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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show."
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( MUSIC PLAYING )
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BUDDY: Oh, okay, slugger, that's it.
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Oh, oh. That's enough, now.
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Fight's over. You-you win.
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Uh, I'll tickle you. Aha-ha.
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I don't know what it is about buddy and children.
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Must be my head-- they like to hit it.
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Oh, that's it.
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Come on, now, Rich. Lay off uncle Buddy.
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RITCHIE: He likes it.
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BUDDY: Yeah, I did for about 20 minutes.
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Boy, a guy can get a cauliflower head here.
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The minute they know it's bedtime,
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they start getting winsome.
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Okay, Rich. Say good night to everybody.
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Are they going?
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No, they aren't. You are.
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Uh, give Aunt Sally a big hug.
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Come on, now. No hitting in the clinches.
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A nice big hug.
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Uh-uh.
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Why not?
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I'm too old!
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You're too old!
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It's the first time I've ever lost out on that count.
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I'm six. How old are you?
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Uh, Richie, dear,
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we don't ask ladies how old they are.
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Why not?
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They won't tell you.
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Can ladies tell their birthday?
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Well, that they tell-- mine's next friday,
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and I need a new shawl for my piano.
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Which birthday will it be?
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Well, uh, Rich, ahem, come one, let's go now.
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You say good night to aunt Pickles and uncle Buddy.
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Are they married?
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Yeah, I certainly hope so.
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Where's your husband?
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Mine? I haven't got one.
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Why don't you get one?
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Say good night, Richie.
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You know something? You should get married.
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Everybody's after me to get married.
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What's so bad about being single?
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Richie's single, and he's happy, isn't he?
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Well, I know, but that's different.
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He's just a little boy. Now, if he...
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Honey, eat something. Okay.
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What I meant was it's not like your case.
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Case?
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Look, Pickles, being single is not a disease.
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Still, don't you hate being alone on your birthday?
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Oh, but Sally doesn't have to be alone on her birthday.
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She can spend it with us.
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Oh, well thanks, Laura, but I won't be alone.
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I'll probably have a date.
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But if I don't, there's always a lot of things
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I can do around the house on my birthday.
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Like what?
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Well, like washing, ironing, cleaning, crying...
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Crying?
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My mother always calls me up on my birthday,
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and she says, "Hello, Miss Rogers,
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my single daughter with no prospects."
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And we cry-- oh boy, do we cry!
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BUDDY: Laura, it was a wonderful evening,
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and let me tell you,
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the dinner was the ever-loving end.
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Oh, I'm glad you liked it. Why don't you show pickles
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how to make some of those dishes?
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I'd love to!
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Oh, I would like to watch how you mash your potatoes.
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They're so smooth-- no lumps, no skin.
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It's really very simple, pickles.
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Just peel 'em and mash 'em.
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Oh, you peel 'em before you mash 'em.
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Of course.
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You're also supposed to cook 'em before you mash them.
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Oh, just because your mother made them that way,
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you think that's the only way.
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Thanks, Laura.
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Thanks again for the meal.
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It gives me courage to go home
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and face another week of my wife's cooking.
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Good night, Rob. Good night, Buddy.
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Good night, Buddy.
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Oh, wonderful evening.
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Well, you two sure make a good case for marriage.
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Oh, well, with this one, it's easy.
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BUDDY: Come on, Sal, we're waiting.
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All right, all right.
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There's always a chance of getting one of those.
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That kind of a husband is just a status symbol.
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Good night.
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Good night, now. See you in the morning.
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( YAWNING ) Oh, oh.
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Oh, it must be horrible
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having no one to go home to.
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Aw, it's not so bad if you prefer it.
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Nobody prefers it.
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Well, I don't know.
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I think Sal made living alone sound pretty good.
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Care to try it?
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Oh, I might.
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You're free.
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Good-bye, kid.
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I'll give you a ring sometime.
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I'll wait for your call.
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And if the line's busy, you could...Rob?
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LAURA: Rob, the joke's over.
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All right.
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Where you been, honey? ( SCREAM )
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How did you do that so fast?
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I climbed in the bathroom window.
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Well, did you enjoy your trip alone?
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Oh, not really, but it wasn't as horrible
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as you said it would be.
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Well, all I know is
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I'd hate to have to go home alone like Sally
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to a big, empty apartment
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and spend my birthday washing, ironing and crying.
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Oh, honey.
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Sally was just kidding-- she's not a crier.
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You know, you men don't seem to realize
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that when a woman reaches a certain age
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and is unmarried,
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every birthday becomes a milestone,
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and every milestone is a millstone.
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Oh, I have a feeling Sally isn't going to wait
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'til friday to do her crying.
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I think she's going to do it tonight,
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and we're responsible.
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We are? What did we do?
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We went and had a baby
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that grew up to be a six-year-old big mouth.
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It was Richie who brought up her age
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and un-marital status, you know.
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Honey, w-what made you think she was so upset by it?
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Because I'm a woman.
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What?
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You're-- you're a woman?!
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My God, my father married one of those!
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You're a woman.
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Come here.
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You mean, there were real tears in her eyes?
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Sal, yeah.
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Coughing and sniffling
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and blowing her nose all the way home.
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I'm telling you, Rob, it was like watching a man cry.
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Buddy, did she know you knew she was crying?
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Ah, she said something about catching a cold
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or having cigarette smoke getting in her eyes.
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Well, maybe that was it.
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Nobody was smoking.
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You know something-- last night Laura called it.
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She said she'd be upset with all that talk
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about her being single
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and all by herself on her birthday.
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Well look, we can see to it
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that she's not alone on her birthday.
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We can sit up with her and see it through.
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Sit up with her--
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you make it sound like she's got the flu.
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Well, how about a birthday party for Sally.
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You know, we'll yuk it up
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with a lot of phony presents and stuff like that,
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and she'll forget the whole thing.
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That's a good idea,
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only we don't mention the birthday angle.
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We just say it's a party, we're having a few friends in.
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Right, right.
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SALLY: I'll see you later, Frank.
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Better pretend we're working. Yeah.
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Hi fell-- oops, sorry.
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I didn't realize you were working.
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Oh, Sal.
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Say, uh, by the way... By the way?
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Whatever happened to hello? Oh, hello.
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Hello. Now what-- by the way?
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Well, I just wondered
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if you were doing anything on Friday night.
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Friday night? Well, I usually bathe my cat.
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Why?
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We're gonna have a few friends in for dinner.
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Yeah, why don't you let your cat go dirty this week?
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I just had dinner at your house.
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Oh, I thought maybe if you're gonna be alone or something.
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So I'll be alone.
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Look, fellas, stop worrying about me.
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I'm alone because I like it this way.
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I do, really I do.
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I've got all the advantages of marriage.
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I've got a tea kettle that whistles,
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a parrot that talks too much,
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and a cat that stays out all night.
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Who needs a husband?
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Come on, Sal.
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Don't you want to go out on your birthday?
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Look, Rob, if I want to go out,
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I've always got Mr. Diefenphaler
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who takes me anyplace I want to go.
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Diefenphaler? What is that, an eye test?
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No, that's my pet name for all my fellas.
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ROB: Oh, well, just in case
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one of your diefenphalers doesn't call...
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Oh, one will call, Rob,
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and the first one that does gets a date.
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Oh, and the other 93 win.
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Come on, let's go to work.
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All right.
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I-I think that right after the opening band number,
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this guy comes out and he says...
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Good morning.
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It was 'til you got here.
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Rob, I don't like coming here and having insults thrown at me.
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Stay home. I'll phone 'em over to you.
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Look, I'm getting fed up.
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Pretty obvious, fatso!
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What time does the balloon go up?
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Buddy, please.
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Rob, alan would like the comedy bits
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demonstrated by you and your...trained ape.
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Trained ape? Look, Curly,
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anytime a trained ape says that he's got--
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uh, uh, boy, do I owe you an insult.
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We'll be right back, Sal.
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Yeah, well, don't worry.
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I'll make a couple of calls and bring happiness
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to a couple of bachelors.
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Oh, Sally, that reminds me.
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There was a fellow here earlier looking for you.
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Well, you didn't let him get away, did you?
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Well, you weren't here.
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Well, what's his name?
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Why, I didn't catch it.
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Well, did he leave a number?
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No, but he said you probably wouldn't know him.
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Well, did he leave a note?
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No.
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A fingerprint?
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A laundry mark?
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A shaving lotion smell-- something!
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Nothing, I'm sorry, Sally.
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Aw, that's all right, Mel. I'm only kidding.
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I'm not that desperate yet.
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But listen, if he comes back, tie him to a chair.
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Sure.
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I gotta get a date for Friday.
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Come on, Diefenphaler.
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Bills...
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Irving.
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Maybe he'll be back.
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( CAT MEOWS ) Oh, hi, Henderson.
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You're late.
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Oh, all right.
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Well, there's 150 calories I can do without.
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Hello, Fred?
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Sal.
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Uh, say did you stop by my office today?
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No?
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Well, must have been some other handsome fella.
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Look, Fred, I've got a brand new recipe
265
00:10:34,760 --> 00:10:37,346
I'm dying to try out on some courageous friend.
266
00:10:37,387 --> 00:10:39,681
Um, how about Friday?
267
00:10:39,723 --> 00:10:42,601
No, Saturday's too late.
268
00:10:42,601 --> 00:10:44,978
You sure you can't make it Friday?
269
00:10:45,020 --> 00:10:47,731
Well, if going bowling is more exciting
270
00:10:47,773 --> 00:10:50,442
than home-baked lasagne...
271
00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:51,777
Nah, I understand.
272
00:10:51,777 --> 00:10:53,320
Yeah, maybe next week.
273
00:10:53,362 --> 00:10:54,821
Good-bye, Fred.
274
00:10:54,863 --> 00:10:56,782
I hope he bowls a 20.
275
00:11:01,787 --> 00:11:03,622
Oh, did you finish it all up?
276
00:11:03,622 --> 00:11:05,791
That's a good cat.
277
00:11:06,458 --> 00:11:08,544
( CAT MEOWS )
278
00:11:08,585 --> 00:11:10,879
Ah, uh, you, too, huh? All right.
279
00:11:13,549 --> 00:11:15,050
He's coming, Penelope.
280
00:11:19,555 --> 00:11:21,640
Come back for breakfast. I bought lox.
281
00:11:30,649 --> 00:11:32,025
( PHONE RINGS )
282
00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:33,902
Oops, maybe he dropped the bowling bowl on his foot.
283
00:11:35,863 --> 00:11:37,489
Hello.
284
00:11:37,489 --> 00:11:40,033
All right, Buddy, what's the gag?
285
00:11:40,075 --> 00:11:41,660
Oh, I'm sorry.
286
00:11:41,702 --> 00:11:44,163
I-I thought it was somebody else.
287
00:11:44,163 --> 00:11:46,373
Who?
288
00:11:46,415 --> 00:11:48,834
Leo Fasbinder?
289
00:11:48,834 --> 00:11:50,669
From Herbert Hoover High?
290
00:11:50,711 --> 00:11:52,880
Well, what do you know?
291
00:11:52,921 --> 00:11:55,591
Say, how many years has it been?
292
00:11:55,632 --> 00:11:57,009
Oh, that many, huh?
293
00:11:59,511 --> 00:12:00,721
Couldn't be.
294
00:12:00,762 --> 00:12:01,889
Oh, well, I did graduate high school
295
00:12:01,930 --> 00:12:04,183
when I was nine, you know.
296
00:12:04,183 --> 00:12:08,729
Say, Leo, did you stop by my office today?
297
00:12:08,770 --> 00:12:12,024
Oh, it was you then.
298
00:12:12,024 --> 00:12:18,405
Well, I-I-am very busy, but uh, why don't you drop by friday?
299
00:12:18,447 --> 00:12:20,157
Yeah, around 8:30.
300
00:12:20,199 --> 00:12:21,909
We can chat awhile.
301
00:12:21,950 --> 00:12:23,702
Yeah, good.
302
00:12:23,702 --> 00:12:25,871
All right, see you then. Bye.
303
00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:31,168
Well, I'll be.
304
00:12:31,210 --> 00:12:35,589
Sally Fasbinder.
305
00:12:35,631 --> 00:12:37,382
Nah, I won't be that!
306
00:12:43,889 --> 00:12:46,058
Rob, are you sure Sally isn't going to just walk in here?
307
00:12:46,058 --> 00:12:48,185
Nah, I sent her home early, honey.
308
00:12:48,227 --> 00:12:49,811
She didn't suspect anything.
309
00:12:49,853 --> 00:12:50,687
We'll just give her a little while
310
00:12:50,729 --> 00:12:51,897
and then we'll go over to her place.
311
00:12:51,897 --> 00:12:54,066
BUDDY: Hey, Laura, see if you think Sally will like that.
312
00:12:54,066 --> 00:12:55,108
Oh, what is it, Buddy?
313
00:12:55,150 --> 00:12:56,443
Go ahead, open it.
314
00:12:56,485 --> 00:13:01,156
( SCREAM ) She'll love it.
315
00:13:01,198 --> 00:13:03,742
It's the perfect gift, Buddy. You're all sentiment.
316
00:13:03,784 --> 00:13:04,910
Yeah, Sally'll get some more of these.
317
00:13:04,910 --> 00:13:06,578
Boy, Sally will flip over them.
318
00:13:06,578 --> 00:13:08,038
She loves all these kinds of gag presents.
319
00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:10,707
I'll go file this away under "fun".
320
00:13:12,835 --> 00:13:15,128
That's like putting away an octopus.
321
00:13:15,170 --> 00:13:17,548
Rob, are you sure we're doing the right thing?
322
00:13:17,589 --> 00:13:18,632
After all, Sally said
323
00:13:18,674 --> 00:13:20,050
she might have a date this evening.
324
00:13:20,092 --> 00:13:21,510
Honey, the only reason she said that
325
00:13:21,552 --> 00:13:22,427
was so we wouldn't feel
326
00:13:22,469 --> 00:13:24,596
we had to make a fuss over her birthday.
327
00:13:24,638 --> 00:13:25,597
Oh, we gotta go.
328
00:13:25,597 --> 00:13:26,932
Look, pickles fixed a cake and everything.
329
00:13:26,974 --> 00:13:29,935
The second since I'm married.
330
00:13:33,939 --> 00:13:38,151
Ooh, this one's a little slanty.
331
00:13:38,193 --> 00:13:41,113
Oh, I guess that's because our building's on a hill.
332
00:13:43,198 --> 00:13:44,491
Don't worry, darling.
333
00:13:44,533 --> 00:13:46,618
When we eat it, we'll all lean this way.
334
00:13:46,618 --> 00:13:47,870
What are you gonna give her, Laura?
335
00:13:47,911 --> 00:13:49,163
Well, I got her some perfume.
336
00:13:49,204 --> 00:13:50,789
Perfume? For Sally?
337
00:13:50,831 --> 00:13:51,957
ROB: What's the matter with that?
338
00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:54,626
Well, nothing except that it'll make my snakes look cheap.
339
00:13:58,964 --> 00:14:00,132
You know, I've been thinking, Laura--
340
00:14:00,174 --> 00:14:01,550
maybe you're right.
341
00:14:01,592 --> 00:14:02,759
Is it a good idea to surprise somebody
342
00:14:02,801 --> 00:14:04,803
that just may not want to be surprised?
343
00:14:04,803 --> 00:14:06,054
Oh, Sal will love it.
344
00:14:06,096 --> 00:14:08,056
Yes, but Buddy, if she has a guest...
345
00:14:08,098 --> 00:14:09,641
Well, we'll just drop the snakes and the cake,
346
00:14:09,683 --> 00:14:11,518
and we'll go.
347
00:14:11,560 --> 00:14:12,769
She may not even be there.
348
00:14:12,811 --> 00:14:14,521
Maybe she's already gone out.
349
00:14:14,563 --> 00:14:15,647
Well, why don't you give her a call?
350
00:14:15,647 --> 00:14:17,149
That's a good idea.
351
00:14:17,191 --> 00:14:18,150
Honey, will you do it?
352
00:14:18,192 --> 00:14:20,110
You, you've got more tact.
353
00:14:20,152 --> 00:14:20,861
All right.
354
00:14:20,903 --> 00:14:22,654
Hey, hey, only don't give it away.
355
00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:24,239
You know, kind of just keep her nailed down
356
00:14:24,281 --> 00:14:25,240
until we get there.
357
00:14:25,282 --> 00:14:26,200
What am I gonna say?
358
00:14:26,241 --> 00:14:28,660
Well, find out if she's really got a date.
359
00:14:28,660 --> 00:14:29,661
Boy, it's getting late.
360
00:14:29,703 --> 00:14:30,829
Mel said he'd meet us
361
00:14:30,829 --> 00:14:32,331
as soon as he got out of the barber shop.
362
00:14:32,331 --> 00:14:33,582
Baldy in a barber shop?
363
00:14:33,624 --> 00:14:34,666
What's he doing, reminiscing?
364
00:14:37,336 --> 00:14:38,670
Hello.
365
00:14:38,670 --> 00:14:40,088
LAURA: Hello, Sally? This is laura.
366
00:14:40,130 --> 00:14:41,298
Oh, hi, Laura.
367
00:14:41,340 --> 00:14:43,967
( WIPES NOSE ) Excuse me.
368
00:14:44,009 --> 00:14:46,970
I think she's crying. Sally, what's the matter?
369
00:14:47,012 --> 00:14:49,014
Oh, I just think I'm getting a cold?
370
00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:50,098
What's doing?
371
00:14:50,140 --> 00:14:51,808
Oh, well, I just called to find out how you are
372
00:14:51,850 --> 00:14:54,603
and uh, if you're doing anything this evening.
373
00:14:54,645 --> 00:14:55,812
Am I?
374
00:14:55,854 --> 00:14:57,147
Oh, you won't believe it!
375
00:14:57,189 --> 00:14:58,815
I'm as nervous as a girl!
376
00:14:58,857 --> 00:15:00,776
I'm waiting to see a man
377
00:15:00,817 --> 00:15:04,363
I haven't seen since high school, Leo Fasbinder.
378
00:15:04,363 --> 00:15:06,323
Excuse me, Laura.
379
00:15:06,365 --> 00:15:08,033
She has a date with a Leo Fasbinder.
380
00:15:08,075 --> 00:15:09,034
Know him?
381
00:15:09,076 --> 00:15:09,868
Fasbinder? No.
382
00:15:09,868 --> 00:15:11,286
It must be some guy she made up.
383
00:15:11,328 --> 00:15:12,663
She's lying.
384
00:15:14,039 --> 00:15:15,249
Leo Fasbinder?
385
00:15:15,290 --> 00:15:16,792
Well, he sounds wonderful.
386
00:15:16,834 --> 00:15:18,043
Oh, he's big and he's handsome
387
00:15:18,043 --> 00:15:20,337
and he was all-American, three years in a row.
388
00:15:20,379 --> 00:15:21,755
Lies, I tell you. She's lying.
389
00:15:21,797 --> 00:15:23,215
He sounds great.
390
00:15:23,257 --> 00:15:25,259
I'm having one of those intimate little suppers,
391
00:15:25,300 --> 00:15:29,221
you know, the kind cary grant had in all his old pictures.
392
00:15:29,221 --> 00:15:31,098
Well, listen, Laura, thanks for thinking of me,
393
00:15:31,139 --> 00:15:32,015
but I-I gotta hang up.
394
00:15:32,057 --> 00:15:34,184
I-I think Fasbinder will be here soon.
395
00:15:34,226 --> 00:15:35,185
Bye.
396
00:15:36,937 --> 00:15:38,605
Fasbinder. How do you like that.
397
00:15:38,647 --> 00:15:40,190
Sally can't even lie without making up a gag.
398
00:15:40,232 --> 00:15:42,317
Well, I don't know Sally as well as you two.
399
00:15:42,359 --> 00:15:43,360
Is she lying?
400
00:15:43,402 --> 00:15:44,361
I don't know,
401
00:15:44,403 --> 00:15:46,071
except Fasbinder is just exactly the kind of name
402
00:15:46,113 --> 00:15:48,073
that Sally would invent.
403
00:15:48,115 --> 00:15:50,200
Yeah, like Diefenphaler.
404
00:15:50,242 --> 00:15:51,785
Diefenphaler? Who's he?
405
00:15:51,827 --> 00:15:55,205
Oh, Diefenphaler, Fasbinder, McGinzentroid.
406
00:15:55,247 --> 00:15:56,707
She likes to make up names
407
00:15:56,748 --> 00:15:58,667
for all her make-believe boyfriends.
408
00:15:58,709 --> 00:16:02,087
Well, there's no Fasbinder, so come on, let's go.
409
00:16:04,298 --> 00:16:05,632
( DOOR BUZZER )
410
00:16:05,674 --> 00:16:06,758
Be right there.
411
00:16:10,679 --> 00:16:11,889
You go get your own date.
412
00:16:25,277 --> 00:16:26,945
Sally Rogers.
413
00:16:26,987 --> 00:16:29,364
Leo Fasbinder.
414
00:16:29,406 --> 00:16:30,449
Come on in.
415
00:16:30,449 --> 00:16:32,284
Ah, thank you.
416
00:16:32,284 --> 00:16:35,704
Well, it's been a long time.
417
00:16:35,746 --> 00:16:37,247
Leo Fasbinder. Yes.
418
00:16:37,289 --> 00:16:39,249
Gee, it's good to see you again.
419
00:16:39,291 --> 00:16:40,459
( PHONE RINGS )
420
00:16:40,459 --> 00:16:41,710
Oh, excuse me. Sure.
421
00:16:41,752 --> 00:16:43,212
Won't you come in. Thanks.
422
00:16:43,253 --> 00:16:44,254
Sit down. All right.
423
00:16:47,174 --> 00:16:49,134
Hello?
424
00:16:49,134 --> 00:16:50,802
Oh, hello, Freddie.
425
00:16:50,802 --> 00:16:53,847
Oh, you decided not to go bowling.
426
00:16:53,889 --> 00:16:56,391
Well, I'm very sorry. You're too late.
427
00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:59,853
Well, I'm having a very special tete-a-tete dinner tonight.
428
00:16:59,895 --> 00:17:01,939
It's none of your business, but if you must know,
429
00:17:01,980 --> 00:17:04,983
it's with a Mr. Diefenphaler.
430
00:17:04,983 --> 00:17:06,443
Yeah, well, try me again, Fred.
431
00:17:06,485 --> 00:17:07,694
Maybe next week.
432
00:17:07,736 --> 00:17:08,904
Right, bye.
433
00:17:10,447 --> 00:17:12,074
Oh, Sally, I hope I'm not intruding.
434
00:17:12,115 --> 00:17:13,825
I see you're expecting to entertain.
435
00:17:13,825 --> 00:17:16,078
Oh, I certainly am.
436
00:17:16,119 --> 00:17:18,872
Tell me, Leo, how did you happen to find me?
437
00:17:18,914 --> 00:17:20,916
Well, I was transferred to this area,
438
00:17:20,958 --> 00:17:24,044
and I happened to find your name on my list.
439
00:17:24,086 --> 00:17:25,379
Now, it's a small world, isn't it?
440
00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:27,256
Yes, it is.
441
00:17:27,297 --> 00:17:29,341
List? Yeah.
442
00:17:29,383 --> 00:17:30,717
What list?
443
00:17:30,759 --> 00:17:31,552
Oh, of course, I'd seen your name
444
00:17:31,593 --> 00:17:33,220
on the television screen many times,
445
00:17:33,262 --> 00:17:36,348
and Sally, I've always admired your work as an author,
446
00:17:36,390 --> 00:17:37,516
but, but to get to the point,
447
00:17:37,516 --> 00:17:41,103
I was surprised to see your name on my company's list.
448
00:17:41,144 --> 00:17:42,938
Your company's list?
449
00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:45,399
Is that what made you call me?
450
00:17:45,440 --> 00:17:47,734
Well, I had intended to...
451
00:17:50,529 --> 00:17:52,030
Sally, I see by our records
452
00:17:52,030 --> 00:17:56,285
that you only carry a floater policy with us.
453
00:17:56,326 --> 00:17:58,245
Now... Floater policy?
454
00:17:58,287 --> 00:17:59,371
LEO: yeah.
455
00:17:59,371 --> 00:18:00,956
Are you talking to me about insurance?
456
00:18:00,998 --> 00:18:03,208
Oh, uh, not insurance exactly.
457
00:18:03,250 --> 00:18:04,960
Then what, exactly?
458
00:18:05,002 --> 00:18:07,462
Uh, an annuity for my old age, maybe?
459
00:18:07,504 --> 00:18:09,464
W-well, it's, it's not a bad idea!
460
00:18:09,506 --> 00:18:11,925
It's a terrible idea!
461
00:18:11,967 --> 00:18:13,010
Listen, tonight of all nights,
462
00:18:13,051 --> 00:18:16,013
the last thing I want to think about is my old age.
463
00:18:16,054 --> 00:18:17,139
Well...
464
00:18:20,517 --> 00:18:23,937
Good night, Mr. Fasbinder.
465
00:18:23,979 --> 00:18:25,189
Sorry, Sally.
466
00:18:27,399 --> 00:18:30,527
Looks like I picked on the wrong night.
467
00:18:33,155 --> 00:18:34,573
( SLAMS DOOR )
468
00:18:34,573 --> 00:18:37,201
Oh boy, did he pick the wrong night.
469
00:18:48,253 --> 00:18:51,131
( DOORBELL BUZZES )
470
00:18:56,428 --> 00:18:59,806
I am your fairy godfather come to grant your fondest wish.
471
00:19:01,600 --> 00:19:03,310
Rob! Surprise!
472
00:19:03,352 --> 00:19:04,603
ALL: Surprise!
473
00:19:04,603 --> 00:19:06,271
Happy birthday! There's gonna be a party.
474
00:19:12,486 --> 00:19:14,279
There she is, the birthday girl!
475
00:19:14,279 --> 00:19:15,489
Ta-da!
476
00:19:15,531 --> 00:19:17,533
We brought you some presents.
477
00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:20,035
Presents?
478
00:19:20,077 --> 00:19:22,496
L-l-look at me, I'm all a blubber.
479
00:19:22,538 --> 00:19:24,081
Excuse me.
480
00:19:30,295 --> 00:19:32,923
Rob, she is expecting someone.
481
00:19:32,965 --> 00:19:35,133
Yeah, or was and has been stood up.
482
00:19:35,175 --> 00:19:36,343
How do you know that?
483
00:19:36,385 --> 00:19:39,513
Sally's not the type to cry when you give her a present.
484
00:19:39,555 --> 00:19:41,098
Oh, she usually kids about it,
485
00:19:41,139 --> 00:19:42,850
asks you how much you paid for it.
486
00:19:42,891 --> 00:19:44,309
Yeah, or why didn't you spend more?
487
00:19:46,395 --> 00:19:48,230
She was crying before we got here.
488
00:19:48,272 --> 00:19:49,481
Her eyes were all red.
489
00:19:49,523 --> 00:19:50,649
Oh, poor kid.
490
00:19:50,649 --> 00:19:51,775
Then it's a good thing we came.
491
00:19:51,817 --> 00:19:53,485
Now look, when she comes out, let's all yuck it up.
492
00:19:53,485 --> 00:19:55,529
You know, ha-ha-ha-ha.
493
00:19:55,571 --> 00:19:57,573
There she is. Sorry.
494
00:19:57,614 --> 00:20:00,075
I always cry when I think I'm getting a cold.
495
00:20:00,117 --> 00:20:01,910
Well, listen, before you come down with pneumonia,
496
00:20:01,952 --> 00:20:03,662
here's the plan. Uh, first of all,
497
00:20:03,662 --> 00:20:04,997
the champagne and presents are for later.
498
00:20:05,038 --> 00:20:06,165
We've got dinner reservations.
499
00:20:06,206 --> 00:20:08,375
You get your mink coat, and away we go!
500
00:20:08,417 --> 00:20:11,003
Yeah. Eat, drink, and get your mink.
501
00:20:11,044 --> 00:20:13,672
Come on, eat, drink, and get your mink!
502
00:20:13,672 --> 00:20:16,466
Eat, drink, and get your... Thanks, everybody...
503
00:20:16,508 --> 00:20:19,136
But I-I can't leave.
504
00:20:19,178 --> 00:20:21,388
You see, I-I told Laura on the phone
505
00:20:21,430 --> 00:20:24,183
I-I was expecting someone... For supper--
506
00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:27,352
uh, this old flame of mine from high school.
507
00:20:27,394 --> 00:20:29,938
He should be here any minute,
508
00:20:29,980 --> 00:20:34,234
and uh, I-I'd like to be alone with him to reminisce.
509
00:20:34,276 --> 00:20:35,444
( GIGGLES )
510
00:20:35,485 --> 00:20:37,529
You guys understand, huh?
511
00:20:37,571 --> 00:20:39,990
ROB: Well, sure we do, Sal.
512
00:20:40,032 --> 00:20:42,117
We weren't planning to stay anyway, Sally.
513
00:20:42,159 --> 00:20:44,495
I knew about Mister... Fasbinder.
514
00:20:44,536 --> 00:20:46,288
Yeah, he should be along any minute.
515
00:20:46,330 --> 00:20:48,332
Well, we better go, gang. We have reservations.
516
00:20:48,373 --> 00:20:49,541
Yeah. Come on, let's go.
517
00:20:49,541 --> 00:20:51,126
Hey, happy birthday, Sal.
518
00:20:51,168 --> 00:20:52,252
Have a ball, Sal.
519
00:20:52,294 --> 00:20:53,545
Hey, Sal. By the way, don't eat the birthday cake--
520
00:20:53,545 --> 00:20:55,297
it's just a candleholder.
521
00:20:59,176 --> 00:21:00,552
Happy birthday, Sal.
522
00:21:08,602 --> 00:21:11,188
Yeah, happy birthday.
523
00:21:13,524 --> 00:21:15,901
( CAT MEOWS )
524
00:21:22,407 --> 00:21:24,576
What's the matter? Couldn't you get a date either?
525
00:21:28,539 --> 00:21:30,541
Oh, Henderson.
526
00:21:30,582 --> 00:21:32,960
We only live through this once.
527
00:21:33,001 --> 00:21:36,171
You, you poor cat, you have to go through it nine times.
528
00:21:39,258 --> 00:21:41,510
( DOOR BUZZES )
529
00:21:41,552 --> 00:21:44,513
Oh fellas, come on.
530
00:21:51,103 --> 00:21:52,271
What do you want?
531
00:21:52,312 --> 00:21:54,398
Sally, can I speak to you a moment, please?
532
00:21:54,439 --> 00:21:55,607
Well, maybe I didn't make myself clear.
533
00:21:55,649 --> 00:21:57,526
Now, it's not about insurance.
534
00:21:57,568 --> 00:21:59,653
Well, about what then?
535
00:21:59,695 --> 00:22:01,154
Herbert Hoover High?
536
00:22:02,489 --> 00:22:05,033
Rah, rah, rah.
537
00:22:05,075 --> 00:22:06,410
Sally, I don't think either one of us
538
00:22:06,451 --> 00:22:07,619
made ourselves very clear before.
539
00:22:07,619 --> 00:22:10,330
Can I at least explain?
540
00:22:10,372 --> 00:22:12,291
Well, close the door.
541
00:22:12,291 --> 00:22:13,750
My neighbors get enough news.
542
00:22:17,296 --> 00:22:18,797
Look, Sally. I walked around the block before
543
00:22:18,797 --> 00:22:21,633
to think things over, and I ran into your friends.
544
00:22:21,633 --> 00:22:23,552
They asked if I was Mr. Fasbinder.
545
00:22:23,594 --> 00:22:24,511
I said yes,
546
00:22:24,553 --> 00:22:27,222
and they said you were expecting me for dinner.
547
00:22:27,264 --> 00:22:28,223
I told them no,
548
00:22:28,265 --> 00:22:30,767
that you were expecting a Mr. Diefenphaler.
549
00:22:30,809 --> 00:22:35,063
Oh, my...Diefenphaler. You heard me tell Freddie
550
00:22:35,105 --> 00:22:37,733
on the phone I was having... That's right.
551
00:22:37,774 --> 00:22:41,528
Well, he's just a figment of my warped imagination.
552
00:22:41,570 --> 00:22:44,156
Oh, I'm sorry, Leo.
553
00:22:44,156 --> 00:22:45,657
Come on in.
554
00:22:45,657 --> 00:22:46,658
( CHUCKLES )
555
00:22:46,700 --> 00:22:48,076
Well, wait a minute.
556
00:22:48,118 --> 00:22:50,412
What was all that talk about insurance?
557
00:22:50,454 --> 00:22:51,288
You always talk about insurance
558
00:22:51,330 --> 00:22:53,165
when you get invited to someone's house?
559
00:22:53,165 --> 00:22:54,833
Well, I do, and I'm embarrassed
560
00:22:54,833 --> 00:22:57,044
and I don't know why I was invited.
561
00:22:57,085 --> 00:22:59,421
You didn't know why you were invited?
562
00:22:59,463 --> 00:23:01,507
Didn't I tell you to come for dinner?
563
00:23:01,507 --> 00:23:06,094
Didn't I...didn't tell him to come for dinner.
564
00:23:06,136 --> 00:23:08,222
See Ma, that's one of the reasons.
565
00:23:15,812 --> 00:23:18,273
I'm certainly glad we got that all straightened out.
566
00:23:18,315 --> 00:23:19,775
( CHUCKELS ) So am I.
567
00:23:19,816 --> 00:23:22,444
Oh, little Sally Rogers.
568
00:23:22,486 --> 00:23:26,365
You know, in all these years, you haven't changed a bit!
569
00:23:26,406 --> 00:23:27,866
Well, neither have you.
570
00:23:27,866 --> 00:23:31,161
( CHUCKLES ) Well, what else should we lie about?
571
00:23:33,539 --> 00:23:34,873
You know, as a matter of fact,
572
00:23:34,873 --> 00:23:36,416
I almost didn't look you up at all.
573
00:23:36,458 --> 00:23:37,835
Well, for heaven's sake, why?
574
00:23:37,876 --> 00:23:39,545
I was on your company's list.
575
00:23:39,586 --> 00:23:40,879
Well, I thought naturally by this time,
576
00:23:40,879 --> 00:23:42,840
you must be married or something
577
00:23:42,881 --> 00:23:46,885
Heh, heh, no, I'm not married and nothing.
578
00:23:46,885 --> 00:23:48,554
I-I hope you haven't had your dinner.
579
00:23:48,595 --> 00:23:50,722
Oh, I'm starving! Oh, great.
580
00:23:50,722 --> 00:23:53,517
Do you like boiled octopus?
581
00:23:53,559 --> 00:23:54,768
No.
582
00:23:54,810 --> 00:23:58,480
Good, because we've got baked lasagne.
583
00:23:58,522 --> 00:23:59,690
And in the meantime,
584
00:23:59,731 --> 00:24:01,316
why don't you start on some of these peanuts.
585
00:24:01,358 --> 00:24:02,609
I'd love to. ( SCREAMS )
586
00:24:09,283 --> 00:24:11,410
oh, the same old Sally.
587
00:24:11,410 --> 00:24:13,412
( CHUCKLES )
588
00:24:13,453 --> 00:24:14,872
Same old buddy.
589
00:24:21,920 --> 00:24:24,590
Honey, I'm going to see her in an hour.
590
00:24:24,590 --> 00:24:26,925
She'll tell me about her whole evening with Fasbinder.
591
00:24:26,925 --> 00:24:29,219
I have to know now.
592
00:24:29,261 --> 00:24:30,762
Hello, Sally? Laura.
593
00:24:30,804 --> 00:24:31,847
Well?
594
00:24:31,889 --> 00:24:32,931
Well, just let me tell you,
595
00:24:32,931 --> 00:24:35,601
it was one of the best birthdays I've had in years.
596
00:24:35,642 --> 00:24:37,436
Leo's a wonderful guy.
597
00:24:37,477 --> 00:24:38,604
It's the best birthday she's had in years.
598
00:24:38,645 --> 00:24:39,605
He's a wonderful guy.
599
00:24:39,605 --> 00:24:40,772
Lies, lies.
600
00:24:40,772 --> 00:24:42,274
When is he coming back?
601
00:24:42,274 --> 00:24:44,776
Well, I'm not sure, but I know he'll be back.
602
00:24:44,776 --> 00:24:46,236
She knows he'll be back. Lies, lies, lies.
603
00:24:46,278 --> 00:24:47,487
How do you know he'll be back?
604
00:24:47,529 --> 00:24:48,614
Well, I was terribly charming
605
00:24:48,614 --> 00:24:51,617
and I told him I was interested in more insurance,
606
00:24:51,658 --> 00:24:53,327
and uh, I stole his watch.
607
00:24:54,745 --> 00:24:55,485
( MUSIC PLAYING )42942
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