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1
00:00:03,336 --> 00:00:05,538
{\an8}HEY, LET'S TAKE
A VACATION
TO CAPE MAY.
2
00:00:05,638 --> 00:00:07,207
{\an8}CAN'T AFFORD IT.
3
00:00:07,307 --> 00:00:08,775
{\an8}SURE WE CAN.
4
00:00:08,875 --> 00:00:11,211
{\an8}IT'S JUST A TANK
OF GAS AND A COUPLE
NIGHTS IN A MOTEL.
5
00:00:11,311 --> 00:00:13,980
{\an8}PUT A LITTLE
PIZZAZZ BACK
IN OUR MARRIAGE.
6
00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:16,049
{\an8}YEAH, WELL, PIZZAZZ
IS EXPENSIVE.
7
00:00:16,149 --> 00:00:17,384
{\an8}AND BY THE WAY,
I'M NOT GETTING THE RAISE
8
00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:18,752
{\an8}THAT I WAS EXPECTING.
9
00:00:18,852 --> 00:00:20,286
{\an8}WHY NOT? EDDIE,
YOU'RE DUE A RAISE.
10
00:00:20,387 --> 00:00:22,255
{\an8}YEAH, BUT THEY MADE
THE SYSTEM UNFAIR.
11
00:00:22,355 --> 00:00:24,557
{\an8}NOW IT'S MERIT-BASED.
YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY
12
00:00:24,657 --> 00:00:26,126
{\an8}BE A GOOD TEACHER
TO GET A RAISE.
13
00:00:26,226 --> 00:00:28,828
{\an8}I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL
IS HAPPENING IN THIS COUNTRY.
14
00:00:28,928 --> 00:00:31,231
{\an8}HONEY, YOU'RE
A GREAT TEACHER.
15
00:00:31,331 --> 00:00:33,133
{\an8}LOOK, A COACH IS ONLY
AS GOOD AS HIS PLAYERS.
16
00:00:33,233 --> 00:00:36,036
{\an8}I'M SUPPOSED TO MAINTAIN
A B-AVERAGE IN ALL
OF MY CLASSES,
17
00:00:36,136 --> 00:00:38,938
{\an8}AND YET I GOT THESE
TWO FUNCTIONAL IDIOTS.
18
00:00:39,039 --> 00:00:40,340
{\an8}YEAH? REALLY?
19
00:00:40,440 --> 00:00:42,442
{\an8}YEAH, I GOT THIS FELDMAN
GUY. HE'S DRIVING ME NUTS.
20
00:00:42,542 --> 00:00:44,444
{\an8}HE HAS AN A+ IN EVERY
ONE OF HIS CLASSES,
21
00:00:44,544 --> 00:00:46,479
{\an8}BUT HE'S TANKING IN MINE.
22
00:00:46,579 --> 00:00:48,348
{\an8}SO JUST GIVE THIS
FELDMAN KID A "B,"
23
00:00:48,448 --> 00:00:49,983
{\an8}AND WE HEAD
TO THE SHORE.
24
00:00:50,083 --> 00:00:51,718
{\an8}I TRIED THAT,
BUT DUFFY CAUGHT ME.
25
00:00:51,818 --> 00:00:53,586
{\an8}WANT TO KNOW
HOW SHE PUNISHED ME?
HMM?
26
00:00:53,686 --> 00:00:55,622
{\an8}SHE SADDLED ME
WITH EVEN A DUMBER KID,
27
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:57,590
{\an8}THIS TRANSFER STUDENT
NAMED GARCIA
28
00:00:57,690 --> 00:00:59,292
{\an8}WHO'S GUARANTEED TO FAIL.
29
00:00:59,392 --> 00:01:01,428
{\an8}COME ON, EDDIE,
WE NEED THIS RAISE.
30
00:01:01,528 --> 00:01:03,296
{\an8}[IMITATING RODNEY DANGERFIELD]
I'M TELLIN' YA, THE KID IS DUMB.
31
00:01:03,396 --> 00:01:05,398
{\an8}YA KNOW? IT TAKES HIM
AN HOUR AND A HALF
32
00:01:05,498 --> 00:01:08,268
{\an8}TO WATCH 60 MINUTES.
33
00:01:08,368 --> 00:01:10,136
{\an8}ALL RIGHT, EDDIE,
YOU KNOW WHAT,
34
00:01:10,236 --> 00:01:11,404
{\an8}THIS IS THE SITUATION--
35
00:01:11,504 --> 00:01:12,639
{\an8}I NEED THIS VACATION.
36
00:01:12,739 --> 00:01:14,274
{\an8}I JUST BOUGHT MYSELF
A NEW BATHING SUIT,
37
00:01:14,374 --> 00:01:17,143
{\an8}AND I DON'T KNOW
HOW MANY BIKINI YEARS
I HAVE LEFT.
38
00:01:17,243 --> 00:01:21,448
{\an8}SO NO FELDMAN
OR GARCIA OR DUFFY
IS GOING TO KEEP ME
39
00:01:21,548 --> 00:01:24,884
{\an8}FROM STRUTTING MY STUFF
IN CAPE MAY, NEW JERSEY.
40
00:01:24,984 --> 00:01:26,052
{\an8}[IMITATING RODNEY DANGERFIELD]
I'M TELLING YOU,
41
00:01:26,152 --> 00:01:27,487
{\an8}THE KID IS STUPID, YOU KNOW?
42
00:01:27,587 --> 00:01:30,023
{\an8}HE TRIED TO SMOKE THE CRACK
IN THE LIBERTY BELL, OOH.
43
00:01:36,129 --> 00:01:40,066
{\an8}OOH, I LOVE THE SMELL
OF FAKE BACON IN THE MORNING.
44
00:01:40,166 --> 00:01:43,069
{\an8}Ally: STAY RIGHT THERE,
I'M GOING TO SERVE YOU
BREAKFAST IN BED.
45
00:01:43,169 --> 00:01:45,805
{\an8}WOW. WHAT DID I DO
TO DESERVE THIS?
46
00:01:45,905 --> 00:01:48,441
{\an8}'CAUSE YOU'RE
MY LITTLE HUNKA HUMMUS.
47
00:01:48,541 --> 00:01:50,677
{\an8}AAH! WHO ARE YOU?
48
00:01:50,777 --> 00:01:54,380
{\an8}VERY FUNNY. YOU KNOW,
LAST NIGHT, YOU CALLED ME
THE SEXIEST WOMAN ALIVE,
49
00:01:54,481 --> 00:01:56,416
{\an8}RIGHT AFTER
I MADE MY SEXY FACE.
50
00:01:56,516 --> 00:01:59,285
{\an8}YOU KNOW, THIS ONE...
51
00:01:59,385 --> 00:02:02,589
{\an8}OK, ALL RIGHT,
YOU'RE NOT ALLY.
52
00:02:02,689 --> 00:02:03,823
WHAT DID YOU DO WITH HER?
53
00:02:03,923 --> 00:02:05,758
WHERE IS SHE?
WHAT'S GOING ON?
54
00:02:05,859 --> 00:02:07,627
DOUG, DON'T TELL ME
YOU'RE HAVING
55
00:02:07,727 --> 00:02:09,562
ANOTHER ONE OF THOSE
"I THINK I'M A CHARACTER
IN A SITCOM" MOMENTS.
56
00:02:09,662 --> 00:02:12,165
THAT STUFF IS CRAZY.
AND FRANKLY,
57
00:02:12,265 --> 00:02:14,100
IT'S NOT VERY APPEALING.
58
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,669
OK. YOU'RE NOT ALLY,
AND I KNOW IT.
59
00:02:16,769 --> 00:02:18,805
DOUG, YOU'RE HAVING
ANOTHER DELUSION.
60
00:02:18,905 --> 00:02:20,106
YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULD
HAVE NEVER SNORTED
61
00:02:20,206 --> 00:02:22,108
THOSE ORCHIDS
IN ECUADOR.
62
00:02:22,208 --> 00:02:24,377
WHAT? HOW DO YOU KNOW
ABOUT THAT?
63
00:02:24,477 --> 00:02:28,781
DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT
YOU SNORTED THEM OFF OF?
64
00:02:28,882 --> 00:02:30,483
YOU'RE HERE, GOOD.
65
00:02:30,583 --> 00:02:31,751
OH, YOU'RE HERE. BAD.
66
00:02:31,851 --> 00:02:33,386
HI, MOM.
HI, DADDY.
67
00:02:33,486 --> 00:02:35,421
HEY, BABY.
HEY, ALLY.
68
00:02:35,522 --> 00:02:36,523
DO YOU WANT
SOME BREAKFAST,
69
00:02:36,623 --> 00:02:37,724
OR HAVE YOU ALREADY
HAD YOUR PLATE
70
00:02:37,824 --> 00:02:39,692
OF TOFU
AND SCRAMBLED GOSSAMER?
71
00:02:39,792 --> 00:02:42,495
OK, OK, HOLD IT.
72
00:02:42,595 --> 00:02:43,863
I WANT YOU BOTH
73
00:02:43,963 --> 00:02:45,398
TO LOOK AT THIS WOMAN.
MM-HMM.
74
00:02:45,498 --> 00:02:46,533
I WANT YOU TO TAKE
A GOOD LOOK AT HER
75
00:02:46,633 --> 00:02:49,636
AND TELL ME
WHO SHE IS.
76
00:02:51,571 --> 00:02:53,840
THAT'S OUR DAUGHTER
ALLY.
77
00:02:53,940 --> 00:02:54,974
YEP.
78
00:02:55,074 --> 00:02:56,576
BUT SHE DOESN'T LOOK
ANY DIFFERENT TO YOU
79
00:02:56,676 --> 00:02:59,712
THEN SHE DID, SAY,
A WEEK AGO?
80
00:02:59,812 --> 00:03:02,649
LET ME SEE.
OK.
81
00:03:03,883 --> 00:03:05,919
WELL, I DO SEE
82
00:03:06,019 --> 00:03:07,387
A SLIGHT HINT
IN HER EYES
83
00:03:07,487 --> 00:03:10,757
OF, "OH, GOD, HOW DID I
END UP WITH THIS PUTZ?"
84
00:03:10,857 --> 00:03:13,326
BUT, UM,
OTHER THAN THAT,
85
00:03:13,426 --> 00:03:15,528
IT'S MY SAME
GORGEOUS GIRL.
86
00:03:15,628 --> 00:03:17,063
OH, THANK YOU, DADDY.
YOU BET.
87
00:03:17,163 --> 00:03:19,299
DOUG'S HAVING
A BAD MORNING.
88
00:03:19,399 --> 00:03:22,168
OK, THIS IS
THE WORST EPISODE YET,
89
00:03:22,268 --> 00:03:23,269
BY FAR.
90
00:03:23,369 --> 00:03:25,972
I AM SEEING A COMPLETELY
DIFFERENT WOMAN
91
00:03:26,072 --> 00:03:27,874
PLAYING THE PART OF ALLY.
92
00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:31,211
DOUG, NOT THE SITCOM
THING AGAIN.
93
00:03:31,311 --> 00:03:33,246
AREN'T YOU SEEING
A SHRINK FOR THIS CRAP?
94
00:03:33,346 --> 00:03:34,581
ARE YOU TAKING
YOUR MEDICATION?
95
00:03:34,681 --> 00:03:36,783
OK, DON'T TALK TO ME
LIKE YOU KNOW ME, OK?
96
00:03:36,883 --> 00:03:38,418
GUEST STAR?
97
00:03:38,518 --> 00:03:40,687
HEY, HEY, WATCH IT.
98
00:03:41,988 --> 00:03:43,756
TOO BAD WE CAN'T
RECAST HIM.
99
00:03:43,856 --> 00:03:46,626
DADDY!
HONEY.
100
00:03:52,432 --> 00:03:53,666
TAYLOR.
101
00:03:53,766 --> 00:03:55,969
WAY TO GO.
102
00:03:56,069 --> 00:03:58,705
GARCIA.
SI.
103
00:03:58,805 --> 00:04:01,608
OH, YOU'RE A LONG
WAY FROM A "C,"
MY LITTLE FRIEND.
104
00:04:01,708 --> 00:04:03,343
GOT ANOTHER "F."
105
00:04:03,443 --> 00:04:05,678
I'M GONNA START
CALLING YOU
"EL EF-AY."
106
00:04:05,778 --> 00:04:08,548
[HISPANIC ACCENT]
HOLA, A 38.
107
00:04:08,648 --> 00:04:10,583
THIS IS MY BEST SCORE EVER.
108
00:04:10,683 --> 00:04:12,051
GOOD FOR YOU.
109
00:04:12,151 --> 00:04:15,955
THE ONLY ONE WHO DID
WORSE THAN YOU WAS
FELDMAN, F-MINUS.
110
00:04:16,055 --> 00:04:18,591
BUENO. AT LEAST
I'M NOT LAST.
111
00:04:18,691 --> 00:04:21,527
ANOTHER "F"? WOW.
112
00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:24,230
IT'S ALMOST AS IF
I WASN'T TRYING.
113
00:04:24,330 --> 00:04:25,832
WELL, SEE YOU TOMORROW.
114
00:04:25,932 --> 00:04:27,033
WHOA, WAIT, WAIT,
HOLD UP, FELDMAN.
115
00:04:27,133 --> 00:04:29,168
YOU'RE AN "A" IN
EVERY OTHER CLASS.
116
00:04:29,269 --> 00:04:30,603
WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM
WITH HISTORY?
117
00:04:30,703 --> 00:04:33,072
LACK OF MOTIVATION.
I MEAN, WHAT'S IN IT FOR ME
118
00:04:33,172 --> 00:04:34,774
TO KNOW ARCANE
HISTORICAL FACTS
119
00:04:34,874 --> 00:04:36,909
LIKE THAT
STONEWALL JACKSON WAS BORN
120
00:04:37,010 --> 00:04:39,779
IN CLARKSBURG, WEST VIRGINIA
AND TRAINED AT WEST POINT.
121
00:04:39,879 --> 00:04:41,814
OK, WHY ARE YOU
TANKING MY CLASS, FAKER?
122
00:04:41,914 --> 00:04:43,449
I'M A BUSINESS MAN,
MR. STARK.
123
00:04:43,549 --> 00:04:45,652
GO ASK YOUR FRIENDS
IN THE TEACHER'S LOUNGE
ABOUT ME.
124
00:04:45,752 --> 00:04:46,886
THEN WE'LL TALK.
125
00:04:46,986 --> 00:04:48,221
WHOA, WHOA, WAIT,
HOLD ON.
126
00:04:48,321 --> 00:04:50,023
ARE YOU SUGGESTING
THAT I PAY YOU
TO DO WELL?
127
00:04:50,123 --> 00:04:51,658
WELL, THAT'S WHY
YOU WANT ME TO DO
WELL, ISN'T IT?
128
00:04:51,758 --> 00:04:53,526
SO YOU CAN GET
THE MERIT PAY RAISE?
129
00:04:53,626 --> 00:04:56,496
LOOK, ALL I'M SAYING IS,
I WANT A TASTE.
130
00:04:56,596 --> 00:04:58,331
YOU HAVE A HELL
OF A FUTURE, FELDMAN.
131
00:04:58,431 --> 00:05:00,600
BUT THAT'S GOING TO BE
IN POLITICS, THE MAFIA
OR SHOW BUSINESS.
132
00:05:00,700 --> 00:05:03,670
YOU KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE I AIN'T
PAYING YOU.
133
00:05:03,770 --> 00:05:04,671
OH, YOU'LL PAY.
134
00:05:04,771 --> 00:05:07,273
ONE WAY OR ANOTHER.
135
00:05:14,314 --> 00:05:16,382
CAN'T YOU JUST
NEUTRALIZE THESE KIDS
136
00:05:16,482 --> 00:05:18,117
BY BRINGING IN
ANOTHER SMART KID?
137
00:05:18,217 --> 00:05:19,519
WELL, THERE IS
ONE, CHIN.
138
00:05:19,619 --> 00:05:22,055
BUT HE'S IN WHITEY'S
FOURTH PERIOD.
139
00:05:22,155 --> 00:05:23,222
ALL RIGHT,
SO WHY DON'T YOU
140
00:05:23,323 --> 00:05:24,490
JUST MAKE A DEAL
WITH WHITEY FOR CHIN?
141
00:05:24,590 --> 00:05:25,992
HE'S NOT GOING
TO DO ME ANY FAVORS.
142
00:05:26,092 --> 00:05:27,994
WHITEY IS SHACKING
UP WITH DUFFY.
143
00:05:28,094 --> 00:05:31,831
OH, COME ON.
THERE MUST BE SOMETHING
THAT WHITEY WANTS.
144
00:05:31,931 --> 00:05:34,000
I DON'T KNOW,
MAYBE THERE IS
A POSSIBILITY.
145
00:05:34,100 --> 00:05:36,602
MAYBE WE CAN DO
A TRADE, LIKE IN
FANTASY LEAGUE FOOTBALL,
146
00:05:36,703 --> 00:05:40,039
EXCEPT IN THIS CASE,
WE'RE PLAYING WITH
CHILDREN'S LIVES.
147
00:05:40,139 --> 00:05:43,109
I LIKE IT.
148
00:05:43,209 --> 00:05:44,277
HEY, WHITEY.
149
00:05:44,377 --> 00:05:45,578
HEY, PAL.
150
00:05:45,678 --> 00:05:47,180
WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR WRIST?
151
00:05:47,280 --> 00:05:49,015
OH, ROPE BURNS.
152
00:05:49,115 --> 00:05:51,684
MISTRESS DUFFY AND I WERE--
HERE, CAN YOU...
153
00:05:51,784 --> 00:05:54,153
MISTRESS DUFFY AND I WERE
PLAYING "WEEKEND AT GITMO"
154
00:05:54,253 --> 00:05:57,857
AND SHE LEFT ME STRAPPED
TO THE WATER BOARD.
155
00:05:59,859 --> 00:06:01,227
THEN SHE GOT
A PHONE CALL
FROM HER MOTHER
156
00:06:01,327 --> 00:06:02,462
THAT WENT ON
AND ON AND ON.
157
00:06:02,562 --> 00:06:04,097
I GUESS HER MOTHER'S
USED TO HEARING
158
00:06:04,197 --> 00:06:06,499
CRIES FOR HELP
IN THE BACKGROUND.
159
00:06:06,599 --> 00:06:09,502
LISTEN TO ME,
YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE
TO BREAK THAT THING OFF.
160
00:06:09,602 --> 00:06:11,337
I KNOW, BUT NOT
BEFORE SATURDAY,
161
00:06:11,437 --> 00:06:14,207
'CAUSE THAT'S
WHEN WE'RE PLAYING
"PREP ME FOR SURGERY."
162
00:06:14,307 --> 00:06:16,609
AND THEN SUNDAY,
WE'VE GOT MATINEE TICKETS
163
00:06:16,709 --> 00:06:19,846
TO "THE FANTASTICKS"
AT THE BUCKS COUNTY
PLAYHOUSE.
164
00:06:19,946 --> 00:06:22,014
WOW. IT JUST GETS
WORSE AND WORSE
FOR YOU, DOESN'T IT?
165
00:06:22,115 --> 00:06:25,151
LISTEN, WHITEY,
I GOTTA ASK YOU A FAVOR.
166
00:06:25,251 --> 00:06:26,586
OH, ANYTHING
AT ALL FOR YOU,
167
00:06:26,686 --> 00:06:29,122
MY BROTHER
FROM ANOTHER MOTHER.
168
00:06:29,222 --> 00:06:32,291
[CHUCKLES] LISTEN, UH,
IT'S ABOUT CHIN.
169
00:06:32,392 --> 00:06:34,327
MY FOURTH PERIOD CLASS
IS A DISASTER,
170
00:06:34,427 --> 00:06:37,196
AND I REALLY NEED HIM.
171
00:06:37,296 --> 00:06:39,298
NO, YOU CAN'T
HAVE CHIN.
172
00:06:39,399 --> 00:06:41,334
HE'S GOT
A REAL GIFT FOR ART.
173
00:06:41,434 --> 00:06:43,736
I TELL YOU, THAT KID
HAS GOT THE EYE
174
00:06:43,836 --> 00:06:46,105
OF PICASSO,
ONLY MORE NARROW
AND SLIGHTLY SLANTED.
175
00:06:46,205 --> 00:06:49,142
BUT NO, NO, NO.
I'M NOT GOING
TO GIVE HIM UP.
176
00:06:49,242 --> 00:06:50,810
NO, BUT LOOK,
I'M NOT ASKING YOU TO.
177
00:06:50,910 --> 00:06:53,012
I THOUGHT MAYBE
WE COULD JUST REARRANGE
OUR SCHEDULES A BIT.
178
00:06:53,112 --> 00:06:55,148
YOU KNOW, LIKE,
YOU KEEP CHIN IN
YOUR SECOND PERIOD
179
00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:57,517
AND I CAN HAVE HIM
IN MY FOURTH PERIOD.
180
00:06:57,617 --> 00:06:59,819
NO. I DON'T THINK SO.
181
00:06:59,919 --> 00:07:01,154
[CHUCKLES]
182
00:07:01,254 --> 00:07:02,955
NOW FIRST OF ALL,
IT WOULD UPSET DUFFY
183
00:07:03,055 --> 00:07:06,225
IF SHE KNEW I WAS
DOING ANYTHING
TO MAKE YOU HAPPY.
184
00:07:06,325 --> 00:07:07,727
SHE HATES YOU,
YOU KNOW.
185
00:07:07,827 --> 00:07:09,462
YES, I KNOW.
186
00:07:10,763 --> 00:07:12,298
HERE IS MY OFFER,
ALL RIGHT?
187
00:07:12,398 --> 00:07:17,437
YOU GIVE ME CHIN,
AND I GIVE YOU PATEL,
RASHEED, AND MIKIMODO.
188
00:07:17,537 --> 00:07:18,438
HMM.
189
00:07:18,538 --> 00:07:20,072
WELL, MIKIMODO'S
ALL RIGHT.
190
00:07:20,173 --> 00:07:22,275
[EXHALES] BUT
PATEL'S ONLY A "B."
191
00:07:22,375 --> 00:07:24,010
HE'S LOST HIS MOJO.
192
00:07:24,110 --> 00:07:25,912
YEAH, BUT GUESS WHAT?
HIS FAMILY IS ALL
BACK TOGETHER,
193
00:07:26,012 --> 00:07:27,547
AND EVERYONE'S IN THERAPY.
194
00:07:27,647 --> 00:07:29,982
I'M TELLING YOU,
THIS IS HIS BREAKOUT YEAR.
195
00:07:30,082 --> 00:07:31,484
WELL, RASHEED IS
ALL OVER THE PLACE.
196
00:07:31,584 --> 00:07:33,753
THE KID IS BOUNCING
OFF THE WALLS.
197
00:07:33,853 --> 00:07:34,987
OK, I GET IT.
THAT WAS LAST SEASON.
198
00:07:35,087 --> 00:07:36,255
YOU SEE, RASHEED IS BACK
ON THE RITALIN,
199
00:07:36,355 --> 00:07:38,157
AND HE'S HYPER-FOCUSED.
200
00:07:38,257 --> 00:07:41,160
[SIGHS] THERE ARE
A LOT OF VARIABLES
HERE, EDDIE.
201
00:07:41,260 --> 00:07:43,963
DON'T YOU HAVE
FELDMAN IN YOUR
FOURTH PERIOD?
202
00:07:44,063 --> 00:07:46,165
YES.
WELL, THEN,
WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
203
00:07:46,265 --> 00:07:47,433
I REFUSED TO PAY HIM.
204
00:07:47,533 --> 00:07:49,936
EVERYBODY PAYS FELDMAN.
205
00:07:50,036 --> 00:07:52,271
HEY, HOW MANY
PAY FELDMAN HERE?
206
00:07:52,371 --> 00:07:53,940
YOU SEE?
HE'S GOTTEN US
207
00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:58,077
ALL RAISES. JUST STOP
WITH THE CRAZINESS,
EDDIE. PLAY BALL.
208
00:07:58,177 --> 00:07:59,312
NO WAY.
IT'S UNETHICAL.
209
00:07:59,412 --> 00:08:02,782
YOU'RE JUST CHEAP.
210
00:08:02,882 --> 00:08:05,852
COME DOWN FROM
YOUR TOWER, RAPUNZEL.
THIS IS THE REAL WORLD.
211
00:08:05,952 --> 00:08:09,355
LISTEN, WHITEY, PLEASE.
212
00:08:09,455 --> 00:08:12,024
I REALLY NEED CHIN.
213
00:08:12,124 --> 00:08:14,293
[SIGHS]
214
00:08:14,393 --> 00:08:16,829
OK. YOU CAN HAVE CHIN,
215
00:08:16,929 --> 00:08:18,865
BUT YOU GOTTA GIVE ME
THE OTHER THREE
WE TALKED ABOUT,
216
00:08:18,965 --> 00:08:23,369
AND THROW IN A STEIN
OR A BERG TO BE NAMED LATER.
217
00:08:23,469 --> 00:08:24,403
DEAL.
218
00:08:24,504 --> 00:08:26,038
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
219
00:08:26,138 --> 00:08:28,641
OK.
220
00:08:31,277 --> 00:08:34,847
REMEMBER,
YOU GET 40 MINUTES
TO COMPLETE THE EXAM.
221
00:08:34,947 --> 00:08:36,816
AND I'LL TELL YOU WHAT--
222
00:08:36,916 --> 00:08:39,519
SPELL YOUR NAME RIGHT,
I'LL THROW IN
AN EXTRA 5 POINTS.
223
00:08:39,619 --> 00:08:40,920
OK?
224
00:08:41,020 --> 00:08:42,355
WHERE'S, UH--
225
00:08:42,455 --> 00:08:45,424
WHERE'S CHIN?
226
00:08:45,525 --> 00:08:46,893
HE'S SUPPOSED
TO BE HERE TODAY.
227
00:08:46,993 --> 00:08:49,195
I HEARD HIS GIRLFRIEND
LEFT HIM AND HE FLIPPED OUT.
228
00:08:49,295 --> 00:08:52,098
HE'S NOT COMING BACK
ANY TIME SOON.
229
00:08:52,198 --> 00:08:53,332
WHAT? DID--
230
00:08:53,432 --> 00:08:54,967
THIS CAN'T BE
HAPPENING.
231
00:08:55,067 --> 00:08:57,169
OH, IT'S HAPPENING.
232
00:08:58,437 --> 00:09:00,806
HEY, STARK...
233
00:09:00,907 --> 00:09:02,642
I DON'T KNOW THE ANSWER
TO ANY OF THESE QUESTIONS.
234
00:09:02,742 --> 00:09:04,710
YOU KNOW,
I CAN PROBABLY REMEMBER
235
00:09:04,810 --> 00:09:08,047
IF YOU GAVE ME, SAY,
A HUNDRED GOOD REASONS.
236
00:09:08,147 --> 00:09:10,583
YEAH? WHY DON'T I
GIVE YOU FIVE
GOOD REASONS, HUH?
237
00:09:10,683 --> 00:09:12,251
[LAUGHS]
238
00:09:12,351 --> 00:09:13,386
I'M TEASING.
239
00:09:13,486 --> 00:09:15,221
IF YOU DID THAT,
I'D OWN YOUR HOUSE.
240
00:09:15,321 --> 00:09:17,323
YEAH, WELL, YOU KNOW
WHAT, I DON'T OWN
MY OWN HOUSE, BUDDY.
241
00:09:17,423 --> 00:09:18,791
SO WHO'S
THE SMART ONE NOW?
242
00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:21,527
WHO'S THE SMART ONE NOW?
243
00:09:23,930 --> 00:09:26,532
HOW WE DOIN'?
244
00:09:31,237 --> 00:09:33,105
OH, OH, LET ME GUESS--
245
00:09:33,205 --> 00:09:35,708
YOU'RE AN EASTER ISLAND
STATUE.
246
00:09:35,808 --> 00:09:38,978
OK, OK, NO, NO, WAIT,
I KNOW, I KNOW.
247
00:09:39,078 --> 00:09:41,581
FRANKENSTEIN.
248
00:09:42,448 --> 00:09:44,216
OH, GOD, NO,
249
00:09:44,317 --> 00:09:47,887
I KNOW. YOU'RE A MAN
WHO'S NOT GOING
TO GET A RAISE.
250
00:09:47,987 --> 00:09:49,555
CHIN COULD HAVE PUT ME
RIGHT OVER THE TOP.
251
00:09:49,655 --> 00:09:52,091
YEAH, YEAH, I KNOW.
WHITEY TOLD ME ALL ABOUT IT.
252
00:09:52,191 --> 00:09:55,027
IT'S TOO BAD
CHIN WAS ABSENT, HUH?
253
00:09:55,127 --> 00:09:57,363
YEAH. OH, APPARENTLY
HIS GIRLFRIEND LEFT HIM.
254
00:09:57,463 --> 00:10:01,100
OH. I WONDER
IF SHE MISINTERPRETED
SOMETHING I SAID TO HER.
255
00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:03,302
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
SOMETHING YOU SAID?
256
00:10:03,402 --> 00:10:05,271
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
257
00:10:05,371 --> 00:10:07,173
OH, SOMETHING LIKE
"CHIN'S CHEATING ON YOU,"
258
00:10:07,273 --> 00:10:09,208
AND SHE TOOK THAT
AND TWISTED IT ALL AROUND
259
00:10:09,308 --> 00:10:10,710
TO MEAN CHIN
WAS CHEATING ON HER.
260
00:10:10,810 --> 00:10:13,145
THESE KIDS ARE SO LITERAL.
261
00:10:13,245 --> 00:10:15,681
WHOA, WHOA, WAIT, WAIT.
SO YOU WERE BEHIND THIS?
262
00:10:15,781 --> 00:10:18,284
OH, MR. STARK, I AM
BEHIND ALL BAD THINGS
263
00:10:18,384 --> 00:10:20,086
THAT HAPPEN TO YOU.
264
00:10:20,186 --> 00:10:22,922
OH, YOU REMEMBER WHEN
YOUR CABLE WENT OUT
DURING THE PLAYOFFS?
265
00:10:23,022 --> 00:10:25,424
SNIP. [LAUGHS]
266
00:10:27,360 --> 00:10:28,828
AND BY MY CALCULATIONS,
267
00:10:28,928 --> 00:10:32,131
WITHOUT CHIN,
YOU ARE ONE "A" SHORT
OF GETTING THAT RAISE.
268
00:10:32,231 --> 00:10:34,467
OH, WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE
FOR A HOUSE TO FALL
OUT OF THE SKY
269
00:10:34,567 --> 00:10:37,036
AND LAND ON YOU
RIGHT NOW.
270
00:10:37,136 --> 00:10:39,639
THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN,
DOROTHY.
271
00:10:49,782 --> 00:10:51,017
HELLO, DOUG.
272
00:10:51,117 --> 00:10:52,485
WHOA, WHOA, WHAT'S GOING
ON HERE? WHAT IS THIS?
273
00:10:52,585 --> 00:10:54,587
RELAX, RELAX.
HAVE A SEAT.
274
00:10:54,687 --> 00:10:56,555
YOU'RE NOT
HALLUCINATING.
275
00:10:56,656 --> 00:10:59,458
THESE ARE
REAL CAMERAS.
276
00:10:59,558 --> 00:11:01,027
BUT WHY?
277
00:11:01,127 --> 00:11:03,929
WELL, MOST OF MY PATIENTS
HAVE DIFFICULTY
DEALING WITH REALITY,
278
00:11:04,030 --> 00:11:07,733
SO I THOUGHT, HEY,
WHY NOT MAKE THIS
A REALITY SHOW?
279
00:11:07,833 --> 00:11:09,235
SO...
280
00:11:09,335 --> 00:11:12,605
NOW I'M A CHARACTER
IN A REALITY SHOW?
281
00:11:12,705 --> 00:11:14,607
SURREAL, ISN'T IT?
282
00:11:14,707 --> 00:11:17,443
THIS IS YOUR CAMERA
RIGHT HERE.
283
00:11:17,543 --> 00:11:19,412
UH...
284
00:11:20,680 --> 00:11:23,249
I THOUGHT THIS WOULD
HELP YOU DIFFERENTIATE
285
00:11:23,349 --> 00:11:24,617
BETWEEN THE FANTASY
OF BEING IN A SITCOM
286
00:11:24,717 --> 00:11:28,087
AND THE REALITY OF BEING
IN A REALITY SHOW.
287
00:11:28,187 --> 00:11:30,990
OH, WOW, THIS IS REALLY
GROUND-BREAKING.
288
00:11:31,090 --> 00:11:32,525
LITERALLY.
I HAD TO TAKE OUT
THE FOURTH WALL
289
00:11:32,625 --> 00:11:35,795
TO GET THESE CAMERAS IN HERE.
290
00:11:35,895 --> 00:11:37,630
SO WHAT'S GOING ON, DOUG?
291
00:11:37,730 --> 00:11:39,331
WELL, I WOKE UP
THIS MORNING,
292
00:11:39,432 --> 00:11:41,300
AND MY WIFE
IS BEING PLAYED
293
00:11:41,400 --> 00:11:43,069
BY A COMPLETELY
DIFFERENT ACTRESS.
294
00:11:43,169 --> 00:11:45,037
AND EVERYBODY'S ACTING
LIKE NOTHING'S CHANGED,
295
00:11:45,137 --> 00:11:47,673
AND IT'S JUST REALLY
FREAKING ME OUT.
296
00:11:47,773 --> 00:11:49,775
OK, OK, TAKE IT EASY.
THIS IS VERY, VERY COMMON.
297
00:11:49,875 --> 00:11:52,812
IT'S KNOWN AS
THE DARREN SYNDROME.
298
00:11:52,912 --> 00:11:54,880
THE DARREN SYNDROME?
299
00:11:54,980 --> 00:11:56,649
YES. THE FIRST TIME
IT HAPPENED WAS ON
300
00:11:56,749 --> 00:11:58,050
A SITCOM CALLED BEWITCHED.
301
00:11:58,150 --> 00:11:59,585
AND THEY REPLACED
THE HUSBAND DARREN
302
00:11:59,685 --> 00:12:00,886
WITH A TOTALLY
DIFFERENT ACTOR,
303
00:12:00,986 --> 00:12:03,322
AND EVERYBODY ACTED
LIKE NOTHING HAD HAPPENED.
304
00:12:03,422 --> 00:12:05,424
OH, MY GOD,
SO I'M NOT ALONE.
305
00:12:05,524 --> 00:12:08,227
NOT AT ALL. THE JEFFERSONS
SWAPPED OUT ONE LIONEL
306
00:12:08,327 --> 00:12:09,829
FOR A COMPLETELY
DIFFERENT LIONEL.
307
00:12:09,929 --> 00:12:11,397
ROSEANNE,
WHICH WAS A BIG HIT,
308
00:12:11,497 --> 00:12:13,299
THEY REPLACED
THE FIRST DAUGHTER
WITH THE SECOND DAUGHTER
309
00:12:13,399 --> 00:12:15,367
AND THEN THEY REPLACED
THE SECOND DAUGHTER
WITH THE FIRST DAUGHTER.
310
00:12:15,468 --> 00:12:17,169
I MEAN, HOW WACKY IS THAT?
311
00:12:17,269 --> 00:12:18,904
[CHUCKLES]
312
00:12:19,004 --> 00:12:20,272
WOW, THAT IS SUCH
A RELIEF,
313
00:12:20,372 --> 00:12:23,375
BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW THAT
ROSEANNE'S NOT CRAZY.
314
00:12:24,810 --> 00:12:27,580
THIS IS ALL PART
OF YOUR PARANOID
DELUSION, DOUG.
315
00:12:27,680 --> 00:12:29,682
YOU NEED TO KEEP
TAKING YOUR MEDICATION
316
00:12:29,782 --> 00:12:31,684
AND TRY TO MAKE
THE BEST OF IT.
317
00:12:31,784 --> 00:12:35,020
I'M NOT SURE
I KNOW HOW
TO DO THAT.
318
00:12:35,121 --> 00:12:36,522
WE NEED TO GET
BETTER EYES ON YOU.
319
00:12:36,622 --> 00:12:38,424
CAN YOU REPEAT
THAT LOOKING INTO
YOUR CAMERA, PLEASE?
320
00:12:38,524 --> 00:12:40,092
UH, SURE, WHERE AM I?
321
00:12:40,192 --> 00:12:41,660
THIS ONE RIGHT HERE.
THIS ONE.
322
00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:43,028
THE ONE WITH
THE LIGHT. COREY?
323
00:12:43,129 --> 00:12:45,564
SUP?
324
00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:50,069
I'M NOT SURE
I KNOW HOW
TO DO THAT.
325
00:12:51,437 --> 00:12:54,106
HERE'S HOW YOU DO IT--
326
00:12:54,206 --> 00:12:55,441
IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE WAY
A SCENE IS GOING,
327
00:12:55,541 --> 00:12:56,976
JUST REWRITE IT.
328
00:12:57,076 --> 00:12:58,577
I CAN DO THAT?
329
00:12:58,677 --> 00:12:59,979
STARS CAN DO
ANYTHING THEY WANT.
330
00:13:00,079 --> 00:13:03,382
HMM. I'D LIKE TO THAT
AGAIN, PLEASE.
331
00:13:03,482 --> 00:13:06,118
STARS CAN DO
ANYTHING THEY WANT.
332
00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:14,360
CAN I ASK?
333
00:13:14,460 --> 00:13:17,129
WE WERE PLAYING
"NO COUNTRY FOR OLD MEN."
334
00:13:17,229 --> 00:13:19,498
LET'S JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT.
335
00:13:19,598 --> 00:13:21,367
[EXHALES]
336
00:13:21,467 --> 00:13:24,236
I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU SOLD ME OUT
TO DUFFY.
337
00:13:24,336 --> 00:13:25,638
WELL, SHE'S IMPOSSIBLE
TO RESIST.
338
00:13:25,738 --> 00:13:28,407
AND I HAVE A LOW THRESHOLD
FOR PAIN.
339
00:13:28,507 --> 00:13:31,310
WHY DON'T YOU JUST
PAY FELDMAN?
340
00:13:31,410 --> 00:13:33,078
NO, I AM NOT GOING
TO SUCCUMB TO TYRANNY.
341
00:13:33,179 --> 00:13:36,482
NONE OF US SHOULD
HAVE TO PAY FELDMAN.
342
00:13:36,582 --> 00:13:38,017
LISTEN UP, EVERYBODY.
343
00:13:38,117 --> 00:13:39,318
THIS IS CRAZY.
344
00:13:39,418 --> 00:13:41,720
WE SHOULD JUST LET
FELDMAN FAIL.
345
00:13:41,821 --> 00:13:43,289
[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]
346
00:13:43,389 --> 00:13:46,058
NO, NO, NO, CALM DOWN.
HEY, CALM DOWN.
347
00:13:46,158 --> 00:13:47,426
EVERYBODY, HEY, HEY.
348
00:13:47,526 --> 00:13:49,662
HEY, LISTEN.
LET THE MAN SPEAK.
349
00:13:49,762 --> 00:13:52,131
LET'S HEAR
WHAT HE HAS TO SAY.
350
00:13:52,231 --> 00:13:54,500
AND BEAR IN MIND,
HE'S AS TIGHT
AS A FROG'S ASS,
351
00:13:54,600 --> 00:13:56,468
AND THAT'S WATERPROOF.
352
00:13:56,569 --> 00:13:58,971
SILENCE!
353
00:13:59,071 --> 00:14:01,440
WE ARE EDUCATORS.
354
00:14:01,540 --> 00:14:04,977
WE ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO PAY
STUDENTS TO DO WELL.
355
00:14:05,077 --> 00:14:07,513
WE HAVE TO MOTIVATE THEM
TO SUCCEED.
356
00:14:07,613 --> 00:14:09,048
IF NOT US, WHO?
357
00:14:09,148 --> 00:14:13,552
IF NOT NOW, WHEN?
358
00:14:13,652 --> 00:14:16,322
MY PENSION'S TIED
TO MY SALARY,
359
00:14:16,422 --> 00:14:17,857
AND MY SALARY'S
TIED TO FELDMAN,
360
00:14:17,957 --> 00:14:19,291
SO SHUT UP, STARK.
361
00:14:19,391 --> 00:14:22,127
GET THAT THING
ON YOUR NECK CHECKED.
362
00:14:22,228 --> 00:14:24,463
[ALL MURMURING]
363
00:14:32,071 --> 00:14:33,072
OUT OF MY CHAIR,
FELDMAN.
364
00:14:33,172 --> 00:14:34,273
JUST KEEPING IT
WARM FOR YOU.
365
00:14:34,373 --> 00:14:35,774
PUT THE CANNON DOWN.
PUT THE CANNON DOWN.
366
00:14:35,875 --> 00:14:39,478
SO YOU ASKED TO SEE ME.
367
00:14:39,578 --> 00:14:40,846
ARE YOU READY
TO DO BUSINESS?
368
00:14:40,946 --> 00:14:42,481
WELL, IT GALLS ME
TO ASK YOU THIS,
369
00:14:42,581 --> 00:14:43,716
YOU LITTLE CROOK,
370
00:14:43,816 --> 00:14:45,985
BUT I NEED YOU TO GET
AN A+ ON THE FINAL EXAM.
371
00:14:46,085 --> 00:14:47,620
CAN YOU DELIVER?
372
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,321
WHAT'S THE SUBJECT?
373
00:14:49,421 --> 00:14:50,589
THE SIEGE AT THE ALAMO.
374
00:14:50,689 --> 00:14:52,458
10E.
HUH?
375
00:14:52,558 --> 00:14:55,527
10E WAS DAVY CROCKETT'S MOCCASIN
SIZE.
376
00:14:55,628 --> 00:14:56,629
ALL RIGHT.
I'M IMPRESSED.
377
00:14:56,729 --> 00:14:57,830
SO WHAT IS THIS
GOING TO COST ME?
378
00:14:57,930 --> 00:14:59,632
HERE'S MY RATE SHEET.
379
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:02,101
THESE ARE PRICES
FOR MARIJUANA.
380
00:15:02,201 --> 00:15:04,336
OTHER SIDE.
OH.
381
00:15:04,436 --> 00:15:06,138
HUH.
382
00:15:06,238 --> 00:15:07,606
THAT A+ DOESN'T
COME CHEAP.
383
00:15:07,706 --> 00:15:10,609
WELL, MAYBE YOU'D RATHER GO
FOR A GUARANTEED "F."
384
00:15:10,709 --> 00:15:13,712
THEY'RE FREE.
385
00:15:14,647 --> 00:15:16,181
I FEEL FILTHY.
386
00:15:16,282 --> 00:15:17,816
BUT I WANT TO GIVE
MY WIFE THAT VACATION,
387
00:15:17,917 --> 00:15:21,287
SO JUST THIS ONE TIME,
I'M IN.
388
00:15:21,387 --> 00:15:22,621
YOU WON'T REGRET IT.
I ALREADY REGRET IT.
389
00:15:22,721 --> 00:15:23,822
GET OUT.
390
00:15:23,923 --> 00:15:26,926
YOU BRING THE MONEY,
I'LL BRING THE "A."
391
00:15:27,927 --> 00:15:27,993
{\an8}E
392
00:15:27,993 --> 00:15:28,027
{\an8}E
TH
393
00:15:28,027 --> 00:15:28,060
{\an8}E
THE
394
00:15:28,060 --> 00:15:28,093
{\an8}E
THE CA
395
00:15:28,093 --> 00:15:28,127
{\an8}E
THE CAJO
396
00:15:28,127 --> 00:15:28,160
{\an8}E
THE CAJONE
397
00:15:28,160 --> 00:15:28,193
{\an8}E
THE CAJONES
398
00:15:28,193 --> 00:15:28,227
{\an8}E
THE CAJONES ON
399
00:15:28,227 --> 00:15:28,260
{\an8}E
THE CAJONES ON T
400
00:15:28,260 --> 00:15:28,294
{\an8}E
THE CAJONES ON THI
401
00:15:28,294 --> 00:15:28,327
{\an8}E
THE CAJONES ON THIS
402
00:15:28,327 --> 00:15:28,360
{\an8}E
THE CAJONES ON THIS KI
403
00:15:28,360 --> 00:15:28,394
{\an8}E
THE CAJONES ON THIS KID?
404
00:15:29,862 --> 00:15:31,196
HE'S GOT HIS OWN RATE SHEET.
405
00:15:31,297 --> 00:15:34,066
EDDIE, YOU DON'T
HAVE TO PAY HIM.
406
00:15:34,166 --> 00:15:35,301
YEAH, BUT
IF I DON'T PAY HIM,
407
00:15:35,401 --> 00:15:36,602
THERE'S NO VACATION.
408
00:15:36,702 --> 00:15:38,270
I DON'T NEED
A VACATION THAT BADLY.
409
00:15:38,370 --> 00:15:40,673
LISTEN, I'LL PUT ON
MY NEW BIKINI,
410
00:15:40,773 --> 00:15:43,509
A BEACH BOYS CD,
AND THROW SOME SAND
IN THE BED.
411
00:15:43,609 --> 00:15:45,444
REALLY?
REALLY.
412
00:15:45,544 --> 00:15:47,146
BECAUSE I HAVE TO TELL YOU,
THIS HAS BEEN KILLING ME.
413
00:15:47,246 --> 00:15:49,214
KILLING YOU?
COME ON, BABE.
414
00:15:49,315 --> 00:15:51,350
IF YOU'RE UNHAPPY,
I'M UNHAPPY.
415
00:15:51,450 --> 00:15:54,320
SO IF YOU DON'T
WANT TO PAY HIM,
DON'T PAY HIM.
416
00:15:54,420 --> 00:15:56,956
THANKS, JOY-JOY.
417
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,625
LET ME SEE
THIS THING.
418
00:15:59,725 --> 00:16:02,127
LOOK AT THAT,
FOR THE PRICE
OF A B-MINUS,
419
00:16:02,227 --> 00:16:04,296
I COULD GET A WHOLE
EIGHTH OF SKUNK.
420
00:16:04,396 --> 00:16:05,564
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
421
00:16:05,664 --> 00:16:10,336
TALK ABOUT A RECESSION-PROOF
BUSINESS, HOLY MOLY.
422
00:16:10,436 --> 00:16:14,340
WOW, YOU WOULDN'T WANT THIS
FALLING INTO THE WRONG
HANDS, NOW WOULD YOU?
423
00:16:16,675 --> 00:16:17,910
GOOD MORNING,
FELDMAN.
424
00:16:18,010 --> 00:16:19,712
WHATEVER.
DO YOU HAVE THE MONEY?
425
00:16:19,812 --> 00:16:22,381
INDEED I DO.
I'VE DECIDED TO KEEP IT.
426
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:23,816
THEN I'M GOING TO FAIL.
427
00:16:23,916 --> 00:16:25,217
WELL, THAT MAKES
ONE OF US.
428
00:16:25,317 --> 00:16:27,419
OK, SUIT YOURSELF.
I CAN AFFORD A VACATION.
429
00:16:27,519 --> 00:16:30,422
OH, BY THE WAY.
I SENT YOUR RATE SHEET
430
00:16:30,522 --> 00:16:32,224
TO THE SUPERINTENDENT
OF SCHOOLS.
431
00:16:32,324 --> 00:16:33,359
ENJOY YOUR VACATION.
432
00:16:33,459 --> 00:16:36,328
IT'S GOING TO BE
A LONG ONE.
433
00:16:37,463 --> 00:16:39,398
[LAUGHS]
434
00:16:39,498 --> 00:16:40,766
THANK YOU.
435
00:16:40,866 --> 00:16:42,034
MR. STARK?
436
00:16:42,134 --> 00:16:43,235
I AM ALMOST DONE.
437
00:16:43,335 --> 00:16:45,237
YEAH. DON'T WORRY
ABOUT IT, GARCIA.
438
00:16:45,337 --> 00:16:49,208
JUST CRUMPLE IT UP
AND PUT IT IN
THE WASTEBASKET.
439
00:16:49,308 --> 00:16:50,509
NO, NO.
440
00:16:50,609 --> 00:16:52,511
I AM FINISHED.
441
00:16:53,479 --> 00:16:54,380
HERE YOU GO.
442
00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:57,016
THANK YOU.
443
00:16:57,116 --> 00:16:59,084
WHOA, JUST A SECOND,
GARCIA.
444
00:16:59,184 --> 00:17:02,254
HOW DID YOU KNOW
ALL THE NAMES OF
SANTA ANA'S GENERALS?
445
00:17:02,354 --> 00:17:03,756
OH.
446
00:17:03,856 --> 00:17:06,158
SOME OF THEM ARE MY FAMILY.
447
00:17:06,258 --> 00:17:08,060
REALLY? YEAH,
AND YOU KNEW
448
00:17:08,160 --> 00:17:09,628
HOW HIGH THE WALLS WERE
AT THE ALAMO,
449
00:17:09,728 --> 00:17:13,098
AND--AND HOW MANY MEN
LOST THEIR LIVES?
450
00:17:13,198 --> 00:17:16,101
THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.
451
00:17:16,201 --> 00:17:17,636
I KNOW EVERYTHING
ABOUT THE ALAMO, MR. STARK.
452
00:17:17,736 --> 00:17:19,071
I GROW UP AT THE ALAMO.
453
00:17:19,171 --> 00:17:21,273
MY MOTHER IS A TOUR GUIDE
AT THE ALAMO.
454
00:17:21,373 --> 00:17:22,808
DO YOU REALIZE WHAT
YOU'VE DONE HERE?
455
00:17:22,908 --> 00:17:25,778
THIS IS AN A+ PAPER.
456
00:17:25,878 --> 00:17:27,346
[NO ACCENT]
REALLY? SWEET.
457
00:17:27,446 --> 00:17:29,548
MOM'S GONNA PUT IT
ON THE FRIDGE.
458
00:17:30,749 --> 00:17:33,052
WHEN WE GET ONE.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
459
00:17:33,152 --> 00:17:34,853
HOLD ON. WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR ACCENT?
460
00:17:34,953 --> 00:17:36,088
[HISPANIC ACCENT]
TALKING LIKE THIS
461
00:17:36,188 --> 00:17:37,589
MAKES THE WHITE PEOPLE
FEEL COMFORTABLE.
462
00:17:37,689 --> 00:17:39,258
THAT'S VERY TRUE,
BECAUSE I HAVE
TO BE HONEST--
463
00:17:39,358 --> 00:17:41,727
WHEN YOU DROPPED
THE ACCENT, IT WAS
A LITTLE DISCONCERTING.
464
00:17:41,827 --> 00:17:44,663
WAY TO GO,
MY BROWN BROTHER.
465
00:17:44,763 --> 00:17:46,965
THIS IS AWESOME,
GOOD FOR YOU.
466
00:17:47,066 --> 00:17:48,333
[NO ACCENT]
LISTEN, MR. STARK,
467
00:17:48,434 --> 00:17:50,002
THE ALAMO'S PRETTY MUCH
IT FOR ME.
468
00:17:50,102 --> 00:17:51,370
IT'S MY BIG JEOPARDY
CATEGORY, YOU KNOW?
469
00:17:51,470 --> 00:17:53,772
SO FROM NOW ON,
IT'S BACK TO "Fs."
470
00:17:53,872 --> 00:17:55,374
WELL, NOW,
WAIT A MINUTE,
471
00:17:55,474 --> 00:17:58,243
I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THAT.
YOU SAVED MY BUTT HERE.
472
00:17:58,343 --> 00:18:02,214
I'M GONNA DO ALL
I CAN TO BUMP YOU UP
TO A "D" AVERAGE.
473
00:18:02,314 --> 00:18:04,349
[HISPANIC ACCENT]
ORALE! I'D BE THE FIRST
IN MY FAMILY.
474
00:18:04,450 --> 00:18:05,517
[CHUCKLES]
475
00:18:05,617 --> 00:18:07,453
ADIOS, AMIGO.
476
00:18:07,553 --> 00:18:08,520
HOLA!
477
00:18:08,620 --> 00:18:10,422
BUENOS DIAS.
478
00:18:12,191 --> 00:18:15,294
SO, MR. STARK,
I UNDERSTAND
479
00:18:15,394 --> 00:18:17,463
YOU RATTED FELDMAN OUT.
480
00:18:17,563 --> 00:18:20,466
DID THAT HELP MOTIVATE HIM
ON YOUR EXAM?
481
00:18:20,566 --> 00:18:21,633
NOPE.
482
00:18:21,733 --> 00:18:22,935
OH, THAT'S TOO BAD.
483
00:18:23,035 --> 00:18:24,736
MY HEART WEEPS FOR YOU.
484
00:18:24,837 --> 00:18:27,306
BOO-HOO-HOO.
485
00:18:27,406 --> 00:18:30,542
SO I GUESS YOU'RE NOT
GETTING THAT RAISE, HUH?
486
00:18:30,642 --> 00:18:32,244
OH, THANKS TO YOU,
DUFFY,
487
00:18:32,344 --> 00:18:34,613
THAT RAISE IS IN
THE BANK.
488
00:18:34,713 --> 00:18:37,616
[LAUGHS]
HOW DO YOU FIGURE THAT?
489
00:18:37,716 --> 00:18:41,487
BECAUSE YOU BROUGHT ME
THE HEAD OF ALFREDO GARCIA.
490
00:18:41,587 --> 00:18:42,888
GARCIA?
491
00:18:42,988 --> 00:18:46,558
HE THINKS YOU USE
A MONKEY WRENCH
TO OPEN A MONKEY.
492
00:18:46,658 --> 00:18:48,894
HE'S GOT A HEAD
FULL OF ROCKS.
493
00:18:48,994 --> 00:18:52,231
THAT'S RIGHT.
AND THOSE ROCKS
ARE FROM THE ALAMO.
494
00:18:52,331 --> 00:18:53,265
DO YOU KNOW WHY?
495
00:18:53,365 --> 00:18:55,567
BECAUSE HE GREW UP
THERE! HA HA!
496
00:18:55,667 --> 00:18:57,302
TAKE A LOOK AT THIS.
497
00:18:57,402 --> 00:18:59,371
A+ PAPER, DIMBULB.
498
00:18:59,471 --> 00:19:01,807
OK, MR. STARK,
THAT'S FINE, THAT'S FINE.
499
00:19:01,907 --> 00:19:03,509
YOU MAY HAVE WON THIS BATTLE,
500
00:19:03,609 --> 00:19:07,112
BUT YOU HAVEN'T
WON THE WAR, OK?
501
00:19:07,212 --> 00:19:08,780
THE WAR GOES ON.
502
00:19:08,881 --> 00:19:10,315
YOU JUST
THINK OF IT THIS WAY--
503
00:19:10,415 --> 00:19:13,819
YOU ARE THE ALAMO.
AND I,
504
00:19:13,919 --> 00:19:17,222
I AM 8 MILLION
PISSED OFF MEXICANS.
505
00:19:17,322 --> 00:19:19,291
COMPRENDE, JIRAFO?
506
00:19:19,391 --> 00:19:22,394
THAT MEANS, GET IT, GIRAFFE?
507
00:19:22,494 --> 00:19:24,696
[GRUNTS]
508
00:19:29,968 --> 00:19:31,537
MY CANNON!
509
00:19:31,637 --> 00:19:33,639
MY CANNON.
510
00:19:38,310 --> 00:19:40,712
HEY, BABE?
511
00:19:40,812 --> 00:19:42,447
YEAH?
512
00:19:42,548 --> 00:19:45,517
ARE YOU COMING TO BED?
IT'S GETTING KIND OF
LONELY BACK HERE.
513
00:19:45,617 --> 00:19:47,152
I'LL BE RIGHT THERE.
514
00:19:47,252 --> 00:19:50,956
GOOD, 'CAUSE THE DOUG DOLL
REALLY ISN'T DOING IT FOR ME.
515
00:19:53,592 --> 00:19:57,196
I CAN REWRITE
THE SCENE.
516
00:19:57,296 --> 00:19:59,631
I CAN REWRITE
THE SCENE.
517
00:19:59,731 --> 00:20:02,534
I'M SORRY I WAS
BEING GROUCHY EARLIER.
518
00:20:02,634 --> 00:20:04,036
I--I SHOULDN'T BE.
519
00:20:04,136 --> 00:20:06,371
YOU'RE THE GREATEST
HUSBAND IN THE WORLD.
520
00:20:06,471 --> 00:20:10,676
I JUST LOVE BEING HERE
WITH YOU IN OUR LITTLE
HOBBIT NEST.
521
00:20:10,776 --> 00:20:15,013
BUT YOU SAID THAT
IT WAS LIKE A TIN CAN
522
00:20:15,113 --> 00:20:17,950
AND YOU HATED IT.
523
00:20:18,050 --> 00:20:19,117
NO, I NEVER SAID THAT.
524
00:20:19,218 --> 00:20:21,119
YOU MUST BE THINKING
OF SOMEONE ELSE.
525
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:22,688
I LOVE BEING HERE WITH YOU.
526
00:20:22,788 --> 00:20:24,523
I LOVE EVERYTHING
ABOUT OUR LIVES.
527
00:20:24,623 --> 00:20:26,291
I LIKE OUR MICROBIOTIC FOOD.
528
00:20:26,391 --> 00:20:27,659
I LIKE TAKING AIR BATHS.
529
00:20:27,759 --> 00:20:30,128
I LOVE THAT WE LIVE
BELOW THE POVERTY LEVEL.
530
00:20:30,229 --> 00:20:31,330
IT'S AWESOME.
531
00:20:31,430 --> 00:20:33,699
YOU'RE AWESOME.
532
00:20:35,434 --> 00:20:38,303
CAN I SEE THAT
SEXY FACE AGAIN?
533
00:20:38,403 --> 00:20:40,138
OF COURSE.
534
00:20:40,239 --> 00:20:42,407
I'D DO ANYTHING FOR YOU.
535
00:20:47,312 --> 00:20:49,147
THIS IS KINDA
WORKING FOR ME.
536
00:20:49,248 --> 00:20:52,284
WHAT SAY YOU AND ME
AND THE DOUG DOLL
537
00:20:52,384 --> 00:20:54,920
GET IN A LITTLE
TROUBLE IN THE BACK?
538
00:20:55,020 --> 00:20:58,423
[LAUGHS]
539
00:20:58,523 --> 00:21:02,494
{\an8}AND NO FELDMAN
OR GARCIA OR DUFFY
540
00:21:02,594 --> 00:21:04,930
{\an8}IS GOING TO KEEP ME
FROM STRUTTING MYSELF
541
00:21:05,030 --> 00:21:06,932
{\an8}IN CAPE MAY, NEW JERSEY.
542
00:21:07,032 --> 00:21:08,600
{\an8}STRUTTING MYSELF?
543
00:21:08,700 --> 00:21:10,836
{\an8}I'M SORRY.
CAN WE TAKE THAT--
CAN WE TAKE IT AGAIN?
544
00:21:10,936 --> 00:21:12,137
{\an8}SORRY. FROM THE BEGINNING.
545
00:21:12,237 --> 00:21:15,140
{\an8}I THOUGHT
MY "BUT WHY"
WAS WEIRD.
546
00:21:18,977 --> 00:21:21,480
{\an8}GUESS YOU'RE NOT
GETTING THAT RAISE, HUH?
547
00:21:21,580 --> 00:21:25,584
{\an8}THANKS TO YOU, MY RAISE
IS IN THE BANK, DUFFY.
548
00:21:25,684 --> 00:21:28,720
{\an8}DUFFY! WHAT WAS THAT?
42067
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