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[theme music]
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ANNOUNCER: "The Dick Van Dyke Show."
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Starring Dick Van Dyke, Rose Marie, Morey Amsterdam, Larry
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Matthews, and Mary Tyler Moore.
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LAURA: Millie, I thought it out very, very carefully.
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And I know my husband.
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He may be smart and bright, but like all men,
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he can be deceived.
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Well, I couldn't do this to my Jerry without his finding out.
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You ever tried?
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Well I've thought about it.
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But I don't know, I could never go through with it.
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How about you?
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Once, about three years after we were married.
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But Rob suspected something, so I dropped it.
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Millie, I know I can get away with it if you help me.
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Listen, I'll be a regular Liza Bentley.
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LAURA: Who's Liza Bentley?
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Well she was my first best girlfriend.
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I had two steady boyfriends once,
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and she kept my secret even though one of my boyfriends
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was her own brother.
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LAURA: Well this is a little different.
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MILLIE: Yeah, deceiving a husband is much more ticklish.
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If I were you, I'd stop right now.
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LAURA: I can't, it's like an obsession now.
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[thud] - Well, you better--
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Shh, what was that?
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Oh, hi Darling.
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You're home very early, aren't you?
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MILLIE: Hi Rob!
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Millie.
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Well, I was just going.
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Well don't go on my account Mil.
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Well, we were just chatting.
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Well, go ahead and chat.
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I haven't heard girls chat for a long time.
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Chat.
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No, Millie and I will demonstrate our chatting
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technique some other time.
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Goodbye Millie.
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Goodbye Laura.
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Well, it certainly is nice to have you home early.
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Is it?
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Darling, are you all right?
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Yeah, I'm just fine.
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Why do you ask?
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Well, I know it sounds kind of silly,
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but your lips were very cold.
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My lips are regular lip temperature.
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It be your lips are running a fever.
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Rob, are you sure you're all right?
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I mean, did something happen down at the office?
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Yes.
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Something is always happening while I'm down at the office.
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I'm going to lie down for a little while.
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Millie, I think Rob suspects something.
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Well, because he's been acting very strangely ever
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since he got home last night.
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Now I'm beginning to feel sorry I started this whole thing.
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Well no, I can't stop now.
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I wish I could, but I've gone too far with it already.
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Well no, I don't know he knows.
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I just think he knows.
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Yeah, you may be right.
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Might just be my imagination.
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Gee Millie, I hope this is worth it.
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I mean to go through all this deception just
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for a few fleeting moments of excitement.
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I don't know.
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Boy, I tell you, the hardest thing in the world
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is to give a surprise birthday party.
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Why am I doing it?
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Well because Millie, almost anything else I've give him
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would wear out or get thrown away eventually.
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And if I can pull this off, I'll be giving Rob something that'll
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last him a long, long time.
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No Millie, not indigestion.
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Memories.
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All right, shoot me.
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I'm a sentimentalist.
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Yeah.
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Well listen Millie, I better hang up now.
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Rob's liable to pop in any moment.
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Good bye.
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Rob!
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Rob, Darling!
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You'd better hurry if you're going to be at work on time.
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ROB: I'm coming!
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[yawn]
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Oh, boy.
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I must have really been tired last night.
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How are you this morning, honey?
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Fine, how are you?
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Fine, what's for breakfast?
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Well, what's your pleasure?
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Oh, let's see.
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Toast, scrambled, orange juice, cold cereal, and a warm hug.
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Well, here's the warm hug.
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Your juice and coffee are on the table.
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The scrambleds are in preparation.
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Get the cereal yourself please.
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Hey, honey?
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I'd like to apologize for being such poor company last night.
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Yeah, what was the matter with you anyway?
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Oh, nothing.
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Just didn't feel too well.
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I think I had one of those 24 hour things.
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Feel great now.
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Mommy, can I have my hard boiled egg,
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mayonnaise and garlic press?
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Yeah, they're on the table and the mayonnaise is in the bowl.
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But how about a good morning first?
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Oh yeah, good morning first.
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Hard boiled egg, mayonnaise, and a garlic press?
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Yeah, it's real neat.
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Watch, Daddy.
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I am watching.
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Where did you learn this trick?
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In school.
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Our teacher showed us how to do it.
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And I thought you weren't learning anything.
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Want to do one Daddy?
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Oh, yeah.
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I've always enjoyed science and experimentation.
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[inaudible] make chopped eggs.
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Is that what we're making? Chopped eggs?
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Uh huh.
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Here, Daddy, want to taste it?
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Yeah.
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Just for science, anyway.
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That's delicious.
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Honey, hold my scrambled and make them hard boiled.
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It's a little too late dear.
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Maybe tomorrow.
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You like this Daddy?
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I love them, Ritch.
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Good, now I know what to get you for your birthday.
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Chopped eggs.
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My birthday?
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Ritch, Darling, how about some milk?
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I already have some.
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LAURA: Oh, so you have.
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Honey, have I got another birthday coming up here again?
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Why, yes.
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Yes you do, come to think of it.
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ROB: But what day is it?
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Oh, gee, Darling.
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I'm really not sure.
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You have read trickle around Saturday on the calendar.
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It says Rob's birthday.
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Is that what it is?
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I always make these little notes
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and then forget to look at them.
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Thanks for reminding me Ritch.
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Honey, you buy anything for my birthday?
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None of your business.
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Well, if I guess, will you tell me?
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No.
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Planning any kind of a dinner or party or anything?
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Why do you say that?
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Honey, I don't want a cup and a half.
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That only works on television.
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I said are you planning any kind of a dinner or anything for me?
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Well of course I'm planning some kind of a dinner
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for you Darling.
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Don't think I'd let you go hungry on your birthday,
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do you?
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Well, you never have.
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No, well, as a matter of fact, I thought maybe
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we'd three of us have a little cake for lunch,
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and then maybe in the evening we'd call Buddy, and Sally,
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and Billy, and Jerry, and maybe go out to some nice restaurant.
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- Would you like that? - Well, yeah.
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I'd like that even if it wasn't my birthday.
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OK, we'll plan on that then.
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You want me to ask Buddy and Sally?
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No.
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I mean, wouldn't look right for you to invite them, would it?
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Well, I don't know. Why?
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Well it would look like you were
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giving yourself a testimonial.
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Oh, yeah, that's true.
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OK, I'll leave all the details up to you, Honey.
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I'll just pretend like I don't know anything about it.
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If you two don't hurry, you're going
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to be late for work and school.
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Oh, I don't want to be late for school.
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We got a new teacher who hollers.
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Bye Daddy.
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Bye Ritch.
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Bye Mommy.
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LAURA: Bye.
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I better hurry up too.
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I got an old boss who hollers.
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Coffee.
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Bye Honey.
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Millie?
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Rob knows.
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Well, because just now at breakfast,
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he said are you planning some kind of a dinner party for me.
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Oh, that man.
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Why does he have to be so smart?
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Well, I don't see how I can now.
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He knows.
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Oh, that's true.
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He doesn't know what kind of party it's going to be.
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Yeah, well I told him I'd ask you and Jerry,
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and then I'd talk to Buddy and Sally.
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Yeah, well I'll call Buddy and Sally at home now,
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and then I'll call them at the office later when he's there.
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We'll outsmart that smart aleck yet.
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Bye Millie.
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Hello, Sally?
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Laura.
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Listen.
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- You go. - OK.
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Coffee buddy?
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Yeah, I'm on a special hard boiled egg diet.
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Black for you Sal?
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Yeah, and listen, if they have any
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of almond paste sweet rolls with the honey nuts and raisins
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on top, grab one for me.
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Yeah, grab two for me.
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I thought you said you were on a special hard boiled egg diet.
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I am.
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I can eat anything I want as long as I
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eat a hard boiled egg with it.
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That's why it's--
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ALL: A special hard boiled egg diet.
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Hey, don't talk about me while I'm gone.
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Why do you suppose he said that?
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Maybe he just don't want us to talk about him while he's gone.
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Well how'd he know we were going to?
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Are we?
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Didn't Laura call you up this morning at home?
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No, why?
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Well she called me and she said she was going to call
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you right after we hung up.
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Oh, maybe she called right after I ducked out.
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You know, got out in a hurry today.
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My mother-in-law is spending a month with us
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for a couple of days.
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Now did you know that Rob is having a birthday this weekend?
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Seems to me like he just had a birthday about a year ago.
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Same time.
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Most people do.
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Oh yeah?
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So how come you haven't had a birthday since--
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That's because I only announce them once every other year.
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Listen.
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What do you think Laura called for?
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Do you think she's going to give Rob
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a surprise party or something?
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How'd you know?
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Well she wouldn't just call you up to have
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you go buy him a present.
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Well, that's true.
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Ah, she'll never pull it off.
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Oh, why do you say that?
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Well look, I knew right away, and I didn't go to college
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like Rob.
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Yeah, well Laura knows Rob better than you and I,
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and she thinks she can do it.
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And besides, she's got a pretty original plan.
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Yeah, what is it?
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Now look.
268
00:10:30,938 --> 00:10:32,473
Laura's going to call us both here while Rob is with us.
269
00:10:32,573 --> 00:10:34,375
And she's going to invite us to this dinner party.
270
00:10:34,475 --> 00:10:35,109
See?
271
00:10:35,209 --> 00:10:36,444
Oh, and then we accept.
272
00:10:36,544 --> 00:10:37,912
And instead of it being a small dinner party,
273
00:10:38,012 --> 00:10:39,080
is a big surprise party.
274
00:10:39,180 --> 00:10:40,047
Not a bad idea.
275
00:10:40,147 --> 00:10:41,949
Yeah, but that's not it.
276
00:10:42,049 --> 00:10:43,551
What, it's a good idea?
277
00:10:43,651 --> 00:10:44,986
Yeah, well Laura's is better.
278
00:10:45,086 --> 00:10:46,320
Now look.
279
00:10:46,420 --> 00:10:47,855
When she calls us here to invite us, one of us
280
00:10:47,955 --> 00:10:48,856
says we can't make it.
281
00:10:48,956 --> 00:10:50,324
Why?
282
00:10:50,424 --> 00:10:53,094
Because she says Rob suspects it's a surprise party.
283
00:10:53,194 --> 00:10:54,629
But he won't suspect if he knows she
284
00:10:54,729 --> 00:10:56,731
tried to arrange a plain dinner and couldn't
285
00:10:56,831 --> 00:10:57,665
get all the people.
286
00:10:57,765 --> 00:10:58,566
See?
287
00:10:58,666 --> 00:10:59,800
I don't know.
288
00:10:59,901 --> 00:11:01,102
Let me think about it.
289
00:11:01,202 --> 00:11:02,904
You sure this isn't a surprise party for me?
290
00:11:03,004 --> 00:11:03,938
No.
291
00:11:05,840 --> 00:11:06,941
Now look.
292
00:11:07,041 --> 00:11:08,843
When Laura calls, you tell her you can make it,
293
00:11:08,943 --> 00:11:10,878
and I'll say I can't.
294
00:11:10,978 --> 00:11:12,046
I can make it but you can't.
295
00:11:12,146 --> 00:11:13,180
Yeah, good. Right.
296
00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:14,081
Yeah, but wait a minute.
297
00:11:14,181 --> 00:11:15,049
What if you get a call--
298
00:11:15,149 --> 00:11:16,617
OK, come and get it.
299
00:11:16,717 --> 00:11:17,385
Oh.
300
00:11:17,485 --> 00:11:18,753
BUDDY: Oh boy, I'm hungry.
301
00:11:18,853 --> 00:11:21,055
There was only one honey nut roll for Sally.
302
00:11:21,155 --> 00:11:22,690
Oh, thank you Ron.
303
00:11:22,790 --> 00:11:23,858
Yeah, there's yours.
304
00:11:23,958 --> 00:11:25,059
And what do you want?
305
00:11:25,159 --> 00:11:26,194
Do you want a bear claw or a bow tie?
306
00:11:26,294 --> 00:11:27,695
Well, I'd rather have a rabbit's
307
00:11:27,795 --> 00:11:30,865
foot and a pair of pants, but I'll take the bear claw.
308
00:11:30,965 --> 00:11:33,834
Well, what did you guys do while I was gone.
309
00:11:33,935 --> 00:11:34,869
Well, let's see.
310
00:11:34,969 --> 00:11:38,439
I built a steam locomotive.
311
00:11:38,539 --> 00:11:40,274
Sally knitted a tarpaulin for the infield
312
00:11:40,374 --> 00:11:41,776
at the Yankee Stadium.
313
00:11:41,876 --> 00:11:43,911
I was kind of hoping you guys discussed some opening
314
00:11:44,011 --> 00:11:45,246
jokes for this week's show.
315
00:11:45,346 --> 00:11:48,015
You know we only work when we're threatened.
316
00:11:48,115 --> 00:11:49,850
What you have in mind for Alan?
317
00:11:49,951 --> 00:11:51,552
Well I was thinking maybe it would be funny
318
00:11:51,652 --> 00:11:53,788
if Alan told some jokes about how his wife was
319
00:11:53,888 --> 00:11:55,890
trying to plan a surprise party for him,
320
00:11:55,990 --> 00:11:57,391
but he knew all about it.
321
00:11:59,860 --> 00:12:01,662
What-- what made you think of that?
322
00:12:01,762 --> 00:12:03,864
Because Laura is in the process of doing
323
00:12:03,965 --> 00:12:04,966
the same thing right now.
324
00:12:05,066 --> 00:12:06,000
And it's pretty funny.
325
00:12:06,100 --> 00:12:07,435
Yeah, how do you know?
326
00:12:07,535 --> 00:12:09,770
Well, deductive reasoning and knowledge of the way
327
00:12:09,870 --> 00:12:11,205
my wife's mind works.
328
00:12:11,305 --> 00:12:12,640
And a little accidental eavesdropping.
329
00:12:12,740 --> 00:12:13,407
Accidental?
330
00:12:13,507 --> 00:12:14,542
Well, for the most part.
331
00:12:14,642 --> 00:12:15,610
Yeah.
332
00:12:15,710 --> 00:12:17,612
I came home last night and overheard she
333
00:12:17,712 --> 00:12:18,679
and Millie talking about it.
334
00:12:18,779 --> 00:12:19,914
And then I heard her on the phone
335
00:12:20,014 --> 00:12:21,315
this morning talking about it.
336
00:12:21,415 --> 00:12:23,150
Hey, she was going to call you two guys at home.
337
00:12:23,250 --> 00:12:24,352
Did she? - Didn't call me?
338
00:12:24,452 --> 00:12:26,754
Well, she called me and said she'd
339
00:12:26,854 --> 00:12:29,323
like to have a plain dinner like Saturday or Sunday,
340
00:12:29,423 --> 00:12:30,591
and she'd call me right back.
341
00:12:30,691 --> 00:12:32,226
But she didn't say anything about keeping
342
00:12:32,326 --> 00:12:33,160
it a secret from you.
343
00:12:33,261 --> 00:12:34,095
She didn't?
344
00:12:34,195 --> 00:12:35,296
No.
345
00:12:40,601 --> 00:12:42,069
Oh, she's a cute one.
346
00:12:42,169 --> 00:12:43,137
I know just what she's doing.
347
00:12:43,237 --> 00:12:44,772
Well, I'm sure glad you do.
348
00:12:44,872 --> 00:12:45,973
Because I don't.
349
00:12:46,073 --> 00:12:47,975
[phone ringing]
350
00:12:48,075 --> 00:12:48,876
Hello.
351
00:12:48,976 --> 00:12:50,244
Oh, hi Laura!
352
00:12:50,344 --> 00:12:52,179
Yeah, we were just talking about that.
353
00:12:52,279 --> 00:12:55,383
Well, have you decided when you'd like to give the dinner?
354
00:12:55,483 --> 00:12:57,918
Oh, well why not Sunday?
355
00:12:58,019 --> 00:13:00,021
Well it's just that I have these two tickets to a play
356
00:13:00,121 --> 00:13:02,089
Saturday night and the--
357
00:13:02,189 --> 00:13:03,391
no, I can't.
358
00:13:03,491 --> 00:13:04,692
My Aunt Agnes is coming in from Connecticut,
359
00:13:04,792 --> 00:13:06,293
and she's been looking forward to this outing
360
00:13:06,394 --> 00:13:08,295
for a month and a half.
361
00:13:08,396 --> 00:13:10,031
Oh, what a shame.
362
00:13:10,131 --> 00:13:14,468
Well look, can't Millie and Jerry change their appointment?
363
00:13:14,568 --> 00:13:15,803
Well, maybe next year.
364
00:13:15,903 --> 00:13:16,737
Huh?
365
00:13:16,837 --> 00:13:17,538
Yeah, he's here.
366
00:13:17,638 --> 00:13:19,073
Yeah, I'll put him on.
367
00:13:19,173 --> 00:13:20,041
Not you, Smiley.
368
00:13:20,141 --> 00:13:22,977
She wants Buddy.
369
00:13:23,077 --> 00:13:24,245
Hey, hey, I forgot.
370
00:13:24,345 --> 00:13:25,379
What am I supposed to say?
371
00:13:25,479 --> 00:13:26,314
Say yes.
372
00:13:26,414 --> 00:13:27,548
Yes!
373
00:13:31,118 --> 00:13:32,019
Saturday night?
374
00:13:32,119 --> 00:13:33,220
Oh, sure.
375
00:13:33,320 --> 00:13:34,255
There's no reason why Pickles and me
376
00:13:34,355 --> 00:13:35,156
can't be there Saturday night.
377
00:13:35,256 --> 00:13:36,157
Yeah, where?
378
00:13:36,257 --> 00:13:37,058
Yeah.
379
00:13:37,158 --> 00:13:38,426
Yeah.
380
00:13:38,526 --> 00:13:39,927
Hey Laura, Rob is here.
381
00:13:42,363 --> 00:13:44,732
Oh, you knew it, huh?
382
00:13:44,832 --> 00:13:46,534
Rob, somebody wants to talk to you.
383
00:13:46,634 --> 00:13:48,102
Wants to invite you for dinner.
384
00:13:48,202 --> 00:13:49,236
I think.
385
00:13:49,336 --> 00:13:50,237
I think it's your wife.
386
00:13:50,337 --> 00:13:51,839
Oh, my wife!
387
00:13:51,939 --> 00:13:53,274
Is that who you two guys have been talking to all this time?
388
00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:54,208
Yeah.
389
00:13:54,308 --> 00:13:55,476
Hi Honey.
390
00:13:55,576 --> 00:13:56,477
Yeah, I heard that.
391
00:13:56,577 --> 00:13:57,945
It's a shame Sal can't come.
392
00:13:58,045 --> 00:14:00,247
Well, we'll just suffer along with three couples then,
393
00:14:00,348 --> 00:14:01,248
I guess.
394
00:14:01,348 --> 00:14:02,283
Mel?
395
00:14:02,383 --> 00:14:03,951
I don't know, did you ask him?
396
00:14:04,051 --> 00:14:05,786
Oh, you want me to ask him?
397
00:14:05,886 --> 00:14:06,821
Sure.
398
00:14:06,921 --> 00:14:08,089
Saturday night.
399
00:14:08,189 --> 00:14:09,790
OK. Yeah, no.
400
00:14:09,890 --> 00:14:10,491
I won't forget.
401
00:14:10,591 --> 00:14:11,759
I'll ask Mel.
402
00:14:11,859 --> 00:14:14,061
OK, goodbye.
403
00:14:14,161 --> 00:14:16,297
Still think Laura is planning a surprise party?
404
00:14:16,397 --> 00:14:17,631
Oh, isn't she?
405
00:14:17,732 --> 00:14:19,867
Rob, if she were planning a surprise party,
406
00:14:19,967 --> 00:14:21,969
she certainly wouldn't let you hear her inviting everybody.
407
00:14:22,069 --> 00:14:24,004
Yeah, and she wouldn't have you inviting Mel.
408
00:14:24,105 --> 00:14:26,207
No, that's just exactly what she would do.
409
00:14:26,307 --> 00:14:27,808
You see, what she's doing in chess
410
00:14:27,908 --> 00:14:29,477
is called the double reverse half
411
00:14:29,577 --> 00:14:32,513
truth check your mate gambit.
412
00:14:32,613 --> 00:14:34,448
I'm going to play right along with her and let her check
413
00:14:34,548 --> 00:14:35,583
her mate. That's all.
414
00:14:35,683 --> 00:14:38,853
Well, you may be right Sebastian.
415
00:14:38,953 --> 00:14:40,488
But I think she's employing the old
416
00:14:40,588 --> 00:14:42,056
I tried to give him a surprise party
417
00:14:42,156 --> 00:14:44,792
but the rat found out about it, so I changed my plans bit.
418
00:14:44,892 --> 00:14:46,527
I don't know which one you guys is right,
419
00:14:46,627 --> 00:14:50,898
but there's a free meal in there some place, and I'm going.
420
00:14:50,998 --> 00:14:51,999
Marge?
421
00:14:52,099 --> 00:14:53,968
Would you please ask Mr. Coolidge to step in here
422
00:14:54,068 --> 00:14:54,902
for just a moment Please?
423
00:14:55,002 --> 00:14:56,003
Oh, this is going to be a thrill.
424
00:14:56,103 --> 00:14:57,805
ROB: Thank you.
425
00:14:57,905 --> 00:14:59,140
Yeah.
426
00:14:59,240 --> 00:15:02,209
If my thinking is correct, when I invite Mel to the party
427
00:15:02,309 --> 00:15:06,413
he will either accept or decline.
428
00:15:06,514 --> 00:15:07,848
Brilliant deduction.
429
00:15:07,948 --> 00:15:10,785
Depending on what my wife instructed him to say.
430
00:15:10,885 --> 00:15:12,953
Now she instructed you to say yes, didn't she?
431
00:15:13,053 --> 00:15:13,888
No.
432
00:15:13,988 --> 00:15:14,889
Sally did.
433
00:15:18,459 --> 00:15:19,827
Rob.
434
00:15:19,927 --> 00:15:21,796
Do you think that Laura arranged for me and Aunt Agnes
435
00:15:21,896 --> 00:15:23,364
to go see a play that night.
436
00:15:23,464 --> 00:15:25,299
Oh, you guys are doing a good job.
437
00:15:25,399 --> 00:15:26,867
Keep it up.
438
00:15:26,967 --> 00:15:30,271
Now, if my guess is correct, Mel has been instructed by Laura
439
00:15:30,371 --> 00:15:32,006
to say that he can't make it.
440
00:15:32,106 --> 00:15:32,940
Yeah.
441
00:15:33,040 --> 00:15:34,308
Why?
442
00:15:34,408 --> 00:15:35,876
Well because only two couples have accepted to the party.
443
00:15:35,976 --> 00:15:37,244
See?
444
00:15:37,344 --> 00:15:38,779
That will make it seem much more like just a casual dinner
445
00:15:38,879 --> 00:15:40,114
than a big surprise party.
446
00:15:40,214 --> 00:15:42,082
Oh, thank you, Sherlock Holmes.
447
00:15:42,183 --> 00:15:44,151
Now what do you think Mel is going to use for an excuse?
448
00:15:44,251 --> 00:15:46,720
Well, something completely irreversible like two expensive
449
00:15:46,821 --> 00:15:49,089
tickets to a Broadway show, or maybe a command
450
00:15:49,190 --> 00:15:50,691
dinner party at Alan Brady's.
451
00:15:50,791 --> 00:15:52,092
Do you want to see me Rob?
452
00:15:52,193 --> 00:15:53,494
I've only got a second.
453
00:15:53,594 --> 00:15:55,496
A second with you is like a year with an ugly mob.
454
00:15:58,132 --> 00:16:01,001
Mel.
455
00:16:01,101 --> 00:16:02,803
I just wanted to ask you if you and your wife
456
00:16:02,903 --> 00:16:05,005
could come to our house for a dinner party on Saturday night.
457
00:16:05,105 --> 00:16:06,207
Sure, we'd love to.
458
00:16:06,307 --> 00:16:07,942
SALLY: Well, there you [inaudible]
459
00:16:08,042 --> 00:16:11,111
There goes your double reverse checkmate Sebastian.
460
00:16:11,212 --> 00:16:12,546
You mean you can join us?
461
00:16:12,646 --> 00:16:14,415
Well sure.
462
00:16:14,515 --> 00:16:16,717
Oh, I hope you don't mean this Saturday.
463
00:16:16,817 --> 00:16:18,719
Why, you have something planned
464
00:16:18,819 --> 00:16:19,887
for this Saturday night, huh?
465
00:16:19,987 --> 00:16:20,888
Oh yes.
466
00:16:20,988 --> 00:16:22,089
Alan Brady is expecting us for dinner.
467
00:16:22,189 --> 00:16:23,257
Oh, yeah.
468
00:16:23,357 --> 00:16:24,158
Well can't you-- could you make off?
469
00:16:24,258 --> 00:16:25,492
Oh, I'd love to Rob.
470
00:16:25,593 --> 00:16:27,228
But he wants to go to the concert afterward.
471
00:16:27,328 --> 00:16:29,663
He used both excuses.
472
00:16:29,763 --> 00:16:31,432
Well it's all right Mel.
473
00:16:31,532 --> 00:16:32,633
I understand perfectly.
474
00:16:32,733 --> 00:16:34,068
What's the occasion?
475
00:16:34,168 --> 00:16:35,169
Oh, it's my wife.
476
00:16:35,269 --> 00:16:36,470
She thinks my birthday should be celebrated
477
00:16:36,570 --> 00:16:37,538
like a national holiday.
478
00:16:37,638 --> 00:16:39,707
Your birthday?
479
00:16:39,807 --> 00:16:41,108
Oh, what a shame.
480
00:16:41,208 --> 00:16:42,743
Gee, I'd love to be there.
481
00:16:42,843 --> 00:16:44,111
Well it's all right, Mel.
482
00:16:44,211 --> 00:16:45,279
I'll tell you what.
483
00:16:45,379 --> 00:16:46,780
If your plans change and you want
484
00:16:46,881 --> 00:16:47,781
to come at the last minute, you're perfectly welcome.
485
00:16:47,882 --> 00:16:49,383
Oh, fine. Thanks Rob.
486
00:16:49,483 --> 00:16:50,684
Well, I've got to run now. - OK.
487
00:16:50,784 --> 00:16:52,620
That's the best news since Armistice Day.
488
00:16:56,991 --> 00:16:59,793
Well kids, have I got my wife figured out, or haven't I?
489
00:16:59,894 --> 00:17:01,529
Well, it sure looks like you do.
490
00:17:01,629 --> 00:17:03,097
Hey, would you explain it to me?
491
00:17:03,197 --> 00:17:05,699
Only slowly, so I'll know if I'm supposed to yell surprise.
492
00:17:05,799 --> 00:17:07,735
Yeah, you are supposed to yell surprise.
493
00:17:07,835 --> 00:17:09,770
See, everybody who has said they can't make it to my house
494
00:17:09,870 --> 00:17:12,206
Saturday night is going to make it to my house Saturday night.
495
00:17:12,306 --> 00:17:13,107
Right Sal?
496
00:17:13,207 --> 00:17:15,075
Rob, look.
497
00:17:15,175 --> 00:17:16,410
See these two tickets?
498
00:17:16,510 --> 00:17:17,544
Eighth row center.
499
00:17:17,645 --> 00:17:18,712
And come Saturday night, I'm going
500
00:17:18,812 --> 00:17:19,880
to be sitting in one of them.
501
00:17:19,980 --> 00:17:21,215
Surprised!
502
00:17:21,315 --> 00:17:23,183
Look, are you sure those don't belong to your Aunt Agnes?
503
00:17:23,284 --> 00:17:24,351
Both of them?
504
00:17:24,451 --> 00:17:25,452
Rob, my Aunt Agnes has more trouble
505
00:17:25,553 --> 00:17:27,521
getting a date than I have.
506
00:17:27,621 --> 00:17:29,156
I don't believe any of you guys.
507
00:17:29,256 --> 00:17:31,125
I got a surprise party coming Saturday night.
508
00:17:31,225 --> 00:17:33,127
I know it, you know it, we all know it.
509
00:17:33,227 --> 00:17:34,595
So let's not spend any more time on it.
510
00:17:34,695 --> 00:17:35,496
Shall we?
511
00:17:35,596 --> 00:17:36,530
Oh, by the way.
512
00:17:36,630 --> 00:17:37,831
One thing I would appreciate.
513
00:17:37,932 --> 00:17:39,099
Don't tell Laura that I know all about it.
514
00:17:39,199 --> 00:17:40,668
I don't know what you're talking about.
515
00:17:40,768 --> 00:17:43,571
Neither do I. All right, we won't tell Laura.
516
00:17:43,671 --> 00:17:44,939
Now what are you going to do for us?
517
00:17:45,039 --> 00:17:46,974
All right, when you jump out and say surprise,
518
00:17:47,074 --> 00:17:48,943
I will react and be probably surprised.
519
00:17:49,043 --> 00:17:49,977
OK?
520
00:18:01,355 --> 00:18:02,856
Happy birthday, Darling.
521
00:18:02,957 --> 00:18:03,791
What?
522
00:18:03,891 --> 00:18:04,725
Huh?
523
00:18:04,825 --> 00:18:06,060
I said happy birthday, Darling.
524
00:18:06,160 --> 00:18:08,529
And here is the second in a series of surprises
525
00:18:08,629 --> 00:18:09,663
I have prepared for you.
526
00:18:09,763 --> 00:18:11,432
Oh, thank you, Honey.
527
00:18:11,532 --> 00:18:13,000
This is just what I needed.
528
00:18:15,469 --> 00:18:18,539
Hey, no pith, no pits, no peel.
529
00:18:18,639 --> 00:18:20,240
Did you run this through a garlic press?
530
00:18:20,341 --> 00:18:21,408
How'd you guess?
531
00:18:21,508 --> 00:18:22,610
That's what I thought.
532
00:18:22,710 --> 00:18:24,244
You know how good I am at guessing.
533
00:18:24,345 --> 00:18:25,746
Yeah.
534
00:18:25,846 --> 00:18:27,414
You said second in a series of surprises.
535
00:18:27,514 --> 00:18:28,315
LAURA: Mhmm.
536
00:18:28,415 --> 00:18:29,350
What's the first one?
537
00:18:29,450 --> 00:18:30,918
You got it.
538
00:18:31,018 --> 00:18:32,820
It's Saturday morning, and I let you sleep two extra hours.
539
00:18:32,920 --> 00:18:34,121
See?
540
00:18:34,221 --> 00:18:35,489
Ritchie's been bothering to come in all morning long.
541
00:18:35,589 --> 00:18:36,490
Where is he?
542
00:18:36,590 --> 00:18:37,691
He's with Millie and Jerry.
543
00:18:37,791 --> 00:18:39,660
They have custody of him until noon.
544
00:18:39,760 --> 00:18:42,997
How about the third in a series of surprises?
545
00:18:43,097 --> 00:18:43,731
Thank you.
546
00:18:43,831 --> 00:18:45,332
You're welcome.
547
00:18:45,432 --> 00:18:47,935
Now sire, what do you desire for your royal birthday breakfast?
548
00:18:48,035 --> 00:18:50,537
Name it your majesty, and it is but yours.
549
00:18:50,638 --> 00:18:53,340
I shall have lox and bagels.
550
00:18:53,440 --> 00:18:55,209
Oh, with fresh cream cheese?
551
00:18:55,309 --> 00:18:56,143
[phone ringing]
552
00:18:56,243 --> 00:18:57,211
ROB: I'll get it, Honey.
553
00:18:57,311 --> 00:18:58,145
Uh, no!
554
00:18:58,245 --> 00:18:59,079
Darling, don't do that!
555
00:18:59,179 --> 00:19:00,381
I'll get it!
556
00:19:00,481 --> 00:19:02,516
You go wash your royal face and brush your royal teeth
557
00:19:02,616 --> 00:19:03,450
your majesty.
558
00:19:03,550 --> 00:19:04,618
And hop to it please.
559
00:19:04,718 --> 00:19:06,420
Your wish is my command, grace baby.
560
00:19:10,190 --> 00:19:11,458
Hello?
561
00:19:11,558 --> 00:19:13,994
Oh, hi Sally.
562
00:19:14,094 --> 00:19:16,463
You can't come to the party?
563
00:19:16,563 --> 00:19:18,465
Oh.
564
00:19:18,565 --> 00:19:21,802
You mean you really can't make it?
565
00:19:21,902 --> 00:19:26,607
You mean you really, really can't make it?
566
00:19:26,707 --> 00:19:28,409
Oh, Sally.
567
00:19:28,509 --> 00:19:30,911
Look, I know I must sound awfully mean asking you to come
568
00:19:31,011 --> 00:19:32,479
all the way up here with a runny nose,
569
00:19:32,579 --> 00:19:36,684
but gee, it's not going to be much of a party without you.
570
00:19:36,784 --> 00:19:39,853
Well so far only Millie and Jerry.
571
00:19:39,953 --> 00:19:42,256
No, Joe and Sadie have a bar mitzvah tonight.
572
00:19:44,558 --> 00:19:47,594
Well, Mel said he'd try to make it up after the concert.
573
00:19:47,695 --> 00:19:50,931
But we need people to yell surprise.
574
00:19:51,031 --> 00:19:52,232
Well.
575
00:19:52,332 --> 00:19:53,634
OK.
576
00:19:53,734 --> 00:19:56,236
Listen, Sally, if you're feeling any better by this afternoon,
577
00:19:56,336 --> 00:19:58,439
will you call me please?
578
00:19:58,539 --> 00:19:59,406
OK.
579
00:19:59,506 --> 00:20:00,407
Bye bye.
580
00:20:02,776 --> 00:20:09,850
[grunting]
581
00:20:09,950 --> 00:20:12,486
Who was that, Honey?
582
00:20:12,586 --> 00:20:13,754
Sally.
583
00:20:13,854 --> 00:20:16,390
What'd she want?
584
00:20:16,490 --> 00:20:17,891
Oh, Rob.
585
00:20:17,991 --> 00:20:19,326
Sally has a cold!
586
00:20:19,426 --> 00:20:20,294
What?
587
00:20:20,394 --> 00:20:23,130
I said Sally has a cold!
588
00:20:23,230 --> 00:20:25,065
Honey!
589
00:20:25,165 --> 00:20:25,799
Don't cry.
590
00:20:25,899 --> 00:20:26,967
Sally's a big girl.
591
00:20:27,067 --> 00:20:28,168
She'll beat that cold.
592
00:20:28,268 --> 00:20:30,471
No Rob, you just don't understand.
593
00:20:30,571 --> 00:20:31,572
I think I do, Honey.
594
00:20:31,672 --> 00:20:32,539
No, you don't.
595
00:20:32,639 --> 00:20:33,874
Honey, believe me, I do.
596
00:20:33,974 --> 00:20:36,310
No, you don't!
597
00:20:36,410 --> 00:20:37,311
Honey.
598
00:20:37,411 --> 00:20:39,046
Oh, Rob, do you know what I have gone
599
00:20:39,146 --> 00:20:41,248
through in the last few days?
600
00:20:41,348 --> 00:20:45,953
I have worked, and arranged, and called, and I don't know what.
601
00:20:46,053 --> 00:20:49,590
Just to give you a surprise birthday party.
602
00:20:49,690 --> 00:20:51,358
And everything fell through.
603
00:20:51,458 --> 00:20:55,095
Now you have to have a plain old stupid dinner party.
604
00:20:55,195 --> 00:20:56,330
Honey.
605
00:20:56,430 --> 00:20:57,664
Honey, don't cry.
606
00:20:57,764 --> 00:20:59,233
Why shouldn't I cry?
607
00:20:59,333 --> 00:21:02,436
I have a perfectly honest and good reason to cry,
608
00:21:02,536 --> 00:21:03,604
and I'm going to cry.
609
00:21:03,704 --> 00:21:04,538
?
610
00:21:04,638 --> 00:21:05,873
Oh, Honey.
611
00:21:05,973 --> 00:21:07,007
Honey, look.
612
00:21:07,107 --> 00:21:08,809
If it'll make you feel any better,
613
00:21:08,909 --> 00:21:12,212
I'm glad that the surprise part of it fell out.
614
00:21:12,312 --> 00:21:13,614
Why?
615
00:21:13,714 --> 00:21:16,450
Because Honey, I just couldn't have look properly surprised.
616
00:21:16,550 --> 00:21:17,751
That's all.
617
00:21:17,851 --> 00:21:20,320
I've known what your plans were since Monday.
618
00:21:20,420 --> 00:21:21,889
Oh, you couldn't have.
619
00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:23,056
Not really, no.
620
00:21:23,157 --> 00:21:25,225
Believe me, Honey, I did.
621
00:21:25,325 --> 00:21:26,426
How could you?
622
00:21:26,527 --> 00:21:27,794
I just did, Honey.
623
00:21:27,895 --> 00:21:28,829
What's the difference?
624
00:21:28,929 --> 00:21:30,697
Ask Buddy and Sally if I didn't.
625
00:21:30,797 --> 00:21:32,666
You knew everything?
626
00:21:32,766 --> 00:21:33,867
Yes, Honey.
627
00:21:33,967 --> 00:21:35,435
I knew everything.
628
00:21:35,536 --> 00:21:37,171
I've lived with you long enough to know how that little mind
629
00:21:37,271 --> 00:21:38,472
of yours works.
630
00:21:38,572 --> 00:21:42,810
You only knew what I wanted you to know.
631
00:21:42,910 --> 00:21:44,778
And how's that?
632
00:21:44,878 --> 00:21:47,581
Well I let you know I was planning
633
00:21:47,681 --> 00:21:49,082
a surprise birthday party.
634
00:21:49,183 --> 00:21:52,352
And my idea was to make it look like no one could come
635
00:21:52,452 --> 00:21:54,888
and then we'd go to a restaurant and have dinner.
636
00:21:54,988 --> 00:21:56,490
That's right and everybody would
637
00:21:56,590 --> 00:21:58,659
come to the restaurant at the dinner party and yell surprise.
638
00:21:58,759 --> 00:22:00,060
Honey, I hate to tell you, but I knew
639
00:22:00,160 --> 00:22:01,461
that was your plan all along.
640
00:22:01,562 --> 00:22:03,363
You're just saying that.
641
00:22:03,463 --> 00:22:04,598
No Honey, honest.
642
00:22:04,698 --> 00:22:05,732
And look.
643
00:22:05,832 --> 00:22:07,067
I want you to know that I'm just as
644
00:22:07,167 --> 00:22:09,036
appreciative and touched this way, maybe more,
645
00:22:09,136 --> 00:22:10,871
than if it had worked out.
646
00:22:10,971 --> 00:22:13,440
Thank you, Honey.
647
00:22:13,540 --> 00:22:14,474
You're welcome.
648
00:22:17,344 --> 00:22:19,179
Boy, Rob.
649
00:22:19,279 --> 00:22:20,848
You just wait till next year.
650
00:22:20,948 --> 00:22:22,382
I'll surprise you on your birthday
651
00:22:22,482 --> 00:22:27,454
if I have to do it three months early.
652
00:22:27,554 --> 00:22:29,790
No, not three months early.
653
00:22:29,890 --> 00:22:30,824
Three months late.
654
00:22:30,924 --> 00:22:32,392
And that way you'd never guess.
655
00:22:32,492 --> 00:22:34,027
Why don't you just skip a year and then
656
00:22:34,127 --> 00:22:35,495
I'll forget my birthday?
657
00:22:35,596 --> 00:22:39,833
Or maybe I'll give you a surprise party right now.
658
00:22:39,933 --> 00:22:41,034
ALL: Surprise!
659
00:23:00,854 --> 00:23:02,389
Open my present first.
660
00:23:02,489 --> 00:23:04,224
That's a surprise and it's part of a surprise.
661
00:23:04,324 --> 00:23:05,525
The present.
662
00:23:05,626 --> 00:23:07,594
But listen, nothing more can surprise me after that.
663
00:23:07,694 --> 00:23:09,429
This is probably a tie, right?
664
00:23:09,529 --> 00:23:10,330
Just open it.
665
00:23:10,430 --> 00:23:12,232
What's this?
666
00:23:12,332 --> 00:23:15,969
A chauffeured limousine round trip ride from New Rochelle
667
00:23:16,069 --> 00:23:17,337
to New York?
668
00:23:17,437 --> 00:23:18,639
Hey, thanks Buddy.
669
00:23:18,739 --> 00:23:19,606
It's what I've always wanted.
670
00:23:19,706 --> 00:23:20,574
Good.
671
00:23:20,674 --> 00:23:21,575
Here, open this one next.
672
00:23:21,675 --> 00:23:22,743
Boy, is that heavy.
673
00:23:22,843 --> 00:23:24,678
What's that?
674
00:23:24,778 --> 00:23:27,381
A roll of quarters.
675
00:23:27,481 --> 00:23:28,582
What is it?
676
00:23:28,682 --> 00:23:32,252
Change for the West Side Highway for the tollbooth.
677
00:23:32,352 --> 00:23:33,487
Thank you.
678
00:23:33,587 --> 00:23:34,921
I never have any change when I want it Jerry and Mil.
679
00:23:35,022 --> 00:23:35,989
I wish it could have been more.
680
00:23:36,089 --> 00:23:38,759
Yeah, so do I.
681
00:23:38,859 --> 00:23:39,993
Keep going, keep going.
682
00:23:40,093 --> 00:23:41,228
Here it is. This is the tie.
683
00:23:41,328 --> 00:23:42,729
Yeah, that's the tie. Go ahead.
684
00:23:42,829 --> 00:23:43,664
OK. What's this?
685
00:23:43,764 --> 00:23:44,731
Two tickets?
686
00:23:44,831 --> 00:23:46,667
To the biggest hit on Broadway.
687
00:23:46,767 --> 00:23:48,035
Eighth row center.
688
00:23:48,135 --> 00:23:49,336
I thought these belonged to your Aunt Agnes.
689
00:23:49,436 --> 00:23:51,004
So I lied.
690
00:23:51,104 --> 00:23:53,940
Did you ever organize this right?
691
00:23:54,041 --> 00:23:55,375
How do you like that?
692
00:23:55,475 --> 00:23:57,311
A round trip chauffeured limousine from New Rochelle
693
00:23:57,411 --> 00:24:01,114
to New York and back, money for the tollbooth,
694
00:24:01,214 --> 00:24:03,250
and two tickets to a hit show.
695
00:24:03,350 --> 00:24:04,618
Wait a minute! Wait a minute!
696
00:24:04,718 --> 00:24:05,786
Wait a minute! One more.
697
00:24:05,886 --> 00:24:07,454
Oh, why thank you, Mel.
698
00:24:07,554 --> 00:24:08,722
What is-- Oh.
699
00:24:08,822 --> 00:24:09,656
Oh.
700
00:24:09,756 --> 00:24:11,625
Oh.
701
00:24:11,725 --> 00:24:12,526
I know.
702
00:24:12,626 --> 00:24:13,460
For my date.
703
00:24:13,560 --> 00:24:14,728
Thank you.
704
00:24:14,828 --> 00:24:15,662
Oh boy.
705
00:24:15,762 --> 00:24:16,930
Hey.
706
00:24:17,030 --> 00:24:18,432
Would you guys do one more thing for me?
707
00:24:18,532 --> 00:24:19,333
Sure.
708
00:24:19,433 --> 00:24:20,267
What?
709
00:24:20,367 --> 00:24:22,369
Sing For He's a Jolly Good Fellow.
710
00:24:22,469 --> 00:24:25,238
ALL (SINGING): For he's a jolly good fellow!
711
00:24:25,339 --> 00:24:26,974
For he's a jolly good fellow!
712
00:24:27,074 --> 00:24:30,711
For he's a jolly good fellow!
713
00:24:30,811 --> 00:24:33,380
Which nobody can deny!
48674
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