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1
00:00:05,744 --> 00:00:09,313
This isn't how
she wanted to end her day...
2
00:00:09,347 --> 00:00:11,449
or her life.
3
00:00:14,019 --> 00:00:19,057
Private detective Tony Hurt!
How did you find me?!
4
00:00:19,177 --> 00:00:21,478
I've been looking for you
my whole life.
5
00:00:21,513 --> 00:00:22,646
Mm!
6
00:00:22,681 --> 00:00:24,381
They made love not once...
7
00:00:24,416 --> 00:00:26,383
...not twice,
8
00:00:26,418 --> 00:00:29,086
but 2 1/2 times.
9
00:00:29,120 --> 00:00:33,090
And she knew,
as she had never known before,
10
00:00:33,124 --> 00:00:35,759
that the last time
wasn't her fault
11
00:00:35,794 --> 00:00:39,263
because he was still
super into her.
12
00:00:39,297 --> 00:00:41,265
The end...
13
00:00:41,299 --> 00:00:43,133
of the book I wrote.
14
00:00:43,168 --> 00:00:44,668
I loved it!
15
00:00:44,703 --> 00:00:47,104
The whole time I was imagining
myself as Tony Hurt --
16
00:00:47,138 --> 00:00:48,439
until the love scene,
17
00:00:48,473 --> 00:00:50,140
when I became the housewife
for some reason.
18
00:00:50,175 --> 00:00:51,809
But like I said, I loved it!
19
00:00:51,843 --> 00:00:54,545
What was
your favorite part, Stan?
20
00:00:54,579 --> 00:00:56,213
Come on, right drop!
21
00:00:56,248 --> 00:00:57,815
You had a three-drop lead
on left drop.
22
00:00:57,849 --> 00:00:59,750
Here it comes!
23
00:00:59,784 --> 00:01:02,553
I can't wait to hear
this feedback.
24
00:01:02,587 --> 00:01:04,555
Right drop!
Hmm.
25
00:01:04,589 --> 00:01:07,424
Sir Alister Wright-Droppe
was such a small character.
26
00:01:07,459 --> 00:01:10,761
I'm thrilled that he jumped
off the page for you.
27
00:01:10,795 --> 00:01:13,330
I seem to have gotten away
with something here.
28
00:01:13,365 --> 00:01:15,499
Well, you're not
the only ones going nuts
29
00:01:15,533 --> 00:01:19,503
for "The Cobra in the Bag:
A Tony Hurt Mystery."
30
00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:21,505
"By F.R. Ancine"?
31
00:01:21,539 --> 00:01:23,207
Oh! "Francine."
32
00:01:23,241 --> 00:01:24,708
You clever bitch.
33
00:01:24,743 --> 00:01:27,411
The Federation
of American Mystery Writers
34
00:01:27,445 --> 00:01:31,615
agree with you because
they nominated me for an award.
35
00:01:31,650 --> 00:01:35,486
"Best lonely housewife
detective novella, softcore."
36
00:01:35,520 --> 00:01:36,887
And guess what.
37
00:01:36,922 --> 00:01:40,591
The awards banquet
is next weekend in Manhattan!
38
00:01:40,625 --> 00:01:42,760
What do you say, Stan?
Are we all going?
39
00:01:42,794 --> 00:01:43,827
Not the small one.
40
00:01:43,862 --> 00:01:47,665
Not the small one.
41
00:01:47,699 --> 00:01:48,933
The big apple!
42
00:01:48,967 --> 00:01:51,302
You are my rock, Stan.
43
00:01:51,336 --> 00:01:53,637
I'll start packing.
44
00:01:53,672 --> 00:01:55,172
What day of the week is it?
45
00:01:55,206 --> 00:01:57,374
Do I have to be at work?
46
00:01:59,945 --> 00:02:02,579
# Good morning, U.S.A. #
47
00:02:02,614 --> 00:02:06,517
# I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day #
48
00:02:06,551 --> 00:02:09,520
# the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face #
49
00:02:09,554 --> 00:02:13,824
# and he's shinin' a salute
to the American race #
50
00:02:15,760 --> 00:02:19,330
# oh, boy, it's swell to say #
51
00:02:31,995 --> 00:02:34,812
A real New York hotel!
52
00:02:34,846 --> 00:02:38,649
How many Wall Street bankers
had their first prostitute here?
53
00:02:38,683 --> 00:02:40,250
Oh, my God!
54
00:02:40,285 --> 00:02:42,853
Is that best-selling
mystery author James Patterson?!
55
00:02:42,887 --> 00:02:44,421
And his cardboard cutout,
56
00:02:44,456 --> 00:02:46,703
who Charlie Rose
once interviewed for an hour.
57
00:02:47,512 --> 00:02:50,082
He's receiving a lifetime
achievement award!
58
00:02:50,307 --> 00:02:52,776
There are more of his books
a left on beaches
59
00:02:52,810 --> 00:02:54,677
than used condoms.
60
00:02:54,712 --> 00:02:57,847
That guy could easily turn
any two-bit detective characters
61
00:02:57,882 --> 00:02:59,249
into a best seller,
62
00:02:59,283 --> 00:03:00,884
which would then be optioned
for a movie!
63
00:03:00,885 --> 00:03:02,819
The kind of movie that wouldn't
get a theatrical release
64
00:03:02,853 --> 00:03:04,521
but would go straight
to Redbox?!
65
00:03:04,555 --> 00:03:05,755
A Redbox exclusive!
66
00:03:05,790 --> 00:03:07,524
Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
67
00:03:07,558 --> 00:03:09,292
This sounds like a case for...
68
00:03:09,326 --> 00:03:11,628
Wheels and the Legman!
Wheels and the Legman!
69
00:03:28,679 --> 00:03:31,514
We doing this, or what?
70
00:03:31,549 --> 00:03:33,583
I can't change as fast as you.
Right, right.
71
00:03:33,617 --> 00:03:35,285
We're gonna need
a polyester suit, hair dye,
72
00:03:35,319 --> 00:03:36,786
and a wheelchair --
73
00:03:36,821 --> 00:03:38,788
all things I've found before
in the bushes of Central Park.
74
00:03:38,823 --> 00:03:40,957
What were you doing
in the bushes of Central Park?
75
00:03:40,991 --> 00:03:42,826
Not looking for that stuff.
76
00:03:42,860 --> 00:03:44,894
Kaboom!
77
00:03:50,873 --> 00:03:52,364
You're D.O. Rothy,
78
00:03:52,588 --> 00:03:56,211
the queen of lonely housewife
detective novellas, softcore.
79
00:03:56,245 --> 00:03:59,135
I'm F.R. Ancine,
the competition.
80
00:03:59,255 --> 00:04:00,815
I have no competition.
81
00:04:00,850 --> 00:04:02,784
I've won this award
six years in a row,
82
00:04:02,818 --> 00:04:04,552
and I intend to win it again.
83
00:04:04,587 --> 00:04:08,556
Wait, aren't we in
a literary feud like, um,
84
00:04:08,591 --> 00:04:12,060
uh, um...
85
00:04:12,094 --> 00:04:15,597
Oh. Gee, um...
86
00:04:15,631 --> 00:04:17,932
I want to say Mary someone!
87
00:04:17,967 --> 00:04:20,835
That's right!
Keep walkin'!
88
00:04:20,870 --> 00:04:22,837
Glad we didn't have to go
all the way to Central Park
89
00:04:22,872 --> 00:04:24,606
to find this stuff.
90
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:27,108
Well, sometimes a massive fire
breaks out in a senior home
91
00:04:27,143 --> 00:04:28,943
across the street
right when you need it --
92
00:04:28,978 --> 00:04:30,245
and right when you set it.
93
00:04:30,279 --> 00:04:32,113
Now let's go talk
to James Patterson.
94
00:04:32,148 --> 00:04:35,283
Legman, that's a "novel" idea.
95
00:04:35,317 --> 00:04:37,652
I've missed us.
96
00:04:37,686 --> 00:04:40,155
Excuse me,
Mr. Patterson?
97
00:04:40,189 --> 00:04:41,856
Oh, for crying out loud!
98
00:04:41,891 --> 00:04:43,858
What's the biggest author
in the world have to do
99
00:04:43,893 --> 00:04:45,193
to get a little privacy?
100
00:04:45,227 --> 00:04:46,895
Maybe not stand in the lobby
101
00:04:46,929 --> 00:04:48,763
next to a giant picture
of yourself?
102
00:04:48,798 --> 00:04:50,231
Sorry.
103
00:04:50,266 --> 00:04:52,233
It's just whenever
I come to one of these things,
104
00:04:52,268 --> 00:04:54,936
every super-fan loser
comes out of the woodwork,
105
00:04:54,970 --> 00:04:56,538
and they all think
106
00:04:56,572 --> 00:04:58,273
they've got the best idea
for my next book.
107
00:04:58,307 --> 00:04:59,841
Well, I can assure you
108
00:04:59,875 --> 00:05:01,743
that is not what brought
my associate and I --
109
00:05:01,777 --> 00:05:03,244
"Me" --
associate and me.
110
00:05:03,279 --> 00:05:05,947
Objective pronoun.
The man's a writer.
111
00:05:05,981 --> 00:05:08,116
Allow I to introduce we --
112
00:05:08,150 --> 00:05:10,285
Wheels and the Legman,
private eyes!
113
00:05:10,319 --> 00:05:13,154
And we have the best idea
for your next book.
114
00:05:24,800 --> 00:05:26,301
Look at him!
He loves it!
115
00:05:27,703 --> 00:05:29,637
That's just another
cardboard cutout.
116
00:05:29,672 --> 00:05:32,640
Ah, right, when people talk,
you don't see their words.
117
00:05:32,675 --> 00:05:34,209
Okay, dad,
the first thing I want to do
118
00:05:34,243 --> 00:05:35,677
is go to the United Nations.
119
00:05:35,711 --> 00:05:37,011
Hayley, we're in New York City.
120
00:05:37,046 --> 00:05:38,346
There's no way I'm doing that.
121
00:05:38,380 --> 00:05:39,981
I want to go on
a copper-mine tour.
122
00:05:40,015 --> 00:05:41,683
I-I don't think
they have that here.
123
00:05:41,717 --> 00:05:43,685
Hayley, everywhere
I've ever vacationed
124
00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:47,021
has a copper-mine tour --
New Mexico, Utah, Nebraska.
125
00:05:47,056 --> 00:05:48,790
You're telling me
that all those places
126
00:05:48,824 --> 00:05:50,191
have something
that the so-called
127
00:05:50,226 --> 00:05:51,926
"greatest city in the world"
doesn't?
128
00:05:51,961 --> 00:05:54,596
Why don't
we just go do our own things?
129
00:05:54,630 --> 00:05:56,764
Excuse me,
I couldn't help overhearing
130
00:05:56,799 --> 00:05:58,766
your conversation
I was eavesdropping on.
131
00:05:58,801 --> 00:06:01,936
I may have something
that both of you will like --
132
00:06:01,971 --> 00:06:05,740
"An Evening with Robert Wuhl
at Carnegie Hall."
133
00:06:05,774 --> 00:06:06,908
Who's Robert Wuhl?
134
00:06:06,942 --> 00:06:08,910
He's a very famous actor.
135
00:06:08,944 --> 00:06:10,912
Well, I've never heard of him.
Neither have I.
136
00:06:10,946 --> 00:06:13,615
Sounds like you two
finally agree on something.
137
00:06:13,649 --> 00:06:16,784
I'll set two tickets aside.
138
00:06:16,819 --> 00:06:18,386
Show's in three hours.
139
00:06:18,420 --> 00:06:21,756
Until then, I'll be taking
a tour of that copper mine --
140
00:06:21,790 --> 00:06:24,626
in my imagination.
141
00:06:24,660 --> 00:06:26,728
Oh! Pennies?
142
00:06:26,762 --> 00:06:28,396
Really?!
143
00:06:29,798 --> 00:06:32,867
F.R. Ancine?
I'm James Patterson.
144
00:06:32,902 --> 00:06:35,203
I know. I met
your cutout this morning.
145
00:06:35,237 --> 00:06:37,906
I just want to say
I'm a big fan of your work.
146
00:06:37,940 --> 00:06:41,075
The way you write dialogue
reminds readers
147
00:06:41,110 --> 00:06:43,878
it's really hard
to write dialogue.
148
00:06:43,913 --> 00:06:46,014
Of course Patterson
wasn't interested.
149
00:06:46,048 --> 00:06:47,882
He's only heard us beatboxing.
150
00:06:47,917 --> 00:06:49,918
He's got to see
our detective work.
151
00:06:52,154 --> 00:06:54,722
And it looks like
we got ourselves a case.
152
00:06:54,757 --> 00:06:57,158
"The case
of the missing napkin."
153
00:06:57,192 --> 00:06:59,327
All right, everyone.
This is a crime scene.
154
00:06:59,361 --> 00:07:00,695
No one touch anything!
155
00:07:00,729 --> 00:07:02,897
I'll do the touching.
156
00:07:02,932 --> 00:07:05,300
Damn it, Legman!
157
00:07:05,334 --> 00:07:07,802
Can't you work a case
without falling in love?
158
00:07:07,836 --> 00:07:09,137
Check us out, Patterson.
159
00:07:09,171 --> 00:07:10,822
We've got drama,
banter, romance --
160
00:07:10,942 --> 00:07:12,369
It's writing itself.
161
00:07:14,033 --> 00:07:16,945
He's probably just hiding
behind that cut-out.
162
00:07:17,819 --> 00:07:19,681
He's good.
163
00:07:19,715 --> 00:07:22,684
James Patterson
likes my writing!
164
00:07:22,718 --> 00:07:24,852
Maybe I should prepare
an acceptance speech.
165
00:07:24,887 --> 00:07:26,187
You should be more worried
166
00:07:26,221 --> 00:07:28,723
about making
it to the ceremony at all.
167
00:07:28,757 --> 00:07:31,392
This hotel can be...
treacherous.
168
00:07:31,427 --> 00:07:34,095
It would be a shame
if something happened to you,
169
00:07:34,129 --> 00:07:36,965
since you can only win
if you're there.
170
00:07:36,999 --> 00:07:39,133
Was she just threatening me?
171
00:07:39,168 --> 00:07:40,702
What? S-sorry.
172
00:07:40,736 --> 00:07:41,869
We're -- we're trying
to bag the evidence
173
00:07:41,904 --> 00:07:43,237
without touching it.
174
00:07:43,272 --> 00:07:44,772
Ugh. This is impossible.
Can't I just touch it?
175
00:07:44,807 --> 00:07:46,708
Wait.
Do we need it, even?
176
00:07:49,011 --> 00:07:52,313
Congratulations
again to Michelle.
177
00:07:52,348 --> 00:07:54,182
Speak up!
Sorry.
178
00:07:55,884 --> 00:07:58,720
Uh, I'm really more used
to editing than public speaking.
179
00:07:58,754 --> 00:08:00,054
The next category is --
180
00:08:00,089 --> 00:08:02,223
Oh, my God, you suck!
181
00:08:02,257 --> 00:08:04,892
Well, i-if you think
you can do better --
182
00:08:04,927 --> 00:08:07,061
The next category
is self-published
183
00:08:07,096 --> 00:08:11,399
lonely housewife
detective novellas, softcore!
184
00:08:11,433 --> 00:08:13,935
And the winner is...
185
00:08:13,969 --> 00:08:16,104
You have the envelope, dipshit!
186
00:08:16,138 --> 00:08:17,438
Um...
187
00:08:17,473 --> 00:08:19,140
F.R. Ancine.
188
00:08:20,509 --> 00:08:23,177
All right, mom!
189
00:08:24,413 --> 00:08:27,382
F.R. Ancine?
190
00:08:28,851 --> 00:08:31,986
Well, i-if she's not here,
191
00:08:32,021 --> 00:08:36,824
then the award
goes to D.O. Rothy.
192
00:08:36,859 --> 00:08:37,859
Yes!
193
00:08:37,893 --> 00:08:39,494
What?!
Yes!
194
00:08:39,528 --> 00:08:42,363
I finally got the napkin
in the bag.
195
00:08:42,398 --> 00:08:43,798
Forget the napkin.
196
00:08:43,832 --> 00:08:45,312
We need to figure out
where my mom is.
197
00:08:45,334 --> 00:08:48,503
Your mom?
I'm gonna need a bigger bag.
198
00:08:50,072 --> 00:08:51,272
There's no sign of her!
199
00:08:51,306 --> 00:08:53,808
But plenty of signs
of a struggle.
200
00:08:53,842 --> 00:08:55,109
Her necklace.
201
00:08:55,144 --> 00:08:57,011
She would never
go anywhere without that!
202
00:08:57,046 --> 00:08:59,180
Except to the poor part of town.
203
00:08:59,214 --> 00:09:01,149
Stan never lets us take
more than $20
204
00:09:01,183 --> 00:09:02,817
for the whole family.
205
00:09:02,851 --> 00:09:04,552
And I'd call racist,
but they get us every time.
206
00:09:04,586 --> 00:09:06,554
So either my mom
knocked over this chair
207
00:09:06,588 --> 00:09:09,390
rushing to
the poor part of town or...
208
00:09:09,425 --> 00:09:10,558
She's been...
209
00:09:11,960 --> 00:09:12,994
taken!
...Kidnapped!
210
00:09:13,028 --> 00:09:14,862
Whoa!
I guess we're a bit rusty.
211
00:09:14,897 --> 00:09:15,897
Let--
let's do that again.
212
00:09:15,898 --> 00:09:17,031
She's been...
213
00:09:18,233 --> 00:09:19,400
...taken!
Kidnapped!
214
00:09:19,435 --> 00:09:21,002
I-I really feel like
we need to get this
215
00:09:21,036 --> 00:09:22,403
before we can start looking
for your mom.
216
00:09:22,438 --> 00:09:24,105
It does seem important.
217
00:09:29,151 --> 00:09:30,351
Yes, hi.
218
00:09:30,386 --> 00:09:32,220
I-I'd like to report
a missing person.
219
00:09:32,254 --> 00:09:34,288
Oh, she's been gone
around 10 minutes.
220
00:09:34,323 --> 00:09:36,224
Nope. Haven't looked
anywhere yet.
221
00:09:36,258 --> 00:09:38,092
Kind of panicked and called you.
222
00:09:38,127 --> 00:09:39,560
Hello?
This is bad.
223
00:09:39,595 --> 00:09:42,663
No! We've got Wheels
and the Legman on the case.
224
00:09:42,698 --> 00:09:45,533
First thing we're gonna do
is photograph the crime scene.
225
00:09:45,567 --> 00:09:49,203
Oh, ho, ho, ho.
What have we here?
226
00:09:49,238 --> 00:09:51,406
Wheels, get a picture of these.
227
00:09:51,440 --> 00:09:53,107
Legman!
228
00:09:53,142 --> 00:09:54,542
Meow!
229
00:09:54,576 --> 00:09:56,216
We're supposed to
be looking for evidence,
230
00:09:56,245 --> 00:09:57,678
and we're never gonna find it --
oh, hello.
231
00:09:59,081 --> 00:10:02,083
A receipt from the hotel spa.
232
00:10:02,117 --> 00:10:03,251
Our first clue.
233
00:10:03,285 --> 00:10:04,719
Must have been dropped
by the perp.
234
00:10:04,753 --> 00:10:07,455
Let's go check it out.
235
00:10:09,224 --> 00:10:11,192
Only you and I know.
236
00:10:11,226 --> 00:10:12,360
I also know!
237
00:10:12,394 --> 00:10:14,162
Ignore him.
238
00:10:15,664 --> 00:10:19,367
Well, we're here at
the world famous Carnegie Hall.
239
00:10:19,401 --> 00:10:21,369
Closed?
We were supposed to see a show
240
00:10:21,403 --> 00:10:26,240
starring famous celebrity...
"Robert... Wuhl."
241
00:10:26,275 --> 00:10:27,675
At your service.
242
00:10:27,709 --> 00:10:29,677
You're the guy from the hotel.
What are you doing here?
243
00:10:29,711 --> 00:10:32,547
Surprise!
I'm Bobby Wuhl!
244
00:10:32,581 --> 00:10:35,183
Ha ha! It's me!
245
00:10:35,217 --> 00:10:37,518
You're Robert Wuhl?
In the flesh.
246
00:10:37,553 --> 00:10:40,054
Now let's head out
and get us some potato salad!
247
00:10:40,089 --> 00:10:42,056
Wait, I-I thought
we were spending an evening
248
00:10:42,091 --> 00:10:43,524
at Carnegie Hall?
249
00:10:43,559 --> 00:10:45,526
No, you're spending an evening
with Robert Wuhl.
250
00:10:45,561 --> 00:10:48,062
It just started
at Carnegie Hall.
251
00:10:48,097 --> 00:10:50,064
You're gonna love
the potato salad
252
00:10:50,099 --> 00:10:54,402
at this place --
big chunks of potatoes!
253
00:10:56,805 --> 00:10:58,539
Look, you're my partner,
and I respect
254
00:10:58,574 --> 00:11:00,108
that you play by your own rules,
255
00:11:00,142 --> 00:11:01,476
but this feels like a dead end.
256
00:11:01,510 --> 00:11:03,211
I'm afraid
the only dead ends here
257
00:11:03,245 --> 00:11:05,713
are the nerves in your legs
because look what I just found.
258
00:11:06,815 --> 00:11:09,050
It's a piece of menu
from per se,
259
00:11:09,084 --> 00:11:11,552
one of the finest restaurants
in New York.
260
00:11:11,587 --> 00:11:15,490
And it has a smudge
of mom's lipstick on it!
261
00:11:15,524 --> 00:11:18,092
She must have left this for us,
like a bread crumb.
262
00:11:18,127 --> 00:11:20,595
Oh, mom, I'd recognize
your shade anywhere --
263
00:11:20,629 --> 00:11:22,563
dog-dick red.
264
00:11:22,598 --> 00:11:26,434
Help!
Is anyone there?! Anyone?!
265
00:11:26,468 --> 00:11:28,803
A paperclip.
266
00:11:33,542 --> 00:11:35,209
Oh, thank God.
267
00:11:35,244 --> 00:11:38,546
That poppy seed
was lodged there all day.
268
00:11:38,580 --> 00:11:39,714
Help!
269
00:11:39,748 --> 00:11:42,250
Somebody help!
270
00:11:43,819 --> 00:11:45,419
Mmm!
271
00:11:45,454 --> 00:11:47,655
You see, I was the star
of a show called "Arli$$."
272
00:11:47,689 --> 00:11:49,123
I've never heard of that.
273
00:11:49,158 --> 00:11:50,791
It was on HBO.
Really?
274
00:11:50,826 --> 00:11:52,793
'Cause I haven't seen it
on HBO Go.
275
00:11:52,828 --> 00:11:55,163
Yes, it's "HBO went."
276
00:11:55,197 --> 00:11:56,831
More like "HBO gone."
277
00:11:56,865 --> 00:11:58,533
"HBO left
for a pack of cigarettes
278
00:11:58,567 --> 00:11:59,700
but never came back."
279
00:11:59,735 --> 00:12:02,403
Nice.
Feed the chicken.
280
00:12:02,437 --> 00:12:04,572
Enough! We were on
for seven seasons!
281
00:12:04,606 --> 00:12:06,741
If you want to get to know me...
282
00:12:06,775 --> 00:12:08,075
Meh.
Meh.
283
00:12:08,110 --> 00:12:09,443
...you'll love
the next part
284
00:12:09,478 --> 00:12:10,952
of the evening
with Robert Wuhl --
285
00:12:11,072 --> 00:12:12,480
my house.
286
00:12:12,514 --> 00:12:14,182
You live in a deli?
No!
287
00:12:14,216 --> 00:12:16,350
I'm picking up
some more potato salad.
288
00:12:16,385 --> 00:12:17,536
If you think I'm done
289
00:12:17,656 --> 00:12:18,721
eating potato salad for the day,
290
00:12:18,841 --> 00:12:20,879
then you don't know
Robert Wuhl.
291
00:12:20,999 --> 00:12:22,401
That's what
we're trying to tell you.
292
00:12:22,521 --> 00:12:24,210
We can't be any more clear
about this.
293
00:12:29,364 --> 00:12:30,665
Eat up, Wheels.
294
00:12:30,699 --> 00:12:32,219
These lactaid pills
don't last forever.
295
00:12:32,234 --> 00:12:33,568
I'm not hungry --
296
00:12:33,602 --> 00:12:35,602
mostly because we've had
a nine-course tasting menu
297
00:12:35,604 --> 00:12:38,372
and an ice-cream sundae
while my mom is missing!
298
00:12:38,407 --> 00:12:40,841
Everything we've done
has been solid detective work.
299
00:12:40,876 --> 00:12:42,610
During our meal at per se,
300
00:12:42,644 --> 00:12:45,179
what did we discover in the water glasses?
Ice.
301
00:12:45,214 --> 00:12:47,181
Which sent us
to Rockefeller Center
302
00:12:47,216 --> 00:12:49,517
to do some skating on...
303
00:12:49,551 --> 00:12:51,519
Ice.
Another clue.
304
00:12:51,553 --> 00:12:54,222
Which told us to go get
an ice cream sundae.
305
00:12:54,256 --> 00:12:57,124
Don't you see?
Ice at three places!
306
00:12:57,159 --> 00:12:58,326
I don't get it.
307
00:12:58,360 --> 00:12:59,460
We have to go to the ice machine
308
00:12:59,494 --> 00:13:00,795
on the third floor of the hotel.
309
00:13:00,829 --> 00:13:02,797
Really?
There's no time to lose.
310
00:13:02,831 --> 00:13:04,532
One more bite.
311
00:13:07,502 --> 00:13:09,804
Uh-oh.
312
00:13:16,812 --> 00:13:18,679
Ah, that was a long one.
313
00:13:18,714 --> 00:13:20,248
My mom could be dead.
314
00:13:20,282 --> 00:13:21,582
That's low-energy banter,
Wheels.
315
00:13:21,617 --> 00:13:22,917
Aha!
316
00:13:22,951 --> 00:13:25,286
It's her room key!
317
00:13:25,320 --> 00:13:27,788
I bet she was locked
in her closet the whole time --
318
00:13:27,823 --> 00:13:29,924
probably by someone
who roofied her Fanta
319
00:13:29,958 --> 00:13:31,559
and then finished her Fanta
320
00:13:31,593 --> 00:13:33,561
'cause he's built up
an immunity to roofies.
321
00:13:33,595 --> 00:13:35,896
You fake-kidnapped my mom,
didn't you?
322
00:13:35,931 --> 00:13:37,898
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa.
Whoa. Whoa.
323
00:13:37,933 --> 00:13:40,268
Whoa. Whoa.
324
00:13:40,302 --> 00:13:41,736
How did you know that?
325
00:13:41,770 --> 00:13:43,904
Were you running a parallel
investigation into me?!
326
00:13:43,939 --> 00:13:45,940
Are you wearing a wire?!
327
00:13:48,610 --> 00:13:51,579
Why, Roger?!
Why did you do this?!
328
00:13:51,613 --> 00:13:54,282
We needed a great case
to impress James Patterson,
329
00:13:54,316 --> 00:13:56,450
so I made one.
That's so stupid!
330
00:13:56,485 --> 00:13:59,320
James Patterson
hasn't seen any of this!
331
00:13:59,354 --> 00:14:01,322
I just assumed he'd hear
about it through the grapevine.
332
00:14:01,356 --> 00:14:02,657
Hear about what?!
333
00:14:02,691 --> 00:14:04,892
That we had
the perfect New York day?!
334
00:14:06,795 --> 00:14:09,297
Yeah, I'd say we did.
335
00:14:09,331 --> 00:14:11,632
You had me freaked out
about my mom for nothing!
336
00:14:11,667 --> 00:14:14,635
It's not for nothing --
it's for the book deal.
337
00:14:14,670 --> 00:14:16,971
Wheels, you can walk!
338
00:14:17,005 --> 00:14:19,840
My partner can walk!
You don't have a partner
339
00:14:19,875 --> 00:14:22,376
'cause partners don't lie
about the other partner's mom!
340
00:14:22,411 --> 00:14:24,211
And partners don't make
the other partner
341
00:14:24,246 --> 00:14:25,613
split the dinner check
342
00:14:25,647 --> 00:14:28,949
when the other partner
didn't drink any of the wine!
343
00:14:28,984 --> 00:14:31,619
I don't remember
drinking four bottles of wine,
344
00:14:31,653 --> 00:14:33,954
and that's not the kind of thing
you forget.
345
00:14:33,989 --> 00:14:35,456
Don't worry, mom.
I'm here.
346
00:14:37,759 --> 00:14:39,427
Where is she?
What do you mean?
347
00:14:39,461 --> 00:14:41,762
She's right...
Wha-huh-huh?
348
00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:43,230
Where is my mommy?!
349
00:14:43,265 --> 00:14:45,399
She's been kidnapped for real.
350
00:14:45,434 --> 00:14:46,901
This is so bad.
351
00:14:50,906 --> 00:14:52,406
Four bottles!
352
00:14:52,441 --> 00:14:53,708
Oh, my God.
353
00:14:53,742 --> 00:14:55,376
You let me drink
four bottles of wine?
354
00:14:55,410 --> 00:14:57,712
Your mom's missing.
355
00:15:02,501 --> 00:15:04,635
Yes, it's the same
missing person from before,
356
00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:06,337
but this time it's real!
357
00:15:06,371 --> 00:15:09,340
I know because I faked
the first kidnapping.
358
00:15:09,374 --> 00:15:10,775
My information?
359
00:15:10,809 --> 00:15:12,643
The police aren't gonna help us.
360
00:15:12,678 --> 00:15:15,479
What we need are the two
best detectives in the world.
361
00:15:15,514 --> 00:15:17,481
But the two best detectives
broke up
362
00:15:17,516 --> 00:15:19,884
because one of them lied
and ruined everything.
363
00:15:19,918 --> 00:15:22,420
And I don't know if we can
ever get that trust back.
364
00:15:22,454 --> 00:15:27,124
What if I promise
never to lie to you again?
365
00:15:27,159 --> 00:15:29,794
Yay!
Let's solve this case!
366
00:15:31,363 --> 00:15:32,663
I think I just did.
367
00:15:32,698 --> 00:15:35,766
Footprints from
a woman's high-heeled shoes.
368
00:15:35,801 --> 00:15:37,268
They're probably your mom's.
369
00:15:37,302 --> 00:15:39,437
Does my mom wear
two different size shoes?
370
00:15:39,471 --> 00:15:40,771
I don't know, Steve.
371
00:15:40,806 --> 00:15:43,674
I'm not obsessed with your mom
like you are.
372
00:15:43,709 --> 00:15:46,210
So, this is my crib.
373
00:15:46,244 --> 00:15:49,547
Oh, what's that smell?
Hmm.
374
00:15:49,581 --> 00:15:52,883
Don't you know you're supposed
to refrigerate potato salad?
375
00:15:52,918 --> 00:15:53,884
I disagree.
376
00:15:53,919 --> 00:15:55,386
So, that's my game table.
377
00:15:55,420 --> 00:15:57,254
It's where we'll play
Candy Land tonight.
378
00:15:57,289 --> 00:15:58,456
All part of the evening!
379
00:15:58,490 --> 00:16:00,224
Yeah, I think
this evening is over.
380
00:16:00,258 --> 00:16:02,293
This evening doesn't end
until midnight,
381
00:16:02,327 --> 00:16:04,295
and don't even think
about running away,
382
00:16:04,329 --> 00:16:05,496
'cause I'll catch you.
383
00:16:05,530 --> 00:16:07,498
I was the second-fastest guy
on "Arli$$,"
384
00:16:07,532 --> 00:16:08,833
and I'll be even faster
385
00:16:08,867 --> 00:16:11,369
after I drop the potatoes off
at the pool.
386
00:16:17,275 --> 00:16:18,609
When this day started, Hayley,
387
00:16:18,643 --> 00:16:20,244
I was bummed
to be stuck with you.
388
00:16:20,278 --> 00:16:21,712
I wasn't super thrilled, either.
389
00:16:21,747 --> 00:16:24,248
But now I know you're not
the worst person in the world
390
00:16:24,282 --> 00:16:25,416
to hang out with.
391
00:16:30,622 --> 00:16:32,456
Let's get out of here.
But he's looking right at us.
392
00:16:32,491 --> 00:16:33,691
He's on the toilet.
393
00:16:33,725 --> 00:16:35,259
He's not actually
gonna chase us.
394
00:16:35,293 --> 00:16:36,594
He's right behind us!
395
00:16:36,628 --> 00:16:38,763
We shouldn't have spent
so much time stretching!
396
00:16:38,797 --> 00:16:40,598
You'll be happy we did tomorrow!
397
00:16:42,634 --> 00:16:45,469
Hey, Legman.
398
00:16:45,504 --> 00:16:47,805
Why do mystery writers
look so well-rested?
399
00:16:47,839 --> 00:16:52,343
I don't know. Maybe because
they're always kid-napping.
400
00:16:52,377 --> 00:16:54,345
We're fun, huh, Patterson?
401
00:16:54,379 --> 00:16:55,679
What are you implying?
402
00:16:55,714 --> 00:16:58,382
We're not implying.
We're im-saying.
403
00:16:58,417 --> 00:17:00,451
You kidnapped
F.R. Ancine.
404
00:17:00,485 --> 00:17:01,786
That's absurd.
405
00:17:01,820 --> 00:17:04,688
Is it? Who won the award
when she didn't show up?
406
00:17:04,723 --> 00:17:06,390
Who was overheard
threatening her?
407
00:17:06,425 --> 00:17:08,893
I never --
This hotel can be "treacherous"?
408
00:17:08,927 --> 00:17:10,728
Sounds like a threat to me.
409
00:17:10,762 --> 00:17:11,996
Oh, God, no.
410
00:17:12,030 --> 00:17:13,864
To get to the ballroom,
you have to take
411
00:17:13,899 --> 00:17:15,566
the north elevator
to the lower lobby,
412
00:17:15,600 --> 00:17:17,902
and then take the escalator
back to the upper mezzanine,
413
00:17:17,936 --> 00:17:19,603
then walk down
a flight of stairs.
414
00:17:19,638 --> 00:17:21,705
It's very...
treacherous.
415
00:17:21,740 --> 00:17:22,940
You mean "confusing"?
416
00:17:22,974 --> 00:17:24,642
Perhaps my word choice
was a little...
417
00:17:24,676 --> 00:17:26,243
treacherous.
418
00:17:26,278 --> 00:17:28,345
So I suppose you can account
for your whereabouts
419
00:17:28,380 --> 00:17:29,580
earlier tonight?
420
00:17:29,614 --> 00:17:30,915
I was...
421
00:17:30,949 --> 00:17:32,450
being intimate with Daniel.
422
00:17:32,484 --> 00:17:36,587
It's true.
I put that ass to sleep.
423
00:17:36,621 --> 00:17:37,688
But I-if it's not you --
424
00:17:37,722 --> 00:17:38,989
Run, people!
425
00:17:39,024 --> 00:17:41,025
Robert Wuhl is a maniac!
426
00:17:41,059 --> 00:17:42,526
Only Robert Wuhl decides
427
00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:44,395
when an evening
with Robert Wuhl ends!
428
00:17:46,765 --> 00:17:48,599
Well, well, well.
429
00:17:48,633 --> 00:17:50,935
Looks like we have
a celebrity guest star.
430
00:17:50,969 --> 00:17:53,471
So?
So, according to "Murder, She Wrote,"
431
00:17:53,505 --> 00:17:56,340
the celebrity guest
is always the one who done it.
432
00:17:56,374 --> 00:17:57,675
You just ruined
every "Murder, She Wrote"
433
00:17:57,709 --> 00:18:00,010
I haven't seen.
434
00:18:00,045 --> 00:18:02,346
Let's -- let's get him,
I guess.
435
00:18:02,380 --> 00:18:04,348
Mr. Wuhl, I'm a big fan!
436
00:18:04,382 --> 00:18:05,549
Oh, why, thank you.
437
00:18:05,584 --> 00:18:06,717
It's always nice to --
wait a minute.
438
00:18:06,751 --> 00:18:08,072
Big fan?
That doesn't sound right.
439
00:18:08,086 --> 00:18:09,753
You like picking on girls, huh?
440
00:18:09,788 --> 00:18:11,388
Makes you feel like a tough guy?
441
00:18:11,423 --> 00:18:13,057
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
442
00:18:13,091 --> 00:18:14,758
I'm talking about
"Kung Fu Panda."
443
00:18:14,793 --> 00:18:16,293
Hi-yah!
444
00:18:19,064 --> 00:18:20,764
Wheels, I need help!
445
00:18:20,799 --> 00:18:22,800
I gotcha, partner!
446
00:18:26,938 --> 00:18:29,640
Aah!
447
00:18:30,876 --> 00:18:32,710
What the hell's wrong
with you guys?
448
00:18:32,744 --> 00:18:35,045
You kidnapped my mom!
Are you crazy?
449
00:18:35,080 --> 00:18:37,414
I've been hanging out
with good friends all night,
450
00:18:37,449 --> 00:18:39,750
and now they've slipped
through my fingers.
451
00:18:39,784 --> 00:18:43,454
But I'll hunt them down.
Don't you worry about Arliss.
452
00:18:44,823 --> 00:18:45,956
What's Arliss?
Who knows?
453
00:18:45,991 --> 00:18:47,324
But that's not our guy.
454
00:18:47,359 --> 00:18:49,026
He's not wearing
high-heeled shoes.
455
00:18:50,462 --> 00:18:52,596
Right!
We were looking for a woman.
456
00:18:52,631 --> 00:18:54,765
That was the one thing we knew.
457
00:18:54,799 --> 00:18:56,634
And it wouldn't be
our lowest moment
458
00:18:56,668 --> 00:18:58,469
if Patterson wasn't here
to see it.
459
00:18:58,503 --> 00:19:00,371
Pathetic.
460
00:19:06,611 --> 00:19:07,778
Son of a bitch!
461
00:19:07,812 --> 00:19:09,413
It was Patterson the whole time!
462
00:19:09,447 --> 00:19:10,648
Or at least in the end.
463
00:19:10,682 --> 00:19:12,016
We got to stop him!
464
00:19:12,050 --> 00:19:14,518
Legman, you're still
in that bowling league, right?
465
00:19:14,553 --> 00:19:16,086
Throw me!
466
00:19:16,121 --> 00:19:17,821
You know I stick my fingers
in the holes pretty deep.
467
00:19:17,856 --> 00:19:19,990
Just get me there.
468
00:19:26,731 --> 00:19:28,499
You missed!
469
00:19:28,533 --> 00:19:30,634
Wow! Sick spin!
470
00:19:35,407 --> 00:19:36,874
Mom, you're safe!
471
00:19:36,908 --> 00:19:39,577
Oh, thank God you found me!
472
00:19:39,611 --> 00:19:42,580
This monster kidnapped me
473
00:19:42,614 --> 00:19:44,915
and was making me
write a book for him!
474
00:19:44,950 --> 00:19:46,617
Here's the first chapter.
475
00:19:46,651 --> 00:19:48,619
It's pretty much
what we talked about.
476
00:19:48,653 --> 00:19:52,623
I made a couple changes.
Just -- just be gentle.
477
00:19:52,657 --> 00:19:54,124
Why would you need her
to write a book?
478
00:19:54,159 --> 00:19:56,160
I'm trying to get into
the young-adult market,
479
00:19:56,194 --> 00:19:58,095
but I just can't make
my exquisite writing
480
00:19:58,129 --> 00:19:59,430
that simple.
481
00:19:59,464 --> 00:20:01,765
Francine is naturally banal.
482
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,033
Thank you.
483
00:20:03,068 --> 00:20:04,635
How about this weather
we're having?
484
00:20:04,669 --> 00:20:07,037
See, that's the magic
I'm trying to capture.
485
00:20:07,072 --> 00:20:09,607
One more question.
Why the high heels?
486
00:20:09,641 --> 00:20:10,674
Confidence.
487
00:20:10,709 --> 00:20:12,176
Sorry, one more question.
488
00:20:12,210 --> 00:20:13,644
They give you confidence
489
00:20:13,678 --> 00:20:16,146
or you have enough confidence
to wear them?
490
00:20:16,181 --> 00:20:18,582
Doesn't matter,
'cause I'm confident
491
00:20:18,617 --> 00:20:20,618
he's going away for a long time,
492
00:20:20,652 --> 00:20:22,686
thanks to Wheels and the Legman.
493
00:20:25,890 --> 00:20:27,191
All right, let's go, Patterson.
494
00:20:27,225 --> 00:20:28,993
He's cardboard again.
495
00:20:33,531 --> 00:20:35,499
"Skids & the Walking Guy"?!
496
00:20:35,533 --> 00:20:37,501
Patterson stole our characters!
497
00:20:37,535 --> 00:20:39,670
"Soon to be
a major motion picture"?!
498
00:20:39,704 --> 00:20:42,039
He stole our idea
to make it into a movie!
499
00:20:42,073 --> 00:20:44,642
Says here it's gonna be
a Redbox exclusive!
500
00:20:44,676 --> 00:20:46,443
He stole our distribution model!
501
00:20:46,563 --> 00:20:48,528
Hey, at least you made
Patterson some money.
502
00:20:48,648 --> 00:20:49,925
Feed the chicken.
503
00:20:50,657 --> 00:20:51,593
Roger?
504
00:20:51,889 --> 00:20:53,464
Feed the damn chicken, Rog!
505
00:20:53,584 --> 00:20:54,945
Don't leave the chicken hanging!
506
00:20:56,473 --> 00:20:56,973
Whoop!
507
00:20:57,165 --> 00:20:58,627
The chicken does not eat.
508
00:20:58,747 --> 00:20:59,667
Must be full.
509
00:21:00,054 --> 00:21:01,476
Chicken's been eating all day.
36599
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