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1
00:00:02,280 --> 00:00:04,487
Right, well,
if everyone's ready, then.
2
00:00:04,520 --> 00:00:06,488
My name is Paula,
3
00:00:06,520 --> 00:00:09,205
and I'm here to help you all
get along a little better.
4
00:00:09,240 --> 00:00:11,607
- Good luck with that.
- Oh, isn't he a treasure?
5
00:00:11,640 --> 00:00:15,008
Now, Marcus, we're going to
meet here every few weeks,
6
00:00:15,040 --> 00:00:18,169
and when it's time for me
to report back to the court,
7
00:00:18,200 --> 00:00:21,249
if your naughty daddy has failed to show
that he can look after you properly,
8
00:00:21,280 --> 00:00:24,250
then you will go straight back to live
with your mummy. Is that all clear?
9
00:00:24,280 --> 00:00:26,328
- Translucent.
- Right, how have things been?
10
00:00:26,360 --> 00:00:27,282
- Great.
- Appalling.
11
00:00:27,320 --> 00:00:29,004
- General agreement.
- No agreement.
12
00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:30,565
So, what problems have there been,
living together?
13
00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:31,840
- May I?
- Yes, of course.
14
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:37,289
Thank you all for coming here today.
This is obviously
15
00:00:37,320 --> 00:00:40,688
a very difficult situation and I know
we all want what's best for the child.
16
00:00:40,720 --> 00:00:42,927
- Nicely articulated, Marcus.
- Little bit pretentious.
17
00:00:42,960 --> 00:00:44,962
How can I describe Tim's parenting skills?
18
00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:46,286
- Exemplary?
- Feeble.
19
00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:48,209
Tim is a dreadful father.
20
00:00:48,240 --> 00:00:50,004
- Oh, that's not true.
- It is.
21
00:00:50,040 --> 00:00:52,008
- He's always late...
- I object!
22
00:00:52,040 --> 00:00:53,246
This isn't a courtroom, Tim.
23
00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:56,090
- His cooking is abysmal.
- What? Updated classics,
24
00:00:56,120 --> 00:00:58,407
- Gary Rhodes?
- The house is a death trap.
25
00:00:58,440 --> 00:01:00,283
- Terrifying!
- Give me one example.
26
00:01:01,280 --> 00:01:03,726
OK, so there might be a little tiny bit
of snagging.
27
00:01:03,760 --> 00:01:05,524
And he has unsuitable friends.
28
00:01:05,560 --> 00:01:07,210
Right, well, that's absolutely not true,
29
00:01:07,240 --> 00:01:10,164
because I don't have any friends,
so... bad luck
30
00:01:10,920 --> 00:01:12,490
Objection!
31
00:01:12,520 --> 00:01:14,170
- Sustained!
- I withdraw.
32
00:01:14,200 --> 00:01:16,726
In summary, I humbly request
that social services
33
00:01:16,760 --> 00:01:18,842
allow me to live
with my mother and Philip.
34
00:01:18,880 --> 00:01:21,565
Really don't want to talk about Philip.
35
00:01:22,640 --> 00:01:25,325
- No offence, Philip.
- Don't worry about me, bro.
36
00:01:25,360 --> 00:01:27,089
That was a very impressive presentation.
37
00:01:27,120 --> 00:01:28,884
- It certainly was.
- I want you.
38
00:01:28,920 --> 00:01:30,046
I'm sorry?
39
00:01:30,080 --> 00:01:31,605
- Sorry, what?
- You said you want me?
40
00:01:31,640 --> 00:01:34,086
I...don't think so.
41
00:01:34,120 --> 00:01:36,282
- You disgust me, Tim.
- Sly goat!
42
00:01:36,320 --> 00:01:38,482
Tim and I would never
enter into a relationship.
43
00:01:38,520 --> 00:01:40,921
- No!
- God, no! A forbidden romance?
44
00:01:40,960 --> 00:01:42,883
- Absolutely not!
- Like in The English Patient.
45
00:01:42,920 --> 00:01:44,809
- Never!
- Never? Very unlikely.
46
00:01:44,840 --> 00:01:45,887
- Never!
- Watch this space.
47
00:01:45,920 --> 00:01:47,490
- Ignore the space.
- We'll see.
48
00:01:47,520 --> 00:01:50,205
But for now, to help everyone
achieve their goals,
49
00:01:50,240 --> 00:01:52,129
I have prepared this special chart.
50
00:01:52,160 --> 00:01:55,448
Every time Daddy does something good,
you give him a gold star.
51
00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:58,404
And every time he does something bad,
you give him a black star.
52
00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:00,966
- That is genius!
- It's not exactly scientific.
53
00:02:01,000 --> 00:02:04,288
- It's for children, Tim.
- Still, it's pretty meaningless.
54
00:02:05,880 --> 00:02:07,484
Do you see how this works?
55
00:02:07,520 --> 00:02:08,567
- I do.
- Unfairly.
56
00:02:08,600 --> 00:02:09,761
- And Tim?
- Yes, Paula?
57
00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:11,689
Do you know what I tell fathers?
58
00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,529
Try and be a hero to your son.
59
00:02:13,560 --> 00:02:15,767
- It's that simple.
- Mm. That's not simple.
60
00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:17,484
Negative attitude.
61
00:02:17,520 --> 00:02:19,170
OK.
62
00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:20,850
Good.
63
00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,127
Scan in progress.
64
00:02:56,160 --> 00:02:58,208
Identified - Louise Webster.
65
00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:01,767
- Um, no, no, it's Tim Elliott.
- Have a good day, Louise.
66
00:03:07,160 --> 00:03:09,083
OK, come on!
67
00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:11,327
- Yeah, yeah, sit anywhere.
- So...
68
00:03:11,360 --> 00:03:12,930
first day...
69
00:03:12,960 --> 00:03:14,166
Nervous?
70
00:03:14,200 --> 00:03:15,486
- No, sir!
- Course you are.
71
00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:17,204
Listen up, people. I...
72
00:03:17,240 --> 00:03:18,651
am The Examiner.
73
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:21,523
It's a good title, isn't it? Powerful.
74
00:03:21,560 --> 00:03:24,962
Over the next few months,
you will be undergoing extensive training
75
00:03:25,000 --> 00:03:27,002
in all the key operational areas.
76
00:03:27,040 --> 00:03:30,681
But I will repeat, if anyone discovers
you work for MI5,
77
00:03:30,720 --> 00:03:32,848
you're out of here. Is that clear?
78
00:03:32,880 --> 00:03:35,451
- Yes, sir.
- I definitely haven't told anyone.
79
00:03:35,480 --> 00:03:36,925
Now, what is the first rule of weaponry?
80
00:03:36,960 --> 00:03:38,405
- Safety.
- Restraint.
81
00:03:38,440 --> 00:03:39,930
- Have fun!
- Really?
82
00:03:39,960 --> 00:03:41,405
- You bet!
- I'd have gone with safety.
83
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:45,729
Have you seen this stuff?
This is seriously cool.
84
00:03:45,760 --> 00:03:47,922
Two-way earpieces,
recordable pens,
85
00:03:47,960 --> 00:03:50,531
smoke grenades.
Check out the Taser.
86
00:03:50,560 --> 00:03:53,325
50,000 volts.
87
00:03:53,360 --> 00:03:55,169
Thank you very much.
88
00:03:55,200 --> 00:03:58,010
Don't you just want to sink that charge
into someone?
89
00:03:58,040 --> 00:04:00,964
- Only if the use of force is reasonable.
- But who's to say if it is reasonable?
90
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:02,240
- The courts.
- Or is it us, Tim?
91
00:04:02,280 --> 00:04:04,089
- No, the courts.
- It's a grey area.
92
00:04:04,120 --> 00:04:06,043
- Not really.
- As long as we have fun, eh?
93
00:04:06,080 --> 00:04:07,241
Am I right or am I right?
94
00:04:07,280 --> 00:04:09,681
- Legally you're not right.
- Absolutely spot-on, sir!
95
00:04:09,720 --> 00:04:12,405
Good lad. OK, pair up, grab some gear.
96
00:04:12,440 --> 00:04:15,046
Target acquisition exercise
in 30 minutes.
97
00:04:17,760 --> 00:04:19,046
Oh, brilliant.
98
00:04:21,800 --> 00:04:24,531
Have you located the target?
99
00:04:24,560 --> 00:04:26,927
I...am The Examiner.
100
00:04:26,960 --> 00:04:30,851
Ohhh... stop messing about,
Alpha One.
101
00:04:30,880 --> 00:04:32,564
Sorry.
102
00:04:34,320 --> 00:04:35,481
I've found it!
103
00:04:35,520 --> 00:04:39,241
Ahh! Yes, OK! I heard you, Alpha One!
104
00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:41,965
Just get the bag
and bring it back to the RV.
105
00:04:54,520 --> 00:04:56,010
- My bag!
- Whoa!
106
00:04:56,040 --> 00:04:57,610
- My bag, thank you!
- No, no, it isn't.
107
00:04:57,640 --> 00:04:59,244
It's evening bag.
108
00:04:59,280 --> 00:05:02,762
- Ignore him and let's go!
- OK, if it's your bag, what's in it?
109
00:05:02,800 --> 00:05:04,564
- A dog?
- A dog.
110
00:05:04,600 --> 00:05:05,806
Microwave?
111
00:05:05,840 --> 00:05:08,446
- Do you need backup?
- No, no, negative, negative.
112
00:05:08,480 --> 00:05:10,608
- I'm on my way, over.
- You Immigration?
113
00:05:10,640 --> 00:05:12,847
- No, I'm not with Immigration.
- You spy on me naked.
114
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,962
- OK, bye-bye.
- Oh! No!
115
00:05:15,000 --> 00:05:16,411
- Yes, give me that bag back!
- Spy!
116
00:05:16,440 --> 00:05:17,327
- No!
- Ah!
117
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:19,601
Alpha One, come in, Alpha One.
118
00:05:19,640 --> 00:05:22,291
Oh, that's... that's disgusting.
119
00:05:24,840 --> 00:05:26,922
- Aaagh!
- Ohhh!
120
00:05:29,080 --> 00:05:30,206
Sorry.
121
00:05:30,240 --> 00:05:32,004
Are you OK?
122
00:05:34,520 --> 00:05:35,931
Thank God.
123
00:05:39,880 --> 00:05:41,882
Ohh!
124
00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:45,489
Come in, Alpha One!
125
00:05:45,520 --> 00:05:47,124
Tim?
126
00:06:23,680 --> 00:06:27,048
- It really is an incredible story, Tim.
- Stop it.
127
00:06:27,080 --> 00:06:29,401
Are you kidding?
My viewers are going to love this.
128
00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:32,603
"Single father
rescues terrorised homeless man."
129
00:06:32,640 --> 00:06:33,687
Wow, when you put like that...
130
00:06:33,720 --> 00:06:35,210
And to think that only yesterday
131
00:06:35,240 --> 00:06:37,891
you were just a pointless
civil service computer dweeb.
132
00:06:37,920 --> 00:06:41,208
- Yeah, I wouldn't quite say...
- And now you're this huge local hero!
133
00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:42,571
Whoo-whoo! Come on!
134
00:06:43,840 --> 00:06:45,410
This is ludicrous.
135
00:06:45,440 --> 00:06:48,171
Your son must tell you all the time
how proud he is of you.
136
00:06:48,200 --> 00:06:49,645
Oh, he does.
137
00:06:51,200 --> 00:06:54,010
- With his eyes.
- I assume this earns you a gold star?
138
00:06:54,040 --> 00:06:56,008
- Not yet!
- Marcus!
139
00:06:56,040 --> 00:06:57,690
Well, let's remedy that straightaway.
140
00:06:57,720 --> 00:07:00,883
Do you want to give your dad
a gold star for his bravery?
141
00:07:00,920 --> 00:07:02,649
Sadly, we're all out of gold ones.
142
00:07:02,680 --> 00:07:03,920
I bought some more.
143
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,490
How about that, Marcus?
144
00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:09,364
- How about that, Marcus?
- Well played, Tim.
145
00:07:09,400 --> 00:07:11,243
And what about you, Jarek?
146
00:07:11,280 --> 00:07:14,250
Can you still not remember
anything about the attack?
147
00:07:14,280 --> 00:07:15,691
Nothing.
148
00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:17,404
One minute is OK,
149
00:07:17,440 --> 00:07:19,204
next minute...
150
00:07:19,240 --> 00:07:21,561
- blackness.
- Pity.
151
00:07:21,600 --> 00:07:22,965
- Isn't it?
- Well, if you do remember
152
00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:25,526
any of the details, I would love...
153
00:07:25,560 --> 00:07:28,006
I think the viewers will have forgotten
by then.
154
00:07:28,040 --> 00:07:30,725
So, where will Jarek go now?
155
00:07:30,760 --> 00:07:33,286
- I don't know, it's very sad.
- I stay here.
156
00:07:33,320 --> 00:07:35,607
No. No, I don't think that's ideal.
157
00:07:35,640 --> 00:07:37,847
- Ideal.
- Not really your call.
158
00:07:37,880 --> 00:07:39,291
That's an excellent ideal
159
00:07:39,320 --> 00:07:40,924
Perfect, yes!
160
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:44,282
- And what do you think, Marcus?
- Can Jarek please stay with us, Daddy?
161
00:07:44,320 --> 00:07:48,848
- Please?
- This is turning into a terrific story.
162
00:07:48,880 --> 00:07:52,407
You know what, I'm gonna fast-track you
onto my show tomorrow.
163
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,761
- I beg you not to.
- Don't mention it, Tim.
164
00:07:54,800 --> 00:07:56,006
Urgent toilet.
165
00:07:57,200 --> 00:07:59,202
Again?
166
00:07:59,240 --> 00:08:02,608
We're joined now in the studio
by single father Tim Elliott,
167
00:08:02,640 --> 00:08:05,849
who really does have
an extraordinary tale to tall. Tim,
168
00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:07,769
welcome. Great to see you today.
169
00:08:07,800 --> 00:08:09,802
- Thanks ever so much for coming
- Yeah...
170
00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:14,084
- I'm watching it now.
- ...Mother Teresa meets Steven Seagal.
171
00:08:14,120 --> 00:08:15,360
And?
172
00:08:15,400 --> 00:08:17,243
- It's OK. You look a little...
- Fat, I know.
173
00:08:17,280 --> 00:08:19,521
I was gonna say effeminate,
but who cares?
174
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:23,246
You're a bona fide hero! This is gonna
net you some serious action, dude!
175
00:08:23,280 --> 00:08:24,520
- Really?
- Are you kidding?
176
00:08:24,560 --> 00:08:27,803
For some women, being heroic
is even more important than money.
177
00:08:27,840 --> 00:08:30,002
You are a deeply cynical man.
178
00:08:30,040 --> 00:08:32,441
- I'll see you later.
- Word.
179
00:08:32,480 --> 00:08:34,721
- There I was...
- I know him!
180
00:08:34,760 --> 00:08:38,731
A breathing and a man, yes,
a homeless dirty man.
181
00:08:38,760 --> 00:08:40,888
- A homeless dirty man.?
- Yes.
182
00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:49,648
Are we crazy?
183
00:08:50,880 --> 00:08:52,848
- One of us might be!
- This can't go on, Tim.
184
00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:54,803
- OK!
- And yet it must!
185
00:08:54,840 --> 00:08:57,241
- Really?
- You can't put a name on this.
186
00:08:57,280 --> 00:09:00,011
- Sexual harassment?
- Do you want me to lose my job?
187
00:09:00,040 --> 00:09:02,611
- Increasingly, yes.
- You must be strong for both of us.
188
00:09:02,640 --> 00:09:04,130
- Tell me what to do.
- Leave me alone?
189
00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:05,969
- I'll do anything you say.
- Leave me alone?
190
00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:07,843
- Just say the word.
- Leave me alone?
191
00:09:07,880 --> 00:09:10,167
- Your silence says it all.
- Sod off?
192
00:09:11,360 --> 00:09:13,840
I know, baby... l know.
193
00:09:26,200 --> 00:09:29,090
- So were you scared?
- No, sweetheart, I don't do scared.
194
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:31,600
Listen, this isn't just my job,
you know, this is...
195
00:09:31,640 --> 00:09:33,005
- Excuse me.
- ...who I am.
196
00:09:33,040 --> 00:09:34,530
Sorry. Excuse me.
197
00:09:34,560 --> 00:09:37,928
Ooh, sorry, love. Are you all right?
Oi, Blue Thunder,
198
00:09:37,960 --> 00:09:39,485
The Examiner wants you.
199
00:09:39,520 --> 00:09:43,047
I'm sorry, ladies, duty calls.
200
00:09:48,680 --> 00:09:50,444
Yeah.
201
00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,081
Ah, Tim, come in.
202
00:09:54,200 --> 00:09:55,406
- Sit down.
- Thank you.
203
00:09:55,440 --> 00:09:57,329
- Whisky?
- Er, it's 10am, sir.
204
00:09:57,360 --> 00:09:59,806
- Gin?
- Er, I think I'm fine.
205
00:09:59,840 --> 00:10:02,764
When I first started here, Tim,
drinking was only allowed after hours.
206
00:10:02,800 --> 00:10:04,450
But I changed that. You want to know why?
207
00:10:04,480 --> 00:10:07,802
- You have a massive drinking problem?
- Because I am a maverick, Tim.
208
00:10:07,840 --> 00:10:10,889
I do what needs to be done.
Man of action.
209
00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:12,763
I think you are too.
210
00:10:12,800 --> 00:10:13,881
Thanks.
211
00:10:14,960 --> 00:10:17,201
- I like you, Tim.
- Thank you.
212
00:10:17,240 --> 00:10:19,561
- Almost too much.
- Bit weird.
213
00:10:19,600 --> 00:10:20,806
- You showed tremendous courage yesterday.
- Yeah...
214
00:10:20,840 --> 00:10:23,161
in a way.
215
00:10:23,200 --> 00:10:25,043
So, Action Man...
216
00:10:26,440 --> 00:10:28,602
- ...when are you going to kill the hobo?
- I'm sorry?
217
00:10:28,640 --> 00:10:30,688
The Bulgarian.
When are you gonna punch his card?
218
00:10:30,720 --> 00:10:31,881
I'm not sure I understand.
219
00:10:31,920 --> 00:10:36,005
Well, obviously we can't have this Jarek
creature discovering that you're MI5.
220
00:10:36,040 --> 00:10:37,883
- No, obviously...
- So when are you going to terminate him?
221
00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:39,922
Sorry, I'm not going to terminate him.
222
00:10:39,960 --> 00:10:42,440
Mmm... I get you.
223
00:10:42,480 --> 00:10:43,811
What?
224
00:10:43,840 --> 00:10:44,887
I get it.
225
00:10:45,920 --> 00:10:47,285
Why are you winking?
226
00:10:48,400 --> 00:10:50,323
- Am I?
- Yeah.
227
00:10:50,360 --> 00:10:54,729
Well, you know, winking is hard to prove
in one of your... law courts, Tim.
228
00:10:54,760 --> 00:10:56,444
It could be just a...
229
00:10:56,480 --> 00:10:57,845
twitch
230
00:10:57,880 --> 00:11:00,121
- Is it?
- Who knows?
231
00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:03,442
- Alrighty!
- OK?
232
00:11:03,480 --> 00:11:06,370
Hey, give me the nod
when you need the cleaners.
233
00:11:06,400 --> 00:11:08,004
Oh, I won't need the cleaners.
234
00:11:08,040 --> 00:11:10,805
- Oh, you're gonna need the cleaners.
- Not gonna need the cleaners.
235
00:11:10,840 --> 00:11:12,604
- Hey, I hear you, Tim.
- Pretty sure you don't.
236
00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:15,211
- You and I are the same, Tim.
- No, we're not.
237
00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:16,321
Yeah, ruthless.
238
00:11:16,360 --> 00:11:18,124
Ruthless man.
239
00:11:20,400 --> 00:11:21,606
Get in there!
240
00:11:35,160 --> 00:11:37,925
- You're looking guilty.
- I'm not!
241
00:11:37,960 --> 00:11:40,930
No breakfast.
Jarek, a black star, if you please.
242
00:11:40,960 --> 00:11:43,361
No, no, no, no, no. Not so fast.
243
00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:50,085
There we are.
244
00:11:50,120 --> 00:11:53,044
Two organic free-range
Columbian blacktail eggs.
245
00:11:53,080 --> 00:11:55,367
Poached for 4 minutes
and 17 seconds.
246
00:11:55,400 --> 00:11:59,485
Homemade soya flaxseed bread
and unsalted Venezuelan goat's butter.
247
00:11:59,520 --> 00:12:02,251
- I'm not hungry.
- Good to know that now. Thank you.
248
00:12:02,280 --> 00:12:04,806
- I have?
- Knock yourself out!
249
00:12:08,560 --> 00:12:11,006
No, no, no, no, no.
250
00:12:11,040 --> 00:12:13,042
- Egg no good.
- Oh, dear.
251
00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,082
- What?
- Again.
252
00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:18,521
- What, you just want me to redo it?
- Well, I am only homeless guy,
253
00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:20,050
you treat like rubbish.
254
00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:23,448
No, no, it's fine. I'll just redo it.
255
00:12:28,400 --> 00:12:30,368
You fix wire. ls very dangerous.
256
00:12:30,400 --> 00:12:32,482
Maybe you could have a little look at that
while I'm at work
257
00:12:32,520 --> 00:12:35,126
Oh, so Jarek only useful as house slave.
258
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:37,811
East European guy
so you treat like animal!
259
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:41,481
Why not you put saddle on back and
ride round kitchen like Eurasian moose?
260
00:12:41,520 --> 00:12:45,286
I quite agree.
261
00:12:46,920 --> 00:12:49,446
Whoa, hey! Why two stars?
262
00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:52,086
One for each egg.
263
00:12:54,440 --> 00:12:56,204
I have to go to work.
264
00:12:56,240 --> 00:12:58,971
- Toilet blocked again.
- Course it is!
265
00:12:59,000 --> 00:13:01,162
And we need more black stars.
266
00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:05,200
It's been like this all week!
267
00:13:05,240 --> 00:13:06,969
- He's a nightmare.
- So throw him out!
268
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,650
- I can't!
- Why not?
269
00:13:08,680 --> 00:13:10,364
Because! I'll get more black stars.
270
00:13:10,400 --> 00:13:13,051
And then Paula will write up a bad report
271
00:13:13,080 --> 00:13:15,481
and then I'll lose custody of Marcus.
272
00:13:16,680 --> 00:13:19,047
Yes! I am your god and you worship me.
273
00:13:19,080 --> 00:13:21,048
- Say it!
- No.
274
00:13:22,120 --> 00:13:25,090
Will you talk to him?
He just ignores me.
275
00:13:25,120 --> 00:13:26,451
You want me to talk to a tramp?
276
00:13:26,480 --> 00:13:28,005
- Yeah.
- Why would I do that?
277
00:13:29,120 --> 00:13:31,043
Because that's what friends
do for each other?
278
00:13:33,760 --> 00:13:35,489
No. I don't understand.
279
00:13:35,520 --> 00:13:39,241
Just talk to him. Please. I don't care
where he goes, I just want him out.
280
00:13:39,280 --> 00:13:40,964
OK. On one condition.
281
00:13:41,000 --> 00:13:43,810
Yes, fine. You are my god
and I worship you.
282
00:13:43,840 --> 00:13:45,683
That is such a nice thing to say.
283
00:13:45,720 --> 00:13:48,451
But I was actually going to ask you
to help me move that display.
284
00:13:48,480 --> 00:13:49,481
Oh.
285
00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:52,364
Aren't you supposed to open up by now?
286
00:13:52,400 --> 00:13:54,767
Yeah. Look at 'em.
287
00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,041
Imbeciles.
288
00:13:57,080 --> 00:13:57,967
Yaaaah!
289
00:13:58,000 --> 00:14:00,924
Yah! Yah! Go on, get!
290
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:20,891
Sorry, could you make any more noise?
291
00:14:20,920 --> 00:14:24,402
If you wanted to get someone out of your
house, how would you go about doing that?
292
00:14:24,440 --> 00:14:25,601
Ask him to many me?
293
00:14:25,640 --> 00:14:27,244
Knowing my luck,
Jarek would probably accept.
294
00:14:27,280 --> 00:14:29,726
Ah, yes, your Bulgarian bromance.
295
00:14:29,760 --> 00:14:31,285
- You live alone, don't you?
- Why?
296
00:14:31,320 --> 00:14:33,209
Maybe Jarek could come and stay with you.
297
00:14:33,240 --> 00:14:35,083
Aww!
298
00:14:38,040 --> 00:14:41,328
I've just got so much work to catch up on,
and I don't get any peace at home.
299
00:14:41,360 --> 00:14:42,771
Don't worry, I'm sure he'll leave soon.
300
00:14:42,800 --> 00:14:44,564
I've asked my friend Chris to talk to him.
301
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:47,410
- Well, there you go, then.
- Yeah. You haven't met Chris.
302
00:14:47,440 --> 00:14:50,649
Tell you what, if Chris has no success,
I suppose I could always help you study.
303
00:14:50,680 --> 00:14:51,920
- Really?
- Sure. Why not?
304
00:14:51,960 --> 00:14:53,530
- I could come study at your place!
- My place?
305
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,848
- I thought that's what you meant.
- No. Yes! That is what I meant.
306
00:14:56,880 --> 00:14:58,325
You come to mine.
307
00:14:58,360 --> 00:15:02,046
You see, I mean, it's just a study
session, it's not like it's a date!
308
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:03,366
No!
309
00:15:03,400 --> 00:15:05,004
- How about Saturday night?
- Saturday?
310
00:15:05,040 --> 00:15:07,168
- It's when Marcus stays with his mother.
- Right.
311
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:09,009
That is such a relief.
312
00:15:09,840 --> 00:15:11,490
Oh, I feel less anxious already.
313
00:15:11,520 --> 00:15:13,284
Mm, me too.
314
00:15:13,320 --> 00:15:14,765
Phew!
315
00:15:17,120 --> 00:15:19,202
First, may I say that my client
316
00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:21,129
- has enjoyed your company?
- Thank you.
317
00:15:21,160 --> 00:15:23,891
But he feels the current situation
cannot continue.
318
00:15:23,920 --> 00:15:25,081
Why not?
319
00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:27,168
Let's just say irreconcilable differences.
320
00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:30,090
However, in recognition
of your contribution,
321
00:15:30,120 --> 00:15:32,930
we are prepared to offer you
a very generous...
322
00:15:32,960 --> 00:15:35,008
severance package.
323
00:15:46,120 --> 00:15:48,521
That's not going to fly, Chris.
324
00:15:48,560 --> 00:15:51,325
We think it's a pretty substantial offer,
given the economic climate.
325
00:15:51,360 --> 00:15:53,806
Fine. Well, we'll just have to see
what the media make of it
326
00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:56,730
when we disclose the real circumstances
of Jarek's...
327
00:15:56,760 --> 00:15:58,125
"accident".
328
00:15:58,160 --> 00:15:59,571
- You mean...?
- That's right, Chris,
329
00:15:59,600 --> 00:16:02,001
we've known all along
that Tim fell on Jarek.
330
00:16:02,040 --> 00:16:04,520
- You wouldn't dare.
- Try me.
331
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:18,331
Fine. �1,000 and a one-way flight
to Bulgaria. On Ryanair.
332
00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:20,249
�2,000 and a KLM flight.
333
00:16:20,280 --> 00:16:22,362
- �1,500, EasyJet.
- Bulkhead seats.
334
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,050
Regular seats, but priority boarding.
335
00:16:24,080 --> 00:16:25,081
- Lunch.
- A sandwich.
336
00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:27,043
- On board.
- You're dreaming!
337
00:16:27,080 --> 00:16:31,130
Boots meal deal, and I don't introduce
our friend to UK Immigration.
338
00:16:40,120 --> 00:16:44,603
My client also wants 13 litres of
industrial-strength toilet cleaner.
339
00:16:44,640 --> 00:16:46,927
- Industrial!
- Done.
340
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:49,531
As long as your client
is out of the house within the hour.
341
00:16:49,560 --> 00:16:51,050
Agreed.
342
00:16:51,080 --> 00:16:53,401
- Thank you.
- Thank you.
343
00:16:53,440 --> 00:16:56,125
- Thank you very much.
- Thank you.
344
00:16:56,160 --> 00:16:58,970
Now, gentlemen, if you'll excuse me,
Hannah Montana is on.
345
00:17:09,200 --> 00:17:13,205
- How's our little problem?
- Being handled, sir.
346
00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:16,050
Alrighty. Just let me know
when you need the cleaners.
347
00:17:16,080 --> 00:17:18,003
- Not gonna need the cleaners.
- Oh, you're gonna need...
348
00:17:18,040 --> 00:17:19,610
Can we please not get into this again?
349
00:17:23,200 --> 00:17:25,168
I like everything about you, Tim.
350
00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:26,440
OK.
351
00:17:26,480 --> 00:17:30,610
Ohhh!
352
00:17:32,000 --> 00:17:33,923
Ah-ha-ha!
353
00:17:37,480 --> 00:17:41,280
Jarek, your taxi will be here
in ten minutes.
354
00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:42,606
OK. OK.
355
00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,842
Jarek?
356
00:17:59,880 --> 00:18:01,609
Jarek!
357
00:18:03,080 --> 00:18:04,161
Oh, dear...
358
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:06,726
- Still nothing?
- I don't know what he's doing.
359
00:18:06,760 --> 00:18:08,967
Told him to call me straight after.
360
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:12,083
So I was thinking for Saturday,
I might as well make a bit of dinner.
361
00:18:12,120 --> 00:18:13,963
Nothing flash, just a little nibble.
362
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:15,604
I was wondering,
363
00:18:15,640 --> 00:18:17,449
is there anything you don't...
364
00:18:18,880 --> 00:18:19,881
like?
365
00:18:20,960 --> 00:18:22,564
I really wish people
would stop doing that!
366
00:18:22,600 --> 00:18:23,601
I'm sorry.
367
00:18:23,640 --> 00:18:26,564
You know you're not supposed to come
to my work. How did it go?
368
00:18:26,600 --> 00:18:27,681
There's good news and bad news.
369
00:18:29,360 --> 00:18:31,089
What's the bad news?
370
00:18:31,120 --> 00:18:32,804
Jarek's dead.
371
00:18:34,320 --> 00:18:36,527
Any chance the good news
offsets the bad news?
372
00:18:36,560 --> 00:18:37,641
Not really.
373
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:40,689
I asked you to negotiate with him!
374
00:18:40,720 --> 00:18:41,767
I did!
375
00:18:41,800 --> 00:18:43,928
Well, it sounds like
you were a little inflexible!
376
00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:46,804
He electrocuted himself
on your dodgy light switches.
377
00:18:46,840 --> 00:18:48,922
Oh, God. Does Marcus know?
378
00:18:48,960 --> 00:18:51,725
Not yet. I hid the body in his yoga mat.
379
00:18:51,760 --> 00:18:52,966
Eww!
380
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:54,684
What're we gonna do?
381
00:19:02,280 --> 00:19:03,884
All right, leave it to me.
382
00:19:03,920 --> 00:19:07,208
- OK.
- I think I know someone who can help.
383
00:19:10,880 --> 00:19:13,326
My fingerprints are everywhere.
384
00:19:17,680 --> 00:19:19,569
Don't you worry
about a thing, Tim,
385
00:19:19,600 --> 00:19:22,285
- my boys will take it from here.
- Really not what you think
386
00:19:22,320 --> 00:19:24,561
- I know, of course, an accident. Boo-hoo.
- It was.
387
00:19:24,600 --> 00:19:27,809
Damn it, Tim, you complete me.
388
00:19:27,840 --> 00:19:31,049
Everybody, that guy - ruthless.
Learn from him.
389
00:19:34,480 --> 00:19:37,689
- Permission to call an ambulance, sir.
- Yeah, yeah, permission granted.
390
00:19:38,920 --> 00:19:41,571
- That was a good result, then!
- It's really not what it looks like.
391
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:43,284
I only asked him to go round and...
392
00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:44,651
Actually, I'd rather not know the details,
393
00:19:44,680 --> 00:19:45,966
- if that's OK?
- OK.
394
00:19:47,560 --> 00:19:50,803
I won't have to bother you at the weekend,
so, you know, you're off the hook.
395
00:19:50,840 --> 00:19:52,365
Hooray.
396
00:19:56,480 --> 00:20:00,769
I guaranteed my viewers a follow-up and
now I'm going to look like a complete tit.
397
00:20:00,800 --> 00:20:04,122
- Yeah, I just came home and he was gone.
- Damn, damn, damn!
398
00:20:04,160 --> 00:20:06,322
- Sorry.
- Oh, it's OK.
399
00:20:06,360 --> 00:20:09,250
I'll just have to make something up.
400
00:20:09,280 --> 00:20:11,487
When you say "make up"...?
401
00:20:11,520 --> 00:20:15,047
I don't know, the usual veiled character
attack on you. Unsubtle innuendos
402
00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:18,004
suggesting foul play and perversions.
403
00:20:18,040 --> 00:20:19,929
I'll figure something out,
don't worry about me.
404
00:20:19,960 --> 00:20:22,201
- OK, good.
- Unless, of course,
405
00:20:22,240 --> 00:20:24,846
Tim comes on your show
and confesses to...
406
00:20:24,880 --> 00:20:27,451
I don't know, having Jarek deported?
407
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:29,847
- Absolutely not!
- That's a brilliant idea.
408
00:20:29,880 --> 00:20:34,044
- "Hero disgraced on national television."
- It has a ring to it.
409
00:20:34,080 --> 00:20:35,650
I'm never...
There's no way I'm doing that.
410
00:20:35,680 --> 00:20:39,321
But you see, if you don't, I'll have to
dig into every part of your life...
411
00:20:39,360 --> 00:20:42,011
your family, your girlfriends,
your work..
412
00:20:42,040 --> 00:20:43,530
- My work?
- Everything.
413
00:20:44,560 --> 00:20:45,925
This is ridiculous!
414
00:20:45,960 --> 00:20:49,760
And remember, Tim,
we're going to need plenty of tears.
415
00:20:49,800 --> 00:20:52,201
- Forget it!
- Oceans of tears.
416
00:20:54,080 --> 00:20:56,606
You are a despicable person,
aren't you?
417
00:20:56,640 --> 00:20:57,846
Yes.
418
00:20:59,120 --> 00:21:02,522
You're a spiteful, heartless,
perverted monster.
419
00:21:02,560 --> 00:21:04,050
- Yes.
- Say it.
420
00:21:05,960 --> 00:21:08,884
- I am a spiteful, heartless...
- Perverted.
421
00:21:08,920 --> 00:21:10,843
Yes, thank you... perverted monster.
422
00:21:11,880 --> 00:21:14,201
You're basically a total sh...
423
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:17,722
- I think we've seen enough.
- It made it seem worse than it was.
424
00:21:17,760 --> 00:21:19,330
This makes it hard for us to be together.
425
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:21,727
- Us?
- There is no "us", Tim!
426
00:21:21,760 --> 00:21:23,603
- Let it go!
- But you just said...
427
00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:26,120
But you just said this...
428
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:28,410
OK, fine.
429
00:21:30,000 --> 00:21:31,047
Hey!
430
00:21:31,080 --> 00:21:34,129
In anticipation.
It's been a tough couple of weeks, Tim.
431
00:21:34,160 --> 00:21:36,288
Currently there's no contest
between you and Philip.
432
00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:38,971
Really don't wanna talk about Philip.
No offence, Philip.
433
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,128
None taken, bubba.
434
00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:43,128
- Who's for giving Tim another chance?
- No.
435
00:21:43,160 --> 00:21:44,730
- No.
- Absolutely!
436
00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:49,762
So, let's see if we can't turn things
around and start over.
437
00:21:49,800 --> 00:21:52,883
- Oh, terrific
- Oh, negative attitude!
438
00:21:52,920 --> 00:21:55,446
OK. good
439
00:21:55,496 --> 00:22:00,046
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