All language subtitles for 3rd Rock from the Sun - S02E06 - Dick the Vote (1080p x265 EDGE2020)_track3_[eng]

I love these saturdays
In the park.

The soft grass,
The chirping birds,

The "Eyewitness
News" team.

( group chanting )
Save the park!
Save the park!

Makes you want to scream
At the top of your lungs
Like those people.

Let's eat
Over there!

No! I prefer
This table!
It's in the shade!

Hey, look!
A butterfly!

Hey, look, sally!
It's your friend don!

- sally.
- don.

A word to the wise.
There's trouble
In the park today.

Trouble? Uh-oh.
I better take care
Of my baby.

- what is it?
- sometimes a wrinkle
Runs through the city,

And it rears up
On its haunches

Like an ugly monkey
Ready to strike.

Don, you always
Have your finger

Up the pulse
Of danger.

Protesters:
save the park!
save the park!

save the park!
save the park!

save the park!
save the park!

Hey, man, you want
To sign this petition?

The town's going
To destroy bates park.

Uh... Maybe in
A little while.

There's no time.
The dozers are
On their way.

Okay.
I've chained myself
To the tree.

- oh!
- sir, sir, excuse me.

Is it true you've chained
Yourself to that tree?

Yes, that's exactly
What I've done.

So you won't
Free yourself

Even though
The city bulldozers
Are on their way?

No, I cannot
Do that.

( protesters cheer )

He may be
An organized
Protester,

He may be a rogue
Mountain man,

But one thing's
For sure--

He may be a hero.
We got it.

( '50s rock music playing )

( overlapping dialogue )

Is it on
The right channel?

Man on tv:
some of the stories we're
tracking at this hour:

- a fire breaks out
in a nursing home...
- ooh!

a search for survivors
continues at the parma
heights mudslide,

and in our science watch,
a vet performs an operation

that allows a cat to smile
for the first time.

All: aw!

That's the happiest cat
In the world.

tonight's top story:
a protest in bates park.

- look! I'm on tv!
- you're wearing my shirt.
My shirt's on television.

( phone rings )

Harry on tv:
that's exactly
what I've done.

Hello?

Yes, harry solomon
Lives here.

Okay.
Hold on.

Harry has
A phone call.

A phone call.

My first phone call.

- how do I look?
- you look fine.

( deep voice )
Hello.

Uh-huh.
Okay.

I'll have to
Talk it over
With my family.

Okay. Bye.

- who was that?
- it's a member from
The independent party.

They saw me on tv.
They want me to run
For city council.

What's city council?

I think it's
Some sort of council

Here in the city.

Council? According
To my civics class,
That's government.

Oh! Oh,
This is big.

This is big.
We do not want to
Get involved in this.

This will allow us
To get on the inside,
See how it works.

What about our vow
Not to alter the course
Of the planet?

Please.
It's only politics.

We dive in,
Master it,

Grab a few votes,
Get a little action.
Nobody gets hurt.

Harry, call those people
Back and tell them
You'll run.

- you're the boss.
- sally, tommy,

You advise harry
On his campaign.

- I'm going to
Register to vote.
- shouldn't we all vote?

No. We don't want
To arouse suspicion.

One in four
Seems right.

Here's a list
Of candidates
And referendums.

So you're all set.
You come back here
In two weeks to vote.

Right.
And how many times
Do I get to vote?

One time.

And it doesn't matter
That I'm brilliant?

No.

Have you noticed
How tall I am?

We all get
One vote.

- so your opinion counts
Equally with mine?
- you got it.

You're awfully smug
For a man who works
At a folding table.

Okay, let's see.

For mayor,
Heckie mulligan.

Hmm, funny name.
I like that in a mayor.

Heckie mulligan?

How can you vote
For heckie mulligan?
Nina, can you believe that?

How do you know
I'm not voting
For mulligan?

I thought you
Were a democrat.

Why do you think
I'm a democrat?
Because I'm black?

- go ahead,
Vote for mulligan.
- I'm not voting for mulligan.

Wait,
I don't understand.

Why are you getting
So worked up over politics?

It's simple.
You vote for the best man.
The best man wins.

- or woman.
- ( suppressed laughter )

Wh-- oh,
That's priceless.

What, heckie's
A woman?

Frank gansmiller.
Glad to know you.

Hey, betty, the new speed bump
Keeping the teenagers away?

Great.
Good.

Norma, tom, patty,

Cathy, carl.

Too bad about
That warehouse fire.

I'm glad to hear
The "Insurance"
Came through.

Harry solomon.

I've never seen you
Before in my life.

Hi, I'm
Harry solomon,

A simple mind
For a simple people.

I can't believe
Dr. Solomon

Is letting his brother
Run against gansmiller.

- no one can dig up
The dirt like gansmiller.
- the man's a backhoe.

It's a piece
Of equipment.

( inhales )

- don?
- sally, what
Brings you here?

My brother
Threw his head
Into the ring.

- you mean his hat?
- yeah, sure, his hat.

- what brings you here?
- oh, the usual--

Looking for trouble,
Making sure it
Doesn't happen.

- punch?
- take your best shot.

( growls )

- frank gansmiller.
- dick solomon.

- nice to know you, dick.
- I feel it only fair
To warn you

That your challenger
Is my brother harry,
And I am not easily swayed.

- I'll keep that in mind.
- mary, this is
Frank gansmiller.

- this must be
The little lady?
- ( chuckles )

This must be
The little man.

Mary.

Dick, it's all right,

As long as mary
Turns out to vote--

- although I don't know if
You're old enough to vote.
- yes, she is.

She's 44.

Mr. Gansmiller--

Frank, when I do vote,
It won't be for you.

Mary, dick,

Let me get serious
For just a moment.

"Why should I vote
For frank gansmiller?"
You ask.

I didn't ask.

Mary won't let me
Get away with anything,
Will she, dick?

Not a thing, frank.

Why should I vote
For frank gansmiller,
Frank?

Good question, dick.

Because I want
To take money

Out of the drug
Dealers' pockets

And give it back
To the people.

Oh, frank's right.
I want some of
That drug money.

All right, everybody.
It's time to hear
From our candidates.

First up, our incumbent,
Frank gansmiller.

Thank you.
No, no.

You know what?
You all know me.

- let's give
The new kid a chance.
- yes, yes.

- this is a great man.
- dick, sit.

( audience cheering )

Thank you,
Fellow...

Rutherfordonianites.

Anyway, I'm here

Because of
All you people--

Men, women.

Of course,
If I had my way,

There'd be
A lot more women.

You know, on any given
Day, I see maybe one,
Two women, tops.

I want to see
More women.

Everywhere I go,
More women.

More women in
The workplace,
Yes!

Okay.

Vote harry s. Solomon.

The "S" stands
For know-how.

I'm sorry,

Snow-how.

Turn it off.
I've seen enough.

All right, what
Do you got on him?

Nothing.
He's clean.

Nothing?
Must have something
Rotten in his past.

- he's human, isn't he?
- I've done every background
Check personally.

There's nothing.
It's like he...

Fell out of the sky.

- what about drinking?
- no.

- gambling?
- no.

- bad checks?
Tax evasion?
- no.

Pornography?
Drug addiction?
Bad hairpiece?

No!

Zero divided by zero,
Zip, nada, bubkes.

Bubkes, huh?

Wh-what does
"Bubkes" mean?

- nothing.
- yeah, I thought so.

You know,
It's almost

As if he were...

Amish.

Damn!

No past,
No experience,
No record.

The perfect
Candidate.

Wait a minute.

- what about
That sister of his?
- you leave her out of it!

Ooh!

Copper's got
A girlfriend.

Should there be a toll
On the cherry street
Bridge?

Well, I never
Use it.

- yes.
- yes.

But what if I
Start using it?

- no.
- smart money on no.

What am I thinking?
There's nothing good
On cherry street.

Yes.

No!

No--
Yes!

A resounding no-yes.

( sighs )

Okay, let's move on
To the candidates.

This should be
A no-brainer.

City council,
District nine?
Harry solomon.

Y-yeah.

What?
Don't tell me you're
Voting for gansmiller.

- don't tell me
You're voting for harry.
- yes, I'm voting for harry.

- then you're voting wrong.
- there's no such thing
As voting wrong.

Yes, there is.
You're doing it.

You're making a mockery
Of this whole election
By voting wrong.

It's my vote.
I get to use it
Any way I want.

What's the point of having
A democracy if people
Go around voting wrong?

In my opinion,

Democracy is
Doing just fine
The way it is.

Well, your opinion
Is wrong!

I can't believe
You're voting against
Your own brother.

- ha! Just watch me.
- dick!

You're not going
To vote for me?

Well, that hurts.

And I know

Because I feel
Your pain.

But harry solomon
Is not worried...

Because harry
Solomon knows

That harry solomon
Can win.

Oh! How can you
Possibly win?

Because harry
Solomon appeals

To both sides.

- vote for
Harry solomon.
- ow!

- hi!
- hey, mrs. Dubcek.
You want a button?

Yeah!
I'm glad harry
Is standing up

For good old-fashioned
Family values.

You could learn from
This lesson, sally.

Never date a guy
If he's not good
To his wife and kids.

- don.
- sally.

We have to talk.

Your brother is playing
With matches, and that's
How fires start.

I know my way
Around a hose.

This election
Could turn ugly,

Very ugly.

I shouldn't be
Telling you this,
But I had to warn you.

You're the only thing
In my life that
Isn't dirty.

A girl can't
Stay clean forever
In a town like this.

Don't talk
Like that, sally.

You've got a great pair
Of getaway sticks.
Now use 'em.

Come on, don.
Be straight with me.

You owe me
That much.

Follow the money, sally.

- follow the money.
- ( gasps )

( whispers )
Solomon.

( whispers )
Gansmiller.

- glad you came.
- wow.

That's something
I don't hear
Very often.

Solomon, this election
Means a lot to me.

What do you say
We cut a deal?

Well, what sort
Of deal?

You drop out of
The race, I'll make you
Building inspector.

Why do I want to be
Building inspector?

Because when
The building inspector
Looks the other way,

He gets an envelope.

Well, what if
The building inspector
Doesn't look the other way?

He always looks
The other way.

Well, what's so special
The other way?

- the envelope.
- well, what's
In the envelope?

I don't have to
Tell you what's
In the envelope.

You don't have to,
But I sure would
Appreciate it.

Look, what will it
Take you to drop out
Of this race?

Well, don't ask me.
I'm not the one who
Makes the decisions.

- you aren't?
- no, never have,
Never will.

I just sort of
Follow orders.

- whose?
- well, we sort of
Have a leader.

- "We"?
- the family.

The family.

Thank you, solomon.

Thank you very much.

( theme from
"The godfather" playing )

Tv announcer:
harry solomon.

how much do we
really know about him?

he claims to be
a family man,

but what kind
of family?

there's no hard proof
that the solomons are linked

to the gambinis, the genoveses,
and the corleones,

but is that a risk
you're willing to take?

harry solomon--
an offer you can refuse.

paid for by decent,
god-fearing citizens
for gansmiller.

Don't say that.

We can't be in the mob.
We're from ohio.

That's terrible.

Oh, dick, dick, dick,
Dick, dick, dick, dick.

Dick, dick.

You are so out of the game.
That was a gimme.

He mentioned
My name like 20 times.
That was great publicity.

But he's a liar.

Dick, let me talk
To you like you're
A two-year-old.

You know how when you see
A commercial for cheerios,

And they keep
Showing you cheerios,

And you really
Want cheerios...

Do we have
Any cheerios?

( kissing sound )

- ( all murmuring )
- ( bug gibbers )

- what?
- nothing, sir.

I'm sorry
I'm late, sir.

- what are you doing?
- I'm kissing your ring.

- I'm not wearing a ring.
- I'm sorry.

Please don't
Have me whacked.

Whacked?
What kind of
Nonsense is this?

Well, sir, we just
Want to pay you
The proper respects.

- we didn't know.
- know what?

About your
Family connections,
Don solomon.

It's that stupid ad.
It's a complete
And utter lie.

- I would hope you people
Would know better.
- ( all murmur )

Good, because I've had
All I can take of this
Election foolishness.

- ( all scream )
- oh!

This is ridiculous!

Your political system
Is a sham!

It's nothing but lies
And propaganda.

Look what it's
Done to you.

You can't even tell
Who's good or bad
Or right or wrong.

Give me science.
At least with physics,

- you know when you have
The right answer.
- I never do.

Cannoli?

Oh, I'll be so glad
When this election is over.

Here.
Do something
With this.

I'm so confused.
I hardly even know
What I'm doing.

You're sitting
On your cannoli.

( groans, shrieks )
Look at this!

Everything's
Out of control!

- what's wrong?
- what's wrong? I'll tell
You what's wrong.

I'm trying to vote
My conscience,

And I can't even
Hear it anymore.

I have only two choices
For city council--

A professional liar
And my brother, the joke.

( groans )
Neither of them should
Even be running for office.

There is no choice.
My only choice is
Not to vote at all.

Democracy is horrible,
Absolutely horrible!

You're so right.

Democracy is the worst form
Of government there is,

- except for all
Of the others...
- ( groans )

And that is exactly
Why you have to vote.

- no!
- yes!

- no!
- yes!

If you don't vote,
You can't complain.

Complaining is
All I have left.

The system
Isn't perfect,

But it's important
To participate,

Even if you
Get it wrong.

Just go to the polls
And do what you
Think is right.

Things were
So much simpler
Where I come from.

There's only one
Big giant office,

And whoever outruns
The fireball wins.

( blubbers )

( wailing )

( banging )

( panting )

( sobs )

Oh, god, I hope
I did the right thing.

Man on tv:
and the results for
city council are in.

the incumbent,
frank gansmiller,
is the winner.

( all cheer )

So I would be...

The loser.

Okay. Okay.

I'd like to
Thank you all
For supporting--

All righty.

Harry, I want you
To know that I
Voted for you.

Man on tv:
and to top off
this night of firsts,

there was also
one write-in vote

for a dr. Mary albright.

That self-serving
Bitch.

I just had to come over
And say great job, kid.

It was a tough
Campaign all around.

Glad to see no one
Went negative.

Is that envelope job
Still available?

No.

Tough luck, kiddo,

But your family's
Better off.

You spend your life
Around garbage,
You start to stink.

I don't like the taste
Of losing, don.

It tastes
Like a bad egg.

You know, the kind
That gives you
The burps.

During this election,
I've done some
Things, sally,

Some things I'm
Not so proud of.

Did I know better?
Sure.

But it's this...
This town,

This crazy town.

Makes you want
To brush your teeth.

You're in luck.
I'm packin'.

So, dr. Solomon,
Did you hear someone
Voted for me?

Yes, I think I did
Hear that somewhere.

- I wonder where that vote
Could have come from.
- who knows?

It is a secret
Ballot.

It was me, dr. Albright.
I voted for you.

No, you didn't!

How do you know?
It was a secret ballot.

Damn!

I think we should vote
For who's high commander.

- sure.
We're in a democracy.
- can we vote for ourselves?

- of course.
I vote for me.
- I vote for me.

- I vote for me.
- I vote for me.

High commander
Breaks the tie.
I win.

Let's vote again.
This time I vote
For harry.

This is america.
You've got to wait
Four years.

- that's not fair.
- whoa!

God bless america.