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1
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- Hi, Christy, alcoholic.
- Hi, Christy.
2
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I know I've shared about this before...
3
00:00:05,368 --> 00:00:07,250
Yeah, yeah, I was a crappy mom.
4
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Let it go.
5
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I'm talking about being lonely.
6
00:00:11,355 --> 00:00:13,148
Oh, great, carry on.
7
00:00:14,843 --> 00:00:17,727
So, anyway, there's this
cute guy at my school,
8
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and we'd been doing
the smiley, flirty thing
9
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for a couple of weeks,
10
00:00:22,433 --> 00:00:25,209
and one day I just got tired of waiting
11
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for him to make a move
and I gave him my number.
12
00:00:27,338 --> 00:00:29,072
He seemed really excited,
13
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said he was gonna call, so,
crazy me, I believed him.
14
00:00:33,377 --> 00:00:35,476
I mean, he drives a Prius.
15
00:00:35,947 --> 00:00:38,815
Prius equals sincere,
everybody knows that.
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00:00:39,268 --> 00:00:42,752
Except Brad... that's
his name... never called.
17
00:00:43,057 --> 00:00:45,393
So I give him the benefit of the doubt.
18
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Maybe a parent died, maybe he died.
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I was hoping he died.
20
00:00:49,594 --> 00:00:50,927
And then this morning
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00:00:50,995 --> 00:00:52,262
there he was,
22
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walking across campus, so not dead.
23
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And that's when it hit me,
24
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I'm gonna be alone forever.
25
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I have been sober for almost four years,
26
00:01:05,409 --> 00:01:06,877
and, yes, my life is better for it,
27
00:01:06,944 --> 00:01:09,312
but nobody told me that
leading a clean life
28
00:01:09,337 --> 00:01:11,392
meant putting my vagina up on blocks.
29
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Would the owner of the phone
or vibrator please turn it off?
30
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It's your phone.
31
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What?
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Oh.
33
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Sorry.
34
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But it is something you would do.
35
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I'm just saying that
when it comes to love,
36
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sobriety isn't doing me any good at all.
37
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I may as well be a...
38
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Oh, my God,
39
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it's a text from Brad.
40
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He lost his phone, he just found it,
41
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he's really sorry, and he
wants to take me to dinner.
42
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Aw.
43
00:01:47,103 --> 00:01:50,321
Anyway, sobriety's amazing, thanks.
44
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-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
45
00:02:07,321 --> 00:02:10,087
Okay, babe, I'm gonna head home.
46
00:02:11,189 --> 00:02:12,946
You really need to drag
all that back and forth
47
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every time you spend the night?
48
00:02:14,565 --> 00:02:16,556
Oh, you poor, simple man.
49
00:02:18,337 --> 00:02:21,009
You think this just magically happens?
50
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This requires equipment.
51
00:02:24,566 --> 00:02:25,743
Such as?
52
00:02:25,978 --> 00:02:28,789
Forgetting about
clothing, underwear, shoes,
53
00:02:29,032 --> 00:02:32,118
lingerie for before,
sweatpants for after,
54
00:02:32,651 --> 00:02:34,519
there's also body lotion,
55
00:02:34,586 --> 00:02:36,554
face lotion, exfoliant, night repair,
56
00:02:36,622 --> 00:02:39,548
eye cream, makeup, which
is a whole subcategory.
57
00:02:40,548 --> 00:02:42,237
Then you've got your
curling iron, blow dryer,
58
00:02:42,261 --> 00:02:43,528
shampoo, conditioner...
59
00:02:43,595 --> 00:02:45,263
Which by the way, is
two separate things,
60
00:02:45,330 --> 00:02:47,165
no matter what it says on that big jug
61
00:02:47,232 --> 00:02:48,800
of industrial crap you use.
62
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I have a blow dryer.
63
00:02:52,371 --> 00:02:54,071
Aw, you're so cute.
64
00:02:54,235 --> 00:02:56,195
You have a boy blow dryer.
65
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It's only good for drying your balls.
66
00:02:59,888 --> 00:03:02,548
- You saw me?
- Unfortunately.
67
00:03:04,095 --> 00:03:06,056
Why don't you just leave
all that stuff here?
68
00:03:06,081 --> 00:03:08,096
Because then I wouldn't
have my stuff at home.
69
00:03:08,120 --> 00:03:10,124
I can't afford to
double up on everything.
70
00:03:10,149 --> 00:03:12,288
Well, maybe all this going
back and forth isn't working.
71
00:03:12,313 --> 00:03:14,703
Maybe we need to... make a change.
72
00:03:14,728 --> 00:03:15,862
Are we breaking up?
73
00:03:15,929 --> 00:03:17,196
'Cause I should warn you,
74
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I've been getting a lot
of hits on Farmers Only.
75
00:03:20,243 --> 00:03:22,690
- Have you now?
- Yeah, you want to know why?
76
00:03:22,715 --> 00:03:24,860
'Cause city folk just don't get it.
77
00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:27,640
What I'm trying to say is...
78
00:03:29,176 --> 00:03:31,892
... maybe you'd consider...
moving in with me.
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00:03:34,418 --> 00:03:35,785
Oh.
80
00:03:37,038 --> 00:03:38,493
Wow.
81
00:03:43,405 --> 00:03:45,239
It'd be a hell of a lot more practical.
82
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Practical.
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Be still my beating heart.
84
00:03:50,048 --> 00:03:51,615
You don't have to answer now.
85
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I'm just putting it out there.
86
00:03:53,384 --> 00:03:55,753
Okay, well...
87
00:03:56,063 --> 00:03:57,596
thanks for asking.
88
00:04:02,681 --> 00:04:05,129
I'm gonna need some time to get quiet
89
00:04:05,197 --> 00:04:08,299
and... give it some thought.
90
00:04:08,366 --> 00:04:09,519
Cool.
91
00:04:10,150 --> 00:04:12,685
- Let me know what Marjorie says.
- I will.
92
00:04:16,121 --> 00:04:19,176
All right, so I'm gonna ask the
question that's on everyone's mind,
93
00:04:19,244 --> 00:04:20,910
how bad was your date last night?
94
00:04:21,449 --> 00:04:23,135
It was actually really good.
95
00:04:23,160 --> 00:04:25,814
- So, did you guys... ?
- No, he was a gentleman.
96
00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:27,685
Eh, well, I just tuned out.
97
00:04:28,261 --> 00:04:30,688
It was weird... He asked
me all these questions
98
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and listened to the answers
99
00:04:32,224 --> 00:04:34,492
and then remembered them
and mentioned them later.
100
00:04:34,517 --> 00:04:35,651
Gay alert.
101
00:04:36,761 --> 00:04:39,129
- So where'd he take you?
- A vegan restaurant
102
00:04:39,197 --> 00:04:40,965
called The Sprouted Flute.
103
00:04:40,990 --> 00:04:43,269
Did he bring his husband?
104
00:04:44,035 --> 00:04:45,769
Marjorie, make her stop.
105
00:04:45,837 --> 00:04:47,582
Ignore her, go on.
106
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The food was actually great.
107
00:04:50,375 --> 00:04:51,718
Brad says that the human body
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isn't really designed to consume meat.
109
00:04:53,945 --> 00:04:55,913
If the good Lord didn't
want us to eat meat,
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why'd he invent veal?
111
00:04:59,551 --> 00:05:02,663
He knows so much about
the environment and food
112
00:05:02,688 --> 00:05:05,147
and politics. Did you know that,
in some parts of the world...
113
00:05:05,172 --> 00:05:07,393
Big news, Adam has asked
me to move in with him.
114
00:05:07,418 --> 00:05:08,760
What do you guys think?
115
00:05:08,785 --> 00:05:11,717
- Well, I think it's a really...
- If you don't mind, Marjorie?
116
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It's a big step, Bonnie.
117
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That's what I was gonna say.
118
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Here's what has me worried.
119
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We're getting along great now, but,
120
00:05:21,336 --> 00:05:23,481
you know, it's like cocaine...
The first couple of lines,
121
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everything's good, next thing you know,
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you're robbing a
Laundromat with no septum.
123
00:05:28,643 --> 00:05:31,512
- So you're not gonna do it?
- Hang on, Wendy. Marjorie?
124
00:05:31,579 --> 00:05:34,348
Well, Bonnie, I think
it's a personal decision
125
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- and you need to pray on it...
- Hey!
126
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I was in the middle of saying something
127
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when you walked in.
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00:05:41,110 --> 00:05:44,327
- Sorry, finish.
- Thank you.
129
00:05:45,288 --> 00:05:47,936
Brad told me that, in
certain parts of the world,
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people are dying because they
don't have clean drinking water.
131
00:05:55,703 --> 00:05:56,944
And?
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That's it. It's just really messed up.
133
00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:04,405
So what do you think? Should
I move in with Hot Wheels?
134
00:06:06,421 --> 00:06:08,515
Okay, now add a slice of eggplant
135
00:06:08,583 --> 00:06:11,318
and hit that with another
scoop of cashew cheese.
136
00:06:11,386 --> 00:06:14,021
I just keep picturing
tiny little farmers
137
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trying to milk cashews.
138
00:06:16,057 --> 00:06:17,788
You know, before I became a vegan,
139
00:06:17,813 --> 00:06:20,296
my favorite meal in the world
was a bacon cheeseburger.
140
00:06:20,321 --> 00:06:22,342
And then I realized I
was tired all the time.
141
00:06:22,367 --> 00:06:23,811
I'm tired all the time.
142
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- And I couldn't focus.
- I can't focus.
143
00:06:25,834 --> 00:06:28,561
- I was moody.
- I'm super moody.
144
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So you get it.
145
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Not really.
146
00:06:32,865 --> 00:06:34,065
Close your eyes.
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I want you to taste something.
148
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Okay, but just so you know,
149
00:06:38,213 --> 00:06:41,381
I once had a bad experience
with this exact scenario.
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00:06:42,238 --> 00:06:43,584
Trust me.
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Yeah, he said that, too.
152
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Pretty great, huh?
153
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I really want to say yes.
154
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Give me another bite.
155
00:07:03,761 --> 00:07:05,729
Now this I like.
156
00:07:06,398 --> 00:07:07,531
Oops.
157
00:07:07,556 --> 00:07:09,223
Oh, sorry, uh...
158
00:07:09,248 --> 00:07:11,816
For kissing her? She's in
a serious slump; get at it.
159
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,717
Brad, this is Bonnie, my mom.
160
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Bonnie, Brad.
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00:07:17,943 --> 00:07:19,643
Captain Prius, nice to meet you.
162
00:07:21,344 --> 00:07:24,525
- Brad and I are making dinner.
- Oh, what are you cooking?
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Actually, nothing.
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00:07:27,868 --> 00:07:29,463
Brad is showing me
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how to prepare a raw, vegan lasagna.
166
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Why?
167
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Um...
168
00:07:35,403 --> 00:07:37,004
why are we doing this again?
169
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Eating raw food is how human beings
170
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have thrived for millions of years.
171
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Thrived? Those guys died at 18
and walked around like monkeys.
172
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- All right, off you go.
- See you.
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00:07:49,938 --> 00:07:51,071
Shall we eat?
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I eat all the time. Kiss me.
175
00:07:58,648 --> 00:08:01,207
- Hey.
- Hey.
176
00:08:01,232 --> 00:08:03,149
Ooh, that smells great.
177
00:08:03,174 --> 00:08:06,407
- Yeah, couple of bone-in rib eyes.
- Nice.
178
00:08:06,432 --> 00:08:09,587
You have no idea what's
going on back at my place.
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00:08:09,612 --> 00:08:12,146
Christy's vegan boyfriend
is preparing a feast
180
00:08:12,171 --> 00:08:13,972
fit for a gerbil.
181
00:08:14,409 --> 00:08:16,043
Oh, no, not one of those guys.
182
00:08:16,110 --> 00:08:17,778
Did he try to sell you on it?
183
00:08:17,845 --> 00:08:19,246
Oh, yeah, vegans and Mormons,
184
00:08:19,314 --> 00:08:20,647
always looking to turn you.
185
00:08:21,883 --> 00:08:24,356
Hey, come here. I want
to show you something.
186
00:08:24,613 --> 00:08:27,340
I've seen it before, but I'm
always happy to take a peek.
187
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Ta-da.
188
00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:35,743
Oh, my God, what did you do?
189
00:08:36,160 --> 00:08:38,838
I thought I could make it easier
for you to spend the night.
190
00:08:40,524 --> 00:08:42,592
You thought of everything.
191
00:08:44,205 --> 00:08:45,339
Lot of loofahs.
192
00:08:45,406 --> 00:08:46,740
How many you think I needed?
193
00:08:46,808 --> 00:08:48,442
I figured it was like sandpaper,
194
00:08:48,509 --> 00:08:50,444
you get it for different kinds of wood.
195
00:08:51,980 --> 00:08:53,570
Oh, Adam.
196
00:08:53,909 --> 00:08:55,242
I did good?
197
00:08:56,535 --> 00:08:58,369
You did really good.
198
00:09:01,945 --> 00:09:03,390
I love you.
199
00:09:03,415 --> 00:09:05,516
I love you, too.
200
00:09:08,333 --> 00:09:10,101
I want to move in with you.
201
00:09:10,201 --> 00:09:12,148
- Really?
- Yeah.
202
00:09:14,165 --> 00:09:17,265
Oh, damaged women are so easy to please.
203
00:09:18,239 --> 00:09:21,265
- We really are.
- I know.
204
00:09:23,523 --> 00:09:25,014
So, with me out of the way,
205
00:09:25,039 --> 00:09:27,201
you and Captain Prius will
have the run of the place.
206
00:09:27,226 --> 00:09:30,802
- Stop calling him that.
- Okay, how about King Kale?
207
00:09:31,382 --> 00:09:34,272
You already used that one, it
wasn't funny the first time.
208
00:09:34,340 --> 00:09:35,473
All right, here's a new one:
209
00:09:35,541 --> 00:09:37,408
Jolly Green Average Height.
210
00:09:38,468 --> 00:09:41,045
Say what you want, I really like Brad.
211
00:09:41,113 --> 00:09:43,281
Ooh, ooh! Tofu Gigio.
212
00:09:43,349 --> 00:09:45,183
Yeah, hilarious.
213
00:09:45,251 --> 00:09:49,821
In the meantime, last night he
introduced me to Tantric sex.
214
00:09:49,889 --> 00:09:52,471
Ugh, is that the sex
where you don't finish?
215
00:09:52,496 --> 00:09:55,059
- Have you ever tried it?
- Not on purpose.
216
00:09:55,324 --> 00:09:58,129
The point of it is
learning self-control.
217
00:09:58,197 --> 00:09:59,931
Brad says that if
you're not thinking about
218
00:09:59,999 --> 00:10:02,567
where you're going, you get to
be present for where you are.
219
00:10:02,635 --> 00:10:05,570
Sounds like where you are
would be chafed and frustrated.
220
00:10:05,894 --> 00:10:07,924
I wouldn't expect you to get it.
221
00:10:07,949 --> 00:10:10,241
Clearly you didn't get it either.
222
00:10:10,309 --> 00:10:12,030
Come on, grab a box, let's go.
223
00:10:12,842 --> 00:10:15,477
Brad says the orgasm
is greatly overrated.
224
00:10:20,119 --> 00:10:22,022
All right, enough.
225
00:10:22,475 --> 00:10:24,289
Oh, sorry.
226
00:10:24,356 --> 00:10:26,391
I think that's all of it.
227
00:10:28,027 --> 00:10:29,327
Wow.
228
00:10:30,082 --> 00:10:32,530
It's gonna be weird
around here without you.
229
00:10:32,598 --> 00:10:35,558
Yeah, but you know,
if you think about it,
230
00:10:35,840 --> 00:10:37,707
it's actually kind of cool.
231
00:10:37,760 --> 00:10:40,277
You and I came together
when we needed each other,
232
00:10:40,302 --> 00:10:43,379
we healed, and now
we're ready to move on.
233
00:10:47,612 --> 00:10:49,855
Why'd you have to say that?
234
00:10:51,123 --> 00:10:53,591
I don't know, it just came out.
235
00:10:53,616 --> 00:10:55,284
But it's true.
236
00:10:55,470 --> 00:10:56,886
So true.
237
00:11:01,983 --> 00:11:04,051
What is that smell?
238
00:11:04,253 --> 00:11:06,656
Brad hooked me up with
some natural deodorant.
239
00:11:06,681 --> 00:11:08,187
Well, it ain't working.
240
00:11:08,845 --> 00:11:10,461
I know.
241
00:11:11,359 --> 00:11:14,367
That's okay. I still love you.
242
00:11:14,392 --> 00:11:16,560
I love you, too.
243
00:11:18,547 --> 00:11:20,523
And I really hope with all my heart
244
00:11:20,548 --> 00:11:22,695
that this works out for you.
245
00:11:23,043 --> 00:11:24,243
Thanks, babe.
246
00:11:24,718 --> 00:11:27,486
I guess this is good-bye.
247
00:11:27,710 --> 00:11:30,068
Yup. This is it.
248
00:11:30,713 --> 00:11:32,170
Okay.
249
00:11:33,214 --> 00:11:35,475
I'll see you at the meeting tonight.
250
00:11:47,272 --> 00:11:48,739
Babe?
251
00:11:53,184 --> 00:11:54,830
Hey. Where'd you go?
252
00:11:56,167 --> 00:11:57,720
To the bathroom.
253
00:11:59,603 --> 00:12:00,837
In the hallway?
254
00:12:01,505 --> 00:12:03,673
At my neighbor's.
255
00:12:04,046 --> 00:12:06,791
I don't understand, why
didn't you just use this one?
256
00:12:06,816 --> 00:12:09,447
Because somebody was
in there for 58 minutes.
257
00:12:10,139 --> 00:12:12,073
Hon, you sound like Christy.
258
00:12:12,098 --> 00:12:13,541
I wasn't in there that long.
259
00:12:13,589 --> 00:12:16,010
Price Is Right started and ended.
260
00:12:16,035 --> 00:12:19,410
The guy won a Toyota, and
I almost soiled my chair.
261
00:12:20,214 --> 00:12:22,410
Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry.
262
00:12:22,443 --> 00:12:24,542
- Why didn't you say something?
- I banged on the door,
263
00:12:24,567 --> 00:12:27,136
but your jet-engine hair
dryer drowned me out.
264
00:12:27,792 --> 00:12:32,441
Wow, okay, can we file this
one under "lesson learned"?
265
00:12:32,466 --> 00:12:33,666
Yeah, sure.
266
00:12:34,589 --> 00:12:37,712
I don't even know my neighbor.
267
00:12:37,780 --> 00:12:40,281
Now I owe a favor
to a 43-year-old man
268
00:12:40,435 --> 00:12:43,417
who uses one-ply paper
and collects troll dolls.
269
00:12:44,908 --> 00:12:47,182
- Again, I'm sorry.
- Forget it.
270
00:12:48,497 --> 00:12:50,190
We just probably need to work out
271
00:12:50,215 --> 00:12:52,339
some kind of... schedule.
272
00:12:52,364 --> 00:12:53,898
Yeah, we'll find our rhythm.
273
00:12:53,923 --> 00:12:55,316
What happened to my...
274
00:12:57,954 --> 00:12:59,021
Problem?
275
00:12:59,308 --> 00:13:00,875
No, it's just...
276
00:13:02,814 --> 00:13:05,282
... that's my Kennedy Space Center mug.
277
00:13:06,998 --> 00:13:08,832
I didn't know it was special.
278
00:13:08,857 --> 00:13:11,192
Did you get it on a field trip?
279
00:13:12,446 --> 00:13:13,613
My dad gave it to me.
280
00:13:14,283 --> 00:13:16,889
Well, would you like to have it?
281
00:13:16,914 --> 00:13:18,741
No, no, it's fine.
282
00:13:18,886 --> 00:13:20,430
I'll just use one that doesn't remind me
283
00:13:20,455 --> 00:13:22,223
of my late father.
284
00:13:24,056 --> 00:13:25,639
Whatever.
285
00:13:29,164 --> 00:13:30,631
Okay, how about this?
286
00:13:30,699 --> 00:13:32,589
Why don't we go through all the mugs,
287
00:13:32,614 --> 00:13:35,454
- and you can tell me what's what?
- You know, don't make this a thing.
288
00:13:35,479 --> 00:13:36,618
Oh, it's already a thing.
289
00:13:36,643 --> 00:13:38,410
Okay, Westfield Dry Cleaners.
290
00:13:38,435 --> 00:13:39,702
Can I drink out of this,
291
00:13:39,727 --> 00:13:41,814
or did they sponsor
your Little League team?
292
00:13:41,839 --> 00:13:43,946
Actually, an old
girlfriend left that here.
293
00:13:43,971 --> 00:13:45,337
Good to know.
294
00:13:47,814 --> 00:13:51,450
Next up, ooh, who's the
slut you took to Lake Tahoe?
295
00:13:54,514 --> 00:13:57,740
- Thanks again for making dinner.
- My pleasure.
296
00:13:57,909 --> 00:14:00,010
Mung bean pizza tastes much better than
297
00:14:00,035 --> 00:14:01,368
regular pizza... am I right?
298
00:14:01,489 --> 00:14:03,823
It certainly takes longer to chew.
299
00:14:04,913 --> 00:14:07,414
Trust me, your colon's gonna thank you.
300
00:14:07,439 --> 00:14:10,194
Well, the old girl's
trying to say something.
301
00:14:11,156 --> 00:14:13,124
Okay, let's get started.
302
00:14:13,390 --> 00:14:14,590
Now close your eyes.
303
00:14:15,515 --> 00:14:17,412
You gonna kiss me again?
304
00:14:17,452 --> 00:14:19,069
No, we're gonna meditate.
305
00:14:19,094 --> 00:14:20,632
Just as good.
306
00:14:20,917 --> 00:14:22,817
Take a deep, cleansing breath.
307
00:14:22,842 --> 00:14:26,077
Inhale... Exhale...
308
00:14:31,269 --> 00:14:34,682
- Sorry. Mung beans.
- Perfectly natural.
309
00:14:35,601 --> 00:14:38,269
And once again, deep, centering breath.
310
00:14:38,362 --> 00:14:39,971
Peace in...
311
00:14:40,812 --> 00:14:42,323
fear out.
312
00:14:47,226 --> 00:14:49,991
Wow, that one cracked a rib.
313
00:14:51,608 --> 00:14:54,866
Don't judge it. Observe it.
314
00:14:54,908 --> 00:14:57,376
Observe it? I can taste it.
315
00:15:05,104 --> 00:15:07,906
- Hey.
- Hey.
316
00:15:15,054 --> 00:15:17,729
- What you doing?
- Just going through the mail.
317
00:15:17,754 --> 00:15:19,619
You mean going through my mail?
318
00:15:20,612 --> 00:15:24,085
I think you mean, "Thanks
for bringing it in."
319
00:15:24,608 --> 00:15:27,046
Whatever, sure, thanks.
320
00:15:32,054 --> 00:15:34,624
It's just you've only
been here a couple of days.
321
00:15:34,745 --> 00:15:37,662
It's not likely that there's
anything there for you.
322
00:15:37,687 --> 00:15:39,772
What's the big deal?
Were you expecting something
323
00:15:39,797 --> 00:15:41,482
from the Kennedy Space Center?
324
00:15:46,914 --> 00:15:49,782
You're right. You're right. Forget it.
325
00:16:05,758 --> 00:16:06,925
Bon?
326
00:16:08,109 --> 00:16:09,646
Yeah?
327
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:12,334
Jacket.
328
00:16:17,348 --> 00:16:19,149
Yeah.
329
00:16:21,616 --> 00:16:23,416
- Love you.
- Yep!
330
00:16:24,977 --> 00:16:28,313
Whoa! That was close.
331
00:16:31,547 --> 00:16:35,250
Really? We're doing the
Tantric thing every time?
332
00:16:35,279 --> 00:16:37,180
Yeah, what'd you think?
333
00:16:37,217 --> 00:16:40,235
I don't know, one on, one off?
334
00:16:41,411 --> 00:16:42,954
You're so funny.
335
00:16:45,994 --> 00:16:47,929
I'm gonna go floss.
336
00:16:54,669 --> 00:16:56,403
Oh, shut up.
337
00:17:06,841 --> 00:17:08,542
This was a good idea, Mom.
338
00:17:08,567 --> 00:17:11,028
Right? I hardly ever get to see you,
339
00:17:11,053 --> 00:17:13,097
and this dinner gives us a
chance to get to know Brad.
340
00:17:13,238 --> 00:17:15,907
And also miss a crucial playoff game.
341
00:17:17,274 --> 00:17:19,275
I told you to record it.
342
00:17:19,461 --> 00:17:21,898
A game like that you need to watch live.
343
00:17:21,923 --> 00:17:23,284
Am I right, Brad?
344
00:17:23,624 --> 00:17:25,620
I wouldn't know, I don't watch sports.
345
00:17:26,068 --> 00:17:28,831
Really? What, were you raised by women?
346
00:17:30,228 --> 00:17:31,628
Yes.
347
00:17:33,125 --> 00:17:35,494
Brad's more of an outdoorsy guy.
348
00:17:35,519 --> 00:17:37,712
This morning, we took a nature walk,
349
00:17:37,779 --> 00:17:39,982
picked up litter, and saw a fox.
350
00:17:40,446 --> 00:17:42,583
Well, Brad saw it.
351
00:17:42,707 --> 00:17:45,716
I was trying to spear
a condom with a stick.
352
00:17:48,005 --> 00:17:50,239
I hope you don't mind that
we brought our own food.
353
00:17:50,264 --> 00:17:51,716
I try not to be one of "those people"
354
00:17:51,741 --> 00:17:53,609
who imposes their lifestyle on others.
355
00:17:53,634 --> 00:17:55,130
You hear that? Brad doesn't impose
356
00:17:55,155 --> 00:17:56,487
his lifestyle on others.
357
00:17:56,512 --> 00:17:58,722
Is this about the towels again?
358
00:17:58,747 --> 00:18:00,648
I told you, I like 'em folded in thirds.
359
00:18:00,673 --> 00:18:02,556
You didn't tell me, you lectured me.
360
00:18:02,581 --> 00:18:05,019
Well, that's 'cause when I said
it nicely, you laughed at me.
361
00:18:05,044 --> 00:18:07,279
I thought you were kidding.
362
00:18:09,808 --> 00:18:11,417
Speaking of towels,
363
00:18:11,442 --> 00:18:12,976
Brad and I have been sharing one
364
00:18:13,001 --> 00:18:14,644
to cut down on our water footprint.
365
00:18:14,764 --> 00:18:17,199
I've also turned her
on to mindful flushing.
366
00:18:17,224 --> 00:18:20,503
Yep. If it's yellow, let it mellow.
367
00:18:20,831 --> 00:18:23,552
Or you could just cop a
squat at the neighbor's.
368
00:18:25,521 --> 00:18:28,355
How many times do I
have to say I'm sorry?
369
00:18:32,223 --> 00:18:34,824
These quinoa cakes came
out pretty good, huh?
370
00:18:34,849 --> 00:18:37,152
Quinoa, quin-wow!
371
00:18:38,857 --> 00:18:40,925
Christy, you sure you
don't want some ribs?
372
00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:45,164
They do look good.
373
00:18:47,253 --> 00:18:50,410
But I'm trying to
make healthier choices.
374
00:18:50,962 --> 00:18:52,624
It's not just for our own sake.
375
00:18:52,649 --> 00:18:55,358
You do know that the livestock industry
is destroying our planet.
376
00:18:55,383 --> 00:18:57,249
No, Brad, I do not know that.
377
00:18:59,074 --> 00:19:01,701
Why don't you tell
them about your podcast?
378
00:19:01,726 --> 00:19:03,560
Oh, yeah, yeah, sure. It's called
379
00:19:03,585 --> 00:19:05,983
"Giving Up with Brad Partridge."
380
00:19:08,226 --> 00:19:10,468
So it's about assisted suicide?
381
00:19:11,278 --> 00:19:14,489
No. This is assisted suicide.
382
00:19:16,771 --> 00:19:20,536
Brad teaches that happiness
is not about getting stuff,
383
00:19:20,561 --> 00:19:22,162
it's about giving stuff up.
384
00:19:22,617 --> 00:19:24,318
See, our culture has it all wrong.
385
00:19:24,386 --> 00:19:26,320
We spend our entire
lives accumulating things
386
00:19:26,345 --> 00:19:28,031
when, really, we should
be giving them up.
387
00:19:28,056 --> 00:19:29,617
Like a cabinet full of coffee mugs
388
00:19:29,642 --> 00:19:30,804
you think chronicle your life?
389
00:19:30,829 --> 00:19:33,194
Or a Ziploc Baggie full
of old hair extensions?
390
00:19:33,261 --> 00:19:35,664
You said that was my drawer.
Why are you looking in my drawer?
391
00:19:35,665 --> 00:19:36,615
Why are you looking at my mail?
392
00:19:36,640 --> 00:19:39,515
- Maybe we should go...
- ... gonna be so freakin' weird...
393
00:19:39,540 --> 00:19:40,784
I'm not weird about things.
394
00:19:40,902 --> 00:19:42,136
- I'm specific.
- Oh, please.
395
00:19:42,161 --> 00:19:43,398
You're so anal, your ass
is folded into thirds.
396
00:19:43,423 --> 00:19:45,558
Aw, been nice knowing you.
397
00:19:51,891 --> 00:19:55,037
You have no idea how happy I am
to be in bed with you.
398
00:19:55,062 --> 00:19:56,992
Right back at you.
399
00:19:58,093 --> 00:20:01,287
Mmm... this is the closest I've come
400
00:20:01,312 --> 00:20:03,398
to an orgasm in weeks.
401
00:20:04,273 --> 00:20:06,438
What did you see in that guy, anyway?
402
00:20:07,047 --> 00:20:09,873
Come on, Mom, he stood for something.
403
00:20:09,929 --> 00:20:12,734
He wanted to make the
world a better place and...
404
00:20:13,750 --> 00:20:16,615
Oh, who am I kidding? He liked me.
405
00:20:17,172 --> 00:20:18,268
Are you that desperate?
406
00:20:18,336 --> 00:20:20,036
Yes, said the girl eating ribs
407
00:20:20,104 --> 00:20:21,438
in bed with her mother.
408
00:20:22,418 --> 00:20:24,150
Hey, can I get in on that?
409
00:20:24,175 --> 00:20:25,961
Adam wouldn't let me eat in bed.
410
00:20:27,245 --> 00:20:29,679
- Are you guys gonna be okay?
- Oh, yeah.
411
00:20:29,747 --> 00:20:30,814
We love each other,
412
00:20:30,882 --> 00:20:33,483
but three nights a week
is our magic number.
413
00:20:33,551 --> 00:20:35,982
My magic number with Brad is minus nine,
414
00:20:36,007 --> 00:20:37,622
considering how many
times I went to sleep
415
00:20:37,647 --> 00:20:40,101
with a bag of frozen
peas between my legs.
416
00:20:42,101 --> 00:20:43,326
Mmm.
417
00:20:43,394 --> 00:20:45,695
They're the problem, right?
418
00:20:45,887 --> 00:20:47,521
Absolutely.
419
00:20:48,578 --> 00:20:52,336
-- Synced and corrected by ChrisKe --
-- www.addic7ed.com --
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