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1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,534
( harmonica wails )
2
00:00:05,534 --> 00:00:08,868
( theme music playing )
3
00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:12,074
Subtitles downloaded from www.OpenSubtitles.org
4
00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:45,434
( laughing )
5
00:00:54,968 --> 00:00:56,300
STRIKE!
6
00:00:56,300 --> 00:00:57,801
TOO HIGH.
7
00:00:57,801 --> 00:00:59,534
THAT'S 'CAUSE
YOU'RE A MIDGET.
8
00:00:59,534 --> 00:01:03,000
COME ON, DARLENE.
BEAR DOWN, BEAR DOWN.
9
00:01:04,067 --> 00:01:06,367
STRIKE TWO!
10
00:01:07,434 --> 00:01:08,834
TOO LOW.
11
00:01:08,834 --> 00:01:10,467
LOW! LOW?!
ARE YOU BLIND?
12
00:01:10,467 --> 00:01:12,734
ARE YOU DRUNK?
ARE YOU CRAZY?
13
00:01:12,734 --> 00:01:15,167
GET YOUR POPCORN!
GET YOUR PEANUTS!
14
00:01:15,167 --> 00:01:17,367
GET YOUR BUTT OVER HERE
15
00:01:17,367 --> 00:01:20,434
AND HELP ME WITH
THESE DAMN BAGS.
16
00:01:20,434 --> 00:01:23,767
BABE, YOUR DAUGHTER'S ON
HER WAY TO THE HALL OF FAME.
17
00:01:23,767 --> 00:01:25,601
WELL, ON YOUR WAY
TO COOPERSTOWN
18
00:01:25,601 --> 00:01:27,601
DROP THEM OFF
IN THE KITCHEN.
19
00:01:27,601 --> 00:01:31,434
MOM, DO YOU THINK BOOBS
WILL AFFECT MY PITCHING?
20
00:01:31,434 --> 00:01:33,267
NOT THIS SEASON.
21
00:01:38,033 --> 00:01:39,734
AHH...
22
00:01:39,734 --> 00:01:41,801
GREAT TO BE ALIVE,
ISN'T IT?
23
00:01:41,801 --> 00:01:44,701
WELL, I WOULDN'T KNOW.
24
00:01:46,100 --> 00:01:48,300
I JUST SPENT TWO HOURS
IN A SUPERMARKET
25
00:01:48,300 --> 00:01:51,033
WITH ONE OF THEM CARTS THAT
ONLY MAKES LEFT-HAND TURNS.
26
00:01:51,033 --> 00:01:54,400
WELL, THIS OUGHTA
STRAIGHTEN YOU OUT.
27
00:01:57,767 --> 00:01:59,567
FEEL BETTER?
28
00:01:59,567 --> 00:02:02,267
WELL, IT WASN'T AS GOOD
AS THE CHECK-OUT BOY, BUT IT'LL DO.
29
00:02:03,801 --> 00:02:06,133
OKAY, JOHNNY. SEE YOU
TOMORROW NIGHT AT 9:00.
30
00:02:06,133 --> 00:02:08,801
YEAH, JOHNNY,
TOMORROW AT 9:00.
31
00:02:10,167 --> 00:02:12,300
( door closing )
32
00:02:12,300 --> 00:02:14,367
Becky: HI, MOM.HI, DAD.
33
00:02:14,367 --> 00:02:15,534
WHAT'D YOU DO?
34
00:02:15,534 --> 00:02:17,334
CAN'T A GIRL
SAY HI TO HER PARENTS
35
00:02:17,334 --> 00:02:19,033
WITHOUT BEING TREATED
LIKE A SUSPECT?
36
00:02:19,033 --> 00:02:20,868
NO.
37
00:02:20,868 --> 00:02:23,067
WINE? CANDLES?
38
00:02:23,067 --> 00:02:26,901
YOU CHEATED!
YOU READ THE LABELS.
39
00:02:28,300 --> 00:02:31,400
ALL RIGHT, BUB.
YOU MUST WANT SOMETHING.
40
00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:33,501
I WANT YOU TO PUT
A LEAF IN HERE
41
00:02:33,501 --> 00:02:35,434
'CAUSE WE'RE HAVING COMPANY
FRIDAY NIGHT.
42
00:02:40,300 --> 00:02:42,968
'CAUSE I RAN INTO CHIP'S MOM
IN THE SUPERMARKET,
43
00:02:42,968 --> 00:02:45,167
AND SHE PUTS A GUN
TO MY HEAD,
44
00:02:45,167 --> 00:02:47,434
SO I INVITED 'EM.
45
00:02:47,434 --> 00:02:49,100
BECK, YOU'VE BEEN
SQUAWKING FOR MONTHS
46
00:02:49,100 --> 00:02:51,334
FOR US TO HAVE THEM OVER.
YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY.
47
00:02:51,334 --> 00:02:52,734
I AM HAPPY.
48
00:02:52,734 --> 00:02:54,167
SO WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?
49
00:02:54,167 --> 00:02:57,167
NOTHING. I JUST HAVE
A LOT OF STUDYING TO DO.
50
00:02:57,167 --> 00:02:59,467
- ON FRIDAY NIGHT?
- YES, ON FRIDAY NIGHT.
51
00:02:59,467 --> 00:03:02,467
( French accent )
THAT'S OUR BUSIEST NIGHT.
52
00:03:05,133 --> 00:03:07,501
- WHAT'S THAT?
- WHAT?
53
00:03:07,501 --> 00:03:10,767
THAT LIGHTNING BOLT YOU GOT
HANGING OFF YOUR FACE.
54
00:03:10,767 --> 00:03:12,601
WHAT'D YOU DO,
PIERCE YOUR EAR AGAIN?
55
00:03:12,601 --> 00:03:14,267
YEAH.
56
00:03:14,267 --> 00:03:16,400
HOW MANY HOLES IN YOUR HEAD
DOES IT TAKE
57
00:03:16,400 --> 00:03:18,801
TO BE ACCEPTED THESE DAYS?
58
00:03:18,801 --> 00:03:20,567
SIX.
59
00:03:20,567 --> 00:03:22,067
WELL, THREE MORE
AND I'LL USE YOU
60
00:03:22,067 --> 00:03:23,834
TO DRAIN MY SPAGHETTI.
61
00:03:32,267 --> 00:03:36,167
DO I HAVE TO GET DRESSED UP
FOR THIS BORING DINNER?
62
00:03:36,167 --> 00:03:39,534
NO, WE'RE ALL DINING NAKED.
63
00:03:39,534 --> 00:03:42,467
AGAIN?
64
00:03:42,467 --> 00:03:46,100
HEY, I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA
CLEAR THIS TABLE OFF FOR ME.
65
00:03:46,100 --> 00:03:48,133
OH, I'M SORRY, HONEY.
I WAS JUST GOOFING AROUND
66
00:03:48,133 --> 00:03:51,300
COOKING DINNER FOR EIGHT.
67
00:03:52,467 --> 00:03:54,868
SIS, ARE YOU SURE
YOU WON'T STAY?
68
00:03:54,868 --> 00:03:56,767
NO, I'VE GOT A DATE
WITH BOOKER.
69
00:03:56,767 --> 00:03:59,000
- WELL, BRING HIM.
- NO WAY!
70
00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,801
I FINALLY GOT HIM TO
TAKE ME TO A RESTAURANT
71
00:04:00,801 --> 00:04:04,400
THAT DOESN'T HAVE
NAPKIN DISPENSERS.
72
00:04:04,400 --> 00:04:06,300
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
WITH THAT?
73
00:04:06,300 --> 00:04:07,868
I'M MARINATING
THE SWORDFISH.
74
00:04:07,868 --> 00:04:09,767
YUPPIES MARINATE EVERYTHING.
75
00:04:09,767 --> 00:04:12,534
THEN I GUESS BONNIE AND EDGAR
OUGHT TO LOVE IT.
76
00:04:12,534 --> 00:04:14,701
EDGAR. CHIP'S FATHER'S
NAME IS EDGAR?
77
00:04:14,701 --> 00:04:15,934
YEAH.
78
00:04:15,934 --> 00:04:17,601
I DON'T BELIEVE
I'VE EVER SUPPED
79
00:04:17,601 --> 00:04:19,667
WITH AN EDGAR BEFORE.
80
00:04:20,901 --> 00:04:23,234
WELL, IT'S THE LEAST
WE CAN DO.
81
00:04:23,234 --> 00:04:25,400
THEY'VE TAKEN BECKY OUT
A MILLION TIMES,
82
00:04:25,400 --> 00:04:27,634
AND TO SOME
REALLY NICE PLACES.
83
00:04:27,634 --> 00:04:29,667
SO YOU'RE SQUARING THE DEAL
BY SERVING THEM
84
00:04:29,667 --> 00:04:32,000
MY FAMOUS
MARINATED SWORDFISH.
85
00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:33,701
WELL, YOU NEVER KNOW, SIS.
86
00:04:33,701 --> 00:04:36,400
BONNIE AND EDGAR
COULD BE FAMILY SOMEDAY.
87
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,334
ROSEANNE, CHIP AND BECKY
ARE ONLY IN THE EIGHTH GRADE.
88
00:04:39,334 --> 00:04:41,467
WELL, THEY'VE BEEN
GOING TOGETHER SIX MONTHS.
89
00:04:41,467 --> 00:04:43,901
THAT'S-- THAT'S
PRETTY MUCH LONGER
90
00:04:43,901 --> 00:04:46,767
THAN YOU'VE EVER GONE OUT
WITH ANYONE, ISN'T IT?
91
00:04:47,834 --> 00:04:49,467
ARE THEY HERE YET?
92
00:04:49,467 --> 00:04:52,267
YES, I BELIEVE ASQUITH HAS
SHOWN THEM INTO THE STUDY
93
00:04:52,267 --> 00:04:55,000
WHERE THEY'RE SIPPING ABSINTHE
AND PLAYING BILLIARDS.
94
00:04:55,000 --> 00:04:57,767
SHOULD I PUT OUT
THE GOOD DISHES?
95
00:04:57,767 --> 00:05:00,100
NAH, LET'S JUST GO AHEAD
AND BREAK DOWN
96
00:05:00,100 --> 00:05:02,968
AND USE PAPER PLATES
WITH DIVISIONS.
97
00:05:02,968 --> 00:05:04,901
I'LL PUT OUT
THE GOOD DISHES.
98
00:05:06,868 --> 00:05:08,300
( disgusted )
OHH!
99
00:05:08,300 --> 00:05:10,567
WHAT'S SMELLING LIKE FISH?
100
00:05:10,567 --> 00:05:12,767
FISH.
101
00:05:12,767 --> 00:05:14,834
WHAT TIME DID YOU
TELL THEM TO BE HERE?
102
00:05:14,834 --> 00:05:16,300
BECKY, CHILL OUT!
103
00:05:16,300 --> 00:05:18,400
THEY WILL BE HERE
WHEN THEY GET HERE.
104
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:21,400
THIS IS GREAT.
NOW I GOTTA EAT THIS STUPID FISH,
105
00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:23,234
AND WEAR THIS STUPID DRESS.
106
00:05:23,234 --> 00:05:26,200
AND YOU'RE GONNA DO
THE STUPID DISHES.
107
00:05:26,200 --> 00:05:29,501
WELL, I DO BELIEVE
THAT MY WORK HERE IS DONE.
108
00:05:29,501 --> 00:05:31,000
( affected accent )
LADY CONNER.
109
00:05:31,000 --> 00:05:33,133
YOU'RE DISMISSING THE HELP
FOR THE EVENING?
110
00:05:33,133 --> 00:05:35,033
I'D STAY BUT MY...
( snaps fingers )
111
00:05:35,033 --> 00:05:37,667
FRENCH MAID COSTUME'S
AT THE CLEANERS.
112
00:05:37,667 --> 00:05:40,634
- ( speaks fake French )
- ( Roseanne laughs )
113
00:05:40,634 --> 00:05:43,167
REMEMBER TO SPRINKLE A LITTLE
GARLIC SALT ON THE FISH
114
00:05:43,167 --> 00:05:44,767
BEFORE YOU PUT IT
IN THE OVEN.
115
00:05:44,767 --> 00:05:47,167
- OKAY, I WILL.
- GOOD LUCK.
116
00:05:47,167 --> 00:05:50,167
- THANKS.
- THANKS, SIS. SEE YOU TOMORROW.
117
00:05:50,167 --> 00:05:52,467
THEY HAVE TO BE
OUT OF HERE BY 9:00.
118
00:05:52,467 --> 00:05:54,968
I HAVE TO START
STUDYING BY 9:00.
119
00:05:54,968 --> 00:05:57,067
WHAT EXACTLY IS IT
THAT YOU'RE STUDYING?
120
00:05:57,067 --> 00:05:58,567
NOTHING.
121
00:05:58,567 --> 00:06:00,100
( doorbell rings )
122
00:06:00,100 --> 00:06:02,100
- FINALLY.
- BECKY, RELAX.
123
00:06:02,100 --> 00:06:03,400
EVERYTHING'S GONNA BE FINE.
124
00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:05,534
YOUR FATHER AND I ARE NOT
GONNA EMBARRASS YOU.
125
00:06:05,534 --> 00:06:10,033
RIGHT. I'LL GET THE DOOR,
YOU GET THE ORGY LAMP.
126
00:06:10,033 --> 00:06:12,300
LADY DARLENE,
THE GUESTS HAVE ARRIVED.
127
00:06:12,300 --> 00:06:14,534
GET YOUR FEET OFF THE COUCH!
128
00:06:15,634 --> 00:06:18,467
HA, HA.
129
00:06:21,868 --> 00:06:24,501
- THINK YOU'RE FUNNY, CHUM?
- UH-HUH.
130
00:06:24,501 --> 00:06:28,868
WELL, LET'S JUST UN-FUNNY
YOU UP A LITTLE BIT.
131
00:06:28,868 --> 00:06:31,701
LET'S JUST SHAKE SOME OF
THAT WISE-GUY OUT OF YOU.
132
00:06:31,701 --> 00:06:33,601
( giggling )
133
00:06:36,067 --> 00:06:38,133
HEY, MR. CONNER.
134
00:06:38,133 --> 00:06:40,834
HEY, CHIP,
HOW'S IT GOING?
135
00:06:40,834 --> 00:06:42,200
HI, CHIP.
136
00:06:42,200 --> 00:06:46,100
HEY, D.J. IT'S OKAY,
THIS IS NORMAL.
137
00:06:46,100 --> 00:06:47,200
HIYA, BONNIE.
138
00:06:47,200 --> 00:06:48,467
HOW YOU DOING, ROSEANNE?
139
00:06:48,467 --> 00:06:50,167
WELL, UM, MY FEET HURT
140
00:06:50,167 --> 00:06:52,868
AND I GOT PERIODIC
BOUTS OF DEPRESSION,
141
00:06:52,868 --> 00:06:54,901
BUT OTHER THAN THAT,
I'M FINE.
142
00:06:54,901 --> 00:06:56,133
- I'M BECKY'S FATHER.
- Becky: HI.
143
00:06:56,133 --> 00:06:57,334
HEY, HANDSOME.
144
00:06:57,334 --> 00:06:59,501
DAN, ROSEANNE, THIS IS
MY HUSBAND, EDGAR.
145
00:06:59,501 --> 00:07:02,033
HI, EDGAR,
GOOD TO KNOW YOU.
146
00:07:02,033 --> 00:07:03,934
THIS IS THE REST
OF OUR STUNNING BROOD.
147
00:07:03,934 --> 00:07:05,000
D.J., DARLENE.
148
00:07:05,000 --> 00:07:06,701
- Both: Hi.
- Edgar: HELLO.
149
00:07:06,701 --> 00:07:08,534
GUESS WE'RE READY TO EAT.
150
00:07:08,534 --> 00:07:11,934
I THINK MAYBE THEY'D LIKE
TO TAKE THEIR COATS OFF FIRST.
151
00:07:11,934 --> 00:07:14,601
Edgar: THANK YOU.
152
00:07:14,601 --> 00:07:16,901
HERE, YOU GUYS.
CHECK THESE FOR LOOSE CHANGE,
153
00:07:16,901 --> 00:07:19,434
AND THEN THROW 'EM
ON MY BED.
154
00:07:20,968 --> 00:07:22,834
- Darlene: OKAY, MOM.
- D.J.: OKAY, MOM.
155
00:07:22,834 --> 00:07:24,434
SHUT UP, PINHEAD.
156
00:07:25,634 --> 00:07:27,634
PRECIOUS, AIN'T THEY?
157
00:07:27,634 --> 00:07:29,300
HERE. THESE ARE FOR YOU.
158
00:07:29,300 --> 00:07:31,100
THANKS, I'LL GO PUT THEM
IN WATER REAL QUICK
159
00:07:31,100 --> 00:07:32,968
SO WE CAN EAT.
160
00:07:32,968 --> 00:07:34,801
- ANYBODY CARE FOR A DRINK?
- YOU BET.
161
00:07:34,801 --> 00:07:38,000
- MY KIND OF GAL.
- JUST MINERAL WATER.
162
00:07:38,000 --> 00:07:42,234
WELL, WE GOT WATER AND I'M SURE
IT'S GOT MINERALS IN IT.
163
00:07:43,300 --> 00:07:46,534
- EDGAR?
- SHOULD I BE BAD?
164
00:07:46,534 --> 00:07:48,367
WHY NOT?
YOU JOGGED THIS MORNING.
165
00:07:48,367 --> 00:07:50,234
( sighs )
WHAT THE HECK?
166
00:07:50,234 --> 00:07:52,033
I'LL HAVE
A TROPICAL HURRICANE.
167
00:07:57,734 --> 00:08:01,033
I CAN GET YOU A COLD BEER
AND TURN ON A FAN.
168
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:07,767
BEER'S FINE.
169
00:08:07,767 --> 00:08:09,200
AH. BABE?
170
00:08:09,200 --> 00:08:13,033
I'LL HAVE SOME OF THAT MUSCATEL
IN THE DOOR OF THE FRIDGE.
171
00:08:13,033 --> 00:08:14,834
CHIPSTER, THE USUAL?
172
00:08:14,834 --> 00:08:16,167
YEAH, THANKS.
173
00:08:16,167 --> 00:08:18,334
WHY DON'T WE SIT DOWN?
174
00:08:23,801 --> 00:08:25,400
OH, HERE.
175
00:08:25,400 --> 00:08:27,467
I KNOW YOU TWO WANT TO
SIT NEXT TO EACH OTHER.
176
00:08:27,467 --> 00:08:29,667
THANKS.
177
00:08:39,834 --> 00:08:41,801
INTERESTING PICTURE.
178
00:08:45,868 --> 00:08:47,834
YEAH, AND IT USED
TO BE A POSTCARD,
179
00:08:47,834 --> 00:08:50,934
AND THEN WE HAD A HUNDRED
PAINTINGS RUN OFF.
180
00:08:50,934 --> 00:08:53,734
I TOLD YOU
SHE WAS A PISTOL.
181
00:08:53,734 --> 00:08:55,334
- MOM?
- MOM.
182
00:08:55,334 --> 00:08:56,968
WHAT IS IT, DARLENE?
183
00:08:56,968 --> 00:08:59,100
WELL, THERE WAS LAUNDRY
ON YOUR BED,
184
00:08:59,100 --> 00:09:01,467
SO I PUT THE COATS
ON YOUR CHAIR.
185
00:09:01,467 --> 00:09:03,968
I HOPE MY BEEPER
DIDN'T FALL OUT.
186
00:09:03,968 --> 00:09:05,834
I WAS PERFECTLY WILLING
TO PUT IT IN MY PURSE.
187
00:09:05,834 --> 00:09:07,334
YOUR PURSE
IS IN THE CAR.
188
00:09:07,334 --> 00:09:09,400
- THE CAR IS LOCKED.
- THE ALARM'S NOT WORKING.
189
00:09:09,400 --> 00:09:11,968
AH, JUST SMACK HER, EDGAR.
190
00:09:16,834 --> 00:09:19,667
THANK YOU.
191
00:09:19,667 --> 00:09:24,434
- I'M REALLY GETTING HUNGRY.
- HAVE A DRINK AT THE BAR.
192
00:09:24,434 --> 00:09:25,801
MOMMY.
193
00:09:25,801 --> 00:09:27,767
DADDY.
194
00:09:30,033 --> 00:09:32,133
( sighs )
195
00:09:33,234 --> 00:09:34,801
SO...
196
00:09:34,801 --> 00:09:36,200
SO.
197
00:09:36,200 --> 00:09:37,501
I'M SO GLAD WE DID THIS.
198
00:09:37,501 --> 00:09:39,300
Roseanne: UH-HUH.
199
00:09:47,567 --> 00:09:50,067
SO, DAN, UH...
200
00:09:50,067 --> 00:09:52,133
BONNIE TELLS ME
YOU'RE A CONTRACTOR.
201
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:53,501
BONNIE SPEAKS THE TRUTH.
202
00:09:53,501 --> 00:09:56,100
WELL, YOU KNOW, I DO
A BIT OF DIGGING MYSELF.
203
00:09:56,100 --> 00:09:58,133
- I'M A DENTIST.
- ( Dan laughs )
204
00:09:59,400 --> 00:10:02,200
EVERYBODY RINSE.
205
00:10:05,467 --> 00:10:07,567
YEAH, WE GO TO
THAT DR. STERNBERG
206
00:10:07,567 --> 00:10:09,734
OVER THERE ON,
UM, OAKHURST.
207
00:10:09,734 --> 00:10:12,133
OH, SURE.
WE KNOW MARK.
208
00:10:13,300 --> 00:10:16,067
HE'S REAL GOOD.
209
00:10:16,067 --> 00:10:19,100
WE LIKE HIM A LOT.
210
00:10:19,100 --> 00:10:20,534
BUT HE'S NOT
ON OAKHURST ANYMORE.
211
00:10:20,534 --> 00:10:21,934
- IS THAT RIGHT?
- RIGHT.
212
00:10:21,934 --> 00:10:23,767
HE'S IN THAT NEW
PROFESSIONAL BUILDING
213
00:10:23,767 --> 00:10:25,367
OVER ON SHERIDAN.
214
00:10:25,367 --> 00:10:27,634
THEY MUST HAVE MOVED.
215
00:10:27,634 --> 00:10:32,534
YEAH, HE SHARES SPACE
WITH KEHOE PAMER,
216
00:10:32,534 --> 00:10:34,400
YOU KNOW THE FELLOW
WHO HAD THE THING--
217
00:10:34,400 --> 00:10:36,033
YOU KNOW, THE ONE
WHO KNOWS BARBARA?
218
00:10:36,033 --> 00:10:37,534
- LIDECKER.
- RIGHT.
219
00:10:37,534 --> 00:10:42,801
KEHOE PAMER AND LIDECKER.
220
00:10:42,801 --> 00:10:45,601
- OVER ON SHERIDAN.
- MY FRIEND KAREN DECORATED IT.
221
00:10:45,601 --> 00:10:49,234
MY FRIEND ROCKO
POURED THE DRIVEWAY.
222
00:10:50,367 --> 00:10:53,334
JEEZ, TALK ABOUT
A SMALL WORLD, HUH?
223
00:10:53,334 --> 00:10:55,334
JEEZ.
224
00:10:55,334 --> 00:10:57,667
JEEZ.
225
00:11:01,534 --> 00:11:03,334
GOT AN ETA YET
ON THAT FISH, BABE?
226
00:11:03,334 --> 00:11:05,534
- SOON.
- HOW SOON?
227
00:11:05,534 --> 00:11:07,767
I'LL CHECK WITH THE COOK.
228
00:11:08,968 --> 00:11:11,367
BECKY, YOU DOING ANYTHING
TOMORROW NIGHT?
229
00:11:11,367 --> 00:11:12,567
WHY?
230
00:11:12,567 --> 00:11:14,601
I THOUGHT WE COULD GO SEE
BLOODTHIRSTY 2.
231
00:11:14,601 --> 00:11:16,934
- TOMORROW NIGHT?
- YEAH.
232
00:11:16,934 --> 00:11:19,534
IT DIDN'T GET
VERY GOOD REVIEWS.
233
00:11:19,534 --> 00:11:21,467
WELL, NEITHER DID
BLOODTHIRSTY 1,
234
00:11:21,467 --> 00:11:23,601
BUT YOU SAW THAT 14 TIMES.
235
00:11:23,601 --> 00:11:26,033
OKAY, I'LL GO.
236
00:11:26,033 --> 00:11:29,701
I HEAR DURING THE PROM SCENE,
THEY USE A HUMAN LIVER.
237
00:11:29,701 --> 00:11:31,734
OH, WELL, EVERYBODY
READY TO EAT?
238
00:11:31,734 --> 00:11:34,033
Becky: YEAH.
239
00:11:34,033 --> 00:11:35,868
GOOD, I JUST
TURNED THE OVEN ON,
240
00:11:35,868 --> 00:11:38,634
SO IT'LL COOK
A LOT FASTER THAT WAY.
241
00:11:48,601 --> 00:11:49,934
MMM.
242
00:11:49,934 --> 00:11:53,434
MORE THAN A WEEK IN HAWAII
WILL DRIVE YOU CRAZY.
243
00:11:53,434 --> 00:11:56,033
- EVERYBODY SAYS ALOHA.
- Both: ALOHA.
244
00:11:56,033 --> 00:11:57,868
Edgar: THAT'S ALLTHEY EVER SAY.
245
00:11:57,868 --> 00:12:00,467
ALOHA THIS, ALOHA THAT.
246
00:12:02,400 --> 00:12:04,434
HEY, IT MEANS HELLO,
IT MEANS GOODBYE.
247
00:12:04,434 --> 00:12:06,434
WHAT ELSE
DOES IT MEAN, HONEY?
248
00:12:06,434 --> 00:12:07,701
I KNOW IT MEANS LOVE.
249
00:12:07,701 --> 00:12:11,300
I THINK IT MEANS
"POTHOLDER" TOO.
250
00:12:11,300 --> 00:12:13,767
OH, TELL THEM ABOUT
OUR GUIDE, HONEY.
251
00:12:13,767 --> 00:12:15,133
( chuckling )
252
00:12:15,133 --> 00:12:17,901
OH, DAN, DAN,
YOU'VE GOTTA HEAR THIS.
253
00:12:17,901 --> 00:12:19,767
ROSEANNE, THIS IS WONDERFUL.
254
00:12:19,767 --> 00:12:22,367
A PUBLISHER FRIEND OF OURS
SWEARS IT'S A BOOK.
255
00:12:22,367 --> 00:12:25,267
WELL, JUST GIVE US
THE CLIFF NOTES.
256
00:12:26,467 --> 00:12:28,534
WHY DON'T WE
ORDER IN A PIZZA?
257
00:12:28,534 --> 00:12:30,334
NO, IT'S TIME.
258
00:12:30,334 --> 00:12:31,934
NEED HELP OUT THERE
IN THE KITCHEN, BABE?
259
00:12:31,934 --> 00:12:34,434
OH, THAT'S SO SWEET OF YOU
TO OFFER, HONEY,
260
00:12:34,434 --> 00:12:37,033
BUT YOU JUST
STAY HERE. ALOHA.
261
00:12:41,300 --> 00:12:44,334
OUR GUIDE'S NAME
WAS MICHAEL HO.
262
00:12:44,334 --> 00:12:47,434
OF COURSE, HIS HAWAIIAN NAME
IS MIKA HILA.
263
00:12:47,434 --> 00:12:50,267
AH, YES.
264
00:12:50,267 --> 00:12:52,300
MIKA HILA HO.
265
00:12:55,033 --> 00:12:56,267
UM...
266
00:12:56,267 --> 00:12:58,434
DID YOU KNOW THAT
WHEN SWORDFISH COOKS,
267
00:12:58,434 --> 00:13:00,367
IT SHRINKS?
268
00:13:01,801 --> 00:13:05,601
OF COURSE, WHEN IT'S BURNED
IT PRACTICALLY DISAPPEARS.
269
00:13:09,434 --> 00:13:11,734
OH, FOR CRYING
OUT LOUD, HONEY,
270
00:13:11,734 --> 00:13:14,000
LET'S JUST EAT IT BURNT.
271
00:13:14,000 --> 00:13:16,634
BURNED?
272
00:13:16,634 --> 00:13:18,634
I CAN HAVE HAMBURGERS
IN TEN MINUTES.
273
00:13:18,634 --> 00:13:20,968
TWENTY, IF YOU
WANT 'EM COOKED.
274
00:13:20,968 --> 00:13:25,334
HAMBURGERS ARE FINE.
THIS'LL BE OUR RED MEAT DAY.
275
00:13:25,334 --> 00:13:28,067
WE COULD'VE HAD HAMBURGERS
AN HOUR AGO.
276
00:13:28,067 --> 00:13:30,200
I HATE THIS HOUSE.
277
00:13:30,200 --> 00:13:33,033
TELL BECKY I NEED HER
TO HELP ME.
278
00:13:33,033 --> 00:13:35,567
- SHE'S NOT UP THERE.
- WHERE IS SHE?
279
00:13:35,567 --> 00:13:37,567
IF SHE'S SMART
SHE WENT OUT TO DINNER.
280
00:13:37,567 --> 00:13:39,400
QUIET, YOU!
281
00:13:39,400 --> 00:13:41,267
BECKY!
282
00:13:45,033 --> 00:13:47,400
NICE GOING, BECK.
YOU GOT OUT OF THE HOUSE.
283
00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:49,767
THE HARD PART'S OVER.
284
00:13:49,767 --> 00:13:52,367
SORRY YOU CAN'T COME IN.
MY PARENTS HAVE PEOPLE OVER.
285
00:13:52,367 --> 00:13:53,734
NO PROB.
286
00:13:53,734 --> 00:13:56,067
HEY, LISTEN, WANT TO GO
TO A PARTY TOMORROW NIGHT?
287
00:13:56,067 --> 00:13:58,501
- YEAH, THAT'D BE GREAT.
- COOL.
288
00:13:58,501 --> 00:14:00,868
- I'LL PICK YOU UP AT SEVEN.
- SEVEN'S GREAT, JOHNNY.
289
00:14:00,868 --> 00:14:02,701
THINK IT'LL BE COOL
WITH YOUR PARENTS?
290
00:14:02,701 --> 00:14:05,834
MY PARENTS ARE VERY COOL.
THEY DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
291
00:14:05,834 --> 00:14:07,367
COOL.
292
00:14:07,367 --> 00:14:11,801
BECKY, GET YOUR BUTT
IN THE HOUSE NOW!
293
00:14:16,334 --> 00:14:19,200
- MOTHER?
- NOW.
294
00:14:25,601 --> 00:14:27,767
ROSEANNE CONNER.
295
00:14:27,767 --> 00:14:30,434
NICE TO MEET YOU.
296
00:14:31,767 --> 00:14:33,467
SO, HOW LONG'S BECKY
GROUNDED FOR?
297
00:14:33,467 --> 00:14:34,634
WHAT'D SHE DO?
298
00:14:34,634 --> 00:14:38,300
SHE FORGOT TO GAG DARLENE
LIKE I TOLD HER.
299
00:14:38,300 --> 00:14:42,467
SHE SNUCK OUT LAST NIGHT
TO MEET THE MAKE-OUT KING.
300
00:14:43,968 --> 00:14:45,801
CHIP'S THE MAKE-OUT KING?
301
00:14:45,801 --> 00:14:47,968
( laughing )
302
00:14:47,968 --> 00:14:50,300
FORGET CHIP.
HE'S OLD NEWS.
303
00:14:50,300 --> 00:14:53,167
DARLENE, WHY DON'T YOU
USE YOUR MOUTH TO EAT?
304
00:14:53,167 --> 00:14:55,567
WHO IS THE MAKE-OUT KING?
305
00:14:55,567 --> 00:14:58,467
YOU ARE, HONEY.
306
00:14:59,901 --> 00:15:02,234
JOHNNY SWANKO.
HE'S A SOPHOMORE.
307
00:15:02,234 --> 00:15:04,501
WELL, HE KISSES
LIKE A SENIOR.
308
00:15:04,501 --> 00:15:06,567
I GET THE FEELING
I'M NOT TOTALLY FILLED IN
309
00:15:06,567 --> 00:15:08,534
ON EVERYTHING AROUND HERE.
310
00:15:08,534 --> 00:15:11,801
BECKY'S GOT SOMETHING GOING
WITH ANOTHER GUY.
311
00:15:11,801 --> 00:15:13,367
WHAT KIND OF "THING"?
312
00:15:13,367 --> 00:15:14,968
I DON'T KNOW, DAN,
313
00:15:14,968 --> 00:15:17,167
BUT I CAUGHT 'EM OUT
BY THE GARAGE LAST NIGHT.
314
00:15:17,167 --> 00:15:19,567
WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?
315
00:15:19,567 --> 00:15:21,801
'CAUSE THERE'S LOTS OF STUFF
I DON'T TELL YOU, HONEY.
316
00:15:21,801 --> 00:15:25,167
THAT'S THE GLUE THAT KEEPS
OUR LITTLE FAMILY TOGETHER.
317
00:15:28,067 --> 00:15:30,133
( mocking )
OH, JOHNNY, OH, JOHNNY
318
00:15:30,133 --> 00:15:32,334
OH, JOHNNY,
OH, JOHNNY.
319
00:15:32,334 --> 00:15:35,100
I WANT TO HEAR MORE
ABOUT THIS JOHNNY.
320
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:37,968
WELL, HE WEARS
A BLACK STUDDED BELT,
321
00:15:37,968 --> 00:15:41,734
AND THEY CALL HIM,
"THE TONGUE BANDIT."
322
00:15:43,601 --> 00:15:45,734
DARLENE, WHY DON'T YOU LEAVE
323
00:15:45,734 --> 00:15:48,534
AND COME BACK
WHEN YOU'RE ABOUT 40?
324
00:15:48,534 --> 00:15:50,767
OKAY, GREAT.
I'LL GO OVER TO JOHNNY'S.
325
00:15:50,767 --> 00:15:52,601
GREAT, WE'LL GO OVER
TO JOHNNY'S.
326
00:15:52,601 --> 00:15:54,300
DROP DEAD.
327
00:15:54,300 --> 00:15:56,601
SO I THOUGHT CHIP
WAS BECKY'S MAIN SQUEEZE.
328
00:15:56,601 --> 00:15:57,834
WELL, I GUESS
WHEN YOU'RE 13
329
00:15:57,834 --> 00:15:59,667
YOU NEED MORE
THAN ONE SQUEEZE.
330
00:16:03,834 --> 00:16:06,601
I JUST WANT TO SAY THAT
WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT
331
00:16:06,601 --> 00:16:08,834
WAS TOTALLY UNCOOL.
AND IF I WERE YOUR MOTHER,
332
00:16:08,834 --> 00:16:10,567
I WOULD NEVER
DO THAT TO YOU.
333
00:16:10,567 --> 00:16:12,667
WELL, DO ME A FAVOR
AND ENLIGHTEN ME.
334
00:16:12,667 --> 00:16:14,801
- MOTHER, LET'S JUST DROP IT.
- NO, NO, NO.
335
00:16:14,801 --> 00:16:17,067
I WANT TO KNOW, WHAT'S
YOUR DEFINITION OF COOL?
336
00:16:17,067 --> 00:16:19,100
IS THAT TO MAKE
A DATE WITH CHIP,
337
00:16:19,100 --> 00:16:21,501
AND THEN TURN AROUND AND MAKE
A DATE THE VERY SAME NIGHT
338
00:16:21,501 --> 00:16:23,133
WITH JOHNNY ANGEL?
339
00:16:23,133 --> 00:16:25,734
HIS NAME IS
JOHNNY SWANKO.
340
00:16:25,734 --> 00:16:27,167
WHATEVER.
341
00:16:27,167 --> 00:16:28,868
COME ON,
JUST ANSWER MY QUESTION.
342
00:16:28,868 --> 00:16:30,200
IT'S NONE OF
YOUR BUSINESS.
343
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:31,968
IT IS MY BUSINESS
WHEN YOU START
344
00:16:31,968 --> 00:16:33,968
SNEAKING OUT OF THIS HOUSE
TO MEET SOME GUY
345
00:16:33,968 --> 00:16:36,767
THAT I WOULD CONSIDER
LEAVING YOUR FATHER FOR.
346
00:16:45,801 --> 00:16:48,200
YOU KNOW BECKY,
WHAT YOU DID
347
00:16:48,200 --> 00:16:50,267
IS GONNA MAKE IT
TO ZIT MAGAZINE'S
348
00:16:50,267 --> 00:16:53,367
TEN MOST VICIOUS TEENS.
349
00:16:53,367 --> 00:16:55,334
I'M SORRY,
I WAS WRONG.
350
00:16:55,334 --> 00:16:57,501
WELL, ARE YOU
DATING CHIP OR NOT?
351
00:16:57,501 --> 00:16:59,734
- YES, I LIKE CHIP.
- HOW WOULD YOU LIKE IT
352
00:16:59,734 --> 00:17:01,734
IF CHIP MET SOME OTHER GIRL
IN HIS DRIVEWAY?
353
00:17:01,734 --> 00:17:04,434
CHIP CAN DO WHATEVER HE WANTS.
I DON'T CARE.
354
00:17:04,434 --> 00:17:06,701
WELL, I'LL REMEMBER THAT
WHEN YOU'RE SITTING THERE
355
00:17:06,701 --> 00:17:08,601
CRYING YOUR EYES OUT
'CAUSE CHIP SAT NEXT
356
00:17:08,601 --> 00:17:10,534
TO SOME OTHER GIRL
ON THE BUS.
357
00:17:10,534 --> 00:17:12,400
BECKY, WHY DIDN'T YOU
TELL US ALL THIS
358
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:14,534
BEFORE WE INVITED THE LUNTS
OVER TO DINNER?
359
00:17:14,534 --> 00:17:16,601
BECAUSE MOM HAD
ALREADY INVITED THEM.
360
00:17:16,601 --> 00:17:19,267
PLUS YOU GUYS LOVE CHIP,
PLUS IF YOU KNEW
361
00:17:19,267 --> 00:17:21,234
I WAS GOING OUT WITH JOHNNY
YOU WOULD HAVE FREAKED.
362
00:17:21,234 --> 00:17:22,968
THERE'S NO WAY YOU'D
LET ME GO OUT WITH HIM.
363
00:17:22,968 --> 00:17:25,167
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.
I WANT YOU TO GET ON THE PHONE,
364
00:17:25,167 --> 00:17:27,767
YOU CALL
"THE TONGUE BANDIT,"
365
00:17:27,767 --> 00:17:30,934
AND TELL HIM YOU AIN'T
GOING NOWHERE TONIGHT, NOT EVEN OUT TO THE GARAGE.
366
00:17:30,934 --> 00:17:33,133
HEY, IT'S MY LIFE.
WHY DON'T YOU JUST BUTT OUT?
367
00:17:33,133 --> 00:17:35,267
WE'RE TRYING TO TEACH YOU
HOW TO DO THE RIGHT THING.
368
00:17:35,267 --> 00:17:37,968
YOU GUYS ARE REAL HYPOCRITES,
YOU KNOW THAT?
369
00:17:37,968 --> 00:17:40,000
I MEAN YOU'RE ALWAYS SAYING
HOW YOU'RE THE COOLEST,
370
00:17:40,000 --> 00:17:42,400
HIPPEST, MOST WITH IT PARENTS,
BUT YOU'RE NOT.
371
00:17:42,400 --> 00:17:44,334
YOU'RE JUST LIKE
EVERYONE ELSE'S PARENTS.
372
00:17:44,334 --> 00:17:46,267
YOU'RE BOGUS.
373
00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:49,667
HI, DAN BOGUS.
374
00:17:53,334 --> 00:17:56,167
ROSEANNE "HYPOCRITE" BOGUS.
SO NICE TO MEET YOU.
375
00:17:56,167 --> 00:17:58,167
I'VE HEARD SO MANY
GOOD THINGS ABOUT YOU.
376
00:17:58,167 --> 00:18:00,200
NOT.
377
00:18:00,200 --> 00:18:02,467
- SO.
- SO.
378
00:18:02,467 --> 00:18:03,834
DIDN'T WE VOW TO BECOME
379
00:18:03,834 --> 00:18:06,133
THE WORLD'S MOST
HIPPEST PARENTS?
380
00:18:06,133 --> 00:18:07,801
WELL, BABE,
THAT WAS IN THE '70s.
381
00:18:07,801 --> 00:18:10,701
OUR GROOVE WAS IN
A MORE MELLOW BAG.
382
00:18:10,701 --> 00:18:14,000
WE SWORE THAT WE WOULD
TREAT OUR KIDS DIFFERENTLY
383
00:18:14,000 --> 00:18:16,067
THAN OUR PARENTS TREATED US.
384
00:18:16,067 --> 00:18:18,501
- I THINK WE HAVE.
- NO.
385
00:18:18,501 --> 00:18:21,901
WE MADE A SNAP JUDGMENT
ABOUT THIS JOHNNY GUY,
386
00:18:21,901 --> 00:18:24,701
JUST EXACTLY LIKE
MY PARENTS WOULD HAVE DONE.
387
00:18:24,701 --> 00:18:26,734
THAT WASN'T NO SNAP JUDGMENT.
THE GUY'S A PUNK.
388
00:18:26,734 --> 00:18:28,334
YOU DIDN'T EVEN SEE HIM.
389
00:18:28,334 --> 00:18:30,267
I TRUST YOUR JUDGMENT.
390
00:18:30,267 --> 00:18:32,067
WELL, THAT'S JUST
THE POINT, DAN.
391
00:18:32,067 --> 00:18:34,100
IT'S NOT UP TO US
TO JUDGE.
392
00:18:34,100 --> 00:18:36,033
MY DAD THOUGHT
YOU WERE A PUNK.
393
00:18:36,033 --> 00:18:37,868
I WAS!
394
00:18:37,868 --> 00:18:40,400
THAT'S HOW COME I KNOW
THIS GUY'S A PUNK.
395
00:18:40,400 --> 00:18:42,133
WELL, LIKE IT OR NOT,
396
00:18:42,133 --> 00:18:44,267
WE ARE NOW THE PARENTS
OF A TEENAGER,
397
00:18:44,267 --> 00:18:47,300
AND WE ARE NOT THE HIP PARENTS
WE SAID WE WERE GONNA BE.
398
00:18:47,300 --> 00:18:48,734
DEFINE HIP PARENTS.
399
00:18:48,734 --> 00:18:50,968
( sighs ) OKAY.
400
00:18:50,968 --> 00:18:53,267
"SURE, HONEY,
JOHNNY CAN STAY OVER.
401
00:18:53,267 --> 00:18:55,167
ME AND DADDY CAN LIKE,
CRASH OUT ON THE FLOOR.
402
00:18:55,167 --> 00:19:00,534
YOU GUYS CAN USE OUR BED."
403
00:19:00,534 --> 00:19:03,067
THAT'S THE KIND OF PARENT
I THOUGHT I WANTED TO BE.
404
00:19:03,067 --> 00:19:04,901
WELL, WE AIN'T THEM, BABY.
405
00:19:04,901 --> 00:19:07,734
WELL, WE AIN'T ROBERT YOUNG
AND JANE WYATT EITHER.
406
00:19:07,734 --> 00:19:09,267
WELL, WHO ARE WE?
407
00:19:09,267 --> 00:19:12,067
WELL, WE AIN'T
BONNIE AND EDGAR.
408
00:19:12,067 --> 00:19:14,067
ALOHA.
409
00:19:14,067 --> 00:19:15,968
( affected ) ALOHA.
410
00:19:15,968 --> 00:19:17,200
WHO DO WE WANT TO BE?
411
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:19,267
WELL, I WANT TO BE
THE KIND OF PARENT
412
00:19:19,267 --> 00:19:21,767
YOU KNOW, THAT CAN
TRUST OUR KIDS.
413
00:19:21,767 --> 00:19:23,367
OH, WE WANT TO BE
THE KIND OF PARENTS
414
00:19:23,367 --> 00:19:25,501
THAT CAN LOOK A KID
DRESSED LIKE JOHNNY SWANKO
415
00:19:25,501 --> 00:19:28,300
AND NOT THINK THAT
HE'S ONLY GOT ONE THING ON HIS FILTHY LITTLE MIND
416
00:19:28,300 --> 00:19:31,834
AND WE BOTH GOT
A PRETTY GOOD SUSPICION OF WHAT THAT ONE THING IS.
417
00:19:31,834 --> 00:19:33,901
YEAH, WELL YOU WERE
KIND OF A PUNK,
418
00:19:33,901 --> 00:19:35,801
AND I WAS PRETTY INNOCENT
WHEN WE WENT OUT
419
00:19:35,801 --> 00:19:37,667
ON OUR FIRST DATE, REMEMBER?
420
00:19:37,667 --> 00:19:39,133
( chuckling )
421
00:19:39,133 --> 00:19:41,267
YOU SURE DID.
422
00:19:45,200 --> 00:19:46,868
BECKY...
423
00:19:46,868 --> 00:19:49,467
WELL, I THINK WE'RE
DOING THE RIGHT THING.
424
00:19:49,467 --> 00:19:52,467
YOU KNOW WHAT? I THINK WE'RE
DOING THE RIGHT THING TOO.
425
00:19:52,467 --> 00:19:53,968
WHAT NOW?
426
00:19:53,968 --> 00:19:55,968
YOUR MOTHER AND I
HAVE COME TO A DECISION
427
00:19:55,968 --> 00:19:58,334
ABOUT THE SWANKO SITUATION.
428
00:19:58,334 --> 00:20:00,267
CAN I GO OUT WITH HIM?
429
00:20:00,267 --> 00:20:02,367
NOT IN A MILLION YEARS.
430
00:20:20,334 --> 00:20:23,601
- WHERE YOU GOING?
- TO GET THE PAPER.
431
00:20:30,701 --> 00:20:32,033
WHAT'S THE MATTER?
432
00:20:32,033 --> 00:20:34,167
SOMETHING IS ABOUT TO OCCUR,
433
00:20:34,167 --> 00:20:36,367
THAT'S GONNA MAKE YOU WISH
YOU WOULD'VE WOKE UP
434
00:20:36,367 --> 00:20:38,534
AS A DIFFERENT PERSON,
IN A DIFFERENT HOUSE,
435
00:20:38,534 --> 00:20:40,901
IN A DIFFERENT COUNTRY,
ON A DIFFERENT PLANET.
436
00:20:42,234 --> 00:20:44,300
( doorbell rings )
437
00:20:50,167 --> 00:20:52,267
CROISSANTS!
438
00:21:07,434 --> 00:21:09,300
IT'S CALLED GANGA.
439
00:21:09,300 --> 00:21:11,701
IT'S AN HERB
FROM TIBET.
440
00:21:11,701 --> 00:21:13,534
WHAT REGION IS IT FROM,HONEY?
441
00:21:13,534 --> 00:21:16,067
THE VENESTA REGION--
IT'S UP NORTH.
442
00:21:16,067 --> 00:21:18,300
WELL, YOU CAN MAKE EVERYTHING
FROM GANGA.
443
00:21:18,300 --> 00:21:21,200
Edgar: THEY MAKE TEAFROM GANGA-- AND THOSE WAFERS.
444
00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:23,901
Bonnie: GANGA FOLIS--THEY'RE SO DELICATE.
445
00:21:23,901 --> 00:21:26,801
MMM, THEY MAKE BREAD
FROM GANGA.
446
00:21:26,801 --> 00:21:28,601
THEY EVEN MAKE WINE
FROM IT.
447
00:21:31,801 --> 00:21:34,701
SO, IS THAT WHERE YOU GUYS
SO ALL YOUR SHOPPING?
448
00:21:36,467 --> 00:21:37,968
WE WISH.
449
00:21:37,968 --> 00:21:40,067
SO DO I.
450
00:21:41,000 --> 00:21:44,103
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