1 00:00:01,126 --> 00:00:03,462 It's always on me to upgrade this dusty-ass school. 2 00:00:03,545 --> 00:00:04,964 So I hooked up our old speaker system to Bluetooth, 3 00:00:05,047 --> 00:00:07,007 and now I can make announcements from my phone from anywhere. 4 00:00:07,090 --> 00:00:08,717 In fact, I'll make one right now. 5 00:00:08,800 --> 00:00:10,219 Attention... 6 00:00:10,302 --> 00:00:12,138 I have an important update regarding our school. 7 00:00:12,221 --> 00:00:14,390 My teeth are getting whiter. 8 00:00:14,473 --> 00:00:16,267 Ooh, I should tell him about 9 00:00:16,350 --> 00:00:18,185 the bin Laden documentary I just watched. 10 00:00:18,268 --> 00:00:20,938 -LeBron James. LeBron James. -6-7 11 00:00:21,021 --> 00:00:22,690 -LeBron James. LeBron James. -6-7 12 00:00:22,773 --> 00:00:24,275 What is happening? 13 00:00:24,358 --> 00:00:25,442 LeBron James. LeBron James. 14 00:00:25,525 --> 00:00:26,902 The kids are hopping on your Bluetooth. 15 00:00:26,985 --> 00:00:28,946 You didn't password-protect it? 16 00:00:29,029 --> 00:00:30,656 Thanks for your hindsight, Melissa. 17 00:00:30,739 --> 00:00:32,741 Welcome to the "Keepin' It Trashy" podcast. 18 00:00:32,824 --> 00:00:35,536 Topic one, they're selling your trash to Malaysia. 19 00:00:35,619 --> 00:00:38,330 That's what I sound like? Oh, my God. 20 00:00:41,792 --> 00:00:43,169 ♪ Ay ♪ 21 00:00:43,252 --> 00:00:45,296 ♪ When I dance they call me Macarena ♪ 22 00:00:45,379 --> 00:00:47,631 ♪ And the boys they say que estoy buena ♪ I love this song. 23 00:00:47,714 --> 00:00:50,092 ♪ They all want me, they can't have me ♪ 24 00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:51,343 ♪ So they all come and dance beside me ♪ 25 00:00:51,426 --> 00:00:52,845 I'll just get it password-protected, 26 00:00:52,928 --> 00:00:54,180 and I'll shut this off. 27 00:00:54,263 --> 00:00:55,598 Hold on, now. Yeah, no, it's okay. 28 00:00:55,681 --> 00:00:57,475 It's a vibe. 29 00:00:57,558 --> 00:00:59,143 ♪ Give your body joy, Macarena ♪ Here we go. 30 00:00:59,226 --> 00:01:01,604 ♪ That your body is pa' give you joy and good things ♪ 31 00:01:01,687 --> 00:01:03,856 ♪ Give your body joy, Macarena ♪ 32 00:01:03,939 --> 00:01:05,274 ♪ Hey, Macarena ♪ 33 00:01:05,357 --> 00:01:06,275 ♪ Oh ♪ 34 00:01:06,358 --> 00:01:07,860 Alright, Jacob. 35 00:01:09,444 --> 00:01:11,572 Look at me, bringing joy to this school once again. 36 00:01:11,655 --> 00:01:13,157 ♪ Give your body joy, Macarena ♪ 37 00:01:13,240 --> 00:01:14,658 ♪ Hey, Macarena ♪ 38 00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:15,659 ♪ Oh ♪ 39 00:01:28,213 --> 00:01:30,633 Please send the first student in when he gets here. 40 00:01:30,716 --> 00:01:31,634 Hello. 41 00:01:31,717 --> 00:01:33,510 It is such a blessing 42 00:01:33,593 --> 00:01:36,847 to have our new counselor here. to help the children, 43 00:01:36,930 --> 00:01:39,016 and she's doing an outstanding job. 44 00:01:39,099 --> 00:01:40,768 She's also quite tall. 45 00:01:40,851 --> 00:01:42,019 My name is Illena Alomar. 46 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:43,729 I'm the new counselor here. 47 00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:45,940 Abbott is the newest school in my rotation, 48 00:01:46,023 --> 00:01:48,984 so now I'm responsible for the well-being of 20 schools, 49 00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:50,736 which means I need to get out of here. 50 00:01:50,819 --> 00:01:52,238 Thanks. 51 00:01:52,321 --> 00:01:55,658 Such a wonderful addition to Abbott. She really is. 52 00:01:55,741 --> 00:01:57,451 And I have to thank myself for bringing her here. 53 00:01:57,534 --> 00:01:58,994 Mostly because I haven't been thanked. 54 00:01:59,077 --> 00:02:00,120 By anyone. 55 00:02:00,203 --> 00:02:01,455 For anything. 56 00:02:01,538 --> 00:02:02,456 Ever. 57 00:02:02,539 --> 00:02:03,582 She's whatever. 58 00:02:05,042 --> 00:02:06,210 She's always so professional 59 00:02:06,293 --> 00:02:07,753 with how everything needs to be done. 60 00:02:07,836 --> 00:02:09,755 I don't need any more rules. 61 00:02:09,838 --> 00:02:12,216 And what rules do you follow now? 62 00:02:12,299 --> 00:02:15,302 Well, first of all, I follow the rule of threes. Mm-hmm. 63 00:02:15,385 --> 00:02:19,348 Second of all, I'm here most days, aren't I? 64 00:02:19,431 --> 00:02:20,724 I got a rule for y'all. 65 00:02:20,807 --> 00:02:22,518 You need to wait two hours between washes 66 00:02:22,601 --> 00:02:25,437 before you run that dishwasher in the lounge, or else. 67 00:02:25,520 --> 00:02:27,189 Or else what, Mr. Johnson? 68 00:02:27,272 --> 00:02:29,775 Or else you'll be washing your dishes in brown water. 69 00:02:29,858 --> 00:02:31,693 And not the good kind. 70 00:02:33,362 --> 00:02:34,488 The good kind? 71 00:02:35,614 --> 00:02:38,450 Uh, why do bad water got to be brown, Jacob? 72 00:02:38,533 --> 00:02:39,910 Yeah, Jacob, why? 73 00:02:41,995 --> 00:02:42,997 Good morning. 74 00:02:43,080 --> 00:02:44,707 Ah, welcome, Nick. 75 00:02:44,790 --> 00:02:45,958 Come on in. 76 00:02:46,041 --> 00:02:47,334 Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah, ah. 77 00:02:47,417 --> 00:02:48,627 Don't be rude. 78 00:02:48,710 --> 00:02:50,129 Say good morning to Neen. 79 00:02:50,212 --> 00:02:51,171 Good morning, Neen. 80 00:02:51,254 --> 00:02:53,591 Aww, good morning. 81 00:02:53,674 --> 00:02:55,134 He can't call me Neen, though. 82 00:02:55,217 --> 00:02:56,135 Oh. Yeah. 83 00:02:56,218 --> 00:02:57,636 That's my bad, big dog. 84 00:02:57,719 --> 00:03:00,472 I'll, uh, make sure he says Miss Neen next time. 85 00:03:00,555 --> 00:03:05,519 Yes, Tariq's girlfriend's son, Nick, is in my class this year. 86 00:03:05,602 --> 00:03:08,439 Truth is, Tariq's been surprisingly involved. 87 00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,566 He's killing it as head of the PTA. 88 00:03:10,649 --> 00:03:12,401 Very invested in Nick. 89 00:03:12,484 --> 00:03:14,278 They said it couldn't be done. 90 00:03:14,361 --> 00:03:15,821 I was they. 91 00:03:15,904 --> 00:03:17,573 You know, Tariq, I have got to hand it to you. 92 00:03:17,656 --> 00:03:20,117 You have taken on a lot of responsibilities, 93 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:21,827 so proud of you. 94 00:03:21,910 --> 00:03:23,912 Yeah. It's pretty, uh... Hey, hey. 95 00:03:23,995 --> 00:03:25,164 Greg. Hey. 96 00:03:25,247 --> 00:03:26,165 What's up, bud? Ah. 97 00:03:26,248 --> 00:03:27,291 Hey. What's up? 98 00:03:27,374 --> 00:03:28,542 Hey, uh, I just wanted to let you know 99 00:03:28,625 --> 00:03:29,752 you don't got to worry about nothing going on 100 00:03:29,835 --> 00:03:31,545 with me and old girl right here, okay? 101 00:03:31,628 --> 00:03:34,006 It would be inappropriate to date a coworker, so... 102 00:03:34,089 --> 00:03:35,549 Oh, mm, you don't work here. 103 00:03:35,632 --> 00:03:37,217 You famously don't work anywhere. 104 00:03:37,300 --> 00:03:38,761 Did I miss the show? 105 00:03:38,844 --> 00:03:40,679 This Janine-Tariq-Gregory love triangle 106 00:03:40,762 --> 00:03:42,264 about to get messy. 107 00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:43,432 I'm going back to my classroom. 108 00:03:43,515 --> 00:03:44,725 Yeah, I'mma head on. 109 00:03:44,808 --> 00:03:46,018 What are you doing here? 110 00:03:46,101 --> 00:03:47,353 Being entertained, I hope. 111 00:03:47,436 --> 00:03:49,855 I put Tariq's kid in your class for the drama. 112 00:03:49,938 --> 00:03:51,106 I have the only second-grade class, 113 00:03:51,189 --> 00:03:52,274 and there isn't gonna be any drama. 114 00:03:52,357 --> 00:03:53,609 There better be. 115 00:03:53,692 --> 00:03:55,277 Now that I'm in this monogamous relationship, 116 00:03:55,360 --> 00:03:56,653 I'm bored as hell. 117 00:03:56,736 --> 00:03:58,864 Alright, son, have a good day. 118 00:03:58,947 --> 00:04:00,532 And remember... 119 00:04:01,741 --> 00:04:03,327 Forgot what I was gonna say. 120 00:04:03,410 --> 00:04:04,953 I'mma just freestyle. 121 00:04:05,036 --> 00:04:06,497 ♪ Nick, that's my son ♪ 122 00:04:06,580 --> 00:04:08,374 ♪ Y'all know that he the one ♪ Hey. 123 00:04:08,457 --> 00:04:09,750 ♪ You better not say "two" ♪ 124 00:04:09,833 --> 00:04:11,251 ♪ 'Cause, baby, who is you? ♪ 125 00:04:11,334 --> 00:04:12,586 ♪ I'm dressed in all designer ♪ 126 00:04:12,669 --> 00:04:14,004 ♪ I ain't show up in no suit ♪ 127 00:04:14,087 --> 00:04:15,881 ♪ I'm smoking on exotic ♪ 128 00:04:15,964 --> 00:04:17,840 ♪ You smell like somebody pooted ♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 129 00:04:17,923 --> 00:04:18,883 I'm sorry. Uh, my bad. 130 00:04:18,966 --> 00:04:20,343 I'm... I'mma just go. 131 00:04:21,303 --> 00:04:22,512 You miss it, don't you? 132 00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:24,973 Ms. Schemmenti? 133 00:04:25,056 --> 00:04:25,934 Yeah? 134 00:04:26,017 --> 00:04:27,601 Can I go to the bathroom? 135 00:04:27,684 --> 00:04:29,019 Oh. 136 00:04:30,770 --> 00:04:31,814 Of course you can. 137 00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:33,273 Jacob and Morton tried to scare me 138 00:04:33,356 --> 00:04:34,817 that teaching middle school was gonna be a nightmare, 139 00:04:34,900 --> 00:04:36,193 but here's the thing. 140 00:04:36,276 --> 00:04:37,695 You just got to meet the older kids where they're at. 141 00:04:37,778 --> 00:04:39,154 And one of the ways I do that 142 00:04:39,237 --> 00:04:41,448 is I let them have one curse word a day, 143 00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:44,201 and they love it. 144 00:04:44,284 --> 00:04:46,954 Okay, so I got some good news and some bad news. 145 00:04:47,037 --> 00:04:49,540 Good news is, all yo use aced your assessment test. 146 00:04:49,623 --> 00:04:51,709 Yep. 147 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:52,960 Hold up. What's the bad news? 148 00:04:53,043 --> 00:04:54,378 The bad news is, 149 00:04:54,461 --> 00:04:55,838 we were gonna go over the answers, 150 00:04:55,921 --> 00:04:57,256 but now... 151 00:04:57,339 --> 00:04:58,924 you get 10 minutes to play on your phone. 152 00:04:59,007 --> 00:05:00,134 I hope that's chill. 153 00:05:00,217 --> 00:05:03,178 Oh yeah! 154 00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:05,597 You know, Jacob, I don't know why 155 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:07,474 you have such a hard time with the older kids. 156 00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:09,601 You know, you just got to treat them with respect. 157 00:05:09,684 --> 00:05:12,521 So you can suck it. 158 00:05:12,604 --> 00:05:13,981 I'm happy for you. 159 00:05:14,064 --> 00:05:16,733 Yeah, well, eat it, because not only do they love me, 160 00:05:16,816 --> 00:05:19,278 but they also aced the test I just gave them. 161 00:05:19,361 --> 00:05:20,696 Really? That's impressive. 162 00:05:20,779 --> 00:05:23,115 You got some of my less-focused goofballs in that class. 163 00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:26,368 Yeah, you can sit on it, Gregory, because some of us... 164 00:05:26,451 --> 00:05:27,995 and by some, I mean me... 165 00:05:28,078 --> 00:05:29,413 know what we're doing around here, 166 00:05:29,496 --> 00:05:31,707 so kiss my grits. 167 00:05:36,378 --> 00:05:37,796 Uh, Barbara? Barb? 168 00:05:37,879 --> 00:05:38,881 Why... Why are you doing that? 169 00:05:38,964 --> 00:05:40,048 Doing what? 170 00:05:40,131 --> 00:05:41,425 Well, you just ran the dishwasher 171 00:05:41,508 --> 00:05:43,051 with three cups, two spoons, 172 00:05:43,134 --> 00:05:44,928 and nary a plate to be found. 173 00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:46,096 It's a huge waste of water. 174 00:05:46,179 --> 00:05:47,890 And you know we can't start it for two hours. 175 00:05:47,973 --> 00:05:50,434 Jacob I have been waiting for it to fill up 176 00:05:50,517 --> 00:05:52,102 so my mug will be clean, 177 00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:53,771 and I have pushed it as late as I can. 178 00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:55,564 Well, if you just want a particular mug, 179 00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:57,608 can't you use the sponge in the sink? 180 00:05:57,691 --> 00:05:58,859 Excuse me? 181 00:05:58,942 --> 00:06:02,237 That mug is the mug that Gerald gave me 182 00:06:02,320 --> 00:06:05,199 in honor of being a soon-to-be Glamma, 183 00:06:05,282 --> 00:06:08,368 and this manicure is a work of art, 184 00:06:08,451 --> 00:06:10,120 not a cleaning tool. 185 00:06:15,208 --> 00:06:16,334 Did you see that? 186 00:06:17,294 --> 00:06:18,754 Whatever happened to community? 187 00:06:18,837 --> 00:06:21,757 Shared spaces can be tricky. 188 00:06:21,840 --> 00:06:23,884 That is a great point. 189 00:06:23,967 --> 00:06:25,468 Uh, may I? 190 00:06:27,596 --> 00:06:29,765 I think it is time Barbara learned the power 191 00:06:29,848 --> 00:06:32,684 of a publicly posted Post-it note. 192 00:06:35,020 --> 00:06:37,105 There we go. 193 00:06:37,188 --> 00:06:39,942 Thank you for reminding me of the power of the pen. 194 00:06:40,025 --> 00:06:41,777 I didn't say anything. 195 00:06:41,860 --> 00:06:44,530 You heard me not say anything, right? 196 00:06:44,613 --> 00:06:46,657 So glad Ms. Schemmenti's teaching math this year. 197 00:06:46,740 --> 00:06:48,033 I wish I could steal the answer sheets 198 00:06:48,116 --> 00:06:49,493 for all my classes. 199 00:06:49,576 --> 00:06:51,286 If you started getting straight "A's," 200 00:06:51,369 --> 00:06:52,663 we'd definitely get caught. 201 00:06:52,746 --> 00:06:55,707 Yo, keep it down. Mr. Eddie's right over there. 202 00:06:55,790 --> 00:06:58,085 He can't hear nothing with that big-ass hat on. 203 00:06:58,168 --> 00:07:00,003 Cam Newton-looking ass. 204 00:07:01,713 --> 00:07:03,006 Your students are cheating, 205 00:07:03,089 --> 00:07:05,383 and they had unkind words for my gardening hat. 206 00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:10,806 What are you talking about? The hat with the wide brim. 207 00:07:10,889 --> 00:07:12,057 The one that Janine got me. 208 00:07:12,140 --> 00:07:14,101 They hate it, and it was hurtful. 209 00:07:14,184 --> 00:07:16,603 I feel like it frames my... Okay, about the kids cheating on the test, 210 00:07:16,686 --> 00:07:17,604 you gagootz. 211 00:07:17,687 --> 00:07:18,730 How would that even happen? 212 00:07:18,813 --> 00:07:20,065 Oh, they found the answer key, 213 00:07:20,148 --> 00:07:21,608 took a photo, and sent it to the whole class. 214 00:07:21,691 --> 00:07:23,360 No, I left the answer key in my desk. 215 00:07:23,443 --> 00:07:24,486 They... 216 00:07:26,529 --> 00:07:28,156 I got to lock my drawers now? 217 00:07:28,239 --> 00:07:30,284 What is this, my family staying with me? 218 00:07:30,367 --> 00:07:31,451 Yeah, you don't really have to think about 219 00:07:31,534 --> 00:07:32,578 that kind of thing with the littles. 220 00:07:32,661 --> 00:07:34,079 Yeah, you just leave answer keys out, 221 00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:35,664 wear a stupid hat, and no one says nothing. 222 00:07:35,747 --> 00:07:37,332 Okay, no one said it was stupid. 223 00:07:37,415 --> 00:07:40,377 This will not stand. 224 00:07:42,629 --> 00:07:43,755 Okay. Yeah. 225 00:07:43,838 --> 00:07:44,923 What are you... What are you gonna do? 226 00:07:45,006 --> 00:07:47,384 Oh, I'm gonna get them. Don't you worry. 227 00:07:47,467 --> 00:07:48,844 Well, based on everything I know about you, 228 00:07:48,927 --> 00:07:51,179 I'm actually very worried. 229 00:07:51,262 --> 00:07:52,389 You the new janitor? 230 00:07:52,472 --> 00:07:53,515 No. 231 00:07:53,598 --> 00:07:55,559 Work hard, play your cards right, 232 00:07:55,642 --> 00:07:56,977 maybe someday. 233 00:07:57,060 --> 00:07:58,395 Mr. Johnson. 234 00:08:02,148 --> 00:08:06,945 "To all, only run when full. Jacob." 235 00:08:07,028 --> 00:08:08,530 Well, who's this for? 236 00:08:08,613 --> 00:08:09,990 Could be Melissa. 237 00:08:10,073 --> 00:08:12,242 Uh, probably Janine. 238 00:08:12,325 --> 00:08:13,785 It's for you, lady. You... 239 00:08:14,911 --> 00:08:19,374 You know, that Jacob is becoming aggressively 240 00:08:19,457 --> 00:08:22,336 more passive with every year. 241 00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:24,463 I mean, this is ridiculous, right? 242 00:08:24,546 --> 00:08:26,214 Uh, I don't know. 243 00:08:29,718 --> 00:08:31,970 I mean, everyone should advocate for themselves. 244 00:08:32,053 --> 00:08:34,139 Exactly. 245 00:08:34,222 --> 00:08:37,225 And I will advocate as clear as day 246 00:08:37,308 --> 00:08:40,312 so there is no miscommunication. 247 00:08:40,395 --> 00:08:43,690 You don't know me, Ms. Alomar. 248 00:08:43,773 --> 00:08:48,362 Unh-unh. I had a down year last year, 249 00:08:48,445 --> 00:08:54,034 but this year, I am feeling mighty spicy. 250 00:08:55,535 --> 00:08:57,162 Wait, wait, wait. Time out. 251 00:08:57,245 --> 00:08:58,789 They got you back here in the nosebleeds? 252 00:08:58,872 --> 00:09:00,207 That's my seat. 253 00:09:00,290 --> 00:09:02,417 Unacceptable, dude. We literally know Neen. 254 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:04,294 We could just put you at the front of the class. 255 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:05,503 Come on. 256 00:09:06,671 --> 00:09:07,839 Hey, hey. Excuse me. 257 00:09:07,922 --> 00:09:10,217 Um, I'm sorry, twin, but this is a VIP section. 258 00:09:10,300 --> 00:09:12,678 You got anything fragile in here? 259 00:09:12,761 --> 00:09:14,221 My pickles! 260 00:09:14,304 --> 00:09:15,514 Yeah, I know. 261 00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:17,307 Your pickles. 262 00:09:17,390 --> 00:09:18,642 I'm so sorry. Ignore him. 263 00:09:18,725 --> 00:09:20,644 Um, so, anyway... You go ahead. Alright. 264 00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:23,522 Hey, look, now, remember, 265 00:09:23,605 --> 00:09:26,233 you're not just another kid in this class, okay? 266 00:09:26,316 --> 00:09:27,359 You're special. 267 00:09:27,442 --> 00:09:28,777 Because there was a time 268 00:09:28,860 --> 00:09:31,154 when I was the only man that your teacher knew. 269 00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,448 YOLO. Alright. 270 00:09:33,531 --> 00:09:35,492 So sorry. What... What were you saying? 271 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:37,035 Okay, real quick, 272 00:09:37,118 --> 00:09:39,287 I, uh, made a list here of all the stickers 273 00:09:39,370 --> 00:09:40,664 that Nick would prefer, 274 00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:43,083 and, uh, he don't like to read on Thursdays, 275 00:09:43,166 --> 00:09:44,209 so let's just not do that. 276 00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:46,294 Okay, got to go. Busy, busy, busy. 277 00:09:48,213 --> 00:09:49,423 Okay, brainiacs. 278 00:09:49,506 --> 00:09:51,466 So since the last quiz was 279 00:09:51,549 --> 00:09:53,051 -Light work. -Yeah. 280 00:09:53,134 --> 00:09:55,178 Yeah, yeah, light work. 281 00:09:55,261 --> 00:09:57,597 So I figured that we would have another quiz 282 00:09:57,680 --> 00:09:59,516 on all the stuff we learned this week. 283 00:09:59,599 --> 00:10:00,934 That shouldn't be a problem, right? 284 00:10:01,017 --> 00:10:02,310 -Nah. -Nah. 285 00:10:02,393 --> 00:10:04,896 No problem. Okay, so I tell you what. 286 00:10:04,979 --> 00:10:06,273 I'mma head to the bathroom. 287 00:10:06,356 --> 00:10:08,775 Soon as I get back, I'mma hand out the quizzes. 288 00:10:08,858 --> 00:10:12,487 I got my phone, keys, stapler in its place, 289 00:10:12,570 --> 00:10:16,742 answer key right in my unlocked drawer. 290 00:10:16,825 --> 00:10:20,203 Okay, so factoring in a little chitchat with Barb, 291 00:10:20,286 --> 00:10:21,788 maybe a story from Mr. J. 292 00:10:21,871 --> 00:10:24,666 I should be back in exactly 10 minutes. 293 00:10:24,749 --> 00:10:27,753 Youse probably didn't notice it 'cause I was... I was so subtle. 294 00:10:27,836 --> 00:10:30,714 I planted fake answers to the quiz in my desk. 295 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:34,342 These kids are about to find out what the Schemmenti name means. 296 00:10:34,425 --> 00:10:35,635 Means "scheme." 297 00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:37,846 Scheme-menti... the original pronunciation. 298 00:10:37,929 --> 00:10:39,931 They changed it at Ellis Island. 299 00:10:40,014 --> 00:10:43,018 And then Nick pulls a homemade hall pass out of his pocket 300 00:10:43,101 --> 00:10:45,729 that reads "VI-pee-pee" in Tariq's handwriting, 301 00:10:45,812 --> 00:10:48,106 yells, "Yerrr," and then goes out the door. 302 00:10:48,189 --> 00:10:50,317 I told y'all there'd be drama. 303 00:10:50,400 --> 00:10:53,779 Y'all the reason I don't have to steal anybody's password to Peacock. 304 00:10:53,862 --> 00:10:55,614 Why don't you just talk to Tariq? 305 00:10:55,697 --> 00:10:58,617 Well, because he's come so far as a human adult 306 00:10:58,700 --> 00:11:02,496 and a father figure, I don't want to discourage him. 307 00:11:02,579 --> 00:11:04,039 Maybe I'll just talk to Nick about it. 308 00:11:04,122 --> 00:11:06,708 Talk to a child about it? 309 00:11:06,791 --> 00:11:08,502 Awfully protective of an ex. 310 00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:11,171 I made O'Shon flush his phone and empty his cloud. 311 00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:12,797 He's a really lucky man. 312 00:11:14,465 --> 00:11:17,093 Are you sure Tariq doesn't have Janine's phone number? 313 00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:19,471 I'm sure he does. 314 00:11:19,554 --> 00:11:21,389 Ooh, so tell me something 315 00:11:21,472 --> 00:11:23,266 and include my question in your answer. 316 00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:25,519 How do you feel about your girlfriend getting into 317 00:11:25,602 --> 00:11:29,481 a spousal battle with her ex-lover over their shared son? 318 00:11:29,564 --> 00:11:30,857 I'm leaving. Janine? 319 00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:32,358 No, this show. 320 00:11:33,443 --> 00:11:35,528 -Yerrr. -Hey. 321 00:11:36,696 --> 00:11:38,323 Why is the dishwasher running? 322 00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:40,408 Uh, to wash dishes. 323 00:11:40,491 --> 00:11:42,327 Oh, that's what she wants you to think. 324 00:11:54,047 --> 00:11:56,966 Did you run the dishwasher with just a spoon in it? 325 00:11:57,926 --> 00:12:00,637 Jacob, you are unusually sweaty today. 326 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,764 That is not an answer. 327 00:12:02,847 --> 00:12:04,683 Of course not. 328 00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:06,560 I put a single cup in there, as well. 329 00:12:08,102 --> 00:12:10,939 Wow. Okay. You are being crazy. 330 00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:13,775 And I can say that because a mental-health professional, 331 00:12:13,858 --> 00:12:15,569 Ms. Alomar, agreed with me. 332 00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:17,487 Backwards. 333 00:12:17,570 --> 00:12:18,864 She agreed with me. 334 00:12:18,947 --> 00:12:21,491 Hmm. Well, I thought your church was against lying. 335 00:12:23,243 --> 00:12:24,411 Father God, forgive me, 336 00:12:24,494 --> 00:12:26,037 'cause I'm about to show this young man 337 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,331 his pants are on fire. 338 00:12:28,414 --> 00:12:31,084 Let's go talk with Ms. Alomar. 339 00:12:31,167 --> 00:12:32,210 After you. 340 00:12:32,293 --> 00:12:33,211 No, after me. 341 00:12:33,294 --> 00:12:34,671 You... 342 00:12:36,631 --> 00:12:38,842 Is everything oka... Why are you moist? 343 00:12:38,925 --> 00:12:42,387 The dishwasher. And the brisk walk over here. 344 00:12:42,470 --> 00:12:44,514 Barbara ignored the note that you suggested I write. 345 00:12:44,597 --> 00:12:45,932 Please tell this confused young man 346 00:12:46,015 --> 00:12:47,517 that you are completely on my side. 347 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:49,394 No, she's on mine. Mine. 348 00:12:49,477 --> 00:12:51,396 I'm with a student. 349 00:12:57,235 --> 00:12:59,195 What is her problem? She's got a lot of attitude. 350 00:13:00,488 --> 00:13:02,115 I can't wait to see how well 351 00:13:02,198 --> 00:13:05,619 all of my genius students have done. 352 00:13:06,953 --> 00:13:08,496 Probably won't even need this pen, 353 00:13:08,579 --> 00:13:10,707 except to write "A " on all of them. 354 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:11,791 Right? 355 00:13:13,001 --> 00:13:14,335 Um... 356 00:13:18,798 --> 00:13:21,134 Okay, you got all the answers right? 357 00:13:21,217 --> 00:13:22,552 Boom 358 00:13:23,678 --> 00:13:25,680 So glad I saved my curse for that. 359 00:13:29,183 --> 00:13:30,810 This is impossible. 360 00:13:30,893 --> 00:13:32,145 You were supposed to get them all wrong. 361 00:13:32,228 --> 00:13:33,022 We knew the answers in your drawer were fake. 362 00:13:33,105 --> 00:13:34,023 So how'd you cheat, then? 363 00:13:34,106 --> 00:13:35,649 We talked to each other. 364 00:13:35,732 --> 00:13:37,025 And remember the stuff you lectured about. 365 00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:38,443 The stuff you made us read. 366 00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:39,694 The class discussion. 367 00:13:39,777 --> 00:13:42,781 And we aced it. Got you again, Ms. Schemmenti. 368 00:13:42,864 --> 00:13:46,201 You seemed way smarter when we were in second grade. 369 00:13:46,284 --> 00:13:47,702 -Yeah. -Yeah. 370 00:13:49,078 --> 00:13:51,956 Beaten by a bunch of bumbling sixth graders. 371 00:13:53,416 --> 00:13:56,252 Feels like when the Eagles lose to the Cowboys. 372 00:13:56,335 --> 00:13:59,381 Um, so we got to talk. 373 00:13:59,464 --> 00:14:02,801 Nick said he couldn't get access to a green crayon, 374 00:14:02,884 --> 00:14:05,387 which has led to this autumnal foliage. 375 00:14:05,470 --> 00:14:06,554 And, girl, it ain't autumn. 376 00:14:06,637 --> 00:14:07,806 It is autumn, Tariq. 377 00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:09,683 No it ain't. It's fall. 378 00:14:09,766 --> 00:14:11,643 She's supposed to be a teacher. 379 00:14:11,726 --> 00:14:14,312 You know what? I'm about to put Nick in the transfer portal immediately. 380 00:14:14,395 --> 00:14:15,814 Alright, you know what? Tariq, you need to leave. 381 00:14:15,897 --> 00:14:18,275 Why do you still got him sitting in the cheap seats? 382 00:14:18,358 --> 00:14:20,777 His biggest fear is the back of people's heads. 383 00:14:20,860 --> 00:14:22,445 You're gonna give him PTSD. 384 00:14:22,528 --> 00:14:24,322 Sorry, guys. One second. 385 00:14:24,405 --> 00:14:27,117 Nick is not gonna get special treatment anymore, alright? 386 00:14:27,200 --> 00:14:29,077 All of my kids are special. 387 00:14:29,160 --> 00:14:30,953 It's not a punishment. It's fair. 388 00:14:32,163 --> 00:14:33,748 What? 389 00:14:33,831 --> 00:14:36,876 If I knew that you were gonna treat my future son like this, 390 00:14:36,959 --> 00:14:39,337 I would have never dated you. What? 391 00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:41,089 Tariq cannot take criticism. 392 00:14:41,172 --> 00:14:42,882 One time I told him a song of his wouldn't work 393 00:14:42,965 --> 00:14:44,884 because nothing rhymes with orange. 394 00:14:44,967 --> 00:14:48,179 He told me to go forage in the storage for some porridge. 395 00:14:48,262 --> 00:14:49,931 Basically made my point for me. 396 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:52,350 Hi. 397 00:14:52,433 --> 00:14:53,351 How's it going, Ms. Anderson? 398 00:14:53,434 --> 00:14:54,394 It's Ms. Alomar. 399 00:14:54,477 --> 00:14:55,603 Oh, well... Please don't tell me 400 00:14:55,686 --> 00:14:56,604 you're going to ask my opinion on something. 401 00:14:56,687 --> 00:14:57,939 Now, why would I do that 402 00:14:58,022 --> 00:14:59,566 when I have so many amazing opinions of my own? 403 00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:00,900 I'm sorry. It's just, 404 00:15:00,983 --> 00:15:03,945 I'm at capacity, and the kids are great, but... 405 00:15:04,028 --> 00:15:05,905 But what? Could we? 406 00:15:07,573 --> 00:15:11,077 Some of the teachers here, they're kind of a lot. 407 00:15:12,078 --> 00:15:14,372 First of all, don't be talking about my staff. 408 00:15:14,455 --> 00:15:16,291 Second of all, spill the tea, girl. 409 00:15:16,374 --> 00:15:18,585 It's just, the teachers keep coming to me 410 00:15:18,668 --> 00:15:20,337 to settle their petty problems. 411 00:15:20,420 --> 00:15:22,297 Welcome to what I have to deal with every single day 412 00:15:22,380 --> 00:15:23,923 with these needy-ass teachers. 413 00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:26,676 You must have a lot of patience. 414 00:15:26,759 --> 00:15:27,927 You know what? 415 00:15:28,010 --> 00:15:30,555 I think I have more patience than anybody I know. 416 00:15:30,638 --> 00:15:32,265 Thank you. Mm-hmm. 417 00:15:32,348 --> 00:15:34,017 Did you go to Harvard? 418 00:15:34,100 --> 00:15:36,644 I did go there. I forget sometimes. 419 00:15:36,727 --> 00:15:39,731 No wonder this is such a well-run school. 420 00:15:39,814 --> 00:15:41,691 God, it's so nice talking to someone 421 00:15:41,774 --> 00:15:44,110 who is a consummate professional. 422 00:15:45,445 --> 00:15:46,905 I heard that. 423 00:15:46,988 --> 00:15:50,617 Ava, Ava, you were absolutely right about that counselor. 424 00:15:50,700 --> 00:15:54,537 She is manipulative, dismissive, and rude. 425 00:15:54,620 --> 00:15:56,414 She must go. Mm-hmm. 426 00:15:56,497 --> 00:15:58,625 Listen, I've known both of you 427 00:15:58,708 --> 00:16:00,585 way longer than I've known her. 428 00:16:00,668 --> 00:16:01,878 Yes. Yeah. 429 00:16:01,961 --> 00:16:03,004 And that's why I must take her side on this. 430 00:16:03,087 --> 00:16:04,547 What? 431 00:16:04,630 --> 00:16:06,299 She said y'all getting on her nerves, 432 00:16:06,382 --> 00:16:07,967 interrupting her when she's with the kids, 433 00:16:08,050 --> 00:16:09,761 doing the job she's supposed to do. 434 00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:10,970 She's not going anywhere. 435 00:16:11,053 --> 00:16:13,264 But... I am a Harvard-trained, 436 00:16:13,347 --> 00:16:16,475 consummate professional who is extremely patient. 437 00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:18,853 Now, get the hell out. 438 00:16:18,936 --> 00:16:23,191 So how'd the, uh... revenge go? 439 00:16:23,274 --> 00:16:24,483 Not well. 440 00:16:25,443 --> 00:16:26,611 Okay, what happened? 441 00:16:26,694 --> 00:16:27,821 Okay, so I planted, like, 442 00:16:27,904 --> 00:16:29,739 a fake answer key to a test... Uh-huh. 443 00:16:29,822 --> 00:16:31,741 And these little cheaters figured it out, 444 00:16:31,824 --> 00:16:34,661 so they quickly, like, cracked open their textbooks, 445 00:16:34,744 --> 00:16:38,206 studied up on the material, took the test, and did great. 446 00:16:38,289 --> 00:16:39,666 So they learned? Exactly. 447 00:16:39,749 --> 00:16:41,209 How am I supposed to counter that? 448 00:16:41,292 --> 00:16:44,087 I don't think you should, but... 449 00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:45,463 Hello, Melissa. 450 00:16:45,546 --> 00:16:47,257 How are the super-easy- to-handle middle schoolers? 451 00:16:47,340 --> 00:16:48,341 Jacob, I swear to God. 452 00:16:48,424 --> 00:16:49,759 I'm too fast. You can't catch me. 453 00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,719 So it seems Melissa, the bully, 454 00:16:51,802 --> 00:16:55,098 is herself getting bullied by a bunch of little kids. 455 00:16:55,181 --> 00:16:58,852 I was gonna tell her to eat it, but I... 456 00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:00,562 I got too scared. 457 00:17:00,645 --> 00:17:02,313 Look, I love my first graders, 458 00:17:02,396 --> 00:17:04,858 but it is a completely different vibe 459 00:17:04,941 --> 00:17:06,443 when I'm with the older goofballs. 460 00:17:06,526 --> 00:17:07,901 Yes, they are more challenging. 461 00:17:07,984 --> 00:17:09,028 They keep you on your toes. 462 00:17:09,111 --> 00:17:10,572 They sure do. Mm-hmm. 463 00:17:10,655 --> 00:17:13,241 And, you know, I could have figured out their next move. 464 00:17:13,324 --> 00:17:15,827 I'm just, you know, a little rusty. 465 00:17:15,910 --> 00:17:17,744 Second graders made me soft. 466 00:17:20,164 --> 00:17:21,832 Why are you smiling? 467 00:17:21,915 --> 00:17:24,085 I got to get back into fighting shape. 468 00:17:27,003 --> 00:17:29,424 Melissa, you do know you cannot fight the children, right? 469 00:17:29,507 --> 00:17:31,176 I know. I'm not gonna... Just making sure. 470 00:17:31,259 --> 00:17:33,344 I'm not gonna fight them. Good. 471 00:17:33,427 --> 00:17:35,221 I'm gonna teach him. 472 00:17:39,141 --> 00:17:40,977 Have you not been doing that this whole time? 473 00:17:42,270 --> 00:17:44,189 Guys, no fighting over the brushes. 474 00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:45,523 If you want another, they're... 475 00:17:47,483 --> 00:17:48,526 Tariq? 476 00:17:52,655 --> 00:17:54,449 Tariq, I can see you. 477 00:17:54,532 --> 00:17:56,075 Dang. 478 00:17:56,158 --> 00:17:57,076 You always could, Janine. 479 00:17:57,159 --> 00:17:58,328 Oh, my God. 480 00:17:58,411 --> 00:18:00,872 Look, I've been reflecting. 481 00:18:00,955 --> 00:18:03,291 I've, you know, been looking at the mirror. 482 00:18:03,374 --> 00:18:06,419 The man in there. Michael Jackson. 483 00:18:06,502 --> 00:18:09,589 He had a monkey. What was I saying? 484 00:18:09,672 --> 00:18:11,674 I think you were trying to apologize. 485 00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:14,761 No. No, that's not... 486 00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:17,472 that... no, that... that was it. 487 00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:18,932 Look, I just want the best for Nick, 488 00:18:19,015 --> 00:18:20,725 and that is a teacher 489 00:18:20,808 --> 00:18:22,435 who treats all the kids fairly. 490 00:18:22,518 --> 00:18:23,770 Wow. 491 00:18:23,853 --> 00:18:25,522 I'm really happy to hear you say that. 492 00:18:25,605 --> 00:18:27,315 Thank you, Tariq. 493 00:18:27,398 --> 00:18:29,359 You really have grown. 494 00:18:29,442 --> 00:18:31,986 I know. It's pretty lame. 495 00:18:32,069 --> 00:18:33,821 Boo! 496 00:18:33,904 --> 00:18:36,783 No kiss? No fantasy suite? 497 00:18:36,866 --> 00:18:39,243 Tired of these short-ass seasons and terrible finales. 498 00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:43,331 God. 499 00:18:50,004 --> 00:18:51,005 Hey, Barbara, can I... 500 00:18:51,088 --> 00:18:52,298 Can I talk to you? 501 00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:55,301 Jacob, I have not touched your precious dishwasher. 502 00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:56,761 I know. I just... 503 00:18:56,844 --> 00:18:58,388 I was thinking about Ms. Alomar 504 00:18:58,471 --> 00:19:01,182 and, you know, she's here for the kids 505 00:19:01,265 --> 00:19:02,767 and they really like her. 506 00:19:02,850 --> 00:19:04,185 Indeed, they do. 507 00:19:04,268 --> 00:19:06,729 So, in the spirit of fostering a healthy atmosphere 508 00:19:06,812 --> 00:19:10,149 and setting a good example, I brought you a peace offering. 509 00:19:10,232 --> 00:19:11,943 The Glamma options were limited, 510 00:19:12,026 --> 00:19:14,070 but I think this one also suits you. 511 00:19:14,153 --> 00:19:16,531 " 512 00:19:16,614 --> 00:19:18,408 I can work with that. 513 00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:20,285 Thank you, Jacob. 514 00:19:20,368 --> 00:19:22,787 And, quite honestly, I was feeling bad, too. 515 00:19:22,870 --> 00:19:26,541 And so I purchased these 516 00:19:26,624 --> 00:19:28,418 so that I can wash my single mug 517 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:31,754 without ruining my manicure. 518 00:19:31,837 --> 00:19:34,257 Oh. Mm. 519 00:19:34,340 --> 00:19:35,550 Oh, hey. 520 00:19:35,633 --> 00:19:37,051 Uh, just the person we want to see. Oh. 521 00:19:37,134 --> 00:19:39,053 Ms. Alomar, we would... Oh. 522 00:19:41,389 --> 00:19:44,392 What is her problem? What is her problem? 523 00:19:44,475 --> 00:19:47,228 Listen, you're not in trouble, okay? 524 00:19:47,311 --> 00:19:48,855 I can respect when I got got. 525 00:19:48,938 --> 00:19:52,567 But yo use can never cheat again, okay? 526 00:19:52,650 --> 00:19:54,110 -Yeah. -Yeah. 527 00:19:54,193 --> 00:19:58,448 Okay. It did make me realize how much I have to teach you. 528 00:19:58,531 --> 00:20:00,283 Like when you... write this down. 529 00:20:00,366 --> 00:20:01,909 When you're pulling a job, 530 00:20:01,992 --> 00:20:04,954 you got to keep the conspiracy small, okay? 531 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:06,831 You got too many loose lips. 532 00:20:06,914 --> 00:20:09,626 Those goofballs, they gossip more than the Real Housewives. 533 00:20:09,709 --> 00:20:11,127 You know it's true. 534 00:20:11,210 --> 00:20:13,421 Worse, you burned your best scheme 535 00:20:13,504 --> 00:20:15,256 on a test you already had in the bag, 536 00:20:15,339 --> 00:20:17,008 and now that I know you know it, 537 00:20:17,091 --> 00:20:18,718 the next ones are gonna be even harder. 538 00:20:18,801 --> 00:20:20,595 Bring it. Oh, I will. 539 00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:23,055 I'mma be on you from here on out. 540 00:20:24,098 --> 00:20:26,267 It's gonna be a good year. 541 00:20:26,350 --> 00:20:28,978 Okay, crack those textbooks. 542 00:20:29,061 --> 00:20:30,938 Let's get into it. 543 00:20:31,021 --> 00:20:32,398 -Yeah. -Yeah. 544 00:20:34,942 --> 00:20:36,819 Did you know you could use a dishwasher to cook salmon? 545 00:20:36,902 --> 00:20:38,404 Let me demonstrate. 546 00:20:38,487 --> 00:20:41,490 First, season your salmon to taste. 547 00:20:42,575 --> 00:20:45,453 Then you wrap your salmon up like so. 548 00:20:45,536 --> 00:20:49,499 You select the "salmon" option on your dishwasher, 549 00:20:49,582 --> 00:20:51,208 which is pots and pans. 550 00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:57,548 And here's one I prepared earlier. 551 00:21:00,134 --> 00:21:03,054 After one cycle, you should have a perfectly cooked salmon 552 00:21:03,137 --> 00:21:07,433 that looks just like... this. 553 00:21:07,516 --> 00:21:09,477 Damn. It's overdone. 554 00:21:09,560 --> 00:21:11,145 I think I'll wash this at home. 555 00:21:12,313 --> 00:21:13,981 She's a bit of an odd duck. 556 00:21:14,064 --> 00:21:17,860 Speaking of duck, you can also use the dishwasher to cook duck. 557 00:21:17,943 --> 00:21:21,197 Now, for duck à I'orange. 558 00:21:24,200 --> 00:21:27,328 ...Captions by Verbit...