All language subtitles for Modern Family - 3x13 - Little Bo Bleep.HDTV.LOL.en

Did you see it?

Does she know?

This is the last thing
she needs today.

No!

Busy day at the Dunphy compound.

We have a wedding tonight,
and this afternoon,

Claire is debating Duane Bailey
in the race for town council.

And now the "weekly saver" says

that some voters
find Claire-- quote--

"angry and unlikable."

To those voters, I say,
"wait till she sees this."

No one can mention it to her.

We can't have
some unscientific poll

shaking Claire's confidence.

Phil...

- What poll?
-Too late. She knows.

Who told her?

What is this, a witch hunt?

Oh, my God.

I have to go.

Well, I just don't think
it's a big deal.

I mean, how many people
read the "weekly..."

- "Saver"?
- "Saver," anyway?

22,000... ish.

My company adver--

used to advertise
with that newspaper.

And how am I angry and unlikable?

Can I take this one?

I wouldn't.

You seem angry now.

I am angry, at that poll.

I think it's the yelling.
I would tone down the yelling.

Honey, I don't yell
for no reason.

You yelled at my teacher
for calling me "special."

Honey, that was not a compliment.

- Sweetheart, you're not unlikable.
- Thank you.

- You just seem unlikable.
- Ohh.

But if we work on it,
it's totally fixable.

How? How, Phil?
How are we gonna "work on it"?

- First of all, lose the snippy attitude.
- Mm-hmm.

And I don't know-- maybe
we could have a mock debate.

Oh. Good idea.

That way, mom can rehearse
her views on the issues.

Yeah, and we can point out
all the little things

she does that turn people off.

Like that look.
I would lose that look.

Spooky, but better.

Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg
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All right. Thank you very much.

Hey, Lily!
Come here, honey!

Hi! Do you know what this is?

A box.

- Containing?
- She doesn't know "containing."

Well, that's how
she learns new words,

by us using them.

Or, that's how we lower
her self-esteem,

by bombarding her
with confusing vocabulary.

What's the box containing?

Told you.

Okay. It's your dress.

It's finally here!

Aah!

It's every little girl's dream

to be a flower girl in a wedding.

It's Lily's chance to shine.

I was a 3-time ring bearer.

It's Lily's chance to shine.

Oh!

Pretty!

Oh, no, Cam--

Cam, she's gonna look like little bo peep.

Or little bo cheap.

Look at this fabric. It's already pilling.

You mean "turned on?"

You mean turned on?

No, it does not--Cam! Oh!

I love it!

No, you don't.

Oh, my gosh. Are we really
gonna let her wear this?

You know what? If the bride
wants to have a tacky wedding,

she can have a tacky wedding.

- Lily will be the bright spot.
- Literally.

Heard it as soon as I said it.

Stella!

Where's my good girl?

Gloria, is Stella up there?

No. But I am.

Why don't you say "hello"
to your wife when you come home?

Well, why don't you greet me
at the door, wagging your tail?

Stella, honey!
Where are you?

Stella!

My baby!

Stella, I'm coming! I'm coming!

You okay? You okay?

Why are you swimming
in your clothes?

Because I'm self-conscious
about my body.

Stella fell in the pool.

It's my fault.
I let her out,

and then I got caught up
in my couponing.

Any coupons for swim lessons?

'Cause Stella needs some.

Seriously? Manny you teach to swim

by throwing him in the pool,

but the dog gets swimming lessons?

I gotta say, it was
unpleasant but effective.

We have to teach
Stella how to swim.

Otherwise, she could drown.

Why don't you teach her
not to jump in the pool?

She didn't jump in the pool.
She fell in the pool.

Why, suddenly,
would she jump in the pool

when she doesn't
know how to swim?

Why does she bark at the vacuum?

It's a thing. It is never
going to play with you.

Are you saying
that Stella is stupid?

Are you covering her ears?

Let's have a little compassion.

She's probably still traumatized
from her near-death experience.

Again? What's happening?!

Ay, no!

Welcome, candidates.
Mrs. Dunphy...

Thank you for having me.

And councilman Bailey.

Gosh, thank you so much, Alex.

I'm deeply honored to be here,

and I remain, as ever,
a humble servant

to the greatest little town

in the greatest darn--

eye-rolling.

Playful eye rolling.

How do we, as voters,
know it's playful?

I would avoid it.

Okay. No eye rolling.

And don't purse
your lips like that.

- It makes you look annoyed.
- Mm-hmm.

And don't touch your face.

Yeah, no face touching.
Seems nervous.

Some of this is subjective.

- What? What now?
- Anger.

It looks like you're scolding us.

I will keep my hands at my sides.

Not on your hips.
You're not superman.

Can we get started?

We haven't started?

I've prepared some questions.

Oh, goody! Actual questions.

Honk. Sarcasm.

Just go.

Okay, Mrs. Dunphy,

why are you running
for local office?

Okay, that's, um, that's good.

I... um, I--

Mom, you really
shouldn't stutter

over a basic question like that.

You should at least
know why you're running.

I thought the moderator
was supposed to be objective.

Not if she's
the only one in the room

who has actual debate experience.

Now why are you running?

I saw the need
for a stop sign in--

Liar!

Phil!

I-I just think you should be
ready for anything.

I saw the need for a s--

What?

Sorry. Accidental buzz.

I saw the need for a stop sign
in my neighborhood,

and although I collected
the necessary signatures

and did the paperwork,
I found local government

to be entirely unhelpful--

- when-- what?
- Too long. I'm bored.

Yeah, next question.
I feel like I'm in school.

Some say the political system
is bogged down

by ideological hard-liners

- unwilling to compromise.
- Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

How would you respond to that,
councilman Bailey?

I would like to use my lifeline.

I'll take this.

If elected, I would
consider all perspectives,

and I would not ignore
opposing viewpoints.

Helicopter. Just keep going.

I would consider all perspectives,

- and I wouldn't ignore opposing--
- You suck!

Luke!

You have to be
ready for hecklers.

He's right.

Okay. I'm doing over.
No buzzing.

If elected, I--

- What?
- Too close to the mic.

Phil, it's a hairbrush.

Okay.

If elected, I would
consider all opinions

and not ignore those
of the opposition,

as councilman Bailey
has done for six terms.

What? That was a great answer.

Well, I couldn't hear it

because you were showing me
the bad side of your face.

I have a bad side?

- Yeah, the left.
- No. It's the right.

Uh, dad, it's totally the left.
I mean, look at it.

Sweetheart, why do you think
I chose my side of the bed?

Okay! Okay. Thank you.

Thank you, family.
This has been super-duper helpful.

Hands, lips, sarcasm, eye-rolling,

wrong side of the face.

- Mm.
- Oh, yeah. Now I see it.

Yep.

She's ready.

And it's this,

and it's this.

Not this,

but this.

- Okay. Okay, that's good, Cam.
- And this.

Save-- let's save some
petals for Lily, all right?

Okay. Let's do it
over here, sweetheart.

- Right over here.
- Okay.

- There you go.
- Oh, like you're coming down the aisle!

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Okay.

Not too many at once.
That's good.

- Okay.
- You're doing great, Lil.

Oh, she is, isn't she?

Forget the bride.
All the eyes are gonna be on her.

Oh...

I cannot believe you laughed!

I am sorry. But you know
I have two weaknesses--

children cursing and
old people rapping.

Cam, we have to tell her
it's a bad word.

No. That just gives it more power.

The less we make of it,
the better.

Let's just pretend
like it never happened.

Okay. Yeah, maybe it--
maybe it didn't.

Maybe we--
maybe we misheard.

Yeah. Maybe she said "truck."

Or-- or "duck."

Or "luck."
She could have said "yuck."

Daddy, can I have some ice cream?

No, honey, if you're hungry,
you can have some fruit.

Fruit?.

I have two children.

Phil? Phil, is this televised?

I didn't tell you because I didn't
want to make you nervous.

Great plan. Really good plan.

Throw me for a curveball
at the last minute.

Mom, chill.
It's just public access.

My debate team's
on public access,

and the only people who
watch me are you guys.

Yep. All the time.

So maybe nobody will see this?

No. We want people to see this.

- That's how you win elections.
That's the whole point. - Mm-hmm.

Then mom should do something
so crazy and stupid,

- it goes viral.
- Mom, please don't go viral.

Okay. I'll add that to my list
of things not to do--

don't touch my face,
don't roll my eyes,

don't point my fingers,

and definitely don't go viral.

Do any of you still believe in me?

Of course we do.
We're on your side.

- The right side.
- Mm.

Not the left.

Let's grab a seat.

Right. Left.

- Okay. Mom, just be confident.
- Mm-hmm?

Based on what? I just lost
a debate in my living room,

and people think I'm unlikable.

That's just the word men
use for powerful women

because they feel threatened.

So just forget everything else
and be proud and powerful.

How did you get so smart?

I've always assumed
adoption or baby switch.

- Mm.
- Hey. Hey. No kisses!

Proud and powerful.

- Sorry.
- And no apologizing.

Yes! Shut up and get in there!

- That's more like it!
- Uh-huh!

Yeah!

Oh, God.

There she is.

- Go get 'em, Claire.
- Thanks.

Don't worry.
We're going to cheer for you

no matter what you say.

Oh, good. More support
from my loving family.

Honk. Sarcasm.

Why'd you bring Stella?

She keeps getting out
and jumping in the pool.

We don't wanna take any chances
because she can't swim.

Then why does she
keep jumping in the pool?

I've been thinking about it.
I got a theory.

She might be suicidal.

What? That's crazy.

There's not such thing
as doggy suicide.

Hi. Duane Bailey.

Sorry. I couldn't help but overhear.

In addition to being
a public servant,

I'm also an award-winning
breeder of puggles.

I've won the puggly. Twice.

And I'm afraid that doggy suicide

is all too real.

It's just the mainstream media
doesn't report on it,

'cause it's not as sexy
as feline A.I.D.S.

Stella is not suicidal.
She's just... estupid.

Well, that might be
part of your problem.

She senses you don't like her.

You have no idea.

This one's been against
this little angel

from the very beginning.

Yeah, well, dogs pick up on that.

You know, they're very sensitive.

I like to call them, um...

Bottomless pits of need.

But not to their face, though.

That would just destroy them.

Not you.

So now this is my fault?

I think he knows
what he's talking about.

The man won a puggly.

- Two. I won two pugglies.
- We're done here.

- In 2000--
- Yeah.

Do you have any idea
what station this is on?

Here, I'll look online.

It's a Webcast? That would
have been helpful to know

900 channels ago.

No, it's on public access
or something.

I wanna watch aunt Claire!

Okay. Well, first, honey,
we need to talk about something.

It's about that word
you said this morning.

What word?

You know, the one
that starts with "f"?

- "Flower"?
- No.

- "Fruit"?
- No.

If she doesn't remember it,
we shouldn't remind her.

Oh, well, she said it three times.

Oh, you mean.

Cam, leave the room!

No. I can do this.

Lily, that is a bad word,

and you are not allowed
to say it ever.

But it makes you laugh.

Okay, well, daddy
shouldn't be laughing,

and you should never
say that word.

Do you understand?

Maybe.

Okay.
This is not a game, all right?

If you say that word
one more time,

I'm gonna take away
all your toys!

I'm serious!
She knows I'm not serious.

What about the wedding?

What if she says it there?
She's like a ticking time bomb!

- Well, what are we gonna do, cancel?
- Yes.

Maybe we just call and say,

"we're not going
to any more weddings

- until the gays can get married."
- Oh, so now we're political?

We leave town
on gay pride weekend

because we don't like the traffic.

But there's no substitute
for experience.

For example, I doubt
my opponent is familiar

with town ordinance 26-12B...

26-12B has to do
with noise pollution--

something, sir, that you
are guilty of right now.

Oh, no she di'int!

Go, mom!

Ladies and gentlemen...

Look at her eyes.

I know. They're a little
too close together.

It's been bugging me for years.

No, she's in the zone.
She's ready for anything.

I do like to talk...
about the issues.

Speaking of issues,

your husband seems to have some.

I'm sorry?

I'm not sorry. What?

Oh, well, I wouldn't
want to bring it up,

but since you asked, um...

In February of last year,
your husband,

one, uh, Phillip Dunphy,
was questioned at a local hotel

for lewd and lascivious conduct.

Oh, jeez.

That's not true.

Ma'am, according
to this police report,

he, uh, broke
into a stranger's room,

stripped naked...

and then posed
provocatively on the bed.

That is technically true,

but in all fairness,
it was Valentine's day.

Oh! Oh, I'm so sorry.
It was Valentine's day.

I'm not sure, uh,

if your husband
was born in this country.

Ah. Perhaps he snuck in illegally,

but here in America,
we celebrate Valentine's day

with chocolates,

not our private parts.

Mm.

- This is my new favorite show.
- Shh!

No, sir,

he was looking for me, his wife,

and he walked into
the wrong room.

If you believe that,
I have some talking puggles

I'd like to sell you.

Do you believe this?

Talking dogs? I'm skeptical.

- I won the puggly. Twice.
- Be strong.

I am glad that my opponent
brought this up,

as I feel that it speaks
to his character more than mine.

I think that we should
raise the level of discourse

and get back to the issues

that the voters
really care about.

When he was naked,
what were you wearing?

I... don't think that's relevant.

Are you sex freaks?

My personal life has
nothing to do with this.

Uh--the--my opponent
has brought this up

to distract from his own record,

which shows that in--
in six years,

he has achieved nothing more
than writing one ordinance

that allows private parties
to have more than eight dogs.

Hmm. Hmm.

It's like watching the "hindenburg."

This is the most horrible thing
I've ever seen in my life.

- Excuse me!
- Stand by.

I am Phil Dunphy,
and I am not a pervert.

I, like a lot of men in this town,

enjoy making love to my wife.

I mean, um...
I mean with their wives.

Not me, them.

Look, I should probably just
sit down and say nothing.

But it's too late.

I am standing,
and I'm obviously talking,

and now you're looking at me,

and I feel the need to keep going.

First of all...

No charges were filed.

Everyone had a good laugh--

about the situation,
not-- not about me.

Everything's fine down there.

Anywho...

Where were we?

All over YouTube.

We went viral.

Some sick bastard auto-tuned me.

♪ I... ♪

♪ Like a lot of men ♪

♪ in this town ♪

♪ I enjoy making love
to my wife-- wife ♪

♪ and I don't know how to stop. ♪

♪ I am a pervert. ♪

♪ Pervert-- per-- ♪

Jay! Manny!

We should have
been there already!

Gloria, I'm tying my tie!

I'm accessorizing!

And I thought I was the woman.

The door.

Ay! Estella, no! No!

Ay! No! No!

Estella, don't do it!
Don't kill yourself!

You are a perfectly fine dog!

I don't hate you!

Estella, okay, I was
a little mean to you,

but that's no reason
to kill yourself!

You are young!

You still have so much left to smell!

Ay!

I am-- I go!

I'm coming!

I'm--Manny!

Ay! Come on, estella!

- What happened?
- Are you okay?

She did it again.

- And you jumped in to save her?
- No, Jay!

I wanted to take a little swim
before going to the wedding!

Get her a towel
she's shaking like a leaf.

Oh, no, no, I meant--

- I meant--
- Thank you, Jay.

The dog towel for me.

For the wife.

Hi!

Hey, guys, hi.

- Hi.
- Hey, what's shakin'? What's cooking?

You saw the debate, didn't you?

- The de-what?
- No, that wasn't--

- that was today?
- No, no. Was that on today?

Oh, I didn't remember.

You are the worst liars.

It was phenomenal television.

Oh, Lily.

What a...

dress.

Oh, well, you ain't
seen nothing yet.

How about there... we go.

Wow. Ohh.

- Yikes.
- She looks like a lite brite.

Luke, honey.

Lily, sweetie, are you excited
to be a flower girl?

Yeah?

Little bit nervous?

Yeah?

Why isn't she talking to me?
Did she see the debate, too?

Nope, she's on verbal lockdown.

- Oh? - She's been dropping
a certain curse word all day.

- Mm.
- Yeah. Yeah, so we're just hoping

the next one doesn't happen
during the wedding.

If it does, it'll be the second
most embarrassing thing

to happen to our family today.

Phil, you said it wasn't that bad.

That was in the car.
We're in a church now.

Honey...

Somebody turn her off.
I think I'm having a seizure.

- Oh, buddy.
- Oh. Yeah.

Oh, good. I thought that
we were going to miss Lily.

Ships at sea wouldn't miss Lily.

Where have you guys been?

I had to jump in the pool
to save the stupid dog...

Who she loves.

That I didn't let her down
doesn't mean that I love her.

I barely got Manny
back in the pool

after that possum incident.

I thought it drowned,

but turns out it was
just playing possum.

Yes, papi.

Good job!

Oh!

You know what the worst
part of today was?

I imagine it's hard to choose.

When everything was melting down,

I realized I had
an answer to your question,

why I was running.

I wanted to make my family proud,

and I did the exact opposite.

No.

No, I did.
I totally embarrassed you.

No. No, dad embarrassed me.

I was proud of you.

I think it's cool you're
running for local office.

I mean, it's totally nerdy,
and that's kind of my thing.

Hmm. Maybe it's kind of our thing.

Ah. Some day,
I'll walk you down the aisle.

If you're not in perv jail.

Please be seated.

Friends, family,
thank you for making...

Really?

Well, you know I cry at weddings.

Oh, no.

- What?
- Stop-- stop crying.

Well, just because you have
ice water in your veins,

- doesn't mean that--
- No. No, Lily...

No. Lily...

He's fine. Daddy's fine.

- Daddy's not sad.
- Daddy, daddy!

You see? I told you it was funny.

Excuse us.

Congratulations.

Bye, Lily.

***
Go on, you little motorboat!

Look at her go!

Where's she going?

Oh, jeez, I think she's trying to get herself

sucked into the filter.

What'd you say to her?

I didn't say anything!

Wait a second.

Jay, look.

See? She was not
trying to kill herself.

She was just trying to get
to the squeaky wiener!

That must be why
she's been jumping in.

It must have been there
all the time. That's hilarious!

Ay, si!

No, it's not!

Not now.

I'm saying it will be.

Later.

Synced by YYeTs, corrected by gloriabg
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