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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,500 --> 00:00:03,900 Britain, Britain. Britain. 2 00:00:03,900 --> 00:00:06,700 Land of tradition, fish and fries, 3 00:00:06,700 --> 00:00:10,500 the changing of the garden, trooping the coloureds. 4 00:00:10,500 --> 00:00:14,800 But have you ever wondered about the people of Britain? Nor have I. 5 00:00:14,800 --> 00:00:19,800 But this show aims to find out by following the lives of ordinary British folk. 6 00:00:19,800 --> 00:00:22,800 What is them? Who do they? And why? 7 00:00:30,600 --> 00:00:34,700 Have you ever done it gay-wise? I have. It's a hoot. 8 00:00:34,700 --> 00:00:41,100 It's late three and woolly woofter Daffyd Thomas is popping into his local newsagents. 9 00:00:41,100 --> 00:00:44,100 - Hello, Mrs Llewellyn. - Oh, hello, Daffyd. 10 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:46,700 What can I do you for today? 11 00:00:46,700 --> 00:00:51,000 A quarter of bonbons and a copy of "Gay Times". It's my only outlet. 12 00:00:51,000 --> 00:00:53,600 - Is it not on the rack, love? - I couldn't see it. 13 00:00:53,600 --> 00:00:55,900 - It must have gone, then. - I'm sorry? 14 00:00:55,900 --> 00:00:58,900 I only get one in. Somebody must have bought it. 15 00:00:59,200 --> 00:01:03,700 I don't think so. I think you'll find I am the only gay in this village. 16 00:01:03,700 --> 00:01:06,500 Somebody definitely bought it yesterday. 17 00:01:06,500 --> 00:01:10,500 It's got Hazel Dean in it and a very informative article on rimming. 18 00:01:12,600 --> 00:01:17,200 - Who bought it? - Do you know, I can't remember. 19 00:01:17,200 --> 00:01:20,200 - Think. - Well, now, em... 20 00:01:20,200 --> 00:01:24,400 - Come on, woman! - Let's think. Who came in yesterday? 21 00:01:24,400 --> 00:01:28,900 - Dai Davis, the music master. He might have. - He's not gay. 22 00:01:28,900 --> 00:01:31,700 He shares a cottage with the English master. 23 00:01:31,700 --> 00:01:35,900 - They're just friends. - No, he just bought "Vogue". 24 00:01:35,900 --> 00:01:39,800 - See? He's not gay. Who else? Quickly! - Father Hughes. 25 00:01:39,800 --> 00:01:44,000 - A gay priest?! What planet are you on? - I remember! 26 00:01:44,000 --> 00:01:49,300 I was quite surprised, actually, because I had absolutely no idea he liked cock. 27 00:01:49,300 --> 00:01:54,200 - Who? Who? - Well, I'd just popped next door for a bun... 28 00:01:54,200 --> 00:01:58,000 - For the love of God, woman, tell me! - Noel Jones. 29 00:01:58,000 --> 00:02:00,600 - Who? - The blacksmith. 30 00:02:00,600 --> 00:02:02,400 Right! 31 00:02:05,400 --> 00:02:09,400 - Hello, Daffyd! - I'm commandeering this vehicle! 32 00:02:10,400 --> 00:02:15,200 (MUSIC: MALE VOICE CHOIR TO A DISCO BEAT) 33 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:17,300 This is my gay right! 34 00:02:18,900 --> 00:02:21,100 Right! I want a word with you! 35 00:02:22,700 --> 00:02:25,600 What's this I've been hearing about... 36 00:02:26,600 --> 00:02:29,500 Oh! Daffyd. 37 00:02:29,500 --> 00:02:32,300 Daffyd Thomas. You must be Noel. 38 00:02:32,300 --> 00:02:34,900 No, I'm his brother, Rhys. Noel? 39 00:02:37,900 --> 00:02:40,500 Well, I... 40 00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:43,500 No, I left something in the oven. 41 00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:51,300 It's late early evening and Lou is taking his friend Andy out for dinner. 42 00:02:51,300 --> 00:02:56,200 The table's booked for seven. We'd better get you dressed then, hadn't we? 43 00:02:56,200 --> 00:02:58,800 - Yeah. - Now, what do you want to wear? 44 00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:01,800 - Smurf. - Smurf? 45 00:03:01,900 --> 00:03:04,900 - You want to wear your Smurf outfit? - Yeah. 46 00:03:06,000 --> 00:03:12,300 It's quite a smart restaurant. I'm not really sure a Smurf outfit is appropriate for there. 47 00:03:12,300 --> 00:03:15,100 - Yeah, I know. - So what do you wanna wear? 48 00:03:15,100 --> 00:03:17,500 Smurf. 49 00:03:17,500 --> 00:03:21,200 Mmm. This Chinese food is delicious. 50 00:03:24,100 --> 00:03:26,400 I look a pillock. 51 00:03:28,700 --> 00:03:31,100 Do you do crisps? 52 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:36,400 Swimming pools in Britain have very strict rules. 53 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:40,800 No bombing, no petting, no ducking and no fondue parties. 54 00:03:50,000 --> 00:03:52,800 Excuse me. Can I have a word? 55 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:59,900 I've just been speaking to a little girl who says you pushed her in the pool. Did you? 56 00:03:59,900 --> 00:04:04,600 No but, yeah but, no, what happened was you know the Redmond sisters? 57 00:04:04,600 --> 00:04:08,200 They found a verruca sock, put it in Carrie's bag and she had an eppy 58 00:04:08,200 --> 00:04:11,700 and turned up to Kamal Sharma's party with a compass and stabbed Kamal Sharma 59 00:04:11,700 --> 00:04:16,100 and Shelley Bentley gave Craig Sherman a blowy in the shallow end. 60 00:04:16,100 --> 00:04:18,600 I asked if you pushed that girl in the pool. 61 00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:23,400 No, I couldn't have done because I was with Michaela who was crying. You know Dominic? 62 00:04:23,400 --> 00:04:28,400 He was meeting her to go to third base but lan Papworth, who I once got off with as a joke, 63 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:35,000 nicked a whole bottle of Dubonnet and hid it in the woods, then threw it at a family of gypos. 64 00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:39,200 - Did you push her in or not? - No, because I would never do that. 65 00:04:39,200 --> 00:04:43,900 Once I heard that a man pushed a man and the man died. You can ask him yourself. 66 00:04:43,900 --> 00:04:48,900 Johnno tripped up Dean Hurst and he got 300 stitches in his face and when his mum found out 67 00:04:48,900 --> 00:04:52,300 she did her dirty business on his dad's Astra. 68 00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:56,700 - Get out and go and get changed. - I'm just going to have a wee first. 69 00:04:56,700 --> 00:04:59,100 Be quick. 70 00:05:08,600 --> 00:05:11,600 Right. I'll go and get changed. 71 00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:16,500 Don't go giving me evils! Bitch! 72 00:05:16,500 --> 00:05:20,000 - (WHISTLE) - Oh, shut up! 73 00:05:20,900 --> 00:05:25,700 At Kelsey Grammar School in Flange, the boys are preparing to take a test. 74 00:05:25,700 --> 00:05:30,300 Absolute silence while the test is in progress, please. 75 00:05:30,300 --> 00:05:33,000 I don't want to hear a pin drop. 76 00:05:40,100 --> 00:05:42,000 Right. 77 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,000 Now. 78 00:05:45,200 --> 00:05:48,200 You may begin. 79 00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:54,900 (SMOOTH JAZZ MUSIC) 80 00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:10,600 Moonwhile, at this institution in Flatley, 81 00:06:10,800 --> 00:06:13,800 Dr Lawrence is showing an inspector round. 82 00:06:13,900 --> 00:06:16,900 Currently we have 40 residential patients 83 00:06:16,900 --> 00:06:21,100 and, as you can see, we do like to keep things very relaxed. 84 00:06:21,100 --> 00:06:23,200 Eh! Eh! Ehhh! 85 00:06:23,200 --> 00:06:28,000 I'm not one of those who subscribes to keeping everyone under lock and key. 86 00:06:28,000 --> 00:06:31,700 - Eh! Eh! Ehhh! - I'll need those glasses back, Anne. 87 00:06:31,700 --> 00:06:35,500 - Ultimately, it's all about trust. - (PHONE RINGS) 88 00:06:35,500 --> 00:06:38,100 Eh! Eh! Ehhh! 89 00:06:39,100 --> 00:06:43,700 Fortunately, when I came here, I was able to gain, quite quickly, 90 00:06:43,700 --> 00:06:46,200 the respect of everybody... 91 00:06:46,200 --> 00:06:49,200 - Eh! Eh! Ehhh! - And... It's all in the folder. 92 00:06:51,100 --> 00:06:55,600 Inside 10 Downing Street, the Prime Minister is in the middle of his morning briefing. 93 00:06:55,600 --> 00:07:00,500 - Have the results of the opinion poll come? - Yeah, I've got them right here, Prime Minister. 94 00:07:00,500 --> 00:07:03,200 What sort of things are people saying? 95 00:07:03,200 --> 00:07:08,200 Very happy with your work on Northern Ireland, strong approval on Health Service reforms 96 00:07:08,200 --> 00:07:10,600 and they'd like to see you in shorts. 97 00:07:11,900 --> 00:07:16,100 - Shorts? - Yeah. A pair of cycling shorts or something. 98 00:07:16,100 --> 00:07:20,300 - Oh. - They like your tough stance on crime. 99 00:07:20,300 --> 00:07:25,700 And they like it when your hair's a bit wet, 'cause you look kind of soppy, Prime Minister. 100 00:07:25,700 --> 00:07:30,200 - They'd like to see you wrestle a man. - I'm sorry? 101 00:07:30,200 --> 00:07:35,700 Bosnia good, education could do better, wrestling men I've covered... 102 00:07:35,700 --> 00:07:39,800 - Can I have a look at them? - Yeah, just right here. 103 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:44,800 Now, Railtrack. Oh, you've got an eyelash. Stay still, stay still. 104 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:47,200 Make a wish! 105 00:07:49,200 --> 00:07:53,900 Darling, there's your suit for the Treasury dinner. We're running very late. Change here. 106 00:07:53,900 --> 00:07:56,900 - Thank you, darling. - Have you seen my earrings? 107 00:07:56,900 --> 00:08:00,400 I don't know. Which ones? You do know Sebastian? 108 00:08:00,400 --> 00:08:04,000 - Hello, Sebastian. - Hi (!) 109 00:08:05,400 --> 00:08:10,100 - Sorry. We're having a meeting here! - Have you tried the bathroom? 110 00:08:10,100 --> 00:08:12,700 Now, don't be long. 111 00:08:13,700 --> 00:08:16,500 - See you later, darling. - I'm not going. 112 00:08:16,500 --> 00:08:19,500 - I was talking to my wife. - Bye, Sebastian. 113 00:08:19,700 --> 00:08:21,500 Whatever (!) 114 00:08:22,600 --> 00:08:28,400 So, anyway, um... Oh, God! I've completely forgotten what I was gonna say! 115 00:08:28,400 --> 00:08:32,900 - Thanks for coming in. I should get changed. - Yes, of course. Of course. 116 00:08:33,900 --> 00:08:38,900 - And you'll speak to the Foreign Secretary? - I'll get straight onto it, Prime Minister. 117 00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:50,500 Oh, yes, can you approve the budget overspend by first thing on Monday 118 00:08:50,500 --> 00:08:53,300 because it's quite... big? 119 00:08:55,100 --> 00:09:00,100 - Yes, Sebastian. Now, if you don't mind... - Quick, Prime Minister! Get down! 120 00:09:00,100 --> 00:09:03,700 - What's going on? - I thought there was a sniper. 121 00:09:03,700 --> 00:09:06,700 - Where? - By the window, but there isn't. 122 00:09:10,900 --> 00:09:13,500 Can we get up now? 123 00:09:13,500 --> 00:09:16,100 Give it a minute. 124 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:21,300 This is the communal garden and we all look after it together. 125 00:09:23,600 --> 00:09:25,700 Eh! Eh! Ehh! 126 00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:30,300 Anne there has decided those flowers might look better... 127 00:09:30,300 --> 00:09:33,100 Where are you gonna put them, Anne? 128 00:09:33,100 --> 00:09:35,300 Ehhh! Ehhh! 129 00:09:38,400 --> 00:09:43,900 Just there. Visitors often say do we have a team of professional gardeners? 130 00:09:43,900 --> 00:09:45,900 Eh! Eh! Ehhh! 131 00:09:48,600 --> 00:09:53,400 - Anne is particularly fond of this tree. - (MOBILE PHONE RINGS) 132 00:09:54,400 --> 00:09:59,300 Hello? I'm just in the middle of something at the moment. Can I call you back? 133 00:09:59,300 --> 00:10:01,900 OK. Bye-bye. 134 00:10:01,900 --> 00:10:04,600 Eh! Eh! Ehhh! 135 00:10:04,600 --> 00:10:07,200 Eh! Ehhh! 136 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:10,000 Ehhhhh. 137 00:10:13,800 --> 00:10:16,800 Clients do find it very therapeutic, too. 138 00:10:23,800 --> 00:10:26,400 Sssh! 139 00:10:26,400 --> 00:10:28,400 Come on! 140 00:10:29,800 --> 00:10:32,800 (WHOOSH OF VACUUM CLEANER) 141 00:10:38,000 --> 00:10:41,800 In Herby, Lou is making some changes to his friend Andy's bathroom. 142 00:10:42,400 --> 00:10:44,900 So, I'm gonna put these 143 00:10:44,900 --> 00:10:47,700 here and here, OK? 144 00:10:47,700 --> 00:10:50,300 Yeah. Why? 145 00:10:50,300 --> 00:10:54,000 - So you can do toilet when I'm not here. - Yeah, I know. 146 00:10:54,000 --> 00:10:58,600 - So we think one here. Yes? - Yeah. 147 00:10:58,600 --> 00:11:02,400 - And one... here. Yes? - Yeah. 148 00:11:03,400 --> 00:11:07,300 - I'll have to drill into the wall, you know. - Yeah, I know. 149 00:11:07,300 --> 00:11:11,700 - Could you, er, pass me the drill? - No, I can't reach it. 150 00:11:20,600 --> 00:11:24,700 Right, I've finished. Do you want to come and have a look? 151 00:11:24,700 --> 00:11:27,500 Yeah. 152 00:11:27,500 --> 00:11:30,100 Right. Heh, heh, heh. 153 00:11:30,100 --> 00:11:32,400 Here we go. 154 00:11:34,600 --> 00:11:40,200 - Ta-da! What do you reckon? - Yeah, I like it. What's it for? 155 00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:44,800 - So you can do toilet when I'm not here. - Yeah, I know. 156 00:11:44,800 --> 00:11:47,800 - Do you want to try it out? - Yeah. 157 00:11:47,900 --> 00:11:50,800 All right. I will leave you to it. 158 00:11:57,900 --> 00:12:02,300 - How are you getting on? - Yeah, fine. 159 00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:06,100 (TOILET FLUSHES) 160 00:12:07,200 --> 00:12:11,500 This is the home of romantic novelist Dame Sally Markham. 161 00:12:11,500 --> 00:12:15,200 Books were introduced into Britain in the 1950s. 162 00:12:15,200 --> 00:12:20,900 Early books had no words or pictures, but nowadays the book world is thriving 163 00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:23,900 with over seven books published every year. 164 00:12:24,100 --> 00:12:30,700 ...and with that Clarence took Amelia into his arms, held her and kissed her, 165 00:12:30,700 --> 00:12:35,900 like a woman had never been kissed before. The end! 166 00:12:35,900 --> 00:12:40,300 Truffle, I think. How many pages, Miss Grace? 167 00:12:42,100 --> 00:12:45,100 - 76. - Oh. 168 00:12:45,100 --> 00:12:48,100 Then they went to the shops for a bit. 169 00:12:48,200 --> 00:12:54,400 Didn't really see anything they liked, came home and had a bit of a kiss and cuddle. 170 00:12:54,400 --> 00:12:58,600 The end! Do you know, I think I'll have a truffle. 171 00:12:58,600 --> 00:13:04,000 Oh! There was a full box here this morning. You've been scoffing again, haven't you? 172 00:13:04,000 --> 00:13:08,800 - I haven't touched them. - I've got my eye on you. 173 00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:14,400 Then they watched a very long television programme which took up lots of pages. 174 00:13:14,400 --> 00:13:17,900 The end! How many pages? 175 00:13:17,900 --> 00:13:20,600 Still not enough, I'm afraid. 176 00:13:20,600 --> 00:13:24,100 Let's come back to that one. What's it called? 177 00:13:24,100 --> 00:13:26,600 Uh, "Lady In White". 178 00:13:26,600 --> 00:13:31,400 Well, let's start another one. "The Lady In Mauve." 179 00:13:33,500 --> 00:13:35,800 Chapter One... 180 00:13:35,800 --> 00:13:37,300 The end! 181 00:13:38,300 --> 00:13:41,300 This is the newly built St God's hospital in Shireshire, 182 00:13:41,500 --> 00:13:45,400 which was opened just last year by Dame Rhona Cameron. 183 00:13:45,400 --> 00:13:48,300 Nasty. Go through there, up the stairs. 184 00:13:50,000 --> 00:13:54,700 - We'll give it another minute, then we'll go. - Is this Katy's room? 185 00:13:54,700 --> 00:13:59,600 Oh, David! David Soul! Thank you so much for coming. 186 00:13:59,600 --> 00:14:04,600 - I got your letter. If I can be any help... - Just being here will make a huge difference. 187 00:14:04,600 --> 00:14:07,100 How are you, sweetheart? How's she doing? 188 00:14:07,100 --> 00:14:11,100 Oh, she's all right, but, David Soul, tell us about you. 189 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:16,400 - Any more "Starsky and Hutch" in the pipeline? - Not currently. 190 00:14:16,400 --> 00:14:20,700 What about a new album? It's been a while since 1997's "Leave A Light On". 191 00:14:20,700 --> 00:14:25,700 Maybe, er, maybe next year. I'm focusing on acting right now. 192 00:14:25,700 --> 00:14:29,700 - Oh, yeah, 'cause we saw you in "Holby City". - Yeah, we couldn't believe it. 193 00:14:29,700 --> 00:14:34,400 We said, "There's David Soul in 'Holby City'!" Couldn't believe it. 194 00:14:39,000 --> 00:14:42,400 You still in touch with Huggy Bear? 195 00:14:44,300 --> 00:14:46,700 Christmas cards. 196 00:14:46,700 --> 00:14:50,500 - Better get the address right. - Why's that? 197 00:14:50,500 --> 00:14:55,200 - Otherwise it might go to Yogi Bear! - Don't mind him, David. 198 00:14:55,200 --> 00:15:00,000 - I'm just having a laugh, Dave. - It's just his way. He's just playing with you. 199 00:15:01,100 --> 00:15:03,300 So, so tell me... 200 00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:06,900 What does Katy want to do when she grows up? 201 00:15:06,900 --> 00:15:09,300 Don't know, David. She's quite ill. 202 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:17,000 # Don't give up on us, baby 203 00:15:17,100 --> 00:15:20,800 # Just give us one more try... # 204 00:15:20,800 --> 00:15:24,200 # Come on, Silver Lady, say the words... 205 00:15:24,200 --> 00:15:27,000 # Do da do da do... # 206 00:15:27,000 --> 00:15:30,000 # When I need you 207 00:15:30,200 --> 00:15:35,300 # I just close my eyes and I feel you... # 208 00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:40,100 - Leo Sayer. - Stupid cow. 209 00:15:41,300 --> 00:15:45,700 - Oh, I nearly forgot. Pass the LP. - Oh, yeah, yeah. 210 00:15:45,700 --> 00:15:48,500 - Ask him to sign. - David Soul... 211 00:15:48,500 --> 00:15:51,900 Would you mind signing your LP for us, please? 212 00:15:56,000 --> 00:16:00,700 - Thank you. - Is that... Is that Katy with a 'y'? 213 00:16:00,700 --> 00:16:03,200 No, it's Joan with a 'j'. 214 00:16:03,200 --> 00:16:09,000 - And Rod. Just Rod. - Hi. David Essex is in reception. 215 00:16:09,000 --> 00:16:13,600 - We're going to have to hurry you out, David. - I hope you don't mind. 216 00:16:14,600 --> 00:16:17,600 - It's a real pleasure to meet you both. - Absolutely. 217 00:16:17,600 --> 00:16:21,100 - And I do hope that Katy gets better soon. - I'm sure she will. 218 00:16:21,100 --> 00:16:24,700 - Thank you, David Soul. - Thank you. Through there. 219 00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:30,600 - What's he put? - "To Rod and Jane. Screw you. David Soul." 220 00:16:31,600 --> 00:16:34,200 Must be an American thing. 221 00:16:35,700 --> 00:16:40,500 Community centres in Britain are ideal places for all kinds of groups to meet. 222 00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:47,100 It's half past Tula and Marjorie Dawes is taking her weekly "FatFighters" class. 223 00:16:47,100 --> 00:16:52,500 Now, a little bird told me that somebody, and I'm not gonna name any names, 224 00:16:52,500 --> 00:16:57,700 has been going around saying they've followed the diet and haven't been losing any weight 225 00:16:57,700 --> 00:17:03,000 and that "FatFighters" is just a rip-off. Well, in answer to this shit-stirrer... 226 00:17:04,900 --> 00:17:08,700 ...we have got a special visit from the "FatFighters" Slimmer of the Year. 227 00:17:08,700 --> 00:17:14,500 His name is Cliff Roberts. Before I bring him out, just have a look at this. 228 00:17:14,500 --> 00:17:17,000 This is what he used to look like. 229 00:17:18,500 --> 00:17:21,000 There we go. Have a look at that. 230 00:17:21,000 --> 00:17:24,000 And these, would you believe, are his trousers? 231 00:17:25,200 --> 00:17:31,500 So please welcome the "FatFighters" Slimmer of the Year, Cliff Roberts! 232 00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:38,800 - Can I have my, uh...? - Yeah. 233 00:17:38,900 --> 00:17:45,100 Now, you are Slimmer of the Year because you lost the most weight out of anybody. 234 00:17:45,100 --> 00:17:49,500 - How much did you lose? - Three stones and nine pounds. 235 00:17:49,500 --> 00:17:51,700 Three stones and nine pounds! 236 00:17:52,800 --> 00:17:54,700 See? 237 00:17:54,700 --> 00:17:59,100 - And how much do you weigh now? - Er, 19 stones and one pound. 238 00:17:59,100 --> 00:18:01,600 19 stones and one pound! 239 00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:08,500 Yeah. OK, let's just get this into perspective. Come and stand by your cut-out for a minute. 240 00:18:08,500 --> 00:18:12,700 There we go. You'd hardly recognise him, would you? 241 00:18:12,700 --> 00:18:14,800 Sit back down. 242 00:18:14,800 --> 00:18:19,400 Now, what we all want to know is how you came to lose all this weight. 243 00:18:19,400 --> 00:18:21,900 Basically, I just ate sensibly and exercised. 244 00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:26,700 - And the special "FatFighters" range helped? - No, they're a waste of... 245 00:18:26,700 --> 00:18:31,200 Good! So what would you say to someone who's a bit of a Judas 246 00:18:31,200 --> 00:18:33,800 and who's thinking of leaving "FatFighters"? 247 00:18:33,800 --> 00:18:40,400 - Being around other people who are also... - Don't say it to me, say it to him. 248 00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:45,500 Having other people around you who are also trying to lose weight gives you that extra boost, 249 00:18:45,500 --> 00:18:48,100 so if you wanna lose weight, keep coming. 250 00:18:48,100 --> 00:18:51,100 Yeah. You fat shit! 251 00:18:52,300 --> 00:18:56,900 - I'd not call him that. It lowers self-esteem. - No. So, uh... 252 00:19:02,800 --> 00:19:05,200 Oh, they're like tits, aren't they? 253 00:19:11,000 --> 00:19:15,100 We do eat together and I think that's good for everybody. 254 00:19:15,100 --> 00:19:20,300 We're not trying to implement any sort of hierarchical structure here. 255 00:19:20,300 --> 00:19:23,300 - Eh! Eh! Ehhh! - Thank you, Anne. 256 00:19:23,500 --> 00:19:28,200 I think it's no small tribute that when people come and see us, they say, 257 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,900 "Who are the doctors and who are the patients?" 258 00:19:30,900 --> 00:19:35,100 - Eh! Eh! Ehhh! - When the Chief Medical Officer came... 259 00:19:35,100 --> 00:19:37,700 It was either August or... Yes, it was August. 260 00:19:37,700 --> 00:19:44,300 He said the same thing and that was a real lift to everybody who works here, you know. 261 00:19:44,300 --> 00:19:47,900 - Eh! Eh! Ehhh! - That was really good. So we find... 262 00:19:47,900 --> 00:19:52,000 We're not ready for coffee just yet, Anne, but thank you. Or tea. 263 00:19:52,000 --> 00:19:54,800 You don't want tea now, Dr Beagrie, do you? 264 00:19:54,800 --> 00:19:58,900 No, I do find that if you can break down some of these barriers, 265 00:19:58,900 --> 00:20:03,100 you really would be amazed at some of the results. 266 00:20:03,100 --> 00:20:06,100 We had somebody come and see us recently. 267 00:20:06,100 --> 00:20:09,800 - Ooooh. - They'd had a troubled time. 268 00:20:09,800 --> 00:20:12,800 They were quite distressed when they came. 269 00:20:12,800 --> 00:20:17,000 - Eh! Eh! Ehhh! - They'd been in and out of hospital... 270 00:20:17,000 --> 00:20:19,500 We can talk about this later. 271 00:20:20,600 --> 00:20:24,300 Meanwhile, Jason is joining his friend Gary for Sunday luncheon. 272 00:20:24,300 --> 00:20:28,900 It is the law in Britain that on Sundays everybody must eat a roast. 273 00:20:28,900 --> 00:20:32,400 The most popular meats are beef, lamb, pork and bat. 274 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:36,300 - Come in. - Something smells nice. 275 00:20:36,300 --> 00:20:38,700 - You know Julie. - Hi. 276 00:20:38,700 --> 00:20:42,300 - And you remember me nan. - Oh, yeah. 277 00:20:42,300 --> 00:20:45,300 (ROMANTIC MUSIC) 278 00:20:46,500 --> 00:20:51,300 - Have a seat. - Grub's up. Hi, Jason. 279 00:20:51,300 --> 00:20:53,600 Hiya. Sorry I'm late. 280 00:20:56,400 --> 00:21:00,800 - Oh, I forgot the salt! - Oh, let me, Mrs Leigh. 281 00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:08,600 I can't remember the last time we had someone over for Sunday lunch. 282 00:21:08,600 --> 00:21:14,000 Well, it's just nice to spend time with you... all. Wine, anybody? 283 00:21:14,000 --> 00:21:16,400 Not for me, thanks. 284 00:21:19,000 --> 00:21:21,200 Lovely. 285 00:21:29,600 --> 00:21:32,000 Nice potatoes, Mum. 286 00:21:33,000 --> 00:21:36,000 - Is that the dog? - Is what the dog? 287 00:21:36,200 --> 00:21:41,100 - I can feel something under the table. - I put him out earlier. 288 00:21:42,100 --> 00:21:45,100 So you got a girlfriend, then, Jason? 289 00:21:45,100 --> 00:21:47,800 No, I haven't. I'm single currently. 290 00:21:49,600 --> 00:21:54,300 - Mum, you've got gravy all down yourself. - Oh, dear. 291 00:21:54,300 --> 00:21:56,700 (MUM) Honestly! 292 00:22:11,400 --> 00:22:16,800 I've got more meat, more peas, more carrots. And I can do more gravy if anyone wants. 293 00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,700 - I'm all right, thanks, Mum. - Yeah, I'm fine. 294 00:22:19,700 --> 00:22:22,300 Well, there's more if anyone wants. 295 00:22:22,300 --> 00:22:25,300 - (COUGHING) - What's the matter, Mum? 296 00:22:25,400 --> 00:22:28,300 Something must have gone down the wrong way. 297 00:22:28,300 --> 00:22:33,300 Mum, you all right? Gary, get your nan a glass of water! 298 00:22:33,300 --> 00:22:35,700 It's OK, it's OK. 299 00:22:37,000 --> 00:22:39,600 (NAN WHEEZES) 300 00:22:44,700 --> 00:22:46,700 Oh, oh, oh. 301 00:22:47,500 --> 00:22:51,100 Ohhh, ohhh, ohhh, ohhh. 302 00:22:52,000 --> 00:22:55,000 Ohhh, ohhh, ohhhh... 303 00:22:56,700 --> 00:22:59,000 That's got it. 304 00:23:09,000 --> 00:23:11,800 - (COUGH) - Shhh! 305 00:23:19,800 --> 00:23:22,800 (FIREWORK WHIZZES AND EXPLODES) 306 00:23:24,900 --> 00:23:30,300 Chinese food was invented by Professor Stewart Tennant in 1986 307 00:23:30,300 --> 00:23:33,100 and has been very popular ever since. 308 00:23:34,400 --> 00:23:40,500 We're just out for a nice, quiet meal. Can you please not mention the whole you know what? 309 00:23:40,500 --> 00:23:43,300 - What's that? - You know, Liz. 310 00:23:43,300 --> 00:23:47,700 - What? That I was Molly Sugden's bridesmaid? - Yes! 311 00:23:47,700 --> 00:23:50,400 Sometimes it just comes up in conversation. 312 00:23:50,400 --> 00:23:54,900 Let's see if we can have an "I was Molly Sugden's bridesmaid"-free night tonight. 313 00:23:54,900 --> 00:23:57,500 - All right, then, Clive. - Can I take your order? 314 00:23:57,500 --> 00:24:00,500 Are you being served or shall I go first? 315 00:24:01,700 --> 00:24:07,000 - Liz! - I'll have the seaweed to start. That's my boy! 316 00:24:10,600 --> 00:24:12,900 And I'll have the sesame prawn toast. 317 00:24:12,900 --> 00:24:18,300 Prawns! That's what I had at Molly's wedding! Molly Sugden's wedding. I was the bridesmaid. 318 00:24:18,300 --> 00:24:23,500 - And for the main course? - Eh, we'll have a 27, a 108 319 00:24:23,500 --> 00:24:28,100 - and the egg fried rice, please. - Yes, she's very nice, very down to earth. 320 00:24:28,100 --> 00:24:31,000 Quite different from the snooty Mrs Slocombe. 321 00:24:31,000 --> 00:24:36,600 And before you ask, no, the wedding dress wasn't from Grace Brothers, perish the thought! 322 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:40,600 - From Grace Brothers! Ha-ha-ha-ha! - Liz! 323 00:24:40,600 --> 00:24:43,300 - People want to know! - It's boring! 324 00:24:43,300 --> 00:24:48,200 That's life. Now, do us all a grace and favour and shut up. 325 00:24:48,200 --> 00:24:51,700 - And to drink? - I'll just have a beer, please. 326 00:24:51,700 --> 00:24:56,700 I'll have a glass of Molly. I mean, water! Sorry, did someone say "Molly Sugden"? 327 00:24:56,700 --> 00:24:59,300 That woman from "Are You Being Served?"? 328 00:24:59,300 --> 00:25:03,800 Um... I think she's in that one. Is that the one she's in, Clive? 329 00:25:03,800 --> 00:25:08,800 She's very funny with all those jokes about her cat. I'll get your drink. 330 00:25:09,900 --> 00:25:15,500 If he asks me one more question about Molly Sugden, I shall scream! 331 00:25:15,500 --> 00:25:17,800 Molly Sugden! 332 00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:25,500 Meanwhile, at St God's hospital... 333 00:25:25,500 --> 00:25:30,300 # Bye-bye, baby, baby, goodbye 334 00:25:32,400 --> 00:25:36,400 # Bye-bye, baby, don't make me cry... # 335 00:25:39,000 --> 00:25:42,700 - Nothing. - Do another one. 336 00:25:42,700 --> 00:25:48,500 I'll do... What about? # Give a little love, take a little love... # 337 00:25:48,500 --> 00:25:50,900 No, she doesn't really like that one. 338 00:25:51,900 --> 00:25:55,900 - # Shang-a-lang... # - Oh, yeah. She likes that. 339 00:25:55,900 --> 00:25:58,100 # Shang-a-lang 340 00:25:59,400 --> 00:26:01,800 # Shang-a-lang 341 00:26:02,800 --> 00:26:04,000 # Shang-a-lang... # 342 00:26:05,100 --> 00:26:09,500 Roughly one second later in the northern town of Scoffage... 343 00:26:12,300 --> 00:26:15,200 - Yeah? - Sam? Sam Bailey? 344 00:26:15,200 --> 00:26:18,200 - Yeah. - I'm here to give you your driving lesson. 345 00:26:18,300 --> 00:26:24,100 - Thought you'd come to arrest me. My jacket. - I'm afraid you'll have to come now. 346 00:26:25,600 --> 00:26:30,700 - You're not a policeman, then? - Early retirement. Forced into it. Terrible. 347 00:26:30,700 --> 00:26:35,700 - Are you still allowed to wear the uniform? - My other clothes are in the wash. Here she is. 348 00:26:35,700 --> 00:26:38,700 The Duchess. Get in, soft lad. 349 00:26:38,800 --> 00:26:41,100 Eh? Thick as a puddle! 350 00:26:41,100 --> 00:26:43,900 - Put your foot down! - What?! 351 00:26:43,900 --> 00:26:45,900 Faster! 352 00:26:45,900 --> 00:26:48,600 - Isn't it a 30-mile-an-hour limit? - What speed are you doing? 353 00:26:48,600 --> 00:26:50,500 - 72. - Stop the car! 354 00:27:00,400 --> 00:27:03,400 - Is this your vehicle, sir? - No, it's yours. 355 00:27:03,500 --> 00:27:07,700 - Driver's licence. - I rather hoped you could help with that one. 356 00:27:07,700 --> 00:27:10,300 Oh, dear. We've got a comedian. 357 00:27:10,300 --> 00:27:12,600 Blow into this. 358 00:27:21,400 --> 00:27:23,800 Give us that here! 359 00:27:24,700 --> 00:27:26,900 - What's this? - A poodle? 360 00:27:26,900 --> 00:27:31,700 No, I'll tell you! It's a boy racer! Just turned 17, thinks he's Nicki Lauda! 361 00:27:31,700 --> 00:27:33,900 - I've got me eye on you! - All right! 362 00:27:33,900 --> 00:27:37,200 Now, on your way, you black bastard! 363 00:27:46,000 --> 00:27:49,500 Lan? I've just spoken to Mr McWhirter 364 00:27:49,500 --> 00:27:53,700 and he says they're only measuring from the top of the head down. 365 00:27:55,600 --> 00:27:58,600 - What shall we do? - Go for a drink. 366 00:27:58,700 --> 00:28:02,900 So what have we learned from this evening's programme? 367 00:28:02,900 --> 00:28:05,700 That some ducks have bells and some don't, 368 00:28:05,700 --> 00:28:08,300 that murder isn't morally wrong 369 00:28:08,300 --> 00:28:14,200 and, most importantly, we've learned how to tell a goblin from a hobgoblin. 370 00:28:14,200 --> 00:28:17,600 Goodbyeeeee! 32401