Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:02,135 --> 00:00:03,135
[malory]
blackmail?
2
00:00:03,137 --> 00:00:04,970
[veronica]
yes, I-- I'm afraid so.
3
00:00:04,972 --> 00:00:08,207
You see, last night,
thieves burgled the house
of my attorney, al--
4
00:00:08,209 --> 00:00:09,975
Alan shapiro.
Why, yes.
5
00:00:09,977 --> 00:00:12,644
But how did you know that
mr. Shapiro was my attorney?
6
00:00:12,646 --> 00:00:16,849
Yeah, cyril.
Oh. Uh, so,
the reason I know that is--
7
00:00:16,851 --> 00:00:20,519
He's an idiot.
Savant.
Photographic memory.
8
00:00:20,521 --> 00:00:24,857
My guess is he read that
in a newspaper article years ago
and never forgot it.
9
00:00:24,859 --> 00:00:28,994
But, you know, many of
the world's great detectives
were on the spectrum.
10
00:00:28,996 --> 00:00:33,165
Wait. What?
Sherlock holmes,
um, darryl zero...
11
00:00:33,167 --> 00:00:35,367
Please forgive me.
I had no idea.
12
00:00:35,369 --> 00:00:37,002
Really?
Look at his clothes.
13
00:00:37,004 --> 00:00:39,838
Hey, you know what--
[shushing]
there, there.
14
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:44,176
At any rate, um,
whoever these people were,
they stole, um--
15
00:00:44,178 --> 00:00:47,513
My goodness, look at me.
I'm-- I'm shaking like a leaf.
16
00:00:47,515 --> 00:00:50,015
Would you care for a drink?
Archer, it's barely nine o'--
17
00:00:50,017 --> 00:00:52,551
Corpse reviver #2, please.
But if you don't
have real absinthe,
18
00:00:52,553 --> 00:00:54,553
I'll have a double sidecar,
french.
19
00:00:54,555 --> 00:00:56,388
Oh, that sounds good.
I'll have--
20
00:00:56,390 --> 00:00:57,756
There's not enough.
You were saying?
21
00:00:57,758 --> 00:00:59,091
They stole...
22
00:00:59,093 --> 00:01:01,860
Yes. Um, I suppose
you could call it
23
00:01:01,862 --> 00:01:03,862
Very sensitive information.
24
00:01:03,864 --> 00:01:05,731
On a computer disk?
25
00:01:05,733 --> 00:01:09,201
Well, yes, but surely
you didn't read that
in the newspaper.
26
00:01:09,203 --> 00:01:12,071
Intuition and a
photographic memory.
27
00:01:12,073 --> 00:01:15,374
It's remarkable,
but it can be a bit--
off-putting?
28
00:01:15,376 --> 00:01:17,076
Cyril, get up. Move.
29
00:01:17,078 --> 00:01:20,245
Ms. Deane came here for help,
not to be off-put.
30
00:01:20,247 --> 00:01:23,615
Now, then,
this sensitive information...
31
00:01:25,385 --> 00:01:26,819
Sterling!
[clears throat]
32
00:01:28,555 --> 00:01:31,390
Um, yes.
So, about the disk--
33
00:01:31,392 --> 00:01:33,392
You want to get back at us.
34
00:01:33,394 --> 00:01:35,727
You want us to get it back.
No, mr. Archer.
35
00:01:35,729 --> 00:01:39,798
I need you to get it back,
desperately.
[gulp]
36
00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:44,236
Which is an excellent segue
into a brief overview
of our fee structure.
37
00:01:44,238 --> 00:01:46,738
Two hundred thousand dollars.
Wow, that was brief.
38
00:01:46,740 --> 00:01:48,240
Payable upon delivery.
39
00:01:48,242 --> 00:01:50,242
Now, if you will
excuse me, I--
40
00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:52,277
I think we might have
more questions.
41
00:01:52,279 --> 00:01:54,813
I'm sure you do,
but mr. Shapiro
will have to answer them.
42
00:01:54,815 --> 00:01:56,582
He's waiting for you
at his house now.
43
00:01:56,584 --> 00:01:59,651
The house that got robbed?
"burgled," lana. Pay attention.
44
00:01:59,653 --> 00:02:01,987
And so, miss deane,
do you want me
to ride with you?
45
00:02:01,989 --> 00:02:03,655
Because my car is currently--
46
00:02:03,657 --> 00:02:04,957
Merde.
No!
47
00:02:04,959 --> 00:02:06,825
No, mr. Archer.
Mr. Shapiro
48
00:02:06,827 --> 00:02:08,927
Will handle everything
from now on.
49
00:02:08,929 --> 00:02:10,929
And if all goes
according to plan,
50
00:02:10,931 --> 00:02:13,599
This will be
the last time we ever meet.
51
00:02:13,601 --> 00:02:16,969
Wait. No. Ever?
I am standing right here.
52
00:02:16,971 --> 00:02:20,672
Yeah, exactly, when clearly
we're almost out of triple sec,
53
00:02:20,674 --> 00:02:22,741
So...
54
00:02:25,011 --> 00:02:29,014
♪
55
00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:03,048
[archer]
okay, so, what do we know?
56
00:03:03,050 --> 00:03:04,816
[lana]
um, old ladies give you a boner?
57
00:03:04,818 --> 00:03:06,185
[krieger]
hey, me too.
58
00:03:06,187 --> 00:03:08,987
No. And shut up.
And, krieger, come on.
59
00:03:08,989 --> 00:03:10,689
Let's go. Move.
Away.
60
00:03:10,691 --> 00:03:12,524
Um...
Wh--
61
00:03:12,526 --> 00:03:15,661
Oh, for the-- ew!
What? My leg's asleep.
62
00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:18,530
[chuckling]
and you have an erection.
Also. Yes.
63
00:03:18,532 --> 00:03:22,668
And we have to meet shapiro
in two hours ago,
so can we please focus?
64
00:03:22,670 --> 00:03:25,037
Well, we know that someone
posing as veronica deane
65
00:03:25,039 --> 00:03:27,172
Tricked us into
stealing a computer disk
66
00:03:27,174 --> 00:03:30,042
In order to blackmail
the real veronica deane.
67
00:03:30,044 --> 00:03:33,345
And paid us with a bogus
cashier's check for a hundred
thousand dollars, which--
68
00:03:33,347 --> 00:03:36,415
Why the hell are you doing that?
What? You just said
it was bogus!
69
00:03:36,417 --> 00:03:38,016
I don't know. Fingerprints?
70
00:03:38,018 --> 00:03:40,752
Well? Who am I,
alphonse bertillon?
71
00:03:40,754 --> 00:03:44,756
Uh, so I'm just gonna
kind of power through this,
if you don't mind.
72
00:03:44,758 --> 00:03:46,258
Whatever. Jesus.
73
00:03:46,260 --> 00:03:48,860
Okay, so, now,
the real veronica deane--
74
00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:50,596
How do you know
she's the real one?
75
00:03:50,598 --> 00:03:52,564
Oh, she's definitely
the real thing.
76
00:03:52,566 --> 00:03:55,267
Please, you can't
fake that desperate,
77
00:03:55,269 --> 00:03:57,369
Actressy craving
for attention.
78
00:03:57,371 --> 00:04:01,540
What you can't fake, mother,
is her star power,
her palpable charisma.
79
00:04:01,542 --> 00:04:04,776
Well, I'm gonna fake being here
and go pick up our daughter
at daycare.
80
00:04:04,778 --> 00:04:06,411
Well, then, you can
fake getting paid.
81
00:04:06,413 --> 00:04:09,548
Excuse me?
You're no longer
on malory's teat.
82
00:04:09,550 --> 00:04:11,083
Ew!
Cyril!
83
00:04:11,085 --> 00:04:13,051
[sighs]
never gonna be able
to stand up.
84
00:04:13,053 --> 00:04:15,220
You work at
the figgis agency now.
85
00:04:15,222 --> 00:04:17,556
And around here,
you don't work-a the case,
86
00:04:17,558 --> 00:04:19,958
You don't get-a the--
the paycheck.
87
00:04:19,960 --> 00:04:21,793
Boom! Fridge magnet.
88
00:04:21,795 --> 00:04:24,596
I'm sorry.
Did veronica deane spray
a bunch of pheromones
89
00:04:24,598 --> 00:04:27,299
That somehow raised
all your testosterone levels?
90
00:04:27,301 --> 00:04:30,068
That is exactly
what it feels like.
Oh, yeah.
91
00:04:30,070 --> 00:04:31,903
I feel like I could
fight a grizzly bear,
92
00:04:31,905 --> 00:04:34,273
Like, over a parking space.
[growls]
93
00:04:34,275 --> 00:04:37,576
Is the bear, like,
standing in the space
or actually driving the car?
94
00:04:37,578 --> 00:04:39,611
Doesn't matter.
I mean--
really!
95
00:04:39,613 --> 00:04:42,914
Does it matter that if
we don't get that disk
for that snooty has-been,
96
00:04:42,916 --> 00:04:44,449
We'll have to shut off
the lights?
97
00:04:44,451 --> 00:04:46,485
How will that help?
Not to mention,
98
00:04:46,487 --> 00:04:49,321
It's kind of our fault
the disk was stolen
in the first place.
99
00:04:49,323 --> 00:04:52,090
[sighs]
since we stole it.
Okay.
100
00:04:52,092 --> 00:04:53,992
Okay, so--
cyril, shut up.
101
00:04:53,994 --> 00:04:56,495
Sterling and lana,
go meet shapiro
and then report back.
102
00:04:56,497 --> 00:05:01,133
Uh, before or after he
recognizes us as the people
that robbed his house?
103
00:05:01,135 --> 00:05:04,436
"burgled."
and it was pitch black,
and we all had on goggles.
104
00:05:04,438 --> 00:05:06,972
So calm down.
Nobody's gonna recognize us.
105
00:05:06,974 --> 00:05:08,440
[growling]
106
00:05:08,442 --> 00:05:10,776
Duner! Blits!
Keyn! Nit faynt!
107
00:05:10,778 --> 00:05:13,612
[barks]
hey, buddies.
108
00:05:13,614 --> 00:05:15,947
Nit faynt!
Keyn! Keyn!
[yipping]
109
00:05:15,949 --> 00:05:18,817
God, that is so weird.
Yeah.
110
00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,852
Are they not
housebroken, or--
what?
111
00:05:20,854 --> 00:05:22,988
No. No. Sorry. No.
Come on in.
112
00:05:22,990 --> 00:05:25,991
Oh, shoes. Shoes, shoes.
Thank you.
113
00:05:25,993 --> 00:05:28,493
No, the growling.
They have never done that
to a guest.
114
00:05:28,495 --> 00:05:31,029
And they are
extremely well trained.
Ex-mossad, actually.
115
00:05:31,031 --> 00:05:34,166
But if you mean the diapers,
then yes, because
whoever broke in here--
116
00:05:34,168 --> 00:05:37,536
And I say "whoever," because it
was pitch black, and they were
wearing some kind of goggles--
117
00:05:37,538 --> 00:05:40,672
[fake cough] called it.
...When they poisoned
my goddamn dogs!
118
00:05:40,674 --> 00:05:43,542
What?
Yeah, the vet thinks it was
some kind of tranquilizer.
119
00:05:43,544 --> 00:05:45,544
But they had a bad reaction,
and all night the poor things
120
00:05:45,546 --> 00:05:47,979
Were just crazy shitting,
uncontrollably.
121
00:05:47,981 --> 00:05:49,848
I mean, like fire hoses,
seriously.
122
00:05:49,850 --> 00:05:54,152
It was all through here,
down that hallway,
all down the stairs.
123
00:05:54,154 --> 00:05:56,388
Some got way up
on that wall somehow.
124
00:05:56,390 --> 00:05:59,057
And there was all
this blood splashed everywhere
from the burglar.
125
00:05:59,059 --> 00:06:01,693
I swear to god, it was like
a family circuscartoon
up in here.
126
00:06:01,695 --> 00:06:04,830
The ones where they follow billy
all around the neighborhood,
127
00:06:04,832 --> 00:06:07,532
Only with blood
and watery dog shit.
128
00:06:07,534 --> 00:06:09,334
And so, the maids
cleaned all night.
129
00:06:09,336 --> 00:06:11,002
That's only because
I threatened
to have them deported.
130
00:06:11,004 --> 00:06:12,704
They've been with me
at least--
131
00:06:12,706 --> 00:06:15,073
Oh, wow.
Rosa's been with me 20 years.
132
00:06:15,075 --> 00:06:17,075
[chuckles]
anyway, the vet just left.
133
00:06:17,077 --> 00:06:20,178
They were so dehydrated.
We had 'em on iv drips,
the whole megillah.
134
00:06:20,180 --> 00:06:22,214
The maids?
Th-- the dogs!
135
00:06:22,216 --> 00:06:25,183
Oh, my god,
I am so sorry...
136
00:06:25,185 --> 00:06:26,852
That that happened.
137
00:06:26,854 --> 00:06:29,588
I'll tell you who's sorry,
is my flokati rug.
138
00:06:29,590 --> 00:06:33,058
Oh, and my
worthless bodyguards.
Right. And they are...
139
00:06:33,060 --> 00:06:37,062
Fired!
And lucky they're not slowly
dissolving in a 50-gallon drum!
140
00:06:37,064 --> 00:06:39,030
She trusted me!
141
00:06:39,032 --> 00:06:41,867
Veronica trusted me
to protect the disk,
and I failed her!
142
00:06:41,869 --> 00:06:45,370
Okay, well, maybe.
But we're gonna get it back,
right, with a plan?
143
00:06:45,372 --> 00:06:47,539
[exhaling]
144
00:06:47,541 --> 00:06:51,209
Yes. I'm sorry.
Those vermin called
this morning,
145
00:06:51,211 --> 00:06:53,712
Gave me instructions
on where to bring this--
146
00:06:53,714 --> 00:06:55,947
Two million dollars
in bearer bonds.
147
00:06:55,949 --> 00:06:58,383
Holy shit, we should've
kept the disk.
148
00:06:58,385 --> 00:07:00,385
Safe... From the bad guys.
149
00:07:00,387 --> 00:07:03,054
And by "we,"
obviously I meant "you."
150
00:07:03,056 --> 00:07:04,556
So...
151
00:07:04,558 --> 00:07:07,559
Wow. Hurtful.
152
00:07:07,561 --> 00:07:09,127
Okay, let's go meet
these bastards.
153
00:07:09,129 --> 00:07:11,129
Okay.
A, you won't need that.
154
00:07:11,131 --> 00:07:13,432
And b, we need to check in
with the agency.
155
00:07:13,434 --> 00:07:16,735
Or-- roll with me--
we don't check in yet,
or at all,
156
00:07:16,737 --> 00:07:19,905
Which means
we decide how many hours
we worked on this case,
157
00:07:19,907 --> 00:07:22,641
And not cyril, who,
I hate to bring this up,
158
00:07:22,643 --> 00:07:25,310
Just this morning,
in front of everybody,
159
00:07:25,312 --> 00:07:28,146
Made you his giant bitch.
160
00:07:29,982 --> 00:07:32,150
Well, you two coming,
or what?
161
00:07:32,152 --> 00:07:34,419
Okay. They said come alone,
but I don't drive,
162
00:07:34,421 --> 00:07:36,087
So they said I could
bring my chauffeur.
163
00:07:36,089 --> 00:07:38,657
So somebody gets
a snappy uniform,
164
00:07:38,659 --> 00:07:41,159
And somebody else
gets to hide in the trunk.
165
00:07:41,161 --> 00:07:45,764
[english accent]
I trust milady shan't be overly
discomfited whilst in the boot.
166
00:07:45,766 --> 00:07:50,635
I bet you get this all the time,
but have you ever done
any modeling, or--
167
00:07:50,637 --> 00:07:54,439
Oh, and just so you know,
a woman chauffeur is a--
168
00:07:54,441 --> 00:07:56,274
Ow--
[horn honks]
169
00:07:56,276 --> 00:07:58,276
Chauffeuse,
170
00:07:58,278 --> 00:08:00,011
You dumb idiots.
171
00:08:08,654 --> 00:08:09,955
[malory]
wait. What?
172
00:08:09,957 --> 00:08:11,790
What do you mean,
they haven't checked in?
173
00:08:11,792 --> 00:08:15,026
Uhhh...
[chair squeaking]
174
00:08:15,028 --> 00:08:17,629
I mean that...
175
00:08:17,631 --> 00:08:19,865
They haven't checked in.
176
00:08:19,867 --> 00:08:21,867
Wha-- so no one's
heard from them?
177
00:08:21,869 --> 00:08:23,969
Uh-uuhhh.
No-o-ope.
178
00:08:23,971 --> 00:08:26,037
So we've got two agents
in the field--
179
00:08:26,039 --> 00:08:29,307
"investigators"!
I thought I was
very clear about that.
180
00:08:29,309 --> 00:08:31,676
And also about
how excessive spinning
181
00:08:31,678 --> 00:08:33,545
Causes premature wear
on the bearings!
182
00:08:33,547 --> 00:08:35,680
Cyril--
and I bet they
haven't checked in,
183
00:08:35,682 --> 00:08:38,316
Because they're trying
to stick it to the man,
who, in this case, is me.
184
00:08:38,318 --> 00:08:40,685
And in this case only.
Stop spinning!
185
00:08:40,687 --> 00:08:43,722
Cyril, you stop.
What, protecting
innocent bearings?
186
00:08:43,724 --> 00:08:45,223
Being yourself!
What?
187
00:08:45,225 --> 00:08:47,192
[both]
ooohh!
188
00:08:47,194 --> 00:08:49,828
Excuse me?
Cyril, you have been given
189
00:08:49,830 --> 00:08:51,830
The opportunity
of a lifetime--
190
00:08:51,832 --> 00:08:54,533
A new job, a new city
where no one knows you,
191
00:08:54,535 --> 00:08:56,668
Which means you can
reinvent yourself.
192
00:08:56,670 --> 00:08:59,404
You can be
anyone you want.
193
00:08:59,406 --> 00:09:02,841
So why would you
keep being you?
194
00:09:02,843 --> 00:09:04,042
Huh.
195
00:09:04,044 --> 00:09:05,677
And that goes
for the rest of you.
196
00:09:05,679 --> 00:09:08,213
Don't be the same
feckless idiots you were
197
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:10,048
When this was a spy agency.
198
00:09:10,050 --> 00:09:11,516
[chairs squeaking]
199
00:09:11,518 --> 00:09:13,552
Oh, come on.
Just literally yesterday,
200
00:09:13,554 --> 00:09:17,355
You were all so excited
about your first case,
and now look at you.
201
00:09:17,357 --> 00:09:19,357
[whirring]
202
00:09:19,359 --> 00:09:23,361
So get off your collective ass
and get me a sit-rep
on my field agents!
203
00:09:23,363 --> 00:09:24,729
"investigators."
204
00:09:24,731 --> 00:09:27,432
I am, you know,
still the boss.
205
00:09:27,434 --> 00:09:31,102
Well, but only
when I'm not here.
206
00:09:31,104 --> 00:09:33,538
[lana]
okay, I think we're here.
207
00:09:33,540 --> 00:09:35,574
[archer]
do you?
Do you think that, lana?
208
00:09:35,576 --> 00:09:37,909
Calm down,
fran trunkington.
209
00:09:37,911 --> 00:09:39,711
Forced.
Oh, for the--
210
00:09:39,713 --> 00:09:41,913
Trunky brewster, then.
Ehh!
211
00:09:41,915 --> 00:09:43,782
Oh, man,
I hope that's not them.
212
00:09:45,751 --> 00:09:47,719
Although that seems unrealistic.
213
00:09:47,721 --> 00:09:51,289
Okay, archer, we've got nine--
check that-- ten bandits, 12:00.
214
00:09:51,291 --> 00:09:53,725
Copy that, mav.
What's the hard deck?
215
00:09:53,727 --> 00:09:55,760
Okay, you know what?
[sighs]
216
00:09:55,762 --> 00:09:59,364
Never mind.
Come on, poppin' fresh.
217
00:10:01,267 --> 00:10:04,235
Are you coming?
Are you gonna open my door?
218
00:10:04,237 --> 00:10:06,271
[laughing]
I know, right?
She's like--
219
00:10:06,273 --> 00:10:08,273
[grunts]
ow!
220
00:10:08,275 --> 00:10:10,942
So, are you and archer,
221
00:10:10,944 --> 00:10:13,278
You know?
[sighs]
unfortunately.
222
00:10:13,280 --> 00:10:14,980
You the jew lawyer?
223
00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:22,954
[sighs]
yes. Yes. I believe
we spoke on the phone.
224
00:10:22,956 --> 00:10:24,923
You got the money?
Yes.
225
00:10:24,925 --> 00:10:28,293
Two million dollars
in bearer bonds,
as per our verbal agreement.
226
00:10:28,295 --> 00:10:30,328
What are you doing?
Get the disk.
[man laughing]
227
00:10:30,330 --> 00:10:33,431
Oh, well, get a load
of miss daisy.
228
00:10:33,433 --> 00:10:35,166
[men laughing]
229
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:38,937
Ehh.
Now, you give the case
to ocho there,
230
00:10:38,939 --> 00:10:43,642
And I'll give
miss daisy the d-isk.
231
00:10:43,644 --> 00:10:45,944
[clears throat]
you done?
232
00:10:45,946 --> 00:10:47,846
Almost.
But I gotta ask--
233
00:10:47,848 --> 00:10:49,848
[man]
where's the frickin' money?
What?
234
00:10:52,785 --> 00:10:54,819
Run!
[grunts]
what--
235
00:10:54,821 --> 00:10:57,122
Son of a...
[guns cocking]
236
00:10:57,124 --> 00:10:58,623
[sighs]
237
00:10:58,625 --> 00:11:01,526
Man, I hope you got
health insurance.
Look--
238
00:11:01,528 --> 00:11:03,461
Shut up!
239
00:11:03,463 --> 00:11:05,630
The rest of you, mount up.
240
00:11:05,632 --> 00:11:07,799
Sandy trunkin.
241
00:11:07,801 --> 00:11:10,502
Trunkin hines.
Archie trunker.
242
00:11:10,504 --> 00:11:13,338
Ooh, archie trunker's place.
[car door opens, closes]
243
00:11:13,340 --> 00:11:14,973
[engine starts]
hmm.
244
00:11:14,975 --> 00:11:16,474
That was quick.
245
00:11:16,476 --> 00:11:17,876
Trunk...
246
00:11:17,878 --> 00:11:19,811
Trunkingham palace...
247
00:11:19,813 --> 00:11:21,012
[gasps]
248
00:11:21,014 --> 00:11:23,381
Trunkminster fuller.
249
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:25,450
[tires screeching]
250
00:11:27,987 --> 00:11:30,722
[vibrating]
251
00:11:32,825 --> 00:11:34,325
[line ringing]
252
00:11:34,327 --> 00:11:35,827
This is lana kane.Please leave a--
253
00:11:35,829 --> 00:11:38,663
Five times,
straight to voicemail!
254
00:11:38,665 --> 00:11:41,366
Y'all, that's not like her.
You think she's in danger?
255
00:11:41,368 --> 00:11:45,336
Who knows? If they went
to meet the blackmailers,
no backup, then--
256
00:11:45,338 --> 00:11:48,873
Aw, jeez, you guys
are freaking me out!
257
00:11:48,875 --> 00:11:50,175
[grunts]
258
00:11:50,177 --> 00:11:53,411
Okay, so as distasteful
as it may be,
259
00:11:53,413 --> 00:11:56,347
You have to at least try him.
No! No.
260
00:11:56,349 --> 00:11:59,751
I don't care
if they are in danger.
I am not calling sterling.
261
00:11:59,753 --> 00:12:03,254
[imitating bird] voicemail hoax!
Voicemail hoax! [squawking]
262
00:12:03,256 --> 00:12:06,291
[normal voice]
I don't care if they're getting
stuffed into a wood chipper.
263
00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:12,764
Huh? Wuzza?
Oh, man.
264
00:12:12,766 --> 00:12:14,566
[yawning]
265
00:12:14,568 --> 00:12:16,367
We better be at a bar.
[car door opens]
266
00:12:16,369 --> 00:12:18,703
You, move the limo.
As matter of fact,
267
00:12:18,705 --> 00:12:22,107
Move it all the way down
to pearl's.
Aw, be a shame to crush it.
268
00:12:22,109 --> 00:12:24,776
Yeah? Be a shame
to crush your skull, too,
269
00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:26,778
But these are
the times we live in.
270
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:29,948
Come on, miss daisy.
Move that ass.
271
00:12:32,551 --> 00:12:33,918
Son of a...
272
00:12:33,920 --> 00:12:36,221
[beeping]
273
00:12:36,223 --> 00:12:38,723
[phone, muted]♪ mulatto butts
274
00:12:38,725 --> 00:12:41,626
♪ mulatto butts,mulatto bu-- ♪
275
00:12:41,628 --> 00:12:43,828
[line ringing]
276
00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:46,264
[archer]hello?
277
00:12:46,266 --> 00:12:47,899
Wait for it.
Mother?
278
00:12:47,901 --> 00:12:49,968
Oh, for--mother, it's me.
279
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:51,402
[trunk opening]what the--
280
00:12:51,404 --> 00:12:52,570
[man]get out!No, no, no, no!
281
00:12:52,572 --> 00:12:55,306
[grunting, blows landing]
282
00:12:57,910 --> 00:13:00,912
[archer yelling]
283
00:13:00,914 --> 00:13:02,914
[men whooping]
284
00:13:02,916 --> 00:13:05,250
[blows landing, grunting]
285
00:13:05,252 --> 00:13:08,419
[archer yelling]he's biting me!
286
00:13:08,421 --> 00:13:09,821
[screaming]
287
00:13:09,823 --> 00:13:11,756
[clattering, grunting]
288
00:13:11,758 --> 00:13:13,458
[yawning]
[archer screaming]
289
00:13:13,460 --> 00:13:14,659
[crash]
290
00:13:14,661 --> 00:13:17,228
[yelling, blows landing]
291
00:13:19,098 --> 00:13:21,266
[man]son of a bitch!
292
00:13:21,268 --> 00:13:24,102
I'm gonna cut you with that![machinery whirring]
293
00:13:24,104 --> 00:13:25,670
[yelling, screaming]
294
00:13:25,672 --> 00:13:27,639
Kill him! [laughing][archer yelling]
295
00:13:27,641 --> 00:13:29,607
[archer sobbing]
296
00:13:29,609 --> 00:13:32,310
You're gonna die!Oh, my finger!
297
00:13:32,312 --> 00:13:34,179
[yelling]
298
00:13:34,181 --> 00:13:36,181
I'm gonna kill you![machinery whirring]
299
00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:38,283
Get him to the wood chipper![laughing]
300
00:13:38,285 --> 00:13:41,686
Eat shit!I'll see you in hell!
301
00:13:41,688 --> 00:13:43,521
No, no, no, no!Please don't!
302
00:13:43,523 --> 00:13:48,126
[screaming][clattering]
303
00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:51,262
[grunting, yelling, screaming]
304
00:13:52,798 --> 00:13:54,032
[blade whooshes]no!
305
00:13:54,034 --> 00:13:56,134
Please don't...
306
00:13:56,136 --> 00:13:58,369
No, you can't!You can't! You can't!
307
00:13:58,371 --> 00:13:59,637
Sorry...
308
00:13:59,639 --> 00:14:01,706
[choking][shushing]
309
00:14:05,010 --> 00:14:07,312
[archer breathing heavily]
310
00:14:07,314 --> 00:14:09,647
No, no, no, no. Hey![blow lands]
311
00:14:09,649 --> 00:14:12,150
[body thuds]
312
00:14:12,152 --> 00:14:15,386
[sighs]
what did I tell you?
Yeah, yeah.
313
00:14:15,388 --> 00:14:18,489
[pam]
well, but you gotta
hand it to him.
314
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:22,060
This was the best
voicemail ever!
315
00:14:22,062 --> 00:14:23,995
It would've been.
316
00:14:23,997 --> 00:14:26,331
It would've been.
[man] ocho!
317
00:14:26,333 --> 00:14:29,000
Mas tequila, pendejo!
318
00:14:29,002 --> 00:14:33,304
Then we're gonna go have us
a long talk
with miss daisy and the jew.
319
00:14:35,841 --> 00:14:36,908
[growls]
320
00:14:46,852 --> 00:14:48,887
So, would you say
it's serious?
321
00:14:48,889 --> 00:14:50,722
Ugh! I would, alan.
322
00:14:50,724 --> 00:14:52,690
We actually have
a child together, so--
323
00:14:52,692 --> 00:14:55,026
Ew--
oh, I meant, aww.
324
00:14:55,028 --> 00:14:57,395
So, I would love it
if you would shut up
325
00:14:57,397 --> 00:14:59,931
So I can think of
a way out of here.
326
00:14:59,933 --> 00:15:01,900
Uh, wanna try yanking
on the pipe?
327
00:15:01,902 --> 00:15:03,735
[archer laughs]
phrasing.
What the--
328
00:15:03,737 --> 00:15:06,237
Boom. Deal with it.
329
00:15:06,239 --> 00:15:09,874
[lana]
archer?
[grunts]
aka trunkmaster flex.
330
00:15:09,876 --> 00:15:11,609
Meh.
Oh, whatever.
331
00:15:11,611 --> 00:15:14,212
And what happened?
How'd you screw up
a simple handoff?
332
00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:16,214
Wha-- he didn't
bring the money.
333
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:18,049
Senator stay puft,
rebuttal?
334
00:15:18,051 --> 00:15:20,551
I didn't bring it,
because--
335
00:15:20,553 --> 00:15:22,720
[sighs]
because I don't have it.
336
00:15:22,722 --> 00:15:25,890
Wha-- well, who does?
I don't know. Wall street?
337
00:15:25,892 --> 00:15:28,393
Creditors?
The three different
mortgage companies?
338
00:15:28,395 --> 00:15:30,228
Whoever thought it was
a good idea to start
339
00:15:30,230 --> 00:15:32,897
A faux hillbilly restaurant
chain called "po' people"?
340
00:15:32,899 --> 00:15:35,900
Which was me, actually.
I've given her some
terrible investment advice.
341
00:15:35,902 --> 00:15:37,902
Wait. Did you mean
"po' folks"?
342
00:15:37,904 --> 00:15:39,804
No. Those guys
sued our dicks off.
343
00:15:39,806 --> 00:15:42,273
Wait. So, veronica deane
is broke?
344
00:15:42,275 --> 00:15:43,908
No. She's--
345
00:15:43,910 --> 00:15:45,743
Oh, my god.
Is that what this is?
346
00:15:45,745 --> 00:15:48,413
You're just intrigued
by the idea of a sugar mama?
347
00:15:48,415 --> 00:15:50,949
No, not at all.
Wait. What?
348
00:15:50,951 --> 00:15:52,583
What?
She's not broke.
349
00:15:52,585 --> 00:15:54,118
But she doesn't have two million
bucks for blackmail,
350
00:15:54,120 --> 00:15:55,753
So I figured I'd just bluff it,
351
00:15:55,755 --> 00:15:57,789
And then you guys
would take 'em down.
352
00:15:57,791 --> 00:16:01,259
Why would you think that?
Come on. I know
who you guys are.
353
00:16:01,261 --> 00:16:02,627
Okay. Jesus.
354
00:16:02,629 --> 00:16:05,763
Look, I am so, so sorry
we made your dogs sick.
355
00:16:05,765 --> 00:16:07,165
You what?
[sighs]
356
00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:08,766
What?
It was you!
357
00:16:08,768 --> 00:16:10,969
Jesus christ!
You broke into my house!
358
00:16:10,971 --> 00:16:13,438
You stole the disk!
Ugh! What were
you gonna say?
359
00:16:13,440 --> 00:16:16,274
That I know
you used to be spies!
360
00:16:16,276 --> 00:16:17,842
[archer, lana]
ohhhh.
361
00:16:17,844 --> 00:16:19,944
And assholes!
[grunting]
stop.
362
00:16:19,946 --> 00:16:22,647
St-- stop it. Stop it.
Ow!
363
00:16:22,649 --> 00:16:26,985
Sorry, but we got duped.
We thought we were stealing
the disk for veronica.
364
00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:28,686
Oh, now you're on
a first-name basis.
365
00:16:28,688 --> 00:16:32,857
And, again, seriously,
about the dogs--
[grunting]
366
00:16:32,859 --> 00:16:34,492
Ow!
Well?
367
00:16:34,494 --> 00:16:37,795
What is wrong with this thing?
Why can't I dial out?
368
00:16:37,797 --> 00:16:40,298
Because it's not--
hey, wait. Hang on. Stop.
369
00:16:40,300 --> 00:16:41,966
Stop.
You guys hear that?
370
00:16:41,968 --> 00:16:44,335
[crickets chirping][malory]my god!
371
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:46,170
He actually
trained crickets.
372
00:16:46,172 --> 00:16:48,373
No. I think that's--
jeezy petes!
[gasps]
373
00:16:48,375 --> 00:16:51,542
The line's still open!
What?
What are you saying?
374
00:16:51,544 --> 00:16:55,146
That's not archer's voicemail.
[gasps]
those are real-life crickets!
375
00:16:55,148 --> 00:16:57,982
So?
So everything we heard
really happened.
376
00:16:57,984 --> 00:17:00,051
[muffled scream]
377
00:17:03,555 --> 00:17:05,890
Well, what are we
waiting for?
378
00:17:05,892 --> 00:17:08,059
I'm not giving you my pants.
379
00:17:08,061 --> 00:17:11,863
Well, I won't proceed
without pants, lana,
and I can't wear his pants.
380
00:17:11,865 --> 00:17:14,499
Yeah. Plus, he's all
dirty and bloody.
381
00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:16,167
And it's not like
yours won't fit me.
382
00:17:16,169 --> 00:17:17,568
What is going on
with your thighs?
383
00:17:17,570 --> 00:17:19,837
Oh, my god.
They're jodhpurs!
384
00:17:19,839 --> 00:17:23,408
No. I know.
I mean lately.
385
00:17:23,410 --> 00:17:24,742
[grunts]
386
00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:26,577
[groaning, sobbing]
387
00:17:26,579 --> 00:17:28,579
I bet that would've hurt
even with pants.
388
00:17:28,581 --> 00:17:31,015
[krieger] okay, you're gonna
take the next exit.
[keyboard clacking]
389
00:17:31,017 --> 00:17:32,383
We're only a few miles out.
390
00:17:32,385 --> 00:17:34,085
And how are you
tracking his phone?
391
00:17:34,087 --> 00:17:36,687
Same way I track all of your--
um, so,
392
00:17:36,689 --> 00:17:40,024
You might even wanna start
getting over now for that exit.
393
00:17:40,026 --> 00:17:41,559
Bee-boop.
[archer groaning]
394
00:17:41,561 --> 00:17:43,194
Oh, get up, you big baby.
395
00:17:43,196 --> 00:17:44,862
I honestly don't think I can.
396
00:17:44,864 --> 00:17:47,532
Archer--
seriously, I was already
pretty exhausted.
397
00:17:47,534 --> 00:17:50,401
Physically, obviously,
I'm pretty sure
I got stabbed twice.
398
00:17:50,403 --> 00:17:53,604
Goddamn, dude.
But, man, emotionally?
399
00:17:53,606 --> 00:17:55,740
It's been a long time
since I killed anybody.
400
00:17:55,742 --> 00:17:58,543
You killed
some of the bikers?
They tried to wood-chipper me!
401
00:17:58,545 --> 00:18:00,545
No. I meant--
although to be fair,
402
00:18:00,547 --> 00:18:02,547
If you open what you think
is an empty trunk,
403
00:18:02,549 --> 00:18:05,716
And suddenly
there's a guy in there,
you're gonna overreact.
404
00:18:05,718 --> 00:18:09,554
Kind of like that time
I walked into that motel room,
and it was full of seagulls.
405
00:18:09,556 --> 00:18:11,289
Archer.
[chuckling]
god.
406
00:18:11,291 --> 00:18:13,558
Myrtle beach
is a train wreck.
Archer!
407
00:18:13,560 --> 00:18:16,727
I don't know, lana.
I may have.
I was in rampage mode.
408
00:18:16,729 --> 00:18:19,564
I definitely knocked out,
like, seven or eight, so--
409
00:18:19,566 --> 00:18:21,899
Goddamn!
Yeah. Pretty beat.
410
00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:24,902
So, is there any
liquor back here?
Like, even cooking sherry, or--
411
00:18:24,904 --> 00:18:28,573
My point is,
there's probably only two
or three bikers left out there.
412
00:18:28,575 --> 00:18:31,943
So go beat 'em up.
Get the keys, get the disk,
and let's get outta here.
413
00:18:31,945 --> 00:18:33,611
[door opens]
[man]
already?
414
00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:37,248
Don't you even wanna know
who hired us for the handoff?
415
00:18:37,250 --> 00:18:39,317
It was you!
416
00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:42,587
You had the fake veronica deane
hire us to steal that disk!
417
00:18:42,589 --> 00:18:44,755
What? Get--
[grunting]
418
00:18:44,757 --> 00:18:47,158
Ow! No, it wasn't me.
419
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:50,928
I'd never do that to veronica.
If that disk gets out,
she'll be ruined.
420
00:18:50,930 --> 00:18:54,132
And I'm--
and I'm in love with her.
421
00:18:54,134 --> 00:18:55,800
[sighs]
of course you are.
422
00:18:55,802 --> 00:18:57,268
Oh, don't be jealous, baby.
423
00:18:57,270 --> 00:18:59,604
You and I will always have
what we had.
424
00:18:59,606 --> 00:19:02,507
Wait. What? What?
Uh, so, who did hire you?
425
00:19:02,509 --> 00:19:04,809
That's for me to know
and you to find out.
426
00:19:04,811 --> 00:19:08,479
Well, and for us to find out,
too, since we
don't know, either.
427
00:19:08,481 --> 00:19:10,281
Or why I said that out loud.
428
00:19:10,283 --> 00:19:14,318
What we do know is that
our cut of two mil
is ten percent.
429
00:19:14,320 --> 00:19:18,489
So, unless somebody's got
two hundred grand burning
a hole in their pocket, I--
430
00:19:18,491 --> 00:19:21,826
I have a cashier's check
for that exact amount,
literally, in my pocket.
431
00:19:21,828 --> 00:19:24,962
It was to pay
these private dicks.
But if their actions
432
00:19:24,964 --> 00:19:26,964
Don't constitute
breach of contract, then--
433
00:19:26,966 --> 00:19:29,033
Well, I'll just go ahead
and take that.
434
00:19:29,035 --> 00:19:30,835
[mechanical whining]
[guns cocking]
435
00:19:30,837 --> 00:19:33,070
I already got dibs.
436
00:19:34,139 --> 00:19:36,140
And why the hell
are you naked?
437
00:19:36,142 --> 00:19:39,977
It's after labor day.
438
00:19:39,979 --> 00:19:41,646
You ain't gonna
get away with this.
439
00:19:41,648 --> 00:19:44,148
I'm gonna hunt you down,
like-- ow!
440
00:19:44,150 --> 00:19:46,484
Tell it to the cops,
shit-bird.
441
00:19:46,486 --> 00:19:49,053
Although obviously
never speak to the police
without an attorney present.
442
00:19:49,055 --> 00:19:51,055
[sighs]
thanks for coming, you guys.
443
00:19:51,057 --> 00:19:53,157
Oh, my tits, whaaat!
No.
444
00:19:53,159 --> 00:19:55,660
We're back to saying "phrasing."
[scoffs]
I'm not.
445
00:19:55,662 --> 00:19:58,162
Well, apparently
we're not saying "thank you."
446
00:19:58,164 --> 00:20:00,531
Thank you, mother,
for arriving.
447
00:20:00,533 --> 00:20:02,166
Wait. So, could ray
not be bothered?
448
00:20:02,168 --> 00:20:04,936
He's outside,
securing the perimeter.
449
00:20:08,507 --> 00:20:10,074
Say I won't.
450
00:20:10,076 --> 00:20:12,376
Good work, ray.
Thanks for coming.
451
00:20:12,378 --> 00:20:13,878
Oh, my tits, whaaat!
452
00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,346
What are you wearing?
453
00:20:15,348 --> 00:20:16,881
[chuckling]
what are you wearing?
454
00:20:16,883 --> 00:20:18,349
Thought I might
have to go undercover.
455
00:20:18,351 --> 00:20:20,851
As what?
A biker, dum-dum.
456
00:20:20,853 --> 00:20:24,021
[chuckling]
it's just you look
kind of gay.
457
00:20:24,023 --> 00:20:26,724
I look gay.
A little bit. Yeah.
458
00:20:26,726 --> 00:20:29,260
Well, did you see lana?
Hey, earl campbell called.
459
00:20:29,262 --> 00:20:30,962
He wants his thighs back.
460
00:20:39,705 --> 00:20:42,206
[cyril]
okay, so, first case--
pros and cons.
461
00:20:42,208 --> 00:20:46,577
Well, we got tricked into
blackmailing veronica deane,
beloved hollywood icon.
462
00:20:46,579 --> 00:20:48,879
Yeah, that's definitely
a con.
But then we--
463
00:20:48,881 --> 00:20:52,049
Well, I totally kicked ass
and got the disk back.
464
00:20:52,051 --> 00:20:53,618
I will begrudge you a pro.
465
00:20:53,620 --> 00:20:56,053
Although I didn't get
to give it to her in person.
466
00:20:56,055 --> 00:20:58,122
Maybe over cocktails.
Pro.
467
00:20:58,124 --> 00:21:01,459
Also, we never found out
what's on it or what
"longwater" even means, so--
468
00:21:01,461 --> 00:21:03,227
Because it's none
of our business!
469
00:21:03,229 --> 00:21:05,396
Oh, and speaking
of business,
470
00:21:05,398 --> 00:21:08,633
Shapiro said he'd recommend us
to any of his clients
that might need pi work.
471
00:21:08,635 --> 00:21:11,135
Ooh, the case
of the missing kishke.
472
00:21:11,137 --> 00:21:13,604
Oh, and I also got stabbed.
473
00:21:13,606 --> 00:21:15,740
How is that a pro, you dick?
474
00:21:15,742 --> 00:21:17,275
Learning experience?
475
00:21:17,277 --> 00:21:19,644
Well, joke's on you.
I didn't learn anything.
476
00:21:19,646 --> 00:21:21,245
There's your fridge magnet.
477
00:21:21,247 --> 00:21:23,814
So, all in all,
I'd say our first case was
478
00:21:23,816 --> 00:21:25,650
A bit of a mixed bag.
479
00:21:25,652 --> 00:21:27,151
Oh, I don't know.
480
00:21:27,153 --> 00:21:29,654
Two hundred thousand dollars
for two days' work?
481
00:21:29,656 --> 00:21:31,756
That's not too shabby, people.
482
00:21:31,758 --> 00:21:35,259
Two hundred thousand
divided by eight
equal shares.
483
00:21:35,261 --> 00:21:38,262
That's-- holy shit-snacks!
25 grand each?
484
00:21:38,264 --> 00:21:39,964
Wait. What do you mean,
"equal shares"?
485
00:21:39,966 --> 00:21:41,999
What do you think this is,
a pirate ship?
486
00:21:42,001 --> 00:21:45,303
Well, there's an easy way
to find out.
487
00:21:45,305 --> 00:21:49,340
Like, I assume there's
some sort of leather-bound
ship's registry
488
00:21:49,342 --> 00:21:52,143
In the office
of the lord high admiral.
489
00:21:52,145 --> 00:21:55,613
Ugh! Fine!
I'll find it myself.
490
00:21:55,615 --> 00:21:57,548
Idiots!
491
00:21:59,451 --> 00:22:02,253
♪
492
00:22:17,135 --> 00:22:21,072
[man]made in georgia.
38852
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
