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1
00:01:20,400 --> 00:01:21,868
Becky, this ain't
art class.
2
00:01:21,868 --> 00:01:24,400
Put a glob on,
then check your turkey.
3
00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:27,968
I already stuffed it,
seasoned it,
and basted it.
4
00:01:27,968 --> 00:01:30,167
What should I do next,
massage it?
5
00:01:30,167 --> 00:01:32,901
Whatever
floats your boat.
6
00:01:32,901 --> 00:01:34,968
You still
mashing those yams?
7
00:01:34,968 --> 00:01:37,501
I'm trying
to get the fly.
8
00:01:43,434 --> 00:01:46,400
Oh, man,
it's a big one, too,
isn't it?
9
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:47,767
Yeah.
10
00:01:47,767 --> 00:01:49,767
We'll just
add some raisins.
11
00:01:49,767 --> 00:01:51,501
Mom!
12
00:01:51,501 --> 00:01:55,734
All right.
Throw it away and
start a new batch.
13
00:01:55,734 --> 00:01:58,767
Becky, look! It came out
of its hole
14
00:01:58,767 --> 00:02:00,534
to forage for food.
15
00:02:01,968 --> 00:02:04,400
Sometimes they'll eat
out of your hand.
16
00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:05,868
Get the camera.
17
00:02:07,133 --> 00:02:10,000
That was so funny,
I'm going back to bed.
18
00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:12,200
Guess what, Darlene?
You're making
the fruit salad.
19
00:02:12,200 --> 00:02:15,033
Guess what, Becky?
You're a big mo.
20
00:02:15,033 --> 00:02:16,701
Guess what, Darlene?
21
00:02:16,701 --> 00:02:18,601
You're making
the fruit salad,
22
00:02:18,601 --> 00:02:20,868
or I'll break
your neck.
23
00:02:20,868 --> 00:02:22,968
Dan, could you
go to the garage
24
00:02:22,968 --> 00:02:25,868
and get the card table
and dust it off?
25
00:02:25,868 --> 00:02:29,534
I could, but I'd miss
the bears-lions
pre-game show,
26
00:02:29,534 --> 00:02:31,634
and that would
be wrong.
27
00:02:31,634 --> 00:02:34,467
You're not
parking your butt
on that sofa
28
00:02:34,467 --> 00:02:36,534
while we're in here
slaving away.
29
00:02:37,767 --> 00:02:40,501
What, exactly, is it
that you're doing?
30
00:02:40,501 --> 00:02:43,367
I'm pacing myself.
31
00:02:43,367 --> 00:02:46,501
Hey. Grocery patrol
reporting as ordered.
32
00:02:46,501 --> 00:02:51,467
Oh, good. Roseanne's
famous homemade
pumpkin pies.
33
00:02:51,467 --> 00:02:53,968
Don't forget
your famous homemade
dessert topping.
34
00:02:53,968 --> 00:02:55,300
I'm out of here.
35
00:02:55,300 --> 00:02:56,968
Where are you going?
36
00:02:56,968 --> 00:02:59,934
Home to change.
I'll be back
in an hour.
37
00:02:59,934 --> 00:03:01,367
You're
hiding from mom,
38
00:03:01,367 --> 00:03:03,934
Then at 6:00 you'll
say you had cramps.
39
00:03:03,934 --> 00:03:06,934
I'm not doing that
this year, Roseanne.
40
00:03:06,934 --> 00:03:09,868
I'm a different person.
I can handle my mother.
41
00:03:09,868 --> 00:03:11,367
Although
the terrible bloating
42
00:03:11,367 --> 00:03:13,801
may force me
to leave early.
43
00:03:13,801 --> 00:03:16,934
I'm done with
the stupid fruit salad.
44
00:03:16,934 --> 00:03:21,033
Aren't you supposed
to peel the fruit?
45
00:03:21,033 --> 00:03:23,400
I'm not eating
this crap.
46
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:24,734
Why should I
make it?
47
00:03:24,734 --> 00:03:25,968
You're not
having dinner?
48
00:03:25,968 --> 00:03:29,400
I opt not to celebrate
the exploitation
of indians
49
00:03:29,400 --> 00:03:30,868
by religious fanatics.
50
00:03:30,868 --> 00:03:33,868
Good point. No sale.
51
00:03:33,868 --> 00:03:35,400
I want to hang out
in my room alone.
52
00:03:35,400 --> 00:03:38,300
Why can't you people
understand that?
53
00:03:38,300 --> 00:03:42,167
God, Dan, your daughter
is really starting
to get on my nerves.
54
00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:49,968
Come here, little Ed.
55
00:03:49,968 --> 00:03:51,334
You're getting so big,
56
00:03:51,334 --> 00:03:54,400
We'll start calling you
big little Ed.
57
00:03:54,400 --> 00:03:56,534
He puts on a pound
every day.
58
00:03:56,534 --> 00:03:58,000
That's Dan's average.
59
00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,400
All muscle, babe.
60
00:03:59,400 --> 00:04:01,133
[Belches]
61
00:04:01,133 --> 00:04:02,734
Let me hold him.
62
00:04:04,667 --> 00:04:08,067
Oh, look at those
big, blue eyes!
63
00:04:08,067 --> 00:04:11,434
Oh, you're so cute.
I want one.
64
00:04:11,434 --> 00:04:14,734
O.k., Becky,
that's enough
for you.
65
00:04:14,734 --> 00:04:17,100
Would you
get the diapers
from the car?
66
00:04:17,100 --> 00:04:18,501
I'll do it later.
67
00:04:18,501 --> 00:04:20,534
Hey, Lonnie.
You like football?
68
00:04:20,534 --> 00:04:22,200
Hate it.
69
00:04:22,200 --> 00:04:23,901
Oh. Football's great
for hatred.
70
00:04:23,901 --> 00:04:25,868
You can hate
the refs,
71
00:04:25,868 --> 00:04:27,434
Hate the opposing
quarterback,
72
00:04:27,434 --> 00:04:29,868
And you've got
to hate those guys
73
00:04:29,868 --> 00:04:31,834
whose faces
are painted blue.
74
00:04:31,834 --> 00:04:33,567
Hello, hello,
everybody!
75
00:04:33,567 --> 00:04:35,067
Hi.
76
00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:36,434
Hello, Roseanne.
77
00:04:36,434 --> 00:04:38,267
Oh, my aching butt.
78
00:04:38,267 --> 00:04:41,100
Stop it, mother.
That's a brand-new car.
79
00:04:41,100 --> 00:04:42,734
Happy thanksgiving.
80
00:04:42,734 --> 00:04:44,901
So how
was the drive?
81
00:04:44,901 --> 00:04:47,567
I'd forgotten
it was so long.
82
00:04:49,634 --> 00:04:51,300
Where's dad?
83
00:04:51,300 --> 00:04:54,234
He couldn't make it.
He's under the weather.
84
00:04:54,234 --> 00:04:55,801
He's sick, what's
the matter with him?
85
00:04:55,801 --> 00:04:58,734
I brought
my special stuffing.
86
00:04:58,734 --> 00:05:00,801
I already made
stuffing.
87
00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:03,234
All right.
You'll eat
your stuffing.
88
00:05:03,234 --> 00:05:06,133
Everybody else
will eat mine.
89
00:05:06,133 --> 00:05:07,934
Who needs a drink?
90
00:05:07,934 --> 00:05:10,400
I'd love
half a glass of wine.
91
00:05:10,400 --> 00:05:13,334
Oh, yeah.
Half a glass
of wine.
92
00:05:13,334 --> 00:05:14,868
Bring out
the bottle.
93
00:05:14,868 --> 00:05:17,367
Yeah? What do you
need, Mary?
94
00:05:17,367 --> 00:05:19,467
I need
three fingers
of bourbon,
95
00:05:19,467 --> 00:05:20,968
And a beer
chaser.
96
00:05:20,968 --> 00:05:22,801
One big boiler
coming up.
97
00:05:22,801 --> 00:05:24,434
Grandma. Hi!
98
00:05:24,434 --> 00:05:26,367
Hello,
little hardbody.
99
00:05:26,367 --> 00:05:31,467
How do you keep
that body
so damn trim?
100
00:05:31,467 --> 00:05:34,767
It's her nerves.
Nervous people
are too thin.
101
00:05:34,767 --> 00:05:36,834
Here we go.
102
00:05:36,834 --> 00:05:38,934
It's true I read it
in a magazine.
103
00:05:38,934 --> 00:05:41,701
Before you even ask,
I'm doing great.
104
00:05:41,701 --> 00:05:43,734
I don't have
a boyfriend now,
105
00:05:43,734 --> 00:05:46,000
but it's because
I'm feeling
independent
106
00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:47,667
and secure,
107
00:05:47,667 --> 00:05:49,934
and I feel better
about myself
108
00:05:49,934 --> 00:05:52,934
than I have
in years.
That's the truth.
109
00:05:52,934 --> 00:05:56,400
Well, that certainly
was a mouthful,
wasn't it?
110
00:05:56,400 --> 00:05:57,901
Becky!
111
00:05:57,901 --> 00:05:59,901
Well, nice going,
silver tongue.
112
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:01,400
Where's dad?
113
00:06:01,400 --> 00:06:02,834
She says he's sick.
114
00:06:02,834 --> 00:06:06,033
I talked to him
a few days ago.
He was fine.
115
00:06:06,033 --> 00:06:07,167
You cut your hair!
116
00:06:07,167 --> 00:06:08,734
Do you like it?
117
00:06:08,734 --> 00:06:11,334
What's important is
that you like it, dear.
118
00:06:11,334 --> 00:06:14,267
Roseanne,
I notice your table
is not set.
119
00:06:14,267 --> 00:06:17,667
You do plan
on setting it,
don't you?
120
00:06:17,667 --> 00:06:20,334
No. I'll throw
the food on the floor
121
00:06:20,334 --> 00:06:22,567
and have everybody
fight for it.
122
00:06:22,567 --> 00:06:24,801
Well, I'll set
the table.
123
00:06:24,801 --> 00:06:27,133
Where's
the good china?
124
00:06:27,133 --> 00:06:31,334
Over at your house
till the reading
of the will.
125
00:06:39,300 --> 00:06:40,801
[Knock on door]
126
00:06:40,801 --> 00:06:42,300
Enter and die.
127
00:06:42,300 --> 00:06:44,467
I need a little
breather.
128
00:06:45,634 --> 00:06:47,200
Grandma, huh?
129
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:48,868
Yeah. I mean,
she's o.k.,
130
00:06:48,868 --> 00:06:50,133
But sometimes
I just...
131
00:06:50,133 --> 00:06:51,501
Hate her guts?
132
00:06:51,501 --> 00:06:52,467
Yeah.
133
00:06:52,467 --> 00:06:54,934
I mean, no.
Nobody hates
their mom.
134
00:06:54,934 --> 00:06:57,033
At least,
you're not
supposed to.
135
00:06:57,033 --> 00:06:59,901
Well, mi casa
es su casa.
136
00:06:59,901 --> 00:07:03,334
Catcher in the rye?
oh, god, that's
a good one.
137
00:07:03,334 --> 00:07:05,033
Yeah.
Did you read it?
138
00:07:05,033 --> 00:07:09,334
No. But we were
assigned to read it
in high school.
139
00:07:09,334 --> 00:07:11,434
That was
my sophomore year.
140
00:07:11,434 --> 00:07:14,767
Yeah, 'cause
I had this crush
on Terry Halligan.
141
00:07:14,767 --> 00:07:17,434
He was this
great-looking
college guy.
142
00:07:17,434 --> 00:07:19,934
So I shortened
all my skirts
143
00:07:19,934 --> 00:07:21,834
And didn't
crack open a book.
144
00:07:21,834 --> 00:07:24,834
Then report cards
came out,
mom grounded me,
145
00:07:24,834 --> 00:07:27,667
And that was the end
of Terry Halligan.
146
00:07:27,667 --> 00:07:30,901
She was always
doing that stuff!
This other time--
147
00:07:30,901 --> 00:07:33,367
Jackie, would you
like to read a book?
148
00:07:33,367 --> 00:07:34,968
Yeah, sure.
149
00:07:34,968 --> 00:07:37,734
There's
some Kurt Vonnegut
on the top shelf.
150
00:07:37,734 --> 00:07:40,534
Oh! Cat in the hat.
perfect.
151
00:07:44,801 --> 00:07:47,267
Well, yes, honey,
we miss you so much.
152
00:07:47,267 --> 00:07:50,234
Stop that, Ed.
People are listening.
153
00:07:50,234 --> 00:07:54,167
Well, they can hear me,
and I said "stop that."
154
00:07:54,167 --> 00:07:56,534
They all know
what that means.
155
00:07:56,534 --> 00:07:58,367
Oh, Ed, you're terrible!
156
00:07:58,367 --> 00:08:00,868
Ha ha ha ha!
157
00:08:00,868 --> 00:08:03,901
Give--you--you--
158
00:08:05,834 --> 00:08:08,000
Whoa, me wear
something strapless?
159
00:08:09,834 --> 00:08:13,801
O.k., dad,
but first I have
to shave my back.
160
00:08:13,801 --> 00:08:17,767
Yeah, and you're
an old pervert!
161
00:08:17,767 --> 00:08:20,934
We understand.
You got stuck
on the road.
162
00:08:20,934 --> 00:08:23,834
Of course you couldn't
see it coming.
163
00:08:23,834 --> 00:08:25,834
Buffalo. Winter. Snow.
164
00:08:25,834 --> 00:08:27,868
What are the odds?
165
00:08:27,868 --> 00:08:31,767
O.k., buddy.
I'll talk to you
when you get back.
166
00:08:31,767 --> 00:08:35,033
I'd better get going.
Jackie needs the phone.
167
00:08:35,033 --> 00:08:37,934
You're really sucking up
that chardonnay, beverly.
168
00:08:37,934 --> 00:08:39,868
It's my first glass,
mother.
169
00:08:39,868 --> 00:08:41,934
Quit treating me
like a child!
170
00:08:41,934 --> 00:08:45,501
First glass,
my aching butt!
171
00:08:45,501 --> 00:08:47,367
How much
has grandma had?
172
00:08:47,367 --> 00:08:50,267
Six fingers,
and a very
generous thumb.
173
00:08:50,267 --> 00:08:54,567
Your dad says
to save him
a big turkey leg.
174
00:08:54,567 --> 00:08:56,868
His name's Ed,
and he's my stepdad.
175
00:08:56,868 --> 00:08:59,000
And he says
he misses you.
176
00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:01,534
I'm not sitting
at the kids' table.
177
00:09:01,534 --> 00:09:03,367
You can talk
to Becky.
178
00:09:03,367 --> 00:09:05,868
No way, you guys.
I'm 17.
179
00:09:05,868 --> 00:09:09,300
I'm not watching
D.J. Make another
mashed potato town.
180
00:09:10,534 --> 00:09:13,200
Well, looks like D.J.
is the kiddies table.
181
00:09:13,200 --> 00:09:15,767
Kind of pathetic,
isn't it?
182
00:09:15,767 --> 00:09:18,767
All right, everybody
eats in the kitchen.
183
00:09:18,767 --> 00:09:20,267
Grab a chair.
184
00:09:20,267 --> 00:09:23,367
I just called dad again.
Still no answer.
185
00:09:23,367 --> 00:09:25,067
I said he was sick.
186
00:09:25,067 --> 00:09:27,734
Maybe you shouldn't
have left him alone.
187
00:09:27,734 --> 00:09:30,100
He's not that sick.
He's fine.
188
00:09:30,100 --> 00:09:32,133
Why didn't he answer
the phone?
189
00:09:32,133 --> 00:09:33,667
Maybe he didn't hear it.
190
00:09:33,667 --> 00:09:35,567
He's nearly deaf
in one ear.
191
00:09:35,567 --> 00:09:39,067
How many ears
does it take
to hear the phone?
192
00:09:39,067 --> 00:09:42,067
Usually he sleeps
on his good one.
193
00:09:42,067 --> 00:09:43,567
Are you buying this?
194
00:09:43,567 --> 00:09:45,167
Uh-uh. Not me.
195
00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:48,234
O.k., girls, there is
something you should know,
196
00:09:48,234 --> 00:09:50,968
but I don't think
now is the time.
197
00:09:50,968 --> 00:09:52,968
Now is
the perfect time.
198
00:09:52,968 --> 00:09:54,467
We want to know now.
199
00:09:54,467 --> 00:09:55,968
You have a fight?
200
00:09:55,968 --> 00:09:58,968
We'll talk about it
after dinner.
201
00:09:58,968 --> 00:10:00,467
Uh-uh, no way,
202
00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:04,234
Because there
won't be a dinner
unless you tell us.
203
00:10:04,234 --> 00:10:05,734
Fine.
204
00:10:05,734 --> 00:10:09,667
This year, your father
is spending thanksgiving
205
00:10:09,667 --> 00:10:12,000
with his girlfriend.
206
00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:13,567
Now, let's eat.
207
00:10:14,901 --> 00:10:25,567
My, that turkey
smells delicious.
208
00:10:26,934 --> 00:10:30,934
Now, Crystal, that car seat
is from Rodbell's.
209
00:10:30,934 --> 00:10:33,567
If you want to take it back,
210
00:10:33,567 --> 00:10:35,501
the receipt's
in the box.
211
00:10:35,501 --> 00:10:36,934
No, I love it.
212
00:10:36,934 --> 00:10:40,567
Al and I felt
the baby would enjoy it.
213
00:10:40,567 --> 00:10:42,868
There's a little
steering wheel
214
00:10:42,868 --> 00:10:45,667
and a little horn.
215
00:10:45,667 --> 00:10:47,601
There's nothing
he can swallow,
216
00:10:47,601 --> 00:10:50,834
and he can chew
on all of it.
217
00:10:50,834 --> 00:10:53,767
She hasn't
stopped yakking
since we sat down.
218
00:10:53,767 --> 00:10:55,834
Blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.
219
00:10:55,834 --> 00:10:57,901
The woman's a mental case.
220
00:10:57,901 --> 00:10:59,501
Dad?
221
00:10:59,501 --> 00:11:01,100
Dad?
222
00:11:01,100 --> 00:11:02,934
What do you need, Deej?
223
00:11:02,934 --> 00:11:06,234
I can't hear anything
anybody's saying.
224
00:11:06,234 --> 00:11:08,767
No wonder
the kid can't hear.
225
00:11:08,767 --> 00:11:10,868
He's practically
sitting in the john.
226
00:11:10,868 --> 00:11:13,300
We'll try
to talk louder, D.J.
227
00:11:13,300 --> 00:11:14,601
What?
228
00:11:14,601 --> 00:11:17,534
She said
to shut up and eat.
229
00:11:17,534 --> 00:11:19,567
Becky, I thought Mark
was coming.
230
00:11:19,567 --> 00:11:21,067
He was supposed to,
231
00:11:21,067 --> 00:11:24,767
but he decided
to have TV dinners
with his buddies.
232
00:11:24,767 --> 00:11:28,000
That reminds me
of the cutest TV show--
233
00:11:28,000 --> 00:11:29,901
No, it doesn't.
234
00:11:33,801 --> 00:11:35,434
So, where's Darlene?
235
00:11:35,434 --> 00:11:37,000
The daughter of doom?
236
00:11:37,000 --> 00:11:39,367
She's upstairs hiding
from the sunlight.
237
00:11:39,367 --> 00:11:42,767
You know,
now I think I got it.
238
00:11:42,767 --> 00:11:46,067
Wait a minute--
you married Dan's father,
239
00:11:46,067 --> 00:11:49,801
And Dan is married
to my granddaughter.
240
00:11:49,801 --> 00:11:52,634
So that makes your baby...
241
00:11:52,634 --> 00:11:54,367
Nothing to me.
242
00:12:00,601 --> 00:12:03,167
Honey,
would you stop that?
243
00:12:04,367 --> 00:12:06,601
Lonnie, I said please.
244
00:12:07,667 --> 00:12:09,234
Stop it!
245
00:12:09,234 --> 00:12:10,400
Stop what?
246
00:12:10,400 --> 00:12:12,367
D.J.!
247
00:12:12,367 --> 00:12:14,868
Well, I hope
you all noticed--
248
00:12:14,868 --> 00:12:18,334
the only thing
that kid ate
was my stuffing.
249
00:12:18,334 --> 00:12:20,601
I think
I lost my appetite.
250
00:12:23,300 --> 00:12:25,400
I'll go talk to her.
251
00:12:25,400 --> 00:12:28,400
Nobody touch that plate.
I ain't done.
252
00:12:29,734 --> 00:12:31,267
Can I be excused?
253
00:12:31,267 --> 00:12:34,434
Yeah, yeah, just
get out of here.
254
00:12:34,434 --> 00:12:36,834
If it wasn't
for all that jabbering,
255
00:12:36,834 --> 00:12:39,000
it was a very fine meal.
256
00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:40,934
I'm glad you think so,
257
00:12:40,934 --> 00:12:43,501
because this is
the last thanksgiving
258
00:12:43,501 --> 00:12:44,934
I'm ever having.
259
00:12:44,934 --> 00:12:47,801
Do you realize there
are four generations
260
00:12:47,801 --> 00:12:51,000
of our family
in this kitchen right now?
261
00:12:51,000 --> 00:12:53,634
I'm so proud
I could just burst.
262
00:12:53,634 --> 00:12:55,567
I'd pay to see that.
263
00:12:57,467 --> 00:13:00,033
I'll have my coffee
in the living room.
264
00:13:00,033 --> 00:13:01,534
No, you will not,
265
00:13:01,534 --> 00:13:04,033
because you're going
to spill your guts.
266
00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:05,234
Roseanne...
267
00:13:05,234 --> 00:13:06,501
Sit.
268
00:13:06,501 --> 00:13:07,901
What's going on?
269
00:13:10,534 --> 00:13:11,968
It's very simple.
270
00:13:11,968 --> 00:13:15,033
Your father has met
a younger woman.
271
00:13:15,033 --> 00:13:18,501
She's 57 and works
in his office.
272
00:13:18,501 --> 00:13:22,334
Then you'll
just have to throw
his sorry butt out.
273
00:13:22,334 --> 00:13:24,133
No, I will not.
274
00:13:24,133 --> 00:13:28,100
You mean you're
going to just stay
with the jerk?
275
00:13:28,100 --> 00:13:31,434
We've only heard
one side of this story.
276
00:13:31,434 --> 00:13:34,334
He's 60 years old.
He's screwing around.
277
00:13:34,334 --> 00:13:37,834
That's disgusting.
That's his side.
278
00:13:37,834 --> 00:13:40,267
I knew she'd take up
for her father.
279
00:13:40,267 --> 00:13:41,701
That is so typical.
280
00:13:41,701 --> 00:13:46,734
I guess none of us here
have never made
a mistake. Please.
281
00:13:46,734 --> 00:13:48,434
Should
I hear this?
282
00:13:48,434 --> 00:13:49,834
No. Get out.
283
00:13:49,834 --> 00:13:51,000
I'm sorry.
284
00:13:51,000 --> 00:13:54,567
Wait. How long has
the affair been going on?
285
00:13:54,567 --> 00:13:57,868
I've known about it
for a couple of years,
286
00:13:57,868 --> 00:14:01,868
and this morning he finally
decided to tell me.
287
00:14:01,868 --> 00:14:04,634
He's been seeing
some office tramp
for two years
288
00:14:04,634 --> 00:14:06,200
And you never
said anything?
289
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:08,267
Come on, beverly,
grow up.
290
00:14:08,267 --> 00:14:12,167
You can't let a man
walk all over you like that.
291
00:14:12,167 --> 00:14:14,667
I didn't want
to rock the boat.
292
00:14:14,667 --> 00:14:19,100
What boat? You
don't have a boat.
293
00:14:19,100 --> 00:14:21,734
You have
a lousy marriage.
294
00:14:21,734 --> 00:14:23,534
Watch your mouth,
young lady.
295
00:14:23,534 --> 00:14:25,033
This is serious stuff.
296
00:14:25,033 --> 00:14:27,868
People get divorced
over stuff like this.
297
00:14:27,868 --> 00:14:31,367
I'm too old to start
my life over again.
298
00:14:31,367 --> 00:14:34,767
Let me handle it my way.
299
00:14:34,767 --> 00:14:38,067
I'm telling him
what I think. Where is he?
300
00:14:38,067 --> 00:14:39,968
This isn't about
your father,
301
00:14:39,968 --> 00:14:41,968
this is about
my husband.
302
00:14:41,968 --> 00:14:45,434
I want you to stay
out of it. Please!
303
00:14:47,701 --> 00:14:50,067
You're her mother.
Do something.
304
00:14:50,067 --> 00:14:52,567
When she asks for my help,
305
00:14:52,567 --> 00:14:55,567
I'll arrange to have
your father killed.
306
00:14:55,567 --> 00:14:58,634
But until then,
you got to understand--
307
00:14:58,634 --> 00:15:02,167
She's scared.
She doesn't know how
to live alone.
308
00:15:02,167 --> 00:15:05,000
Maybe that's the way
I raised her.
309
00:15:05,000 --> 00:15:07,067
Maybe I should
blame myself.
310
00:15:07,067 --> 00:15:09,067
Who the hell needs that?
311
00:15:12,100 --> 00:15:15,167
Does anybody
want any pie?
312
00:15:19,033 --> 00:15:21,467
You don't want
to sneak beers?
313
00:15:21,467 --> 00:15:22,801
No.
314
00:15:22,801 --> 00:15:26,734
Let's at least go
get some hot dogs.
I'm starved.
315
00:15:26,734 --> 00:15:28,234
I'm trying to read.
316
00:15:28,234 --> 00:15:30,667
My mom says
you're having
a nervous breakdown.
317
00:15:30,667 --> 00:15:33,167
Yeah, I could snap
any minute.
318
00:15:33,167 --> 00:15:35,667
Is that how come
the black clothes?
319
00:15:35,667 --> 00:15:39,234
Uh-huh. They gave them
to me at the asylum.
320
00:15:39,234 --> 00:15:41,234
Stop it.
I'm not a kid.
321
00:15:41,234 --> 00:15:42,601
You're a fetus.
322
00:15:42,601 --> 00:15:44,667
You turned into
a complete dork.
323
00:15:44,667 --> 00:15:47,734
People change.
Get used to it or die.
324
00:15:47,734 --> 00:15:50,634
[Knock on door]
325
00:15:50,634 --> 00:15:51,834
Hey!
326
00:15:51,834 --> 00:15:53,667
Ho ho ho ho!
327
00:15:53,667 --> 00:15:55,200
Aah-ha.
328
00:15:56,701 --> 00:16:00,200
I used to be a pretty good
nerf ball player.
329
00:16:00,200 --> 00:16:02,133
I was going to turn pro--
330
00:16:02,133 --> 00:16:04,000
Did mom tell you
to talk to me?
331
00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:08,067
No, I'm just making sure
Darlene was having any fun.
332
00:16:08,067 --> 00:16:10,067
Anyway, you're out of here.
333
00:16:10,067 --> 00:16:12,133
The baby's ready to go.
334
00:16:12,133 --> 00:16:13,767
Right. He's the boss.
335
00:16:13,767 --> 00:16:17,801
When my dad's gone,
you're the man
of the house.
336
00:16:17,801 --> 00:16:20,467
I was before
your dad moved in.
337
00:16:20,467 --> 00:16:22,534
O.k, forget
man of the house.
338
00:16:22,534 --> 00:16:25,467
I don't know where
was going with that.
339
00:16:25,467 --> 00:16:27,467
The thing is,
your attitude--
340
00:16:27,467 --> 00:16:29,567
the way you
tick everybody off--
341
00:16:29,567 --> 00:16:32,400
it's not going
to get you anywhere.
342
00:16:32,400 --> 00:16:34,701
Great. I got
another new father.
343
00:16:37,000 --> 00:16:39,567
Actually, you got
a new big brother.
344
00:16:39,567 --> 00:16:42,133
If you act like this
next thanksgiving,
345
00:16:42,133 --> 00:16:45,567
I'll knock you down
and sit on
your head.
346
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:49,400
Kids.
347
00:16:50,634 --> 00:16:52,534
Right.
348
00:16:52,534 --> 00:16:54,801
Listen, I got an idea.
349
00:16:54,801 --> 00:16:58,601
Let's ditch the fossils
and catch a late movie.
350
00:16:58,601 --> 00:17:01,601
You still
don't get it, do you?
351
00:17:01,601 --> 00:17:03,100
No, Darlene, I don't.
352
00:17:03,100 --> 00:17:05,834
You've been moping
around for two months
353
00:17:05,834 --> 00:17:08,334
And I don't have a clue.
354
00:17:08,334 --> 00:17:10,501
I'm not trying to be mean.
355
00:17:10,501 --> 00:17:12,567
Just stop worrying
about me.
356
00:17:12,567 --> 00:17:14,067
I can't help it.
357
00:17:14,067 --> 00:17:16,968
I know we're not
best buddies anymore.
358
00:17:16,968 --> 00:17:19,100
We don't even talk
anymore.
359
00:17:19,100 --> 00:17:22,133
Well, I talk.
Nobody listens.
360
00:17:22,133 --> 00:17:24,067
I just want
to finish my book.
361
00:17:24,067 --> 00:17:28,067
I just came up here
to get Lonnie anyway.
362
00:17:30,767 --> 00:17:32,167
Did I interrupt something?
363
00:17:32,167 --> 00:17:34,367
She wants to be
left alone.
364
00:17:34,367 --> 00:17:35,734
Who doesn't?
365
00:17:37,701 --> 00:17:40,100
Well, what's new
at the zoo?
366
00:17:40,100 --> 00:17:42,000
Not much.
367
00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:44,501
Thanks, but
I'm really not hungry.
368
00:17:44,501 --> 00:17:47,434
This isn't for you.
This is mine.
369
00:17:49,300 --> 00:17:51,801
I'm not
bothering you, am I?
370
00:17:51,801 --> 00:17:53,300
No, you're cool.
371
00:17:53,300 --> 00:17:56,734
I can't wait to get
a place of my own.
372
00:17:56,734 --> 00:18:00,234
Try New York.
They got great
Chinese food there.
373
00:18:01,801 --> 00:18:05,200
Anything to
get out of Lanford.
It's so phony here.
374
00:18:05,200 --> 00:18:07,901
All the kids at school
have totally changed.
375
00:18:07,901 --> 00:18:12,300
I'm a freak
because I don't kiss up
to juniors and seniors.
376
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:14,234
I know
exactly how you feel.
377
00:18:14,234 --> 00:18:15,901
Where I come from,
378
00:18:15,901 --> 00:18:18,734
If you don't play bridge
12 hours a day
379
00:18:18,734 --> 00:18:20,634
They think
you're a communist.
380
00:18:20,634 --> 00:18:23,534
Why can't people
just let you be yourself?
381
00:18:23,534 --> 00:18:27,968
Have you ever felt
like you don't want
to talk to anybody?
382
00:18:27,968 --> 00:18:30,467
Like you just need
to figure things out?
383
00:18:30,467 --> 00:18:34,534
I get this perfect image
of what I want to be,
384
00:18:34,534 --> 00:18:38,200
But at school I'm just
this total geek again.
385
00:18:38,200 --> 00:18:42,000
You're young.
You got to give it time.
386
00:18:42,000 --> 00:18:43,834
Tell that to my parents.
387
00:18:43,834 --> 00:18:46,434
They want to know
what the problem is,
388
00:18:46,434 --> 00:18:49,834
But how can I tell them
if I don't know?
389
00:18:49,834 --> 00:18:51,734
Darlene,
be patient with them.
390
00:18:51,734 --> 00:18:53,501
Yeah, I guess.
391
00:18:53,501 --> 00:18:55,300
Have a little turkey.
392
00:18:55,300 --> 00:18:58,300
No, thanks. I've decided
to quit eating meat.
393
00:18:58,300 --> 00:19:01,734
Well, the stuffing
you're scarfing down
is full of meat.
394
00:19:02,901 --> 00:19:04,901
Oh.
395
00:19:04,901 --> 00:19:07,434
I meant
big chunks of meat.
396
00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,000
Well, thanks again, Roseanne,
I had a wonderful time.
397
00:19:17,000 --> 00:19:19,267
What's it take
to make you miserable?
398
00:19:19,267 --> 00:19:21,701
Well, anyway,
the food was good.
399
00:19:21,701 --> 00:19:23,167
Bye, Dan.
400
00:19:23,167 --> 00:19:25,567
Drop by the shop.
I'll give you work.
401
00:19:25,567 --> 00:19:26,901
That's cool.
402
00:19:26,901 --> 00:19:28,434
Thanks a lot, Dan.
403
00:19:28,434 --> 00:19:32,300
Hey, Crystal, tell my
dad he better not
leave me alone
404
00:19:32,300 --> 00:19:34,634
for the new year's games
I'm going to kick his butt.
405
00:19:34,634 --> 00:19:36,634
I don't want any arguments.
406
00:19:36,634 --> 00:19:39,634
I'm sleeping
on the pull-out tonight.
407
00:19:39,634 --> 00:19:42,067
I don't care
how lumpy it is.
408
00:19:42,067 --> 00:19:45,100
I thought we had
nana Mary this year.
409
00:19:45,100 --> 00:19:47,300
No way.
I've got nana Mary.
410
00:19:47,300 --> 00:19:50,567
Come on, Jackie.
These party poopers
are turning in.
411
00:19:50,567 --> 00:19:52,000
Let's hit a bar.
412
00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:53,567
Hold on a second.
413
00:19:53,567 --> 00:19:57,868
Mom, I guess I'll see you
when I see you.
414
00:19:57,868 --> 00:20:00,467
Good luck with
your trucking career.
415
00:20:01,901 --> 00:20:04,033
Good night, grandma.
416
00:20:04,033 --> 00:20:05,501
We'll see you, nana.
417
00:20:05,501 --> 00:20:08,501
Hey, cave man,
don't get fresh with me.
418
00:20:08,501 --> 00:20:10,934
I'm just frisking you
for silverware,
419
00:20:10,934 --> 00:20:12,434
You crazy bat.
420
00:20:13,434 --> 00:20:14,567
[Telephone rings]
421
00:20:14,567 --> 00:20:16,067
I got it.
422
00:20:16,067 --> 00:20:18,467
Come back
real soon, nana.
423
00:20:18,467 --> 00:20:20,701
Why?
424
00:20:20,701 --> 00:20:24,200
Oh, Dan,
my overnight bag
is in the car.
425
00:20:24,200 --> 00:20:26,434
Would you mind
getting it?
426
00:20:26,434 --> 00:20:28,934
Heck, yes.
Of course I would.
427
00:20:28,934 --> 00:20:30,434
O.k., grandpa.
428
00:20:30,434 --> 00:20:32,601
Mom, it's
grandpa Harris.
429
00:20:35,234 --> 00:20:38,234
Your father wants
to talk to you.
430
00:20:50,100 --> 00:20:52,300
Hi, dad.
431
00:20:52,300 --> 00:20:55,701
Yeah, yeah.
Happy thanksgiving
to you, too.
432
00:20:55,701 --> 00:20:59,834
Listen,
I talked to mom,
and she, uh...
433
00:21:02,467 --> 00:21:04,968
told me you weren't
feeling very good.
434
00:21:04,968 --> 00:21:09,300
We're going to send
some leftovers home
with her for you.
435
00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:10,968
That's a good girl.
436
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:16,434
I can't wait to get
together with you,
either, dad.
437
00:21:16,434 --> 00:21:21,234
We'll sit down
and have ourselves
a great little chat.
438
00:21:21,234 --> 00:21:23,100
Yeah, well,
you know, I'm...
440
00:21:42,234 --> 00:21:44,133
Hey.
441
00:21:44,133 --> 00:21:45,267
Hi.
442
00:21:46,601 --> 00:21:50,000
Sorry there's
no fruit salad.
443
00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:51,834
Yeah, well...
444
00:21:58,801 --> 00:22:02,334
Uh...it's weird
about grandpa.
445
00:22:02,334 --> 00:22:04,300
Yeah.
446
00:22:04,300 --> 00:22:06,300
I mean,
he's, like, 90.
447
00:22:06,300 --> 00:22:09,234
I didn't think that
was medically possible.
448
00:22:13,434 --> 00:22:15,734
Well...
449
00:22:15,734 --> 00:22:18,968
Man, you missed
a great one this year.
450
00:22:21,501 --> 00:22:23,567
Well, maybe next year.
451
00:22:23,567 --> 00:22:27,601
No way. Uh-uh. Not with
these relatives.
452
00:22:32,501 --> 00:22:36,067
I made you a, uh...
plate, though.
453
00:22:37,400 --> 00:22:39,334
Oh, I'm not that hungry.
454
00:22:42,968 --> 00:22:45,834
Good, 'cause I ate it
an hour ago.
455
00:22:48,234 --> 00:22:50,067
Still not smoking, huh?
456
00:22:51,834 --> 00:22:56,567
Oh, yeah--I ate
your pie, too.
457
00:22:56,567 --> 00:22:59,200
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