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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,919 --> 00:00:03,652 EGYPTIANS! IT'S THE EGYPTIANS! 2 00:00:03,721 --> 00:00:06,988 WAIT. MAKE IT INTO A QUESTION. WHO ARE THE EGYPTIANS? 3 00:00:09,660 --> 00:00:11,593 PERSIANS? 4 00:00:13,531 --> 00:00:15,509 WELL, THE EGYPTIANS ARE THE ANSWER TO SOME QUESTION. 5 00:00:15,533 --> 00:00:17,800 I KNOW THAT. [Door Opens] 6 00:00:17,868 --> 00:00:19,617 HEY. HEY. 7 00:00:19,686 --> 00:00:21,898 I'M GOIN' TO THE HARDWARE STORE, OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT... 8 00:00:21,922 --> 00:00:24,506 MEN "R" US. 9 00:00:24,574 --> 00:00:27,492 IS THERE ANYPLACE YOU WON'T GO TO PICK UP A MAN? 10 00:00:27,561 --> 00:00:32,347 YEAH. THE MUSEUM. YOU WANNA COME WITH ME? 11 00:00:32,415 --> 00:00:34,833 LOOK, I DON'T THINK I'M COMFORTABLE WITH THE IDEA... 12 00:00:34,902 --> 00:00:37,703 ABOUT GOIN' SOMEPLACE AND GETTIN' PICKED UP. 13 00:00:37,772 --> 00:00:40,472 I THINK, IF I STAY HOME AND BIDE MY TIME, 14 00:00:40,541 --> 00:00:43,036 THAT EVENTUALLY MEL GIBSON WILL RUN OUT OF GAS OUT FRONT, 15 00:00:43,060 --> 00:00:45,844 AND I'LL TAKE HIM IN AND... 16 00:00:45,913 --> 00:00:47,846 NEVER LET HIM GO. [Giggles] 17 00:00:47,915 --> 00:00:50,215 [Knocking] KNOCK, KNOCK. 18 00:00:50,284 --> 00:00:52,284 WHO'S THERE? MORON. 19 00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:56,271 MORON WHO? MORON WHO SAYS "KNOCK KNOCK" WHEN HE COMES IN A ROOM. 20 00:00:58,275 --> 00:01:01,310 WELL, WELL, WELL. LOOK AT YOU, LORI ANN. 21 00:01:01,378 --> 00:01:05,413 IT'S A NICE DRESS. DOES IT COME WITH A VOLUME KNOB? 22 00:01:07,785 --> 00:01:09,718 FOR YOUR INFORMATION, BROCK, 23 00:01:09,787 --> 00:01:13,405 I AM TAKING YOUR EX-WIFE OUT TO MEET A BETTER CLASS OF MAN. 24 00:01:13,473 --> 00:01:16,375 WHERE ARE YOU GOIN'? ANYWHERE REALLY. 25 00:01:17,378 --> 00:01:20,562 WHY DON'T YOU TWO GET A ROOM? 26 00:01:20,631 --> 00:01:22,325 BESIDES, I TOLD YOU I'M NOT GOIN'. 27 00:01:22,349 --> 00:01:24,932 YOU KNOW WHAT, REBA? I THINK IT'S A GOOD IDEA. 28 00:01:25,001 --> 00:01:26,479 WHAT? WHAT? 29 00:01:26,503 --> 00:01:28,904 YEAH. IT'S BEEN LONG ENOUGH, REBA. 30 00:01:28,973 --> 00:01:30,951 MAYBE IT IS TIME YOU STARTED DATING. 31 00:01:30,975 --> 00:01:33,591 WAIT. YOU TWO AGREE THAT I SHOULD GO OUT DATING? 32 00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:35,294 YES, WE DO. ABSOLUTELY. 33 00:01:35,362 --> 00:01:37,078 WOW. 34 00:01:37,147 --> 00:01:40,882 WELL, IF THE TWO OF YOU AGREE ON SOMETHING, THEN MAYBE I SHOULD DO IT. 35 00:01:40,951 --> 00:01:45,404 WHO KNOWS? MAYBE I'LL MEET SOMEBODY IN THAT NEW ICE RINK DOWN IN HELL. HA! 36 00:01:47,974 --> 00:01:50,291 [Reba] HA, HEY! 37 00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:53,528 ♪ WHO I AM IS WHO I WANNA BE ♪ 38 00:01:53,597 --> 00:01:57,916 ♪ I'M A SURVIVOR ♪♪ 39 00:02:00,154 --> 00:02:03,538 IS THIS YOUR CARD? 40 00:02:03,607 --> 00:02:07,425 NO, IT ISN'T. ARE YOU SURE YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THIS TRICK? 41 00:02:07,494 --> 00:02:11,263 UH-HUH. IS THIS YOUR CARD? 42 00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:13,548 REBA, ARE YOU ABOUT READY? 43 00:02:15,986 --> 00:02:19,187 IT'S NOT FAIR. WHY CAN'T YOU STAY HOME AND BABYSIT JAKE? 44 00:02:19,255 --> 00:02:21,657 YOU'RE MARRIED, WITH A KID. I STILL HAVE A LIFE. 45 00:02:21,725 --> 00:02:25,577 KYRA, WHAT IS THE BIG DEAL? I USED TO BABYSIT YOU. 46 00:02:25,645 --> 00:02:27,607 YEAH, RIGHT. YOU USED TO STICK ME IN MY ROOM, 47 00:02:27,631 --> 00:02:30,916 SO YOU COULD SIT ON THE COUCH AND MAKE OUT WITH YOUR BOYFRIEND. 48 00:02:33,020 --> 00:02:34,936 OH, RIGHT. [Giggles] 49 00:02:37,591 --> 00:02:40,224 IS THIS YOUR CARD? 50 00:02:41,862 --> 00:02:43,795 YES, IT IS. 51 00:02:44,965 --> 00:02:47,298 YOU FINALLY GOT IT RIGHT. 52 00:02:47,367 --> 00:02:51,686 YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT ANYMORE... TO ANYONE. 53 00:02:53,607 --> 00:02:56,291 WHERE YOU GOIN', HONEY? TO GET MY MAGIC HAT. 54 00:02:56,360 --> 00:02:58,876 LORD! REBA, WE GOTTA MOVE. HE'S GETTIN' HIS MAGIC HAT. 55 00:03:01,248 --> 00:03:04,383 I DON'T KNOW, LORI ANN. I FEEL A LITTLE WEIRD ABOUT TONIGHT. 56 00:03:04,451 --> 00:03:06,952 DON'T GET ME WRONG. I DO WANNA MEET SOMEBODY. 57 00:03:07,021 --> 00:03:09,487 BUT WHAT IF I GO OUT THERE AND TRY REALLY HARD... 58 00:03:09,556 --> 00:03:12,040 AND WIND UP WITH A BUNCH OF "NO, THANK YOUS"? 59 00:03:12,109 --> 00:03:14,709 OH, HONEY, THEY DON'T SAY THANK YOU. 60 00:03:19,550 --> 00:03:21,482 OKAY, KYRA, I TOLD YOU EVERYTHING, RIGHT? 61 00:03:21,551 --> 00:03:23,478 YOU TOLD ME I HAVE TO GIVE UP A NIGHT WITH MY 62 00:03:23,502 --> 00:03:25,453 FRIENDS, SO YOU CAN GO BARHOPPING WITH YOURS. 63 00:03:27,524 --> 00:03:30,892 YEAH, BUT DO YOU KNOW THE NUMBERS OF THE BARS WE'RE GONNA BE HOPPIN' AT? 64 00:03:30,960 --> 00:03:34,429 MOM, DON'T WORRY ABOUT HER. SHE'S GONNA DO A GOOD JOB. 65 00:03:34,498 --> 00:03:37,894 I KNOW. IF I DIDN'T, I WOULDN'T HAVE PUT HER IN CHARGE. 66 00:03:37,918 --> 00:03:42,070 AT LEAST SHE WON'T BE MAKING OUT ON THE COUCH WITH HER BOYFRIEND ALL NIGHT. 67 00:03:42,138 --> 00:03:44,922 MOM, HE WAS NOT MY BOYFRIEND. 68 00:03:49,813 --> 00:03:54,166 ALL RIGHT. IT'S TIME FOR REBA AND LORI ANN TO RIDE AGAIN. 69 00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:57,836 LIKE WE USED TO SAY, THE NIGHT IS YOUNG, AND... 70 00:03:57,904 --> 00:04:00,205 WELL, AT LEAST THE NIGHT IS STILL YOUNG. 71 00:04:00,274 --> 00:04:02,124 [Laughing] 72 00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:06,595 - KNOCK, KNOCK. - WHO'S THERE? MORON. 73 00:04:06,663 --> 00:04:09,714 MORON WHO? 74 00:04:09,783 --> 00:04:12,134 NEVER MIND. WHAT YOU NEED, BARBRA JEAN? 75 00:04:12,202 --> 00:04:15,019 WELL, I HEARD SOMEONE WAS GOIN' OUT... 76 00:04:15,088 --> 00:04:17,322 HOPIN' TO MEET OTHER SOMEONES, 77 00:04:17,391 --> 00:04:20,958 AND I THOUGHT, "I'VE GOT TO LEND REBA MY LUCKY BRACELET." 78 00:04:26,616 --> 00:04:28,817 WELL, THANK YOU, BARBRA JEAN. THAT'S VERY THOUGHTFUL. 79 00:04:28,885 --> 00:04:30,986 IT'S THE ONE I WAS WEARIN' WHEN I MET BROCK. 80 00:04:33,640 --> 00:04:37,975 YOU KNOW, I'M CURIOUS. WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE SAYING THESE THINGS TO? 81 00:04:40,714 --> 00:04:44,165 WELL, I ALSO FIGURED THAT I COULD GIVE YOU A FEW TIPS. 82 00:04:44,234 --> 00:04:47,068 NOW, AS YOU KNOW, BEFORE I SETTLED DOWN, 83 00:04:47,137 --> 00:04:49,115 I HAD A BIT OF A WILD STREAK. 84 00:04:49,139 --> 00:04:53,708 AND I THOUGHT THAT YOU COULD BENEFIT FROM THE RESULTS OF MY SINFUL RESEARCH. 85 00:04:54,978 --> 00:04:57,429 NO-NO OFFENSE, HONEY, BUT SHE'S GOIN' WITH ME, 86 00:04:57,498 --> 00:04:59,664 AND I'M STILL RESEARCHIN'. 87 00:05:01,367 --> 00:05:04,714 OKAY THEN. I GUESS YOU KNOW RICHIE'S IS NOW A GAY BAR, 88 00:05:04,738 --> 00:05:07,255 AND HATTER'S HAS GONE VERY YOUNG. 89 00:05:07,324 --> 00:05:09,468 SHERMAN'S HAS A WONDERFUL SELECTION OF LAWYERS, BUT THE MUSIC'S TOO LOUD. 90 00:05:09,492 --> 00:05:11,604 SO YOU'RE BETTER OFF AT HANNIGAN'S, BUT LEAVE AFTER HAPPY HOUR... 91 00:05:11,628 --> 00:05:13,678 'CAUSE THAT'S WHEN THE USED CAR SALESMEN SHOW UP. 92 00:05:15,748 --> 00:05:17,732 HAVE FUN, LADIES. 93 00:05:24,107 --> 00:05:27,509 YOU KNOW, I AM SURPRISED I'VE NEVER BUMPED INTO HER BEFORE. 94 00:05:36,269 --> 00:05:39,637 ISN'T SHE THE CUTEST? SHE'S MY FIRST GRANDCHILD. 95 00:05:39,706 --> 00:05:43,141 AND HERE'S THE REST OF MY FAMILY. SEE? RIGHT THERE. 96 00:05:43,210 --> 00:05:45,805 THAT'S A HOUSEFUL, HUH? [Laughs] [Polite Laugh] 97 00:05:45,829 --> 00:05:47,807 YEAH, YOU WOULDN'T THINK I'D BE LONELY. 98 00:05:47,831 --> 00:05:49,909 [Object Drops] OOPS. EXCUSE ME. 99 00:05:49,933 --> 00:05:52,567 OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. AND THEN HERE'S THE... 100 00:05:54,854 --> 00:05:58,123 OKAY, HONEY, THAT'S THE THIRD TIME. I DON'T THINK IT'S THEM. 101 00:05:59,792 --> 00:06:03,328 LOOK, REBA, YOUR CHILDREN ARE ONLY CUTE TO YOU. 102 00:06:03,396 --> 00:06:06,298 YOU HAVE TO TALK ABOUT SOMETHING INTERESTING. 103 00:06:07,417 --> 00:06:09,462 WELL, I GUESS I CAN TALK ABOUT MY WORK. 104 00:06:09,486 --> 00:06:11,964 YOU KNOW, THE OTHER DAY, I GOT TWO APPOINTMENTS MIXED UP, 105 00:06:11,988 --> 00:06:15,256 AND THE WRONG MR. SMITH CAME IN FOR A TEETH-CLEANIN'. [Laughing] 106 00:06:16,710 --> 00:06:20,478 THAT WAS A HOOT. OKAY. FORGET ABOUT "INTERESTING." 107 00:06:20,547 --> 00:06:22,480 YOU NEED TO LIE. 108 00:06:24,150 --> 00:06:26,918 I CAN'T DO THAT. SURE, YOU CAN. 109 00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:29,921 I TELL MEN I'M A ROMANIAN GYMNAST. 110 00:06:31,991 --> 00:06:35,693 MEN LOVE A FLEXIBLE WOMAN WHO CAN'T SPEAK ENGLISH. 111 00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:39,113 LOOK, IF A MAN CAN'T ACCEPT THE FACT... 112 00:06:39,182 --> 00:06:42,450 THAT I'M A HARD-WORKIN' WOMAN RAISING THREE KIDS AND A GRANDCHILD... 113 00:06:42,519 --> 00:06:46,320 AND TRYIN' TO BLEND TWO MORTGAGES INTO ONE LOW MONTHLY PAYMENT, THEN... 114 00:06:46,390 --> 00:06:48,367 OH, MY GOD. I AM BORING. 115 00:06:48,391 --> 00:06:51,942 OH. [Cell Phone Rings] 116 00:06:52,011 --> 00:06:54,379 [Ringing] 117 00:06:54,448 --> 00:06:57,648 HELLO. CHEYENNE, IS EVERYTHING OKAY? 118 00:06:57,717 --> 00:07:00,118 FIX MY HAIR? WHY? WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY... 119 00:07:00,187 --> 00:07:02,148 WAIT A MINUTE. HOW CAN YOU SEE MY HAIR? 120 00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:04,022 OH, MY GOSH. 121 00:07:05,576 --> 00:07:07,553 WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOIN' HERE? 122 00:07:07,577 --> 00:07:10,172 I'M SORRY. I HAD TO COME DOWN HERE AND MAKE SURE YOU WERE DOIN' OKAY. 123 00:07:10,196 --> 00:07:12,942 OH, YOUR MOM IS OKAY. SHE'S WEARIN' THAT NEW PERFUME... 124 00:07:12,966 --> 00:07:16,318 EAU DE GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME. 125 00:07:18,805 --> 00:07:22,073 REALLY? I CAN'T BELIEVE GUYS AREN'T ASKING YOU OUT. 126 00:07:22,141 --> 00:07:24,075 YOU BOTH LOOK VERY NICE. 127 00:07:24,143 --> 00:07:26,828 WELL, THANK YOU. GET AWAY FROM HIM. 128 00:07:28,865 --> 00:07:31,866 WE'RE DOIN' JUST FINE. AND DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME. I'M GOIN' HOME. 129 00:07:31,935 --> 00:07:35,036 GOOD. 'CAUSE THIS PLACE IS SMOKY AND SLEAZY. 130 00:07:35,104 --> 00:07:37,138 IT SMELLS LIKE BABY POOP. 131 00:07:39,326 --> 00:07:41,259 OH, BOY. 132 00:07:42,496 --> 00:07:45,080 LOOK, MOM, THERE'S SOMETHING ON CAMPUS... 133 00:07:45,148 --> 00:07:48,549 THAT MIGHT BE A BETTER WAY FOR YOU TO MEET MEN THAN IN A SMOKE-FILLED BAR. 134 00:07:48,618 --> 00:07:52,053 I'M NOT GOIN' TO A FRAT PARTY. WHICH FRATERNITY? 135 00:07:53,957 --> 00:07:55,890 IT'S NOT A FRAT PARTY. 136 00:07:55,959 --> 00:07:57,992 IS IT A.A.? 'CAUSE THEY SMOKE THERE TOO. 137 00:07:59,796 --> 00:08:03,665 NO. IT'S CALLED INSTA-DATING. YOU MEET A BUNCH OF MEN FOR A COUPLE OF MINUTES, 138 00:08:03,733 --> 00:08:05,711 AND THEN IF YOU DON'T LIKE EACH OTHER, YOU MOVE ON. 139 00:08:05,735 --> 00:08:07,713 IT'S-IT'S LIKE "TRIAL SIZE" DATING. 140 00:08:07,737 --> 00:08:11,489 LIKE A LITTLE TRAY OF MAN SAMPLES. I LOVE IT. 141 00:08:15,762 --> 00:08:19,631 GOOD AFTERNOON, AND WELCOME TO INSTA-DATING. 142 00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,849 DID EVERYONE FILL OUT THEIR DATE CARDS? 143 00:08:21,918 --> 00:08:24,769 TODAY YOU'RE EACH GONNA MEET 10 OR 12 DIFFERENT PEOPLE, 144 00:08:24,837 --> 00:08:26,815 AND ONE OF THEM COULD BE THAT SPECIAL SOMEONE. 145 00:08:26,839 --> 00:08:28,923 REMEMBER, YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH TIME, 146 00:08:28,992 --> 00:08:31,192 SO GET RIGHT TO THE ESSENCE OF WHO YOU ARE. 147 00:08:31,260 --> 00:08:36,047 EXCEPT FOR YOU. GET TO THE ESSENCE OF SOMEONE INTERESTING. 148 00:08:39,419 --> 00:08:41,353 WELL, THAT'S ENOUGH ABOUT ME. WHAT ABOUT YOU? 149 00:08:41,421 --> 00:08:43,355 SWITCH! 150 00:08:44,625 --> 00:08:47,659 NICE TO MEET YOU, FIRST GUY. [Laughs] 151 00:08:47,728 --> 00:08:51,379 HI. MY NAME'S REBA. MAYBE YOU SHOULD GO FIRST. 152 00:08:51,447 --> 00:08:53,965 RELAX. I'VE DONE THIS BEFORE. MY NAME IS FRED, FROM ATLANTA. 153 00:08:54,034 --> 00:08:57,096 PARENTS WORKED IN A FACTORY. HAPPY CHILDHOOD. ME, I SELL CARS. TOYOTAS. 154 00:08:57,120 --> 00:08:59,421 ONE CHILD, PREVIOUS MARRIAGE. IMPOSSIBLE WOMAN. 155 00:08:59,489 --> 00:09:01,906 ENOUGH ABOUT ME. TELL ME ABOUT YOURSELF. GO! 156 00:09:01,975 --> 00:09:03,942 OH. WELL, UH, OKAY. ALL RIGHT. 157 00:09:04,010 --> 00:09:08,313 ME, FROM TEXAS. UH, EX-HUSBAND. UH, DUMPED. CHEATIN' BIMBO. 158 00:09:08,381 --> 00:09:11,616 AND, UH, WELL, I'M SINGLE. GUESS YOU ALREADY KNOW THAT. [Laughs] 159 00:09:11,685 --> 00:09:13,785 UH, RED HAIR. YOU KNOW THAT TOO. 160 00:09:13,854 --> 00:09:16,022 OH, MY GOSH. LOOK, WHY DON'T I JUST TELL YOU 161 00:09:16,046 --> 00:09:18,089 WHAT I THINK'S IMPORTANT IN A RELATION... 162 00:09:18,158 --> 00:09:20,091 SWITCH! 163 00:09:23,763 --> 00:09:26,097 THANK YOU. 164 00:09:26,165 --> 00:09:29,650 HI. I'M HANK. I LIKE TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH. 165 00:09:29,719 --> 00:09:31,702 THAT'S NICE. I'M REBA. 166 00:09:31,771 --> 00:09:34,422 [Imitating Accent] THAT'S NICE. I'M REBA. 167 00:09:36,760 --> 00:09:39,110 - I'M SORRY? - I'M SORRY? 168 00:09:39,178 --> 00:09:42,113 WAIT. ARE YOU JUST GONNA REPEAT EVERYTHING I SAY? 169 00:09:42,181 --> 00:09:44,949 WAIT. ARE YOU JUST GONNA REPEAT EVERYTHING I SAY? 170 00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,185 THAT'S NOT FUNNY. YES, IT IS. 171 00:09:48,254 --> 00:09:50,016 HEY! YOU MISSED ONE. HEY! YOU MISSED ONE. 172 00:09:50,040 --> 00:09:52,289 I LIKE MEN. I LIKE ME... 173 00:09:52,358 --> 00:09:55,259 SWITCH! SWITCH. 174 00:10:04,136 --> 00:10:07,388 I'M HANK. I LIKE TO MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH. 175 00:10:10,927 --> 00:10:13,310 HI THERE. HI THERE. 176 00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:15,411 I SWEAR, IF YOU'RE GONNA SIT THERE AND 177 00:10:15,435 --> 00:10:17,816 REPEAT EVERYTHING I SAY, I'M GONNA SLUG YOU. 178 00:10:17,884 --> 00:10:20,296 [Laughing] GOT IT. THANKS FOR THE WARNING. 179 00:10:20,320 --> 00:10:23,171 OH, I'M SORRY. I'VE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE. 180 00:10:23,239 --> 00:10:25,568 GLAD TO HEAR IT. I THINK IF YOU'RE EXPERIENCED AT THIS, 181 00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:27,508 NOT A GOOD THING. 182 00:10:28,728 --> 00:10:31,529 AMEN. SO, WHY ARE YOU HERE? 183 00:10:31,597 --> 00:10:34,432 FRIEND DRAGGED ME. SAID I DON'T GET OUT ENOUGH. 184 00:10:34,500 --> 00:10:38,853 I GOT A FRIEND LIKE THAT. SHE'S FROM ROMANIA. [Laughing] 185 00:10:38,922 --> 00:10:43,174 HI. I'M REBA. REBA, I'M BRIAN. 186 00:10:43,243 --> 00:10:45,388 UH, SO HERE'S MY ESSENCE. 187 00:10:45,412 --> 00:10:47,657 I LIVE IN KATY. I GOT TWO DOGS, NO KIDS. 188 00:10:47,681 --> 00:10:49,692 I MAKE DOCUMENTARY FILMS FOR A LIVING. 189 00:10:49,716 --> 00:10:52,383 AND, NO, YOU AIN'T NEVER HEARD OF NONE OF 'EM. 190 00:10:52,452 --> 00:10:55,753 WOW. A FILMMAKER, HUH? THAT'S EXCITING. 191 00:10:55,822 --> 00:11:00,191 WELL, I LIVE HERE IN HOUSTON. UH, NO DOGS. THREE KIDS. 192 00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:02,193 AND I, UH... 193 00:11:04,163 --> 00:11:07,031 I WRITE CHILDREN'S BOOKS. AND, NO, YOU HAVEN'T EVER HEARD OF ANY OF 'EM. 194 00:11:07,100 --> 00:11:09,200 [Laughing] 195 00:11:09,269 --> 00:11:11,230 YOU'VE GOT A BEAUTIFUL SMILE. 196 00:11:11,254 --> 00:11:14,288 WELL, THANKS. THIS IS NICE. 197 00:11:14,357 --> 00:11:17,186 - SWITCH! - WAIT A MINUTE. WE JUST GOT STARTED. 198 00:11:17,210 --> 00:11:19,209 EXCUSE ME. I'M NEXT. 199 00:11:19,278 --> 00:11:23,565 - HOLD YOUR HORSES. - THEY'RE NOT SWITCHING. 200 00:11:23,633 --> 00:11:27,135 WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO OUT SOMETIME? REALLY? I'D LOVE TO. 201 00:11:27,204 --> 00:11:30,438 SWITCH! EVERYONE SWITCH! 202 00:11:31,841 --> 00:11:33,991 I'M NOT SWITCHIN'. I'M DONE. 203 00:11:34,060 --> 00:11:37,212 STOP IT! I SAID STOP IT! 204 00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:41,281 STOP IT! I SAID STOP IT! [Pops Lips] 205 00:11:48,207 --> 00:11:50,141 [No Audible Dialogue] 206 00:11:54,981 --> 00:11:58,917 MAN, I CAN'T BELIEVE I TOLD SUCH A STUPID LIE. 207 00:11:58,985 --> 00:12:01,269 WHY DID I TELL HIM I WAS A WRITER? 208 00:12:01,338 --> 00:12:03,404 I SHOULD'VE TOLD HIM I WAS A SPY. 209 00:12:05,309 --> 00:12:07,403 WELL, THERE'D BE NO WAY FOR HIM TO CHECK THAT OUT. 210 00:12:07,427 --> 00:12:10,362 RELAX, MOM. YOU'RE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT YOUR CAREER TONIGHT. 211 00:12:10,430 --> 00:12:13,064 [Sighing] OH. NOT IF YOU WANT THE DATE TO GO WELL. 212 00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:15,050 OH, AND DON'T TALK ABOUT YOUR KIDS. 213 00:12:15,118 --> 00:12:17,463 HE'LL EITHER THINK YOU WANT MORE OR BE BUMMED THAT YOU GOT 'EM. 214 00:12:17,487 --> 00:12:20,266 OKAY. I'M BARREN AND CHILDLESS. GOT IT. 215 00:12:20,290 --> 00:12:23,541 OH, AND LAUGH AT HIS JOKES. MEN LOVE THAT. WHAT IF THEY'RE NOT FUNNY? 216 00:12:23,610 --> 00:12:25,877 THEY WON'T BE, BUT LAUGH ANYWAY. 217 00:12:27,280 --> 00:12:31,716 MOM, KYRA'S BEING MEAN. SOMETIMES THE TRUTH HURTS. 218 00:12:31,785 --> 00:12:34,219 JAKE, GO TAKE YOUR BATH. I'LL DEAL WITH HER. 219 00:12:35,555 --> 00:12:37,439 KYRA, ARE YOU GONNA TORTURE HIM ALL NIGHT? 220 00:12:37,508 --> 00:12:39,828 NO. I'LL PROBABLY GET TIRED AND TAKE A SHORT BREAK. 221 00:12:42,012 --> 00:12:43,945 YOU'RE NOT GONNA RUIN THIS FOR ME, YOUNG LADY. 222 00:12:44,014 --> 00:12:47,633 AND LET ME REMIND YOU. SOMEDAY, JAKE'S GONNA BE BIGGER THAN YOU ARE. 223 00:12:47,701 --> 00:12:50,861 I WOULDN'T COUNT ON IT. I LET HIM SMOKE WHEN YOU'RE GONE. 224 00:12:54,424 --> 00:12:57,743 SHE REALLY LIGHTS UP A ROOM, DOESN'T SHE? 225 00:12:57,811 --> 00:13:00,579 SHE'S HAVIN' A HARD TIME RIGHT NOW. 226 00:13:00,648 --> 00:13:03,181 I MEAN, THINGS ARE FINALLY SETTLED DOWN AROUND HERE, 227 00:13:03,250 --> 00:13:05,395 AND THEN YOUR MOM STARTS DATIN'. 228 00:13:05,419 --> 00:13:07,402 THAT'S A TOUGH ADJUSTMENT FOR A KID. 229 00:13:07,471 --> 00:13:10,355 PLUS YOU JUST BECAME A FAMOUS WRITER, LIKE, TWO DAYS AGO. 230 00:13:10,424 --> 00:13:13,792 WELL, ALL RIGHT. ALL READY FOR BOWLING, CHEYENNE? 231 00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:16,695 NOW, REMEMBER, MRS. H, DATING IS EASY. 232 00:13:16,763 --> 00:13:18,697 JUST RELAX, HAVE A NICE CONVERSATION. 233 00:13:18,765 --> 00:13:22,100 OH, AND IF THE GUY GETS HAPPY HANDS, STICK A KEY IN HIS WINDPIPE. 234 00:13:24,737 --> 00:13:27,488 DON'T MAKE HER MORE NERVOUS THAN SHE ALREADY IS. 235 00:13:27,557 --> 00:13:29,691 [Nervous Laugh] IT'LL BE OKAY. 236 00:13:29,760 --> 00:13:32,794 I MEAN, WHAT'S IT BEEN, 20 YEARS SINCE MY LAST DATE? 237 00:13:32,863 --> 00:13:35,714 WHOA. THAT'S LONGER THAN I'VE BEEN ALIVE. 238 00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:43,054 LOOK, MOM, THIS DATE IS GONNA BE GREAT. 239 00:13:43,123 --> 00:13:45,857 AND IF IT ISN'T, I'M GONNA GIVE YOU AN EASY OUT. 240 00:13:45,925 --> 00:13:47,859 HALFWAY THROUGH THE DATE, I WILL GIVE YOU A CALL, 241 00:13:47,927 --> 00:13:49,861 AND I WILL GIVE YOU A PHONY EXCUSE TO LEAVE. 242 00:13:49,929 --> 00:13:53,297 IF THE DATE'S GOING GREAT, THEN JUST HANG UP ON ME. IT'S FOOLPROOF. 243 00:13:53,366 --> 00:13:57,452 CHEYENNE, THAT'S AN AWFUL THING TO DO. DO NOT CALL ME. 244 00:13:57,521 --> 00:13:59,504 HEY, IT WORKS. I REMEMBER, ONE TIME, 245 00:13:59,572 --> 00:14:02,940 I HAD A BUDDY CALL AND TELL ME MY DOG ATE A SPARK PLUG. 246 00:14:03,009 --> 00:14:05,293 [Laughing] 247 00:14:06,429 --> 00:14:09,530 VAN, YOU WERE WITH ME WHEN THAT HAPPENED. 248 00:14:12,118 --> 00:14:14,586 WHAT? 249 00:14:14,654 --> 00:14:18,906 NO, NO. SEE, YOU'RE THINKIN' OF THE TIME... 250 00:14:18,975 --> 00:14:20,992 WE NEED TO GO. COME ON. 251 00:14:28,718 --> 00:14:30,997 SO, LISTEN, I HOPE I'M NOT BUGGING YOU WITH ALL THESE QUESTIONS. 252 00:14:31,021 --> 00:14:34,589 IT'S JUST THAT I FIND IT FASCINATING THAT YOU WRITE CHILDREN'S BOOKS. 253 00:14:34,658 --> 00:14:36,658 [Nervous Chuckle] 254 00:14:37,994 --> 00:14:39,944 YOU SURE DO. 255 00:14:41,331 --> 00:14:43,665 SO, UM, WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON NOW? 256 00:14:43,733 --> 00:14:46,150 NOW? 257 00:14:46,220 --> 00:14:49,087 OH, WELL, UM... 258 00:14:49,155 --> 00:14:51,873 IT'S A BOOK ABOUT A... A DUCK. 259 00:14:53,193 --> 00:14:55,927 A SMALL DUCK. 260 00:14:55,995 --> 00:15:00,882 UH, AND THE BOOK'S CALLED, UH, THE SMALL DUCK. 261 00:15:00,951 --> 00:15:03,218 AND, UH, WHAT'S THE DUCK'S NAME? 262 00:15:05,272 --> 00:15:07,272 DUCKY? 263 00:15:09,543 --> 00:15:12,043 NO, I LOVE THAT. AND, SO, WHAT HAPPENS? 264 00:15:12,112 --> 00:15:15,346 OH. WELL, UM, 265 00:15:15,415 --> 00:15:17,427 I'M JUST KIND OF IN THE BEGINNING STAGES RIGHT NOW. 266 00:15:17,451 --> 00:15:21,018 BUT, UH, THE STORY'S ABOUT THIS, UH, 267 00:15:21,088 --> 00:15:26,541 SMALL DUCK WHO GETS CAUGHT IN A, UH, BIG RAIN. 268 00:15:26,609 --> 00:15:30,328 [Laughs] AND, UH, WELL, HE LEARNS ABOUT ALL THAT KIND OF STUFF. 269 00:15:30,397 --> 00:15:34,082 YOU KNOW. GOOD SALAD, HUH? 270 00:15:34,151 --> 00:15:36,462 YEAH, IT IS. I LIKE THE CRUNCHY THINGS. WHAT ARE THESE, PINE NUTS? 271 00:15:36,486 --> 00:15:38,403 [Laughing] 272 00:15:40,307 --> 00:15:43,642 OH. THAT SOUNDED LIKE A JOKE. YOU KNOW? "WHAT ARE THESE? PINE NUTS?" 273 00:15:43,710 --> 00:15:45,626 [Giggles] 274 00:15:47,664 --> 00:15:50,131 [Clears Throat] 275 00:15:52,702 --> 00:15:56,187 REBA, AM I, UH... AM I, UH... [Clears Throat] MAKING YOU UNCOMFORTABLE? 276 00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:58,851 NO, NO. I JUST DON'T LIKE TO TALK ABOUT MYSELF THAT MUCH. 277 00:15:58,875 --> 00:16:01,871 SO, WHY DON'T WE TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE? [Cell Phone Rings] 278 00:16:01,895 --> 00:16:04,645 OH, EXCUSE ME. JUST A SECOND HERE. 279 00:16:04,714 --> 00:16:06,982 [Ringing] 280 00:16:07,050 --> 00:16:09,751 CHEYENNE, I TOLD YOU NOT TO... KYRA? 281 00:16:09,819 --> 00:16:13,288 IS EVERYTHING OKAY? SORRY. JUST A MOMENT. 282 00:16:14,441 --> 00:16:16,991 I TOLD YOU TO ONLY CALL ME IN AN EMERGENCY. 283 00:16:18,161 --> 00:16:20,601 WELL, THAT'S NOT AN EMERGENCY. 284 00:16:22,198 --> 00:16:25,800 WELL, OKAY. JUST WRITE "SPRINKLES" ON THE GROCERY LIST, OKAY? 285 00:16:25,868 --> 00:16:27,802 FINE. GOOD-BYE. 286 00:16:30,356 --> 00:16:32,874 SORRY. A LITTLE CRISIS AT HOME. NO, NO. SURE. 287 00:16:32,943 --> 00:16:35,443 YEAH. SO, YOU GOT "THE CALL." 288 00:16:35,511 --> 00:16:38,279 AND I GUESS YOU'RE GONNA BE GOIN'. WHAT? 289 00:16:38,348 --> 00:16:42,634 REBA, I'M SORRY I WAS BUGGING YOU WITH ALL THOSE QUESTIONS ABOUT YOUR WRITING. 290 00:16:42,703 --> 00:16:45,537 IT'S JUST I AM SO INCREDIBLY NERVOUS. 291 00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:47,333 NO, NO. YOU'RE NOT BUGGIN' ME. 292 00:16:47,357 --> 00:16:50,208 REBA, PLEASE. I WAS GETTIN' ON MY OWN NERVES. 293 00:16:52,412 --> 00:16:55,463 YOU KNOW, THERE'S ONLY SO MANY "DUCK" QUESTIONS. 294 00:16:55,532 --> 00:16:57,616 NO. I THINK IT'S VERY WONDERFUL... 295 00:16:57,684 --> 00:16:59,951 THAT YOU'RE SO INTERESTED IN WHAT I DO. 296 00:17:00,020 --> 00:17:02,086 [Nervous Chuckling] 297 00:17:05,526 --> 00:17:09,160 I JUST WISH I DID IT. WHAT? 298 00:17:09,229 --> 00:17:12,330 I LIED. I DON'T WRITE CHILDREN'S BOOKS. 299 00:17:12,399 --> 00:17:14,477 MAYBE YOU SHOULD DO A DOCUMENTARY... 300 00:17:14,501 --> 00:17:17,068 ON PEOPLE WHO LIE TO IMPRESS OTHER PEOPLE. 301 00:17:17,136 --> 00:17:19,670 YEAH, WELL, ABOUT THAT. 302 00:17:21,325 --> 00:17:24,492 UH, I DON'T EXACTLY MAKE DOCUMENTARIES. 303 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:29,197 OH, NO. I MAKE 'EM. IT'S JUST NOBODY BUYS 'EM. 304 00:17:29,265 --> 00:17:32,833 SO, TO PAY THE BILLS, I DO THOSE CHEESY LATE-NIGHT COMMERCIALS. 305 00:17:32,902 --> 00:17:36,871 OH, YOU MEAN LIKE WILD BILL'S AUTO ROUNDUP? 306 00:17:36,940 --> 00:17:40,241 [Laughing] THANK YOU FOR KNOWING MY WORK. 307 00:17:40,310 --> 00:17:42,359 [Laughing] 308 00:17:43,663 --> 00:17:46,681 OKAY. WHY DON'T WE START FRESH? OKAY. 309 00:17:46,750 --> 00:17:50,885 I WORK AT A DENTAL OFFICE. I HAVE THREE CHILDREN AND A GRANDCHILD. 310 00:17:50,953 --> 00:17:52,953 WELL, THEN YOU'VE GOTTA HAVE PICTURES. 311 00:17:53,022 --> 00:17:55,523 OH, YOU BET I DO. [Chuckling] 312 00:17:58,028 --> 00:18:00,412 - THIS IS ELIZABETH. - OH. 313 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:03,982 SHE'S NINE MONTHS OLD. ISN'T HER SCALP BEAUTIFUL? 314 00:18:04,051 --> 00:18:05,734 [Both Laughing] 315 00:18:05,802 --> 00:18:07,718 [No Audible Dialogue] 316 00:18:12,642 --> 00:18:14,742 JAKE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING UP? 317 00:18:14,811 --> 00:18:16,789 YOU KNOW MOM DOESN'T LET YOU WATCH LATE-NIGHT TV. 318 00:18:16,813 --> 00:18:19,113 AND ARE YOU EATING COOKIES ON THE COUCH? 319 00:18:19,182 --> 00:18:22,834 MY DOUBLE STUFS. 320 00:18:22,903 --> 00:18:24,902 DID YOU FINISH THE ENTIRE BAG? 321 00:18:24,971 --> 00:18:27,338 [Muffled, Indistinct] 322 00:18:28,992 --> 00:18:33,127 WHAT? HE SAID, "KYRA CALLED MOM ON HER DATE." WHAT, ARE YOU DEAF? 323 00:18:34,748 --> 00:18:37,749 - COME ON, YOU. BEDTIME. - MY STOMACH HURTS. 324 00:18:37,817 --> 00:18:39,800 WELL, DEAL WITH IT, COOKIE PIG. 325 00:18:43,757 --> 00:18:46,841 - WHY DID YOU CALL MOM ON HER DATE? - I WAS BORED. 326 00:18:47,944 --> 00:18:51,112 LOOK, KYRA, I KNOW WHAT'S BEEN GOING ON. 327 00:18:51,180 --> 00:18:55,599 YOU KNOW, THINGS STARTED TO SETTLE DOWN AROUND HERE, AND THEN MOM STARTS TO DATE. 328 00:18:55,668 --> 00:18:58,036 THAT'S A BIG ADJUSTMENT ON A KID. 329 00:18:58,105 --> 00:19:01,339 I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT IT IS OKAY TO HURT. 330 00:19:03,659 --> 00:19:06,094 THANKS FOR THAT INSIGHT, OH GREAT, WISE TEEN MOTHER. 331 00:19:08,682 --> 00:19:12,550 THEN WHAT IS IT? THIS CAN'T JUST BE ABOUT THE STUPID BABYSITTING THING. 332 00:19:12,618 --> 00:19:17,205 YES, IT IS. I DON'T THINK I SHOULD HAVE TO WASTE MY LIFE, SO SHE CAN GO ON HER DATES. 333 00:19:17,274 --> 00:19:19,874 THAT IS SO SELFISH, KYRA. 334 00:19:19,942 --> 00:19:21,942 I MEAN, MOM DOES A TON OF STUFF FOR US, 335 00:19:22,011 --> 00:19:24,946 AND, WHAT, SHE WANTS TO GO OUT ONCE EVERY 20 YEARS? 336 00:19:26,866 --> 00:19:29,167 DON'T YOU THINK SHE DESERVES TO BE HAPPY? 337 00:19:29,235 --> 00:19:31,485 - NO. - WHAT? 338 00:19:31,554 --> 00:19:34,539 I DON'T WANT HER TO BE HAPPY, OKAY? 339 00:19:34,607 --> 00:19:36,669 DIVORCED PEOPLE AREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY. 340 00:19:36,693 --> 00:19:38,659 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 341 00:19:38,728 --> 00:19:40,723 THEY PROMISED TO BE TOGETHER FOREVER. 342 00:19:40,747 --> 00:19:43,981 THEY COULDN'T MANAGE TO DO THAT, SO THEY SHOULD HAVE TO LIVE WITH THEIR MISTAKES. 343 00:19:44,050 --> 00:19:47,168 SO, WHAT ABOUT DAD, KYRA? YOU WANNA PUNISH DAD TOO? 344 00:19:47,236 --> 00:19:49,653 BARBRA JEAN IS TAKING CARE OF THAT. 345 00:19:53,893 --> 00:19:56,394 WELL, IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL ANY BETTER, 346 00:19:56,463 --> 00:19:58,413 I THINK MOM IS BEING PUNISHED... 347 00:19:58,482 --> 00:20:01,032 THE DIVORCE, SHE HAD TO FIND A JOB, 348 00:20:01,101 --> 00:20:04,469 VAN AND I ARE LIVING HERE WITH THE BABY. 349 00:20:04,538 --> 00:20:06,553 I MEAN, WOULD YOU WANT HER LIFE? 350 00:20:06,622 --> 00:20:10,291 - [Door Opens] - HEY, KYRA. 351 00:20:10,360 --> 00:20:14,028 YOU OKAY? I HADN'T HEARD FROM YOU IN THE LAST HALF HOUR. 352 00:20:14,097 --> 00:20:16,030 I WAS STARTIN' TO WORRY. 353 00:20:16,099 --> 00:20:18,515 I'M SORRY I CALLED YOU SO MUCH TONIGHT, MOM. 354 00:20:18,584 --> 00:20:21,853 YOU ARE? WHY? 355 00:20:23,256 --> 00:20:26,541 I JUST AM. I GUESS I WAS... SELFISH. 356 00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:30,394 - WELL, YOU SHOULD BE SORRY. - I AM. 357 00:20:30,463 --> 00:20:32,397 GOOD. 358 00:20:33,934 --> 00:20:36,401 - THANKS, SWEETIE. - OH. OKAY, OKAY. 359 00:20:36,469 --> 00:20:39,237 I SAID I'M SORRY. LET'S NOT GET ALL "AFTER-SCHOOL SPECIAL" ABOUT IT. 360 00:20:41,374 --> 00:20:43,357 WOW. AN APOLOGY. 361 00:20:43,426 --> 00:20:46,544 I MUST BE GETTIN' GOOD AT THIS "MOTHER-AND-DAUGHTER TALK" STUFF. 362 00:20:46,613 --> 00:20:48,573 I THINK THAT WAS A RECORD. 363 00:20:48,598 --> 00:20:50,915 YEP. YOU'RE FANTASTIC. YEAH. 364 00:20:50,984 --> 00:20:53,918 SO, TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DATE. 365 00:20:53,986 --> 00:20:56,421 OH, IT WENT WELL... EVENTUALLY. 366 00:20:56,489 --> 00:21:00,941 MM-HMM? HE ASKED ME OUT TO DINNER NEXT WEEKEND. 367 00:21:01,010 --> 00:21:04,245 YOU KNOW, IF YOU KEEP YOUR LIES STRAIGHT, THIS MIGHT GO ON FOR A WHILE. 368 00:21:04,314 --> 00:21:07,098 THAT'S OKAY, CHEYENNE. I TOLD HIM THE TRUTH. 369 00:21:07,167 --> 00:21:10,885 THAT'S ONE GREAT THING ABOUT DATING AS AN ADULT. NO GAMES. 370 00:21:10,954 --> 00:21:14,489 RIGHT. SO, DID HE KISS YOU? 371 00:21:14,558 --> 00:21:17,503 HMM-HMM! NO, BUT HE HELD MY HAND ALL THE WAY TO THE CAR. 372 00:21:17,527 --> 00:21:20,228 [Both Laughing] 373 00:21:52,261 --> 00:21:55,213 ACME! [Coughing] 30115

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