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1
00:00:09,677 --> 00:00:12,213
STARRING ANDY GRIFFITH...
2
00:00:12,246 --> 00:00:14,515
WITH RONNY HOWARD...
3
00:00:14,548 --> 00:00:18,152
ALSO STARRING DON KNOTTS.
4
00:00:26,794 --> 00:00:30,264
SOMETHIN'
BOTHERING YOU?
5
00:00:30,298 --> 00:00:34,202
OHH, I DON'T KNOW.
6
00:00:34,235 --> 00:00:37,638
JUST WONDERING WHERE
WE'RE GONNA EAT LUNCH.
7
00:00:37,671 --> 00:00:39,107
OH.
8
00:00:39,140 --> 00:00:40,674
WHAT ABOUT THE DINER?
9
00:00:40,708 --> 00:00:43,411
I CHECKED THE SPECIAL
ON THE WAY IN --
10
00:00:43,444 --> 00:00:46,314
CHICKEN WINGS, RICE,
AND MIXED VEGETABLES.
11
00:00:46,347 --> 00:00:47,715
THAT DON'T SOUND BAD.
12
00:00:47,748 --> 00:00:49,183
YOU KNOW WHAT SHE DOES.
13
00:00:49,217 --> 00:00:50,618
SHE GIVES YOU TWO WINGS,
14
00:00:50,651 --> 00:00:53,521
AND USUALLY FROM A CHICKEN
THAT'S DONE A LOT OF FLYING.
15
00:00:54,822 --> 00:00:56,457
WHAT YOU WIND UP
PAYING FOR
16
00:00:56,490 --> 00:00:58,459
IS THE RICE
AND THE MIXED VEGETABLES.
17
00:00:58,492 --> 00:01:01,195
THAT'S WHAT IT BOILS DOWN TO.
MIGHT AS WELL FACE IT.
18
00:01:01,229 --> 00:01:03,664
WELL, WE DON'T HAVE TO
HAVE THE SPECIAL.
19
00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:06,334
I GUESS
WE DON'T HAVE TO.
20
00:01:06,367 --> 00:01:08,869
DINER, THEN?
OKAY.
21
00:01:10,338 --> 00:01:12,840
YOU KNOW WHO'S BACK
IN TOWN, DON'T YOU?
22
00:01:17,645 --> 00:01:20,214
ERNEST T. BASS,
YOU COME IN HERE!
23
00:01:21,682 --> 00:01:23,217
HOWDY-DO,
TO YOU AND YOU.
24
00:01:23,251 --> 00:01:24,885
IT'S ME, IT'S ME,
IT'S ERNEST T.
25
00:01:24,918 --> 00:01:27,421
ERNEST T., HOW MANY TIMES
DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU
26
00:01:27,455 --> 00:01:29,423
YOU CAN'T GO AROUND
BREAKING WINDOWS?
27
00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:30,524
IT'S AGAINST THE LAW!
28
00:01:30,558 --> 00:01:31,725
LET'S LOCK HIM UP!
29
00:01:31,759 --> 00:01:33,194
LET GO OF ME!
30
00:01:33,227 --> 00:01:35,263
SHERIFF, TELL HIM
TO TAKE HIS HANDS OFF ME.
31
00:01:35,296 --> 00:01:37,131
TAKE YOUR HANDS
OFF HIM, BARNEY.
32
00:01:37,165 --> 00:01:38,766
ERNEST T., WINDOWS
COST MONEY!
33
00:01:38,799 --> 00:01:41,435
WELL, I'M FIXIN'
ON PAYING FOR
THAT, SHERIFF.
34
00:01:41,469 --> 00:01:43,237
WELL, WHAT'D YOU
BREAK IT FOR?
35
00:01:43,271 --> 00:01:44,638
I'LL 'SPLAIN IT TO YOU.
36
00:01:46,940 --> 00:01:48,376
WHAT IS THAT?
37
00:01:48,409 --> 00:01:49,743
JUST ROCKS.
LOOK AT 'EM, HUH?
38
00:01:49,777 --> 00:01:51,279
AIN'T THEY BEAUTIES?
39
00:01:51,312 --> 00:01:53,247
BEST BUNCH OF ROCKS
I EVER DID BRING INTO TOWN.
40
00:01:53,281 --> 00:01:54,648
WELL, I'LL
JUST CONFISCATE...
41
00:01:54,682 --> 00:01:55,716
YOU LET GO OF MY ROCKS!
42
00:01:55,749 --> 00:01:56,817
ERNEST T.!
43
00:02:04,192 --> 00:02:06,460
LET ME 'SPLAIN MY PLAN TO YOU.
44
00:02:10,198 --> 00:02:12,566
WELL, IT BETTER BE GOOD,
I'LL TELL YOU THAT.
45
00:02:17,838 --> 00:02:20,241
YOU...
YOU REMEMBER ROMENA?
46
00:02:20,274 --> 00:02:21,842
YES.
47
00:02:21,875 --> 00:02:24,345
WELL, I BEEN COURTING WITH HER.
48
00:02:24,378 --> 00:02:26,280
I HEARD YOU'D BEEN OVER THERE.
49
00:02:26,314 --> 00:02:27,748
WHAT ABOUT THE ROCKS?
50
00:02:27,781 --> 00:02:30,484
I'LL GET TO THAT.
I'LL GET TO THAT.
51
00:02:30,518 --> 00:02:32,220
NOW T'OTHER NIGHT
52
00:02:32,253 --> 00:02:34,688
I FIGURED IT WAS TIME FOR ME
TO GO ON OVER TO ROMENA'S HOUSE
53
00:02:34,722 --> 00:02:36,857
AND LAY DOWN MY INTENTION
TO GET BETROTHIN' TO HER.
54
00:02:36,890 --> 00:02:38,792
YES.
55
00:02:38,826 --> 00:02:40,361
TURNED ME DOWN.
56
00:02:40,394 --> 00:02:41,795
CAN YOU IMAGINE THAT?
57
00:02:41,829 --> 00:02:42,963
TURNED ME DOWN!
58
00:02:42,996 --> 00:02:45,433
AND AFTER ALL THE TROUBLE
I WENT TO
59
00:02:45,466 --> 00:02:48,502
TO MAKE MYSELF DELIGHTFUL
FOR HER AND ATTRACTIVE.
60
00:02:48,536 --> 00:02:49,837
HERE, LOOKIT HERE.
61
00:02:50,804 --> 00:02:52,473
A GOLD TOOTH?
62
00:02:52,506 --> 00:02:55,709
CATCHES THE GLARE
AS MY MOUTH KICKED OPEN.
63
00:02:55,743 --> 00:02:59,380
YEAH, THAT'S PRETTY FLASHY,
ERNEST T., PRETTY FLASHY.
64
00:02:59,413 --> 00:03:00,914
DENTIST DIDN'T DO IT,
YOU KNOW.
65
00:03:00,948 --> 00:03:03,584
HAD IT DID AT THE SIGN COMPANY.
GOLD LEAF, THEY CALL IT.
66
00:03:03,617 --> 00:03:05,619
WHAT ABOUT THE ROCKS?
67
00:03:05,653 --> 00:03:08,256
GOLD TOOTH FOR A DOLLAR --
YOU CAN'T BEAT THAT.
68
00:03:08,289 --> 00:03:09,790
WHAT ABOUT THE ROCKS?!
69
00:03:09,823 --> 00:03:10,924
WILL YOU ASK HIM TO HUSH?
70
00:03:10,958 --> 00:03:11,825
HUSH, BARNEY.
GO AHEAD.
71
00:03:11,859 --> 00:03:13,494
NOW, I DONE ALL THAT
72
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,895
FOR MY BELOVED ROMENA.
73
00:03:14,928 --> 00:03:16,664
YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE I DONE?
74
00:03:16,697 --> 00:03:18,399
LOOKIT HERE.
75
00:03:18,432 --> 00:03:20,968
SHAVED THE BACK OF MY NECK.
HUH
76
00:03:21,001 --> 00:03:23,704
YEAH, THAT'S NICE, ERNEST T.
THAT'S NICE, THAT'S NICE.
77
00:03:23,737 --> 00:03:24,838
SHE TURNED YOU DOWN?
78
00:03:24,872 --> 00:03:26,574
COLD. DIDN'T WANT THAT.
MNH-MNH.
79
00:03:26,607 --> 00:03:28,809
WANTED SOMETHING ELSE.
YOU KNOW WHAT SHE WANTED?
80
00:03:28,842 --> 00:03:30,611
WANTED FOR ME
TO GET AN EDUCATION.
81
00:03:30,644 --> 00:03:31,979
SAID I HAD NO BOOK LEARNING.
82
00:03:32,012 --> 00:03:33,414
I HAD TO LEARN
TO READ AND WRITE.
83
00:03:33,447 --> 00:03:35,583
I NEVER KNEW A MAN
WHAT COULD CHUNK A COW
84
00:03:35,616 --> 00:03:37,385
ACROSS HIS SHOULDERS HAD TO.
85
00:03:37,418 --> 00:03:39,620
AIN'T THE SAME THING, ERNEST T.
86
00:03:39,653 --> 00:03:41,622
I LOVE THAT ROMENA, SHERIFF.
87
00:03:41,655 --> 00:03:42,823
BETTER'N MY COW.
88
00:03:42,856 --> 00:03:44,692
BETTER'N MY .22 REPEATER.
89
00:03:44,725 --> 00:03:46,327
I MUST TO HAVE HER.
90
00:03:46,360 --> 00:03:49,463
WHAT ABOUT THESE
COTTON!
91
00:03:49,497 --> 00:03:51,365
I'M GETTING TO THAT!
92
00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:53,734
SHERIFF...
93
00:03:53,767 --> 00:03:56,370
I WANT YOU TO HELP ME
GET SOME SCHOOLING.
94
00:03:56,404 --> 00:03:58,038
LEARN ME TO READ
AND WRITE
95
00:03:58,071 --> 00:03:59,773
AND TOTE UP
MY CIPHERS.
96
00:03:59,807 --> 00:04:00,941
AND THEN NEXT WEEK
97
00:04:00,974 --> 00:04:03,344
I'LL GO ON BACK
AND PLEDGE MY TROTH
98
00:04:03,377 --> 00:04:05,313
AND GET BETROTHIN'
TO ROMENA.
99
00:04:05,346 --> 00:04:07,448
IT DON'T WORK
THAT WAY, ERNEST T.
100
00:04:07,481 --> 00:04:09,483
IT DON'T WORK
THAT WAY AT ALL.
101
00:04:09,517 --> 00:04:11,819
YOU CAN'T GET
AN EDUCATION IN A WEEK.
102
00:04:11,852 --> 00:04:13,053
I CAN'T?
103
00:04:13,086 --> 00:04:15,989
NO! AN EDUCATION
IS A LONG, TOUGH JOB.
104
00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:20,428
THEN HERE'S THE ANSWER
ABOUT THEM ROCKS, DEPUTY.
105
00:04:20,461 --> 00:04:23,464
IF'N I DON'T GET
THAT EDUCATION
106
00:04:23,497 --> 00:04:26,967
I'M GOING TO BUST
EVERY WINDOW IN TOWN.
107
00:04:27,000 --> 00:04:28,869
OH, NO, YOU AIN'T!
108
00:04:28,902 --> 00:04:32,039
HOLD IT!
109
00:04:32,072 --> 00:04:34,708
NOW, YOU AIN'T GOING
TO BUST NO WINDOWS.
110
00:04:34,742 --> 00:04:35,709
MM-MM.
111
00:04:35,743 --> 00:04:37,411
THE FIRST ROCK YOU THROW
112
00:04:37,445 --> 00:04:39,980
I'M GOING TO PUT YOU
UNDER THE JAIL!
113
00:04:45,619 --> 00:04:47,788
ARE YOU SERIOUS
ABOUT THIS EDUCATION BUSINESS?
114
00:04:47,821 --> 00:04:49,022
'COURSE I AM.
115
00:04:49,056 --> 00:04:51,325
I WOULDN'T FUN ABOUT
A THING LIKE THAT.
116
00:04:51,359 --> 00:04:52,560
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
117
00:04:52,593 --> 00:04:56,029
WELL, I GUESS
ANYTHING'S POSSIBLE.
118
00:04:56,063 --> 00:04:57,765
SHERIFF,
I ALREADY KNOW
119
00:04:57,798 --> 00:05:00,033
THE WHOLE FRONT PART
OF THE ALPHABET.
120
00:05:00,067 --> 00:05:02,670
A-B-C-F-L-G
AND A LOT OF OTHER LETTERS
121
00:05:02,703 --> 00:05:04,672
BUT NOT IN A ROW
LIKE THAT.
122
00:05:04,705 --> 00:05:06,340
AND?
123
00:05:12,913 --> 00:05:15,783
YOU'RE NOT THINKING
ABOUT GETTING MIXED UP
WITH HIM AGAIN, ARE YOU?
124
00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,085
WELL, BARN...
A MAN BREAKS A WINDOW
IN THE SHERIFF'S OFFICE
125
00:05:18,118 --> 00:05:19,887
AND YOU'RE GOING
TO HELP HIM?
126
00:05:19,920 --> 00:05:22,590
MAYBE THIS IS A WAY TO GET HIM
TO STOP BREAKING WINDOWS.
127
00:05:22,623 --> 00:05:24,592
OH, BOY. AND YOU'RE GOING
TO TAKE ON THE JOB
128
00:05:24,625 --> 00:05:25,859
OF TRYING TO EDUCATE HIM?
129
00:05:33,634 --> 00:05:37,004
HE LOOKS LIKE
HE WANTS TO LEARN.
130
00:05:37,037 --> 00:05:39,072
BUT, ANDY, MY CLASS
IS THE FIFTH GRADE.
131
00:05:39,106 --> 00:05:41,675
I THOUGHT IF WE'D PUT HIM
IN WITH THE BIGGER KIDS
132
00:05:41,709 --> 00:05:43,544
HE WOULDN'T LOOK
SO OUT OF PLACE.
133
00:05:43,577 --> 00:05:45,546
BUT HE'D NEED
SPECIAL ATTENTION.
134
00:05:45,579 --> 00:05:46,580
SURE, HE WILL,
135
00:05:46,614 --> 00:05:48,148
AND I'M PLANNING
ON HELPING HIM
136
00:05:48,181 --> 00:05:49,383
WITH HIS HOMEWORK.
137
00:05:49,417 --> 00:05:50,618
IT'S WORTH A TRY, HELEN.
138
00:05:50,651 --> 00:05:51,919
IT'S REALLY WORTH A TRY.
139
00:05:51,952 --> 00:05:54,422
HE MIGHT EVEN BE
AN INSPIRATION TO THE OTHERS.
140
00:05:54,455 --> 00:05:56,123
OH, WELL, I DON'T
KNOW ABOUT THAT.
141
00:05:56,156 --> 00:05:57,925
THEY MAY REALIZE
HOW IMPORTANT
142
00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,927
AN EDUCATION CAN BE
TO A PERSON.
143
00:05:59,960 --> 00:06:01,094
A FULL-GROWN MAN SEEING THE NEED
144
00:06:01,128 --> 00:06:02,796
AND TRYING TO DO SOMETHING
ABOUT IT.
145
00:06:02,830 --> 00:06:06,066
WELL, I GUESS IT'S POSSIBLE.
146
00:06:06,099 --> 00:06:07,067
YOU'LL TAKE HIM THEN?
147
00:06:07,100 --> 00:06:08,436
OH, ALL RIGHT, ANDY.
148
00:06:08,469 --> 00:06:09,937
I'LL EXPLAIN IT
TO THE PRINCIPAL,
149
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,440
AND MR. BASS CAN START
RIGHT AFTER LUNCH.
150
00:06:12,473 --> 00:06:14,642
YOU'RE A FINE PUBLIC SERVANT,
YOU KNOW THAT?
151
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:20,814
ALL RIGHT.
152
00:06:20,848 --> 00:06:23,851
"THE POSSUM HID UNDER THE ROCK."
153
00:06:23,884 --> 00:06:25,486
WHO CAN BREAK THIS DOWN
154
00:06:25,519 --> 00:06:27,855
AND POINT OUT THE PREPOSITION,
THE OBJECT, THE SUBJECT,
155
00:06:27,888 --> 00:06:29,089
AND THE VERB?
156
00:06:29,122 --> 00:06:30,958
WHY DON'T WE BREAK
DOWN THAT ROCK
157
00:06:30,991 --> 00:06:33,994
AND FIND OUT WHAT
THAT POSSUM'S DOING
IN UNDER THERE?
158
00:06:34,027 --> 00:06:36,063
MR. BASS, WE'LL GET TO YOU
IN A MINUTE.
159
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:37,197
SHARON?
160
00:06:37,230 --> 00:06:39,433
NO LITTLE GIRL GONNA
TELL YOU NOTHING
161
00:06:39,467 --> 00:06:40,968
ABOUT A POSSUM
UNDER A ROCK.
162
00:06:41,001 --> 00:06:43,103
TO FIND OUT ABOUT
A POSSUM UNDER A ROCK,
163
00:06:43,136 --> 00:06:45,506
YOU FIND A BOY WITH DIRT
UNDER HIS FINGERNAILS.
164
00:06:45,539 --> 00:06:47,708
YOU FIND A BOY WITH DIRT
UNDER HIS FINGERNAILS,
165
00:06:47,741 --> 00:06:49,610
YOU'LL FIND A BOY THAT'S
BEEN ROOTING AROUND UNDER
A ROCK FOR POSSUM.
166
00:06:49,643 --> 00:06:52,546
MR. BASS, IN THIS CLASS,
WE DO THINGS BY TURNS.
167
00:06:52,580 --> 00:06:55,483
NOW, EACH CHILD HAS HIS TURN
TO EXPRESS HIMSELF.
168
00:06:55,516 --> 00:06:57,150
RIGHT NOW, IT'S SHARON'S TURN.
169
00:06:57,184 --> 00:06:58,619
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
170
00:06:58,652 --> 00:06:59,753
YES, MA'AM.
171
00:06:59,787 --> 00:07:02,890
I SPEAK WHEN IT'S MY TURN
TO SPEAK.
172
00:07:02,923 --> 00:07:04,992
CORRECT. SHARON?
173
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:07,160
AND WHEN MY TURN COMES,
I'LL SET YOU RIGHT
174
00:07:07,194 --> 00:07:09,463
ABOUT HOW TO FIND A POSSUM
UNDER A ROCK.
175
00:07:09,497 --> 00:07:10,898
YOU CAN GO ABOUT IT TWO WAYS:
176
00:07:10,931 --> 00:07:13,667
YOU LIGHT A FIRE, OR YOU JAB
AT IT WITH A POINTY STICK.
177
00:07:13,701 --> 00:07:15,202
THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH.
178
00:07:15,235 --> 00:07:18,572
LIGHT THE FIRE, SMOKE HIM OUT.
JAB HIM WITH THAT STICK GOOD!
179
00:07:18,606 --> 00:07:20,107
MR. BASS, THAT WAS RUDE.
180
00:07:20,140 --> 00:07:22,009
WELL, THANK YOU.
181
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:23,677
I GOT A RUDE.
182
00:07:23,711 --> 00:07:27,548
I BET YOU AIN'T
NEVER GOT NO RUDE.
183
00:07:27,581 --> 00:07:29,850
PLEASE BE QUIET.
184
00:07:29,883 --> 00:07:31,752
GO AHEAD, SHARON.
185
00:07:31,785 --> 00:07:34,087
THE SUBJECT IS "POSSUM."
186
00:07:34,121 --> 00:07:36,056
"HID" IS THE VERB.
187
00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:38,659
"UNDER" THE PREPOSITION.
188
00:07:38,692 --> 00:07:40,093
A SMART DOG
WILL ROOT HIM OUT
189
00:07:40,127 --> 00:07:41,929
IF YOU AIN'T GOT FIRE
OR A STICK.
190
00:07:41,962 --> 00:07:43,831
MR. BASS, THAT'S QUITE ENOUGH!
191
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,100
WHEN MY TURN COMES.
192
00:07:51,271 --> 00:07:52,773
I DON'T LIKE HER, SHERIFF.
193
00:07:52,806 --> 00:07:53,807
I DON'T LIKE HER.
194
00:07:53,841 --> 00:07:55,643
SHE AIN'T TEACHING
ME NOTHING.
195
00:07:55,676 --> 00:07:56,777
WELL...
196
00:07:56,810 --> 00:07:58,779
I TRIED TO TELL HER
ABOUT A POSSUM.
197
00:07:58,812 --> 00:07:59,947
SHE WOULDN'T LISTEN.
198
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,181
NOW THERE AIN'T NOBODY
199
00:08:01,214 --> 00:08:03,617
CAN SAY MORE ABOUT A POSSUM
THAN I CAN.
200
00:08:03,651 --> 00:08:06,153
AFTER ALL, I LIVED SIX MONTHS
WITH A POSSUM
201
00:08:06,186 --> 00:08:07,655
AND A RACCOON, TOO.
202
00:08:07,688 --> 00:08:10,558
YOU LIVED WITH A POSSUM
AND A RACCOON?
203
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:12,960
SURE. THAT'S WHERE I LEARNED
TO WASH MY FOOD BEFORE I EAT IT.
204
00:08:12,993 --> 00:08:14,227
OH.
205
00:08:14,261 --> 00:08:17,097
WELL, ERNEST T.,
YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND
206
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:19,600
THERE'S A LOT MORE
TO TEACHING
207
00:08:19,633 --> 00:08:21,001
THAN SEEMS ON THE SURFACE.
208
00:08:21,034 --> 00:08:22,636
MISS CRUMP'S A FINE TEACHER.
209
00:08:22,670 --> 00:08:23,971
A VERY FINE TEACHER.
210
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:26,640
THEN WHY DIDN'T SHE LET ME SAY
ABOUT THE POSSUM?
211
00:08:26,674 --> 00:08:29,209
ASK ABOUT A POSSUM, DON'T WANT
TO HEAR ABOUT A POSSUM.
212
00:08:29,242 --> 00:08:30,644
TELL HER HOW
TO FIND ONE,
213
00:08:30,678 --> 00:08:31,979
SHE DON'T WANT
TO FIND ONE.
214
00:08:32,012 --> 00:08:33,146
NOW LOOK, ERNEST T....
215
00:08:33,180 --> 00:08:34,882
I FOUND IT, PA!
216
00:08:34,915 --> 00:08:36,149
WHAT IS IT?
217
00:08:36,183 --> 00:08:38,919
THIS IS OPIE'S OLD
FIRST-GRADE READER.
218
00:08:38,952 --> 00:08:41,622
I THOUGHT WE'D DO
A LITTLE HOMEWORK.
219
00:08:41,655 --> 00:08:44,024
MAYBE HELP YOU ALONG
A LITTLE BIT.
220
00:08:44,057 --> 00:08:45,926
IT'S THE LEAST
I CAN DO.
221
00:08:45,959 --> 00:08:47,027
YOU SWEET MAN.
222
00:08:47,060 --> 00:08:48,161
YOU SWEET MAN.
223
00:08:48,195 --> 00:08:50,764
I DECLARE,
I THINK I'M ABOUT TO CRY.
224
00:08:50,798 --> 00:08:53,000
ERNEST T.,
DON'T DO THAT.
225
00:08:53,033 --> 00:08:54,902
WELL, WHEN YOU'RE NO ACCOUNT
226
00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:58,005
YOU APPRECIATE IT
WHEN SOMEBODY'S NICE TO YOU.
227
00:08:58,038 --> 00:09:00,874
NOW, YOU'RE NOT NO ACCOUNT,
ERNEST T.
228
00:09:00,908 --> 00:09:02,610
YOU'RE NOT NO ACCOUNT.
229
00:09:02,643 --> 00:09:04,344
YOU'RE JUST...IGNORANT.
230
00:09:04,377 --> 00:09:06,346
YOU'RE JUST BEING NICE.
231
00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:09,016
WELL, LET'S HAVE A LOOK
AT THE BOOK.
232
00:09:09,049 --> 00:09:11,018
YEAH, LET IT GO.
LET IT GO.
233
00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:12,686
OH, I KNOW THAT WORD.
234
00:09:12,720 --> 00:09:13,687
CAT.
235
00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:15,355
YOU SURE YOU DON'T KNOW THAT
236
00:09:15,388 --> 00:09:17,991
'CAUSE THERE'S A PICTURE
OF A CAT THERE?
237
00:09:18,025 --> 00:09:19,159
WHY, NO.
238
00:09:19,192 --> 00:09:21,595
HERE, NOW, COVER IT UP
WITH YOUR HAND.
239
00:09:21,629 --> 00:09:22,730
CAT.
240
00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:24,665
TURN TO A PAGE
WITHOUT ANY PICTURES.
241
00:09:24,698 --> 00:09:27,000
YOU HAVE MORE RESPECT
FOR YOUR ELDERS, HEAR, SON?
242
00:09:27,034 --> 00:09:30,237
NOW, ERNEST T., OPIE'S JUST
TRYING TO HELP OUT, TOO.
243
00:09:30,270 --> 00:09:32,973
WELL, I TAKE OFF MY HUMBLE HAT
TO YOU, BOY.
244
00:09:34,642 --> 00:09:36,710
OPE, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST GO ON TO BED
245
00:09:36,744 --> 00:09:39,079
AND LET ME AND ERNEST T. BASS
WORK TOGETHER?
246
00:09:39,112 --> 00:09:40,714
OKAY. NIGHT, PA.
NIGHT.
247
00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:41,915
NIGHT, ERNEST T. BASS.
248
00:09:41,949 --> 00:09:43,150
NIGHT, OPIE TAYLOR.
249
00:09:43,183 --> 00:09:44,618
DOG.
250
00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:47,087
TRESPASSING.
251
00:09:47,120 --> 00:09:49,289
VERY GOOD.
252
00:09:49,322 --> 00:09:51,759
VERY GOOD.
253
00:09:51,792 --> 00:09:55,763
HOW MANY WORDS
DO YOU KNOW ALTOGETHER?
254
00:09:55,796 --> 00:09:57,297
YOU MEAN SIGHTWISE?
255
00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:58,632
YEAH.
256
00:09:58,666 --> 00:10:00,333
LET ME SEE, UH...
257
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,770
UM, BEWARE OF THE DOG.
258
00:10:02,803 --> 00:10:04,638
UH...NO HUNTING.
259
00:10:04,672 --> 00:10:06,807
NO TRESPASSING, UH...
260
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,976
UH...OPEN AND CLOSE!
261
00:10:09,009 --> 00:10:10,744
OPEN AND CLOSE?
262
00:10:10,778 --> 00:10:12,279
BARBERSHOP.
263
00:10:12,312 --> 00:10:13,280
OH.
264
00:10:13,313 --> 00:10:15,148
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE NOT AS IGNORANT
265
00:10:15,182 --> 00:10:16,383
AS YOU THINK YOU ARE.
266
00:10:16,416 --> 00:10:17,951
WELL...
267
00:10:17,985 --> 00:10:20,353
NO, NO.
YOU'RE DOING REAL GOOD.
268
00:10:20,387 --> 00:10:22,723
NOW, LET ME SHOW YOU HERE.
NOW, LOOK.
269
00:10:22,756 --> 00:10:23,957
HERE, UM...NOW HERE.
270
00:10:23,991 --> 00:10:26,226
I'LL COVER UP THE I-N-G
IN "HUNTING."
271
00:10:26,259 --> 00:10:28,095
YOU'RE GOING
GO COVER IT UP?
272
00:10:28,128 --> 00:10:29,830
COVER IT UP
WITH MY HAND.
273
00:10:29,863 --> 00:10:32,099
NOW WHAT DO YOU GOT?
UM...HUNTING!
274
00:10:32,132 --> 00:10:34,968
NO, NO.
DON'T SAY WHAT'S UNDER MY HAND.
275
00:10:35,002 --> 00:10:36,269
DON'T SAY THAT PART?
276
00:10:36,303 --> 00:10:38,205
DON'T SAY THAT.
NOW, WHAT DO YOU GOT?
277
00:10:38,238 --> 00:10:39,206
HUNT.
THAT'S IT.
278
00:10:39,239 --> 00:10:40,741
HUNT.
279
00:10:40,774 --> 00:10:43,043
YOU'VE LEARNED A NEW WORD
THAT YOU CAN READ.
280
00:10:43,076 --> 00:10:44,712
HUNT!
281
00:10:44,745 --> 00:10:46,013
YEAH!
282
00:10:46,046 --> 00:10:48,148
LET'S PUT TOGETHER
THE WORDS YOU CAN READ,
283
00:10:48,181 --> 00:10:49,850
AND WE CAN MAKE A SENTENCE.
284
00:10:49,883 --> 00:10:51,719
LET ME MAKE A SENTENCE.
285
00:10:51,752 --> 00:10:54,888
NO HUNT BEWARE OPEN AND CLOSE
NO CREDIT.
286
00:10:56,890 --> 00:10:59,026
NO HUNT BEWARE OPEN AND CLOSE
NO CREDIT?
287
00:10:59,059 --> 00:11:00,828
WELL...
288
00:11:00,861 --> 00:11:04,732
HUNT!
289
00:11:04,765 --> 00:11:07,167
NOW, CHILDREN, OPEN YOUR
ARITHMETIC BOOKS
290
00:11:07,200 --> 00:11:08,769
TO TODAY'S ASSIGNMENT...
291
00:11:08,802 --> 00:11:11,705
NO HUNT BEWARE OPEN
AND CLOSE NO CREDIT.
292
00:11:11,739 --> 00:11:13,774
THAT'S A SENTENCE
I LEARNED LAST NIGHT.
293
00:11:13,807 --> 00:11:15,375
I LEARNED HOW
TO WRITE IT, TOO.
294
00:11:15,408 --> 00:11:18,345
THAT'S VERY GOOD. WE'LL DISCUSS
THAT IN ENGLISH CLASS.
295
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:20,080
WE'RE ABOUT
TO DO ARITHMETIC.
296
00:11:20,113 --> 00:11:22,049
YOU ALWAYS WANT
TO DO SOMETHING ELSE
297
00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:24,117
JUST WHEN I WANT
TO DO SOMETHING ELSE.
298
00:11:24,151 --> 00:11:25,719
PLEASE TAKE YOUR
SEAT NOW.
299
00:11:25,753 --> 00:11:27,721
I WANT TO WRITE
MY SENTENCE.
300
00:11:27,755 --> 00:11:30,023
LATER!
JUST TAKE YOUR SEAT NOW.
301
00:11:30,057 --> 00:11:32,860
ALL RIGHT, CLASS,
YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE.
302
00:11:32,893 --> 00:11:36,129
TODAY WE'RE GOING TO DO NINES
IN MULTIPLICATION.
303
00:11:36,163 --> 00:11:37,430
NINES! NINES!
304
00:11:37,464 --> 00:11:40,367
WHY DO YOU WANT TO DO NINES
IN MULTIPLICATION?
305
00:11:40,400 --> 00:11:42,169
I WANT TO DO MY SENTENCE!
306
00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:43,336
CAN'T DO NINES.
307
00:11:43,370 --> 00:11:45,272
THAT WILL DO, MR. BASS!
308
00:11:47,007 --> 00:11:48,942
OPIE, SUPPOSE YOU COME
TO THE BOARD
309
00:11:48,976 --> 00:11:50,243
AND DO OUR NINES FOR US.
310
00:11:50,277 --> 00:11:51,244
YES, MA'AM.
311
00:11:51,278 --> 00:11:52,913
NINES, NINES, NINES.
312
00:11:52,946 --> 00:11:55,448
WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT
ABOUT NINES?
313
00:11:55,482 --> 00:11:59,219
MR. BASS!
314
00:11:59,252 --> 00:12:01,922
9 X 1
315
00:12:01,955 --> 00:12:04,925
IS 9.
316
00:12:04,958 --> 00:12:09,329
9 X 2
317
00:12:09,362 --> 00:12:11,498
IS, UH...
318
00:12:11,531 --> 00:12:13,967
TOO DOGGONE MUCH!
319
00:12:14,001 --> 00:12:15,435
MY TURN! MY TURN!
320
00:12:15,468 --> 00:12:19,372
MR. BASS, YOU RETURN
TO YOUR SEAT RIGHT NOW!
321
00:12:19,406 --> 00:12:21,809
TEACHING TAKES TOO LONG.
ROMENA WON'T WAIT.
322
00:12:21,842 --> 00:12:23,043
GIVE ME THAT CHALK.
323
00:12:23,076 --> 00:12:24,244
UH-UH.
OPEN THAT HAND.
324
00:12:24,277 --> 00:12:25,278
MM-MM.
OPEN IT.
325
00:12:25,312 --> 00:12:27,014
I WANT TO WRITE MY SENTENCE.
326
00:12:27,047 --> 00:12:28,515
MR. BASS, YOU ARE A GROWN MAN
327
00:12:28,548 --> 00:12:30,951
AND YOU'RE FORCING ME
TO TAKE MEASURES
328
00:12:30,984 --> 00:12:33,286
I HAVE NEVER TAKEN
WITH MY PUPILS BEFORE.
329
00:12:38,892 --> 00:12:41,194
NOW, RETURN
TO YOUR SEAT.
330
00:12:42,429 --> 00:12:43,530
YES, MA'AM.
331
00:12:43,563 --> 00:12:46,967
CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING
BEFORE I GO?
332
00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,268
WHAT IS IT?
333
00:12:49,369 --> 00:12:50,938
I LOVE YOU.
334
00:12:58,846 --> 00:13:01,381
MISS CRUMP!
335
00:13:01,414 --> 00:13:04,517
MISS CRUMP, CAN YOU HEAR ME?!
336
00:13:04,551 --> 00:13:09,489
I'M GONNA THROW A ROCK
IN THROUGH YOUR WINDOW
337
00:13:09,522 --> 00:13:12,826
WITH A NOTE ATTACHED ONTO IT.
338
00:13:17,464 --> 00:13:20,100
THE NOTE SAY, "I LOVE YOU"!
339
00:13:20,133 --> 00:13:21,368
READ IT!
340
00:13:22,936 --> 00:13:26,406
NOW, WHY DON'T YOU
SCRIBBLE A LOVE NOTE TO ME?!
341
00:13:26,439 --> 00:13:28,275
THROW IT ON BACK OUT AT ME HERE!
342
00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:30,143
ERNEST T.?
343
00:13:30,177 --> 00:13:32,846
I TOLD YOU WHAT I WAS GONNA DO
IF YOU THROW ANY MORE ROCKS.
344
00:13:32,880 --> 00:13:34,047
LET'S GO.
345
00:13:34,081 --> 00:13:35,282
ALL RIGHT, SHERIFF.
346
00:13:35,315 --> 00:13:37,985
MISS CRUMP,
I GOT GO OFF TO THE LOCKUP NOW
347
00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:39,920
BUT I'LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.
348
00:13:39,953 --> 00:13:41,621
ALL RIGHT, SHERIFF, I'M COMING.
349
00:13:41,654 --> 00:13:43,190
GOOD NIGHT, MISS CRUMP!
350
00:13:43,223 --> 00:13:45,425
GOOD NIGHT.
I LOVE YOU, MISS CRUMP!
351
00:13:45,458 --> 00:13:46,994
I LOVE YOU! I LOVE YOU!
352
00:13:47,027 --> 00:13:49,329
I WANT YOU TO KNOW
HOW MUCH I...
353
00:13:49,362 --> 00:13:51,364
HE JUST ABOUT DROVE ME CRAZY
LAST NIGHT,
354
00:13:51,398 --> 00:13:53,166
STANDING
OUT IN FRONT OF MY HOUSE
355
00:13:53,200 --> 00:13:54,301
SCREAMING HE LOVES ME.
356
00:13:54,334 --> 00:13:55,635
HE WON'T BOTHER YOU ANYMORE.
357
00:13:55,668 --> 00:13:57,204
WE GOT HIM LOCKED UP NOW.
358
00:13:57,237 --> 00:13:58,238
THAT'S RIGHT.
359
00:13:58,271 --> 00:14:00,173
SLAPPED HIM IN
THE OLD TIN BOX.
360
00:14:00,207 --> 00:14:01,541
THAT'LL COOL
HIM OFF.
361
00:14:01,574 --> 00:14:03,343
I SUPPOSE
HE'S A GOOD SOUL.
362
00:14:03,376 --> 00:14:05,879
IT'S JUST
THAT HE'S A LITTLE STRANGE.
363
00:14:05,913 --> 00:14:07,447
STRANGE?
364
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:09,983
HE'S A FIRST-RATE,
GRADE-A, NUMBER-ONE NUT.
365
00:14:10,017 --> 00:14:12,886
HE SHOULD'VE BEEN IN THE
LAUGHING ACADEMY YEARS AGO.
366
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,321
HE'S MADE
A LOT OF PROGRESS
367
00:14:14,354 --> 00:14:16,256
SINCE THE LAST TIME
HE WAS IN TOWN.
368
00:14:16,289 --> 00:14:18,025
HE SHAVED THE
BACK OF HIS NECK.
369
00:14:18,058 --> 00:14:19,426
WHAT'S SO GREAT
ABOUT THAT?
370
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:21,161
WOULD YOU EXCUSE ME
A MINUTE?
371
00:14:21,194 --> 00:14:23,130
I HAVE TO TAKE THIS
TO THE PRINCIPAL.
372
00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:24,331
BE RIGHT BACK, ANDY.
373
00:14:32,672 --> 00:14:34,141
LOOK, ANDY,
374
00:14:34,174 --> 00:14:36,676
A SENSITIVE, DELICATE
SITUATION LIKE THIS
375
00:14:36,709 --> 00:14:39,412
HAS GOT TO BE HANDLED
A CERTAIN WAY.
376
00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:41,949
WHY DON'T I TAKE HIM
IN BACK OF THE JAILHOUSE
377
00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:43,951
AND KICK HIM AROUND
A LITTLE BIT?
378
00:14:43,984 --> 00:14:47,054
HE'D KILL YA.
379
00:14:47,087 --> 00:14:49,990
YOU KNOW A STRANGE THING
ABOUT IT, BARN?
380
00:14:50,023 --> 00:14:51,191
STRANGE THING --
381
00:14:51,224 --> 00:14:54,061
HE WAITED
TILL SHE HIT HIM WITH A RULER
382
00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:56,563
AND THEN
HE DECIDED HE LOVED HER.
383
00:14:56,596 --> 00:14:58,565
YEAH.
384
00:15:00,567 --> 00:15:02,102
YEAH.
385
00:15:04,371 --> 00:15:06,039
YOU KNOW SOMETHIN'?
386
00:15:06,073 --> 00:15:08,942
THIS WHOLE THING
IS PSYCHOLOGICAL.
387
00:15:08,976 --> 00:15:10,443
LOVE AND PUNISHMENT.
388
00:15:10,477 --> 00:15:12,612
PUNISHMENT AND LOVE.
389
00:15:12,645 --> 00:15:14,381
WELL, DON'T YOU GET IT?
390
00:15:14,414 --> 00:15:16,483
THAT ALL SAYS JUST ONE THING.
391
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:17,684
WHAT?
392
00:15:17,717 --> 00:15:19,486
IT'S THE OLD
MOTHER FIGURE BIT --
393
00:15:19,519 --> 00:15:21,321
HE LOVES HER LIKE A MOTHER.
394
00:15:21,354 --> 00:15:24,091
SIGMUND "FROOD"
WROTE A LOT ABOUT THAT.
395
00:15:24,124 --> 00:15:27,094
HEY, BARN,
I THINK YOU'VE HIT ON SOMETHING.
396
00:15:27,127 --> 00:15:29,229
THAT'S EXACTLY
WHAT HE'S DOING --
397
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:32,099
HE'S IDENTIFYING HELEN
WITH HIS MOTHER.
398
00:15:32,132 --> 00:15:33,400
YEAH.
399
00:15:33,433 --> 00:15:35,368
THERE'S NO QUESTION ABOUT IT.
400
00:15:35,402 --> 00:15:38,238
OLD SIG HAD THIS THING PEGGED
YEARS AGO.
401
00:15:38,271 --> 00:15:42,042
I'LL BE DOGGED, BARN,
I BELIEVE YOU'VE GOT IT.
402
00:15:42,075 --> 00:15:44,077
WELL, OF COURSE I GOT IT.
403
00:15:44,111 --> 00:15:45,678
NO QUESTION ABOUT IT.
404
00:15:47,647 --> 00:15:49,682
'COURSE, GETTING HIM
TO UNDERSTAND IT,
405
00:15:49,716 --> 00:15:51,451
NOW, THAT'S
SOMETHING ELSE.
406
00:15:51,484 --> 00:15:53,420
I STILL SAY
A GOOD BATTIN' AROUND
407
00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:55,288
WOULD BE
THE ONLY REAL ANSWER.
408
00:15:55,322 --> 00:15:57,224
HE'D KILL YA.
409
00:16:10,803 --> 00:16:12,572
WHAT'S THE GOOD NEWS,
SHERIFF?
410
00:16:12,605 --> 00:16:14,707
ERNEST T. BASS, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?
411
00:16:14,741 --> 00:16:16,409
HOW'D YOU GET OUT OF JAIL?
412
00:16:16,443 --> 00:16:18,011
IRRITATIN', AIN'T IT?
413
00:16:18,045 --> 00:16:19,446
YES! YOU GOT TO STOP THAT.
414
00:16:19,479 --> 00:16:21,281
YOU GOT TO QUIT THROWING ROCKS
415
00:16:21,314 --> 00:16:23,750
AND QUIT
RUNNING AROUND AFTER MISS CRUMP.
416
00:16:23,783 --> 00:16:26,286
DON'T YOU TALK ABOUT MISS CRUMP.
417
00:16:26,319 --> 00:16:28,021
I LOVE HER, SHERIFF.
418
00:16:28,055 --> 00:16:30,390
I FELT
A SHARPNESS IN MY CHEST,
419
00:16:30,423 --> 00:16:33,260
AND I KNOWED
I WAS IN LOVE WITH HER.
420
00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:34,761
I COULDN'T RESIST MYSELF.
421
00:16:34,794 --> 00:16:36,529
YEAH.
422
00:16:36,563 --> 00:16:40,533
SHE'S A SWEET, PRETTY GIRL,
AND A LOT OF US LIKE HER.
423
00:16:40,567 --> 00:16:43,536
SAY...
424
00:16:46,739 --> 00:16:49,376
SHE IS YOUR SWEETHEART,
AIN'T SHE?
425
00:16:49,409 --> 00:16:52,245
WELL, YES, WE DO KIND
OF SEE ONE ANOTHER
426
00:16:52,279 --> 00:16:53,546
ON A REGULAR BASIS.
427
00:16:53,580 --> 00:16:55,082
I'M SORRY, SHERIFF.
428
00:16:55,115 --> 00:16:57,550
I-I WOULDN'T CUT YOU OUT
FOR NOTHING,
429
00:16:57,584 --> 00:16:58,785
BUT I-I LOVE HER.
430
00:16:58,818 --> 00:17:00,553
I JUST CAN'T HELP MYSELF.
431
00:17:00,587 --> 00:17:02,289
I-I JUST PLUMB LOVE HER.
432
00:17:02,322 --> 00:17:03,823
WELL, WHAT ABOUT RAMONA?
433
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:05,192
I LOVE HER, TOO.
434
00:17:05,225 --> 00:17:07,427
I'M SPLIT
RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE
435
00:17:07,460 --> 00:17:08,828
TWIXT THEM TWO LOVES.
436
00:17:08,861 --> 00:17:10,830
MUSKRAT'S GOT THE RIGHT IDEA.
437
00:17:10,863 --> 00:17:14,701
POKE HIS HEAD OUT OF A HOLE,
GRAB THE FIRST FEMALE COME BY,
438
00:17:14,734 --> 00:17:17,704
MARRY UP WITH HER,
LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.
439
00:17:17,737 --> 00:17:20,307
MUSKRAT DOES.
THAT'S WHAT HE DOES.
440
00:17:20,340 --> 00:17:21,408
ERNEST T.?
441
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:22,475
HMM?
442
00:17:22,509 --> 00:17:25,178
CAN I ASK YA A
PERSONAL QUESTION?
443
00:17:25,212 --> 00:17:26,413
I'M YOUR SLAVE.
444
00:17:26,446 --> 00:17:29,449
DID, UH, DID YOUR
MOTHER EVER HIT YOU?
445
00:17:29,482 --> 00:17:30,583
OH, YEAH.
446
00:17:30,617 --> 00:17:32,452
SHE WAS WONDERFUL.
447
00:17:32,485 --> 00:17:35,755
DON'T YOU SEE
WHAT YOU'RE DOING?
448
00:17:35,788 --> 00:17:38,758
ALL THE FEELING YOU
HAD FOR YOUR MOTHER
449
00:17:38,791 --> 00:17:42,529
CAME BACK WHEN MISS CRUMP
HIT YOU WITH THAT RULER.
450
00:17:42,562 --> 00:17:43,730
IT DID?
451
00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:46,233
YEAH. SEE, YOU'RE
PUTTING MISS CRUMP
452
00:17:46,266 --> 00:17:47,867
IN YOUR MOTHER'S PLACE.
453
00:17:47,900 --> 00:17:50,137
RAMONA'S YOUR TRUE LOVE.
454
00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:53,240
MISS CRUMP IS JUST
WHAT YOU'D CALL...
455
00:17:53,273 --> 00:17:54,774
YOUR MOTHER FIGURE.
456
00:17:54,807 --> 00:17:57,510
MY MOTHER FIGURE?
457
00:17:57,544 --> 00:17:59,112
THAT'S RIGHT.
458
00:17:59,146 --> 00:18:00,713
MOTHER FIGURE...
459
00:18:00,747 --> 00:18:03,216
ALL MINE
460
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:05,318
ALL YOURS, NOBODY ELSTE'S.
461
00:18:05,352 --> 00:18:07,220
MY MOTHER FIGURE.
462
00:18:07,254 --> 00:18:09,422
AIN'T THAT SOMETHIN'?
463
00:18:09,456 --> 00:18:12,759
YOU CLEARED UP
THE WHOLE THING.
464
00:18:12,792 --> 00:18:16,563
SHERIFF,
YOU'RE A WONDERFUL PERSON.
465
00:18:16,596 --> 00:18:17,864
THANK YOU.
466
00:18:17,897 --> 00:18:20,133
WOULD YOU CARE TO BE
MY BROTHER FIGURE?
467
00:18:20,167 --> 00:18:22,269
WELL...
468
00:18:27,874 --> 00:18:31,478
I'LL HELP YOU, MA'AM.
I'LL HELP YOU!
469
00:18:36,616 --> 00:18:39,386
OH, NO, NO, REALLY.
THANK YOU, I CAN MANAGE.
470
00:18:39,419 --> 00:18:42,222
BUT A GOOD SON IS SUPPOSED
TO HELP HIS MOTHER FIGURE.
471
00:18:46,659 --> 00:18:49,262
OH, ANDY, PLEASE,
YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING.
472
00:18:49,296 --> 00:18:50,430
HELLO, MR. SCHWAMP.
473
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:53,733
COME ON IN THE OFFICE.
474
00:18:53,766 --> 00:18:55,535
EXCUSE US, MR. SCHWAMP.
475
00:18:55,568 --> 00:18:57,770
KEEP YOUR HANDS
OFF MY MOTHER FIGURE,
476
00:18:57,804 --> 00:18:59,306
BROTHER FIGURE!
477
00:18:59,339 --> 00:19:00,340
ERNEST!
478
00:19:00,373 --> 00:19:01,741
GET OFF ME, ERNEST.
479
00:19:01,774 --> 00:19:03,710
SHE'S MY MOTHER FIGURE!
480
00:19:03,743 --> 00:19:05,278
I GOT TO TELL YOU THE TRUTH.
481
00:19:05,312 --> 00:19:07,214
I JUST DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO DO WITH HIM.
482
00:19:07,247 --> 00:19:09,449
CAN'T PUT HIM IN JAIL --
HE KEEPS BREAKING OUT.
483
00:19:09,482 --> 00:19:12,219
I CAN'T MAKE HIM UNDERSTAND
HE'S GOT TO LEAVE HELEN ALONE.
484
00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:13,820
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
WITH HIM.
485
00:19:13,853 --> 00:19:15,455
WELL,
YOU WON'T LISTEN TO ME.
486
00:19:15,488 --> 00:19:16,889
YOU WON'T LISTEN
TO YOUR OLD DAD.
487
00:19:16,923 --> 00:19:18,958
ALL I HAVE TO DO IS GIVE HIM
A COUPLE OF KARATE CHOPS,
488
00:19:18,991 --> 00:19:20,760
FLIP HIM INTO A CORNER,
AND HE'D GET UP
489
00:19:20,793 --> 00:19:22,862
AND HEAD BACK FOR THE MOUNTAINS
NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN.
490
00:19:22,895 --> 00:19:25,265
HE'D KILL YA.
491
00:19:25,298 --> 00:19:26,366
WELL...
492
00:19:26,399 --> 00:19:28,468
THE EASIEST WAY'S
TO SATISFY HIM.
493
00:19:28,501 --> 00:19:31,604
HE WANTS AN EDUCATION,
WE'LL GIVE HIM AN EDUCATION.
494
00:19:31,638 --> 00:19:34,641
WE'LL FIX HIM UP
WITH A DIPLOMA AND EVERYTHING.
495
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:38,211
I STILL SAY
FIVE MINUTES BEHIND THE BARN.
496
00:19:38,245 --> 00:19:41,614
HE'D KILL YOU.
497
00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:43,616
ALL RIGHT, NOW,
ERNEST T.,
498
00:19:43,650 --> 00:19:46,353
THERE'S FOUR SUBJECTS
WE'RE GONNA COVER.
499
00:19:46,386 --> 00:19:47,754
FOUR SUBJECTS.
500
00:19:47,787 --> 00:19:50,357
YOU LISTEN CAREFUL,
AND I'LL TEACH YOU THE ANSWERS.
501
00:19:50,390 --> 00:19:51,558
PUT THAT DOWN.
502
00:19:51,591 --> 00:19:53,293
WE'RE GONNA START
WITH GEOGRAPHY.
503
00:19:53,326 --> 00:19:54,361
GEOGRAPHY.
504
00:19:54,394 --> 00:19:55,895
THAT'S RIGHT.
NOW, HERE...
505
00:19:55,928 --> 00:19:57,830
HERE IS A MAP
OF THE UNITED STATES.
506
00:19:57,864 --> 00:19:59,899
UNITED STATES.
THAT'S RIGHT.
507
00:19:59,932 --> 00:20:03,836
NOW, THE UNITED STATES
IS BOUNDED ON THE NORTH
508
00:20:03,870 --> 00:20:04,937
BY CANADA,
509
00:20:04,971 --> 00:20:07,006
ON THE SOUTH, BY MEXICO,
510
00:20:07,039 --> 00:20:10,377
ON THE EAST,
BY THE ATLANTIC OCEAN,
511
00:20:10,410 --> 00:20:12,612
AND ON THE WEST, BY, UH...
512
00:20:12,645 --> 00:20:16,349
WOULD, UH,
WOULD YOU HAPPEN TO KNOW THAT?
513
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:19,786
WEST, WEST...
514
00:20:19,819 --> 00:20:21,821
OLD MAN KELSEY'S WOODS.
515
00:20:21,854 --> 00:20:23,290
NO, NO, NO.
516
00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:26,926
ALL THE WAY TO THE EDGE,
A BIG BODY OF WATER.
517
00:20:26,959 --> 00:20:28,995
OLD MAN KELSEY'S CRICK.
518
00:20:29,028 --> 00:20:30,029
AN OCEAN.
519
00:20:30,062 --> 00:20:32,265
OLD MAN KELSEY'S OCEAN.
520
00:20:32,299 --> 00:20:33,633
PACIFIC OCEAN.
521
00:20:33,666 --> 00:20:34,734
PACIFIC OCEAN.
522
00:20:34,767 --> 00:20:35,868
VERY GOOD.
523
00:20:35,902 --> 00:20:37,704
I SURE KNOW MY
BOUNDARIES GOOD.
524
00:20:37,737 --> 00:20:38,938
YA SURE DO.
525
00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:41,274
JUST AS LONG AS THEY
DON'T CHANGE 'EM
526
00:20:41,308 --> 00:20:42,542
'FORE I TAKE MY TEST.
527
00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:46,513
R-READY FOR THE TEST.
528
00:20:46,546 --> 00:20:48,315
ASK ME SOME QUESTIONS.
WHAT YOU WANT TO KNOW?
529
00:20:48,348 --> 00:20:50,917
GEOGRAPHY, 'RITHMETIC,
BOUNDARIES?
530
00:20:50,950 --> 00:20:54,253
JUST SET DOWN RIGHT OVER THERE,
ERNEST T.
531
00:20:56,055 --> 00:20:57,790
ANDY THIS WHOLE
THING'S A JOKE --
532
00:20:57,824 --> 00:20:58,991
THIS ISN'T A TEST AT ALL.
533
00:20:59,025 --> 00:21:00,493
JUST ASK HIM SOME QUESTIONS.
534
00:21:00,527 --> 00:21:01,861
WE'LL GIVE HIM THE DIPLOMA.
535
00:21:01,894 --> 00:21:03,396
BUT, ANDY...
536
00:21:03,430 --> 00:21:05,565
EITHER THAT OR HAVE HIM AROUND
A FEW MORE YEARS.
537
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:07,300
GEOGRAPHY BOUNDARIES:
538
00:21:07,334 --> 00:21:10,670
MEXICO, CANADA,
ATLANTIC OCEAN, PACIFIC OCEAN,
539
00:21:10,703 --> 00:21:14,341
KELSEY'S WOODS, KELSEY'S CRICK,
KELSEY'S OCEAN.
540
00:21:14,374 --> 00:21:16,008
HE-HE PASSED GEOGRAPHY.
541
00:21:16,042 --> 00:21:17,076
ARITHMETIC.
542
00:21:17,109 --> 00:21:19,646
'RITHMETIC: TWO AND TWO.
543
00:21:19,679 --> 00:21:22,014
FOUR.
544
00:21:22,048 --> 00:21:25,552
WAIT A MINUTE,
LET ME DO YOU A REAL HARD ONE.
545
00:21:25,585 --> 00:21:26,853
UH, LEMME SEE, UH...
546
00:21:26,886 --> 00:21:29,356
25 AND 25.
547
00:21:29,389 --> 00:21:30,857
UH...
548
00:21:30,890 --> 00:21:32,058
50.
549
00:21:35,027 --> 00:21:36,729
VERY GOOD, ERNEST T.
550
00:21:36,763 --> 00:21:38,465
VERY GOOD, VERY GOOD.
551
00:21:38,498 --> 00:21:41,701
NOW, COME OVER HERE
AND GET YOUR DIPLOMA.
552
00:21:41,734 --> 00:21:45,004
CAN'T I GO SLICK DOWN FIRST
SO I LOOK GOOD?
553
00:21:45,037 --> 00:21:46,739
OKAY, GO SLICK DOWN.
554
00:21:46,773 --> 00:21:48,541
ANDY, THIS IS A FARCE.
555
00:21:48,575 --> 00:21:50,643
HIS DIPLOMA JUST SAYS
THAT HE KNOWS THE BOUNDARIES
556
00:21:50,677 --> 00:21:52,111
OF THE UNITED STATES,
557
00:21:52,144 --> 00:21:54,347
SOME ARITHMETIC, AND HE CAN READ
AND WRITE A LITTLE.
558
00:21:54,381 --> 00:21:55,448
NOW, PRESENT IT TO HIM.
559
00:21:55,482 --> 00:21:56,716
OH, THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
560
00:21:56,749 --> 00:21:58,785
HUSH. COME ON, ERNEST T.,
GET YOUR DIPLOMA.
561
00:22:04,457 --> 00:22:05,925
THIS IS TO CERTIFY
562
00:22:05,958 --> 00:22:09,629
THAT ERNEST T. BASS
HAS ACHIEVED A SPECIAL AWARD
563
00:22:09,662 --> 00:22:10,963
FOR LEARNING...
564
00:22:10,997 --> 00:22:12,131
FOR LEARNING.
565
00:22:12,164 --> 00:22:13,433
HERE.
566
00:22:18,905 --> 00:22:21,708
WELL, YOU GOT
WHAT YOU WANTED, ERNEST T.
567
00:22:21,741 --> 00:22:23,342
YOU GOT YOUR DIPLOMA.
568
00:22:25,645 --> 00:22:27,814
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA DO?
569
00:22:27,847 --> 00:22:29,949
I'M GONNA TAKE IT
OVER TO ROMENA
570
00:22:29,982 --> 00:22:31,451
AND SHOW IT TO HER.
571
00:22:31,484 --> 00:22:33,119
IT'S WHAT SHE WANTED.
572
00:22:33,152 --> 00:22:35,688
AND THEN I'M GONNA COURT HER.
573
00:22:40,793 --> 00:22:42,061
I'M PROUD.
574
00:22:44,731 --> 00:22:47,434
I AM SO PROUD.
575
00:22:52,138 --> 00:22:55,675
THANK YOU, SHERIFF.
576
00:22:55,708 --> 00:22:57,710
DEPUTY.
577
00:23:00,847 --> 00:23:02,081
MOST OF ALL, I...
578
00:23:02,114 --> 00:23:04,751
I WANT
TO THANK MY MOTHER FIGURE.
579
00:23:42,154 --> 00:23:43,890
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
580
00:23:43,923 --> 00:23:46,693
HMM? OHH...
581
00:23:50,162 --> 00:23:52,899
WELL, IT'S GETTING ALONG
ABOUT THAT TIME AGAIN.
582
00:23:52,932 --> 00:23:54,734
LUNCH?
YEAH.
583
00:23:56,969 --> 00:23:58,671
DINER AGAIN?
584
00:23:58,705 --> 00:23:59,839
WANT TO GO TO THE DRUGSTORE,
585
00:23:59,872 --> 00:24:01,240
HAVE A TUNA SANDWICH
AND MILKSHAKE?
586
00:24:01,273 --> 00:24:03,543
I DON'T LIKE TO EAT
AT THE DRUGSTORE.
587
00:24:03,576 --> 00:24:05,478
EVERYTHING TASTES
LIKE MEDICINE.
588
00:24:05,512 --> 00:24:06,546
DINER, THEN?
589
00:24:06,579 --> 00:24:08,515
OKAY.
590
00:24:08,548 --> 00:24:10,750
LET ME JUST FINISH THIS.
591
00:24:10,783 --> 00:24:15,087
WONDER HOW OLD ERNEST T. BASS
MADE OUT OVER AT RAMONA'S.
592
00:24:15,121 --> 00:24:17,690
OH, YEAH.
NOW THAT HE'S EDUCATED, HUH?
593
00:24:17,724 --> 00:24:18,925
YEAH.
594
00:24:18,958 --> 00:24:20,693
GUESS EVERYTHING
TURNED OUT ALL RIGHT,
595
00:24:20,727 --> 00:24:22,629
OR WE'D HAVE
HEARD FROM HIM.
596
00:24:22,662 --> 00:24:23,863
YEAH, I GUESS.
597
00:24:23,896 --> 00:24:24,864
YEAH.
598
00:24:24,897 --> 00:24:27,667
YEAH,
I GUESS IT WORKED OUT.
599
00:24:27,700 --> 00:24:28,835
YEP.
600
00:24:34,006 --> 00:24:35,675
FIVE MINUTES
BEHIND THE BARN?
601
00:24:35,708 --> 00:24:36,643
HE'D KILL YA.
40900
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