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1
00:00:07,141 --> 00:00:08,642
♪ MTV ♪
2
00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,146
- That is humorous, yes.
- Very humorous, yes.
3
00:00:12,146 --> 00:00:13,981
- Quite jocular, yes.
- Droll, very droll, yes.
4
00:00:13,981 --> 00:00:16,450
Whimsical, yes.
Yes, quite absurd, yes.
5
00:00:16,450 --> 00:00:17,751
Quite whimsical, yes.
6
00:00:17,751 --> 00:00:19,420
Priceless wit
of a satirical bit, yes.
7
00:00:19,420 --> 00:00:22,423
[rock music]
8
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:26,727
♪ ♪
9
00:00:26,727 --> 00:00:29,597
[intriguing
otherworldly music]
10
00:00:29,597 --> 00:00:36,804
♪ ♪
11
00:00:42,176 --> 00:00:44,412
- Smart Butt-Head?
- Yes, Smart Beavis.
12
00:00:44,412 --> 00:00:47,715
Why have we been called today
before the Supreme Leaders?
13
00:00:47,715 --> 00:00:49,583
Surely to reward us
for our good work
14
00:00:49,583 --> 00:00:51,552
and many achievements in space.
15
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,421
Perhaps they will give us
a trophy.
16
00:00:53,421 --> 00:00:55,189
Yes, the Supreme Leaders
love us
17
00:00:55,189 --> 00:00:56,724
because we are smart.
18
00:00:59,593 --> 00:01:01,495
So begins the trial
19
00:01:01,495 --> 00:01:04,298
of Smart Beavis
and Smart Butt-Head
20
00:01:04,298 --> 00:01:07,801
for crimes against Earth 327-Z.
21
00:01:07,801 --> 00:01:10,838
This is the opposite
of what we expected.
22
00:01:10,838 --> 00:01:13,674
- Our logic was in error.
- Indeed so.
23
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:16,677
This tribunal
finds you guilty.
24
00:01:16,677 --> 00:01:18,512
- Guilty.
- Guilty!
25
00:01:18,512 --> 00:01:21,215
- Guilty.
- Guilty, mm-kay?
26
00:01:21,215 --> 00:01:22,916
Thoroughly at odds
27
00:01:22,916 --> 00:01:25,453
with the deontological theory
of law,
28
00:01:25,453 --> 00:01:28,456
as put forth
by Smart Emmanuel Kant.
29
00:01:28,456 --> 00:01:30,824
Well put, Smart Todd.
30
00:01:30,824 --> 00:01:32,293
You were supposed
to have spent
31
00:01:32,293 --> 00:01:33,761
the last two years
32
00:01:33,761 --> 00:01:36,164
exploring the various universes
and what have you,
33
00:01:36,164 --> 00:01:38,732
but all you've done is run up
an expense account
34
00:01:38,732 --> 00:01:40,668
on space nachos
35
00:01:40,668 --> 00:01:42,803
and intergalactic pornography.
36
00:01:42,803 --> 00:01:44,905
In our defense,
Supreme Leader,
37
00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:46,374
we were observing the universe
38
00:01:46,374 --> 00:01:48,742
where Beavis and Butt-Head
are in middle age.
39
00:01:48,742 --> 00:01:50,644
Yes, at the height
of their powers.
40
00:01:50,644 --> 00:01:52,946
No one cares about that
at all.
41
00:01:52,946 --> 00:01:56,250
I mean, come on,
just listen to yourselves.
42
00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:58,919
And now, the matter
of your punishment.
43
00:01:58,919 --> 00:02:03,357
Your sentence is death,
mm-kay?
44
00:02:03,357 --> 00:02:04,792
Am I to understand
45
00:02:04,792 --> 00:02:06,960
that we are definitely not
getting a trophy, then?
46
00:02:06,960 --> 00:02:09,630
Your sentence
will be suspended,
47
00:02:09,630 --> 00:02:11,499
and you will be permitted
to live,
48
00:02:11,499 --> 00:02:13,501
on the following condition.
49
00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:16,437
You must quit screwing around
and successfully complete
50
00:02:16,437 --> 00:02:18,439
one scientific mission.
51
00:02:18,439 --> 00:02:20,441
Your mission is as follows:
52
00:02:20,441 --> 00:02:22,310
you will go to Earth-1,
53
00:02:22,310 --> 00:02:24,945
the planet they call
normal Earth,
54
00:02:24,945 --> 00:02:27,881
and abduct a human
for scientific experiments.
55
00:02:27,881 --> 00:02:31,885
Failure will result
in disintegration, mm-kay?
56
00:02:31,885 --> 00:02:34,588
May science be with you.
57
00:02:34,588 --> 00:02:35,956
[dramatic music]
58
00:02:37,891 --> 00:02:40,828
Very well.
We must abduct a human.
59
00:02:40,828 --> 00:02:43,030
Set course
for normal Earth.
60
00:02:45,366 --> 00:02:46,867
Whoopsie-daisy.
61
00:02:46,867 --> 00:02:49,603
Should we leave a space note
on their windshield?
62
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,505
- No.
- That was humorous.
63
00:02:51,505 --> 00:02:53,374
- Quite humorous.
- Very droll indeed, yes.
64
00:02:55,543 --> 00:02:58,779
[country rock music]
65
00:02:58,779 --> 00:03:01,582
♪ ♪
66
00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:03,284
Who is this,
Smart Butt-Head?
67
00:03:03,284 --> 00:03:06,254
This is an Earthling
named Ronnie Dunn.
68
00:03:06,254 --> 00:03:08,522
He is a singer
of country songs.
69
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:11,325
He is the best and smartest
that Earth has to offer.
70
00:03:11,325 --> 00:03:14,462
He has won 27
Academy of Country Music awards
71
00:03:14,462 --> 00:03:17,265
for masterworks
such as "Cost of Livin'"
72
00:03:17,265 --> 00:03:19,967
and "Mama Don't Get Dressed Up
For Nothing."
73
00:03:19,967 --> 00:03:21,168
Ah, yes.
74
00:03:21,269 --> 00:03:23,103
So country music
has an academy?
75
00:03:23,103 --> 00:03:25,339
Yes, they do.
Perhaps we could teach there
76
00:03:25,339 --> 00:03:27,040
if they don't already have instructors
77
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:28,742
in non-gravitational propulsion
78
00:03:28,742 --> 00:03:31,645
or advanced mathematics
across fractional dimensions.
79
00:03:31,645 --> 00:03:33,814
We would instantly be
the smartest professors
80
00:03:33,814 --> 00:03:35,483
at the country music academy,
81
00:03:35,483 --> 00:03:37,050
for humans are stupid.
82
00:03:37,050 --> 00:03:38,619
Yes, very stupid.
83
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,854
Look at this one,
trying to wrestle a cow.
84
00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,490
Humorous, quite humorous.
85
00:03:42,490 --> 00:03:45,326
Which one is the human,
and which one is the cow?
86
00:03:45,326 --> 00:03:47,528
Ah, yes, humorous.
Quite jocular, yes.
87
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:50,864
That one appears smarter.
He must be the cow.
88
00:03:50,864 --> 00:03:54,468
Please stop, Smart Butt-Head.
I need to catch my breath.
89
00:03:54,468 --> 00:03:55,669
Yes.
90
00:03:55,669 --> 00:03:58,005
♪ He's walking to the left ♪
91
00:03:58,005 --> 00:03:59,307
I don't know why,
92
00:03:59,307 --> 00:04:01,742
but this music is making me
love America.
93
00:04:01,742 --> 00:04:03,844
This video also makes me want
94
00:04:03,844 --> 00:04:05,813
to worship the man
they call Jesus.
95
00:04:05,813 --> 00:04:07,315
Yes, yes indeed, yes.
96
00:04:07,315 --> 00:04:08,882
They have finally made music
97
00:04:08,882 --> 00:04:11,151
for ordinary space people
like us.
98
00:04:11,151 --> 00:04:13,321
Those of us
from the heartland of space
99
00:04:13,321 --> 00:04:15,423
who work hard
and deserve to unwind.
100
00:04:15,423 --> 00:04:16,557
Yes, yes.
101
00:04:16,557 --> 00:04:18,926
♪ Where the whiskey flows ♪
102
00:04:18,926 --> 00:04:20,728
I wish there was
more footage
103
00:04:20,728 --> 00:04:22,363
of the females in this video.
104
00:04:22,363 --> 00:04:25,165
Yes, yes, it is a veritable
intergalactic festival
105
00:04:25,165 --> 00:04:26,800
of sausage, Smart Beavis.
106
00:04:26,800 --> 00:04:28,436
Ah, yes, yes, so called
107
00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:30,203
because
an intergalactic sausage
108
00:04:30,338 --> 00:04:32,706
looks like a space penis,
yes, it does, yes.
109
00:04:32,706 --> 00:04:34,642
Quite humorous.
110
00:04:34,642 --> 00:04:37,345
Notice the females
are becoming intoxicated.
111
00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:39,513
It is part of their ritual
of scoring.
112
00:04:39,513 --> 00:04:42,015
On this planet,
the slut is shamed.
113
00:04:42,015 --> 00:04:43,751
Ah, yes, yes,
quite primitive,
114
00:04:43,751 --> 00:04:44,952
quite primitive.
115
00:04:44,952 --> 00:04:46,019
Yes.
116
00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:48,021
Your mother is a slut.
117
00:04:48,021 --> 00:04:50,090
I had non-procreational
sexual intercourse
118
00:04:50,090 --> 00:04:51,191
with your mother.
119
00:04:51,191 --> 00:04:52,460
Thank you, Smart Butt-Head.
120
00:04:52,460 --> 00:04:54,227
I am honored,
for on our planet,
121
00:04:54,362 --> 00:04:55,596
we have realized long ago
122
00:04:55,596 --> 00:04:57,130
that the slut
is not to be shamed,
123
00:04:57,130 --> 00:04:58,566
but to be honored.
124
00:04:58,566 --> 00:05:02,069
Yes, and your mother
is quite honorable.
125
00:05:02,069 --> 00:05:03,504
Again, thank you,
Smart Butt-Head.
126
00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:05,272
It is said that
there are more men
127
00:05:05,373 --> 00:05:06,774
that have been
inside your mother
128
00:05:06,774 --> 00:05:08,108
than there are Planck lengths
129
00:05:08,108 --> 00:05:11,379
in the entire diameter
of the universe.
130
00:05:11,379 --> 00:05:13,481
Let us talk more
about this video,
131
00:05:13,481 --> 00:05:15,849
Smart Butt-Head,
and not of my mother.
132
00:05:15,849 --> 00:05:18,486
Is this the cowboy's wife?
133
00:05:18,486 --> 00:05:21,555
I believe that it is called
a horse, Smart Beavis.
134
00:05:21,555 --> 00:05:23,090
I did not ask you
to evaluate
135
00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,858
the wife's appearance,
Smart Butt-Head.
136
00:05:24,858 --> 00:05:27,060
I'm just asking,
are they married?
137
00:05:27,060 --> 00:05:28,796
- Humor detected.
- Yes, humorous.
138
00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:30,063
Quite humorous.
139
00:05:30,063 --> 00:05:31,799
Yes, yes, humorous
in the way
140
00:05:31,799 --> 00:05:33,233
of the belt of the borscht.
141
00:05:33,233 --> 00:05:34,902
Yes, yes,
and the mountainous region
142
00:05:34,902 --> 00:05:36,537
of the Catskills.
- Yes.
143
00:05:38,706 --> 00:05:41,609
[otherworldly music]
144
00:05:41,609 --> 00:05:48,849
♪ ♪
145
00:05:49,717 --> 00:05:52,185
Let us now begin abducting,
Smart Beavis.
146
00:05:52,185 --> 00:05:54,121
Yes, yes, let it be so.
147
00:05:54,121 --> 00:05:57,558
♪ ♪
148
00:05:57,558 --> 00:06:00,894
We must find a human
to abduct, Smart Butt-Head.
149
00:06:00,894 --> 00:06:03,864
Smart Beavis, observe.
150
00:06:03,864 --> 00:06:05,433
And now, the winner
151
00:06:05,433 --> 00:06:07,901
of the 35th annual
chili cook-off,
152
00:06:07,901 --> 00:06:09,970
Tom Anderson.
153
00:06:09,970 --> 00:06:12,005
[laughs] Thank you.
154
00:06:12,005 --> 00:06:14,475
I owe it all to my brisket.
155
00:06:14,475 --> 00:06:16,477
Observe, Smart Butt-Head.
156
00:06:16,477 --> 00:06:18,345
We have arrived
on the coronation day
157
00:06:18,446 --> 00:06:19,713
of their king.
158
00:06:19,713 --> 00:06:21,314
How fortuitous.
159
00:06:21,449 --> 00:06:23,984
Let us seize him
and take him to our ship.
160
00:06:23,984 --> 00:06:26,019
Humorous,
but also menacing, yes.
161
00:06:26,019 --> 00:06:28,355
Yes, yes, mirthful
and sinister as well, yes, yes.
162
00:06:28,456 --> 00:06:30,057
[dramatic music]
163
00:06:30,057 --> 00:06:31,492
It's a hell of a chili, Tom.
164
00:06:31,492 --> 00:06:33,594
Well, thank you, Bob.
165
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:36,296
I'm just gonna go get
a couple two more beers
166
00:06:36,296 --> 00:06:38,899
out of my car
to wash it down with.
167
00:06:38,899 --> 00:06:44,972
[humming "The Stars
And Stripes Forever"]
168
00:06:44,972 --> 00:06:46,373
[dramatic musical sting]
169
00:06:46,474 --> 00:06:48,308
Greetings, Your Majesty.
170
00:06:48,308 --> 00:06:50,478
We salute you, oh royal one.
171
00:06:50,478 --> 00:06:53,013
Well, thank you kindly.
172
00:06:53,013 --> 00:06:56,484
Are you boys in one of them
fraternal organizations?
173
00:06:56,484 --> 00:06:59,620
My daddy was a proud member
of the Elks Club.
174
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:01,221
Are you all Elks?
175
00:07:01,221 --> 00:07:03,757
- You must come with us.
- Now, please.
176
00:07:03,757 --> 00:07:05,493
Hell, all right.
177
00:07:05,493 --> 00:07:07,661
You know, I always wondered
what you gotta do
178
00:07:07,661 --> 00:07:10,864
to get invited to join
the Elks in this town.
179
00:07:10,864 --> 00:07:14,968
I guess you just gotta win
a chili cook-off.
180
00:07:14,968 --> 00:07:16,704
After you, Your Majesty.
181
00:07:16,704 --> 00:07:20,240
Boy, this van of yours
must be a custom job.
182
00:07:20,240 --> 00:07:22,610
You do this yourself,
or have it done?
183
00:07:22,610 --> 00:07:25,813
We purchased it used
from Smart Beavis' uncle.
184
00:07:25,813 --> 00:07:27,948
Yes, yes, it had
numerous issues
185
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:29,182
he did not disclose.
186
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:30,417
But no matter,
187
00:07:30,518 --> 00:07:32,085
for you are now our captive.
188
00:07:32,085 --> 00:07:33,821
[dramatic musical sting]
189
00:07:37,390 --> 00:07:38,892
Huh.
- Hmm.
190
00:07:38,892 --> 00:07:41,428
Is that boy gonna be
all right now?
191
00:07:41,529 --> 00:07:44,732
That was
another whoopsie-daisy.
192
00:07:44,732 --> 00:07:45,933
Trying it again.
193
00:07:45,933 --> 00:07:47,835
Ah!
194
00:07:47,835 --> 00:07:48,902
Humorous.
195
00:07:48,902 --> 00:07:50,538
Humorous
in a foreboding manner.
196
00:07:50,538 --> 00:07:52,305
Yes, quite humorous, yes.
197
00:07:54,041 --> 00:07:57,010
[dramatic music]
198
00:07:57,010 --> 00:07:58,912
Very well, Smart Beavis.
199
00:07:58,912 --> 00:08:01,148
We shall now perform
scientific experiments
200
00:08:01,148 --> 00:08:02,349
on this human.
201
00:08:02,349 --> 00:08:05,218
Does that mean
probe his anus?
202
00:08:05,218 --> 00:08:08,021
That is what it means,
and that is all that it means.
203
00:08:08,021 --> 00:08:09,790
Prepare the machine.
204
00:08:09,790 --> 00:08:11,324
Hmm.
205
00:08:11,324 --> 00:08:13,561
How many anuses
does a human have?
206
00:08:13,561 --> 00:08:15,563
I believe one.
207
00:08:17,064 --> 00:08:19,166
The machine
is fully prepared.
208
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:22,002
Then let the science begin.
209
00:08:22,002 --> 00:08:25,305
[machine whirs down]
210
00:08:25,305 --> 00:08:28,208
I think the machine
is broken, Smart Butt-Head.
211
00:08:28,208 --> 00:08:30,043
Do you know how to fix it?
212
00:08:30,043 --> 00:08:32,145
No.
Do you?
213
00:08:32,145 --> 00:08:35,716
Well, I could probably get
that working for you again.
214
00:08:35,716 --> 00:08:38,351
Nine times out of ten,
what you're looking at
215
00:08:38,351 --> 00:08:40,954
is a bad motor coupling.
216
00:08:40,954 --> 00:08:43,123
[ratchets clicking]
217
00:08:43,123 --> 00:08:46,694
Well, the capacitor seems good.
That's not it.
218
00:08:46,694 --> 00:08:48,862
You know,
I don't exactly remember
219
00:08:48,862 --> 00:08:51,799
who you boys are
or how I even got here.
220
00:08:51,799 --> 00:08:53,400
Yes, your memory was wiped
221
00:08:53,400 --> 00:08:54,935
with a mnemulator.
222
00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:58,238
Well, I call it a case
of senioritis.
223
00:08:58,238 --> 00:09:00,173
[laughs]
224
00:09:01,008 --> 00:09:03,911
I ain't never seen
something like this before.
225
00:09:03,911 --> 00:09:06,914
Must be made in Italy
or something.
226
00:09:06,914 --> 00:09:10,217
It is made in a universe
beyond your comprehension.
227
00:09:10,217 --> 00:09:13,754
Ah, well, then it's
probably all metric.
228
00:09:13,754 --> 00:09:16,990
Oh, here's your problem.
229
00:09:16,990 --> 00:09:20,193
See, this wire housing
just worked its way loose.
230
00:09:20,193 --> 00:09:21,995
[blows on wire]
231
00:09:21,995 --> 00:09:25,633
We just gotta tighten
that up like so.
232
00:09:25,633 --> 00:09:27,868
See, you take this
into the shop,
233
00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:30,704
and they see you got
a custom van from Italy,
234
00:09:30,704 --> 00:09:33,540
they're gonna say it needs
all kinds of parts
235
00:09:33,641 --> 00:09:35,542
and run the price up on you,
236
00:09:35,643 --> 00:09:37,544
but it's just a loose housing.
237
00:09:37,645 --> 00:09:39,079
[machine hums and beeps]
238
00:09:39,079 --> 00:09:40,748
So it works now?
239
00:09:40,748 --> 00:09:42,549
It sure does.
240
00:09:42,650 --> 00:09:44,652
So what's this thing do anyway?
241
00:09:44,652 --> 00:09:45,919
It seals your doom.
242
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:47,087
[dramatic musical sting]
243
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,121
What now?
244
00:09:48,121 --> 00:09:49,422
Incapacitate him
245
00:09:49,422 --> 00:09:51,058
and attach him to the probe.
246
00:09:51,058 --> 00:09:53,761
Very well, but first,
I shall wipe his memory
247
00:09:53,761 --> 00:09:55,228
with a mnemulator.
248
00:09:55,228 --> 00:09:56,429
Look at this device.
249
00:09:56,429 --> 00:09:57,564
You might see a bright light.
250
00:09:57,665 --> 00:09:59,166
Look at what now?
251
00:10:02,870 --> 00:10:04,938
Whoops, I missed.
252
00:10:04,938 --> 00:10:07,274
Where am I?
Who are you?
253
00:10:07,274 --> 00:10:08,508
What is your name?
254
00:10:08,508 --> 00:10:10,210
Are you boys all right?
255
00:10:10,210 --> 00:10:11,845
What is this device?
256
00:10:11,845 --> 00:10:13,981
I do not remember it.
257
00:10:13,981 --> 00:10:16,917
It seems I can fit inside it.
258
00:10:16,917 --> 00:10:18,585
Yes, quite comfortable, yes.
259
00:10:18,585 --> 00:10:20,654
Do you remember
what this button does?
260
00:10:20,654 --> 00:10:23,156
I do not.
Please press it.
261
00:10:23,156 --> 00:10:24,557
[machine whirs]
262
00:10:24,557 --> 00:10:26,626
Agh!
My anus.
263
00:10:26,626 --> 00:10:28,962
Agh!
There is a probing of my anus.
264
00:10:28,962 --> 00:10:31,598
Sir, do you remember
how to turn this machine off?
265
00:10:31,598 --> 00:10:33,200
The device
is unfolding something.
266
00:10:33,200 --> 00:10:35,202
It is expanding.
- This is quite humorous.
267
00:10:35,202 --> 00:10:38,005
Well, I don't need to join
the Elks Club that bad,
268
00:10:38,005 --> 00:10:39,539
I tell you what.
269
00:10:39,539 --> 00:10:41,608
That sounds like the kind
of shenanigans
270
00:10:41,608 --> 00:10:43,476
they do at the Moose Lodge.
271
00:10:43,476 --> 00:10:45,245
There seems to be
an unexpected intrusion
272
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:46,513
in my anus.
273
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:47,480
Its reach was
much more further
274
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:48,716
than I had imagined.
275
00:10:48,716 --> 00:10:50,083
I remember who I am now,
276
00:10:50,083 --> 00:10:52,019
and it is making it worse.
277
00:10:52,019 --> 00:10:53,153
My anus.
19851
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