All language subtitles for The Dukes of Hazzard S04E08 10 Million Dollar Sheriff (1)_track3_[eng]

[Waylon Jennings singing
"Good Ol' Boys"]

♪ Just a good ol' boys ♪

♪ Never meanin' no harm ♪

♪ Beats all you never saw
been in trouble with the law ♪

♪ Since the day
they was born ♪

♪ Straightenin' the curves ♪

♪ Flattenin' the hills ♪

♪ Someday the mountain
might get 'em ♪

♪ But the law never will ♪

♪ Makin' their way ♪

♪ The only way they know how ♪

♪ That's just a little
bit more ♪

♪ Than the law will allow ♪

♪ Just a good ol' boys ♪

♪ Wouldn't change
if they could ♪

♪ Fightin' the system ♪

♪ Like a true
modern day Robin Hood ♪♪

- 'Yee-haw!'
- 'Yee-haw!'

Once upon a time, there was
this very smart Greek fellow

that said that the shortest
distance between two points

is a straight line.

Well, I can tell you
right now, that fellow

has never been
to Hazzard County.

'I thought you said
this is a shortcut.'

Listen, Luke, you're more than
welcome to get out and walk.

- And I'll just meet you on--
- I ain't gonna argue with you.

- Jump the dang thing.
- Alright.

Ooh, we got 'em
this time, Flash.

We really got 'em this time.

Take a look.

Look through there.

Right there.

- Ooh!
- 'Yee-haw!'

Alright, Flash,
buckle up for safety.

We're in hot pursuit.

'

We're about to thread
the needle. Hang on.

Ugh...you think
you're smart, huh?

Well, three of us
can play at this game.

Oh, are you alright?

Good thing we had
our seat belts on.

'Course I'm alright.
No thanks to you!

You know, I'm gettin' sick
and tired of you makin' me

the laughing stock
of Hazzard County.

And I'm gonna get you
if it's the last thing I do.

And that goes for Flash, too.
You alright?

Right, Rosco.

'This here's the Lost Sheep
callin' Crazy C.'

'Rosco been tryin' to drive
his car upside down again.'

'He's out here
at Hale's Corner.'

Thank you, Frank.

Bye.

'That's gonna run you
$1000, Boss.'

'
- 'A thousand dollars.'

'A thousand dollars
to fix a car'

'that was brand new
only this morning?'

- Yes. Brand new.

A man who drives
as bad as you

ain't fit
to call himself a sheriff.

You ain't fit to call
yourself...dog catcher

street cleaner,
a garbage collector!

- 'Yes.'

Listen, it ain't my fault.
I was chasing those Duke boys--

And they made
a monkey out of you.

Oh, sorry, I didn't mean
to bad-mouth the monkeys.

'Let's say, every time
you tangle with the Dukes'

they make a baboon
out of you!

Baboon?

Maybe you oughta stop
tangling with them, Rosco.

You'd save the County
a whole lot of money.

Not that the County has any,
with you stealing it all.

Yeah, well
who asked you anyway?

Besides, the County ain't
paying for it this time!

Yeah, that's right. The County
ain't paying for it.

Well, somebody's
payin' for it.

- Yeah.
- Well, you!

- That's who.

It's coming right out
of your paycheck.

- Yeah. For real.

This time?
Ooh!

You know the way ol'
Bo and Luke keep findin'

customers for Cooter?

Well, they ought to be gettin' a finders fee, I think.

Or at least a free grease job.

What's the problem?

'Well, something seems to be
wrong with my car here.'

I've got to get into Hazzard
to see, uh, Sheriff Coltrane.

That's no problem.
We'll give you a lift.

Yeah, just grab your stuff.

- We'll take you into town.
- Much appreciated there.

Yeah, Cooter can fix that
in a bit.

Uh, how do I...go
about this here?

Well, you see,
the doors don't open.

- We'll give you a hoist.
- W-w-where do I..

- W-w-wait.
- Come on, get in there.

Get in the back.
You'll fit in there

- We'll get him in there.
- Well, alright.

- I had a hat when I came in.
- Here's your hat, sir.

'Give me a hand here.'

- Oh, here--
- Oh, let me.

Plus Cooter's bill
for $1000.

I was chasing
those Duke boys.

Plus another bill
for demolishing the hood

and the left front door
and other costs.

Yeah. Again,
chasing those Dukes.

Yeah. Plus another bill
for 40 runnin' feet of fence

which you broke up.

That was a mess
chasing those Duke boys.

Yeah. Plus another bill
for Ron Wheatley's barn

which you smashed
into smithereens.

Yeah. It's those Duke boys.
They just, they just so..

Which means, you owe
the County a grand total of..

About six months
of my pay.

Yeah. Only, I want it now.
And in cash.

Boss, now, you know I can't
come up with that kind of money.

I wouldn't say that
if I were you, sheriff.

Oh, Boss, Rosco, this here
is, uh...Mr. Reynolds.

He's an attorney
from Atlanta.

He's got some legal business
wit R.P. Coltrane.

Well, Mr. Attorney,
you're just plumb out of luck

if you're planning
to sue this here pauper.

On account I've got
every dime he's gonna earn

in the next six months,
hogtied and branded.

Actually, sir,
I'm here at the behest

of your late
great uncle, Josiah.

I never heard of him.

But, sir, he left you
his entire estate.

Ten million dollars.

'Yee-hoo!'

That's more money
than there is

in the rest of Hazzard
put together.

Alright, you Dukes,
you don't fool me.

Listen, you tryin' to play
a joke on a County official

namely me, huh?

Rosco, this ain't no joke.

It sounds serious to me.
At least, we ain't in on it.

We ain't got no idea.

Well, and I'm
the tooth fairy.

Sir, I assure you.
This is a legitimate bequest.

Listen, you hush,
too, fella.

Or I'll cuff and stuff you.
What'd you think this is?

A playground?
This is a bookin' office.

Now, sheriff, these papers are
all in quite proper legal order.

Whether you choose
to believe it or not

you are now worth
ten million dollars.

Great Uncle Homasha..

- Uh, Josiah, Rosco.
- Whatever. I'll take it.

No. Wait, wait, wait.
Wait, there's some mistake.

Let me see the color
of that money.

Well, now, sir, you'd
hardly expect me to carry

that amount of money
around in my wallet.

However, this should
ease everybody's mind

until we can have
the proper amount of funds

transferred to the sheriff.

Ooh. Oh. Ooh.
Give me a little token.

That's my check!

Ooh-h!

Fifty thousand dollars.
Is that fifty thousand?

- Ooh!
- Rosco, congratulations!

What does it feel being the
richest man in Hazzard County?

- Ooh, it's good news!
- But he ain't. He ain't!

I'm the richest man
in Hazzard County!

I always have been!
I always will be!

From the sound of things, Boss,
Rosco could buy you out

quicker than
a stock of pig squeals.

Why, hello, Mrs. Turner,
did you hear the news?

Yeah, Rosco just inherited
ten million dollars.

The news of Rosco's inheritance went through Hazzard

like Grant went
through Richmond.

And, friends, that's fast.

And folks that
didn't have a friend

to pass it on to, well they
telephoned a stranger.

I mean, you just
gotta tell somebody.

But old Rosco was determined
not to let the money

affect his
simple country ways.

Imported caviar.
What's that?

- That's caviar, you lugnut.

- Them fish eggs.
- Eww!

All those millionaires
are supposed

to eat these
all the time.

- Yeah..

How come it's so expensive?

- Well...labor.
- Oh.

You see, you know, it's really
tough for somebody to get those

itty-bitty eggs out of those
little beady shells.

- Never thought of it that way.
- Ooh!

Oh, it must be nice
to have all that money

and how you can just buy
anything you want.

Yeah. Yeah.

You know
something, Cletus?

I-I have
everything I want.

I got Flash.
Oh, you little..

Love you, love you, love you.
And I got mamma.

With all that money, isn't there
something that you want

that you just think
you ain't about to get?

Yeah, now that you mention it,
there is.

There is something
that just galls my very soul.

You know, I think about it
every-every night and every day

and every day
and every night.

It's that one more
mountain to climb.

It's that
one more river to swim.

Well, what is it?

- It's the Duke boys.
- Oh.

If I can just catch them,
and put 'em in prison

for the rest
of their natural lives.

Ah..

Boss paying us a visit.

Uncle Jesse must be five minutes
late with the payment.

- Yo, we're home.
- Uncle Jesse.

Hey, Boss,
what a pleasant surprise!

Never expected
to find you here.

Oh, no? Well, you boys ought
to know better than that.

I mean, to who else
would I turn for help

when Hazzard County's in real
trouble, but my dearest friend

your Uncle Jesse Duke.

Just what is it you want
from us this time?

Well, Lulu is veryupset
because Rosco inherited

ten million dollars.

No, that ain't what I was
tryin' to tell you, Jesse.

No, no. Lulu's upset because
the great uncle Halleluiah

didn't leave half of that
ten million to her.

Boss, it's
great uncle Josiah.

'Well, whatever,
well whoever he was'

'what's the difference?'

The point is
that Lulu didn't get

a rightful share
of that money.

And that's a bigwrong.

And I, for one..

That is we,for two,
won't stand for it.

Boss, could be a lot worse.
Look on the bright side.

At least Lulu ain't got
all that money.

She can't run around the state
buying up everything in sight.

You know Rosco is gonna.

And ain't nobody gonna
keep that money

from burning a hole
through his pocket.

Uh, nobody,
excepting us Dukes.

You know, boys, I think
maybe we owe it to Rosco

'to try to get
to the bottom of this thing.'

'How do you
suppose we're gonna do that?'

Well, we can start by talking
to that lawyer fella.

Makin' sure
he's on the up-and-up.

Do you think
you could find him?

Well, he was on State 7
about a half an hour ago.

Yeah, Luke and me followed him
all the way up to the farm.

Oh, dang blast!
That means he's too far ahead

for anybody to catch him.

That's only if
we stay on State 7.

This guy will be way
across country.

You know a shortcut,
don't you, Bo?

- Yeah.
- Let's hit it.

- Good. Go, boys.
- See y'all later.

Go get him!

Uh, Jesse,
if you don't mind, uh..

- Have some pie, J.D..
- Yeah. Oh, if you insist.

Maybe I should've
said the pie.

- Yes.

Uh, this is Sheriff
Rosco P. Coltrane.

The P is for "Prosperous".

Oh listen, Mabel.
Would you do me a favor?

Darling, uh, let your fingers
go tippy-toeing

through the yellow pages
over there

uh, in the
Atlanta telephone directory

and look under investigator,
and get me a Jason Steele.

Rosco, you can't mean
the real Jason Steele!

Uh, well, it better be the real
one...for what I want him for.

Well, whatever it is,
you can't bring

a sidewinder like that
into Hazzard.

Why, the switchboard
operator in Atlanta says

he's the dirtiest, the
low-downdest, meanest--

Mabel, never mind
his good points.

Just-just go ahead
and get him

and then, would you
ring me back, please?

This could be the most
important phone call

I've ever made
in my whole life.

It's the most
important phone call

them Dukes is
gon-gonna have too.

Ooh. It's imported dog biscuits.
Here, have a little chomp.

This looks yummy.

Wonder what thems made of?

I hate to claim I know a
shortcut on such short notice

but...this oughta work.

Just about the time old Rosco
figured that he's gonna have

to resort to smoke signals..

- 'Jason Steele.'

'Uh, Mr. Jason Steele?'

Well, this is Sheriff
Rosco P. Coltrane.

I'm the sheriff
up at Hazzard County.

You've heard of me,
haven't you?

Uh, no, sir. I can't say
that I have.

I've heard of you.

Listen, I have a little job
for you, Mr. Steele.

I want you to capture a couple
of desperate criminals

by the name
of Bo and Luke Duke.

Oh, that's...
Bo andLuke Duke?

Uh, Mr. Coltrane,
that'll cost you twice

the going rate.

Oh, well.
Heck, that mean nothing.

Listen, I'm willing
to pay quadruple.

Even four times that much.
Money means nothin' to me.

Sir, you are a man
after my own heart.

And I shall be in Hazzard
tomorrow morning

and we will finalize
the deal then.

Thank you, sir.

Bo and Luke Duke.
Who are they?

Well, they're just
a couple of rogues

from some little
truck stop called Hazzard.

We'll take them like
Grant took Richmond.

While Bo and Luke was passing
through the Hazzard car wash

looks like Lawyer Reynolds
was about to observe

an unidentified flyin' object.

And I think the landing's gonna be pretty interesting, huh?

Luke, bring him around.

- Mornin'.

It seems like anytime I go
anywhere in Hazzard

I, I run into you two.

Well, the first one
was an accident.

But this time,
it's on purpose.

Yes. See, it's about
Mr. Coltrane.

Well, we're worried that money's
gonna slip through his fingers

like soup through a fork.

We just wanna make sure
that money's his to spend.

I see.

Well, maybe this will
answer your question.

I showed this
to Sheriff Coltrane

before I left Hazzard.

"Last will and testimony
of Josiah P. Coltrane."

You wanna look at the second
paragraph on page two.

"And to my grand nephew,
Rosco P. Coltrane

I bequeath the sum
of ten million dollars."

Well, sir, I guess that proves
that Rosco's a millionaire.

Listen, we're sorry to waste
all your time like that.

It was my pleasure.

I'm sure Sheriff Coltrane
will appreciate your concern.

It ain't
so much of the money.

We just ain't sure
he can handle

being the richest man
in Hazzard.

We'll see you later.
Bye-bye.

- Thanks a lot.
- 'Sorry for the inconvenience.'

Now, that's a typical
Duke situation.

Worried about somebody else
while their own tail

is fixing to be
in the crack.

'Cause here comes bad news.

That fuel mixture's
little lean.

Lean
It's rich if it's anything.

I ain't gonna argue with you.
Let's let Cooter decide.

Alright.

- Hey, Daisy.
'

What you doing
home so early?

- No, this is serious.

There's rumor going around
the Boars Nest

that Rosco's
out to get you.

- Sure.

We out-snookered him before.
Can do it again.

Don't be too sure.

Mabel tells me that Rosco's
used his inheritance money

to hire a private detective

to run you guys
right into prison.

- Fellow by the name Steele.

'Yeah.'

I don't know him,
but I know of him.

One mean fella.

Private investigator
out at Atlanta.

In particular, whether he
catches people fair or not.

That don't sound too good.

Seein' as how he's supposed
to show up any minute.

- Thanks for the warning, Daisy.
- 'You bet.'

You reckon we can find out
what this guy Steele looks like?

If you gotta fight somebody,
it would be nice

to know who to punch.

You're right.
Come on inside.

Ooh! ooh, that's..

For a fellow who couldn't buy
a bucket of grapes yesterday

old Rosco was living
high on a hog today.

That's my trigger finger.
You rascal, you!

'Oh...look at Flash.'

Oh...look at her toe nails.
Oh, beautiful, beautiful!

You wanna give that
a little buff right there.

Ooh..

Ooh, oh. Pierre.

Uh, listen, just put
my new clothes on that

gold chair right there.

'See those flashy boots?'

They're a little gaudy,
a little wild

but you're in good taste.

Oh, oh. Excuse me.
Excuse me.

- 'Rosco!'
- Oh, good grief!

- Congratulations!
- Oh!

You're a very lucky man!

I know.
Aren't they pretty?

Oh, well, I ain't talkin' about
your luck with the ladies.

No, what I meant was
I'm giving you a chance

to invest in a new business
venture of mine.

And I'll cut you in
for picayune ten thousand.

Are you kidding me?

Why in the world
would I want to invest

with some mealy-mile,
little snivelling

little fat,
little pipsqueak?

Ooh, rub it right there.

- I'm talking about you, Hogg.

- Yeah, you.

'Well you got your nerve,
talking about me like that.'

- Namely, your boss.

Your long suffering
brother-in-law

and the most important man
in Hazzard County.

You were the most important
man in Hazzard County.

You ain't no more,
I am.

Well, only until I get
my hands on your..

Never mind.

I ain't never been second best
on nobody in this.

And I don't intend
to start now.

I'll just take my business
venture somewhere else.

That little metal muppet. I got
him. I scuffed him, didn't I?

That's a
trigger finger, too.

'Just fine, Norman.
How are you?'

Look, you could
do us a big favor.

You know anything about a guy
named Jason Steele?

'Yeah, the talk
around Atlanta is'

'he's some
kind of a bounty hunter.'

He get's paid to get people
out of his client's way.

Yeah, he scares some off
and then he frames

the others into prison.

Oh, he's a lovable cuss.

That's what I'd heard.

Look, he might be
after me and Bo.

You don't think
you could scare up

a picture of him,
do you?

If we're gonna be
up against him

it'd be nice to know
what he looks like.

I'll check into it, Luke,
and get back to you.

'Now, you be careful.
That Steele's a real bad dude.'

'So you watch yourself now.
I'll talk to you later.'

Right.
Much obliged, Norman.

Thanks a lot.
See you later.

What'd he have to say
about Steele?

Not a whole lot.

He gonna check through the back
issues and see if he can come up

with a picture and some more
information on him.

Well, I sure hope
he does it soon.

This whole thing stinks to high
heaven and I don't like it.

- I don't like it one bit.
- Come on, Uncle Jesse.

Don't worry. Luke and me can
handle ourselves just fine.

Let's, uh..
Okay.

Well, it's no use
pretending, Uncle Jesse.

I'm worried about them boys.

Figured you was.
Same as me.

They know that Steele character
is after them

and yet they just keep actin'
so casual about it.

Acting's the word for it.

Pretendin' like they ain't got
a care in the world.

Just so as
we won't worry.

Well, it ain't
working on me.

Scared so, I jump a mile
every time I hear a footstep.

Me, too.
But the thing is, honey

we can't let them know
how we feel about it.

Otherwise Steele could catch
them with their guard down

and they'd be in more danger
than they are in now.

What do you think?

I knew it! Thank you.
I appreciate that.

I'm gonna get you one. I'll get
that tailor in here and make you

a green suit
which sparkles.

I'm gonna count my money.

Oh. I love
the color green.

Ten thousand, twenty thousand,
thirty thousand.

One hundred, two hundred,
three hundred..

Who put that one in there.
That's..

Somebody sneaked a one..
Oh!

Who are you?
I mean...what do you want?

Same thing you want,
Mr. Coltrane. The Duke boys.

Ooh. I know who you are.
You're-you're Mr. Steele.

How'd you get
in here past Flash and me?

I didn't hear you
tippy-toe in here.

You see, sometimes,
in my business, it's better

to slip in
when you're not expected.

Well, you don't have
to be sneaky.

Because I'll tell you,
those Duke boys are slipperier

than a bucketful
of greased eels.

- Yeah, they are.

Well, this job might be a little
more interesting than I thought.

Mr. Coltrane, I'll be
traveling incognito.

Oh, incognito, uh?

You wear what you got on.
You look great.

You see, what I mean here is,
that if you let anyone know

that I'm working
on your payroll

'I'll quit the case.'

And you will still
owe me my full fees.

- 'I agree to that.'

Listen, it may take a lot
longer than you figured.

And I'm not gonna pay you
until you get those boys

in Atlanta and put them
in the slammer.

At which time, sir,
you will owe me $100,000.

- There's one other small point.

May heaven...help you, sir.

If you ever even think about
welshin' on that payment.

I wouldn't think..
Well, gee-e!

That bounty hunter
didn't waste much time

before testing the boys.

And his first move
was pretty slick..

...for a city boy.

Hey! Are you crazy?

Luke, I think
he's did that deliberate.

Yup. Well, it's time to
show him there ain't no room

for hit and run drivers
in Hazzard.

Yee-hoo!
Go, Luke!

John Law, you know who.
Ready to go fishing?

If you can find me a couple
of suckers worth catching.

Well, it's all part of the plan.
I'm baiting the hook right now.

I cross the state line,
you reel 'em in.

Ten-four.

You see Bo and Luke,
being on probation

ain't supposed to leave
Hazzard County

without permission and being
chased by a bounty man

don't come close
to being permission.

Hardly matter, huh?
I'm just getting warmed up.

Luke, the county line!

They cross that line, and
it's goodbye to the ladies

and hello
to six years hard time.

'Just another couple of feet'

we'd been
across the county line.

Yeah, with the Chickasaw County
sheriff waitin' for us.

You know,
if I didn't know better

I could swear that hit and
runner was trying to bait us.

Trying to make us
break our probation.

Yeah, they're smart alright.

This is going to be
more fun than I thought.

Hey, ain't it past
your bed time?

Uncle Jesse, you wanna tell me
what's worryin' ya?

What makes you so sure
that something is?

You always whittle
when you worry.

It's the boys, ain't it?

Yeah.

Something was to happen
to them boys

I don't know what I'd do.

I tell you,
I'm more than worried.

I'm scared
plump out of my wits.

Now, grab a hold
of something firm.

Y'all ain't going
to believe this.

Rosco's new toy.

Ain't that tasty?

- I was dustin' it for you.
- Doesn't need dusting.

I've been dusting it
for eight hours.

- Oh, yeah, yeah.

A Rolls-Royce turned into
a sheriff patrol car?

It's a doozy,
isn't it?

Well, what kind of a nincompoop
would do this to a Rolls?

This. A very, very rich
nincompoop, that's who.

Alright, Cletus, take my old
vehicle down to the crusher

and have it crushed.

- Now, wait a minute.

Sheriff, you can't do that. That
car's still county property.

- That's right!
- Hush!

Hush. I can do
anything I want to.

Listen, take it down there,
and have it crushed

into little eenie-teenie,
little bitsy pieces.

I like smaller the better.

Send the bill to me
when you get it crushed.

Okay.

Little fat buddy, would you care
to join me in the back seat

and watch
a little television?

Ooh! Naughty naughty!

I oughta get you
for littering.

I ain't got time.
I gotta watch cartoons.

Gee, I love cartoons!
It's my favorite!

Let me get this right, now, you
saying that the mix is too rich

and you saying
it's too lean?

No, no, no, it's the
other way around, Cooter.

You got it backwards.

Do you want
my expert opinion?

- Shoot.
- Tell him.

Let it be, cousins.
Let it be.

Watch you fingers,
and watch your toes.

Well, we can't both
be right all the time.

Hazzard Garage.
Crazy Cooter coming at you.

Huh

Luke Duke? Yeah,
he's right here. Hang on.

- Uh-huh. Hey, Luke.
- Yeah, I got it. I got it.

Friend of yours
from Atlanta.

Yeah, Norman.
This here is Luke.

I got some
bad news for you, Luke.

There's not one photograph
of Steele in the morgue.

And I've checked the papers
in Little Rock and Memphis Mobil

and it's all the same story.

Well, from what
you told me about him

I can hardly believe that.

That don't hardly
sound possible.

Well, I got something here
that might help.

I got a clipping about Steele
that he's claimed a reward

for arresting an old moonshiner
by the name of "Wilkinson."

Now, Wilkinson claims that his
home address is Hazzard County.

Yeah, yeah, that would be
old Ben Wilkinson.

He lives in a shack
out in the boonies.

If we find him, we oughta be
able to get some kind

'of description from him.'

If we're lucky.

I'll let you know
how it comes out.

Thanks a lot, Norman.
Much obliged.

Did you hear that?

From what I remember,
old Ben Wilkinson

ain't too friendly.

Right. Old Ben ain't the
meanest man in Hazzard County.

But the meanest one
don't mess with him.

Well, it's gotta be better
than chasing a shadow

which is what
we've been doing.

Oh, I ain't believin' this!
Feast your eyes.

'Ain't it funny
what money'll do?'

Come on,
let's give him some grief.

Glad to do it.

- Take care, Cooter.
- Right.

Ooh!

You, pudgers,
what're you doing here?

Listen, you scuffed
my posteriors.

Holy smoke, Rosco,
what an outfit!

I bet that thing glows
in the dark, huh?

Oh, and hey, that's a real
sharp-lookin' police car, Rosco.

- I like that.

Yeah, and keep your clammy
cabbage collectors off of it.

- I want to keep it that way.
- Whatever you say.

Where's your buddy
Steele anyhow?

Oh, he's down at the..

Uh, S-S-Steele, uh, well..
Which Steele is that?

Oh, come on, Rosco, you know,
the guy you hired to frame us.

Bounty hunter, I believe.

I don't have
the slightest idea

what you two
boys are talking about.

Look why don't you just
move this piece of trash

on down the road
before I get you for illegal--

You're the boss, Rosco.

Boss, huh?
Yeah.

And don't you forget it!

So, what do you think?

I think he's lying through his
dang teeth. That's what I think.

- That proves one thing.

- You're right about Steele.
- Yeah.

While the boys
was huntin' their quarry

the quarry was getting
ready to ambush them.

- See for yourself.

'Yes, this is gonna
make a nice'

little present
for the Duke boys.

Now, all we have to do is figure
out exactly when to use it.

But this ain't the dangest
merry-go-round.

Rosco's bounty hunter
is after the boys

while the boys are huntin'
Rosco's bounty hunter

or anyone who could tell 'em
what Steele looked liked.

- He's gonna have both.
- Yeah.

M-Mr. Wilkenson!

Ben, uh-uh, listen, can we talk
to you for a minute?

The door's open.

He's gotta be around
here somewhere.

Got some stew cookin'
on the camp fire.

Ben!

'You looking
for something'

Now, you folks know that I don't
like my privacy bein' disturbed.

Now, you boys better have a dang
good excuse for being here.

Now, tell me what you want,
and make it quick.

Did you ever try to come up with an excuse for trespassing

while staring down
two holes of a shotgun?

'
- Jason Steele.

What you want with
that low

No, sir. You see,
Mr. Steele's looking for us.

Well, why didn't you say so?
Ha ha ha!

If Jason Steele is lookin'
for you boys

you may as well
give yourselves up.

You know,
he caught me three times

for the bounty money.
Yes, he did.

'We're sorry to hear that
but Luke and me'

'ain't gonna add
to his bank account none.'

We can't hardly dodge him unless
we know what he looks like.

Well, now, he's, uh, he's about,
uh, about your height and weight

I reckon, and, uh, he's got
the same color hair as you do

'except not as much of it.'

- Brown eyes, brown eyes.

And about as friendly
as a rattle snake.

You know, Bo, if old Ben don't
mind taking a ride into town

I think I got a way to find out
exactly how Mr. Steele looks.

Even if he is
little camera shy.

- N-n-no.

Uh, but just let me
fill my jug first.

It's a long ride
into town, boys.

Sure. Keep away
from the fire.

Here you go, Rosco.
That'll be fifty cents.

Fifty cents, huh?
You just put that on my tab.

- Okay.
- Ahh! No, you don't, Daisy.

- Give me that.

- Yeah.

You ain't got no tab now.

- Mnh-mnh.

On account, I figured
a newly rich

multi millionaire
can pay cash.

Well, I canpay cash if you can
cash athousand dollar bill.

Ahh! Get your garbage
collectors off of that.

On account, I also figured a
newly rich multi millionaire

can pay
for his own popcorn.

You know something,
you little pork chop?

You make me sore.
You really do.

You know, you've been
bad mouthin' me

ever since you found
out I'm richer than you.

Well, there you go again.

And I'm sick and tired
of it, you hear?

Yeah. Yeah, sick and tired
of you lording over me.

- Just 'cause I'm number two.

That's right.
You're number two.

I'm challenging you
here and now..

...to a duel.

A duel?
Are you kiddin' me, fella?

You know I'm a better shot
than you are.

Well, I didn't mean
with guns, pea brain.

I mean with cards.

Don't you do it, Rosco.
He'll beat the pants off of you.

Will you hush up, Daisy
with your pants?

- Yeah, hush, hush.

Stud poker at 36 inches.

Uh, poker at 36 inches.
Inches?

Well, what's the matter?

You're afraid
I might win some

of your multi million dollars
Simoleons?

Oh, you..

I'm not afraid of anything
that walks, talks

or digs holes,
you little muffin.

All I gotta do
is raise the ante

until it runs him
right out of the game.

Yeah? Well, I'll take
my chances on that.

Of course, if you just rather
let your fellow Hazzardites

know how chicken you are..

Boss!

- That's right.

Well, you've gone
too far now, fat boy!

You got yourself
a poker game.

Eww!

Before Ace took up barbering

he used to do portraits for a
dollar at the County fairs.

And sometimes,
for the state police.

Now, Luke figured
if old Ben could show Acer

where to bob a nose, or square a jaw, he'd come up with a fair

to middlin' likeness
of old Jason Steele.

Hold on a second. Hey, Bo,
you recognize this guy?

Seems like the one who tried
to run us off the road.

We should've
known that, Luke.

Yeah, I believe we owe
Rosco another talk.

- Let's do it.
- Thanks a lot.

Friends, I don't believe
I'd let old Boss

deal me a stack
of flap jacks.

Yup, yup, yup.

By this time, the news of the showdown between Boss and Rosco

was all over the County.

And the Boars Nest was packed
like a bucket of worms.

With folks
just waitin' to see

the biggest poker game
in Hazzard

since Boss put up Lulu
as a bet...hoping to lose.

The other guy
was bettin' a cow.

Boss was making double sure
that he could double deal

old Rosco
out of his new found fortune.

'"Flash P. Coltrane."'

Good God, I tell you,
you look wonderful!

All those little butterflies

flying around
your fat little tummy.

Alright, now,
I'll put you down.

Let you go play.
Go, tearin' off.

Rosco, when you gonna
get this game started?

This suit of yours
is beginning to hurt my eyes.

It does sparkle a little.

Well, listen, I'm ready
whenever that little

penny pincher's ready.

Alright, is he going
to play, or ain't he?

Not only am I gonna play

but I'm gonna teach
this big spender here

a lesson his wallet
will never forget.

Well, let's..

Well, you know what we need
before we start?

What's that?

- We need a referee.

Somebody who doesn't give
a diddly-doo one way or another.

- Well--
- Well, that's Uncle Jessie.

No! No, it can't be me
'cause I hope they both lose.

Well, that would be fair.

Daisy, I've just come down here
to see who Rosco was talkin' to.

What better way
to find out?

Yeah.
Alright, I'll referee.

Alright, and I'll deal.
Where are the cards?

- Right here.
- Give me those.

Get you clammy cabbage
collectors off of them.

Wait a minute!
They're your cards, ain't they?

- That's right.
- I'll deal.

- No, no you wont.
- Well, let the referee decide.

Uh, your cards, he deals.

Well, that's
a fair decision.

Well, you don't give a
diddly

- Alright, now, then.
- Right.

Since we ain't playing
with money or chips

Daisy, I want you to write
our bets down on your order pad.

Okay, Boss.

- Yeah.
- 'Show him how!'

I know that.

- Queen bets.
- Good.

That means I get
to go first, don't I, Jesse?

Good, alright.

I'm gonna bet you my
goose quill blanket

and my wild cherry headboard

and my, uh,
bubble gum collection.

Against my barbecuer
and my five gallon punch bowl

with a six little cups.
You got that?

Six little cups.
Yeah.

Don't y'all know
them folks in Vegas

would just be plain eat up
up with envy?

Queen, kings, high.
Your bet, Rosco.

Oh, good.
I love this, I love this.

Oh, okay. I'm gonna bet my hen
house and all my chickens.

Against my big red barn
in the back forty.

And I'll raise you the big pile
of fertilizer pilled up behind.

Ooh, ooh. Alright.
Let me see here.

Okay, I'm gonna
raise you my house

and one more
pile of fertilizer.

- I'll meet that pile.
- Okay.

Hold it, fellas.
I got pile against pile here.

You gotta
start all over again.

Well, it..

- Oh, yeah.

Well, it looks like Bo and Luke are gonna get there

just in time for the finish
of the poker game.

I ain't sure of what Steele
is up to, friends

but I know
it ain't nothin' good.

- 'Raised him a pile.'
- 'Yes.'

Alright, alright.
Don't touch the cards.

Well, I'm not touchin'
the cards.

Now, you know
a bad dude like Steele

ain't givin' nothin' away.

Much less a pistol.

That's bad.

We didn't have
any trouble findin' Rosco.

For all
good it's gonna do.

We gotta play it cool till we
can catch him along with Steele.

'Yeah. Yeah.'

- Garbage.
- King, queen, still bets.

- That's you, Rosco.
- That's me. Well, okay.

Um, I'm gonna bet
21 new shinny suits

and ten pointy boots.

Against the bill of sale
on my white convertible, hmm?

And I'll raise you all the
imported hardwood furniture

in my house,
upstairs and down.

Alright. I'll match that
with my tractor

and I will raise you one colored
television set and a stereo.

'Yeah? And I'll meet
that with everythin' I got.'

Every little big
and little thing

I got in this
whole wide world.

You will, huh? Alright, I will
match you with everythin' I got.

'Alright. Alright. Ha ha ha'

Oh, my! Oh, my!

This sure is exciting,
Heaven's alive!

Oh, dear me!
I dropped my handkerchief.

Oh, uh, if you'll all
just excuse me a moment.

'I got him this time.
I'm gonna stop him.'

'I gonna make him a bleached
out metal muffin if I could.'

I once had a dog
who could do that.

He ate one of my boots
and a can of Prince Albert.

But you know that dog
wouldn't touch my cookie.

Yeah, well,
I got my handkerchief

but you know,
I've been thinking, Rosco.

I can't do this
to an old friend.

I'd probably win here.

Um, it wouldn't
be right for me

to take away
your new gotten gain

so why don't we just
call off the whole game?

J.D., a deal's a deal.

Now, are you gonna play or do
you forfeit the pot to Rosco?

Pot to him?
No, I'll play.

I'll play, I'll play.

Mmm-mm.

Mmm.

'Nine of spades.'

'Six of hearts.'

Since we both bet everything
in the world we own

'uh, I got
a pair of kings.'

Well...I got an ace.

That's all.

I got nothing.
I got nothing.

Put it in here.

No more house,
no more Boars Nest.

No more saw mills.

No more banks,
no more mortgages.

'No more IOUs.'

I ain't even got
no more barber's chair.

Give me the ring.
Don't crinkle that finger on me.

Put it in.
Give me the wallet.

Years and years of working
my fingers to the bone

to make an honest living
in the American way.

It has all gone
down the dooms.

Did you see what I did?

I made the richest man
in Hazzard County

the poorest in the state.

Alright, Daisy.

Beer for everybody
at half price.

I won it.
I won it.

I'm lucky.
I'm lucky.

And lovin', lovin' it.

Since Steele ain't here

hey, you wanna bet
he's at the Moss Hotel?

There's one way to find out.

Yeah, let's go.

Rosco's got everything.

Hard to believe.

Alright, just drink on up.

I'll be back in a flash
with the cash.

Keep slurpin' up those suds.

Ooh.

Don't you..
Oh, it's you, uh, Mr. Steele.

I don't want you scuffing
the rhinestone on these.

Uh, was there something you-you
wanted to see me about?

How would you like
to nail those Duke boys

for illegal possession
of a handgun?

Ooh, I'd love that.

I..
Uh, how am I gonna do that?

Well, I've seen it
with my own eyes.

It's a nickel-plated
.357 Magnum.

Good...uh, listen, uh

Mr. Steele, could I ask you
just a little tiny favor?

Uh, listen, you'll get your
money, alright?

I promise you that.

But I'd like to be the one
who apprehends them Duke boys

and cuff 'em and stuff 'em.

Ooh, good, good.

I tell you,
I'm loving, I'm loving it.

You're all heart
and-and-and muscle.

Cletus, you dipstick!
What are you tryin' to do?

Scuff my brand new vehicle?

Now, get your vehicle in the
turn around here and follow me.

Alright, alright.
You don't have to get hot.

I'll follow you.

'Rosco's followin' us and
Cletus is right behind him.'

So what?
We ain't done nothing wrong.

Dang, cuz,
we've just been set up.

Oh, great. All we need to be
is caught with that dang thing.

Uh, get rid of it.

Alright, you two boys.

You might as well quit
horsin' around.

I've got you dead rights.

You throw that thing out now,
Rosco's gonna see you doin' it.

Uh, what are we gonna do?

Well, they can't prove nothin'
if we can throw it

where they can't find it.

Like that quicksand
over at Pesquito Bar.

We're never gonna shake
him on this road.

We don't have to shake him.

All you gotta do is get
to that bog before they do.

We're almost there.

Dang it!

Keep it on the road.

Freeze!

Alright, Cletus,
grab that gun for evidence.

That's gonna put these Duke boys
in the slammer indefinitely.

Here catch, Cletus.
Bo!

'Dipstick!'

- Cletus.

Get off of me,
you dipstick.

You know what you're doing?
You're scuffin' my rhinestones.

I'm sorry, sheriff.
Just trying to help.

Well, you helped them
throw the evidence away.

What evidence you're
talkin' about, Rosco?

Don't pretend you don't know
'cause you do.

It's that nickel-plated .357
Magnum you chucked over there.

Oh, if you knew where we threw
it, you can just go dig it up.

Well, that's just
what Cletus is going to..

No, you..
Naughty, naughty.

You can't have him do that.
That's quicksand.

- It goes all the way to China.
- How about that.

Well, sheriff,
then what keeps it all from

just draining out
the other end?

Same thing that keeps
your brain from runnin' out.

- Get to your vehicle.
- Yes, sir.

And you two, see,
you're not out of the woods yet

because you're gonna
turn around one of these days

and make a mistake,
and we're gonna be there.

We're gonna be
in your hip pocket.

I get the feeling
when Rosco said we

he wasn't specifically
referring to him and Cletus.

Yeah, I bet he meant
Jason Steele.

Hey, unless we can
get to him first.

Yeah, the only trouble
is we still ain't got

the slightest idea
where to look.

Grab the jack
out of the trunk.

Alright.

Well, the Duke's must have
knocked on about

every door in Hazzard hopin' to come up with somebody

who could put 'em
on to Jason Steele.

It was like chasin' a ghost.

Now, take a real good look. Are
you sure you haven't seen him?

Did you find Steele?

- Not yet.
- Damn.

Between the four of us,
Uncle Jessie, that's including

Cooter, we've been lookin' all
over the place for him.

- We'll find him though.
- Well, we better.

I..

I think if the boys let their
guard down, they could get..

You got another picture
of that dude?

You bet.

With him after my boys, I..

...just can't stand by
and do nothin'.

Uncle Jessie,
where you goin'?

Look out, Rodney.
I'm going down by the swamp.

If I was on the lam,
that's where I'd be hidin' out.

You be careful.

'Breaker one, breaker one. Might
be crazy, but I ain't dumb.'

Crazy Cooter comin' at you.

Uncle Shepherd,
you home on out there

on the Hazzard net,
come on.

Cooter, I got too much on my
mind to open my mouth right now.

Uncle Jessie, uh,
Daisy told me what you're doing

and, uh, I don't blame you

but how about waiting
up for me, huh?

Cooter, I can't waste
my time right now.

I-I gotta
find this Steele fella.

This is Jessie.
Over and out.

Ow!

Uncle Jessie, you out there?
Come on.

'Crazy Cooter hollerin',
Uncle Shepherd. Come on.'

You know, when you set things
in motion to do somebody harm

there ain't no way to be sure
who's really gonna get hurt.