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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,369 --> 00:00:04,236 - Hey, ma. - Hello, dear. 2 00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:06,271 - Whatcha doin' there? 3 00:00:06,273 --> 00:00:07,506 - Oh, this? 4 00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:10,309 This is called "polishing silver." 5 00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,680 - Yeah, I know that. 6 00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:16,615 It's just that we don't often see your silver. 7 00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:19,251 - Please, stop hinting, debra. 8 00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:21,020 The silver's going to robbie. 9 00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:24,256 It's already in the will. - Okay. 10 00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:26,425 - What's this, for lee and stan's anniversary party? 11 00:00:26,427 --> 00:00:28,193 - Their 45th. 12 00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:31,196 They're our dearest friends, but I have to tell you, 13 00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:34,533 I never thought they'd last this long. 14 00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,035 - Where you goin', robert? 15 00:00:36,037 --> 00:00:37,369 - What's goin' on in there? 16 00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:38,670 - Oh, robbie's helping your father 17 00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:40,806 Write a funny speech for lee and stan. 18 00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:42,641 - Get back here! We're not done! 19 00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:45,077 - Oh, we're done, old man! 20 00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:47,312 - Fine, fine! 21 00:00:47,314 --> 00:00:50,115 I don't need your help anymore! 22 00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:52,584 Marie, I'm not doing the stupid speech. 23 00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:55,821 - It's the one thing you have to do for the party! 24 00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:58,824 - Well, now the one thing I have to do is eat shrimp. 25 00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:00,759 - You have to write something. 26 00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:02,661 They're our dearest friends. 27 00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:03,695 - To hell with them. 28 00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:06,298 - Oh, you're impossible! 29 00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:07,599 Would you talk to him? 30 00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:10,302 He has to write something. Otherwise-- 31 00:01:14,374 --> 00:01:16,141 Raymond... 32 00:01:16,143 --> 00:01:17,776 - Ma, don't even think of it. 33 00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:19,178 - Raymond... 34 00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:21,313 - Back! Back! Back! 35 00:01:23,116 --> 00:01:25,384 - Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh. Read the will. 36 00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:32,658 - You can do it, raymond. 37 00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:35,094 You can do lee and stan's tribute! 38 00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:37,596 no, I can't! 39 00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,465 - They'll be so thrilled! 40 00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,500 - Ma, please, I hardly know 'em. 41 00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:44,336 - Raymond, they're our dearest friends. 42 00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:46,205 - No! No! No! 43 00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:48,474 - We're practically related. You lived at their house! 44 00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:49,842 - What? 45 00:01:49,844 --> 00:01:52,277 - When your father and I went to atlantic city. 46 00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:53,345 - That was a weekend. 47 00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:54,346 - It was a long weekend. 48 00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:55,747 - You said it. 49 00:01:57,517 --> 00:01:59,885 - Oh, raymond, you'll be wonderful. 50 00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:01,887 - Ma, ma, I spend all day trying to write my column. 51 00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:04,523 I don't have time to come up with an anniversary speech. 52 00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:05,891 - It's not a speech. 53 00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:07,426 It was a speech when your father was doing it, 54 00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:08,594 'cause that's all he could handle. 55 00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:11,663 But you... You can do anything! 56 00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:16,168 - Not anything. In fact, nothing. 57 00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:17,436 - Maybe you could do, like, 58 00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:19,638 An interpretive dance or something. 59 00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:22,808 - You could do a thing where you shut it! 60 00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:24,776 - Hey, listen, ray, whatever you do, 61 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:26,345 Try to mention that my name is debra. 62 00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:27,880 Lee keeps calling me donna. 63 00:02:27,882 --> 00:02:30,349 - Are you helping me? 64 00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,217 - This has to be special, 65 00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:34,653 'cause it's the evening's entertainment. 66 00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:37,456 So I want you to feel free to get creative. 67 00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:39,691 - I'd like to feel free to not do this! 68 00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:41,260 I'm not good at this stuff! 69 00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:42,561 - Oh... 70 00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:46,698 You're a witty and charming boy. 71 00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,934 Why don't you do a funny poem? 72 00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:51,904 - A poem? No! No way, no! 73 00:02:51,906 --> 00:02:54,907 - You don't want to disappoint everyone, raymond. 74 00:02:54,909 --> 00:02:57,176 - Yeah! You can't help out? 75 00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:05,617 - Oh... 76 00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:09,855 Your mother thinks I am a moron. 77 00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,390 I agree to help her 78 00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,192 And heat up some things for the party tomorrow. 79 00:03:13,194 --> 00:03:14,860 Listen to her directions for me: 80 00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:17,329 "debra, these are mini quiches," 81 00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:21,800 Then in parentheses, "french cheese pies." 82 00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:24,269 "put in the oven tomorrow at 6:00 p.M." 83 00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:26,705 "p.M." is underlined. 84 00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,207 - So what? It's not that bad. 85 00:03:28,209 --> 00:03:29,441 - Oh, no? Listen to this: 86 00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:33,378 "caution--oven gets hot." 87 00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:37,749 - Hey, deb. - Hey, robert. 88 00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:40,319 - What's up, shakespeare? 89 00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:41,853 - Shut up! 90 00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:44,489 - How goeth it? 91 00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:45,824 - I don't know. Here, look at this. 92 00:03:47,994 --> 00:03:50,596 - "it's no wonder stan was attracted to lee. 93 00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:53,732 He's an accountant, so he appreciates good figures." 94 00:03:56,769 --> 00:03:58,937 What are you saying? 95 00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:01,573 That lee has a good figure? 96 00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,376 Have you seen lee? 97 00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,411 - Stop it! I know, all right? 98 00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:07,512 It's not funny. 99 00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:09,014 These people are not funny. 100 00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:12,484 They play cards and walk around the mall for exercise. 101 00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:14,286 They're boring people. 102 00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:16,021 - Yeah, too bad it's not ma and dad's anniversary. 103 00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:18,690 Then you'd have material! - Oh! 104 00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:21,026 You know what I was thinkin' of the other day? 105 00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:24,463 Remember the time mom sewed his fly shut? 106 00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:27,699 - What? When was this? 107 00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,334 - Yeah, we were in high school, 108 00:04:29,336 --> 00:04:30,702 And she was sick of him sittin' on the couch 109 00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:33,739 All open and unzipped. 110 00:04:33,741 --> 00:04:35,374 - Yeah, it didn't work, though. 111 00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:36,742 He'd just come home, whip off his pants, 112 00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:40,345 And hang 'em on the front doorknob. 113 00:04:40,347 --> 00:04:41,713 - Then he'd come in the house. 114 00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:46,685 - Hey, you know what? 115 00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:48,654 That's what you should do, stuff about your parents. 116 00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:50,555 - It's lee and stan's thing. 117 00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:54,026 - I know, but you could do, like, a marriage comparison, 118 00:04:54,028 --> 00:04:55,560 You know, where lee and stan 119 00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:57,396 Are a classic, successful marriage, 120 00:04:57,398 --> 00:04:58,930 And your parents are... 121 00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:01,967 Less classical. 122 00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:03,502 - That's true. 123 00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:04,870 I would love to be able to bring up the time 124 00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:08,373 They drove a car through the living room wall. 125 00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:09,841 - Yeah, as opposed to lee and stan, 126 00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,610 Who prefer to ring the doorbell. 127 00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:17,582 That's good. - Yeah. 128 00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:18,917 - Yeah. 129 00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:21,019 Or...Or how 'bout the time my father 130 00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:24,423 Accidentally gave out condoms for Halloween? 131 00:05:26,693 --> 00:05:29,628 - How 'bout the time that they fought for a week 132 00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:33,398 Because they were literally comparing apples and oranges? 133 00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,367 - Right...Right! 134 00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:36,902 I remember that. I had to vote! 135 00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:38,470 - Yeah. 136 00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:39,805 That's good. 137 00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:41,340 - Hey, this is pretty good stuff. 138 00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:42,641 Maybe we should do it. 139 00:05:42,643 --> 00:05:44,042 You and me, we could do, like, a skit. 140 00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:45,610 - Yeah, sure, I'll do it with you. 141 00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:47,412 - Whoa, wait a minute. Wait a minute. 142 00:05:47,414 --> 00:05:49,781 You cannot do that. 143 00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:51,083 - What? Yeah, sure we can. 144 00:05:51,085 --> 00:05:53,018 You can be lee and my mom, 145 00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,653 And I'll be stan and my dad. 146 00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:56,555 - Oh, that would be hilarious. - Yeah. 147 00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:58,457 What else we got on 'em, like the pants thing? 148 00:05:58,459 --> 00:05:59,825 - Oh, no, no, no. 149 00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:00,892 Look, when I said that, I wasn't serious. 150 00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:02,527 Count me out. 151 00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:03,995 - All right, you're out. So how should we do it? 152 00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:08,133 - Now--now, look. Look. 153 00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:10,502 Really--let me tell you something, ray. 154 00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:13,071 This stuff is not funny. 155 00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:14,606 - What? You were just laughin'. 156 00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:16,508 - Yeah, but that was behind their backs. 157 00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:19,778 This would be in front of their faces 158 00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:21,380 With all their friends watching. 159 00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:23,081 - Yeah, see, that's right, their friends, 160 00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:25,784 So everybody would know we were just kiddin' around. 161 00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:27,152 - Yeah. - No. 162 00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:28,420 I'm telling you, you shouldn't do this. 163 00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:29,688 It would just humiliate them, 164 00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:32,124 And your children will be watching! 165 00:06:32,126 --> 00:06:33,725 - The kids are gonna be at a sleepover, 166 00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,027 And mom and dad are unhumiliatable. 167 00:06:38,631 --> 00:06:41,099 - I'm telling you, this is very risky. 168 00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:42,868 - No...It's funny. 169 00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:44,636 I think it's funny. Isn't it funny? 170 00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:47,606 I thought it was funny. 171 00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:49,508 - Ah, maybe we shouldn't do it. 172 00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:50,909 - Hey, you know what I always like? 173 00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,577 A good song parody. 174 00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:54,913 - A song parody? Like what? 175 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,648 - How 'bout something like... 176 00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:01,853 Lee and stan have been married 45 years 177 00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:05,424 Lee and stan have been married 45 years 178 00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:07,426 Oh, they like to play canasta 179 00:07:07,428 --> 00:07:09,127 And take walks around the malls 180 00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:15,133 And why not? It's marvelous exercise 181 00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:22,941 - I think the skit is funny. 182 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,209 - We're gonna do a skit. We're gonna do a skit. 183 00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:26,445 - So okay, I'll be your mom... 184 00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:34,953 - Okay, wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. - And finally... 185 00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:38,056 This is how lee and stan might visit someone's home. 186 00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,659 Ding-dong! 187 00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,661 Hello! Thank you for inviting us. 188 00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,796 - Oh, stan, isn't this a lovely house? 189 00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:47,532 - It certainly is, and you are lovely too, lee. 190 00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:50,235 - Oh, thank you, stan. I love you. 191 00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:53,171 - And I love you, lee. 192 00:07:54,841 --> 00:07:56,241 Now... 193 00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:57,943 Let's take a look at how frank and marie 194 00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:01,146 Might visit someone's home, shall we? 195 00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:05,550 - Do you think raymond is home? 196 00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:06,551 - Let's find out. 197 00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:08,520 Ba-boom! 198 00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:13,692 - Hello, dears. 199 00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:15,794 - Make me somethin' to eat! 200 00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:17,128 - Don't mind me. 201 00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:19,865 I'll just be going through your mail. 202 00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:22,167 - And I'll just be watching your television. 203 00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:37,649 - Oh, frank, zip up your pants! 204 00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:40,552 - Zip up your mouth! 205 00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:43,288 - Oh, my god, look what they leave lying around, 206 00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:45,991 The "sports illustrated" swimsuit issue. 207 00:08:45,993 --> 00:08:50,061 - Holy crap! Give me that! 208 00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,664 - Frank, you know that's not what real women look like. 209 00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:55,534 - No kidding. 210 00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:57,769 - And just what magazine are you in, frank, 211 00:08:57,771 --> 00:08:59,871 "bald and gassy"? 212 00:09:01,073 --> 00:09:02,307 - Hey, my problem is, 213 00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:05,610 I got a lifetime subscription to you! 214 00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:07,946 - And I can cancel it at any time! 215 00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:09,648 - Make me somethin' to eat! 216 00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:11,283 - Make it yourself! 217 00:09:11,285 --> 00:09:14,953 - If I could make it myself, you'd be out on the curb! 218 00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:17,055 - You'd love that, wouldn't you? 219 00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,323 - I think we'd both love it. 220 00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:20,158 And you know what else we both love? 221 00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:23,562 Lee and stan! Happy anniversary! 222 00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:26,598 - Oh, that's great. 223 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,900 That was so funny. 224 00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,769 Thank you so much! 225 00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:32,837 I was crying, laughing. 226 00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:34,272 Have you ever seen anything like that? 227 00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:36,641 - It's better than broadway. 228 00:09:36,643 --> 00:09:39,277 - I didn't like it. Too much lee and stan. 229 00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:42,280 - That was wonderful! 230 00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:44,916 I liked when you called him "bald and gassy." 231 00:09:46,285 --> 00:09:50,355 - I knew him when he was just gassy. 232 00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:52,591 - Look who's talking! 233 00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:55,260 - I said to frank, "that's you to a 't'!" 234 00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:56,928 - You had this one down perfectly. 235 00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,763 I was petrified! 236 00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:01,766 - Well, we're glad you could enjoy it. 237 00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:04,736 - Better than broadway. 238 00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:06,838 - Thank you. - Thanks. 239 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,306 - All right. - Let's get a drink. 240 00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:10,275 - All right. Now we can enjoy ourselves. 241 00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,043 - Well, raymond, it's official: 242 00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:15,647 They love you no matter what you do. 243 00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:17,248 - No matter what I do? 244 00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:20,986 You mean like provide crowd-pleasing entertainment? 245 00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:24,022 - It just should be noted that everybody was drunk. 246 00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:27,993 - Drunk with laughter. 247 00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:29,227 - Oh, my, my, my. 248 00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,795 You know, I expect that from raymond 249 00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,230 But not from you, debra. 250 00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:34,165 I'm very disappointed. 251 00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:37,669 - no one's going to listen to robert anymore 252 00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:40,271 No one's going to listen to robert anymore 253 00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:41,873 - All right! 254 00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:43,675 - you were wrong and we were funny 255 00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:47,278 And you can't stand it, honey 256 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,848 Did I mention that you're due back at the zoo? 257 00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:55,887 - Oh, we should have done the song. 258 00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,424 - We could have done the song. 259 00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:01,059 Couldn't have been that song. 260 00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:02,193 - Good-bye, max. 261 00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:04,295 - Thank you, dear. Very nice. 262 00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:07,298 - Thanks for coming, garvin. 263 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:10,735 - Great party! First-class entertainment. 264 00:11:10,737 --> 00:11:13,438 Hey, ray, debra... 265 00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,140 - Hey, thank you, garvin. Thank you. 266 00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:18,743 - Hey, robert, I want to see you in there next time. 267 00:11:18,745 --> 00:11:21,746 You could be, like, a-- a big indian 268 00:11:21,748 --> 00:11:26,751 Or a--or a--a big, funny, galumph-y waiter. 269 00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,389 - Bye! - Bye. 270 00:11:36,228 --> 00:11:37,929 - Never liked that guy. 271 00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:41,232 - Marie, this was terrific. 272 00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:43,401 - Absolutely. Garvin was right. 273 00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:46,271 Your show was top-notch. 274 00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:47,772 - Thanks. Thank you. 275 00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:49,974 - Just remember who got raymond to do it. 276 00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:52,043 - Well, couldn't have done it without debra. 277 00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:54,012 - Well, we had great inspiration. 278 00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:57,215 - She's right. Without us, no show. 279 00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,216 - That's true. 280 00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,285 - You two were so good. 281 00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:02,187 - You know, you and frank better get ready, 282 00:12:02,189 --> 00:12:03,922 Because you might have to do something like that 283 00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:05,023 For their anniversary. 284 00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:08,093 - Oh, that, I'd love to see. 285 00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:09,794 - We wouldn't know what to do. 286 00:12:09,796 --> 00:12:12,063 - Are you kiddin'? It'd be a piece of cake! 287 00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,332 - Oh, yeah? - Give us a little, frank. 288 00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:17,235 - No, no, no. You two just do us some more. 289 00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,837 - No, no. Go ahead. 290 00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:21,139 "no, no. Go ahead." 291 00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:24,409 - That's him! With the nasal voice. 292 00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:26,478 - Yeah, nasal voice, all right. 293 00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:28,012 oh, I hurt my pinkie 294 00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:31,516 When I was typing! 295 00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:35,019 The keys were so hard! 296 00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:37,889 I can't do this anymore! 297 00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:41,059 oh, stop, ray. 298 00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:43,361 I'm trying to heat up soup from a can... 299 00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:52,837 And it's very tricky. 300 00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:58,243 - That's you, donna! 301 00:12:58,245 --> 00:13:02,447 it's debra. 302 00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:06,851 - Who cares? Pay more attention to me! 303 00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:09,554 I'm a needy, whiny baby! 304 00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,089 My pinkie! 305 00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:13,825 Oh! 306 00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,994 - Stop! Stop! 307 00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:27,005 - Ray, you never help me with anything around here. 308 00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:29,240 Idiot. 309 00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,043 - You're so mean to me! 310 00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:34,445 I want my mommy! 311 00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:46,491 - Then go over there, because I'm too busy 312 00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:49,027 To be nice to you. 313 00:13:50,596 --> 00:13:52,163 - That's perfect, 314 00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,465 'cause she's so mean to him, always! 315 00:13:55,935 --> 00:13:57,602 - And he's such a baby! 316 00:13:57,604 --> 00:13:58,603 - I am not! 317 00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:01,606 - See? 318 00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:05,176 - Stop! My stomach! You're killing me! 319 00:14:07,446 --> 00:14:09,047 - More! 320 00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:10,882 Do some more! 321 00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:12,517 - Yeah, you know what? It's gettin' kind of late. 322 00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:15,153 - Yeah, yeah, it is. It really is. 323 00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:17,555 - Hey, hey, dad, do how he has no ass! 324 00:14:27,266 --> 00:14:29,000 - I'm sorry, but that is messed up! 325 00:14:30,302 --> 00:14:32,570 I mean, that is just not funny! 326 00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:34,105 - Why would they do that? 327 00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:35,540 - Why? Because they have no class. 328 00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,342 No class! 329 00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:41,045 - Raymond, you left without saying good-bye to lee and stan. 330 00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:42,380 That was rude. 331 00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,015 - Yeah, where are your manners? 332 00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:45,884 - Me, manners? You, manners! 333 00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:47,118 You were right. You were right, man. 334 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,620 They have no sense of humor. 335 00:14:48,622 --> 00:14:50,321 - I think they're the feel-good hit of the season. 336 00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,557 - What are you talking about, raymond? 337 00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,392 - Oh, come on, ma, you didn't like our skit, 338 00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,261 So you went out of your way to embarrass us. 339 00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:58,196 - We loved your skit. Didn't we, frank? 340 00:14:58,198 --> 00:14:59,964 - Yeah, for those five minutes, 341 00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:03,201 I didn't mind everybody drinkin' my booze. 342 00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:05,169 - Okay, you know, let's just be honest, all right? 343 00:15:05,171 --> 00:15:06,471 We're sorry we made fun of you. 344 00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:08,273 We're sorry we hurt your feelings. 345 00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:10,441 - Hurt our feelings? We were laughing. 346 00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:12,543 Everybody was laughing. 347 00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:14,212 - Well, then why'd you lash out at us? 348 00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:16,981 - What the hell are you talkin' about? 349 00:15:16,983 --> 00:15:19,417 We were bein' funny, just like you. 350 00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,419 - Bein' funny, just like us. 351 00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:24,389 Let me explain something about humor to you people. 352 00:15:33,032 --> 00:15:34,599 Yeah, see? Right there. 353 00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:38,202 That's a perfect example of something that is not funny. 354 00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:39,938 And also ugly. 355 00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:46,344 I think that you need to learn 356 00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:49,647 That usually what makes something funny is its tone, 357 00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:52,183 A light, comic feeling. 358 00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:54,352 That's why people were laughing during our skit: 359 00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:57,121 We had the spirit of fun about us. 360 00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,389 Therefore, the audience was free 361 00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:00,358 To feel comfortable and amused. 362 00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:03,194 - Will this lecture be available on audiocassette? 363 00:16:07,066 --> 00:16:08,366 - I'm telling you, ray, 364 00:16:08,368 --> 00:16:10,501 I heard people laughing at our stuff too. 365 00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:12,403 - Yeah, okay fine, if you want that kind of laugh. 366 00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:13,738 Those were cheap laughs. 367 00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:15,540 - They were? - Of course they were. 368 00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:17,342 Oh, granny said "idiot." 369 00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:18,977 What's clever about that? 370 00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:20,979 - Yeah, and when did I ever do this? 371 00:16:25,084 --> 00:16:26,751 - All right, so let me get this straight: 372 00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,753 It's okay to poke fun at mom and dad, 373 00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:31,089 But you guys are strictly off-limits? 374 00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:33,224 - No, no... 375 00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:36,160 No. 376 00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:37,628 - I mean, come on, robert! 377 00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:39,397 There is a huge difference here! 378 00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:41,432 We had to think up what we were gonna say. 379 00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,101 They were so ready with their attack! 380 00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:44,402 - Yeah, that's right, 381 00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:45,536 Like you practice it in your basement. 382 00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:47,171 - Yeah. 383 00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,307 - Ah...You know, I think what we're seeing here 384 00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:52,076 Is that humor, while so often a tonic, 385 00:16:52,078 --> 00:16:56,481 Can be a poison to those unprepared to take it. 386 00:16:56,483 --> 00:17:00,685 Ah. 387 00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,286 - Yeah, yeah, great. 388 00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:06,391 Why don't you ba-doo-dee-do out of here? 389 00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:08,659 - Okay... 390 00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:10,561 Now, see, a line like that 391 00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:12,397 Just rolls off my back, 392 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:16,701 Whereas if I call you a name like "nosy nosenstein"... 393 00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:22,140 You get your big honker all out of whack. 394 00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:26,077 Beep! Beep! 395 00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:37,188 - Look, our skit was all in fun. 396 00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:39,724 We were even worried about offending you. 397 00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,526 - Why would you be offending us? 398 00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:44,295 - Yeah, you think you're telling us stuff we don't know? 399 00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,831 Marie knows she's a big pain in the ass. 400 00:17:49,535 --> 00:17:52,236 - And frank knows he's a pig with shoes. 401 00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:57,341 - Hey, yeah, I tell you what would have been funny-- 402 00:17:57,343 --> 00:17:58,643 If you had talked about the time 403 00:17:58,645 --> 00:18:00,511 We drove the car through your house. 404 00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,685 - Now, that was hysterical! 405 00:18:09,688 --> 00:18:11,422 - Okay, but-- 406 00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:15,726 You know, I really did hurt my pinkie that time. 407 00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:18,329 - Oh, raymond... 408 00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:20,231 Raymond... 409 00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:22,100 You have to believe me: 410 00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:24,102 We didn't mean to hurt your feelings 411 00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:26,771 With our little imitations. 412 00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:29,674 But now that I know you both are so sensitive, 413 00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:34,612 We will never make those kinds of jokes again. 414 00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,881 All right? 415 00:18:39,384 --> 00:18:41,486 - Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 416 00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:44,422 I mean, you're implying that we can't take a joke. 417 00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:45,857 And of course we can. 418 00:18:45,859 --> 00:18:47,692 - Of course we can. I love to take a joke. 419 00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:50,695 - Yes, now that we know that you were just kidding around, 420 00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:52,163 We are fine. 421 00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:53,731 We laugh at ourselves all the time. 422 00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:55,233 - All the time. We're laughin'. 423 00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:56,901 We're jokin' all the time. 424 00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:58,603 - I mean, everybody knows that he's kind of a whiny baby 425 00:18:58,605 --> 00:18:59,904 Who needs his mommy 426 00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:01,839 And never does anything around the house. 427 00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:03,574 - That's right. That's right. 428 00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:05,376 And you're like an uptight, cranky yell machine. 429 00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:10,515 With stick-out-y ears. 430 00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:11,716 - Yeah, so you see, 431 00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:14,185 We have a perfectly good sense of humor. 432 00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:15,920 - So everybody's okay, then? 433 00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:17,321 Yeah, sure. 434 00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:18,322 - Absolutely. - Are you kidding? 435 00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:21,526 We're fun people! 436 00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:23,394 - Okay, good. - Okay. 437 00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:26,297 - Oh, I'm so relieved. 438 00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:27,832 - Yeah, me too, 439 00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:31,569 'cause there was no way I was gonna stop with the jokes. 440 00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:33,271 - We don't want you to. 441 00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:34,839 - No way. That's what families are all about. 442 00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,440 - Good night. - All right, good night. 443 00:19:36,442 --> 00:19:38,776 - That was fun. 444 00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,244 - Well, you know, I got to tell you, 445 00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:41,879 I really misjudged you guys. 446 00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:44,482 You're much better sports than I gave you credit for. 447 00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:46,417 And your skit was funny too. 448 00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:48,352 - Thanks, robert. - Thanks, man. 449 00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:50,888 - You know, like I always say: 450 00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:52,657 "live, love, laugh." 451 00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:57,328 I'll see you. 452 00:20:03,302 --> 00:20:05,336 - "cranky, uptight yell machine"? 453 00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:08,539 - Hey, whoa! What about you? "whiny baby, needy mommy!" 454 00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,241 - I only say that because it's true! 455 00:20:10,243 --> 00:20:11,642 - Oh, look out. 456 00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:12,810 Don't want to turn on the yell machine, 457 00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:14,512 'cause there's no off switch! 458 00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:16,247 - "mommy! Mommy! Mommy! My wife is being mean to me." 459 00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:18,549 - Meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh, meh! 460 00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,251 - Oh, yeah. That's a good comeback. 461 00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:21,986 - "that's a good comeback." 462 00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:23,454 - Oh, there's another one. - "oh, there's another one." 463 00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,756 - You're an idiot. - Meh, meh, meh! 464 00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:46,310 - 10. 465 00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:50,815 11. 466 00:20:53,619 --> 00:20:55,519 Wait a minute. 467 00:20:55,521 --> 00:20:57,288 There's a teaspoon missing. 468 00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:02,326 There's supposed to be 12 teaspoons. 469 00:21:02,328 --> 00:21:05,596 There's only 11. Ma, what the hell? 470 00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:07,832 - What are you yappin' about? 471 00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:09,533 - There's supposed to be 12 teaspoons. 472 00:21:09,535 --> 00:21:12,336 This is an incomplete set! 473 00:21:12,338 --> 00:21:16,874 - What party are you gonna give with 12 guests? 474 00:21:16,876 --> 00:21:20,745 - A big party, 'cause it'll be the reading of your will! 475 00:21:22,981 --> 00:21:24,482 Maybe it got scraped into the trash can. 476 00:21:24,484 --> 00:21:25,783 Maybe it's in the trash. 477 00:21:49,374 --> 00:21:51,042 That is not funny! 34005

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