All language subtitles for Columbo 1x01.Murder.By.The.Book.AC3.DVDRip.XviD.English

[Typewriter Clacking]

[Clacking Continues]

Who is it?

Oh, you're not
intimidated, huh?

Oh, come on, Ken

You're forgetting that
I'm one half of the world's
greatest mystery writing team

You, uh, don't have gloves on,
your flnger's not on the trigger,

and there are no bullets
in the cylinder

You're right
I'm a lousy practical joker

What are you doing here
with that thing, anyway?

I was on my way down
to the cabin I thought maybe
I could use it for protection

Also came by to apologize

- For what?
- For blowing my cork the other day
I got out of line

Forget it
You know, that happens

Nah Shouldn't happen
Not between you and me

So, believe it or not, sir,

this is a peace pipe

Bottoms up, Jim

In the middle
of the morning?

Oh, come on Relax
It's Saturday

And in the mystery writer's soul,
it is always the middle of the night

Oh! A toast

Dear sir,

I give you

our divorce

Well, it's not really
a divorce

Oh, sure it is
Come on Let's be honest

I mean, it's...
There's no alimony, but, uh,
it is a termination

Ah, yes
And our dear little children

All 15 of them

Fifty million copies

And to the lady who made it all possible,
the greatest sleuth in the world,

Mrs Melville,

whom we brought to life
and now we're about to bury

Come on, Ken

You're making me feel guilty
All I want to do is write on my own

You're right
I am being selflsh

Okay, my boy
My blessings on your solo flight

Thanks

I appreciate it

After all, friendship is more important
than partnership Right?

Here's to our friendship

Right

And now, sir,

I'm gonna kidnap you

What?
The aforementioned cabin

which has been flnished
for over six months now...

You haven't seen it
You're gonna be
my flrst male guest

Oh, I can't, Ken Not now
Well, why can't you?

It's all the way down
in San Diego
Oh, it's a couple of hours' drive

I'll have you home
before midnight

Yeah, well, I promised Joanna
I'd take her to dinner
and a show

Aw, that's easy You pick up that phone,
you say, "Honey, I'm gonna be working
late at the offlce tonight" Come on

Soon as we get down there,
we uncork another bottle,
and then we go flshing

Well, l...
You know what your trouble,
old buddy is...

I mean, you're afraid
to unwind even for a day
Oh, no, I'm not

Well, then, prove it
Come on If you want
some justiflcation,

you're doing it
as a favor for me

At least give me a chance
to bury the hatchet
with some style, huh?

You just don't drop your partner,
then turn down his invitation
all in one week, now do you?

Actually, the timing isn't bad
I was just flnishing the flnal chapter

Ah, Mrs Melville's last case

You know, we ought to send
that broad some flowers

Listen, I made a list of things
I'd like to take from the offlce

You want to take
a look at it?

I don't get it
It's a list of names
Oh, I'm losing my mind

It's the wrong one
I must have left the other one
at the house

Uh... Oh, I am
losing my mind

What's the matter?
I left my lighter
in the offlce

Do you need it?
That's my security blanket

I'll only be a minute

[Whistling]

And to think I had to
talk you into this trip

Ah, Jim, smell that air
How far is the cabin?

Ah, it's not far
About an hour

We have to skirt San Diego

I'll only be a minute
I just have to get some supplies

Do you want to hand me that book
in that glove compartment?

Hey, it's one of ours
[Chuckles]
Yeah

The boss lady here's
a big fan of ours

I've been promising this for months
[Chuckles]
The price of fame

You want me to come with you?
No, no
I'll only be a minute

Miss La Sanka!

Anybody home?
In a minute

Mr Franklin!

Oh, my planets must be
in the right house!

[Chuckles]
Not only that,
but they're working overtime

I have a surprise for you
Pour moi?

Pour moi
Prescription. Murder

"A Mrs Melville thriller

byJames Ferris
and Ken Franklin"

Oh, uh, take a look
at the flrst page

You signed it?
You dear man

Well, Mr Franklin!

I'd rather have the storyteller
than the story

Well, I'll tell you what

If you play your cards right
and give me my grocery list,
someday you may have both

Empty promises
Miss La Sanka!

What do you need?
just a few things
for overnight, thanks

Who is it this week?
The blonde or the redhead?
Uh, Miss La Sanka,

I'm all alone this weekend

Except for, uh, some
contemplation, some flshing
and a refreshment of my spirit

Could you break this for me?
I need some change for the phone
Thanks very much

[Cash Register Dings]

That'll do flne
Thank you

Operator, I'd like to place
a station-to-station call
to Los Angeles

The area code is 213

[Phone Ringing]

Hello
joanna, it's Ken

Well, Ken! I thought
you weren't talking to us

Oh, that's all patched up

As a matter of fact,
I leftJim at the offlce
a few hours ago

- We signed the armistice
- Oh, well, that's a relief

Look, Joanna,
I wouldn't mention it to him

I'm sure he'd like to
surprise you himself

Uh, why don't you
join us for dinner?
We'll celebrate

I'd really love to, but I'm...

I'm spending the weekend
down here in San Diego
at the cabin

As a matter of fact,
that's where I'm calling from

All right Then we'll
do it another time
Absolutely

Uh, Joanna, I thought maybe if you,

for some reason, needed to get
in touch with me, you do know
the number at the cabin

Right
I'll see you in a few days

Fine

Good-bye

Did you ever get a feeling
of d�j� vu?

What?

Like you've, uh, done something before,
but you know you haven't

Why?
What do you mean?

I'm getting it right now
It's strange

You know I've never
been here before

Maybe in a previous
incarnation, huh?

Ken, it's fantastic
The house
that Mrs Melville built

Wait till you see
the inside

[Sighs]
It's no wonder

"No wonder" what?

What woman could resist
this setting?

Not very many
I promise you that

How about a drink, Jim?
More alcohol?
No, thanks

lt'll corrupt me
[Chuckles]

You're thinking
aboutJoanna, aren't you?

Well, yeah
You know,

just taking off like that

She still expects me for dinner
We can flx that
We'll put plan "A" into effect

Pick up the phone
and call her

What am I gonna tell her?
The man is too square
for words

Now, look You simply say
that you're working
at the offlce

You're calling from the offlce
She knows you have a deadline to meet
with the book You're working late

How many times
have you had to do that?
A couple hundred, I guess

Exactly
That's why she'll believe you

Yeah, well, l...
I just hate lying
to her You know

You're not lying to her
You're saving her
a little anguish

Now, will you pick up the phone
and call her so we can
start enjoying ourselves?

Okay

- Oh, Operator, I'd like to
make a collect...
- Hold it

It's a cinch you have never
cheated on Joanna before

If you want your wife to believe
you're calling from the offlce,

you don't have the operator
place the call... you dial it direct

The area code is 213

Hi, honey

How are ya?

Well, that's what
I'm calling about

Um, I'm at the offlce, and

I'm pretty well into
this last chapter

I'd like to work straight through
Yeah, I know

l... I know

This'll be the last time
That I can...

[Shot Fires]
jimmy?

jimmy!

Operator, get me the police

[Phone Ringing]

HelloJoanna?

What?

joanna...

Will you take it easy?
Now, say it again once more

Are you sure?

Did you call the police?

Yes, yes, of course
I'll leave right away

Uh, Joanna, please

Take it easy

And don't worry

I'm sure it's nothing
but a practical joke

Good-bye

No, I know it's insane

And I-I-I just... I keep
thinking of the clich�s and-and...

jim and Ken
wrote this scene

in their books a hundred times

Look at it this way, Mrs Ferris
Maybe he isn't dead

Now, there's no body,
no blood...

No! He was shot!
I-I know it!

I-I-I heard...
I heard it on the phone

Are you sure
it was a gunshot?
This place was searched

- Papers on the floor
Have you any idea why?
- No, I have no idea why

Did you notice
anything special missing?

No, no, no
Are you sure it was his voice?

[Joanna]
Yes, I know it was his voice,
and maybe somebody...

[Man]
Was he under any kind
of extra pressure?

[Joanna]
No Maybe somebody was...

- Did he say where he was calling from?
- Yes

He said he was calling
from the offlce He said... He said

"I'm calling from the offlce "

I really don't care
if anything was missing

I just really want to flnd out
what happened to my husband

We'll do our best
You sure it was his voice?

I know it was his voice
Are you sure it was a gunshot?

Yes, that's right
[Man] Would you like to sit down
and get a glass of water?

Yes, I would like...
Really, please

'Cause I really feel stupid,

and I just really
want to clear my head
Get the water

Okay

[Columbo]
I think that's out of order, ma'am

Uh, you see, that's the trouble
with these buildings
The fountains never work

Then you have to use
the coffee machine

And then you lose your dime
and the coffee's lousy

Who are you?
Uh, I'm just another cop

My name's Columbo
I'm a lieutenant

Were you in there...
I got the proof right here

You didn't see me in there
because I left before you got in there

And you know why?
Because it's so smoky in there
and so noisy in there

that I just had to come outside
and get a breath

Oh, I think I'd better get back
Now, look
Wait a minute

Let me tell you something
You look very tired to me,

and I think you had
a terrible experience in there

And I think
I ought to drive you home
Let's call it a night

Well, don't you think
they want to ask me questions?

Oh, I don't think they'll mind
I think you've answered
enough questions,

and I'll call them
and I'll tell them you're with me

Okay?
Well, what about Ken?

Why isn't Ken here?

I don't know why he isn't here

Is that Mr Franklin,
the other half of the writing team?

[Chuckles]

Yeah, the other half
of the team

You know, that's what I like
about these buttons

You don't have to push 'em
They go off with the heat
of your hand

I bet you haven't had
anything to eat

You're a very nice man, Lieutenant,
but I'm not really hungry

I'll tell you, Mrs Ferris,
I'm the worst cook in the world

But there's one thing I do terriflc,
and that's an omelet

Even my wife admits it
Uh, I need something for the eggshells

- Over there in that cabinet
- Right

I'm really not hungry
Listen

You take a taste
You don't like it,

you throw it away

I'll tell you what the secret is
to a good omelet

- No eggsJust milk
- [Stifled Chuckle]

- Uh, skillet
- Over there

You're a very persuasive man,
Lieutenant

Maybe I should hold up my end
and make the coffee

I need cheese and onions
and, uh, butter

Cheese... Uh, I need something
to grate the cheese

Over there in the cupboard

Right

What did they do with him,
Lieutenant?

I don't know, ma'am

Well, there was no body in the offlce
Couldn't that mean that he isn't dead?

Well, that's hard to say
Uh, it's bothering me too

I tell ya, the whole thing
doesn't make sense
unless it's a kidnapping

Well, you don't shoot
a victim flrst, do you?

Why'd you laugh before?
When?

When I asked you if Mr Franklin was
the other half of the writing team

Did I laugh?
Yep

Maybe it was the way you put it

"Writing team"

Maybe I shouldn't say it,

but Ken hasn't written a word
of a Mrs Melville novel in years

Mrs Melville?
Who's Mrs Melville?

The character
thatJim and Ken created

The one who solves
all the crimes brilliantly

Well, uh, why did your husband
put up with it?

What I mean is, uh,
him doing all the work

Well, there were compensations

Ken did the publicity,
went on all the talk shows,

and he did interviews
and cultivated the fllm people

He contributed

He just didn't do
any of the writing

Boy, I'll tell ya,
I'd love to be a writer

That's a terriflc talent

Where did he get
all the ideas?

Oh, from almost anything

People Magazines

Conversations

I'm constantly flnding
scraps of paper
and old matchbook covers

just all over the house
with notes and ideas

And those were mysteries, too,
weren't they, huh?

Mm-hmm
They're tricky
I'll tell you that

I could never
flgure those things out

Well, it got harder

Maybe that's why he decided
to go out on his own

Oh, really? I didn't know that
I guess he wanted to do
some serious work

No kidding?

How did Mr Franklin take that?

Not very well

But he'll get over it

Gee, I'd hate to be in his shoes
Why?

Well, you got a writing team, and they're
very famous, and now they break up,
and what happens?

One fella continues writing books,
and the other fella just stops

Yeah That's what
I keep telling Jim...

that sooner or later,
people are bound to flnd out

What, that your husband
did all the writing?
Mmm

Yeah

Kind of tough
on Mr Franklin's ego

[Doorbell Rings]

Oh, Ken!
jo

I know, I know
just take it easy

I drove up here
as fast as I could

Is there anything new?
No, not yet

jo, it's incredible

I just saw him
this morning at the offlce

Oh, I'm sorry, Ken
Uh,

Lieutenant Columbo,
Mr Franklin

How you doin'?
No, the question is,
how you doing, Lieutenant?

Well, I'm afraid
we just got started

Has Jim been found yet?

Has he been found yet?
Uh...

Why? Did somebody tell you
he was gone?

Lieutenant, I just spent several hours
driving up here from San Diego

You must know that this story
is on every news station

Oh, right Yeah
Gee, I should have thought of that

Well, has he been found?
Gee, I'm afraid not

No Were you visiting friends
in San Diego?

He has a place there... a cabin
Oh, away for the weekend
Gee, that's nice

Mmm Could we get back
to my question?

Have you come up with
any leads, any clues?

Uh, it's a little early for that
Early?

Seems to me your men are
standing around just marking time

Could I have a drink, love?

I could use one myself
Thanks

I'll tell you something,
Lieutenant

See, if Mrs Melville
were on this case,

oh, she'd be leaps and bounds
ahead of you by now

Is that the lady in the books?
That's right

You see, she would have
flgured out that this is not
just someone missing

This is a professional killing

Aha Here it is

Take a look at that
Uh, put it on the desk

just drop it 'Cause of
the flngerprints, you know

jim's flngerprints
are all over that
So are mine

What is it?
What's it look like?
It's a list of names

Look at that Mustel,
Delgado, Hathaway, Westlake...

Sound familiar?
Uh, yeah, kinda

Well, they should That's a list
of some of the top men
in organized crime on the West Coast...

LA, Vegas, Frisco...
I don't understand

Well, it's painfully obvious

One of these men
had Jim killed

Really? Why?

Tell me something
How long have you been
a lieutenant, Lieutenant?

Mrs Melville would have
put that together like that
[Snaps Fingers]

Look, l... I'm willing to take
all the help I can get

All right Let me see
if I can explain it to you

See, my partner and I
decided to split,
go our separate ways

I'm sureJoanna must have
mentioned that to you

Yeah, she said
something about that

Did she also mention the fact
thatJim wanted to do
some serious writing?

Hey
Uh-huh Uh-huh

Wait a minute Yeah!
Dawning on you now?
I knew you'd get it

But that's only
the tip of the iceberg

You see, Jim was researching
a complete and factual expos�

of all West Coast organized crime

I mean, he was going around asking
some pretty embarrassing questions

Probing
Compiling dossiers

That's why
they searched this offlce

Apparently, they got everything
but that list

And you think one of these fellas
put out a contract on him

Of course Word must have gotten around
thatJim was compiling all this information

They knew they couldn't buy him off,
so what do they do?

They chose the usual
alternative

Professional killing, huh?
But if that's true,
why did they get rid of the body?

Well, who knows?
But remember one thing...
Without a corpus delicti,

you can't prove a murder
was committed in the flrst place

But why would
a professional killer care?

I mean, he's already on a plane
back from where he came

Lieutenant, I can't answer
all your questions I've given you
a list of the most likely suspects

A clear motive
Isn't that enough to start with?

Oh, that's plenty
And believe me, I'm very grateful
for all the help you've given me

Gee, that's funny
What?

Well, this thing is folded lengthwise,
like someone was carrying it
in their pocket

So?

Well, if he typed that
on that typewriter...

and I'll run a check on that...

why would he fold it up
before he put it in that drawer?

[Chuckling]
I'm beginning to like you

Why is that?
Because you're flnally beginning
to think like Mrs Melville

Unfortunately, Jim used to
fold up a piece of paper,

and he'd use it
as a bookmark, you know
Ah

Now, however interesting
your observation is,

it only leads us far astray

However,
since you are beginning to learn
how to emulate our dear lady,

I'm gonna give you something
that you richly deserve...

a chance to read
some of our books

Well, that's very nice of you
Didn't expect gifts tonight, huh?

Thank you Maybe I can
pick up a few pointers

Oh, I'm sure you can

Uh, could you handle
some more?
Oh, all right

Here you go
Oh, and an extra
Oh, that's very nice

That ought to keep you busy
for a while, huh?
Yeah, it sure will

Well, anything else, Lieutenant?
Uh, no, I don't think so

I think I'd better let you
get some sleep
Oh, that's very nice of you

I just only hope
I was of some help
Oh, you certainly were

Well, good night, Lieutenant
Good night, sir
Good night

Oh, Mr Franklin Uh...

Actually, uh, there is one thing,

not that it makes
that much difference

What is it?

When Mrs Ferris called you
and told you her husband got shot,

you jumped in a car and drove
right back to LA

Is that right?
That's right

You know, me,
I'd have taken a plane

I mean, it's a big airport,
and they run every half hour
lt'd been a lot faster

Well, l... That's true,
but in a situation like that,
who thinks clearly?

And look at it this way
You add up all the time it takes
to drive to and from an airport,

how much time
do you really save?

Hmm

Operator, would you get me
the police, please?

Thank you

Lt Columbo, please

Yes, thank you
I'll wait

Columbo, this is Franklin

I think you better get over here
right away

937 Skyview Drive

It's an emergency

[Woman On Police Radio. Indistinct]

[Woman on Radio]
1- L 10 MPs have been notifled

Do you still request
a radio unit?

[Man On Radio]
All units in the vicinity,

a prowler, 12F3...
[Fades]

When I got home, there he...

there it was, right
in the middle of the lawn

Terrible thing to come home to

The funny thing is, l...

I kept hoping or l...
I was sure thatJim was still alive

PoorJoanna

Every time I think of
feeling sorry for myself,

I think of how much
she had to lose

Look at 'em!

Vultures!

Lieutenant, you mind
if I go inside? I

can't stand
to watch them gape

Listen You mind
if I come with you?

Because there's no lining
in this coat, and I'm a bit chilly

I don't mind

[Phone Ringing]

Hello

Yes, this is Mr Franklin

What? No comment

Aw, you've gotta be kidding
You want an interview now?

A gentleman of the press
Afraid you're gonna get
a lot of that

I'm sorry, Lieutenant
I'm forgetting my manners
Would you like a drink?

Yeah Mmm
Maybe a drop ofbourbon

Bourbon

Boy, this is quite a place

This a copy?

Hardly
It's an original

Gee, I thought they only
hung this stuff on museums

You own this?

Mrs Melville has been very kind

Boy Quite a place

Gee whiz And you got
that other place in San Diego

Gee, the upkeep alone must be...

I manage to scrape by
Your drink

Thank you You know,
there's one thing about writers
that I don't understand

Maybe you can help me
clear it up

If a fella's partner dies,

uh, does he own the other
fella's half of the books,
half of the, uh, um...

Royalties?
Yeah

No They go
into the deceased's estate

Mmm That leaves you
out in the cold, doesn't it?

Unless, of course,
you insured each other

Lieutenant, aren't we going
a bit far astray?

You're right We shouldn't
be talking about this now

It's not the time

Uh... Uh...

So, Mr Franklin, tell me, uh,

why do you think that they left
your partner's body out there
on the lawn like that?

Do you mean to tell me
you haven't flgured that out?

Lieutenant,
you disappoint me

It was left as a warning
A warning?

Of course

It also proves my theory about
it being a professional killing

See, the moment they dropped
jim's body in the middle
of that lawn...

Please, sit down

You know
what they were saying?

That this could happen to you

unless you stop
in your partner's research

- They're trying to scare you
- Exactly

Right

So what are you gonna do?
Are you gonna continue
writing the book anyway?

No, that's the irony of it
You see, that was Jim's
pet project, not mine

[Chuckles]
I wouldn't even know
where to begin

Say, I guess they didn't have
any way of knowing
you two were gonna split up

Nah Even if they did,
it wouldn't have doneJim any good

I must say, Lieutenant,
you're up against a dead end

Look at this
You got a body,

you got a motive,

but you're never
gonna flnd that killer

It's not gonna be easy

I'll lay you 5 to 1
it was someone
in Las Vegas or Miami

Picked up a phone and...
pfft! ...put out a contract
Right Right

How you're gonna make a case,
much less solve one,
is beyond me

I know I guess the only thing
I can do isjust check out
every name on that list

Sure You know what's gonna
happen? Every one of those guys
is gonna deny thatJim even existed

Right

I must say
I don't envy you
I don't envy myself

Now, look I got a lot
of phone calls to make
I'd better get on it, huh?

All the luck
Thanks Thanks a lot,
Mr Franklin

And listen I'm very sorry
about what happened tonight

Thank you
Right

You, uh...

You will keep me posted,
Lieutenant?
Oh, yes, I will Yeah

You know, there's only one thing
that I'm not clear about

But that can wait
You want to go to bed

Lieutenant, I'm not gonna
get any sleep anyway
What is it?

Would you go over for me
once again... I know you did it...

exactly what happened
when you came home tonight?

Sure l...
I've already told you, but

[Sighs]
the moment I saw Jim's body
in the middle of the lawn,

I came running in here
and I picked up the phone
and I called you

I mean, it's a purely
reflexive action

Uh-huh Right Uh-huh

Uh-huh That's flne
Now, wait a minute
You look like you're troubled

Is there some reason
for your question?

Uh, it's your mail

My mail?
Isn't it funny
how people are different?

Now, me, if I found my partner dead,
I'd never think of opening my letters

But l-l... I just did it
to distract myself

I mean, you got to remember
one thing, that's a great shock

Yeah
Oh, that's understandable

And bills are distracting
Listen, if anything comes up,

I'll call you right away

Good night
Good night

I'm gonna have a hot dog
I guess I will too

No, no, Mr Tucker
You put that away

This one's on me

May I have a receipt, please?

All right, Lieutenant
You're bribing me
with a handsome lunch

What can I do for you?
Uh, this is about
an insurance policy

Oh, excellent
It's about time you came to me

I can give you
a package within your...
Yeah, this is, uh,

an insurance policy
that was already written

Oh, this is offlcial business
Uh, yeah
Uh, there are two mystery writers...

Ken Franklin and James Ferris

Your company
wrote a policy on them?
Now, wait a minute, Lieutenant

We like to cooperate
with the police, but

if you want confldential information,
I'm afraid that you...
Oh, well, look, uh,

I don't want to cause you any trouble

Maybe it'll be more helpful
if I got a court order?

[Chattering]

[Chattering Continues]

Oh, Ken, it was simply marvelous
I was terrifled

Oh, really?
I had the whole thing flgured out
by the end of the flrst act

Oh, you did?
I was completely fooled

You must have a devious mind
No, dear,
it's because you're young

Always remember
one thing, my love

The moment
a man mentions a long-lost twin,

you can inevitably know that it's
going to be some impersonation

It's an old plot trick

Mr Franklin! Yoo-hoo!

- Over here!
- Who's that?

Someone
that should be somewhere else

[Man]
No, we go this way
Excuse me a moment

Miss La Sanka,
what a pleasant surprise
Hi [Giggling]

What brings you to the big city?
Oh, I came in to do
a little shopping

You... You like my dress?
Oh, it's lovely

See a play
[Laughs]

She's a beauty,
Mr Franklin

Yes, she is
Uh, thank you

I haven't seen her before
have I?

No, I don't believe you have

Well, it's...
it's lovely to see you
I, uh,

hope you won't think
I'm being forward,
[Chuckles]

but is there any chance of, uh,
our having a drink together?

Oh, I'd... I'd love to, really
But, uh...

See, the young lady and I
are going to have a late supper

I think you might want to cancel it

- Just why would I want to do that?
- Because

we really should have a discussion
[Chuckles]

Perhaps some other time
All right l...

I suppose I'll have to flnd
someone else to tell my story to
[Chuckles]

It's a mystery story

Very interesting
Really

It's all about this witness
[Chuckles]

just wait here
I'll be right back

Anything you say, Mr Franklin

[Piano]

[Laughing]

Oh, wow!

Oh, I just can't resist
strawberries

Oh, I'm glad you like them

[Giggling]

[Giggling Continues]
You're...

You're making me nervous

That's quite a stare
I'm sorry
I-I can't help it

You know,
I've never seen you outside
that store before

You're very lovely

May I call you Lili?
Yes, please do
[Giggles]

How did you enjoy
the play tonight?
Oh, I thought
it was predictable You?

Oh, I like your books
much more
That's very flattering

But you said something before
about, uh,

about your story
or something about a...
a witness

Oh, yes Well, actually,

it's a, uh,
true-to-life story

Oh, the best kind
[Giggles]

It concerns your partner
jim?

Uh-huh
What about him?

Well, I read in the papers
about his death,

and I felt just terrible
Thank you

I felt just terrible, because they said
he was killed in his offlce

So they did
Well,

in my story, you see,

he couldn't have actually
been killed in an offlce,

because he was, uh,

somewhere else

just for a moment,
let's forget about your story,

and let's, uh...
let's talk about real life

[Chuckles]
It is simpler, isn't it?
Much

I'll tell you honestly, Ken

I was very confused
when I saw the papers,
because,

when you were in my store
making a phone call the other day,
Uh-huh

I wandered over
to the side window to see

if you had brought a lady with you
[Giggles]

You didn't believe me when I said
that I was alone
Oh, I believed you
It's just that

I'm very interested in you, Ken

[Giggles]
Well, anyway,

you can imagine my surprise
when I saw your partner

There he was, big as life,

sitting there
in the front seat of your car

And that disturbed you, huh?
Oh, not at that time

Only later

And then I debated
with myself for days

whether to come
and see you or not

Why didn't you go to the police?
Oh, Ken

I wouldn't want
to get you into trouble
[Giggling]

Of course not
[Snorting Chuckle]
All right, Lili How much?

[Laughs]
I hope you don't think that
that's the on...

Oh, no, no, no
I don't think anything

I'll tell you something
I'm most grateful you came to me flrst

Know why?
Because I think we can reach
an equitable agreement

I do so admire your candor

This isn't easy for me...
a widow running a

small country store,
trying to make ends meet
Oh, I can understand that

And I also recognize in you
a woman of... of some breeding

I mean, you're not just
a common blackmailer

I'm so glad you're understanding

Very well, Lili

How much for your silence?

$15,OOO? l...
[Plate Clattering]

Oh! I-I know it's a lot,
but that's all I'll ever ask for
Honestly

- And I'm a woman of my word!
- I know you are, and I respect you for that

And you know what?

In that spirit, I accept your terms
Agreed?

[Relieved Chuckle]
Agreed

[Chuckles]
And I know you won't take offense
when I say,

"lt's a pleasure
doing business with you"

No, no My pleasure
[Chuckles]

[Both Chuckling]

- [Chuckling Continues]
- [Doorbell Chiming]

Yes?
Is Mr Franklin home?

He's occupied at the moment
Who shall I say is calling?

Uh, Lt Columbo
Oh Well, won't you
come in and wait?

Thank you
He'll be with you shortly

[Camera Shutter Clicking]
[Man]
Only a few more

Thanks muchly, Mr Franklin
I think we're about flnished,

if you can bear
one or two more photographs
Fire away

After all, your magazine
was very kind to Franklin and Ferris
during our lean years

That's, uh, the second reason
I granted the interview
Oh? What was the flrst?

- Why, the charm
of the interviewer, of course
- Thank you

- [Thump]
- [Shutter Clicks]

Yes, Lieutenant
Is there something I can do for you?

Oh, yeah lf-lf you...
If you have a moment

That's about all I do have

As soon as I flnish here,
I'll be right with you

Is there anything else, Miss, uh...
May I call you Gloria?
Please do

Uh, just one last question

I think our readers will want to know
how the death of your partner will affect
the Mrs Melville books

I'm afraid when I buried Jim
I buried Mrs Melville with him

Mmm, I understand

But everyone will miss her so
Can't you write another one?

Oh, I could, naturally,
but what's the point?

With Jim gone, there
[Smacks Lips]
wouldn't be much reason

No, I'm afraid, uh,
Mrs Melville has solved
her last case

Actually, I've been
seriously debating as to whether
I would ever want to write again

Oh, well, I hope you do
Thank you
That's very kind of you

Now, if you don't mind, huh?
Of course
Let's go Harvey

Perhaps,
under better circumstances,
I, uh...

less harassed circumstances...
I could give you a more detailed interview

- Even in more depth
- Mmm, that'll be nice

Shall I call you?
Yes Please do
Next week, huh?

Good-bye

Oh, sorry, Harvey
Thanks, very much
Thank you

All right, Lieutenant
What can I do for you?

Well, I brought back your books

Well, that's flne
Just put 'em over there
on the table

Yeah Uh, sure
I wanted to tell ya how much
I enjoyed 'em

I think they're the most terriflc...
Boy, I wanna...

And... Oh, listen, I'll come back
I'll make two trips on this

But the... the lady detective...
What a character, what a brain

And what logic
The way she flgures it out
Lieutenant

I'd love to sit down
and discuss literature with you,
but I was on my way out

Oh Oh, I'm sorry

I didn't mean to bother ya
Uh, you goin' someplace special?

Yes, as a matter of fact
I'm on my way down to my cabin
for a rest

- Would you like an itinerary?
- Hey, I'm sorry

- I'm makin' a pest of myself
- No

Yes, yes, I am
I know, it's because I keep
askin' these questions

But I'll tell ya
I can't help myself

It's a habit
I take it you're not goin' alone

- Whatever gave that idea?
- I noticed the two bottles of champagne

Oh, those Oh, I'm quite capable
of drinking those two bottles

and a good deal more
without any help

Now, if you'll excuse me,
Lieutenant

Yeah Uh, listen
Unless you just wanna take a second

to know how we're progressin'
on your partner's list

Oh?
Anything concrete?

No, not a thing
just like you predicted

Everyone said
they never even heard ofJames Ferris

[Smacks Lips]
That's just as I expected

Well, it was lovely to chat with you,
Lieutenant

Oh, Mr Franklin?
Do you have a minute?
Yeah

Is it important?
Well, it could be
You see, I was checking the, uh,

the phone company records
in San Diego

Now, why would you want
to do that, Lieutenant?

Oh, well, I have to do that
You know, that's part of my job
I got to tie up all those loose ends

Anyway,
on the day of the murder

there was a record
of a call from the cabin

It was a call to the Ferris house
in Los Angeles

I see
And now you're wondering whether
I can explain that Is that right?

Oh, I'm sure you can
Oh, you're right I can

But, you see, you would've saved
both you and me a great deal of trouble

if you'd checked
with Joanna Ferris flrst

She would've explained to you
that I'd spoken with her from my cabin,

telling her thatJim and I had
patched up our differences

Oh, what do you mean
by "differences"? Uh...

Well, you see,
ironing out any difflculties
in a separation is never easy

And I knew Joanna would be concerned,
and I wanted to put her mind at ease

Oh, I see
Can you understand that?

Oh, yes Yeah, that's understandable
Oh, yeah Yeah
Oh, flne Is that all?

Yes, that's all Right
Good

[Snickers]
Listen, uh,
enjoy your trip

Thanks very much

And drive carefully
[Engine Starts]

Don't worry, Lieutenant
You can count on it

And here you are!
[Laughs]

Bearing gifts

And more gifts
Why, Mr Franklin, how lovely
[Chuckles]

Ken
Yes, of course Ken

Now, Lili, let me ask
you a simple question

You up to making a nice,
quiet dinner for two tonight?

[Orchestra. Romantic]
Here's to prosperity

And romance

[Both Chuckling]

A daily double
[Laughing]

Oh, I must say, Lili,
that was a magniflcent meal

Where'd you learn
to cook so well?

My late husband,
may he rest in peace,

was a professional chef

Wonderful man
[Chuckles]

He taught me all I know
Well, he taught you well

Thank you, sir

Reflll?
Oh, sorry

Oop!
We're all out
[Laughs]

Let's open another one
Dare we?

Dare we not?

Mm-hmm!

Here we go Happy New Year!
[Cork Pops]

[Both Laughing]
Quick, the glass

[Laughing Continues]

Oh! Mmm!

Delicious!

But I'm afraid
I'm getting a little tipsy

What's wrong with that?

[Slurred]
I don't know if I can trust you

Now,
is there any reason not to?

Lili, if I make you uncomfortable,
I can always leave

No Please
I do enjoy your company

You know what we should do?
What?

It's such a beautiful night,
we should

row out
to the center of the lake and

go for a swim
Mmm
Sounds nice

Mmm Is nice Shall we?

Better not
Why not?

I trust you, Ken
Really

But we all have
our dark sides, don't we?

just wouldn't be very intelligent of me
to be alone with you in a small boat

After all, you might start having
second thoughts about the money

I wish
you hadn't said that, Lili

That kind of talk
hurts me deeply

I'm gonna tell you something,
and I shouldn't

But I'll tell you why,
because I trust you

I was prepared to give you
considerably more than you asked for

Fifteen thousand... I mean,
I've lost that much gambling
in one night

Well, it certainly
is a great deal of money to me

What do you think you'll, uh...
you'll do with all of it?

I don't know
Put it in the bank, I guess

But not right away

Ohh!
I just want to look at it for awhile
[Chuckles]

[Continues]

Better be careful

Someone might, uh,
rob you

I'll just keep it for a day or two

I've never seen
so much money in my life

Uh,

maybe...
maybe you could take a...
a trip somewhere, huh?

I may I've always
wanted to go on a cruise

Oh, cruises,
they're so romantic

Did I tell you that my late husband
was in the merchant marines?

Is that a fact?
Mmm

They're the ones
who taught him how to cook

I almost wish he were here now

He could share this with me

Or maybe we can do
the next best thing

[No Audio]

Who did you say it is?
One of the cops said
it was a local woman

Some kind of drowning

[Woman On Police Radio]
Twelve A-15, clear
Twelve A-1 7, are you clear?

Twelve A-1, clear
Twelve A-15, stand by

One L-10, MPs have been notifled

[Whistling]

[Stops]

Mornin'!

Well, Lt Columbo
I must say, you turn up
at the oddest times, don't you?

Listen, I hope you don't mind
my comin' in that way, you know

But the door was open,
and I just let myself in
Oh, no

How'd you get here? By magic carpet?
I didn't see your car outside

Oh, no I pulled around back,
and I put it in the shade

You know,
the sun raises hell with the paint
Oh, sensible

Well, what brings you
up here to the wilds?

Well, I'll tell ya
I heard you and Mrs Ferris talk
so much about this place,

and you made it sound so terriflc,
and believe me, uh,

you weren't exaggerating,
because

this is magniflcent

And, uh, since I got
a two-week vacation comin' up,

I said to myself, "Go on down there,
check out the area, look to see
Mmm

Maybe you can rent a cabin"

Lieutenant, you're not gonna tell me
you drove down here just to look
for a vacation spot, are you?

Why else would I come?
You're wasting your time

I have a feeling that cabins
in this neck of the woods are pretty much
out of your price range, anyway

Most of them are...
are rented for the season

Oh, gee whiz, that's...
that's too bad

Gosh, my wife
is gonna be disappointed

Well, it was a nice ride, anyhow
Yes, a lovely drive

Except for that
bottleneck down the road
What was that all about?

Oh, there was a drowning
Well, what was it,
a flsherman?

Well, I heard someone say
it was a local woman

Uh, a Miss La Sanka
or something like that?
Something like that, yeah

Yeah Did you know her?
Not really, no

I was just wondering, because,
when I was in the kitchen before,

I noticed a grocery box
with her name on it

Oh, I occasionally buy supplies
there, sure, like anyone else
who lives around here

Uh-huh
I think she was the one
that drowned Yeah

'Cause I, uh, stopped by
the grocery store on the way here
to pick up some cigars,

and I noticed it was closed
and the cops'cars around

Well, if it was her,
l... I'd be very sorry

She was always very friendly
Yeah, that's a shame

Mm-hmm
[Sucks Teeth]
Oh, you did know her

Lieutenant, I know a lot of people
without really knowing them

You know, like barbers,
waitresses, parking lot attendants,

even the cop on the beat

Don't you?
Yeah [Chuckling]
Yeah, I do, matter of fact

I'll tell you, though
People are strange

You know, I can't flgure 'em out
Why a woman goes out on a lake
all by herself

before the light comes up
Oh, there's nothing
unusual about that

A lot of us go out early

It's peaceful
and kind of makes
you feel like you're

plugged into nature
Mmm

Know what I mean?
Yeah Yeah

Well, say, listen
Look, you came down here

to get away from things,
and I'm just takin' up your time

I didn't mean to bother you
No, no, no
It's no bother at all

Say, I'd be more than glad
to let you have a bathing suit,

but, uh, you don't look like
the athletic type to me

Well, it's, uh, my wife
that's the athlete

Oh?
Yeah

So, you don't think I'm gonna
be able to flnd a cabin to rent, huh?
Mmm

Best bet is to go down and check
with some of the local real estate people
Uh-huh

Because I think it'd be fun
to be neighbors for a couple of weeks
[Chuckles]

[Laughs] Y-Yeah
Say, what kind of nightlife
do you have around here?

Nightlife? None

No partying?
just sleep and crickets

Gee, I was just wonderin',
because,

you know, I didn't want
to barge in on you today
unannounced

I don't follow you
No, last night I called
to tell ya that I was comin'

But there was no one at home

[Woman On Police Radio,
Indistinct]

Uh, you a reporter?

Uh, no, uh...

Uh, Lieutenant, uh,
Columbo,

uh, police

LA unit
All right

LAPD
Yeah

What brings you down here,
Lieutenant?
Well, I'm workin' on a case

Uh, listen,
this is not really my jurisdiction,

but do...
do ya mind if I browse around?

Well, help yourself, Lieutenant
Always glad to cooperate

[Reporter]
Didn't she have a bruise on her head?

[Man] How'd you know that, Ben?
Oh, come on, Sergeant
Doc Webster told us

All right, so there was a bruise
Probably as a result of the boat capsizing
and rendering her unconscious

Any indication the lady
was under the influence?

I can't ascertain that
until we see an autopsy report

The doctor's
working on that right now

[Reporter #1]
Sounds like drinkin'to me
[Reporter #2] Could she swim?

[Sergeant] How would I know
a thing like that?
I wasn't married to the lady

[Reporter #3] Any living relatives?
I don't think so
Somebody said she was a widow

[Reporter #3]
How about the rowboat?
Rowboat? What about it?

Well, who'd it belong to?
Where'd it come from?
It belonged to the deceased

I've got witnesses that have seen her
take it out on the lake

[Voices Continue, Indistinct]

[Reporter #1]
Think she wanted
some fresh air last night?

[Sergeant]
This is all conjecture, gentlemen
I mean, there's no way of telling

Maybe she did
Who knows?

It's also possible
that she had a heart seizure
or she got dizzy

[Reporter #3]
Then you think it was an accident
I certainly don't think it was foul play

You gonna be in your offlce
this afternoon?
[Sergeant] Absolutely

[Reporter #1]
How long was she in the water, Sergeant?
Oh, I don't know

Wait'll we get the report
We're startin'to cover the same
old ground here, gentlemen

Now, why don't you meet me
in my offlce an hour from now

Well, we've got some
more questions here we'd like to...
I'll answer 'em all then

I'll have the reports, and I'll be able
to give a lot more information Okay?
Okay, Sarge, thank you

[Columbo Reading]

- I still don't know what this means
- It means that he knew her

It means that he knew her
not casually, the way he said

It means that he knew her
reasonably well
All right

You've got a romantic inscription
in a book and a champagne cork

Now, what does that prove?
By itself,
it doesn't prove anything

But once you assume
that Franklin committed these crimes,

everything flts together
I just can't believe it

I've known Ken too long
He's not a murderer

Mrs Ferris, it wouldn't make a difference
if you knew him for a hundred years

That wouldn't change anything
This man, Franklin, took your husband's life!

Do you have a match?

Help yourself I don't smoke

It doesn't make sense, Lieutenant!
Ken has an alibi

What's his motive?

I told ya how he could've
worked the phone

Now, his motive
is the insurance money
He needed cash

He spent money like a drunken sailor
He had two houses

He's got paintings
He's got women

He's got...

What?

"Jack and Jill went up the hill

"Did Jack killJill?

If so, flnd out why"

jim One of his story ideas

Oh

Lieutenant,
if Ken killed my husband,

then why did he murder
Miss La Sanka?

Well, it's my hunch
that she knew something

Maybe she saw them together,
and she tried to blackmail him

But that's pure guesswork, isn't it?
No, ma'am, it's not
Not quite

I checked the bank
Yesterday, he took out $15,OOO

Today, he put it back in again

Now, why in the world
would he do that?

All right
I'm still not convinced, but

let's say I'll go along

What happens now?
I don't know

But I've got a pretty strong
circumstantial case
It's just not enough

If I had one piece of hard evidence,
I could nail this fella

But you don't
That's right, ma'am I don't
That's why I'm here

Maybe
you can give it to me
Me?

You knew both of these fellas very well
I want you to tell me about 'em

AnythingJust talk...
whatever comes into your mind

Kind of like analysis
without the couch

Would you like a little coffee flrst?
That'd be flne

Okay

I don't know
what you're looking for,
but here goes

They met in a typewriter shop,
of all places

jim had broken a key,
and Ken needed a ribbon
Does that help?

Yeah Keep goin'

Well, I told you lot aboutJim
[Faucet Running]

He was brilliant, really
He'd wake up in the middle of the night
with ideas...always throwing off sparks

I remember he even did it
on our honeymoon
[Chuckles]

Funny thing is that Ken
didn't even talk about the books

unless he was on television

This the truck's gonna move my stuff
outta suite 8O3?
Yeah

You almost flnished?
Haven't started

- What do you mean,
you haven't started?
- I'm only the driver, mister

Ask the other two guys
They've been in there a half an hour already

Half hour?

[Bell Chimes]

[Door Opens, Closes]

Columbo!

Oh
Hiya, Mr Franklin

just flnishing up
this last Melville mystery
I didn't get a chance the other day

All right
Now, what are you doin' here?

Why, I'm waiting for you
I happened to be in the neighborhood

You're always in the neighborhood!

Can you tell me what right you've got
to keep those movers out of this offlce?

Oh, listen, I'm sorry about that
It's just...

You know what I thought?
I thought you and I should talk alone

You and I have nothing to talk about
Yes, we do, Mr Franklin
We have somethin' to talk about

I'm here to arrest ya
for the murder of your partner

What?

Now, it's my duty to inform you
of your Constitutional rights...
Oh, will you cut that drivel?

I've written
that stuff so many times,
I know it by heart

And what is this nonsense,
you're gonna arrest me?

Come on, Mr Franklin
Why don't you make a statement
and save us both a lot of trouble?

You know, I've really got ya

All right, Lieutenant You got me
I'm your prisoner Here

Clamp the irons on me

Do you wanna give me a dime flrst,
so I can phone my attorney?

Because I promise you, I'm gonna
sue you and your department

for false arrest
and defamation of character

I kinda knew it
right from the start

It was nothing deflnite
It was a lot of little things

Little things...

driving back from San Diego
on the day of the murder
instead of taking a plane,

the open mail, never showing
any genuine emotion for a man
that you worked with for ten years...

[Laughs]
With that, you know
what they're gonna do?

They're gonna laugh you
right outta court

But they're not gonna laugh
at the insurance policy, are they?

I've got a photostatic copy of it
here in my pocket

They gonna laugh at the fact that you
withdrew $15,OOO, put it back the next day?

I've got the book that you gave
to Miss La Sanka with your signature in it

You expect to get
a true bill of indictment
on that trivia?

Come on, Lieutenant

I was down in San Diego
So was your partner

That's a provocative statement
Can you prove that?

Yes

Not with the witness,
'cause you killed the witness
But I got another way to prove it

Well, you enlighten me
I must say, I enjoy watching a man raise
without any cards in his hand

You know what, Ken?
I'm gonna tell you the truth

For a while there,
I never thought I was gonna get you

Believe me,
you had me goin' in such circles

I couldn't flgure it out
Suddenly, I thought of something...

how clever that flrst murder was...

the phone gimmick,
working late in the offlce

Brilliant
Oh, are you awarding gold medals today?

Yes! For the flrst one,
not for the second one
That was sloppy

Mrs Melville,
she'd have been very disappointed

Oh, come on, get
to the climax, Lieutenant

You're talking to a writer
Am I?
That's not what I heard

And that's the key:
that you're not a writer

When Mrs Ferris told me
that you didn't contribute to the writing,

that her husband did all the work,

That's a lie
I had to say to myself,

"How could a man
with no talent for mysteries
make up such a clever murder? "

If you were that ingenious,
you'd be able to write your own books

Go ahead I'm fascinated,
as boring as it may be

Then I got it

The flrst one... the clever one...
that wasn't yours

The second one...
the sloppy one... that was yours

- But not the flrst
- Oh?

And whose idea was that, then?

Your partner's Had to be

And his wife told me
how conscientious he was

You know, the way he used to write down
his ideas on every odd scrap of paper,
backs of matches, whatever...

Ahh, ah So that's why
you wouldn't let the movers in

Well, I had to rummage around here
before they emptied everything out

Is this
your partner's handwriting?

Well, I think I can prove it is
Maybe I ought to read this to ya

"ldea for a Melville book...
perfect alibi

"'A' wants to kill 'B'
Drives 'B' to a remote house

"and has him call his wife in city

Tells her he's working late
at the offlce Bang, bang"

Sound familiar?
That's the part you used,

practically word-for-word

Should I read some more?

No
[Door Opening, Closing]
Offlcer

With this, I think I got
a conviction, don't you?

You got to admit I had you goin'
for awhile though, didn't I?

Yes, you did

[Snickers]
You wanna know the irony
of all of this?

That is my idea,

the only really good one
I ever had

I must've told it toJim
over flve years ago

[Chuckles]

Whoever thought that idiot
would write it down?