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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,500 --> 00:00:04,000 Britain, Britain, Britain! 2 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:09,000 Land of diversity! There are hardback books and paperback books, 3 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:14,300 socks come in different lengths and eggs is cooked in a variety of ways. 4 00:00:14,300 --> 00:00:17,100 But how diverse are the people of Britain? 5 00:00:17,100 --> 00:00:22,700 We aim to find out by following the lives of ordinary British persons! 6 00:00:22,700 --> 00:00:26,200 0h, ma sweet lil...! Hallelujah! 7 00:00:30,800 --> 00:00:34,300 In her bedsit on this estate in Darkley Noone, 8 00:00:34,300 --> 00:00:37,300 young mother Vicky Pollard meets her social worker. 9 00:00:37,600 --> 00:00:40,100 So how are you coping with everything, Vicky? 10 00:00:40,100 --> 00:00:45,000 No, we was all in the park laughing 'cause Nicola was gonna set fire to Candice's hair 11 00:00:45,000 --> 00:00:50,000 but Ryan Morris butted in, who I hate, and he phlegmed in my mouth. ''Oh, my God! 12 00:00:50,000 --> 00:00:54,300 ''I so can't believe we just done that!'' And you know Amanda Kaye, right? 13 00:00:54,300 --> 00:00:59,400 - She said she'd do it for a Creme Egg! - So you're fine. Good. How's the baby? 14 00:00:59,400 --> 00:01:01,500 - Fine. - Can I see her? 15 00:01:01,500 --> 00:01:04,500 - It's not her. It's it. - Well, can I see it? 16 00:01:04,700 --> 00:01:09,500 No but, yeah but, no but, yeah but, no, because we was all going down the offy 17 00:01:09,500 --> 00:01:14,500 but they wouldn't serve us 'cause Emma only looks about nine, so we was going to Wimpy, 18 00:01:14,500 --> 00:01:19,000 but Liberty went up the arcade with Sophie Bannerman instead 19 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:23,500 and Vanessa told Tony that I fancy David Wu, but everyone knows he's got scabby legs. 20 00:01:23,500 --> 00:01:27,300 - And the baby? - I'm getting there! There was this whole thing. 21 00:01:27,300 --> 00:01:32,500 Carmella's mum was going away so she said she'd have a party, but then her mum found out, 22 00:01:32,500 --> 00:01:37,400 then she had it, but I wasn't invited, so me and Jools went round Michaela's house 23 00:01:37,400 --> 00:01:39,900 and Kelly said Penny Webb's got hairy tits. 24 00:01:39,900 --> 00:01:43,600 Vicky, where is the baby? 25 00:01:43,600 --> 00:01:46,100 Swapped it for a Westlife CD. 26 00:01:47,300 --> 00:01:51,500 - How could you do such a thing? - I know. They're rubbish. 27 00:01:54,100 --> 00:01:56,300 Don't go giving me evils! 28 00:01:58,300 --> 00:02:03,700 Toys in Britain are sold in toy shops. This isn't a toy shop. It's a real shop. 29 00:02:16,600 --> 00:02:19,300 Hello! Looking for anything in particular? 30 00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:25,200 Yes, do you have any pirate memory games suitable for children between 4 and 8? 31 00:02:25,200 --> 00:02:27,600 Eh, I'll just have a look. 32 00:02:29,400 --> 00:02:32,000 I can't see any here. One moment. 33 00:02:33,000 --> 00:02:35,900 Margaret? Margaret? 34 00:02:43,000 --> 00:02:47,900 - Yes? - A gentleman here wants pirate memory games. 35 00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:50,200 - Ages 4... - Ages 4 to 8. 36 00:02:50,200 --> 00:02:53,200 We should have some, up by the farm toys. 37 00:02:56,100 --> 00:02:58,600 Oh, yes. Here we are. 38 00:02:58,600 --> 00:03:02,500 Pieces of Eight. A pirate memory game. Ages 4 to 8. 39 00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:06,600 - Can I have a look? - There you go. 40 00:03:06,600 --> 00:03:10,100 ''Match the pirates and find the treasure.'' 41 00:03:10,100 --> 00:03:12,100 That all right for you? 42 00:03:16,800 --> 00:03:19,400 Have you got any other pirate memory games? 43 00:03:19,400 --> 00:03:22,400 - Em... - It's not quite what I had in mind. 44 00:03:26,500 --> 00:03:29,100 I can't see any here. One moment. 45 00:03:29,100 --> 00:03:32,900 - Margaret? Margaret? - What? 46 00:03:32,900 --> 00:03:36,300 - Have we got any other pirate memory games? - What? 47 00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:39,300 - Have we got any other pirate memory games? - No! 48 00:03:39,500 --> 00:03:45,200 - That's the only one. What's wrong with that? - That's the only one. What's wrong with that? 49 00:03:45,200 --> 00:03:50,000 - I wanted something a little less pirate-y. - He wanted something a little less pirate-y! 50 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:53,800 - Has he tried Simmons? - Have you tried Simmons? 51 00:03:53,800 --> 00:03:57,200 - Yes, I've just been there. - I don't know what to suggest. 52 00:03:57,200 --> 00:04:00,700 Is there a shop that specialises in pirate memory games? 53 00:04:00,700 --> 00:04:04,500 Er, I'm not sure. Margaret'll know. One moment. 54 00:04:04,500 --> 00:04:11,100 Margaret? Margaret? Is there a shop that specialises in pirate memory games? 55 00:04:11,100 --> 00:04:15,200 - Near here. - I don't think there are any in the local area. 56 00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:18,900 She doesn't think there are any in the local area. 57 00:04:19,900 --> 00:04:22,900 OK, I'll...I'll just wait. 58 00:04:32,700 --> 00:04:36,500 Meanwhile, the fatties arrive for their weekly meeting. 59 00:04:37,500 --> 00:04:40,900 Paul, can I just have a quick word, please? 60 00:04:40,900 --> 00:04:45,700 - Paul, what happened last night was a one-off. - Yeah, I was gonna say something. 61 00:04:45,700 --> 00:04:49,300 - I don't know what came over me. - I had too much to drink. 62 00:04:49,300 --> 00:04:52,300 I had more. Whatever. It's not gonna happen again. OK? 63 00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:57,600 So let's just try and forget about it and not let it come into the meeting. All right? 64 00:05:01,300 --> 00:05:05,400 OK. Welcome to ''FatFighters''. 65 00:05:05,400 --> 00:05:09,900 Now, today we're gonna be talking about motivation. 66 00:05:09,900 --> 00:05:12,900 You all need a little bit more motivation, 67 00:05:12,900 --> 00:05:17,100 so what we're gonna do is start with a little exercise. 68 00:05:17,100 --> 00:05:22,200 I want everybody to close their eyes. Close your eyes, yeah. Empty your thoughts. 69 00:05:22,200 --> 00:05:26,200 That's it, yeah. And picture yourself naked. 70 00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:29,100 Not nice, is it? Eh? 71 00:05:29,100 --> 00:05:34,900 Who the hell would want a great lump like that huffing and puffing on top of them all night? 72 00:05:34,900 --> 00:05:37,500 Eyes closed, Paul. 73 00:05:40,500 --> 00:05:44,800 In Herby, Lou Todd has kindly offered to paint his friend Andy's bedroom. 74 00:05:44,800 --> 00:05:49,200 - Now, are you sure you want red? - Yeah. 75 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:53,500 - I've got a very nice blue here. You like blue. - Yeah, I know. 76 00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:56,500 - But you'd rather have red? - Red, yeah. 77 00:05:56,900 --> 00:06:01,100 You did ask for red last time and then said you didn't like it. 78 00:06:01,100 --> 00:06:05,800 You said it was oppressive. You said red was the colour of blood and death. 79 00:06:05,800 --> 00:06:08,600 - Yeah, I know. - So what's it to be? 80 00:06:08,600 --> 00:06:12,100 - Red. - I'm not painting it once 81 00:06:12,100 --> 00:06:17,000 and then having to do it again 'cause you say you don't like it. That's a right kerfuffle. 82 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:21,400 - I know. - So final choice, red? 83 00:06:21,400 --> 00:06:24,200 Red! Yeah. 84 00:06:31,400 --> 00:06:35,600 - Do you want to do the last little bit? - Yeah. 85 00:06:36,400 --> 00:06:38,400 OK. 86 00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,800 There we go. 87 00:06:45,900 --> 00:06:48,300 There, finished. 88 00:06:52,800 --> 00:06:55,200 I don't like red. 89 00:07:06,500 --> 00:07:11,400 For 20 years now, Len Boothe has been taking visitors on his tour 90 00:07:11,400 --> 00:07:14,000 of the charming village of Pove. 91 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:19,400 OK, ladies and gents. First up, on your right, is St Robin's church. 92 00:07:19,400 --> 00:07:22,400 Er, the church was built in 1508, 93 00:07:22,700 --> 00:07:28,700 although there was actually a fire here in 1812 and the original wooden roof was destroyed. 94 00:07:28,700 --> 00:07:32,500 It's a funny thing. I will always have fond memories of that church 95 00:07:32,500 --> 00:07:37,400 because it was on that bench there that me and my wife Eileen first kissed. 96 00:07:37,400 --> 00:07:40,300 And we've been married 32 year this year. 97 00:07:40,300 --> 00:07:43,300 Thank you very much. 98 00:07:43,600 --> 00:07:50,100 Now, next up is the Hanging Judge, which is actually the oldest pub in Pove. 99 00:07:50,100 --> 00:07:53,700 Dates back to, we think, 1604. 100 00:07:53,700 --> 00:07:57,700 Why it's called the Hanging Judge, no one seems to know. 101 00:07:57,700 --> 00:08:02,600 Incidentally, just in the beer garden by the swings is where Eileen first permitted me 102 00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:06,700 to have a little go on her breasts. OK... 103 00:08:07,500 --> 00:08:11,500 We're coming up now to the Old Bridge, 104 00:08:11,500 --> 00:08:14,500 which actually goes back to Roman times. 105 00:08:14,800 --> 00:08:20,100 It was actually under this bridge that my wife first performed an act of oral love upon me. 106 00:08:21,300 --> 00:08:26,700 Happy days, yeah. Sorry, it's a no-smoking vehicle, love. 107 00:08:26,700 --> 00:08:29,000 OK. 108 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:34,500 Now we are coming up to one of the oldest blacksmiths in the country. 109 00:08:34,500 --> 00:08:40,900 Legend has it that Charles I stopped off there to get his horse's shoes changed. 110 00:08:40,900 --> 00:08:45,700 And it was just down that path there that I first took Eileen up the wrong 'un. 111 00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:48,500 Moving on... 112 00:08:50,300 --> 00:08:53,100 Meanwhile, at this pub in Llandewi Breffi, 113 00:08:53,100 --> 00:08:58,100 the glasses are being collected early because it's a special night. 114 00:09:01,700 --> 00:09:04,300 Oh, Myfanwy, these crisps are cheese and onion. 115 00:09:05,900 --> 00:09:09,600 Oh. Do gay people not like cheese and onion? 116 00:09:09,600 --> 00:09:12,100 Well, I don't and I am a gay. 117 00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:15,900 - I'll open the barbecue beef. - If you wouldn't mind. 118 00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:18,600 I think you're gonna get a big crowd in tonight. 119 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:24,700 I'd be very surprised, Myfanwy. Everybody knows I am the only gay in this village. 120 00:09:24,700 --> 00:09:29,400 - So you keep saying. - It's five to eight. I might as well go home. 121 00:09:29,400 --> 00:09:33,600 But it's still early. It says eight o'clock on the posters. 122 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:37,600 I don't know why I bother putting on this gay night. It was doomed. 123 00:09:37,600 --> 00:09:41,900 I imagine I'll always be the only gay in the village. Good night to you. 124 00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:46,600 (ALL) Ooooh! Ooooh! 125 00:09:46,600 --> 00:09:50,000 Get back! Get back, you gay bastards! 126 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:56,800 There's hundreds of 'em! What am I gonna do? 127 00:09:56,900 --> 00:09:59,900 - Well, let them in! - No! Get rid of 'em! 128 00:10:00,100 --> 00:10:04,500 I'll do no such thing! You made your gay bed, now lie in it! 129 00:10:04,500 --> 00:10:07,300 - Myfanwy! - Daffyd... 130 00:10:09,100 --> 00:10:11,100 (ALL) Ooooh! 131 00:10:12,900 --> 00:10:15,800 Quiet! Liza Minnelli! 132 00:10:16,800 --> 00:10:22,800 Thank you. Now, I'm very sorry, gays, but I'm afraid Gay Night has been cancelled. 133 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:28,200 - Oh, no! - Yes, I've just had a letter from the council 134 00:10:28,200 --> 00:10:33,100 saying that there's only one gay allowed in Llandewi Breffi and that's me. 135 00:10:33,100 --> 00:10:37,900 So if you could all return to your neighbouring villages, please. 136 00:10:37,900 --> 00:10:39,400 Ooh! 137 00:10:39,400 --> 00:10:43,500 - Oh, Daffyd, you bloody fool! - What? 138 00:10:43,500 --> 00:10:47,300 Think of all the cock and bum fun you could have had! 139 00:10:47,300 --> 00:10:51,300 That's the last time I close my pub for one of your gay nights! 140 00:10:51,300 --> 00:10:53,800 Got something against gay people, have you? 141 00:10:54,800 --> 00:10:59,500 Samantha Grant recently upset her parents by marrying her former teacher. 142 00:10:59,500 --> 00:11:04,500 In an effort to clear the air, she has invited them round for dinner. 143 00:11:04,500 --> 00:11:07,500 - What time are your parents coming? - Any minute now! 144 00:11:07,600 --> 00:11:11,900 - Calm down, Samantha. - I just want everything to be right. 145 00:11:11,900 --> 00:11:17,300 Look, I may have been your teacher, but we're just like any other couple. 146 00:11:18,300 --> 00:11:21,600 - (DOORBELL RINGS) - The bell is a signal for me, not you. 147 00:11:23,900 --> 00:11:28,600 - I'll just put the veg on. - Ah, Mr and Mrs Hughes. Please, come in. 148 00:11:28,600 --> 00:11:31,600 - Thank you. - Please, sit down. 149 00:11:31,800 --> 00:11:34,300 Right, Samantha... 150 00:11:34,300 --> 00:11:37,700 Samantha, Samantha, Samantha... 151 00:11:39,400 --> 00:11:42,300 Samantha Carver... Ah! Yes, Samantha Grant. 152 00:11:43,300 --> 00:11:48,900 Yes. I mean, overall it's been a good three months of marriage for Samantha. 153 00:11:48,900 --> 00:11:55,200 Um, she's a very clever girl. She's got a lot to say for herself. Sometimes a little too much! 154 00:11:55,200 --> 00:11:59,400 - And her work can be a little slapdash. - What do you mean? 155 00:11:59,400 --> 00:12:02,300 Well, um, take this, for example. 156 00:12:02,300 --> 00:12:06,700 She's dusted it, obviously at the last minute, and missed around the edges. 157 00:12:06,700 --> 00:12:11,700 So I had to give her 6 out of 10. Could you bring in the wine now, please, Samantha? 158 00:12:13,100 --> 00:12:17,800 - Walk, don't run! - Sorry! Still cooking. 159 00:12:17,800 --> 00:12:22,200 - Smells lovely, dear. We've missed you, pet. - Hello, stranger. 160 00:12:23,200 --> 00:12:28,000 How might one order a bottle of wine in France? Samantha? 161 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:34,000 - Oh. Une boutteille de vin, s'il vous pla�t. - Ah, c'est formidable! 162 00:12:34,000 --> 00:12:37,000 Samantha's very good at oral. 163 00:12:40,000 --> 00:12:44,000 Meanwhile, it is a sad day at Sandi Toksvig House. 164 00:12:52,100 --> 00:12:57,600 - We're very sorry for your loss. - Thank you. Do come in. 165 00:13:02,700 --> 00:13:05,500 She's just through there. 166 00:13:10,700 --> 00:13:15,200 It sounds awful to say, but...in a way it's a relief. 167 00:13:15,200 --> 00:13:18,800 - Yes. - She'd been very ill for many years. 168 00:13:18,800 --> 00:13:23,000 We'd had so many scares. So in the end it was just very peaceful. 169 00:13:24,000 --> 00:13:26,600 Mr Garfield, can you come in here a moment? 170 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:29,600 - Excuse me. - Of course. 171 00:13:33,100 --> 00:13:37,300 Come on, Bernard. Kitty wouldn't want you to cry. 172 00:13:39,500 --> 00:13:42,300 - Mr Chumley? - Yes? 173 00:13:44,300 --> 00:13:48,000 - She's not dead. - No, I know. 174 00:13:48,000 --> 00:13:51,000 Any chance you could take her anyway? 175 00:14:01,500 --> 00:14:04,500 - (THUD ON WALL) - Yes, all right, Kitty! 176 00:14:05,900 --> 00:14:09,900 0ver ten board games are sold every day in Britain. 177 00:14:09,900 --> 00:14:14,900 The most popular are Ask Alan, Frobisher's Fingers and Pigdog. 178 00:14:19,900 --> 00:14:24,000 - This is the big one! It's Snakes and Snakes! - Right. 179 00:14:24,000 --> 00:14:28,500 You know Snakes and Ladders? It's like that, but with snakes. 180 00:14:28,500 --> 00:14:32,000 - Right. - There is a snake on every square. 181 00:14:32,000 --> 00:14:36,300 Devilishly difficult. No one's ever finished it. How's that for starters? 182 00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:40,000 Got another one! 183 00:14:42,500 --> 00:14:46,500 - Milk Round. - Right. How does Milk Round work? 184 00:14:46,500 --> 00:14:51,500 You are a milkman delivering milk - or a woman - to a house from your van, or a flat. 185 00:14:51,500 --> 00:14:57,200 Right. You be the milk bottle. I will be the loaf of bread. Right, pick a card. 186 00:14:57,200 --> 00:15:01,000 - What's it say? - ''Two pints of milk, please.'' 187 00:15:01,000 --> 00:15:07,000 Right. What that means is, please, two pints of milk, please, for house number one. Right? 188 00:15:07,000 --> 00:15:10,000 Roll the dice. 189 00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:17,200 - I said roll the dice! - Oh! Sorry. 190 00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:21,700 - Six. Ignore it. Right, what are you again? - I think I'm the milk bottle. 191 00:15:21,700 --> 00:15:24,300 I wanted to be the milk bottle. 192 00:15:24,300 --> 00:15:28,900 - Right. This is all very interesting... - Got another one! 193 00:15:28,900 --> 00:15:31,900 Scratch Wood Scratch. 194 00:15:32,200 --> 00:15:34,600 Your go. 195 00:15:35,700 --> 00:15:40,700 - No! - I don't even know what the... I don't know. 196 00:15:42,900 --> 00:15:46,900 I've never seen that move before. Let me just check the rule book. 197 00:15:54,800 --> 00:16:00,100 Yeah, you've won! You're a clever one, I'll give you that. Right, got another one. 198 00:16:00,100 --> 00:16:04,000 - Throw Baby, Catch Baby. Needs a real baby. - No. 199 00:16:04,000 --> 00:16:05,700 - Cards? - No. 200 00:16:05,700 --> 00:16:08,400 - Fighting? - How can I put this? 201 00:16:08,400 --> 00:16:11,200 I'm sorry. There's some misunderstanding here. 202 00:16:11,200 --> 00:16:15,700 - We are not a games manufacturer. - Yeah. 203 00:16:15,700 --> 00:16:21,000 And we've never made games here. We import tyres. You do know that? 204 00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:22,800 Yeah. 205 00:16:23,800 --> 00:16:26,000 Your point being...? 206 00:16:26,900 --> 00:16:30,300 At Kelsey Grammar School, a new term is beginning. 207 00:16:41,500 --> 00:16:46,400 You may sit. Right, let me introduce myself. 208 00:16:46,400 --> 00:16:49,400 My name is Mr Cleeves 209 00:16:49,600 --> 00:16:53,500 and I will be teaching you...biology. 210 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,100 Good! 211 00:16:58,000 --> 00:17:00,200 And he never took an assembly again! 212 00:17:05,800 --> 00:17:10,300 - This sorbet's delicious. Did you make it? - Yes, with a little help from Nigella. 213 00:17:10,300 --> 00:17:14,700 - What? - I got it out of Nigella Lawson's book. 214 00:17:14,700 --> 00:17:17,500 - You copied it from Nigella? - Well... 215 00:17:17,500 --> 00:17:22,500 You took the work of another girl and passed it off as your own. Right, in the bin! 216 00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:29,800 - I was enjoying that! - Yes, well, no one likes a cheat. 217 00:17:29,800 --> 00:17:34,800 Sorry about that. He doesn't always treat me like I'm still at school. 218 00:17:34,800 --> 00:17:39,700 - Coffee, anyone? - Yes, please, darling. That would be lovely. 219 00:17:39,700 --> 00:17:45,400 There we are. I think it's wonderful they still do this free milk. 220 00:17:47,400 --> 00:17:51,000 Child labour is thankfully alive and well in Britain. 221 00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:55,800 Today some child actors are auditioning for a production of ''Bugsy Malone''. 222 00:17:57,900 --> 00:18:00,900 - James Wilton and Ralph Patterson. - It's Raif. 223 00:18:01,100 --> 00:18:05,700 - If you don't get it, we'll sell the rabbit. - OK, Mum, I'll do my best. 224 00:18:05,700 --> 00:18:08,100 OK, good luck, love. 225 00:18:09,500 --> 00:18:15,100 Oh, don't forget your tap shoes and tell them your cousin was on ''Double Dare''! 226 00:18:18,900 --> 00:18:21,700 Does your boy go up for much? 227 00:18:21,700 --> 00:18:26,800 Oh, no, no, this is his first. Apart from the school play, like. 228 00:18:26,800 --> 00:18:30,900 - Oh, so he's not at stage school? - No, just normal school. 229 00:18:30,900 --> 00:18:35,900 He don't stand a chance, then. What you've got to do is get him into a stage school. 230 00:18:35,900 --> 00:18:42,100 - Are they not quite dear? - Got to make sacrifices. I sold me shoes. 231 00:18:42,100 --> 00:18:45,700 And I'm on the game. Just so Raif can go to Italia Conti. 232 00:18:45,700 --> 00:18:48,700 - So it's good, then? - It's worth every penny. 233 00:18:48,900 --> 00:18:53,400 - He got down to the last 12 for Dairylea. - Really? 234 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:56,400 Yes, I'm not a liar! 235 00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:59,300 Well, thanks for all your advice, like. 236 00:19:00,200 --> 00:19:04,400 We always knew he was gonna be an actor, ever since before he was born. 237 00:19:04,400 --> 00:19:08,500 - He's so talented. They say he gets it from me. - Right. 238 00:19:08,500 --> 00:19:12,100 I would have loved to have gone to a stage school, 239 00:19:12,100 --> 00:19:15,100 but my mother wouldn't make the sacrifices. 240 00:19:15,300 --> 00:19:20,800 Still, she's blind now and that gives me some comfort. Are you single or...? 241 00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:26,800 Mr Wilton? We'd like to recall James. Mrs Patterson, thank you. You're free to go. 242 00:19:26,800 --> 00:19:31,400 - Well done, lad! - Yeah, well done. Really, really well done. 243 00:19:31,400 --> 00:19:34,000 - Aaaagh! - Oh! Is he all right? 244 00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:38,100 - He's bleeding! - Oh, he won't be Bugsy Malone now, will he? 245 00:19:38,100 --> 00:19:41,100 Come on. Better luck next time, eh? 246 00:19:41,100 --> 00:19:43,100 Crazy! 247 00:19:43,100 --> 00:19:47,200 You'll be all right. OK? Let's have a look, let's have a look. 248 00:19:47,200 --> 00:19:52,900 Oh, dear. Oh, dear. We'll go and get it cleaned up, right? We'll get it cleaned up. 249 00:19:53,800 --> 00:19:58,000 It's party conference time and late at night in his hotel room 250 00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:03,100 the Prime Minister is making some final changes to his big speech. I love party conferences. 251 00:20:03,100 --> 00:20:06,700 They're brilliant. I've got them all on video. 252 00:20:06,700 --> 00:20:12,300 That all seems fine. Just punch up the stuff about education reform. 253 00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:16,400 - Let's call it a night. - OK. We'll get to work on that. 254 00:20:16,400 --> 00:20:20,200 - We'll see you in the morning. - Good night, Prime Minister. 255 00:20:20,200 --> 00:20:22,600 Good night. 256 00:20:26,300 --> 00:20:30,700 - Oh, I thought they'd never leave! - Is there something you wanted to talk about? 257 00:20:30,700 --> 00:20:33,300 Not really, no. 258 00:20:33,300 --> 00:20:35,700 Oh, I'm shattered. 259 00:20:40,500 --> 00:20:42,900 (PHONE RINGS) 260 00:20:43,900 --> 00:20:48,000 It's probably the Japanese Prime Minister. Would you mind? 261 00:20:48,000 --> 00:20:51,600 - Can I just use your loo? - Yeah. 262 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:54,500 Hello? Yeah, yeah. Put him through. 263 00:20:57,500 --> 00:21:00,100 Kazuko! Konichiwa! 264 00:21:01,100 --> 00:21:06,100 Yes, it's coming along. Look, I've got the treaty right here. 265 00:21:08,100 --> 00:21:10,700 What exactly are your objections to it? 266 00:21:12,300 --> 00:21:16,800 No, I do realise it's a very sensitive issue for your people. 267 00:21:16,800 --> 00:21:19,500 Yeah. 268 00:21:19,500 --> 00:21:23,700 No, I appreciate your concerns about the second clause. 269 00:21:23,700 --> 00:21:28,700 Perhaps we could look at making an amendment that everybody would...agree with. 270 00:21:29,700 --> 00:21:36,000 Yes? No, I shall be meeting with the Cabinet tomorrow. We'll get a much clearer picture. 271 00:21:37,200 --> 00:21:40,700 No, I think it's... I think it's very nearly there. 272 00:21:40,700 --> 00:21:43,500 It's just a couple of details, isn't it? 273 00:21:44,500 --> 00:21:49,500 Mm? No, I t... I take it you'll be at the summit on the 15th? 274 00:21:50,700 --> 00:21:54,700 - It's very important we have it resolved. - Are you guys gonna be long? 275 00:22:02,100 --> 00:22:04,500 He'll call you back. 276 00:22:06,100 --> 00:22:08,500 Be gentle with me, Prime Minister. 277 00:22:11,100 --> 00:22:15,900 At his home in Herby, Andy is busy eating his own body weight in nuts. 278 00:22:17,400 --> 00:22:22,000 - What are you watching? ''Monster Trucks''? - ''Monster Trucks'', yeah. 279 00:22:22,000 --> 00:22:26,700 Well, I have got something rather special for you. 280 00:22:26,700 --> 00:22:29,700 - What is it? - It's the new chair you wanted. 281 00:22:29,900 --> 00:22:34,100 - Yeah, I know. - I had to go all the way to Cranmouth for it. 282 00:22:34,100 --> 00:22:38,400 It was a right kerfuffle. Right, let's pop you in it here. 283 00:22:38,400 --> 00:22:41,400 One, two, aargh! That's got you, that's got you. 284 00:22:41,500 --> 00:22:45,500 That's got you. Ooh! That's got you. That's got you. 285 00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:49,700 - I don't like it. - Give it a chance. 286 00:22:49,800 --> 00:22:54,000 - I wanna get out. - Maybe you just need a cushion or something. 287 00:22:54,000 --> 00:22:58,600 I'll go and pop your tea on and then I'll come back and sort it out. 288 00:23:09,900 --> 00:23:12,500 - Everything all right? - Yeah, fine. 289 00:23:14,100 --> 00:23:16,700 - Roy? - Yes, Margaret? 290 00:23:16,700 --> 00:23:20,400 - Is the pirate memory game man still there? - Yes, Margaret! 291 00:23:20,400 --> 00:23:23,800 - Because I think I've found something. - Oh! 292 00:23:25,300 --> 00:23:27,700 Oh, my word! How funny! 293 00:23:29,700 --> 00:23:35,200 Cap'n Jack's Pirate Memory Game. Ages - how funny - ages 4 to 8. 294 00:23:35,200 --> 00:23:39,800 - And it does look a little less pirate-y. - Well, what does he reckon? 295 00:23:39,800 --> 00:23:42,300 Well, what do you reckon? 296 00:23:46,700 --> 00:23:51,500 - Can I have a look at the other one again? - Yes, of course. There you go. 297 00:23:52,700 --> 00:23:55,300 (HEAVY BREATHING) 298 00:23:57,500 --> 00:24:01,600 - And how much is this one again? - They both retail at �4.95. 299 00:24:01,600 --> 00:24:03,900 - Oh. - Is there a problem? 300 00:24:03,900 --> 00:24:06,700 I was hoping to spend around �4.80. 301 00:24:08,300 --> 00:24:12,000 I'll be getting some money for my birthday. I'll buy it then. 302 00:24:12,000 --> 00:24:13,800 Yes. 303 00:24:17,700 --> 00:24:20,300 (HEAVY SIGH) 304 00:24:28,000 --> 00:24:30,200 Sheltered accommodation is where people 305 00:24:30,200 --> 00:24:34,900 who are too old and lazy to do things for themselves are kept. 306 00:24:34,900 --> 00:24:38,700 - Do I look all right? - Yeah, you look fine. 307 00:24:38,700 --> 00:24:43,700 - (RINGS DOORBELL) - So...no grandad in the frame? 308 00:24:43,700 --> 00:24:46,400 No. No, he died ten years ago. 309 00:24:46,400 --> 00:24:48,900 Oh, great...shock that must have been. 310 00:24:51,500 --> 00:24:54,000 - Oh, hello, love. - Hello, Nan. 311 00:24:54,000 --> 00:24:58,700 - Sorry to keep you. Me hip's playing up again. - You remember Jason. 312 00:24:58,700 --> 00:25:01,700 (ROMANTIC MUSIC) 313 00:25:04,400 --> 00:25:06,400 Hello. 314 00:25:14,900 --> 00:25:17,700 Ooh! Mind me bag, it's nearly full! 315 00:25:18,800 --> 00:25:23,700 - We got your shopping. - Oh, you are good. Come in, come in. 316 00:25:25,100 --> 00:25:29,300 - I'm sorry I'm in me nightie. - It's all right. You've got the figure for it. 317 00:25:29,300 --> 00:25:31,600 Oh, thanks! 318 00:25:31,600 --> 00:25:35,000 - We'll just put these away for you. - Oh, thanks. 319 00:25:36,000 --> 00:25:38,000 Cheers (!) 320 00:25:41,300 --> 00:25:46,100 Thanks for helping with the shopping. You are a good boy. 321 00:25:46,100 --> 00:25:48,500 I can be a bad boy sometimes. 322 00:25:51,100 --> 00:25:55,600 - It's hot in here. - I like it nice and warm. 323 00:25:55,600 --> 00:25:58,200 Working up... 324 00:25:58,200 --> 00:26:00,700 ..quite a sweat. 325 00:26:00,700 --> 00:26:05,700 You couldn't pass me that pouffe, could you, dear? Me feet are killing me. 326 00:26:07,900 --> 00:26:10,900 - There you go. - Oh, ta. 327 00:26:21,100 --> 00:26:23,500 Oh, baby. 328 00:26:25,900 --> 00:26:30,400 - Is that nice? - Oh, yeah. 329 00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:33,400 - What about here? - Mm. 330 00:26:48,700 --> 00:26:51,700 Don't know if you wanted sugar, Jase... 331 00:26:53,600 --> 00:26:57,100 - What's going on? - It's not what it looks like. 332 00:26:57,100 --> 00:26:59,600 Get out. Get out! 333 00:27:09,900 --> 00:27:14,800 - (DOOR SLAMS) - Is he a trained chiropodist? 334 00:27:23,500 --> 00:27:28,900 Oh, I forgot to say, I won't be here tomorrow night. Mr Jackson will be filling in for me. 335 00:27:32,700 --> 00:27:36,100 Right. I think that's ready to go in the oven now. 336 00:27:38,700 --> 00:27:41,100 Whoa! I've got it, I've got it. 337 00:27:45,700 --> 00:27:48,200 Yeah, down a bit. 338 00:27:48,200 --> 00:27:50,800 A bit lower. 339 00:27:50,800 --> 00:27:53,300 If we try it round this way... 340 00:27:53,300 --> 00:27:58,500 And so we have reached the end of this evening's television programme. 341 00:27:58,500 --> 00:28:02,100 And what a remarkable array of Britons we've met. 342 00:28:02,100 --> 00:28:06,200 My favourites were the little kicking boy, Beefy Bill, 343 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:09,200 and Dicky Snapples, the dwarf who hides apples. 344 00:28:09,400 --> 00:28:12,200 Until next time, goodbive! 30960

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