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00:00:03,484 --> 00:00:05,004
In the last episode of Soap,
2
00:00:05,005 --> 00:00:06,505
Leslie was undecidedabout killing herself,
3
00:00:06,506 --> 00:00:09,008
so she decidedto kill Billy instead.
4
00:00:09,009 --> 00:00:11,510
Dutch has finally decidedto decide
5
00:00:11,511 --> 00:00:12,978
between Eunice and Corinne.
6
00:00:12,979 --> 00:00:14,980
When Burt and Dannydecided to stand up to Tibbs,
7
00:00:14,981 --> 00:00:17,483
Tibbs decidedto have them knocked out.
8
00:00:17,484 --> 00:00:19,485
The judge said she would decide
9
00:00:19,486 --> 00:00:22,287
on whether Jodie or Carolreceives custody of Wendy.
10
00:00:22,288 --> 00:00:24,723
Now that Mary's babyhas decided to appear,
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00:00:24,724 --> 00:00:27,726
will it also be ableto disappear,
12
00:00:27,727 --> 00:00:30,229
or will it be as normalas everyone else in the family?
13
00:00:30,230 --> 00:00:32,865
And what have the fatesdecided for Jessica?
14
00:00:32,866 --> 00:00:34,433
Confused?
15
00:00:34,434 --> 00:00:37,804
You won't beafter this episode of... Soap.
16
00:00:42,108 --> 00:00:44,109
This is the storyof two sisters,
17
00:00:44,110 --> 00:00:46,612
Jessica Tate
18
00:00:46,613 --> 00:00:48,614
and Mary Campbell.
19
00:00:48,615 --> 00:00:52,117
These are the Tates,
20
00:00:52,118 --> 00:00:56,121
and these are the Campbells,
21
00:00:56,122 --> 00:00:59,625
and this is... Soap.
22
00:01:30,323 --> 00:01:32,758
Jess. No, no.
23
00:01:32,759 --> 00:01:33,759
Jess.
24
00:01:33,760 --> 00:01:35,260
Okay, will you all get away?
25
00:01:35,261 --> 00:01:36,762
Where the hell
is the emergency team?
26
00:01:36,763 --> 00:01:38,263
This is the worst day
of my life.
27
00:01:38,264 --> 00:01:40,265
Oh, my God, she's dead.
28
00:01:40,266 --> 00:01:41,266
She died right here.
29
00:01:41,267 --> 00:01:42,267
Death, right in front of me.
30
00:01:42,268 --> 00:01:43,769
I can't stand it.
31
00:01:43,770 --> 00:01:45,771
I just can't stand it.
32
00:01:47,774 --> 00:01:49,274
Get a hold of yourself, man.
33
00:01:49,275 --> 00:01:53,779
Jessica! Jessica!
34
00:01:53,780 --> 00:01:55,281
Mallu, stop it!
35
00:01:58,284 --> 00:01:59,785
I lost my head.
You're right, Tate.
36
00:01:59,786 --> 00:02:01,286
I always tend to overreact
37
00:02:01,287 --> 00:02:03,789
when the person I love more
than anything else in the world
38
00:02:03,790 --> 00:02:05,290
drops dead. I'm sorry.
39
00:02:05,291 --> 00:02:06,792
Come on.
40
00:02:06,793 --> 00:02:08,794
Come on. Come on.
41
00:02:08,795 --> 00:02:12,798
What do you think you're doing?
42
00:02:12,799 --> 00:02:14,766
I'm trying to administer CPR.
43
00:02:14,767 --> 00:02:16,268
Why is he doing that?
44
00:02:16,269 --> 00:02:17,269
Why not?
45
00:02:17,270 --> 00:02:18,770
Stop it.
46
00:02:18,771 --> 00:02:20,272
Stop that, you letch.
47
00:02:22,275 --> 00:02:24,276
I'm trying to start
her heart, you moron.
48
00:02:24,277 --> 00:02:27,279
Moron. Very nice.
49
00:02:27,280 --> 00:02:28,780
Damn it, breathe.
50
00:02:28,781 --> 00:02:31,783
Breathe? You might as well
ask her to shuffle and deal.
51
00:02:31,784 --> 00:02:32,784
She's gone.
52
00:02:32,785 --> 00:02:33,785
Clear the way, please.
53
00:02:33,786 --> 00:02:35,287
It's about time.
54
00:02:38,291 --> 00:02:41,293
And what do you think
you're doing now?
55
00:02:41,294 --> 00:02:43,295
Back off, Tate.
56
00:02:43,296 --> 00:02:45,297
You call yourself
a man of medicine?
57
00:02:45,298 --> 00:02:48,300
I'm giving her air, you idiot.
58
00:02:48,301 --> 00:02:52,304
I cannot believe
that a person would stoop so low
59
00:02:52,305 --> 00:02:55,807
as to neck with a man's wife
right before his eyes.
60
00:02:55,808 --> 00:02:57,309
Doc, any time
61
00:02:57,310 --> 00:02:59,311
you'd like to take
a break, it's...
62
00:02:59,312 --> 00:03:01,313
Mallu, you slime.
63
00:03:01,314 --> 00:03:02,814
Will you hurry up
with that thing?
64
00:03:02,815 --> 00:03:03,815
Ready.
65
00:03:03,816 --> 00:03:05,317
Okay, everybody move back.
66
00:03:05,318 --> 00:03:06,318
Get back.
I hate you.
67
00:03:06,319 --> 00:03:07,819
I hate all of you.
68
00:03:07,820 --> 00:03:09,321
Jess.
69
00:03:09,322 --> 00:03:10,822
Don't touch her, Tate.
She's mine.
70
00:03:10,823 --> 00:03:11,823
Okay, hit it.
71
00:03:20,166 --> 00:03:22,668
Yeah, I think...
I think I've got a heartbeat.
72
00:03:22,669 --> 00:03:23,669
Yeah, she's breathing.
73
00:03:23,670 --> 00:03:24,670
Mrs. Tate's breathing.
74
00:03:24,671 --> 00:03:28,073
Mr. Tate, however, is not.
75
00:03:28,074 --> 00:03:30,076
Ah, you win some, you lose some.
76
00:03:31,578 --> 00:03:33,579
Be a good fellow
and start his heart.
77
00:03:33,580 --> 00:03:34,580
Me?
78
00:03:34,581 --> 00:03:35,581
I'm tied up here.
79
00:03:35,582 --> 00:03:37,583
I wouldn't start his car,
much less his heart.
80
00:03:37,584 --> 00:03:39,585
You're a doctor, for God's sake.
81
00:03:39,586 --> 00:03:41,588
Give him a cardiac thump
and revive him.
82
00:03:45,091 --> 00:03:48,093
Why, you crazy...
83
00:03:48,094 --> 00:03:49,094
What's happened here?
84
00:03:49,095 --> 00:03:50,095
You were shocked.
85
00:03:50,096 --> 00:03:51,597
Shocked?
86
00:03:51,598 --> 00:03:53,599
I'm appalled.
87
00:03:53,600 --> 00:03:57,102
One doctor
is feeling up my wife.
88
00:03:57,103 --> 00:03:59,104
Another doctor's
beating up her husband.
89
00:03:59,105 --> 00:04:00,606
You swine.
90
00:04:02,089 --> 00:04:03,609
Doctor, I want nurses
around the clock,
91
00:04:03,610 --> 00:04:05,110
and specialists, the best.
92
00:04:05,111 --> 00:04:06,111
I don't care how much they cost.
93
00:04:06,112 --> 00:04:07,613
She has the best, Mallu.
94
00:04:07,614 --> 00:04:08,614
No, for me.
95
00:04:08,615 --> 00:04:10,616
I have a terrific headache.
96
00:04:10,617 --> 00:04:12,117
Me too.
97
00:04:12,118 --> 00:04:13,619
Oh, and I don't.
98
00:04:13,620 --> 00:04:14,620
Is that it?
99
00:04:14,621 --> 00:04:15,621
Nurse, I'm dying.
100
00:04:15,622 --> 00:04:16,622
Me too.
101
00:04:16,623 --> 00:04:18,123
Me too.
102
00:04:18,124 --> 00:04:20,125
Room 402.
Bring up a chair.
103
00:04:20,126 --> 00:04:21,627
Okay, gentlemen.
104
00:04:21,628 --> 00:04:22,628
Everything is fine,
105
00:04:22,629 --> 00:04:25,130
so would you all please get out
106
00:04:25,131 --> 00:04:26,131
and let her get some rest?
107
00:04:26,132 --> 00:04:27,633
I am her husband,
108
00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:29,635
and I am staying right here,
right till the end.
109
00:04:29,636 --> 00:04:30,636
I agree with Tate.
110
00:04:30,637 --> 00:04:31,637
I'm staying too.
111
00:04:31,638 --> 00:04:33,138
And I.
112
00:04:33,139 --> 00:04:34,640
Who is the person
with the head injury?
113
00:04:34,641 --> 00:04:35,641
I am.
I am.
114
00:04:35,642 --> 00:04:36,642
He's lying.
It's me.
115
00:04:36,643 --> 00:04:38,143
It's not you.
116
00:04:38,144 --> 00:04:39,144
It's not you.
117
00:04:39,145 --> 00:04:41,146
I got here first.
118
00:04:41,147 --> 00:04:42,147
I'm her attorney.
119
00:04:42,148 --> 00:04:44,150
I'm her psychiatrist.
120
00:04:47,654 --> 00:04:50,156
Tate.
121
00:04:52,925 --> 00:04:53,925
Sorry, I...
122
00:04:53,926 --> 00:04:55,927
I'm acting like a child.
123
00:04:55,928 --> 00:04:57,929
Sorry.
124
00:04:57,930 --> 00:05:00,932
Doctor... is she
going to make it?
125
00:05:00,933 --> 00:05:01,933
It's possible,
126
00:05:01,934 --> 00:05:04,436
but it may not be
the best thing if she does.
127
00:05:04,437 --> 00:05:05,437
Why?
128
00:05:05,438 --> 00:05:07,939
Her brain was denied
a lot of oxygen, Tate.
129
00:05:07,940 --> 00:05:09,374
The damage
could be irreversible.
130
00:05:59,559 --> 00:06:00,559
Danny.
131
00:06:00,560 --> 00:06:01,560
Huh?
132
00:06:01,561 --> 00:06:03,061
Danny.
Not now, Burt.
133
00:06:03,062 --> 00:06:05,063
I'm having a really great dream.
134
00:06:05,064 --> 00:06:08,567
Danny, Danny, wake up.
135
00:06:08,568 --> 00:06:10,068
Oh, what a great dream.
136
00:06:10,069 --> 00:06:13,438
I hope they show it again
tonight.
137
00:06:13,439 --> 00:06:14,906
Oh, oh, my head.
138
00:06:14,907 --> 00:06:15,907
Oh. Oh.
139
00:06:15,908 --> 00:06:18,410
Holy cow.
140
00:06:18,411 --> 00:06:20,912
Look at that.
141
00:06:20,913 --> 00:06:22,915
She must know yoga.
142
00:06:24,417 --> 00:06:26,418
Or something.
143
00:06:26,419 --> 00:06:27,419
How many of them are there?
144
00:06:27,420 --> 00:06:28,920
One, two, three, four, five.
145
00:06:28,921 --> 00:06:30,422
There's five.
146
00:06:30,423 --> 00:06:32,924
And a dachshund.
147
00:06:32,925 --> 00:06:33,925
No, no, no, no.
148
00:06:33,926 --> 00:06:35,293
That's not a dachshund.
149
00:06:35,294 --> 00:06:37,295
That's some guy dressed up
like a dachshund.
150
00:06:37,296 --> 00:06:40,298
Good, I thought
it was really sick.
151
00:06:40,299 --> 00:06:41,299
What channel is this?
152
00:06:41,300 --> 00:06:43,235
What is this show?
153
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:44,669
And a dwarf.
154
00:06:44,670 --> 00:06:47,172
I forgot to count that dwarf.
155
00:06:47,173 --> 00:06:51,343
Boy, Norman Lear really did
change television.
156
00:06:53,312 --> 00:06:54,813
This isn't television, Danny.
157
00:06:54,814 --> 00:06:59,317
Danny, this is closed circuit.
158
00:06:59,318 --> 00:07:01,320
Come on, we've gotta
get out of here.
159
00:07:03,322 --> 00:07:04,322
Burt.
160
00:07:04,323 --> 00:07:05,323
Why? What?
161
00:07:05,324 --> 00:07:06,758
Burt, we're not home.
162
00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:09,261
No.
163
00:07:09,262 --> 00:07:11,763
Yes. Yes, look around.
164
00:07:11,764 --> 00:07:13,231
Oh, my God.
165
00:07:13,232 --> 00:07:14,232
We're kidnapped.
166
00:07:14,233 --> 00:07:15,233
Burt, call the police.
167
00:07:15,234 --> 00:07:17,736
Danny, we are the police.
168
00:07:17,737 --> 00:07:19,738
Where are my clothes?
169
00:07:19,739 --> 00:07:20,739
They took them.
170
00:07:20,740 --> 00:07:22,240
Who?
Tibbs.
171
00:07:22,241 --> 00:07:24,242
He knocked us out
and brought us here
172
00:07:24,243 --> 00:07:25,744
and took all our clothes.
173
00:07:25,745 --> 00:07:28,747
Looks like someone had a party.
174
00:07:28,748 --> 00:07:31,249
I think we did.
175
00:07:31,250 --> 00:07:33,251
You think we had a good time?
176
00:07:33,252 --> 00:07:34,753
Must've been.
177
00:07:34,754 --> 00:07:37,757
We were the last ones to leave.
178
00:07:39,759 --> 00:07:40,759
Are you sure
179
00:07:40,760 --> 00:07:42,761
we can't get this
on our TV at home?
180
00:07:42,762 --> 00:07:43,762
No, no, Danny, come on.
181
00:07:43,763 --> 00:07:44,763
Come on, here.
182
00:07:44,764 --> 00:07:46,765
Get dressed, will you?
183
00:07:46,766 --> 00:07:49,768
Hey, Burt.
184
00:07:49,769 --> 00:07:51,703
This is a dress.
185
00:07:51,704 --> 00:07:53,205
It's all we got.
186
00:07:53,206 --> 00:07:54,706
Yeah, well, you got pants.
187
00:07:54,707 --> 00:07:56,708
These are not pants.
188
00:07:56,709 --> 00:07:59,144
These are culottes.
189
00:08:04,650 --> 00:08:06,651
Well, they're better than this.
190
00:08:06,652 --> 00:08:08,153
You want the culottes?
191
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:10,655
Take the culottes.
192
00:08:10,656 --> 00:08:12,657
Come on, Danny.
193
00:08:12,658 --> 00:08:14,659
It's not that I want them.
194
00:08:14,660 --> 00:08:16,662
I just think
I'll look better in them.
195
00:08:18,164 --> 00:08:20,166
Mine must've been a big girl.
196
00:08:22,168 --> 00:08:23,668
What do I wear on top?
197
00:08:23,669 --> 00:08:25,170
What do I...
198
00:08:25,171 --> 00:08:27,673
Here. Come on.
199
00:08:31,677 --> 00:08:33,678
Boy, these things
are a lot easier to get off
200
00:08:33,679 --> 00:08:35,681
than they are on.
201
00:08:44,090 --> 00:08:46,091
I think I should have the dress.
202
00:08:46,092 --> 00:08:48,593
You can wear it tomorrow
if I don't have a luncheon.
203
00:08:48,594 --> 00:08:50,095
Come on!
204
00:08:54,100 --> 00:08:55,601
Hey!
205
00:08:57,603 --> 00:08:59,104
Hey, that saddle.
206
00:08:59,105 --> 00:09:01,106
It was in my dream.
207
00:09:01,107 --> 00:09:03,108
Wonderful.
Come on.
208
00:09:03,109 --> 00:09:04,609
Yeah. Yeah.
209
00:09:04,610 --> 00:09:07,112
Yeah, there were these girls,
see, and this saddle, and...
210
00:09:08,614 --> 00:09:10,115
Well, it was really something.
211
00:09:10,116 --> 00:09:11,617
What happened was...
212
00:09:14,520 --> 00:09:15,520
Never mind.
213
00:09:15,521 --> 00:09:16,521
You had to be there.
214
00:09:16,522 --> 00:09:18,023
I think I was.
215
00:09:18,024 --> 00:09:19,025
Come on.
216
00:09:29,535 --> 00:09:31,036
Will you come on?
217
00:09:33,039 --> 00:09:34,540
Jennifer.
218
00:09:47,553 --> 00:09:49,054
Thank you.
219
00:09:49,055 --> 00:09:51,057
Any time.
220
00:10:05,871 --> 00:10:08,373
Oh, come on, Bob.
221
00:10:08,374 --> 00:10:09,874
So where is everybody?
222
00:10:09,875 --> 00:10:12,377
Bob, just calm down.
They'll be here.
223
00:10:12,378 --> 00:10:13,378
I mean, she had a baby.
224
00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:14,379
Where's the baby?
225
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:15,380
She had a husband.
226
00:10:15,381 --> 00:10:16,815
Where's the husband?
227
00:10:16,816 --> 00:10:17,816
Where's the doctor?
228
00:10:17,817 --> 00:10:18,817
Where's Danny?
229
00:10:18,818 --> 00:10:20,318
Where's my chicken salad on rye?
230
00:10:20,319 --> 00:10:22,821
Look, Danny and Burt
are probably out
231
00:10:22,822 --> 00:10:23,822
working on a case.
232
00:10:23,823 --> 00:10:25,824
Yeah,
of Old Grand-Dad.
233
00:10:25,825 --> 00:10:27,826
Bob, would you just
keep it down?
234
00:10:27,827 --> 00:10:29,327
You're gonna wake her up.
235
00:10:29,328 --> 00:10:30,328
Oh, come on.
236
00:10:30,329 --> 00:10:33,231
A stampede couldn't wake her up.
237
00:10:33,232 --> 00:10:34,733
Look at her.
238
00:10:34,734 --> 00:10:39,537
She's sleeping so peacefully,
239
00:10:39,538 --> 00:10:40,972
and I'm a nervous wreck.
240
00:10:40,973 --> 00:10:42,474
I was up all night pacing.
241
00:10:42,475 --> 00:10:44,476
I got shin splints.
242
00:10:44,477 --> 00:10:46,978
Chuck, would you keep him quiet?
243
00:10:46,979 --> 00:10:48,980
But you guys don't know
what it's like for me!
244
00:10:48,981 --> 00:10:50,982
I mean, first they try
to take away our little...
245
00:10:50,983 --> 00:10:51,983
Bob.
246
00:10:51,984 --> 00:10:53,485
Our little...
Bob.
247
00:10:56,989 --> 00:10:57,989
Chuck.
248
00:10:57,990 --> 00:10:58,990
I'll get him a sedative.
249
00:10:58,991 --> 00:11:00,992
Good idea, and get
something for yourself.
250
00:11:00,993 --> 00:11:01,960
Yeah.
251
00:11:01,961 --> 00:11:02,961
Mm...
252
00:11:02,962 --> 00:11:04,964
Thirsty.
253
00:11:08,467 --> 00:11:11,202
Hi, Ma.
254
00:11:11,203 --> 00:11:12,604
Did I?
255
00:11:12,605 --> 00:11:14,539
You did.
256
00:11:14,540 --> 00:11:16,041
Congratulations.
257
00:11:16,042 --> 00:11:18,476
What color is it?
258
00:11:18,477 --> 00:11:20,912
Wow, is there something
259
00:11:20,913 --> 00:11:22,915
you'd like to tell us?
260
00:11:24,417 --> 00:11:25,917
We're not sure yet.
261
00:11:25,918 --> 00:11:27,919
That's not usually
the first question.
262
00:11:27,920 --> 00:11:28,920
Bob.
263
00:11:28,921 --> 00:11:31,923
That's not usually
the 12th question.
264
00:11:31,924 --> 00:11:33,925
Is he a he?
265
00:11:33,926 --> 00:11:34,893
A she?
266
00:11:34,894 --> 00:11:35,894
Mom, we don't know yet.
267
00:11:36,662 --> 00:11:37,662
Silver?
268
00:11:37,663 --> 00:11:39,731
Silver!
269
00:11:40,733 --> 00:11:42,233
Silver!
270
00:11:42,234 --> 00:11:44,235
Lone Ranger's horse is Silver.
271
00:11:44,236 --> 00:11:45,236
Bob!
272
00:11:45,237 --> 00:11:47,238
Chuck, why don't you
go get the nurse
273
00:11:47,239 --> 00:11:48,740
and tell her
that Mom's awake, okay?
274
00:11:48,741 --> 00:11:50,241
Okay.
275
00:11:50,242 --> 00:11:51,743
Come on, Bob.
276
00:11:51,744 --> 00:11:52,744
How come you're always saying,
277
00:11:52,745 --> 00:11:53,745
"Come on, Bob"?
278
00:11:53,746 --> 00:11:55,748
Where would I go?
279
00:11:57,683 --> 00:11:58,683
How are you feeling?
280
00:11:58,684 --> 00:12:02,087
Lighter.
281
00:12:02,088 --> 00:12:04,355
Oh, Jodie, I am so scared.
282
00:12:04,356 --> 00:12:06,291
Mom, there's nothing
to worry about.
283
00:12:06,292 --> 00:12:08,226
No matter what the baby is,
you'll love it.
284
00:12:08,227 --> 00:12:09,594
We'll all love it,
285
00:12:09,595 --> 00:12:10,595
and that baby will grow up
286
00:12:10,596 --> 00:12:12,530
and never realize
he's different.
287
00:12:12,531 --> 00:12:14,332
When he starts flying
around the room,
288
00:12:14,333 --> 00:12:17,168
he's gonna want some answers.
289
00:12:17,169 --> 00:12:19,671
He'll belong, Ma.
290
00:12:19,672 --> 00:12:21,106
No, because we'll love him.
291
00:12:21,107 --> 00:12:23,074
We'll all love him,
and you'll see, he'll be normal.
292
00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:24,576
He'll be a pink, little,
bright, pudgy...
293
00:12:24,577 --> 00:12:26,578
Mrs. Campbell?
294
00:12:26,579 --> 00:12:29,447
Congratulations.
You have a son.
295
00:12:29,448 --> 00:12:32,417
Oh... Jodie.
296
00:12:32,418 --> 00:12:34,419
Oh. Well, where is he?
Can I see him?
297
00:12:34,420 --> 00:12:35,420
Is he all right?
298
00:12:35,421 --> 00:12:36,421
Oh, he's fine.
299
00:12:36,422 --> 00:12:38,423
He's a healthy
9-pound baby boy...
300
00:12:38,424 --> 00:12:39,424
Oh, thank God.
301
00:12:39,425 --> 00:12:40,925
See, what did I tell you?
302
00:12:40,926 --> 00:12:43,161
But we'd like to keep him
in the nursery a bit longer.
303
00:12:43,162 --> 00:12:45,163
We're just a little concerned
about his color.
304
00:12:58,677 --> 00:12:59,677
Okay, time's up
305
00:12:59,678 --> 00:13:01,679
on that goodbye letter
to your father.
306
00:13:01,680 --> 00:13:03,681
Wait a minute.
I'm in the middle of a sentence.
307
00:13:03,682 --> 00:13:04,682
Well, hurry up and finish it.
308
00:13:04,683 --> 00:13:06,184
How could I think
under pressure like this?
309
00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:07,685
You're just stalling, Billy.
310
00:13:07,686 --> 00:13:10,188
Naturally, I'm stalling. Any
time someone points a gun at me,
311
00:13:10,189 --> 00:13:11,189
I tend to stall.
312
00:13:11,190 --> 00:13:12,690
Okay, that's enough.
One more P.S.
313
00:13:12,691 --> 00:13:13,691
No more P.S.'s.
314
00:13:13,692 --> 00:13:14,692
One last request?
315
00:13:14,693 --> 00:13:15,693
No more last requests.
316
00:13:15,694 --> 00:13:17,195
I've already let you
say your prayers.
317
00:13:17,196 --> 00:13:18,130
I let you have
318
00:13:18,131 --> 00:13:19,564
10 minutes of meditation,
319
00:13:19,565 --> 00:13:21,567
and I let you have
two cups of Ovaltine.
320
00:13:22,956 --> 00:13:25,036
You've taken advantage of
my good nature long enough.
321
00:13:25,037 --> 00:13:26,538
Leslie, think.
322
00:13:26,539 --> 00:13:29,007
If you wanted to shoot me,
you would have done it by now.
323
00:13:29,008 --> 00:13:31,009
Don't kid yourself.
324
00:13:31,010 --> 00:13:32,510
My only reason for delaying
325
00:13:32,511 --> 00:13:35,013
is so that I can
watch you squirm.
326
00:13:35,014 --> 00:13:36,514
Now that you've squirmed...
327
00:13:36,515 --> 00:13:38,016
I've got a lot of squirming
left in me.
328
00:13:38,017 --> 00:13:39,517
The best is yet to come.
329
00:13:39,518 --> 00:13:41,019
Bye, Billy.
330
00:13:41,020 --> 00:13:44,522
Give me that gun, private.
331
00:13:44,523 --> 00:13:47,025
Very odd choice
for a combat weapon.
332
00:13:47,026 --> 00:13:48,026
Oh, Grandpa.
333
00:13:48,027 --> 00:13:50,028
Well, everything's screwy
334
00:13:50,029 --> 00:13:53,031
since they let women
into the Army.
335
00:13:53,032 --> 00:13:55,533
Clean that barrel,
or it's K.P.
336
00:13:55,534 --> 00:13:57,035
Grandpa!
337
00:13:57,036 --> 00:13:59,537
Well, I should've been
tougher on her,
338
00:13:59,538 --> 00:14:02,040
but those are some gams.
339
00:14:04,043 --> 00:14:05,543
Grandpa, Grandpa,
don't leave me.
340
00:14:05,544 --> 00:14:06,544
Private.
341
00:14:06,545 --> 00:14:08,046
Billy.
342
00:14:08,047 --> 00:14:10,548
Leslie, why don't we put
this off until tomorrow?
343
00:14:10,549 --> 00:14:12,050
Why don't we sleep on it?
344
00:14:12,051 --> 00:14:14,052
Stop trying to reason
with me, Billy.
345
00:14:14,053 --> 00:14:15,053
I really want to do this.
346
00:14:15,054 --> 00:14:16,054
It'll mean the chair.
347
00:14:16,055 --> 00:14:18,056
Three years, tops.
348
00:14:18,057 --> 00:14:20,058
Then I'll write a book about it,
349
00:14:20,059 --> 00:14:23,428
then Meryl Streep will star
in the movie version.
350
00:14:23,429 --> 00:14:25,830
You know, this is beginning
to sound like a better idea
351
00:14:25,831 --> 00:14:27,298
all the time.
352
00:14:27,299 --> 00:14:28,266
Goodbye, Billy.
353
00:14:28,267 --> 00:14:29,268
Oh.
354
00:14:30,769 --> 00:14:33,271
Oh!
355
00:14:33,272 --> 00:14:35,273
Saunders.
356
00:14:35,274 --> 00:14:36,241
I had reached a point
357
00:14:36,242 --> 00:14:37,709
where I can honestly say
to myself
358
00:14:37,710 --> 00:14:39,143
that nothing that happens
in this house
359
00:14:39,144 --> 00:14:41,079
could surprise me.
360
00:14:41,080 --> 00:14:43,548
I was premature.
361
00:14:43,549 --> 00:14:45,550
Billy, do you think
you could manage
362
00:14:45,551 --> 00:14:46,551
to drive me to the hospital
363
00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,519
without getting me killed?
364
00:14:48,520 --> 00:14:50,522
Come on.
365
00:14:52,524 --> 00:14:54,459
Oh, God.
366
00:14:54,460 --> 00:14:55,427
Oh, God.
367
00:14:55,428 --> 00:14:56,928
Ma, he's fine.
368
00:14:56,929 --> 00:14:57,929
The baby's fine.
369
00:14:57,930 --> 00:14:59,931
But the color.
She said the color...
370
00:14:59,932 --> 00:15:01,933
Jaundice.
He's just a little jaundiced.
371
00:15:01,934 --> 00:15:03,368
It's very common.
372
00:15:03,369 --> 00:15:04,802
He's normal, Ma.
You have a normal baby.
373
00:15:04,803 --> 00:15:08,239
He's not silver?
374
00:15:08,240 --> 00:15:11,109
No, actually,
he's kind of golden.
375
00:15:11,110 --> 00:15:13,611
Oh, God. Golden.
376
00:15:13,612 --> 00:15:15,613
No, no, no, Ma.
377
00:15:15,614 --> 00:15:18,116
Ma, from the jaundice, see?
He's normal.
378
00:15:18,117 --> 00:15:19,617
I told the nurse
you were worried,
379
00:15:19,618 --> 00:15:20,618
and she's gonna bring him in.
380
00:15:20,619 --> 00:15:22,086
He's normal?
381
00:15:22,087 --> 00:15:23,521
He's beautiful, Ma.
382
00:15:23,522 --> 00:15:25,523
Here we are.
383
00:15:25,524 --> 00:15:28,026
Baby boy Campbell.
384
00:15:36,468 --> 00:15:37,969
Oh, thank God, he's white.
385
00:15:44,276 --> 00:15:45,610
I know what you're thinking,
386
00:15:45,611 --> 00:15:47,111
but that's not what she means.
387
00:15:47,112 --> 00:15:48,546
No.
388
00:15:48,547 --> 00:15:51,049
She meant, thank God
he's not silver.
389
00:15:51,050 --> 00:15:52,017
Right.
390
00:15:52,018 --> 00:15:55,019
Sure.
391
00:15:55,020 --> 00:15:56,521
Yeah, because she thought
392
00:15:56,522 --> 00:15:58,523
she was gonna have
a silver baby.
393
00:15:58,524 --> 00:15:59,524
Is that a fact?
394
00:15:59,525 --> 00:16:00,525
Oh, yeah, really,
395
00:16:00,526 --> 00:16:03,529
I thought that the father
was silver.
396
00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:06,464
I see, and who was that?
397
00:16:06,465 --> 00:16:08,467
R2-D2?
398
00:16:14,473 --> 00:16:15,974
- Beep, beep.
- Watch out!
399
00:16:15,975 --> 00:16:17,976
Watch out! Hey.
400
00:16:17,977 --> 00:16:18,977
What is it with...
401
00:16:18,978 --> 00:16:19,978
What's the matter with you?
402
00:16:19,979 --> 00:16:21,479
Come on, what are you doing?
403
00:16:21,480 --> 00:16:22,480
What do you mean?
404
00:16:22,481 --> 00:16:23,481
Didn't you see me
signal, you idiot?
405
00:16:23,482 --> 00:16:24,882
I had the right of way.
406
00:16:24,883 --> 00:16:26,384
What are you talking about,
407
00:16:26,385 --> 00:16:27,385
right of way?
408
00:16:27,386 --> 00:16:28,386
The vehicle on the right
409
00:16:28,387 --> 00:16:29,854
always has the right of way.
410
00:16:29,855 --> 00:16:30,855
It's common knowledge.
411
00:16:30,856 --> 00:16:33,358
At a full stop sign.
412
00:16:33,359 --> 00:16:35,360
You have the right of way
at a full stop sign.
413
00:16:35,361 --> 00:16:38,363
We're at a door.
414
00:16:38,364 --> 00:16:41,366
Plus which...
you cut me off.
415
00:16:41,367 --> 00:16:42,334
I did not!
416
00:16:42,335 --> 00:16:43,335
Did too.
417
00:16:44,337 --> 00:16:45,837
Boys, please.
418
00:16:45,838 --> 00:16:48,339
Oh, I'm sorry, Mare,
but he's so weird.
419
00:16:48,340 --> 00:16:49,841
What happened?
420
00:16:49,842 --> 00:16:51,175
Nothing.
421
00:16:51,176 --> 00:16:52,176
The wheelchairs.
422
00:16:52,177 --> 00:16:53,177
Your heads.
423
00:16:53,178 --> 00:16:55,179
Oh, that?
424
00:16:55,180 --> 00:16:57,181
That's... This is
no big deal, Mare.
425
00:16:57,182 --> 00:16:58,683
No, no.
426
00:16:58,684 --> 00:17:00,184
We were just walking
down the street,
427
00:17:00,185 --> 00:17:01,185
Danny and I,
428
00:17:01,186 --> 00:17:03,688
and we ran into
a little minor problem.
429
00:17:03,689 --> 00:17:06,090
Yeah.
430
00:17:06,091 --> 00:17:07,926
A gorilla.
431
00:17:10,830 --> 00:17:11,830
A gorilla.
432
00:17:11,831 --> 00:17:13,798
Escaped from the zoo.
433
00:17:13,799 --> 00:17:15,266
A gorilla?
434
00:17:15,267 --> 00:17:16,267
It's nothing.
435
00:17:16,268 --> 00:17:17,268
Forget it.
436
00:17:17,269 --> 00:17:18,269
You should've seen him.
437
00:17:18,270 --> 00:17:20,772
He was gigantic.
438
00:17:20,773 --> 00:17:21,773
Yes, we're fine, Mare.
439
00:17:21,774 --> 00:17:22,774
We're really fine.
440
00:17:22,775 --> 00:17:23,775
Yes, there was a bruise or two.
441
00:17:23,776 --> 00:17:25,276
It's nothing.
He picked me up.
442
00:17:25,277 --> 00:17:26,277
I thought he would kill me.
443
00:17:26,278 --> 00:17:28,279
Keep talking, somebody will.
444
00:17:28,280 --> 00:17:29,280
So, Mare...
445
00:17:29,281 --> 00:17:30,782
Course, it was a good thing
446
00:17:30,783 --> 00:17:32,283
that the gorilla picked
me up when he did,
447
00:17:32,284 --> 00:17:33,785
because that old lion
448
00:17:33,786 --> 00:17:35,627
came right around that corner
right about then.
449
00:17:36,288 --> 00:17:38,289
Then he attacked the gorilla
who was holding me...
450
00:17:38,290 --> 00:17:39,290
Will you shut up?
451
00:17:39,291 --> 00:17:41,292
And the gorilla
dropped me right then.
452
00:17:41,293 --> 00:17:42,794
And?
And...
453
00:17:42,795 --> 00:17:44,295
And? And?
454
00:17:44,296 --> 00:17:45,296
And...
What?
455
00:17:45,297 --> 00:17:47,799
Everything turned out fine.
456
00:17:47,800 --> 00:17:49,300
Thank you.
457
00:17:49,301 --> 00:17:51,803
So, Mare, what's...
458
00:17:52,739 --> 00:17:55,106
That?
459
00:17:55,107 --> 00:17:56,541
Our baby.
460
00:17:56,542 --> 00:17:59,377
A baby.
461
00:17:59,378 --> 00:18:00,878
Oh, Burt.
462
00:18:00,879 --> 00:18:03,381
A baby.
463
00:18:03,382 --> 00:18:04,882
Our?
464
00:18:04,883 --> 00:18:06,384
You had... You?
465
00:18:06,385 --> 00:18:07,752
We had.
466
00:18:07,753 --> 00:18:09,253
It's here.
467
00:18:09,254 --> 00:18:11,756
It's come? It's here?
468
00:18:11,757 --> 00:18:12,757
Where?
469
00:18:12,758 --> 00:18:14,225
There?
470
00:18:14,226 --> 00:18:15,726
What, a baby? A thing?
471
00:18:15,727 --> 00:18:17,728
What kind? What kind?
472
00:18:17,729 --> 00:18:18,729
White.
473
00:18:18,730 --> 00:18:20,731
Good.
474
00:18:20,732 --> 00:18:22,166
A boy.
475
00:18:22,167 --> 00:18:23,167
Boy? A white boy?
476
00:18:23,168 --> 00:18:24,669
I got a white b...
White boy.
477
00:18:24,670 --> 00:18:26,671
It's a white boy.
478
00:18:26,672 --> 00:18:28,172
Mare, it could've
been a green girl.
479
00:18:28,173 --> 00:18:29,674
I don't care.
480
00:18:29,675 --> 00:18:31,175
Came close.
481
00:18:31,176 --> 00:18:33,678
Oh, look.
482
00:18:33,679 --> 00:18:35,680
Look at that.
483
00:18:35,681 --> 00:18:38,182
It's a boy.
484
00:18:38,183 --> 00:18:39,684
Look at him.
485
00:18:39,685 --> 00:18:41,186
You want to hold him?
486
00:18:44,189 --> 00:18:45,189
Come on.
487
00:18:45,190 --> 00:18:46,190
You can finish telling me
488
00:18:46,191 --> 00:18:47,191
about the gorilla.
489
00:18:47,192 --> 00:18:49,193
What gorilla?
490
00:18:49,194 --> 00:18:52,196
He doesn't break or anything?
491
00:18:52,197 --> 00:18:53,197
He's a tough kid.
492
00:18:53,198 --> 00:18:55,200
Go ahead.
493
00:18:56,702 --> 00:18:58,703
Ahh...
494
00:18:58,704 --> 00:19:00,204
Oh, look.
495
00:19:00,205 --> 00:19:01,639
Look at him.
496
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,141
Look at him.
497
00:19:03,142 --> 00:19:04,642
Look at those little hands,
498
00:19:04,643 --> 00:19:05,643
those little fingers,
499
00:19:05,644 --> 00:19:06,644
the little fingernails,
500
00:19:06,645 --> 00:19:09,647
the little knuckles.
501
00:19:09,648 --> 00:19:12,150
It's all in miniature.
502
00:19:12,151 --> 00:19:14,652
It's like a model train.
503
00:19:19,625 --> 00:19:23,127
Mare, it's wonderful.
504
00:19:23,128 --> 00:19:28,032
Mare... we have a baby.
505
00:19:39,011 --> 00:19:41,012
Why her?
506
00:19:41,013 --> 00:19:44,482
Why Jessica?
507
00:19:44,483 --> 00:19:45,983
Mother?
508
00:19:45,984 --> 00:19:47,885
Can you hear me?
509
00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:49,387
Mother?
510
00:19:49,388 --> 00:19:51,322
Doctor, is she all right?
511
00:19:51,323 --> 00:19:52,757
She's still breathing.
512
00:19:52,758 --> 00:19:55,193
That's a good sign, isn't it?
513
00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,662
It's a wonderful start.
514
00:19:57,663 --> 00:20:01,632
If you're holding her hand,
look clinical, buster.
515
00:20:01,633 --> 00:20:02,633
Stay away from her.
516
00:20:02,634 --> 00:20:03,634
You have no more claim on her.
517
00:20:03,635 --> 00:20:05,636
Neither one of you
has a claim on her.
518
00:20:05,637 --> 00:20:08,139
She was finally finding
a little peace with me.
519
00:20:08,140 --> 00:20:09,640
Oh, how I hate you.
520
00:20:09,641 --> 00:20:10,641
Devil!
521
00:20:10,642 --> 00:20:11,642
Oh, we're hooked up.
522
00:20:11,643 --> 00:20:12,643
We're all hooked up.
523
00:20:12,644 --> 00:20:13,645
Will you shut up?
524
00:20:15,147 --> 00:20:16,147
I can't stand it.
525
00:20:16,148 --> 00:20:17,148
We're all hooked up.
526
00:20:17,149 --> 00:20:18,149
I feel like a charm bracelet.
527
00:20:18,150 --> 00:20:20,151
I can't take this anymore.
528
00:20:20,152 --> 00:20:21,652
I think I'm cracking up.
529
00:20:21,653 --> 00:20:23,654
Doc, look, you're a shrink.
530
00:20:23,655 --> 00:20:24,655
You've gotta help me.
531
00:20:24,656 --> 00:20:25,656
You've gotta help me.
532
00:20:25,657 --> 00:20:27,158
Why her?
533
00:20:27,159 --> 00:20:28,159
Why Jessica?
534
00:20:28,160 --> 00:20:29,660
How do I know?
535
00:20:29,661 --> 00:20:31,162
Can't you see I'm hysterical?
536
00:20:31,163 --> 00:20:32,663
I'm a psychiatrist.
I'm not a philosopher.
537
00:20:32,664 --> 00:20:34,165
How can I tell you why her?
538
00:20:36,168 --> 00:20:37,168
I am so sick
539
00:20:37,169 --> 00:20:38,669
of you people with problems.
540
00:20:38,670 --> 00:20:41,172
Who helps me?
541
00:20:44,610 --> 00:20:46,110
Jessica?
542
00:20:46,111 --> 00:20:47,111
Jessica.
543
00:20:47,112 --> 00:20:50,915
Oh, Mother.
544
00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:54,585
Mother, we've had
such a nice visit.
545
00:20:54,586 --> 00:20:58,856
Now, don't spoil it all
by pouting.
546
00:20:58,857 --> 00:21:00,358
Yes, I will.
547
00:21:00,359 --> 00:21:03,594
I will come back to heaven
someday.
548
00:21:03,595 --> 00:21:04,962
I promise.
549
00:21:04,963 --> 00:21:06,464
Jessica?
550
00:21:06,465 --> 00:21:07,965
Shh, shh, shh, shh.
551
00:21:07,966 --> 00:21:09,467
Mrs. Tate?
552
00:21:09,468 --> 00:21:10,468
This is Dr. Hill.
553
00:21:10,469 --> 00:21:12,903
She's dreaming about Grandma.
554
00:21:12,904 --> 00:21:14,805
Oh, Mother.
555
00:21:14,806 --> 00:21:20,044
Of course I'd like to meet
some of your friends...
556
00:21:22,481 --> 00:21:23,848
I just don't think
557
00:21:23,849 --> 00:21:26,450
I should hang around here
too long.
558
00:21:28,320 --> 00:21:30,821
Mother, just open your eyes.
559
00:21:30,822 --> 00:21:32,890
All right, Mother.
560
00:21:32,891 --> 00:21:35,760
Since he's here.
561
00:21:35,761 --> 00:21:42,400
Oh, I'm so pleased
to meet you, Mr. Pasteur.
562
00:21:45,404 --> 00:21:49,341
Your name is on my milk.
563
00:21:53,245 --> 00:21:56,514
Yes, my mother is a character,
isn't she?
564
00:21:58,016 --> 00:22:00,017
Jess, please, wake up.
565
00:22:00,018 --> 00:22:01,452
It's amazing.
566
00:22:01,453 --> 00:22:02,920
Her pulse and temperature
567
00:22:02,921 --> 00:22:03,788
are normal.
568
00:22:03,789 --> 00:22:05,222
She may have fought off
the virus.
569
00:22:05,223 --> 00:22:08,225
Yahoo!
570
00:22:08,226 --> 00:22:10,227
But what's wrong, doctor?
571
00:22:10,228 --> 00:22:11,228
For a while,
572
00:22:11,229 --> 00:22:13,698
there was no oxygen
to her brain,
573
00:22:13,699 --> 00:22:15,633
which could mean...
574
00:22:15,634 --> 00:22:17,068
What?
575
00:22:17,069 --> 00:22:19,538
Well, it could mean
she'll remain in a coma.
576
00:22:21,940 --> 00:22:23,374
For how long?
577
00:22:23,375 --> 00:22:26,311
It could be
for the rest of her life.
578
00:22:40,459 --> 00:22:42,960
Corinne, Mother can't possibly
wear that
579
00:22:42,961 --> 00:22:44,462
in her hospital bed.
580
00:22:44,463 --> 00:22:46,964
It'll give her an incentive
to get up and get well.
581
00:22:46,965 --> 00:22:48,466
But she can't see it.
582
00:22:48,467 --> 00:22:49,967
She's in a coma, stupid.
583
00:22:49,968 --> 00:22:51,469
Don't you think I know that?
584
00:22:51,470 --> 00:22:53,471
She'll sense it, stupid.
585
00:22:53,472 --> 00:22:55,473
Maybe she'll open her eyes
for just a second,
586
00:22:55,474 --> 00:22:59,377
and this dress will give her
the will to live.
587
00:22:59,378 --> 00:23:01,879
But the doctor said
she might have brain damage
588
00:23:01,880 --> 00:23:03,881
due to oxygen deprivation.
589
00:23:03,882 --> 00:23:04,882
Oh, doctors.
590
00:23:04,883 --> 00:23:06,384
What do they know?
591
00:23:06,385 --> 00:23:07,885
Besides, I don't think
Mother's brain
592
00:23:07,886 --> 00:23:11,889
needs as much oxygen
as other people's.
593
00:23:11,890 --> 00:23:13,391
Now, help me.
594
00:23:13,392 --> 00:23:14,892
We're gonna take
all her favorite things.
595
00:23:14,893 --> 00:23:16,394
Well, if you're gonna
take that blue dress,
596
00:23:16,395 --> 00:23:17,895
I'm gonna take this nightgown.
597
00:23:17,896 --> 00:23:19,897
It's the most
beautiful one she owns.
598
00:23:19,898 --> 00:23:20,898
You're nuts.
599
00:23:20,899 --> 00:23:21,899
The pink one is the prettiest,
600
00:23:21,900 --> 00:23:24,402
and I'm gonna take it
and the nightgown that matches.
601
00:23:24,403 --> 00:23:25,903
You vultures.
602
00:23:25,904 --> 00:23:27,905
Your mother isn't even dead,
and you're grabbing her stuff?
603
00:23:27,906 --> 00:23:28,873
You ungrateful bums.
604
00:23:28,874 --> 00:23:31,175
You cold-hearted,
two-faced little witches.
605
00:23:31,176 --> 00:23:33,177
You ghouls... leeches.
606
00:23:33,178 --> 00:23:35,179
Cockroaches!
607
00:23:35,180 --> 00:23:37,181
Dutch, we're taking
this stuff to Mother
608
00:23:37,182 --> 00:23:38,582
in the hospital.
609
00:23:38,583 --> 00:23:42,019
Oh, well, forget what I said.
610
00:23:42,020 --> 00:23:44,522
Aw, gee, Eunice.
611
00:23:44,523 --> 00:23:46,524
Why Jessica, huh?
612
00:23:46,525 --> 00:23:49,026
I mean, why her?
613
00:23:49,027 --> 00:23:51,529
We still don't have
an answer to that, Dutch.
614
00:23:51,530 --> 00:23:53,030
She's gonna come
out of it, Dutch.
615
00:23:53,031 --> 00:23:55,032
She just has to.
616
00:23:56,034 --> 00:23:59,036
Thank God you're both here.
617
00:23:59,037 --> 00:24:02,039
I probably would have cracked up
a long time ago,
618
00:24:02,040 --> 00:24:06,544
if I didn't have the two of you
to hang onto.
619
00:24:09,047 --> 00:24:11,048
Enough is enough, Dutch.
620
00:24:11,049 --> 00:24:12,049
You can't keep hanging on
621
00:24:12,050 --> 00:24:13,551
to both of us.
622
00:24:13,552 --> 00:24:14,552
I agree.
623
00:24:14,553 --> 00:24:16,053
Dutch, you've had plenty of time
624
00:24:16,054 --> 00:24:18,556
to figure out which one of us
you really want.
625
00:24:18,557 --> 00:24:21,559
Okay. You forced me to tell you
my decision, and I made one.
626
00:24:21,560 --> 00:24:23,060
It wasn't easy.
627
00:24:23,061 --> 00:24:25,062
I went through a lot
of pain and anguish
628
00:24:25,063 --> 00:24:27,064
and prayers
to the Almighty for help,
629
00:24:27,065 --> 00:24:29,567
and, finally, it came to me.
630
00:24:29,568 --> 00:24:31,569
My decision.
631
00:24:31,570 --> 00:24:33,071
High card wins.
632
00:24:34,573 --> 00:24:36,073
That's your decision?
633
00:24:36,074 --> 00:24:38,075
I thought you said you decided.
634
00:24:38,076 --> 00:24:39,577
I decided how, not who.
635
00:24:39,578 --> 00:24:40,578
Pick a card.
636
00:24:40,579 --> 00:24:41,579
A card?
637
00:24:41,580 --> 00:24:43,080
You can't pick with a card.
638
00:24:43,081 --> 00:24:45,082
I can't decide.
Don't you understand that?
639
00:24:45,083 --> 00:24:47,084
I'll never be able
to choose between you
640
00:24:47,085 --> 00:24:49,086
unless one of you dies
of old age.
641
00:24:49,087 --> 00:24:51,088
All right.
642
00:24:51,089 --> 00:24:52,590
Let's go.
643
00:24:52,591 --> 00:24:54,091
Wait a minute.
644
00:24:54,092 --> 00:24:56,093
Why are you picking first?
645
00:24:56,094 --> 00:24:57,595
What difference does it make?
646
00:24:57,596 --> 00:24:58,596
Because that gives you
the advantage.
647
00:24:58,597 --> 00:25:00,097
If you pick first,
648
00:25:00,098 --> 00:25:02,099
that's one less card
for me to pick from.
649
00:25:02,100 --> 00:25:04,602
Then let's draw
to see who picks first.
650
00:25:04,603 --> 00:25:07,104
Oh, and who's gonna pick
that card first?
651
00:25:07,105 --> 00:25:08,606
Girls, girls.
652
00:25:08,607 --> 00:25:10,127
Look, I'll decide
who goes first, okay?
653
00:25:11,610 --> 00:25:12,610
Eenie, meenie, minie...
654
00:25:12,611 --> 00:25:15,513
Don't start that.
655
00:25:15,514 --> 00:25:17,515
Besides, when it's two people,
656
00:25:17,516 --> 00:25:20,017
the one who gets chosen
is the one who isn't eenie.
657
00:25:20,018 --> 00:25:22,019
It is?
658
00:25:22,020 --> 00:25:23,521
If I'm eenie, and she's meenie,
659
00:25:23,522 --> 00:25:24,522
then I'm minie, and she's mo,
660
00:25:24,523 --> 00:25:28,460
and when it's two people,
eenie can never be mo.
661
00:25:31,863 --> 00:25:33,864
So let's try picking
at the same time.
662
00:25:33,865 --> 00:25:36,367
Anything to get on with this.
663
00:25:40,372 --> 00:25:41,872
I got a 10.
664
00:25:41,873 --> 00:25:43,374
A 10?
665
00:25:43,375 --> 00:25:45,376
Uh-huh.
666
00:25:45,377 --> 00:25:46,877
I got a jack.
667
00:25:46,878 --> 00:25:48,879
Oh.
668
00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:53,384
That means that...
I lost.
669
00:25:53,385 --> 00:25:57,288
I'm sorry, Eunice.
670
00:25:59,791 --> 00:26:01,292
Let me see that.
671
00:26:01,293 --> 00:26:04,795
Corinne, that's a three!
672
00:26:04,796 --> 00:26:06,697
I was bluffing.
673
00:26:06,698 --> 00:26:07,698
You bought it.
674
00:26:07,699 --> 00:26:10,200
This isn't poker, Corinne.
675
00:26:10,201 --> 00:26:11,702
You lost.
676
00:26:11,703 --> 00:26:15,039
I did?
677
00:26:16,908 --> 00:26:18,409
Oh.
678
00:26:18,410 --> 00:26:21,412
So I guess that means
that I won.
679
00:26:21,413 --> 00:26:24,915
Oh, but it's nothing personal,
Corinne.
680
00:26:24,916 --> 00:26:26,417
It's just in the cards.
681
00:26:26,418 --> 00:26:27,918
You know, sometimes you win,
682
00:26:27,919 --> 00:26:29,420
sometimes you lose,
683
00:26:29,421 --> 00:26:31,422
and it's like that
in life too, Corinne.
684
00:26:31,423 --> 00:26:33,924
Sometimes you win,
sometimes I win,
685
00:26:33,925 --> 00:26:35,426
but in every case,
686
00:26:35,427 --> 00:26:36,927
the loser always
picked up her head
687
00:26:36,928 --> 00:26:39,430
and went right on.
688
00:26:39,431 --> 00:26:42,433
I know I did...
689
00:26:42,434 --> 00:26:47,438
and now, I've won,
and you've lost.
690
00:26:47,439 --> 00:26:52,776
Now I have him,
and you have no one.
691
00:26:52,777 --> 00:26:56,280
Now I have a man,
and you're alone,
692
00:26:56,281 --> 00:26:58,182
out in the cold,
693
00:26:58,183 --> 00:26:59,183
out on a limb,
694
00:26:59,184 --> 00:27:02,186
up the creek without a paddle.
695
00:27:05,190 --> 00:27:06,690
Whoo.
696
00:27:06,691 --> 00:27:08,692
Dutch, how do you feel
about this decision?
697
00:27:08,693 --> 00:27:10,695
Okay.
698
00:27:12,697 --> 00:27:14,198
Oh.
699
00:27:14,199 --> 00:27:16,200
Hey, Eunice,
700
00:27:16,201 --> 00:27:17,701
I'd like to say
goodbye to Corinne.
701
00:27:17,702 --> 00:27:19,203
You want to give us
a minute, okay?
702
00:27:19,204 --> 00:27:22,707
Oh, okay, take a minute.
703
00:27:24,709 --> 00:27:26,710
I mean alone.
704
00:27:26,711 --> 00:27:28,145
Oh.
705
00:27:29,147 --> 00:27:31,649
Keep a grip on yourself,
Corinne.
706
00:27:37,522 --> 00:27:39,023
Well, I guess
it's so long, lover,
707
00:27:39,024 --> 00:27:40,025
and hello, pal.
708
00:27:43,528 --> 00:27:45,029
Hello, pal.
709
00:27:47,032 --> 00:27:49,033
I did love you, Dutch.
710
00:27:49,034 --> 00:27:53,038
Me too... You.
711
00:27:54,473 --> 00:27:55,473
I'll never forget you.
712
00:27:55,474 --> 00:27:58,909
Hey, we live in the same house.
713
00:27:58,910 --> 00:28:00,411
Well...
714
00:28:00,412 --> 00:28:02,413
I may be moving soon.
715
00:28:02,414 --> 00:28:03,414
Not because of me.
716
00:28:03,415 --> 00:28:04,915
No, not only that.
717
00:28:04,916 --> 00:28:06,417
It's just that
718
00:28:06,418 --> 00:28:08,919
I feel it's time
I was out on my own.
719
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:11,422
Yeah, I know that feeling.
720
00:28:11,423 --> 00:28:14,858
I'm glad you were in my life.
721
00:28:14,859 --> 00:28:16,894
Me too.
722
00:28:26,504 --> 00:28:28,506
So long, Dutch.
723
00:28:35,346 --> 00:28:37,348
So long, Corinne.
724
00:28:38,850 --> 00:28:40,350
I don't believe it.
725
00:28:40,351 --> 00:28:41,852
I don't believe it either.
726
00:28:41,853 --> 00:28:44,354
I, for one, don't believe it.
727
00:28:44,355 --> 00:28:45,355
Do you believe it?
728
00:28:49,861 --> 00:28:50,861
You?
729
00:28:50,862 --> 00:28:52,362
Pssh.
730
00:28:52,363 --> 00:28:54,264
It's hard to believe,
731
00:28:54,265 --> 00:28:56,266
but I actually think
she's pulling through.
732
00:28:56,267 --> 00:28:57,768
Doctor, you've gotta
give it to me straight.
733
00:28:57,769 --> 00:28:59,770
I'm her psychiatrist.
I can take it.
734
00:28:59,771 --> 00:29:00,771
Is there brain damage?
735
00:29:00,772 --> 00:29:02,272
There's a good chance.
736
00:29:02,273 --> 00:29:06,276
Oh, I don't wanna live anymore.
737
00:29:06,277 --> 00:29:07,778
For God's sake.
738
00:29:07,779 --> 00:29:10,280
Oh, goodbye life,
love, suffering,
739
00:29:10,281 --> 00:29:11,782
sorrow, no more!
740
00:29:11,783 --> 00:29:13,283
No, wait, don't take
the big leap.
741
00:29:13,284 --> 00:29:14,785
That's crazy.
742
00:29:14,786 --> 00:29:15,786
Hey, suicide is a misdemeanor.
743
00:29:15,787 --> 00:29:17,788
Do you want to die
with a record?
744
00:29:17,789 --> 00:29:19,289
Let me go.
Let me go!
745
00:29:19,290 --> 00:29:20,791
I think she's coming to.
746
00:29:25,296 --> 00:29:30,801
Now, we don't want
to do or say anything
747
00:29:30,802 --> 00:29:32,302
that will shock or upset her.
748
00:29:32,303 --> 00:29:33,303
That would...
749
00:29:33,304 --> 00:29:35,306
That would be
a bad thing, right?
750
00:29:38,810 --> 00:29:41,813
The man is a carp.
751
00:29:43,228 --> 00:29:44,748
She's trying to open her eyes.
752
00:29:44,749 --> 00:29:46,216
Do you see that?
753
00:29:46,217 --> 00:29:48,585
Tate, let me
be the doctor, please.
754
00:29:48,586 --> 00:29:50,587
Oh, but if you think
she's going to be impressed
755
00:29:50,588 --> 00:29:52,589
with the fact that you pulled
her through, just know this.
756
00:29:52,590 --> 00:29:54,591
I am going to fight you
every step of the way.
757
00:29:54,592 --> 00:29:56,093
You'll have to fight me first...
758
00:29:56,094 --> 00:29:57,094
Will you guys knock it off?
759
00:29:57,095 --> 00:29:58,595
He's right.
760
00:29:58,596 --> 00:30:02,099
Gentlemen, let's lock our mouths
and swallow the key.
761
00:30:02,100 --> 00:30:04,102
Dr. Seuss.
762
00:30:06,104 --> 00:30:08,105
She's coming to.
763
00:30:08,106 --> 00:30:10,107
Yes.
764
00:30:10,108 --> 00:30:11,108
Come on. Come on.
765
00:30:11,109 --> 00:30:13,111
Jessica.
766
00:30:36,034 --> 00:30:38,035
Hi.
767
00:30:42,540 --> 00:30:45,476
Am I in India?
768
00:30:53,484 --> 00:30:54,985
No, no, Jess.
769
00:30:54,986 --> 00:30:56,988
Some of us have had
a slight accident.
770
00:30:58,489 --> 00:30:59,489
You okay?
771
00:30:59,490 --> 00:31:00,490
Well, I don't know.
772
00:31:00,491 --> 00:31:02,492
I was going to ask you that.
773
00:31:02,493 --> 00:31:04,494
Well, you look okay.
774
00:31:04,495 --> 00:31:06,997
Well, that's good enough for me.
775
00:31:06,998 --> 00:31:07,998
Come on, Chester, let's go.
776
00:31:07,999 --> 00:31:10,500
Call down and ask them
to get the bill ready for us,
777
00:31:10,501 --> 00:31:11,501
will you?
778
00:31:11,502 --> 00:31:13,503
Thank you.
779
00:31:13,504 --> 00:31:16,506
Jess, darling,
you can't just leave.
780
00:31:16,507 --> 00:31:18,008
We have to watch you
for a while.
781
00:31:23,014 --> 00:31:25,015
I see.
782
00:31:25,016 --> 00:31:27,517
We missed you, Mom.
783
00:31:27,518 --> 00:31:29,519
I missed you too, darling.
784
00:31:29,520 --> 00:31:30,487
How's Leslie?
785
00:31:30,488 --> 00:31:31,422
She's fine.
786
00:31:31,422 --> 00:31:32,389
And Saunders?
787
00:31:32,390 --> 00:31:35,393
Leslie shot him in the temple.
788
00:31:37,896 --> 00:31:40,765
I didn't know he was Jewish.
789
00:31:42,634 --> 00:31:44,134
Hey, Jess.
790
00:31:44,135 --> 00:31:46,136
Hey, Jess.
791
00:31:46,137 --> 00:31:47,137
Hi, Burt.
792
00:31:47,138 --> 00:31:48,639
Are you a daddy?
793
00:31:48,640 --> 00:31:50,641
Well, yeah, sure.
794
00:31:50,642 --> 00:31:53,143
I mean, you know
my son Danny here.
795
00:31:53,144 --> 00:31:56,146
She's worse off than I thought.
796
00:31:56,147 --> 00:31:58,148
No, Burt, she means the baby.
797
00:31:58,149 --> 00:32:00,150
The baby! Yes,
the baby, the baby.
798
00:32:00,151 --> 00:32:01,652
We had a baby.
Yes. It's a...
799
00:32:01,653 --> 00:32:03,153
Mary had a...
a baby boy.
800
00:32:03,154 --> 00:32:05,656
Oh, Burt, that's wonderful.
801
00:32:05,657 --> 00:32:07,658
Yeah, come on. Let's go.
We'll go get Mare.
802
00:32:07,659 --> 00:32:09,159
We'll bring the baby back,
all right?
803
00:32:09,160 --> 00:32:10,161
Come on, let's go.
804
00:32:17,669 --> 00:32:20,671
Well, how are you
feeling today, soldier?
805
00:32:20,672 --> 00:32:24,174
Well, I'm really a lot better,
Daddy.
806
00:32:24,175 --> 00:32:27,177
What happened to you, colonel?
807
00:32:27,178 --> 00:32:28,178
Nothing, major.
808
00:32:28,179 --> 00:32:29,179
Everything's fine.
I'm fine.
809
00:32:29,180 --> 00:32:31,682
Fine? You're fine?
810
00:32:31,683 --> 00:32:32,683
Major, if you don't mind...
811
00:32:32,684 --> 00:32:34,184
These brave soldiers
812
00:32:34,185 --> 00:32:35,686
have been wounded in battle,
813
00:32:35,687 --> 00:32:36,687
and you're fine?
814
00:32:36,688 --> 00:32:38,188
There's nothing
the matter with you?
815
00:32:38,189 --> 00:32:39,690
Major.
816
00:32:39,691 --> 00:32:42,192
You're nothing
but a damn coward.
817
00:32:42,193 --> 00:32:45,195
Back to the front.
Ooh!
818
00:32:45,196 --> 00:32:48,699
Yellow-livered
little fruit.
819
00:32:48,700 --> 00:32:50,200
Goodbye, Daddy.
820
00:32:50,201 --> 00:32:52,202
Bye, now.
821
00:32:52,203 --> 00:32:54,204
Welcome back, Jessica.
822
00:32:54,205 --> 00:32:55,205
Thank you.
823
00:32:55,206 --> 00:32:56,707
Was I gone long?
824
00:32:56,708 --> 00:32:57,708
You were in a coma.
825
00:32:57,709 --> 00:33:01,979
Did I come out of it?
826
00:33:01,980 --> 00:33:04,915
The virus seems
to have disappeared.
827
00:33:04,916 --> 00:33:07,851
Do you mean you cured me?
828
00:33:07,852 --> 00:33:10,854
Well, not really. It...
829
00:33:10,855 --> 00:33:12,356
There is no cure.
830
00:33:12,357 --> 00:33:13,857
If there's no cure,
why is she alive?
831
00:33:13,858 --> 00:33:16,860
You see, you are
the only person on record
832
00:33:16,861 --> 00:33:17,861
who ever had
this strain of virus,
833
00:33:17,862 --> 00:33:20,364
so we don't know much about it.
834
00:33:20,365 --> 00:33:24,234
We're calling it
"the Jessica syndrome."
835
00:33:24,235 --> 00:33:25,736
Oh, that's nice.
836
00:33:25,737 --> 00:33:30,941
Chester, they're naming
a horrible disease after me.
837
00:33:30,942 --> 00:33:32,944
That is nice.
838
00:33:38,950 --> 00:33:40,951
Jess, you're alive.
839
00:33:40,952 --> 00:33:42,953
Well, yes, of course, Mary.
840
00:33:42,954 --> 00:33:44,956
If I were dead,
I couldn't respond.
841
00:33:46,958 --> 00:33:48,458
Aunt Jessie?
842
00:33:48,459 --> 00:33:49,459
What?
843
00:33:49,460 --> 00:33:50,961
I want you to meet
my little brother.
844
00:33:50,962 --> 00:33:53,463
Everybody, this is
my little brother.
845
00:33:53,464 --> 00:33:55,465
Little brother,
this is your family.
846
00:33:55,466 --> 00:33:57,467
Oh, let me see.
847
00:33:57,468 --> 00:33:58,969
He's adorable.
848
00:33:58,970 --> 00:33:59,970
Hello, darling.
849
00:33:59,971 --> 00:34:02,472
Welcome to the world.
850
00:34:02,473 --> 00:34:03,473
Isn't he beautiful?
851
00:34:03,474 --> 00:34:06,476
Mm, he's gorgeous.
852
00:34:06,477 --> 00:34:07,978
Mary, is he...
853
00:34:07,979 --> 00:34:09,479
What, what?
854
00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:11,982
Well, you know, I mean...
855
00:34:11,983 --> 00:34:12,983
Jessie.
856
00:34:12,984 --> 00:34:13,984
What, what, that?
857
00:34:13,985 --> 00:34:15,485
No, not yet.
858
00:34:15,486 --> 00:34:18,989
We don't know any rabbis.
859
00:34:18,990 --> 00:34:21,491
No, Burt.
860
00:34:21,492 --> 00:34:22,993
I didn't mean that.
861
00:34:22,994 --> 00:34:24,995
What I meant is, is he normal?
862
00:34:24,996 --> 00:34:26,997
Jessie.
Normal. Normal?
863
00:34:26,998 --> 00:34:27,998
Of course he's normal.
864
00:34:27,999 --> 00:34:30,001
He's my son.
865
00:34:31,502 --> 00:34:35,505
Somehow, I fail to see
the logic in that.
866
00:34:37,008 --> 00:34:38,508
I got you now, Tate,
867
00:34:38,509 --> 00:34:40,010
and you, Mallu.
868
00:34:40,011 --> 00:34:41,511
Even you,
Mr. Doctor.
869
00:34:41,512 --> 00:34:44,448
I've got her all to myself.
870
00:34:44,449 --> 00:34:45,449
What happened?
871
00:34:45,450 --> 00:34:48,452
He broke almost
every bone in his body.
872
00:34:48,453 --> 00:34:49,953
Then why is he so happy?
873
00:34:49,954 --> 00:34:52,456
Because I've got the room
next door.
874
00:34:53,958 --> 00:34:54,958
Bye, Jess.
875
00:34:54,959 --> 00:34:56,960
I'll see you later.
876
00:34:56,961 --> 00:34:59,463
Life is so wonderful sometimes.
877
00:34:59,464 --> 00:35:00,965
Ow!
878
00:35:15,546 --> 00:35:16,913
Well, nice of you to come.
879
00:35:16,914 --> 00:35:18,315
Don't start with me, Dallas.
880
00:35:18,316 --> 00:35:19,750
It's all your fault.
881
00:35:20,751 --> 00:35:21,751
Mine?
882
00:35:21,752 --> 00:35:22,752
Every time I deal
883
00:35:22,753 --> 00:35:24,254
with that screwy
family of yours,
884
00:35:24,255 --> 00:35:25,255
I get the old wazoo.
885
00:35:25,256 --> 00:35:27,757
This time, I got it
right between the peepers.
886
00:35:27,758 --> 00:35:29,259
What happened to your head?
887
00:35:29,260 --> 00:35:30,760
First,
I was almost electrocuted.
888
00:35:30,761 --> 00:35:32,262
Then I'm dashed to the floor
889
00:35:32,263 --> 00:35:34,764
by that ridiculous uncle
of yours,
890
00:35:34,765 --> 00:35:36,766
and now, for the first time
in 15 years,
891
00:35:36,767 --> 00:35:38,268
I'm going to lose a case.
892
00:35:38,269 --> 00:35:40,270
Leave me alone, Dallas.
I'm not kidding.
893
00:35:40,271 --> 00:35:41,771
What happened, Mallu?
894
00:35:41,772 --> 00:35:44,774
Your toupee at the cleaner's?
895
00:35:44,775 --> 00:35:46,276
Nice try, Haversham.
896
00:35:46,277 --> 00:35:47,777
You can't rile me today.
897
00:35:47,778 --> 00:35:49,279
I'm too confident, too mellow.
898
00:35:50,781 --> 00:35:51,781
When this thing is over,
899
00:35:51,782 --> 00:35:52,782
I'm gonna hire someone
900
00:35:52,783 --> 00:35:54,284
to kill him.
901
00:35:54,285 --> 00:35:55,785
Mallu, give it to me straight.
902
00:35:55,786 --> 00:35:56,786
All right, I will, Dallas.
903
00:35:56,787 --> 00:35:57,787
How does it look?
904
00:35:57,788 --> 00:36:00,290
How does what look?
905
00:36:00,291 --> 00:36:02,292
Do we have a chance?
906
00:36:02,293 --> 00:36:03,293
A chance?
907
00:36:03,294 --> 00:36:04,794
Let me tell you something,
Dallas,
908
00:36:04,795 --> 00:36:06,296
something you should know.
909
00:36:06,297 --> 00:36:09,300
The Red Sea wasn't parted
by a pool pump. Savvy?
910
00:36:10,801 --> 00:36:13,303
When John the Baptist
was to be beheaded,
911
00:36:13,304 --> 00:36:14,804
he didn't stand a chance,
912
00:36:14,805 --> 00:36:17,807
but he made it,
because there's always a chance.
913
00:36:17,808 --> 00:36:18,808
Remember that.
914
00:36:18,809 --> 00:36:21,311
John the Baptist was beheaded.
915
00:36:23,147 --> 00:36:24,648
Then I hope
you'll have the grace
916
00:36:24,649 --> 00:36:26,651
never to quote me on that.
917
00:36:28,653 --> 00:36:29,654
All rise.
918
00:36:31,656 --> 00:36:34,157
What's with the turban, Mallu?
919
00:36:34,158 --> 00:36:36,159
It's a bandage, Your Honor.
I was injured.
920
00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:38,662
Well, it's better
than that ridiculous rug.
921
00:36:38,663 --> 00:36:41,665
Thank you.
922
00:36:41,666 --> 00:36:42,666
I have her eating
923
00:36:42,667 --> 00:36:44,668
out of the palm of my hand.
924
00:36:44,669 --> 00:36:46,670
Mr. Dallas, I have seen
your integrity,
925
00:36:46,671 --> 00:36:48,538
fervor, and honesty.
926
00:36:48,539 --> 00:36:49,539
I'm impressed
927
00:36:49,540 --> 00:36:51,408
by your passion and fortitude.
928
00:36:51,409 --> 00:36:53,276
However, it has become
apparent to me,
929
00:36:53,277 --> 00:36:54,644
over these many years,
930
00:36:54,645 --> 00:36:56,413
that an infant needs
the kind of care
931
00:36:56,414 --> 00:36:57,747
that can best be given to it
932
00:36:57,748 --> 00:36:58,782
by its mother.
933
00:37:00,785 --> 00:37:02,252
Miss David,
you have shown yourself
934
00:37:02,253 --> 00:37:03,286
to be a concerned parent.
935
00:37:03,287 --> 00:37:04,287
Thank you.
936
00:37:04,288 --> 00:37:06,223
Last night, I decided
that your child
937
00:37:06,224 --> 00:37:08,125
would be better off
with her mother.
938
00:37:09,126 --> 00:37:10,627
Oh, thank you, Your Honor.
939
00:37:10,628 --> 00:37:12,562
This morning, I received a call
from your mother
940
00:37:12,563 --> 00:37:14,397
telling me that she had lied
on the stand
941
00:37:14,398 --> 00:37:15,398
on your behalf.
942
00:37:15,399 --> 00:37:16,399
Your Honor,
943
00:37:16,400 --> 00:37:17,901
I wanted my daughter so badly,
944
00:37:17,902 --> 00:37:18,902
I would have done anything to...
945
00:37:18,903 --> 00:37:20,837
Forcing your own mother
to commit perjury
946
00:37:20,838 --> 00:37:22,806
using her own grandchild
as bait,
947
00:37:22,807 --> 00:37:24,741
does not lead me to agree
948
00:37:24,742 --> 00:37:26,710
that this person
has a clear understanding
949
00:37:26,711 --> 00:37:29,145
of what parenthood is all about.
950
00:37:29,146 --> 00:37:32,115
Mr. Dallas has
that understanding.
951
00:37:32,116 --> 00:37:35,051
Therefore, I have decided
to break with normal tradition
952
00:37:35,052 --> 00:37:37,387
and award custody
of the infant, Wendy,
953
00:37:37,388 --> 00:37:39,389
to her father, Jodie Dallas.
954
00:37:47,898 --> 00:37:50,867
This hearing is adjourned.
955
00:37:50,868 --> 00:37:52,369
Your Honor...
956
00:37:54,872 --> 00:37:56,373
Your Honor, I realize
957
00:37:56,374 --> 00:37:57,374
I've acted irrationally
during these proceedings,
958
00:37:57,375 --> 00:37:58,875
and I'm sorry.
959
00:37:58,876 --> 00:38:01,378
I know it's hard for you
to know a person
960
00:38:01,379 --> 00:38:04,848
when that person's world
is caving in all around him,
961
00:38:04,849 --> 00:38:07,784
because all you get to see
is the fear and the craziness,
962
00:38:07,785 --> 00:38:10,253
so I thank you
for looking beyond that.
963
00:38:10,254 --> 00:38:12,256
Good luck, Mr. Dallas.
964
00:38:18,696 --> 00:38:20,196
I want you to know
965
00:38:20,197 --> 00:38:21,197
there are no hard feelings.
966
00:38:21,198 --> 00:38:22,198
Not at all.
967
00:38:22,199 --> 00:38:23,700
Good.
So long, Mallu.
968
00:38:23,701 --> 00:38:25,202
So long, pinhead.
969
00:38:37,515 --> 00:38:39,015
Listen, Carol, we'll...
970
00:38:39,016 --> 00:38:40,517
we'll work out
the visitation rights.
971
00:38:40,518 --> 00:38:42,018
I won't be any problem.
972
00:38:42,019 --> 00:38:43,520
No need.
973
00:38:43,521 --> 00:38:44,521
Carol, don't be bitter.
974
00:38:44,522 --> 00:38:47,023
Why should I be bitter?
975
00:38:47,024 --> 00:38:49,025
This isn't over yet,
976
00:38:49,026 --> 00:38:50,994
and when it is over,
977
00:38:50,995 --> 00:38:52,997
you're gonna wish
you never had a daughter.
978
00:39:07,144 --> 00:39:08,645
Jess.
979
00:39:08,646 --> 00:39:10,647
Hi, Mary.
980
00:39:10,648 --> 00:39:12,082
You're walking.
981
00:39:12,083 --> 00:39:13,516
Well, yes, Mary.
982
00:39:13,517 --> 00:39:16,953
I've known how
for quite some time now.
983
00:39:16,954 --> 00:39:18,321
But aren't you weak?
984
00:39:18,322 --> 00:39:19,289
Don't you feel weak?
985
00:39:19,290 --> 00:39:21,725
Well, I'm a little weak,
986
00:39:21,726 --> 00:39:23,226
but actually,
I felt a whole lot weaker
987
00:39:23,227 --> 00:39:25,228
when I was on
the Scarsdale diet.
988
00:39:25,229 --> 00:39:28,732
Oh, Jess, thanks.
989
00:39:28,733 --> 00:39:30,233
How's the baby?
990
00:39:30,234 --> 00:39:31,234
Fine.
991
00:39:31,235 --> 00:39:34,738
You must be so relieved
he isn't silver.
992
00:39:34,739 --> 00:39:37,474
Well, yes, I am.
993
00:39:37,475 --> 00:39:39,309
You know, as a matter of fact,
994
00:39:39,310 --> 00:39:41,811
I think a silver baby
might have been nice,
995
00:39:41,812 --> 00:39:43,246
especially during the holidays.
996
00:39:43,247 --> 00:39:46,716
He would've been
so festive looking.
997
00:39:46,717 --> 00:39:49,219
I'm still worried.
998
00:39:49,220 --> 00:39:51,187
Alien Burt wasn't silver
when I saw him,
999
00:39:51,188 --> 00:39:52,655
but he was still an alien,
1000
00:39:52,656 --> 00:39:54,157
and he could
make himself disappear.
1001
00:39:54,158 --> 00:39:56,159
So even though
the baby isn't silver,
1002
00:39:56,160 --> 00:39:58,162
he could still be an alien.
1003
00:40:06,170 --> 00:40:09,672
Mary... I don't know
how to break this to you,
1004
00:40:09,673 --> 00:40:13,109
but the baby
has... disappeared.
1005
00:40:13,110 --> 00:40:14,611
They're bathing him.
1006
00:40:14,612 --> 00:40:16,613
Oh, thank goodness.
1007
00:40:16,614 --> 00:40:19,115
Well, if he can disappear,
1008
00:40:19,116 --> 00:40:20,116
let's hope he does it
1009
00:40:20,117 --> 00:40:22,118
between the ages of 14 and 16
1010
00:40:22,119 --> 00:40:24,621
when he's so obnoxious.
1011
00:40:26,624 --> 00:40:27,624
Thank you.
1012
00:40:27,625 --> 00:40:29,626
Mary, I have a message for you.
1013
00:40:29,627 --> 00:40:30,627
From whom?
1014
00:40:30,628 --> 00:40:31,628
From Mother.
1015
00:40:31,629 --> 00:40:33,596
Jessie, Mother's dead.
1016
00:40:33,597 --> 00:40:34,597
I know.
1017
00:40:34,598 --> 00:40:36,599
Mary, I haven't discussed this
with anybody,
1018
00:40:36,600 --> 00:40:38,101
but when I died,
I went to heaven.
1019
00:40:38,102 --> 00:40:41,538
It is an incredible place, Mary,
1020
00:40:41,539 --> 00:40:43,039
but now, when you go,
1021
00:40:43,040 --> 00:40:44,541
be sure you take
electric rollers,
1022
00:40:44,542 --> 00:40:47,545
because with that mist,
you'll have no hairdo.
1023
00:40:51,048 --> 00:40:53,049
Anyway, Mary,
when I was in heaven,
1024
00:40:53,050 --> 00:40:55,051
I saw Mother,
and she told me to tell you
1025
00:40:55,052 --> 00:40:57,054
you're wearing
too much eyeliner.
1026
00:41:00,458 --> 00:41:02,959
It's never gonna stop.
1027
00:41:02,960 --> 00:41:05,895
She says it looks cheap.
1028
00:41:05,896 --> 00:41:08,398
Dead, and she's still
getting to me.
1029
00:41:08,399 --> 00:41:10,900
She told me to stay
with Chester.
1030
00:41:10,901 --> 00:41:14,737
She said at my age,
I couldn't get anybody new.
1031
00:41:14,738 --> 00:41:16,773
And when I die,
if I go to heaven,
1032
00:41:16,774 --> 00:41:17,774
is that gonna be it?
1033
00:41:17,775 --> 00:41:19,275
That's going to be
eternal paradise,
1034
00:41:19,276 --> 00:41:21,277
listening to her?
1035
00:41:21,278 --> 00:41:23,279
Well, Mary,
she does have a point.
1036
00:41:23,280 --> 00:41:25,548
I mean, have you seen
the competition these days?
1037
00:41:25,549 --> 00:41:26,549
I mean, they wear lipstick
1038
00:41:26,550 --> 00:41:28,051
and roller skates,
1039
00:41:28,052 --> 00:41:29,553
and nothing in between.
1040
00:41:31,555 --> 00:41:34,057
Jessie, that's not competition.
1041
00:41:34,058 --> 00:41:36,059
Teenyboppers on roller skates?
1042
00:41:36,060 --> 00:41:39,063
What adult man would be
interested in one of them?
1043
00:41:42,032 --> 00:41:43,466
You're right.
1044
00:41:43,467 --> 00:41:46,970
Anyway, when it comes to men,
1045
00:41:46,971 --> 00:41:49,472
I am the kiss of death.
1046
00:41:49,473 --> 00:41:52,976
I mean, Chester gets
a brain tumor and amnesia.
1047
00:41:52,977 --> 00:41:54,978
I get involved with Peter,
he gets killed.
1048
00:41:54,979 --> 00:41:56,479
I get involved
with the psychiatrist,
1049
00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:58,481
he goes nuts,
jumps out the window.
1050
00:41:59,483 --> 00:42:01,985
I mean, I am
the kiss of death, Mary.
1051
00:42:01,986 --> 00:42:03,486
Oh, Jessie, you are not.
1052
00:42:03,487 --> 00:42:07,423
Even Charlie Graubart,
my fourth-grade boyfriend.
1053
00:42:07,424 --> 00:42:09,726
Charlie Graubart.
1054
00:42:09,727 --> 00:42:11,194
Do you know where he is?
No.
1055
00:42:11,195 --> 00:42:13,130
On Main Street. He's a wino.
1056
00:42:14,598 --> 00:42:18,101
He sits on Main Street
and panhandles.
1057
00:42:18,102 --> 00:42:19,602
Of course, every time I see him,
1058
00:42:19,603 --> 00:42:21,604
I give him $10 for coffee.
1059
00:42:21,605 --> 00:42:25,508
By now, I could claim him
as a tax exemption.
1060
00:42:25,509 --> 00:42:29,445
You know, when I thought
Burt was having an affair,
1061
00:42:29,446 --> 00:42:31,414
and he thought
he was having an affair,
1062
00:42:31,415 --> 00:42:32,849
but he really wasn't having
an affair,
1063
00:42:32,850 --> 00:42:34,884
only I didn't know he wasn't
having an affair,
1064
00:42:34,885 --> 00:42:37,387
and I could've gone out
and had an affair,
1065
00:42:37,388 --> 00:42:38,389
I couldn't?
1066
00:42:42,760 --> 00:42:45,261
I see.
1067
00:42:45,262 --> 00:42:46,596
The thing is,
1068
00:42:46,597 --> 00:42:48,097
I don't want to have
to tell anybody
1069
00:42:48,098 --> 00:42:50,099
my thighs used to be better.
1070
00:42:50,100 --> 00:42:51,568
They did?
1071
00:42:51,569 --> 00:42:52,536
Please.
1072
00:42:52,537 --> 00:42:55,038
Mine did too.
Much better.
1073
00:42:55,039 --> 00:42:57,440
And then suddenly,
one morning, I woke up
1074
00:42:57,441 --> 00:43:00,743
with somebody else's thighs.
1075
00:43:00,744 --> 00:43:01,711
Mother's.
1076
00:43:01,712 --> 00:43:03,680
What?
Mother's thighs.
1077
00:43:03,681 --> 00:43:05,148
I've got Mother's thighs.
1078
00:43:05,149 --> 00:43:08,551
Mary, if you've got
Mother's thighs,
1079
00:43:08,552 --> 00:43:10,954
what does Mother have?
1080
00:43:10,955 --> 00:43:13,256
Jessica.
1081
00:43:13,257 --> 00:43:14,757
Well, I've gotta go now.
1082
00:43:14,758 --> 00:43:16,259
Bye-bye.
1083
00:43:16,260 --> 00:43:18,761
Now, listen, if anyone says,
"Have you seen me?"
1084
00:43:18,762 --> 00:43:19,762
You haven't.
1085
00:43:19,763 --> 00:43:20,763
Who would ask?
1086
00:43:20,764 --> 00:43:23,266
Oh, you know, like,
doctors and nurses.
1087
00:43:23,267 --> 00:43:25,268
See, they were taking me down
to x-ray
1088
00:43:25,269 --> 00:43:26,769
to have a G.I. series,
1089
00:43:26,770 --> 00:43:28,271
but I already had one of those,
1090
00:43:28,272 --> 00:43:31,774
and it is such
an undignified test, Mary.
1091
00:43:31,775 --> 00:43:33,276
So while they were
getting everything ready,
1092
00:43:33,277 --> 00:43:34,278
I left.
1093
00:43:36,246 --> 00:43:39,215
I'm off to pediatrics
to wave at your baby.
1094
00:43:41,152 --> 00:43:42,152
Bye.
1095
00:43:47,091 --> 00:43:49,859
Perkins, I can't arrest him.
1096
00:43:49,860 --> 00:43:52,362
But he didn't rob anybody.
1097
00:43:54,832 --> 00:43:56,332
Listen to me.
1098
00:43:56,333 --> 00:43:57,834
A guy puts a gun
to his own throat
1099
00:43:57,835 --> 00:43:59,836
and says to himself,
"Give me your money."
1100
00:43:59,837 --> 00:44:01,838
That's not robbery.
1101
00:44:01,839 --> 00:44:04,842
He's not a felon.
He's a psycho.
1102
00:44:07,845 --> 00:44:09,345
All right, Perkins?
1103
00:44:09,346 --> 00:44:12,348
Tell him to arrest himself.
1104
00:44:12,349 --> 00:44:14,851
Okay, here's how I see it.
1105
00:44:14,852 --> 00:44:16,819
We get knocked out in our house,
1106
00:44:16,820 --> 00:44:18,721
we wake up naked
in a motel room,
1107
00:44:18,722 --> 00:44:21,224
we go to the hospital,
and Mom has a baby.
1108
00:44:21,225 --> 00:44:22,659
What do you think?
1109
00:44:28,265 --> 00:44:29,265
I see no connection
1110
00:44:29,266 --> 00:44:30,767
between being naked in a motel
1111
00:44:30,768 --> 00:44:32,201
and having a baby.
1112
00:44:32,202 --> 00:44:34,103
Just presenting the facts, Burt.
1113
00:44:34,104 --> 00:44:35,104
Just the facts.
1114
00:44:35,105 --> 00:44:38,608
The facts are
Tibbs is gonna blackmail us.
1115
00:44:38,609 --> 00:44:40,109
I don't know how,
I don't know when,
1116
00:44:40,110 --> 00:44:41,544
but he's gonna do it.
1117
00:44:41,545 --> 00:44:43,913
Hmm...
1118
00:44:43,914 --> 00:44:46,216
Do you have any idea
how or when?
1119
00:44:49,053 --> 00:44:50,987
It just doesn't add up, Burt.
1120
00:44:50,988 --> 00:44:52,488
Oh, it doesn't add up, huh?
1121
00:44:52,489 --> 00:44:53,990
A guy says to us, "Stay away
1122
00:44:53,991 --> 00:44:55,491
from my massage parlors
or else,"
1123
00:44:55,492 --> 00:44:57,994
then he knocks us out
and takes us to a little party?
1124
00:45:02,366 --> 00:45:03,866
This is for you.
1125
00:45:03,867 --> 00:45:06,369
Thank you, Perkins.
1126
00:45:10,808 --> 00:45:13,810
What are you looking at?
1127
00:45:13,811 --> 00:45:16,312
Perkins.
1128
00:45:16,313 --> 00:45:17,814
Get out of here.
1129
00:45:22,820 --> 00:45:24,821
The lab reports, huh?
1130
00:45:24,822 --> 00:45:26,322
How can they be lab reports?
1131
00:45:26,323 --> 00:45:27,824
We didn't send anything
to the lab.
1132
00:45:27,825 --> 00:45:29,325
I don't even know
where the lab is.
1133
00:45:29,326 --> 00:45:30,827
There's something
you could do, Dan.
1134
00:45:30,828 --> 00:45:31,828
Go find the lab.
1135
00:45:31,829 --> 00:45:32,830
All right.
1136
00:45:34,832 --> 00:45:36,833
That creep.
1137
00:45:36,834 --> 00:45:38,334
Perkins. What is he doing?
1138
00:45:38,335 --> 00:45:39,335
What?
1139
00:45:39,336 --> 00:45:41,337
My own deputy,
1140
00:45:41,338 --> 00:45:43,339
passing out this kind
of sick filth,
1141
00:45:43,340 --> 00:45:45,842
these filthy pictures?
1142
00:45:45,843 --> 00:45:48,344
Are those women?
1143
00:45:48,345 --> 00:45:49,846
I ought to arrest him.
1144
00:45:49,847 --> 00:45:51,347
Hey, Burt, look.
1145
00:45:51,348 --> 00:45:52,348
There's a saddle,
1146
00:45:52,349 --> 00:45:54,350
like that one in that motel room
1147
00:45:54,351 --> 00:45:56,285
where we...
1148
00:45:56,286 --> 00:45:59,255
We...
1149
00:45:59,256 --> 00:46:00,190
We...
1150
00:46:00,191 --> 00:46:03,693
You...
1151
00:46:03,694 --> 00:46:05,194
You...
1152
00:46:05,195 --> 00:46:06,696
Oh, my God.
1153
00:46:06,697 --> 00:46:08,197
Oh, my God, it's us.
1154
00:46:08,198 --> 00:46:09,699
Oh, Burt, it's us.
1155
00:46:09,700 --> 00:46:11,200
Danny. Danny,
just calm down.
1156
00:46:11,201 --> 00:46:13,202
Let's think.
1157
00:46:13,203 --> 00:46:14,704
Right, right.
Thinking is good.
1158
00:46:14,705 --> 00:46:15,705
Let's not lose control.
1159
00:46:15,706 --> 00:46:16,706
All right, no control lost.
1160
00:46:16,707 --> 00:46:18,207
Let's just assess
what we got here.
1161
00:46:18,208 --> 00:46:21,210
Assessing is also nice.
1162
00:46:21,211 --> 00:46:23,212
What we got here
are some pictures
1163
00:46:23,213 --> 00:46:26,716
of you and me...
1164
00:46:26,717 --> 00:46:30,720
ladies... in a motel.
1165
00:46:30,721 --> 00:46:32,722
Nobody's wearing a whole lot,
1166
00:46:32,723 --> 00:46:36,226
which is how you know
some of us are men.
1167
00:46:39,229 --> 00:46:41,230
Oh, God.
1168
00:46:41,231 --> 00:46:42,231
Oh, no.
1169
00:46:42,232 --> 00:46:44,667
Oh, crap.
1170
00:46:47,171 --> 00:46:48,671
Hey, Burt, look,
1171
00:46:48,672 --> 00:46:50,673
you're wearing a garter belt.
1172
00:46:50,674 --> 00:46:53,176
That's not me.
1173
00:46:53,177 --> 00:46:55,178
Well, that's not
the leg of a lady.
1174
00:46:55,179 --> 00:46:56,179
Danny, please.
1175
00:46:56,180 --> 00:46:57,680
There are, like,
nine legs around here.
1176
00:46:57,681 --> 00:47:00,183
Only a couple of them are mine.
1177
00:47:00,184 --> 00:47:01,184
What are you saying, then?
1178
00:47:01,185 --> 00:47:02,185
Are you saying it's mine?
1179
00:47:02,186 --> 00:47:03,186
Is that it?
1180
00:47:06,190 --> 00:47:07,190
It's you.
1181
00:47:07,191 --> 00:47:09,192
They put you in the garter belt.
1182
00:47:09,193 --> 00:47:10,193
I'll kill him.
1183
00:47:10,194 --> 00:47:11,194
I'll kill him.
1184
00:47:11,195 --> 00:47:12,195
Wait, Danny.
Danny, wait, wait.
1185
00:47:12,196 --> 00:47:13,196
There's a note.
1186
00:47:13,197 --> 00:47:15,699
I hope it doesn't say anything.
1187
00:47:23,040 --> 00:47:25,041
"Campbell, hit my parlors,
1188
00:47:25,042 --> 00:47:27,044
and these pictures
hit the papers."
1189
00:47:31,048 --> 00:47:34,050
"Have a nice day."
1190
00:47:34,051 --> 00:47:36,018
Did he sign it?
1191
00:47:36,019 --> 00:47:39,021
Is that really necessary?
1192
00:47:39,022 --> 00:47:41,024
This is terrible.
1193
00:47:44,528 --> 00:47:46,529
What are we gonna do?
1194
00:47:46,530 --> 00:47:49,031
I don't know. I...
1195
00:47:49,032 --> 00:47:53,002
If only we weren't smiling.
1196
00:48:00,858 --> 00:48:02,578
Now that Dutch has chosen Eunice,
1197
00:48:02,579 --> 00:48:03,579
what will Corinne do
1198
00:48:03,580 --> 00:48:05,081
besides get more sleep?
1199
00:48:05,082 --> 00:48:07,583
Will Leslie be satisfiedwith winging Saunders,
1200
00:48:07,584 --> 00:48:10,086
or will she tryto kill Billy again?
1201
00:48:10,087 --> 00:48:11,087
Now that Jessica
1202
00:48:11,088 --> 00:48:12,588
has a horrible diseasenamed after her,
1203
00:48:12,589 --> 00:48:14,090
will everybody want one?
1204
00:48:14,091 --> 00:48:16,592
Now that Tibbshas pictures of Danny and Burt
1205
00:48:16,593 --> 00:48:17,593
with six naked ladies,
1206
00:48:17,594 --> 00:48:19,595
what will Danny and Burt do?
1207
00:48:19,596 --> 00:48:21,097
When Carol said,"I'll make you wish
1208
00:48:21,098 --> 00:48:22,598
you never had a daughter,"
1209
00:48:22,599 --> 00:48:24,600
was she just being a bad loser?
1210
00:48:24,601 --> 00:48:26,602
These questions and many others
1211
00:48:26,603 --> 00:48:30,540
will be answeredon the next episode of... Soap.
1212
00:48:30,590 --> 00:48:35,140
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