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Previously on
"Splitting Up Together"...
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00:00:03,337 --> 00:00:04,296
Lena:
We're pulling the plug.
3
00:00:04,338 --> 00:00:06,799
Martin: And the kids know,
and they're okay.
4
00:00:06,841 --> 00:00:08,509
And things really aren't
gonna be that different.
5
00:00:08,551 --> 00:00:11,429
The on-duty parent will live in
here, taking care of the kids,
6
00:00:11,470 --> 00:00:13,222
living a rich,
full life.
7
00:00:13,264 --> 00:00:16,058
That's right. And the off-duty
parent will be living right here
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00:00:16,100 --> 00:00:17,268
in the garage.
9
00:00:17,309 --> 00:00:18,978
I don't want Lena
dating again.
10
00:00:19,019 --> 00:00:20,396
I want her back together
with Martin.
11
00:00:20,438 --> 00:00:23,566
We haven't had sex
in two years.
12
00:00:23,607 --> 00:00:26,402
Let me give you
my card, here.
13
00:00:26,444 --> 00:00:27,403
Are you...
14
00:00:27,445 --> 00:00:28,738
sending out vibes?
15
00:00:28,779 --> 00:00:29,780
Vibes?
16
00:00:29,822 --> 00:00:31,157
Are we vibing?
17
00:00:31,949 --> 00:00:34,994
♪♪
18
00:00:37,830 --> 00:00:40,332
Okay, so, Milo has
a book report due Monday,
19
00:00:40,374 --> 00:00:41,876
Mason needs to
practice piano.
20
00:00:41,917 --> 00:00:43,377
At least an hour --
that was the deal.
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00:00:43,419 --> 00:00:44,587
Martin: Okay.
22
00:00:44,628 --> 00:00:46,172
And Mae needs
to take vitamin D.
23
00:00:46,213 --> 00:00:48,174
The doctor said
she's deficient.
24
00:00:48,215 --> 00:00:49,842
There's some on the counter
by the microwave.
25
00:00:49,884 --> 00:00:51,218
She's deficient?
26
00:00:51,260 --> 00:00:52,344
How's that
even possible?
27
00:00:52,386 --> 00:00:53,554
We live in
Southern California.
28
00:00:53,596 --> 00:00:55,222
Have you met Mae?
29
00:00:55,264 --> 00:00:56,599
What are you doing?
30
00:00:56,640 --> 00:00:58,684
Taking the comforter
with me to the garage.
31
00:00:58,726 --> 00:01:01,604
Um, no, you're not.
32
00:01:01,645 --> 00:01:03,814
I just spent a week
in solitary confinement.
33
00:01:03,856 --> 00:01:05,941
I've been looking forward
to a real bed,
34
00:01:05,983 --> 00:01:09,236
complete with the comfort
of a comforter.
35
00:01:09,278 --> 00:01:10,821
Ooh!
It's so cozy!
36
00:01:10,863 --> 00:01:12,573
You don't even care
about blankets.
37
00:01:12,615 --> 00:01:14,533
You kick them off
at night.
38
00:01:14,575 --> 00:01:16,327
Yeah, but one has to be there
in order for me to kick it off.
39
00:01:16,368 --> 00:01:18,370
And don't tell me that
I can kick off a quilt,
40
00:01:18,412 --> 00:01:19,580
because I've
tried it, sister.
41
00:01:19,622 --> 00:01:20,915
It didn't work!
42
00:01:20,956 --> 00:01:22,333
I'll get you
a different blanket.
43
00:01:22,374 --> 00:01:23,918
-You're ridiculous.
-You're ridiculous!
44
00:01:23,959 --> 00:01:26,128
That comforter is property
of the master bedroom.
45
00:01:26,170 --> 00:01:28,839
Whoever sleeps here gets
to enjoy full custody
46
00:01:28,881 --> 00:01:31,008
of that blanket
and the children.
47
00:01:31,050 --> 00:01:32,009
Come here!
48
00:01:32,051 --> 00:01:33,093
Hey!
Hey!
Hey!
49
00:01:33,135 --> 00:01:35,054
Stop it!
Martin!
50
00:01:35,095 --> 00:01:36,472
Rahh!
Ow!
51
00:01:36,514 --> 00:01:38,307
Lena: It wasn't always
like this.
52
00:01:38,349 --> 00:01:39,642
When things were good,
53
00:01:39,683 --> 00:01:41,393
we slept
under the same blanket.
54
00:01:41,435 --> 00:01:42,770
But once you introduce
55
00:01:42,812 --> 00:01:45,147
that crappy second blanket,
boy...
56
00:01:45,189 --> 00:01:48,526
Martin: Yeah, the marriage
is pretty much over.
57
00:01:48,567 --> 00:01:49,527
God!
58
00:01:49,568 --> 00:01:50,820
Oh!
Fine!
59
00:01:50,861 --> 00:01:51,946
Ow!
60
00:01:51,987 --> 00:01:54,365
Let the baby
have his blankey.
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00:01:54,406 --> 00:01:57,243
Sank you!
62
00:01:57,284 --> 00:01:58,744
Hey.
63
00:01:58,786 --> 00:02:00,287
I'm sorry.
64
00:02:00,329 --> 00:02:01,580
I'll see you
next week.
65
00:02:04,124 --> 00:02:05,167
Thank you.
I appreciate the --
66
00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:06,919
I was talking to
the blanket.
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00:02:09,463 --> 00:02:12,800
♪ Keep giving me hope
for a better day ♪
68
00:02:12,842 --> 00:02:16,011
♪ Keep giving me love
to find a way ♪
69
00:02:16,053 --> 00:02:19,348
♪ Through this heaviness
I feel ♪
70
00:02:19,390 --> 00:02:25,604
♪ I just need someone to say
everything's okay ♪
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00:02:25,646 --> 00:02:29,066
♪ Everything's okay ♪
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00:02:29,108 --> 00:02:30,317
Martin: Ready to die?
You ready to die?
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00:02:30,359 --> 00:02:31,944
Mason: I surrender!
I surrender!
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00:02:31,986 --> 00:02:33,571
[ Laughter ]
75
00:02:33,612 --> 00:02:34,947
Are you gonna cry?
76
00:02:34,989 --> 00:02:36,282
Are you gonna cry?
77
00:02:36,323 --> 00:02:38,200
Do I need to get
your crying bikini?
78
00:02:38,242 --> 00:02:40,744
Sexist.
79
00:02:40,786 --> 00:02:42,329
Beg pardon?
80
00:02:42,371 --> 00:02:44,290
You're a cisgendered sexist,
and you're raising two more
81
00:02:44,331 --> 00:02:47,751
by continuing to perpetuate
negative stereotypes.
82
00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:48,752
Wha?
83
00:02:48,794 --> 00:02:50,337
"Crying bikini"?
84
00:02:50,379 --> 00:02:52,548
Because that's what girls wear,
and only girls cry?
85
00:02:52,590 --> 00:02:55,426
No, no, no.
The crying bikini is a...
86
00:02:55,467 --> 00:02:58,929
it's a unisex garment,
right?
87
00:02:58,971 --> 00:03:00,806
[ Chuckling ] Oh, come on.
Come on.
88
00:03:00,848 --> 00:03:02,433
I'm not sexist.
I'm your dad.
89
00:03:02,474 --> 00:03:05,227
I always treated you kids
exactly the same.
90
00:03:05,269 --> 00:03:06,645
Really?
91
00:03:06,687 --> 00:03:08,480
Because you never
wrestle with me.
92
00:03:08,522 --> 00:03:10,816
You want to wrestle?
93
00:03:10,858 --> 00:03:11,984
Sure.
94
00:03:12,026 --> 00:03:13,485
-Yeah!
-Aww, she's gonna get it.
95
00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:14,987
You asked for it.
96
00:03:15,029 --> 00:03:16,530
Rah!
97
00:03:16,572 --> 00:03:17,740
Ooh!
98
00:03:17,781 --> 00:03:18,908
Oh, my God.
99
00:03:18,949 --> 00:03:20,075
Oh, my God.
Are you okay, honey?
100
00:03:20,117 --> 00:03:21,201
I'm okay.
101
00:03:21,243 --> 00:03:24,330
She just stood there
like a drunk.
102
00:03:24,371 --> 00:03:25,331
Is it over?
103
00:03:25,372 --> 00:03:26,999
I mean, it can be.
104
00:03:27,041 --> 00:03:29,251
Technically, you're supposed to,
you know, struggle now,
105
00:03:29,293 --> 00:03:30,419
try to get free.
106
00:03:30,461 --> 00:03:32,087
He's not even
torturing her.
107
00:03:32,129 --> 00:03:34,214
Come on, Dad. What about
the rib cruncher?
108
00:03:34,256 --> 00:03:35,883
Yeah. That's
your signature move.
109
00:03:35,925 --> 00:03:39,803
You want your ribs...
crunched?
110
00:03:39,845 --> 00:03:41,263
Why not?
111
00:03:41,305 --> 00:03:42,598
Okay.
112
00:03:42,640 --> 00:03:44,934
Ah!
The rib cruncher...crunchin'...
113
00:03:47,269 --> 00:03:49,897
She's impervious.
114
00:03:49,939 --> 00:03:51,315
Okay, that's it.
We're done.
115
00:03:51,357 --> 00:03:53,067
Wrestling's over. Come on.
Everyone. Go.
116
00:03:53,108 --> 00:03:54,526
-Aw.
-Go. Go read a book.
117
00:03:54,568 --> 00:03:57,071
No fair.
Girls ruin everything.
118
00:03:57,112 --> 00:03:58,238
Hey, hey.
Milo, get over here.
119
00:03:58,280 --> 00:03:59,531
Come here.
120
00:03:59,573 --> 00:04:01,784
Come here.
121
00:04:01,825 --> 00:04:03,869
Don't say,
"Girls ruin everything."
122
00:04:03,911 --> 00:04:08,207
I-It's not cool to generalize
about all girls.
123
00:04:08,248 --> 00:04:10,376
Say, "Mae ruins
everything."
124
00:04:10,417 --> 00:04:12,127
I appreciate that.
125
00:04:14,254 --> 00:04:16,882
I'm sorry. Is it, like,
really damp in here?
126
00:04:16,924 --> 00:04:18,676
It is.
Here.
127
00:04:18,717 --> 00:04:19,927
This should help.
128
00:04:22,763 --> 00:04:25,015
Huh.
Look at those guys.
129
00:04:25,057 --> 00:04:27,101
Are those...
-Centipedes, yeah.
130
00:04:27,142 --> 00:04:29,561
I've come to know
their habits quite well.
131
00:04:29,603 --> 00:04:31,855
They are
a moisture-loving lot.
132
00:04:31,897 --> 00:04:34,858
But these boys flew a little too
close to the sun, am I right?
133
00:04:36,652 --> 00:04:37,695
I'm sorry.
134
00:04:37,736 --> 00:04:38,904
What is it?
135
00:04:38,946 --> 00:04:40,406
I just hate
seeing you like this?
136
00:04:40,447 --> 00:04:42,366
Like what?
I'm happy.
137
00:04:42,408 --> 00:04:43,492
You can't be.
138
00:04:43,534 --> 00:04:44,618
But I am.
139
00:04:44,660 --> 00:04:46,745
Camille, this is not
that bad.
140
00:04:46,787 --> 00:04:48,455
And besides,
it's only for a week.
141
00:04:48,497 --> 00:04:52,001
Actually, it's 26 weeks,
if the arrangement lasts a year.
142
00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:54,003
Well, I could see it
lasting more than a year.
143
00:04:54,044 --> 00:04:56,755
Honestly, I look forward
to my garage weeks.
144
00:04:56,797 --> 00:05:00,134
This is my time
to focus on myself.
145
00:05:00,175 --> 00:05:04,263
I had an epiphany last week
in the main house.
146
00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,890
You know how our shower
has that great big skylight?
147
00:05:06,932 --> 00:05:08,726
-No.
-Well, it does.
148
00:05:08,767 --> 00:05:11,270
And I always insisted
that we never open it
149
00:05:11,311 --> 00:05:13,522
because of the squirrels
that run across our roof.
150
00:05:13,564 --> 00:05:14,898
It drove
Martin crazy.
151
00:05:14,940 --> 00:05:16,650
He said, "What's the point
of having a skylight
152
00:05:16,692 --> 00:05:18,277
if we never
get to open it?"
153
00:05:20,654 --> 00:05:22,531
I had a head
full of shampoo...
154
00:05:22,573 --> 00:05:24,116
I'm gonna kill him.
155
00:05:24,158 --> 00:05:25,492
...and I was about to
get out of the shower
156
00:05:25,534 --> 00:05:27,077
to close
the thing when...
157
00:05:30,998 --> 00:05:33,417
You wanna go?
158
00:05:33,459 --> 00:05:34,835
Don't even think about
coming down here.
159
00:05:34,877 --> 00:05:36,670
I will kill
a squirrel.
160
00:05:36,712 --> 00:05:39,089
And in that moment,
I realized something.
161
00:05:39,131 --> 00:05:40,382
That you were right
and Martin
162
00:05:40,424 --> 00:05:41,717
should have listened
to you all along?
163
00:05:41,759 --> 00:05:42,843
No.
164
00:05:42,885 --> 00:05:44,261
That squirrel
is the only man
165
00:05:44,303 --> 00:05:46,138
who has seen me naked
in two years --
166
00:05:46,180 --> 00:05:47,514
and he's not
even a man.
167
00:05:49,600 --> 00:05:51,935
This is my week
to change that.
168
00:05:51,977 --> 00:05:56,648
♪♪
169
00:05:56,690 --> 00:06:00,819
♪♪
170
00:06:00,861 --> 00:06:01,820
You're not gonna
eat that, bro.
171
00:06:01,862 --> 00:06:03,113
I am, bro.
172
00:06:03,155 --> 00:06:04,615
-Bro, I'm taking it.
-Come at me, bro.
173
00:06:04,656 --> 00:06:06,533
Don't say "come at me, bro"
to your bro, bro.
174
00:06:06,575 --> 00:06:07,951
Here.
175
00:06:07,993 --> 00:06:10,370
Mae, you okay?
176
00:06:10,412 --> 00:06:13,582
Yeah, just...
a little too much bro-energy,
177
00:06:13,624 --> 00:06:14,708
if I'm being honest.
178
00:06:14,750 --> 00:06:17,336
Well, they are...
actual bros.
179
00:06:17,377 --> 00:06:19,213
And I guess I didn't get
the memo about this being
180
00:06:19,254 --> 00:06:21,882
a shirtless dinner,
or I would have joined in.
181
00:06:21,924 --> 00:06:24,134
-Gross.
-My point exactly.
182
00:06:24,176 --> 00:06:26,178
Ditto for the recent
no-flushing trend.
183
00:06:26,220 --> 00:06:27,763
Hey, if it's yellow,
let it mellow.
184
00:06:27,805 --> 00:06:29,139
Ah, that's
a good boy.
185
00:06:29,181 --> 00:06:30,808
How is that
a "good boy"?
186
00:06:30,849 --> 00:06:33,602
Mae, when you're a mom,
you can make the rules,
187
00:06:33,644 --> 00:06:35,354
but I'm playing Mom
this week.
188
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,439
And why are you
"playing Mom"?
189
00:06:37,481 --> 00:06:40,526
Because you're taking care of
your kids and your house?
190
00:06:40,567 --> 00:06:42,694
He's not really
taking care of his house.
191
00:06:42,736 --> 00:06:44,696
I'm literally only shirtless
'cause there's no clean laundry.
192
00:06:44,738 --> 00:06:46,448
Shut up, traitors!
193
00:06:46,490 --> 00:06:48,659
Do you want clean laundry
or the Master Sword in Zelda?
194
00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,536
I can't do both.
195
00:06:50,577 --> 00:06:52,162
And besides...
196
00:06:52,204 --> 00:06:54,039
there was a whole movie
made about it in the '80s.
197
00:06:54,081 --> 00:06:55,874
It was called
"Mr. Mom."
198
00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,293
You know what a better name
for that movie would have been?
199
00:06:58,335 --> 00:06:59,378
"Dad."
200
00:07:00,879 --> 00:07:02,131
-She's not wrong.
-Yeah.
201
00:07:02,172 --> 00:07:04,091
All right, guys.
Zip it.
202
00:07:07,928 --> 00:07:10,806
♪♪
203
00:07:15,978 --> 00:07:17,729
Mae:
Who are you texting?
204
00:07:17,771 --> 00:07:18,981
Mae.
205
00:07:19,022 --> 00:07:20,649
Why are you
lying in wait?
206
00:07:20,691 --> 00:07:24,194
Sorry, but...Mom,
I can't handle Dad weeks.
207
00:07:24,236 --> 00:07:25,487
I just can't.
208
00:07:25,529 --> 00:07:27,156
Nobody brushes
and nobody flushes,
209
00:07:27,197 --> 00:07:28,657
and not to tattle,
210
00:07:28,699 --> 00:07:31,118
but Dad never moves the
wet clothes from the washer
211
00:07:31,160 --> 00:07:32,744
into the dryer.
[ Gasps ]
212
00:07:32,786 --> 00:07:34,872
Can I please just
stay out here with you?
213
00:07:34,913 --> 00:07:36,623
Oh, sweetie.
214
00:07:36,665 --> 00:07:38,250
You know,
I would love that,
215
00:07:38,292 --> 00:07:40,836
but I think your dad
would be heartbroken.
216
00:07:40,878 --> 00:07:42,546
[ Knock on door ]
217
00:07:42,588 --> 00:07:45,591
I mean, he really looks forward
to his weeks with you.
218
00:07:45,632 --> 00:07:47,509
I mean,
your dad adores you.
219
00:07:49,428 --> 00:07:50,888
You know who's
a real pain in the ass?
220
00:07:50,929 --> 00:07:52,181
Your daughter.
221
00:07:52,222 --> 00:07:53,974
I mean, when did she get
so judgmental?
222
00:07:54,016 --> 00:07:56,101
Seriously, Mae can go topple
the patriarchy someplace else,
223
00:07:56,143 --> 00:07:58,061
because I am
her actual father,
224
00:07:58,103 --> 00:07:59,938
and the next time that girl
rolls her eyes at me,
225
00:07:59,980 --> 00:08:01,690
I'm gonna tell her...
226
00:08:02,983 --> 00:08:05,068
The future is female?
227
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,532
W-Well, what the hell
is wrong with her?
228
00:08:10,574 --> 00:08:12,284
Maybe she feels
outnumbered.
229
00:08:12,326 --> 00:08:14,161
Well, I'm sure Mason feels
the same way during your week.
230
00:08:14,203 --> 00:08:15,495
But he's not
outnumbered.
231
00:08:15,537 --> 00:08:17,456
He has Milo --
-Oh, Milo doesn't count.
232
00:08:17,497 --> 00:08:19,124
He's, like,
a little half-human.
233
00:08:19,166 --> 00:08:21,335
Look.
Mae is smart.
234
00:08:21,376 --> 00:08:22,753
And insightful.
235
00:08:22,794 --> 00:08:23,962
And she's also --
236
00:08:24,004 --> 00:08:25,297
Not my daughter?
237
00:08:25,339 --> 00:08:26,798
I was gonna say
"a feminist."
238
00:08:26,840 --> 00:08:28,091
'Cause you can tell me
if she's not my daughter.
239
00:08:28,133 --> 00:08:31,011
Mae is a budding feminist,
and as such,
240
00:08:31,053 --> 00:08:32,679
she is questioning
everything.
241
00:08:32,721 --> 00:08:34,389
Okay.
242
00:08:34,431 --> 00:08:36,683
So, maybe if you just took a
little bit more of an interest
243
00:08:36,725 --> 00:08:38,310
in the things
that she cares about,
244
00:08:38,352 --> 00:08:39,311
the way you do
with the boys.
245
00:08:39,353 --> 00:08:41,021
Here we go again.
246
00:08:41,063 --> 00:08:42,606
If you don't want
my advice,
247
00:08:42,648 --> 00:08:44,316
I've got a whole shelf
full of parenting books...
248
00:08:44,358 --> 00:08:45,817
and cookbooks.
249
00:08:45,859 --> 00:08:47,527
So, you're just gonna
use this as an excuse
250
00:08:47,569 --> 00:08:49,404
to push your own agenda
once again.
251
00:08:49,446 --> 00:08:50,489
You came knocking
on my door.
252
00:08:50,530 --> 00:08:51,990
Oh, just
admit it, Lena.
253
00:08:52,032 --> 00:08:54,451
It kills you that I don't
parent the way you do.
254
00:08:54,493 --> 00:08:56,912
And yet, here I stand --
not dead.
255
00:08:56,954 --> 00:08:59,539
And clearly, my rules
don't govern your world,
256
00:08:59,581 --> 00:09:01,041
hence the skylight.
257
00:09:01,083 --> 00:09:03,502
[ Laughing ]
Oh, the skylight?
258
00:09:03,543 --> 00:09:05,128
The skylight!
259
00:09:05,170 --> 00:09:07,923
Oh, you're just angry because
you can't block my sunshine.
260
00:09:07,965 --> 00:09:10,425
I was eye-[bleep]
by a squirrel.
261
00:09:11,718 --> 00:09:13,387
Whoa.
262
00:09:13,428 --> 00:09:15,931
I didn't mean to
block his sunshine,
263
00:09:15,973 --> 00:09:17,474
but somehow,
I'm always the bad guy.
264
00:09:17,516 --> 00:09:19,268
-Yeah.
-"Yeah"?
265
00:09:19,309 --> 00:09:21,019
Look, I realize that
266
00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:23,272
things between you two
are complicated...
267
00:09:23,313 --> 00:09:24,773
They're not complicated.
They're over.
268
00:09:24,815 --> 00:09:27,985
...but then again,
the devil you know...
269
00:09:28,026 --> 00:09:30,862
But then again, who wants to be
married to the devil?
270
00:09:30,904 --> 00:09:33,073
You should've heard the way
he talked to me last night.
271
00:09:33,115 --> 00:09:34,866
He blames me
for everything,
272
00:09:34,908 --> 00:09:36,910
including his relationship
with Mae.
273
00:09:36,952 --> 00:09:39,371
But on the plus side,
not a squirrel.
274
00:09:39,413 --> 00:09:41,290
Fine, I'll give you
"not a squirrel."
275
00:09:41,331 --> 00:09:42,374
But need I remind you,
276
00:09:42,416 --> 00:09:44,126
Martin's dating.
277
00:09:44,167 --> 00:09:46,795
We have no way of knowing
whether he is or isn't dating.
278
00:09:46,837 --> 00:09:49,589
Well, regardless,
I am more interested
279
00:09:49,631 --> 00:09:51,174
in the cute doctor
I've been texting.
280
00:09:51,216 --> 00:09:52,718
What cute doctor?
281
00:09:52,759 --> 00:09:54,094
The one who
treated Mason.
282
00:09:54,136 --> 00:09:56,054
I asked him out
for drinks tonight.
283
00:09:56,096 --> 00:09:58,140
This is my mom's,
but I'm allowed.
284
00:09:58,181 --> 00:09:59,808
I know, Toby.
285
00:09:59,850 --> 00:10:03,186
So, what? You just use emojis
now, like some tween?
286
00:10:03,228 --> 00:10:04,688
The heart-eyes one...
287
00:10:04,730 --> 00:10:06,481
The tongue-out one...
288
00:10:06,523 --> 00:10:07,733
The snorting-coke one...
289
00:10:07,774 --> 00:10:08,817
That's not coke.
290
00:10:08,859 --> 00:10:10,319
That is a ton of coke.
291
00:10:10,360 --> 00:10:11,403
[ Chip reader beeping ]
292
00:10:11,445 --> 00:10:13,071
Okay, relax,
chip reader.
293
00:10:13,113 --> 00:10:14,990
We all waited for you, and now,
the second you're ready,
294
00:10:15,032 --> 00:10:16,616
Toby's supposed to jump?
295
00:10:17,326 --> 00:10:18,452
[ Sighs ]
296
00:10:18,493 --> 00:10:19,911
I thought you'd be
happy for me.
297
00:10:19,953 --> 00:10:22,539
Well, I'm not.
298
00:10:22,581 --> 00:10:25,584
I'm sorry. I just really miss
the way things used to be.
299
00:10:25,625 --> 00:10:27,419
Well, I don't, okay?
300
00:10:27,461 --> 00:10:29,338
I don't want
a platonic marriage.
301
00:10:29,379 --> 00:10:31,757
I want to be with someone
who's into me.
302
00:10:31,798 --> 00:10:35,510
I want to be with someone who
wants to tear my clothes off.
303
00:10:35,552 --> 00:10:37,596
Are you
the type of person
304
00:10:37,637 --> 00:10:42,184
who would let someone
tear their clothes off?
305
00:10:42,225 --> 00:10:46,396
Well, obviously not
my high-end pieces.
306
00:10:48,732 --> 00:10:53,737
♪♪
307
00:10:53,779 --> 00:10:55,822
♪♪
308
00:10:55,864 --> 00:10:57,699
"Gender Wars"?
309
00:10:57,741 --> 00:10:58,909
Why are you looking at
Mom's books?
310
00:10:58,950 --> 00:11:01,286
Oh. [ Chuckles ]
Hey, man.
311
00:11:01,328 --> 00:11:06,917
Uh, I'm just doing a little
research on your sister.
312
00:11:06,958 --> 00:11:08,335
And your mom.
313
00:11:08,377 --> 00:11:11,046
And just women
in general.
314
00:11:11,088 --> 00:11:12,297
Care to join me?
315
00:11:12,339 --> 00:11:13,590
I'm good.
316
00:11:15,717 --> 00:11:17,052
Camille:
I mean, it'd be one thing
317
00:11:17,094 --> 00:11:18,512
if she were dating
to get back at him,
318
00:11:18,553 --> 00:11:20,472
but I don't think
she's doing it for him.
319
00:11:20,514 --> 00:11:22,182
I think she's doing it
for her.
320
00:11:22,224 --> 00:11:23,517
Which means...
321
00:11:23,558 --> 00:11:25,143
it's really over.
322
00:11:25,185 --> 00:11:26,937
That's a fair
assumption.
323
00:11:29,356 --> 00:11:31,149
I don't understand
your attitude.
324
00:11:31,191 --> 00:11:32,776
What attitude?
325
00:11:32,818 --> 00:11:34,694
How can you take this whole
thing just lying down?
326
00:11:34,736 --> 00:11:36,613
Take what lying down?
Someone else's divorce?
327
00:11:36,655 --> 00:11:38,907
Well, if it could happen to
them, it could happen to us.
328
00:11:38,949 --> 00:11:40,158
It's not gonna
happen to us.
329
00:11:40,200 --> 00:11:41,451
Well, how
do you know?
330
00:11:41,493 --> 00:11:42,661
'Cause if you ever
tried to leave,
331
00:11:42,702 --> 00:11:44,162
I would hold you captive
like an orca.
332
00:11:44,204 --> 00:11:45,705
-That's illegal.
-What do I care?
333
00:11:45,747 --> 00:11:48,625
Without you,
my life is over anyway.
334
00:11:48,667 --> 00:11:51,837
See, that is exactly the type
of needy, desperate,
335
00:11:51,878 --> 00:11:54,673
deranged behavior
that it takes
336
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:57,092
to keep
a marriage together.
337
00:11:57,884 --> 00:12:00,262
[ Flushing ]
Mae: Sorry, I flushed.
338
00:12:04,474 --> 00:12:06,309
What's with the hats?
339
00:12:06,351 --> 00:12:10,480
Well, uh, we just wanted to show
you that we support your cause.
340
00:12:10,522 --> 00:12:12,357
My cause?
341
00:12:12,399 --> 00:12:13,859
You guys are hilarious.
342
00:12:19,573 --> 00:12:21,199
I told you this
wasn't gonna work.
343
00:12:24,161 --> 00:12:25,620
I like mine.
344
00:12:26,913 --> 00:12:28,540
Arthur: Whoa,
are you cooking?
345
00:12:28,582 --> 00:12:31,501
Yeah. I just realized that
I did have a tendency
346
00:12:31,543 --> 00:12:33,211
to let Lena do most of
the household stuff,
347
00:12:33,253 --> 00:12:36,006
and now, I'm...trying to...
you know...
348
00:12:36,047 --> 00:12:37,591
-Change?
-Yes.
349
00:12:37,632 --> 00:12:38,967
Change.
350
00:12:39,009 --> 00:12:40,719
W-Why now?
351
00:12:40,760 --> 00:12:43,388
Well, for starters,
my daughter hates me.
352
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:45,432
I mean, I-I've already screwed
up my relationship with Lena.
353
00:12:45,474 --> 00:12:48,685
I don't want to
lose Mae, too.
354
00:12:48,727 --> 00:12:52,189
Martin, you're so
vulnerable right now.
355
00:12:52,230 --> 00:12:53,648
It's beautiful, bro.
356
00:12:53,690 --> 00:12:55,484
It's seriously
beautiful.
357
00:12:55,525 --> 00:12:56,776
Can I give you a hug?
358
00:12:56,818 --> 00:12:58,278
I-I-I don't really
want to do that.
359
00:12:58,320 --> 00:12:59,905
Come on.
360
00:12:59,946 --> 00:13:00,989
Let's hug.
361
00:13:03,325 --> 00:13:04,493
Okay.
362
00:13:09,789 --> 00:13:12,000
-Mmm.
-Ahh.
363
00:13:12,042 --> 00:13:13,502
It's all right.
364
00:13:15,837 --> 00:13:17,255
-Oh!
-Aah!
365
00:13:17,297 --> 00:13:18,965
Stay in the hug, all right?
Don't turn around.
366
00:13:19,007 --> 00:13:20,383
-What's happening? What --
-You don't want to see.
367
00:13:20,425 --> 00:13:22,052
-I do want to see!
-Okay.
368
00:13:22,093 --> 00:13:23,428
You're gonna stay in the hug,
because you're gonna need it.
369
00:13:23,470 --> 00:13:25,597
Now, slowly rotate
to the right.
370
00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:27,933
Slowly. Great.
Great.
371
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,105
She's got a date, huh?
372
00:13:34,147 --> 00:13:39,152
♪♪
373
00:13:43,823 --> 00:13:44,950
Dr. Kasper: I'm, uh,
really glad you texted me.
374
00:13:44,991 --> 00:13:46,034
Well, I'm glad
you responded.
375
00:13:46,076 --> 00:13:47,953
Of course I responded.
376
00:13:47,994 --> 00:13:50,664
Although, to be clear,
I don't do cocaine.
377
00:13:50,705 --> 00:13:53,500
Okay, is that
the coke emoji?
378
00:13:53,542 --> 00:13:54,626
I...
[ Laughs ]
379
00:13:54,668 --> 00:13:56,294
You're really cute.
380
00:13:56,336 --> 00:13:57,796
Yeah.
381
00:13:57,837 --> 00:14:00,131
And pretty.
382
00:14:00,173 --> 00:14:02,300
And I would like
to kiss you.
383
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:03,718
[ Both laugh nervously ]
384
00:14:03,760 --> 00:14:07,597
Uh, I-I-I'd like to
administer a kiss, yeah.
385
00:14:07,639 --> 00:14:10,308
Well, let me prep
the patient.
386
00:14:10,350 --> 00:14:12,769
Ahh.
387
00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:14,271
[ Both chuckle ]
388
00:14:14,312 --> 00:14:16,022
Soft, but not mushy.
389
00:14:16,064 --> 00:14:17,983
And, like, tongue,
but not an oppressive amount.
390
00:14:18,024 --> 00:14:20,819
You know what? Use your
best judgment on the tongue.
391
00:14:22,779 --> 00:14:24,489
I just wouldn't --
I wouldn't go crazy.
392
00:14:24,531 --> 00:14:26,741
Okay.
You like to
call the shots, huh?
393
00:14:26,783 --> 00:14:28,535
Sorry.
I'm sorry.
394
00:14:28,577 --> 00:14:30,036
I just -- I'm trying to
work on that.
395
00:14:30,078 --> 00:14:31,329
Yeah.
396
00:14:31,371 --> 00:14:32,998
You know what?
Don't listen to me.
397
00:14:33,039 --> 00:14:36,209
Oh, okay.
You just kiss me
however you want.
398
00:14:36,251 --> 00:14:37,752
Thank you.
399
00:14:37,794 --> 00:14:40,338
And I'm sure you're
gonna crush it.
400
00:14:40,380 --> 00:14:41,464
[ Whispering ]
So, good luck in there.
401
00:14:41,506 --> 00:14:42,632
-Okay.
-You got it.
402
00:14:42,674 --> 00:14:44,217
-Can I come in now?
-Do it.
403
00:14:56,146 --> 00:14:59,024
I think, maybe, I got into
your head a little bit.
404
00:14:59,065 --> 00:15:01,693
Um, why don't we take
another run at it,
405
00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:03,570
but this time,
you know, just...
406
00:15:03,612 --> 00:15:04,779
I think, it was like --
407
00:15:04,821 --> 00:15:06,573
[ Cellphone vibrating ]
It was --
408
00:15:06,615 --> 00:15:09,034
Uh, rain check.
409
00:15:09,075 --> 00:15:11,119
One of my patients
just landed in the ER.
410
00:15:11,161 --> 00:15:12,912
Oh, my gosh.
Of course, yes.
411
00:15:12,954 --> 00:15:14,122
Go.
412
00:15:17,500 --> 00:15:19,169
Bye.
413
00:15:25,008 --> 00:15:27,719
So, you're
a nightmare.
414
00:15:27,761 --> 00:15:29,220
I beg your pardon?
415
00:15:29,262 --> 00:15:30,555
Well, how can
anyone succeed
416
00:15:30,597 --> 00:15:32,223
when they're being given
that much direction?
417
00:15:32,265 --> 00:15:34,768
See, now, I would argue,
"How can one not succeed
418
00:15:34,809 --> 00:15:36,311
when given
that much direction?"
419
00:15:36,353 --> 00:15:37,604
So, you dictate orders,
420
00:15:37,646 --> 00:15:38,772
he says,
"Yes, ma'am,"
421
00:15:38,813 --> 00:15:40,023
and next thing
you know...
422
00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:42,609
Haven't had sex
in two years.
423
00:15:42,651 --> 00:15:43,777
Who hasn't?
424
00:15:43,818 --> 00:15:44,819
What?
I don't know.
425
00:15:44,861 --> 00:15:46,196
Not me.
426
00:15:46,237 --> 00:15:48,114
I was just saying,
like, one hasn't --
427
00:15:48,156 --> 00:15:49,449
one that hasn't had sex
in two years.
428
00:15:49,491 --> 00:15:51,743
I don't know.
I'm just saying hypotheticals.
429
00:15:51,785 --> 00:15:53,078
[ Chuckles ]
430
00:15:53,119 --> 00:15:55,997
Well, hypothetically...
431
00:15:58,124 --> 00:16:00,251
I think you need someone
who knows how to push back.
432
00:16:00,293 --> 00:16:01,961
My ex-husband
pushed back.
433
00:16:02,003 --> 00:16:02,962
Did he push back hard?
434
00:16:03,004 --> 00:16:04,255
Hard, yeah.
435
00:16:04,297 --> 00:16:06,675
We fought all the time.
436
00:16:06,716 --> 00:16:10,178
So, maybe you
like it gentle.
437
00:16:10,220 --> 00:16:12,764
[ Laughing ] Okay.
438
00:16:12,806 --> 00:16:13,890
Relax.
439
00:16:13,932 --> 00:16:16,726
Let's just relax, okay?
440
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:18,269
I'm someone's mother.
441
00:16:18,311 --> 00:16:20,271
I'm actually
three people's mother.
442
00:16:20,313 --> 00:16:25,068
And motherhood and sexuality
can't co-exist?
443
00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:28,488
'Cause, from where
I'm sitting, they can...
444
00:16:28,530 --> 00:16:29,739
and do...
445
00:16:31,783 --> 00:16:35,245
...if you could just
chill out a little.
446
00:16:35,286 --> 00:16:38,164
I can chill out.
447
00:16:38,206 --> 00:16:40,458
I don't want to lie to you --
I cannot chill out.
448
00:16:40,500 --> 00:16:41,960
Martin: Kids!
449
00:16:42,001 --> 00:16:44,129
Dinner!
450
00:16:44,170 --> 00:16:45,839
Okay, you guys.
451
00:16:45,880 --> 00:16:48,133
So, the reason I do not cook
452
00:16:48,174 --> 00:16:51,302
is not because I am
a male chauvinist,
453
00:16:51,344 --> 00:16:52,762
it's because...
454
00:16:54,889 --> 00:16:56,391
...I suck.
455
00:16:56,433 --> 00:17:01,688
♪♪
456
00:17:01,730 --> 00:17:07,026
♪♪
457
00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:10,238
♪♪
458
00:17:10,280 --> 00:17:12,198
It's delicious.
459
00:17:12,240 --> 00:17:13,324
Stop it.
460
00:17:13,366 --> 00:17:14,868
It is.
See for yourself.
461
00:17:14,909 --> 00:17:18,955
It looks like dog barf,
but it tastes great.
462
00:17:18,997 --> 00:17:20,081
Cut it out.
463
00:17:25,670 --> 00:17:27,672
It is delicious.
464
00:17:27,714 --> 00:17:29,799
Men really can
do everything, huh?
465
00:17:33,303 --> 00:17:34,763
[ Sighs ]
466
00:17:34,804 --> 00:17:36,264
Not bad, huh?
467
00:17:36,306 --> 00:17:38,683
Mae: See, dad?
If I hadn't pizza-shamed you,
468
00:17:38,725 --> 00:17:41,102
you would have never discovered
your inner domestic goddess.
469
00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:42,353
Mm.
470
00:17:42,395 --> 00:17:43,480
This is true.
471
00:17:43,521 --> 00:17:44,522
Can I be excused?
472
00:17:44,564 --> 00:17:45,940
Yes, you can,
little man.
473
00:17:45,982 --> 00:17:49,068
-Uh, me, too?
-Yeah. You, too.
474
00:17:49,110 --> 00:17:51,529
Hey, Mae.
-Hm?
475
00:17:51,571 --> 00:17:54,199
You know, just because
I'm the guy
476
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:57,202
doesn't mean that I'm
the bad guy.
477
00:17:57,243 --> 00:17:58,870
I know.
478
00:17:58,912 --> 00:18:00,872
Okay.
Good.
479
00:18:00,914 --> 00:18:03,291
Hey.
Hey, hey, hey.
480
00:18:03,333 --> 00:18:06,920
When you were little, I really
knew how to play with you.
481
00:18:06,961 --> 00:18:08,421
I did. I would --
I would throw you
482
00:18:08,463 --> 00:18:10,215
up in the air,
and you would scream
483
00:18:10,256 --> 00:18:13,051
and run around,
and I mean... [ Laughs ]
484
00:18:13,092 --> 00:18:17,931
But then, you grew up,
and you got so serious.
485
00:18:17,972 --> 00:18:19,182
I still like to play.
486
00:18:19,224 --> 00:18:20,725
You do?
487
00:18:20,767 --> 00:18:22,143
What do you like
to play?
488
00:18:25,313 --> 00:18:27,565
Boggle.
489
00:18:27,607 --> 00:18:31,653
Well, Mae, I have some
really bad news for you.
490
00:18:31,694 --> 00:18:33,988
Tomorrow night...
491
00:18:34,030 --> 00:18:36,241
I'm gonna murder you.
492
00:18:36,282 --> 00:18:39,077
At Boggle!
493
00:18:39,118 --> 00:18:40,787
-All right.
-Okay.
494
00:18:42,413 --> 00:18:44,249
[ Sighs ]
495
00:18:44,290 --> 00:18:48,920
♪♪
496
00:18:48,962 --> 00:18:51,923
You're home early.
497
00:18:51,965 --> 00:18:53,716
Are you waiting up
for me?
498
00:18:53,758 --> 00:18:55,844
No.
499
00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:56,928
Yes.
500
00:18:56,970 --> 00:18:59,305
[ Phone alert chimes ]
501
00:18:59,347 --> 00:19:01,099
Hey.
502
00:19:01,140 --> 00:19:03,017
You cooked.
503
00:19:03,059 --> 00:19:04,811
Is Mae happy?
504
00:19:04,853 --> 00:19:06,855
Your books were
very helpful.
505
00:19:06,896 --> 00:19:09,941
And so was your advice,
so, thank you.
506
00:19:09,983 --> 00:19:11,025
You're welcome.
507
00:19:14,112 --> 00:19:18,700
And I'm --
I'm sorry if I, um, just...
508
00:19:18,741 --> 00:19:22,996
If I have a tendency
to...just...
509
00:19:23,037 --> 00:19:25,790
I'm sorry that I
blocked your sunshine.
510
00:19:25,832 --> 00:19:29,085
Well, I'm sorry
for whatever I said
511
00:19:29,127 --> 00:19:32,547
that made you highlight
pages 18 through 48.
512
00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:34,048
[ Chuckles ]
You actually read that?
513
00:19:34,090 --> 00:19:39,053
Oh, I read. I cook. I clean.
I run a mile in under 6.
514
00:19:39,095 --> 00:19:40,763
Oh. Okay.
515
00:19:40,805 --> 00:19:44,309
♪♪
516
00:19:44,350 --> 00:19:47,562
Tell the new guy
he's got big shoes to fill.
517
00:19:47,604 --> 00:19:50,189
♪ Hello, my old heart ♪
518
00:19:50,231 --> 00:19:52,817
♪ How have you been? ♪
519
00:19:52,859 --> 00:19:58,197
♪ Are you still there
inside my chest? ♪
520
00:19:58,239 --> 00:20:00,992
♪ I've been so worried ♪
521
00:20:01,034 --> 00:20:03,912
♪ You've been so still ♪
522
00:20:03,953 --> 00:20:08,791
♪ Barely beating at all ♪
523
00:20:13,046 --> 00:20:14,047
Mason:
♪ 6:00 A.M. ♪
524
00:20:14,088 --> 00:20:15,548
♪ Day after Christmas ♪
525
00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:20,637
♪ I throw some clothes on
in the dark ♪
526
00:20:20,678 --> 00:20:23,139
♪ The smell of cold ♪
527
00:20:23,181 --> 00:20:25,725
♪ Car seat is freezing ♪
528
00:20:25,767 --> 00:20:27,936
♪ The world is sleeping ♪
529
00:20:27,977 --> 00:20:30,146
♪ I am ♪
530
00:20:30,188 --> 00:20:34,692
♪ I'm feeling more alone ♪
531
00:20:34,734 --> 00:20:38,529
♪ Than I ever
have before ♪
532
00:20:38,571 --> 00:20:40,615
Okay, seriously,
can you play something
533
00:20:40,657 --> 00:20:42,283
a little less
depressing?
534
00:20:42,325 --> 00:20:43,952
I'm going through
a divorce here, bud.
535
00:20:43,993 --> 00:20:46,371
Aw, you want me to
get your crying bikini?
536
00:20:46,412 --> 00:20:47,622
Oh, my God.
You're so dead.
537
00:20:47,664 --> 00:20:48,915
Well, what do you
want me to do?
538
00:20:48,957 --> 00:20:50,375
This is the song
that I'm learning.
539
00:20:50,416 --> 00:20:51,918
You're so dead.
I'm gonna go take a shower.
540
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,211
Okay.
541
00:20:53,252 --> 00:20:55,213
[ Piano resumes ]
542
00:20:55,254 --> 00:21:00,176
♪ She's a brick,
and I'm drowning slowly ♪
543
00:21:00,218 --> 00:21:05,056
♪ Off the coast,
and I'm heading nowhere ♪
544
00:21:05,098 --> 00:21:10,561
♪ She's a brick,
and I'm drowning slowly ♪
545
00:21:10,603 --> 00:21:12,271
Martin: Ugh.
546
00:21:12,313 --> 00:21:13,189
[ Sighs ]
547
00:21:13,231 --> 00:21:15,775
♪♪
548
00:21:15,817 --> 00:21:17,360
Well...
549
00:21:17,402 --> 00:21:18,653
She told you so.
37631
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