All language subtitles for The.Andy.Griffith.Show.S05E04.The.Educations.Of.Ernest..T..Bass.WEBRip.x264-ION10

af Afrikaans
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bn Bengali
bs Bosnian
bg Bulgarian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch Download
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
km Khmer
ko Korean
ku Kurdish (Kurmanji)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Lao
la Latin
lv Latvian
lt Lithuanian
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
ne Nepali
no Norwegian
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt Portuguese
pa Punjabi
ro Romanian
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
st Sesotho
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhala
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
te Telugu
th Thai
tr Turkish
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
or Odia (Oriya)
rw Kinyarwanda
tk Turkmen
tt Tatar
ug Uyghur
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:12,213 STARRING ANDY GRIFFITH... 2 00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:14,515 WITH RONNY HOWARD... 3 00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:18,152 ALSO STARRING DON KNOTTS. 4 00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:30,264 SOMETHIN' BOTHERING YOU? 5 00:00:30,298 --> 00:00:34,202 OHH, I DON'T KNOW. 6 00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:37,638 JUST WONDERING WHERE WE'RE GONNA EAT LUNCH. 7 00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:39,107 OH. 8 00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,674 WHAT ABOUT THE DINER? 9 00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:43,411 I CHECKED THE SPECIAL ON THE WAY IN -- 10 00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:46,314 CHICKEN WINGS, RICE, AND MIXED VEGETABLES. 11 00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:47,715 THAT DON'T SOUND BAD. 12 00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:49,183 YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DOES. 13 00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:50,618 SHE GIVES YOU TWO WINGS, 14 00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:53,521 AND USUALLY FROM A CHICKEN THAT'S DONE A LOT OF FLYING. 15 00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:56,457 WHAT YOU WIND UP PAYING FOR 16 00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,459 IS THE RICE AND THE MIXED VEGETABLES. 17 00:00:58,492 --> 00:01:01,195 THAT'S WHAT IT BOILS DOWN TO. MIGHT AS WELL FACE IT. 18 00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:03,664 WELL, WE DON'T HAVE TO HAVE THE SPECIAL. 19 00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:06,334 I GUESS WE DON'T HAVE TO. 20 00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:08,869 DINER, THEN? OKAY. 21 00:01:10,338 --> 00:01:12,840 YOU KNOW WHO'S BACK IN TOWN, DON'T YOU? 22 00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:20,214 ERNEST T. BASS, YOU COME IN HERE! 23 00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:23,217 HOWDY-DO, TO YOU AND YOU. 24 00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:24,885 IT'S ME, IT'S ME, IT'S ERNEST T. 25 00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:27,421 ERNEST T., HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU 26 00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:29,423 YOU CAN'T GO AROUND BREAKING WINDOWS? 27 00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:30,524 IT'S AGAINST THE LAW! 28 00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:31,725 LET'S LOCK HIM UP! 29 00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,194 LET GO OF ME! 30 00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:35,263 SHERIFF, TELL HIM TO TAKE HIS HANDS OFF ME. 31 00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:37,131 TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF HIM, BARNEY. 32 00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:38,766 ERNEST T., WINDOWS COST MONEY! 33 00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:41,435 WELL, I'M FIXIN' ON PAYING FOR THAT, SHERIFF. 34 00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:43,237 WELL, WHAT'D YOU BREAK IT FOR? 35 00:01:43,271 --> 00:01:44,638 I'LL 'SPLAIN IT TO YOU. 36 00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,376 WHAT IS THAT? 37 00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:49,743 JUST ROCKS. LOOK AT 'EM, HUH? 38 00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,279 AIN'T THEY BEAUTIES? 39 00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:53,247 BEST BUNCH OF ROCKS I EVER DID BRING INTO TOWN. 40 00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:54,648 WELL, I'LL JUST CONFISCATE... 41 00:01:54,682 --> 00:01:55,716 YOU LET GO OF MY ROCKS! 42 00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:56,817 ERNEST T.! 43 00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:06,460 LET ME 'SPLAIN MY PLAN TO YOU. 44 00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:12,566 WELL, IT BETTER BE GOOD, I'LL TELL YOU THAT. 45 00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:20,241 YOU... YOU REMEMBER ROMENA? 46 00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:21,842 YES. 47 00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:24,345 WELL, I BEEN COURTING WITH HER. 48 00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:26,280 I HEARD YOU'D BEEN OVER THERE. 49 00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:27,748 WHAT ABOUT THE ROCKS? 50 00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:30,484 I'LL GET TO THAT. I'LL GET TO THAT. 51 00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:32,220 NOW T'OTHER NIGHT 52 00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:34,688 I FIGURED IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO GO ON OVER TO ROMENA'S HOUSE 53 00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:36,857 AND LAY DOWN MY INTENTION TO GET BETROTHIN' TO HER. 54 00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:38,792 YES. 55 00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:40,361 TURNED ME DOWN. 56 00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:41,795 CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT? 57 00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:42,963 TURNED ME DOWN! 58 00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:45,433 AND AFTER ALL THE TROUBLE I WENT TO 59 00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:48,502 TO MAKE MYSELF DELIGHTFUL FOR HER AND ATTRACTIVE. 60 00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:49,837 HERE, LOOKIT HERE. 61 00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:52,473 A GOLD TOOTH? 62 00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:55,709 CATCHES THE GLARE AS MY MOUTH KICKED OPEN. 63 00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:59,380 YEAH, THAT'S PRETTY FLASHY, ERNEST T., PRETTY FLASHY. 64 00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:00,914 DENTIST DIDN'T DO IT, YOU KNOW. 65 00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:03,584 HAD IT DID AT THE SIGN COMPANY. GOLD LEAF, THEY CALL IT. 66 00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:05,619 WHAT ABOUT THE ROCKS? 67 00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:08,256 GOLD TOOTH FOR A DOLLAR -- YOU CAN'T BEAT THAT. 68 00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,790 WHAT ABOUT THE ROCKS?! 69 00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:10,924 WILL YOU ASK HIM TO HUSH? 70 00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:11,825 HUSH, BARNEY. GO AHEAD. 71 00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,494 NOW, I DONE ALL THAT 72 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,895 FOR MY BELOVED ROMENA. 73 00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:16,664 YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I DONE? 74 00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,399 LOOKIT HERE. 75 00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:20,968 SHAVED THE BACK OF MY NECK. HUH 76 00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:23,704 YEAH, THAT'S NICE, ERNEST T. THAT'S NICE, THAT'S NICE. 77 00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:24,838 SHE TURNED YOU DOWN? 78 00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,574 COLD. DIDN'T WANT THAT. MNH-MNH. 79 00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:28,809 WANTED SOMETHING ELSE. YOU KNOW WHAT SHE WANTED? 80 00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:30,611 WANTED FOR ME TO GET AN EDUCATION. 81 00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:31,979 SAID I HAD NO BOOK LEARNING. 82 00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:33,414 I HAD TO LEARN TO READ AND WRITE. 83 00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:35,583 I NEVER KNEW A MAN WHAT COULD CHUNK A COW 84 00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:37,385 ACROSS HIS SHOULDERS HAD TO. 85 00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:39,620 AIN'T THE SAME THING, ERNEST T. 86 00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,622 I LOVE THAT ROMENA, SHERIFF. 87 00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:42,823 BETTER'N MY COW. 88 00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:44,692 BETTER'N MY .22 REPEATER. 89 00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,327 I MUST TO HAVE HER. 90 00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:49,463 WHAT ABOUT THESE COTTON! 91 00:03:49,497 --> 00:03:51,365 I'M GETTING TO THAT! 92 00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:53,734 SHERIFF... 93 00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:56,370 I WANT YOU TO HELP ME GET SOME SCHOOLING. 94 00:03:56,404 --> 00:03:58,038 LEARN ME TO READ AND WRITE 95 00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,773 AND TOTE UP MY CIPHERS. 96 00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:00,941 AND THEN NEXT WEEK 97 00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:03,344 I'LL GO ON BACK AND PLEDGE MY TROTH 98 00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:05,313 AND GET BETROTHIN' TO ROMENA. 99 00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:07,448 IT DON'T WORK THAT WAY, ERNEST T. 100 00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,483 IT DON'T WORK THAT WAY AT ALL. 101 00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:11,819 YOU CAN'T GET AN EDUCATION IN A WEEK. 102 00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:13,053 I CAN'T? 103 00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,989 NO! AN EDUCATION IS A LONG, TOUGH JOB. 104 00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:20,428 THEN HERE'S THE ANSWER ABOUT THEM ROCKS, DEPUTY. 105 00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:23,464 IF'N I DON'T GET THAT EDUCATION 106 00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:26,967 I'M GOING TO BUST EVERY WINDOW IN TOWN. 107 00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,869 OH, NO, YOU AIN'T! 108 00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:32,039 HOLD IT! 109 00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:34,708 NOW, YOU AIN'T GOING TO BUST NO WINDOWS. 110 00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:35,709 MM-MM. 111 00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:37,411 THE FIRST ROCK YOU THROW 112 00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:39,980 I'M GOING TO PUT YOU UNDER THE JAIL! 113 00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,788 ARE YOU SERIOUS ABOUT THIS EDUCATION BUSINESS? 114 00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,022 'COURSE I AM. 115 00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:51,325 I WOULDN'T FUN ABOUT A THING LIKE THAT. 116 00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:52,560 WHAT ARE YOU THINKING? 117 00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:56,029 WELL, I GUESS ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE. 118 00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:57,765 SHERIFF, I ALREADY KNOW 119 00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:00,033 THE WHOLE FRONT PART OF THE ALPHABET. 120 00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:02,670 A-B-C-F-L-G AND A LOT OF OTHER LETTERS 121 00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,672 BUT NOT IN A ROW LIKE THAT. 122 00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:06,340 AND? 123 00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:15,783 YOU'RE NOT THINKING ABOUT GETTING MIXED UP WITH HIM AGAIN, ARE YOU? 124 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,085 WELL, BARN... A MAN BREAKS A WINDOW IN THE SHERIFF'S OFFICE 125 00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:19,887 AND YOU'RE GOING TO HELP HIM? 126 00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,590 MAYBE THIS IS A WAY TO GET HIM TO STOP BREAKING WINDOWS. 127 00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:24,592 OH, BOY. AND YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE ON THE JOB 128 00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:25,859 OF TRYING TO EDUCATE HIM? 129 00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:37,004 HE LOOKS LIKE HE WANTS TO LEARN. 130 00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:39,072 BUT, ANDY, MY CLASS IS THE FIFTH GRADE. 131 00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:41,675 I THOUGHT IF WE'D PUT HIM IN WITH THE BIGGER KIDS 132 00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:43,544 HE WOULDN'T LOOK SO OUT OF PLACE. 133 00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:45,546 BUT HE'D NEED SPECIAL ATTENTION. 134 00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:46,580 SURE, HE WILL, 135 00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:48,148 AND I'M PLANNING ON HELPING HIM 136 00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,383 WITH HIS HOMEWORK. 137 00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:50,618 IT'S WORTH A TRY, HELEN. 138 00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:51,919 IT'S REALLY WORTH A TRY. 139 00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:54,422 HE MIGHT EVEN BE AN INSPIRATION TO THE OTHERS. 140 00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:56,123 OH, WELL, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT. 141 00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:57,925 THEY MAY REALIZE HOW IMPORTANT 142 00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,927 AN EDUCATION CAN BE TO A PERSON. 143 00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,094 A FULL-GROWN MAN SEEING THE NEED 144 00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:02,796 AND TRYING TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. 145 00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:06,066 WELL, I GUESS IT'S POSSIBLE. 146 00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:07,067 YOU'LL TAKE HIM THEN? 147 00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,436 OH, ALL RIGHT, ANDY. 148 00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:09,937 I'LL EXPLAIN IT TO THE PRINCIPAL, 149 00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,440 AND MR. BASS CAN START RIGHT AFTER LUNCH. 150 00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:14,642 YOU'RE A FINE PUBLIC SERVANT, YOU KNOW THAT? 151 00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:20,814 ALL RIGHT. 152 00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:23,851 "THE POSSUM HID UNDER THE ROCK." 153 00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,486 WHO CAN BREAK THIS DOWN 154 00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:27,855 AND POINT OUT THE PREPOSITION, THE OBJECT, THE SUBJECT, 155 00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,089 AND THE VERB? 156 00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:30,958 WHY DON'T WE BREAK DOWN THAT ROCK 157 00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:33,994 AND FIND OUT WHAT THAT POSSUM'S DOING IN UNDER THERE? 158 00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:36,063 MR. BASS, WE'LL GET TO YOU IN A MINUTE. 159 00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,197 SHARON? 160 00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,433 NO LITTLE GIRL GONNA TELL YOU NOTHING 161 00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:40,968 ABOUT A POSSUM UNDER A ROCK. 162 00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:43,103 TO FIND OUT ABOUT A POSSUM UNDER A ROCK, 163 00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,506 YOU FIND A BOY WITH DIRT UNDER HIS FINGERNAILS. 164 00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:47,708 YOU FIND A BOY WITH DIRT UNDER HIS FINGERNAILS, 165 00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,610 YOU'LL FIND A BOY THAT'S BEEN ROOTING AROUND UNDER A ROCK FOR POSSUM. 166 00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:52,546 MR. BASS, IN THIS CLASS, WE DO THINGS BY TURNS. 167 00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:55,483 NOW, EACH CHILD HAS HIS TURN TO EXPRESS HIMSELF. 168 00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:57,150 RIGHT NOW, IT'S SHARON'S TURN. 169 00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:58,619 DO YOU UNDERSTAND? 170 00:06:58,652 --> 00:06:59,753 YES, MA'AM. 171 00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:02,890 I SPEAK WHEN IT'S MY TURN TO SPEAK. 172 00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,992 CORRECT. SHARON? 173 00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:07,160 AND WHEN MY TURN COMES, I'LL SET YOU RIGHT 174 00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:09,463 ABOUT HOW TO FIND A POSSUM UNDER A ROCK. 175 00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:10,898 YOU CAN GO ABOUT IT TWO WAYS: 176 00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:13,667 YOU LIGHT A FIRE, OR YOU JAB AT IT WITH A POINTY STICK. 177 00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:15,202 THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH. 178 00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:18,572 LIGHT THE FIRE, SMOKE HIM OUT. JAB HIM WITH THAT STICK GOOD! 179 00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:20,107 MR. BASS, THAT WAS RUDE. 180 00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,009 WELL, THANK YOU. 181 00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,677 I GOT A RUDE. 182 00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:27,548 I BET YOU AIN'T NEVER GOT NO RUDE. 183 00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:29,850 PLEASE BE QUIET. 184 00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:31,752 GO AHEAD, SHARON. 185 00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,087 THE SUBJECT IS "POSSUM." 186 00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,056 "HID" IS THE VERB. 187 00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:38,659 "UNDER" THE PREPOSITION. 188 00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:40,093 A SMART DOG WILL ROOT HIM OUT 189 00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,929 IF YOU AIN'T GOT FIRE OR A STICK. 190 00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,831 MR. BASS, THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH! 191 00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,100 WHEN MY TURN COMES. 192 00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:52,773 I DON'T LIKE HER, SHERIFF. 193 00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:53,807 I DON'T LIKE HER. 194 00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:55,643 SHE AIN'T TEACHING ME NOTHING. 195 00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:56,777 WELL... 196 00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,779 I TRIED TO TELL HER ABOUT A POSSUM. 197 00:07:58,812 --> 00:07:59,947 SHE WOULDN'T LISTEN. 198 00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,181 NOW THERE AIN'T NOBODY 199 00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:03,617 CAN SAY MORE ABOUT A POSSUM THAN I CAN. 200 00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:06,153 AFTER ALL, I LIVED SIX MONTHS WITH A POSSUM 201 00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:07,655 AND A RACCOON, TOO. 202 00:08:07,688 --> 00:08:10,558 YOU LIVED WITH A POSSUM AND A RACCOON? 203 00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:12,960 SURE. THAT'S WHERE I LEARNED TO WASH MY FOOD BEFORE I EAT IT. 204 00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,227 OH. 205 00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:17,097 WELL, ERNEST T., YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND 206 00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:19,600 THERE'S A LOT MORE TO TEACHING 207 00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,001 THAN SEEMS ON THE SURFACE. 208 00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:22,636 MISS CRUMP'S A FINE TEACHER. 209 00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:23,971 A VERY FINE TEACHER. 210 00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:26,640 THEN WHY DIDN'T SHE LET ME SAY ABOUT THE POSSUM? 211 00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:29,209 ASK ABOUT A POSSUM, DON'T WANT TO HEAR ABOUT A POSSUM. 212 00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:30,644 TELL HER HOW TO FIND ONE, 213 00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:31,979 SHE DON'T WANT TO FIND ONE. 214 00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,146 NOW LOOK, ERNEST T.... 215 00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:34,882 I FOUND IT, PA! 216 00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,149 WHAT IS IT? 217 00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:38,919 THIS IS OPIE'S OLD FIRST-GRADE READER. 218 00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:41,622 I THOUGHT WE'D DO A LITTLE HOMEWORK. 219 00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:44,024 MAYBE HELP YOU ALONG A LITTLE BIT. 220 00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,926 IT'S THE LEAST I CAN DO. 221 00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,027 YOU SWEET MAN. 222 00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:48,161 YOU SWEET MAN. 223 00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,764 I DECLARE, I THINK I'M ABOUT TO CRY. 224 00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:53,000 ERNEST T., DON'T DO THAT. 225 00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,902 WELL, WHEN YOU'RE NO ACCOUNT 226 00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:58,005 YOU APPRECIATE IT WHEN SOMEBODY'S NICE TO YOU. 227 00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,874 NOW, YOU'RE NOT NO ACCOUNT, ERNEST T. 228 00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:02,610 YOU'RE NOT NO ACCOUNT. 229 00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:04,344 YOU'RE JUST...IGNORANT. 230 00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,346 YOU'RE JUST BEING NICE. 231 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:09,016 WELL, LET'S HAVE A LOOK AT THE BOOK. 232 00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,018 YEAH, LET IT GO. LET IT GO. 233 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,686 OH, I KNOW THAT WORD. 234 00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:13,687 CAT. 235 00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:15,355 YOU SURE YOU DON'T KNOW THAT 236 00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,991 'CAUSE THERE'S A PICTURE OF A CAT THERE? 237 00:09:18,025 --> 00:09:19,159 WHY, NO. 238 00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:21,595 HERE, NOW, COVER IT UP WITH YOUR HAND. 239 00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:22,730 CAT. 240 00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:24,665 TURN TO A PAGE WITHOUT ANY PICTURES. 241 00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:27,000 YOU HAVE MORE RESPECT FOR YOUR ELDERS, HEAR, SON? 242 00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:30,237 NOW, ERNEST T., OPIE'S JUST TRYING TO HELP OUT, TOO. 243 00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:32,973 WELL, I TAKE OFF MY HUMBLE HAT TO YOU, BOY. 244 00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:36,710 OPE, WHY DON'T YOU JUST GO ON TO BED 245 00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:39,079 AND LET ME AND ERNEST T. BASS WORK TOGETHER? 246 00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:40,714 OKAY. NIGHT, PA. NIGHT. 247 00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:41,915 NIGHT, ERNEST T. BASS. 248 00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:43,150 NIGHT, OPIE TAYLOR. 249 00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:44,618 DOG. 250 00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:47,087 TRESPASSING. 251 00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,289 VERY GOOD. 252 00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:51,759 VERY GOOD. 253 00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:55,763 HOW MANY WORDS DO YOU KNOW ALTOGETHER? 254 00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:57,297 YOU MEAN SIGHTWISE? 255 00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,632 YEAH. 256 00:09:58,666 --> 00:10:00,333 LET ME SEE, UH... 257 00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,770 UM, BEWARE OF THE DOG. 258 00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:04,638 UH...NO HUNTING. 259 00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:06,807 NO TRESPASSING, UH... 260 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,976 UH...OPEN AND CLOSE! 261 00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,744 OPEN AND CLOSE? 262 00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:12,279 BARBERSHOP. 263 00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:13,280 OH. 264 00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:15,148 YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT AS IGNORANT 265 00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:16,383 AS YOU THINK YOU ARE. 266 00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:17,951 WELL... 267 00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:20,353 NO, NO. YOU'RE DOING REAL GOOD. 268 00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,723 NOW, LET ME SHOW YOU HERE. NOW, LOOK. 269 00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:23,957 HERE, UM...NOW HERE. 270 00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:26,226 I'LL COVER UP THE I-N-G IN "HUNTING." 271 00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:28,095 YOU'RE GOING GO COVER IT UP? 272 00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,830 COVER IT UP WITH MY HAND. 273 00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:32,099 NOW WHAT DO YOU GOT? UM...HUNTING! 274 00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,968 NO, NO. DON'T SAY WHAT'S UNDER MY HAND. 275 00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:36,269 DON'T SAY THAT PART? 276 00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,205 DON'T SAY THAT. NOW, WHAT DO YOU GOT? 277 00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:39,206 HUNT. THAT'S IT. 278 00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:40,741 HUNT. 279 00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:43,043 YOU'VE LEARNED A NEW WORD THAT YOU CAN READ. 280 00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:44,712 HUNT! 281 00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,013 YEAH! 282 00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:48,148 LET'S PUT TOGETHER THE WORDS YOU CAN READ, 283 00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:49,850 AND WE CAN MAKE A SENTENCE. 284 00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:51,719 LET ME MAKE A SENTENCE. 285 00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:54,888 NO HUNT BEWARE OPEN AND CLOSE NO CREDIT. 286 00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:59,026 NO HUNT BEWARE OPEN AND CLOSE NO CREDIT? 287 00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:00,828 WELL... 288 00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:04,732 HUNT! 289 00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:07,167 NOW, CHILDREN, OPEN YOUR ARITHMETIC BOOKS 290 00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,769 TO TODAY'S ASSIGNMENT... 291 00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:11,705 NO HUNT BEWARE OPEN AND CLOSE NO CREDIT. 292 00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:13,774 THAT'S A SENTENCE I LEARNED LAST NIGHT. 293 00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:15,375 I LEARNED HOW TO WRITE IT, TOO. 294 00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:18,345 THAT'S VERY GOOD. WE'LL DISCUSS THAT IN ENGLISH CLASS. 295 00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:20,080 WE'RE ABOUT TO DO ARITHMETIC. 296 00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:22,049 YOU ALWAYS WANT TO DO SOMETHING ELSE 297 00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:24,117 JUST WHEN I WANT TO DO SOMETHING ELSE. 298 00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:25,719 PLEASE TAKE YOUR SEAT NOW. 299 00:11:25,753 --> 00:11:27,721 I WANT TO WRITE MY SENTENCE. 300 00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:30,023 LATER! JUST TAKE YOUR SEAT NOW. 301 00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:32,860 ALL RIGHT, CLASS, YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE. 302 00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:36,129 TODAY WE'RE GOING TO DO NINES IN MULTIPLICATION. 303 00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:37,430 NINES! NINES! 304 00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:40,367 WHY DO YOU WANT TO DO NINES IN MULTIPLICATION? 305 00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,169 I WANT TO DO MY SENTENCE! 306 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,336 CAN'T DO NINES. 307 00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,272 THAT WILL DO, MR. BASS! 308 00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:48,942 OPIE, SUPPOSE YOU COME TO THE BOARD 309 00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:50,243 AND DO OUR NINES FOR US. 310 00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:51,244 YES, MA'AM. 311 00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:52,913 NINES, NINES, NINES. 312 00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:55,448 WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT ABOUT NINES? 313 00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:59,219 MR. BASS! 314 00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:01,922 9 X 1 315 00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:04,925 IS 9. 316 00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:09,329 9 X 2 317 00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:11,498 IS, UH... 318 00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,967 TOO DOGGONE MUCH! 319 00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:15,435 MY TURN! MY TURN! 320 00:12:15,468 --> 00:12:19,372 MR. BASS, YOU RETURN TO YOUR SEAT RIGHT NOW! 321 00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,809 TEACHING TAKES TOO LONG. ROMENA WON'T WAIT. 322 00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:23,043 GIVE ME THAT CHALK. 323 00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,244 UH-UH. OPEN THAT HAND. 324 00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:25,278 MM-MM. OPEN IT. 325 00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:27,014 I WANT TO WRITE MY SENTENCE. 326 00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:28,515 MR. BASS, YOU ARE A GROWN MAN 327 00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:30,951 AND YOU'RE FORCING ME TO TAKE MEASURES 328 00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:33,286 I HAVE NEVER TAKEN WITH MY PUPILS BEFORE. 329 00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:41,194 NOW, RETURN TO YOUR SEAT. 330 00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:43,530 YES, MA'AM. 331 00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:46,967 CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING BEFORE I GO? 332 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,268 WHAT IS IT? 333 00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:50,938 I LOVE YOU. 334 00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:01,381 MISS CRUMP! 335 00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:04,517 MISS CRUMP, CAN YOU HEAR ME?! 336 00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:09,489 I'M GONNA THROW A ROCK IN THROUGH YOUR WINDOW 337 00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:12,826 WITH A NOTE ATTACHED ONTO IT. 338 00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:20,100 THE NOTE SAY, "I LOVE YOU"! 339 00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,368 READ IT! 340 00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:26,406 NOW, WHY DON'T YOU SCRIBBLE A LOVE NOTE TO ME?! 341 00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:28,275 THROW IT ON BACK OUT AT ME HERE! 342 00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,143 ERNEST T.? 343 00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:32,846 I TOLD YOU WHAT I WAS GONNA DO IF YOU THROW ANY MORE ROCKS. 344 00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,047 LET'S GO. 345 00:13:34,081 --> 00:13:35,282 ALL RIGHT, SHERIFF. 346 00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,985 MISS CRUMP, I GOT GO OFF TO THE LOCKUP NOW 347 00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:39,920 BUT I'LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING. 348 00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:41,621 ALL RIGHT, SHERIFF, I'M COMING. 349 00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,190 GOOD NIGHT, MISS CRUMP! 350 00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:45,425 GOOD NIGHT. I LOVE YOU, MISS CRUMP! 351 00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:46,994 I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU! 352 00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:49,329 I WANT YOU TO KNOW HOW MUCH I... 353 00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:51,364 HE JUST ABOUT DROVE ME CRAZY LAST NIGHT, 354 00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:53,166 STANDING OUT IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE 355 00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,301 SCREAMING HE LOVES ME. 356 00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,635 HE WON'T BOTHER YOU ANYMORE. 357 00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,204 WE GOT HIM LOCKED UP NOW. 358 00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:58,238 THAT'S RIGHT. 359 00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:00,173 SLAPPED HIM IN THE OLD TIN BOX. 360 00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:01,541 THAT'LL COOL HIM OFF. 361 00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:03,343 I SUPPOSE HE'S A GOOD SOUL. 362 00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,879 IT'S JUST THAT HE'S A LITTLE STRANGE. 363 00:14:05,913 --> 00:14:07,447 STRANGE? 364 00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,983 HE'S A FIRST-RATE, GRADE-A, NUMBER-ONE NUT. 365 00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:12,886 HE SHOULD'VE BEEN IN THE LAUGHING ACADEMY YEARS AGO. 366 00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,321 HE'S MADE A LOT OF PROGRESS 367 00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,256 SINCE THE LAST TIME HE WAS IN TOWN. 368 00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,025 HE SHAVED THE BACK OF HIS NECK. 369 00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:19,426 WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT THAT? 370 00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,161 WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME A MINUTE? 371 00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:23,130 I HAVE TO TAKE THIS TO THE PRINCIPAL. 372 00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:24,331 BE RIGHT BACK, ANDY. 373 00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:34,141 LOOK, ANDY, 374 00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:36,676 A SENSITIVE, DELICATE SITUATION LIKE THIS 375 00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:39,412 HAS GOT TO BE HANDLED A CERTAIN WAY. 376 00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:41,949 WHY DON'T I TAKE HIM IN BACK OF THE JAILHOUSE 377 00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:43,951 AND KICK HIM AROUND A LITTLE BIT? 378 00:14:43,984 --> 00:14:47,054 HE'D KILL YA. 379 00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:49,990 YOU KNOW A STRANGE THING ABOUT IT, BARN? 380 00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:51,191 STRANGE THING -- 381 00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:54,061 HE WAITED TILL SHE HIT HIM WITH A RULER 382 00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:56,563 AND THEN HE DECIDED HE LOVED HER. 383 00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:58,565 YEAH. 384 00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,102 YEAH. 385 00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:06,039 YOU KNOW SOMETHIN'? 386 00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:08,942 THIS WHOLE THING IS PSYCHOLOGICAL. 387 00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:10,443 LOVE AND PUNISHMENT. 388 00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:12,612 PUNISHMENT AND LOVE. 389 00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:14,381 WELL, DON'T YOU GET IT? 390 00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,483 THAT ALL SAYS JUST ONE THING. 391 00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:17,684 WHAT? 392 00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:19,486 IT'S THE OLD MOTHER FIGURE BIT -- 393 00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:21,321 HE LOVES HER LIKE A MOTHER. 394 00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:24,091 SIGMUND "FROOD" WROTE A LOT ABOUT THAT. 395 00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:27,094 HEY, BARN, I THINK YOU'VE HIT ON SOMETHING. 396 00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:29,229 THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT HE'S DOING -- 397 00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:32,099 HE'S IDENTIFYING HELEN WITH HIS MOTHER. 398 00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,400 YEAH. 399 00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,368 THERE'S NO QUESTION ABOUT IT. 400 00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:38,238 OLD SIG HAD THIS THING PEGGED YEARS AGO. 401 00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:42,042 I'LL BE DOGGED, BARN, I BELIEVE YOU'VE GOT IT. 402 00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:44,077 WELL, OF COURSE I GOT IT. 403 00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:45,678 NO QUESTION ABOUT IT. 404 00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,682 'COURSE, GETTING HIM TO UNDERSTAND IT, 405 00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:51,451 NOW, THAT'S SOMETHING ELSE. 406 00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:53,420 I STILL SAY A GOOD BATTIN' AROUND 407 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,288 WOULD BE THE ONLY REAL ANSWER. 408 00:15:55,322 --> 00:15:57,224 HE'D KILL YA. 409 00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,572 WHAT'S THE GOOD NEWS, SHERIFF? 410 00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:14,707 ERNEST T. BASS, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? 411 00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:16,409 HOW'D YOU GET OUT OF JAIL? 412 00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:18,011 IRRITATIN', AIN'T IT? 413 00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:19,446 YES! YOU GOT TO STOP THAT. 414 00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,281 YOU GOT TO QUIT THROWING ROCKS 415 00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,750 AND QUIT RUNNING AROUND AFTER MISS CRUMP. 416 00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:26,286 DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT MISS CRUMP. 417 00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,021 I LOVE HER, SHERIFF. 418 00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:30,390 I FELT A SHARPNESS IN MY CHEST, 419 00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:33,260 AND I KNOWED I WAS IN LOVE WITH HER. 420 00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:34,761 I COULDN'T RESIST MYSELF. 421 00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:36,529 YEAH. 422 00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:40,533 SHE'S A SWEET, PRETTY GIRL, AND A LOT OF US LIKE HER. 423 00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:43,536 SAY... 424 00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:49,376 SHE IS YOUR SWEETHEART, AIN'T SHE? 425 00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:52,245 WELL, YES, WE DO KIND OF SEE ONE ANOTHER 426 00:16:52,279 --> 00:16:53,546 ON A REGULAR BASIS. 427 00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:55,082 I'M SORRY, SHERIFF. 428 00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:57,550 I-I WOULDN'T CUT YOU OUT FOR NOTHING, 429 00:16:57,584 --> 00:16:58,785 BUT I-I LOVE HER. 430 00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:00,553 I JUST CAN'T HELP MYSELF. 431 00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:02,289 I-I JUST PLUMB LOVE HER. 432 00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:03,823 WELL, WHAT ABOUT RAMONA? 433 00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,192 I LOVE HER, TOO. 434 00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:07,427 I'M SPLIT RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE 435 00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:08,828 TWIXT THEM TWO LOVES. 436 00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,830 MUSKRAT'S GOT THE RIGHT IDEA. 437 00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:14,701 POKE HIS HEAD OUT OF A HOLE, GRAB THE FIRST FEMALE COME BY, 438 00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:17,704 MARRY UP WITH HER, LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER. 439 00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:20,307 MUSKRAT DOES. THAT'S WHAT HE DOES. 440 00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:21,408 ERNEST T.? 441 00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:22,475 HMM? 442 00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:25,178 CAN I ASK YA A PERSONAL QUESTION? 443 00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:26,413 I'M YOUR SLAVE. 444 00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:29,449 DID, UH, DID YOUR MOTHER EVER HIT YOU? 445 00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:30,583 OH, YEAH. 446 00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:32,452 SHE WAS WONDERFUL. 447 00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:35,755 DON'T YOU SEE WHAT YOU'RE DOING? 448 00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:38,758 ALL THE FEELING YOU HAD FOR YOUR MOTHER 449 00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:42,529 CAME BACK WHEN MISS CRUMP HIT YOU WITH THAT RULER. 450 00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:43,730 IT DID? 451 00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:46,233 YEAH. SEE, YOU'RE PUTTING MISS CRUMP 452 00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:47,867 IN YOUR MOTHER'S PLACE. 453 00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,137 RAMONA'S YOUR TRUE LOVE. 454 00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:53,240 MISS CRUMP IS JUST WHAT YOU'D CALL... 455 00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:54,774 YOUR MOTHER FIGURE. 456 00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:57,510 MY MOTHER FIGURE? 457 00:17:57,544 --> 00:17:59,112 THAT'S RIGHT. 458 00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:00,713 MOTHER FIGURE... 459 00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:03,216 ALL MINE 460 00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:05,318 ALL YOURS, NOBODY ELSTE'S. 461 00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:07,220 MY MOTHER FIGURE. 462 00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:09,422 AIN'T THAT SOMETHIN'? 463 00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:12,759 YOU CLEARED UP THE WHOLE THING. 464 00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:16,563 SHERIFF, YOU'RE A WONDERFUL PERSON. 465 00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:17,864 THANK YOU. 466 00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:20,133 WOULD YOU CARE TO BE MY BROTHER FIGURE? 467 00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:22,269 WELL... 468 00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:31,478 I'LL HELP YOU, MA'AM. I'LL HELP YOU! 469 00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:39,386 OH, NO, NO, REALLY. THANK YOU, I CAN MANAGE. 470 00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:42,222 BUT A GOOD SON IS SUPPOSED TO HELP HIS MOTHER FIGURE. 471 00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:49,262 OH, ANDY, PLEASE, YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING. 472 00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:50,430 HELLO, MR. SCHWAMP. 473 00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:53,733 COME ON IN THE OFFICE. 474 00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:55,535 EXCUSE US, MR. SCHWAMP. 475 00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:57,770 KEEP YOUR HANDS OFF MY MOTHER FIGURE, 476 00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,306 BROTHER FIGURE! 477 00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:00,340 ERNEST! 478 00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:01,741 GET OFF ME, ERNEST. 479 00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:03,710 SHE'S MY MOTHER FIGURE! 480 00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:05,278 I GOT TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH. 481 00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,214 I JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH HIM. 482 00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:09,449 CAN'T PUT HIM IN JAIL -- HE KEEPS BREAKING OUT. 483 00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:12,219 I CAN'T MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND HE'S GOT TO LEAVE HELEN ALONE. 484 00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:13,820 I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITH HIM. 485 00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:15,455 WELL, YOU WON'T LISTEN TO ME. 486 00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:16,889 YOU WON'T LISTEN TO YOUR OLD DAD. 487 00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:18,958 ALL I HAVE TO DO IS GIVE HIM A COUPLE OF KARATE CHOPS, 488 00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,760 FLIP HIM INTO A CORNER, AND HE'D GET UP 489 00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:22,862 AND HEAD BACK FOR THE MOUNTAINS NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN. 490 00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:25,265 HE'D KILL YA. 491 00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:26,366 WELL... 492 00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:28,468 THE EASIEST WAY'S TO SATISFY HIM. 493 00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:31,604 HE WANTS AN EDUCATION, WE'LL GIVE HIM AN EDUCATION. 494 00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:34,641 WE'LL FIX HIM UP WITH A DIPLOMA AND EVERYTHING. 495 00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:38,211 I STILL SAY FIVE MINUTES BEHIND THE BARN. 496 00:19:38,245 --> 00:19:41,614 HE'D KILL YOU. 497 00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:43,616 ALL RIGHT, NOW, ERNEST T., 498 00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:46,353 THERE'S FOUR SUBJECTS WE'RE GONNA COVER. 499 00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:47,754 FOUR SUBJECTS. 500 00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:50,357 YOU LISTEN CAREFUL, AND I'LL TEACH YOU THE ANSWERS. 501 00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:51,558 PUT THAT DOWN. 502 00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:53,293 WE'RE GONNA START WITH GEOGRAPHY. 503 00:19:53,326 --> 00:19:54,361 GEOGRAPHY. 504 00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:55,895 THAT'S RIGHT. NOW, HERE... 505 00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:57,830 HERE IS A MAP OF THE UNITED STATES. 506 00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:59,899 UNITED STATES. THAT'S RIGHT. 507 00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:03,836 NOW, THE UNITED STATES IS BOUNDED ON THE NORTH 508 00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:04,937 BY CANADA, 509 00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:07,006 ON THE SOUTH, BY MEXICO, 510 00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:10,377 ON THE EAST, BY THE ATLANTIC OCEAN, 511 00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:12,612 AND ON THE WEST, BY, UH... 512 00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:16,349 WOULD, UH, WOULD YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW THAT? 513 00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:19,786 WEST, WEST... 514 00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:21,821 OLD MAN KELSEY'S WOODS. 515 00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:23,290 NO, NO, NO. 516 00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:26,926 ALL THE WAY TO THE EDGE, A BIG BODY OF WATER. 517 00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:28,995 OLD MAN KELSEY'S CRICK. 518 00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:30,029 AN OCEAN. 519 00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,265 OLD MAN KELSEY'S OCEAN. 520 00:20:32,299 --> 00:20:33,633 PACIFIC OCEAN. 521 00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:34,734 PACIFIC OCEAN. 522 00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:35,868 VERY GOOD. 523 00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,704 I SURE KNOW MY BOUNDARIES GOOD. 524 00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:38,938 YA SURE DO. 525 00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:41,274 JUST AS LONG AS THEY DON'T CHANGE 'EM 526 00:20:41,308 --> 00:20:42,542 'FORE I TAKE MY TEST. 527 00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:46,513 R-READY FOR THE TEST. 528 00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:48,315 ASK ME SOME QUESTIONS. WHAT YOU WANT TO KNOW? 529 00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:50,917 GEOGRAPHY, 'RITHMETIC, BOUNDARIES? 530 00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:54,253 JUST SET DOWN RIGHT OVER THERE, ERNEST T. 531 00:20:56,055 --> 00:20:57,790 ANDY THIS WHOLE THING'S A JOKE -- 532 00:20:57,824 --> 00:20:58,991 THIS ISN'T A TEST AT ALL. 533 00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:00,493 JUST ASK HIM SOME QUESTIONS. 534 00:21:00,527 --> 00:21:01,861 WE'LL GIVE HIM THE DIPLOMA. 535 00:21:01,894 --> 00:21:03,396 BUT, ANDY... 536 00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:05,565 EITHER THAT OR HAVE HIM AROUND A FEW MORE YEARS. 537 00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:07,300 GEOGRAPHY BOUNDARIES: 538 00:21:07,334 --> 00:21:10,670 MEXICO, CANADA, ATLANTIC OCEAN, PACIFIC OCEAN, 539 00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:14,341 KELSEY'S WOODS, KELSEY'S CRICK, KELSEY'S OCEAN. 540 00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:16,008 HE-HE PASSED GEOGRAPHY. 541 00:21:16,042 --> 00:21:17,076 ARITHMETIC. 542 00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:19,646 'RITHMETIC: TWO AND TWO. 543 00:21:19,679 --> 00:21:22,014 FOUR. 544 00:21:22,048 --> 00:21:25,552 WAIT A MINUTE, LET ME DO YOU A REAL HARD ONE. 545 00:21:25,585 --> 00:21:26,853 UH, LEMME SEE, UH... 546 00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:29,356 25 AND 25. 547 00:21:29,389 --> 00:21:30,857 UH... 548 00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:32,058 50. 549 00:21:35,027 --> 00:21:36,729 VERY GOOD, ERNEST T. 550 00:21:36,763 --> 00:21:38,465 VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD. 551 00:21:38,498 --> 00:21:41,701 NOW, COME OVER HERE AND GET YOUR DIPLOMA. 552 00:21:41,734 --> 00:21:45,004 CAN'T I GO SLICK DOWN FIRST SO I LOOK GOOD? 553 00:21:45,037 --> 00:21:46,739 OKAY, GO SLICK DOWN. 554 00:21:46,773 --> 00:21:48,541 ANDY, THIS IS A FARCE. 555 00:21:48,575 --> 00:21:50,643 HIS DIPLOMA JUST SAYS THAT HE KNOWS THE BOUNDARIES 556 00:21:50,677 --> 00:21:52,111 OF THE UNITED STATES, 557 00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:54,347 SOME ARITHMETIC, AND HE CAN READ AND WRITE A LITTLE. 558 00:21:54,381 --> 00:21:55,448 NOW, PRESENT IT TO HIM. 559 00:21:55,482 --> 00:21:56,716 OH, THIS IS RIDICULOUS. 560 00:21:56,749 --> 00:21:58,785 HUSH. COME ON, ERNEST T., GET YOUR DIPLOMA. 561 00:22:04,457 --> 00:22:05,925 THIS IS TO CERTIFY 562 00:22:05,958 --> 00:22:09,629 THAT ERNEST T. BASS HAS ACHIEVED A SPECIAL AWARD 563 00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:10,963 FOR LEARNING... 564 00:22:10,997 --> 00:22:12,131 FOR LEARNING. 565 00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:13,433 HERE. 566 00:22:18,905 --> 00:22:21,708 WELL, YOU GOT WHAT YOU WANTED, ERNEST T. 567 00:22:21,741 --> 00:22:23,342 YOU GOT YOUR DIPLOMA. 568 00:22:25,645 --> 00:22:27,814 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO? 569 00:22:27,847 --> 00:22:29,949 I'M GONNA TAKE IT OVER TO ROMENA 570 00:22:29,982 --> 00:22:31,451 AND SHOW IT TO HER. 571 00:22:31,484 --> 00:22:33,119 IT'S WHAT SHE WANTED. 572 00:22:33,152 --> 00:22:35,688 AND THEN I'M GONNA COURT HER. 573 00:22:40,793 --> 00:22:42,061 I'M PROUD. 574 00:22:44,731 --> 00:22:47,434 I AM SO PROUD. 575 00:22:52,138 --> 00:22:55,675 THANK YOU, SHERIFF. 576 00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:57,710 DEPUTY. 577 00:23:00,847 --> 00:23:02,081 MOST OF ALL, I... 578 00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:04,751 I WANT TO THANK MY MOTHER FIGURE. 579 00:23:42,154 --> 00:23:43,890 WHAT'S THE MATTER? 580 00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:46,693 HMM? OHH... 581 00:23:50,162 --> 00:23:52,899 WELL, IT'S GETTING ALONG ABOUT THAT TIME AGAIN. 582 00:23:52,932 --> 00:23:54,734 LUNCH? YEAH. 583 00:23:56,969 --> 00:23:58,671 DINER AGAIN? 584 00:23:58,705 --> 00:23:59,839 WANT TO GO TO THE DRUGSTORE, 585 00:23:59,872 --> 00:24:01,240 HAVE A TUNA SANDWICH AND MILKSHAKE? 586 00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:03,543 I DON'T LIKE TO EAT AT THE DRUGSTORE. 587 00:24:03,576 --> 00:24:05,478 EVERYTHING TASTES LIKE MEDICINE. 588 00:24:05,512 --> 00:24:06,546 DINER, THEN? 589 00:24:06,579 --> 00:24:08,515 OKAY. 590 00:24:08,548 --> 00:24:10,750 LET ME JUST FINISH THIS. 591 00:24:10,783 --> 00:24:15,087 WONDER HOW OLD ERNEST T. BASS MADE OUT OVER AT RAMONA'S. 592 00:24:15,121 --> 00:24:17,690 OH, YEAH. NOW THAT HE'S EDUCATED, HUH? 593 00:24:17,724 --> 00:24:18,925 YEAH. 594 00:24:18,958 --> 00:24:20,693 GUESS EVERYTHING TURNED OUT ALL RIGHT, 595 00:24:20,727 --> 00:24:22,629 OR WE'D HAVE HEARD FROM HIM. 596 00:24:22,662 --> 00:24:23,863 YEAH, I GUESS. 597 00:24:23,896 --> 00:24:24,864 YEAH. 598 00:24:24,897 --> 00:24:27,667 YEAH, I GUESS IT WORKED OUT. 599 00:24:27,700 --> 00:24:28,835 YEP. 600 00:24:34,006 --> 00:24:35,675 FIVE MINUTES BEHIND THE BARN? 601 00:24:35,708 --> 00:24:36,643 HE'D KILL YA. 40900

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.