All language subtitles for The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet S05E17 The Borrowed Tuxedo 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-CRFW (1)_track4_[eng]

[music playing]

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America's favorite
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Ozzie, Harriet,
David, and Ricky.

They like to go places,
enjoy happy times together.

And they enjoy these moments
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The same roll of film
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You'll hardly believe such fine
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Ask about new Kodacolor film
in the familiar yellow box.

And now, Kodak invites you
to enjoy "The Adventures

of Ozzie and Harriet."

Hey, Oz!

Hey, Oz!

- Oh, hiya, Doc.

- How about a round of golf?

- What the heck are you
doing with the skis?

- I brought them over for Ricky.
- Ricky?

- Yeah, they belonged
to my boy, Pete.

He's lent them to
Rick for the weekend.

- Oh, gee, thanks a lot.

- That's OK, Oz.

It was really just an excuse
to show you the morning paper.

- Is there something
special in it?

- Darn right there is.

There's a very nice article
about me on page five.

- Oh, how about that?

- Here, I'll show it to you.

Here we are.

- "Medical Association
to hold annual meeting.

The County Medical Association
will hold its annual banquet

and meeting tomorrow night.

The members will be addressed
by several prominent speakers."

Was that the whole article?

- Yeah, how about that?

- Well, uh, where's
the part about you?

- Are you kidding?

I'm one of the prominent
speakers they referred to.

- Oh.

Well, they don't even
mention your name.

- Well, naturally not.

It's the Medical Association,
a highly ethical organization.

- [chuckles] It's
tomorrow night, you say?

- Yep.

Even bought a new
tux for the occasion.

Had it tailor-made.
It's a beauty.

Took them four weeks to make it.

- Oh, good for you.

- Well, I'd better get going.

I'm expecting a baby
about 10 o'clock.

- Oh, say, maybe I'd better
help you over to your car.

- It's OK, Oz.
I think I can make it.

- Well, good luck
tomorrow night.

- Thanks a lot.

- Hiya, Pop.
- Hiya, Pop.

- Oh, hiya, fellas.

Hey, these are for you, Rick.
- Oh, thanks.

Now I won't have to
borrow any from Pete.

- No, no, those are Pete's.

His father just
brought 'em over.

- So long, Oz!

- Oh, so long, Doc!

- Thanks a lot for the
skis, Dr. Williams.

- That's OK, Rick!

- Boy, these are beauties.

Well, uh, don't you guys
have skis of your own?

- Well, we do, but they're
in pretty bad shape.

- Oh.

Well, gee, these look like
they're expensive skis.

If anything happens to them, you
guys are responsible, you know.

- We'll take good
care of them, Pop.

- Well, it's just
not a good idea

to get in the habit
of borrowing things

unless it's
absolutely necessary.

- Oh, it's necessary.

I had to borrow a
pair from Chuck.

- Well, couldn't you
get yours fixed up?

- Not in time.

- See, we both have
dates to go skiing,

and we didn't want
to disappoint them.

- OK.

Take good care of 'em now.

- Oh, we will.

- We'll take good care
of the skis too, Pop.

- Take care of what?

- Oh, I was just
telling the boys

to be sure and take good
care of their dates--

Uh, of their skis.

They're borrowing skis.

- Oh, what are they
borrowing skis for?

- Well, I don't know.

They're going skiing,
and theirs are busted.

Uh, Dave borrowed a pair,
and Ricky borrowed Pete's.

I don't like the idea myself.

- Well, maybe Pete's are better.

- Oh, well, that doesn't hurt.

I just don't think they ought
to get in the habit of borrowing

things.

If you don't have
something, do without it.

Oh.

Have I seen that dress before?

- I don't think so.

- When did you get it?

- Today.

I'm going to wear it to the
woman's club meeting tonight.

We're having
installation of officers.

- Gee, I hope you get
some more use out of it.

It seems a shame to buy a
dress and just wear it once.

- Oh, I didn't buy it.

I borrowed it from
Clara Randolph.

- Harriet, didn't you hear me?

I just got through
telling the boys what

I think about borrowing.

- Oh, I know it.

I'll tell you what, you
use the same lecture on me

and just change "David"
and "Ricky" to "Harriet."

[music playing]

- Harriet?

Listen to this.

From the pen of
William Shakespeare,

"Hamlet," to be exact.

"Neither a borrower
nor a lender be.

For loan oft loses both
itself and friend."

- That's very pretty, dear.

- It's darn good advice, too.

Polonius's advice to Laertes.

- Oh, I thought it was
Ozzie's advice to Harriet.

- Well, yes, it's that, too.

Neither a borrower
nor a lender be.

For loan oft loses
both itself and friend.

- Let me see that book.

- "Complete Works of
William Shakespeare."

- "This book belongs
to John L. Greene."

When did you steal
this from him?

- I didn't steal it.

I borrowed it.

- "Neither a borrower
nor a lender be."

- What happened to John?

I haven't heard from
him in quite a while.

- "For loan oft loses
both itself and friend."

I will return the book
to him this afternoon.

- Yeah, fine.

I'll drive you to the airport.

He moved to Schenectady
six years ago.

- Oh, hi, Mr. Darby.
Come on in.

- Hello, David.

Pop, it's Mr. Darby.

- Oh, hiya, Darb.

It's nice to see you.
Come on in and sit down.

- Hello, Darb.
Let me take your hat and coat.

- No thanks, Harriet.

I can only stay a minute.

I just dropped by to ask a
favor of your illustrious

and versatile husband.

- Well, after a build up
like that, how can I refuse?

Hey, sit down over here.

It's a nice, comfortable chair.

- Thank you.

- What's on your mind?

- Well, sir, first of all, I
must apologize for inviting you

at the last minute
like this, but we're

having our annual Explorers
Club banquet this evening,

and I was wondering if you would
consent to be our toast master.

- Oh, well, that's
wonderful, dear.

- Hey, that's great, Pop.

- Uh, it's a great honor,
but it's so sudden.

- Yes, I know it is,
Oz, and I'm sorry.

General Caldwell was supposed
to be our toast master,

but he was suddenly
called out of town.

And then right away,
somebody mentioned your name.

- Oh, really?

Who was that?

- Me.

- Oh, thank you.

I don't mind helping out,
but what could I talk

to the Explorers Club about?

- All you have to do is
introduce the guests,

get off a few clever
little remarks.

- Oh, I'm sure you won't
have any trouble, dear.

- There's no special procedure
connected with the affair,

is there?

- No, nothing difficult.
It's all very informal.

Oh, there is the cake
ceremony, but that

doesn't amount to much.

- Oh, what's that all about?

- Oh, they just
bring in a huge cake,

symbolizing the spirit of
good fellowship or something.

- Well, what do I do with it?

- You just cut yourself a
great, big slab and eat it.

- Well, I'm sure I can handle
that part of the assignment.

- Oh, I'd like that job myself.

- Yeah, I just hope I can
think up enough funny things.

- Hey, maybe you could
fall on the cake.

- I don't think
that'll be necessary.

- Well, now, if
you want a gag, Oz,

I can tell you the one that
General Caldwell had lined up.

He was going to introduce
his friend of his from Africa

and then bring in
a little monkey

all dressed up in a tuxedo.

- That sounds pretty funny.

A monkey in a tuxedo.

- Yeah.

By the way, Oz, have
you got a tuxedo?

- For the monkey?

- No, no, no, for yourself.

- Oh!

Oh, yeah, I think I have
one upstairs some place.

- Well then, there's no problem.

I can't tell you how much
I appreciate this, Oz.

I do think you'll have
a good time, though.

They're really a
fine bunch of fellas.

- Oh, I'm sure I will.

Thanks a lot for inviting me.

- I wish I could ask
you, too, Harriet,

but this is strictly
for the men.

- Oh, well, that's
all right, Darb.

We have a woman's club
meeting tonight anyway.

- Well, good for you.

See you later then, huh, Oz?
- OK, Darb.

- Goodbye, Harriet.
- Goodbye, Darb.

- Bye, Mr. Darby.

- I wish I could go.

It sounds like fun.

- I kind of like
to see the monkey.

- I'll have to
dig out my tuxedo.

- Well, it's in
your closet, dear.

- Oh, I wonder if it needs
pressing or anything.

- Why don't you look and see?

- Hey, Pop, if you
need any jokes,

there's a book in my
room, "1,001 Jokes for all

Occasions."

- [chuckles]

- And those glasses
with the funny nose

are in my top drawer.

- Well, I think I can get
laughs without using those,

at least I hope so.

- If you can't, Pop, you've
always got the monkey.

Don't look so insulted.

I'm talking about
the other monkey.

- Hey, here's a joke Pop
might be able to use.

"There were two
giraffes and a zebra.

And one giraffe said
to the other one, --"

- I don't like those jokes where
one animal talks to the other.

If you want to get technical,
a giraffe can make a sound.

- Well, that's a joke.

See, the zebra's
a ventriloquist.

- Some joke.

- [laughs]

- If you ask me, Pop doesn't
need any help anyway.

He's getting enough
laughs by himself.

- I wonder what's so funny.

- [LAUGHING] I'm sorry, dear.

- That's pretty funny, Pop.

- Yeah, you won't
even need the monkey.

- I can't figure out what
happened to this darn thing.

It used to fit me fine.

- Oh.

[chuckles] Oh, that makes
a nice smoking jacket.

- We're all laughing here.

What am I going to do
about this darn thing?

- I think you'd better
get a new one, dear.

- Well, you don't walk in and
buy a tuxedo just like that,

you know?

You always need
some alterations.

Doc said it took four
weeks to get his--

Hey, there's an idea.

Doc just bought a new tuxedo.

Maybe he'd lend it to me.

He's the same size as I am.

- Now, wait a minute.

What about that lecture you
delivered to me this morning?

- Did you get one too, Mom?

- Yeah, same one, only
he changed the name.

- Now, there's nothing wrong in
borrowing if it's an emergency.

And-- uh, pardon me, son.

And this is an emergency.

- What about the words
of William Shakespeare?

"Neither a borrower
nor a lender be."

- Oh, well, you didn't
finish the quotation.

Neither a borrower nor
a lender be, except

in the case of an emergency.

[music playing]

- Gee, Oz, it's brand new.

I haven't even
worn it myself yet.

- Well, I know that, Doc.

- I just bought it.

You can buy tuxedos, you know.

- Well, yeah, I know, but
I just don't have time.

I'll be very careful of it.

- I've got to have it
for tomorrow night.

- Well, yes, I know that.

I promise you, I won't
get any spots on it.

And I'll take it
over to the tailors

and I'll have him press it.

And I'll bring it over
here tomorrow afternoon

without fail.

- Well, OK.

- Oh, gee, thanks a lot, Doc.

I'll do the same
for you some time.

Sorry, Charlie.

But the thing is, the
zebra was a ventriloquist.

[laughter]

And now, gentlemen,
it is my pleasure

to request that the
traditional cake be brought in.

It symbolizes, so I am told,
the spirit of friendship

and good fellowship that
abounds among fellow explorers.

Fearless and courageous all.

Gentlemen, the traditional cake.

[applause]

Thank you very much, boys.

Not having attended
your functions before,

I asked Mr. Darby what I
should say about the cake.

And he fittingly replied,
"No crummy remarks or you'll

get a frosty reception."

[laughter]

- I did not!

[chuckles] Oh, uh, Mr. Nelson.

I've just been informed that
our distinguished visitor

from Africa has arrived.

- Oh, thank you very
much, Mr. Darby.

Gentlemen, before
we cut the cake,

I should like to introduce to
you a distinguished visitor who

has spent most of his life
in the equatorial forests

of Africa, Professor
Thomas J. Tree Swinger.

[laughter]

[applause]

[roaring laughter]

- Who is that fella?

- He's a friend of mine.

Isn't he terrific?

He'll do anything!

[laughter]

- He's the best show
special we've ever had.

[applause]

- Good night, Darb.

Thanks a lot.

- Hey, Oz.

You forgot your coat.
- Oh.

Oh, thank you.

- Hey, what is that thing?

- Oh, that's the
monkey's tuxedo.

I figured I should get
it cleaned for him.

- Oz, I don't know how
to thank you for tonight.

You certainly made
the evening a success.

- Oh, that's alright.

- [laughs] The way you fell
into that cake was the funniest

thing I ever saw!

- Darby, Harriet--

I don't--

- Sorry.

[laughs]

[engine starts]

[laughs]

- Mr. Nelson?

- Oh, hello there.

- I was cruising by
and I noticed a light

on in your garage and I
thought I'd better investigate.

I didn't expect to
find you up this late.

- Oh, yeah, well,
I just got home.

See, I was a toastmaster at
the Explorer's Club banquet

tonight.
- You were the one.

My brother-in-law was there.

- Oh, really?

- Yeah, he told me about
the guy with a monkey

that fell on the cake, but
I didn't dream it was you.

- Well, yeah, it--

I'm afraid it was me, all right.

- Must have been pretty funny.

- Well, everybody laughed.

- Wow, this sure is a mess.

You've got more nerve
than I have, Mr. Nelson.

I wouldn't take a
dive into a cake

and ruin my tuxedo for anything.

- Oh, it's not ruined.

- Looks pretty far gone to me.

- Oh, no, I've been using
this cleaning fluid on it.

And it, uh, it hasn't
done any good at all.

- I know what I'd
do if I were you.

I'd have it dry-cleaned.

- Well, the only
trouble, those guys

take so long to get
your stuff back,

and I have to have
this by tomorrow night.

- Oh, playing another banquet?

- Oh, no, no, no.

- Too bad.

If you were, I'd like to see it.

This must have been real funny.

- Well--

- Ozzie?

- Oh, it's my wife.

- Ozzie?

- Everything's OK, Harriet.

I just got home.

- Oh.

Officer, would you mind helping
Mr. Nelson into the house?

- She's kidding, of course.

[music playing]

Oh, good morning, dear.

- Good morning.

It's almost 12:30.

I've been downtown and back.

- Oh, well, I guess
it was pretty late

when I got in last night.

- If you'd gotten
in an hour later,

you would have met the
boys on their way out.

- Oh.

- They got an early start for
their ski trip this morning.

Well, how was the banquet?

- Oh, it was fine.
Thanks.

How was the woman's
club meeting?

- Oh, very nice.

What have you got there?

- Oh, uh, these are
Doc's tuxedo pants.

- Oh, say, where's the coat?

I looked all over
for it this morning.

I want to take it downtown
and get it pressed.

- Oh, well, don't
worry about it.

I'll take the suit down and get
it pressed a little later on.

[phone ringing]
Oh, pardon me.

It's probably for me.

- I'll get you some breakfast.

- Oh, thanks a lot.

Hello?
- Hello, Oz.

This is Doc.

Did I wake you up?

- Oh, uh, no, Doc.

- Say, is it all right if I come
over and pick up my tux now?

- Oh, no, no, that
won't be necessary.

I'll get it over to your house.

- But I'll be going
right by your place.

- No, no, I insist.

- Well, don't make
it too late now.

Remember, I need it for tonight.

- I know, Doc.

Don't worry about it.

Uh, goodbye.

- Ozzie?

- Is breakfast ready?

- No, I spilled some
coffee on the rug.

Where's that can
of cleaning fluid?

- Well, it's on the
workbench in the garage.

- Oh, thanks.

[frantic music]

Oh!

Uh, here's your
cleaning fluid, dear.

- Oh, thank you.

- Well, hello, Mr. Nelson.

What can I do for you?

- Well, I have a little dry
cleaning job for you here.

- Good, good.

Hey, how old is Ricky now?

- Oh.

[chuckles] No, that
doesn't belong to Ricky.

That belongs to a
monkey, or rather I

should say a chimpanzee.

- Oh?

- See, he and I attended
this banquet last night,

and there was a big gooey cake.

And, well, you can see the
spots there for yourself.

- [laughs] Leave it to a
monkey to fall into a cake.

- Yeah.

Oh, well, I got a little
on my tuxedo here too.

- Well, I think this
will dry-clean all right.

Tuesday be OK?

- Oh, I was hoping to get
it back by this afternoon.

- This afternoon?

It's quite a gooey cake.

- Well, see, this is
kind of an emergency.

I borrowed this tuxedo
from Dr. Williams,

and he needs it for a
banquet this evening.

- Well, I'll do the best I can.

It's kind of a rush job.

When did you want it delivered?

- Well, this
afternoon, if possible.

- OK, Mr. Nelson.

- Oh, well, gee, thanks a lot.

- Oh, Mr. Nelson,
uh, will you tell

Mrs. Nelson I'm awfully sorry.

I can't get that scorch
mark off her formal.

- Her formal?

- Yeah, she brought
it in this morning.

- Oh!

Well, that's the
danger of trying

to press those delicate
fabrics at home, I guess.

- Yeah, you're so right.

- Yeah, well, I'll tell her.

- Oh, Mr. Nelson?

- Yes?

- You did say a monkey...

[music playing]

- Harriet?

- Yes, dear?

- Are the boys home yet?

- Oh, yes.

They got back a little early.

There wasn't much snow up there.

- Have you seen Pete's skis?

- No.

- Here, take a look at 'em.

How do you like those?

- Oh, for goodness
sakes, what happened?

- Well, that's what
I'd like to know.

- Oh, hi, Pop.

- Well, hiya, Rick.

Look at those skis, son.

- They're pretty
bad, aren't they?

- Well, you're darn
right they are.

And it just goes to prove
what I told you yesterday.

When you borrow something,
you're asking for trouble.

If anything happens,
you're responsible.

- I know that, Pop.

- Well, then you're going
to have to get new skis.

- Oh, thanks, Pop.

- Well, I'm not
going to get 'em.

I didn't break them.
- Well, sure you did.

Don't you remember last year?

You ran over them with your car.

- Oh.

Well, uh, those were
your skis I ran over.

- Well, sure.

These are my skis,
and these are David's.

See, they still have
the tire marks on them.

- Where are Pete's?

- Oh, we decided not to borrow
'em after what you said.

- Oh.

Oh, I see.

Oh, well, good for you, son.

I'm glad you took my advice.

I wish your-- oh, Harriet,
don't you sneak off.

- What are you talking about?

- Well, the tailor
mentioned a little something

about a scorch mark
on Clara's formal.

- How about that?

Did Clara scorch her dress, too?

- What do you mean "too"?

- Well, I scorched my dress.

I was going to wear
Clara's until you

got to talking about
borrowing things,

and then I decided to wear mine.

- Oh.

- I covered up the scorch
mark with a corsage.

- Oh.

Well, it was good
advice, you know?

Something could have happened.

- Well, you borrowed Doc's
tuxedo and nothing happened

to it.

- Well, something
could have happened.

- Well, like what?

- Well, uh, for
instance, I could

have fallen into the cake.

- Gee, that was my idea, Pop.

- Well, yes, but it
could have happened.

- Don't be silly.

- Well, it may
interest you to know

that I did fall into the cake.

- You're kidding.

- I only wish I were.

Oh, boy, you ought
to see Doc's tuxedo.

It's just a mess.

- Oh, I thought Doc
had to wear it tonight.

- Well, he does.

I took it down to
the tailor shop,

and he's trying to get
the goop off and get it

back here in time.

See, when you borrow something,
you're just asking for trouble.

This is terrible.

- You have to give Pop credit.

He'll do anything
to prove a point.

- The cleaner done yet?

- No, not yet.

And it's after 6 o'clock.

I don't know what
I'm going to do.

Doc's got to have his
tuxedo for tonight.

- Well, you just have to
tell him what happened.

- Well, that won't do any good.

He needs his tuxedo.

Oh, here comes the man.
- Good.

[door buzzer]

- Come in.

- Here you are, Mr. Nelson.

- Oh, boy, am I glad to see you.

- Well, it wasn't as tough a
job as I thought it would be.

- Oh, that's good.

- By the way, do you happen
to know who made that cake?

- Well, no, I don't.
Why?

- Well, it looked
so good, I thought

I'd stop off and buy
one on the way home.

- Oh, I'm sorry.

I don't know.
- Thanks anyway.

- Oh, thank you.

- Good night.

- Good night.

- Did he get it cleaned?
- Yeah, I got it right here.

Boy, just in the
nick of time, too.

- You'd better
take a look at it.

- Well, I'm sure
he did a good job.

- What is it?

- Dr. Williams's tuxedo.

I had it cleaned and pressed.

What the heck is this?

- Holy smokes, they shrunk it.

- This is the monkey's tuxedo!

Where's Doc's?

- Well, maybe he delivered
it to the monkey.

- Oh, hi, Dr. Williams.
- Hi, Rick.

- Come on in.
- Is your dad home?

- Yes, sir, he's right in there.

Pop, it's Dr. Williams.

- Pardon me.

Oh, Doc, for goodness sakes,
what brings you over here?

- What do you mean what
brings me over here?

I've been waiting for
you over at my house.

- Oh, what for?

- You know darn well what for.

You were going to
bring my tux over.

- Oh.

- Where is it?

- Uh, well, uh, there's
an old saying, Doc,

you can't trust a monkey.

- Thanks for the information.
Now, where's my tux?

I got to run.
I'm late.

- Well, uh--

[phone ringing]

Oh, pardon me.
There's the phone.

That's probably for me.
Pardon me.

- Oz!
- Hello?

Oh, yes, he is.
Just a minute.

It's for you, Doc.
- Oh.

- Oh, thanks, Harriet.

Hello?

Oh, hello, dear.

What?

Oh, how about that.

Yeah, well, OK.

Hmm?

Oh, good.

Thanks a lot.
How about that?

You know that baby Mrs. Johnson
was expecting yesterday?

Well, it's finally
arriving, and just

when I'm supposed to
make a speech, too.

- Oh, well, Doc, uh, I'd better
tell you about your tuxedo.

- Yeah, my wife said the
cleaner just dropped it off

at our place.

Why didn't you tell me you
were having it delivered?

- Oh!

I-- well, the whole thing
got kind of mixed up.

- Well, I probably won't
get a chance to wear it

tonight anyway.
So long, Oz.

So long, Harriet.
- Say, Doc?

- Bye, Doc.

- Uh, would you really like
to wear your tuxedo tonight?

- Sure, I would, but how can I?

I'm delivering a baby.

- Well, I tell you, you
go home and put it on.

And here, here's
one for the baby.

Make it a formal affair.

- Harriet, this husband of
yours really takes the cake.

- [laughs] Don't I
just take the cake?

Cake?

[music playing]

- Join us next week
for more "Adventures

of Ozzie and Harriet,"
produced on Eastman film,

with all the scope and realism
that only motion pictures make

possible.

And brought to you by Eastman
Kodak Company and Kodak dealers

everywhere.

This has been an ABC television
network film presentation.