1
00:00:02,363 --> 00:00:04,600
"The Floating Anniversary"

2
00:00:06,440 --> 00:00:09,335
<i>This was supposed
to be my anniversary.</i>

3
00:00:09,740 --> 00:00:11,100
<i>That's me in the car.</i>

4
00:00:11,260 --> 00:00:11,838
Don't wait up,

5
00:00:11,873 --> 00:00:13,610
'cause I don't know
when I'll be home!

6
00:00:13,760 --> 00:00:15,520
<i>As much fun
as this looks,</i>

7
00:00:15,650 --> 00:00:18,860
<i>a couple of days ago,
we had a different plan in mind.</i>

8
00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:23,210
Happy anniversary.

9
00:00:23,340 --> 00:00:24,961
Oh, honey!

10
00:00:25,071 --> 00:00:26,765
I don't have anything
for you.

11
00:00:27,330 --> 00:00:30,350
<i>I had long ago learned
not to get Mike presents.</i>

12
00:00:30,385 --> 00:00:31,319
What the hell is this?

13
00:00:33,020 --> 00:00:34,152
What did you get me
this for?

14
00:00:34,710 --> 00:00:36,640
I mean,
thanks, but...

15
00:00:36,810 --> 00:00:38,180
Seriously
what did you spend on this?

16
00:00:38,181 --> 00:00:39,242
You kept the receipt, right?

17
00:00:39,730 --> 00:00:43,007
<i>This was actually our
16th and 17th anniversary.</i>

18
00:00:43,230 --> 00:00:45,073
<i>We kept postponing
the 16th</i>

19
00:00:45,108 --> 00:00:47,289
<i>until it floated
right into number 17.</i>

20
00:00:47,324 --> 00:00:48,550
I know how busy
you've been,

21
00:00:48,680 --> 00:00:51,047
and you saying how badly
you want to get away, so...

22
00:00:52,350 --> 00:00:55,109
A trip to
the carpet remnants store.

23
00:00:55,980 --> 00:00:58,489
I love it! Oh!

24
00:00:59,020 --> 00:00:59,763
<i>I know.</i>

25
00:00:59,821 --> 00:01:01,514
<i>It's a little pathetic
to get so excited</i>

26
00:01:01,549 --> 00:01:02,650
<i>about a carpet remnant,</i>

27
00:01:02,810 --> 00:01:06,179
<i>but the rug in our bedroom
had some serious mileage on it.</i>

28
00:01:07,040 --> 00:01:09,039
<i>I told you.
I wasn't kidding.</i>

29
00:01:09,530 --> 00:01:12,451
On Friday, I'm taking you
to French Lick.

30
00:01:12,550 --> 00:01:15,150
We'll stay overnight at
the Route 33 motor lodge,

31
00:01:15,270 --> 00:01:17,556
then we'll pick out
our remnant on Saturday

32
00:01:17,591 --> 00:01:18,350
and head back home.

33
00:01:18,500 --> 00:01:21,039
Oh! I love it.

34
00:01:21,890 --> 00:01:23,501
Except for
the heading home part.

35
00:01:25,550 --> 00:01:26,880
Nobody wants to see that.

36
00:01:27,000 --> 00:01:29,031
I think old people
kissing is sweet.

37
00:01:29,380 --> 00:01:30,747
All right,
I think we're done here.

38
00:01:30,930 --> 00:01:32,909
Brick! Packed your lunch!
Let's go!

39
00:01:33,330 --> 00:01:34,957
Hey, could I drive
to school today?

40
00:01:35,300 --> 00:01:35,910
No, not today.

41
00:01:35,945 --> 00:01:36,990
Your mom and I
have a lot to do,

42
00:01:37,025 --> 00:01:38,054
plus we don't want to die.

43
00:01:38,680 --> 00:01:41,120
If I don't get to practice driving,
I'm never gonna get my license.

44
00:01:41,250 --> 00:01:42,365
That's why
we taught you to walk.

45
00:01:42,770 --> 00:01:45,080
Tell you what--if you stop
by the lot after school,

46
00:01:45,210 --> 00:01:47,410
I'll try to sneak you in
for a test-drive, okay?

47
00:01:47,530 --> 00:01:49,040
- Okay.
- Come on, guys. Get going.

48
00:01:49,170 --> 00:01:50,037
You don't want
to miss the bus.

49
00:01:50,072 --> 00:01:50,917
- Let's go.
- Good-bye, Mom.

50
00:01:51,690 --> 00:01:54,399
All right. Have a good day.
See you guys.

51
00:01:54,800 --> 00:01:55,740
Hey--oh.

52
00:01:55,775 --> 00:01:57,650
Mom, I don't feel good.

53
00:01:57,810 --> 00:01:58,851
<i>Uh-oh.</i>

54
00:01:58,931 --> 00:02:00,101
<i>One sick kid could lead</i>

55
00:02:00,142 --> 00:02:01,980
<i>to a whole house
full of sick by Friday,</i>

56
00:02:02,130 --> 00:02:03,845
<i>and there
goes the anniversary.</i>

57
00:02:04,170 --> 00:02:06,220
You're fine. You're not sick.
Positive attitude.

58
00:02:06,330 --> 00:02:07,648
A bus ride
will make you feel better.

59
00:02:16,640 --> 00:02:18,607
I really don't feel good.

60
00:02:19,070 --> 00:02:20,091
Okay.

61
00:02:21,110 --> 00:02:23,655
If you have to throw up,
do it on Mommy's carpet.

62
00:02:27,430 --> 00:02:29,780
<i>The problem is,
I had to work that day.</i>

63
00:02:29,920 --> 00:02:32,361
<i>But when you're a workin' mom,
you gotta get creative.</i>

64
00:02:32,396 --> 00:02:34,495
Okay, there's ginger ale
in the cupholder.

65
00:02:34,530 --> 00:02:36,420
If you need anything,
honk twice.

66
00:02:39,600 --> 00:02:41,991
I wish I could stay home
and watch TV

67
00:02:42,026 --> 00:02:42,940
and have you make me soup.

68
00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:45,662
Oh, sorry, honey.
Wrong family.

69
00:02:46,070 --> 00:02:48,520
Is it against the rules
for me to be here?

70
00:02:48,660 --> 00:02:49,758
Of course not.

71
00:02:49,970 --> 00:02:52,378
Just keep your head
below the window.

72
00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:56,610
<i>Meanwhile, third period
at Sue's school was set aside</i>

73
00:02:56,740 --> 00:02:59,242
<i>so kids could do whatever
clubs they had gotten into.</i>

74
00:02:59,940 --> 00:03:01,720
<i>Since Sue didn't get
into any clubs,</i>

75
00:03:01,850 --> 00:03:04,455
<i>she was sent to the front office
to make student I.Ds--</i>

76
00:03:04,830 --> 00:03:07,635
<i>A job she referred to
as the lamination club.</i>

77
00:03:07,740 --> 00:03:09,560
I'm Brendan Nichols.
This is my first day.

78
00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:11,041
Is this where
I get my I.D. made?

79
00:03:15,000 --> 00:03:16,126
Are you okay?

80
00:03:19,320 --> 00:03:21,870
I'm about done
being Mr. Nice Guy.

81
00:03:22,040 --> 00:03:25,201
The month's almost over,
and sales are...

82
00:03:26,000 --> 00:03:29,350
What in the name of
good God Almighty is that?

83
00:03:29,480 --> 00:03:30,352
It's a houseplant.

84
00:03:30,463 --> 00:03:31,771
A houseplant?

85
00:03:32,460 --> 00:03:34,280
This is not your house.

86
00:03:34,980 --> 00:03:36,480
How many times
have I told you?

87
00:03:36,620 --> 00:03:38,778
No bringing
personal items into work!

88
00:03:39,280 --> 00:03:40,684
The only thing
any of you

89
00:03:40,719 --> 00:03:43,113
need to be worrying about
taking care of is me.

90
00:03:43,550 --> 00:03:44,890
You don't need
a houseplant

91
00:03:45,040 --> 00:03:47,734
stealing your focus from
what you should be working on--

92
00:03:47,880 --> 00:03:49,221
selling cars!

93
00:03:49,540 --> 00:03:51,331
I'm sorry, sir,
I'm not thinking clearly.

94
00:03:51,500 --> 00:03:52,625
I gave blood this morning.

95
00:03:53,350 --> 00:03:54,643
Well, don't do it again.

96
00:03:55,460 --> 00:03:57,181
It was very selfish
of me, sir.

97
00:03:58,510 --> 00:03:59,911
Did they give you
a cookie?

98
00:04:17,290 --> 00:04:17,993
Thanks.

99
00:04:34,450 --> 00:04:38,090
Lou, did you see the red sedan
that was parked here?

100
00:04:44,710 --> 00:04:48,234
Hear that engine?
This baby's got 260 horses.

101
00:04:49,570 --> 00:04:51,335
Can we play
the radio?

102
00:04:51,840 --> 00:04:53,148
<i>Radio!</i>

103
00:04:57,010 --> 00:04:58,690
How could this
have happened?

104
00:04:58,820 --> 00:05:00,720
I purposely put Brick
in the ugliest car

105
00:05:00,840 --> 00:05:03,440
on the whole lot
and marked it up by 25%.

106
00:05:03,560 --> 00:05:06,245
<i>Frankie,
the, uh, "package"</i>

107
00:05:06,280 --> 00:05:08,160
<i>that you left in the back
of the red sedan</i>

108
00:05:08,310 --> 00:05:11,170
<i>has been placed
in the green hatchback,</i>

109
00:05:11,560 --> 00:05:13,721
<i>and Pete says
it needs a Kleenex.</i>

110
00:05:14,921 --> 00:05:17,710
Frances, what the hell
is your son doing here?

111
00:05:18,640 --> 00:05:21,927
Mr. Ehlert, I am so sorry.
It's just been the worst day.

112
00:05:22,090 --> 00:05:22,562
Hey, Mom.

113
00:05:24,270 --> 00:05:26,599
Oh. You're talking
about Axl...

114
00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:31,060
who is here because
he got his learner's permit,

115
00:05:31,210 --> 00:05:33,770
and we are thinking
of buying him a car.

116
00:05:34,120 --> 00:05:36,832
All right! Well,
show him that yellow car.

117
00:05:37,060 --> 00:05:38,326
It's got a tape deck.

118
00:05:40,320 --> 00:05:41,431
You're buying me a car?

119
00:05:41,790 --> 00:05:42,970
Wrong family.

120
00:05:43,005 --> 00:05:43,603
Listen, honey,

121
00:05:43,694 --> 00:05:45,169
this isn't the best day
for driving practice.

122
00:05:45,228 --> 00:05:46,270
I have to find
your brother.

123
00:05:46,410 --> 00:05:47,520
I'll take him out for you.

124
00:05:47,670 --> 00:05:48,848
Are you sure?

125
00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:49,702
Thank you, Bob.

126
00:05:49,772 --> 00:05:51,890
He's really pretty good,
unless he has to turn.

127
00:05:52,160 --> 00:05:53,541
Turn!

128
00:05:59,230 --> 00:06:01,218
So, Ax,
I hear you play football?

129
00:06:01,420 --> 00:06:02,131
Yeah.

130
00:06:03,450 --> 00:06:05,038
I used to play
a little ball myself

131
00:06:05,073 --> 00:06:05,932
when I was your age.

132
00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,152
Those days,
they called it foosball.

133
00:06:10,270 --> 00:06:12,435
Wrist used to swell up
something awful.

134
00:06:12,860 --> 00:06:15,245
Seems like yesterday
I was right where you are now.

135
00:06:15,870 --> 00:06:16,624
I tell you, though,

136
00:06:16,659 --> 00:06:20,289
driver's license changes
the whole deal.

137
00:06:21,660 --> 00:06:25,181
Once you're out of
that house, whoo, boy!

138
00:06:25,350 --> 00:06:26,502
No family for me.

139
00:06:26,613 --> 00:06:28,709
It's all Bob, all the time.

140
00:06:29,500 --> 00:06:31,410
If I want to go
to the arcade again tonight

141
00:06:31,573 --> 00:06:33,122
until it closes, I do it.

142
00:06:33,640 --> 00:06:36,257
No family
wondering where I am.

143
00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:39,850
I'm a bag in the wind.

144
00:06:45,675 --> 00:06:46,808
Dude, are you crying?

145
00:06:48,170 --> 00:06:49,280
Eyes on the road.

146
00:06:51,740 --> 00:06:54,300
<i>Hiding Brick all day
had worn me out.</i>

147
00:06:54,590 --> 00:06:56,776
<i>I needed French Lick
now more than ever.</i>

148
00:06:56,870 --> 00:06:57,950
Mom, can I talk to you?

149
00:06:58,080 --> 00:06:59,020
Yeah, sure.

150
00:06:59,150 --> 00:07:00,470
I saw this boy today
at school...

151
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,987
<i>Now I know I should have
been thrilled by this.</i>

152
00:07:03,050 --> 00:07:06,340
<i>My daughter was telling me
about her first big crush.</i>

153
00:07:06,490 --> 00:07:07,721
<i>But I was so tired,</i>

154
00:07:07,756 --> 00:07:09,691
<i>all I could do was
pretend to listen.</i>

155
00:07:09,726 --> 00:07:10,860
When I tried
talking to him...

156
00:07:10,990 --> 00:07:12,782
<i>And then I saw
something amazing,</i>

157
00:07:12,872 --> 00:07:14,087
<i>something I was
beginning to think</i>

158
00:07:14,122 --> 00:07:16,003
<i>I'd never see
in my lifetime.</i>

159
00:07:16,950 --> 00:07:19,277
<i>Brick was making
a sandwich.</i>

160
00:07:19,460 --> 00:07:20,920
<i>Just this morning
he was sick,</i>

161
00:07:21,060 --> 00:07:23,192
<i>and now an actual sandwich.</i>

162
00:07:23,410 --> 00:07:25,195
<i>It was like that guy
who got hit by lightning</i>

163
00:07:25,255 --> 00:07:27,087
<i>and suddenly knew
how to play the piano.</i>

164
00:07:27,320 --> 00:07:28,381
So what do you think?

165
00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:30,187
Is it a good plan?

166
00:07:30,460 --> 00:07:33,167
Uh, sure, honey.
That's a great plan.

167
00:07:33,630 --> 00:07:34,341
Yay!

168
00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:40,324
Brick, did you make
your own lunch?

169
00:07:40,990 --> 00:07:42,254
Did it all by myself.

170
00:07:42,450 --> 00:07:43,160
Hey!

171
00:07:43,320 --> 00:07:45,760
<i>And suddenly,
everything seemed hopeful.</i>

172
00:07:45,920 --> 00:07:48,113
<i>There was one less thing
I would have to do tomorrow</i>

173
00:07:48,154 --> 00:07:49,500
<i>and for the rest
of my life.</i>

174
00:07:49,650 --> 00:07:52,760
<i>Brick would make sandwiches,
Axl would learn to drive,</i>

175
00:07:52,930 --> 00:07:54,921
<i>and soon there would
be time for a trip</i>

176
00:07:54,961 --> 00:07:57,504
<i>to the carpet remnants store
whenever I wanted...</i>

177
00:07:58,140 --> 00:07:59,571
<i>Or so I thought.</i>

178
00:07:59,930 --> 00:08:01,704
- Hello?
- <i>Frankie!</i>

179
00:08:01,820 --> 00:08:03,258
Oh, hi, Aunt Edie.

180
00:08:04,030 --> 00:08:07,422
Uh-huh. Okay.
Be right over.

181
00:08:08,450 --> 00:08:11,220
<i>My aunts Ginny and Edie
had been smoking and coughing</i>

182
00:08:11,380 --> 00:08:13,640
<i>for almost 70 years
without ever considering</i>

183
00:08:13,770 --> 00:08:15,880
<i>there might be a connection
between the two.</i>

184
00:08:15,915 --> 00:08:17,029
Damn arthritis.

185
00:08:17,220 --> 00:08:20,157
I'm sorry to bother you,
but here it is 6:00,

186
00:08:20,192 --> 00:08:22,230
and we can't
open our medicine.

187
00:08:22,380 --> 00:08:25,411
Oh, and another thing--
I failed my driving test today,

188
00:08:25,446 --> 00:08:27,749
so you're going to have
to help get us around.

189
00:08:28,030 --> 00:08:30,970
- What?
- I have a foot appoiment Tuesday,

190
00:08:31,130 --> 00:08:34,170
and she has to get her wheelchair
tuned up on Thursday.

191
00:08:34,310 --> 00:08:37,150
And while it's there,
you'll have to carry her around.

192
00:08:37,290 --> 00:08:39,630
But don't worry.
She's not that heavy anymore.

193
00:08:39,950 --> 00:08:41,496
Okay. Hold on.

194
00:08:41,531 --> 00:08:42,700
I'm gonna have
to write this down.

195
00:08:42,830 --> 00:08:43,533
And, dear,

196
00:08:44,145 --> 00:08:45,682
could you make me
a sandwich?

197
00:08:47,680 --> 00:08:48,705
<i>I should have figured</i>

198
00:08:48,745 --> 00:08:50,341
<i>this was the way
the world worked.</i>

199
00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:52,730
<i>Soon as the kids gain
a shred of independence...</i>

200
00:08:52,890 --> 00:08:54,419
<i>the old folks
spring a leak.</i>

201
00:08:57,150 --> 00:08:58,636
Lost another one.

202
00:09:03,360 --> 00:09:04,688
Lost another one.

203
00:09:17,810 --> 00:09:20,530
<i>Shuttling everyone around
all week had made me nuts,</i>

204
00:09:20,650 --> 00:09:23,510
<i>but at least I had
one thing to look forward to.</i>

205
00:09:23,710 --> 00:09:26,890
Okay, Mike.
I'm all packed for tonight.

206
00:09:27,030 --> 00:09:28,870
Oh, but I need you
to swing by the mall at 5:00

207
00:09:28,905 --> 00:09:30,770
and pick up Aunt Ginny
at the eyeglass place.

208
00:09:30,940 --> 00:09:33,858
But we should be on
the road by 8:00, 8:30 tops.

209
00:09:34,270 --> 00:09:36,183
Sounds like
somebody wants to get

210
00:09:36,242 --> 00:09:38,440
to the Route 33
motor lodge.

211
00:09:38,830 --> 00:09:39,917
Mike!

212
00:09:41,419 --> 00:09:43,140
Do you two even know
what you look like?

213
00:09:43,300 --> 00:09:44,575
Okay, listen, Axl,

214
00:09:44,690 --> 00:09:45,281
you're in charge,

215
00:09:45,322 --> 00:09:46,970
and I want you to know
we trust you.

216
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:48,208
Then I should have
the car keys

217
00:09:48,243 --> 00:09:50,003
in case there's,
you know, an emergency.

218
00:09:50,570 --> 00:09:52,572
I trust you with the kids,
not the car.

219
00:09:53,190 --> 00:09:54,309
Blah.

220
00:09:56,210 --> 00:09:59,140
Sue, what is that
you're wearing?

221
00:09:59,310 --> 00:10:01,835
It's my idea for telling
Brendan that I like him.

222
00:10:02,990 --> 00:10:05,747
R-remember?
You said it was a great plan.

223
00:10:06,180 --> 00:10:07,001
Honey...

224
00:10:09,750 --> 00:10:10,614
Hello?

225
00:10:10,780 --> 00:10:12,580
<i>We just heard
from the doctor.</i>

226
00:10:12,730 --> 00:10:16,000
It's emphysema.
Oh, Frankie!

227
00:10:16,140 --> 00:10:18,720
I don't know how
I'm gonna live without her.

228
00:10:18,870 --> 00:10:20,382
Calm down.
Just calm down.

229
00:10:20,417 --> 00:10:21,203
I'll be right there.

230
00:10:22,610 --> 00:10:25,590
Sue, just please
change the shirt.

231
00:10:25,730 --> 00:10:27,280
We'll talk more later.

232
00:10:34,880 --> 00:10:38,110
Aunt Ginny,
I am so sorry. I...

233
00:10:40,510 --> 00:10:41,661
It's the dog?

234
00:10:41,913 --> 00:10:43,996
The dog has emphysema?

235
00:10:44,790 --> 00:10:46,283
Poor Doris.

236
00:10:47,290 --> 00:10:49,234
How could this
have happened?

237
00:10:58,420 --> 00:10:59,455
You're kidding, right?

238
00:10:59,490 --> 00:11:00,849
Hey, the vet says

239
00:11:00,884 --> 00:11:02,530
she has to be in
a smoke-free environment

240
00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:04,345
until she regenerates
lung tissue.

241
00:11:04,392 --> 00:11:05,575
What could I say?

242
00:11:06,260 --> 00:11:07,804
So what,
now we're not going?

243
00:11:08,020 --> 00:11:10,520
I-I don't know. I mean,
the kids can't watch her.

244
00:11:10,560 --> 00:11:12,300
You can't leave her alone
for more than 15 minutes,

245
00:11:12,440 --> 00:11:14,263
or she chokes
on her own saliva.

246
00:11:14,400 --> 00:11:16,130
And someone has to change
the nicotine patch,

247
00:11:16,270 --> 00:11:17,861
because she's going
through withdrawal.

248
00:11:18,090 --> 00:11:19,440
Perfect.

249
00:11:20,070 --> 00:11:22,691
Look, I want to go
on the trip, Mike.

250
00:11:22,860 --> 00:11:24,990
Believe me,
I need this trip, okay?

251
00:11:25,130 --> 00:11:26,590
I eat standing up
at the counter.

252
00:11:26,625 --> 00:11:27,907
I've been reading
the same one article

253
00:11:27,908 --> 00:11:29,190
in "People" magazine
for a month.

254
00:11:29,330 --> 00:11:31,122
No one wants to get away
more than me.

255
00:11:32,220 --> 00:11:34,061
Your problem is,
you're letting these people

256
00:11:34,091 --> 00:11:36,500
control your whole life.
Aunt Ginny has a son.

257
00:11:36,640 --> 00:11:38,532
Well, you know
Travis is in prison.

258
00:11:38,610 --> 00:11:40,880
And Aunt Edie's kid
fried his brain huffing paint.

259
00:11:41,010 --> 00:11:43,550
He's literally the village
idiot of Terre Haute.

260
00:11:43,680 --> 00:11:44,360
What about your mom?

261
00:11:44,480 --> 00:11:46,390
Mom's in Des Moines
taking care of Grandma.

262
00:11:46,640 --> 00:11:48,647
How the hell long do
people live in your family?

263
00:11:48,730 --> 00:11:50,480
You do for family, Mike.

264
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:51,640
That's all there is to it.

265
00:11:51,760 --> 00:11:53,020
Maybe if you did
a little less for family,

266
00:11:53,170 --> 00:11:54,053
they'd start dying off,

267
00:11:54,088 --> 00:11:55,598
and we could have
a damn vacation.

268
00:11:57,610 --> 00:11:59,081
Oh! Hello?

269
00:12:00,510 --> 00:12:01,360
What?

270
00:12:01,790 --> 00:12:03,400
No, no,
I've been at work all day.

271
00:12:03,450 --> 00:12:04,409
Mike was supposed to...

272
00:12:05,650 --> 00:12:07,341
Okay, just stay put.

273
00:12:07,481 --> 00:12:08,937
I-I'll be right there.

274
00:12:10,946 --> 00:12:12,796
You forgot
to pick up Aunt Ginny.

275
00:12:12,979 --> 00:12:14,054
You forgot
to remind me.

276
00:12:14,055 --> 00:12:16,081
How many times
do I have to remind you?

277
00:12:16,116 --> 00:12:18,785
Do you want me to pin a note
to your shirt like a child?

278
00:12:18,820 --> 00:12:20,199
No, you should have
stuck it on my thermos,

279
00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:21,343
like you always do.

280
00:12:22,490 --> 00:12:23,653
I'm gonna go pick up
Aunt Ginny.

281
00:12:23,712 --> 00:12:27,023
Could you please remember
to take the dog outside

282
00:12:27,058 --> 00:12:28,393
so it can do
its business?

283
00:12:28,870 --> 00:12:32,160
- The dog's in a diaper.
- It doesn't know it's in a diaper!

284
00:12:32,300 --> 00:12:35,850
It'll only go if it's outside!
God.

285
00:12:39,460 --> 00:12:41,148
<i>And so that's
how Mike and I</i>

286
00:12:41,179 --> 00:12:42,810
<i>had a big, ol' nasty fight</i>

287
00:12:42,980 --> 00:12:44,892
<i>on what should have been
the loving celebration</i>

288
00:12:44,964 --> 00:12:47,666
<i>of our 16th and
17th anniversaries.</i>

289
00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:48,510
And don't wait up,

290
00:12:48,582 --> 00:12:50,304
'cause I don't know
when I'll be home!

291
00:12:52,520 --> 00:12:54,571
Diapering a damn dog.

292
00:12:55,080 --> 00:12:56,116
Where's Mom?

293
00:12:56,530 --> 00:12:58,292
Driving the old-mobile.

294
00:12:58,710 --> 00:13:01,194
Well, can I ask you
a question about a boy?

295
00:13:01,710 --> 00:13:03,012
I'd rather you not.

296
00:13:05,490 --> 00:13:08,302
Okay, okay.
No, it's okay.

297
00:13:09,640 --> 00:13:11,624
Well, his name is
Brendan.

298
00:13:11,930 --> 00:13:13,531
I'm trying
to get his attention.

299
00:13:14,580 --> 00:13:17,000
Well, don't do anything sexual.
Boys hate that.

300
00:13:17,035 --> 00:13:17,968
Well, what did Mom do

301
00:13:18,029 --> 00:13:19,358
when she wanted you
to notice her?

302
00:13:20,370 --> 00:13:21,920
Well, with your mother,
it was the other way.

303
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,115
She didn't know
I was alive.

304
00:13:23,370 --> 00:13:26,026
I had to make a grand gesture,
so I went to a friend's barn...

305
00:13:29,140 --> 00:13:30,000
"Lisa"?

306
00:13:30,140 --> 00:13:31,990
Well, your mom didn't like me
very much when we first met,

307
00:13:32,110 --> 00:13:33,608
so she told me
her name was Lisa.

308
00:13:34,050 --> 00:13:36,265
But hey, it got me here,
didn't it?

309
00:13:36,450 --> 00:13:39,166
Wow.
A grand gesture, huh?

310
00:13:39,950 --> 00:13:41,113
Thanks, Dad.

311
00:13:43,890 --> 00:13:46,303
Yep. It got me here.

312
00:13:48,500 --> 00:13:51,018
So how was
the big weekend?

313
00:13:51,220 --> 00:13:52,514
Didn't happen.

314
00:13:52,710 --> 00:13:54,240
Mike and I
got in this big fight.

315
00:13:54,380 --> 00:13:55,853
I mean, he says
I try to take on too much

316
00:13:55,888 --> 00:13:56,988
with the kids
and my aunts,

317
00:13:57,039 --> 00:13:58,350
but what am I
supposed to do?

318
00:13:58,490 --> 00:14:00,286
Everybody needs
something from me.

319
00:14:00,660 --> 00:14:02,143
That must be hard...

320
00:14:03,080 --> 00:14:04,039
Being needed.

321
00:14:06,800 --> 00:14:08,124
I could tell you
about my life,

322
00:14:08,204 --> 00:14:09,569
but I don't want
to make you jealous...

323
00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:13,609
Ever mention how
I'm a bag in the wind?

324
00:14:13,680 --> 00:14:16,195
I'm just so tired,
and now Mike's mad at me.

325
00:14:16,640 --> 00:14:18,534
Hey, before you can take care
of your relationship,

326
00:14:18,870 --> 00:14:20,202
you need
to take care of you.

327
00:14:20,940 --> 00:14:21,926
You're exhausted,

328
00:14:22,019 --> 00:14:23,644
and you need to take
a little break, all right?

329
00:14:23,810 --> 00:14:25,102
- Right now.
- I can't!

330
00:14:25,137 --> 00:14:26,980
Of course you can.
You deserve it.

331
00:14:27,130 --> 00:14:28,270
The world's
not gonna stop turning

332
00:14:28,305 --> 00:14:29,280
if you take 15 minutes.

333
00:14:29,420 --> 00:14:31,800
Ehlert will be all over me
'cause I didn't make the coffee.

334
00:14:31,920 --> 00:14:33,150
I'll do it, all right?

335
00:14:33,270 --> 00:14:35,300
That's my anniversary gift
to you, all right?

336
00:14:36,050 --> 00:14:37,478
Go. Enjoy.

337
00:14:45,410 --> 00:14:48,270
<i>Bob was right.
I did need 15 minutes.</i>

338
00:14:48,440 --> 00:14:50,973
<i>I mean, it wasn't French Lick,
but it was something.</i>

339
00:15:36,460 --> 00:15:37,949
<i>When it was over...</i>

340
00:15:38,220 --> 00:15:41,491
<i>I knew that had been the most
worthwhile 15 minutes of my life.</i>

341
00:15:41,840 --> 00:15:43,754
<i>Sometimes you don't know
how badly</i>

342
00:15:43,789 --> 00:15:45,100
<i>you need
something until--</i>

343
00:15:45,320 --> 00:15:45,939
<i>What the--</i>

344
00:15:48,280 --> 00:15:50,319
Who in the hell
made the coffee?

345
00:15:54,730 --> 00:15:56,707
<i>Mom, where are you?</i>

346
00:15:56,990 --> 00:15:58,944
<i>Mom, Mom!</i>

347
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:02,859
<i>Mom,
I am so, so sorry.</i>

348
00:16:03,630 --> 00:16:04,240
Are you all right?

349
00:16:06,720 --> 00:16:08,786
All right, all right.
Hold on. One at a time.

350
00:16:09,070 --> 00:16:11,223
It is the most
humiliating thing

351
00:16:11,258 --> 00:16:13,381
that has ever happened
to anyone.

352
00:16:13,430 --> 00:16:15,326
Honey, I'm sure
it's not as bad as that.

353
00:16:16,150 --> 00:16:17,770
<i>It was.</i>

354
00:16:17,990 --> 00:16:20,586
<i>Bit by bit, I was able to piece
together what had happened.</i>

355
00:16:20,980 --> 00:16:22,672
<i>It seems the phrase
"grand gesture"</i>

356
00:16:22,743 --> 00:16:25,244
<i>had stayed with Sue
after her talk with Mike.</i>

357
00:16:27,240 --> 00:16:29,968
Um, this is Sue Heck

358
00:16:30,058 --> 00:16:33,388
with a special message
for Brendan Nichols.

359
00:16:34,123 --> 00:16:36,846
<i>

360
00:16:37,026 --> 00:16:40,128


361
00:16:40,129 --> 00:16:42,015
<i>

362
00:16:42,504 --> 00:16:44,891
<i>

363
00:16:45,677 --> 00:16:50,224

they long to be

364
00:16:50,455 --> 00:16:54,282


365
00:17:04,450 --> 00:17:06,420
<i>It was a girl's
worst nightmare.</i>

366
00:17:06,455 --> 00:17:08,005
<i>Everyone in the school
was laughing</i>

367
00:17:08,040 --> 00:17:09,710
<i>about that ridiculous
Sue Heck.</i>

368
00:17:09,740 --> 00:17:12,715
<i>The only bright spot was
no one knew who Sue Heck was.</i>

369
00:17:13,919 --> 00:17:15,746
<i>Meanwhile,
Axl was offered</i>

370
00:17:15,781 --> 00:17:17,835
<i>a rare chance
to practice his driving.</i>

371
00:17:17,910 --> 00:17:21,730
Hey, Mom. Uh, Aunt Edie asked
me to drive her to the mall,

372
00:17:21,731 --> 00:17:24,672
so if you don't call me back
and say no in 60 seconds,

373
00:17:24,707 --> 00:17:26,110
I'll assume
you're okay with it.

374
00:17:29,130 --> 00:17:30,368
<i>While at the same time,</i>

375
00:17:30,403 --> 00:17:32,450
<i>Brick had decided
to take the dog for a pull</i>

376
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:34,478
<i>to show off
the many sights of Orson.</i>

377
00:17:34,950 --> 00:17:36,625
This is my favorite place.

378
00:17:36,860 --> 00:17:38,900
You're the first person--or dog--

379
00:17:39,030 --> 00:17:40,303
that I've ever brought here.

380
00:17:42,460 --> 00:17:44,323
<i>Apparently,
Brick's favorite place</i>

381
00:17:44,414 --> 00:17:46,544
<i>was also Sue's
favorite place to cry.</i>

382
00:17:47,180 --> 00:17:48,301
Sue?

383
00:17:50,580 --> 00:17:52,978
Oh, no. Doris!

384
00:18:00,190 --> 00:18:02,980
Uh, Aunt Edie,
I don't think that's okay.

385
00:18:03,140 --> 00:18:05,316
It's all right.
It's my driving beer.

386
00:18:07,410 --> 00:18:09,712
Isn't that Doris?

387
00:18:22,220 --> 00:18:24,247
Ma'am, I already spoke
to your aunt,

388
00:18:24,390 --> 00:18:25,912
but I need to clear up
a few things with you.

389
00:18:26,480 --> 00:18:27,473
I understand your children

390
00:18:27,534 --> 00:18:28,490
were trying to get
in touch with you?

391
00:18:28,620 --> 00:18:29,847
I am so sorry.

392
00:18:29,876 --> 00:18:32,180
I just turned off my phone
for 15 minutes.

393
00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:33,380
You turned off
your phone

394
00:18:34,190 --> 00:18:35,100
but you're a mom.

395
00:18:35,190 --> 00:18:36,626
I just needed a break.

396
00:18:37,120 --> 00:18:38,833
From what?
Being a mom?

397
00:18:39,280 --> 00:18:41,362
No. Well, yes.

398
00:18:42,900 --> 00:18:44,963
Okay. I just have
one question for you.

399
00:18:44,964 --> 00:18:47,522
Why didn't a single one of you
think to call your father?

400
00:18:48,260 --> 00:18:50,431
Dad hates it
when we call him at work.

401
00:18:53,670 --> 00:18:56,322
<i>And so I decided
to stop fighting it.</i>

402
00:18:56,550 --> 00:19:00,185
<i>Maybe Queen Elizabeth
or Julia Roberts</i>

403
00:19:00,256 --> 00:19:02,018
<i>could take 15 minutes
in the bathroom</i>

404
00:19:02,019 --> 00:19:03,780
<i>with maxi pads
on their eyes</i>

405
00:19:03,930 --> 00:19:06,011
<i>or plan a trip to
the carpet remnants store,</i>

406
00:19:06,156 --> 00:19:07,038
<i>but not me.</i>

407
00:19:07,073 --> 00:19:08,800
<i>I had flown too close
to the sun,</i>

408
00:19:08,960 --> 00:19:10,429
<i>and I had paid the price.</i>

409
00:19:11,220 --> 00:19:13,076
Frankie, I've got to show you
someting in the car.

410
00:19:13,160 --> 00:19:14,410
What, now?

411
00:19:19,840 --> 00:19:21,447
So what did you
wanna show me?

412
00:19:23,999 --> 00:19:24,652
Buckle up!

413
00:19:25,350 --> 00:19:28,244
What, Mike?
Wait, what are you doing?

414
00:19:28,380 --> 00:19:30,084
It's our
almost-18th anniversary,

415
00:19:30,124 --> 00:19:33,190
I'm taking you to French Lick
and buying you a carpet remnant.

416
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:34,867
Mike, okay, look.
Stop!

417
00:19:34,927 --> 00:19:36,698
Look, you can't just do this.

418
00:19:36,738 --> 00:19:38,172
This is crazy! 

419
00:19:38,300 --> 00:19:39,710
I don't even have
my phone.

420
00:19:39,799 --> 00:19:41,100
What about the kids?

421
00:19:41,250 --> 00:19:43,300
And--and Aunt Ginny
and Aunt Edie?

422
00:19:43,480 --> 00:19:44,810
Took care of it.

423
00:19:51,660 --> 00:19:53,920
<i>Turns out,
after all these years,</i>

424
00:19:54,001 --> 00:19:55,196
<i>Mike's a genius.</i>

425
00:19:55,360 --> 00:19:58,392
Okay!
Time to turn off the TV.

426
00:19:58,427 --> 00:20:01,080
And have a little
family conversation.

427
00:20:03,191 --> 00:20:04,988
So who watched
last week's Wife Swap?

428
00:20:05,150 --> 00:20:06,360
Alright, I'll tell you
all about it.

429
00:20:06,662 --> 00:20:07,633
So there's this couple,
right--

430
00:20:07,668 --> 00:20:09,145
<i>Mike was able to get
Bob to give up</i>

431
00:20:09,194 --> 00:20:11,431
<i>his free-wheeling
bag-in-the-wind lifestyle</i>

432
00:20:11,466 --> 00:20:13,080
<i>and have a family
for one night.</i>

433
00:20:13,115 --> 00:20:14,787
Again, I'm not trying
to hurt you.

434
00:20:14,822 --> 00:20:16,573
I'm just trying to tell you
about the best episode.

435
00:20:16,574 --> 00:20:18,690
- I loved it!
- <i>And as for Mike and I,</i>

436
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:19,230
Happy?

437
00:20:20,410 --> 00:20:21,377
Yeah.

438
00:20:21,790 --> 00:20:24,583
- Route 33 motor lodge?
- Never disappoints.

439
00:20:24,630 --> 00:20:25,496
And the remnants?

440
00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:27,426
So beautiful.

441
00:20:27,840 --> 00:20:29,058
No natural fibers.

442
00:20:30,190 --> 00:20:31,840
It's a shame
we have to take it home

443
00:20:31,910 --> 00:20:33,355
and let it get
all covered with...

444
00:20:34,380 --> 00:20:35,255
life.

445
00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:36,264
You're right.

446
00:20:37,300 --> 00:20:39,529
I think we need
to take 15 minutes.

447
00:20:46,840 --> 00:20:49,130
<i>This isn't
the easiest phase of life.</i>

448
00:20:49,460 --> 00:20:51,252
<i>You've got young people
and old people</i>

449
00:20:51,287 --> 00:20:53,405
<i>pulling at you
from both directions.</i>

450
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:54,603
<i>But it's not so bad</i>

451
00:20:54,673 --> 00:20:56,750
<i>as long as you've got
somebody in there with you.</i>

452
00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:00,440
<i>And that's something you gotta
remember to celebrate.</i>

453
00:21:01,194 --> 00:21:03,852
Transcript: SFile.YDY.com
Sync: YTET-Vicky8800 [YDY.com]

454
00:21:03,853 --> 00:21:06,510
Final Edits: VeRdiKT
[Subscene.com / Addic7ed.com]