Original subtitles

Bye. Bye.

Good morning.

Doctor, surgery, what seems to be the... Yes.

Yes, there is a surgery this evening, but I'm sorry, we're very full, and

there's no question of fitting you in until... I'm putting you down for five o

'clock. Thank you.

Doctor Price?

Oh, Miss Parfait, good morning.

Good morning, Doctor.

Oh, Doctor?

Yes?

This is for you.

For me?

Another jumper.

Another?

I mean, thanks very much.

Oh.

Well, what do you think?

You shouldn't have. You really shouldn't have.

Wait till you see your cardi.

My what?

I'm hoping to finish it tonight.

Oh, that's Dr. Sharp.

I must go. Yes, you do. I'll see you to the phone.

Rightio.

Oh, doctor.

Yes, Miss Parfitt. You won't tell Dr. to shop about your pulley, will you? My

pulley? Oh, my pulley.

No, I won't breathe a word.

Thing is, I've been promising him one for months.

Oh, well, look, why don't you give him this one?

Oh, no.

That's for you.

It's your colour.

Oh, shame. Glad I caught you. I wanted to... What on earth's that?

A pulley from Miss Parfitt.

A pulley?

Oh, it reminds me of a nosebleed, I wonder.

How many's that she's knitted you?

Three, and the Ducati on the way.

Would you look at that colour.

Oh, no wonder she gets me great.

Oh, well, they do say love is blind.

Love? Oh, you don't think that... I've done nothing to encourage her. Oh, yes,

you have. You said, thank you very much for the three worst woolies in

captivity.

I expect she just wants to be a mother to me. Oh, does she? What about the two

you've already got?

They're wonderful, both of them.

But I'm the most wonderful.

Oh, you know you are, or you wouldn't ask. Yeah, I know.

Oh, my other mother rang.

Again? About the weekend, slight change of plan.

Another? Oh, it took them less time to plan D -Day.

What's the latest?

She's picking Wilfred up at ten.

Instead of 11?

I reckon she'll be here by 6.

Instead of 7. And she's going home again? Ah, ah, now, this is the crucial

When? When is she going home again?

Thursday week.

Thursday... Thursday week?! Sorry, sorry. Sunday evening.

Oh, and I believed you. I did, I believed you, and something inside of me

Oh, come on, it won't be that bad.

Oh, won't it? If she leaves when she says she's leaving. And if she doesn't?

I will.

It's only 24 hours.

24 hours. I haven't the option, have I? What of?

Community service.

I could paint an old person's flat or clean out a cesspit.

Anything. Oh, come on. You'll survive.

Will I? Oh, 24 hours of her and Wilfred together under the same roof. Will I?

Well, it was her idea to bring him.

Yes, it was, wasn't it?

Funny, that.

Not really.

I expect they want a dirty weekend.

You don't think there's something... Oh, something else inside me's just died.

I'm putting him in the barn.

That wouldn't stop me.

And it won't stop him.

Oh, I hate that side of life.

Oh, well, love and lust have a lot to answer for, Shane.

I'll take this upstairs, shall I, with the others, and hide it.

I've never seen anything like it. I haven't. I mean, it's so... Wonderfully

knitted. Wonderfully what?

Wonderfully knitted. I heard.

Thanks awfully.

You do have corn to make, Doctor.

Oh, right. Well, see you, Ida.

And thanks again, Miss Parfitt, for my pulley.

Dear boy, isn't he? Well, I think so.

But then, I'm his mummy.

Uh -oh.

What's wrong with it? You haven't gone between the prongs. And don't say she

won't notice, because she will.

I'm so sorry, but do you think I could have another fork?

Hygiene, you know, so important.

Have you swapped all the bedrooms round, Ida? I haven't. You've moved Wilfred.

Yes, I have moved Wilfred.

To the other end of the house.

She wanted to put him in the barn.

Oh, poor Wilfred. What's he done? It's not what he's done. It's what he's

to do. There'll be no hanky -panky hands not in this house.

Panky -panky?

That's another one that needs doing again.

Yes, hanky -panky. He still fancies her, Ange, and she doesn't like it. You say

that? No, no, I do.

I heard myself.

Then why did she offer to drive him?

She said, didn't she, to save him the fare, which, you must admit, was very

of her.

I suppose so. Yes, yes, it was.

But I still wish she hadn't done it. Why? Because I'm the one that'll spend

weekend flicking him off her.

Flicking him off her?

Oh, I'm dreading it, Angie.

It'll all be over by Monday morning. It'll all be over by Sunday night, or

want to know the reason why.

Oh, if that's her saying she's changed her plans again.

Hello. Oh, hello, Mother. I knew it.

Oh, I see.

Well, it's up to you, I suppose, but it's very short -noted.

You've told Wilfred, I hope. Eh? Eh? Told Wilfred what?

Shh. And how did he take it?

Well, frankly, I think that was very big of him. She must have asked him for

petrol money.

And he must have given her some.

Hey, sheesh. All right.

We'll expect you at six.

That's it, crossboy. I know.

I'm sorry. I've got nothing more to say. Good night.

Well, you've got your wish, haven't you? Have I?

Wilfred can't come.

He's ill. I must go to him.

Everything's in the freezer, aren't you? You'll just have to manage. Hang on,

Wilfred. I just... Come in.

Did she say which hospital they're taking him to?

Ida, there's nothing wrong with him. There's not?

No, nothing.

Then why isn't he coming?

Because my other mother has decided not to bring him. But she promised. She gave

her word.

She's taking it back. But why? Why is she taking it back?

You're not going to like this, Ida. I'm sure I'm not.

She's realised that she could break her journey in Nottingham and have lunch

with the Fortescue's.

So? So she doesn't feel that Wilfred is quite the Fortescue's cup of tea.

Are they his?

Ooh, I'm sorry, Jane, but this time she's gone too far.

This time... I'm not arguing with you either. I'm with you all the way. So am

She's a rotten snob. Oh, well, that's never been any doubt.

Oh, well, that's ruined my weekend.

I was right looking forward to seeing our Wilfred.

I was right looking forward to it.

30 seconds ago, she was dreading it.

Oh, well, that's when I knew he was coming, but he isn't now, is he?

Disappointing.

Oh, Ida.

Oh, I mean, what am I going to do with his fillet steak?

Not to mention his salmon mousse and his dolloper trifle. I've got five of

everything. I've even got five clean forks.

Well, we could always ask somebody else.

Could we? Who do we know who's grand enough for her?

Where's me copy of Debrecht?

I can ask Dr. Sharpe and his wife.

But then I'd be one fillet steak short, Shane.

There's always Miss Parfitt.

Miss Parfitt?

What are you trying to do to me, Ange? No, it's an idea. I mean, if nothing

else, it's a way of saying thank you for all those woolly pulleys.

All right, I'll ask her.

What if she says that she's not free?

Oh, she will be. It's written all over her poor soul.

Oh, well, I'll go and unmake Wilfred's bed.

I wish I could unmake your other mother's bed.

And shift it to the barn.

Robert, dear boy.

Hello, Mother. Angela, dear girl. Hello, Mother.

Oh, do I sense a chill in the air?

Would it be surprising?

You're upset because I didn't bring... My uncle.

Oh, dear.

Is it going to be like this all weekend?

Because if it is, it might be better for all of us if I turn right round and

head for home.

Mrs Price at last.

Mrs. Price, it's so good to see you. Is it?

I'm afraid I'm a wee bit late. I got a little lost in the lead. Oh, it's easily

done. You should have brought a little friend with you to mutt read.

About your brother. No, Mrs. Price, Lee said soon dismended.

Where's your luggage?

In the car. This way, everyone.

Follow me.

I'm putting a few flowers for Mrs. Willis. I hope they haven't wilted on

way.

Like she has.

She aged.

I'm sure this is the right key, Mother. It always ticks me. I

just poke about a bit.

No comment.

That's got it.

Oh, my God.

What? What?

track of time.

Oh, it must have been so uncomfy. I had me tranny, but I was on my way to the

end of the rainbow, wasn't I?

Oh, Wilfred, what a lovely thing to say.

Did you miss me as much as all that?

No.

Well, then what was at the end of the rainbow?

She is.

Oh. Her.

Not Mrs. Price.

I call it Othelia.

You do?

I do, when she's not there.

Oh, Wilfred, I was hoping all this had worn off. Worn off? Never.

Look, Wilfred, I'm going to say this one last time.

She is not for you, and you are not for her.

Find someone else, love.

Someone that likes drinking out of her soul.

I mean, you've nothing in common. There's nothing in the world could unite

two. Oh, yes, there is.

And it's in me trouser pocket.

Pardon?

And about.

I can't look.

You see this?

Oh, just about. What is it?

That is a man -made diamond.

And tonight, if all goes well, I'll be slipping it on a finger.

That's given you a surprise, hasn't it?

Yes. Well, you'll wish me well, won't you?

Yes.

That's right.

Well, I'm pleased you're pleased.

Well, I'll leave you now to have a little cry.

It's times like these that women like a little cry.

I'm getting married in the morning.

Ding -a -ding -a -dong!

Where's the wine, Ida?

Down, mate.

Sit down.

Have we got time?

We'll make time.

Now, brace yourself for a shock.

My brother is about to propose to your mother.

I know.

He'll have to be stopped, of course. There is no... You know.

That's why she didn't want to bring him. It was nothing to do with the port -a

-skew. You mean she knew he was coming?

Well, he's measured her finger five times.

Tuttle to the lad.

She's going to turn him down, of course.

Well, of course. I mean, thank goodness.

But how?

She's going to say it's because he's not tall enough.

Oh, I wouldn't say that. If he got those, you know, those bits you can buy

put in your boots, he'd be a doll. Ida, she's trying to let him down lightly.

Oh, I see.

Oh, well, that's very nice of her. He'll be broken hearted, mind?

Not for long.

Oh, now, he takes things to heart, does Wilfred.

It'll be, ooh, Thursday.

before it's himself again.

You mark my words.

I've finished the table, Ida. Oh, thank you, love.

I've put Robert between you and Mrs. Price and Wilfred between me and Miss

Parfitt. Miss who?

Miss Parfitt.

Oh, I've forgotten all about her.

That's you and you and me and her and her and him.

Six.

I'm a fillet state shark.

What will I do?

You'll think of something.

Oh, will you?

I can stretch me starters. I can add a tin of pears to me pudding. But even I

can't turn five fillet steaks into six. What am I going to do?

It's perfectly simple, Ida.

I'll pretend I've gone vegetarian.

Cook some extra veg and I'll make do with that. I can always have a sandwich

later. My hero.

You drink some of that. You'll need the iron.

Do we have any aspirin anywhere?

Yes, somewhere.

Have you got a headache, Mother?

Oh, yes, for the gladioli.

They'll stand up like soldiers.

Hey, Mum, you were right about Wilfred. He's told Ida.

He's popping the question tonight.

He's what?

He's asking her to marry him.

Hey! He's even got the ring.

Has he? Yeah, he showed me. He didn't?

What's it like?

Well... Elizabeth Taylor couldn't take it to leave it.

Anyway, what's it to you if you're turning him down?

Oh, are you turning him down?

Oh, poor Wilfred.

Hey, interesting what you're saying. Of course she's turning him down.

Apart from anything else, if they did get married, my uncle would be my

And my mother's would be my aunt.

Who's that?

Miss Parfitt.

Miss Parfitt? Who told you she could come this soon?

I did. I felt sorry for her.

Well, start feeling sorry for me. I haven't washed my spinach yet.

And I haven't made the sauce for my collards.

I take charge here, Mrs Willis. You run along and change. Oh, that's very nice

of you, if you're sure you don't mind.

I'll take her, Miss Parfitt. Oh, no, you won't. And she'll see to her you're not

dressed. Is he?

No, he isn't. Go and put that pullover on.

Oh, no.

Do I have to? Yes, you do.

More sherry, Miss Parfitt.

Well, I shouldn't really, but... Then don't.

We're a bit short.

Any more for you, Mum?

No, thank you. I want to keep a clear head for later.

Are we playing games?

I hope not.

Well, I'm hopeless at games.

But wonderful at knitting, Miss Parfitt.

Miss Parfitt knitted Robert's pullover, Mother. She didn't. She didn't.

I was wondering how he came by it.

Oh, it's, um... Unique.

Thank you.

Evening, all.

Well, there you are. Where have you been?

In the garden.

Doing what?

Marshalling me thoughts.

And the rest.

What's different about you?

Had a bath.

You're not going into hospital, are you?

No, no, it's on account of... Oh, hello, hello, hello.

Good evening.

Drink, Wilfred. Not now, lad. What? I want a clear head for later.

I'm dreading later.

Oh, lovely, eh?

Mind you, a can of lager wouldn't hurt me, would it?

What have you got on?

It's my new pullover, Wilfred. You didn't pay good money for that.

I didn't need to. Miss Parfitt knitted it for me. Me too.

I'm so sorry.

This is Miss Parfitt.

Miss Parfitt, this is my brother, Wilfred. How do you do?

Nicely, ta.

Is it oomph for one warrior?

Well, if you're all nicely settled for five minutes.

Yeah, aren't we?

I'll go and see about the steaks.

Do you need a hand, Ida? No, no, no, I'll be fine. How do you like your

Oh, well, I like mine... No, you don't, Robert.

What? Well, you can't have forgotten already, darling.

Forgotten what?

Oh, yes! Oh, Ida, I should have told you earlier.

I'm a vegetarian.

No, you're not. Yes, he is.

I decided this morning, no more meat for me. You'll never regret it,

Doctor. Won't I? I never have.

A vegetarian?

Oh, I should have told you, shouldn't I?

Oh, no, it doesn't matter.

But I wish you had.

Oh, I thought tonight would never end. I know what you mean.

I'm nothing against Miss Parfitt, mind you, but she's not what you might call

scintillating. Thank you. I was going to say a battle of laughs.

It was very nice of your brother to walk her home.

Well, he'd no choice, really, with Shane being on call.

Does he live far? Oh, no, just across the village.

Oh, don't worry, he'll be back in time to pop the question.

My late husband proposed to me in a moonlit garden, did he?

Well, I wouldn't advise that with Wilfred, because yes or no, he'll have

the bushes.

Shall we go through?

Would anyone mind if I went to bed?

Yes, I would. We're waiting for Wilfred.

I can't think what's happened to him.

He has been rather a long time.

Mum, he's been an hour and a half.

Perhaps he's gone for a drink somewhere.

Like where at five past midnight?

I think we should all go to bed.

But we'll miss the proposal.

I wasn't planning to sell tickets.

At last.

You won't leave me alone with him, will you? At least, not until I tip you the

wink. Well, don't take too long to tip it, because I'm tired.

I know exactly what I'm going to say.

I'm going to say, you do me a great honour, Mr Willis. Oh, couldn't you say

Wilfred? Oh, you've got lipstick on your teeth.

Oh,

thank you. Yes, well, actually, I have thought about that.

You do me a great honour, Wilfred.

No, no, it creates a sense of, how shall I put it, a misleading sense of

intimacy.

Oh, don't do it then.

I'm back.

Good. What took you so long?

Edith made me a cup of cocoa.

Edith? Yeah, and a nice cup of cocoa it was.

Robert, dear, you look exhausted. Why don't you and Angie run along to bed?

Good idea. Come on, Angie.

You too, Mrs Willis. You've had a very long day.

Have I?

Oh, yes, of course, I have.

Oh, and suddenly I'm so tired.

Oh, yes, I'm so tired.

Oh, night -night, all.

I'll give you a shout when I'm out of the bathroom.

You said you were, you know, you told me you were...

It's me new cardi.

A present from Edith.

I watched her sew the toggles on.

She's a very surprising woman, is Edith.

So I'm beginning to see.

She's got hidden debts.

She loves me.

She loves me not. She loves me.

She loves me.

Well, that lets you off the hook, Mum.

I suppose it does.

What's the matter?

Can't you guess?

There, there.

I've just thought of something. That cardi was meant for me.

There it was.

And Shane, go to bed.

There, there.