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1
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♪ Boy, the way
Glenn Miller played ♪
2
00:00:05,437 --> 00:00:09,007
♪ songs that made
the hit parade ♪
3
00:00:09,075 --> 00:00:12,711
♪ guys like us
we had it made ♪
4
00:00:12,778 --> 00:00:16,047
[ together ]
♪ those were the days ♪
5
00:00:16,115 --> 00:00:19,317
♪ and you knewwhere you were then ♪
6
00:00:19,384 --> 00:00:23,354
[ Archie ]
♪ girls were girls and men were men ♪
7
00:00:23,422 --> 00:00:25,724
[ Archie, Edith ]
♪ mister, we could use a man ♪
8
00:00:25,791 --> 00:00:29,661
♪ like Herbert hoover again ♪
9
00:00:29,729 --> 00:00:32,931
[ Archie ]
♪ didn't need no welfare state ♪
10
00:00:32,999 --> 00:00:36,267
[ Edith ]
♪ everybody pulled his weight ♪
11
00:00:36,335 --> 00:00:40,471
[ Archie, Edith ]
♪ gee, our old lasalle ran great ♪
12
00:00:40,539 --> 00:00:45,710
♪ those were the days ♪
13
00:00:59,058 --> 00:01:02,360
what the hell is
going on down here?
14
00:01:02,427 --> 00:01:05,530
Oh, good morning, arch.
I hope the noise didn't disturb you.
15
00:01:05,597 --> 00:01:08,767
Oh, no. I enjoyed it.
16
00:01:08,834 --> 00:01:12,637
That's why I came downstairs,
so I could hear it better.
17
00:01:12,705 --> 00:01:14,873
What are you doing?
18
00:01:16,042 --> 00:01:19,110
Oh, geez.
19
00:01:19,178 --> 00:01:22,613
"Peace, yes.
Pentagon, no."
20
00:01:22,682 --> 00:01:25,850
Boy, you sure know
how to start my day out, don't you?
21
00:01:25,918 --> 00:01:29,721
Hey, Edith.
Yeah, Archie! Here's your coffee.
22
00:01:29,789 --> 00:01:32,557
This meathead here
is aggravatin' me on an empty stomach.
23
00:01:32,624 --> 00:01:36,094
Maybe that's because
you haven't had your breakfast yet.
24
00:01:43,402 --> 00:01:46,404
You figured that out,
huh, Edith?
25
00:01:46,471 --> 00:01:50,641
Yeah.
Well, maybe there's something
26
00:01:50,710 --> 00:01:54,579
Well, I could get you
your breakfast.
27
00:01:55,581 --> 00:01:58,083
You're a pip, Edith.
28
00:01:58,150 --> 00:02:01,720
Now, where you goin'
with the coffee? Oh, I'm sorry, Archie.
29
00:02:01,787 --> 00:02:05,289
Here. I'll get you
your eggs right away.
30
00:02:05,357 --> 00:02:08,793
I painted another one,
Michael. See? And it's dry now.
31
00:02:08,861 --> 00:02:12,363
Oh, yeah, good.
Oh, another one. Let me look at this here.
32
00:02:12,431 --> 00:02:15,700
"Stop the military
from wagin' war on us."
33
00:02:15,768 --> 00:02:18,837
Now, what are you doin',
involving her in one of your pinko protests?
34
00:02:18,904 --> 00:02:21,372
Oh, don't worry, arch.
She's gonna stay home.
35
00:02:21,440 --> 00:02:24,008
She's gonna
type up my term paper. She's not comin' with me.
36
00:02:24,076 --> 00:02:26,444
And it isn't
a pinko protest, daddy.
37
00:02:26,511 --> 00:02:28,479
Well, what do you
call it then?
38
00:02:28,547 --> 00:02:31,382
It just happens to be
one of the biggest student demonstrations...
39
00:02:31,450 --> 00:02:35,153
Against Pentagon control
of our government this city has ever seen.
40
00:02:35,221 --> 00:02:37,889
Ah, geez.
And what's more, I'm proud of my husband.
41
00:02:37,957 --> 00:02:41,292
At least he takes some
responsibility for what's going on in this world.
42
00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:43,895
What about work?
43
00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:46,497
That's one of the things
going on in this world.
44
00:02:46,565 --> 00:02:49,167
When is he gonna
take some responsibility for that?
45
00:02:49,235 --> 00:02:51,569
Daddy, he's busy
with his books and his studying--
46
00:02:51,637 --> 00:02:54,505
yeah, and all that
commie crapola.
47
00:02:56,175 --> 00:02:59,043
Get that treason
off of my chair.
48
00:03:00,512 --> 00:03:03,414
Arch, when are you gonna
stop with this commie jazz?
49
00:03:03,482 --> 00:03:05,817
It's all over, arch.
The red scare's kaput.
50
00:03:05,885 --> 00:03:07,819
Nixon's going to Peking,
remember?
51
00:03:07,887 --> 00:03:10,221
Hold it, buddy.
He ain't there yet.
52
00:03:10,289 --> 00:03:12,657
What's that
supposed to mean?
53
00:03:12,724 --> 00:03:16,560
Five presidents
have been warnin' us for the last 25 years...
54
00:03:16,628 --> 00:03:18,729
Against them red chinks.
55
00:03:18,798 --> 00:03:22,733
Now, nobody is gonna tell me
that the signals is off now...
56
00:03:22,802 --> 00:03:25,369
And a billion enemies
is now our friends.
57
00:03:25,437 --> 00:03:28,239
Oh, no. Mr. Nixon has got
somethin' up the sleeve.
58
00:03:28,307 --> 00:03:31,976
Yeah, like recommending
they be admitted to the u.N.
59
00:03:32,044 --> 00:03:35,113
Oh, that'd be the day when
this country sits down...
60
00:03:35,181 --> 00:03:38,649
With a nation of
chink ping-pong players who don't believe in God.
61
00:03:41,220 --> 00:03:43,888
Daddy! Then why is
Nixon going there...
62
00:03:43,956 --> 00:03:45,957
If he doesn't intend
to recognize them? Right!
63
00:03:46,025 --> 00:03:49,928
Listen, in the first place,
he can't recognize 'em.
64
00:03:49,995 --> 00:03:52,030
They all look alike.
65
00:03:55,234 --> 00:03:57,768
And in the second place,
you mark my words.
66
00:03:57,837 --> 00:04:01,472
He's got some--
what do you call-- grand strategy there...
67
00:04:01,540 --> 00:04:04,542
That he can't "revulge"
to us as yet.
68
00:04:04,609 --> 00:04:07,979
That's what it is.
I mean, otherwise, the past 25 years,
69
00:04:08,047 --> 00:04:10,414
the whole country
should've stood in bed.
70
00:04:10,482 --> 00:04:12,450
[ Sniffs ]
Geez, these sinuses are murder.
71
00:04:12,517 --> 00:04:14,452
They fog up my whole head.
72
00:04:14,519 --> 00:04:17,055
Well, that explains
everything.
73
00:04:25,464 --> 00:04:27,398
Funny. Funny!
74
00:04:27,466 --> 00:04:29,667
Here's your breakfast,
Archie.
75
00:04:29,735 --> 00:04:33,771
Hey, Edith, let me ask you.
Did you open the bedroom window last night?
76
00:04:33,839 --> 00:04:37,675
Did I open the window?
77
00:04:37,743 --> 00:04:41,679
Are your sinuses
bothering you? Yeah.
78
00:04:41,747 --> 00:04:44,983
Your head all clogged up
and you can hardly breathe?
79
00:04:45,050 --> 00:04:49,120
- Yeah.
- Then I opened the window.
80
00:04:50,689 --> 00:04:52,623
Breakfast, everybody!
81
00:04:52,691 --> 00:04:55,159
Oh, ma, I hope you don't
mind if I eat fast,
82
00:04:55,227 --> 00:04:57,161
but I don't wanna
get there late with the signs.
83
00:04:57,229 --> 00:04:59,163
Oh, what happens
if you get there late,
84
00:04:59,231 --> 00:05:03,268
you gotta bring a note
to your commissar? Ha ha.
85
00:05:03,335 --> 00:05:06,470
All this marchin'
and protestin', what does it get you, huh?
86
00:05:06,538 --> 00:05:08,839
Last week you was
marchin' against poverty.
87
00:05:08,908 --> 00:05:12,310
That's right, because last week,
millions of Americans went to bed hungry.
88
00:05:12,378 --> 00:05:17,782
Tell 'em not to march.
They won't work up such a big appetite.
89
00:05:17,849 --> 00:05:20,985
I don't know why
you're so upset, Archie.
90
00:05:21,053 --> 00:05:23,721
I remember when
you used to picket.
91
00:05:23,789 --> 00:05:25,823
That was different, Edith.
92
00:05:25,891 --> 00:05:28,192
I was walkin' a picket line
for my union,
93
00:05:28,260 --> 00:05:31,762
and I wasn't out
screamin' in the streets, blockin' traffic.
94
00:05:31,830 --> 00:05:34,165
When we picketed,
we done it the American way:
95
00:05:34,233 --> 00:05:36,267
On the sidewalks,
dressed nice,
96
00:05:36,335 --> 00:05:40,204
walkin' up and down
with our signs, peaceful, no violence.
97
00:05:40,272 --> 00:05:42,573
Except when somebody
crossed the line.
98
00:05:42,641 --> 00:05:44,575
Then you broke his head.
99
00:05:49,248 --> 00:05:52,583
It's the only way
to teach a scab a lesson.
100
00:05:52,651 --> 00:05:56,154
That was not
violence, Edith. That was education.
101
00:05:58,223 --> 00:06:02,860
Besides, if you people think
you're gonna get somewhere with your type of protest,
102
00:06:02,928 --> 00:06:05,063
I'm telling ya,
youse are dreamin'!
103
00:06:05,130 --> 00:06:09,700
I was dreaming
last night. Ah, geez.
104
00:06:09,768 --> 00:06:11,869
I dreamed--
[ Laughs ]
105
00:06:11,937 --> 00:06:13,972
You'll never believe this.
106
00:06:14,039 --> 00:06:17,442
Good. Then there
ain't no point in tellin' it.
107
00:06:17,509 --> 00:06:20,178
I wanna hear the story, ma.
Tell me. [ Edith laughs ]
108
00:06:20,245 --> 00:06:25,416
I was in
the miss America contest! [ Laughing ]
109
00:06:26,585 --> 00:06:29,053
Who were you, Edith?
Bert parks?
110
00:06:33,825 --> 00:06:39,330
No! Even Bert parks
wasn't Bert parks.
111
00:06:39,398 --> 00:06:43,934
He was senator proxmire.
112
00:06:44,003 --> 00:06:46,670
I don't know
who senator proxmire is,
113
00:06:46,738 --> 00:06:50,341
but I kept hearing his name
on the radio all day yesterday.
114
00:06:50,409 --> 00:06:52,343
And it's one of those words.
115
00:06:52,411 --> 00:06:58,149
"Proxmire, proxmire, proxmire,
proxmire, proxmire."
116
00:06:59,784 --> 00:07:02,586
Well, anyway, there I was,
117
00:07:02,654 --> 00:07:06,624
this beautiful girl
in a bathing suit.
118
00:07:09,028 --> 00:07:11,595
Oh, you were there too,
Archie.
119
00:07:11,663 --> 00:07:15,166
Another beautiful girl
in a bathing suit.
120
00:07:17,102 --> 00:07:19,237
Funny, funny.
121
00:07:19,304 --> 00:07:22,306
Leave me out of
your dreams, will ya? Oh, I can't, Archie.
122
00:07:22,374 --> 00:07:25,976
You were one of the judges,
and that made me feel better...
123
00:07:26,045 --> 00:07:31,215
'Cause I knew I could
count on Archie's vote come hell or high water.
124
00:07:31,283 --> 00:07:35,219
"Hell or high water"?
Ma, I never heard you use an expression like that.
125
00:07:35,287 --> 00:07:40,124
That was the theme song.
You sang it to me, Archie,
126
00:07:40,192 --> 00:07:43,361
in the rowboat
just before you kissed me.
127
00:07:43,429 --> 00:07:48,099
♪ Come hell or high water
I'll vote for you ♪ Edith, Edith!
128
00:07:48,167 --> 00:07:51,269
Please, please!
If you got any pity in you at all,
129
00:07:51,336 --> 00:07:54,972
no more
musical dreams, huh? [ Doorbell rings ]
130
00:07:55,040 --> 00:07:57,942
That's probably Lionel.
Right on time.
131
00:07:58,009 --> 00:07:59,944
Be right there, Lionel!
132
00:08:01,046 --> 00:08:03,147
Hey, come on in.
How's it going?
133
00:08:03,215 --> 00:08:05,883
Hi, Lionel.
Would you like a cup of coffee?
134
00:08:05,951 --> 00:08:09,253
No, thanks, Mrs. bunker.
No, ma. We gotta get goin'. Let's go.
135
00:08:09,321 --> 00:08:11,255
I don't know if I'm in
that big a rush, Mike.
136
00:08:11,323 --> 00:08:13,491
I've been thinking
about passin' up this demonstration.
137
00:08:13,559 --> 00:08:15,926
Hey, hey,
what's this I hear?
138
00:08:15,994 --> 00:08:19,197
Here's a guy that knows
his onions over here.
139
00:08:19,264 --> 00:08:24,835
You know, youse people
got more brains than they give youse credit for, Lionel.
140
00:08:24,903 --> 00:08:27,105
Hey, Lionel, how come
you changed your mind?
141
00:08:27,172 --> 00:08:29,540
'Cause he's smart,
that's why, meathead.
142
00:08:29,608 --> 00:08:34,278
Minorities like Lionel, they
gotta be careful about calling attraction to themselves.
143
00:08:34,346 --> 00:08:37,081
You know, there are
some whites that got it in for your coloreds.
144
00:08:39,151 --> 00:08:41,252
That's why your coloreds
have to behave better.
145
00:08:41,320 --> 00:08:44,021
They gotta act nicer.
They gotta try harder.
146
00:08:44,089 --> 00:08:46,991
Yeah, that's right.
We's like avis. Check.
147
00:08:51,363 --> 00:08:53,697
Look, Mike,
the reason I was thinkin' of not goin' is,
148
00:08:53,765 --> 00:08:56,501
see, I was talkin'
to my cousin Spencer on the police force--
149
00:08:56,568 --> 00:08:59,637
hey, Lionel, I didn't know
you had a cousin a cop. I never heard that.
150
00:08:59,704 --> 00:09:02,740
Yeah, well,
he the white sheep of the family.
151
00:09:09,481 --> 00:09:11,415
Anyway--
152
00:09:11,483 --> 00:09:14,385
anyway, Spencer's been
called to a special detail down at the u.N.
153
00:09:14,453 --> 00:09:16,820
There's a couple
of big groups gonna be counterprotesting,
154
00:09:16,888 --> 00:09:20,625
- and they're expecting
some trouble. - Maybe you better not go.
155
00:09:20,692 --> 00:09:24,094
Gloria, I gotta go.
I promised I'd be there. Come on, Lionel.
156
00:09:24,163 --> 00:09:26,096
Leave him alone!
157
00:09:26,165 --> 00:09:28,732
Why should he go down there
and picket the military?
158
00:09:28,800 --> 00:09:31,502
The military's been
damn good to his people--
159
00:09:31,570 --> 00:09:36,207
taking 'em off the streets,
giving 'em three squares a day, lotta fancy uniforms.
160
00:09:36,275 --> 00:09:38,609
Allowing 'em
to die in Vietnam.
161
00:09:38,677 --> 00:09:43,080
Well, now, Lionel, you gotta
take the bad with the good.
162
00:09:43,148 --> 00:09:46,950
Archie, good is not spending
over 50 cents out of every dollar on the military.
163
00:09:47,018 --> 00:09:48,952
The military gives jobs.
164
00:09:49,020 --> 00:09:52,223
How's his people gonna find work
if you cut off them jobs at the source?
165
00:09:52,291 --> 00:09:55,193
But, Archie, I don't want
the source of jobs to be the military.
166
00:09:55,260 --> 00:09:57,761
That's just the kind of thinking
I'm going downtown to protest.
167
00:09:57,829 --> 00:10:00,665
Yeah, well,
he ain't going with you. Yes, I am.
168
00:10:00,732 --> 00:10:02,700
Huh?
You convinced me to go.
169
00:10:02,767 --> 00:10:05,503
How'd I do that?
Just logic, Mr. bunker.
170
00:10:05,571 --> 00:10:08,005
I mean,
you got it up here.
171
00:10:08,073 --> 00:10:10,508
You ready, Mike?
Yeah.
172
00:10:10,576 --> 00:10:13,678
Michael, Michael,
please don't go.
173
00:10:13,745 --> 00:10:16,447
Gloria, honey, don't worry.
Everything's gonna be all right.
174
00:10:16,515 --> 00:10:19,116
Talk to you later.
Come on, Lionel. Bye, everybody.
175
00:10:19,184 --> 00:10:21,752
Oh, thanks for
straightening me out, Mr. bunker.
176
00:10:21,820 --> 00:10:23,987
[ Door closes ]
177
00:10:24,055 --> 00:10:27,925
That Lionel's a funny kid.
Sometimes I can't dope him out.
178
00:10:27,992 --> 00:10:30,728
Ma, I'm worried.
I don't think he should've gone.
179
00:10:30,795 --> 00:10:32,763
He could get hurt
or arrested.
180
00:10:32,831 --> 00:10:38,068
Listen, listen, nobody gets
arrested in this country unless they deserve it.
181
00:10:38,136 --> 00:10:40,070
If he don't go
callin' cops "pigs"...
182
00:10:40,138 --> 00:10:43,441
Or none of them
other epaulettes, he'll be all right.
183
00:10:43,508 --> 00:10:45,443
[ Phone ringing ]
184
00:10:45,510 --> 00:10:49,046
Hello. Oh, hello,
Mrs. Jefferson.
185
00:10:49,114 --> 00:10:52,816
No, no. He just left
with Michael.
186
00:10:52,884 --> 00:10:55,152
Oh?
187
00:10:55,220 --> 00:10:57,488
Oh, yeah?
188
00:10:57,556 --> 00:11:02,192
Oh, don't worry.
I'm sure they'll be all right. Bye.
189
00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:04,194
Ma, that was
Lionel's mother.
190
00:11:04,263 --> 00:11:08,098
She said Spencer called,
and they put on 200 extra police down at the u.N.
191
00:11:08,166 --> 00:11:10,100
They're expecting
big trouble.
192
00:11:10,168 --> 00:11:12,336
Oh, my!
Daddy, will you run after Michael...
193
00:11:12,404 --> 00:11:16,440
And stop him before
he gets on the subway? He's already at the subway.
194
00:11:16,508 --> 00:11:18,809
Well, then go down to the u.N.
And bring him home.
195
00:11:18,877 --> 00:11:23,814
Are you kiddin'?
Me go to a commie demonstration?
196
00:11:23,882 --> 00:11:26,317
Wild hornets
couldn't drag me there.
197
00:11:26,385 --> 00:11:29,119
Ma, get daddy to do it,
please? I'm scared.
198
00:11:29,187 --> 00:11:33,724
You better go down there.
Why don't she go down there herself?
199
00:11:33,792 --> 00:11:37,295
Because he won't like
my interfering. I know him. He won't even listen to me.
200
00:11:37,362 --> 00:11:39,997
Do you think he's gonna
listen to me? I've been living with him a year,
201
00:11:40,064 --> 00:11:41,999
he ain't heard
a word I said yet.
202
00:11:42,066 --> 00:11:44,568
Daddy, I've seen it
on the newsreels.
203
00:11:44,636 --> 00:11:47,705
They beat those kids with clubs
and they haul 'em into jail...
204
00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:49,707
Like they were--
hold it, hold it.
205
00:11:49,775 --> 00:11:52,543
Never the good kids.
Only the troublemakers.
206
00:11:52,611 --> 00:11:56,347
No. In Washington.
I saw it on tv.
207
00:11:56,415 --> 00:11:58,716
Why, they took
hundreds of 'em in...
208
00:11:58,784 --> 00:12:01,852
Who just seemed to be
standin' watchin'.
209
00:12:01,920 --> 00:12:03,987
Edith, that was Washington.
210
00:12:04,055 --> 00:12:07,758
This is New York.
211
00:12:07,826 --> 00:12:10,594
Daddy, listen,
if Michael gets arrested,
212
00:12:10,662 --> 00:12:13,397
they'll book him
and fingerprint him and it'll be on his record,
213
00:12:13,465 --> 00:12:15,499
and then when he goes
to look for a job--
214
00:12:15,567 --> 00:12:18,101
when? When? When?
215
00:12:20,806 --> 00:12:24,775
All right. All right.
Since I don't have a father, I'll do it myself.
216
00:12:24,843 --> 00:12:26,777
And what's that
supposed to mean, you ain't got a father?
217
00:12:26,845 --> 00:12:30,581
I said I'll go
down there myself. No! Now, Gloria, wait, please!
218
00:12:30,649 --> 00:12:34,084
Archie, it's too dangerous.
Don't let her do it.
219
00:12:34,152 --> 00:12:36,920
What kind of talk
is that out of her, she don't have a father?
220
00:12:36,988 --> 00:12:40,257
Well, maybe she means
she don't have one when she needs one.
221
00:12:40,325 --> 00:12:42,259
And what are you doin',
takin' her part? Yeah.
222
00:12:42,327 --> 00:12:44,795
I'm going!
And I'm going with you!
223
00:12:44,863 --> 00:12:50,100
What do you mean, you're going?
Who's gonna make lunch around here?
224
00:12:50,168 --> 00:12:52,336
Come on, ma.
We'll find him.
225
00:12:52,404 --> 00:12:55,373
Hold it. H-hold it!
Hold it!
226
00:12:55,440 --> 00:12:58,041
Now youse ain't goin'.
[ Both ] Yes, we are!
227
00:12:58,109 --> 00:13:00,277
No, youse ain't goin'
'cause I'm goin'.
228
00:13:00,345 --> 00:13:02,546
Oh, daddy,
thank you. Thank you, Archie.
229
00:13:02,614 --> 00:13:05,649
Forget about that.
No thanks required.
230
00:13:05,717 --> 00:13:08,285
I'm gonna miss
that ball game on television today.
231
00:13:08,353 --> 00:13:10,788
I'm gonna miss my lunch,
not that anybody cares.
232
00:13:10,856 --> 00:13:13,624
Oh, we care, daddy.
Get away from me.
233
00:13:25,570 --> 00:13:27,505
Oh!
234
00:13:27,572 --> 00:13:30,107
What's the matter, Gloria?
235
00:13:30,174 --> 00:13:32,910
Ma, they should've
been home by now.
236
00:13:32,977 --> 00:13:35,846
Oh, now, Gloria,
don't worry.
237
00:13:35,914 --> 00:13:40,584
I'm sure Mike
is all right. Let's turn on the tv.
238
00:13:40,652 --> 00:13:44,422
Maybe there's some news.
Oh, the news ain't on now.
239
00:13:44,489 --> 00:13:49,527
Now you got
bright promise, secret storm and the newlywed game.
240
00:13:49,594 --> 00:13:53,130
But if something was happening,
they'd break into the program with a special bulletin.
241
00:13:53,197 --> 00:13:58,502
Oh, I don't think
they're allowed to break in on the newlywed game.
242
00:14:00,038 --> 00:14:04,909
Sit down, Gloria.
Now, let's talk about something else,
243
00:14:04,976 --> 00:14:08,913
something that'll
take your mind off Mike. I don't think I can, ma.
244
00:14:08,980 --> 00:14:14,217
Gloria, do you remember
tubby Mr. Murdoch?
245
00:14:14,285 --> 00:14:16,720
Tubby Mr. Murdoch.
We used to live next to them...
246
00:14:16,788 --> 00:14:19,156
On union street
when I was about 11.
247
00:14:19,223 --> 00:14:23,594
That's right,
in the apartment that always smelled like vinegar.
248
00:14:23,662 --> 00:14:28,666
Yeah.
Well, if I was to tell you a secret...
249
00:14:28,733 --> 00:14:33,303
About tubby Mr. Murdoch
and your father...
250
00:14:33,371 --> 00:14:37,240
And a lie I told this morning.
251
00:14:37,308 --> 00:14:43,080
- You told a lie this morning?
- Yeah, in my miss America beauty contest dream.
252
00:14:43,147 --> 00:14:45,382
Tubby Mr. Murdoch
wasn't in the dream.
253
00:14:45,450 --> 00:14:48,151
Yes, he was.
[ Giggles ]
254
00:14:48,219 --> 00:14:52,422
He was the one that
kissed me in the rowboat, not your father.
255
00:14:52,491 --> 00:14:54,525
[ Laughing ]
256
00:14:54,593 --> 00:14:57,027
Ma, no!
257
00:14:57,095 --> 00:15:00,531
His kiss was very vinegary.
258
00:15:00,599 --> 00:15:03,066
Not tubby Mr. Murdoch!
259
00:15:03,134 --> 00:15:05,068
I had to say
it was your father...
260
00:15:05,136 --> 00:15:09,072
Because if he ever heard
that anybody else kissed me in a rowboat,
261
00:15:09,140 --> 00:15:11,709
even in a dream,
he'd have a fit!
262
00:15:11,776 --> 00:15:14,444
He sure would!
That's funny!
263
00:15:14,513 --> 00:15:18,348
I'm glad you liked it.
264
00:15:18,416 --> 00:15:21,819
And see how it
took your mind off Mike?
265
00:15:25,891 --> 00:15:30,427
Oh, Gloria, I'm sorry.
Oh, Michael.
266
00:15:30,495 --> 00:15:34,231
Let me fix you a cup of tea.
That'll make you feel better.
267
00:15:34,298 --> 00:15:36,266
All right, ma.
268
00:15:36,334 --> 00:15:39,302
Michael!
Where have you been?
269
00:15:39,370 --> 00:15:42,940
Look at your shirt!
What did they do to you? What happened?
270
00:15:43,008 --> 00:15:46,209
Well, Gloria, it--
271
00:15:46,277 --> 00:15:49,179
first, it started out
peaceful. You know, we just sort of,
272
00:15:49,247 --> 00:15:52,616
you know, marching up and down
in front of the u.N.
273
00:15:52,684 --> 00:15:56,386
But then this other group
comes along and they start protesting against us.
274
00:15:56,454 --> 00:15:59,489
And then this guy from
this other group jumps up on his buddy's shoulders,
275
00:15:59,558 --> 00:16:01,491
rips open his shirt,
and right there it says,
276
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,727
"America.
Love it or leave it."
277
00:16:03,795 --> 00:16:06,730
A real tattoo burned
right into his chest.
278
00:16:06,798 --> 00:16:08,732
And then a guy
from our group jumps up, and he says, "oh, yeah?
279
00:16:08,800 --> 00:16:10,734
Well, we love it,
so why don't you leave it?"
280
00:16:10,802 --> 00:16:13,837
And then, before
you know it, Gloria, there's food and rocks...
281
00:16:13,905 --> 00:16:16,640
And bottles flying
all over the place like you can't believe it.
282
00:16:16,708 --> 00:16:19,509
And then the cops
started comin' in, and there were hundreds of 'em.
283
00:16:19,578 --> 00:16:21,511
So Lionel and I,
w-we started to run,
284
00:16:21,580 --> 00:16:24,715
but just as we turned around,
Gloria, standing there, right in front of us,
285
00:16:24,783 --> 00:16:28,052
was the biggest,
tallest, meanest cop...
286
00:16:28,119 --> 00:16:33,023
With this gigantic head
and a face like ed Sullivan.
287
00:16:33,091 --> 00:16:35,025
And just as he was
about to grab us,
288
00:16:35,093 --> 00:16:37,561
from out of nowhere
comes this naked lady. A naked lady?
289
00:16:37,629 --> 00:16:40,230
Yeah! There was this
beautiful naked lady,
290
00:16:40,298 --> 00:16:42,700
and she comes
right up to ed Sullivan,
291
00:16:42,767 --> 00:16:45,936
jumps in his arms
and punches him right in the face.
292
00:16:46,004 --> 00:16:48,472
Couldn't believe it.
But Lionel and I figured this is our chance to get away,
293
00:16:48,539 --> 00:16:51,008
so we dropped down
to our knees, and we start crawling out of there...
294
00:16:51,076 --> 00:16:53,811
Between hundreds of legs
as fast as we could and we escaped.
295
00:16:53,878 --> 00:16:56,714
Do we have any cheese?
296
00:16:56,781 --> 00:17:00,317
I'm hungry.
Oh, yeah. I'll get it right away.
297
00:17:00,384 --> 00:17:03,120
Oh, Mike!
Where's Archie?
298
00:17:04,255 --> 00:17:08,792
- Archie?
- Michael, I forgot to tell you.
299
00:17:08,860 --> 00:17:11,862
I sent daddy down there
to look for you.
300
00:17:11,930 --> 00:17:14,898
Why?
'Cause I was worried.
301
00:17:14,966 --> 00:17:17,067
Yeah, but, Gloria,
how could he find me?
302
00:17:17,135 --> 00:17:19,069
I mean, the place
was a madhouse.
303
00:17:19,137 --> 00:17:21,371
People running around,
yelling screaming.
304
00:17:21,439 --> 00:17:23,807
The cops
arresting everyone.
305
00:17:31,182 --> 00:17:33,717
Oh, boy.
306
00:17:54,472 --> 00:17:56,439
Aw, geez!
307
00:17:56,507 --> 00:17:59,743
Officer! Officer!
Officer, get me out of here!
308
00:17:59,811 --> 00:18:03,747
You again? I told you before,
bunker, I don't want any more trouble from you.
309
00:18:03,815 --> 00:18:05,916
Officer, come here
a minute, huh? Hey.
310
00:18:05,984 --> 00:18:08,752
Look at this here.
So?
311
00:18:08,820 --> 00:18:11,188
What do you mean, so?
That's the American flag there.
312
00:18:11,255 --> 00:18:14,658
Very nice. How much?
313
00:18:14,726 --> 00:18:19,063
I don't wanna sell it.
This means I'm an American.
314
00:18:19,130 --> 00:18:21,498
So am I. So were they.
315
00:18:21,566 --> 00:18:25,468
Yeah, but I ain't
one of them. I was just an innocent stand-byer.
316
00:18:25,536 --> 00:18:29,339
Are you trying to tell me
that police arrest innocent citizens?
317
00:18:29,407 --> 00:18:31,374
I never said that.
318
00:18:31,442 --> 00:18:33,844
And I thought you said
you was an American. I am.
319
00:18:33,912 --> 00:18:36,346
Then don't be hidin'
behind the American flag...
320
00:18:36,414 --> 00:18:38,481
In order to smear the police.
321
00:18:42,386 --> 00:18:45,089
Overpaid knucklehead.
322
00:18:47,759 --> 00:18:50,094
[ Inhaling ]
[ Groaning ]
323
00:18:50,161 --> 00:18:52,096
Ah, leave me alone with that.
324
00:18:52,163 --> 00:18:54,098
Ohh!
325
00:18:54,165 --> 00:18:56,100
Ohh!
326
00:18:56,167 --> 00:19:00,570
Hey, man, you're gonna
blow your mind sniffin' that stuff.
327
00:19:02,907 --> 00:19:06,543
Huh?
Bad trip, baby. Real bummer.
328
00:19:06,611 --> 00:19:08,779
That stuff is worse
than droppin' acid.
329
00:19:08,847 --> 00:19:11,581
What the hell
are you talkin' about?
330
00:19:11,649 --> 00:19:15,352
Stick with grass, man.
It's organic.
331
00:19:15,419 --> 00:19:18,555
It's sniffin' that
that's makin' you so hostile.
332
00:19:18,623 --> 00:19:23,593
This here is medicine, buddy.
It's all medicine.
333
00:19:27,331 --> 00:19:30,200
That cat's gonna
blow holes in his head.
334
00:19:32,170 --> 00:19:34,972
Don't do that to yourself,
brother.
335
00:19:35,039 --> 00:19:37,540
♪ [ "Jesus Christ superstar" ]
336
00:19:37,608 --> 00:19:40,610
Huh?
Put that away, brother.
337
00:19:40,678 --> 00:19:44,915
Take a trip with God.
What are you talkin' about?
338
00:19:44,983 --> 00:19:47,184
♪ Jesus Christ superstar ♪I'm talkin' aboutthe Jesus trip, brother.
339
00:19:47,252 --> 00:19:51,354
Hey, let me ask you.
Is that noise comin' off of you somewhere?
340
00:19:51,422 --> 00:19:54,357
Oh, geez!
Turn that racket off, huh?
341
00:19:54,425 --> 00:19:56,426
♪ Jesus Christ
superstar ♪ racket? No.
342
00:19:56,494 --> 00:20:00,764
That's "Jesus Christ superstar,"
brother. It's Sunday.
343
00:20:00,832 --> 00:20:03,500
I know it's Sunday,
and that ain't Sunday music.
344
00:20:03,567 --> 00:20:06,036
It's unreligious.
Now, turn it off, huh?
345
00:20:06,104 --> 00:20:10,540
You mean,
you actually don't dig "Jesus Christ superstar"?
346
00:20:10,608 --> 00:20:15,112
Jesus Christ I dig,
and I dug him a long time before you weirdos...
347
00:20:15,180 --> 00:20:17,981
Turned him into
a superstar.
348
00:20:18,049 --> 00:20:20,884
Now will you
get that away from me and turn it off!
349
00:20:20,952 --> 00:20:25,222
♪ [ Stops ]Brother, you walk in darkness.
350
00:20:25,290 --> 00:20:29,059
All over the world,
this music is turning young people on to Christ.
351
00:20:29,127 --> 00:20:31,494
Praise the lord!
Amen! Right on!
352
00:20:31,562 --> 00:20:33,897
And you condemn it.
Let me tell you something.
353
00:20:33,965 --> 00:20:36,934
Christ don't want you
turnin' on to him.
354
00:20:37,001 --> 00:20:40,170
He wants you
comin' to him on your knees,
355
00:20:40,238 --> 00:20:43,406
not wigglin' and jigglin'
till your parts fall off.
356
00:20:43,474 --> 00:20:45,642
Oh, look at this now!
[ Wailing ]
357
00:20:45,710 --> 00:20:48,245
Beautiful!
Bunch of creeps!
358
00:20:48,313 --> 00:20:50,747
What's the use
in talkin' to youse? What a generation!
359
00:20:50,815 --> 00:20:53,984
We try to learn youse somethin',
try to teach you some religion,
360
00:20:54,052 --> 00:20:56,586
drag youse off to church,
and what do you do?
361
00:20:56,654 --> 00:21:01,825
You give us back the son of God
like he's some kind of engelbert what's-his-dinck.
362
00:21:01,893 --> 00:21:04,661
[ Murmuring ]
Oh, it ain't no use. Get away from me!
363
00:21:04,729 --> 00:21:10,067
Get away from me!
Get lost! Hey, officer! Get me out!
364
00:21:10,134 --> 00:21:15,105
Quiet down! You too, bunker!
I can't stay in here no more!
365
00:21:15,173 --> 00:21:17,341
I was just comin' to get you.
You're kiddin'. I'm gettin' out?
366
00:21:17,408 --> 00:21:19,343
You're gettin' out.
Let me out of here.
367
00:21:19,410 --> 00:21:21,345
Hey, how about me?
368
00:21:21,412 --> 00:21:25,148
Ah, gee, am I glad to be
seein' the last of youse!
369
00:21:25,216 --> 00:21:28,785
We'll meet again,
brother! [ Yelling ]
370
00:21:28,853 --> 00:21:31,388
You wanna sign
these release papers? Yeah, sure.
371
00:21:31,455 --> 00:21:33,390
Sergeant,
is my father all right?
372
00:21:33,457 --> 00:21:36,193
Don't worry, little lady.
He's fine. There you go.
373
00:21:37,428 --> 00:21:39,363
"Stivic." You Polish?
374
00:21:39,430 --> 00:21:41,231
Yeah. Why?
375
00:21:41,299 --> 00:21:44,868
Glad to you know ya.
Pulaski. Paul pulaski.
376
00:21:44,936 --> 00:21:47,670
Oh, hi. How are ya?
Yeah. What, were you born here?
377
00:21:47,738 --> 00:21:49,472
Yeah, but my folks
came from Kraków.
378
00:21:49,540 --> 00:21:51,641
No kiddin'. That's where
my old man comes from.
379
00:21:51,709 --> 00:21:54,411
Yeah? Hey,
how do you like that!
380
00:21:54,478 --> 00:21:57,781
Here he is, sarge.
Oh, daddy! Are you all right?
381
00:21:57,848 --> 00:22:00,951
How'd you get here?
Tryin' to find your husband.
382
00:22:01,019 --> 00:22:03,120
Well, they can't arrest you
for that, can they?
383
00:22:03,187 --> 00:22:06,123
The sarge is waitin'
to see you, bunker.
384
00:22:06,190 --> 00:22:09,359
Try not to be the jerk
you was inside, huh?
385
00:22:11,296 --> 00:22:14,231
Callahan!
386
00:22:14,299 --> 00:22:16,266
Who do you think
you're talkin' to?
387
00:22:16,334 --> 00:22:18,268
Now apologize to Mr. bunker.
388
00:22:18,336 --> 00:22:21,504
But, sarge,
all I said was--
389
00:22:21,572 --> 00:22:25,175
all right. I apologize.
390
00:22:29,547 --> 00:22:33,917
Sorry about that, Mr. bunker.
That's all right, sarge. No hard feelings.
391
00:22:33,985 --> 00:22:36,586
I was always a friend
to the cops,
392
00:22:36,654 --> 00:22:40,490
even that time when you was
threatenin' to go on strike and everybody hated your guts.
393
00:22:42,460 --> 00:22:45,695
Always supported them.
I always said, "this city would be a jungle...
394
00:22:45,763 --> 00:22:49,299
- If it wasn't for
New York's finest. - Well, we try.
395
00:22:49,367 --> 00:22:53,403
That's what I try to keep
telling this dumb polack son-in-law of mine.
396
00:23:02,580 --> 00:23:05,548
This dumb what?
397
00:23:05,616 --> 00:23:07,750
Polack.
[ Chuckles ]
398
00:23:09,620 --> 00:23:12,022
Say it a little louder, arch.
399
00:23:14,158 --> 00:23:16,559
Sgt. Pulaski didn't hear you.
400
00:23:22,666 --> 00:23:26,303
Uh-oh! I got a little
bad news for you, bunker.
401
00:23:26,371 --> 00:23:30,073
I'm not at all sure
that your release papers are in perfect order.
402
00:23:30,141 --> 00:23:33,743
Callahan!
Sarge, uh--
403
00:23:33,811 --> 00:23:38,382
now, bunker,
I hope you realize that a big, dumb polack like me...
404
00:23:38,449 --> 00:23:40,517
Could easily
make a mistake, right?
405
00:23:40,584 --> 00:23:42,486
Yeah, sarge?
406
00:23:42,553 --> 00:23:46,223
Oh, Callahan, would you
take these papers down to officer Murphy...
407
00:23:46,290 --> 00:23:48,291
And have 'em typed up
all over again.
408
00:23:48,359 --> 00:23:53,463
Officer Murphy?
The one who types with one finger?
409
00:23:53,531 --> 00:23:57,467
That's right.
And have him be ever so careful.
410
00:23:57,535 --> 00:23:59,403
Right, sarge.
411
00:23:59,470 --> 00:24:01,738
Don't worry, bunker.
With any luck at all,
412
00:24:01,805 --> 00:24:04,307
you should be out within
three or four hours.
413
00:24:13,284 --> 00:24:15,585
Here's your beer, Archie.
414
00:24:15,653 --> 00:24:18,388
And another sandwich, daddy,
just the way you like it.
415
00:24:18,456 --> 00:24:21,858
I wanna tell youse all
you got a lot to answer for.
416
00:24:21,926 --> 00:24:24,261
Especially you, meathead.
It was all your fault.
417
00:24:24,328 --> 00:24:28,198
- Me? What did I do?
- You was born a polack. That's what you did.
418
00:24:31,269 --> 00:24:33,270
That's why I had to stay
in that station house for three hours,
419
00:24:33,337 --> 00:24:36,839
starin' at that
big, dumb sergeant 'cause you didn't warn me.
420
00:24:36,907 --> 00:24:38,841
What did you
want me to do, arch?
421
00:24:38,909 --> 00:24:43,346
Send up a signal flag saying,
"shut your dumb mouth. Sgt. Pulaski's Polish"?
422
00:24:43,414 --> 00:24:45,648
Instead of
being mad at Michael, you ought to thank him.
423
00:24:45,716 --> 00:24:49,419
- He bailed you out.
- How much the bail bond cost us?
424
00:24:49,487 --> 00:24:52,021
- Nothin'.
- What do you mean, nothin'?
425
00:24:52,090 --> 00:24:54,824
Them bondsmen don't hand over
their shekels for nothin'.
426
00:24:54,892 --> 00:24:57,060
Yeah, but I didn't go
to a bail bondsman.
427
00:24:57,128 --> 00:24:59,496
I got the money
from the freedom fund.
428
00:25:03,968 --> 00:25:09,106
- The which?
- It's money used to free protestors who get arrested.
429
00:25:13,877 --> 00:25:16,313
You're out of jail courtesy
of your friends, arch--
430
00:25:16,380 --> 00:25:18,582
the pinkos, the meatheads
and the freaks.
431
00:25:43,207 --> 00:25:47,644
[ Announcer ]
All in the family was recordedon tape before a live audience.
432
00:25:47,694 --> 00:25:52,244
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