47,199
At first I didn't understand, it was so overwhelming,
a very strange sensation.
101
00:08:49,520 --> 00:08:53,039
It was as if I could feel his presence
all over my body.
102
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,719
I started looking for it.
103
00:09:02,840 --> 00:09:06,959
The day
It seemed wasted if I hadn't seen it.
104
00:09:07,000 --> 00:09:11,919
And it didn't take much, a look
It was enough to put me in a good mood.
105
00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:22,599
- I have to study more,
I'm behind in some subjects. - Me too.
106
00:09:40,920 --> 00:09:43,199
- HI!
- HI!
107
00:09:52,720 --> 00:09:55,439
She was kind and nice to everyone,
108
00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:59,039
but it seemed like that to me
pay particular attention.
109
00:09:59,080 --> 00:10:02,919
And since the French
It's one of my favorite subjects
110
00:10:02,960 --> 00:10:05,799
We were on the same wavelength.
111
00:10:05,840 --> 00:10:08,839
And even if his lessons
they were incomprehensible to many,
112
00:10:08,880 --> 00:10:12,479
when he spoke
of French presidents, for example,
113
00:10:12,520 --> 00:10:15,399
I was able to follow her and she liked that.
114
00:10:15,440 --> 00:10:18,359
- He called me "Jeanne".
- Yes, Jeanne?
115
00:10:18,400 --> 00:10:20,919
Johanne's French name.
116
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:25,439
Reduce large income inequalities
117
00:10:25,480 --> 00:10:29,039
and develop education and culture?
118
00:10:29,080 --> 00:10:31,359
He didn't speak like that to anyone else.
119
00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:37,119
Maybe that's why I started fantasizing
about the fact that she liked me more than others
120
00:10:37,160 --> 00:10:40,239
and that we had a special bond.
121
00:10:41,160 --> 00:10:43,519
It really seemed that way to me.
122
00:10:46,600 --> 00:10:48,559
I thought about her more and more often.
123
00:10:48,600 --> 00:10:53,559
I thought about it not only at school,
but also when I was at home.
124
00:10:53,960 --> 00:10:57,279
It was as if she had slipped into my head.
125
00:10:57,320 --> 00:11:00,119
She appeared to me, whatever the context.
126
00:11:01,240 --> 00:11:03,719
It was the first image in my mind,
when I woke up.
127
00:11:03,760 --> 00:11:07,319
While I was having breakfast I wasn't doing anything
What to think about what she was eating,
128
00:11:07,360 --> 00:11:10,399
probably croissants, who knows.
129
00:11:11,120 --> 00:11:14,719
I thought about it while I was getting dressed
I was wondering what he would wear.
130
00:11:14,760 --> 00:11:20,119
I tried to choose clothes that I imagined
she would have liked them or at least noticed them.
131
00:11:20,160 --> 00:11:23,759
I had observed his well,
132
00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:27,239
He had a beautiful and unique style.
133
00:11:27,280 --> 00:11:29,679
He mostly wore wool sweaters.
134
00:11:29,720 --> 00:11:33,959
The fact fascinated me
that brought them into contact with the skin.
135
00:11:34,000 --> 00:11:37,559
It was so annoying for me,
136
00:11:37,600 --> 00:11:40,759
but seeing them on her was something else.
137
00:11:41,520 --> 00:11:44,159
And when he rolled up his sleeves,
138
00:11:44,200 --> 00:11:47,519
the point where the sleeve
met his skin...
139
00:11:48,040 --> 00:11:51,639
that sight gave me shivers
everywhere.
140
00:11:51,680 --> 00:11:55,319
I was dying to touch it
and see what it felt like.
141
00:11:55,600 --> 00:12:01,639
But even if I felt the effect that she
he had on me, I couldn't define it.
142
00:12:01,680 --> 00:12:03,679
Isn't that strange?
143
00:12:08,240 --> 00:12:12,759
I don't think I noticed
until I dreamed about it.
144
00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:17,479
We were in a cabin.
145
00:12:17,520 --> 00:12:23,439
There were other people, but they were outside
only she and I were inside.
146
00:12:23,480 --> 00:12:28,439
I was taking a nap on the couch, but not
I slept because I could feel his presence.
147
00:12:28,480 --> 00:12:32,439
She lay down next to me,
I felt his knees between mine.
148
00:12:32,480 --> 00:12:35,319
He put his arm around my shoulders.
149
00:12:36,560 --> 00:12:41,159
Then I opened my eyes
and I turned towards her.
150
00:12:41,200 --> 00:12:44,479
And suddenly
It was as if we were naked...
151
00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:48,479
and I woke up.
152
00:12:49,240 --> 00:12:53,479
My body felt hot and strange,
I felt feverish.
153
00:12:53,520 --> 00:12:59,239
I felt terrible,
as if I had done something terrible,
154
00:12:59,280 --> 00:13:01,759
something almost forbidden.
155
00:13:08,240 --> 00:13:10,519
The next day I had the same feeling
156
00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:13,319
I was worried that
others would notice
157
00:13:13,360 --> 00:13:15,679
that they could see
what I dreamed of.
158
00:13:15,720 --> 00:13:17,639
Six, seven and eight.
159
00:13:17,680 --> 00:13:21,519
Luckily the first lesson
It wasn't his, there was choreography.
160
00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:27,239
We did our exercises every day
and in different places in our school.
161
00:13:31,480 --> 00:13:36,719
Even though I felt out of place, it was
Funny and I forgot about it for a while.
162
00:13:36,760 --> 00:13:46,760
One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven and eight.
163
00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:54,199
But later, in his class period,
the shame has reappeared.
164
00:13:54,960 --> 00:13:58,839
When it arrived it looked like me
he was looking as if he knew everything.
165
00:14:01,080 --> 00:14:03,799
I looked away immediately.
166
00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:07,039
I was trying to figure out how to avoid it
167
00:14:07,160 --> 00:14:12,679
even if it wasn't what I wanted
in reality, I wanted the exact opposite.
168
00:14:12,720 --> 00:14:16,199
It felt like everything was collapsing around me.
169
00:14:16,240 --> 00:14:20,599
Any way you saw it
It seemed impossible to me
170
00:14:20,720 --> 00:14:23,719
and I wasn't even
able to hide it.
171
00:14:24,040 --> 00:14:30,199
Sorry if I ask you. Anine and I have some
spoken, you seem a little absent these last few days.
172
00:14:30,240 --> 00:14:33,599
- Yes.
- And why should we talk about it?
173
00:14:33,640 --> 00:14:37,119
Well, because we were worried
that I had argued with someone.
174
00:14:37,160 --> 00:14:39,599
- No, nothing happened.
- No?
175
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:42,999
- Look, I found this site on the web.
- No. Anine, stop it.
176
00:14:43,040 --> 00:14:48,159
Listen, in Norway there are a lot of lines
anonymous for young people where you can talk to someone,
177
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:52,839
if you want you can also try
self-help apps,
178
00:14:52,880 --> 00:14:56,559
who may be able to help you
to get out of difficult situations.
179
00:14:56,600 --> 00:15:00,079
- I don't need it.
- Maia tried them.
180
00:15:00,120 --> 00:15:02,399
- Truly? - Yes.
- Why?
181
00:15:02,440 --> 00:15:04,439
His mother was on a TV show for
renovating the house and she couldn't handle it.
182
00:15:06,200 --> 00:15:08,839
- You could try.
- It worked for her.
183
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:13,639
I don't need it and I don't want to try it.
I told you I'm fine.
184
00:15:13,680 --> 00:15:20,039
- Would you have preferred if we hadn't asked you?
- No, I'm just having trouble sleeping, that's all.
185
00:15:20,080 --> 00:15:24,079
They can help you solve them.
There are apps for sleeping.
186
00:15:24,280 --> 00:15:29,399
I couldn't talk about it.
What would I have said, that I was in love?
187
00:15:29,440 --> 00:15:33,279
And in that moment,
when that word crossed my mind,
188
00:15:33,320 --> 00:15:36,639
I understood that it was really like that.
189
00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:39,879
I was madly in love with Johanna.
190
00:15:40,840 --> 00:15:44,439
It was terrible and wonderful at the same time.
191
00:15:45,720 --> 00:15:50,279
It seemed inconceivable to me,
because she was an adult.
192
00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:52,639
Like the artist of the book.
193
00:15:52,680 --> 00:15:55,599
It didn't bother me
when I read it.
194
00:15:55,640 --> 00:16:00,599
The more I thought about it, the more I allowed myself
very much to fantasize.
195
00:16:00,640 --> 00:16:02,919
Do you understand what I mean?
196
00:16:02,960 --> 00:16:08,399
When you continually think about something
in the end it seems less unrealistic.
197
00:16:08,680 --> 00:16:13,199
Thoughts were spinning in my head
and I wanted to tell someone.
198
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:16,079
This is how it is to be in love.
199
00:16:16,120 --> 00:16:20,999
You want everyone to know,
because it's wonderful.
200
00:16:21,040 --> 00:16:23,519
But above all I wanted to tell Johanna.
201
00:16:26,000 --> 00:16:30,719
I stayed awake thinking about how
he would have reacted if I had told him.
202
00:16:32,480 --> 00:16:37,759
The worst thing would have been
that she didn't understand what I wanted to tell her
203
00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:42,799
or, even worse,
that he would start laughing, condescending,
204
00:16:42,840 --> 00:16:47,239
how adults laugh when
a child says something adorable.
205
00:16:53,480 --> 00:17:00,239
We heard that today was your birthday,
so we thought we'd give you a gift.
206
00:17:00,280 --> 00:17:02,799
- For me?
- Yes.
207
00:17:02,840 --> 00:17:08,559
- Can I open it right away? - Yes, certainly!
We did it together, it was fun.
208
00:17:08,600 --> 00:17:10,639
How cute!
209
00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:14,039
I didn't realize
that was his birthday.
210
00:17:14,080 --> 00:17:19,319
And I knew she had some knitting
talked to some students,
211
00:17:19,360 --> 00:17:23,559
since she is a textile artist
and knitwear had become fashionable.
212
00:17:23,600 --> 00:17:28,759
But it had never occurred to me,
because I wasn't interested in knitting.
213
00:17:30,120 --> 00:17:34,239
I should have understood
which was a way to gain confidence.
214
00:17:34,640 --> 00:17:38,599
Suddenly it seemed to me that the others were
more in tune with her than I was.
215
00:17:40,360 --> 00:17:45,519
I felt lost,
I was stupid not to have thought of it.
216
00:17:45,560 --> 00:17:50,839
I had no idea how to knit, but
Ihad to learn. How long would it have taken?
217
00:17:50,880 --> 00:17:54,319
- Mom? - Yes, yes, bla-bla-bla. I understand
where they want to go, but I don't want to.
218
00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:58,519
- Mom? - Huh? I'm on Zoom,
it's not a good time, wait.
219
00:17:58,560 --> 00:18:03,759
- I wanted to ask you if you can teach me how to work
knitted. - There is this company that deals...
220
00:18:03,800 --> 00:18:05,799
Um, wait a minute, sorry.
221
00:18:05,840 --> 00:18:10,719
- Ask grandma, I don't even know if
we have irons. - But we have to have them!
222
00:18:10,760 --> 00:18:14,399
And then we don't even have wool,
maybe we'll buy it next week.
223
00:18:14,440 --> 00:18:17,199
Next week?
I have to learn now!
224
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:21,359
I haven't knitted in years. Not
I'm the nice person to ask
225
00:18:21,400 --> 00:18:24,799
- You never know anything!
- I can't now, we'll talk about it later.
226
00:18:27,400 --> 00:18:30,279
That weekend was a nightmare.
227
00:18:30,320 --> 00:18:32,839
I imagined a series of horrible scenarios,
228
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:37,559
like the students who went to her
and they all knitted together.
229
00:18:37,600 --> 00:18:40,079
I was the only one who wasn't invited.
230
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:43,879
Definitely sick thoughts.
231
00:18:43,920 --> 00:18:48,799
As you know, the pandemic
affected a lot of people last year.
232
00:18:48,840 --> 00:18:51,799
The following Monday I was exhausted.
233
00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:56,839
My mother wanted me to stay at home
but I couldn't, I had to see it.
234
00:18:56,880 --> 00:19:00,039
I couldn't bear the thought
that others would see it and I wouldn't.
235
00:19:01,680 --> 00:19:06,479
I didn't have his lessons, which was even more
terrible, I didn't even know if he was at school.
236
00:19:06,520 --> 00:19:10,839
Johanne? You've done some thinking
about the impact of the pandemic on us?
237
00:19:12,840 --> 00:19:14,039
No.
238
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,679
Then I saw her come in, late in the morning.
239
00:19:17,720 --> 00:19:23,919
It was almost disappointing and also
painful to see her arrive happy and content.
240
00:19:23,960 --> 00:19:27,759
- What are you looking at?
- I was speechless.
241
00:19:27,800 --> 00:19:29,879
I was losing my mind.
242
00:19:29,920 --> 00:19:35,399
In the last interval I couldn't take it anymore
I went to the teachers' lounge, I had to talk to her,
243
00:19:35,440 --> 00:19:38,559
I had to tell her all that
that I had planned to tell her.
244
00:19:38,600 --> 00:19:43,439
- Have you seen Johanna today?
- Yes, but he's in a meeting now.
245
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:46,999
- Thank you.
- Not at all. - Okay.
246
00:19:49,960 --> 00:19:55,719
- Okay, then you could be the replacement.
- Okay.
247
00:19:55,760 --> 00:19:57,879
But while I was there, I...
248
00:19:57,920 --> 00:19:59,439
Um, Johanna...
249
00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:05,119
When you're lying in bed daydreaming,
you forget that reality is a little different...
250
00:20:05,480 --> 00:20:10,079
- Can I help you? Are you looking for someone?
- ..that the lights are different.
251
00:20:10,120 --> 00:20:14,679
That other people are present, that the words
what you wanted to say are impossible to express
252
00:20:14,720 --> 00:20:18,719
in a normal school in Oslo,
on any afternoon.
253
00:20:19,920 --> 00:20:22,119
Reality has no room for this.
254
00:20:44,680 --> 00:20:47,119
I didn't go to school that week.
255
00:20:47,160 --> 00:20:51,559
My mother thought I was sick
and in a certain sense I was
256
00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:57,039
I couldn't eat or even
to sleep, I lay in bed thinking about her.
257
00:20:57,880 --> 00:21:01,679
I was staring at a photo
which I had secretly taken in class.
258
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:08,279
I imagined him coming to see me in tears,
telling me that she missed me.
259
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:10,999
I held her close to me and consoled her.
260
00:21:11,040 --> 00:21:17,599
I thought of the two of us as a couple doing
shopping in Spain holding hands.
261
00:21:17,640 --> 00:21:22,239
But immediately afterwards I fell into despair.
I just stood there crying.
262
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:44,799
At that point I decided to go and talk to her.
263
00:21:57,000 --> 00:22:01,159
I found your address online,
but I had never been to that part of the city.
264
00:22:01,200 --> 00:22:04,919
I wandered for a long time
before finding his home.
265
00:22:24,640 --> 00:22:27,919
It was like jumping off a cliff:
266
00:22:27,960 --> 00:22:33,799
or I would have been saved and everything would be
it went well or my life would have ended.
267
00:23:54,040 --> 00:23:59,479
A year has passed since then...
and in a certain sense it's good that it's over.
268
00:23:59,520 --> 00:24:02,639
These days I rarely think about her
269
00:24:02,680 --> 00:24:05,439
and when it happens to me they are happy thoughts
270
00:24:05,480 --> 00:24:11,159
because it was beautiful
very painful of course, but beautiful.
271
00:24:11,560 --> 00:24:15,239
That's why I wrote it,
to keep him with me.
272
00:24:15,640 --> 00:24:19,479
I know I will never forget it
but memories change.
273
00:24:19,520 --> 00:24:23,919
If I had found the right words
to describe it exactly as it was,
274
00:24:23,960 --> 00:24:28,159
I could have captured him
make it more concrete
275
00:24:28,200 --> 00:24:31,679
something I could keep forever
in the palm of your hand.
276
00:24:31,720 --> 00:24:37,079
That's why I didn't want to keep it in the cloud,
I wanted to keep it with me, close to my body.
277
00:24:37,120 --> 00:24:39,199
At first I kept it on the Mac,
278
00:24:39,240 --> 00:24:43,919
then I had the idea of memorizing it on one
USB stick that Jenny gave me for Christmas.
279
00:24:43,960 --> 00:24:46,919
It's the most precious possession I have in the world.
280
00:24:46,960 --> 00:24:51,279
Still now, because it is still like this.
281
00:24:51,320 --> 00:24:56,159
It would have been different
if I had let others read it.
282
00:24:56,200 --> 00:25:01,279
I hadn't told a soul
and I was happy about it
283
00:25:01,320 --> 00:25:07,879
but when I felt alone
It made me suffer to keep it just to myself.
284
00:25:07,920 --> 00:25:11,119
So I decided to show
to my grandmother what I had written.
285
00:25:11,160 --> 00:25:16,159
She's more open than mom, and yet
I regretted it as soon as I asked him.
286
00:25:16,200 --> 00:25:21,719
And when I went to talk to her I was angry
with myself, convinced that I have ruined everything.
287
00:25:21,760 --> 00:25:26,039
I love those colors, they're beautiful.
Did you make that scarf yourself?
288
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:29,399
- No, I didn't do it. - Oh.
- I only have the one you bought me.
289
00:25:29,440 --> 00:25:31,719
I don't see anything wrong with having two.
290
00:25:31,760 --> 00:25:36,239
I never wear it, it's too hot for me,
I almost feel suffocated.
291
00:25:36,280 --> 00:25:40,519
- Already. - Yes.
- But they're not my favorite colors.
292
00:25:40,560 --> 00:25:45,319
- I understand.
- But she's beautiful. Really.
293
00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:50,279
- Have you read my manuscript?
- Yes. - And did you print it? - Yes.
294
00:25:50,320 --> 00:25:54,279
- Okay. I could see the print,
maybe later? - Yes, of course, darling.
295
00:25:54,320 --> 00:25:56,799
- Have you printed other copies?
- No.
296
00:25:56,840 --> 00:26:01,479
- I don't want anyone else to read it,
apart from you. - No, don't worry.
297
00:26:01,520 --> 00:26:04,519
- And the USB stick, do you have it?
- Yes.
298
00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:10,839
Here it is, here.
299
00:26:15,840 --> 00:26:20,679
- Aren't you telling me anything? Have you read it?
- Yes.
300
00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:26,239
I read it and wonder how you are now.
Everything you wrote was so sad.
301
00:26:26,280 --> 00:26:28,079
I'm fine now.
302
00:26:28,120 --> 00:26:34,159
Have you finished the story? You are no longer
in love? Are you still in contact with her?
303
00:26:34,200 --> 00:26:37,199
I haven't seen her in a while.
304
00:26:37,240 --> 00:26:42,999
- He doesn't teach at my school anymore.
- Ah, I didn't know, I just asked.
305
00:26:43,040 --> 00:26:46,279
- What do you think?
- About what you wrote?
306
00:26:46,320 --> 00:26:48,519
Yes, well... everything.
Don't tell me anything.
307
00:26:50,600 --> 00:26:53,679
Well, I don't know what to say.
308
00:26:53,720 --> 00:26:58,639
You wrote it for yourself, right?
Is this a way to process what happened?
309
00:26:58,680 --> 00:27:03,359
Yes... I wrote it
because I didn't want it all to disappear.
310
00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:05,399
I wanted to keep it.
311
00:27:05,440 --> 00:27:09,639
It's a way to keep him with me forever.
312
00:27:09,680 --> 00:27:14,839
It was... the best thing
I've ever tried.
313
00:27:14,880 --> 00:27:19,319
- But part of me wanted it
that someone else knew. - Oh, yes?
314
00:27:19,360 --> 00:27:23,159
Because in the end
there was no one to share with.
315
00:27:23,200 --> 00:27:27,599
Um...
It was a lonely experience.
316
00:27:27,640 --> 00:27:30,399
When something happens
wonderful or horrible,
317
00:27:30,440 --> 00:27:33,719
You would love to share it with someone.
318
00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:39,119
I understand you very well,
and I'm happy that you entrusted it to me.
319
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:43,439
And then remember that, well, you know me,
I am a poet.
320
00:27:43,480 --> 00:27:47,519
You've considered the possibility
to make it into a real book?
321
00:27:47,560 --> 00:27:52,479
- Is that why you made me read it?
To give you a hand, maybe? - No.
322
00:27:52,520 --> 00:27:57,319
No, I asked you why
there was no one else to ask,
323
00:27:57,360 --> 00:28:03,719
but I also thought that you would be the only one
who would not react negatively,
324
00:28:03,760 --> 00:28:07,079
that you wouldn't be shocked
or angry.
325
00:28:07,120 --> 00:28:09,999
Not at all. Not at all, darling.
326
00:28:11,720 --> 00:28:15,639
- So I didn't shock you?
- No. Shocked?
327
00:28:15,680 --> 00:28:20,439
Well, maybe a little.
It's actually quite disconcerting.
328
00:28:21,720 --> 00:28:24,879
- But weren't you disappointed?
- No.
329
00:28:24,920 --> 00:28:27,759
Not even for a second.
330
00:28:27,800 --> 00:28:31,839
But...
Johanne, you need to show this to your mother.
331
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:35,839
No, I don't want to. Why are you telling me this?
332
00:28:35,880 --> 00:28:39,799
You have to do it. If you don't do it, I will.
333
00:28:39,840 --> 00:28:42,919
No, but why should I?
334
00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:46,239
- He'll take it very badly!
- Listen, darling...
335
00:28:46,280 --> 00:28:52,319
I'll talk to Kristin maybe
once, twice, five, ten times a week.
336
00:28:52,360 --> 00:28:56,439
Keeping her in the dark would be embarrassing
for me, I would feel uncomfortable.
337
00:28:56,480 --> 00:29:01,439
She is your mother, after all.
I would feel like I was going behind his back.
338
00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:05,359
- That's not how we behave as a family.
- No. - No.
339
00:29:06,360 --> 00:29:09,279
Do you want me to talk to her?
I can ask you to read it.
340
00:29:09,320 --> 00:29:13,639
- But promise me you won't give her a copy.
- You can read it here.
341
00:29:13,680 --> 00:29:16,039
- And then you give it back to me right away.
- Of course.
342
00:29:16,080 --> 00:29:20,479
- And promise me you will cancel
all copies from the computer, ok? - Promise.
343
00:29:20,520 --> 00:29:25,879
I had it all wrong.
Well, not quite everything.
344
00:29:25,920 --> 00:29:28,639
In reality I had lifted a big burden from myself.
345
00:29:28,680 --> 00:29:32,399
And so I let mom read it,
346
00:29:32,440 --> 00:29:36,039
but I still think
that was the beginning of the end.
347
00:29:36,080 --> 00:29:38,039
If one can say so.
348
00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:40,639
But the end of what exactly?
349
00:29:40,680 --> 00:29:43,599
Thoughts and dreams can be wonderful.
350
00:29:43,640 --> 00:29:47,799
May contain,
look like or be what you want.
351
00:29:47,840 --> 00:29:49,839
As long as you keep them to yourself.
352
00:29:49,880 --> 00:29:54,559
When you let others in,
everything crumbles and changes.
353
00:29:54,600 --> 00:30:00,479
And that's what happened after mom
he read it, everything took a different turn.
354
00:30:31,800 --> 00:30:35,159
- What do you think?
- I feel sad.
355
00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:39,959
He didn't tell me anything.
I don't know... whether to be angry or what.
356
00:30:42,760 --> 00:30:46,999
- I need water. - Do you want some yogurt?
- No thank you. I'll have some coffee.
357
00:30:47,880 --> 00:30:49,879
Have you read it all?
358
00:30:54,240 --> 00:30:56,599
It's that...
359
00:30:56,640 --> 00:30:59,039
I can't believe I...
360
00:31:00,360 --> 00:31:03,079
that I didn't understand or notice something.
361
00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:06,759
- You had no idea?
- Not before reading it.
362
00:31:07,840 --> 00:31:12,719
- Something didn't convince me, but I didn't...
- You didn't expect this.
363
00:31:12,760 --> 00:31:15,159
Not really.
364
00:31:15,200 --> 00:31:18,479
- Can you turn off the music?
- Do it yourself.
365
00:31:37,080 --> 00:31:39,079
Usually when...
366
00:31:42,240 --> 00:31:46,199
When I think of Johanne, I think of her...
367
00:31:46,240 --> 00:31:48,839
when she was little, but...
368
00:31:50,240 --> 00:31:53,399
Now she's no longer a child,
this seems clear to me.
369
00:31:53,440 --> 00:31:57,439
And when I found myself
to read those intimate descriptions,
370
00:31:57,480 --> 00:32:02,399
while in the meantime
I thought of her as a child...
371
00:32:02,440 --> 00:32:05,999
- I mean, it confused me.
- It's pretty rough.
372
00:32:06,040 --> 00:32:09,039
- You can say it.
- What are you thinking?
373
00:32:12,280 --> 00:32:16,759
I don't know, maybe...
I should call the school, right?
374
00:32:17,760 --> 00:32:21,879
Or report it to the police
or report the teacher.
375
00:32:21,920 --> 00:32:24,879
What do you think?
376
00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:28,999
I need to talk to Johanne first
and understand what really happened.
377
00:32:29,880 --> 00:32:33,519
- Well, it's all in there.
- Are you sure?
378
00:32:33,560 --> 00:32:37,599
You know what's true
and what is invented?
379
00:32:37,640 --> 00:32:41,519
It could also be interpreted
like a fantasy story.
380
00:32:41,560 --> 00:32:46,119
Even if it's hard to believe
when writing is like this...
381
00:32:46,920 --> 00:32:50,719
How can you write something
like that if you haven't experienced it?
382
00:32:50,760 --> 00:32:53,399
It's full of details.
383
00:32:53,440 --> 00:32:56,919
- His description
of the teaching body... - Yes.
384
00:32:56,960 --> 00:33:00,559
Surely it must...
he must have seen her naked.
385
00:33:00,600 --> 00:33:06,159
I think so too. But it could also
being, I don't know, a literary device.
386
00:33:06,200 --> 00:33:08,399
You know, to create some ambiguity.
387
00:33:08,440 --> 00:33:12,279
Leave the reader free
to wonder if it really happened
388
00:33:12,320 --> 00:33:16,319
or if it just is
in the protagonist's head.
389
00:33:16,360 --> 00:33:20,319
That's what makes it so intriguing to me.
390
00:33:20,920 --> 00:33:24,359
As a reader, I mean.
It's very addictive.
391
00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:28,639
Some of the passages belong
to another world, don't you think?
392
00:33:28,680 --> 00:33:35,519
It's really well written. While I was reading it,
I almost forgot that the person who wrote it is Johanne.
393
00:33:35,560 --> 00:33:38,199
- Really?
- Yes.
394
00:33:38,240 --> 00:33:44,999
I don't think so. If that's true, if that
what is written really happened, then...
395
00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:50,119
So... it's illegal
and Johanne is the victim of abuse.
396
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:54,399
Abuse?
No, absolutely, I refuse to believe that.
397
00:33:54,440 --> 00:33:57,919
- Well, there's no way to know.
- No, but I think...
398
00:33:57,960 --> 00:34:04,239
If you can write like that, with a
great maturity and using those literary tricks,
399
00:34:04,280 --> 00:34:06,839
here, it means you're sane,
400
00:34:06,880 --> 00:34:11,799
and above all that you are aware
of a certain situation.
401
00:34:12,160 --> 00:34:15,839
There is no sign to prove it
who has experienced something painful,
402
00:34:15,880 --> 00:34:21,719
apart from heartbreak
which, of course, can do a lot of harm.
403
00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:26,999
Your daughter wrote
a beautiful love story.
404
00:34:27,040 --> 00:34:32,399
And... it wasn't written
by a victim of harassment.
405
00:34:32,440 --> 00:34:35,639
He is 17 years old,
is unable to evaluate...
406
00:34:35,680 --> 00:34:40,319
In short...
it may have been manipulated.
407
00:34:41,240 --> 00:34:47,039
It can take years to realize, it takes
time. These are things that need to be worked through.
408
00:34:47,080 --> 00:34:53,879
He wrote a 95-page story,
a detailed analysis of his emotional life.
409
00:34:53,920 --> 00:34:57,239
If that doesn't mean elaborate,
be aware,
410
00:34:57,280 --> 00:35:02,039
I really don't know how else to define it.
411
00:35:02,080 --> 00:35:05,199
- You said it was ambiguous...
- Yes. - Yes?
412
00:35:05,240 --> 00:35:09,279
Well, I agree, but this
ambiguity could be interpreted
413
00:35:09,320 --> 00:35:13,519
as an attempt to protect people
involved, protect those who harassed her.
414
00:35:13,560 --> 00:35:18,439
Enough is enough, for me you are
completely off base, Kristin.
415
00:35:18,480 --> 00:35:22,399
Maybe lately
you've been listening to a few too many podcasts.
416
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:26,119
She wrote those things for herself,
why protect anyone?
417
00:35:26,160 --> 00:35:29,839
- He asked us to read it.
It could be a cry for help. - No.
418
00:35:29,880 --> 00:35:34,479
She would have wanted us to read yes,
but later.
419
00:35:34,520 --> 00:35:39,119
He told me he wrote it for...
to keep it as it was.
420
00:35:39,160 --> 00:35:43,639
Like the Virgin Mary, she told me,
who kept his secret in his heart,
421
00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:49,199
but unlike the Virgin Mary,
instead she wanted to write it,
422
00:35:49,240 --> 00:35:55,479
to have a material account
like... like a thing, that's all.
423
00:35:55,520 --> 00:35:58,159
- Like a thing?
- Yes.
424
00:35:58,200 --> 00:36:00,439
I want to read it again.
425
00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:04,559
Be careful, he told me it was
The most beautiful experience I've ever had.
426
00:36:04,600 --> 00:36:06,679
Remember that proverb?
427
00:36:06,720 --> 00:36:12,439
"Fools rush where
angels are afraid to walk."
428
00:36:12,480 --> 00:36:17,199
- Do you want coffee or not? - It's too late,
I'm going home and reading again.
429
00:36:17,240 --> 00:36:21,399
- I promised I wouldn't give it to you.
- I'll make sure he doesn't find out.
430
00:36:21,440 --> 00:36:25,559
I should have known.
Thinking about it makes me furious.
431
00:36:25,600 --> 00:36:29,879
However, if I were in my mother's place,
432
00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:33,239
I would have insisted on taking him with me.
433
00:36:33,280 --> 00:36:38,639
For her it's not someone's life, it's just
a stack of paper with information about your daughter.
434
00:36:39,400 --> 00:36:42,039
Maybe I shouldn't have written that.
435
00:36:42,080 --> 00:36:46,839
Because we have to talk,
photograph or write about our experience,
436
00:36:46,880 --> 00:36:49,919
it's not enough to keep it to yourself
as a memory?
437
00:36:49,960 --> 00:36:54,079
A memory you can relive
as and when you like it.
438
00:36:54,120 --> 00:36:56,399
So that's something else.
439
00:36:56,440 --> 00:37:01,719
Knowing that they had read it,
Suddenly I cared about their opinion.
440
00:37:01,760 --> 00:37:06,879
If they thought it was well written...
what did they think of the content.
441
00:37:06,920 --> 00:37:10,279
I had written things about myself that they didn't know
442
00:37:10,320 --> 00:37:13,519
not to mention
A lot of sexual stuff.
443
00:37:13,560 --> 00:37:17,239
I am broad-minded,
but don't get used to hearing certain things from me
444
00:37:18,360 --> 00:37:20,599
so embarrassing things then.
445
00:37:20,640 --> 00:37:25,399
Yes, because I lied a lot
I have to confess.
446
00:37:25,440 --> 00:37:29,479
Lies to mom when I told her that
I was going to dance while I was actually at Johanna's.
447
00:37:29,520 --> 00:37:35,959
But also to Johanna. The first time
that I went to see her... I lied.
448
00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:42,119
I was going to tell her I was in love,
449
00:37:42,160 --> 00:37:46,119
but when I arrived at his house,
I didn't consider it necessary.
450
00:37:46,160 --> 00:37:52,359
Because she had never asked herself
What was I doing there and it scared me.
451
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:56,519
She just hugged me and welcomed me,
as if he were waiting for me.
452
00:37:56,600 --> 00:37:58,279
Shall we go in?
453
00:37:58,320 --> 00:38:03,479
Like: "Of course you have to stay here with me,"
This is your place."
454
00:38:03,560 --> 00:38:06,399
And that's how I felt.
455
00:38:06,480 --> 00:38:08,799
His house was so beautiful.
456
00:38:12,640 --> 00:38:15,199
Would you like a cup of tea, Johanne?
457
00:38:15,800 --> 00:38:19,079
I had a feeling
of having become someone else by entering there.
458
00:38:19,120 --> 00:38:23,479
Or rather, I had the feeling
to be who I always wanted to be.
459
00:38:27,760 --> 00:38:34,239
But something prevented me from telling her what
I had in my head, perhaps the way he spoke to me.
460
00:38:34,280 --> 00:38:40,599
He noticed that I was upset and thought
It was for school, so I played a bit.
461
00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:46,999
I told her things that weren't entirely true,
but they weren't absolute lies either.
462
00:38:47,040 --> 00:38:52,839
They were mostly things I had
discussed with my group of friends.
463
00:38:52,880 --> 00:38:56,799
- It seems to me that there is too much competition.
- I understand.
464
00:38:56,840 --> 00:39:01,439
Let's finish playing roles
which we are unable to free ourselves from.
465
00:39:02,640 --> 00:39:07,279
- And you feel like you've ended up in a role
that doesn't belong to you. - Yes, it's like...
466
00:39:07,320 --> 00:39:09,319
And even though I actually used that argument
as a kind of apology
467
00:39:12,720 --> 00:39:16,199
talk about it with Johanna
It made me feel a lot better.
468
00:39:16,240 --> 00:39:22,519
Not to brag, but I feel like I reflect
much more than my classmates,
469
00:39:22,560 --> 00:39:25,679
that I have an overall vision.
470
00:39:25,720 --> 00:39:30,239
But when I express my opinion...
471
00:39:31,640 --> 00:39:37,319
I feel like they don't take me seriously
and they look at me like I'm stupid
472
00:39:37,360 --> 00:39:40,399
and in the end I feel really stupid.
473
00:39:40,440 --> 00:39:44,999
Come on, don't cry.
You are anything but stupid.
474
00:39:45,080 --> 00:39:46,679
Really.
475
00:39:47,440 --> 00:39:53,119
I find it positive
that you take this seriously.
476
00:39:53,160 --> 00:39:55,079
You have to do it.
477
00:39:55,120 --> 00:40:00,439
If you don't take yourself seriously,
neither will the others.
478
00:40:00,480 --> 00:40:01,639
No...
479
00:40:01,680 --> 00:40:04,999
And just because you raise some serious questions,
480
00:40:05,040 --> 00:40:10,479
it doesn't mean
you can't joke, right?
481
00:40:10,560 --> 00:40:15,279
You don't have to choose one or the other.
You can do both.
482
00:40:20,000 --> 00:40:22,119
I stayed there for three hours.
483
00:40:22,160 --> 00:40:26,999
I didn't want to leave
but it was getting late.
484
00:40:27,040 --> 00:40:31,399
As we said goodbye, I asked her
compliments on your sweater.
485
00:40:31,440 --> 00:40:35,839
I told her I liked her a lot
and that I would like to learn to knit.
486
00:40:35,880 --> 00:40:39,839
He replied that he could teach me
487
00:40:39,920 --> 00:40:42,199
and so we agreed.
488
00:40:42,240 --> 00:40:46,759
When I came back
he would have taught me to knit.
489
00:40:46,880 --> 00:40:52,079
It was incredible, but not surprising
like what happened next
490
00:40:52,160 --> 00:40:58,599
because then he grabbed my scarf
and wrapped it around my neck.
491
00:40:58,680 --> 00:41:05,719
It happened so fast and I was so surprised
that I could barely make sense of.
492
00:41:06,400 --> 00:41:11,119
And then we hugged
but it didn't feel like a normal hug.
493
00:41:12,200 --> 00:41:16,279
I mean... she was so close to me.
494
00:41:16,320 --> 00:41:21,119
I felt our thighs
that they touched each other and it didn't last long,
495
00:41:21,160 --> 00:41:27,639
but I think, or rather I'm almost certain, that too
For her it wasn't a normal hug.
496
00:41:36,680 --> 00:41:39,879
So I started going to her,
I went back there every Monday.
497
00:41:39,920 --> 00:41:44,319
I skipped dance lessons
to always visit her in secret.
498
00:41:44,360 --> 00:41:47,439
And since my mother
he thought I was at dance
499
00:41:47,480 --> 00:41:51,319
I took a detour while passing by
from the studio, just to be safe.
500
00:42:09,800 --> 00:42:11,799
It's strange how this part of the city is
changes from one block to another.
501
00:42:15,480 --> 00:42:19,999
From the Botanical Gardens, where grandmother meets
her friends for walks and coffee,
502
00:42:20,040 --> 00:42:25,039
to Motzfeldt Street, which is like entering
in a completely different society
503
00:42:25,080 --> 00:42:31,279
where people love different things
and they share the same faith...
504
00:42:31,320 --> 00:42:33,919
unlike us.
505
00:42:57,440 --> 00:43:01,519
Once I asked my mother and grandmother
because we don't believe in anything.
506
00:43:01,560 --> 00:43:06,439
And mom said she believes in love,
in democracy and freedom of speech.
507
00:43:06,480 --> 00:43:11,239
This made grandma sad,
because she believes in God and finds comfort in him.
508
00:43:11,280 --> 00:43:16,359
"Freedom of speech will not hold your hand
on his deathbed," he said.
509
00:43:38,160 --> 00:43:41,559
At the end of Motzfeldt Street
you cross a square.
510
00:43:41,600 --> 00:43:45,199
Then there are only a few steps left
to Johanna's apartment.
511
00:43:45,240 --> 00:43:47,559
You find different types of people here.
512
00:43:47,600 --> 00:43:51,759
People who will never set foot
in the botanical garden or in Motzfeldt street.
513
00:43:56,200 --> 00:43:57,519
It's so strange.
514
00:43:57,560 --> 00:44:02,839
You cross a pedestrian bridge in the
stronghold of capitalism, as grandma would say,
515
00:44:03,320 --> 00:44:05,919
where the people
They seem to live and breathe money.
516
00:44:24,120 --> 00:44:26,479
I don't know why Johanna lived there.
517
00:44:26,600 --> 00:44:29,599
She was so different from the others who live there.
518
00:44:29,640 --> 00:44:31,639
It wasn't his apartment.
519
00:44:31,680 --> 00:44:35,879
It belonged to a woman he knew and who
he spent most of his time abroad.
520
00:44:35,920 --> 00:44:39,119
When I asked who he was,
Johanna fell silent.
521
00:44:52,280 --> 00:44:54,639
I've been to Johanna nine times.
522
00:44:55,240 --> 00:44:58,839
And every time I felt
as if I knew the way a little better.
523
00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:01,799
As if I felt it more mine every time.
524
00:45:01,840 --> 00:45:05,279
Whatever it was,
I felt I was growing.
525
00:45:05,320 --> 00:45:08,399
As if you were me
transforming into someone else.
526
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:17,119
I started thinking of other words.
527
00:45:17,160 --> 00:45:20,079
Shale. Wool. Water.
528
00:45:22,680 --> 00:45:27,879
Everything I associated with Johanna opened
my world and made my life bigger.
529
00:45:31,800 --> 00:45:36,959
It was so nice to be there,
being in the same room, doing our own thing.
530
00:45:37,480 --> 00:45:40,639
It seemed to me that it was exactly that
to be a couple.
531
00:45:45,880 --> 00:45:47,919
I learned to knit.
532
00:45:47,960 --> 00:45:51,919
I knew the basics,
but not much more.
533
00:45:52,800 --> 00:45:59,079
As Johanna said: "It's an art in itself
and to master it, you have to practice it."
534
00:45:59,120 --> 00:46:01,719
"It has to become muscle memory."
535
00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:06,679
"A sensitivity acquired through
the experience, which at first almost hurts
536
00:46:06,720 --> 00:46:09,919
because it is clumsy and clumsy
537
00:46:09,960 --> 00:46:13,479
but then, when you learn it
It's for life."
538
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:18,119
I've often thought
How safe I felt being there.
539
00:46:18,960 --> 00:46:23,839
I couldn't read her mind
but I think she liked it too.
540
00:46:23,880 --> 00:46:26,479
I'm almost certain of it
541
00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:29,639
because sometimes it seemed
don't want me to go away.
542
00:46:29,680 --> 00:46:35,439
He sat very close to me and I felt
as if we were about to... well, kiss.
543
00:46:36,000 --> 00:46:38,879
- The more you practice the better you become.
- Mm-mm.
544
00:46:39,640 --> 00:46:44,239
Then he walked away
as if nothing had happened.
545
00:46:44,280 --> 00:46:46,359
But I understood that she liked me.
546
00:46:46,400 --> 00:46:50,799
He told me he thought
that I was a wonderful person.
547
00:46:50,840 --> 00:46:53,439
This made me nervous.
548
00:46:55,120 --> 00:46:58,559
Other times it almost seemed
that he was playing with me,
549
00:46:58,600 --> 00:47:00,759
but this made everything more special.
550
00:47:00,800 --> 00:47:03,959
You're not kidding
someone you don't like, right?
551
00:48:38,680 --> 00:48:43,079
She's not as old as her mother,
but he's an adult, anyway.
552
00:48:43,120 --> 00:48:46,119
She reminds me of one of my cousins,
who is 20 years old.
553
00:48:47,000 --> 00:48:51,519
They have the same skin.
Incredibly soft.
554
00:48:52,720 --> 00:48:54,519
So...
555
00:48:54,840 --> 00:48:57,639
It was an overwhelming feeling.
556
00:48:58,240 --> 00:49:01,079
Just looking at her drove me crazy.
557
00:49:01,680 --> 00:49:03,719
The only thing I wanted was to touch her.
558
00:49:03,760 --> 00:49:07,519
And I was disappointed every time
that I was leaving without having done so.
559
00:49:10,840 --> 00:49:15,239
- I know her and her friends
they saw porn. - Did you talk to her?
560
00:49:15,280 --> 00:49:20,359
No, I reread the manuscript yesterday.
Today she is at school.
561
00:49:20,400 --> 00:49:23,199
And when I read it again I was so...
562
00:49:24,280 --> 00:49:28,359
I started thinking about other things,
for example to me.
563
00:49:28,400 --> 00:49:30,799
It's so beautiful!
564
00:49:30,840 --> 00:49:33,839
I had no idea
that he could write that way.
565
00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:38,479
I got so carried away
I forgot I was reading about Johanne.
566
00:49:38,520 --> 00:49:42,439
- That's exactly what I told you yesterday.
- Oh, yes? - Yes.
567
00:49:42,480 --> 00:49:47,159
I actually remembered
of how beautiful it was to be in love.
568
00:49:48,840 --> 00:49:52,719
The tenderness you feel when you love
I miss another person so much.
569
00:49:52,760 --> 00:49:55,479
I thought of all those
who I slept with,
570
00:49:55,520 --> 00:49:59,759
those warm bodies
that are no longer part of my life.
571
00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:02,799
- Have you slept with many people?
- Yes.
572
00:50:03,640 --> 00:50:06,559
More than you, I suppose.
573
00:50:06,600 --> 00:50:11,759
I made my debut at the age of 14.
Sexually, I mean.
574
00:50:11,800 --> 00:50:14,279
As a writer when I was 31.
575
00:50:14,320 --> 00:50:18,999
The first one was a little early perhaps,
the second was too late.
576
00:50:19,920 --> 00:50:24,559
- I have to admit that I cried a little.
- What? - Yes.
577
00:50:24,600 --> 00:50:29,679
After reading it I felt...
older.
578
00:50:29,720 --> 00:50:34,679
Jesus, you're not old!
If I were old, I would have been dead long ago.
579
00:50:34,720 --> 00:50:38,519
You know, I asked Johanne
580
00:50:38,560 --> 00:50:45,159
if he wanted me to read it to have
just my opinion... professional.
581
00:50:45,240 --> 00:50:49,719
- Are you going to publish it?
- Yes, that was my first thought.
582
00:50:50,680 --> 00:50:54,959
Seriously?
Do you really think it could become a book?
583
00:50:55,000 --> 00:50:59,399
I was ready to call my editor
and ask to take a look at it.
584
00:50:59,480 --> 00:51:05,159
He can't refuse something
so beautiful, it's really well written,
585
00:51:05,200 --> 00:51:08,119
but maybe that's not the case.
586
00:51:08,160 --> 00:51:12,759
- Why not? - It was not conceived
to be published, she wrote it for herself.
587
00:51:12,800 --> 00:51:19,599
- It's his life. - It would be his life too
if it were published, nothing would change.
588
00:51:19,680 --> 00:51:22,599
What? What is it?
589
00:51:23,440 --> 00:51:26,399
What? Mom, I'm just thinking out loud.
590
00:51:26,440 --> 00:51:32,159
Yesterday you said he was a victim of abuse and now
are you convinced that it should be published?
591
00:51:32,200 --> 00:51:39,079
I reacted instinctively. Now I see it
like a little jewel, a feminist text.
592
00:51:39,120 --> 00:51:42,599
Of course you passed quickly
from abuse to feminism.
593
00:51:42,640 --> 00:51:45,359
I would like to go up there.
594
00:51:45,400 --> 00:51:48,359
There is an internal conflict
in your head, huh?
595
00:51:48,400 --> 00:51:51,759
You can't make sense of it, because...
596
00:51:51,840 --> 00:51:54,239
Oh, are those the Brontë sisters?
597
00:51:55,600 --> 00:51:59,199
- Are you looking for mushrooms?
- Yes. - How did it go?
598
00:51:59,240 --> 00:52:03,039
- It's a little late now, but someone
We found it. - Not many.
599
00:52:03,080 --> 00:52:05,639
Chanterelles, already frozen!
600
00:52:05,680 --> 00:52:11,839
- Isn't it getting dark? - Not yet.
- Yes, but let's keep looking a little longer.
601
00:52:11,880 --> 00:52:15,119
- Yes, you never know!
- We're not holding you back.
602
00:52:15,160 --> 00:52:17,559
- Have a nice walk.
- You too. - Good luck.
603
00:52:17,600 --> 00:52:20,319
- You are prejudiced against me.
- Stop it!
604
00:52:20,360 --> 00:52:24,839
I think we should just use
our resources. I can't even say it?
605
00:52:24,920 --> 00:52:30,279
- Just the fact that you use the word resources
it gives me shivers. - My God! Okay.
606
00:52:30,320 --> 00:52:34,199
Then you might as well shut up, if you have
objections even to the words I use!
607
00:52:34,240 --> 00:52:37,239
You know, I remember it very very clearly.
608
00:52:37,280 --> 00:52:40,159
- Do you remember when we have
saw "Flashdance" ages ago? - Yes, certainly.
609
00:52:40,200 --> 00:52:45,359
It was the first time I felt stupid
because I had a different opinion than yours.
610
00:52:45,400 --> 00:52:47,799
I loved that movie.
I was ten years old.
611
00:52:47,840 --> 00:52:52,359
And you tore him to pieces, as if he were the worst
films of the world, a crime against humanity.
612
00:52:52,480 --> 00:52:57,679
- Do you remember? - Well, it was a terrible movie.
Kristin, please listen to me.
613
00:52:57,760 --> 00:53:01,199
I am part of a generation
who has been on the barricades
614
00:53:01,240 --> 00:53:03,479
well before we reached puberty,
615
00:53:03,520 --> 00:53:07,199
and we fought for our rights,
for equality.
616
00:53:07,240 --> 00:53:10,559
So when you wanted to watch "Flashdance",
I thought:
617
00:53:10,600 --> 00:53:15,199
"It's fantastic!
Finally a film about a welder."
618
00:53:15,240 --> 00:53:20,159
She was surrounded by men, but not
this seemed to bother her in the slightest.
619
00:53:20,200 --> 00:53:23,039
So I thought, "Long live equality!"
620
00:53:23,080 --> 00:53:26,799
- But actually the movie
he didn't talk about this at all. - No.
621
00:53:26,840 --> 00:53:30,719
He spoke of his desire
to be a sexy dancer.
622
00:53:30,760 --> 00:53:34,999
It only strengthened
I am a sexist female stereotype
623
00:53:35,040 --> 00:53:37,639
that we had fought
hard for a long time!
624
00:53:37,680 --> 00:53:40,719
You don't understand that movie
it was a huge disappointment
625
00:53:40,760 --> 00:53:45,239
and it had repercussions on all of that
for which I had worked for years!
626
00:53:45,280 --> 00:53:48,199
- Do you understand it or not?
- You said it many times, but I liked it.
627
00:53:48,240 --> 00:53:51,199
I was ten years old,
I just wanted to dance.
628
00:53:51,240 --> 00:53:56,959
- You could have at least left me that joy!
- But I even bought you the soundtrack!
629
00:53:57,000 --> 00:53:58,919
But I couldn't enjoy it.
630
00:53:58,960 --> 00:54:03,759
You robbed me of that joy by making me
understand that it was wrong for me to like it.
631
00:54:03,840 --> 00:54:06,639
Maybe it was a good thing
that robbed you of that joy.
632
00:54:06,680 --> 00:54:10,079
It's not right to enjoy
something so wrong!
633
00:54:10,120 --> 00:54:15,319
It's almost comparable
to those mass gatherings that... that the...
634
00:54:15,360 --> 00:54:18,399
that the Nazis organized in Nuremberg.
635
00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:20,719
I'm sure
which was a lot of fun for them.
636
00:54:21,360 --> 00:54:25,559
- I'm sure people loved them, but I didn't
I'm allowed to criticize them. - What nonsense!
637
00:54:25,600 --> 00:54:29,679
- Why can't I make a criticism?
- Ok, let's take "Flashdance".
638
00:54:29,720 --> 00:54:33,079
It can be interpreted as a story
about social mobility, right?
639
00:54:33,120 --> 00:54:36,719
The protagonist had already proven herself
in a job dominated by men,
640
00:54:36,760 --> 00:54:38,919
and then he chose another path.
641
00:54:38,960 --> 00:54:44,079
I still think we lost something
with your generation, you are so short-sighted.
642
00:54:44,120 --> 00:54:47,719
And I'm allowed to say
which I think is a wonderful book.
643
00:54:56,320 --> 00:54:59,119
- Press, is the light on?
- Yes, I do... No.
644
00:54:59,160 --> 00:55:02,399
- Try again. - Easier to say
than to do it. - Hey! Is there anyone here?
645
00:55:02,440 --> 00:55:06,239
- Is it on? - Done.
- Greetings! - Greetings!
646
00:55:06,280 --> 00:55:11,239
- They are the Brontë sisters.
- Do you know where the path is? - We're over it.
647
00:55:12,400 --> 00:55:17,999
- Oh, my God! We can walk
with you to the parking lot? - Of course!
648
00:55:18,040 --> 00:55:20,079
This way.
649
00:55:20,680 --> 00:55:28,239
- Is anyone afraid of the dark? - Yes. - A little, but
I read poems aloud to myself. It gives me strength.
650
00:55:28,280 --> 00:55:34,239
"There is no other strength than inner strength
and it comes from the outside."
651
00:55:34,280 --> 00:55:36,519
- This is Ekelöf.
- Yes.
652
00:55:36,560 --> 00:55:40,039
"Like the magic name
that your parents gave you
653
00:55:40,080 --> 00:55:43,599
to protect you from the darkness
and lack of self-esteem,
654
00:55:43,640 --> 00:55:47,759
to set you apart from thousands of others
almost identical to you."
655
00:55:47,800 --> 00:55:51,999
"Yet you are nameless
like night and darkness."
656
00:55:52,040 --> 00:55:59,719
“In truth, you are nobody.”
657
00:56:09,600 --> 00:56:13,599
- You went to dance class
all this time? - Yes.
658
00:56:23,160 --> 00:56:25,239
Is it mine?
659
00:56:26,160 --> 00:56:28,159
Yes.
660
00:56:28,240 --> 00:56:30,599
Did you have to read it right here?
661
00:56:33,160 --> 00:56:37,839
- It's the only copy, you know.
- Yes, I know. - It's mine.
662
00:56:41,560 --> 00:56:43,679
How are you doing?
663
00:56:50,920 --> 00:56:54,879
I'm sorry I lied to you.
664
00:57:00,960 --> 00:57:04,039
I have been to Johanna's very often
665
00:57:04,080 --> 00:57:08,239
and I told you I was with Jenny or at the dance.
666
00:57:11,080 --> 00:57:13,159
There's no problem.
667
00:57:16,120 --> 00:57:18,199
Come here.
668
00:57:25,520 --> 00:57:27,399
Everything's fine.
669
00:57:33,000 --> 00:57:35,919
- Aren't you angry?
- No, why should I?
670
00:57:37,560 --> 00:57:39,839
I'm not angry.
671
00:57:40,840 --> 00:57:43,079
That's wonderful, Johanne.
672
00:57:44,960 --> 00:57:47,319
Come here.
673
00:57:54,160 --> 00:57:57,039
What you wrote is wonderful.
674
00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:03,319
Everything you've been through
and I didn't know anything about...
675
00:58:06,400 --> 00:58:12,239
But I have to ask you.
Everything you wrote... is it true?
676
00:58:14,120 --> 00:58:16,999
I talked about myself.
I wrote about my life.
677
00:58:17,040 --> 00:58:20,359
- But is it true?
- What do you mean?
678
00:58:22,080 --> 00:58:23,519
Um...
679
00:58:25,360 --> 00:58:29,559
Okay, it happened
something you didn't want?
680
00:58:29,600 --> 00:58:31,319
Certain!
681
00:58:31,840 --> 00:58:34,239
He didn't want me, unfortunately.
682
00:58:34,840 --> 00:58:38,279
- I guess you were hoping to get together with her.
- Yes.
683
00:58:40,240 --> 00:58:44,919
The penultimate time we are here
views we were so close
684
00:58:44,960 --> 00:58:48,439
and I think so
who wanted it as much as I did.
685
00:58:51,200 --> 00:58:55,759
We were sitting there, chatting
and been knitting for hours.
686
00:58:55,840 --> 00:59:00,799
Johanna's house is so warm, like
if the radiators were always at maximum.
687
00:59:00,880 --> 00:59:04,079
I liked it a lot
because it's always a little cold here.
688
00:59:04,120 --> 00:59:07,799
But... the heat made me sleepy.
689
00:59:07,840 --> 00:59:12,199
Johanna, instead of advising me to go home,
690
00:59:12,240 --> 00:59:16,599
He told me I could take a nap on the couch
691
00:59:16,640 --> 00:59:19,079
while she was making tea.
692
00:59:19,120 --> 00:59:25,639
And then I lay down and followed her with it
look, as he walked around the apartment.
693
00:59:26,880 --> 00:59:29,119
And it was so beautiful
694
00:59:29,160 --> 00:59:34,799
because at that moment it seemed to me
I really belong there.
695
00:59:35,920 --> 00:59:38,959
I was convinced that too
she was in love with me.
696
00:59:39,000 --> 00:59:42,079
You feel it, right, in your body,
697
00:59:42,120 --> 00:59:45,119
when someone
He doesn't want you to leave?
698
01:00:05,960 --> 01:00:08,319
It's unmistakable.
699
01:00:08,360 --> 01:00:10,359
You can feel it...
700
01:00:10,640 --> 01:00:14,359
on the skin and in the body.
701
01:00:15,280 --> 01:00:18,999
Everything trembles, everything falls to pieces.
702
01:00:20,640 --> 01:00:23,359
I was sure she felt that way too.
703
01:00:33,160 --> 01:00:36,759
It was the first time
that we were completely...
704
01:00:37,800 --> 01:00:40,439
It was as if we were one.
705
01:00:41,000 --> 01:00:42,399
But...
706
01:00:42,440 --> 01:00:46,119
- What's wrong?
- Nothing, everything is fine.
707
01:00:47,120 --> 01:00:50,119
- Has something happened?
- Um...
708
01:00:51,880 --> 01:00:59,239
There are so many things you want to share with
someone, but unfortunately you can't afford it.
709
01:01:00,680 --> 01:01:03,079
- You can do it with me, if you want.
- Certain.
710
01:01:03,720 --> 01:01:06,279
You are really sweet.
711
01:01:06,320 --> 01:01:09,439
Sometimes I think
that you know me better than people
712
01:01:09,480 --> 01:01:13,839
that I have been frequenting for so long now,
maybe too much.
713
01:01:13,920 --> 01:01:18,879
But for some things I think there is no choice,
714
01:01:18,920 --> 01:01:21,359
you have to face them alone.
715
01:01:23,680 --> 01:01:27,439
Now I think it would be better
that you go home, Johanne.
716
01:01:28,200 --> 01:01:32,679
- I can stay with you... - No, really,
I thank you. I need some time alone.
717
01:01:32,720 --> 01:01:35,199
I didn't know what to do, I didn't want to leave.
718
01:01:35,240 --> 01:01:37,759
I just wanted...
719
01:01:37,800 --> 01:01:40,119
I wanted to hug her.
720
01:01:40,360 --> 01:01:43,919
She was so upset.
And so was I.
721
01:01:43,960 --> 01:01:49,599
And because I saw his pain,
and because I wasn't able to help her.
722
01:01:51,280 --> 01:01:53,999
It was terrible.
723
01:01:54,560 --> 01:01:58,159
I sent her a message
as soon as I left,
724
01:01:58,200 --> 01:02:01,839
telling her I was
thinking with all my heart.
725
01:02:01,880 --> 01:02:06,479
I told her she could call me any
moment and that he was the best person in the world.
726
01:02:07,840 --> 01:02:12,879
It was terrible, because when I was there
it really felt like we were a couple.
727
01:02:12,920 --> 01:02:17,199
Then I don't know what happened,
I just know it's over.
728
01:02:18,280 --> 01:02:22,639
I've never felt anything like this, Mom.
Never.
729
01:02:22,680 --> 01:02:24,919
But then he responded to my messages.
730
01:02:24,960 --> 01:02:27,959
He wrote to me
that she had really enjoyed having me there
731
01:02:28,000 --> 01:02:31,719
and that he wanted me to come back the next day.
732
01:02:32,920 --> 01:02:36,159
The next day, however,
canceled due to an unexpected event.
733
01:02:36,200 --> 01:02:38,559
At least that's what he wrote to me.
734
01:02:38,600 --> 01:02:41,759
And she didn't even come to school,
so I called her.
735
01:02:41,800 --> 01:02:46,479
It was very nice.
She was happy to hear from me.
736
01:02:46,520 --> 01:02:51,199
He had a stomach problem
and he had to rest.
737
01:02:51,240 --> 01:02:56,799
And she was also menstruating,
so it was a little subdued.
738
01:02:57,160 --> 01:03:00,719
We texted each other a lot.
I tried to cheer her up.
739
01:03:00,760 --> 01:03:06,039
I wrote things like:
"Please, get well soon, darling."
740
01:03:08,320 --> 01:03:11,679
But I also remember writing
741
01:03:11,720 --> 01:03:14,319
that I care a lot about her.
742
01:03:15,160 --> 01:03:19,359
Then I regretted it immediately afterwards.
743
01:03:19,960 --> 01:03:24,719
Except she answered me immediately,
he sent me a lot of hearts.
744
01:03:24,800 --> 01:03:26,919
“I care about you too,” he wrote.
745
01:03:26,960 --> 01:03:30,599
Then she told me she was very happy
to know that I cared about her too.
746
01:03:30,640 --> 01:03:36,239
I wrote back to her saying I could go
to her immediately if he needed help,
747
01:03:36,280 --> 01:03:38,239
that I could cook for her.
748
01:03:38,280 --> 01:03:41,079
But he didn't tell me,
he didn't tell me anything more.
749
01:03:41,520 --> 01:03:43,439
This happened before Easter.
750
01:03:43,480 --> 01:03:46,159
Then at Easter we went to the cabin...
751
01:03:47,120 --> 01:03:49,159
and I got sick too.
752
01:03:49,200 --> 01:03:51,919
I felt very bad,
I was truly devastated.
753
01:03:52,280 --> 01:03:55,999
I just couldn't understand
why he hadn't responded to me.
754
01:03:56,840 --> 01:04:00,439
Well, then he answered me, but it was very short.
755
01:04:00,480 --> 01:04:04,639
I told her I was at the cabin
and I asked her how she was.
756
01:04:05,280 --> 01:04:07,679
I told her I was sick too.
757
01:04:07,720 --> 01:04:11,599
She wrote: "Poor thing, get well soon."
758
01:04:11,640 --> 01:04:15,359
To which I replied:
"Poor things, not poor things."
759
01:04:15,400 --> 01:04:18,799
I imagined us being sick together.
760
01:04:18,840 --> 01:04:21,559
Even though we were far away.
761
01:04:22,480 --> 01:04:25,959
One sunny day I sent her a photo.
762
01:04:26,280 --> 01:04:29,079
And she replied with a photo.
763
01:04:29,680 --> 01:04:34,679
It belonged to her and a friend of hers,
they were taking a walk in the city.
764
01:04:34,720 --> 01:04:40,239
He didn't tell me he was better
so I was very surprised.
765
01:04:40,280 --> 01:04:43,079
I started imagining it
766
01:04:43,120 --> 01:04:47,319
while meeting people
and he lived in moments when I wasn't there.
767
01:04:47,400 --> 01:04:49,559
And...
768
01:04:49,680 --> 01:04:52,239
It was now evident
that we were drifting apart.
769
01:04:52,280 --> 01:04:55,519
I then wrote to her
telling her how I felt.
770
01:04:55,560 --> 01:04:59,479
He just told me
that I didn't have to worry.
771
01:04:59,520 --> 01:05:03,559
And then I sent her a photo
of my knitting.
772
01:05:03,600 --> 01:05:09,199
I asked her if she could help me.
To which she replied: "Of course!".
773
01:05:09,240 --> 01:05:14,599
He wrote "sure"
with an exclamation point and a few smileys.
774
01:05:14,640 --> 01:05:20,879
So we decided that I would
went to see her the following Tuesday.
775
01:05:24,880 --> 01:05:27,039
It was a relief to see her again.
776
01:05:27,080 --> 01:05:28,999
How nice to see you!
777
01:05:29,040 --> 01:05:36,319
At first it seemed like he hadn't changed
nothing since the last time we saw each other.
778
01:05:36,360 --> 01:05:40,479
It was as if we had started again
where we left off.
779
01:05:40,520 --> 01:05:47,159
But in reality it wasn't the same thing.
She was different, she was more restless and silly.
780
01:05:47,200 --> 01:05:49,279
It's very different.
781
01:05:49,960 --> 01:05:54,159
- How strange, what did you change? - Nothing,
I just got rid of the junk.
782
01:05:54,200 --> 01:05:58,039
And he continued to ramble,
joking about things I didn't understand.
783
01:05:58,080 --> 01:06:02,599
Maybe he was teasing me about having them
sent so many messages on Easter.
784
01:06:02,640 --> 01:06:05,639
Well, he didn't really make fun of me,
785
01:06:05,680 --> 01:06:10,399
but I had the impression
that he thought I had exaggerated.
786
01:06:11,480 --> 01:06:13,719
But the strangest thing...
787
01:06:15,240 --> 01:06:18,959
It was that she was so busy
to tidy up because he wasn't looking at me.
788
01:06:19,000 --> 01:06:21,919
He talked a lot, but he didn't look at me.
789
01:06:21,960 --> 01:06:27,959
And his way of speaking was too
nervous, over the top, as if excited...
790
01:06:28,000 --> 01:06:30,159
Maybe a little.
791
01:06:30,200 --> 01:06:33,719
As happens when something worries you
792
01:06:33,760 --> 01:06:37,079
and you try to pretend that everything is fine.
793
01:06:37,120 --> 01:06:39,759
I wanted to show you the knitting.
794
01:06:39,800 --> 01:06:42,039
I wasn't really there and neither was she.
795
01:06:42,080 --> 01:06:45,599
You're the one who told me
that your grandmother knits, right?
796
01:06:47,320 --> 01:06:50,879
Then the doorbell rang
and she rushed to the door.
797
01:06:50,920 --> 01:06:53,319
- It was another woman.
- Look who's here!
798
01:06:53,360 --> 01:06:59,399
At first I thought that was it
of the photo he sent me at Easter.
799
01:06:59,440 --> 01:07:01,719
But no.
800
01:07:01,800 --> 01:07:06,479
It was clear that she had invited her
and who was waiting for her.
801
01:07:06,520 --> 01:07:10,839
The other one also had a strange attitude.
802
01:07:11,000 --> 01:07:13,359
As if he were faking something.
803
01:07:13,400 --> 01:07:17,279
He looked around.
He didn't seem to recognize the house.
804
01:07:17,320 --> 01:07:21,759
And in any case he looked just like it
of whom she had been invited to dinner.
805
01:07:21,800 --> 01:07:25,479
She was all pretty and made up.
He was waiting for her, I'm sure of it.
806
01:07:25,520 --> 01:07:29,759
- I forgot that this is your studio.
- You have to be creative. - Yes.
807
01:07:29,800 --> 01:07:32,839
- This is Johanne, one of my students.
- Oh.
808
01:07:32,880 --> 01:07:35,839
- Johanne and Johanna. Cute.
- Yes.
809
01:07:35,880 --> 01:07:38,239
This is Frøydis.
810
01:07:38,320 --> 01:07:43,599
- I'm not sure how to define you.
- You could consider me a student like her.
811
01:07:43,640 --> 01:07:48,759
- Frøydis studies at the Academy.
Where I studied. - Mm-mm.
812
01:07:48,800 --> 01:07:54,639
- Do you give her private lessons? - No, I'm just there
helping with knitting. - Ah... - Mm-mm.
813
01:07:54,680 --> 01:07:56,999
- But Johanne was already leaving.
- Okay.
814
01:07:57,040 --> 01:07:59,239
Enough, I'm going to change.
815
01:08:01,280 --> 01:08:04,559
- Do you want a glass of wine?
- Of course, very willingly.
816
01:08:09,280 --> 01:08:11,679
Johanna is great with the shirt.
817
01:08:12,160 --> 01:08:14,679
He has so many beautiful sweaters.
818
01:08:14,840 --> 01:08:18,439
- You have some really nice sweaters, Johanna!
- Thank you!
819
01:08:20,000 --> 01:08:23,519
You're in high school, right?
820
01:08:24,480 --> 01:08:26,719
Um... yes.
821
01:08:26,760 --> 01:08:31,599
- I told you she's my student.
- Oh, yes, yes, you told me before.
822
01:08:31,640 --> 01:08:35,559
She was also my teacher.
There are many of us.
823
01:08:37,080 --> 01:08:41,719
You have really nice hair, you know?
I wish I had them just like yours.
824
01:08:43,200 --> 01:08:46,879
- Do you need help?
- No, no, that's fine.
825
01:08:46,920 --> 01:08:50,079
I felt so stupid,
like a little girl.
826
01:08:51,040 --> 01:08:56,479
The way he touched my hair.
He was so contemptuous, so hypocritical.
827
01:08:56,520 --> 01:08:58,639
Yes, yes.
828
01:09:01,120 --> 01:09:04,799
And then I left.
829
01:09:10,320 --> 01:09:12,719
I felt like I was dead.
830
01:09:12,760 --> 01:09:17,199
Have you ever felt like this,
completely lifeless
831
01:09:17,240 --> 01:09:20,479
but still forced to move forward?
832
01:09:20,520 --> 01:09:23,879
Which seems impossible
and completely useless
833
01:09:23,920 --> 01:09:26,759
because without her nothing matters.
834
01:09:36,760 --> 01:09:41,799
I understand it was painful,
but you will recover.
835
01:09:43,320 --> 01:09:45,359
You will find someone else.
836
01:09:47,760 --> 01:09:50,559
I want to love only her.
837
01:09:51,400 --> 01:09:53,519
Not someone else.
838
01:10:06,720 --> 01:10:11,439
It was a relief not to have to
No more hiding anything from my mother.
839
01:10:11,480 --> 01:10:15,399
But it meant that what I had written
it was no longer a secret.
840
01:10:15,440 --> 01:10:18,519
So I stopped
of being so afraid of spreading it.
841
01:10:18,560 --> 01:10:22,439
And when my mother and my grandmother
they suggested showing it to the publisher,
842
01:10:22,480 --> 01:10:26,799
just like that, without obligation
It seemed like an interesting idea to me.
843
01:10:26,840 --> 01:10:30,319
- When was it, last fall, right?
- Ha-ha.
844
01:10:30,360 --> 01:10:34,079
- The audience was here, along the path.
- It is true.
845
01:10:34,160 --> 01:10:38,759
I remember it was all full of dancers,
and then there was that golden glow
846
01:10:38,800 --> 01:10:42,479
which reminded me
the famous story of...
847
01:10:42,520 --> 01:10:46,439
Who was he? Jacob.
Jacob's ladder, in the Bible.
848
01:10:46,480 --> 01:10:51,399
When he dreamed of seeing a gigantic one
stairway that would lead up to heaven.
849
01:10:51,440 --> 01:10:55,879
- As if it were a deep inner desire.
- Yes, a wish from God.
850
01:10:55,920 --> 01:10:59,199
Probable.
Whatever God is.
851
01:11:00,400 --> 01:11:04,519
It was different than that
that people imagined, but...
852
01:11:04,560 --> 01:11:08,039
but ultimately it was almost sensual.
853
01:11:08,080 --> 01:11:13,879
And at the same time it was...
really touching, you know? Really!
854
01:11:13,920 --> 01:11:17,039
And I think that was due to the dancers.
855
01:11:17,080 --> 01:11:20,559
- There was no vanity in them.
- Yes, it's true.
856
01:11:20,640 --> 01:11:25,679
They behaved simply,
as if they were normal people.
857
01:11:25,760 --> 01:11:32,479
I think everyone in the audience has
felt some kind of comfort, actually.
858
01:11:32,520 --> 01:11:37,559
And this... this,
pay attention to the comparison,
859
01:11:37,640 --> 01:11:43,439
it was the same feeling I felt
when I read your niece's manuscript.
860
01:11:43,520 --> 01:11:46,999
- Seriously?
- Yes. It made me happy.
861
01:11:47,040 --> 01:11:50,519
Life suddenly
it seemed simple to me.
862
01:11:50,560 --> 01:11:55,759
I felt the need to go out,
to be more present in the world.
863
01:11:55,800 --> 01:12:00,559
I'm very happy. Few books have you
had this effect. Not mine, at least.
864
01:12:00,640 --> 01:12:06,319
Yes, but you've never written like this,
so vulnerable and brutally honest.
865
01:12:06,360 --> 01:12:11,719
Why write like this,
with a direct, simple and unreserved style,
866
01:12:11,800 --> 01:12:14,439
it's an extremely difficult thing.
867
01:12:14,480 --> 01:12:18,519
Maybe this is also what gives him...
er, pathos, right?
868
01:12:18,640 --> 01:12:21,599
- Because there's certainly a lot of pathos.
- It is true.
869
01:12:21,640 --> 01:12:23,999
It never seems boring to me.
870
01:12:24,040 --> 01:12:28,079
It always turns out very...
very pleasant to read.
871
01:12:28,160 --> 01:12:32,719
There are... expressions like...
872
01:12:32,760 --> 01:12:36,239
- Um... "secret skin", right?
- Ah, yes, I remember it well.
873
01:12:36,280 --> 01:12:39,079
- How did you come up with this?
- I think he got that from me.
874
01:12:39,120 --> 01:12:41,639
Well, not really from me, but from Lars.
875
01:12:41,680 --> 01:12:45,079
Gyllensten.
Every now and then I mention it.
876
01:12:45,120 --> 01:12:51,239
"Skin of the thighs,
of the belly, of the shoulders, secret skin."
877
01:12:51,320 --> 01:12:56,199
"Skin of the chest, arms, thighs."
878
01:12:56,240 --> 01:13:03,959
"Skin of the belly against... the groin,
skin on skin, secret on secret... holes."
879
01:13:04,040 --> 01:13:08,039
- Sometimes I recite it, so you will have heard it from me.
- Sure.
880
01:13:08,120 --> 01:13:10,639
And you, are you writing something?
881
01:13:10,680 --> 01:13:14,559
Oh! Maybe I still have it
a book inside me, I don't know.
882
01:13:14,600 --> 01:13:16,599
Lately it's become...
883
01:13:16,640 --> 01:13:19,599
Well, it's not like I thought about it often,
or maybe yes,
884
01:13:19,640 --> 01:13:24,759
but lately it has become
a scary, almost paralyzing thought.
885
01:13:24,800 --> 01:13:29,119
Who might be interested in what I write?
It barely matters to me.
886
01:13:29,160 --> 01:13:33,799
So when you talk to me
of this vulnerability and sincerity,
887
01:13:33,880 --> 01:13:36,119
of writing about yourself this way,
888
01:13:36,160 --> 01:13:40,719
It paralyzes my thinking
that I haven't really lived a life of my own.
889
01:13:40,760 --> 01:13:44,639
I just lived through
the stories of the characters in my poems.
890
01:13:44,680 --> 01:13:47,759
I would have loved to enjoy life.
891
01:13:47,840 --> 01:13:52,039
I could have fallen more in love, had
more stories, sleeping with more men.
892
01:13:52,080 --> 01:13:54,439
Many, many, many, many more,
893
01:13:54,480 --> 01:13:58,399
but now I would say it's a little late
to repent or feel regret.
894
01:13:58,440 --> 01:14:02,919
My grandmother often talked about all this
that he would have liked to have done differently.
895
01:14:02,960 --> 01:14:09,319
And maybe there is a kind of comfort in
being able to express one's desires, one's dreams.
896
01:14:09,400 --> 01:14:12,759
If it is true that all our thoughts
emerge in dreams,
897
01:14:12,800 --> 01:14:17,439
I think my grandmother's were about
especially the books he had never written
898
01:14:17,520 --> 01:14:19,799
and sex and also God.
899
01:14:19,840 --> 01:14:25,199
- How do you imagine God? How is it made?
- Well, I... I don't know.
900
01:14:25,280 --> 01:14:28,439
- Oh, no?
- Very... reassuring.
901
01:14:28,480 --> 01:14:33,239
I imagine it
like a handsome Swedish man.
902
01:14:33,280 --> 01:14:37,799
Handsome, blond, standing naked,
perched at the top of the staircase.
903
01:14:37,840 --> 01:14:41,959
Legs open,
available to anyone who wants it.
904
01:14:42,000 --> 01:14:46,319
Friendly and generous.
That would be really fantastic.
905
01:14:46,400 --> 01:14:51,799
Yes. Well, you write about this, don't you?
It's not too late.
906
01:14:52,680 --> 01:14:54,959
Meanwhile,
as far as Johanne is concerned,
907
01:14:55,000 --> 01:15:00,719
why don't you tell her that I would be happy to see her
and to talk to her about your book if you feel like it.
908
01:15:00,800 --> 01:15:02,519
What do you think?
909
01:15:02,560 --> 01:15:08,359
- You really think it could be something
what is worth publishing? - Yes, of course!
910
01:15:14,200 --> 01:15:18,759
- Here you are! Hot tea.
- Do you think your editor appreciated it?
911
01:15:18,800 --> 01:15:24,119
Uh... I don't know, really.
He said some nice things, yes.
912
01:15:24,160 --> 01:15:27,999
- But whether it's enough to...
- You mean to be published?
913
01:15:28,040 --> 01:15:32,279
I have no idea.
The thing is, we haven't talked about it much.
914
01:15:32,320 --> 01:15:34,279
Let's drink, even if it's hot.
915
01:15:34,320 --> 01:15:37,559
Maybe it would be better
if we added a little cold water.
916
01:15:37,600 --> 01:15:40,559
- I don't know, I can go get her, what do you say?
- No, that's fine.
917
01:15:40,600 --> 01:15:44,319
So where... where was I?
Ah, yes, the editor.
918
01:15:44,360 --> 01:15:47,319
I can give you his number if you want,
that's what you can call it.
919
01:15:47,360 --> 01:15:51,559
As long as you really want to
become a writer.
920
01:15:52,560 --> 01:15:55,519
- A writer...
- Well, yes, a writer.
921
01:15:55,560 --> 01:15:59,759
- Or at least, if you want to turn it into a book.
- I thought a book already was.
922
01:15:59,800 --> 01:16:04,359
- Are you against it? - No, you're wrong,
I am neither for nor against.
923
01:16:05,280 --> 01:16:09,079
If I remember correctly, at first you didn't want to
that no one would read it. Me neither.
924
01:16:09,120 --> 01:16:12,839
You said several times that you had Him
written exclusively for yourself.
925
01:16:12,880 --> 01:16:15,519
You flew into a rage
when I printed it.
926
01:16:15,560 --> 01:16:20,199
I remember your reaction well when
I told you I intended to read it.
927
01:16:20,280 --> 01:16:23,519
- What made you change your mind?
- The fact that you said it was beautiful.
928
01:16:23,560 --> 01:16:27,399
- Ah! - You said reading it
you forgot he was talking about me.
929
01:16:27,440 --> 01:16:30,999
- And you also told me that it overwhelmed you.
- Are you sure he said that? I don't remember.
930
01:16:31,040 --> 01:16:35,239
- I remember. You remember me too,
right, mom? - Yes. At least, you told me!
931
01:16:35,320 --> 01:16:38,439
- What?! - Of course, I remember it very well.
- It's not true, I didn't say it. - Yes.
932
01:16:38,480 --> 01:16:41,319
Please keep me out
from this story, please.
933
01:16:41,360 --> 01:16:45,799
What I said, if you're interested,
is that you write really well, Johanne,
934
01:16:45,880 --> 01:16:49,879
and which, in my opinion, you could easily
be a writer if I wanted to.
935
01:16:49,920 --> 01:16:54,439
Yes, but if your book were published,
you have to consider that many people will read it.
936
01:16:54,520 --> 01:16:58,719
And they will have different opinions.
And there will be reviews, criticisms.
937
01:16:58,760 --> 01:17:01,719
Criticisms that could also be harsh.
938
01:17:01,760 --> 01:17:05,759
My fear is that you
I can lose you in all of this.
939
01:17:05,800 --> 01:17:09,079
My concern is only this.
940
01:17:09,120 --> 01:17:11,919
- It's normal.
- It seems to me that you see too many problems.
941
01:17:11,960 --> 01:17:14,479
It's a story that can work.
942
01:17:14,520 --> 01:17:18,679
I also think a lot of people can
easily recognize yourself in the things you write.
943
01:17:18,720 --> 01:17:22,399
Honey, sorry but I see the shine
the dollar sign in your eyes.
944
01:17:22,440 --> 01:17:26,639
- What?! - Yes. You're thinking
only for economic gain.
945
01:17:26,680 --> 01:17:29,679
- You want to make money with that book!
- What are you saying?
946
01:17:29,720 --> 01:17:32,439
- I'm only thinking about...
- How many copies could it sell for?
947
01:17:32,480 --> 01:17:36,439
I think Johanne wrote a great one
book and that we should take it seriously.
948
01:17:36,480 --> 01:17:40,479
Because she created something that can be liked
to people, so we have to figure out what to do with it.
949
01:17:40,520 --> 01:17:44,199
- At least, that's what I think.
- Listen, this is a debut novel, you understand?
950
01:17:44,240 --> 01:17:48,319
And as such it is very likely that
it won't sell a million copies, is that clear?
951
01:17:48,360 --> 01:17:50,999
- I know it too, I'm not saying that.
- Well, then you're doing well, I'm happy.
952
01:17:51,040 --> 01:17:55,679
Damn, you're so prejudiced. I'm just saying
I think this could make a good book.
953
01:17:55,720 --> 01:17:59,959
A book that could...
have a large audience.
954
01:18:00,000 --> 01:18:03,439
And if he has it, it will be first of all
because it's very current!
955
01:18:03,480 --> 01:18:06,679
Because it is a story in which many
people can identify.
956
01:18:06,720 --> 01:18:10,119
It is a story of discovering one's identity.
957
01:18:10,160 --> 01:18:15,799
An emblematic case of queer awakening, which
it would be a reference for the LGBTQ community.
958
01:18:15,880 --> 01:18:18,359
- A case of queer awakening?
- Yes, exactly that.
959
01:18:18,400 --> 01:18:22,799
- So I would be queer just because I am
in love with Johanna? - I would say yes.
960
01:18:22,880 --> 01:18:26,199
- But you should be proud!
- Why should I be proud?
961
01:18:26,240 --> 01:18:30,159
It's what makes your book
so important, you know?
962
01:18:30,200 --> 01:18:33,039
It is an essential aspect, in my opinion.
963
01:18:33,080 --> 01:18:37,159
It's a book that could help
young people, because... because...
964
01:18:37,880 --> 01:18:41,679
How to say? Um...
The truth is that each of us...
965
01:18:41,720 --> 01:18:44,599
I think each of us
It's a story, in a way.
966
01:18:44,640 --> 01:18:46,919
Or at least have a story, you know?
967
01:18:46,960 --> 01:18:51,759
Basically our lives
they can be considered story factories.
968
01:18:51,800 --> 01:18:57,559
Because stories... stories are that
what people need most.
969
01:18:57,640 --> 01:19:01,679
Because we all need it
to listen and tell the stories of others.
970
01:19:01,720 --> 01:19:05,399
Stories that give us courage,
comfort, emotion and joy,
971
01:19:05,440 --> 01:19:08,879
that reflect our lives,
because we are all the same.
972
01:19:08,920 --> 01:19:11,439
We face life this way.
973
01:19:11,480 --> 01:19:16,519
In practice, stories help us process
our problems, in a different way,
974
01:19:16,560 --> 01:19:19,279
and they help us move forward, and we...
975
01:19:19,320 --> 01:19:23,239
You don't think the book is
a little too sexually explicit?
976
01:19:23,280 --> 01:19:25,639
Certain!
And this is good.
977
01:19:25,680 --> 01:19:28,999
Learn to describe sex
and sexuality without false modesty
978
01:19:29,040 --> 01:19:32,159
I think it's something
which we need very much.
979
01:19:32,200 --> 01:19:34,479
In my opinion.
980
01:19:34,520 --> 01:19:38,919
Damn, it's me now
the one who pushes to publish it.
981
01:19:38,960 --> 01:19:43,319
I promise you I'm not trying to...
to influence you.
982
01:19:43,360 --> 01:19:48,359
- Really, it depends,
only from you, Johanne. - Let's hope so.
983
01:19:48,400 --> 01:19:52,799
In any case, you have to think about it carefully,
once, twice, three, ten times, as grandma says.
984
01:19:52,880 --> 01:19:57,199
Because it could reveal itself
not exactly an easy path.
985
01:19:58,720 --> 01:20:02,839
I think first of all
you have to understand if you can handle it.
986
01:20:02,880 --> 01:20:04,639
Yes.
987
01:20:04,680 --> 01:20:07,919
And you need to talk to Johanna.
You have to let him read it first.
988
01:20:07,960 --> 01:20:11,399
- You can't publish without her
has read it. - No, I don't want to! - You have to do it.
989
01:20:11,440 --> 01:20:13,559
- Forget it!
- Unfortunately you have to do it.
990
01:20:13,600 --> 01:20:16,039
I don't really think about it.
Absolutely not!
991
01:20:16,080 --> 01:20:21,199
No publisher would publish it if you
Don't let her read it first, I assure you.
992
01:20:21,280 --> 01:20:24,519
She'll read it anyway.
You don't have much choice.
993
01:20:25,240 --> 01:20:29,079
The problem is...
that I can't do it.
994
01:20:29,120 --> 01:20:32,159
Problem solved.
Let's wait.
995
01:20:32,200 --> 01:20:37,079
After all, he is only seventeen.
He's proven he can write, right?
996
01:20:37,120 --> 01:20:41,479
And so you could always write
something else. A new thing.
997
01:20:41,520 --> 01:20:46,319
Or rewrite the book later,
when you have distanced yourself from history.
998
01:20:46,400 --> 01:20:48,719
"Distances".
It's not that.
999
01:20:48,760 --> 01:20:51,159
I didn't want to distance myself.
1000
01:20:51,200 --> 01:20:54,959
What I really wanted was Johanna.
I still want it.
1001
01:20:55,000 --> 01:20:57,999
I understood it when my mother
he said his name.
1002
01:20:58,040 --> 01:21:02,279
I heard it open
a pit in the stomach.
1003
01:21:02,320 --> 01:21:06,519
That night I reread that
that I had written. For this reason.
1004
01:21:07,320 --> 01:21:12,039
And as I read I felt that
everything was coming back, it was turning back on.
1005
01:21:12,120 --> 01:21:15,119
As if I were reliving it.
1006
01:21:15,160 --> 01:21:19,719
I thought Johanna too
Should have read it.
1007
01:21:19,800 --> 01:21:22,999
So he would have understood
Exactly how I felt.
1008
01:21:23,040 --> 01:21:25,959
She would have been struck by my words,
1009
01:21:26,000 --> 01:21:29,959
and maybe he would have seen me
in a new light.
1010
01:21:30,000 --> 01:21:33,319
I had written at the bottom
a sort of love letter.
1011
01:21:33,360 --> 01:21:36,359
And I had written about her in a kind way.
1012
01:21:36,400 --> 01:21:39,839
Maybe my words
they would have made an impression.
1013
01:21:39,880 --> 01:21:45,959
And maybe when I would have
over twenty years and I would have been a writer,
1014
01:21:46,000 --> 01:21:48,439
we would meet again
1015
01:21:48,480 --> 01:21:51,879
and he would have understood
that we were made for each other.
1016
01:22:37,960 --> 01:22:39,879
Here's your book.
1017
01:22:39,920 --> 01:22:42,799
- It's very beautiful.
- Thank you.
1018
01:22:52,120 --> 01:22:55,479
Ok, now let's review
some things together, okay?
1019
01:22:55,520 --> 01:22:57,599
We'll put this here.
1020
01:22:57,640 --> 01:23:01,839
So, I'll start by telling you
I really like how you write.
1021
01:23:01,880 --> 01:23:03,799
You are very clear...
1022
01:23:30,160 --> 01:23:35,159
I didn't feel like seeing her again.
So my mother did it for me.
1023
01:23:35,240 --> 01:23:39,319
He called Johanna, he explained to her
everything and sent her the manuscript.
1024
01:23:39,400 --> 01:23:43,319
And afterwards, when he read it,
they organized a meeting.
1025
01:24:14,040 --> 01:24:16,919
He didn't get the cinnamon roll.
1026
01:24:16,960 --> 01:24:20,399
- I can't sit and eat alone.
- Of course he can!
1027
01:24:20,440 --> 01:24:23,919
- Oh, damn, I spilled some, sorry.
- It's okay, it can happen.
1028
01:24:23,960 --> 01:24:25,919
Already.
1029
01:24:25,960 --> 01:24:27,919
So...
1030
01:24:27,960 --> 01:24:31,159
Well, I'm not sure what to say, actually.
1031
01:24:32,360 --> 01:24:36,119
- I must admit that I was very afraid
this meeting today. - Really?
1032
01:24:36,160 --> 01:24:40,079
- And why?
- Well, because I don't know what she wants to do.
1033
01:24:40,120 --> 01:24:43,359
- He wants to go to the police to report me...
- Report?! No, absolutely.
1034
01:24:43,400 --> 01:24:47,599
- Well, then do you want to sue the school?
- It's still warm. - Yes, be careful.
1035
01:24:47,640 --> 01:24:53,239
Well, I... I'm aware that it can
seem to have crossed the line.
1036
01:24:53,280 --> 01:24:58,679
I know you shouldn't have such confidences
with the students, but everything took a different turn.
1037
01:24:58,760 --> 01:25:01,479
But, in my defense,
I'm not a teacher.
1038
01:25:01,520 --> 01:25:04,999
- Aren't you a teacher?
- It's just that I've never studied pedagogy.
1039
01:25:05,040 --> 01:25:08,599
I don't have a degree in education.
I attended the Art Academy.
1040
01:25:08,640 --> 01:25:11,319
I'm actually a visual artist.
1041
01:25:11,360 --> 01:25:15,999
Don't take this as an excuse,
of course, but only as an explanation.
1042
01:25:16,080 --> 01:25:19,479
I have to say I thought
that there was nothing wrong
1043
01:25:19,520 --> 01:25:23,279
in allowing Johanne
to come and visit me at home sometime.
1044
01:25:23,320 --> 01:25:29,079
But after what I read...
Well, I don't know...
1045
01:25:29,120 --> 01:25:35,999
You don't have to fear being reported. I spoke
with Johanne and I know that nothing happened between you.
1046
01:25:36,600 --> 01:25:39,479
Well! You're saying that...
1047
01:25:39,520 --> 01:25:42,319
Okay, that's really nice to hear.
1048
01:25:43,040 --> 01:25:47,399
I don't have children, but I just can
imagine what I would have done in his place
1049
01:25:47,480 --> 01:25:50,799
if my daughter
had written something like that.
1050
01:25:50,840 --> 01:25:55,199
But he is very mature
of him to take it that way.
1051
01:25:55,240 --> 01:25:57,439
Yes, well...
1052
01:25:58,360 --> 01:26:03,799
It was strange to read those words, because
I had no idea Johanne felt this way.
1053
01:26:03,840 --> 01:26:06,959
- Did he really not understand?
- No.
1054
01:26:07,880 --> 01:26:12,839
Sorry, but reading
it's clear that Johanne...
1055
01:26:12,880 --> 01:26:17,119
Well... He didn't understand
who has a crush on her?
1056
01:26:17,160 --> 01:26:20,199
Absolutely not.
Not at first.
1057
01:26:23,520 --> 01:26:25,919
Then, perhaps, I suspected it,
1058
01:26:25,960 --> 01:26:29,999
but... she wanted to learn to knit.
1059
01:26:30,040 --> 01:26:34,399
I thought it was cute.
But that she was in love, well...
1060
01:26:34,440 --> 01:26:41,359
I... Sorry to insist, but I'm doing it
for my daughter, because I would like to understand if...
1061
01:26:41,440 --> 01:26:44,879
Surely her too
prove something, don't you?
1062
01:26:45,800 --> 01:26:47,679
No?
1063
01:26:48,640 --> 01:26:50,639
No.
1064
01:26:50,680 --> 01:26:57,479
But from what Johanne wrote
It's very hard not to think that she doesn't...
1065
01:26:57,560 --> 01:27:02,079
Maybe I expressed myself poorly
saying that I didn't understand it,
1066
01:27:02,120 --> 01:27:05,119
but I think Johanne
I'm a very sensitive girl
1067
01:27:05,160 --> 01:27:09,239
and that she has grown fond of me
like it happens between two friends.
1068
01:27:09,280 --> 01:27:11,839
At least, that's how I perceived it.
1069
01:27:11,880 --> 01:27:14,759
I believe they should
distinguish the two things.
1070
01:27:14,800 --> 01:27:19,279
Intimacy between girls is normal
without there being anything sexual.
1071
01:27:19,320 --> 01:27:23,719
This is why I can't stay here
to tell her that I was attracted to her, you know?
1072
01:27:23,760 --> 01:27:26,639
- But was it?
- Was I?
1073
01:27:27,800 --> 01:27:30,439
Yes, maybe in the end a little yes.
1074
01:27:30,480 --> 01:27:34,639
When you get so many
attention from someone...
1075
01:27:34,680 --> 01:27:38,839
But then I realized what was happening
and I didn't want to continue to avoid that...
1076
01:27:38,880 --> 01:27:42,239
- So he understood?
- Well, it's as you wrote.
1077
01:27:42,280 --> 01:27:46,959
Exactly as it says in the text.
I had just met someone and...
1078
01:27:47,040 --> 01:27:50,119
But the important thing now is that she knows
that nothing happened between us.
1079
01:27:50,160 --> 01:27:53,999
Johanne and I didn't go any further,
even if it may seem so.
1080
01:27:54,040 --> 01:27:58,839
But there are some...
very intimate descriptions.
1081
01:28:00,040 --> 01:28:02,359
Yes. Yes...
1082
01:28:02,400 --> 01:28:04,719
Very sexual.
1083
01:28:04,760 --> 01:28:07,359
Yes, I noticed that too when I read it.
1084
01:28:07,400 --> 01:28:14,479
I mean, his descriptions
of my body are really very graphic.
1085
01:28:14,560 --> 01:28:18,159
So I thought:
“This comes from his imagination.”
1086
01:28:18,200 --> 01:28:22,559
Because in some parts she tells
what he dreamed of, or his desires.
1087
01:28:22,600 --> 01:28:27,959
But that being said, read all those things on
it made me feel a bit like I was abused.
1088
01:28:28,000 --> 01:28:29,959
- Overused?
- Certain.
1089
01:28:30,000 --> 01:28:34,719
When I read all the descriptions of
what he felt when he sat next to me,
1090
01:28:34,800 --> 01:28:37,319
or when he caressed my arm.
1091
01:28:37,360 --> 01:28:40,999
I broke out in a cold sweat and thought:
"Oh God, so I was abused?".
1092
01:28:41,040 --> 01:28:46,319
I believe "abused" is one
a bit of a big word in this context.
1093
01:28:46,360 --> 01:28:52,159
Yes. And I'm not in a situation
enough to be able to report it.
1094
01:28:52,200 --> 01:28:57,759
But I believe suffering abuse without
realizing this is something that can happen.
1095
01:28:57,840 --> 01:29:03,119
But if you weren't even
realized that he was infatuated with her.
1096
01:29:03,160 --> 01:29:05,879
How can you define this as abuse?
1097
01:29:05,920 --> 01:29:08,919
Well, obviously she
she took advantage of me.
1098
01:29:08,960 --> 01:29:15,119
- Johanne was in love. - But not this
it gives her the right to do whatever she wants.
1099
01:29:15,200 --> 01:29:17,599
I admit I'm biased,
1100
01:29:17,640 --> 01:29:21,719
but I can assure you that I educated
Johanne to respect other people.
1101
01:29:21,760 --> 01:29:23,759
Yes, but I think...
1102
01:29:26,160 --> 01:29:28,919
No, maybe he's right.
1103
01:29:28,960 --> 01:29:32,039
To be honest I can
also understand what he felt,
1104
01:29:32,080 --> 01:29:39,319
because it's a beautiful thing to discover everyone
those feelings that arise within us.
1105
01:29:39,360 --> 01:29:44,279
It's unique. But there are parts that are missing,
things that Johanne neglected to write.
1106
01:29:44,320 --> 01:29:46,399
- Hmm?
- Already.
1107
01:29:46,440 --> 01:29:51,599
But then again we know that infatuation is
feeds on its own egocentrism, isn't it?
1108
01:29:51,680 --> 01:29:56,639
You are more obsessed with your feelings
than by the object of desire.
1109
01:29:56,720 --> 01:29:58,599
- Mm.
- That's right.
1110
01:29:58,640 --> 01:30:04,279
You know, I have the habit of reciting prayers
when I'm nervous or when I'm scared,
1111
01:30:04,320 --> 01:30:06,959
I don't know... or excited!
1112
01:30:07,000 --> 01:30:11,319
I remember doing it once
when Johanne sat down next to me
1113
01:30:11,360 --> 01:30:13,759
and started stroking my arm.
1114
01:30:13,800 --> 01:30:17,679
But he didn't write it,
and I found it strange.
1115
01:30:17,720 --> 01:30:25,119
Because it seems like this... that I exist
only through his eyes and nothing else.
1116
01:30:25,200 --> 01:30:30,559
As if I'm not real.
Yes... it's strange.
1117
01:30:30,640 --> 01:30:35,399
This is not true, Johanna.
I have heard your prayer.
1118
01:30:35,440 --> 01:30:40,559
I was touched by the fact that you have
shared such a private and intimate moment with me.
1119
01:30:40,680 --> 01:30:43,719
And when I chose not to write about it,
It was out of respect.
1120
01:30:43,760 --> 01:30:47,279
I felt like I was betraying your trust
if I had talked about it.
1121
01:30:47,320 --> 01:30:51,999
There are also other things I decided to
don't write in the book, and you should appreciate it.
1122
01:30:52,080 --> 01:30:55,679
Many readers might think that
this book was written by a child
1123
01:30:55,720 --> 01:30:59,799
who doesn't understand what sex is, who thinks
that it is a mixture of chewing gum,
1124
01:30:59,840 --> 01:31:02,919
plush toys
and soft skin of a boy band.
1125
01:31:02,960 --> 01:31:06,239
Well, let them think so.
After all, it's better this way.
1126
01:31:06,280 --> 01:31:08,839
But you know, I've never seen it
this way.
1127
01:31:08,880 --> 01:31:12,879
I knew what sex was and what
I was doing it to you and you were doing it to me.
1128
01:31:12,920 --> 01:31:15,439
- We're actually done.
- Yes, yes, of course.
1129
01:31:15,480 --> 01:31:21,159
- I just wanted to make sure he agreed
for publication - Yes, of course, no problem.
1130
01:31:21,240 --> 01:31:23,839
Greetings Johanne
and wish you good luck.
1131
01:31:23,880 --> 01:31:27,199
I was thinking, according to her
Would it be better to tell her that she's not my type?
1132
01:31:27,240 --> 01:31:30,799
She thinks it might be,
I don't know, a good idea,
1133
01:31:30,840 --> 01:31:33,599
or is it better to avoid it and maybe tell her that...
1134
01:31:33,640 --> 01:31:37,679
well, she's better at writing
what a knitting!
1135
01:31:37,720 --> 01:31:41,879
I wasn't that bad at knitting,
I just didn't like it.
1136
01:31:41,920 --> 01:31:44,439
And what about I'm not your type?
1137
01:31:44,480 --> 01:31:49,239
As if it justifies what you have
let it happen. I don't believe you.
1138
01:31:49,280 --> 01:31:53,919
I think you heard that I wanted you,
and that you too couldn't resist.
1139
01:31:54,720 --> 01:31:59,119
Isn't that what everyone dreams of?
Someone who wants you.
1140
01:31:59,200 --> 01:32:03,399
Because ultimately what are we
if no one wants us? We are nobody.
1141
01:32:04,040 --> 01:32:05,719
Nobody!
1142
01:32:05,760 --> 01:32:08,679
And then I think about my mother,
how to get lost on the Internet
1143
01:32:08,720 --> 01:32:12,359
where everyone is focused on themselves
and on one's own satisfaction.
1144
01:32:12,400 --> 01:32:15,959
I know he's dating someone
but when she comes home and I see her,
1145
01:32:16,000 --> 01:32:20,239
I can say that it didn't make her feel
a unique and irreplaceable woman.
1146
01:32:21,560 --> 01:32:27,279
Grandma isn't even looking for anyone
he only finds comfort in his writing.
1147
01:32:27,320 --> 01:32:34,999
But however much he may lose himself in it, he cannot
to be enveloped by it, to embrace it, as she says.
1148
01:32:35,680 --> 01:32:38,959
He no longer dreams of being irreplaceable
for someone.
1149
01:32:39,000 --> 01:32:43,999
He would just like to hear it one more time
what it feels like to be hugged.
1150
01:32:44,040 --> 01:32:46,159
From a body.
1151
01:32:47,800 --> 01:32:50,479
I think you dream about it constantly.
1152
01:32:52,040 --> 01:32:54,719
And that's what I dream too.
1153
01:34:57,560 --> 01:35:02,239
I published the book while
Johanna got married and moved to another city.
1154
01:35:02,280 --> 01:35:06,279
She has a partner and I have a book.
That's it.
1155
01:35:07,080 --> 01:35:09,559
It was received quite well.
1156
01:35:09,600 --> 01:35:12,079
At least it has a positive review.
1157
01:35:14,000 --> 01:35:17,759
And he also has a couple...
a little less favourable.
1158
01:35:17,800 --> 01:35:20,239
But it's selling.
1159
01:35:20,280 --> 01:35:24,799
Not a lot of copies, but how
says the grandmother, this is a debut.
1160
01:35:25,680 --> 01:35:30,079
In short...
she and her mother are proud of me.
1161
01:35:30,120 --> 01:35:32,239
Mm. And you?
1162
01:35:33,240 --> 01:35:35,599
Do you feel proud of yourself?
1163
01:35:35,640 --> 01:35:37,559
- Proud of me?
- Mm.
1164
01:35:37,600 --> 01:35:40,479
I can't say if I'm proud of myself.
1165
01:35:41,360 --> 01:35:46,079
It's true that I published a book,
but now many do it.
1166
01:35:47,840 --> 01:35:50,799
Let's say I expected better.
1167
01:35:50,840 --> 01:35:53,719
And if I look at that book now,
1168
01:35:53,760 --> 01:35:55,279
I don't know,
1169
01:35:55,320 --> 01:35:59,959
I have a feeling that all that
that I wrote in the end does not belong to me.
1170
01:36:00,000 --> 01:36:02,599
Why did you ever want to see me?
1171
01:36:02,640 --> 01:36:05,639
Because my mom follows her on Twitter.
Because of this.
1172
01:36:05,680 --> 01:36:07,879
- Your mother?
- Mm-mm..
1173
01:36:07,920 --> 01:36:11,519
Yes, she loves his tweets
on mental health.
1174
01:36:13,040 --> 01:36:17,199
You are able to express yourself
in a nutshell,
1175
01:36:17,240 --> 01:36:20,599
while I had to write a book.
1176
01:36:22,040 --> 01:36:26,999
- Well, you know, I don't use that account anymore
now. For quite a while. - I understand.
1177
01:36:27,040 --> 01:36:32,479
Well, according to my mom and grandma
It would have been good for me to talk to someone
1178
01:36:32,520 --> 01:36:35,519
of the things I've been through.
1179
01:36:36,000 --> 01:36:41,239
About the things you've been through?
That is, fall in love and publish a book?
1180
01:36:41,320 --> 01:36:42,839
Already.
1181
01:36:43,400 --> 01:36:47,319
If you put it that way, he does it
seems terribly normal.
1182
01:36:47,360 --> 01:36:49,839
Well, I is.
1183
01:36:50,200 --> 01:36:52,759
Or at least falling in love is.
1184
01:36:53,240 --> 01:36:57,719
It's something that's part of life.
It happens to everyone.
1185
01:36:57,760 --> 01:37:00,079
So you think I shouldn't have come here?
1186
01:37:00,120 --> 01:37:05,399
I'm not saying that, I'm just
trying to figure out how I could help you.
1187
01:37:07,600 --> 01:37:09,959
- Clear.
- Mm-mm.
1188
01:37:11,240 --> 01:37:13,799
I think I feel a little empty.
1189
01:37:13,840 --> 01:37:17,079
- Empty?
- Yes, I've been like this for months.
1190
01:37:17,120 --> 01:37:18,879
Ah!
1191
01:37:19,440 --> 01:37:21,919
Do you want to talk to me about it?
1192
01:37:22,920 --> 01:37:28,039
Well, I believe that...
it's that I...
1193
01:37:28,120 --> 01:37:32,719
Now I don't know what to do,
now that all this is over.
1194
01:37:32,760 --> 01:37:37,679
When the book was mine alone
and it was still inside a flash drive,
1195
01:37:37,720 --> 01:37:40,519
which I still have,
1196
01:37:41,800 --> 01:37:45,199
it was like somehow
kept the emotions alive.
1197
01:37:45,240 --> 01:37:48,079
Not that I still had any hope.
1198
01:37:48,120 --> 01:37:52,759
I was really sick,
but it was also almost beautiful
1199
01:37:52,840 --> 01:37:55,479
experience something so intense.
1200
01:37:55,920 --> 01:37:58,479
But now that it's been published,
it's just a book.
1201
01:37:58,520 --> 01:38:00,359
And I keep thinking
1202
01:38:01,600 --> 01:38:04,279
than if I fell in love again
1203
01:38:04,320 --> 01:38:06,959
the same thing would happen.
1204
01:38:07,080 --> 01:38:09,359
I wouldn't be reciprocated.
1205
01:38:09,480 --> 01:38:13,159
Should I write a book about this too?
1206
01:38:13,200 --> 01:38:18,159
Are you really convinced that no one
Will he ever be able to reciprocate your love?
1207
01:38:18,200 --> 01:38:20,319
Actually no.
1208
01:38:20,360 --> 01:38:24,719
And I actually have a boyfriend now.
It's quite nice.
1209
01:38:24,760 --> 01:38:30,279
He likes to lie down
on my stomach completely naked,
1210
01:38:30,320 --> 01:38:32,319
so I can look at his ass.
1211
01:38:32,360 --> 01:38:38,319
I think that's a nice thing
that with me he shows himself naked and vulnerable.
1212
01:38:38,360 --> 01:38:42,799
Although I believe
who wants to be sexy, not vulnerable.
1213
01:38:42,840 --> 01:38:46,639
And maybe for someone else
That would be really sexy.
1214
01:38:47,520 --> 01:38:51,319
But I...
No, I don't know.
1215
01:38:52,240 --> 01:38:55,079
And he loves taking selfies with me.
1216
01:38:55,120 --> 01:38:59,199
Every time in the same pose,
him wrapping his arm around my waist.
1217
01:38:59,240 --> 01:39:02,439
He calls it the "Titanic pose."
1218
01:39:02,480 --> 01:39:05,439
For him this is the image of love.
1219
01:39:05,480 --> 01:39:08,599
And what is the image of love for you?
1220
01:39:08,640 --> 01:39:12,159
- I don't have a precise idea about it.
- No?
1221
01:39:12,200 --> 01:39:16,399
I know what sensations it gives me,
not what it should look like.
1222
01:39:16,440 --> 01:39:18,839
Nor do I care to know.
1223
01:39:18,880 --> 01:39:20,479
Okay.
1224
01:39:22,600 --> 01:39:24,279
Um...
1225
01:39:24,320 --> 01:39:28,199
Do you want to book another session right away?
1226
01:39:29,160 --> 01:39:32,599
But how are we done?
1227
01:39:32,640 --> 01:39:36,999
Yes.
Ninety minutes have passed.
1228
01:39:37,040 --> 01:39:39,839
So... that's a lot.
1229
01:39:41,000 --> 01:39:45,359
Have you ever told anyone
what needs to be done?
1230
01:39:45,400 --> 01:39:47,439
Never.
1231
01:39:47,480 --> 01:39:49,839
Do you want to have another session?
1232
01:39:49,880 --> 01:39:52,079
I would not know.
1233
01:39:52,120 --> 01:39:54,159
It's very expensive.
1234
01:39:54,200 --> 01:39:57,399
- Why does it cost so much?
- That's a good question.
1235
01:39:57,440 --> 01:40:00,519
Going to therapy is challenging, right?
1236
01:40:00,560 --> 01:40:03,239
You have to work hard
1237
01:40:03,280 --> 01:40:05,999
and work hard to improve.
1238
01:40:06,040 --> 01:40:11,039
And therefore, according to some,
if the therapy costs a lot,
1239
01:40:11,080 --> 01:40:16,999
those who go there feel it
motivated to work harder.
1240
01:40:17,040 --> 01:40:20,599
- Don't you think so?
- Excuse me, but what do you have to offer in exchange?
1241
01:40:20,640 --> 01:40:24,839
Don't misunderstand, she is kind,
but the way he talks...
1242
01:40:24,880 --> 01:40:28,119
Looks like he wants to insert
all in one system.
1243
01:40:28,160 --> 01:40:33,599
This makes me feel small, my life
it shrinks when I talk about it like this.
1244
01:40:33,640 --> 01:40:37,639
This is not the intention.
If anything, it's exactly the opposite.
1245
01:40:37,680 --> 01:40:39,959
I assure you.
Yes.
1246
01:40:40,000 --> 01:40:43,439
And you decide what to talk about.
1247
01:40:43,480 --> 01:40:49,559
Well, usually people go to therapy
because they want to understand themselves a little better.
1248
01:40:50,240 --> 01:40:52,639
But understanding yourself...
1249
01:40:54,160 --> 01:40:57,359
It's something that's constantly changing.
1250
01:40:57,400 --> 01:41:01,359
- Mm...
- Will I have to come here all my life?
1251
01:41:03,000 --> 01:41:04,799
I would say no.
1252
01:41:04,840 --> 01:41:07,679
I don't think so
that there is a need.
1253
01:41:12,760 --> 01:41:14,399
- Hey!
- HI.
1254
01:41:14,440 --> 01:41:19,159
- Sorry, I was a little late. - Calm.
- How did it go? - I'd say it went well.
1255
01:41:19,200 --> 01:41:23,159
- Okay. AIlora
Let's join the others, shall we? - Yes.
1256
01:41:23,200 --> 01:41:25,719
Damn...
I missed something.
1257
01:41:25,760 --> 01:41:29,279
- I'll go back inside for a moment to look for her,
In the meantime, go ahead. - Okay.
1258
01:41:29,320 --> 01:41:31,679
- Hurry up.
- Okay. - HI.
1259
01:41:40,480 --> 01:41:42,399
HI!
1260
01:41:42,440 --> 01:41:45,439
Were you Johanna's student?
1261
01:41:46,600 --> 01:41:50,679
- I remember your hair.
- Oh, of course!
1262
01:41:50,720 --> 01:41:53,199
How are you?
1263
01:41:53,240 --> 01:41:56,239
Stupid question.
Are you going to a session?
1264
01:41:56,280 --> 01:41:59,759
Actually, no.
Not now.
1265
01:41:59,800 --> 01:42:02,439
There are only shrinks here.
1266
01:42:02,480 --> 01:42:05,159
- I just finished.
- Me too.
1267
01:42:05,200 --> 01:42:08,399
I finished just a moment ago.
1268
01:42:08,440 --> 01:42:11,039
- It's tiring, right?
- Yes.
1269
01:42:11,080 --> 01:42:13,839
And I wonder how much it helps.
1270
01:42:13,880 --> 01:42:15,959
As far as I'm concerned.
1271
01:42:16,000 --> 01:42:21,519
That is, in short, the birds of Vienna not
they benefited greatly from Freud's activity.
1272
01:42:21,560 --> 01:42:23,359
What?
1273
01:42:23,400 --> 01:42:29,279
My grandmother said it. I think he's coming
from a poem, I don't remember which one it was.
1274
01:42:29,320 --> 01:42:32,359
It came to mind while looking at the psychologist
1275
01:42:32,400 --> 01:42:36,239
while he concentrated
to find the right words.
1276
01:42:36,280 --> 01:42:38,679
You look bigger.
1277
01:42:39,200 --> 01:42:41,439
And you are younger.
1278
01:42:42,200 --> 01:42:45,199
It's nice to meet a familiar face.
1279
01:42:45,240 --> 01:42:49,839
The session was...
yes, quite heavy.
1280
01:42:51,040 --> 01:42:54,759
Are you still in touch with Johanna?
Are you still a teacher?
1281
01:42:54,800 --> 01:42:57,599
No, I don't feel it anymore.
1282
01:42:58,120 --> 01:42:59,719
No.
1283
01:43:02,440 --> 01:43:05,039
Do you want to go for a coffee?
1284
01:43:05,080 --> 01:43:07,519
- Now?
- Yes.
1285
01:43:08,680 --> 01:43:11,599
Yes...
Yes, willingly.
1286
01:43:11,640 --> 01:43:13,639
- Okay.
- Certain.
1287
01:43:13,680 --> 01:43:18,799
- Well. Do you still have to do something there?
- Yes... No, I just had to...
1288
01:43:18,840 --> 01:43:22,239
It doesn't really matter.
It's nothing special.
1289
01:43:22,280 --> 01:43:25,919
- Okay. - Let's go, then?
- Mm-mm. - Well.
1290
01:43:25,960 --> 01:43:28,799
SWEATERS - SOUVENIRS