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1
00:00:00,458 --> 00:00:01,626
[KNOCKING]
2
00:00:02,585 --> 00:00:06,798
Oh, Carol. Carol Channing.
Thirty seconds to curtain, Miss Channing.
3
00:00:06,881 --> 00:00:08,174
Thank you, Scooter.
4
00:00:08,258 --> 00:00:12,053
Scooter, are you aware
that it's freezing in here?
5
00:00:12,137 --> 00:00:15,140
Oh, yeah, it's got to be for the penguins.
6
00:00:15,223 --> 00:00:17,183
[PENGUINS CHATTERING]
7
00:00:18,768 --> 00:00:20,895
Well, why do we have to have penguins?
8
00:00:20,979 --> 00:00:23,565
So the walrus won't get lonely.
9
00:00:23,648 --> 00:00:25,525
[ROARS]
10
00:00:28,111 --> 00:00:34,075
Well, now I understand why my closet
is full of dead fish.
11
00:00:38,455 --> 00:00:42,709
It's The Muppet Show, with our very
special guest star, Carol Channing!
12
00:00:42,792 --> 00:00:44,711
[CHEERS]
13
00:00:45,754 --> 00:00:47,589
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
14
00:00:58,475 --> 00:01:00,518
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
15
00:01:00,602 --> 00:01:02,604
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
16
00:01:02,687 --> 00:01:04,606
♪ It's time to get things started ♪
17
00:01:04,689 --> 00:01:06,858
♪ Why don't you get things started? ♪
18
00:01:11,446 --> 00:01:15,742
♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
19
00:01:15,825 --> 00:01:17,994
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
20
00:01:18,078 --> 00:01:20,830
♪ This is what we call ♪
21
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♪ The Muppet Show ♪
22
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[WIND WHISTLING]
23
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:32,717
[YELLS]
24
00:01:33,385 --> 00:01:34,427
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
25
00:01:34,511 --> 00:01:35,970
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
26
00:01:36,054 --> 00:01:39,307
Hi-ho, and look what we have here, us.
27
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Yes, welcome to The Muppet Show,
where our special guest star
28
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is everybody's favorite musical
comedy star, Miss Carol Channing.
29
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[CROWD CHEERS]
30
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Yes, so here she is now in a Muppet salute
to the wonderful world of ophthalmology.
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Yay!
32
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
33
00:01:56,908 --> 00:01:58,410
♪ Jeepers ♪
34
00:01:58,493 --> 00:02:00,245
♪ Jeepers, creepers ♪
35
00:02:00,328 --> 00:02:02,497
♪ Where'd you get those peepers? ♪
36
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:05,959
♪ Jeepers, creepers ♪
37
00:02:06,042 --> 00:02:08,753
♪ Where'd you get those eyes? ♪
38
00:02:08,837 --> 00:02:11,548
♪ Gosh all git up ♪
39
00:02:11,631 --> 00:02:14,592
♪ How'd you get so lit up? ♪
40
00:02:14,676 --> 00:02:17,387
♪ Gosh all git up ♪
41
00:02:17,470 --> 00:02:20,265
♪ How'd you get that size? ♪
42
00:02:20,348 --> 00:02:23,059
♪ Golly gee ♪
43
00:02:23,143 --> 00:02:28,857
♪ When you turn those heaters on
Woe is me ♪
44
00:02:28,940 --> 00:02:31,651
♪ I gotta get my cheaters on ♪
45
00:02:31,735 --> 00:02:34,863
♪ Jeepers, creepers ♪
46
00:02:34,946 --> 00:02:37,449
♪ Where'd you get those peepers? ♪
47
00:02:37,532 --> 00:02:40,326
♪ Oh, those weepers ♪
48
00:02:40,410 --> 00:02:43,538
♪ How they hypnotize ♪
49
00:02:43,621 --> 00:02:46,416
♪ Won't you put me wise? ♪
50
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♪ You should get a prize ♪
51
00:02:49,044 --> 00:02:52,005
♪ How'd they get that size? ♪
52
00:02:52,088 --> 00:02:54,924
♪ Where did you get those eyes? ♪
53
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:58,678
♪ I, yi, yi, yi, yi
I like you very much ♪
54
00:02:58,762 --> 00:03:02,474
♪ I, ay, ay, ay, ay
I think you're grand ♪
55
00:03:02,557 --> 00:03:06,186
♪ Why, why, why, why, why, why
When I feel your touch ♪
56
00:03:06,269 --> 00:03:10,315
♪ My heart starts to beat
To beat the band ♪
57
00:03:11,775 --> 00:03:15,653
♪ I fell in love with you
The first time I looked at you ♪
58
00:03:15,737 --> 00:03:17,906
♪ Them there eyes ♪
59
00:03:17,989 --> 00:03:21,618
♪ You've got a certain little cute way
Of flirting with ♪
60
00:03:21,701 --> 00:03:24,204
♪ Them there eyes ♪
61
00:03:24,287 --> 00:03:30,377
♪ You make me feel happy
Never make me blue ♪
62
00:03:30,460 --> 00:03:33,213
♪ No stalling, I'm falling ♪
63
00:03:33,296 --> 00:03:36,341
♪ Going in a big way
For sweet little you ♪
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♪ My heart is thumping
You sure started something with ♪
65
00:03:40,178 --> 00:03:42,263
♪ Them there eyes ♪
66
00:03:42,347 --> 00:03:47,894
♪ You'd better watch them if you're wise ♪
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00:03:48,978 --> 00:03:51,648
♪ They sparkle, they bubble ♪
68
00:03:51,731 --> 00:03:54,693
♪ They're gonna get you
In a whole lot of trouble ♪
69
00:03:54,776 --> 00:03:57,779
-♪ You're overworking ♪
-♪ You're overworking ♪
70
00:03:57,862 --> 00:04:00,407
-♪ There's danger lurking ♪
-♪ There's danger lurking ♪
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♪ In them there eyes ♪
72
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
73
00:04:19,759 --> 00:04:21,636
Well, what a great number.
74
00:04:21,720 --> 00:04:24,097
We should send roses back
to Carol Channing.
75
00:04:24,180 --> 00:04:26,599
What do we give the weird guys
with the big eyes?
76
00:04:26,683 --> 00:04:28,309
Fifty lashes.
77
00:04:31,146 --> 00:04:33,481
Okay, very nice. Nicely ogled.
78
00:04:33,565 --> 00:04:36,818
-We were okay? Oh!
-Twenty-twenty.
79
00:04:36,901 --> 00:04:38,361
-Oh, Scooter.
-Yeah, boss?
80
00:04:38,445 --> 00:04:41,114
I gotta change for the next number.
I'll be right back, okay?
81
00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:42,240
Check, chief.
82
00:04:42,323 --> 00:04:44,242
-Hi, Miss Piggy.
-Oh, hi.
83
00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:47,370
-Scooter! Scooter, will you help me?
-Yes?
84
00:04:47,454 --> 00:04:50,123
-I can't go another step.
-What's wrong?
85
00:04:50,206 --> 00:04:54,544
Oh, I just bought these new shoes,
and they are killing me.
86
00:04:55,712 --> 00:04:58,798
-Help me get them off, will you?
-Sure, Miss Piggy.
87
00:04:58,882 --> 00:05:00,008
Just pull.
88
00:05:00,091 --> 00:05:01,509
[SCOOTER GRUNTING]
89
00:05:05,263 --> 00:05:07,766
-That's one.
-Okay.
90
00:05:11,436 --> 00:05:12,645
[SHOUTS]
91
00:05:14,147 --> 00:05:15,190
[SIGHS]
92
00:05:16,274 --> 00:05:18,360
Oh, never again.
93
00:05:18,443 --> 00:05:21,529
Oh, what's wrong?
Didn't they have your size?
94
00:05:21,613 --> 00:05:25,492
Heh. Scooter, dear,
you wouldn't understand.
95
00:05:25,575 --> 00:05:27,911
You're not a woman.
96
00:05:27,994 --> 00:05:31,206
I guess not. I'm not even a pig.
97
00:05:32,874 --> 00:05:35,085
Okay. Oh, oh, Miss Piggy.
98
00:05:35,168 --> 00:05:36,753
Are these your shoes? They look new.
99
00:05:36,836 --> 00:05:39,005
Oh, yes, they are,
but I'm taking them back.
100
00:05:39,089 --> 00:05:41,174
They're just not the right...
101
00:05:41,257 --> 00:05:44,594
Heh. They're not the right style pour moi.
102
00:05:44,678 --> 00:05:48,223
Oh. I wouldn't say that.
They look very elegant.
103
00:05:49,808 --> 00:05:53,186
-You think so?
-Sure. I bet you'd look terrific in them.
104
00:05:56,106 --> 00:05:58,525
-Scooter!
-Yeah?
105
00:05:58,608 --> 00:06:01,820
-Promise you won't ask any questions.
-Okay, I promise.
106
00:06:01,903 --> 00:06:03,863
Help me put the shoes back on.
107
00:06:03,947 --> 00:06:06,449
-Are you crazy?
-You promised.
108
00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:12,288
Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
we have a very special treat tonight.
109
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Because with us is one of the great stars
of the silent screen.
110
00:06:16,501 --> 00:06:20,505
Now although you may not remember
her name, she was once a superstar.
111
00:06:20,588 --> 00:06:25,051
And here she is now
to tell her own sad story.
112
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
113
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[WITH WHISTLING LISP]
My name is Cecelia Sisson.
114
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-Wait, Cecelia Sisson, huh?
-Certainly.
115
00:06:41,026 --> 00:06:46,740
S-I-S-S-O-N. Sisson.
116
00:06:46,823 --> 00:06:50,452
Yes. Now, I understand that your last film
117
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was the world's first all-singing,
all-talking picture.
118
00:06:54,080 --> 00:07:01,379
Yes, I had been on the silent screen
for seven years.
119
00:07:02,339 --> 00:07:08,970
Then I spoke and sang
in Mississippi Melody.
120
00:07:09,054 --> 00:07:12,640
And, uh, then what happened?
121
00:07:12,724 --> 00:07:17,812
Overnight I hit the skids.
122
00:07:19,272 --> 00:07:21,775
So to speak.
123
00:07:21,858 --> 00:07:24,986
Uh, yes, that's certainly
an amazing story, Cecilia.
124
00:07:25,070 --> 00:07:30,116
They seemed to feel that there was
something wrong with my voice.
125
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:32,786
No.
126
00:07:32,869 --> 00:07:34,913
Sadly so.
127
00:07:34,996 --> 00:07:39,292
Now as l look back I say,
128
00:07:39,376 --> 00:07:45,715
"Cecilia, if you'd only learned
to keep your big mouth shut."
129
00:07:47,008 --> 00:07:51,680
Uh, thank you, Cecilia, and...
[WHISTLES] so long.
130
00:07:58,853 --> 00:08:00,188
[PIGGY GRUNTING]
131
00:08:02,607 --> 00:08:05,568
Hey, Cinderella,
who sold you the slippers?
132
00:08:05,652 --> 00:08:08,905
A shoe salesman or a sausage stuffer?
133
00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:15,203
Floyd, dear, before you say anything more,
134
00:08:15,286 --> 00:08:18,581
why don't you just jot down
your next of kin?
135
00:08:19,624 --> 00:08:22,335
It'll be easier for the authorities.
136
00:08:22,419 --> 00:08:24,337
-I hear you talking.
-Mm.
137
00:08:24,421 --> 00:08:25,630
[GRUNTS]
138
00:08:25,714 --> 00:08:29,217
-Oh, Piggy.
-Oh! Ha, ha. Hi, Kermie.
139
00:08:29,300 --> 00:08:32,470
-Oh, I see you're wearing your new shoes.
-Mm-hm.
140
00:08:32,554 --> 00:08:34,222
-They look very nice.
-Thank you.
141
00:08:34,305 --> 00:08:37,308
Hey, let me see you just walk around
a little bit on them.
142
00:08:37,392 --> 00:08:38,977
-Hm?
-Just walk around a little bit.
143
00:08:39,060 --> 00:08:40,895
Let me see the backs of them.
144
00:08:40,979 --> 00:08:42,188
Um...
145
00:08:42,272 --> 00:08:43,898
[LAUGHING]
146
00:08:46,026 --> 00:08:48,820
Nice. Uh, hey,
can you dance in those, too?
147
00:08:50,447 --> 00:08:52,490
-What?
-Sure, let's just dance a little bit.
148
00:08:52,574 --> 00:08:53,742
Here we go.
149
00:08:53,825 --> 00:08:55,368
[HUMMING]
150
00:08:55,452 --> 00:08:57,704
[BOTH HUMMING]
151
00:09:00,457 --> 00:09:01,750
Oh, oh, the next number's on.
152
00:09:01,833 --> 00:09:04,002
This is one of my favorite numbers.
153
00:09:04,085 --> 00:09:05,837
What's that?
154
00:09:05,920 --> 00:09:07,714
"Your Feet's Too Big."
155
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,050
Hi-yah!
156
00:09:12,677 --> 00:09:14,637
[JAZZ PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]
157
00:09:23,688 --> 00:09:25,732
Mm-mm!
158
00:09:25,815 --> 00:09:28,526
My, oh, my, don't you look nice.
159
00:09:28,610 --> 00:09:31,196
Why, thank you.
160
00:09:33,865 --> 00:09:37,285
Oh, you got such a pretty face.
161
00:09:37,369 --> 00:09:38,536
Oh!
162
00:09:40,747 --> 00:09:44,334
Mm. I love your shape.
163
00:09:44,417 --> 00:09:45,585
Oh!
164
00:09:48,755 --> 00:09:52,050
Matter of fact, there's only two things
wrong with you.
165
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:53,718
What's that?
166
00:09:53,802 --> 00:09:55,929
I'll tell you about it.
167
00:09:56,888 --> 00:10:01,017
♪ Say up in Harlem at a table for two ♪
168
00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:04,646
♪ There were four of us
Me, your big feet, and you ♪
169
00:10:04,729 --> 00:10:06,064
You're such a tease.
170
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:10,360
♪ From your ankle up
I'd say you are sweet ♪
171
00:10:10,443 --> 00:10:13,947
♪ From that down
There's just too much feet ♪
172
00:10:14,030 --> 00:10:17,158
♪ Yeah, your feet's too big ♪
173
00:10:17,242 --> 00:10:20,453
♪ Don't want you
Because your feet's too big ♪
174
00:10:20,537 --> 00:10:21,955
[LAUGHS]
175
00:10:22,038 --> 00:10:26,334
♪ Can't use you
Because your feet's too big ♪
176
00:10:26,418 --> 00:10:31,006
♪ I really hate you
Because your feet's too big ♪
177
00:10:33,174 --> 00:10:34,759
[BOTH SCATTING]
178
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:39,639
♪ Where'd you get them ♪
179
00:10:41,099 --> 00:10:44,602
♪ Your girl, she likes you
She thinks your nice ♪
180
00:10:44,686 --> 00:10:45,812
Well, I am.
181
00:10:45,895 --> 00:10:50,358
♪ Got what it takes to be in paradise ♪
182
00:10:50,442 --> 00:10:53,903
♪ She says she likes your face
She likes your rig ♪
183
00:10:53,987 --> 00:10:58,199
♪ Yeah, but, man, oh, man
Them feets are too big ♪
184
00:10:58,283 --> 00:11:01,536
♪ Mm, your feet's too big ♪
185
00:11:01,619 --> 00:11:04,664
♪ Don't want you
Because your feet's too big ♪
186
00:11:04,748 --> 00:11:06,041
[LAUGHING]
187
00:11:06,124 --> 00:11:10,378
♪ Mad at you because your feet's too big ♪
188
00:11:10,462 --> 00:11:15,675
♪ I hate you because your feet's too big ♪
189
00:11:15,759 --> 00:11:18,553
Come on, move them gunboats around.
190
00:11:20,597 --> 00:11:25,518
You know, I bet if you had any shoes
you could rent them out as storage space.
191
00:11:33,568 --> 00:11:38,323
♪ Oh, yeah, your pedal extremities
Are colossal ♪
192
00:11:38,406 --> 00:11:42,202
♪ To me, you look just like a fossil ♪
193
00:11:43,119 --> 00:11:46,331
♪ You got me walking, talking, squawking ♪
194
00:11:46,414 --> 00:11:50,001
♪ Oh, yeah, because your feet's too big ♪
195
00:11:50,085 --> 00:11:51,378
♪ Oh, yeah ♪
196
00:11:52,587 --> 00:11:56,341
Too bad you ain't got dainty little feet
like me.
197
00:11:57,509 --> 00:12:00,345
Bet you need tow trucks
to move them around.
198
00:12:01,388 --> 00:12:04,683
Oh, good thing
you got a lot of soul, honey.
199
00:12:04,766 --> 00:12:07,185
Well, you're just one big heel.
200
00:12:07,268 --> 00:12:09,187
[BOTH LAUGHING]
201
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:10,939
Oh, yeah.
202
00:12:11,022 --> 00:12:13,108
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
203
00:12:15,443 --> 00:12:16,486
[MUMBLING]
204
00:12:16,569 --> 00:12:17,904
What?
205
00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:20,740
Do you wanna hear some penguin music?
206
00:12:20,824 --> 00:12:24,661
Hey, Beau, let's play some penguin music,
make this little dude feel at home.
207
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:25,787
Waves.
208
00:12:25,870 --> 00:12:27,288
Penguin music?
209
00:12:28,081 --> 00:12:30,083
Oh, that one.
210
00:12:33,712 --> 00:12:36,089
[PLAYING RELAXING MELODY]
211
00:13:22,886 --> 00:13:24,679
[PIGGY GRUNTING]
212
00:13:29,642 --> 00:13:31,603
Would you get out of the way?
213
00:13:31,686 --> 00:13:33,021
[PENGUIN YELLS]
214
00:13:34,064 --> 00:13:35,440
Would you move it?
215
00:13:37,108 --> 00:13:38,777
[PIGGY GROANING]
216
00:13:52,040 --> 00:13:54,834
Would you get out of the way?
217
00:14:00,674 --> 00:14:02,258
Get out of the way.
218
00:14:03,093 --> 00:14:04,219
Move it.
219
00:14:16,523 --> 00:14:18,608
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
220
00:14:22,696 --> 00:14:28,034
NARRATOR [ECHOING]:
And now, Pigs in Space.
221
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:32,122
You will recall
that in our last episode...
222
00:14:32,205 --> 00:14:35,250
Uh, wait a minute,
Miss Piggy isn't here yet.
223
00:14:35,333 --> 00:14:37,002
PIGGY:
Uh, start without me.
224
00:14:37,085 --> 00:14:40,005
-I have a little problem.
NARRATOR: Check.
225
00:14:40,088 --> 00:14:43,383
You will recall that in our last episode,
the crew of the Swinetrek
226
00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:47,387
was being held captive
by an invisible force field.
227
00:14:47,470 --> 00:14:49,514
This is serious, captain.
228
00:14:49,597 --> 00:14:53,685
Some terrible force field is preventing us
from leaving this room.
229
00:14:53,768 --> 00:14:55,020
Look.
230
00:14:56,855 --> 00:14:58,231
[FORCE FIELD ZAPS]
231
00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:01,359
Oh, that's dreadful.
232
00:15:01,443 --> 00:15:03,903
I'll try this door over here.
233
00:15:05,405 --> 00:15:06,740
[FORCE FIELD ZAPS]
234
00:15:08,033 --> 00:15:10,201
Maybe if I got a running start.
235
00:15:10,285 --> 00:15:14,581
-Oh, I wouldn't do that.
-Here I go! Aah!
236
00:15:17,292 --> 00:15:18,877
That's why I wouldn't do that.
237
00:15:18,960 --> 00:15:20,712
Oh, this is terrible.
238
00:15:20,795 --> 00:15:22,630
Here we are trapped forever.
239
00:15:22,714 --> 00:15:26,134
Nothing can penetrate
this invisible shield.
240
00:15:26,217 --> 00:15:27,761
[PIGGY GRUNTING]
241
00:15:28,803 --> 00:15:30,847
Oh, sorry I'm late.
242
00:15:30,930 --> 00:15:34,476
Don't do that, the invisible shield.
243
00:15:34,559 --> 00:15:37,687
Who cares about the invisible shield?
244
00:15:37,771 --> 00:15:39,689
Oh, these shoes.
245
00:15:39,773 --> 00:15:43,860
But the invisible shield,
that's part of the sketch.
246
00:15:43,943 --> 00:15:46,529
I don't care.
247
00:15:46,613 --> 00:15:49,783
I'm in great pain.
248
00:15:49,866 --> 00:15:52,118
ROWLF:
This sounds like a job for Dr. Bob.
249
00:15:54,913 --> 00:15:56,706
But the invisible shield.
250
00:15:56,790 --> 00:15:58,875
Now then, what's the trouble?
251
00:15:58,958 --> 00:16:01,836
Oh, Miss Piggy's in big pain.
252
00:16:01,920 --> 00:16:04,964
Of course she's a big pain,
what else is new?
253
00:16:05,048 --> 00:16:07,008
JANICE:
For sure. For sure.
254
00:16:07,092 --> 00:16:09,761
That does it just, get out of this sketch.
255
00:16:09,844 --> 00:16:12,180
Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.
256
00:16:12,263 --> 00:16:14,849
[FORCE FIELD ZAPPING]
257
00:16:14,933 --> 00:16:17,394
Oh, no, it's no use.
258
00:16:17,477 --> 00:16:19,979
We're trapped here for all eternity.
259
00:16:20,063 --> 00:16:23,650
PIGGY:
Oh, brother. Let me get me out of here.
260
00:16:25,110 --> 00:16:26,444
Oh, brother.
261
00:16:26,528 --> 00:16:28,321
[GRUNTING]
262
00:16:28,405 --> 00:16:32,242
Oh, how will we ever get out of all this?
263
00:16:32,325 --> 00:16:35,370
Easy. Cue announcer.
264
00:16:35,453 --> 00:16:42,752
NARRATOR: Tune in again next time
for another adventure of Pigs in Space.
265
00:16:42,836 --> 00:16:46,172
You know, we have him at the hospital too.
266
00:16:48,967 --> 00:16:50,176
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
267
00:16:51,052 --> 00:16:53,013
Come in.
268
00:16:53,096 --> 00:16:55,265
[PIGGY GROANING]
269
00:17:00,895 --> 00:17:03,940
-Oh, Carol.
-Miss Piggy.
270
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:06,026
Can I talk to you woman to woman?
271
00:17:06,109 --> 00:17:08,153
Oh, yes, dear. Are you all right?
272
00:17:08,236 --> 00:17:11,239
Well, actually, to tell you the truth...
273
00:17:11,322 --> 00:17:13,658
[GRUNTS THEN SHOE POPS OFF]
274
00:17:13,742 --> 00:17:16,661
-You see these shoes?
-Yes.
275
00:17:16,745 --> 00:17:20,040
-My frog, he loves them.
-Yes?
276
00:17:20,123 --> 00:17:22,083
My feet hate them.
277
00:17:23,126 --> 00:17:26,087
Oh, you poor dear.
278
00:17:26,171 --> 00:17:29,632
I know what. You know,
I've had troubles like this myself,
279
00:17:29,716 --> 00:17:34,554
and I read somewhere that if
you soak your feet in pickle juice,
280
00:17:34,637 --> 00:17:36,181
it shrinks them.
281
00:17:37,682 --> 00:17:39,642
-Pickle juice?
-Yes.
282
00:17:39,726 --> 00:17:44,606
Uh, Carol, I can't do that.
I mean, people might say that I have--
283
00:17:44,689 --> 00:17:48,401
Oh, don't say it.
Of course, pickled pigs' feet.
284
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,947
How could I be so gross?
285
00:17:53,031 --> 00:17:55,617
-What will I do? Tell me.
-I'll tell you, darling.
286
00:17:55,700 --> 00:17:58,828
What you need is to have these enlarged.
287
00:17:58,912 --> 00:17:59,996
Timmy.
288
00:18:01,498 --> 00:18:03,291
Uh, yes, ma'am, Miss Carol?
289
00:18:03,375 --> 00:18:06,795
Timmy, could you please
put these on your feet
290
00:18:06,878 --> 00:18:11,633
and run around the block several times
like a good boy.
291
00:18:11,716 --> 00:18:13,426
Okay, Miss Carol.
292
00:18:16,137 --> 00:18:18,431
-Are you sure that'll work?
-Sure.
293
00:18:18,515 --> 00:18:23,436
Just this morning I had him stretch
a pair of false eyelashes for me.
294
00:18:27,941 --> 00:18:30,276
[SINGING GIBBERISH]
295
00:18:35,782 --> 00:18:37,242
[EGGS SQUEAKING]
296
00:18:39,494 --> 00:18:41,204
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
297
00:18:41,287 --> 00:18:44,833
...meaty loafer... the meat...
298
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,212
...the loafer.
299
00:18:51,715 --> 00:18:54,426
Good meat. Good meat.
300
00:18:58,513 --> 00:19:01,349
Put the meat in the loafer...
301
00:19:01,433 --> 00:19:04,853
Hey! Hey, give me back my shoe.
302
00:19:09,607 --> 00:19:11,192
[SQUISHING]
303
00:19:11,276 --> 00:19:12,318
Ha.
304
00:19:12,402 --> 00:19:13,862
[SQUISHING]
305
00:19:15,989 --> 00:19:17,490
[DOGS BARKING]
306
00:19:17,574 --> 00:19:18,908
[YELLING]
307
00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:28,293
-Miss Piggy? Oh!
-Aah!
308
00:19:28,376 --> 00:19:29,419
[SIGHS]
309
00:19:29,502 --> 00:19:31,212
Don't do that.
310
00:19:32,422 --> 00:19:34,591
Did Timmy the monster
stretch your shoes for you?
311
00:19:34,674 --> 00:19:36,092
Shh, shh, shh!
312
00:19:36,176 --> 00:19:40,013
Uh, Kermie, um, I'm just about ready
for the number with Carol.
313
00:19:40,096 --> 00:19:42,474
-Oh, good.
-I just have my hairdo to do.
314
00:19:42,557 --> 00:19:46,686
Mm-hm. Uh, Piggy, you're not wearing
those cute shoes.
315
00:19:46,770 --> 00:19:50,357
Um, well, Kermie,
I just sent them out to be--
316
00:19:50,440 --> 00:19:51,649
-Stretched.
-Polished.
317
00:19:51,733 --> 00:19:53,068
Yeah. Yeah.
318
00:19:54,069 --> 00:19:55,862
-Oh, Miss Piggy.
-Oh, Timmy.
319
00:19:55,945 --> 00:19:59,866
-Hurry, hurry, hurry. Yes. Yes.
-Here they are.
320
00:20:02,285 --> 00:20:03,370
[SIGHS]
321
00:20:03,453 --> 00:20:06,331
I'm alone in a world of weirdos.
322
00:20:08,124 --> 00:20:11,086
Ladies and gentlemen,
we present now the palace.
323
00:20:11,169 --> 00:20:14,089
And among the other people there,
we will find Miss Carol Channing!
324
00:20:14,172 --> 00:20:15,507
Yay!
325
00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:17,676
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
326
00:20:22,472 --> 00:20:24,057
[CHATTERING]
327
00:20:26,351 --> 00:20:32,732
Introducing the Queen of Westendia,
Her Royal Highness, Miss Carol.
328
00:20:32,816 --> 00:20:35,527
[ELEGANT FANFARE PLAYS]
329
00:20:39,948 --> 00:20:44,369
Announcing the Princess of Trichanosia,
330
00:20:45,245 --> 00:20:48,748
Her Royal Highness, Miss Piggy.
331
00:20:48,832 --> 00:20:50,959
[ELEGANT FANFARE PLAYING]
332
00:20:58,258 --> 00:21:00,010
[CHATTERING]
333
00:21:04,180 --> 00:21:07,892
Now, Miss Piggy, that's what I wanted
to tell you about.
334
00:21:07,976 --> 00:21:10,228
[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC]
335
00:21:10,311 --> 00:21:15,150
♪ A kiss on the hand
May be quite continental ♪
336
00:21:15,233 --> 00:21:19,487
♪ But diamonds are a girl's best friend ♪
337
00:21:19,571 --> 00:21:21,906
♪ A kiss may be grand ♪
338
00:21:21,990 --> 00:21:26,828
♪ But it won't pay the rental
On your humble flat ♪
339
00:21:26,911 --> 00:21:31,082
♪ Or help you at the automat ♪
340
00:21:31,166 --> 00:21:35,128
♪ Men grow cold as girls grow old ♪
341
00:21:35,211 --> 00:21:39,341
♪ And we all lose our charms in the end ♪
342
00:21:39,424 --> 00:21:40,467
Hoo-ah!
343
00:21:40,550 --> 00:21:47,766
♪ But square cut or pear shape
These rocks don't lose their shape ♪
344
00:21:47,849 --> 00:21:52,479
-♪ Diamonds are a girl's best friend ♪
-♪ Diamonds are a girl's best friend ♪
345
00:21:52,562 --> 00:21:56,441
-Um, will you excusez-moi, Carol?
-Yes?
346
00:21:56,524 --> 00:21:58,485
-Moi? You mean vous?
-Oui.
347
00:21:58,568 --> 00:21:59,778
[PIGGY CHUCKLES]
348
00:22:06,659 --> 00:22:10,622
♪ Diamonds are a girl's best friend ♪
349
00:22:10,705 --> 00:22:15,794
♪ There may come a time
When a lass needs a lawyer ♪
350
00:22:15,877 --> 00:22:20,548
♪ But diamonds are a girl's best friend ♪
351
00:22:20,632 --> 00:22:24,969
♪ There may come a time
When a hard boiled employer ♪
352
00:22:25,053 --> 00:22:27,681
♪ Thinks you're awful nice ♪
353
00:22:27,764 --> 00:22:32,310
♪ But get that ice or else no dice ♪
354
00:22:32,394 --> 00:22:36,231
♪ He's your guy when stocks go high ♪
355
00:22:36,314 --> 00:22:41,152
♪ But beware when they start to descend ♪
356
00:22:41,236 --> 00:22:48,535
♪ It's then that those louses
Go back to their spouses ♪
357
00:22:49,494 --> 00:22:53,665
-♪ Diamonds are a girl's best friend ♪
-♪ Diamonds are a girl's best friend ♪
358
00:22:53,748 --> 00:22:57,168
-Excusez-moi, Carol.
-Watch it.
359
00:22:58,753 --> 00:23:03,341
-♪ Diamonds are a girl's best friend ♪
-♪ Diamonds are a girl's best friend ♪
360
00:23:12,934 --> 00:23:17,022
-♪ Time rolls on and youth is gone ♪
-♪ Time rolls on and youth is gone ♪
361
00:23:17,105 --> 00:23:21,776
♪ And you can't straighten up
When you bend ♪
362
00:23:21,860 --> 00:23:25,280
♪ But stiff back or stiff knees ♪
363
00:23:25,363 --> 00:23:31,995
♪ You stand straight at Tiffany's ♪
364
00:23:33,079 --> 00:23:36,666
♪ Diamonds are a girl's best friend ♪
365
00:23:36,750 --> 00:23:39,627
♪ I don't mean rhinestones ♪
366
00:23:39,711 --> 00:23:41,588
♪ Diamonds ♪
367
00:23:41,671 --> 00:23:43,465
♪ Diamonds ♪
368
00:23:43,548 --> 00:23:45,467
♪ Diamonds ♪
369
00:23:45,550 --> 00:23:47,552
♪ Diamonds ♪
370
00:23:47,635 --> 00:23:53,016
♪ Diamonds are a girl's ♪
371
00:23:53,099 --> 00:24:00,023
♪ Best friend ♪
372
00:24:00,106 --> 00:24:02,275
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
373
00:24:22,754 --> 00:24:25,548
Okay, well, that's just about
all the time we have.
374
00:24:25,632 --> 00:24:28,635
It's been wonderful
playing the palace, uh,
375
00:24:28,718 --> 00:24:32,347
but before we go, let us bring back
our fantastic guest star,
376
00:24:32,430 --> 00:24:34,974
ladies and gentlemen,
the terrific Miss Carol Channing!
377
00:24:35,058 --> 00:24:37,227
Yay!
378
00:24:37,310 --> 00:24:38,895
Yeah!
379
00:24:38,978 --> 00:24:41,940
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
380
00:24:42,023 --> 00:24:43,942
Thank you.
381
00:24:44,025 --> 00:24:45,360
-But, Kermie...
-Mm.
382
00:24:45,443 --> 00:24:47,278
I did wanna thank Miss Piggy.
383
00:24:47,362 --> 00:24:51,157
-Oh, Carol, here I am. Thank you.
-Oh, Miss Piggy, dear.
384
00:24:51,241 --> 00:24:56,496
You wear diamonds so well, doesn't she?
And you sang the song just beautifully.
385
00:24:56,579 --> 00:24:59,290
Oh, thank you, but to tell you the truth,
I have a confession.
386
00:24:59,374 --> 00:25:02,877
-The diamonds are not mine. Um...
-They're not?
387
00:25:02,961 --> 00:25:06,089
Yes, they're rented.
We have to return them in the morning.
388
00:25:06,172 --> 00:25:07,841
-Oh.
-That's true. Mm-hm.
389
00:25:07,924 --> 00:25:11,094
Kermit, couldn't she just keep
one little diamond?
390
00:25:11,177 --> 00:25:12,595
-Well, uh...
-Oh, please, Kermie!
391
00:25:12,679 --> 00:25:13,722
Please, please, please!
392
00:25:13,805 --> 00:25:16,641
It would make such a nice present for her.
393
00:25:16,725 --> 00:25:19,310
Oh, well, uh, okay, I guess.
394
00:25:19,394 --> 00:25:21,980
Ah. Thank you, Kermie.
395
00:25:22,063 --> 00:25:23,940
Um...
396
00:25:24,024 --> 00:25:25,817
I choose this one.
397
00:25:25,900 --> 00:25:28,236
-Kermit, how nice.
-Hm?
398
00:25:28,319 --> 00:25:31,614
She chose an engagement ring.
399
00:25:31,698 --> 00:25:34,868
-What?
-Congratulations.
400
00:25:34,951 --> 00:25:36,286
That's not an engagement.
401
00:25:36,369 --> 00:25:39,289
This has gone far enough,
ladies and gentlemen. We're just kidding.
402
00:25:39,372 --> 00:25:41,249
We'll see you next time
on The Muppet Show.
403
00:25:41,332 --> 00:25:45,128
-You're all invited to the wedding.
-It's not an engagement ring.
404
00:25:45,211 --> 00:25:46,921
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
405
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:23,541
-With friends like these...
-Who needs emeralds?
29880
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