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Previously on Velma...
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My beloved brother passed away.
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00:00:09,199 --> 00:00:11,679
The two women hoping
to replace him as sheriff,
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00:00:11,759 --> 00:00:16,199
have outsourced the investigation
of his death to kids!
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00:00:16,280 --> 00:00:19,719
Which leaves me no choice
but to enter the race myself.
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00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:22,440
- Amber's doing a seance.
- A seance?
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00:00:22,519 --> 00:00:25,600
I knew something was up
with those new witchy neighbors.
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00:00:26,239 --> 00:00:27,800
Dr. Dane Dupree.
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00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:31,960
Holy crap. Is my grandma alive?
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You, of all people, know how much
I've struggled to find the real me.
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00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:38,359
It's not the unknown
that freaks me out.
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00:00:38,439 --> 00:00:41,640
It's idiots like you who ignore facts
and science that do.
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00:00:45,719 --> 00:00:47,280
Daphne, we need to talk.
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00:00:47,359 --> 00:00:49,719
You've said enough already.
Go away.
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00:00:49,799 --> 00:00:53,000
So after a huge fight over whether
or not she's a witch,
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00:00:53,079 --> 00:00:54,520
Daphne isn't talking to me.
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00:00:54,600 --> 00:00:58,000
She is, however, pointedly
posting a lot on social media.
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00:00:58,079 --> 00:01:00,000
And her followers
love the new her.
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00:01:00,079 --> 00:01:03,520
Sorry, papaya Wiccan Daphne
is done with everything orange.
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{\an8}Michelle Obama liked this?
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Worse, I can't clap back
because I'm terrible at social media.
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00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:12,000
{\an8}Sorry, Ed, rational-minded
Velma is done with redheads.
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00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:15,480
Olive suggested baiting Daphne
with a hot pic
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using an app she has
to make your butt look bigger.
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But when I tried it, I just enraged
the flat-butt community.
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00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,840
To get Daphne's attention,
I need to up my game.
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So let's just see how Daphne
feels when she wakes up
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to a picture of me
in the school library
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reading a book called
How to Find a Better Girlfriend.
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If the threat of breaking up
doesn't get her to talk to me,
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I don't know what will.
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So you, quote,
"found the coroners' bodies
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on the pentagram where Amber held
their dumbass seance yesterday"?
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This is feeling a little biased.
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Biased? This screams "witch" more
than a sexually frustrated pilgrim!
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Clearly, Amber's the serial killer.
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Even the cameras were disabled
with little pentagrams!
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00:02:03,519 --> 00:02:08,639
Everyone calm down, Fred Jones,
Spooky Stuff Hunter, is here.
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00:02:08,719 --> 00:02:12,360
Yeah, I'm still doing that. And from
my readings, witches only kill
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00:02:12,439 --> 00:02:15,800
when someone tries to eat their house
made of cake and candy.
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00:02:15,879 --> 00:02:18,039
But look at Daphne!
She's lost her witchy clothes.
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Clearly you've realized
you're not actually a witch
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00:02:20,360 --> 00:02:23,680
and are now distancing yourself from
Amber because you know they did this.
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00:02:23,759 --> 00:02:27,360
What? No! I just needed
a break from white dresses.
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People kept asking if I was
getting adult baptized.
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00:02:29,919 --> 00:02:33,000
Wait, you're still into witchcraft
even after seeing this?
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00:02:33,080 --> 00:02:35,280
Table this, kids.
We have to talk to the press.
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They can't get
so much as a whiff of this.
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What? No way!
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Call me the skunk 'cause
I'm about to spray it everywhere.
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00:02:41,439 --> 00:02:44,000
Everyone has to know
the danger Amber poses.
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00:02:44,080 --> 00:02:47,919
Velma, "Dong removing witch"
is literally America's worst nightmare.
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00:02:48,000 --> 00:02:51,039
People will freak out.
This can't leak until we know more.
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00:02:56,919 --> 00:03:00,599
I'll be brief. We found the bodies
of two men in their 40s,
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or so we assume from
their tribal armband tattoos.
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00:03:03,919 --> 00:03:06,759
Regardless, we have no cause
of death at this time.
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{\an8}Argh, you don't need a cause of death
to know that this makes
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{\an8}four middle-aged men
killed within the past week!
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00:03:14,000 --> 00:03:16,639
My vacation shirts
have subtler patterns,
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00:03:16,719 --> 00:03:19,759
and yet you two still think
you should be sheriff?
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00:03:19,840 --> 00:03:22,280
Now is not the time
for grandstanding, Merle.
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How dare you
accuse me of grandstanding!
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I am on a soapbox!
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And I, Sheriff candidate
Merle Cogburn,
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believe a serial killer
is targeting middle-aged men!
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00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,879
Now who will watch our
World War II documentaries?
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00:03:38,960 --> 00:03:40,439
Or collect guitars?
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00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,840
Look, we understand
your distress.
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00:03:42,919 --> 00:03:45,360
But even Velma, who's actually
caught a serial killer,
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feels there are no leads
or reasons to panic.
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Isn't that right, Velma?
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I will be reading
a prepared statement.
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Given a lack of evidence, and the fact
we're living in a police state,
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it is too soon
to draw any conclusions.
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Well, okay, but I see
Fred Jones is also up there.
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00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:05,800
Are you exploring any
"spooky angles" to this case?
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No! I'm here to say I've found
nothing witchy
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00:04:09,120 --> 00:04:11,039
about the murders at this time.
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- You're welcome.
- Why would you say witchy?
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Is there reason to believe
the serial killer is a witch?
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This press conference is over.
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Daphne, where are you going?
We need to talk.
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Please be the serial
killer and not Velma.
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00:04:29,920 --> 00:04:31,879
- Daphne?
- Norville? What are you doing here?
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I was saying goodbye
to the trash.
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I'll never see it again.
Well, anyway, my car's here.
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I'm heading home.
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The Norville Rogers I'm picking up
is going
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to the Crystal Cove Insane Asylum.
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00:04:44,639 --> 00:04:47,519
- What?
- Daphne, please stop ignoring me.
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I'm your girlfriend.
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00:04:48,879 --> 00:04:51,319
And we just need to talk about Amber
until you admit I'm right!
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Go!
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00:04:54,439 --> 00:04:56,639
You think your
grandmother is alive?
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Dane Dupree is an anagram
for Edna Perdue.
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So either yes, she's alive,
or I'm about to meet
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a delightful southern restaurateur.
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00:05:03,720 --> 00:05:05,439
Okay, well, can I tag along?
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00:05:05,519 --> 00:05:08,839
After the seance and these new
murders I am not ready to deal
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00:05:08,920 --> 00:05:12,199
with Velma's endless, "I told you
so's" about embracing witchcraft.
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Sure, but Velma's not wrong.
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You ditching your
witchy clothes is suspicious.
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Do you think
Amber's a serial killer?
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No, it's just that
after that failed seance,
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I don't feel like I'm a witch
or a popular girl.
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- I don't know who I am.
- We're girlfriends!
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That's the only identity either of us
needs! Come back!
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Velma, thank God I found you.
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I have your room now, girl, dog.
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You stopped me for that?
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Daphne was about to admit
the error of her ways.
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Okay, but I have to show you
something at home.
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I think it has to do
with the murders.
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Whoa! Look at all those rings.
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Did you finally win your land war
with the South African diamond miners?
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No, hearing about the murders
made me realize life is short.
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And when you're rich and find
someone you care about,
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you lock them down ASAP.
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00:06:01,639 --> 00:06:04,040
So you have legal leverage
if they ever want to leave you.
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00:06:04,120 --> 00:06:06,560
You're proposing to Diya?
I'll kill you!
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00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:11,040
Hold on. That's weird 'cause I don't
think I'm actually angry.
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Is this what
emotional growth feels like?
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I wouldn't know,
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but this is gonna be the best thing
that's ever happened to us.
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And Diya. She's a middle-aged
single woman.
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I believe
they turn those into glue.
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00:06:21,879 --> 00:06:23,959
But I want the proposal
to be a surprise.
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00:06:24,040 --> 00:06:27,079
So I need you to secretly
find her ring size.
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00:06:27,160 --> 00:06:28,839
I will not let you down.
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00:06:28,920 --> 00:06:31,839
Unless, as Diya
is about to say, I do.
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- It's stuck, isn't it?
- Yup.
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00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,680
Damn, Sophie, since when
did you get into gardening?
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And tell me this isn't organic.
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00:06:43,319 --> 00:06:45,120
I need all the growth hormones
I can get.
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00:06:45,199 --> 00:06:48,759
Sorry, but with your parents' divorce
settled, I feel I can finally nest.
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00:06:48,839 --> 00:06:50,600
And as I was working
out here last night,
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I heard witchy cackling
coming from Daphne's backyard.
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That's why Linda and Donna
didn't want me talking to the press.
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00:07:03,120 --> 00:07:06,800
Not only do they know Amber's the
killer, they're protecting them. Look!
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00:07:06,879 --> 00:07:09,519
Are their crotches missing?
Did the killer do that?
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00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:12,240
You need to post that picture
and warn the world about Amber.
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00:07:12,319 --> 00:07:13,680
Okay, but it won't do any good.
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00:07:13,759 --> 00:07:17,240
My posts get treated like sensible
tax reform. Mocked and ignored.
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00:07:17,319 --> 00:07:20,680
That's because teen social media
is about making people horny.
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00:07:20,759 --> 00:07:23,879
Adult social media is about making
people afraid of their neighbors.
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00:07:23,959 --> 00:07:25,639
Plus, you've already caught
one serial killer.
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People will listen
to you about this!
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I'm posting pictures of Amber, their
mom's bookstore and the crime scene.
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But I promise you
nothing will happen.
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Wow! Look at all those likes.
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It feels a little shallow TBH. Wait!
Brain chemistry just changed.
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This is the greatest feeling
in the world!
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Good morning.
Welcome to Crystal Cove Asylum,
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where all of your fantasies
hopefully won't come true.
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Yes. Hello. We'd like
to see Dr. Dane Dupree.
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Dr. Dane Dupree?
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00:07:55,959 --> 00:07:59,160
Do you mean, Dr. Dane Perdue?
Wait. No, no, You were right.
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It's Dr. Dane Purdoctor, I mean
Edna Purdane, oh boy.
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00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,000
Forget it, Rhonda. You blew it.
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00:08:04,079 --> 00:08:05,879
- I'll deal with these two.
- Grandma?
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Oh, my God, 3,000 likes
and counting!
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Any more and I'll have to start
a lifestyle brand.
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Velma, what have you done?
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What have I done? Men are dead,
and you're protecting Amber
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more than parents
who say "boys will be boys".
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Amber is going to jail.
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No, Velma.
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Thanks to you, I'm going
to be burned alive!
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Bring out the witch!
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Don't blame me. If you'd arrested
Amber, we could've avoided this.
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There's no time
to point fingers.
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Just do something before
that mob... Oh, God!
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Tramples my new flowers.
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00:08:45,519 --> 00:08:47,720
The evidence doesn't
point to Amber, Velma.
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They have an alibi.
They were with us all night.
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What? Why wouldn't you
just tell me that?
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The same reason anyone
keeps anything quiet.
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Truth makes us look bad.
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Excuse me, everyone.
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Thank you for forming this angry mob
on such short notice.
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00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,159
Unfortunately,
for the first time ever,
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00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:07,960
it seems the social media post
was not accurate.
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00:09:08,039 --> 00:09:09,759
While the murders feel witchy,
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new evidence suggests
it was not Amber.
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00:09:12,519 --> 00:09:16,039
See, with the election coming up,
Amber was helping us all night
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00:09:16,120 --> 00:09:18,960
by burning Merle's
yard signs in our backyard.
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00:09:19,039 --> 00:09:22,080
Wait, what?
You burned my signs?
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00:09:22,159 --> 00:09:26,360
It was childish and in social media
fashion, everyone is sorry-ish.
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00:09:26,440 --> 00:09:29,279
Oh, my! Well, then it seems
we've made a terrible error
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00:09:29,360 --> 00:09:33,159
because Amber is even more
powerful than we thought!
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00:09:33,240 --> 00:09:36,159
They've cast a spell
on Velma to defend them!
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00:09:36,240 --> 00:09:37,759
Burn Amber!
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00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:40,759
What? No!
194
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:43,120
No! Stop! You're all in danger.
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00:09:43,200 --> 00:09:45,879
A killer is still out there
targeting your dongs.
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00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:49,720
Exactly.
And that killer is Amber.
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00:09:49,799 --> 00:09:51,639
According to this one commenter,
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witches use penii for
their spells and potions.
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00:09:55,559 --> 00:09:58,919
Now we've got Amber outnumbered
so they don't scare us.
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00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:02,919
In fact, men, let's show
everyone how brave we are!
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00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:06,840
Stand up to the witches!
Remove your britches!
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00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:13,399
You'll get my cold dead genitals
when you pry them from my hand!
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00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:17,279
- I think you said that wrong.
- I assure you, I did not!
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00:10:17,360 --> 00:10:19,080
They're not going to listen
to us, Velma!
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00:10:19,159 --> 00:10:21,399
I know. But there is someone
they will listen to.
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00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:22,720
Sophie, I need a ride.
207
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:29,559
Grandma?
What's going on?
208
00:10:29,639 --> 00:10:31,840
You're alive?
And is Grandma what I call you?
209
00:10:31,919 --> 00:10:35,840
No. Dr. Perdue will suffice.
Now, how did you find me?
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00:10:35,919 --> 00:10:37,639
Your mother
nor father are that smart.
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00:10:37,720 --> 00:10:40,919
Our biology teacher,
Gavin Swendig had a staff list.
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00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:43,519
Norville rearranged
the letters of Dr. Dane Dupree,
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00:10:43,600 --> 00:10:44,759
which, honestly,
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00:10:44,840 --> 00:10:47,279
for somebody who's supposedly
brilliant, seems a little lazy.
215
00:10:47,360 --> 00:10:50,159
I had Rhonda do it.
Shame on me, right?
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00:10:50,240 --> 00:10:52,039
But Gavin is
one of those dead men.
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00:10:52,120 --> 00:10:54,440
Why is he looking for me?
Tell me about it.
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00:10:54,519 --> 00:10:56,519
We're not telling you anything
until you explain
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00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:58,320
how you've secretly
been alive for 30 years!
220
00:10:58,399 --> 00:11:00,320
Norville, I understand
your frustration.
221
00:11:00,399 --> 00:11:02,039
But telling anyone was too risky.
222
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,600
The military is still after me
for hiding my journals
223
00:11:04,679 --> 00:11:06,679
and abandoning Project SCOOBI.
224
00:11:06,759 --> 00:11:09,679
And God help us
if they ever found this!
225
00:11:20,639 --> 00:11:23,240
That's why there's no
eating on the floor, Rhonda.
226
00:11:23,320 --> 00:11:24,320
I'm sorry.
227
00:11:25,399 --> 00:11:27,360
You think I can
talk the mob down?
228
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:29,519
I mean, I could try,
but I usually just incite them.
229
00:11:29,600 --> 00:11:31,720
I know, but Merle
listened to you earlier.
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00:11:31,799 --> 00:11:35,200
And mobs just want easy answers
in a scary, complex world.
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00:11:35,279 --> 00:11:38,039
Believing in the supernatural
allows you to connect with them.
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00:11:38,120 --> 00:11:40,639
On a simpler level
I can't.
233
00:11:40,720 --> 00:11:42,480
Okay, Well, I'll still do it.
234
00:11:42,559 --> 00:11:44,879
But only because I need you
to do something for me.
235
00:11:44,960 --> 00:11:46,440
Or rather, us.
236
00:11:46,519 --> 00:11:49,120
I need you to get me your mom's
ring size without her knowing.
237
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,840
William is proposing?
238
00:11:50,919 --> 00:11:52,559
They've only been dating
for two weeks.
239
00:11:52,639 --> 00:11:55,559
The only question he needs to be
popping is "Are your tubes tied?"
240
00:11:55,639 --> 00:11:57,720
I know, but I've never
seen Father so happy.
241
00:11:57,799 --> 00:12:00,399
So do this for me
or that witch will burn.
242
00:12:01,559 --> 00:12:03,120
I can't tell what's sadder.
243
00:12:03,200 --> 00:12:04,720
That Diya's getting
married before me,
244
00:12:04,799 --> 00:12:06,720
or that all of these
are gold-plated.
245
00:12:06,799 --> 00:12:08,000
Diya getting
married before you.
246
00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:11,000
All right, Fred, you have my mom's ring
size. Now we have to go.
247
00:12:11,080 --> 00:12:13,279
My relationship with Daphne
is already on the rocks.
248
00:12:13,360 --> 00:12:16,720
And if the mob burns Amber, Daphne
might think it's somehow my fault.
249
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:23,080
Now, what we do here
is unorthodox.
250
00:12:23,159 --> 00:12:25,320
So please reserve
all judgment until the end.
251
00:12:26,759 --> 00:12:29,080
Oh, God!
You're a monster.
252
00:12:29,159 --> 00:12:31,120
Coconut seltzer?
253
00:12:31,200 --> 00:12:32,320
Sorry, wrong door.
254
00:12:32,399 --> 00:12:35,480
And some people
like the taste of sunscreen.
255
00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:39,039
What? Who do
these brains belong to?
256
00:12:39,120 --> 00:12:40,960
The brave. The curious.
257
00:12:41,039 --> 00:12:43,080
And, of course,
the rich and bored.
258
00:12:43,159 --> 00:12:44,639
That lady brought her cat.
259
00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:50,360
See, while at Project SCOOBI
I made an incredible discovery.
260
00:12:50,440 --> 00:12:53,240
When I placed hardened
soldiers' brains in jars
261
00:12:53,320 --> 00:12:54,879
they discovered
their true selves,
262
00:12:54,960 --> 00:12:57,519
unsullied by outside influences.
263
00:12:57,600 --> 00:13:00,279
After the procedure, now,
knowing who they were,
264
00:13:00,360 --> 00:13:01,679
they all left the military.
265
00:13:01,759 --> 00:13:04,080
One became a teacher,
two got married,
266
00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:08,639
and one walked on his hands because
I put his brain back in upside down.
267
00:13:08,720 --> 00:13:10,720
I have since perfected
the technology,
268
00:13:10,799 --> 00:13:14,039
and now anyone can have their brain
removed to find their true self.
269
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,840
- Rhonda, I told you to get a mat.
- Sorry!
270
00:13:22,919 --> 00:13:25,159
Hold on. You faked your death
271
00:13:25,240 --> 00:13:29,120
and abandoned your family
to create a day spa for brains?
272
00:13:29,200 --> 00:13:33,279
Norville, helping people figure out who
they really are is revolutionary work.
273
00:13:33,360 --> 00:13:37,320
Exactly! And I couldn't contact you
and risk the military finding me.
274
00:13:37,399 --> 00:13:40,919
It takes rigorous screening
before I let anyone in here.
275
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:42,960
I haven't even reached out
to those poor girls
276
00:13:43,039 --> 00:13:46,159
Victoria Jones put in jars, even though
I'm sure they're dying.
277
00:13:46,240 --> 00:13:48,759
What?
The Brains are dying?
278
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,600
Mom, you have to convince them
I'm not evil!
279
00:13:53,679 --> 00:13:55,600
Read them one of my poems!
280
00:13:55,679 --> 00:13:57,000
Which one? "Love Unites"?
281
00:13:57,919 --> 00:14:02,799
Or "I'll do anything to stay a witch
forever parentheses mwah-ha-ha"?
282
00:14:02,879 --> 00:14:03,919
Mom!
283
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,039
Oh, no! We're too late!
What do we do?
284
00:14:07,120 --> 00:14:09,399
Nothing if you want to stay alive!
285
00:14:09,480 --> 00:14:10,759
But Amber didn't do this.
286
00:14:10,840 --> 00:14:13,279
The only thing they're guilty of
is thinking they could replace me
287
00:14:13,360 --> 00:14:15,320
as the driving force
in Daphne's life.
288
00:14:15,399 --> 00:14:17,840
Yeah, I know that, Velma.
I've always known that.
289
00:14:17,919 --> 00:14:20,679
I've just been using this
to help my sheriff campaign.
290
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:23,159
I didn't think they'd
actually try to burn them.
291
00:14:23,240 --> 00:14:25,919
But now anyone who tries
to talk sense to the mob
292
00:14:26,279 --> 00:14:27,960
will be burned with a witch!
293
00:14:28,039 --> 00:14:31,039
You know, the thin crust
actually has fewer carbs
294
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:33,440
than this gross
cauliflower crust.
295
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,799
No!
Cauliflower must be healthier!
296
00:14:36,879 --> 00:14:39,759
Wait, you're right. As Americans,
we'd rather destroy anyone
297
00:14:39,840 --> 00:14:42,200
who points out our delusions
than admit we might be wrong.
298
00:14:42,279 --> 00:14:45,200
- Amber's gonna burn.
- Not on my watch, they aren't!
299
00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:49,399
Untie that witch!
300
00:14:51,519 --> 00:14:53,039
Never mind! As you were!
301
00:14:53,120 --> 00:14:54,519
William, what
were you thinking?
302
00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:55,799
That witch can't die!
303
00:14:55,879 --> 00:14:58,480
Diya found out I was gonna
propose and said no.
304
00:14:58,559 --> 00:15:02,039
So now I need Amber
to cast a love spell on her.
305
00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:04,279
Damn it, Velma!
I knew you'd ruin the secret.
306
00:15:04,360 --> 00:15:06,360
Just when you think
the day can't get worse.
307
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:07,559
It wasn't Velma.
308
00:15:07,639 --> 00:15:09,960
I figured it out because
Aman posted this.
309
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:14,279
TFW You're not paying
alimony anymore? #freedom
310
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:17,799
#never making
that mistake again? Aman!
311
00:15:17,879 --> 00:15:19,399
All right!
312
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:21,480
Yeah! Get him, Sophie!
313
00:15:21,559 --> 00:15:25,559
If Aman hadn't posted that,
I'd be proposing on my yacht right now.
314
00:15:25,639 --> 00:15:28,320
Diya's only way home
would be to say yes or swim.
315
00:15:28,399 --> 00:15:30,639
Wait. And if I hadn't posted
that picture of Amber
316
00:15:30,720 --> 00:15:33,159
and the dead coroners,
the mob wouldn't be here.
317
00:15:33,240 --> 00:15:35,200
Holy crap, I think I know
how to save Amber!
318
00:15:35,279 --> 00:15:38,279
Even more guns?
Wondered when you'd get there.
319
00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:40,919
The only thing Americans hate more
than being told they're wrong,
320
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,840
is learning they've been lied to.
321
00:15:42,919 --> 00:15:44,519
If the mob is looking for blood...
322
00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:46,720
Then we just gotta give
them some red meat!
323
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:51,080
Concerned people
of Crystal Cove!
324
00:15:51,159 --> 00:15:53,840
All this is because you saw a post!
325
00:15:53,919 --> 00:15:59,080
So I ask, is the problem
witches or elites
326
00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:02,639
using big tech to manipulate
your feeling on witches?
327
00:16:02,720 --> 00:16:05,320
Are you pawns?
Or are you men?
328
00:16:05,399 --> 00:16:08,600
And women whose motives I can't
totally wrap my head around.
329
00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:13,080
Exactly!
Then let this witch go
330
00:16:13,159 --> 00:16:17,679
and turn your anger to the force
that bewitched your minds.
331
00:16:17,759 --> 00:16:20,399
- Social media!
- Velma!
332
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:22,480
Fine! A pox on you all!
333
00:16:22,559 --> 00:16:25,279
Help! Mom get Dad,
he's a lawyer!
334
00:16:25,360 --> 00:16:27,799
Maybe the threat of a lawsuit
will get them to release me.
335
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:30,799
You said you didn't want
to get married.
336
00:16:30,879 --> 00:16:33,440
I remember because that's the moment
I fell in love with you.
337
00:16:33,519 --> 00:16:35,159
That was before we had a child!
338
00:16:35,240 --> 00:16:38,320
And even though Diya was missing,
you were still married to her.
339
00:16:38,399 --> 00:16:39,879
But now you're not.
340
00:16:39,960 --> 00:16:42,960
And I've worked hard to turn
our den of sin into a home,
341
00:16:43,039 --> 00:16:44,919
hoping we could
make it official.
342
00:16:45,000 --> 00:16:46,960
Wait. That's why
you redid the garden?
343
00:16:47,039 --> 00:16:49,279
I just thought you were bored
like every other gardener.
344
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:52,879
It's a metaphor.
I want to grow something together.
345
00:16:52,960 --> 00:16:56,279
How am I supposed to figure
that out from flowers?
346
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:01,480
Aman! What are you doing?
347
00:17:01,559 --> 00:17:04,599
Butt out! And don't
stand in my flowers!
348
00:17:04,680 --> 00:17:06,359
Or do. I don't care anymore!
349
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,720
Velma! What can I do
that doesn't involve
350
00:17:09,799 --> 00:17:11,920
me confronting anyone
who might hurt me?
351
00:17:12,000 --> 00:17:14,960
Maybe you and your dad
can just pay them to leave.
352
00:17:15,039 --> 00:17:17,119
Like when a CEO
messes up real bad.
353
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:18,680
What? I didn't hear you!
354
00:17:18,759 --> 00:17:21,839
I'm telling you to shut down
the will of the people with money.
355
00:17:21,920 --> 00:17:23,599
It's every rich person's dream.
356
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:24,920
Dad, are you
getting any of that?
357
00:17:25,000 --> 00:17:27,839
It's just like the squeak
of a balloon deflating.
358
00:17:27,920 --> 00:17:29,559
Velma, that won't work!
359
00:17:29,640 --> 00:17:32,160
I've been around William enough
to learn that rich people can't hear you
360
00:17:32,240 --> 00:17:34,119
when you tell them
how to spend their money!
361
00:17:34,200 --> 00:17:36,119
It has to be their idea. Watch!
362
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,240
William, look,
I really like you.
363
00:17:39,319 --> 00:17:41,720
- But it's too soon to get married.
- I agree.
364
00:17:41,799 --> 00:17:43,920
But if you're not locked down,
you can just leave.
365
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:47,200
That gives you too much power.
My friends at the club will laugh.
366
00:17:47,279 --> 00:17:51,079
But a real relationship isn't about
power, and locking people down.
367
00:17:51,160 --> 00:17:53,200
It's about caring and respect.
368
00:17:54,519 --> 00:17:57,680
You are truly the most remarkable
woman I've ever known.
369
00:17:57,759 --> 00:17:59,359
I would do anything for you.
370
00:17:59,440 --> 00:18:02,960
Then please, pay these people
to leave Velma alone.
371
00:18:03,039 --> 00:18:04,440
I'm sorry.
Did you say something?
372
00:18:04,519 --> 00:18:06,079
Mom! They lit the fire!
373
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:09,039
Hey, no one roasts
my daughter but me!
374
00:18:13,279 --> 00:18:14,920
Now, why'd you go and do that?
375
00:18:17,559 --> 00:18:20,279
Help!
376
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:21,960
The Brains can't die!
377
00:18:22,039 --> 00:18:25,039
They were about to start internships
as buoys in the marina.
378
00:18:25,119 --> 00:18:27,519
- How do we save them?
- Well, it's fairly simple.
379
00:18:27,599 --> 00:18:30,759
I just need to change the solution
in their jars as soon as possible.
380
00:18:30,839 --> 00:18:32,799
Wait, that's it?
Great! Let's go!
381
00:18:32,880 --> 00:18:35,599
Ow, I thought you were
asking hypothetically.
382
00:18:35,680 --> 00:18:38,319
See, that's how I would save them
if I could leave the asylum.
383
00:18:38,400 --> 00:18:40,720
But I can't. No one
outside of this place
384
00:18:40,799 --> 00:18:43,759
can know I'm alive
or the military might find me.
385
00:18:48,559 --> 00:18:50,079
I've had it with you, Grandma!
386
00:18:50,160 --> 00:18:53,279
It's bad enough you think your work
is more important than your family,
387
00:18:53,359 --> 00:18:56,160
but you also think it's more
important than saving lives?
388
00:18:56,240 --> 00:18:59,240
- Yes! Perfectly summarized.
- Hold on.
389
00:18:59,319 --> 00:19:03,400
What if you went
to the Brains in my body?
390
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,400
This is all my fault, Mom.
391
00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:11,839
I'm worse at social media than a fast
food company during Pride month.
392
00:19:11,920 --> 00:19:15,359
You can't win. Being bad at social
media makes people insecure,
393
00:19:15,440 --> 00:19:16,759
and so does being good at it.
394
00:19:16,839 --> 00:19:19,200
At least that's what I tell myself
when someone unfollows me.
395
00:19:19,279 --> 00:19:21,119
No, wait, Mom,
that's the answer.
396
00:19:21,200 --> 00:19:24,359
Fear and insecurity created the mob,
which means it can destroy it.
397
00:19:24,839 --> 00:19:27,839
All I have to do is exploit
the biggest insecurity of all.
398
00:19:27,920 --> 00:19:30,000
Or should I say, smallest.
399
00:19:30,799 --> 00:19:33,119
I'm gonna post some altered
photos of Sheriff Cogburn,
400
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:35,200
Mr. S, and the coroners.
401
00:19:35,279 --> 00:19:38,279
Just prey the "bulge" setting
on Olive's butt enlarging app works.
402
00:19:38,359 --> 00:19:39,519
And post!
403
00:19:43,319 --> 00:19:45,839
- Velma, you're brilliant!
- What did you post?
404
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:50,559
- Do you not follow me?
- I do. My battery died.
405
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:52,680
Velma, is this post true?
406
00:19:52,759 --> 00:19:54,759
That all the victims
were better endowed
407
00:19:54,839 --> 00:19:57,160
than a public
broadcasting service?
408
00:19:57,240 --> 00:19:59,640
Yes. Sorry, we didn't
mention that earlier.
409
00:19:59,720 --> 00:20:02,519
The killer is only
targeting men with huge dongs.
410
00:20:02,599 --> 00:20:06,240
So if you don't have a huge dong,
stay here as long as you want.
411
00:20:06,319 --> 00:20:09,039
You're fine. Everyone will just
know you have a small dong.
412
00:20:09,119 --> 00:20:10,640
Yeah, I see.
413
00:20:11,279 --> 00:20:13,759
Well, the rest of you
fellas are probably safe.
414
00:20:13,839 --> 00:20:15,359
But I should head inside.
415
00:20:15,440 --> 00:20:17,920
I have to go feed mine
so it don't attack me.
416
00:20:18,000 --> 00:20:21,680
All this rampaging and having
a big penis hurts my back.
417
00:20:21,759 --> 00:20:22,960
You did it, Velma!
418
00:20:23,039 --> 00:20:25,799
You used social media
to actually do a good thing.
419
00:20:25,880 --> 00:20:28,400
Maybe I'm finally starting
to figure it out.
420
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:30,440
In fact, I've heard selfies
perform better
421
00:20:30,519 --> 00:20:32,359
when you take your glasses off.
422
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,359
You're suggesting my grandma
do a reverse Get Out?
423
00:20:42,440 --> 00:20:44,119
That movie is a modern classic,
424
00:20:44,200 --> 00:20:46,079
I don't think Jordan Peele
needs our take on it.
425
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:49,359
But it's the only way to save Lola
and the rest of the Brains.
426
00:20:49,440 --> 00:20:51,440
Not to mention
being a brain in a jar
427
00:20:51,519 --> 00:20:54,480
sounds like it's exactly what
I need to figure out who I am.
428
00:20:54,559 --> 00:20:57,559
She should use my body instead.
My granny, my choice.
429
00:20:57,640 --> 00:21:00,359
And for that reason,
I say, "Hell, naw."
430
00:21:00,440 --> 00:21:02,400
Because you couldn't live with
yourself if something bad happened
431
00:21:02,480 --> 00:21:03,680
to your flesh and blood?
432
00:21:03,759 --> 00:21:06,160
How dare you?
The procedure is foolproof.
433
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:09,880
I just don't want to touch your penis
when I have to pee. It's weird.
434
00:21:09,960 --> 00:21:13,119
But then again, putting my brain
in the body of a young Asian woman,
435
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:15,079
could raise some
thorny questions.
436
00:21:15,160 --> 00:21:18,759
Agreed. So let's stay off social media
and handle it respectfully.
437
00:21:18,839 --> 00:21:20,759
And go save those Brains!
438
00:21:28,319 --> 00:21:32,079
Help us! Or at least toss out a s'more
so I can die happy!
439
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:35,839
- Oh, no!
- It's Arizona all over again.
440
00:21:44,279 --> 00:21:47,400
- Dad, you saved us!
- No, this wasn't about you.
441
00:21:47,480 --> 00:21:50,720
I was putting out the fire before
the heat wilted Sophie's flowers.
442
00:21:50,799 --> 00:21:53,200
- You were?
- Yes. I know I'm not perfect.
443
00:21:53,279 --> 00:21:55,519
But I always protect
what's important to me.
444
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:00,759
Amber, I'm sorry.
445
00:22:00,839 --> 00:22:02,720
I shouldn't have jumped
to any conclusions.
446
00:22:02,799 --> 00:22:03,960
Or posted that picture.
447
00:22:04,039 --> 00:22:06,200
Or bought 50,000 followers
to repost it.
448
00:22:06,279 --> 00:22:08,440
It's honestly not okay,
but according to my rune stones,
449
00:22:08,519 --> 00:22:10,160
you'll get what's coming
to you soon enough.
450
00:22:10,240 --> 00:22:13,480
The good news is that we'll be able
to focus all of our attention
451
00:22:13,559 --> 00:22:15,599
on catching
the actual serial killer
452
00:22:15,680 --> 00:22:18,680
as soon as we're elected
co-sheriffs tomorrow.
453
00:22:18,759 --> 00:22:22,480
This is gonna sound insane, but voters
are actually responding negatively
454
00:22:22,559 --> 00:22:24,880
to the fact that Merle
tried to burn women alive.
455
00:22:24,960 --> 00:22:28,359
Well, if that doesn't merit a post,
I don't know what does.
456
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:34,720
What?
457
00:22:34,799 --> 00:22:37,880
What do you mean you liked,
then unliked Velma's post?
458
00:22:37,960 --> 00:22:39,440
Oh, God,
I just did it again.
459
00:22:39,519 --> 00:22:41,400
I told you
to stay off social media.
460
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:58,079
So teens, my point is,
Jesus only had 12 followers
461
00:22:58,160 --> 00:23:00,279
and he still went viral.
462
00:23:00,359 --> 00:23:03,559
LOL,
Lord of Light.
463
00:23:04,839 --> 00:23:07,400
No, fuck me. It was dark.
36970
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