All language subtitles for The Adventures of Ozzie and Harriet S05E11 A Doctor In The House 1080p AMZN WEB-DL DDP2 0 H 264-CRFW (1)_track4_[eng]

[music playing]

- Eastman Kodak Company
is delighted to bring you

America's favorite
family, the Nelsons:

Ozzie, Harriet,
David, and Ricky.

Brought to you on
behalf of Kodak dealers

everywhere, who are
ready to help you

with your Christmas shopping.

There's something very special
about Kodak gifts at Christmas.

So special, in fact, you'll want
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Why first?

Let's take a look and see.

Inside, there's a Kodak camera
outfit, complete with camera,

flash holder, bulbs, and film.

Everything to snap the
fun of Christmas Day

right from the first, even while
the other gifts are being open.

No wonder it says
"open me first."

So for your Christmas
list, remember the gifts

that save all the
fun of Christmas,

complete camera
outfits by Kodak.

And now, Kodak invites you
to enjoy "The Adventures

of Ozzie and Harriet."

- Oh, say, I mustn't forget
to see about my reservation.

- What, you've got some
friends coming to town?

- No, it's for myself.

- Don't tell me your
wife kicked you out.

[chuckling]

- Actually, the painter
kicked us both out.

We're having the house redone.

Shirley's gone to
visit her mother,

and I've got to find myself a
place to camp for a few days.

- Oh.

Gee, do you think you'll find
it comfortable down here?

- Oh, sure, Oz.

Don't worry about me.

I'll be all right.

- Well, no, I wasn't
worried about you.

But, gee, staying down here, it
might be a little inconvenient

making your house calls.

Most of your patients live
out in our neighborhood,

don't they?

- Well, sure, but I
couldn't impose on you, Oz.

- What do you mean impose on me?

- Well, I know exactly
what you're hinting at,

but I can't let you do it.

- Well, let me do what?

- Put me up at your place.

- Oh.

Oh, well, sure.

Gee, you're welcome to
come out there, Doc.

- Oh, Oz, I appreciate
the invitation,

but I really can't accept.

- Well, why not?

It's ridiculous for you
to stay at a hotel here.

We've got so much
room up at our house.

- Oh, no, no, Oz.

Besides, I've already
made arrangements

to have my calls
transferred to your house--

uh, that is to the hotel here.

- Well, we can change
that easy enough.

- Well, you certainly do
make it sound attractive.

You sure Harriet won't mind?

- Well, no, she'll be glad to
have you, so will the boys.

- Well, now look, Oz.

If I do come, it's
on one condition.

You've got to give me a
bill for room and board.

- [chuckles] Oh,
Doc, are you kidding?

- No, I'm serious.

I've found when there's
a doctor around,

people can't resist asking
for free medical advice.

So you give me a bill,
and I'll give you one.

- [chuckles] You come up to our
house and stay as long as you

want, and I'll guarantee you
nobody's going to pump you

for any free medical advice.

I'll cancel your reservation.

- Oh, well, Oz...

- We might as well do it now.

Would you be good enough
to cancel Doctor Williams

reservation for us, please?

- Oh, yes, sir.

- Thank you.

Sorry to have caused
you so much trouble.

- That's perfectly
all right, Doctor.

Williams, Williams,
Williams, Williams, Williams.

I don't have any
reservation for Williams.

- Oh, those Chamber
of Commerce boys

are real jokers, all right.

- I hope you fellas won't
mind sleeping in the den.

- Well, heck no.

We can watch television
while we're in bed.

- How long is Dr. Williams
going to be here, Pop?

- Oh, several days.

- Oh, great.

Then I can ask him
about my elbow.

- What's the matter
with your elbow?

You've been bending it
too much at the malt shop?

- No, it hurts every
time I hit a backhand.

- Look, fellas, let's
get one thing straight.

Just because Doc
Williams is going

to come over here to
spend a couple of days

doesn't mean we can pester him
for a lot of medical advice.

- I thought doctors like to
talk about medical things.

- Well, sometimes they do
and sometimes they don't.

But the point is especially
since he's our guest,

I think it's only polite
for us to let him choose

his own topic of conversation.

- Well, if he happens to bring
up the subject of elbows,

can I tell him about mine?

- It's a cinch to bring it up.

Everybody talks about elbows.

- Well, the whole
point is, Rick,

Dr. Williams spends all day
listening to people talk

about their ailments.

So while he's here, let's
just let him relax and enjoy

himself, huh?
Hey, you're not doing anything.

You want to go up and get
some pillow cases for me?

- OK.
Come on, David.

Give me a hand.

- What's the matter?

Can't you lift 'em by yourself?

- You know, I think that was
good advice you gave the boys,

Harriet.

And if you don't mind
my suggesting it,

I think you and I should
bear it in mind, too.

- Oh, well, naturally.

Want to push the bed
back there for me?

- You know, every time
I bend down lately,

I get kind of a
cramp on my back.

Remind me to ask Doc--

- Yes?

- [chuckles] Remind me to
ask Doc if it's OK if I make

an appointment to go to
his office and see him.

Sit down here, Doc.

Make yourself comfortable.

- Oh, thanks, Oz.

Oh, boy, that Harriet
sure can cook.

- Yeah, she sure can.

- Care for a cigar?

- Uh, no, thanks.

Have a newspaper
around here some place.

- Here's a light.

- Oh, thanks, Dave.

- Do you think smoking cuts
down on your wind, Doctor?

- Well, I certainly
wouldn't recommend it

for an athlete in
training, Dave.

But when a man
gets to be my age,

I think he can handle
a cigar now and then.

Besides, I kind of like
to watch the smoke.

- Here, Dr. Williams, let
me make you comfortable.

- Oh, thanks, Rick.

- Oh, boy.

- Is something the
matter with your elbow?

- Yeah, whenever
I hit a backhand,

it sort of hurts
me right in there.

- Pardon me, Rick.

Uh, didn't you boys want to give
your mother a hand clearing off

the table?
- Well, gee, Pop, I--

- Come on, Rick.

- It's the darnedest thing,
just bring a doctor in the house

and the whole family starts
to develop aches and pains.

- Well, I guess
that's only natural.

Could I have a hunk
of that paper, Oz?

- Oh, yeah, sure, here.

Have you ever taken
a look at this column

on medical advice
they've got here,

this "Dr. Brockhauser's
Daily Diagnosis"?

- Yeah, I glanced
at it once or twice.

- It's pretty interesting.

- Well, I can tell
you this much,

they've got to fine music
editor in this paper.

- Oh, really?

I must admit, I never
could get interested

in that classical music.

- No, I don't mean
the classical stuff.

I mean the guy who reviews the
records, the popular stuff.

- Oh, don't tell me you're
a rock-and-roll addict.

- No, I can't say as
I dig that so much.

You'll probably think
I'm a real square,

but I kind of like Dixieland.

Oh, I see where Pete
Daly has a new album out.

- The column tonight's all
about pernicious anemia.

- You know, Billy Mae has a
wonderful Dixieland album,

real tongue-in-cheek stuff.

Beautifully done.

- Hey, here's a guy who
writes in, complaining

about the same thing I've got.

He's got this bump on his
shoulder from a separation.

And he says every time it
rains or there's damp weather,

it bothers him.

- What does it say for
him to do about it?

- [chuckles] It says for
him to see his doctor.

- Well, it's a lucky
thing I'm here, Oz.

- Oh, no, no, please, Doc.

- No, let me see.

Does that hurt there?

- Well, no, not especially.

Why?

- Did you ever have
your tonsils out?

- Uh, no.

Do you believe in
taking tonsils out?

- Well, it all depends.

In some cases, yeah.

- Oh, I didn't know
because that sort of thing

seems to run in cycles.

I mean, for a while,
all the doctors say,

"Yank the kid's tonsils out."

Then it goes in the
other direction,

and they all say,
"Leave the tonsils in."

- Really?

I didn't know we were
that well organized.

- [chuckles] Well,
fortunately when I was a kid,

they were leaving them
in, and I still have mine.

- Well, maybe yours
should have come out.

- Now, Doc, get that
look out of your eye.

I've had my tonsils all my
life, and I intend to keep them.

- Well, that's OK, Oz, honest.

- No, I really mean it.

Say, that sure is quite
a bump you've got there.

- Well, I tell you
how I got that.

See, I got my shoulder
broken years ago.

And then when it healed
up, this bump was there.

- I got the same kind
of bump on my knee.

- Oh, yeah, how about that?

- What do you think that is, Oz?

- Gee, I don't know.

- Let me feel that again.

You sure that doesn't
hurt up there?

- No, not at all.

I tell you what does bother
me occasionally, though.

I don't want you to
think I'm looking

for any free medical
advice, but every once

in a while I get kind of
a pain down my back here.

And the only thing that
helps it is when Harriet

walks up and down on it.

- What was that again?

- Well, I have Harriet
walk up and down on it.

It feels great, like an
old-fashioned massage.

Of course, she takes
her shoes off first.

Wait a minute.

Uh, Harriet?

- No, Oz, don't bother.

- I want you to see this.

Harriet, could you
come here a second?

- What do you want?

- Well, I've been telling Doc
about your walking on my back,

and I thought we could give
him a little demonstration.

- Oh, poor Doc will
think we're crazy.

- You're really on the level
with this now, aren't you?

I mean, you're not just
trying to entertain me

because I'm a guest.

- We've been doing
this for years.

- You did say she takes her
shoes off, didn't you, Oz?

- Oh, yes, Doc.

He insists upon it.

Ready?

- Yeah.

- How about that?

- Enough?

- Oh, it's wonderful.

That really feels good.

They tell me it's an
old Swedish remedy.

- Well, say, it's kind
of dangerous, isn't it?

- Well, no.

Harriet's been
doing it for years,

and it hasn't hurt me yet.

- I don't mean you.
I mean for Harriet.

She's liable to slip
off and break an ankle.

- Gee, you know, I
never thought of that.

- I guess I'd better
go to bed, Oz.

I got to be at the
hospital early tomorrow.

Say, would you like
to ride over with me?

- Oh, gee, no thanks.

I don't think so, Doc.
- Oh, come on, Oz.

We can have lunch together.

- Well, uh, maybe
some other time.

You go up and get a
good night's sleep.

Oh, by the way, what
about phone calls?

- Oh, I might get a
call from Mrs. Biddle.

- Who's she?

- She's a patient of mine.

She's the healthiest woman
I've ever known in my life.

But she loves to call up
in the middle of the night

and have a little chat.

- Oh.

[chuckles] Well, maybe
she'll skip tonight.

Who knows?
- Well, I hope so.

I'm tired.

Say, are you sure
that doesn't hurt?

- Well, honestly, it
doesn't hurt me at all.

- Well, OK.
Good night, Oz.

- Good night.

- Good night, Harriet.

Thanks again for the dinner.
- It's a pleasure.

Good night, Doc.

What's the matter?

- Oh, well, Doc evidently
thinks there's something

wrong with my neck or throat.

He keeps asking me if it hurts.

- Well, does it?

- Well, I don't know.

Feel it a minute and see
if it feels strange to you.

Do we have a medical
book around the house?

- Yes, we do.

Don't you remember, you ordered
that book of Dr. Brockhauser's

last year?

- Oh.

Oh, yeah.

Here it is.

Thought I'd see what he
has to say about tonsils.

- Well, don't stay up too late.

- "In the old days, the
family loved, almost

worshipped the family doctor.

He was their guide and help
as well as in sickness.

He alone, of all the community,
knew the family secrets.

And he could be depended
on to keep the faith."

[music playing]

[phone ringing]

Hello?

- Oh, hello.

Is Dr. Williams there?

- Well, uh, could you tell
me who's calling, please?

- Mrs. Biddle.

- Oh.

Well, my name is Nelson.

Could I take a message
for Dr. Williams?

- Well, I wanted to know if
Dr. Williams could do anything

for this pain I have in my back.

It's not a real bad pain.

It's more like an ache.

- Who's that on the
phone at this hour?

- It's a Mrs. Biddle.

Her back hurts her.

- Why don't you prescribe the
old Swedish remedy, Doctor?

- Oh, Harriet, do
you think I should?

- Well, why not?

It always makes you feel better.

- Other times, it's
sort of a dull ache.

- Well, OK.

Good night.

Hello, uh, Mrs. Biddle?

- [inaudible] on television.
And I--

- Mrs. Biddle?

- [inaudible] what
I've been watching--

- Uh, Mrs. Biddle?

- [inaudible]

- Uh, Mrs. B--

uh, yeah.

You say you have a
pain in your back?

- Well, it's not
a real bad pain.

It sort of comes and goes.

- Well, uh, I always use
this old Swedish remedy.

Now, I know this may
sound a little unusual,

but why don't you
have your husband walk

up and down on your back?

I think you'll find it helpful.

- Oh, really?

- Well, he isn't at
home at the moment.

He's attending a
meeting of some sort,

but I'll have him do it
the moment he comes in.

- Well, you try that.

And I think you'll
find it helps.

- Oh, thank you so
much, Dr. Nelson.

- It's a pleasure, Mrs. Biddle.

Good night.

[music playing]

Well.

[phone ringing]

- Hello?

- Hello.

May I speak to Dr.
Nelson, please?

- Dr. Nelson?

- Oh, that's for me, Harriet.

Hello?

- Dr. Nelson, I
want to thank you.

My back feels so much better.

Elvis walked up and down
on it several times,

and I feel just wonderful.

- Oh, that's fine.

I'm glad to hear it.

If it bothers you
again, uh, have him

give you the same treatment.

- Thank you, Doctor.

Oh, and tell Dr. Williams I'm
feeling ever so much better

since he took out my tonsils.

- Did you say, uh, Dr.
Williams took your tonsils out?

Uh, tell me this, did
you want them out or did

Dr. Williams insist on it?

- Well, I guess you'd call it
a harmless little conspiracy.

You see, I didn't
want to have them out,

but he and Elvis
spirited me down

to the hospital one morning.

And before I knew it, I was
on the table, and, zip, zip.

Of course, I didn't
feel a thing.

- Well, no, no, of course.

- Well, thanks again, Doctor.

- OK, good night, Mrs. Biddle.

- "Maybe you should have
your tonsils taken out."

- Oh, yeah, we'll
see about that.

[music playing]

Good morning.

- Well, good
morning, Dr. Nelson.

- How about this pain
in my elbow, Doc?

- Make an appointment.

- What was that Dr. Nelson
thing all about last night?

- Oh, that was a
patient of Doc Williams,

and I couldn't make her
understand I wasn't a doctor,

so I just let it go at that.

Where is Doc, anyway?

- Oh, he left for the
hospital over an hour ago.

- Boy, doctors sure
lead tough lives.

- They sure do.

- You're not kidding.

Seven days a week, Saturday
and Sunday included.

- Here, have some pancakes
before they get cold.

- Uh, no thanks, Harriet.

I think I'll just have a
little orange juice and some

of this black coffee.

- Well, that's not
much of a breakfast.

- Well, my throat has
given me a little trouble.

- What's wrong with it?

- I don't know.

Do you want to feel it?

- I don't feel anything.

- Let me feel it, Pop.

Feels all right to me.

- Hey, my turn.

Feels all right to me.

- Well, I don't care
how much it hurts me,

he's not going to
yank my tonsils out.

- Who, Pop?

- Doc Williams.

- When did he say he was going
to take your tonsils out?

- Well, he didn't
exactly say it,

but he's been hinting about it.

- Well, doctors don't usually
hint about things like that.

- Well, Doc Williams does.

He did the same thing
with Mrs. Biddle.

- Who's Mrs. Biddle?

- She's this patient of mine.

Not exactly a patient.

I just-- well, anyway, Doc
got her down to the hospital

on some pretext or other,
and the next thing she knew,

she was on the operating
table and, wham,

he was yanking her tonsils out.

- Well, that doesn't
sound like Doc.

- Well, I know it doesn't,
but I found out a funny thing

about him last night.

I brought up the
subject of tonsils,

and he immediately
went on the defensive.

- In what way?

- Well, for one thing, he
asked me if I'd had mine out.

And when he found out I hadn't,
you should have seen the look

in his eye...

Kind of like a bird dog
quivering at a quail.

- Oh, you're imagining things.

- No, no, now wait a minute.

The next thing he
did was invite me

to go down to the hospital
with him this morning.

He's never done that
before in his life.

- Well, he couldn't
operate on you

without getting your consent.

- Well, that's not much of an
operation anyway, is it, Pop?

Ricky and I both had
our tonsils taken out.

- All I remember is
they fed me ice cream.

- Well, that's not the point.

It's like getting baptized.

A thing like that should
be done when you're young.

I've had my tonsils all my
life, and I want to keep them.

- Well, if Doc thinks your
tonsils should come out,

you'd better have 'em out.

- But he hasn't said
they have to come out.

And he's not going to take them
out like he did Mrs. Biddle's.

- Well, how could he
have taken hers out

without her knowing about it?

- Well, I'm sure I don't know.

- Maybe he told her to
open her mouth and say "ah"

and then yanked them out.

- Well, there's
your solution, dear.

From now on, when Doc's
around, keep your mouth shut.

[music playing]

You know, Harriet, the more
I read this Dr. Brockhauser,

the more I admire the man.

For one thing, he is
definitely against

the indiscriminate
removal of tonsils.

- Well, good for him.

- Hi, Oz, Harriet.
- Hi, Doc.

- Oh, hiya, Doc.

Uh, what brings
you back so soon?

- Well, that's a fine greeting.

- No, I thought you
were going to stay

at the hospital all day.

- Can you stay for lunch, Doc?

- Oh, I sure hope
so, Harriet, unless I

get a call from the hospital.

[phone ringing]

- Hello?

Oh, yes, just a moment, please.

It's for you, Doc.

- Thanks, Harriet.

Dr. Williams.

Oh?

Oh.

Well, I'll be right down.

Darn it all.

That was the hospital.

I've got to go right over there.

A funny thing, I just
mentioned that too.

Well, that'll teach me to
keep my big mouth shut.

[chuckles]

Would you like to
come along, Oz?

- Uh, no thanks, Doc.

- Oh, come on, we can
have lunch down there.

- I'll see you when
you get back, Doc.

Thanks a lot.
- OK.

I'll be home in time
for dinner, Harriet.

- OK, goodbye, Doc.
- Bye.

- So long.

How about that?

- How about what?

- Well, how dumb
does he think I am?

Trying to get me
down to the hospital

under the pretext
of having lunch

so he can yank my tonsils out?

- Oh, don't be silly.

He got a call from the hospital.

- Oh, sure he did.

You heard him say
the only reason he'd

have to go down to the hospital
was if he got a phone call.

And, whammo, right on cue,
he gets the phone call.

That doesn't strike you as
being a weird coincidence?

- If Doc wanted to
take your tonsils out,

he'd tell you about it.

- Well, maybe he would
and maybe he wouldn't.

He knows how I feel about
the indiscriminate yanking

of people's tonsils.

I feel the same as
Dr. Brockhauser.

I'm against it.

- Well, if he wanted to
take your tonsils out,

why did he take off without you?

- You haven't heard the car
pull out of the driveway

yet, have you?

- No, but I will in a minute.

- Oz, you got to help me.

My car won't start.

I think the battery's dead.

- You want me to
give you a push?

- Well, no, you're not
doing anything, Oz.

Come on, drive me down.

- Well, go ahead,
dear, drive him down.

- Why are you so anxious to
have me go down to the hospital?

You in on this conspiracy, too?

- Oh, don't be silly.

There's no conspiracy.

- OK, I'll drive him down there,
but I'll tell you this much,

he's not going to get me
near that operating room.

[music playing]

- Come on, Oz.

- I think I'll wait out here.

- Well, OK.

Oh, Oz, I forgot my bag.

Will you bring it in?

- Hey, Doc.

[music playing]

Uh, pardon me, nurse.

I'm looking for Dr. Williams.

- Oh, he just went into surgery.

Right across the
hallway there, Doctor.

- Oh, I'm-- oh!

Pardon me.

Oh, oh, oh, right this way.

Oh!

Sorry.

Oh, uh, Nurse, is Dr.
Williams in there?

- Yes, he is.

I'm just getting
some records for him.

- Oh, phonograph records.

- Personally, I just don't dig
this Dixieland stuff at all.

- Uh, nurse?

- Oh, uh, pardon me.

Could you take this into
Dr. Williams for me, please?

He's right in there.

- You can take it in, Doctor.

- Well, no, no, no.

See, I'm not a doctor.

Besides, I'd rather
not go in there.

I've been having
a little trouble.

Would you take a look
at my throat, please?

- Mhm.

- What do you think?

- Well, it could be
any number of things.

I see you've never had
your tonsils taken out.

- No, and I have no intention
of having them taken out either.

- Well, it's really a
very simple operation.

- You believe in the
indiscriminate yanking

of people's tonsils?
- I'm sorry, sir.

I don't have time
to discuss it now.

They're calling
for me in ward B.

- Are you Mr. Nelson?

- Oh, uh, yes, I am.

- Dr. Williams is
waiting for you.

He's preparing for surgery,
and he needs some needles.

- Oh, yeah.

I have his bag here.

I guess he wants the
hypodermic needles.

- Oh, no, I'm talking about
his phonograph needles.

- I suppose he plays this
jazz when he's operating, too.

- No, of course not.

Dr. Williams is waiting.

Just follow me.

- No, no, you don't!

- There you are, Oz.

Come on in.

- What for?

- Well, I got a little
surprise for you in here.

- Oh, yeah?
I got a surprise for you.

You've got to catch me first.
- Oz, wait a minute!

- I'm a little smarter
than Mrs. Biddle!

- Oh, for goodness sakes.

How long have you
been home, dear?

- Oh, about an hour, I guess.

- I didn't hear you come in.

- [grunts]

- Oh, what's the matter?

Does your poor neck hurt you?

- Oh, no.

- Oh.

Where's Doc?

- Well, I don't know.

I guess he's still
down in the hospital,

trying to lure people
into his operating room.

- Oh, don't be silly.

- Boy, they sure get you one
way or another down there.

I imagine they do a pretty big
business in broken legs too.

They got those
floors so slippery,

you can just about
stand up on 'em.

- Hey, Oz, what happened to you?

- What happened to me?

You know darn well.

I got out of there just in time,
that's what happened to me.

- What do you mean
"just in time"?

- Well, you might as
well tell him, dear.

Oz thought you lured
him down there so you

could take his tonsils out.

- Are you kiddin', Oz?

Why do you want
your tonsils out?

- Oh, come on, Doc.

You know darn well you told
me you had a surprise for me

in the operating room.
- Well, I did.

There was an old friend
of yours in there.

I thought you'd
like to meet him.

- Oh, well, who was that?

- Dr. Brockhauser.

He just finished
a tonsillectomy.

- You weren't trying
to take my tonsils out?

- Of course not.

There's nothing wrong
with your tonsils.

- Well then, how come
my neck hurts me?

- Well, it's all bruised
and swollen, that's why.

Has somebody been poking and
grabbing you in the neck?

- Practically everybody.

- Well, that's why it's sore.

- What do you think I
ought to do about it?

- Well, I'll tell you, Oz,
and this is free of charge.

Why don't you take
a nice, hot bath?

And then, Harriet, you walk
up and down on his back again,

only this time, leave your
shoes on and walk heavy.

Better yet, have you got a pair
of roller skates in the house?

[ending theme]

- Careless driving
is kid's stuff,

kid's stuff which kills more
kids under 15 and more adults

under 35 each year than
polio, cancer, heart

trouble or any other disease.

The safe driver is
one who can control

his emotions behind the wheel
and who thinks of others.

Safe driving is mostly a matter
of having grown up emotionally.

If you care, drive with care.

- The bellhop was Skip Young.

The man with the tray
was Charles E Wilcox.

- Join us next week
for more "Adventures

of Ozzie and Harriet,"
produced on Eastman film

with all the scope and realism
that only motion pictures make

possible.

And brought to you by Eastman
Kodak Company and Kodak dealers

everywhere.

This has been an ABC television
network film presentation.