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1
00:00:07,000 --> 00:00:09,119
My beloved brother passed away.
2
00:00:09,119 --> 00:00:11,679
The two women hoping
to replace him as sheriff,
3
00:00:11,679 --> 00:00:16,199
have outsourced the investigation
of his death to kids!
4
00:00:16,199 --> 00:00:19,719
Which leaves me no choice
but to enter the race myself.
5
00:00:20,120 --> 00:00:22,440
- Amber's doing a seance.
- A seance?
6
00:00:22,440 --> 00:00:25,600
I knew something was up
with those new witchy neighbors.
7
00:00:26,239 --> 00:00:27,800
Dr. Dane Dupree.
8
00:00:29,760 --> 00:00:31,960
Holy crap. Is my grandma alive?
9
00:00:32,960 --> 00:00:36,560
You, of all people, know how much
I've struggled to find the real me.
10
00:00:36,560 --> 00:00:38,359
It's not the unknown
that freaks me out.
11
00:00:38,359 --> 00:00:41,640
It's idiots like you who ignore facts
and science that do.
12
00:00:45,719 --> 00:00:47,280
Daphne, we need to talk.
13
00:00:47,280 --> 00:00:49,719
You've said enough already.
Go away.
14
00:00:49,719 --> 00:00:53,000
So after a huge fight over whether
or not she's a witch,
15
00:00:53,000 --> 00:00:54,520
Daphne isn't talking to me.
16
00:00:54,520 --> 00:00:58,000
She is, however, pointedly
posting a lot on social media.
17
00:00:58,000 --> 00:01:00,000
And her followers
love the new her.
18
00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,520
Sorry, papaya Wiccan Daphne
is done with everything orange.
19
00:01:03,520 --> 00:01:04,959
Michelle Obama liked this?
20
00:01:04,959 --> 00:01:08,200
Worse, I can't clap back
because I'm terrible at social media.
21
00:01:08,640 --> 00:01:12,000
Sorry, Ed, rational-minded
Velma is done with redheads.
22
00:01:13,319 --> 00:01:15,480
Olive suggested baiting Daphne
with a hot pic
23
00:01:15,480 --> 00:01:17,680
using an app she has
to make your butt look bigger.
24
00:01:17,680 --> 00:01:20,760
But when I tried it, I just enraged
the flat-butt community.
25
00:01:22,000 --> 00:01:24,840
To get Daphne's attention,
I need to up my game.
26
00:01:24,840 --> 00:01:27,280
So let's just see how Daphne
feels when she wakes up
27
00:01:27,280 --> 00:01:29,719
to a picture of me
in the school library
28
00:01:29,719 --> 00:01:32,519
reading a book called
How to Find a Better Girlfriend.
29
00:01:32,519 --> 00:01:34,879
If the threat of breaking up
doesn't get her to talk to me,
30
00:01:34,879 --> 00:01:36,159
I don't know what will.
31
00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:48,760
So you, quote,
"found the coroners' bodies
32
00:01:48,760 --> 00:01:53,120
on the pentagram where Amber held
their dumbass seance yesterday"?
33
00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:54,719
This is feeling a little biased.
34
00:01:54,719 --> 00:01:58,359
Biased? This screams "witch" more
than a sexually frustrated pilgrim!
35
00:01:58,359 --> 00:02:00,280
Clearly, Amber's the serial killer.
36
00:02:00,280 --> 00:02:02,879
Even the cameras were disabled
with little pentagrams!
37
00:02:03,519 --> 00:02:08,639
Everyone calm down, Fred Jones,
Spooky Stuff Hunter, is here.
38
00:02:08,639 --> 00:02:12,360
Yeah, I'm still doing that. And from
my readings, witches only kill
39
00:02:12,360 --> 00:02:15,800
when someone tries to eat their house
made of cake and candy.
40
00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:18,039
But look at Daphne!
She's lost her witchy clothes.
41
00:02:18,039 --> 00:02:20,280
Clearly you've realized
you're not actually a witch
42
00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:23,680
and are now distancing yourself from
Amber because you know they did this.
43
00:02:23,680 --> 00:02:27,360
What? No! I just needed
a break from white dresses.
44
00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:29,840
People kept asking if I was
getting adult baptized.
45
00:02:29,840 --> 00:02:33,000
Wait, you're still into witchcraft
even after seeing this?
46
00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,280
Table this, kids.
We have to talk to the press.
47
00:02:35,280 --> 00:02:37,439
They can't get
so much as a whiff of this.
48
00:02:37,439 --> 00:02:38,560
What? No way!
49
00:02:38,560 --> 00:02:41,360
Call me the skunk 'cause
I'm about to spray it everywhere.
50
00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:44,000
Everyone has to know
the danger Amber poses.
51
00:02:44,000 --> 00:02:47,919
Velma, "Dong removing witch"
is literally America's worst nightmare.
52
00:02:47,919 --> 00:02:51,039
People will freak out.
This can't leak until we know more.
53
00:02:56,919 --> 00:03:00,599
I'll be brief. We found the bodies
of two men in their 40s,
54
00:03:00,599 --> 00:03:03,840
or so we assume from
their tribal armband tattoos.
55
00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:06,759
Regardless, we have no cause
of death at this time.
56
00:03:06,759 --> 00:03:10,159
Argh, you don't need a cause of death
to know that this makes
57
00:03:10,159 --> 00:03:13,919
four middle-aged men
killed within the past week!
58
00:03:13,919 --> 00:03:16,639
My vacation shirts
have subtler patterns,
59
00:03:16,639 --> 00:03:19,759
and yet you two still think
you should be sheriff?
60
00:03:19,759 --> 00:03:22,280
Now is not the time
for grandstanding, Merle.
61
00:03:22,280 --> 00:03:25,039
How dare you
accuse me of grandstanding!
62
00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:27,439
I am on a soapbox!
63
00:03:27,439 --> 00:03:30,280
And I, Sheriff candidate
Merle Cogburn,
64
00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:35,039
believe a serial killer
is targeting middle-aged men!
65
00:03:35,960 --> 00:03:38,879
Now who will watch our
World War II documentaries?
66
00:03:38,879 --> 00:03:40,439
Or collect guitars?
67
00:03:40,439 --> 00:03:42,840
Look, we understand
your distress.
68
00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:45,360
But even Velma, who's actually
caught a serial killer,
69
00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:48,000
feels there are no leads
or reasons to panic.
70
00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:49,800
Isn't that right, Velma?
71
00:03:49,800 --> 00:03:51,719
I will be reading
a prepared statement.
72
00:03:51,719 --> 00:03:55,960
Given a lack of evidence, and the fact
we're living in a police state,
73
00:03:55,960 --> 00:03:58,159
it is too soon
to draw any conclusions.
74
00:03:58,159 --> 00:04:01,759
Well, okay, but I see
Fred Jones is also up there.
75
00:04:01,759 --> 00:04:05,800
Are you exploring any
"spooky angles" to this case?
76
00:04:06,360 --> 00:04:09,039
No! I'm here to say I've found
nothing witchy
77
00:04:09,039 --> 00:04:11,039
about the murders at this time.
78
00:04:11,039 --> 00:04:14,039
- You're welcome.
- Why would you say witchy?
79
00:04:14,039 --> 00:04:17,519
Is there reason to believe
the serial killer is a witch?
80
00:04:18,279 --> 00:04:19,920
This press conference is over.
81
00:04:20,319 --> 00:04:22,639
Daphne, where are you going?
We need to talk.
82
00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:29,839
Please be the serial
killer and not Velma.
83
00:04:29,839 --> 00:04:31,879
- Daphne?
- Norville? What are you doing here?
84
00:04:31,879 --> 00:04:35,519
I was saying goodbye
to the trash.
85
00:04:35,519 --> 00:04:38,360
I'll never see it again.
Well, anyway, my car's here.
86
00:04:38,360 --> 00:04:39,680
I'm heading home.
87
00:04:39,680 --> 00:04:42,360
The Norville Rogers I'm picking up
is going
88
00:04:42,360 --> 00:04:44,560
to the Crystal Cove Insane Asylum.
89
00:04:44,560 --> 00:04:47,519
- What?
- Daphne, please stop ignoring me.
90
00:04:47,519 --> 00:04:48,800
I'm your girlfriend.
91
00:04:48,800 --> 00:04:51,319
And we just need to talk about Amber
until you admit I'm right!
92
00:04:51,319 --> 00:04:52,519
Go!
93
00:04:54,439 --> 00:04:56,639
You think your
grandmother is alive?
94
00:04:56,639 --> 00:04:59,319
Dane Dupree is an anagram
for Edna Perdue.
95
00:04:59,319 --> 00:05:02,160
So either yes, she's alive,
or I'm about to meet
96
00:05:02,160 --> 00:05:03,639
a delightful southern restaurateur.
97
00:05:03,639 --> 00:05:05,439
Okay, well, can I tag along?
98
00:05:05,439 --> 00:05:08,839
After the seance and these new
murders I am not ready to deal
99
00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:12,199
with Velma's endless, "I told you
so's" about embracing witchcraft.
100
00:05:12,199 --> 00:05:14,040
Sure, but Velma's not wrong.
101
00:05:14,040 --> 00:05:16,519
You ditching your
witchy clothes is suspicious.
102
00:05:16,519 --> 00:05:18,360
Do you think
Amber's a serial killer?
103
00:05:18,360 --> 00:05:21,120
No, it's just that
after that failed seance,
104
00:05:21,120 --> 00:05:24,160
I don't feel like I'm a witch
or a popular girl.
105
00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:26,879
- I don't know who I am.
- We're girlfriends!
106
00:05:26,879 --> 00:05:30,040
That's the only identity either of us
needs! Come back!
107
00:05:34,160 --> 00:05:36,240
Velma, thank God I found you.
108
00:05:36,240 --> 00:05:39,279
I have your room now, girl, dog.
109
00:05:39,279 --> 00:05:40,439
You stopped me for that?
110
00:05:40,439 --> 00:05:42,839
Daphne was about to admit
the error of her ways.
111
00:05:42,839 --> 00:05:45,279
Okay, but I have to show you
something at home.
112
00:05:45,279 --> 00:05:46,800
I think it has to do
with the murders.
113
00:05:48,439 --> 00:05:50,800
Whoa! Look at all those rings.
114
00:05:50,800 --> 00:05:53,879
Did you finally win your land war
with the South African diamond miners?
115
00:05:53,879 --> 00:05:57,399
No, hearing about the murders
made me realize life is short.
116
00:05:57,399 --> 00:05:59,639
And when you're rich and find
someone you care about,
117
00:05:59,639 --> 00:06:01,560
you lock them down ASAP.
118
00:06:01,560 --> 00:06:04,040
So you have legal leverage
if they ever want to leave you.
119
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:06,560
You're proposing to Diya?
I'll kill you!
120
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:11,040
Hold on. That's weird 'cause I don't
think I'm actually angry.
121
00:06:11,040 --> 00:06:13,560
Is this what
emotional growth feels like?
122
00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:14,680
I wouldn't know,
123
00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:17,319
but this is gonna be the best thing
that's ever happened to us.
124
00:06:17,319 --> 00:06:19,759
And Diya. She's a middle-aged
single woman.
125
00:06:19,759 --> 00:06:21,800
I believe
they turn those into glue.
126
00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:23,959
But I want the proposal
to be a surprise.
127
00:06:23,959 --> 00:06:27,079
So I need you to secretly
find her ring size.
128
00:06:27,079 --> 00:06:28,839
I will not let you down.
129
00:06:28,839 --> 00:06:31,839
Unless, as Diya
is about to say, I do.
130
00:06:32,879 --> 00:06:35,000
- It's stuck, isn't it?
- Yup.
131
00:06:39,600 --> 00:06:41,680
Damn, Sophie, since when
did you get into gardening?
132
00:06:41,680 --> 00:06:43,240
And tell me this isn't organic.
133
00:06:43,240 --> 00:06:45,120
I need all the growth hormones
I can get.
134
00:06:45,120 --> 00:06:48,759
Sorry, but with your parents' divorce
settled, I feel I can finally nest.
135
00:06:48,759 --> 00:06:50,600
And as I was working
out here last night,
136
00:06:50,600 --> 00:06:54,160
I heard witchy cackling
coming from Daphne's backyard.
137
00:07:00,160 --> 00:07:03,040
That's why Linda and Donna
didn't want me talking to the press.
138
00:07:03,040 --> 00:07:06,800
Not only do they know Amber's the
killer, they're protecting them. Look!
139
00:07:06,800 --> 00:07:09,519
Are their crotches missing?
Did the killer do that?
140
00:07:09,519 --> 00:07:12,240
You need to post that picture
and warn the world about Amber.
141
00:07:12,240 --> 00:07:13,680
Okay, but it won't do any good.
142
00:07:13,680 --> 00:07:17,240
My posts get treated like sensible
tax reform. Mocked and ignored.
143
00:07:17,240 --> 00:07:20,680
That's because teen social media
is about making people horny.
144
00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:23,879
Adult social media is about making
people afraid of their neighbors.
145
00:07:23,879 --> 00:07:25,639
Plus, you've already caught
one serial killer.
146
00:07:25,639 --> 00:07:27,399
People will listen
to you about this!
147
00:07:27,399 --> 00:07:31,199
I'm posting pictures of Amber, their
mom's bookstore and the crime scene.
148
00:07:31,199 --> 00:07:33,279
But I promise you
nothing will happen.
149
00:07:33,959 --> 00:07:36,040
Wow! Look at all those likes.
150
00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:40,120
It feels a little shallow TBH. Wait!
Brain chemistry just changed.
151
00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:41,720
This is the greatest feeling
in the world!
152
00:07:46,040 --> 00:07:48,439
Good morning.
Welcome to Crystal Cove Asylum,
153
00:07:48,439 --> 00:07:51,160
where all of your fantasies
hopefully won't come true.
154
00:07:51,160 --> 00:07:53,920
Yes. Hello. We'd like
to see Dr. Dane Dupree.
155
00:07:53,920 --> 00:07:55,879
Dr. Dane Dupree?
156
00:07:55,879 --> 00:07:59,160
Do you mean, Dr. Dane Perdue?
Wait. No, no, You were right.
157
00:07:59,160 --> 00:08:02,480
It's Dr. Dane Purdoctor, I mean
Edna Purdane, oh boy.
158
00:08:02,480 --> 00:08:04,000
Forget it, Rhonda. You blew it.
159
00:08:04,000 --> 00:08:05,879
- I'll deal with these two.
- Grandma?
160
00:08:10,120 --> 00:08:12,839
Oh, my God, 3,000 likes
and counting!
161
00:08:12,839 --> 00:08:14,920
Any more and I'll have to start
a lifestyle brand.
162
00:08:15,600 --> 00:08:17,240
Velma, what have you done?
163
00:08:17,240 --> 00:08:20,079
What have I done? Men are dead,
and you're protecting Amber
164
00:08:20,079 --> 00:08:22,439
more than parents
who say "boys will be boys".
165
00:08:22,439 --> 00:08:23,920
Amber is going to jail.
166
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:25,199
No, Velma.
167
00:08:25,199 --> 00:08:28,240
Thanks to you, I'm going
to be burned alive!
168
00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:33,519
Bring out the witch!
169
00:08:36,559 --> 00:08:39,399
Don't blame me. If you'd arrested
Amber, we could've avoided this.
170
00:08:39,399 --> 00:08:41,360
There's no time
to point fingers.
171
00:08:41,360 --> 00:08:43,799
Just do something before
that mob... Oh, God!
172
00:08:43,799 --> 00:08:45,440
Tramples my new flowers.
173
00:08:45,440 --> 00:08:47,720
The evidence doesn't
point to Amber, Velma.
174
00:08:47,720 --> 00:08:50,799
They have an alibi.
They were with us all night.
175
00:08:50,799 --> 00:08:52,639
What? Why wouldn't you
just tell me that?
176
00:08:52,639 --> 00:08:54,799
The same reason anyone
keeps anything quiet.
177
00:08:54,799 --> 00:08:56,320
Truth makes us look bad.
178
00:08:57,039 --> 00:08:58,320
Excuse me, everyone.
179
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:01,320
Thank you for forming this angry mob
on such short notice.
180
00:09:02,960 --> 00:09:05,159
Unfortunately,
for the first time ever,
181
00:09:05,159 --> 00:09:07,960
it seems the social media post
was not accurate.
182
00:09:07,960 --> 00:09:09,759
While the murders feel witchy,
183
00:09:09,759 --> 00:09:12,440
new evidence suggests
it was not Amber.
184
00:09:12,440 --> 00:09:16,039
See, with the election coming up,
Amber was helping us all night
185
00:09:16,039 --> 00:09:18,960
by burning Merle's
yard signs in our backyard.
186
00:09:18,960 --> 00:09:22,080
Wait, what?
You burned my signs?
187
00:09:22,080 --> 00:09:26,360
It was childish and in social media
fashion, everyone is sorry-ish.
188
00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:29,279
Oh, my! Well, then it seems
we've made a terrible error
189
00:09:29,279 --> 00:09:33,159
because Amber is even more
powerful than we thought!
190
00:09:33,159 --> 00:09:36,159
They've cast a spell
on Velma to defend them!
191
00:09:36,159 --> 00:09:37,759
Burn Amber!
192
00:09:38,600 --> 00:09:40,759
What? No!
193
00:09:40,759 --> 00:09:43,120
No! Stop! You're all in danger.
194
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:45,879
A killer is still out there
targeting your dongs.
195
00:09:45,879 --> 00:09:49,720
Exactly.
And that killer is Amber.
196
00:09:49,720 --> 00:09:51,639
According to this one commenter,
197
00:09:51,639 --> 00:09:55,480
witches use penii for
their spells and potions.
198
00:09:55,480 --> 00:09:58,919
Now we've got Amber outnumbered
so they don't scare us.
199
00:09:58,919 --> 00:10:02,919
In fact, men, let's show
everyone how brave we are!
200
00:10:03,360 --> 00:10:06,840
Stand up to the witches!
Remove your britches!
201
00:10:08,600 --> 00:10:13,399
You'll get my cold dead genitals
when you pry them from my hand!
202
00:10:14,120 --> 00:10:17,279
- I think you said that wrong.
- I assure you, I did not!
203
00:10:17,279 --> 00:10:19,080
They're not going to listen
to us, Velma!
204
00:10:19,080 --> 00:10:21,399
I know. But there is someone
they will listen to.
205
00:10:21,399 --> 00:10:22,720
Sophie, I need a ride.
206
00:10:27,720 --> 00:10:29,559
Grandma?
What's going on?
207
00:10:29,559 --> 00:10:31,840
You're alive?
And is Grandma what I call you?
208
00:10:31,840 --> 00:10:35,840
No. Dr. Perdue will suffice.
Now, how did you find me?
209
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:37,639
Your mother
nor father are that smart.
210
00:10:37,639 --> 00:10:40,919
Our biology teacher,
Gavin Swendig had a staff list.
211
00:10:40,919 --> 00:10:43,519
Norville rearranged
the letters of Dr. Dane Dupree,
212
00:10:43,519 --> 00:10:44,759
which, honestly,
213
00:10:44,759 --> 00:10:47,279
for somebody who's supposedly
brilliant, seems a little lazy.
214
00:10:47,279 --> 00:10:50,159
I had Rhonda do it.
Shame on me, right?
215
00:10:50,159 --> 00:10:52,039
But Gavin is
one of those dead men.
216
00:10:52,039 --> 00:10:54,440
Why is he looking for me?
Tell me about it.
217
00:10:54,440 --> 00:10:56,519
We're not telling you anything
until you explain
218
00:10:56,519 --> 00:10:58,320
how you've secretly
been alive for 30 years!
219
00:10:58,320 --> 00:11:00,320
Norville, I understand
your frustration.
220
00:11:00,320 --> 00:11:02,039
But telling anyone was too risky.
221
00:11:02,039 --> 00:11:04,600
The military is still after me
for hiding my journals
222
00:11:04,600 --> 00:11:06,679
and abandoning Project SCOOBI.
223
00:11:06,679 --> 00:11:09,679
And God help us
if they ever found this!
224
00:11:20,639 --> 00:11:23,240
That's why there's no
eating on the floor, Rhonda.
225
00:11:23,240 --> 00:11:24,320
I'm sorry.
226
00:11:25,399 --> 00:11:27,360
You think I can
talk the mob down?
227
00:11:27,360 --> 00:11:29,519
I mean, I could try,
but I usually just incite them.
228
00:11:29,519 --> 00:11:31,720
I know, but Merle
listened to you earlier.
229
00:11:31,720 --> 00:11:35,200
And mobs just want easy answers
in a scary, complex world.
230
00:11:35,200 --> 00:11:38,039
Believing in the supernatural
allows you to connect with them.
231
00:11:38,039 --> 00:11:40,639
On a simpler level
I can't.
232
00:11:40,639 --> 00:11:42,480
Okay, Well, I'll still do it.
233
00:11:42,480 --> 00:11:44,879
But only because I need you
to do something for me.
234
00:11:44,879 --> 00:11:46,440
Or rather, us.
235
00:11:46,440 --> 00:11:49,120
I need you to get me your mom's
ring size without her knowing.
236
00:11:49,120 --> 00:11:50,840
William is proposing?
237
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:52,559
They've only been dating
for two weeks.
238
00:11:52,559 --> 00:11:55,559
The only question he needs to be
popping is "Are your tubes tied?"
239
00:11:55,559 --> 00:11:57,720
I know, but I've never
seen Father so happy.
240
00:11:57,720 --> 00:12:00,399
So do this for me
or that witch will burn.
241
00:12:01,559 --> 00:12:03,120
I can't tell what's sadder.
242
00:12:03,120 --> 00:12:04,720
That Diya's getting
married before me,
243
00:12:04,720 --> 00:12:06,720
or that all of these
are gold-plated.
244
00:12:06,720 --> 00:12:08,000
Diya getting
married before you.
245
00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:11,000
All right, Fred, you have my mom's ring
size. Now we have to go.
246
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:13,279
My relationship with Daphne
is already on the rocks.
247
00:12:13,279 --> 00:12:16,720
And if the mob burns Amber, Daphne
might think it's somehow my fault.
248
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:23,080
Now, what we do here
is unorthodox.
249
00:12:23,080 --> 00:12:25,320
So please reserve
all judgment until the end.
250
00:12:26,759 --> 00:12:29,080
Oh, God!
You're a monster.
251
00:12:29,080 --> 00:12:31,120
Coconut seltzer?
252
00:12:31,120 --> 00:12:32,320
Sorry, wrong door.
253
00:12:32,320 --> 00:12:35,480
And some people
like the taste of sunscreen.
254
00:12:36,559 --> 00:12:39,039
What? Who do
these brains belong to?
255
00:12:39,039 --> 00:12:40,960
The brave. The curious.
256
00:12:40,960 --> 00:12:43,080
And, of course,
the rich and bored.
257
00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:44,639
That lady brought her cat.
258
00:12:46,799 --> 00:12:50,360
See, while at Project SCOOBI
I made an incredible discovery.
259
00:12:50,360 --> 00:12:53,240
When I placed hardened
soldiers' brains in jars
260
00:12:53,240 --> 00:12:54,879
they discovered
their true selves,
261
00:12:54,879 --> 00:12:57,519
unsullied by outside influences.
262
00:12:57,519 --> 00:13:00,279
After the procedure, now,
knowing who they were,
263
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:01,679
they all left the military.
264
00:13:01,679 --> 00:13:04,080
One became a teacher,
two got married,
265
00:13:04,080 --> 00:13:08,639
and one walked on his hands because
I put his brain back in upside down.
266
00:13:08,639 --> 00:13:10,720
I have since perfected
the technology,
267
00:13:10,720 --> 00:13:14,039
and now anyone can have their brain
removed to find their true self.
268
00:13:20,200 --> 00:13:22,840
- Rhonda, I told you to get a mat.
- Sorry!
269
00:13:22,840 --> 00:13:25,159
Hold on. You faked your death
270
00:13:25,159 --> 00:13:29,120
and abandoned your family
to create a day spa for brains?
271
00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:33,279
Norville, helping people figure out who
they really are is revolutionary work.
272
00:13:33,279 --> 00:13:37,320
Exactly! And I couldn't contact you
and risk the military finding me.
273
00:13:37,320 --> 00:13:40,919
It takes rigorous screening
before I let anyone in here.
274
00:13:40,919 --> 00:13:42,960
I haven't even reached out
to those poor girls
275
00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:46,159
Victoria Jones put in jars, even though
I'm sure they're dying.
276
00:13:46,159 --> 00:13:48,759
What?
The Brains are dying?
277
00:13:50,480 --> 00:13:53,600
Mom, you have to convince them
I'm not evil!
278
00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,600
Read them one of my poems!
279
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:57,000
Which one? "Love Unites"?
280
00:13:57,919 --> 00:14:02,799
Or "I'll do anything to stay a witch
forever parentheses mwah-ha-ha"?
281
00:14:02,799 --> 00:14:03,919
Mom!
282
00:14:05,000 --> 00:14:07,039
Oh, no! We're too late!
What do we do?
283
00:14:07,039 --> 00:14:09,399
Nothing if you want to stay alive!
284
00:14:09,399 --> 00:14:10,759
But Amber didn't do this.
285
00:14:10,759 --> 00:14:13,279
The only thing they're guilty of
is thinking they could replace me
286
00:14:13,279 --> 00:14:15,320
as the driving force
in Daphne's life.
287
00:14:15,320 --> 00:14:17,840
Yeah, I know that, Velma.
I've always known that.
288
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:20,679
I've just been using this
to help my sheriff campaign.
289
00:14:21,120 --> 00:14:23,159
I didn't think they'd
actually try to burn them.
290
00:14:23,159 --> 00:14:25,919
But now anyone who tries
to talk sense to the mob
291
00:14:26,279 --> 00:14:27,960
will be burned with a witch!
292
00:14:27,960 --> 00:14:31,039
You know, the thin crust
actually has fewer carbs
293
00:14:31,039 --> 00:14:33,440
than this gross
cauliflower crust.
294
00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,799
No!
Cauliflower must be healthier!
295
00:14:36,799 --> 00:14:39,759
Wait, you're right. As Americans,
we'd rather destroy anyone
296
00:14:39,759 --> 00:14:42,200
who points out our delusions
than admit we might be wrong.
297
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:45,200
- Amber's gonna burn.
- Not on my watch, they aren't!
298
00:14:47,799 --> 00:14:49,399
Untie that witch!
299
00:14:51,519 --> 00:14:53,039
Never mind! As you were!
300
00:14:53,039 --> 00:14:54,519
William, what
were you thinking?
301
00:14:54,519 --> 00:14:55,799
That witch can't die!
302
00:14:55,799 --> 00:14:58,480
Diya found out I was gonna
propose and said no.
303
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:02,039
So now I need Amber
to cast a love spell on her.
304
00:15:02,039 --> 00:15:04,279
Damn it, Velma!
I knew you'd ruin the secret.
305
00:15:04,279 --> 00:15:06,360
Just when you think
the day can't get worse.
306
00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:07,559
It wasn't Velma.
307
00:15:07,559 --> 00:15:09,960
I figured it out because
Aman posted this.
308
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:14,279
TFW You're not paying
alimony anymore? #freedom
309
00:15:14,279 --> 00:15:17,799
#never making
that mistake again? Aman!
310
00:15:17,799 --> 00:15:19,399
All right!
311
00:15:19,399 --> 00:15:21,480
Yeah! Get him, Sophie!
312
00:15:21,480 --> 00:15:25,559
If Aman hadn't posted that,
I'd be proposing on my yacht right now.
313
00:15:25,559 --> 00:15:28,320
Diya's only way home
would be to say yes or swim.
314
00:15:28,320 --> 00:15:30,639
Wait. And if I hadn't posted
that picture of Amber
315
00:15:30,639 --> 00:15:33,159
and the dead coroners,
the mob wouldn't be here.
316
00:15:33,159 --> 00:15:35,200
Holy crap, I think I know
how to save Amber!
317
00:15:35,200 --> 00:15:38,279
Even more guns?
Wondered when you'd get there.
318
00:15:38,279 --> 00:15:40,919
The only thing Americans hate more
than being told they're wrong,
319
00:15:40,919 --> 00:15:42,840
is learning they've been lied to.
320
00:15:42,840 --> 00:15:44,519
If the mob is looking for blood...
321
00:15:44,519 --> 00:15:46,720
Then we just gotta give
them some red meat!
322
00:15:48,440 --> 00:15:51,080
Concerned people
of Crystal Cove!
323
00:15:51,080 --> 00:15:53,840
All this is because you saw a post!
324
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:59,080
So I ask, is the problem
witches or elites
325
00:15:59,080 --> 00:16:02,639
using big tech to manipulate
your feeling on witches?
326
00:16:02,639 --> 00:16:05,320
Are you pawns?
Or are you men?
327
00:16:05,320 --> 00:16:08,600
And women whose motives I can't
totally wrap my head around.
328
00:16:10,360 --> 00:16:13,080
Exactly!
Then let this witch go
329
00:16:13,080 --> 00:16:17,679
and turn your anger to the force
that bewitched your minds.
330
00:16:17,679 --> 00:16:20,399
- Social media!
- Velma!
331
00:16:20,399 --> 00:16:22,480
Fine! A pox on you all!
332
00:16:22,480 --> 00:16:25,279
Help! Mom get Dad,
he's a lawyer!
333
00:16:25,279 --> 00:16:27,799
Maybe the threat of a lawsuit
will get them to release me.
334
00:16:29,360 --> 00:16:30,799
You said you didn't want
to get married.
335
00:16:30,799 --> 00:16:33,440
I remember because that's the moment
I fell in love with you.
336
00:16:33,440 --> 00:16:35,159
That was before we had a child!
337
00:16:35,159 --> 00:16:38,320
And even though Diya was missing,
you were still married to her.
338
00:16:38,320 --> 00:16:39,879
But now you're not.
339
00:16:39,879 --> 00:16:42,960
And I've worked hard to turn
our den of sin into a home,
340
00:16:42,960 --> 00:16:44,919
hoping we could
make it official.
341
00:16:44,919 --> 00:16:46,960
Wait. That's why
you redid the garden?
342
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,279
I just thought you were bored
like every other gardener.
343
00:16:49,279 --> 00:16:52,879
It's a metaphor.
I want to grow something together.
344
00:16:52,879 --> 00:16:56,279
How am I supposed to figure
that out from flowers?
345
00:16:59,480 --> 00:17:01,480
Aman! What are you doing?
346
00:17:01,480 --> 00:17:04,599
Butt out! And don't
stand in my flowers!
347
00:17:04,599 --> 00:17:06,359
Or do. I don't care anymore!
348
00:17:07,200 --> 00:17:09,720
Velma! What can I do
that doesn't involve
349
00:17:09,720 --> 00:17:11,920
me confronting anyone
who might hurt me?
350
00:17:11,920 --> 00:17:14,960
Maybe you and your dad
can just pay them to leave.
351
00:17:14,960 --> 00:17:17,119
Like when a CEO
messes up real bad.
352
00:17:17,119 --> 00:17:18,680
What? I didn't hear you!
353
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:21,839
I'm telling you to shut down
the will of the people with money.
354
00:17:21,839 --> 00:17:23,599
It's every rich person's dream.
355
00:17:23,599 --> 00:17:24,920
Dad, are you
getting any of that?
356
00:17:24,920 --> 00:17:27,839
It's just like the squeak
of a balloon deflating.
357
00:17:27,839 --> 00:17:29,559
Velma, that won't work!
358
00:17:29,559 --> 00:17:32,160
I've been around William enough
to learn that rich people can't hear you
359
00:17:32,160 --> 00:17:34,119
when you tell them
how to spend their money!
360
00:17:34,119 --> 00:17:36,119
It has to be their idea. Watch!
361
00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,240
William, look,
I really like you.
362
00:17:39,240 --> 00:17:41,720
- But it's too soon to get married.
- I agree.
363
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:43,920
But if you're not locked down,
you can just leave.
364
00:17:43,920 --> 00:17:47,200
That gives you too much power.
My friends at the club will laugh.
365
00:17:47,200 --> 00:17:51,079
But a real relationship isn't about
power, and locking people down.
366
00:17:51,079 --> 00:17:53,200
It's about caring and respect.
367
00:17:54,519 --> 00:17:57,680
You are truly the most remarkable
woman I've ever known.
368
00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,359
I would do anything for you.
369
00:17:59,359 --> 00:18:02,960
Then please, pay these people
to leave Velma alone.
370
00:18:02,960 --> 00:18:04,440
I'm sorry.
Did you say something?
371
00:18:04,440 --> 00:18:06,079
Mom! They lit the fire!
372
00:18:06,079 --> 00:18:09,039
Hey, no one roasts
my daughter but me!
373
00:18:13,279 --> 00:18:14,920
Now, why'd you go and do that?
374
00:18:17,559 --> 00:18:20,279
Help!
375
00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:21,960
The Brains can't die!
376
00:18:21,960 --> 00:18:25,039
They were about to start internships
as buoys in the marina.
377
00:18:25,039 --> 00:18:27,519
- How do we save them?
- Well, it's fairly simple.
378
00:18:27,519 --> 00:18:30,759
I just need to change the solution
in their jars as soon as possible.
379
00:18:30,759 --> 00:18:32,799
Wait, that's it?
Great! Let's go!
380
00:18:32,799 --> 00:18:35,599
Ow, I thought you were
asking hypothetically.
381
00:18:35,599 --> 00:18:38,319
See, that's how I would save them
if I could leave the asylum.
382
00:18:38,319 --> 00:18:40,720
But I can't. No one
outside of this place
383
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:43,759
can know I'm alive
or the military might find me.
384
00:18:48,559 --> 00:18:50,079
I've had it with you, Grandma!
385
00:18:50,079 --> 00:18:53,279
It's bad enough you think your work
is more important than your family,
386
00:18:53,279 --> 00:18:56,160
but you also think it's more
important than saving lives?
387
00:18:56,160 --> 00:18:59,240
- Yes! Perfectly summarized.
- Hold on.
388
00:18:59,240 --> 00:19:03,400
What if you went
to the Brains in my body?
389
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,400
This is all my fault, Mom.
390
00:19:08,400 --> 00:19:11,839
I'm worse at social media than a fast
food company during Pride month.
391
00:19:11,839 --> 00:19:15,359
You can't win. Being bad at social
media makes people insecure,
392
00:19:15,359 --> 00:19:16,759
and so does being good at it.
393
00:19:16,759 --> 00:19:19,200
At least that's what I tell myself
when someone unfollows me.
394
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:21,119
No, wait, Mom,
that's the answer.
395
00:19:21,119 --> 00:19:24,359
Fear and insecurity created the mob,
which means it can destroy it.
396
00:19:24,839 --> 00:19:27,839
All I have to do is exploit
the biggest insecurity of all.
397
00:19:27,839 --> 00:19:30,000
Or should I say, smallest.
398
00:19:30,799 --> 00:19:33,119
I'm gonna post some altered
photos of Sheriff Cogburn,
399
00:19:33,119 --> 00:19:35,200
Mr. S, and the coroners.
400
00:19:35,200 --> 00:19:38,279
Just prey the "bulge" setting
on Olive's butt enlarging app works.
401
00:19:38,279 --> 00:19:39,519
And post!
402
00:19:43,319 --> 00:19:45,839
- Velma, you're brilliant!
- What did you post?
403
00:19:45,839 --> 00:19:50,559
- Do you not follow me?
- I do. My battery died.
404
00:19:50,559 --> 00:19:52,680
Velma, is this post true?
405
00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:54,759
That all the victims
were better endowed
406
00:19:54,759 --> 00:19:57,160
than a public
broadcasting service?
407
00:19:57,160 --> 00:19:59,640
Yes. Sorry, we didn't
mention that earlier.
408
00:19:59,640 --> 00:20:02,519
The killer is only
targeting men with huge dongs.
409
00:20:02,519 --> 00:20:06,240
So if you don't have a huge dong,
stay here as long as you want.
410
00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:09,039
You're fine. Everyone will just
know you have a small dong.
411
00:20:09,039 --> 00:20:10,640
Yeah, I see.
412
00:20:11,279 --> 00:20:13,759
Well, the rest of you
fellas are probably safe.
413
00:20:13,759 --> 00:20:15,359
But I should head inside.
414
00:20:15,359 --> 00:20:17,920
I have to go feed mine
so it don't attack me.
415
00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:21,680
All this rampaging and having
a big penis hurts my back.
416
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:22,960
You did it, Velma!
417
00:20:22,960 --> 00:20:25,799
You used social media
to actually do a good thing.
418
00:20:25,799 --> 00:20:28,400
Maybe I'm finally starting
to figure it out.
419
00:20:28,400 --> 00:20:30,440
In fact, I've heard selfies
perform better
420
00:20:30,440 --> 00:20:32,359
when you take your glasses off.
421
00:20:39,400 --> 00:20:42,359
You're suggesting my grandma
do a reverse Get Out?
422
00:20:42,359 --> 00:20:44,119
That movie is a modern classic,
423
00:20:44,119 --> 00:20:46,079
I don't think Jordan Peele
needs our take on it.
424
00:20:46,079 --> 00:20:49,359
But it's the only way to save Lola
and the rest of the Brains.
425
00:20:49,359 --> 00:20:51,440
Not to mention
being a brain in a jar
426
00:20:51,440 --> 00:20:54,480
sounds like it's exactly what
I need to figure out who I am.
427
00:20:54,480 --> 00:20:57,559
She should use my body instead.
My granny, my choice.
428
00:20:57,559 --> 00:21:00,359
And for that reason,
I say, "Hell, naw."
429
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:02,400
Because you couldn't live with
yourself if something bad happened
430
00:21:02,400 --> 00:21:03,680
to your flesh and blood?
431
00:21:03,680 --> 00:21:06,160
How dare you?
The procedure is foolproof.
432
00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:09,880
I just don't want to touch your penis
when I have to pee. It's weird.
433
00:21:09,880 --> 00:21:13,119
But then again, putting my brain
in the body of a young Asian woman,
434
00:21:13,119 --> 00:21:15,079
could raise some
thorny questions.
435
00:21:15,079 --> 00:21:18,759
Agreed. So let's stay off social media
and handle it respectfully.
436
00:21:18,759 --> 00:21:20,759
And go save those Brains!
437
00:21:28,319 --> 00:21:32,079
Help us! Or at least toss out a s'more
so I can die happy!
438
00:21:33,200 --> 00:21:35,839
- Oh, no!
- It's Arizona all over again.
439
00:21:44,279 --> 00:21:47,400
- Dad, you saved us!
- No, this wasn't about you.
440
00:21:47,400 --> 00:21:50,720
I was putting out the fire before
the heat wilted Sophie's flowers.
441
00:21:50,720 --> 00:21:53,200
- You were?
- Yes. I know I'm not perfect.
442
00:21:53,200 --> 00:21:55,519
But I always protect
what's important to me.
443
00:21:59,640 --> 00:22:00,759
Amber, I'm sorry.
444
00:22:00,759 --> 00:22:02,720
I shouldn't have jumped
to any conclusions.
445
00:22:02,720 --> 00:22:03,960
Or posted that picture.
446
00:22:03,960 --> 00:22:06,200
Or bought 50,000 followers
to repost it.
447
00:22:06,200 --> 00:22:08,440
It's honestly not okay,
but according to my rune stones,
448
00:22:08,440 --> 00:22:10,160
you'll get what's coming
to you soon enough.
449
00:22:10,160 --> 00:22:13,480
The good news is that we'll be able
to focus all of our attention
450
00:22:13,480 --> 00:22:15,599
on catching
the actual serial killer
451
00:22:15,599 --> 00:22:18,680
as soon as we're elected
co-sheriffs tomorrow.
452
00:22:18,680 --> 00:22:22,480
This is gonna sound insane, but voters
are actually responding negatively
453
00:22:22,480 --> 00:22:24,880
to the fact that Merle
tried to burn women alive.
454
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:28,359
Well, if that doesn't merit a post,
I don't know what does.
455
00:22:33,440 --> 00:22:34,720
What?
456
00:22:34,720 --> 00:22:37,880
What do you mean you liked,
then unliked Velma's post?
457
00:22:37,880 --> 00:22:39,440
Oh, God,
I just did it again.
458
00:22:39,440 --> 00:22:41,400
I told you
to stay off social media.
459
00:22:53,240 --> 00:22:58,079
So teens, my point is,
Jesus only had 12 followers
460
00:22:58,079 --> 00:23:00,279
and he still went viral.
461
00:23:00,279 --> 00:23:03,559
LOL,
Lord of Light.
462
00:23:04,839 --> 00:23:07,400
No, fuck me. It was dark.
463
00:23:07,450 --> 00:23:12,000
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