All language subtitles for T S01E01 Pilot 1080p WEB-DL AAC2 0 H 264-BTN (1)_track3_[eng]

MALE NARRATOR:
Once upon a time,

there was a typical
little American girl

who lived
in a typical American home

with her typical
American family.

There was her mother Samantha,

her father Darren,

little Tabitha,
and her brother Adam.

As little Tabitha grew older,

her family discovered
that she was a gifted child.

Book.

NARRATOR:
Uh, quite gifted.

But Tabitha's parents

wisely didn't pay
a lot of attention

to her special gift,

and she grew up just right,

with pigtails

and freckles,

like any other
typical American girl.

[ZAPS]

Uh, almost.

[♪♪♪]

Now, Tabitha is a young lady,

she doesn't have pigtails,
anymore, heh,

and, uh,
she doesn't have freckles.

TABITHA:
Good morning, George.

NARRATOR:
But there is one thing

Tabitha still has.

[ZAPS]

Yes, Tabitha grew up
to be a full-fledged witch.

Tabitha, I saw that!
Good mornin', brother.

Now, don't change
the subject.

We had an agreement
about... remember?

I know.
But this was different.

Do you know
it's the 3rd time this week

Paul's parked in my space.

And you think grand theft auto
is the answer?

That wasn't a car rip-off.

It was a--a rip-over.

Oh, boy.

Okay, I'll cut down
on the nose action.

You never used to be
so uptight about me being...

Shh!
[WHISTLING]

...a little different.

Look, Tabitha,
I can't help it.

I feel responsible here.

You're my kid sister.
I've got you a job

with a great future.

I just don't want
to see you blow it,

that's all.

I know,
and that's sweet, Adam.

Are you sure
that's the only reason?

What else would it be?
Well, I don't know.

Sometimes I get the feeling
that it still bothers you

that, well, you know,
that I got all Mom's powers

and all you got
was Dad's chocolate allergy.

Are you kidding?
Giving up Ding-Dongs

is a cheap price to pay
for one's sanity.

Are you sure you never wonder
what it would be like

to be a warlock?

Never.

You know what?

You could go from
assistant program director

to station manager

to president of the network
like that.

Don't do that.

Did you just do something?

Probably not.

Sometimes I think
you enjoy making me nervous.

Morning, guys.
Good morning, Tabitha.

Hi, Tabitha,
which one

do you like best?

Oh, jeez.
Tough decision here.

Yeah.

Soul or jaws.

You're right, Marv.
Hang 'em both.

Wonderful.

Now it'll be easier
to find your office, Paul.

Which reminds me, Tabitha,
we got to come up

with another guest
for tomorrow night.

I thought
we had Henry Kissinger.

Uh, that ungrateful clown
cancelled on me.

Paul, the man used to be
secretary of state.

So what?
Now he's just another

unemployed fat man.

Mr. Tact.

How about Billy Carter?

Could you switch him
from next week

to tomorrow night?

Nope.
Billy's busy tomorrow night.

He's doing
Mary Hartman, Mary Hartman.

Listen, I'm interviewing
this Andrew Collins

in a few minutes.

And he just might be perfect.

Oh, I give up.

[SIGHS]

What's an "Andrew Collins"?

Ok, so Collins
isn't a big celebrity,

but he's written
a very important book

on fuel conservation.

Oh, whoopee-doo!

Another one of
those lectures on saving this

and recycling that.
Marv.

Well, you should listen, Paul.

I'm sure you have a few items
that could use recycling.

Well, I haven't had
any complaints lately.

Paul?

Paul.

The guy sounds
like a possibility.

Ugh.

MARVIN:
Check him out, Tabitha.

Hey, you looked really wicked
this morning.

Is it because I parked
my Mark 5 in your space again?

Not in my space.
Of course, I am.

Some idiot was in my space,
and I remember thinking

when I pulled into yours,

heh, "Oh, Tabitha
isn't gonna like this.

But, tough, I'm the star."

[♪♪♪]

[TYPEWRITERS CLACKING]

Miss Stephens?

Oh, yes. Prof. Collins?
Right.

How are you?
Fine, thank you.

Have a seat, won't you?
Thank you.

You know, your publisher
tells me that Power Poor

is one of his most
important books

this year.

Yeah. Well, he's wrong.
It's the most important book.

This planet is gong to be
bone-dry of fossil fuel

in another 30 years.

But who listens?

I'm listening.

Good.

You know, if people
would just park their cars

and learn to walk again,

we could stretch
that 30 years of fuel

into 130 years.

And that
would give us more time

to get to know each other,

Tabitha.

Well, it looks like
fuel isn't the only thing

you don't believe
in wasting, Andrew.

He's a full professor,

but he's young,
and he's good-looking and...

Well, conservation
is important,

and controversial--

And boring.

Come on, who wants to hear
some do-gooder explain

how to squeeze toothpaste
out of the bottom

of the tube, huh?

Yeah, right, Paul.

It would be
much more interesting

to watch you interview
an empty chair.

MARVIN:
She's got you there, man,

because we are fresh
out of warm bodies.

Hey, Pablo, listen,

I'll bet you'll probably
have a lot of fun

with this guy.

You know,
he probably takes himself

much too seriously.

The other day, Paul,
remember how great you were

with that union leader?

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, I did make him look
pretty silly, didn't I?

[ALL LAUGHING]

Hold it.

That guy punched me
at the end of the broadcast.

He could've hurt my face.

I heard we lost Kissinger.

Yeah, but thanks
to Sister Tabitha,

I think we already have
a replacement.

I'll go in there
and make peace with the man.

Hey, I'm proud of you.

Thanks.

You did it
all by yourself?

Yep.

Without any hocus pocus?

That's right.

You see!

PAUL:
All right,

do what you want.

Paul says okay.

So call Mr. Power Poor
and sign him up.

Oh, yeah, and tell him,

whatever Paul says,

don't deck him.

Right.

At least
until we're off the air.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Oh, hi.
Hi.

This came
from the publisher

after you left.

Thought I'd drop it by.

Oh, Andy's book, thanks.

Gee, you know, I really
should read this tonight,

instead of going out
with Roger.

You got another date
with Roger?

Yup.

Think I'll stick around
and say hello.

Things kinda
settling in with you two?

"Settling in"?

No. Roger and I date,
that's all.

I really got to get movin'.

But you do like Rog?

Oh, sure,
old Rog is just fine.

I hear he's the pits.

Aunt Minerva!

[CHUCKLING]

How are you, my baby?

I'm fine and I'm rushing,
but stay and we'll talk.

Oh, good.

ADAM:
Tabitha, did I hear you...

Oh, no! Minerva.

Adam, you're that pleased
to see me?

I meant, gee,

how've ya been?

And now,
that's all right, Adam.

I know how you feel
about your mother's side

of the family.

But you haven't been
the best influence

on Tabitha.

And you have?

Why do you think I'm here?

Because of the mess
you've gotten

your sister into.

What mess?

You see, the poor kid
doesn't realize.

First of all,
he gets you a job

in television.

Tacky.

But I love my job.
And worse than that,

you have been in Hollywood
a full six months,

and he has yet to take you

to one really kinky party.

Now don't start, Minerva!

Tabitha...

Honey, if you insist
on slumming with mortals,

I will stand by you.

Now, how can
I be of service, dear?

By being somewhere else.

I hear the skiing is great
in Siberia.

[SNICKERING]
Oh.

Well, it sounds tempting,

but you see, I couldn't
possibly leave just now.

I'm, uh,
waiting for something.

[CHOKING]
For what?

[DOORBELL RINGING]

For that?

Oh, Roger's here already.

Yes. I just wanted
to check out the kind of men

your brother's
been introducing you to.

Now, Minerva,
Roger happens to be

a nice, normal
fraternity brother of mine.

It's deadlier
than I thought.

Hey, Adam.
How are you doing, buddy?

Roger. Come on in.
It's good to see ya.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

ADAM:
Uh, Tabitha will be right out.

Uh, Tab isn't ready yet?

Oh, I'm sorry.
I'm running a little late.

Yeah, I'll say,
it's, uh, 7:23.

Nope, 7:24.

Just what every romance needs.
A timekeeper.

Roger, I'd like you to meet
my Aunt Minerva.

Nice to meet you.

Hey, uh, Tab,
you'd better hustle.

Basketball game
starts in 36 minutes.

We want to be there
when they blow the whistle.

She ought to blow the whistle
on him.

Pardon?

Aunt Minerva just wanted
a tour of the place, Rog.

It's her first visit.

Of many.

Good, Adam. Errol Flynn
wasn't available,

so you fixed her up
with Daffy Duck. Nice.

Hey, Rog, do you think
we could possibly forget

the game?

Forget the game? Why?

Well, I really need
to read this book tonight.

See, we're having this guy
on the show tomorrow

and I need to...

[SIGHS]
I get it. Your job again.

Oh, hey, listen,

I could fix
a little dinner,

and the book shouldn't take
too long to read.

ROGER:
Tempting, Tab,

but they'll need me
at that basketball game.

Well, I guess
I'll have to go alone.

Uh, tomorrow night
don't bring home any work.

We're going to Chorus Line,
remember?

Don't worry.
I wouldn't miss it.

Good. Well,

better make tracks.

Not before
I give you a message.

[ZAPS]

ROGER:
Runnin' outta time.

What's wrong?

Uh, nothing.

My, uh, batteries
must be low.

Aunt Minerva,
did you zap Roger?

Not me. Must've been Adam.

What?

These notes
are darn good, Tabitha.

It's gonna be
an important show

and a really good one.

Thank you, Mr. Decker.

Good morning, troops.

MARVIN:
Hi, Paul.

TABITHA:
Hi.

Hi.

Now that we're all here,

let's go over
some of the ground

you'll be covering
on the show.

I already have, Marv.

I want you to meet
Miss Sherry McBride,

the first runner-up of the
1965 Miss Free World contest.

My guest on tonight's show.

Paul, Andy's tonight's guest.

Oh, you mean, was.

Sorry, pal.
Welcome to showbiz.

Paul, you agreed
to Professor Collins

yesterday.

Reluctantly.
But that

all changed, Marv,
last night,

when fate brought
Sherry and I together.

It must've been fate.

I'd never been
in that particular

singles bar in my life.

Ah, you know,
Sherry just might be

the most interesting woman
I've ever had on the show.

Uh, now, Paul,
I'm sure Miss McBride

is very interesting,

but, uh, a commitment
is a commitment.

Come on! I mean,
what's more exciting?

Some song and dance
about conservation,

or what goes through
a beauty contestant's head,

walking down that runway,
knowing every guy

in that place
is crazy nuts about her?

Marv, can I see you
a moment, please?

Sure.

[CHUCKLES]

Look, now you're the producer
of the show.

Now, it's either
this Andrew Collins

with an earth-shakin' problem,

or this Sherry McBride
with everything

she's got shaking.

No sweat.
I'll straighten Paul.

Paul, we got to have
a little talk.

Oh, sure, Marv.
Anything you want.

But if Sherry's
not the guest, I walk.

That's what I want
to talk to you about.

That dress
is a little wrinkled.

Let's go down
to Wardrobe

and get you something
fresh to put on, huh?

Sorry, sugar.

Tabitha, please,
don't go over to Paul's.

He's not going
to change his mind

about Andy,

and you'll only
get yourself fired.

Yeah, well, maybe
it's worth a chance.

Is that what
you're so worried about?

Yeah.
And what

you'll do to him
after he fires you.

I've been there
when you've lost

your temper.

Oh, boy.
You're never going

to let me forget

that silly little prank
I pulled, are you?

It's not easy forgetting
been turned into

a stuffed panda.

I still have
the dark circles

under my eyes.

A stuffed panda?

[CHUCKLING]

I love it.

Speaking of stuffing it,
Minerva--

Nephew,

how would you like
a lightning bolt

where it would do
the most good?

You two have fun,
I'm going to Paul's.

Perfect,
I'll pop up there, too.

I've got a brand new spell
that will calcify his cookies.

Oh, no, you don't!

You keep away
from Paul's cookies.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Roger.

Hey, terrific,
you're ready.

Hi, Adam. Hello.

Daffy.

What are you doing here
so early?

I thought curtain
wasn't until 8:30.

Last minute
change of plans.

Gang's going to get together
for a drink before the show.

Let's go.
Oh, uh, listen,

there's something
that I really

should take off first.

Tabitha, you promised.
Come on.

Wait, I--I have the answer,
now come here a minute.

[SIGHS]

Good. What?

[ZAPS]

That.

My God!

You killed my best friend.

Oh, please.

If you haven't
bored him to death by now,

he'll live forever.

Not only that,
you broke his watch.

Adam, don't worry,
he's only frozen

temporarily.

Only frozen?

Hey, Rog.

You--You're okay, buddy?

Now, Aunt Minerva,
this is inexcusable.

But since Rog
is cooling it a little,

I think I'm gonna buzz on over
to Paul's.

Tabitha!

I'll right back,
I promise.

I love it.

She has returned
to the fold!

No, she hasn't.
Now bug off, Minerva,

I'm warnin' you.

Don't threaten
Aunty Minerva,

or you could end up
as an ice sculpture

at a Beverly Hills
bar mitzvah.

[ZAPS]

Look, Rog? I gotta go.

Hope you understand, guy.

Tabitha, wait!

Tab, for your own good,
don't go up there.

I know I'll be sorry,
you'll be sorry.

I mean, both of us.

Adam, when are you
gonna face the fact

that I'm a witch?

She's kidding.

Now good-bye, you two.

I don't leave till she leaves.

I'll be around
if you need an extra hand.

Ciao.

[BARKING]

Not that kind of "Chow."
I meant bye-bye.

[ZAPS]

And one more thing,

pick Andy up at his hotel
and take him to the studio.

PAUL:
Yeah. Who is it?

It's Tabitha.

Tabitha.

Hey, hey,
what a pleasant surprise.

I thought you were, uh,
slightly miffed at me.

Who, me, miffed?
No, don't be silly.

Oh, marvelous,
come on in.

Thank you.

Yeah.

Well, uh, you've never visited
my apartment before.

Oh, I know.
It's, uh, really very nice.

But, uh, listen, Paul,
what I wanted to discuss

was, uh--

Uh, uh, uh.
First the guided tour.

I always begin
with my king-size waterbed,

it's completely custom

with temperature
and tide control.

Oh, great, Paul, but I--

Would you like
high tide at Capri?

[WATER GURGLING]

Or low at Bora Bora?

Uh, Paul, I can see your bed
another time.

Is that a promise
or just kidding me,

or not?

Come on, now, sit down
in the ol' playpen.

[REMOTE SWITCH CLICKS]

Hey, now, Paul,
the reason I came over

was I,

I'd like for you
reconsider having Andy

on the show tonight

instead of Sherry.

Okay.
I--

Okay?

Oh, God,
that was too easy.

I know.

I feel strangely captive
to your slightest whim.

Like you were under a spell?

Exactly.
Minerva!

The way you look tonight
could put any--

What do you mean "Minerva?"

Oh, uh,
well, some people say,

"Heavens to Betsy,"

And I'm big on "Minerva."

So you'll have Andy
on the show?

Uh, uh, uh.
I said we'd discuss it.

You know, uh,

Sherry would be
very, very disappointed,

but then you'd be
very grateful.

And there's always the hill
to consider.

What hill?

Oh, the one
that Sherry's slightly over

and you are beautifully under.

Oh, now wait a minute.
Paul.

Paul, I--I want to discuss
the fuel crunch

on the show tonight,

but not for the wrong reason.

Why don't I just...
Paul.

...mix up a couple of
my famous daiquiri fizzes

and, uh,

you can try to convince me.

I'm not due at the station
for over an hour.

Okay.

Good. Now, look, uh,

don't think I'm not aware

that we all use
a lot of power.

I mean, are you kidding?

It's just that, uh,
I've got confidence

in good old American know-how.

I mean, if we start
to run out of fuel,

well, the big boys,
they'll just come up

with something else.

Something else, Paul?

[BLENDER HUMMING]

Paul, there is nothing else.

Ah, there's that spark
of yours.

It's a real turn-on.
But don't push it.

[ZAPS]

[BLENDER STOPS]

Uh, it's fizzed enough anyway.

[MIMICS BLENDER HUMMING]

Uh, here's to, uh,
more evenings like this.

Isn't it funny
the way we started?

I didn't know we had.

Well, when you
first came to work,

you, you looked on me
as kind of a god.

Do you like music?
Mm-hm.

See, we do have
things in common.

Wait till you hear this song.

I just put in this new system.
You're gonna love it.

[SWANKY LOUNGE MUSIC
PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]

[ZAPS]

[MUSIC WARPING]

[EXCLAIMS]

I just had
this stereo installed.

It's the best money can buy.

Well, uh...
Well, back to us.

Look, Tabitha, I know
we've had our differences,

but all great relationships
start that way.

Gable and Lombard,
Redford and Streisand--

Frick and Frack.

Sharp.
See how worthy you are?

Mm-hm.

Oh, that's cute,
do that to my nose, too.

[ZAPS]

What happened?

The lights went out.

I know that.
But what's going on

around here?

Well, your building
maybe having one of

those brownouts.

That's ridiculous.
With the rent I pay?

I'm calling the manager.

Paul, all the money
in the world doesn't matter

when you're out of power.

Please, no lectures.

[ITEMS CRASH]
Ow!

[GROANS]

Hello.

It's dead.

Uh, listen, maybe
we should be getting down

to the studio, huh?

Yeah. Okay.

How about I lead the way?

[SIGHS]

Everything's all right
out here. Heh.

[ZAPS]

[EXCLAIMS]

It's out here, too.

Oh, let's just get
to the ground floor, huh?

Oh.

[ZAPS]

It's just like
The Towering Inferno.

Now what do we do?

Uh, I think
Steve McQueen climbed down

the side of the building.

And Paul Newman
took the stairs,

26 floors.

I know, I know.

You won't believe
what happened?

Maybe I will.
Try me!

First, all the power
goes out in my apartment,

then my Mark 5
runs out of gas,

and the same thing happens
to three cabs and a bus!

Coincidence?
It's no coincidence.

It's the beginning
of a crisis.

You're the guy
who wrote the book,

you understand it.

It--It was chaos.

Fine.
Wonderful, Paul.

You can tell us
all about it later.

The important thing is
we are on the air

in two minutes.

Marv, don't tell me
what's important.

I just walked
26 flights of stairs

and 18 blocks,

I wanna talk about it now.

Hey, Marvin,
if he wants to talk about now,

well, maybe he and Andy
should discuss it on the show?

It's a terrific idea.

Andy's not even made up.

MARVIN:
Nah, it's too late.

Don't tell me
it's too late, Marv,

I--I say, he's on the show.

Now, look, Paul,
there are times you can

push a producer too far.

Luckily,
this isn't one of those times.

Make-up, over here, please.

MARVIN:
Andy, would you

get in the chair.

Get him ready for us,
would you?

Hey, what about me?

Sherry,
please don't be selfish.

This could be
a very important show for me.

Bringing the public
my personal story of

pain in the power drain.

Later, sweetheart.

All right, stand by,
we're on the air

in 30 seconds.

Uh, honey, can we have
our dress back?

Let me show you
where Wardrobe is, huh?

I want an explanation
for all this.

Isn't it terrific?

Too terrific.

Oh, one other thing,

where's Roger?

Oh, no! Roger!

Come on!

See, old Roger's
just fine.

He'll fall right out.
Oh, that's comforting.

Will you please
bring him back to normal?

Of course. But listen,
you'd better go,

because you being here
might be a little hard

to explain.

So I'll say good night.

Good night.

Listen, if this-- If this ruins
his tennis game, Tabitha--

Good night.

[ZAPS]

Where did Adam
and your aunt go?

Whoa! It's cold in here.

Oh, they had to leave.

And listen,
we should get going too,

if we're going to make
that curtain.

Yeah, the game's
gonna be waiting.

I can seem to get warmed up.
Must've caught a chill.

Oh, gosh, I'm sorry.

Listen, Tab, I--

Ooh!
Sorry.

Uh, listen, I know, how much

you wanted to see Chorus Line,

but I'm afraid this chill
might turn into something.

And I got that, uh,
tournament tomorrow.

Oh, yeah.
Well, you're probably right.

You should go home
and get in a nice warm bed.

Oh, thank you
for being so understanding.

Ooh.

You know something, kid,
you're really special.

Oh, Rog,
how nice of you to notice.

[SHIVERING]

Good night.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]