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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:01:54,520 --> 00:01:57,720 We'll have to bung the advert in again, Miss Cooling. 2 00:01:58,960 --> 00:02:02,840 I can't understand it, Mr Handy. Not a single reply. 3 00:02:04,160 --> 00:02:06,880 We're supposed to open today. 4 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:08,880 We'll just have to postpone. 5 00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:14,280 With an enterprise like this, you need people with know-how... 6 00:02:14,320 --> 00:02:19,320 ..who'll do anything for anybody - that's the whole idea. 7 00:02:19,360 --> 00:02:23,760 Never mind, Mr Handy, I'm sure you'll get stuffed. 8 00:02:23,800 --> 00:02:26,000 Eh? Oh, staffed. 9 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:41,320 Morning. 10 00:02:41,360 --> 00:02:42,520 Morning. 11 00:02:42,560 --> 00:02:44,000 Nothing interesting? 12 00:02:44,040 --> 00:02:46,160 If there was, I'd be after it. 13 00:02:46,200 --> 00:02:49,160 Are you after a job, Mr Twist? 14 00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:53,600 Why not, Mr Infield-Hopping? I'm not a fixture in this place. 15 00:02:54,880 --> 00:02:56,680 It wasn't built around me. 16 00:02:56,720 --> 00:03:00,960 A Ministry of Labour clerk can get bored of his job. 17 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:03,800 Watcha. What have you got today? 18 00:03:03,840 --> 00:03:08,240 Nothing, Mr Weston. It's not worth my friend's petrol to bring me here. 19 00:03:10,360 --> 00:03:16,520 A-ha! Bonjour. Guten tag. Buongiorno. Shalom aleichem. 20 00:03:16,560 --> 00:03:18,880 Eh? I'm saying good morning. 21 00:03:18,920 --> 00:03:22,360 Just demonstrating four of the 16 languages I speak fluently. 22 00:03:22,400 --> 00:03:28,200 There must be a worthwhile appointment for me today. 23 00:03:28,240 --> 00:03:29,640 Please say there is. 24 00:03:31,160 --> 00:03:33,040 Mr Courtenay... Yes? 25 00:03:33,080 --> 00:03:35,520 ..there isn't. 26 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:36,640 Do you mind? 27 00:03:36,680 --> 00:03:37,800 Do you mind? 28 00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:39,160 Oh, charming. 29 00:03:39,200 --> 00:03:40,400 You're in a nice mood. 30 00:03:40,440 --> 00:03:42,160 Sorry, but I'm fed up. 31 00:03:42,200 --> 00:03:43,280 So am I. 32 00:03:43,320 --> 00:03:44,880 I need an interesting job. 33 00:03:44,920 --> 00:03:46,040 Me, too. 34 00:03:46,080 --> 00:03:48,680 There are no exciting jobs for women 35 00:03:48,720 --> 00:03:50,880 You're right. It's a man's world. 36 00:03:50,920 --> 00:03:53,320 Someone should do something about it. 37 00:03:54,680 --> 00:03:56,360 I agree. Come on. 38 00:03:56,400 --> 00:03:58,120 No, we can't... 39 00:03:59,320 --> 00:04:00,720 You can't come in 'ere. 40 00:04:00,760 --> 00:04:03,880 Why not? I can do a man's job. 41 00:04:03,920 --> 00:04:05,040 Me, too. 42 00:04:05,080 --> 00:04:06,680 What have you got? ALL: Nothing. 43 00:04:08,080 --> 00:04:11,240 Hello, isn't it a lovely morning? Anything on the cards? 44 00:04:11,280 --> 00:04:12,840 ALL: Nothing. 45 00:04:12,880 --> 00:04:15,240 ALL ARGUE 46 00:04:22,760 --> 00:04:24,400 I've never seen him move so fast. 47 00:04:24,440 --> 00:04:25,920 He was reading the paper. 48 00:04:25,960 --> 00:04:28,240 That can only mean... 49 00:04:28,280 --> 00:04:30,680 A job. A fascinating job. 50 00:04:30,720 --> 00:04:32,160 Just a moment... 51 00:04:32,200 --> 00:04:35,040 Yeah, so fascinating it's not been noted here. 52 00:04:49,560 --> 00:04:51,280 ALL SHOUT EXCITEDLY 53 00:04:57,400 --> 00:04:58,880 Sam Twist is the name. 54 00:04:58,920 --> 00:05:00,480 Francis Courtenay at your service. 55 00:05:00,520 --> 00:05:02,000 Mike Weston. That's me. 56 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:03,840 Delia King, Miss. 57 00:05:03,880 --> 00:05:05,600 Dimple. Gaby Dimple. 58 00:05:05,640 --> 00:05:07,680 Lily Duveen, that's me. 59 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:09,280 Montgomery Infield-Hopping. 60 00:05:10,720 --> 00:05:12,800 Seven - my lucky number. You're all hired. 61 00:05:14,840 --> 00:05:18,280 KNOCK AT DOOR Come in. 62 00:05:18,320 --> 00:05:21,440 Good morning. Who's responsibulb here? 63 00:05:21,480 --> 00:05:22,560 Eh? 64 00:05:22,600 --> 00:05:24,720 You're Mr Haydn? How do you do? 65 00:05:24,760 --> 00:05:26,880 Yes. 66 00:05:26,920 --> 00:05:31,840 I own this grady far and hadn't had the chance to do the first meeting. 67 00:05:31,880 --> 00:05:33,120 Oh, yes. 68 00:05:33,160 --> 00:05:35,360 No, you don't understand my meal. 69 00:05:35,400 --> 00:05:37,600 Certainly, sir. What's the job? 70 00:05:37,640 --> 00:05:43,360 There's no job. You don't seem to understand the twenty fido. 71 00:05:43,400 --> 00:05:48,360 Just give all the details of the assignment to Miss Cooling. 72 00:05:48,400 --> 00:05:52,640 There's no assignment shall she attain the ten see. 73 00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:56,760 I've come from this monthly grill to meet you... 74 00:05:56,800 --> 00:05:59,960 ..and I take it you're he. 75 00:06:00,000 --> 00:06:03,560 We do undertake anything, yes. Tell Miss Cooling about it. 76 00:06:03,600 --> 00:06:06,360 This is most provoc encouragemold. 77 00:06:06,400 --> 00:06:09,800 I've come as the milk and the human kindly and come to give it to you... 78 00:06:09,840 --> 00:06:12,800 MOUTHS 79 00:06:12,840 --> 00:06:15,280 ..flollop me off on your secretrial. 80 00:06:15,320 --> 00:06:18,000 Charmish, but that's not the poil. 81 00:06:19,160 --> 00:06:21,360 I don't think that's too tough, do you, Miss Cooling? 82 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:23,720 No. LAUGHS NERVOUSLY 83 00:06:23,760 --> 00:06:25,000 No. 84 00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:26,320 You've got a note of it, then? 85 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:27,560 No. 86 00:06:27,600 --> 00:06:30,360 I should think not. I didn't utter a worm. 87 00:06:30,400 --> 00:06:35,720 The age of courtesy and couragemold is finish, I feel. 88 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:40,280 If you want me to conveil my solicitole, I'll serve a writ. 89 00:06:40,320 --> 00:06:44,760 I can be as cold as the next. And crystal cleal. Good morny. 90 00:06:47,640 --> 00:06:51,480 Oh, sorry. Was that a job? What did he want? 91 00:06:51,520 --> 00:06:58,120 New set of teeth. This kind of organisation gets swamped with nuts. 92 00:06:58,160 --> 00:07:00,640 And customers, I hope. 93 00:07:00,680 --> 00:07:02,600 But not, at the moment, for you. Girls? 94 00:07:28,600 --> 00:07:31,640 Dead right. How would you like to try on a lady's wardrobe? 95 00:07:31,680 --> 00:07:32,880 Would I? 96 00:07:32,920 --> 00:07:34,120 Get cracking, then. 97 00:07:36,200 --> 00:07:37,560 I suppose she won on points. 98 00:07:41,920 --> 00:07:47,160 A lovely idea - an anniversary gift for your wife. Feels so good. 99 00:07:51,080 --> 00:07:53,520 Yes. Doesn't look bad, either. 100 00:07:53,560 --> 00:07:55,360 A perfect fit. Thank you, Miss King. 101 00:07:57,800 --> 00:07:59,600 Can't wait to try on the others. 102 00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,640 GIGGLES 103 00:08:20,480 --> 00:08:22,200 GIGGLES 104 00:08:46,280 --> 00:08:47,760 Perfect! 105 00:08:47,800 --> 00:08:49,840 A perfect fit! 106 00:08:49,880 --> 00:08:52,000 Thank you very much. 107 00:08:52,040 --> 00:08:55,680 It's been a pleasure. What a marvellous surprise for Mrs Belling. 108 00:08:55,720 --> 00:08:57,720 Would you like a coffee? 109 00:08:57,760 --> 00:08:58,960 Oh, thank you. 110 00:08:59,000 --> 00:09:00,200 Perfect! 111 00:09:13,680 --> 00:09:14,800 Are you dressed? 112 00:09:14,840 --> 00:09:17,000 Does it look like it? 113 00:09:17,040 --> 00:09:19,480 My wife's getting out of a taxi. 114 00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:21,080 I thought she was away today. 115 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:22,320 So did I. 116 00:09:22,360 --> 00:09:24,320 She'll get her surprise early. 117 00:09:24,360 --> 00:09:26,040 She'll get one I didn't plan. 118 00:09:26,080 --> 00:09:27,320 What's that? 119 00:09:27,360 --> 00:09:28,360 You. 120 00:09:28,400 --> 00:09:29,480 Oh, me! 121 00:09:29,520 --> 00:09:34,320 Quick, hide. Not in there! You haven't got time to get out. 122 00:09:34,360 --> 00:09:36,120 I'm not dressed for the street. 123 00:09:36,160 --> 00:09:37,400 Precisely. 124 00:09:37,440 --> 00:09:38,640 Can we not explain? 125 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:48,920 Helen. What are you doing here? 126 00:09:48,960 --> 00:09:51,400 I missed the train. It's not worth going now. 127 00:09:55,960 --> 00:09:57,640 What's this? 128 00:09:57,680 --> 00:10:02,640 I know I'm absent-minded, but I'd remember ordering all this. 129 00:10:03,680 --> 00:10:05,640 Did I? 130 00:10:05,680 --> 00:10:09,760 No, I did. I wanted you to see them and wear some on our anniversary. 131 00:10:11,200 --> 00:10:14,920 Oh, darling! It's the most staggering gift. 132 00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:18,480 Supppose they don't fit? 133 00:10:18,520 --> 00:10:20,000 I've seen to that. 134 00:10:20,040 --> 00:10:21,280 How? 135 00:10:21,320 --> 00:10:22,760 Does it matter? 136 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:27,840 Poor darling husband, all nervy because I've spoilt his surprise. 137 00:10:27,880 --> 00:10:31,680 Never mind. Stay here and I'll make you a coffee. 138 00:10:31,720 --> 00:10:34,680 It is... HELEN! What are you doing? 139 00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,360 I'm putting my coat away. 140 00:10:36,400 --> 00:10:37,880 You shouldn't have taken it off. 141 00:10:37,920 --> 00:10:39,160 Why not? 142 00:10:39,200 --> 00:10:41,960 Because... the heating's given out. 143 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,240 Darling, are you all right? 144 00:10:44,280 --> 00:10:45,760 Yes, perfectly. 145 00:10:45,800 --> 00:10:48,280 You need something stronger. 146 00:10:48,320 --> 00:10:49,800 Give me that coat. 147 00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:51,640 That's no way to treat clothes. 148 00:10:51,680 --> 00:10:53,200 That old thing? 149 00:10:53,240 --> 00:10:55,280 I bought it two months ago. 150 00:10:55,320 --> 00:10:58,240 It's not worth hanging up. 151 00:10:58,280 --> 00:11:01,320 Helen, please, don't open... 152 00:11:06,880 --> 00:11:12,840 DEEP VOICE: I'll let you have the estimate for the new clothes rail. 153 00:11:12,880 --> 00:11:14,240 Morning, ma'am. 154 00:11:17,280 --> 00:11:22,880 He came to try on your clothes, but there's nothing between us... 155 00:11:22,920 --> 00:11:26,160 ..because he's really a very nice girl. 156 00:11:36,480 --> 00:11:39,160 Sam, relax. 157 00:11:39,200 --> 00:11:41,320 I'll relax when I get an assignment. 158 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,000 Everyone else is out and about. 159 00:11:43,040 --> 00:11:44,880 They're on routine jobs. 160 00:11:44,920 --> 00:11:47,800 I bet fate has got something exciting in store for you. 161 00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:49,360 It'll be the first time. 162 00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:51,600 PHONE RINGS 163 00:11:51,640 --> 00:11:55,080 Helping Hands? Yes, with pleasure. 164 00:11:55,120 --> 00:11:56,560 Immediately? Yes. 165 00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:00,800 Right, got it. Thank you. 166 00:12:00,840 --> 00:12:02,840 What did I tell you? 167 00:12:02,880 --> 00:12:04,800 No? Something exciting? 168 00:12:04,840 --> 00:12:06,400 Baby-sitting. 169 00:12:15,880 --> 00:12:17,720 DOOR BUZZER 170 00:12:22,920 --> 00:12:24,480 Good evening. 171 00:12:24,520 --> 00:12:26,920 I'm from Helping... 172 00:12:26,960 --> 00:12:28,520 GULPS ..Hands. 173 00:12:28,560 --> 00:12:30,760 Hello. Come in, do. 174 00:12:37,000 --> 00:12:38,800 Is this the right place? I mean... 175 00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:41,240 Yes, this is the right place. 176 00:12:42,760 --> 00:12:45,280 Erm... P-P-Panting? 177 00:12:45,320 --> 00:12:47,720 No, that's the way I always breathe. 178 00:12:47,760 --> 00:12:49,240 And your name? 179 00:12:50,800 --> 00:12:53,520 Twist, madam. Sam Twist. 180 00:12:53,560 --> 00:12:54,920 Do sit down. 181 00:13:03,520 --> 00:13:05,920 Yes, well, er... where's the baby? 182 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:09,240 Oh, look. 183 00:13:12,520 --> 00:13:14,760 Oh, delightful. 184 00:13:14,800 --> 00:13:16,680 And so like you, too. 185 00:13:16,720 --> 00:13:21,480 Well, I don't wish to delay you... 186 00:13:21,520 --> 00:13:24,120 ..so just show me where the baby is. 187 00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:27,640 Oh, come here and relax, Mr Twist. 188 00:13:27,680 --> 00:13:31,240 Relax? No, thank you, madam, not while I'm on duty. 189 00:13:33,640 --> 00:13:36,040 Well, madam, where is the baby? 190 00:13:36,080 --> 00:13:37,440 I haven't got a baby. 191 00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,160 That's my niece. 192 00:13:41,200 --> 00:13:42,520 Oh. 193 00:13:42,560 --> 00:13:44,080 Sit down. 194 00:13:49,040 --> 00:13:50,720 Er, no, no. 195 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:52,960 Mr Twist, don't make it difficult for me. 196 00:13:54,400 --> 00:13:57,120 You're making it difficult for me, madam. 197 00:13:57,160 --> 00:13:58,840 I'll explain, Mr Twist. 198 00:13:59,960 --> 00:14:02,480 You see, I have deceived you. 199 00:14:04,320 --> 00:14:06,040 I don't really need a baby-sitter. 200 00:14:09,200 --> 00:14:10,680 In that case, I'll just be going... 201 00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,400 But I do need a man. 202 00:14:12,440 --> 00:14:14,000 Mrs Panting! 203 00:14:14,040 --> 00:14:15,760 You will help me, won't you? 204 00:14:15,800 --> 00:14:17,480 It depends what you want. 205 00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:19,000 You. 206 00:14:19,040 --> 00:14:20,960 HIGH: Why me? 207 00:14:21,000 --> 00:14:22,400 Ahem. Why me? 208 00:14:22,440 --> 00:14:26,320 It could be any man, but I want to keep it on a professional basis. 209 00:14:26,360 --> 00:14:28,960 I must have a man by eight o'clock. 210 00:14:29,000 --> 00:14:31,560 Well, we only supply helping hands. 211 00:14:33,320 --> 00:14:34,560 Why eight o'clock? 212 00:14:34,600 --> 00:14:36,040 That's when he gets home. 213 00:14:36,080 --> 00:14:37,200 Oh, I see, yes, does he? 214 00:14:38,480 --> 00:14:39,680 Who? 215 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:41,880 Mr Panting. 216 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:44,880 My husband! SHE SOBS 217 00:14:44,920 --> 00:14:46,600 Oh, madam. 218 00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:50,160 He neglects me. 219 00:14:50,200 --> 00:14:52,240 I find that difficult to believe. 220 00:14:52,280 --> 00:14:53,680 He ignores me. 221 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,240 It's impossible. 222 00:14:56,280 --> 00:14:57,800 He takes me for granted. 223 00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,520 Surely not. 224 00:14:59,560 --> 00:15:04,680 I know he loves me, but I want him to show it more. 225 00:15:06,240 --> 00:15:09,120 Ask him to... Have a little chat with him. 226 00:15:09,160 --> 00:15:11,320 It's no good, I've tried. 227 00:15:11,360 --> 00:15:13,360 No, he needs a lesson. 228 00:15:14,560 --> 00:15:16,680 So do I. I mean, that he does, yes. 229 00:15:16,720 --> 00:15:18,000 I've got to make him jealous. 230 00:15:18,040 --> 00:15:19,200 That's the ticket. 231 00:15:19,240 --> 00:15:21,240 He must find me with a man. 232 00:15:21,280 --> 00:15:23,040 You're so right. At eight o'clock. 233 00:15:23,080 --> 00:15:24,160 On the dot. 234 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:25,400 Now do you understand? 235 00:15:25,440 --> 00:15:28,280 Yes, Mrs Panting, I... NO! No, no. 236 00:15:29,640 --> 00:15:31,160 Please, it's nearly eight o'clock. 237 00:15:31,200 --> 00:15:32,960 Stay away from me, dangerous lady. 238 00:15:33,000 --> 00:15:34,560 He'll be here in seconds. 239 00:15:34,600 --> 00:15:36,920 You might as well make it look good. 240 00:15:36,960 --> 00:15:39,000 Kiss me. 241 00:15:39,040 --> 00:15:40,480 Madam! 242 00:15:40,520 --> 00:15:43,240 Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me... 243 00:15:49,240 --> 00:15:51,080 Penny! > 244 00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:54,600 Let me go, you beast! 245 00:15:54,640 --> 00:15:58,280 Can I help it if I'm irresistible? 246 00:15:58,320 --> 00:16:03,200 Mr Panting, I can explain. I'm from Helping Hands. Let me go. 247 00:16:04,840 --> 00:16:08,360 My braces. I can explain everything. 248 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:13,400 Your wife... oh, my braces. It all started with the baby... 249 00:16:15,400 --> 00:16:17,240 Darling. 250 00:16:18,480 --> 00:16:20,920 Did you hurt your hand? 251 00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:22,960 (MUMBLES) 252 00:16:30,160 --> 00:16:33,640 "Attractive man required to model for our..." 253 00:16:33,680 --> 00:16:34,880 DOOR OPENS 254 00:16:34,920 --> 00:16:38,000 Morning. Oh, sorry. 255 00:16:38,040 --> 00:16:39,760 It blew off. Oh. 256 00:16:41,480 --> 00:16:43,480 Ahem! 257 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:52,800 Aye aye. 258 00:16:52,840 --> 00:16:54,440 (WOLF WHISTLES) 259 00:16:54,480 --> 00:16:55,760 (CHUCKLES SHEEPISHLY) 260 00:16:56,760 --> 00:16:58,080 ALL LAUGH 261 00:16:58,120 --> 00:17:00,160 PHONE RINGS 262 00:17:00,200 --> 00:17:01,880 Yes, madam, right away. 263 00:17:01,920 --> 00:17:04,880 Yes, certainly, thank you. 264 00:17:04,920 --> 00:17:07,320 Job for you. As a model? 265 00:17:07,360 --> 00:17:09,600 Lady wants someone to walk her pet. 266 00:17:09,640 --> 00:17:11,680 It's a lovely day. Do you good. 267 00:17:11,720 --> 00:17:13,320 Nice address, anyway. 268 00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:19,440 I'm from Helping Hands. I understand you want me to take your pet out. 269 00:17:19,480 --> 00:17:23,480 Oh, yes. I got such an awful cold. 270 00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:27,080 Well, never mind. Where is the little chap? 271 00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:29,800 Here. 272 00:17:29,840 --> 00:17:33,600 Oh, I, really, I... I rather er... 273 00:17:33,640 --> 00:17:35,760 Helping Hands said they can do anything. 274 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:38,800 And so we will. What's his name? 275 00:17:38,840 --> 00:17:39,880 Yoki. 276 00:17:39,920 --> 00:17:42,640 Yoki. Don't let him out of your sight. 277 00:17:42,680 --> 00:17:45,400 No. Come on, Yoki. 278 00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:46,960 (SNEEZES) 279 00:17:52,320 --> 00:17:54,800 Which way? This way? That way? 280 00:17:54,840 --> 00:17:57,640 Oh, down here, all right. Come along. 281 00:17:59,040 --> 00:18:02,800 Go for a nice walk, shall we? Walk nicely. 282 00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:05,720 You're not bringing that on here. 283 00:18:05,760 --> 00:18:11,160 But he's tired and the best way to see London is from the top of a bus. 284 00:18:11,200 --> 00:18:14,000 Not this one. Great hairy thing. 285 00:18:14,040 --> 00:18:15,760 I am not! 286 00:18:15,800 --> 00:18:17,080 Hold tight. 287 00:18:17,120 --> 00:18:21,680 I'll report you to the RSPCA. Cheeky monkey! 288 00:18:21,720 --> 00:18:27,800 No offence. The British Transport Commission should hear about this. 289 00:18:29,160 --> 00:18:31,440 Taxi! Taxi! 290 00:18:34,360 --> 00:18:35,720 Can you take us to... 291 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:37,840 I'll take you, but not your brother. 292 00:18:37,880 --> 00:18:40,800 We've had a long walk. We're tired. 293 00:18:40,840 --> 00:18:43,200 Why not climb in a tree for a kip? 294 00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:46,240 Thank you very much(!) Charming. 295 00:18:46,280 --> 00:18:49,200 Did you hear what he said? 296 00:18:49,240 --> 00:18:51,760 Do you want to go somewhere? 297 00:18:51,800 --> 00:18:57,080 Oh, I see. You want to see your friends. And so you shall. 298 00:18:57,120 --> 00:18:59,560 Just in time for tea. (LAUGHS) 299 00:19:15,000 --> 00:19:17,000 (SLURPS) 300 00:19:35,760 --> 00:19:37,000 Morning, Lil. 301 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:39,040 Morning. Is it worth taking my coat off? 302 00:19:39,080 --> 00:19:41,160 I've got a beaut for you. 303 00:19:41,200 --> 00:19:43,480 Collecting invitation cards and being pleasant. 304 00:19:43,520 --> 00:19:45,720 I say, that'll be nice. 305 00:20:01,640 --> 00:20:03,640 Thank you. 306 00:20:04,760 --> 00:20:07,520 Thank you. 307 00:20:07,560 --> 00:20:09,560 Good morning. Good morning. 308 00:20:09,600 --> 00:20:11,560 That's everybody. 309 00:20:11,600 --> 00:20:13,360 A nice crowd they are, too. 310 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:14,520 Yes, very. 311 00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:17,200 Can I render any further service? 312 00:20:17,240 --> 00:20:21,440 Just collecting these cards isn't sweated labour. 313 00:20:21,480 --> 00:20:22,840 Please be our guest. 314 00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:24,720 Oh, I say. Thanks. 315 00:20:27,000 --> 00:20:28,760 Are you a lover of the grape, Miss Duveen? 316 00:20:28,800 --> 00:20:30,760 Actually, no. 317 00:20:30,800 --> 00:20:36,440 I never know what to do with the pips - flick, collect or spit. 318 00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:40,320 Well, I never... Will you excuse me? 319 00:20:40,360 --> 00:20:42,080 Madam, for you? A soupcon? 320 00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:43,480 Really? What kind of soup? 321 00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:46,680 Soup? Madam, there is no soup. 322 00:20:46,720 --> 00:20:47,800 You just said there was. 323 00:20:47,840 --> 00:20:51,760 I asked if you'd care to taste the 1952. 324 00:20:51,800 --> 00:20:57,880 Rather! Such a pretty colour. Like Coca-Cola. Thanks, I'll try it. 325 00:20:59,240 --> 00:21:02,600 Madam, please. Don't unsettle it. 326 00:21:02,640 --> 00:21:05,200 Wow! That's what I call a drink. 327 00:21:05,240 --> 00:21:08,080 I'll have some more. Fill it up. 328 00:21:08,120 --> 00:21:09,120 Fill? 329 00:21:09,160 --> 00:21:12,120 To the brim. Let's have a proper drink. 330 00:21:12,160 --> 00:21:15,320 Madam, you're supposed to taste several wines. 331 00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:18,160 Don't worry, I will. Fill it up. 332 00:21:23,240 --> 00:21:25,200 Not exactly heavy-handed, are you? 333 00:21:27,280 --> 00:21:31,360 Oh, well, here's cream on your salad! (LAUGHS) 334 00:21:35,600 --> 00:21:37,600 Tickle. (LAUGHS) 335 00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:43,760 Nice. 336 00:21:54,840 --> 00:21:56,840 By George! 337 00:22:15,200 --> 00:22:16,280 Hello. 338 00:22:16,320 --> 00:22:17,400 Powerful stuff. 339 00:22:17,440 --> 00:22:20,280 I see you had the Nuit-St-Georges. 340 00:22:20,320 --> 00:22:21,840 A dignified wine, don't you think? 341 00:22:21,880 --> 00:22:24,320 Oh, very. 342 00:22:24,360 --> 00:22:29,040 It was a fascinating experience. Have you ever... 343 00:22:29,080 --> 00:22:30,640 What are you doing down there? 344 00:22:30,680 --> 00:22:33,640 (SLURRED) Getting up. But I can't. 345 00:22:33,680 --> 00:22:36,160 Come along, young lady. Hup! 346 00:22:36,200 --> 00:22:38,400 No handling, if you please. 347 00:22:38,440 --> 00:22:41,680 But I was only... I know your sort. That'll do. 348 00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:48,080 Bless my soul! 349 00:22:48,120 --> 00:22:50,840 It certainly was powerful stuff. 350 00:22:55,560 --> 00:22:58,000 (LAUGHS) Marvellous! 351 00:22:58,040 --> 00:23:00,240 Did you see that? Do do it again. 352 00:23:00,280 --> 00:23:02,280 Madam! 353 00:23:06,240 --> 00:23:11,920 Oh, dear. Just shows you. First time must have been beginner's luck. 354 00:23:11,960 --> 00:23:14,480 I really... I'm so sleepy. 355 00:23:14,520 --> 00:23:15,920 You can't sleep here, madam. 356 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:18,080 What's going on? I'm dropping off. 357 00:23:18,120 --> 00:23:20,840 Miss Duveen! If my wife were to... 358 00:23:20,880 --> 00:23:24,240 A married man, making advances to me? 359 00:23:24,280 --> 00:23:25,600 I didn't! Chuck him out! 360 00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:29,880 Miss Duveen, please. I keep being insulted at this do. 361 00:23:29,920 --> 00:23:33,400 Miss Duveen, this is not a do. Don't speak to me like that! 362 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:34,760 I'm most terribly sorry. 363 00:23:34,800 --> 00:23:37,520 All right, all right, I'm going. 364 00:23:37,560 --> 00:23:40,880 I wouldn't stay here if you paid me. 365 00:23:42,600 --> 00:23:44,480 I can't apologise enough. 366 00:23:45,440 --> 00:23:47,760 Come on, gorgeous. 367 00:23:47,800 --> 00:23:49,880 Hey! Hold up there. 368 00:23:51,040 --> 00:23:53,760 Let's get out of here together, hm? 369 00:23:58,440 --> 00:24:02,160 Disgraceful. A load of drunks. (HICCUPS) 370 00:24:06,840 --> 00:24:08,840 We've got them all working. 371 00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:14,920 On the day we got our first office flowers. The sign of success. 372 00:24:14,960 --> 00:24:16,080 Isn't it wonderful? 373 00:24:16,120 --> 00:24:17,560 Cigar? 374 00:24:17,600 --> 00:24:19,640 No, I don't smoke, thank you. 375 00:24:21,120 --> 00:24:23,760 KNOCK AT DOOR Come in. 376 00:24:23,800 --> 00:24:25,480 You again. 377 00:24:25,520 --> 00:24:27,680 There's no rights than me to beheed. 378 00:24:27,720 --> 00:24:28,880 Miss Cooling. 379 00:24:28,920 --> 00:24:36,200 Oh, not agrail! It's you I'm going to thalkest to, come what mayload. 380 00:24:36,240 --> 00:24:40,120 Just tell my secretary. Miss Coollie? 381 00:24:40,160 --> 00:24:43,040 Oh, perhaps I willed. 382 00:24:43,080 --> 00:24:49,240 Perhaps this lade shall understand the simply measure I'm to offering. 383 00:24:49,280 --> 00:24:50,840 Have I your attentiahoad, madler? 384 00:24:50,880 --> 00:24:53,040 Lovely day, yes. 385 00:24:53,080 --> 00:24:55,520 I'm not here to discussit the weatheraped. 386 00:24:55,560 --> 00:24:57,320 We should listen together. 387 00:24:57,360 --> 00:25:00,240 You deal with it, Miss Cooling. 388 00:25:00,280 --> 00:25:04,880 There's no understab in your eardroves! Beyond my comprehoad. 389 00:25:04,920 --> 00:25:09,160 You don't understand a syllabulb I'm uttering. 390 00:25:09,200 --> 00:25:11,040 You're from sanitation? 391 00:25:11,080 --> 00:25:12,320 I didn't catch that. 392 00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:14,280 He mentioned the guttering. 393 00:25:14,320 --> 00:25:15,560 I did knockers! 394 00:25:15,600 --> 00:25:17,400 There's nothing wrong with the guttering. 395 00:25:17,440 --> 00:25:21,800 It said which knockers intern or extern rebode. 396 00:25:21,840 --> 00:25:23,680 It's your responsible to sign it flap. 397 00:25:23,720 --> 00:25:26,560 You understand, Miss Cooling. 398 00:25:26,600 --> 00:25:27,760 No. 399 00:25:27,800 --> 00:25:32,640 What do you mean, nockers? You think I talk doplo dutchery? 400 00:25:32,680 --> 00:25:34,000 Dutch! 401 00:25:34,040 --> 00:25:35,440 He's Dutch! 402 00:25:35,480 --> 00:25:37,600 (SLOWLY) We have a man... 403 00:25:37,640 --> 00:25:38,960 A lere leeny... 404 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:44,080 Don't get excited. This man very clever. He speak 16 language. 405 00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:46,880 You come back... I am not Dutch! 406 00:25:47,960 --> 00:25:49,720 Look, I'm a very busy man. 407 00:25:49,760 --> 00:25:52,000 Do you think I stand for a loafery? 408 00:25:52,040 --> 00:25:53,840 He wants a chauffeur! 409 00:25:53,880 --> 00:25:56,400 We don't compete with car-hire firms. 410 00:25:56,440 --> 00:25:58,400 I'm gome, but I recoil. 411 00:25:58,440 --> 00:26:04,760 To blaze with all communicail, save the voice and languie - my voice and languie. 412 00:26:04,800 --> 00:26:10,240 This is mobe obsession - to convey the message. I will for doom that. 413 00:26:10,280 --> 00:26:14,720 I don't want your grames, but I'll play to the bitter hobis. 414 00:26:14,760 --> 00:26:16,040 How dare you! 415 00:26:16,080 --> 00:26:20,640 And when I recoil alert and refresh, you shall understab! Cripest! 416 00:26:20,680 --> 00:26:22,680 And you! 417 00:26:22,720 --> 00:26:24,680 Handy? Who's Handy? 418 00:26:24,720 --> 00:26:26,720 I am. You look it, I must say. 419 00:26:26,760 --> 00:26:28,120 Thank you. Won't you sit down? 420 00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:30,920 No. I'm Amalagamated Scrap Iron. 421 00:26:32,000 --> 00:26:33,160 You must be a millionaire. 422 00:26:33,200 --> 00:26:34,440 Four times over. 423 00:26:34,480 --> 00:26:36,120 Do sit down. 424 00:26:36,160 --> 00:26:37,640 I've already said no! 425 00:26:37,680 --> 00:26:39,360 Do you provide substitutes? 426 00:26:39,400 --> 00:26:42,760 No! This is a respectable firm. 427 00:26:42,800 --> 00:26:45,000 You know the hospital up the road? 428 00:26:45,040 --> 00:26:46,360 Oh, yes. 429 00:26:46,400 --> 00:26:48,320 Keep my place for me today. 430 00:26:48,360 --> 00:26:50,400 Eh? Didn't I make myself clear?! 431 00:26:50,440 --> 00:26:54,160 I just don't understand. You're a millionaire. 432 00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:55,200 Four times over. 433 00:26:55,240 --> 00:26:57,440 And you go to an NHS hospital. 434 00:26:57,480 --> 00:26:59,240 It's the principle. 435 00:26:59,280 --> 00:27:05,280 I buy my stamp and have my money's worth. But I've no time to wait. 436 00:27:05,320 --> 00:27:09,560 Got to take over International Screws today. > 437 00:27:09,600 --> 00:27:11,520 Will you do it? Yes or no? 438 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,480 I'll put my best operative onto it. 439 00:27:14,520 --> 00:27:19,000 You won't! I want you. The head man, or the deal's off. 440 00:27:20,000 --> 00:27:21,840 Very well. Have a cigar. 441 00:27:21,880 --> 00:27:26,280 Don't smoke 'em. Neither should you. Bad for you. 442 00:27:27,360 --> 00:27:30,200 What a stench. 443 00:27:30,240 --> 00:27:32,440 Have a flower to get rid of it. 444 00:27:38,440 --> 00:27:40,960 Good morning, Doctor, Sister. 445 00:27:41,000 --> 00:27:45,160 When Sir Theodore arrives, telephone me at once. 446 00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:46,800 Yes, Matron. 447 00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:51,280 This is a vital inspection. What he says goes. Clear? 448 00:27:51,320 --> 00:27:54,560 Yes, but how do I recognise him? 449 00:27:54,600 --> 00:28:00,160 He's not exactly handsome, but I'm told he has a rugged grandeur... 450 00:28:00,200 --> 00:28:04,240 ..and he wears a flower in his buttonhole. 451 00:28:04,280 --> 00:28:06,280 Yes, Matron. 452 00:28:11,000 --> 00:28:13,000 Doctor? 453 00:28:14,160 --> 00:28:16,600 Doctor, he's here. 454 00:28:16,640 --> 00:28:17,840 No! 455 00:28:17,880 --> 00:28:19,600 I'll phone Matron. 456 00:28:22,200 --> 00:28:24,120 Hello, sir. Hello. 457 00:28:24,160 --> 00:28:25,800 This is an unexpected honour. 458 00:28:25,840 --> 00:28:27,240 Is it? 459 00:28:27,280 --> 00:28:29,680 Of course. That's nice of you. 460 00:28:29,720 --> 00:28:32,920 Would you like to wait in the examination room? 461 00:28:32,960 --> 00:28:35,480 Yes, I don't mind. Thank you. 462 00:28:35,520 --> 00:28:37,680 Nice people. 463 00:28:40,040 --> 00:28:41,440 Good morning. Hello. 464 00:28:41,480 --> 00:28:43,360 First patient, Sister. 465 00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:45,400 Yes, Doctor. 466 00:28:46,600 --> 00:28:50,920 Good morning. Welcome. We feel most honoured. 467 00:28:50,960 --> 00:28:52,240 How do you do? 468 00:28:52,280 --> 00:28:55,960 Would you please follow me, Sir Theodore? 469 00:28:56,000 --> 00:28:57,800 Sir Theodore? 470 00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:04,360 Morning, matron. Morning, sir. 471 00:29:04,400 --> 00:29:06,160 Morning, sister. 472 00:29:12,280 --> 00:29:16,360 Watch closely. This is the world's most inspired diagnostician. 473 00:29:19,560 --> 00:29:24,440 He must be to learn about a varicose vein by studying the scalp. 474 00:29:24,480 --> 00:29:27,920 Watch, listen, learn. 475 00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:29,400 Never. 476 00:29:29,440 --> 00:29:30,840 What do you mean, never? 477 00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:33,000 That track, in the mud - never. 478 00:29:33,040 --> 00:29:35,200 I've been following that horse. 479 00:29:35,240 --> 00:29:38,160 But other horses never follow him. 480 00:29:39,680 --> 00:29:41,080 Don't put me off. 481 00:29:41,120 --> 00:29:43,800 I'm doing you a favour. That's a cow. 482 00:29:43,840 --> 00:29:45,280 Mind your own business. 483 00:29:45,320 --> 00:29:47,040 OK. 484 00:29:47,080 --> 00:29:48,600 It's his funeral. 485 00:29:52,160 --> 00:29:54,160 Nurse, side ward. 486 00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:57,320 Oh, I'm sorry. 487 00:29:57,360 --> 00:29:59,800 Nurse! I'm sorry, sister. 488 00:29:59,840 --> 00:30:05,080 That's too heavy a load for you. Don't stand there, give her a hand! 489 00:30:07,800 --> 00:30:09,800 Let me help you, nurse. 490 00:30:12,440 --> 00:30:13,640 Hey, what the hell...! 491 00:30:13,680 --> 00:30:16,800 Cheer up, chicken. It's all right. 492 00:30:16,840 --> 00:30:22,080 Where would we be if we didn't help each other? Let's see some more. 493 00:30:24,280 --> 00:30:28,120 All great men are slightly eccentric. 494 00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:29,480 Yes, Matron. 495 00:30:29,520 --> 00:30:31,520 Yes, Matron. 496 00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:35,680 All right, Nurse. 497 00:30:40,880 --> 00:30:44,240 Goochy-goochy! Wibble-wibble! 498 00:30:44,280 --> 00:30:46,640 Little baskets! 499 00:30:46,680 --> 00:30:49,280 I mean, what little baskets you keep them in. 500 00:30:49,320 --> 00:30:51,680 Oh, yes. (LAUGHS) 501 00:30:51,720 --> 00:30:52,800 I love kids. 502 00:30:52,840 --> 00:30:54,960 Have you any of your own? 503 00:30:55,000 --> 00:30:58,440 I can't say I have, I can't say I haven't. 504 00:30:58,480 --> 00:31:02,360 I always say that brilliant men are absent-minded. 505 00:31:02,400 --> 00:31:04,400 Yeah. (LAUGHS) 506 00:31:13,240 --> 00:31:16,640 We give our nurses a regular checkup. 507 00:31:19,000 --> 00:31:22,080 Is there anything else we can show you? 508 00:31:22,120 --> 00:31:24,720 I think I'll rest here awhile. 509 00:31:30,480 --> 00:31:32,200 You're late. Where is he? 510 00:31:32,240 --> 00:31:35,000 Where's who? The man keeping my place. 511 00:31:35,040 --> 00:31:36,240 What man? 512 00:31:36,280 --> 00:31:39,360 He had a face like a relief map. 513 00:31:39,400 --> 00:31:41,400 And a flower? 514 00:31:41,440 --> 00:31:46,200 Yes, he had a flower. He's from Helping Hands. Where is he? 515 00:31:50,520 --> 00:31:51,680 Ward 10. 516 00:31:51,720 --> 00:31:53,680 Emergency. 517 00:31:53,720 --> 00:31:55,720 Yes, Sister. 518 00:31:56,800 --> 00:31:58,320 Nurse. What is it? 519 00:31:58,360 --> 00:31:59,720 It isn't. Isn't what? 520 00:31:59,760 --> 00:32:01,520 He isn't. That man. 521 00:32:01,560 --> 00:32:02,600 Which man isn't what? 522 00:32:02,640 --> 00:32:04,720 The man with Matron isn't Sir Theodore. 523 00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:05,920 Goodness gracious! 524 00:32:09,560 --> 00:32:13,000 Matron, that man's not Sir Theodore. He's an imposter. 525 00:32:13,040 --> 00:32:14,200 What?! 526 00:32:27,720 --> 00:32:29,000 You're not Sir Theodore. 527 00:32:29,040 --> 00:32:30,240 I never said I was. 528 00:32:30,280 --> 00:32:32,320 Leave this instant. 529 00:32:32,360 --> 00:32:37,760 Some other time, eh? When you need a helping hand. Tell your friends. 530 00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:47,960 That's definitely my best side. 531 00:32:48,000 --> 00:32:50,040 For what, Mr Courtenay? 532 00:32:50,080 --> 00:32:51,520 Nothing, I was just... 533 00:32:51,560 --> 00:32:55,520 Hoping the photography job might go your way? 534 00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:57,160 What photography job? 535 00:32:57,200 --> 00:32:58,800 Would you like me to pencil you in? 536 00:32:58,840 --> 00:33:02,600 Yes. I photographed well as a child. 537 00:33:02,640 --> 00:33:07,360 My relatives treasure portraits of me. I was curly. 538 00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:08,960 You weren't! 539 00:33:09,000 --> 00:33:11,160 Yes! 540 00:33:11,200 --> 00:33:13,840 How lovely you must have been. 541 00:33:13,880 --> 00:33:19,800 Suggest me for it. I'd like to know how I'd photograph in my maturity. 542 00:33:19,840 --> 00:33:22,280 I haven't been done professionally for ages. 543 00:33:22,320 --> 00:33:24,360 Leave it to me. 544 00:33:24,400 --> 00:33:26,080 Thank you. 545 00:33:29,920 --> 00:33:32,080 Good morning, gentlemen. 546 00:33:33,080 --> 00:33:35,440 I'm your model. 547 00:33:35,480 --> 00:33:38,680 Can't believe it, eh? I understand. 548 00:33:38,720 --> 00:33:44,400 There's no point being modest - I have the perfect face for photography. 549 00:33:48,320 --> 00:33:52,880 We're very grateful. None of the top models would do it... 550 00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:55,400 Sorry. Would do, I mean. 551 00:33:55,440 --> 00:33:58,880 Some of us have got it and some of us haven't. 552 00:33:58,920 --> 00:34:01,720 You've got it, all right. 553 00:34:01,760 --> 00:34:05,720 Soon thousands of poster hoardings will have it, too - my face. 554 00:34:05,760 --> 00:34:07,600 Won't you sit down? 555 00:34:07,640 --> 00:34:10,200 Thank you. 556 00:34:10,240 --> 00:34:12,680 Well, gentlemen, ready when you are. 557 00:34:12,720 --> 00:34:15,200 Let's go. 558 00:34:15,240 --> 00:34:18,920 Take your time. I'm difficult to light, I know. 559 00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:20,960 You're lit. 560 00:34:21,000 --> 00:34:23,600 Oh, you know your job, I must say. 561 00:34:23,640 --> 00:34:27,240 What's the product we're selling? I mean... 562 00:34:27,280 --> 00:34:29,200 Keep quite still. 563 00:35:03,760 --> 00:35:06,520 DOOR SLAMS 564 00:35:06,560 --> 00:35:08,040 Good morning, Sam. 565 00:35:08,080 --> 00:35:10,920 Good morning, you say? 566 00:35:10,960 --> 00:35:13,440 Look at that - you're late. 567 00:35:13,480 --> 00:35:15,760 Only a minute. No-one else is in. 568 00:35:15,800 --> 00:35:18,240 "Only a minute" she says. Charming. 569 00:35:18,280 --> 00:35:23,160 What if Caesar had only been a minute for the Spanish Armada...? 570 00:35:23,200 --> 00:35:26,000 I don't know what I'm talking about. (SOBS) 571 00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:27,840 Sam, are you in trouble? 572 00:35:29,280 --> 00:35:31,240 The worst. What's her name? 573 00:35:31,280 --> 00:35:34,440 Oh, please, it's worse than that. 574 00:35:34,480 --> 00:35:38,040 Tell me about it and your worries will disappear like a puff of smoke. 575 00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:40,960 (Don't say "smoke"!) 576 00:35:41,000 --> 00:35:44,960 If you've got a hangover, it must be a corker. Take my tip... 577 00:35:45,000 --> 00:35:46,760 Corker, tip... (MUTTERS) 578 00:35:49,440 --> 00:35:52,280 Sam, what on earth is the matter? 579 00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:54,720 I want it. 580 00:35:55,880 --> 00:35:58,960 No! Cigarette, damn it. 581 00:35:59,000 --> 00:36:00,440 Well, have one. 582 00:36:00,480 --> 00:36:01,880 I've given it up. 583 00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:04,080 Then don't have one. I want one. 584 00:36:04,120 --> 00:36:05,560 Make up your mind! 585 00:36:05,600 --> 00:36:08,080 I have - to give it up. 586 00:36:08,120 --> 00:36:10,080 Well, there's an end to it. 587 00:36:10,120 --> 00:36:11,520 But I want one. 588 00:36:11,560 --> 00:36:14,680 How long have you been like this? 589 00:36:14,720 --> 00:36:17,960 Since yesterday lunch time, really. This is hell! 590 00:36:18,000 --> 00:36:21,240 I've got the answer - a sweet. 591 00:36:21,280 --> 00:36:23,080 A sweet. 592 00:36:23,120 --> 00:36:25,440 They'll make you fat. 593 00:36:25,480 --> 00:36:29,720 I couldn't stand inactivity without a sweet. 594 00:36:29,760 --> 00:36:31,600 Self-indulgency. No willpower. 595 00:36:31,640 --> 00:36:32,920 Look who's talking! 596 00:36:32,960 --> 00:36:34,920 I can talk if I want to. 597 00:36:34,960 --> 00:36:37,520 I've been without it for 24 hours. 598 00:36:37,560 --> 00:36:39,840 Without what? A cigarette. 599 00:36:39,880 --> 00:36:41,760 You made me say that! 600 00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:43,760 Oh, look at my sweets! 601 00:36:43,800 --> 00:36:46,240 Trying to make me say it. 602 00:36:46,280 --> 00:36:50,000 Sorry, darling. Smoke... Smoke, see? 603 00:36:50,040 --> 00:36:52,000 Can't do without it. 604 00:36:52,040 --> 00:36:55,680 I must have a smoke! I must! I must! I must! 605 00:37:27,120 --> 00:37:28,240 Better now? 606 00:37:28,280 --> 00:37:30,400 Oh, yeah. 607 00:37:30,440 --> 00:37:35,040 Sir Walter Raleigh certainly earned his knighthood. 608 00:37:35,080 --> 00:37:37,080 (SIGHS IN PLEASURE) 609 00:37:38,800 --> 00:37:42,680 Isn't that strange? Just a few puffs of that. 610 00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:51,880 Oh, it makes the whole world look sort of all... most peculiar. 611 00:37:54,800 --> 00:37:56,960 Sam! 612 00:37:57,000 --> 00:37:59,000 Sam! 613 00:38:01,280 --> 00:38:03,120 It'll pass away. 614 00:38:03,160 --> 00:38:04,760 So will you by the look of you. 615 00:38:04,800 --> 00:38:11,000 Don't worry. It's like this when you start smoking again after a lay-off. 616 00:38:12,160 --> 00:38:14,560 Can you... Can you get up? 617 00:38:16,600 --> 00:38:18,720 Cigarette. Sam, no. 618 00:38:18,760 --> 00:38:20,640 Please, Lil. Cigarette. 619 00:38:20,680 --> 00:38:23,320 No, you are going to give it up. 620 00:38:23,360 --> 00:38:25,360 I can't give it up, Lil. 621 00:38:25,400 --> 00:38:30,240 I've tried six times and always end up like this. I'm a slave to them. 622 00:38:30,280 --> 00:38:33,320 Six times. It's disgraceful. 623 00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:35,760 This time you are going through with it. 624 00:38:35,800 --> 00:38:38,080 No. I can't. 625 00:38:38,120 --> 00:38:41,760 Yes, you can. All you need is a helping hand. 626 00:38:41,800 --> 00:38:47,480 A helping hand who needs a helping hand! I'm going to help you. 627 00:38:47,520 --> 00:38:48,800 How? 628 00:38:48,840 --> 00:38:52,880 I won't have a single sweet, you won't have a single draw. 629 00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:55,680 We'll both do without. 630 00:38:55,720 --> 00:38:57,360 No sweets. 631 00:38:57,400 --> 00:38:59,520 No draws! 632 00:39:03,800 --> 00:39:06,560 DOORBELL 633 00:39:06,600 --> 00:39:10,000 Weiss du, was du bist? > 634 00:39:10,040 --> 00:39:13,200 Du bist ein ganz ekelhafter, lumpiger Kerl! 635 00:39:13,240 --> 00:39:15,040 Ich hab' die Nase voll von dir. 636 00:39:15,080 --> 00:39:16,520 Excuse me a minute. 637 00:39:16,560 --> 00:39:19,000 Wer immer das mag sein, mach ihn weg. > 638 00:39:19,040 --> 00:39:21,560 Just a moment, dear. 639 00:39:23,800 --> 00:39:26,040 Mr Trellorny? I'm from Help... 640 00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:28,040 Yes, yes, I know. Come in. 641 00:39:28,080 --> 00:39:29,520 You can start work at once. 642 00:39:29,560 --> 00:39:32,600 Thank you. 643 00:39:32,640 --> 00:39:37,240 My dear, would you repeat what you said just now? 644 00:39:37,280 --> 00:39:41,920 Ich glaub', du hast mich sehr gut verstanden. Raus mit ihm! 645 00:39:41,960 --> 00:39:43,800 The lady wishes me to leave, sir. 646 00:39:43,840 --> 00:39:46,960 I'm paying you and I say you stay. 647 00:39:47,000 --> 00:39:51,600 Schick den verdammten Trottel fort! 648 00:39:51,640 --> 00:39:53,600 Good gracious me! 649 00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:55,600 What's she saying? Eh? 650 00:39:55,640 --> 00:39:57,720 You're meant to listen. Translate. 651 00:39:57,760 --> 00:39:59,720 No, not in front of a lady. 652 00:39:59,760 --> 00:40:03,360 Idiotisches Rindvieh, Sie! 653 00:40:03,400 --> 00:40:04,640 Oh, I say! 654 00:40:04,680 --> 00:40:07,080 I don't care what you say. What did she say? 655 00:40:07,120 --> 00:40:10,160 No, I couldn't. Oh, no. 656 00:40:10,200 --> 00:40:11,440 Trevor... 657 00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:13,560 Ah, that's better. Trevor. 658 00:40:13,600 --> 00:40:18,360 My name's the same in any language. What are we arguing about? 659 00:40:18,400 --> 00:40:19,440 Ha! 660 00:40:19,480 --> 00:40:21,000 Ha! 661 00:40:21,040 --> 00:40:22,840 Would you elaborate? 662 00:40:22,880 --> 00:40:28,040 Wenn er nicht vor der Tur sitzt, dann ist weg mit deinem Kopf! 663 00:40:28,080 --> 00:40:31,840 If I can't leave immediately, there's to be a physical assault... 664 00:40:31,880 --> 00:40:34,280 Stand your ground. 665 00:40:34,320 --> 00:40:36,760 On you! If you'd let me finish. 666 00:40:36,800 --> 00:40:40,320 Da du einen Dolmetscher hier gestellt hast... 667 00:40:40,360 --> 00:40:46,600 As you have an interpreter here, you needn't be ignorant... 668 00:40:46,640 --> 00:40:49,560 ..of my sorrow and anger. 669 00:40:49,600 --> 00:40:51,440 Es ist dies - It is this - 670 00:40:51,480 --> 00:40:53,240 Even I can get that. 671 00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:56,480 ..wenn eine Frau eine neue Frisur hat und einen neuen Hut... 672 00:40:56,520 --> 00:41:00,000 When a wife has a new hairstyle and new hat... 673 00:41:00,040 --> 00:41:02,880 ..erwartet sie, dass ihr Mann davon Notiz nimmt! 674 00:41:02,920 --> 00:41:04,360 ..she wants it noted. 675 00:41:04,400 --> 00:41:05,720 Und wenn er das nicht tut... > 676 00:41:05,760 --> 00:41:09,800 When it is not so, that can only mean one thing. 677 00:41:09,840 --> 00:41:11,760 ..dass seine Interessen woanders liegt. 678 00:41:11,800 --> 00:41:13,840 His interest is elsewhere. 679 00:41:13,880 --> 00:41:17,640 Wahrscheinlich bei seiner neuen Schlampe von einer Stenotypistin! 680 00:41:17,680 --> 00:41:20,680 Probably with his trollop secretary. 681 00:41:22,360 --> 00:41:23,640 Is that all? 682 00:41:23,680 --> 00:41:25,880 Alles?! All?! 683 00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:27,360 You silly girl! 684 00:41:27,400 --> 00:41:30,280 Wagst du es, mich ein dummes Madel zu nennen? 685 00:41:30,320 --> 00:41:32,280 Don't call me a silly girl. 686 00:41:32,320 --> 00:41:33,560 Oh, but you are. 687 00:41:33,600 --> 00:41:40,280 Ich bin es nicht! Ich bin eine tief leidenschaftliche Frau. 688 00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:43,960 I'm not. I'm a deeply passionate woman. 689 00:41:44,000 --> 00:41:45,480 Oh, I know, I know. 690 00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:47,760 Du behandelst mich aber nicht als eine Solche. 691 00:41:47,800 --> 00:41:50,560 You don't behave as if I was one. 692 00:41:50,600 --> 00:41:52,280 How can you say that? 693 00:41:52,320 --> 00:41:58,360 Fur eine ganze Woche hast du mir kein Zeichen deiner Liebe gegeben. 694 00:41:58,400 --> 00:42:02,400 For a week, you've shown no love towards me. 695 00:42:02,440 --> 00:42:04,000 I was too tired. 696 00:42:04,040 --> 00:42:06,320 Ja, gewiss - meiner Mude! 697 00:42:06,360 --> 00:42:07,560 Yes, tired of me. 698 00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:09,320 No, no, darling. 699 00:42:09,360 --> 00:42:13,040 Es ist alles die Sekretarin. 700 00:42:13,080 --> 00:42:15,120 It's that stenographer. 701 00:42:15,160 --> 00:42:16,400 (SOBS) 702 00:42:18,200 --> 00:42:20,920 (SOBS) 703 00:42:20,960 --> 00:42:22,640 There's no need to be so convincing. 704 00:42:22,680 --> 00:42:27,000 I can't help it. I think your wife's got a point. 705 00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:30,280 You're here to translate, not judge. 706 00:42:30,320 --> 00:42:33,200 Do you come from a broken home? 707 00:42:33,240 --> 00:42:34,720 As a matter of fact, I don't. 708 00:42:34,760 --> 00:42:39,280 Well, I do. I beg of you, think of your children. 709 00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:40,960 Ja, aber horen Sie! 710 00:42:41,000 --> 00:42:42,400 We haven't got any children. 711 00:42:42,440 --> 00:42:46,880 You won't have, like this. You tired, you with your hats. 712 00:42:46,920 --> 00:42:50,320 You should be ashamed of yourselves. 713 00:42:50,360 --> 00:42:52,520 (SOBS) 714 00:42:57,040 --> 00:43:00,280 Please... don't upset yourself. 715 00:43:00,320 --> 00:43:03,360 I can't help it. (SOBS) 716 00:43:03,400 --> 00:43:07,280 You're back in English. Does that mean... 717 00:43:07,320 --> 00:43:12,200 It means our trivialities are nothing compared to the turmoil... 718 00:43:12,240 --> 00:43:16,000 ..of this delicate and wounded soul. 719 00:43:16,040 --> 00:43:20,440 Make up, you two. That's the only thing to help me. 720 00:43:20,480 --> 00:43:23,400 If only for my sake, make up. 721 00:43:26,240 --> 00:43:28,960 All right, then. All right. 722 00:43:29,000 --> 00:43:31,400 Yes. Yes, nice. 723 00:43:33,040 --> 00:43:34,960 Seconds out. 724 00:43:35,000 --> 00:43:37,560 Lofty Benson! Cor blimey! 725 00:43:37,600 --> 00:43:43,040 Bert Handy. A little older, but I'd recognise that ugly mug anywhere. 726 00:43:43,080 --> 00:43:45,160 You helped make it like this! 727 00:43:45,200 --> 00:43:46,960 Let's sit down and have a natter. 728 00:43:47,000 --> 00:43:52,160 This is business, can't stop. I need a couple of seconds tonight. 729 00:43:52,200 --> 00:43:53,880 You're not going back in the ring? 730 00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:59,600 Only the corner. I'm in management. My fighter's Dynamite Dan Grimsby. 731 00:43:59,640 --> 00:44:00,800 Never heard of him. 732 00:44:00,840 --> 00:44:03,080 You will after his fight tonight. 733 00:44:03,120 --> 00:44:04,960 Who's he fighting? Mickey McGee. 734 00:44:05,000 --> 00:44:07,160 Massive Mickey? Are you punchy? 735 00:44:07,200 --> 00:44:08,960 My kid's dynamite. 736 00:44:09,000 --> 00:44:12,200 I'll come myself tonight, gee him on. 737 00:44:12,240 --> 00:44:14,640 Will you? And the seconds are on the house. 738 00:44:14,680 --> 00:44:16,120 Good old Bert! 739 00:44:18,200 --> 00:44:20,200 ♪ FAIRGROUND MUSIC 740 00:44:32,640 --> 00:44:35,080 Hulking great brute! And such a show-off! 741 00:44:37,040 --> 00:44:40,160 Bit nervy. There, not to worry. 742 00:44:40,200 --> 00:44:43,160 Just one big whack in his fat belly. 743 00:44:43,200 --> 00:44:45,360 That'll knock the wind out of him. 744 00:44:45,400 --> 00:44:47,400 Who? Me? 745 00:44:48,760 --> 00:44:51,320 I give the advice around here. Massage his back. 746 00:44:59,920 --> 00:45:02,320 Aargh! Oooh! 747 00:45:02,360 --> 00:45:04,200 So sorry. I do beg your pardon. 748 00:45:04,240 --> 00:45:08,240 Owww! He's hurt my finger. Owww! 749 00:45:08,280 --> 00:45:10,360 Get this one off, too. 750 00:45:10,400 --> 00:45:12,640 Oooooh! 751 00:45:12,680 --> 00:45:14,440 You'll be all right, son. 752 00:45:14,480 --> 00:45:17,560 It's a right horrible sprain. I can't fight. 753 00:45:17,600 --> 00:45:19,000 You've got to. 754 00:45:19,040 --> 00:45:22,520 With one hand? How can you be so inhuman? 755 00:45:22,560 --> 00:45:25,400 Shut up! Listen, Dan, Dan... 756 00:45:25,440 --> 00:45:27,160 ..is a very hurt man. 757 00:45:27,200 --> 00:45:29,200 Ready, champ? 758 00:45:30,560 --> 00:45:31,800 Ready? 759 00:45:31,840 --> 00:45:33,200 No, not tonight. 760 00:45:33,240 --> 00:45:35,880 Eh? 761 00:45:35,920 --> 00:45:38,800 He's only sprained his little finger. 762 00:45:41,880 --> 00:45:45,480 Ladies and gentlemen, your attention, please. 763 00:45:45,520 --> 00:45:52,120 Dynamite Dan Grimsby is forced to withdraw owing to a sprained little finger. 764 00:45:52,160 --> 00:45:54,480 JEERS 765 00:45:54,520 --> 00:45:57,040 In place of the main bout... 766 00:45:57,080 --> 00:45:59,320 (LAUGHS) 767 00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:02,760 Oh, you unsympathetic lump! 768 00:46:02,800 --> 00:46:04,760 Why doesn't somebody punch him? 769 00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:07,080 Why don't you? It's your fault. 770 00:46:19,920 --> 00:46:21,560 Gabe! 771 00:46:21,600 --> 00:46:23,320 Come here, Gabe. 772 00:46:26,520 --> 00:46:29,160 Hey, you. Come on back and fight. 773 00:46:30,320 --> 00:46:35,160 What are you waiting for? Do I have to strike the first blow? 774 00:46:35,200 --> 00:46:38,000 Very well, then, don't say I didn't warn you. 775 00:46:43,680 --> 00:46:45,840 Oh, no, I'm not ready. 776 00:46:56,480 --> 00:47:00,640 Hey, ref! He can't hit him, he's got his glasses on! 777 00:47:21,160 --> 00:47:23,240 Come on, Gabe! Get at him! 778 00:47:34,320 --> 00:47:37,040 Run, Gabe! Run! 779 00:47:37,080 --> 00:47:39,080 Faster! 780 00:47:41,760 --> 00:47:43,760 Get out! Jump out! 781 00:47:47,640 --> 00:47:49,840 (LAUGHS) 782 00:47:55,600 --> 00:47:57,680 He's coming, Gabe! 783 00:47:59,480 --> 00:48:01,320 He's got him! 784 00:48:05,120 --> 00:48:06,760 Well done, Gabe! 785 00:48:06,800 --> 00:48:08,800 CHEERS AND APPLAUSE 786 00:48:16,240 --> 00:48:17,520 PHONE RINGS 787 00:48:19,800 --> 00:48:20,800 Yes? 788 00:48:22,800 --> 00:48:27,200 I see. How very disappointing. 789 00:48:27,240 --> 00:48:31,040 I shall have to make alternative arrangements. 790 00:48:31,080 --> 00:48:33,080 Take care. Goodbye. 791 00:48:44,760 --> 00:48:47,960 PHONE RINGS 792 00:48:48,000 --> 00:48:50,520 Helping Hands Ltd. 793 00:48:50,560 --> 00:48:55,000 I beg your pardon? I'm sorry, sir, I can't understand... 794 00:48:55,040 --> 00:48:57,680 Oh! Too loud now. 795 00:48:57,720 --> 00:48:59,960 < I still can't understand. 796 00:49:00,960 --> 00:49:04,240 Now, sir, what was it you wanted? 797 00:49:04,280 --> 00:49:06,480 Yes... yes... 798 00:49:07,600 --> 00:49:10,080 The what?! Are you sure? 799 00:49:10,120 --> 00:49:15,600 Well, I'm sorry, but I find it difficult to understand you. 800 00:49:15,640 --> 00:49:18,840 Yes, of course I've got a note of it. 801 00:49:18,880 --> 00:49:21,720 < Forth Bridge, rest assured. 802 00:49:21,760 --> 00:49:23,760 Goodbye. 803 00:49:28,960 --> 00:49:32,240 Oh, I wish I'd turned it down. 804 00:49:32,280 --> 00:49:36,040 I'm glad you didn't. I mean, this to me is... it... 805 00:49:36,080 --> 00:49:42,320 ..it's adventure. It's like - what's it called? - "The 39 Steps". 806 00:49:42,360 --> 00:49:46,920 Oh, I didn't hear him very well. It's all so indefinite. 807 00:49:48,520 --> 00:49:54,520 But these things usually are. The agent cool, alert and debonair. 808 00:49:54,560 --> 00:50:01,280 He's only ever given a rendezvous; he receives his instructions there. 809 00:50:01,320 --> 00:50:04,960 I might even be contacted on the train. 810 00:50:05,000 --> 00:50:09,880 Ah, Scotland - lot of hydroelectric stuff up there. 811 00:50:11,440 --> 00:50:15,560 Bet this has something to do with atomic energy. 812 00:50:15,600 --> 00:50:19,160 Gracious, I hope you don't end up in Russia! 813 00:50:19,200 --> 00:50:24,200 If I do, I shall behave as an ex-corporal of the Pioneers should. 814 00:50:24,240 --> 00:50:27,640 Name, rank and number, and hands off my shovel. 815 00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:31,040 Don't go! Think of brainwashing! 816 00:50:31,080 --> 00:50:34,440 How can they wash what isn't there? 817 00:50:34,480 --> 00:50:38,280 Er, by that I mean I don't know anything. Yet. 818 00:50:39,680 --> 00:50:42,560 Excuse me, Miss Cooling, my train. 819 00:50:47,720 --> 00:50:50,280 Well, au revoir, Miss Cooling. 820 00:50:50,320 --> 00:50:53,040 Or maybe goodbye. 821 00:50:53,080 --> 00:50:54,880 Oh, dear! 822 00:50:59,600 --> 00:51:02,400 TRAIN WHISTLES 823 00:51:18,040 --> 00:51:20,680 Going all the way? 824 00:51:20,720 --> 00:51:22,200 Uh-huh. 825 00:51:22,240 --> 00:51:24,680 That's our man, then. 826 00:51:29,600 --> 00:51:31,600 Oh! 827 00:52:15,920 --> 00:52:17,760 Thank you. 828 00:52:17,800 --> 00:52:20,800 (AMERICAN ACCENT) You're not English. 829 00:52:20,840 --> 00:52:24,040 And you're not Chinese - so what? 830 00:52:24,080 --> 00:52:27,560 So this - we might be on the same journey. 831 00:52:29,000 --> 00:52:31,000 Of course we are. 832 00:53:01,000 --> 00:53:03,440 OK, I'm persevering. 833 00:53:03,480 --> 00:53:05,160 I don't like it. 834 00:53:05,200 --> 00:53:08,280 Quit the pretence, I'm your man. 835 00:53:08,320 --> 00:53:09,680 What?! 836 00:53:09,720 --> 00:53:14,640 I'm glad we met. I wasn't looking forward to jumping off the train. 837 00:53:14,680 --> 00:53:15,840 Huh?! 838 00:53:15,880 --> 00:53:19,280 But if you say we jump, then we jump. 839 00:53:19,320 --> 00:53:21,720 Can we talk this over somewhere less public? 840 00:53:27,800 --> 00:53:30,440 (DROPS ACCENT) Sorry, mate. 841 00:53:30,480 --> 00:53:33,920 Ugh, brown Windsor! Ugh! 842 00:53:39,440 --> 00:53:43,120 '(AMERICAN) This is it. Here's the bridge.' 843 00:53:43,160 --> 00:53:46,600 'Listen, you've got to jump out.' 844 00:53:46,640 --> 00:53:50,800 There's not going to be any contact on the train.' 845 00:53:50,840 --> 00:53:54,560 'When you jump, let every muscle go slack.' 846 00:53:54,600 --> 00:53:57,120 'NOT NOW, STUPID!' 847 00:53:57,160 --> 00:53:58,760 'When you jump.' 848 00:53:59,840 --> 00:54:02,840 'You're not nervous now, are you?' 849 00:54:02,880 --> 00:54:04,000 FLUSHES LOO 850 00:54:04,040 --> 00:54:08,600 (HIGH) No! 851 00:54:08,640 --> 00:54:14,480 'OK, kid, near the bridge now - your rendezvous, the bridge. Get going!' 852 00:54:17,120 --> 00:54:23,200 'Maybe... maybe there is a contact on the train... waiting for you.' 853 00:54:23,240 --> 00:54:29,600 'Yes, that's it - waiting till the last minute - yes - to test your nerve... 854 00:54:29,640 --> 00:54:32,360 to see if you will prepare to jump.' 855 00:54:47,120 --> 00:54:48,520 'Scuse me. 856 00:54:48,560 --> 00:54:51,680 Have you any orders for me, sir? 857 00:54:51,720 --> 00:54:53,840 Orders?! I just want to pass. 858 00:54:53,880 --> 00:54:55,280 Sure, sir? 859 00:54:55,320 --> 00:54:57,000 Quite sure. 860 00:54:57,040 --> 00:54:58,560 Don't you want me for anything, sir? 861 00:54:58,600 --> 00:55:01,640 No, I do not! 862 00:56:05,120 --> 00:56:07,680 PHONE RINGS 863 00:56:07,720 --> 00:56:12,320 Helping Hands... Oh, yes... Oh, it's you! 864 00:56:12,360 --> 00:56:18,440 Oh, yes, most honoured we are, sir. I trust it's going according to plan. 865 00:56:18,480 --> 00:56:20,280 My man went to the Forth Bridge... 866 00:56:20,320 --> 00:56:21,960 Went where? 867 00:56:22,000 --> 00:56:24,000 To the Forth Bridge, as you said. 868 00:56:24,040 --> 00:56:28,160 No! I wanted a fourth at bridge! 869 00:56:28,200 --> 00:56:31,200 Oh... a fourth at bridge... 870 00:56:50,360 --> 00:56:51,960 This is it, Mr Handy. 871 00:56:52,000 --> 00:56:58,000 Thank you, Miss Cooling. No matter how well a firm is doing, it needs publicity. 872 00:56:58,040 --> 00:56:59,120 Yeah. 873 00:56:59,160 --> 00:57:04,160 Shut up! And that could well be the finest publicity we could have. 874 00:57:09,040 --> 00:57:14,080 Obviously, in a kitchen like this work is a luxurious pleasure. 875 00:57:14,120 --> 00:57:16,760 You can do so many things at once. 876 00:57:20,280 --> 00:57:22,640 Good set-up, old chap. Thank you, sir. 877 00:57:22,680 --> 00:57:24,960 But the PC's missing. The PC? 878 00:57:26,080 --> 00:57:27,080 Popsy cupboard. 879 00:57:27,120 --> 00:57:30,400 Now, musn't be naughty! 880 00:57:30,440 --> 00:57:34,640 Unimanual control, and it will go as fast as you like. Observe! 881 00:57:40,080 --> 00:57:43,360 LAUGHTER 882 00:57:43,400 --> 00:57:47,280 I say! There is a popsy cupboard after all. 883 00:57:50,080 --> 00:57:53,200 (HUMS) 884 00:57:53,240 --> 00:57:58,720 Perfect safety. Fixed in a flash and unfixed likewise. 885 00:58:17,480 --> 00:58:21,760 None of you children want to rock on the rocking horse? 886 00:58:21,800 --> 00:58:23,400 Ride it yourself! 887 00:58:23,440 --> 00:58:25,560 I know what you want. 888 00:58:25,600 --> 00:58:29,640 Come along, a swing - anyone like a swing? 889 00:58:29,680 --> 00:58:31,800 No. 890 00:58:31,840 --> 00:58:33,800 I'll have a swing myself. 891 00:58:33,840 --> 00:58:36,960 Just to show you. Isn't it lovely? Look at me! 892 00:58:37,000 --> 00:58:38,360 Oh! 893 00:58:38,400 --> 00:58:40,760 CHILDREN LAUGH 894 00:58:47,120 --> 00:58:49,200 (SNEEZES) 895 00:58:49,240 --> 00:58:53,080 The safety belt makes window-cleaning so cosy. 896 00:58:53,120 --> 00:58:57,720 It pays for itself in six tiny months. Ridiculous! 897 00:58:57,760 --> 00:59:02,600 Won't any little boy or girl sit on the other end and rock with me? 898 00:59:02,640 --> 00:59:05,440 ALL: No! A grown-up, then? 899 00:59:05,480 --> 00:59:07,880 To unharness the safety belt, all you do is... 900 00:59:07,920 --> 00:59:09,360 AAAGH! 901 00:59:09,400 --> 00:59:10,880 Oh! 902 00:59:12,280 --> 00:59:14,240 I'm sorry, Lily. 903 00:59:14,280 --> 00:59:16,400 You made a wave! 904 00:59:16,440 --> 00:59:18,480 LAUGHTER 905 00:59:18,520 --> 00:59:20,520 Who's the boiler? 906 00:59:21,760 --> 00:59:23,800 Ooh! 907 00:59:23,840 --> 00:59:26,640 (POSH) May I ask you to move closer? 908 00:59:29,400 --> 00:59:36,480 Thank you. I do not wish to raise my voice too loudly, in case I wake the people in the next house. 909 00:59:36,520 --> 00:59:41,720 May I introduce you to the Bed of the Century? Here it is. 910 00:59:41,760 --> 00:59:46,240 Whatever you do in bed, this bed helps you do it better. 911 00:59:46,280 --> 00:59:48,240 LAUGHTER 912 00:59:48,280 --> 00:59:52,120 Do you not believe me, madam? Come to bed with me! 913 00:59:52,160 --> 00:59:55,920 First... the neighbours may be watching... 914 00:59:56,960 --> 00:59:58,320 That's better. 915 00:59:58,360 --> 01:00:01,280 And so, to bed, and we will find out. 916 01:00:11,960 --> 01:00:13,600 (GIGGLES) 917 01:00:14,840 --> 01:00:17,360 A little television, perhaps? 918 01:00:20,760 --> 01:00:23,200 The early morning cup of tea? 919 01:00:25,760 --> 01:00:28,800 Or maybe you fancy a snack? 920 01:00:28,840 --> 01:00:30,840 La buffet. 921 01:00:33,160 --> 01:00:36,640 Perhaps you would like a nice, cosy read? 922 01:00:40,040 --> 01:00:42,040 Voila! 923 01:00:43,560 --> 01:00:49,240 Or maybe you've come to bed merely to sleep? Can happen, of course. 924 01:00:49,280 --> 01:00:53,760 Very well... Just recline on the Bed of the Century. 925 01:00:57,040 --> 01:00:59,040 Ooh! 926 01:01:00,040 --> 01:01:02,800 The position not quite right, no? 927 01:01:02,840 --> 01:01:05,080 How often that can happen. 928 01:01:06,080 --> 01:01:10,920 The Bed of the Century will solve this small problem for you. 929 01:01:10,960 --> 01:01:13,680 Merely recline - do not move. 930 01:01:13,720 --> 01:01:17,560 Our mould-to-the-body mattress does it all for you. 931 01:01:17,600 --> 01:01:19,720 Watch, watch, watch. 932 01:01:22,960 --> 01:01:24,920 (DROPS POSH VOICE) Eh? What's going on? 933 01:01:28,280 --> 01:01:32,120 Fred! There's something wrong with the bed, Fred! 934 01:01:34,080 --> 01:01:35,840 GUNSHOT 935 01:01:35,880 --> 01:01:37,880 Wagon train! 936 01:01:45,840 --> 01:01:49,400 One for the pot! (LAUGHS HYSTERICALLY) 937 01:02:01,440 --> 01:02:03,240 SHOES SQUEAK 938 01:02:06,440 --> 01:02:08,440 Hey, you! 939 01:02:11,240 --> 01:02:13,560 You're not our Lou. 940 01:02:13,600 --> 01:02:19,280 No. Your Lou's a bit off colour today, so I come to take his place. 941 01:02:19,320 --> 01:02:21,440 In there? Never! 942 01:02:21,480 --> 01:02:24,960 It's OK, I know the rule - silence. 943 01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:27,240 You're not trained for it. 944 01:02:27,280 --> 01:02:30,120 Oh, come, come, come, please, Sarge. 945 01:02:30,160 --> 01:02:35,520 What training do you need to keep quiet for a few hours? Don't worry! 946 01:02:36,520 --> 01:02:38,520 SHOES SQUEAK 947 01:02:43,600 --> 01:02:45,560 DOOR CREAKS 948 01:02:45,600 --> 01:02:47,600 Shh! 949 01:03:21,840 --> 01:03:24,520 (BUZZES) 950 01:03:51,440 --> 01:03:53,440 (LAUGHS QUIETLY) 951 01:04:08,880 --> 01:04:12,120 (SNORTS AND GIGGLES) 952 01:04:18,640 --> 01:04:20,440 (LAUGHS) 953 01:04:28,440 --> 01:04:30,120 (CACKLES) 954 01:04:36,000 --> 01:04:38,280 Quiet! Quiet! 955 01:04:40,000 --> 01:04:43,640 QUIET!!! 956 01:04:43,680 --> 01:04:45,360 You mustn't speak! 957 01:04:51,520 --> 01:04:54,120 Good morning, Mr Handy. 958 01:04:54,160 --> 01:04:55,720 You look dazed. 959 01:04:55,760 --> 01:04:56,760 I am. 960 01:05:00,280 --> 01:05:02,360 What's it all for? 961 01:05:02,400 --> 01:05:04,760 Streamlined organisation. 962 01:05:04,800 --> 01:05:09,720 If it's good for the business, of course. Perhaps you'll explain. 963 01:05:09,760 --> 01:05:12,080 I have made terrible mistakes. 964 01:05:12,120 --> 01:05:14,600 You're a tower of strength! 965 01:05:14,640 --> 01:05:20,160 Every tower needs foundations, and these are mine. 966 01:05:20,200 --> 01:05:25,080 Each job is filed here, cross- referenced there, costed here... 967 01:05:25,120 --> 01:05:27,480 ..assigned to an available operator. 968 01:05:27,520 --> 01:05:31,880 All of which is secondary to the operative procedure. 969 01:05:31,920 --> 01:05:33,600 Oh, yes, operative, yeah. 970 01:05:40,200 --> 01:05:42,200 Oh, b... BROOM CLATTERS 971 01:05:53,560 --> 01:05:56,160 Oh, I don't suppose it'll matter. 972 01:06:04,080 --> 01:06:05,400 Morning! 973 01:06:05,440 --> 01:06:07,880 Morning. 974 01:06:07,920 --> 01:06:09,840 Ingenious system, eh? 975 01:06:09,880 --> 01:06:12,200 Oh, yes. No possibility of error? 976 01:06:12,240 --> 01:06:14,040 None whatsoever. 977 01:06:14,080 --> 01:06:16,760 Going my way? No. 978 01:06:16,800 --> 01:06:18,520 I thought we'd share a taxi. 979 01:06:18,560 --> 01:06:22,040 Well, I'm already thinking in Chinese. 980 01:06:22,080 --> 01:06:23,160 Chinese? 981 01:06:23,200 --> 01:06:26,720 Interpreting's my job today. Bye! 982 01:06:26,760 --> 01:06:30,720 Chinese - I wonder if it's true what they say. 983 01:06:30,760 --> 01:06:32,520 Francis! 984 01:06:40,880 --> 01:06:41,920 Good morning, Madam. 985 01:06:41,960 --> 01:06:44,200 Toushan. Pardon? 986 01:06:44,240 --> 01:06:46,320 Toushan. 987 01:06:46,360 --> 01:06:48,440 Of course! 988 01:06:48,480 --> 01:06:53,680 (SLOWLY) Coincidence - a friend of mine has gone all Chinese this morning as well. 989 01:06:56,120 --> 01:06:58,800 May - I - come - in? 990 01:07:03,600 --> 01:07:06,240 (ALL SPEAK IN CHINESE LANGUAGE) 991 01:07:14,520 --> 01:07:17,520 Please! Wait a minute! Look, please! 992 01:07:19,040 --> 01:07:20,720 There's been a mistake. 993 01:07:20,760 --> 01:07:24,320 Mistake? It's impossible. Gracious me! 994 01:07:24,360 --> 01:07:27,240 This must be Fr-Francisesis's job. 995 01:07:34,000 --> 01:07:36,040 What platform for Ely? 996 01:07:36,080 --> 01:07:37,240 Number one, over there. 997 01:07:37,280 --> 01:07:41,400 Thank you. I'll show them if I need a keeper. 998 01:07:46,160 --> 01:07:47,920 < Come along, girls. 999 01:07:50,280 --> 01:07:53,280 Good morning. I'm your Helping Hand, I fancy. 1000 01:07:53,320 --> 01:07:55,000 Go away. 1001 01:07:55,040 --> 01:07:58,560 Oh, you expected me to be Chinese. 1002 01:07:58,600 --> 01:08:00,040 Chinese? 1003 01:08:00,080 --> 01:08:03,400 I expected your girls to be Chinese too. 1004 01:08:03,440 --> 01:08:05,800 I don't know what you're talking about. 1005 01:08:05,840 --> 01:08:08,240 As soon as I saw their breast... 1006 01:08:08,280 --> 01:08:09,600 I beg your pardon! 1007 01:08:09,640 --> 01:08:13,160 Breast pockets. I put two and two together. 1008 01:08:13,200 --> 01:08:15,560 I want a policeman. 1009 01:08:15,600 --> 01:08:18,040 I'll offer you a much better service. 1010 01:08:18,080 --> 01:08:22,160 I speak Chinese, with a slight Cantonese accent. 1011 01:08:22,200 --> 01:08:26,840 An interesting group of girls. European, of course. 1012 01:08:26,880 --> 01:08:32,720 On their first contact with London they'll need me to, er... 1013 01:08:32,760 --> 01:08:35,240 Shall we begin? Begin what? 1014 01:08:35,280 --> 01:08:39,360 I'll go in the first taxi with some of the girls... 1015 01:08:39,400 --> 01:08:40,960 Police! 1016 01:08:41,000 --> 01:08:44,120 Madam... Police! 1017 01:08:44,160 --> 01:08:46,400 What's the trouble? 1018 01:08:46,440 --> 01:08:48,960 I'm ready to pick up this woman's girls. 1019 01:08:49,000 --> 01:08:50,240 Oh? 1020 01:08:50,280 --> 01:08:52,080 Yes, I speak Chinese. You speak what? 1021 01:08:52,120 --> 01:08:53,680 Can't you understand English? 1022 01:08:53,720 --> 01:08:55,560 Arrest this man. 1023 01:08:55,600 --> 01:08:57,440 GIRLS: No, don't! 1024 01:08:57,480 --> 01:08:59,440 They speak English. 1025 01:08:59,480 --> 01:09:00,680 So what? 1026 01:09:00,720 --> 01:09:02,520 They should speak Chinese. 1027 01:09:02,560 --> 01:09:07,720 What am I doing here if they can speak English as well as what we can? 1028 01:09:07,760 --> 01:09:08,960 Arrest this man. 1029 01:09:09,000 --> 01:09:11,560 I'm working, I'm a linguist. 1030 01:09:11,600 --> 01:09:13,360 That's a new name for it. 1031 01:09:13,400 --> 01:09:14,640 How dare you! 1032 01:09:14,680 --> 01:09:15,760 Shut up! 1033 01:09:15,800 --> 01:09:18,440 Aw! They're handling a genius. 1034 01:09:18,480 --> 01:09:22,400 I protest! Ah! Ah! Ah! Aw! Ah! 1035 01:09:26,320 --> 01:09:28,440 BELL RINGS 1036 01:09:30,680 --> 01:09:32,720 You're Martin Paul, the actor. 1037 01:09:33,840 --> 01:09:35,320 That's right. 1038 01:09:35,360 --> 01:09:37,320 I thought this wasn't a beauty salon. 1039 01:09:37,360 --> 01:09:41,120 Pardon? Oh, won't you please come in? 1040 01:09:42,080 --> 01:09:45,640 I'm demonstrating a new beauty treatment. 1041 01:09:45,680 --> 01:09:47,400 A very pretty mistake too. 1042 01:09:47,440 --> 01:09:48,680 Mr Paul, please. 1043 01:09:48,720 --> 01:09:52,440 You can help me dress and undress. 1044 01:09:52,480 --> 01:09:54,080 Mr Paul, really! 1045 01:09:54,120 --> 01:09:55,720 I like Helping Hands. 1046 01:09:55,760 --> 01:09:57,640 Not helping yourself hands! 1047 01:09:57,680 --> 01:10:00,160 But you don't understand. Will you please control yourself? 1048 01:10:00,200 --> 01:10:04,600 My fifth marriage has just ended. What's that got to do with it? 1049 01:10:04,640 --> 01:10:08,160 Console me, have pity on me in my hour of need. 1050 01:10:08,200 --> 01:10:10,720 Who knows, you may well be number six! 1051 01:10:10,760 --> 01:10:14,040 Waaa! Not on your nelly! I'm off. 1052 01:10:21,560 --> 01:10:23,680 Pity. 1053 01:10:31,880 --> 01:10:33,200 Morning, sir. 1054 01:10:33,240 --> 01:10:35,040 Is the rehearsal being held here? 1055 01:10:35,080 --> 01:10:37,240 It's a demonstration. 1056 01:10:37,280 --> 01:10:39,040 Where's Mr Paul? 1057 01:10:39,080 --> 01:10:40,520 Who's Mr Paul? 1058 01:10:40,560 --> 01:10:44,160 There's been a mistake. 1059 01:10:44,200 --> 01:10:49,800 I've assembled the beauty trade to watch a lovely girl undergoing our latest routine. 1060 01:10:49,840 --> 01:10:53,080 Have I got a girl? No! 1061 01:10:53,120 --> 01:10:54,240 Steady on. 1062 01:10:54,280 --> 01:10:56,320 I've got you and I don't want you. 1063 01:11:05,080 --> 01:11:09,240 Hello. Togetherness Marriage Agency? 1064 01:11:11,280 --> 01:11:16,400 It's three minutes after the time she's supposed to have arrived. 1065 01:11:16,440 --> 01:11:23,800 I'm on the verge of a most important meeting and you can't get her here on time. 1066 01:11:25,760 --> 01:11:30,440 I am extremely dissatisfied. The next time I want a wife I shall take my custom elsewhere. 1067 01:11:30,480 --> 01:11:32,120 DOORBELL RINGS 1068 01:11:33,880 --> 01:11:35,640 She's here. 1069 01:11:44,000 --> 01:11:45,280 Mr Beamish? 1070 01:11:45,320 --> 01:11:47,160 Oh, yes. 1071 01:11:49,080 --> 01:11:53,040 I know everything's going to be all right. 1072 01:11:53,080 --> 01:11:55,040 There's no reason why it shouldn't be. 1073 01:11:55,080 --> 01:11:57,640 How exquisite, how exciting. 1074 01:11:59,200 --> 01:12:01,120 May I come in? 1075 01:12:01,160 --> 01:12:03,040 Oh, please do. 1076 01:12:08,520 --> 01:12:10,800 How thoughtful to bring flowers. 1077 01:12:10,840 --> 01:12:14,880 That's what you wanted - a woman's touch in your home. 1078 01:12:14,920 --> 01:12:16,160 Do sit down. 1079 01:12:16,200 --> 01:12:21,600 I can't sit down, there's so much to do. Where do you want me to start? 1080 01:12:21,640 --> 01:12:24,280 I'll leave that to you. 1081 01:12:25,600 --> 01:12:27,520 That doesn't look very comfortable. 1082 01:12:32,040 --> 01:12:35,040 Comfortable enough for anybody now. 1083 01:12:37,120 --> 01:12:40,640 Yes. Isn't it wonderful, we're the same religion. 1084 01:12:40,680 --> 01:12:41,800 Eh? 1085 01:12:41,840 --> 01:12:45,120 Isn't it good the agency takes care of such things? 1086 01:12:45,160 --> 01:12:46,640 Do they? 1087 01:12:46,680 --> 01:12:49,600 Definitely. 1088 01:12:49,640 --> 01:12:52,040 Your beliefs don't concern me. 1089 01:12:52,080 --> 01:12:56,040 The important thing is to get on with the job and enjoy it. 1090 01:12:56,080 --> 01:12:58,880 But don't you want to talk? 1091 01:12:58,920 --> 01:13:03,120 Talk? We both know what I'm here to do. What's there to talk about? 1092 01:13:03,160 --> 01:13:05,640 You sound more experienced than I imagined. 1093 01:13:05,680 --> 01:13:07,720 I've had plenty of variety. 1094 01:13:07,760 --> 01:13:08,760 Variety? 1095 01:13:08,800 --> 01:13:10,560 That's why I joined. 1096 01:13:10,600 --> 01:13:11,960 Of course. 1097 01:13:12,000 --> 01:13:15,640 I don't mind. You must take the rough with the smooth. 1098 01:13:15,680 --> 01:13:16,960 What are you doing? 1099 01:13:17,000 --> 01:13:19,000 Stripping for action. 1100 01:13:19,040 --> 01:13:23,680 I like to be comfy. You don't have to do anything. 1101 01:13:23,720 --> 01:13:25,120 I think you ought to go. 1102 01:13:25,160 --> 01:13:28,080 But I haven't done anything yet. 1103 01:13:28,120 --> 01:13:29,240 And I don't want you to. 1104 01:13:30,560 --> 01:13:32,680 There's been a mistake. 1105 01:13:32,720 --> 01:13:34,640 You specifically asked for flowers. 1106 01:13:34,680 --> 01:13:36,640 I've got the letter here. 1107 01:13:36,680 --> 01:13:37,840 Show me. 1108 01:13:37,880 --> 01:13:40,040 Show me. 1109 01:13:48,600 --> 01:13:50,200 Helping Hands. 1110 01:13:50,240 --> 01:13:52,920 Marriage agency? 1111 01:13:54,120 --> 01:14:00,440 I thought you wanted someone to tidy the place, a woman's touch for... 1112 01:14:00,480 --> 01:14:03,960 A tea party for my aunt in two weeks' time. 1113 01:14:05,400 --> 01:14:09,080 Here we are. Aren't they lambs? 1114 01:14:09,120 --> 01:14:11,960 They look like birds to me. 1115 01:14:12,000 --> 01:14:15,320 (CHUCKLES) Where's the show, then? 1116 01:14:15,360 --> 01:14:17,720 Olympia, next year. 1117 01:14:17,760 --> 01:14:21,320 No, I mean your show. That must be a corker. 1118 01:14:21,360 --> 01:14:22,960 Must it? 1119 01:14:23,000 --> 01:14:26,640 You're crafty. You're dead crafty. 1120 01:14:26,680 --> 01:14:30,360 It looks like an ordinary house. Where do you keep them? 1121 01:14:30,400 --> 01:14:31,480 Keep what? 1122 01:14:31,520 --> 01:14:32,760 You know. 1123 01:14:32,800 --> 01:14:34,240 But I don't. 1124 01:14:34,280 --> 01:14:38,400 You can rely on discretion with us. 1125 01:14:38,440 --> 01:14:41,240 If you want me to do the job, I must know where they are. 1126 01:14:41,280 --> 01:14:45,000 But they're here. Can you not see? 1127 01:14:47,240 --> 01:14:49,120 Where? 1128 01:14:49,160 --> 01:14:50,640 What do you mean? 1129 01:14:50,680 --> 01:14:52,800 Where do the girls undress?! 1130 01:14:52,840 --> 01:14:54,840 There are no girls here. 1131 01:14:54,880 --> 01:14:56,480 Who does undress here, then? 1132 01:14:56,520 --> 01:14:59,560 Only the old woman when she goes to bed. 1133 01:14:59,600 --> 01:15:01,160 Put his head in a bucket. 1134 01:15:01,200 --> 01:15:03,200 You do and I'll bite your thumb off. 1135 01:15:03,240 --> 01:15:04,960 Get out of it. 1136 01:15:05,000 --> 01:15:07,520 You are from Helping Hands? 1137 01:15:07,560 --> 01:15:10,520 Of course, I'm your chucker-out. 1138 01:15:10,560 --> 01:15:13,400 There's been a mistake. 1139 01:15:13,440 --> 01:15:15,440 ♪ SLOW JAZZ 1140 01:15:23,920 --> 01:15:25,400 Oh, hello. 1141 01:15:25,440 --> 01:15:26,880 What do you want? 1142 01:15:26,920 --> 01:15:29,800 Your birds. What sort are they? 1143 01:15:29,840 --> 01:15:31,640 What sort do you like? 1144 01:15:31,680 --> 01:15:33,920 Blue tits. Have you got any? 1145 01:15:33,960 --> 01:15:36,440 No, we've got central heating. 1146 01:15:36,480 --> 01:15:38,480 Oh, tropical birds. 1147 01:15:38,520 --> 01:15:40,280 We have one from Ceylon. 1148 01:15:40,320 --> 01:15:45,040 Oh, my goodness, how do I keep the poor things warm in a taxi? 1149 01:15:45,080 --> 01:15:51,240 Look, chum, this is a respectable place, you could bring your aunt. 1150 01:15:51,280 --> 01:15:53,760 Oh, thank you. 1151 01:15:53,800 --> 01:15:55,840 You're not from Helping Hands? 1152 01:15:55,880 --> 01:15:57,280 Yes. 1153 01:15:57,320 --> 01:15:58,840 You made a mistake. 1154 01:15:58,880 --> 01:16:01,200 I can't, we've got a system. 1155 01:16:01,240 --> 01:16:07,160 I asked for a chucker-out. We've had trouble with gatecrashers. 1156 01:16:07,200 --> 01:16:09,520 I wanted somebody tough to turf them out. 1157 01:16:09,560 --> 01:16:10,800 And you got me. 1158 01:16:10,840 --> 01:16:12,320 Yeah. 1159 01:16:12,360 --> 01:16:17,360 Yes. A job's a job, orders are orders. When do I start? 1160 01:16:17,400 --> 01:16:20,560 You mean you'll take the job? 1161 01:16:20,600 --> 01:16:22,560 Yes, please. 1162 01:16:22,600 --> 01:16:24,680 Well, bully for you. 1163 01:16:24,720 --> 01:16:27,400 Thanks. 1164 01:16:27,440 --> 01:16:28,840 < APPLAUSE 1165 01:16:28,880 --> 01:16:31,920 Oh, I say! 1166 01:16:31,960 --> 01:16:34,920 I couldn't bring my aunty here. > 1167 01:16:38,560 --> 01:16:39,720 Thank you. 1168 01:16:39,760 --> 01:16:42,040 You're welcome. 1169 01:16:42,080 --> 01:16:44,480 Gee up, gee up, gee up! 1170 01:16:44,520 --> 01:16:46,160 You need a punch up the beak. 1171 01:16:53,640 --> 01:16:55,600 How do you do? 1172 01:16:55,640 --> 01:17:00,960 I was thinking early busy, wondering if you're ready for the frail. 1173 01:17:01,000 --> 01:17:06,520 Sir, perhaps I'll understand you if you talk slowly. 1174 01:17:06,560 --> 01:17:10,000 Do me a favour - slowly. 1175 01:17:10,040 --> 01:17:17,360 For many crowthers, I have omster investor moerd craymen foil. 1176 01:17:17,400 --> 01:17:19,880 I just don't understand him. 1177 01:17:19,920 --> 01:17:21,800 I do. 1178 01:17:21,840 --> 01:17:24,160 You do? 1179 01:17:24,200 --> 01:17:25,520 He gobbledegooks. 1180 01:17:25,560 --> 01:17:27,280 I don't care what he is. 1181 01:17:27,320 --> 01:17:28,840 You don't understand. 1182 01:17:28,880 --> 01:17:30,720 I know. Translate it. 1183 01:17:30,760 --> 01:17:32,040 How do you do? 1184 01:17:32,080 --> 01:17:34,000 How do you do? Minda plow interpri? 1185 01:17:34,040 --> 01:17:37,000 Well, how extraordin necessar tooly. 1186 01:17:37,040 --> 01:17:41,800 You can strowl and tell Mr hayden there was goeden. 1187 01:17:41,840 --> 01:17:46,280 Prepare yourself for a shock. This is your landlord... 1188 01:17:46,320 --> 01:17:48,560 ..and he's just given you notice. 1189 01:17:48,600 --> 01:17:53,160 Because I don't talk his language? Racial prejudice. 1190 01:17:53,200 --> 01:17:56,960 No prejudice. Kalaba boawal. 1191 01:17:57,000 --> 01:18:01,520 Each man's investment bowl futures. 1192 01:18:01,560 --> 01:18:05,000 And therefore us all upsars. 1193 01:18:05,040 --> 01:18:08,120 He's just received a much better offer for these premises. 1194 01:18:08,160 --> 01:18:10,160 That's nice! 1195 01:18:10,200 --> 01:18:12,840 Just as we were settling in so comfortably. 1196 01:18:12,880 --> 01:18:15,720 I don't realise the problem sown. 1197 01:18:15,760 --> 01:18:19,280 Get the message home for weeks. 1198 01:18:19,320 --> 01:18:23,400 He's been trying to tell you for weeks about it... 1199 01:18:23,440 --> 01:18:25,840 ..to soften the blow. 1200 01:18:25,880 --> 01:18:29,160 I'm sure we'd all chip in to cover the increase. 1201 01:18:29,200 --> 01:18:31,800 ALL: Yeah. 1202 01:18:31,840 --> 01:18:34,480 No, we'll find new premises. 1203 01:18:34,520 --> 01:18:38,400 It took you three months to find this place and it's no palace. 1204 01:18:38,440 --> 01:18:39,760 That's the end of Helping Hands. 1205 01:18:39,800 --> 01:18:42,200 Back to the labour exchange. 1206 01:18:42,240 --> 01:18:43,360 There must be some way out. 1207 01:18:43,400 --> 01:18:45,800 Yeah, that door, we're sunk. 1208 01:18:45,840 --> 01:18:48,000 Surely there's something we can do. 1209 01:18:48,040 --> 01:18:50,080 We must be sensible. 1210 01:18:50,120 --> 01:18:52,960 In his shoes, I'd do the same. 1211 01:18:53,000 --> 01:18:55,120 In his shoes, I'd run for me life. 1212 01:18:55,160 --> 01:18:56,840 It's not gonna solve our problem. 1213 01:18:56,880 --> 01:19:00,200 All conscience and shedy tear. 1214 01:19:00,240 --> 01:19:02,920 But I found a wet sea and water... 1215 01:19:02,960 --> 01:19:09,800 ..but I say you can all stay remain if you suffer generarops. 1216 01:19:09,840 --> 01:19:13,920 He's moved by our loyalty to this enterprise... 1217 01:19:13,960 --> 01:19:17,640 ..and we can stay. 1218 01:19:17,680 --> 01:19:20,480 Oh, that's nice. Thank you. 1219 01:19:20,520 --> 01:19:23,160 If we will do something for him. 1220 01:19:23,200 --> 01:19:24,240 What? 1221 01:19:24,280 --> 01:19:27,720 I'll do anything. I'll do anything. 1222 01:19:27,760 --> 01:19:33,560 I have in this enviros beautiful lawns a great bildis biroque... 1223 01:19:33,600 --> 01:19:39,480 ..and a gargol in front entrals, windy staircase up to the ceily... 1224 01:19:39,520 --> 01:19:45,800 ..and shandy ladies, fine centra grives with Van Goghy... 1225 01:19:45,840 --> 01:19:51,440 ..and if anyone come works themselves to stickabick... 1226 01:19:51,480 --> 01:19:56,280 ..this leasy is handy-ho, garba. 1227 01:19:57,440 --> 01:20:02,680 His main business is property development. 1228 01:20:03,640 --> 01:20:07,720 He's bought the oldest, dirtiest house he's ever had... 1229 01:20:07,760 --> 01:20:10,320 ..and the cleaning bill is prohibitive. 1230 01:20:10,360 --> 01:20:15,640 If we all clean it for him, he'll give us a 99-years lease. 1231 01:20:18,440 --> 01:20:20,120 Why not make it the round 100? 1232 01:20:20,160 --> 01:20:21,480 You shuppy caky. 1233 01:20:21,520 --> 01:20:22,760 You shut your cakehole. 1234 01:20:38,800 --> 01:20:41,680 It'll take 99 years to clear up this dump. 1235 01:20:41,720 --> 01:20:44,240 Yeah, well, step by step. 1236 01:20:44,280 --> 01:20:46,800 OK, boss, where do we start? 1237 01:20:46,840 --> 01:20:51,080 To make it easier to walk about, the floor first. 1238 01:20:51,120 --> 01:20:54,480 It's better to start at the top of the house. 1239 01:20:54,520 --> 01:20:57,800 Disturbed dust will fall down and muck up what we've already cleaned. 1240 01:20:57,840 --> 01:21:02,120 May I submit for the sake of efficient team working... 1241 01:21:02,160 --> 01:21:04,680 ..that we all belt up. 1242 01:21:04,720 --> 01:21:06,680 Always the gent. 1243 01:21:06,720 --> 01:21:11,040 Let's put ourselves in the hands of Sir Handy. 1244 01:21:11,080 --> 01:21:16,280 I like it noted I suggested the suggestion I suggested. 1245 01:21:16,320 --> 01:21:18,200 Very suggestive it was too. 1246 01:21:18,240 --> 01:21:20,520 Over here, please. 1247 01:21:20,560 --> 01:21:22,280 Who's the scrubber? 1248 01:21:25,800 --> 01:21:27,080 In a straight line. 1249 01:21:28,800 --> 01:21:32,280 Get in a straight line. Come on. 1250 01:21:32,320 --> 01:21:35,880 Right now, you ready? Quick sweep! 1251 01:21:35,920 --> 01:21:39,240 ALL: One, two, one, two, one, two... 1252 01:21:39,280 --> 01:21:42,920 CHOKING 1253 01:21:42,960 --> 01:21:45,760 I'll get some water. 1254 01:21:45,800 --> 01:21:47,800 (COUGHS) 1255 01:21:53,400 --> 01:21:59,960 Here, there's no water, we'll have to turn on... the... the main. 1256 01:22:01,800 --> 01:22:04,320 The water mains. 1257 01:22:04,360 --> 01:22:06,840 Wonder where they are. 1258 01:22:08,240 --> 01:22:10,560 It's usually in the cellar. 1259 01:22:13,440 --> 01:22:18,160 I'll nip down and look. If I find it I'll shout, you turn the tap on. 1260 01:22:18,200 --> 01:22:19,840 THUD 1261 01:22:19,880 --> 01:22:22,000 Mr Handy! 1262 01:22:22,040 --> 01:22:24,120 < Turn the flaming light on! 1263 01:22:24,160 --> 01:22:27,960 Oh, yes, but I'm not sure where they put the... 1264 01:22:28,000 --> 01:22:29,840 Argh! THUD 1265 01:22:29,880 --> 01:22:32,440 Don't go, there's so few left. 1266 01:22:32,480 --> 01:22:34,760 < Where's the flaming light?! 1267 01:22:34,800 --> 01:22:37,400 The electricity doesn't seem to be connected. 1268 01:22:37,440 --> 01:22:41,120 Someone might have told you the stairs begin immediately. 1269 01:22:41,160 --> 01:22:42,880 < Well, they didn't, did they?! 1270 01:22:42,920 --> 01:22:45,400 < No, they didn't! Ohhh! 1271 01:22:45,440 --> 01:22:48,160 Can you find the water main in the dark? 1272 01:22:48,200 --> 01:22:50,240 < I'll try. 1273 01:22:50,280 --> 01:22:54,880 < Oh, blimey! I found it with my blasted shin! 1274 01:22:54,920 --> 01:22:57,680 < Help, don't just stand there! 1275 01:22:57,720 --> 01:23:03,320 < I say, how did you know where I was standing? Ooooh! 1276 01:23:03,360 --> 01:23:06,160 I've just remembered, I left the tap turned on. 1277 01:23:06,200 --> 01:23:08,280 < We got it! Yeah! 1278 01:23:08,320 --> 01:23:09,600 < Hurray! 1279 01:23:11,480 --> 01:23:13,920 WOMEN SCREAM 1280 01:23:22,680 --> 01:23:24,200 Women and children first! 1281 01:23:24,240 --> 01:23:25,760 Thank you, Mother, come on! 1282 01:23:29,440 --> 01:23:31,920 ALL SHOUT AT ONCE 1283 01:23:42,520 --> 01:23:46,320 Francis, where are you? Where have you gone? 1284 01:23:50,520 --> 01:23:53,200 SHOUTING AND SCREAMING 1285 01:24:01,040 --> 01:24:02,880 Turn it off! 1286 01:24:02,920 --> 01:24:04,640 I've just turned it on. 1287 01:24:10,440 --> 01:24:12,680 Turn it off! 1288 01:24:12,720 --> 01:24:15,920 Turn off the main! 1289 01:24:15,960 --> 01:24:18,360 Get down there and turn off the main! 1290 01:24:21,720 --> 01:24:24,000 Break it down! 1291 01:24:29,160 --> 01:24:31,160 Go on! 1292 01:24:32,640 --> 01:24:35,960 Are you all right?! 1293 01:24:36,000 --> 01:24:37,960 Of course he is. He's done it before. 1294 01:24:38,000 --> 01:24:41,640 Fancy charging a rotting old door like that. 1295 01:24:45,600 --> 01:24:48,280 Any idiot can tell if a door's solid. 1296 01:24:48,320 --> 01:24:51,440 Test it. Simple. 1297 01:24:51,480 --> 01:24:53,920 Argh! 1298 01:24:56,960 --> 01:24:59,320 < Hey, Dave! 1299 01:24:59,360 --> 01:25:04,160 Hello. I'm all right, and I've turned off the main. 1300 01:25:04,200 --> 01:25:07,240 The water will die down in a moment. 1301 01:25:13,080 --> 01:25:15,000 There's a big hole. > 1302 01:25:15,040 --> 01:25:18,760 I did suggest we started upstairs. 1303 01:25:18,800 --> 01:25:20,320 Look at all the mess. 1304 01:25:20,360 --> 01:25:21,520 I'm looking. 1305 01:25:21,560 --> 01:25:25,520 This is the end of Helping Hands. 1306 01:25:35,520 --> 01:25:39,680 What a remarkable organisation set to sure. 1307 01:25:39,720 --> 01:25:44,680 Who would you know I'd decide to demolish all this propy... 1308 01:25:44,720 --> 01:25:48,440 ..and to build a luxury modern flabablock? 1309 01:25:48,480 --> 01:25:49,920 You can say that again. 1310 01:25:49,960 --> 01:25:51,040 Flabablock. 1311 01:25:51,080 --> 01:25:52,640 Cor! 1312 01:25:52,680 --> 01:25:54,920 Remarkabold. 1313 01:25:54,960 --> 01:26:01,200 An extraordinary pace of progress in such a short tie load. Folly, folly. 1314 01:26:01,240 --> 01:26:03,480 Only one thing to sum up it. > 1315 01:26:03,520 --> 01:26:04,760 What's that? 1316 01:26:04,800 --> 01:26:07,440 Carry-okus. 1317 01:26:08,840 --> 01:26:11,480 Goodly-bye load. 1318 01:26:11,520 --> 01:26:17,040 "What an organisation you are. How could you know I'd change my mind... 1319 01:26:17,080 --> 01:26:22,440 ..and pull the house down - the greenhouse and wash house and..." 1320 01:26:22,480 --> 01:26:25,600 That fell down of its own accord. 1321 01:26:25,640 --> 01:26:28,680 He's going to build a luxury block of flats. 1322 01:26:28,720 --> 01:26:32,320 Only one thing remains to be said - carry on! 1323 01:26:32,360 --> 01:26:34,680 ALL: Regardless! 92722