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1
00:00:10,200 --> 00:00:12,074
Look at that.
2
00:00:12,200 --> 00:00:13,675
Yes.
3
00:00:13,800 --> 00:00:16,675
That's nasty, that is, isn't it?
4
00:00:16,800 --> 00:00:19,225
Could you leave it outside next time?
5
00:00:19,351 --> 00:00:21,155
It's just rough skin.
6
00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:22,635
It's not that unsightly.
7
00:00:22,760 --> 00:00:25,083
No, but I bet you don't get many requests
8
00:00:25,209 --> 00:00:28,027
for an enlargement in full colour, do you?
9
00:00:28,153 --> 00:00:29,983
I've tried everything.
10
00:00:30,109 --> 00:00:34,905
What you need is Dr Proctor's Skin Softener.
11
00:00:36,522 --> 00:00:38,554
Here he is.
12
00:00:38,680 --> 00:00:40,464
This gentleman here, you know,
13
00:00:40,590 --> 00:00:43,629
he didn't get petal-soft skin by accident.
14
00:00:43,880 --> 00:00:45,136
No.
15
00:00:45,262 --> 00:00:47,915
Gastric, take a look at
Mr Phillips' leg, will you, please?
16
00:00:48,040 --> 00:00:50,595
I haven't got time.
I'm fixing Madge's boiler.
17
00:00:50,720 --> 00:00:52,995
Dear.
18
00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:56,395
What is this life if full of care?
19
00:00:56,520 --> 00:01:01,360
We have no time to stand and stare
at Mr Phillips' leg.
20
00:01:02,680 --> 00:01:04,380
- Good morning.
- Hi.
21
00:01:08,232 --> 00:01:10,835
- Gastric?
- Hello, Madge. How long are you going to be?
22
00:01:10,960 --> 00:01:13,075
- I'm coming.
- You should be here.
23
00:01:13,200 --> 00:01:15,355
- I'm coming. I shan't be long.
- Where are you?
24
00:01:16,920 --> 00:01:20,643
- I'm just looking at this gentleman's leg.
- What?
25
00:01:22,720 --> 00:01:24,080
I'll come back later.
26
00:01:29,400 --> 00:01:30,675
Who was that on the phone?
27
00:01:30,800 --> 00:01:32,035
That was his love life.
28
00:01:32,160 --> 00:01:34,989
I told you he was petal-soft, didn't I?
29
00:01:37,073 --> 00:01:41,673
Corrections & Sync: minouhse
www.addic7ed.com
30
00:02:49,280 --> 00:02:51,755
What did I dream about last night?
31
00:02:51,880 --> 00:02:53,520
Tins of baked beans.
32
00:02:59,480 --> 00:03:03,075
When people my age should be having
wild, exotic dreams...
33
00:03:03,200 --> 00:03:04,796
I get baked beans.
34
00:03:05,200 --> 00:03:07,354
You stack boxes of them in my bedroom.
35
00:03:07,480 --> 00:03:09,555
Only because my bedroom's full.
36
00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:11,955
I don't know why you bought them.
37
00:03:12,080 --> 00:03:14,715
You can't sell an unknown brand,
38
00:03:14,840 --> 00:03:16,955
especially one called Manky.
39
00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:20,444
Who is going to want Manky Beans?
40
00:03:20,570 --> 00:03:24,230
- They are the nation's favourite.
- Where?
41
00:03:24,480 --> 00:03:25,981
Kalamistan.
42
00:03:26,107 --> 00:03:28,442
You've invented a country called Kalamistan.
43
00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:30,676
As if I would.
44
00:03:30,802 --> 00:03:32,025
Where is it then?
45
00:03:32,151 --> 00:03:36,075
Your knowledge of geography's
very limited, isn't it?
46
00:03:36,200 --> 00:03:40,395
Kalamistan is an independent republic
47
00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:43,868
on the outer borders of Mongolia.
48
00:03:43,994 --> 00:03:46,355
They all speak the same language.
49
00:03:46,480 --> 00:03:49,115
Yeah, so do you.
Complete rubbish.
50
00:03:49,240 --> 00:03:51,275
Yeah, well, the price was right.
51
00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:54,755
Who's going to want to buy
something called Manky?
52
00:03:54,880 --> 00:04:00,385
Well, they will when they find out
what it means in ancient Mongolian.
53
00:04:00,511 --> 00:04:03,694
Not going to help, the fact
that they taste horrible.
54
00:04:03,968 --> 00:04:08,768
We tell them that it means
"the stairway to heaven."
55
00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:13,790
The beans that offer enlightenment.
56
00:04:18,076 --> 00:04:20,715
Two sugars, Mrs Machin.
57
00:04:20,840 --> 00:04:22,201
You did say two?
58
00:04:22,327 --> 00:04:25,475
If it was one, just think of it as two ones.
59
00:04:25,600 --> 00:04:27,420
That's fine, love.
60
00:04:28,360 --> 00:04:30,275
And how is Mr Machin?
61
00:04:30,400 --> 00:04:32,195
Don't ask.
62
00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:35,315
Well, don't you know or daren't you say?
63
00:04:35,440 --> 00:04:37,155
It's embarrassing.
64
00:04:37,280 --> 00:04:40,079
Well, I'm sure we don't wish to pry.
65
00:04:40,440 --> 00:04:42,435
But since it's getting interesting...
66
00:04:42,560 --> 00:04:45,035
And seeing as you've more or less started...
67
00:04:45,160 --> 00:04:48,235
- He has these dreams.
- We all have dreams.
68
00:04:48,360 --> 00:04:52,191
Not me, I gave them up
when Roger Moore died.
69
00:04:52,760 --> 00:04:56,475
It's true, we all have dreams,
but not like his recently.
70
00:04:56,600 --> 00:05:00,395
It's ever since they changed his
medication for his frozen shoulder.
71
00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:03,115
They've got some frozen shoulder
at the Co-op.
72
00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:06,196
I daren't tell Granville
it's cheaper than his.
73
00:05:06,322 --> 00:05:10,235
Mrs Machin means that Mr Machin's
got some loss of movement
74
00:05:10,360 --> 00:05:11,739
in his shoulder.
75
00:05:11,865 --> 00:05:13,235
You wouldn't think loss of movement
76
00:05:13,360 --> 00:05:16,115
if you saw him jumping about
in bed with these dreams.
77
00:05:16,240 --> 00:05:17,595
Ooh, excitable is he?
78
00:05:17,720 --> 00:05:19,983
I could never accuse him of that.
79
00:05:20,109 --> 00:05:22,635
When they're in love with vintage buses,
80
00:05:22,760 --> 00:05:24,952
it's a lot like being a widow.
81
00:05:25,862 --> 00:05:29,089
Well, he could have worse hobbies.
Mine did.
82
00:05:29,215 --> 00:05:31,009
I told you not to marry him.
83
00:05:31,135 --> 00:05:34,180
I tried.
But he said, "Shut up, I'm busy."
84
00:05:34,920 --> 00:05:38,114
And, anyway, then he said he needed me.
85
00:05:38,806 --> 00:05:43,915
So, are we to understand that
Mr Machin's having disturbed nights?
86
00:05:44,040 --> 00:05:46,195
We're both having disturbed nights.
87
00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:49,035
At least my marriage bed was quiet.
88
00:05:49,160 --> 00:05:51,245
He was usually in somebody else's.
89
00:05:51,371 --> 00:05:53,995
At the moment, there's far too much
going off in our bed
90
00:05:54,120 --> 00:05:55,979
during the hours of darkness.
91
00:05:56,760 --> 00:05:59,755
However, I'd rather you didn't repeat that.
92
00:05:59,880 --> 00:06:01,583
As if we would.
93
00:06:02,159 --> 00:06:04,452
Jumping about in bed all night.
94
00:06:04,760 --> 00:06:07,633
Apparently he's having these funny dreams.
95
00:06:07,759 --> 00:06:11,434
Well, that's a big jump, isn't it,
from vintage buses?
96
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:16,067
She says it involves vintage buses,
but in a way that's embarrassing.
97
00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:18,517
- What, another woman?
- Worse.
98
00:06:18,643 --> 00:06:20,422
What, two other women?
99
00:06:21,389 --> 00:06:24,355
Well, that doesn't sound like Mr Machin.
100
00:06:24,480 --> 00:06:28,995
I mean, he's the sort
that'd only buy one sock at a time,
101
00:06:29,120 --> 00:06:31,866
if he could find a pliable retailer.
102
00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:35,635
What worries Mrs Machin is he says
they aren't dreams.
103
00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:37,475
He says they're real.
104
00:06:37,601 --> 00:06:41,942
He says every night except Tuesdays
he's abducted by aliens.
105
00:06:44,400 --> 00:06:46,285
What's wrong with Tuesdays?
106
00:06:46,411 --> 00:06:48,766
It's their bingo night.
107
00:07:00,640 --> 00:07:02,275
"Meet me at the park," you said.
108
00:07:02,400 --> 00:07:05,555
I thought, "Nice, gently romantic,
just the two of us."
109
00:07:05,680 --> 00:07:08,042
- What have you brought her for?
- She's got a name,
110
00:07:08,168 --> 00:07:10,275
she's not some object.
111
00:07:10,400 --> 00:07:11,635
Ruby gets lonely.
112
00:07:11,760 --> 00:07:13,635
I get lonely when there's three of us.
113
00:07:13,760 --> 00:07:16,355
I feel sorry for her, she's my best friend.
114
00:07:16,480 --> 00:07:19,476
Plus she's in love with
my boyfriend, but then everyone is.
115
00:07:19,920 --> 00:07:21,751
I'm not.
I don't like him.
116
00:07:22,049 --> 00:07:24,110
- You've never met him.
- Instinct.
117
00:07:25,080 --> 00:07:27,075
Plus the fact he's called Gerald.
118
00:07:27,200 --> 00:07:29,275
And Ruby needs someone
she stands a chance with.
119
00:07:29,400 --> 00:07:30,675
What about your friends?
120
00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:32,974
Is there anyone that's... lonely?
121
00:07:33,178 --> 00:07:34,538
Not that lonely.
122
00:07:42,000 --> 00:07:44,475
You need to get some oil on that thing.
123
00:07:44,600 --> 00:07:47,075
Your sprockets are worn.
It's disgusting.
124
00:07:47,200 --> 00:07:49,995
- Look at your hands.
- Yeah, they get like that.
125
00:07:50,120 --> 00:07:54,035
- I see yours are clean.
- I have to handle people's groceries.
126
00:07:54,160 --> 00:07:55,715
I bet Gerald's are clean.
127
00:07:55,840 --> 00:08:00,130
Gerald is executive material.
He's licensed to be clean.
128
00:08:00,256 --> 00:08:02,435
It's nice to see you two
getting off to a good start.
129
00:08:02,560 --> 00:08:04,155
I was hoping you could be friends.
130
00:08:04,280 --> 00:08:06,204
- She dislikes me.
- She doesn't dislike you.
131
00:08:06,329 --> 00:08:09,254
- Yes, I do.
- Ruby, you need to meet new people.
132
00:08:09,380 --> 00:08:11,035
Yeah, and win them over with your charm.
133
00:08:11,160 --> 00:08:13,395
Do you know what?
I'll thump you in a minute.
134
00:08:13,520 --> 00:08:14,840
See what I mean?
135
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:26,275
You shouldn't be with this person.
136
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:28,155
He's not your type.
137
00:08:28,484 --> 00:08:30,720
- He eats meat.
- Only at meals.
138
00:08:50,960 --> 00:08:53,515
I am returning this, Granville.
139
00:08:53,640 --> 00:08:55,918
You're returning Mr Newbold?
140
00:08:56,044 --> 00:08:58,159
No, no, no...
141
00:08:58,360 --> 00:09:02,521
Only if persuaded by the right person.
142
00:09:02,647 --> 00:09:07,435
No, I found Mr Newbold in possession
of unidentified beans.
143
00:09:07,560 --> 00:09:12,156
The people's favourite in Ulaanbaatar?
144
00:09:13,080 --> 00:09:15,115
I just thought I'd try a tin.
145
00:09:15,240 --> 00:09:19,875
Impulsive, I agree,
but hardly a character flaw.
146
00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:24,047
You see, he has this... this reckless
drive for the new experience.
147
00:09:24,173 --> 00:09:26,507
It's all I can do to keep him
at arm's length.
148
00:09:31,480 --> 00:09:33,595
Manky Beans, Granville.
149
00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:37,960
Now why would a person with your flair
for business be handling Manky Beans?
150
00:09:41,520 --> 00:09:44,395
Genghis Khan never went anywhere
151
00:09:44,520 --> 00:09:48,720
without his tin of Manky Beans,
Mrs Featherstone.
152
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:52,035
I bought them.
153
00:09:52,198 --> 00:09:54,755
I was rather looking forward
to sampling them.
154
00:09:54,880 --> 00:09:56,743
No, you weren't.
You had second thoughts.
155
00:09:56,869 --> 00:09:58,344
Second thoughts?
156
00:09:58,514 --> 00:10:00,595
You never told me I'd had second thoughts.
157
00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:04,315
You're going to have to warn me,
Delphine, when I finished the first.
158
00:10:04,440 --> 00:10:07,395
He can be very trying sometimes.
159
00:10:07,520 --> 00:10:10,235
In fact, he's very trying most of the time.
160
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:13,712
But I am a rock when
I'm thinking of you, Granville.
161
00:10:16,760 --> 00:10:19,705
One returned can of Manky Beans.
162
00:10:19,831 --> 00:10:23,957
Yes, but can we be certain
that he bought them here?
163
00:10:24,960 --> 00:10:29,260
Where else in the universe
is he going to find Manky Beans?
164
00:10:31,480 --> 00:10:35,951
Any reputable grocer in Ulaanbaatar.
165
00:10:41,280 --> 00:10:43,155
Abducted by aliens?
166
00:10:43,280 --> 00:10:46,875
Except on Tuesdays, when they all
go to bingo in vintage buses.
167
00:10:47,000 --> 00:10:48,755
And not only with drivers...
168
00:10:48,880 --> 00:10:51,115
with conductresses giving out tickets.
169
00:10:51,240 --> 00:10:53,235
And he reckons he's not dreaming.
170
00:10:53,360 --> 00:10:57,367
Mind you, half the men round here
have no idea when they're dreaming.
171
00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:00,845
Might I remind you
that man's ability to dream
172
00:11:00,971 --> 00:11:03,417
is the very quality
that lifted him from ignorance.
173
00:11:03,543 --> 00:11:05,936
I know, and it's that very quality
174
00:11:06,062 --> 00:11:09,382
that enabled you to walk nose-first
into that glass door.
175
00:11:11,104 --> 00:11:12,335
I though it were open.
176
00:11:12,461 --> 00:11:14,488
No, that was your mouth.
177
00:11:15,800 --> 00:11:17,435
I have to keep me mouth open.
178
00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:18,875
I have to be ready in case you ever
179
00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,863
stop long enough for me to get a word in.
180
00:11:21,760 --> 00:11:25,035
Being with you two
is amazingly like being at home.
181
00:11:25,160 --> 00:11:27,795
He's still mad at me cos I won't go camping.
182
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:31,355
Mine's the same.
A firm no to a tent.
183
00:11:31,480 --> 00:11:34,011
She says,
"Where are we going to leave mother?"
184
00:11:34,137 --> 00:11:37,747
And I keep telling her, "Out in the
wilderness, miles from anywhere.
185
00:11:37,873 --> 00:11:40,791
"There'd be a dozen places
where we can leave your mother."
186
00:11:41,320 --> 00:11:43,364
That's just nasty.
187
00:11:43,680 --> 00:11:45,724
It's just a dream.
188
00:11:45,850 --> 00:11:48,835
But mine would include Tuesdays.
189
00:11:48,960 --> 00:11:50,635
You're as bad as him.
190
00:11:50,760 --> 00:11:52,955
I don't believe in alien life.
191
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:56,121
I can't think there's anyone
anywhere stranger than us.
192
00:11:56,247 --> 00:11:58,315
Well, I believe in higher intelligences.
193
00:11:58,440 --> 00:12:00,518
And what's more, I bet they go camp...
194
00:12:07,316 --> 00:12:11,235
Good day to you, Mr Machin.
195
00:12:11,360 --> 00:12:14,844
Not being abducted by aliens today then?
196
00:12:15,230 --> 00:12:17,108
Never on Tuesdays.
197
00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:19,863
So it's true?
198
00:12:19,989 --> 00:12:23,115
Does it matter?
Nobody believes me.
199
00:12:23,240 --> 00:12:25,155
That's probably because Mrs Machin said
200
00:12:25,280 --> 00:12:27,435
that you never leave your bed.
201
00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:30,457
They don't understand the astrophysics.
202
00:12:30,583 --> 00:12:33,878
Ha, no, they should have asked.
203
00:12:34,400 --> 00:12:38,392
- What, you're familiar with astrophysics?
- Yes, yes.
204
00:12:38,518 --> 00:12:42,355
What do they call this, er,
alien planet then?
205
00:12:42,480 --> 00:12:43,851
Leyland.
206
00:12:43,977 --> 00:12:46,607
The Planet Leyland, right.
Is it far?
207
00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:49,754
Well, just past the northern lights,
you make a left.
208
00:12:49,880 --> 00:12:52,174
These people are very human-like.
209
00:12:52,300 --> 00:12:54,915
That's hardly a recommendation,
though, is it?
210
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:56,795
They're not little green men.
211
00:12:56,920 --> 00:12:58,795
What do they look like?
212
00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:03,360
Just like bus drivers
and conductresses from the 1930s.
213
00:13:04,416 --> 00:13:08,697
The women look fabulous in the old
Yorkshire Traction company uniforms.
214
00:13:09,621 --> 00:13:11,513
And nobody believes you?
215
00:13:13,320 --> 00:13:15,680
I think I can help you there.
216
00:13:16,871 --> 00:13:21,894
How would you like to make a personal
appearance and tell your stories?
217
00:13:22,160 --> 00:13:26,534
- Well, who to?
- Well, to all your space-mad fans, you know?
218
00:13:26,660 --> 00:13:29,208
There's a big market these days.
219
00:13:31,800 --> 00:13:36,720
You turn up with your stories
and I'll provide the venue.
220
00:13:44,360 --> 00:13:46,635
Why do you want to go on a camping holiday?
221
00:13:46,760 --> 00:13:49,542
You could go in the garden
and get nettled and bitten.
222
00:13:49,668 --> 00:13:52,555
You're forgetting the back nature element.
223
00:13:52,680 --> 00:13:56,760
The recapturing of those primitive
skills that are still in our genes.
224
00:13:56,886 --> 00:14:00,440
I think...
I must have mislaid mine.
225
00:14:01,508 --> 00:14:03,320
I like a warm bathroom.
226
00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:06,405
We'll be in the wilderness.
227
00:14:07,360 --> 00:14:09,280
Welcome to my world.
228
00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:13,315
The wilderness is a man thing.
229
00:14:13,440 --> 00:14:15,384
You don't take wives.
230
00:14:15,510 --> 00:14:18,075
Of course you take wives.
231
00:14:18,200 --> 00:14:20,755
That's where they learn that when
they hear that noise in the night
232
00:14:20,880 --> 00:14:24,715
that you are the rock they can cling to.
233
00:14:31,520 --> 00:14:34,075
I don't suppose you offer
any continental meats?
234
00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:35,916
Which continent, madam?
235
00:14:36,520 --> 00:14:39,748
Well, Europe. Italian, French?
236
00:14:39,874 --> 00:14:45,745
Well, we do keep a few special items for
the more discerning customer. Do come in.
237
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:47,584
Good.
238
00:14:47,710 --> 00:14:50,715
I was just passing and I thought,
"Well, it's worth a try.
239
00:14:50,840 --> 00:14:53,054
"Save me going all the way
to a proper shop."
240
00:14:55,120 --> 00:14:56,635
What would you like, madam?
241
00:14:56,760 --> 00:14:58,060
Smoked sausage.
242
00:14:58,186 --> 00:15:01,715
Yes, we have pepperoni and we have salami.
243
00:15:01,840 --> 00:15:05,519
No, no, no, no.
Smoked sausage.
244
00:15:06,440 --> 00:15:08,955
Dear, I was afraid you'd have none.
245
00:15:09,080 --> 00:15:10,395
Well, you see,
246
00:15:10,520 --> 00:15:16,508
we discontinued that line when the
new and improved version came along.
247
00:15:18,440 --> 00:15:20,035
They've improved the smoked sausage?
248
00:15:20,160 --> 00:15:22,435
Yes, ma'am, by leaps and bounds.
249
00:15:22,560 --> 00:15:23,960
Let me show you.
250
00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:27,355
That doesn't look smoked.
251
00:15:27,480 --> 00:15:30,515
No, that's because it's not smoked, madam.
252
00:15:30,640 --> 00:15:34,859
What we have here is the latest
refinement in continental meats.
253
00:15:34,985 --> 00:15:37,746
Well, if it's not smoked, what is it?
254
00:15:38,440 --> 00:15:39,826
Smacked, madam.
255
00:15:40,640 --> 00:15:43,995
These are smacked sausages.
256
00:15:44,120 --> 00:15:48,673
You see, it tenderises the meat
and enhances the flavour.
257
00:15:48,979 --> 00:15:50,534
- Smacked?
- Yes.
258
00:15:50,660 --> 00:15:53,555
Not by anybody - no - by a professional,
259
00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:56,995
and they have to have served
a long apprenticeship
260
00:15:57,120 --> 00:15:59,975
with a senior sausage smacker.
261
00:16:00,600 --> 00:16:04,165
Well, I've never heard of this.
Is it something new?
262
00:16:04,291 --> 00:16:09,240
Well, it is to us, but it is
an old Lithuanian delicacy.
263
00:16:09,366 --> 00:16:12,707
If you ever go to Vilniusyat,
264
00:16:12,833 --> 00:16:15,115
you will often hear them
smacking their sausages
265
00:16:15,240 --> 00:16:18,621
and singing
their little Lithuanian hearts out.
266
00:16:19,040 --> 00:16:21,835
- Well, it sounds enchanting.
- Yes, it is rather.
267
00:16:21,960 --> 00:16:24,955
- I shall take half a kilo.
- Thank you, madam, half a kilo,
268
00:16:25,080 --> 00:16:28,458
and you will want the Manky Beans
to go with that, of course.
269
00:16:28,584 --> 00:16:30,344
Absolument.
270
00:16:32,120 --> 00:16:33,320
Bring it down, John.
271
00:16:39,240 --> 00:16:41,275
Look, before you start,
272
00:16:41,400 --> 00:16:43,115
Gerald has no interest in me.
273
00:16:43,240 --> 00:16:44,863
Well, he probably thinks you're a fella.
274
00:16:44,988 --> 00:16:47,675
I just don't do the helpless female act.
275
00:16:47,800 --> 00:16:49,155
I've noticed that.
276
00:16:49,280 --> 00:16:51,515
Look, what is it you want?
I've got work to do.
277
00:16:51,640 --> 00:16:53,741
Question is, Ruby, what do you want?
278
00:16:53,867 --> 00:16:55,435
And it's Gerald, isn't it?
279
00:16:55,560 --> 00:16:57,115
So what are you doing about it?
280
00:16:57,240 --> 00:16:58,835
He belongs to Beth.
281
00:16:58,960 --> 00:17:00,235
He takes her for granted,
282
00:17:00,360 --> 00:17:02,588
he needs someone who's going to
treat him tougher.
283
00:17:02,714 --> 00:17:04,314
Which will be me?
284
00:17:04,985 --> 00:17:07,275
Well, look at you.
You're ideal.
285
00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:08,995
Look, she's my best friend.
286
00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:13,030
So you want her wasting her life on
some doofus who doesn't really care?
287
00:17:13,200 --> 00:17:15,066
He is not a doofus.
288
00:17:15,192 --> 00:17:16,443
My mistake.
289
00:17:20,680 --> 00:17:22,315
Planet Leyland?
290
00:17:22,440 --> 00:17:25,235
It's just past the northern lights
and you turn left.
291
00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:28,202
Well, it sounds as if he's turned
a bit more than left.
292
00:17:28,328 --> 00:17:30,315
They're all aliens in bed.
293
00:17:30,440 --> 00:17:33,795
His wife insists that
he's never actually left the bed.
294
00:17:33,920 --> 00:17:36,097
I could never get mine up either.
295
00:17:36,223 --> 00:17:39,475
So, according to Eric,
which is unreliable in the extreme,
296
00:17:39,600 --> 00:17:42,784
the Planet Leyland runs
on a different time to ours.
297
00:17:42,910 --> 00:17:47,261
That's just like Gastric.
He still hasn't finished my boiler.
298
00:17:47,387 --> 00:17:51,434
So Mr Machin claims that the aliens
abduct him in their time
299
00:17:51,560 --> 00:17:54,387
but, in our time, he's still in his bed.
300
00:17:54,513 --> 00:17:58,232
Does that mean he goes all the way
to another planet in his pyjamas?
301
00:18:01,840 --> 00:18:03,715
I thought it was cold in space.
302
00:18:03,840 --> 00:18:06,115
Well, I hope they give him a space suit.
303
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:10,035
- I mean, he can't just go in his pyjamas.
- I don't know.
304
00:18:10,160 --> 00:18:13,159
Mr Newbold's pyjamas
are thick enough for space travel.
305
00:18:13,923 --> 00:18:15,635
And if you're wondering how I know,
306
00:18:15,761 --> 00:18:18,441
I have been present on occasions
when he's been ironing them.
307
00:18:18,567 --> 00:18:21,875
And, er, have you ever been tempted
to iron a few creases out for him?
308
00:18:22,001 --> 00:18:25,595
Well, I don't regard respectable
widowhood a suitable platform
309
00:18:25,720 --> 00:18:28,435
for the handling of gentlemen's pyjamas,
310
00:18:28,560 --> 00:18:31,093
even if they are thick enough
for space travel.
311
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:35,270
I wonder why they only abduct Mr Machin.
312
00:18:35,396 --> 00:18:37,589
They've never been interested in our Eric.
313
00:18:45,977 --> 00:18:48,200
How are you today, Mrs Rossi?
314
00:18:48,395 --> 00:18:51,813
Fragile.
There's no cure.
315
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:56,717
It comes from being abandoned by an Italian.
316
00:18:56,843 --> 00:18:58,882
They like other women.
317
00:18:59,008 --> 00:19:02,530
Did nobody tell you
that Italian men like women?
318
00:19:02,656 --> 00:19:06,117
Yes, but I didn't think it meant them all.
319
00:19:06,243 --> 00:19:09,155
It was beyond my experience.
320
00:19:09,280 --> 00:19:12,325
I captained the girls' hockey team.
321
00:19:12,451 --> 00:19:16,291
What kind of training is that
for tackling a Latin?
322
00:19:16,880 --> 00:19:19,075
What have you got that's interesting?
323
00:19:19,200 --> 00:19:22,595
Well, nothing that comes close
to an Italian.
324
00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:24,274
You're right.
325
00:19:24,400 --> 00:19:27,515
He was almost worth it.
326
00:19:27,640 --> 00:19:29,115
Are these good?
327
00:19:29,240 --> 00:19:31,169
You won't find better.
328
00:19:31,295 --> 00:19:33,032
I'll take one.
329
00:19:33,520 --> 00:19:35,267
"Manky Beans"?
330
00:19:35,400 --> 00:19:37,675
Yes, it means...
331
00:19:37,800 --> 00:19:39,522
delizioso.
332
00:19:40,422 --> 00:19:44,978
That's what I need, Granville.
Some delizioso.
333
00:19:45,716 --> 00:19:47,825
Then you'd better take two.
334
00:19:49,769 --> 00:19:52,754
_
335
00:19:52,880 --> 00:19:54,950
I don't know which more unlikely.
336
00:19:55,122 --> 00:19:58,915
Galactic travel or Manky Beans.
337
00:19:59,040 --> 00:20:02,278
Manky is classical ancient Mongolian,
338
00:20:02,800 --> 00:20:05,412
meaning scrumptious.
339
00:20:07,600 --> 00:20:09,398
You've bought one, haven't you?
340
00:20:10,360 --> 00:20:11,968
You believed him.
341
00:20:13,200 --> 00:20:15,024
He's talked you into a tin.
342
00:20:15,634 --> 00:20:17,898
I like scrumptious.
343
00:20:19,080 --> 00:20:22,715
I had one briefly.
What do they taste like?
344
00:20:22,840 --> 00:20:24,474
Well, they're not too bad,
345
00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:26,920
if you like Mongolian.
346
00:20:27,052 --> 00:20:29,287
She's been feeding you Manky Beans?
347
00:20:29,705 --> 00:20:33,408
Gives you some idea where I stand in
the great flux of things.
348
00:20:33,534 --> 00:20:36,355
Me and Kath have had
our differences over the years,
349
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:38,823
but she'd never feed me Manky Beans.
350
00:20:39,274 --> 00:20:41,878
- I've got some questions for him.
- Hey...
351
00:20:43,080 --> 00:20:45,315
So you believe in Planet Leyland?
352
00:20:45,440 --> 00:20:47,075
Well, not exactly.
353
00:20:47,200 --> 00:20:49,886
But if Mrs Featherstone
becomes any more domineering...
354
00:20:51,520 --> 00:20:53,142
I'd like the address.
355
00:21:03,200 --> 00:21:04,797
It were only one tin.
356
00:21:04,922 --> 00:21:08,336
_
357
00:21:15,840 --> 00:21:17,172
Tin signing?
358
00:21:18,120 --> 00:21:19,875
You're supposed to sign books.
359
00:21:20,000 --> 00:21:22,103
It's Granville.
He's ahead of the game.
360
00:21:22,680 --> 00:21:24,155
Why are we whispering?
361
00:21:24,280 --> 00:21:25,595
We're not exactly whispering,
362
00:21:25,721 --> 00:21:29,301
just taking advantage of a quiet
moment before the rush begins.
363
00:21:30,090 --> 00:21:31,715
So, er...
364
00:21:31,840 --> 00:21:34,303
you wouldn't be trying to get me
into an empty tent?
365
00:21:34,429 --> 00:21:37,127
Now, why didn't I think of that?
366
00:21:37,729 --> 00:21:39,915
Come on, we never get five minutes alone,
367
00:21:40,040 --> 00:21:42,715
we're either in the library
or coffee shop or with a crowd.
368
00:21:42,840 --> 00:21:44,075
We've never been with a crowd.
369
00:21:44,200 --> 00:21:45,595
Ruby is a crowd.
370
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:48,155
Ooh, what's that?
371
00:21:48,280 --> 00:21:51,406
Yeah, come on, let's get you inside,
I think it's going to rain.
372
00:21:51,532 --> 00:21:54,808
- What makes you think it's going to rain?
- Trust me, instinct.
373
00:22:00,680 --> 00:22:02,987
- Hello, Beth.
- Hello, Mavis.
374
00:22:04,533 --> 00:22:07,369
- Who's minding the shop?
- I could ask you that.
375
00:22:07,652 --> 00:22:11,595
That was the shop bell,
my ears are tuned to the shop bell.
376
00:22:11,720 --> 00:22:15,116
We were just looking
for the best place to sign a tin.
377
00:22:15,520 --> 00:22:20,302
Yes. Come along, Mavis. Thank you.
Thank you. All right.
378
00:22:20,428 --> 00:22:22,908
- Don't trust him.
- Get inside.
379
00:22:25,760 --> 00:22:27,795
He's as bad as you are.
380
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:30,395
No, come on, me and him work long hours,
381
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:32,718
you've got to snatch
every moment you can, I...
382
00:22:32,844 --> 00:22:34,161
Come on, Beth...
383
00:22:36,346 --> 00:22:38,226
That's why I haven't seen you.
384
00:22:43,040 --> 00:22:45,151
Another moment you snatched?
385
00:22:45,277 --> 00:22:47,570
She was in my class
for conversational Spanish.
386
00:22:47,960 --> 00:22:49,160
Ole.
387
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:52,155
No, come on...
388
00:22:52,280 --> 00:22:54,995
What do you mean he can't come?
389
00:22:55,120 --> 00:22:56,795
He's lost his nerve.
390
00:22:56,920 --> 00:22:59,115
He's had to go to the bus museum,
391
00:22:59,240 --> 00:23:01,951
there's an old double decker
he likes to talk to.
392
00:23:02,960 --> 00:23:05,395
They've been friends for years.
393
00:23:06,875 --> 00:23:11,715
But Leroy's out there advertising,
I mean, it's all arranged.
394
00:23:11,840 --> 00:23:13,240
I'm sorry.
395
00:23:18,440 --> 00:23:23,435
Well, where am I going to find
another space traveller
396
00:23:23,560 --> 00:23:25,491
at this late hour?
397
00:23:29,640 --> 00:23:31,675
Hello, Gastric.
398
00:23:31,800 --> 00:23:34,515
You're very handy
with your tools, aren't you?
399
00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:38,989
I wonder if you could make me something
that looks like a space suit?
400
00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:41,155
What size?
401
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:44,160
I don't know. About your size?
402
00:23:46,421 --> 00:23:51,955
Get your tin hand signed.
Meet the space traveller.
403
00:23:52,080 --> 00:23:54,848
Hear the wonders in Planet Leyland.
404
00:23:54,974 --> 00:23:57,712
Only at Arkwright's.
405
00:24:00,160 --> 00:24:02,115
Looking good, Beth.
406
00:24:02,240 --> 00:24:03,498
Shut that thing off.
407
00:24:03,624 --> 00:24:05,240
When can I see you?
408
00:24:06,680 --> 00:24:08,069
Can I give you a lift?
409
00:24:09,334 --> 00:24:12,510
You didn't like the Chinese thing.
I thought you'd like this better.
410
00:24:16,040 --> 00:24:19,249
The person walking away is called Beth.
411
00:24:19,484 --> 00:24:21,663
She's involved with the wrong man.
412
00:24:21,789 --> 00:24:25,515
Please raise your hand if you think
she should pay more attention to me,
413
00:24:25,640 --> 00:24:30,769
an honest, hard-working,
better-looking alternative.
414
00:24:30,895 --> 00:24:32,844
What are you...
415
00:24:49,032 --> 00:24:51,915
Nice queue forming out there.
416
00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:55,195
- How long's this going to take?
- Well, that's up to you, isn't it?
417
00:24:55,320 --> 00:24:59,395
You know, rush them through, couple
of questions, sign their tins,
418
00:24:59,520 --> 00:25:00,715
move them on.
419
00:25:00,840 --> 00:25:02,309
What kind of questions?
420
00:25:02,559 --> 00:25:05,555
Well, all about your space adventures
421
00:25:05,680 --> 00:25:08,962
and what life is like on Planet Leyland.
422
00:25:09,088 --> 00:25:10,711
I can see a snag here.
423
00:25:10,837 --> 00:25:13,132
No, just relax,
you'll be all right, just relax.
424
00:25:13,258 --> 00:25:15,395
I'd relax better
if I'd fixed Madge's boiler.
425
00:25:15,520 --> 00:25:19,075
All right, well, look, the sooner
that you sign all of those tins,
426
00:25:19,200 --> 00:25:21,755
the sooner you can get back
to Madge's boiler.
427
00:25:21,880 --> 00:25:26,306
- Right.
- Now, what I want you to do is a spacewalk,
428
00:25:26,716 --> 00:25:30,561
cos they all do this space walk, don't they?
429
00:25:30,687 --> 00:25:33,435
That's on the moon.
Not...
430
00:25:33,560 --> 00:25:35,688
They walk normal here on earth.
431
00:25:36,760 --> 00:25:39,555
This is showbiz, luvvy.
432
00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:44,555
I want the Manky Bean buyers to get
their full money's worth?
433
00:25:45,487 --> 00:25:46,875
There's a novelty.
434
00:25:47,000 --> 00:25:49,057
Listen...
Excuse me, excuse me.
435
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:55,515
I want them to think he's just
come back from space, right?
436
00:25:55,640 --> 00:26:00,138
So he hasn't had time
to get rid of his spacewalk.
437
00:26:00,661 --> 00:26:03,635
Authentic, you see, only at Arkwright's.
438
00:26:03,760 --> 00:26:09,385
Right, er, Gastric,
let us see your spacewalk.
439
00:26:24,082 --> 00:26:26,522
- What are you doing?
- A moonwalk.
440
00:26:28,920 --> 00:26:31,315
Look, there's not enough room
in here, is there?
441
00:26:31,440 --> 00:26:35,377
Why don't you get the rest of
your kit on and we'll go outside?
442
00:26:41,240 --> 00:26:43,840
Right, it's all clear, come on.
443
00:26:47,000 --> 00:26:49,422
You're on.
Planet Leyland.
444
00:27:16,400 --> 00:27:21,355
That's fantastic.
I've never seen a better spacewalk.
445
00:27:21,480 --> 00:27:23,813
Ho, they're going to love you.
446
00:27:24,280 --> 00:27:25,555
Where is he?
447
00:27:25,680 --> 00:27:27,683
Houston, we have a problem.
448
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:30,520
Is he in there?
449
00:27:32,554 --> 00:27:34,829
What are you doing in there?
450
00:27:35,242 --> 00:27:37,337
What about my boiler?
451
00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:55,355
It's been a wearying sort of day,
452
00:27:55,480 --> 00:27:58,475
especially wearing that space suit.
453
00:27:58,600 --> 00:28:02,653
I must have signed
six dozen tins of Manky Beans.
454
00:28:05,640 --> 00:28:09,440
Ooh, they asked some tricky questions.
455
00:28:13,320 --> 00:28:16,044
"How do they make love
on Planet Leyland?"
456
00:28:18,480 --> 00:28:20,955
Well, same as on Planet Earth,
457
00:28:21,080 --> 00:28:24,343
except you have to ring a bell
when it comes to your stop.
458
00:28:27,282 --> 00:28:31,882
Corrections & Sync: minouhse
www.addic7ed.com
35333
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