All language subtitles for Lucifer_S02E08_Trip to Stabby Town.English (CC)

[Lucifer]
Previously on Lucifer...

I don't care much for my dad.

But you clearly care about yours,

I think he would be proud of you.

[Lucifer] Uriel. That's Azrael's Blade.

You're not planning on
taking Mom back to Hell.

That weapon
will wipe her out of existence entirely.

No Heaven, no Hell, just...

gone.

Why do you feel guilty?

[Lucifer] Uriel didn't just die.

I killed him.

I need you to be honest with me.

About who you are.

No more lies.

[Lucifer] Very well.

This is where Lucifer buried your brother.

Why did he do this?

-Lucifer was just trying--
-No, Mom, not Lucifer, Father.

If he wanted to, he could've
prevented all of this from happening.

I'm done trying to please
someone who isn't even here.

[groans and grunts]

What the hell?

Get off me.

Help!

[man 1] Stop. Stop.

[man 2] Leave her alone.

[man 3] Hey, man. Stop.

Help!

Wait, it's you?

You're kidding me, right?

We can totally work this out.

[groaning]

And so there we were, the Detective and I.

Standing in her kitchen,
and she made me...

a sandwich.

I believe this is the part where you tell
me it's much more than just a sandwich.

For example,

maybe it was a gesture of intimacy.

You know,
the slices of bread representing,

perhaps, the Detective's trust?

Or was it a mistrustful sandwich?

Doctor, please, what delicious message
was she sending me?

What about Hitler?

The sandwich is Hitler?

How did you actually torture Hitler
in Hell?

I mean, is his cell next to Idi Amin's?

Or Mussolini's?

Or is there kind of a...
a tyrant wing in Hell?

Right.

I suppose it was futile of me to think

that you wouldn't want
to discuss the whole,

"I'm really the Devil" thing.

The actual Devil.

[sighs]

Look, I have to say,

I was worried I'd never see you again.

I thought I'd scared you off for good.

Yes, well, Maze, of all people...

Well, of all demons...

gave me some needed clarity.

-Did she, now?
-Yes.

Right.

Well, speaking of clarity, do you mind

if we return to
my current emotional growth?

Oh. Yes. Sorry.

Apology accepted.

So, um...

What do you think it means?

What about my uncle Edwin?

Is he down there?

I mean, because he was...

[chuckles]

He was one bad Mama Jama.

[Lucifer] I think
I've broken my therapist.

And now she's somewhere
to the left of totally useless

and to the right of babbling lunatic.

Oh. So she's you in a skirt.

Very funny. This is serious, Detective.
I'm actually a bit worried for her.

Hmm, I'm sure she'll be fine.

But if you need anyone to talk to,
I'm here.

This is actually something
I can't discuss with you.

[sighs] What? I'm sure I can handle it.

-I've seen all your ugly parts by now.
-Not even close, I'm afraid...

Saved by the Douche.

Our victim's name is Maddie Howard.

She was attacked
when she left her apartment.

The assailant chased her down the alley,
and stabbed her repeatedly.

Nineteen times, to be exact.

[Chloe] Overkill is usually
a crime of passion.

They probably knew each other.

She was killed in broad daylight.
There must have been witnesses.

Yeah, a bunch,
but depending on who you ask,

the killer was a male who's either
Hispanic, Caucasian, or black.

Short or tall, brown or blonde hair,
or completely bald.

So we're dealing with a shapeshifter?

You know, eye-witness testimonies
can be unreliable.

Yeah, people's ojos go a little loco.

Evidence, however, does not lie.

We got substantial bruising to the skin.

Blade penetrated
not only soft tissue, but also bone.

So the killer was big and strong.

Also blonde head-hair,
so odds are really good

we're looking for a white guy.

Hey, guys, I got something over here.

Tourist caught
the beginning moments of the attack

-in the background of a photo.
-[Chloe] Did you get a look at the killer?

No, but look at this,
got a good look at the weapon.

Pretty insane.

It's like a movie prop or something...

No. It can't be.

What do you mean, "Can't be"?

A movie prop.
Those things are rubber, aren't they?

-What?
-I have to go.

[Maze] I don't really have time
for a hike, Lucifer.

Bounty business is booming, okay.

-So this better be important.
-It is.

Is this...

[Amenadiel] Where Lucifer buried Uriel.

Yeah.

Okay.

So, if you two wanna cry it out,
I'll be in the car.

-What's happened, Lucifer?
-Well, someone dug up the grave.

Yeah, I can see that.

But why? Uriel's body is still there.

Yes, but Azrael's Blade isn't.

I believe the weapon of
the Angel of Death is in human hands.

[theme music playing]

So let me get this straight.

In human hands,
Azrael's Blade wants to kill?

It demands to be used.
To fulfill its purpose.

Humans are more malleable than we are.

So, it whispers in their ears,
beckons to be held.

It takes any reason
someone might want to hurt another...

And amplifies it 1,000 fold.

So, if someone leaves a toilet seat up?

Trip to stabby town, yes.

Hmm. That's one angry-ass knife.

[Lucifer] Yes, well, it was stolen
from the Angel of Death.

Sis is no sweet peach, is she?

Listen, we're wasting time here.
We need to find the Blade.

Why?

So a few meter maids bite the dust.
Who cares?

People off each other all the time.

No, Maze, you don't understand.

This will accelerate.

Passing from human to human,

leaving an unimaginable trail
of destruction in its wake.

Yes, nasty little thing.

We need to retrieve it.

Oh, I'm so glad
you're on board with this, Lucy.

I mean, who'd have thought that
bringing celestial objects to Earth

might lead to such destruction?

Ooh, I like the smug.
Much sexier than the earnest.

I'm just surprised that you would actually
take a little bit of responsibility.

I thought an unmarked grave in the middle
of nowhere would be safe enough.

Clearly, I was wrong.

But I clean up my messes.

[scoffs]

Well, good luck, you two.

[scoffs]

-You'll want to help, Maze.
-No, thanks.

Let me remind you. I have a job.

And let me remind you
that the Blade doesn't just kill humans.

It also obliterates celestial beings,
including demons.

So, say the Detective were to find it
and bring it home...

I get snuffed out
for not doing the dishes.

Which is why the Detective
can't be part of this investigation.

Now, I'll need you two
to move Uriel's body.

Somewhere it won't be found this time.

Very well.

And one note.

You are to do so without disturbing
the grave site in the slightest,

specifically that footprint there.

[Maze] Why?

Because I'm going to get an expert
to help me examine it.

[Ella] You need a favor?

Yes, your scientific expertise
on a discreet matter.

Mmm. Paternity test?

Do I look like someone
who would be so irresponsible?

Regardless, if you do this favor for me,

then I'll do a favor for you in return.

Lucifer, the whole point of a favor
is to do it for free.

Okay, and then you just trust.
The love will come back to you somehow.

Favors are about faith.

Ugh, please don't ruin favors for me.

Now, come on, I insist. Tit for tat.

Fine. Um...

Well, there is something

-that I would like.
-Mmm.

But I'm not sure you can handle it.

Oh, well, now, I'm intrigued.

I mean, it might be a little
inappropriate among colleagues.

Oh, right. Even better. Why don't you...

-Well. Okay, so... Right... [whispering]
-Hmm.

[Lucifer] Sure...

Oh, no, no. Definitely not.

You're the one who wanted tit for tat.

[laughs] Yes, if only it were that simple.

[sighs]

All right, fine. You have a deal.

Gosh, you're a nasty little nerd,
aren't you?

Right. Here we are.

[Ella] Does your favor involve killing me?

-[laughs]
-[yelps]

I'm just kidding, no.

I need you to do your forensic whatnots

and work out what disturbed this area.

Uh, you mean this empty grave?

Look, you said to me
that favors were about faith, right?

Yeah.

Well, I am asking you to have faith in me.

And know that I wouldn't ask
anything untoward of you.

You know, when you use
my own words against me like that,

-it's actually really hard to say no.
-I know.

There's some very interesting
footprints over there.

[Ella] Well, looks like
we got a man's sneaker.

Okay, I'll take a mold,
but assuming it's one of the major brands,

I mean, you're looking at a pool of,
like, two million dudes in LA.

Maybe 10,000 robust ladies.

Well, I was hoping for something
a little more specific.

It's not how analytical science works.

Someone tried to burn something.

It looks like there's writing on one side.

[chuckles]

I should be able to reconstruct this
at the lab.

Huh. Excellent. Right, whilst you do that,
I'll get back to the Detective.

Oh, and remember...

Yeah. Don't tell anyone about
your super-creepy non-grave grave.

Got it.

[Chloe] So you worked here
with the deceased?

We didn't just work together,
I mean, Maddie was a friend.

The person who introduced me
to The Glory Way.

God. I can't believe that she's dead.

-I'm sorry, The Glory... What?
-The Glory hole.

-The Glory Way...
-[chuckles]

developed by our Guru, Jenson Glory.

The Glory Way
is a mind and body sensibility system

designed to reveal what we call,
the "home you."

Right.

Do people actually believe

the word salad that you're selling?
[laughs]

I mean, look, I enjoy a taut spandex
wrapped backside as much as the next chap,

but that was one large helping
of spiritual gobbledygook.

Follow Jenson's teachings
and you will uncover your true self.

And what if your true self is a 400 pound
nimrod with flatulence issues?

Just saying,
some things are better left buried.

Given the specifics of the murder,

we're looking for someone
who had a real hatred for Maddie.

Does anyone come to mind?

No. Maddie was a wholesome soul.

-A true light--
-What about petty grievances?

Perhaps Maddie drank
someone's probiotic smoothie

or did one too much Peacock poses
for someone's taste?

-Lucifer--
-Think.

There must been some little disagreements.

So, why don't you write us up a list?

Anyone who so much as raised

a patchouli-scented eyebrow
in Maddie's direction could be the killer.

Excuse us.

That's not the profile of the murderer
we're investigating.

I'm just being thorough, Detective.

Like you said, "Shake the bushes
until the truth flies free."

I don't think I've ever said that before.

-No?
-Mmm-mmm.

Oh, perhaps it was Ms. Lopez.

Mmm. You've been spending
a lot of time with Ella.

You know, working together, I mean.
[clears throat]

Not particularly.

Hmm.

-Shall we see how this list is getting on?
-Mmm-hmm.

[humming]

Glad to see you're hard at work.

You know, studies show that the brain does

some of its best work
when it's not trying.

That's why great ideas come in the shower.

For me, it's usually women.

Any progress so far?

-Damn straight.
-Hmm.

I re-hydrated that burned piece of paper
we found at your super-creepy place

using polyvinyl acetate.

That's easy for you to say.

I ran these pieces
through a pattern recognition program

and I found two things.

First...

What looks to be a map

leading from downtown LA
to that exact spot you took me to.

Right. What was the second thing?

Some business logo of a law firm.

What law firm?

Bloody hell.

[door closes]

I said no interruptions.

So unless you're that broad-shouldered
intern from this morning...

[Lucifer] Hello, Mum.

Oh. [chuckles]

-Hello, Son.
-It appears you've been busy.

I was getting bored
with my mate and offspring,

so I thought I'd dive into my employment.

Not that hard once you read the law books.

What law books?

All of them.

It took less than a weekend,
with time to teach the hubbie new tricks.

Have you ever heard of something called
the reverse cowgirl?

Well, I'm thrilled, Mum. Really, I am.

Here you are studying law
and the Kamasutra...

And drawing maps to Uriel's grave!

[laughs]

Did someone find the Blade?

So you admit that you led a human to it?

Well, not "a" human. More like, 10.

-Ten?
-Maybe 12.

-But...
-Fifteen?

Only my craftiest clients.

I had to make sure that
someone would actually follow through

and dig the damn thing up.

Why in the world would you tell people?

-What is wrong with you?
-Me?

If you didn't want the Blade found,

you shouldn't have left it
in a hole in the ground.

A filled-in hole in the middle of nowhere

which no one would've possibly found
if not for you.

-Yes. Well, there's that.
-[Lucifer sighs]

Besides, where else
am I gonna hide it, Lux?

You know how many people
traipse through there each week?

Well, I don't know, your bedroom then.

Worse.

Yes. You are sexually prolific.

[giggles]

Turns out, you get that from me.

Oh, Mum, why?

Why would you release
Azrael's Blade into the world?

[sighs]

Because I wanted to get
your father's attention.

Your brother, Uriel, my son, died.

Do you think it's crazy
that I wanted to talk about it?

Mourn with him, maybe?

So, I reached out.

And guess what I got back?

-Nothing.
-Yes.

Like always.

So, I figured that if his toys
started stabbing each other

with a celestial blade,
then maybe he might take a moment.

Humans are dying because of you.

Well, humans die. They all do eventually.

It's what they were designed to do.

Yes, but not like this.

Your vacation here has changed you.

You seem attached to these creatures,

and I can't, for the life of me,
figure out why.

Look.

You say you want to stay here on Earth
to live with your sons. Right?

So, a choice.

Willingly help me get the Blade back

or I'll send Maze over here
to give you some inspiration.

[chuckles]

Fine.

You're killing my reverse cowgirl high.

LAPD investigation, that's right...

Uh, just your whereabouts
around 7:00 a.m. this morning.

Okay. Can you prove that?

Right. Thank you.

So the guy that complained Maddie
didn't have enough cool-down time

was at an ashram in Sedona.
So, not our guy.

My pudding's gone. [sighs]

-I'm sorry?
-In the break room fridge. My pudding.

Clearly labeled, "Dan," it's gone.

Not the first time either.

Wow.

You want me to put some unis on it?

-You want me to schedule a stake out?
-No, Chloe.

Are you even okay?

I'm just saying that a man's snacks,
they're sacred, okay?

-Okay.
-What up, Detective people?

-Hey.
-Hey.

Are Lucifer and Ella working on a case
that I don't know about?

Mmm. Why?

No reason. They just seem to be
spending a lot of time together.

-Is someone jealous?
-What?

No. No way. Gross.

'Cause you can tell me if you are.
I mean...

We can be there for each other as friends
even if it's about another guy.

Great. But Lucifer's not another guy.
He's a weirdo.

This is about partnership. Nothing more.
Partners don't keep secrets.

Well, maybe with Ella,
it's more than just sex,

maybe it's a little more serious.

No, it's not like Lucifer.

-I don't think he--
-Not like Lucifer would what?

Likes poker.

Dan has a monthly game.

Oh, no, I love a good gamble. Count me in.

Right, where's that list of grievances
against poor Maddie?

The... All right...

-Here you go.
-Lovely, thank you.

-[Dan whispers]
-[Chloe] Okay, you're making it weird.

[Dan] [mocking] You're making it weird.

[Chloe] I'll make it weird on your face.

Duncan Watts is our killer.

-What makes you say that?
-Just a hunch.

Duncan Watts.

His offices are upstairs
above the yoga studio.

Oh, and he's Maddie
and Corrina's landlord.

[Dan] Duncan was apparently upset
that Maddie kept parking in his spot.

He also tried to have the yoga studio
evicted a few months ago.

Neither of which is really a reason
for 19 stabs.

Yes, but just look at his stabby mug.

Hmm? Blonde hair, thick neck
which suggests Cro-Magnon strength,

just as our dear Ella guesstimated.

"Dear Ella"?

-Where are you going?
-I'm just off to see this Duncan chap.

No, we will go together
like partners. Okay?

Right, yes. I just need to make
a quick phone call first.

Oh, okay. No worries.

Private phone call, Detective.

-Give me a moment.
-Sure.

[Maze] You sure this is the right place?

[Amenadiel] Duncan Watts, Maze.
That's the name Lucifer gave me.

-I got nothing.
-Yeah, me neither.

Even if we find the Blade,
it's a temporary fix.

Your mom is the problem.

[scoffs]

She released the Blade to create chaos
and you two respond by coddling her.

Nobody's coddling her, all right?

Tell yourself whatever you want.
But you know it's true,

and it explains a lot.

Explains what?

[snickers]

Doesn't really matter anymore.

But just so you know,
this whole "Mama's boy" thing?

Kind of a turn off.

Oh, yeah?

Well, your whole "skin tight leather,
hot body everywhere" thing?

-Mmm-hmm.
-It's really not that...

It's not that great.

Yeah, it is.

They're here.

Yeah, we should probably warn Lucifer.

-Well?
-There's no Blade.

[sighs]

Right. Use the back way out.

Ah, Detective, you know, after reflection,
I think you're right.

Parking space thievery
is no motive for murder.

What is going on with you?

First, you're so eager to get here

you practically jump out of my car
before I parked.

And now, you wanna leave.
What are you hiding?

Hiding? What would I be hiding?

Blood.

What?

This is unit 831 requesting backup.

Soul Depot. 15534 Hillgreen Drive.

It's Duncan.

Must have been some parking space.

-Uh, Detective?
-Yeah.

Seems this class took
corpse pose quite literally.

[camera clicking]

[sirens wailing]

[sighs] So, no sign of the murder weapon?

-Mmm-mmm.
-You sure?

Right. Nothing left
for us to do here then, I suppose.

Except for figuring out how
six people were killed.

I'm thinking the primary killer
was Duncan.

Killing Maddie didn't satiate his anger,

so he went after her clients...

and probably got stabbed when
one of them defended themselves.

I doubt it.

More likely the weapon was passed
from one person to the next

in a game of murderous hot potato.

That's insane.

I know, right? Totally insane,
and probably exactly what happened.

I say this with huge respect for the dead,

but this case is totally gonna be a panel
at the next forensic conference.

Okay, so, based on my preliminary
assessment of the wounds,

it looks like Duncan
came through the door,

attacked victim number two

with the same weapon
he used to kill Maddie Howard.

But Duncan had ligature marks on his neck,

like someone strangled him from behind
with a yoga strap.

Like this here. Right?

Which is when he attacked
victim number three.

But victim number three
had defensive wounds

that match skin flecks
under the fingernails of number four.

So, I'm thinking Duncan dropped the knife.

Okay? Number four picked it up, right,

attacked number three, like this...

Right. And then at some point,
number five got involved.

[Lucifer] And so on and so on
until full Yoga Massacre.

Oh, that'll be what the panel's called,
Full Yoga Massacre 2016.

-Very good.
-Okay, so,

say that all happened
like you just said it did,

which is crazy.

There are seven mats and seven bodies...

Yeah, so?

So, Duncan was the pissed off landlord,
not the class attendee.

Subtract him we're missing one yogi.

Okay, well, all the bodies were situated
around these six mats.

The student mats.

So, that could be...

teacher's mat, maybe.

The teacher must have been here.

Get this. Teacher training taught by
Jenson Glory himself.

I mean, his body's not among the dead.
Could be our missing victim.

Slash attacker.

[Chloe] Guy's a piece of work.

Jenson Glory,
his real name is Jamie Ostrowski.

Soul Depot is the latest in
a long line of failed fitness enterprises.

Glory has five fraud lawsuits,

two sexual harassment claims

working their way through
the court system.

Sexual harassment?

Yeah, former assistants.
Both beautiful young women like Maddie.

Oh, and look at the contract that they
sign when students join Soul Depot.

"I surrender myself to Soul Depot,
body, mind, and soul

"and to the only true guru
of health and serenity, Jenson Glory."

-Wow.
-Pretty much a cult.

Think he brainwashed his students
into a Jonestown type thing?

Kind of a stretch, right?

-That a yoga pun?
-No. It's an honest question.

I mean, drinking cyanide juice
is one thing.

But a bunch of people stabbing each other?

Totally insane.

A magic blade in Los Angeles
which belongs to the Angel of Death?

Now in the hands of a yogi shyster

who's apparently touchy-feely
in more ways than one.

Okay. Can we go back
to the Angel of Death?

Is he another one of your brothers?

Sister, actually.

The Angel of Death is a chick?

Yes, I sort of wish we were back
to talking in metaphors.

That makes two of us.

Because I do actually have things
that I'd like to talk about, Doctor.

Oh. Oh, yes. I'm so sorry. Yes, please.

Right, so,

my mum asked me why I care so much
about these people dying,

and I'm not sure I know.

I mean, it's not like
I know them personally. And Maze is right.

Even without Azrael's Blade,
humans are capricious.

Hell, they're willing to trade their souls
to lose unsightly tummy fat.

So, why should I feel bad,

why should I feel responsible?

Why am I doing my own therapy?

Lucifer, I'm sorry.

I'm trying to digest
this whole thing myself.

And, well, there's no listing in the DSM-5
for Azrael's Blade Anxiety.

-[cell phone vibrating]
-Oh.

Excuse me.

Ah.

The guru with the doo-doo juju
has been picked up.

So, I'm afraid
that's all we got time for today...

Just call me if we need to reschedule.

I wasn't even at the studio, actually.

It's not what the schedule says.

May I have a tea?

Siberian ginseng if you have it.

Well. Hello, Richard Simmons.
Sorry I'm late.

-Where's the knife?
-Who is this tense man?

Okay, back to the teacher training class.
Can you prove that you weren't there?

Of course, there's a computer system.

All of the teachers
have to swipe a key card. Even me.

Check it.

-So, where were you?
-Home.

I've missed the last few classes actually.
I've been sick.

Obsessing over a new toy, more like.

What're you talking about?

I'm talking about something that is
probably beckoning you as we speak.

Whispering to you to do terrible things.

Wretched, sinful deeds.

That's true. I want...

Go on, tell me. Tell me what you want.
What you really, really want.

I want...

a raspberry cream-cheese muffin.

And to take this thing off.

Oh, boy! Expecting twins, are we?

I backslid a little bit, all right?

But carbs are the Devil's spawn, man.

Don't blame your weaknesses on me.

Is that why you didn't show up
to the class?

Because you gained weight?

Of course. No one's gonna find their
"home self" from a guru

who looks like he ate all the furniture.

Well, I think I'd rather be chubby
than a handsy dipstick in a corset.

That's it. I want my lawyer now.

Well, don't eat him.

All right, listen.

We searched Glory's house,
his car, his other car.

There is no Blade.

[Maze] We did find a safe in the basement.

Pop-Tarts.

Which you stole?

I figured it's a win-win.

I was saving the evil Guru from future fat
and, you know, Pop-Tarts.

Mr. Glory has a second home. In Ventura.

If you wouldn't mind.

Okay, we'll check it out.

Lucy, if he's the one with the Blade,

he's much more likely to go on
a killing spree than to stash it.

[elevator bell dings]

Ah! Come back
for your processed pastries...

Ms. Lopez. Well, this is a surprise.

Have you found something new?

Oh, I found something all right.

Proof of Bigfoot?

Tread on the shoes Duncan Watts
was wearing when he was found dead.

Tread that you showed me
at your super-weirdo hole in the ground.

They match,

which means that this case
and your favor are connected.

Start talkin', dude.

[chuckles nervously]

Do you have something to do
with these murders?

[scoffs]

Come clean with me
or I can't keep this a secret anymore.

You see, that's just it.

The last person I came clean with
became a tad untethered.

Dude, I grew up in Detroit.

Look, all I can tell you is I'm dealing
with a matter of cosmic importance

and I ask you to indulge me
for just a little longer.

You mean, have faith.

[scoffs] Tomayto, tomahto.

Well, I guess faith isn't faith
unless it's tested.

Hmm.

-Bring it in.
-What?

Oh.

[elevator bell dings]

-[Chloe] Ella?
-Detective?

Oh, um...

I was just...

You see there's this store
that has really special soap, and...

Well, you know...
But I should really get going now

and clean stuff with, uh, soap...

-Bye.
-Enjoy your shower.

So, um...

To what do I owe this pleasure?

Jenson's home security system

shows video of him sleeping
during the murders.

So he wasn't lying about that.

We checked the key card system
at Soul Depot.

And guess who was subbing for Jenson.

Corrina, Maddie's co-manager.

All right. And where is Corrina now?

[Chloe] We checked her house
she wasn't there.

Forensics confirm that
she didn't kill anyone at Soul Depot,

so she's either running,
hiding or scared...

I put out a BOLO.

You know, I don't think
Corrina is the one running this time.

What? Where are you going?

Hello?

["Darkroom Double" playing]

♪ Let go ♪

♪ Say come down easier ♪

♪ I know the fear will wash away ♪

[Lucifer] Hello?

Anyone here wielding
a deadly, celestial blade?

Hello? Anyone?

Well, that would be a resounding yes.

I...

I don't know what happened.

I was in class and Duncan barged in...

It was horrible.

All that killing...

And the knife was on the ground...

It started calling you.

-Did I do that?
-Yes.

You got retribution
for a grudge, I believe.

And it wasn't
an insignificant grudge, was it?

Did he harass you like the others?

Or was it worse than that?

Years ago, we were alone in the studio.

I, I...

I said, no, I swear. But he wouldn't stop.

I tried to forget. I...

You tried to bury it deep,
get on with your life.

You might have succeeded if not for...

[sighs] The Blade.

LAPD! Hands in the air.

[Dan] Move away from the body, Corrina.

-Now!
-[Corrina] I...

-I killed him. I did this...
-Acted in self-defense.

Mr. Glory attacked Corrina first.

She had no choice but to wield that knife.

Detective, I think, in this case,
justice has actually been served.

Henderson, take her statement.

-Where's the murder weapon?
-What?

Unis shouldn't have bagged it
without taking photos.

They couldn't help themselves.

Anyone else feeling a murderous urge? No?

The need to slice and dice?

Anyone?

[sighs]

Oh, no.

Detective Douche. Daniel. Dan.

Why don't you put down the knife? Hmm?

Bury the proverbial hatchet and all that?

I mean, I know we've had
our differences in the past.

But, we're friends now, right?

You ruined my marriage.

I'll take that as a no.

My life went to Hell when I met you.

I'll tell you what,
technically, that's not true,

but I understand the basic metaphor.

[grunts]

Easy with the Blade, Detective.

One deep cut, and yours truly
could be wiped from existence.

Prayers answered.

[grunts]

What?

Look, Detective,

I can assure you,
your current mood will be rectified,

by simply putting down the knife.

My entire life imploded because of you.

-What?
-My marriage! [grunting]

My job!

-My snacks.
-What?

I know you ate my pudding.

What, you really wanna smite me
over a tub of sweetened goo?

[Dan yells]

You're damn right, I am.

Dan? Dan...
Recent friend. Growing compatriot.

Your marriage was already on the rocks.

You started cutting procedural corners
way before I arrived.

And as for your pudding...

As for your pudding, I...

Okay. Yes, I sometimes lay waste
to the precinct fridge.

But have mercy, Daniel.
How was I supposed to know it was yours?

Because it was labeled!

You're fighting the Blade,

which indicates a strength
I didn't know you had.

Look at me in the eye. Look at me.

Your marriage, did I ruin it?

-No.
-No.

We were separated
before Chloe even met you.

And your career?

-Palmetto, was all me.
-Yeah.

[panting]

[exhales]

-What are we doing back here?
-Hmm?

Oh, just a nice intimate chat
between friends.

I'm glad you got it off your chest.

-Oh, man, you're bleeding.
-What?

Oh, it's just a scratch, really.
Nothing to worry about.

And you, how are you doing?

[laughs]

I feel great, actually.

Good.

Good talk.

Ah, good morning, Detective.
Everything all right?

No, heads are going to roll.

First, some tech pulled the murder weapon
without documentation,

and now it's just gone.

Right, well, it's probably for the best.

Nasty bit of steel, anyway.

So, one second,
you're obsessed with the knife,

and now, it's just no big deal?

But we got the murderer, didn't we?
Job done.

You know, Lucifer...

I thought you and I
had a real moment the other day,

talking about my dad.

I thought we were partners,
but, more importantly, friends.

[clears throat]

Right.

Is this about me and Ella
in the penthouse?

Look, who you sleep with
is none of my business.

But, I mean, the lab tech? Really?

It's a little inappropriate.

Well, as much as I love to cross
professional boundaries, Detective,

I can assure you, everything you saw
was entirely work-related.

Is that the truth?

Always the truth.

Point of pride for me, Detective.

-Got you.
-But, you know, if you ever did want to

cross boundaries into
"partner-friends who hang out naked--"

Okay. Stop talking.

[Linda] So, a global crisis averted?

Yes, for now.

So we can talk about Caligula, Stalin...

Trump. I mean,

I know he's not dead,
but he's definitely going.

Lucifer, I owe you an apology.

But in my defense...

you're the Devil.

[chuckles]

Things were much less complicated
when I thought you were

just another average delusional patient
with a complicated family.

Well, I've never been average, Linda.

Mentally, physically,
and, as you know, sexually.

Oh, my God.

I had sex with the Devil.

Many, many times. And you're welcome.

Okay, now, see, that I understand.

Narcissistic tendencies,
rooted in a complex paternal relationship

and a disrupted adolescence.

See? Just another screwed up patient.
And you can treat me as such.

[sighs]

All right.

Let's do this.

The doctor is in.

Lovely.

I really do have urgent business
to attend to.

Are you certain that
this is the favor that you desire?

Because, believe me when I say

the last two times
I darkened the doorstep of a church,

insert blood-soaked carnage here.

Again with the drama.

We solved your case, now I get my favor.

Just go with me, okay?

Look, since the moment we met,

okay, I've had this spidey sense
that you were,

I don't know, searching for something.

-Right. Spiritual lost-and-found.
-Yes.

And I have found a lot since I developed
a relationship with the big guy.

And so might you.

Trust me,
we're much closer than you think.

-Well, then, no harm, no foul.
-I beg to differ.

Oh. On second thoughts.

What? That should at least give someone
a reason to go to confession.

So where will you put it, brother?

Somewhere far away from our mum,
for starters.

[elevator bell dings]

Mmm.

And speak of the Devil's mum.

[Charlotte] Well, that was fast.

You couldn't have waited
a day or two to find it?

There hasn't been nearly enough carnage.
Now, we'll never hear from your father.

All the killing in the world
may not have gotten his attention, Mum.

Surely you've learned that by now.

Uriel was our son. Your brother.

We should grieve together.

[Lucifer] I don't think
that's all this is about.

You want something from him.

-What is it?
-What I've always wanted.

I want my family back.

-I'm afraid that's not possible.
-Oh, but it is.

With my two sons by my side.
A united front.

Your father will be forced
to listen to reason.

[Lucifer] Force Dad?

I think human delusion
is rubbing off on you, Mother.

Tell her.

Lucy, I can't. Because I agree with her.

I thought you were just Team Mum
because you couldn't fly her back to Hell.

-Since when did you turn?
-Now, more than ever,

I know that humanity
and divinity do not mix.

The Blade, Lucy,
that Blade was the last straw.

It shouldn't be here.

We shouldn't be here.

[chuckles] Well,
I am not going back to Hell.

This isn't about returning to Hell,

this is about Heaven.
It's about going home.

Home?

For you, maybe.

Neither of you understand, do you?
You never have.

Hell wasn't home, and Heaven was...

Well, Hell.

The only place I've ever felt
wanted or respected--

Is here? With humanity?

Yes! This is my home!

Deal with it, Mother.

Fine.

No sense arguing.

Time to go.

Careful. It's sharp.

What's that saying?

When my dear husband closes a door,
he opens a window?

The window just opened.

[theme music playing]