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1
00:00:24,757 --> 00:00:26,192
You're not going in with me.
2
00:00:26,404 --> 00:00:27,454
Dad, relax.
3
00:00:29,278 --> 00:00:31,474
I don't even know why you came up.
4
00:00:34,239 --> 00:00:35,785
Hello, Walter. Good to see you.
5
00:00:36,520 --> 00:00:38,395
You remember my daughter Natalie?
6
00:00:38,520 --> 00:00:41,706
- Of course. How are you, Natalie?
- He's doing much better.
7
00:00:42,287 --> 00:00:43,737
Thank you, Natalie.
8
00:00:43,884 --> 00:00:46,724
They wouldn't let me out
of the loony bin without an escort.
9
00:00:51,001 --> 00:00:55,001
In Treatment, S02E29
Walter: Week Six
10
00:01:18,932 --> 00:01:21,288
I never thought I'd be happy
to be back here.
11
00:01:21,413 --> 00:01:24,041
But it feels good
to get out of that place,
12
00:01:24,195 --> 00:01:25,693
even if it's only for an hour.
13
00:01:25,818 --> 00:01:28,512
So you haven't been out at all
this week?
14
00:01:28,887 --> 00:01:30,677
Yeah, a couple of times.
15
00:01:32,089 --> 00:01:33,239
Connie and...
16
00:01:34,894 --> 00:01:36,512
Natalie took me to lunch.
17
00:01:39,591 --> 00:01:40,768
And how was that?
18
00:01:40,893 --> 00:01:43,593
It was a cute little Irish place,
actually,
19
00:01:43,812 --> 00:01:46,230
right across the street.
You probably would have liked it.
20
00:01:47,656 --> 00:01:48,985
I had stew,
21
00:01:49,854 --> 00:01:52,153
soda bread.
Connie cried.
22
00:01:53,217 --> 00:01:55,779
I sat there wondering
if everyone in the restaurant
23
00:01:55,904 --> 00:01:59,822
made me for a guy being on lunch-leave
from the rubber room.
24
00:02:00,778 --> 00:02:03,154
I doubt they were thinking that,
Walter.
25
00:02:03,592 --> 00:02:04,942
It's humiliating.
26
00:02:05,595 --> 00:02:09,145
My own daughter has to sign me out,
sit in your waiting room,
27
00:02:09,530 --> 00:02:10,755
sign me back in
28
00:02:10,923 --> 00:02:13,006
like I'm a danger to society.
29
00:02:13,360 --> 00:02:16,302
I think the fear is that you might be
a danger to yourself.
30
00:02:18,841 --> 00:02:21,173
- Can I ask you something, Paul?
- Sure.
31
00:02:22,047 --> 00:02:26,020
You said that this was
one of the best facilities in the city?
32
00:02:27,610 --> 00:02:29,459
It is very highly regarded.
33
00:02:30,233 --> 00:02:32,139
Then what are the rest of them like?
34
00:02:32,264 --> 00:02:33,423
I'm not complaining.
35
00:02:33,987 --> 00:02:36,219
You've been there yourself
a few times now.
36
00:02:36,521 --> 00:02:38,491
It's clean, well lit.
37
00:02:38,794 --> 00:02:42,798
Why don't you just tell me what it is
that bothers you about the place?
38
00:02:44,864 --> 00:02:46,114
It's the staff:
39
00:02:47,012 --> 00:02:49,297
the therapists, social workers.
40
00:02:50,739 --> 00:02:54,339
Maybe I've been spoiled by you,
but these people, they just...
41
00:02:55,053 --> 00:02:57,489
- They're just not very bright.
- How do you mean?
42
00:02:57,614 --> 00:02:59,887
Well, you're either bright
or you're not.
43
00:03:00,055 --> 00:03:01,455
You can't fake it.
44
00:03:02,990 --> 00:03:05,986
When I talk to you
I don't have to explain myself.
45
00:03:06,806 --> 00:03:07,856
You listen,
46
00:03:08,087 --> 00:03:11,387
you understand what I'm saying,
you respond right away.
47
00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:14,546
If I mention a name even once,
48
00:03:15,073 --> 00:03:16,714
you remember it the next time.
49
00:03:18,258 --> 00:03:19,417
These people...
50
00:03:20,367 --> 00:03:22,743
They're just not up to speed.
51
00:03:23,153 --> 00:03:25,455
I have to backtrack all the time.
52
00:03:26,555 --> 00:03:29,268
Well, I think that you and I
have a relationship, Walter.
53
00:03:29,393 --> 00:03:30,943
And I can imagine how
54
00:03:31,500 --> 00:03:33,888
frustrating it must be
to cover the same ground
55
00:03:34,013 --> 00:03:35,963
that we have in our sessions.
56
00:03:36,430 --> 00:03:38,134
Yeah, but it's not only that.
57
00:03:38,556 --> 00:03:41,119
They talk to me
like I'm a four-year-old...
58
00:03:41,244 --> 00:03:44,473
or maybe an 80-year-old who has to have
everything explained
59
00:03:44,641 --> 00:03:45,641
to him
60
00:03:46,146 --> 00:03:48,602
loudly and slowly.
61
00:03:49,309 --> 00:03:50,757
So you feel patronized.
62
00:03:50,882 --> 00:03:52,558
Yeah, exactly.
See, that's it.
63
00:03:52,683 --> 00:03:54,869
That's what I mean...
you understand me.
64
00:03:54,994 --> 00:03:57,778
Well, to be honest, Walter,
that wasn't a difficult one.
65
00:03:59,546 --> 00:04:01,198
I've never felt patronized by you.
66
00:04:01,683 --> 00:04:04,178
You respected me, I respected you.
67
00:04:05,310 --> 00:04:06,460
We're equals.
68
00:04:06,623 --> 00:04:10,207
I haven't really gotten that sense
from you before, to be honest.
69
00:04:10,375 --> 00:04:12,362
- You haven't?
- Actually I've always felt
70
00:04:12,487 --> 00:04:13,852
that I've kind of annoyed you,
71
00:04:13,977 --> 00:04:17,027
that our talking together
was a waste of your time.
72
00:04:17,350 --> 00:04:21,354
For example, when I draw connections
between your past and your present,
73
00:04:23,121 --> 00:04:24,721
you've belittled them.
74
00:04:25,041 --> 00:04:26,041
And me.
75
00:04:27,172 --> 00:04:29,078
If you felt that way, I'm sorry.
76
00:04:29,777 --> 00:04:33,126
The truth is that right
from that first blink test
77
00:04:33,251 --> 00:04:35,222
I could see you were top notch.
78
00:04:35,480 --> 00:04:37,193
And yet, I think I remember that
79
00:04:37,361 --> 00:04:40,260
you questioned
my academic credentials.
80
00:04:41,058 --> 00:04:43,449
And didn't you run
a background check on me?
81
00:04:43,952 --> 00:04:47,244
There's that memory of yours...
it won't let go of any details.
82
00:04:47,412 --> 00:04:49,790
You can see why I might be
a little surprised
83
00:04:49,915 --> 00:04:52,614
to hear that you're now
singing my praises.
84
00:04:52,876 --> 00:04:55,662
Boy, you have a hard time taking
a compliment, don't you?
85
00:04:58,686 --> 00:05:01,128
Maybe you should talk
to somebody about that.
86
00:05:01,253 --> 00:05:03,769
Okay, since...
87
00:05:03,894 --> 00:05:07,769
since you have so much respect
for my understanding of you...
88
00:05:09,382 --> 00:05:10,392
can I be blunt?
89
00:05:11,312 --> 00:05:12,436
Absolutely.
90
00:05:12,963 --> 00:05:14,563
Why are you sucking up to me?
91
00:05:15,438 --> 00:05:17,816
- Excuse me?
- I think you're right, Walter.
92
00:05:17,941 --> 00:05:19,876
I have tried to empathize with you
93
00:05:20,404 --> 00:05:23,001
and I know
that I've made some mistakes,
94
00:05:23,126 --> 00:05:26,746
but I think I have a pretty fair idea
of your opinion of me.
95
00:05:27,815 --> 00:05:29,415
So I'll ask you again:
96
00:05:30,121 --> 00:05:32,071
why are you sucking up to me?
97
00:05:38,571 --> 00:05:40,429
Let me show you something.
98
00:05:44,469 --> 00:05:45,594
What is it?
99
00:05:45,763 --> 00:05:47,113
It's a potholder.
100
00:05:47,693 --> 00:05:50,393
I made it myself...
in occupational therapy.
101
00:05:52,456 --> 00:05:55,620
Tomorrow we're gonna glue
little bits of tile together
102
00:05:55,745 --> 00:05:57,145
and make coasters.
103
00:05:58,263 --> 00:06:00,133
I don't imagine
you're the best candidate
104
00:06:00,258 --> 00:06:01,694
for occupational therapy.
105
00:06:04,232 --> 00:06:07,324
I'm used to being the glue, Paul,
not playing with it.
106
00:06:07,646 --> 00:06:11,370
I'm sure that's not
all you're doing in there.
107
00:06:12,126 --> 00:06:13,648
No, of course not.
108
00:06:13,773 --> 00:06:15,661
Then there's group therapy...
109
00:06:15,909 --> 00:06:19,461
which isn't only a waste of time,
it's disturbing.
110
00:06:19,737 --> 00:06:22,898
I just sit there and I listen
to strangers talking about
111
00:06:23,023 --> 00:06:27,027
how this one was abandoned
or that one was molested,
112
00:06:27,690 --> 00:06:29,592
and how angry they are
at their parents.
113
00:06:29,717 --> 00:06:33,309
So how do you feel about being
on the same floor as these people?
114
00:06:33,612 --> 00:06:36,509
Well, I guess I'm supposed
to relate to them
115
00:06:36,634 --> 00:06:38,715
or sympathize or you tell me.
116
00:06:38,840 --> 00:06:40,240
But come on, Paul.
117
00:06:41,277 --> 00:06:44,796
Two months ago
I was a fully-engaged C.E.O.,
118
00:06:44,921 --> 00:06:47,220
solving real-world problems.
119
00:06:48,682 --> 00:06:51,529
And now I'm sitting between one person
who likes to wear diapers
120
00:06:51,654 --> 00:06:54,223
and another one
who likes to cut herself with a razor.
121
00:06:54,348 --> 00:06:56,466
There's no denying
that you have it rough.
122
00:06:56,591 --> 00:06:59,918
And you must be angry at me
for saying that you need to be there.
123
00:07:00,674 --> 00:07:02,824
No, you were just doing your job.
124
00:07:04,844 --> 00:07:06,593
I can imagine
you also might be angry
125
00:07:06,718 --> 00:07:10,095
that I wasn't able to save you
from the depression you fell into.
126
00:07:16,529 --> 00:07:19,396
Or from the attempt
that you made on your own life.
127
00:07:24,908 --> 00:07:27,715
You know, one of the shrinks there
said something like that.
128
00:07:29,947 --> 00:07:31,742
He said you were reckless.
129
00:07:32,049 --> 00:07:33,994
Said that you'd opened up
130
00:07:34,162 --> 00:07:36,024
Pandora's box
at the worst possible time.
131
00:07:41,624 --> 00:07:44,505
I'm sorry...
should I not have told you that?
132
00:07:47,105 --> 00:07:49,760
But I'm sure that must have been
unsettling for you to hear.
133
00:07:50,201 --> 00:07:52,083
What do you think he meant by that?
134
00:07:52,436 --> 00:07:54,504
Well, I didn't trust it.
135
00:07:55,846 --> 00:07:57,296
I didn't trust him.
136
00:07:57,766 --> 00:07:59,927
I told him
that if it hadn't have been for you,
137
00:08:00,052 --> 00:08:02,561
that I'd gone off the deep end
a lot sooner.
138
00:08:03,915 --> 00:08:06,655
I also told him
that his staff wasn't in your league.
139
00:08:06,780 --> 00:08:09,100
- You're doing it again, Walter.
- What?
140
00:08:09,772 --> 00:08:11,075
Bullshitting me.
141
00:08:12,826 --> 00:08:14,962
Now what is it
that you want from me?
142
00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:19,899
Out.
143
00:08:21,849 --> 00:08:22,899
I want out.
144
00:08:25,151 --> 00:08:27,345
And you're hoping
that if you flatter me enough
145
00:08:27,470 --> 00:08:29,901
that I'll sign off
on your release, is that it?
146
00:08:30,733 --> 00:08:32,683
I'm climbing the walls, Paul.
147
00:08:33,295 --> 00:08:36,445
And it's another week
before I can go before a judge.
148
00:08:37,425 --> 00:08:41,311
Look, I understand that a week
may seem like a very long time.
149
00:08:43,607 --> 00:08:46,035
God, another day is an eternity.
150
00:08:48,047 --> 00:08:51,405
Whatever you need me to say or sign,
I'll do it.
151
00:08:52,895 --> 00:08:54,616
But please, call Dr. Wells.
152
00:08:55,287 --> 00:08:56,452
He'll listen to you.
153
00:08:56,749 --> 00:08:58,099
Before I do that,
154
00:08:58,648 --> 00:09:00,164
we need to talk more.
155
00:09:01,548 --> 00:09:03,000
What do you want to know?
156
00:09:04,354 --> 00:09:05,884
What do I want to know?
157
00:09:06,267 --> 00:09:09,300
Isn't that what you said to me
last week in the hospital?
158
00:09:09,425 --> 00:09:12,593
And then you proceeded to tell me
that you had food poisoning.
159
00:09:13,057 --> 00:09:14,757
Drop the fa�ade, Walter.
160
00:09:14,988 --> 00:09:17,238
It's a waste of your time and mine.
161
00:09:18,235 --> 00:09:20,702
You're just saying what you think
I want to hear.
162
00:09:31,939 --> 00:09:33,139
I was ashamed.
163
00:09:36,773 --> 00:09:38,973
And I didn't want Natalie to know.
164
00:09:43,801 --> 00:09:45,869
Why don't you tell me what it's
165
00:09:46,304 --> 00:09:48,404
really been like this last week.
166
00:09:51,740 --> 00:09:52,627
Hell.
167
00:09:56,113 --> 00:09:57,728
I have nothing to do.
168
00:09:59,254 --> 00:10:00,654
There's one TV and
169
00:10:01,876 --> 00:10:05,187
the group votes on what crap
they want to watch.
170
00:10:07,554 --> 00:10:09,904
There's a piano
that no one can play.
171
00:10:12,368 --> 00:10:13,868
They give us chores,
172
00:10:14,369 --> 00:10:15,819
but it's make-work.
173
00:10:16,164 --> 00:10:17,814
I'm not doing anything.
174
00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:21,203
- So how do you pass the time?
- Walk the halls.
175
00:10:22,558 --> 00:10:23,758
It's 9:00 a.m.
176
00:10:24,956 --> 00:10:26,335
I pace,
177
00:10:27,607 --> 00:10:29,157
stare out the window.
178
00:10:30,962 --> 00:10:32,340
Hours go by.
179
00:10:34,182 --> 00:10:36,164
I think to myself,
180
00:10:36,478 --> 00:10:38,652
"It must be getting close to lunchtime".
181
00:10:39,871 --> 00:10:41,371
I look at the clock.
182
00:10:42,497 --> 00:10:43,871
It's 9:15.
183
00:10:44,687 --> 00:10:46,228
When you stare out the windows,
184
00:10:46,396 --> 00:10:48,096
what do you think about?
185
00:10:49,372 --> 00:10:52,084
I think about how much I could've
already gotten done
186
00:10:52,209 --> 00:10:54,152
if I still had my job.
187
00:10:54,410 --> 00:10:55,937
You're used to being busy.
188
00:10:56,062 --> 00:10:57,612
I can imagine it's...
189
00:10:58,371 --> 00:11:01,243
- It's a pretty difficult adjustment.
- I can't adjust.
190
00:11:01,411 --> 00:11:04,838
I'm not comfortable
just wasting time.
191
00:11:05,416 --> 00:11:08,495
That's something that we might work on
while you're there.
192
00:11:09,811 --> 00:11:11,751
You want me to work on wasting time?
193
00:11:11,876 --> 00:11:13,845
No, what I mean is
194
00:11:14,676 --> 00:11:16,466
sometimes when people
are hospitalized
195
00:11:16,634 --> 00:11:19,913
the lack of day-to-day pressure
can cause a relief.
196
00:11:20,038 --> 00:11:22,338
It finally gives them a chance to...
197
00:11:23,780 --> 00:11:25,062
to contemplate.
198
00:11:26,730 --> 00:11:29,140
- I don't follow you.
- Well, to reflect.
199
00:11:30,265 --> 00:11:34,067
To reflect on what's come before,
what lies ahead.
200
00:11:35,226 --> 00:11:38,180
I think you've been running
so hard for so long
201
00:11:38,531 --> 00:11:41,008
that you haven't had
the chance to check in
202
00:11:41,133 --> 00:11:42,333
with yourself.
203
00:11:46,957 --> 00:11:49,107
Natalie said something like that.
204
00:11:50,582 --> 00:11:53,671
She said I should
"listen to my inner voice".
205
00:11:55,519 --> 00:11:57,674
I told her the last thing
you want to do
206
00:11:57,842 --> 00:12:00,792
if you're in a nuthouse is
start hearing voices.
207
00:12:02,823 --> 00:12:06,391
When you walk the halls, what
do you find yourself thinking about?
208
00:12:06,559 --> 00:12:07,909
I'm just anxious.
209
00:12:10,077 --> 00:12:11,577
I think about money.
210
00:12:12,277 --> 00:12:14,527
I think about my net-worth numbers.
211
00:12:15,994 --> 00:12:18,223
They've gone down quite a bit.
But...
212
00:12:18,961 --> 00:12:22,465
I think about is Connie
keeping up with the bills,
213
00:12:22,784 --> 00:12:25,726
is the car battery dead
in the garage...
214
00:12:28,786 --> 00:12:30,536
what happened to those...
215
00:12:32,198 --> 00:12:33,598
those poor kids...
216
00:12:35,526 --> 00:12:37,126
who drank the formula?
217
00:12:39,535 --> 00:12:41,441
I think about their families...
218
00:12:43,498 --> 00:12:45,263
how they're coping with it...
219
00:12:47,256 --> 00:12:48,615
what's going on...
220
00:12:55,357 --> 00:12:56,858
Do you think about them often?
221
00:12:59,999 --> 00:13:01,330
What do you think?
222
00:13:08,862 --> 00:13:10,163
You said that you had
223
00:13:10,332 --> 00:13:12,578
some sessions with the staff...
224
00:13:14,339 --> 00:13:15,339
"shrink".
225
00:13:16,353 --> 00:13:17,893
What did he talk about?
226
00:13:18,018 --> 00:13:20,068
They want to rehash the crisis,
227
00:13:20,681 --> 00:13:21,731
the firing.
228
00:13:22,543 --> 00:13:25,343
I keep saying,
"Could you just read my file?"
229
00:13:25,930 --> 00:13:28,646
And as you were retelling the story,
can you...
230
00:13:28,771 --> 00:13:31,143
remember what emotions
came up for you?
231
00:13:31,417 --> 00:13:33,186
Have you ever given a deposition?
232
00:13:34,930 --> 00:13:37,998
You say as little as possible
and wait for it to end.
233
00:13:38,289 --> 00:13:41,239
You mentioned
that Pandora's box had been opened.
234
00:13:43,737 --> 00:13:45,615
You've talked
about some of those issues?
235
00:13:46,525 --> 00:13:48,076
- Like what?
- I don't know.
236
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:50,611
Your family history,
your history with the Donaldsons,
237
00:13:50,736 --> 00:13:53,407
your anxiety about separation.
238
00:13:54,656 --> 00:13:55,706
Not really.
239
00:13:56,546 --> 00:13:58,086
They didn't ask, I didn't tell.
240
00:13:58,634 --> 00:14:01,131
Did they ask you about the night
you tried to kill yourself?
241
00:14:04,568 --> 00:14:07,012
Of course they asked about that.
They had to, didn't they?
242
00:14:07,181 --> 00:14:08,381
Yes, they did.
243
00:14:08,626 --> 00:14:11,558
I've been where they are.
We'd acquire a company.
244
00:14:11,727 --> 00:14:13,777
I'd go out there for the visit.
245
00:14:14,081 --> 00:14:15,133
The local...
246
00:14:15,532 --> 00:14:17,314
manager would walk me through it:
247
00:14:17,482 --> 00:14:19,266
how dedicated everyone was,
248
00:14:19,391 --> 00:14:21,619
how nothing need to change.
249
00:14:22,362 --> 00:14:25,662
And the whole time he's making
his pitch, I'm running numbers.
250
00:14:26,624 --> 00:14:28,660
They were emotionally involved.
251
00:14:29,283 --> 00:14:31,899
- I was there to evaluate.
- So these doctors, you feel
252
00:14:32,024 --> 00:14:34,740
they're just...
making clinical evaluations?
253
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:37,626
They're just thinking about
how much to medicate me,
254
00:14:37,795 --> 00:14:39,954
or... how much coverage I have.
255
00:14:40,838 --> 00:14:43,456
Do you think they might be
assessing anything else?
256
00:14:47,830 --> 00:14:49,521
Whether I'll try it again.
257
00:14:53,394 --> 00:14:56,693
That's what everybody's going
to worry about for the rest of my life.
258
00:14:58,224 --> 00:14:59,224
Isn't it?
259
00:15:08,547 --> 00:15:10,497
Do you want to talk about that?
260
00:15:26,364 --> 00:15:28,164
Pretty street you live on.
261
00:15:31,169 --> 00:15:32,958
I never noticed that before.
262
00:15:35,509 --> 00:15:37,972
It's always been dark
when you've arrived.
263
00:15:39,398 --> 00:15:40,310
It's...
264
00:15:41,173 --> 00:15:43,073
nice to see the spring come.
265
00:15:47,724 --> 00:15:50,087
Now I have a chance
to plant my garden.
266
00:15:52,701 --> 00:15:54,001
Smell the roses.
267
00:16:01,310 --> 00:16:03,435
- Can I ask you something?
- Of course.
268
00:16:10,499 --> 00:16:12,645
What would you have done
if you were me?
269
00:16:17,871 --> 00:16:19,496
I've thought about that.
270
00:16:22,498 --> 00:16:24,175
I can really understand...
271
00:16:26,390 --> 00:16:28,090
what that pain was like,
272
00:16:28,847 --> 00:16:30,867
how it must have seemed unbearable...
273
00:16:32,431 --> 00:16:33,531
without end.
274
00:16:34,872 --> 00:16:38,446
And how, in that moment,
you thought you'd found a solution...
275
00:16:40,123 --> 00:16:42,323
A way out of a hopeless situation.
276
00:16:44,886 --> 00:16:46,186
But, you know...
277
00:16:47,136 --> 00:16:48,403
I think that...
278
00:16:48,528 --> 00:16:51,478
the worst night of your life
has passed, Walter.
279
00:16:52,538 --> 00:16:54,010
You've survived it.
280
00:16:55,311 --> 00:16:57,511
You've been given a second chance.
281
00:16:59,309 --> 00:17:00,824
And the void that you felt,
282
00:17:00,949 --> 00:17:03,563
maybe the void that you still feel
can be filled...
283
00:17:03,852 --> 00:17:06,502
and that there's a possibility
of renewal.
284
00:17:08,413 --> 00:17:10,077
You know, I tried to fight it.
285
00:17:13,450 --> 00:17:15,888
I kept telling myself,
"Snap out of it, Walter.
286
00:17:16,013 --> 00:17:17,400
Snap out of it".
287
00:17:18,547 --> 00:17:20,197
I kept thinking that...
288
00:17:21,665 --> 00:17:23,507
I'd come up with some way
289
00:17:23,632 --> 00:17:25,588
to stop feeling.
290
00:17:25,963 --> 00:17:27,363
Stop feeling what?
291
00:17:29,492 --> 00:17:30,792
To stop feeling.
292
00:17:32,110 --> 00:17:33,008
Period.
293
00:17:35,297 --> 00:17:38,380
I've always been able
to will myself out of bed.
294
00:17:40,240 --> 00:17:42,980
Even if I was dead tired or sick...
295
00:17:44,214 --> 00:17:46,576
I was always able to work.
296
00:17:47,738 --> 00:17:49,538
Ring the bell, I answered.
297
00:17:49,833 --> 00:17:51,233
But not this time.
298
00:17:51,833 --> 00:17:53,243
It's like...
299
00:17:54,938 --> 00:17:57,459
there's the Walter Barnett that I knew,
300
00:17:58,016 --> 00:17:59,116
who could...
301
00:17:59,457 --> 00:18:01,121
stand up to any pressure.
302
00:18:01,567 --> 00:18:02,617
And then...
303
00:18:02,902 --> 00:18:06,002
there's this other Walter
who I never knew existed...
304
00:18:07,375 --> 00:18:08,563
who crumbled...
305
00:18:09,926 --> 00:18:11,827
who couldn't handle the pain.
306
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:16,244
These two Walters,
307
00:18:16,849 --> 00:18:18,799
one strong, the other weak...
308
00:18:20,939 --> 00:18:22,039
are there...
309
00:18:22,458 --> 00:18:24,604
any other differences between them?
310
00:18:25,067 --> 00:18:26,217
I don't know.
311
00:18:27,346 --> 00:18:29,896
Like I said, I don't know this other one.
312
00:18:30,838 --> 00:18:33,688
The other one, you mean...
The one without a job?
313
00:18:36,225 --> 00:18:38,637
You said anytime the bell rang,
you answered.
314
00:18:38,762 --> 00:18:41,745
Maybe part of the reason you couldn't
snap out of it this time was because
315
00:18:42,009 --> 00:18:44,209
for the first time in your life...
316
00:18:45,463 --> 00:18:47,751
you weren't on call.
You weren't on duty.
317
00:18:48,436 --> 00:18:49,667
What do you mean?
318
00:18:49,971 --> 00:18:53,094
You pride yourself
not just on your ability to work,
319
00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:55,123
but on your ability to work yourself
320
00:18:55,248 --> 00:18:57,217
beyond the brink of exhaustion.
321
00:18:57,342 --> 00:18:58,492
The first day that you came in
322
00:18:58,617 --> 00:19:01,717
you didn't even think that your panic
attacks were worth mentioning.
323
00:19:01,948 --> 00:19:03,731
In the time that I've known you,
324
00:19:03,856 --> 00:19:05,920
I've never heard you mention a hobby,
325
00:19:06,045 --> 00:19:08,842
- a day off, a night out.
- You met me in the middle of a crisis.
326
00:19:08,967 --> 00:19:11,497
And my guess is, before this crisis
there was another crisis
327
00:19:11,622 --> 00:19:14,778
and before that there was another one.
And it stretches right back...
328
00:19:15,053 --> 00:19:17,803
to childhood, to Vietnam,
to the Donaldsons,
329
00:19:18,157 --> 00:19:19,557
to Connie's rehab.
330
00:19:19,778 --> 00:19:21,028
Connie's rehab?
331
00:19:21,393 --> 00:19:23,369
What?
I never said anything about that.
332
00:19:23,537 --> 00:19:26,342
You didn't, but when I spoke
to Natalie at the hospital...
333
00:19:26,540 --> 00:19:29,390
She had no right
to embarrass Connie like that!
334
00:19:29,710 --> 00:19:31,984
She wasn't trying to embarrass Connie.
335
00:19:32,257 --> 00:19:34,546
- She assumed you'd told me.
- Why would I have done that?
336
00:19:34,671 --> 00:19:36,758
That's what people do in therapy.
337
00:19:36,926 --> 00:19:39,288
They talk about their lives.
338
00:19:39,794 --> 00:19:42,252
If your wife has a problem
with substance abuse...
339
00:19:42,377 --> 00:19:45,055
Substance abuse? It was chardonnays.
340
00:19:46,197 --> 00:19:47,512
And a few pills.
341
00:19:48,372 --> 00:19:49,541
She's not a...
342
00:19:51,929 --> 00:19:53,859
Connie is a great wife.
343
00:19:55,052 --> 00:19:57,930
She made a fine home.
She took care of the kids.
344
00:19:58,406 --> 00:20:00,856
She watched the home front
like a hawk.
345
00:20:02,574 --> 00:20:04,174
The problem started...
346
00:20:06,385 --> 00:20:07,622
It's my fault.
347
00:20:07,885 --> 00:20:09,285
What was your fault?
348
00:20:09,542 --> 00:20:11,918
I was away so much.
I was always traveling.
349
00:20:12,481 --> 00:20:14,926
The doctors never understood
what it was. It was...
350
00:20:15,051 --> 00:20:17,042
maybe a hypoglycemia,
351
00:20:17,508 --> 00:20:19,858
or lyme disease, something chemical.
352
00:20:20,170 --> 00:20:23,263
She gets in a mood and...
she slides downhill.
353
00:20:23,432 --> 00:20:27,101
- And you were there to catch her.
- I'd be halfway around the world.
354
00:20:27,226 --> 00:20:29,191
I'd get a call from the boys
or her mother.
355
00:20:29,316 --> 00:20:31,260
I'd be on the next flight back.
356
00:20:32,371 --> 00:20:34,171
I've always been her rock.
357
00:20:35,688 --> 00:20:36,688
Until now.
358
00:20:40,032 --> 00:20:41,524
Now I've let her down.
359
00:20:42,049 --> 00:20:43,602
I've let everyone down.
360
00:20:47,126 --> 00:20:48,590
You're a human being.
361
00:20:49,896 --> 00:20:53,107
I'm not supposed to malfunction, Paul,
that's for other people.
362
00:20:53,232 --> 00:20:54,502
But not Walter Barnett.
363
00:20:56,233 --> 00:20:57,463
He's a superman.
364
00:20:57,790 --> 00:20:59,847
Isn't that what your wife
used to call you?
365
00:20:59,972 --> 00:21:03,266
- That's just a figure of speech.
- But it's a pretty telling one.
366
00:21:04,578 --> 00:21:07,432
You've been everyone's rock...
your entire life.
367
00:21:07,600 --> 00:21:10,764
You make it sound like that's
something bad to be responsible.
368
00:21:11,479 --> 00:21:13,897
I'm just wondering about the toll
that it's taken...
369
00:21:14,243 --> 00:21:17,716
the pressure or maybe even
the need to always be the hero.
370
00:21:17,841 --> 00:21:18,744
Need?
371
00:21:20,297 --> 00:21:22,530
- Do you think I look for this?
- That's not what I meant.
372
00:21:22,698 --> 00:21:26,366
You think I'm like a fireman who goes
setting fires so I can put them out?
373
00:21:26,536 --> 00:21:27,827
That's not the point.
374
00:21:27,995 --> 00:21:29,871
Then what is your damn point?
375
00:21:30,831 --> 00:21:34,306
Come on, you know everything.
Just tell me what you fucking think.
376
00:21:35,496 --> 00:21:37,581
I don't think you want the crisis.
377
00:21:37,878 --> 00:21:41,341
But I do worry you have no idea
what to do when you're not in one.
378
00:21:42,405 --> 00:21:44,228
You're angry at yourself...
379
00:21:44,415 --> 00:21:46,222
for crumbling under this pressure.
380
00:21:46,472 --> 00:21:49,708
But I'm amazed you've held everything
together for as long as you did.
381
00:21:49,833 --> 00:21:51,021
Thanks a lot.
382
00:21:51,146 --> 00:21:52,685
The Walter you know...
383
00:21:52,947 --> 00:21:55,872
has been on the front line
since his brother died...
384
00:21:55,997 --> 00:21:59,025
on call, taking care of everything,
everybody,
385
00:21:59,276 --> 00:22:01,126
sleeping with one eye open.
386
00:22:01,556 --> 00:22:03,843
But without a mountain of responsibility,
387
00:22:03,968 --> 00:22:06,018
that Walter is completely lost.
388
00:22:06,296 --> 00:22:09,477
He doesn't know
how not to be in charge.
389
00:22:10,944 --> 00:22:12,794
He's forgotten how to play.
390
00:22:13,493 --> 00:22:15,913
He can't just sit and be.
391
00:22:17,502 --> 00:22:19,971
Maybe that's why you're climbing
the walls at the hospital.
392
00:22:20,096 --> 00:22:21,846
Then get me out of there!
393
00:22:23,394 --> 00:22:24,644
And if I did...
394
00:22:26,148 --> 00:22:28,227
what would happen to the other Walter?
395
00:22:30,607 --> 00:22:32,350
What are you talking about?
396
00:22:33,037 --> 00:22:35,787
The Walter you said
you didn't know existed,
397
00:22:37,410 --> 00:22:39,947
the little boy who had his childhood
taken away from him
398
00:22:40,072 --> 00:22:41,765
when he was six years old...
399
00:22:42,978 --> 00:22:44,729
He's been sitting there...
400
00:22:45,236 --> 00:22:47,136
all this time in the dark...
401
00:22:48,023 --> 00:22:49,673
scared half to death...
402
00:22:50,628 --> 00:22:52,495
hoping that somebody would notice him...
403
00:22:53,060 --> 00:22:54,390
maybe comfort him.
404
00:22:55,862 --> 00:22:56,962
And maybe...
405
00:22:58,080 --> 00:22:59,830
Maybe this is his chance.
406
00:23:01,184 --> 00:23:02,384
Your chance...
407
00:23:03,623 --> 00:23:05,767
to find out who that boy is...
408
00:23:07,729 --> 00:23:09,463
To reconnect with a part of yourself
409
00:23:09,588 --> 00:23:12,188
that you've had to deny your entire life.
410
00:23:15,287 --> 00:23:17,388
Am I making any sense to you?
411
00:23:19,081 --> 00:23:22,241
You want me to connect
to that part of myself that...
412
00:23:22,492 --> 00:23:24,170
that fell apart, that...
413
00:23:24,295 --> 00:23:25,995
crumbled under pressure?
414
00:23:26,902 --> 00:23:28,402
Why would I do that?
415
00:23:28,964 --> 00:23:32,580
Because, Walter, I don't think
that's the part of you that crumbled.
416
00:23:35,818 --> 00:23:38,644
I think that's the part of you
that wants to live.
417
00:23:57,732 --> 00:23:58,832
I'm sorry...31274
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