All language subtitles for American Dad! - S12E10 - A Star Is Reborn-ing

Rockin' Ronny here,
hitting you with my mouth guitar.

Alright, I've got a 6 day 5 night
Hollywood getaway for two

and it's going out to our tenth caller.

Caller 10, holla at your boy!

Oh, my God, I'm the tenth caller?

Hello, this is Stan Smith, caller 10.

Not that man.
No, wait!

Wait, wait, I'm caller 10.

Ronny, is he implying I used CIA technology

to hack into the phone lines
to win these tickets to...

Hollywood!
Hollywood!

Whoo!

# Good morning, U.S.A. #

# I got a feelin' that
it's gonna be a wonderful day #

# the sun in the sky
has a smile on his face #

# and he's shinin' a salute
to the American race #

# oh, boy, it's swell to say #

# good -- #
# good morning, U.S.A. #

The Walk of Fame!
Isn't this fun?

But these stars
are so close together.

They must bury the bodies
standing up.

This is disgusting.

There are hospital amounts

of urine and blood everywhere.

Where's that classic
Hollywood glamour?

Oh!
That shop over there's

selling a fake Oscar
for sexiest stepdad!

Should we get two?

How are you excited about this?

I mean, look,
that Spider-Man's suit

is a weird chocolate-brown,

and -- and
he has a fanny pack

that's brimming
with Q-tips.

5 bucks a picture.
No.

$1, and you can punch
or kick me three times.

Sold.

Aah!

Ooh! Ohh!

Magnificent.

You performed that marble slip
with such style,

just like my husband,
Leonard, used to.

Tripping on something

but not falling down
was his signature move.

You're standing on his star
right now.

Leonard Zane.

And I'm June Rosewood.

I'm sure you've heard of us,

the great comedy team --
Len-Len and the Junebug?

Uh...

I place marbles here every year

on the anniversary of his death.

It's so wonderful
to see someone, at last,

not simply fall and shatter
their pelvis like an idiot.

One time,
I stepped on a basketball.

Didn't fall.

Oh!
You so remind me of him.

This is perhaps silly,
but would you do me the favor

of having lunch
with a lonely old woman?

Um...

Sorry, I've got a full day
planned for us --

a taping
of a proactiv commercial,

then we're off to the ranch
from "The Biggest Loser."

I paid extra for a tour

of their massive
sweat-drainage system.

See you at the hotel.

Ohh!
Oh, God, my pelvis!

It's in pieces.

I want more kicks.

Hey, true believers!

Is this the end
of brown Spider-Man?

Tune in next week to find out.

Weird.

I only have 56 episodes
of "Bones" on here.

Yesterday I had 57.

Oh, yeah, I deleted one
so I could record something.

I'm pretty sure you'd already
seen the one I deleted.

I-I didn't think...
you'd mind.

Honestly, Roger,

I don't know why you keep
recording "Bones," anyways.

It's not as good
as it used to be.

I mean...
I think we all agree

that there was
a-a-a drop-off

sometime
in the fourth...season.

Maxine! Aspic!

What is this?

It's pieces of pork and beef
suspended in gelatin.

Spoon meat is real?!

I thought I invented this once
in a dream.

Mmm!

Wash it down with a Gibson.

It's a Martini,
but with an onion.

Ohh. That is good.

You know what this
would go great with?

A big plate of loose hot dogs.

That was Leonard's favorite!

May I...shout at Maxine?

Maxine! Loose hot dogs!

Now, this is decorating.

These heavy velvet curtains

really keep out
the natural light.

The sun is the enemy, darling.

I avoid it at all costs.

That's how I stay so youthful.

Go ahead.
Guess how old I am.

I'm going to say
a hundred and --

Enough!
That stung a bit.

You're rather callous,
aren't you?

Just like Leonard.

So, this is that Lance guy
you're so gay for?

"I shall return."

Huh.

Leonard believed fervently
in...reincarnation.

People believe
a lot of crazy stuff.

I used to believe all cars
were Transformers.

Now I know it's only Nissans.

Hayley, there's an Idaho quarter
on the ground down here.

Steve, I'm seeing a Delaware.

Our collections!

Aah!

Aah!

Wait, what? I-i-i-is this
because of "Bones"?

You're not allowed
to say that word!

I'm doing this out of love.

You need help,

and I'm betting the answer
is crate training.

I bought a book on it,

and I'm going upstairs
to start reading it now.

Roger!

Roger, let us out of here!

It is Delaware.
If this was just a trick,

why did he bother to get
the actual quarter I need?

Because if it wasn't,
you would have known.

You would have heard it
in my voice.

It had to be real.

It probably didn't
have to be real.

This guy's hilarious.

This style of comedy

was pretty revolutionary
for the time

because no one was bothering
to do it anymore.

Marble delivery.

Who's that?

Gloria del Mar.
A bit player.

She had some fans,

but if she was so great,
how come she's dead?

Here it comes --
my big moment.

What's all of this mess?

I was at my peak!

Maxine!

Start "A Cold Return."

It's about a wounded G.I.
who comes back from the war

only to find himself
slipping on ice cubes.

What about the marble movie?
It wasn't over.

Alas, poor Leonard died
boating to Catalina

before we could finish
shooting the last scene.

But I want to see how it ends.

And you can, my darling Leonard!

You can!
You've come back to me,

and I think you're feeling
what we have to do.

We must finish the picture
with you as Leonard

and me...as me!

Okay, party's over.

I'm not your dead husband.

Pish-posh,
of course you are.

No! Because reincarnation
isn't real.

I mean, sure, Leonard and I
like the same foods,

and, yeah, if I grew a mustache,

that's the thinness
I'd keep it at.

And, okay,
I've got his sweet moves.

But there's still no way
on the reincar-- what is that?

His flag pin.

He insisted on wearing it
in all his films,

even that time
he played the Jew, Moses.

My God.

I can no longer deny the truth
that stands before me.

I am Leonard.

And we are finishing that movie.

Yes!

Maxine, I'm gonna need you
to get off your ass

and get me another Gibson.

Oh, God!
Where am I?!

What have I -- oh, that's right.

I'm reincarnated Hollywood actor
Leonard Zane.

I helped myself to my things.

Your favorite breakfast,
darling --

cottage cheese
and a half cantaloupe

and a glass of chilled
Worcestershire sauce.

Ahh.
So, what are we doing?

Are we making a movie today?

Show business doesn't move
that quickly.

First we have to get
the money men on board.

We'll probably make the movie tomorrow.
Money men?

The original producers
of "Marble Trouble."

They won't agree to finance
the movie

until we convince them
you're Leonard.

Do I...eat the melon,
too?

Leonard would eat the melon
when he wanted to ravage me.

I won't eat the melon.

Gentlemen, I present to you
Leonard Zane,

back from the dead.

I'm here, boys.

It's finally time
to finish "Marble Problems."

"Marble Trouble."
"Marble Mubble"?

Junie, you're completely insane!

And you, you two-bit shyster,
you're not Leonard.

Hey, screw you,
you sunburnt troll!

That's my mean, old Leonard!
It's Leonard!

We're gonna finish the movie!

How marvelous.

I'll leave the business talk
to the men.

Gentlemen,
if we're going to do this,

I have some concerns about the
gag with the coconut cream pie.

I feel like I've seen it.

Make it a banana cream pie.

That's genius!
What do we do about the fact

that I don't look
anything like Leonard?

And also that June
will age half a century

from one shot to the next?

We'll do the computers!

That's perfect!
Man, we're cooking today!

Wonderful job!
Congratulations!

Oh, fantastic.
Congratulations.

Congratulations, everyone.

Oh. Right. Francine.

I thought you were just
gonna go to lunch,

not disappear for 24 hours!

Look, Francine, there's
a perfectly good explanation.

Turns out
I'm the reincarnated soul

of a dead,
long-forgotten comedy actor,

and I'm slated to star
in the final 30 seconds

of an old black-and-white movie
with my super-old wife.

Your wife?

You know how we've always said

that one woman couldn't tame me?

What, I never said --
Well, we were right.

See, you are one of many wives

I've had through
many lives that I've lived.

But don't worry.

You're in the top two
that I'm aware of.

There's no such thing
as reincarnation!

I'm taking you back
to the hotel!

No, you're not!
Look, we haven't wanted to do

any of the same stuff
this whole trip.

We haven't been together
this whole trip.

Exactly. And we're having
the time of our lives.

So you get to do your dumb
stuff, and I'll stay here

and do this better stuff
with the famouses.

Who the hell is this, Leonard?!

Some chippy fresh off
the train from Topeka?

Francine, this is the wife
I was telling you about.

Francine, Junebug.
Junebug, Francine.

She can't be here, Leonard.
We're in pre-production.

Beat it, babe.
It's pre-pro.

Cast and crew only.
Who is this?

She's a saucer of cream.

She's got to be in the picture.

She can take dead Gloria's part.

It's incandescently brilliant!

Are you casting me?!

No, no, no.
Yes!

Welcome to our mad
little circus!

Come, dear.

I'll teach you
everything I know.

And that's all there is
to acting.

And I am Dr. Brennan,

the guardian
of all bones everywhere.

I love "Bones."

You know what I get
from watching "Bones," Steve?

A big, throbbing smile.

This is inhumane!

Shut up.
It's fake nighttime now.

"Marble Trouble."
Take one.

Action.

Marble delivery.

Here comes Junie.

Juice the camera.

What's all this mess?

Here comes the big finish.

It's been 60 years.

Bankruptcy,
two failed marriages,

and I buried three children,

but none of that matters

because we're finishing
the picture!

Out...rageous.

That was the big finish?

My bab-i-i-i-es!

You know, we made
a pretty good team back there.

We sure did.

That's why I'm proud
to count you

among my many, many wives.

Okay, that's got to stop.

We've had fun,
but it's time to go.

You're right, honey.

And thanks
for letting me wrap up

Leonard's unfinished
business here.

Now, let's head home
and wrap up our lives there.

Am I interrupting?

I think Leonard has something
he needs to tell you.

Look, June, I have to leave.

What?!
Is there someone else?

Someone...younger?

It's complicated,
but, yes, obviously,

if I were leaving you
for someone else,

they'd be younger.

You are the oldest person
I've ever met in my life.

Leonard,
you cold-hearted bastard!

I love you!

The thing is
I'm Leonard, definitely,

but I'm also Stan.

And Stan already has
a wife -- Francine.

Oh, God, my head is spinning,
spinning, spinning!

Wait!

So you're saying if it weren't
for her, you'd stay?

Junebug, if it weren't
for her, I'd stay.

She's got a nice rack.

I guess that's always been
my thing.

Stan!

Francine!

Leave a trail of bread crumbs!

Hopefully, there's hundreds
of loaves of bread in there,

like in my trailer.

Francine!

Francine!

Francine?!

Francine?!

Fran-n-n-cine...

Ahh.

Francine!

Help! Help!

What the hell?!

She trapped me

in this giant aspic!

Madame, she's gone crazy again.

Again?

Many years ago, madame
and monsieur Zane

were making that movie --
how you say?

Uh, "Marble Mubble"?

That's correct.

And he come to madame,

and he say he fall in love
with Mademoiselle del Mar.

Leonard fell in love
with Gloria,

the marble-delivery girl?

Oui. They were going to run away
together on that boat.

But madame June --
she...

Killed them both.
Drowned them.

The police could never prove it.

Everyone in town knew the truth.

Well, if everyone knew,

why didn't anyone do
anything about it?

It was old Hollywood.
Everybody was killing everybody.

Cary grant used to butcher
three people a week.

And now...

Oh, and I suppose
you're here to silence me.

Part of some shadowy
showbiz cover-up?

What? No.
I'm here for Maxine.

We're lovers.

Here. Take my car.

I think you'll find your wife
at the marina.

Well, I-I better get, uh...

get, uh...

Get, uh...

Damn, Irv!

Twist ending on that book.
Crate training is for dogs.

Yeah, no shit, Roger!
Now let us out of here.

Hmm.
Sounds like a girl

who has not learned
to respect boundaries,

like who is the master
of the DVR.

But, Steve, look at him.

Oh, you want to go walkies?

Well, I'd have to be
a cold-blooded sociopath

not to put a leash on this boy
and walk him around the block.

Aah! Aah!

You were just pretending
to be a dog?

You're a sick ticket, Steve.

I was gonna take you walkies.

Oh, I am a dog, Roger.

And I'm about to bury
some "Bones."

My "Bones"!
My "Bones"!

Oh, God!
My precious "Bones"!

Francine!

Thank God you're all right.
I came as fast as I could.

Did you...
change your outfit?

Uh, yeah, Francine.

We're at the yacht club,
not the old spaghetti factory.

I step away for one second

to suck gas out
of the next boat,

and I come back to find you
trying to save her now?

It's over, June.
Francine and I are leaving.

Not again!

I feel like such a fool.

I even put on a new perfume
for you, Leonard.

Can you at least tell me
if you like it.

Sure.

Ha!
It was chloroform!

I can't believe
I have to drown Leonard

and another one
of his whores again.

Thank you for electing me
the mayor of Circuit City.

I will not disappoint you.

Stan, wake up.

Where are we?

We're in the damn ocean!

Swim to the boat.

I had to crouch down
for half an hour,

but I got you!

You're going to drown out here,

just like you did last time.

You're about to murder
two people

who had nothing to do

with what happened
all those years ago.

Die!
Please, don't do this.

You begged before, too, Leonard.

You cuckoo bird.
I'm not Leonard!

What are you saying?!

I believed it before,

but now that all the fun stuff
has stopped happening,

I can see that we were
kidding ourselves.

I'm not Leonard.
And you want to know why?

Because reincarnation
isn't real.

You were right, Francine.

No. I was wrong.

Well, then, I give up.

I don't know how to explain it,
but I remember this.

We've been in this water before.

It happened just this way.

You were Leonard,
and I...was Gloria.

Gloria?!
Oh, great!

Everyone else
gets a brand-new body,

and I'm still grinding away
in this one.

Don't you see, Stan?
It's beautiful.

In every life,
we find each other.

So even if we don't spend
all our time together,

we're gonna spend
all of time together.

So, we're dying,
but it's...okay?

There's nothing to be afraid of.

But what about the kids?

There will be others.

To the next life.

No! Me!

I want to die with Leonard!

Oh.
Swim around her.

Wait! Come back!

Smell my wrist!

We can't just leave her here.

You're right. Let me
just mess with her first.

Swim to the boat.
I love you again.

Oops, that's reverse.

She was an old woman.

She probably died
before we hit her.

That was quick thinking
back there --

pretending to remember
a past life.

I-I wasn't pretending,
Stan.

You fruitcake.