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1
00:00:02,369 --> 00:00:04,236
- Hey, ma.
- Hello, dear.
2
00:00:04,238 --> 00:00:06,271
- Whatcha doin' there?
3
00:00:06,273 --> 00:00:07,506
- Oh, this?
4
00:00:07,508 --> 00:00:10,309
This is called
"polishing silver."
5
00:00:12,746 --> 00:00:14,680
- Yeah, I know that.
6
00:00:14,682 --> 00:00:16,615
It's just that we don't
often see your silver.
7
00:00:16,617 --> 00:00:19,251
- Please, stop hinting,
debra.
8
00:00:19,253 --> 00:00:21,020
The silver's
going to robbie.
9
00:00:21,022 --> 00:00:24,256
It's already in the will.
- Okay.
10
00:00:24,258 --> 00:00:26,425
- What's this, for lee
and stan's anniversary party?
11
00:00:26,427 --> 00:00:28,193
- Their 45th.
12
00:00:28,195 --> 00:00:31,196
They're our dearest friends,
but I have to tell you,
13
00:00:31,198 --> 00:00:34,533
I never thought
they'd last this long.
14
00:00:34,535 --> 00:00:36,035
- Where you goin',
robert?
15
00:00:36,037 --> 00:00:37,369
- What's goin' on in there?
16
00:00:37,371 --> 00:00:38,670
- Oh, robbie's
helping your father
17
00:00:38,672 --> 00:00:40,806
Write a funny speech
for lee and stan.
18
00:00:40,808 --> 00:00:42,641
- Get back here!
We're not done!
19
00:00:42,643 --> 00:00:45,077
- Oh, we're done, old man!
20
00:00:45,079 --> 00:00:47,312
- Fine, fine!
21
00:00:47,314 --> 00:00:50,115
I don't need your help
anymore!
22
00:00:50,117 --> 00:00:52,584
Marie, I'm not doing
the stupid speech.
23
00:00:52,586 --> 00:00:55,821
- It's the one thing
you have to do for the party!
24
00:00:55,823 --> 00:00:58,824
- Well, now the one thing
I have to do is eat shrimp.
25
00:00:58,826 --> 00:01:00,759
- You have to write something.
26
00:01:00,761 --> 00:01:02,661
They're our dearest friends.
27
00:01:02,663 --> 00:01:03,695
- To hell with them.
28
00:01:03,697 --> 00:01:06,298
- Oh, you're impossible!
29
00:01:06,300 --> 00:01:07,599
Would you talk to him?
30
00:01:07,601 --> 00:01:10,302
He has to write something.
Otherwise--
31
00:01:14,374 --> 00:01:16,141
Raymond...
32
00:01:16,143 --> 00:01:17,776
- Ma, don't even
think of it.
33
00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:19,178
- Raymond...
34
00:01:19,180 --> 00:01:21,313
- Back! Back! Back!
35
00:01:23,116 --> 00:01:25,384
- Uh-uh-uh-uh-uh-uh.
Read the will.
36
00:01:31,257 --> 00:01:32,658
- You can do it, raymond.
37
00:01:32,660 --> 00:01:35,094
You can do
lee and stan's tribute!
38
00:01:35,096 --> 00:01:37,596
no, I can't!
39
00:01:37,598 --> 00:01:39,465
- They'll be so thrilled!
40
00:01:39,467 --> 00:01:41,500
- Ma, please,
I hardly know 'em.
41
00:01:41,502 --> 00:01:44,336
- Raymond,
they're our dearest friends.
42
00:01:44,338 --> 00:01:46,205
- No! No! No!
43
00:01:46,207 --> 00:01:48,474
- We're practically related.
You lived at their house!
44
00:01:48,476 --> 00:01:49,842
- What?
45
00:01:49,844 --> 00:01:52,277
- When your father and I
went to atlantic city.
46
00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:53,345
- That was a weekend.
47
00:01:53,347 --> 00:01:54,346
- It was a long weekend.
48
00:01:54,348 --> 00:01:55,747
- You said it.
49
00:01:57,517 --> 00:01:59,885
- Oh, raymond,
you'll be wonderful.
50
00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:01,887
- Ma, ma, I spend all day
trying to write my column.
51
00:02:01,889 --> 00:02:04,523
I don't have time to come up
with an anniversary speech.
52
00:02:04,525 --> 00:02:05,891
- It's not a speech.
53
00:02:05,893 --> 00:02:07,426
It was a speech
when your father was doing it,
54
00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:08,594
'cause that's all
he could handle.
55
00:02:08,596 --> 00:02:11,663
But you...
You can do anything!
56
00:02:11,665 --> 00:02:16,168
- Not anything.
In fact, nothing.
57
00:02:16,170 --> 00:02:17,436
- Maybe you could do, like,
58
00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:19,638
An interpretive dance
or something.
59
00:02:19,640 --> 00:02:22,808
- You could do a thing
where you shut it!
60
00:02:22,810 --> 00:02:24,776
- Hey, listen, ray,
whatever you do,
61
00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:26,345
Try to mention
that my name is debra.
62
00:02:26,347 --> 00:02:27,880
Lee keeps calling me donna.
63
00:02:27,882 --> 00:02:30,349
- Are you helping me?
64
00:02:30,351 --> 00:02:32,217
- This has to be special,
65
00:02:32,219 --> 00:02:34,653
'cause it's the evening's
entertainment.
66
00:02:34,655 --> 00:02:37,456
So I want you to feel free
to get creative.
67
00:02:37,458 --> 00:02:39,691
- I'd like to feel free
to not do this!
68
00:02:39,693 --> 00:02:41,260
I'm not good at this stuff!
69
00:02:41,262 --> 00:02:42,561
- Oh...
70
00:02:42,563 --> 00:02:46,698
You're a witty
and charming boy.
71
00:02:46,700 --> 00:02:48,934
Why don't you do
a funny poem?
72
00:02:48,936 --> 00:02:51,904
- A poem?
No! No way, no!
73
00:02:51,906 --> 00:02:54,907
- You don't want
to disappoint everyone, raymond.
74
00:02:54,909 --> 00:02:57,176
- Yeah!
You can't help out?
75
00:03:02,916 --> 00:03:05,617
- Oh...
76
00:03:05,619 --> 00:03:09,855
Your mother
thinks I am a moron.
77
00:03:09,857 --> 00:03:11,390
I agree to help her
78
00:03:11,392 --> 00:03:13,192
And heat up some things
for the party tomorrow.
79
00:03:13,194 --> 00:03:14,860
Listen to her directions
for me:
80
00:03:14,862 --> 00:03:17,329
"debra,
these are mini quiches,"
81
00:03:17,331 --> 00:03:21,800
Then in parentheses,
"french cheese pies."
82
00:03:21,802 --> 00:03:24,269
"put in the oven tomorrow
at 6:00 p.M."
83
00:03:24,271 --> 00:03:26,705
"p.M." is underlined.
84
00:03:26,707 --> 00:03:28,207
- So what?
It's not that bad.
85
00:03:28,209 --> 00:03:29,441
- Oh, no?
Listen to this:
86
00:03:29,443 --> 00:03:33,378
"caution--oven gets hot."
87
00:03:36,249 --> 00:03:37,749
- Hey, deb.
- Hey, robert.
88
00:03:37,751 --> 00:03:40,319
- What's up, shakespeare?
89
00:03:40,321 --> 00:03:41,853
- Shut up!
90
00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:44,489
- How goeth it?
91
00:03:44,491 --> 00:03:45,824
- I don't know.
Here, look at this.
92
00:03:47,994 --> 00:03:50,596
- "it's no wonder
stan was attracted to lee.
93
00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:53,732
He's an accountant,
so he appreciates good figures."
94
00:03:56,769 --> 00:03:58,937
What are you saying?
95
00:03:58,939 --> 00:04:01,573
That lee has a good figure?
96
00:04:01,575 --> 00:04:04,376
Have you seen lee?
97
00:04:04,378 --> 00:04:06,411
- Stop it!
I know, all right?
98
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:07,512
It's not funny.
99
00:04:07,514 --> 00:04:09,014
These people
are not funny.
100
00:04:09,016 --> 00:04:12,484
They play cards and walk
around the mall for exercise.
101
00:04:12,486 --> 00:04:14,286
They're boring people.
102
00:04:14,288 --> 00:04:16,021
- Yeah, too bad it's not
ma and dad's anniversary.
103
00:04:16,023 --> 00:04:18,690
Then you'd have material!
- Oh!
104
00:04:18,692 --> 00:04:21,026
You know what I was thinkin' of
the other day?
105
00:04:21,028 --> 00:04:24,463
Remember the time
mom sewed his fly shut?
106
00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:27,699
- What? When was this?
107
00:04:27,701 --> 00:04:29,334
- Yeah, we were in high school,
108
00:04:29,336 --> 00:04:30,702
And she was sick of him
sittin' on the couch
109
00:04:30,704 --> 00:04:33,739
All open and unzipped.
110
00:04:33,741 --> 00:04:35,374
- Yeah, it didn't work,
though.
111
00:04:35,376 --> 00:04:36,742
He'd just come home,
whip off his pants,
112
00:04:36,744 --> 00:04:40,345
And hang 'em
on the front doorknob.
113
00:04:40,347 --> 00:04:41,713
- Then he'd
come in the house.
114
00:04:44,851 --> 00:04:46,685
- Hey, you know what?
115
00:04:46,687 --> 00:04:48,654
That's what you should do,
stuff about your parents.
116
00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:50,555
- It's lee and stan's thing.
117
00:04:50,557 --> 00:04:54,026
- I know, but you could do,
like, a marriage comparison,
118
00:04:54,028 --> 00:04:55,560
You know,
where lee and stan
119
00:04:55,562 --> 00:04:57,396
Are a classic,
successful marriage,
120
00:04:57,398 --> 00:04:58,930
And your parents are...
121
00:04:58,932 --> 00:05:01,967
Less classical.
122
00:05:01,969 --> 00:05:03,502
- That's true.
123
00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:04,870
I would love to be able
to bring up the time
124
00:05:04,872 --> 00:05:08,373
They drove a car
through the living room wall.
125
00:05:08,375 --> 00:05:09,841
- Yeah, as opposed
to lee and stan,
126
00:05:09,843 --> 00:05:11,610
Who prefer
to ring the doorbell.
127
00:05:14,882 --> 00:05:17,582
That's good.
- Yeah.
128
00:05:17,584 --> 00:05:18,917
- Yeah.
129
00:05:18,919 --> 00:05:21,019
Or...Or how 'bout
the time my father
130
00:05:21,021 --> 00:05:24,423
Accidentally
gave out condoms for Halloween?
131
00:05:26,693 --> 00:05:29,628
- How 'bout the time
that they fought for a week
132
00:05:29,630 --> 00:05:33,398
Because they were literally
comparing apples and oranges?
133
00:05:33,400 --> 00:05:35,367
- Right...Right!
134
00:05:35,369 --> 00:05:36,902
I remember that.
I had to vote!
135
00:05:36,904 --> 00:05:38,470
- Yeah.
136
00:05:38,472 --> 00:05:39,805
That's good.
137
00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:41,340
- Hey, this is
pretty good stuff.
138
00:05:41,342 --> 00:05:42,641
Maybe we should do it.
139
00:05:42,643 --> 00:05:44,042
You and me,
we could do, like, a skit.
140
00:05:44,044 --> 00:05:45,610
- Yeah, sure,
I'll do it with you.
141
00:05:45,612 --> 00:05:47,412
- Whoa, wait a minute.
Wait a minute.
142
00:05:47,414 --> 00:05:49,781
You cannot do that.
143
00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:51,083
- What?
Yeah, sure we can.
144
00:05:51,085 --> 00:05:53,018
You can be lee
and my mom,
145
00:05:53,020 --> 00:05:54,653
And I'll be stan
and my dad.
146
00:05:54,655 --> 00:05:56,555
- Oh, that would be hilarious.
- Yeah.
147
00:05:56,557 --> 00:05:58,457
What else we got on 'em,
like the pants thing?
148
00:05:58,459 --> 00:05:59,825
- Oh, no, no, no.
149
00:05:59,827 --> 00:06:00,892
Look, when I said that,
I wasn't serious.
150
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:02,527
Count me out.
151
00:06:02,529 --> 00:06:03,995
- All right, you're out.
So how should we do it?
152
00:06:06,499 --> 00:06:08,133
- Now--now, look. Look.
153
00:06:08,135 --> 00:06:10,502
Really--let me tell you
something, ray.
154
00:06:10,504 --> 00:06:13,071
This stuff
is not funny.
155
00:06:13,073 --> 00:06:14,606
- What?
You were just laughin'.
156
00:06:14,608 --> 00:06:16,508
- Yeah, but that was
behind their backs.
157
00:06:16,510 --> 00:06:19,778
This would be
in front of their faces
158
00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:21,380
With all their friends
watching.
159
00:06:21,382 --> 00:06:23,081
- Yeah, see, that's right,
their friends,
160
00:06:23,083 --> 00:06:25,784
So everybody would know
we were just kiddin' around.
161
00:06:25,786 --> 00:06:27,152
- Yeah.
- No.
162
00:06:27,154 --> 00:06:28,420
I'm telling you,
you shouldn't do this.
163
00:06:28,422 --> 00:06:29,688
It would just humiliate them,
164
00:06:29,690 --> 00:06:32,124
And your children
will be watching!
165
00:06:32,126 --> 00:06:33,725
- The kids are gonna be
at a sleepover,
166
00:06:33,727 --> 00:06:36,027
And mom and dad
are unhumiliatable.
167
00:06:38,631 --> 00:06:41,099
- I'm telling you,
this is very risky.
168
00:06:41,101 --> 00:06:42,868
- No...It's funny.
169
00:06:42,870 --> 00:06:44,636
I think it's funny.
Isn't it funny?
170
00:06:44,638 --> 00:06:47,606
I thought it was funny.
171
00:06:47,608 --> 00:06:49,508
- Ah, maybe
we shouldn't do it.
172
00:06:49,510 --> 00:06:50,909
- Hey, you know
what I always like?
173
00:06:50,911 --> 00:06:52,577
A good song parody.
174
00:06:52,579 --> 00:06:54,913
- A song parody?
Like what?
175
00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:56,648
- How 'bout something like...
176
00:06:57,951 --> 00:07:01,853
Lee and stan
have been married 45 years
177
00:07:01,855 --> 00:07:05,424
Lee and stan have been married
45 years
178
00:07:05,426 --> 00:07:07,426
Oh, they like
to play canasta
179
00:07:07,428 --> 00:07:09,127
And take walks
around the malls
180
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:15,133
And why not?
It's marvelous exercise
181
00:07:21,174 --> 00:07:22,941
- I think the skit is funny.
182
00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,209
- We're gonna do a skit.
We're gonna do a skit.
183
00:07:24,211 --> 00:07:26,445
- So okay, I'll be your mom...
184
00:07:32,686 --> 00:07:34,953
- Okay, wait. Wait. Wait. Wait.
- And finally...
185
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:38,056
This is how lee and stan
might visit someone's home.
186
00:07:39,459 --> 00:07:40,659
Ding-dong!
187
00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,661
Hello!
Thank you for inviting us.
188
00:07:42,663 --> 00:07:44,796
- Oh, stan,
isn't this a lovely house?
189
00:07:44,798 --> 00:07:47,532
- It certainly is,
and you are lovely too, lee.
190
00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:50,235
- Oh, thank you, stan.
I love you.
191
00:07:50,237 --> 00:07:53,171
- And I love you, lee.
192
00:07:54,841 --> 00:07:56,241
Now...
193
00:07:56,243 --> 00:07:57,943
Let's take a look
at how frank and marie
194
00:07:57,945 --> 00:08:01,146
Might visit someone's home,
shall we?
195
00:08:03,716 --> 00:08:05,550
- Do you think
raymond is home?
196
00:08:05,552 --> 00:08:06,551
- Let's find out.
197
00:08:06,553 --> 00:08:08,520
Ba-boom!
198
00:08:11,891 --> 00:08:13,692
- Hello, dears.
199
00:08:13,694 --> 00:08:15,794
- Make me somethin' to eat!
200
00:08:15,796 --> 00:08:17,128
- Don't mind me.
201
00:08:17,130 --> 00:08:19,865
I'll just be going
through your mail.
202
00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:22,167
- And I'll just be watching
your television.
203
00:08:34,847 --> 00:08:37,649
- Oh, frank,
zip up your pants!
204
00:08:37,651 --> 00:08:40,552
- Zip up your mouth!
205
00:08:40,554 --> 00:08:43,288
- Oh, my god, look
what they leave lying around,
206
00:08:43,290 --> 00:08:45,991
The "sports illustrated"
swimsuit issue.
207
00:08:45,993 --> 00:08:50,061
- Holy crap! Give me that!
208
00:08:50,063 --> 00:08:52,664
- Frank, you know that's not
what real women look like.
209
00:08:52,666 --> 00:08:55,534
- No kidding.
210
00:08:55,536 --> 00:08:57,769
- And just what magazine
are you in, frank,
211
00:08:57,771 --> 00:08:59,871
"bald and gassy"?
212
00:09:01,073 --> 00:09:02,307
- Hey, my problem is,
213
00:09:02,309 --> 00:09:05,610
I got a lifetime subscription
to you!
214
00:09:05,612 --> 00:09:07,946
- And I can cancel it
at any time!
215
00:09:07,948 --> 00:09:09,648
- Make me somethin' to eat!
216
00:09:09,650 --> 00:09:11,283
- Make it yourself!
217
00:09:11,285 --> 00:09:14,953
- If I could make it myself,
you'd be out on the curb!
218
00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:17,055
- You'd love that,
wouldn't you?
219
00:09:17,057 --> 00:09:18,323
- I think we'd both love it.
220
00:09:18,325 --> 00:09:20,158
And you know what else
we both love?
221
00:09:20,160 --> 00:09:23,562
Lee and stan!
Happy anniversary!
222
00:09:23,564 --> 00:09:26,598
- Oh, that's great.
223
00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:28,900
That was so funny.
224
00:09:28,902 --> 00:09:30,769
Thank you so much!
225
00:09:30,771 --> 00:09:32,837
I was crying, laughing.
226
00:09:32,839 --> 00:09:34,272
Have you ever seen
anything like that?
227
00:09:34,274 --> 00:09:36,641
- It's better
than broadway.
228
00:09:36,643 --> 00:09:39,277
- I didn't like it.
Too much lee and stan.
229
00:09:40,847 --> 00:09:42,280
- That was wonderful!
230
00:09:42,282 --> 00:09:44,916
I liked when you called him
"bald and gassy."
231
00:09:46,285 --> 00:09:50,355
- I knew him
when he was just gassy.
232
00:09:50,357 --> 00:09:52,591
- Look who's talking!
233
00:09:52,593 --> 00:09:55,260
- I said to frank,
"that's you to a 't'!"
234
00:09:55,262 --> 00:09:56,928
- You had this one down
perfectly.
235
00:09:56,930 --> 00:09:58,763
I was petrified!
236
00:09:58,765 --> 00:10:01,766
- Well, we're glad
you could enjoy it.
237
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:04,736
- Better than broadway.
238
00:10:04,738 --> 00:10:06,838
- Thank you.
- Thanks.
239
00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:08,306
- All right.
- Let's get a drink.
240
00:10:08,308 --> 00:10:10,275
- All right.
Now we can enjoy ourselves.
241
00:10:10,277 --> 00:10:12,043
- Well, raymond,
it's official:
242
00:10:12,045 --> 00:10:15,647
They love you
no matter what you do.
243
00:10:15,649 --> 00:10:17,248
- No matter what I do?
244
00:10:17,250 --> 00:10:20,986
You mean like provide
crowd-pleasing entertainment?
245
00:10:20,988 --> 00:10:24,022
- It just should be noted
that everybody was drunk.
246
00:10:25,391 --> 00:10:27,993
- Drunk with laughter.
247
00:10:27,995 --> 00:10:29,227
- Oh, my, my, my.
248
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:30,795
You know, I expect that
from raymond
249
00:10:30,797 --> 00:10:32,230
But not from you,
debra.
250
00:10:32,232 --> 00:10:34,165
I'm very disappointed.
251
00:10:34,167 --> 00:10:37,669
- no one's going
to listen to robert anymore
252
00:10:37,671 --> 00:10:40,271
No one's going to listen
to robert anymore
253
00:10:40,273 --> 00:10:41,873
- All right!
254
00:10:41,875 --> 00:10:43,675
- you were wrong
and we were funny
255
00:10:43,677 --> 00:10:47,278
And you can't stand it,
honey
256
00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:49,848
Did I mention that you're
due back at the zoo?
257
00:10:52,853 --> 00:10:55,887
- Oh, we should have done
the song.
258
00:10:57,958 --> 00:10:59,424
- We could have done the song.
259
00:10:59,426 --> 00:11:01,059
Couldn't have been that song.
260
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:02,193
- Good-bye, max.
261
00:11:02,195 --> 00:11:04,295
- Thank you, dear.
Very nice.
262
00:11:05,731 --> 00:11:07,298
- Thanks for coming,
garvin.
263
00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:10,735
- Great party!
First-class entertainment.
264
00:11:10,737 --> 00:11:13,438
Hey, ray, debra...
265
00:11:13,440 --> 00:11:15,140
- Hey, thank you, garvin.
Thank you.
266
00:11:15,142 --> 00:11:18,743
- Hey, robert, I want to see you
in there next time.
267
00:11:18,745 --> 00:11:21,746
You could be, like, a--
a big indian
268
00:11:21,748 --> 00:11:26,751
Or a--or a--a big,
funny, galumph-y waiter.
269
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:31,389
- Bye!
- Bye.
270
00:11:36,228 --> 00:11:37,929
- Never liked that guy.
271
00:11:37,931 --> 00:11:41,232
- Marie,
this was terrific.
272
00:11:41,234 --> 00:11:43,401
- Absolutely.
Garvin was right.
273
00:11:43,403 --> 00:11:46,271
Your show was top-notch.
274
00:11:46,273 --> 00:11:47,772
- Thanks.
Thank you.
275
00:11:47,774 --> 00:11:49,974
- Just remember
who got raymond to do it.
276
00:11:49,976 --> 00:11:52,043
- Well, couldn't have done it
without debra.
277
00:11:52,045 --> 00:11:54,012
- Well, we had
great inspiration.
278
00:11:54,014 --> 00:11:57,215
- She's right.
Without us, no show.
279
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,216
- That's true.
280
00:11:58,218 --> 00:12:00,285
- You two were so good.
281
00:12:00,287 --> 00:12:02,187
- You know, you and frank
better get ready,
282
00:12:02,189 --> 00:12:03,922
Because you might have
to do something like that
283
00:12:03,924 --> 00:12:05,023
For their anniversary.
284
00:12:05,025 --> 00:12:08,093
- Oh, that, I'd love to see.
285
00:12:08,095 --> 00:12:09,794
- We wouldn't know
what to do.
286
00:12:09,796 --> 00:12:12,063
- Are you kiddin'?
It'd be a piece of cake!
287
00:12:12,065 --> 00:12:14,332
- Oh, yeah?
- Give us a little, frank.
288
00:12:14,334 --> 00:12:17,235
- No, no, no.
You two just do us some more.
289
00:12:17,237 --> 00:12:18,837
- No, no. Go ahead.
290
00:12:18,839 --> 00:12:21,139
"no, no. Go ahead."
291
00:12:21,141 --> 00:12:24,409
- That's him!
With the nasal voice.
292
00:12:24,411 --> 00:12:26,478
- Yeah, nasal voice,
all right.
293
00:12:26,480 --> 00:12:28,012
oh, I hurt my pinkie
294
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:31,516
When I was typing!
295
00:12:31,518 --> 00:12:35,019
The keys were so hard!
296
00:12:35,021 --> 00:12:37,889
I can't do this anymore!
297
00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:41,059
oh, stop, ray.
298
00:12:41,061 --> 00:12:43,361
I'm trying to heat up
soup from a can...
299
00:12:49,268 --> 00:12:52,837
And it's very tricky.
300
00:12:56,275 --> 00:12:58,243
- That's you, donna!
301
00:12:58,245 --> 00:13:02,447
it's debra.
302
00:13:02,449 --> 00:13:06,851
- Who cares?
Pay more attention to me!
303
00:13:06,853 --> 00:13:09,554
I'm a needy, whiny baby!
304
00:13:09,556 --> 00:13:11,089
My pinkie!
305
00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:13,825
Oh!
306
00:13:13,827 --> 00:13:15,994
- Stop! Stop!
307
00:13:23,536 --> 00:13:27,005
- Ray, you never help me
with anything around here.
308
00:13:27,007 --> 00:13:29,240
Idiot.
309
00:13:30,810 --> 00:13:32,043
- You're so mean to me!
310
00:13:32,045 --> 00:13:34,445
I want my mommy!
311
00:13:43,924 --> 00:13:46,491
- Then go over there,
because I'm too busy
312
00:13:46,493 --> 00:13:49,027
To be nice to you.
313
00:13:50,596 --> 00:13:52,163
- That's perfect,
314
00:13:52,165 --> 00:13:54,465
'cause she's so mean to him,
always!
315
00:13:55,935 --> 00:13:57,602
- And he's such a baby!
316
00:13:57,604 --> 00:13:58,603
- I am not!
317
00:13:58,605 --> 00:14:01,606
- See?
318
00:14:01,608 --> 00:14:05,176
- Stop! My stomach!
You're killing me!
319
00:14:07,446 --> 00:14:09,047
- More!
320
00:14:09,049 --> 00:14:10,882
Do some more!
321
00:14:10,884 --> 00:14:12,517
- Yeah, you know what?
It's gettin' kind of late.
322
00:14:12,519 --> 00:14:15,153
- Yeah, yeah, it is.
It really is.
323
00:14:15,155 --> 00:14:17,555
- Hey, hey, dad,
do how he has no ass!
324
00:14:27,266 --> 00:14:29,000
- I'm sorry,
but that is messed up!
325
00:14:30,302 --> 00:14:32,570
I mean,
that is just not funny!
326
00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:34,105
- Why would they do that?
327
00:14:34,107 --> 00:14:35,540
- Why?
Because they have no class.
328
00:14:35,542 --> 00:14:37,342
No class!
329
00:14:37,344 --> 00:14:41,045
- Raymond, you left without
saying good-bye to lee and stan.
330
00:14:41,047 --> 00:14:42,380
That was rude.
331
00:14:42,382 --> 00:14:44,015
- Yeah, where are
your manners?
332
00:14:44,017 --> 00:14:45,884
- Me, manners?
You, manners!
333
00:14:45,886 --> 00:14:47,118
You were right.
You were right, man.
334
00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:48,620
They have no sense of humor.
335
00:14:48,622 --> 00:14:50,321
- I think they're
the feel-good hit of the season.
336
00:14:50,323 --> 00:14:52,557
- What are you talking about,
raymond?
337
00:14:52,559 --> 00:14:54,392
- Oh, come on, ma,
you didn't like our skit,
338
00:14:54,394 --> 00:14:56,261
So you went out of your way
to embarrass us.
339
00:14:56,263 --> 00:14:58,196
- We loved your skit.
Didn't we, frank?
340
00:14:58,198 --> 00:14:59,964
- Yeah,
for those five minutes,
341
00:14:59,966 --> 00:15:03,201
I didn't mind everybody
drinkin' my booze.
342
00:15:03,203 --> 00:15:05,169
- Okay, you know,
let's just be honest, all right?
343
00:15:05,171 --> 00:15:06,471
We're sorry
we made fun of you.
344
00:15:06,473 --> 00:15:08,273
We're sorry
we hurt your feelings.
345
00:15:08,275 --> 00:15:10,441
- Hurt our feelings?
We were laughing.
346
00:15:10,443 --> 00:15:12,543
Everybody was laughing.
347
00:15:12,545 --> 00:15:14,212
- Well, then why'd you
lash out at us?
348
00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:16,981
- What the hell
are you talkin' about?
349
00:15:16,983 --> 00:15:19,417
We were bein' funny,
just like you.
350
00:15:19,419 --> 00:15:21,419
- Bein' funny, just like us.
351
00:15:21,421 --> 00:15:24,389
Let me explain something
about humor to you people.
352
00:15:33,032 --> 00:15:34,599
Yeah, see?
Right there.
353
00:15:34,601 --> 00:15:38,202
That's a perfect example
of something that is not funny.
354
00:15:38,204 --> 00:15:39,938
And also ugly.
355
00:15:44,677 --> 00:15:46,344
I think
that you need to learn
356
00:15:46,346 --> 00:15:49,647
That usually what makes
something funny is its tone,
357
00:15:49,649 --> 00:15:52,183
A light, comic feeling.
358
00:15:52,185 --> 00:15:54,352
That's why people were laughing
during our skit:
359
00:15:54,354 --> 00:15:57,121
We had the spirit of fun
about us.
360
00:15:57,123 --> 00:15:58,389
Therefore,
the audience was free
361
00:15:58,391 --> 00:16:00,358
To feel comfortable
and amused.
362
00:16:00,360 --> 00:16:03,194
- Will this lecture be available
on audiocassette?
363
00:16:07,066 --> 00:16:08,366
- I'm telling you, ray,
364
00:16:08,368 --> 00:16:10,501
I heard people laughing
at our stuff too.
365
00:16:10,503 --> 00:16:12,403
- Yeah, okay fine,
if you want that kind of laugh.
366
00:16:12,405 --> 00:16:13,738
Those were cheap laughs.
367
00:16:13,740 --> 00:16:15,540
- They were?
- Of course they were.
368
00:16:15,542 --> 00:16:17,342
Oh, granny said "idiot."
369
00:16:17,344 --> 00:16:18,977
What's clever about that?
370
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:20,979
- Yeah, and when did I
ever do this?
371
00:16:25,084 --> 00:16:26,751
- All right,
so let me get this straight:
372
00:16:26,753 --> 00:16:28,753
It's okay to poke fun
at mom and dad,
373
00:16:28,755 --> 00:16:31,089
But you guys
are strictly off-limits?
374
00:16:31,091 --> 00:16:33,224
- No, no...
375
00:16:33,226 --> 00:16:36,160
No.
376
00:16:36,162 --> 00:16:37,628
- I mean,
come on, robert!
377
00:16:37,630 --> 00:16:39,397
There is a huge
difference here!
378
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:41,432
We had to think up
what we were gonna say.
379
00:16:41,434 --> 00:16:43,101
They were so ready
with their attack!
380
00:16:43,103 --> 00:16:44,402
- Yeah, that's right,
381
00:16:44,404 --> 00:16:45,536
Like you practice it
in your basement.
382
00:16:45,538 --> 00:16:47,171
- Yeah.
383
00:16:47,173 --> 00:16:49,307
- Ah...You know,
I think what we're seeing here
384
00:16:49,309 --> 00:16:52,076
Is that humor,
while so often a tonic,
385
00:16:52,078 --> 00:16:56,481
Can be a poison to those
unprepared to take it.
386
00:16:56,483 --> 00:17:00,685
Ah.
387
00:17:00,687 --> 00:17:02,286
- Yeah, yeah, great.
388
00:17:02,288 --> 00:17:06,391
Why don't you
ba-doo-dee-do out of here?
389
00:17:06,393 --> 00:17:08,659
- Okay...
390
00:17:08,661 --> 00:17:10,561
Now, see,
a line like that
391
00:17:10,563 --> 00:17:12,397
Just rolls off my back,
392
00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:16,701
Whereas if I call you a name
like "nosy nosenstein"...
393
00:17:19,405 --> 00:17:22,140
You get your big honker
all out of whack.
394
00:17:24,376 --> 00:17:26,077
Beep! Beep!
395
00:17:34,420 --> 00:17:37,188
- Look, our skit
was all in fun.
396
00:17:37,190 --> 00:17:39,724
We were even worried
about offending you.
397
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:41,526
- Why would you
be offending us?
398
00:17:41,528 --> 00:17:44,295
- Yeah, you think you're
telling us stuff we don't know?
399
00:17:44,297 --> 00:17:46,831
Marie knows
she's a big pain in the ass.
400
00:17:49,535 --> 00:17:52,236
- And frank knows
he's a pig with shoes.
401
00:17:55,140 --> 00:17:57,341
- Hey, yeah, I tell you
what would have been funny--
402
00:17:57,343 --> 00:17:58,643
If you had talked
about the time
403
00:17:58,645 --> 00:18:00,511
We drove the car
through your house.
404
00:18:05,418 --> 00:18:07,685
- Now, that was hysterical!
405
00:18:09,688 --> 00:18:11,422
- Okay, but--
406
00:18:11,424 --> 00:18:15,726
You know, I really did
hurt my pinkie that time.
407
00:18:15,728 --> 00:18:18,329
- Oh, raymond...
408
00:18:18,331 --> 00:18:20,231
Raymond...
409
00:18:20,233 --> 00:18:22,100
You have to believe me:
410
00:18:22,102 --> 00:18:24,102
We didn't mean
to hurt your feelings
411
00:18:24,104 --> 00:18:26,771
With our little imitations.
412
00:18:26,773 --> 00:18:29,674
But now that I know
you both are so sensitive,
413
00:18:29,676 --> 00:18:34,612
We will never make
those kinds of jokes again.
414
00:18:34,614 --> 00:18:36,881
All right?
415
00:18:39,384 --> 00:18:41,486
- Wait a minute.
Wait a minute. Wait a minute.
416
00:18:41,488 --> 00:18:44,422
I mean, you're implying
that we can't take a joke.
417
00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:45,857
And of course we can.
418
00:18:45,859 --> 00:18:47,692
- Of course we can.
I love to take a joke.
419
00:18:47,694 --> 00:18:50,695
- Yes, now that we know that
you were just kidding around,
420
00:18:50,697 --> 00:18:52,163
We are fine.
421
00:18:52,165 --> 00:18:53,731
We laugh at ourselves
all the time.
422
00:18:53,733 --> 00:18:55,233
- All the time.
We're laughin'.
423
00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:56,901
We're jokin' all the time.
424
00:18:56,903 --> 00:18:58,603
- I mean, everybody knows
that he's kind of a whiny baby
425
00:18:58,605 --> 00:18:59,904
Who needs his mommy
426
00:18:59,906 --> 00:19:01,839
And never does anything
around the house.
427
00:19:01,841 --> 00:19:03,574
- That's right.
That's right.
428
00:19:03,576 --> 00:19:05,376
And you're like an uptight,
cranky yell machine.
429
00:19:06,846 --> 00:19:10,515
With stick-out-y ears.
430
00:19:10,517 --> 00:19:11,716
- Yeah, so you see,
431
00:19:11,718 --> 00:19:14,185
We have a perfectly good
sense of humor.
432
00:19:14,187 --> 00:19:15,920
- So everybody's okay, then?
433
00:19:15,922 --> 00:19:17,321
Yeah, sure.
434
00:19:17,323 --> 00:19:18,322
- Absolutely.
- Are you kidding?
435
00:19:18,324 --> 00:19:21,526
We're fun people!
436
00:19:21,528 --> 00:19:23,394
- Okay, good.
- Okay.
437
00:19:23,396 --> 00:19:26,297
- Oh, I'm so relieved.
438
00:19:26,299 --> 00:19:27,832
- Yeah, me too,
439
00:19:27,834 --> 00:19:31,569
'cause there was no way
I was gonna stop with the jokes.
440
00:19:31,571 --> 00:19:33,271
- We don't want you to.
441
00:19:33,273 --> 00:19:34,839
- No way. That's what families
are all about.
442
00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:36,440
- Good night.
- All right, good night.
443
00:19:36,442 --> 00:19:38,776
- That was fun.
444
00:19:38,778 --> 00:19:40,244
- Well, you know,
I got to tell you,
445
00:19:40,246 --> 00:19:41,879
I really misjudged you guys.
446
00:19:41,881 --> 00:19:44,482
You're much better sports
than I gave you credit for.
447
00:19:44,484 --> 00:19:46,417
And your skit was funny too.
448
00:19:46,419 --> 00:19:48,352
- Thanks, robert.
- Thanks, man.
449
00:19:48,354 --> 00:19:50,888
- You know,
like I always say:
450
00:19:50,890 --> 00:19:52,657
"live, love, laugh."
451
00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:57,328
I'll see you.
452
00:20:03,302 --> 00:20:05,336
- "cranky, uptight
yell machine"?
453
00:20:05,338 --> 00:20:08,539
- Hey, whoa! What about you?
"whiny baby, needy mommy!"
454
00:20:08,541 --> 00:20:10,241
- I only say that
because it's true!
455
00:20:10,243 --> 00:20:11,642
- Oh, look out.
456
00:20:11,644 --> 00:20:12,810
Don't want to turn on
the yell machine,
457
00:20:12,812 --> 00:20:14,512
'cause there's no off switch!
458
00:20:14,514 --> 00:20:16,247
- "mommy! Mommy! Mommy!
My wife is being mean to me."
459
00:20:16,249 --> 00:20:18,549
- Meh, meh, meh, meh,
meh, meh, meh!
460
00:20:18,551 --> 00:20:20,251
- Oh, yeah.
That's a good comeback.
461
00:20:20,253 --> 00:20:21,986
- "that's a good comeback."
462
00:20:21,988 --> 00:20:23,454
- Oh, there's another one.
- "oh, there's another one."
463
00:20:23,456 --> 00:20:25,756
- You're an idiot.
- Meh, meh, meh!
464
00:20:44,743 --> 00:20:46,310
- 10.
465
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:50,815
11.
466
00:20:53,619 --> 00:20:55,519
Wait a minute.
467
00:20:55,521 --> 00:20:57,288
There's a teaspoon missing.
468
00:21:00,592 --> 00:21:02,326
There's supposed to be
12 teaspoons.
469
00:21:02,328 --> 00:21:05,596
There's only 11.
Ma, what the hell?
470
00:21:05,598 --> 00:21:07,832
- What are you yappin' about?
471
00:21:07,834 --> 00:21:09,533
- There's supposed to be
12 teaspoons.
472
00:21:09,535 --> 00:21:12,336
This is an incomplete set!
473
00:21:12,338 --> 00:21:16,874
- What party are you gonna give
with 12 guests?
474
00:21:16,876 --> 00:21:20,745
- A big party, 'cause it'll be
the reading of your will!
475
00:21:22,981 --> 00:21:24,482
Maybe it got scraped
into the trash can.
476
00:21:24,484 --> 00:21:25,783
Maybe it's in the trash.
477
00:21:49,374 --> 00:21:51,042
That is not funny!
34005
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