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[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
2
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Jaye P. Morgan? Jaye P. Morgan?
Fifteen seconds to curtain, Miss Morgan.
3
00:00:07,215 --> 00:00:09,759
Oh, Scooter, I have a present for you.
4
00:00:09,843 --> 00:00:12,262
Oh, gee, thanks. Hey, this is a--
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00:00:12,345 --> 00:00:13,388
[BOMB EXPLODES]
6
00:00:14,431 --> 00:00:18,393
This is not gonna be
just another cute puppet show.
7
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It's The Muppet Show, with our very
special guest star, Miss Jaye P. Morgan!
8
00:00:27,944 --> 00:00:30,030
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
9
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♪ It's time to play the music ♪
10
00:00:43,376 --> 00:00:45,420
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
11
00:00:45,503 --> 00:00:48,840
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
12
00:00:49,966 --> 00:00:51,968
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
13
00:00:52,052 --> 00:00:54,137
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
14
00:00:54,220 --> 00:00:56,097
♪ It's time to get things started ♪
15
00:00:56,181 --> 00:00:58,433
Let's get this turkey on the road!
16
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♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
17
00:01:02,979 --> 00:01:04,981
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
18
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,776
♪ This is what we call ♪
19
00:01:07,859 --> 00:01:12,614
♪ The Muppet Show ♪
20
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[EXPLOSION]
21
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[LAUGHING]
22
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
23
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Thank you, thank you.
24
00:01:20,663 --> 00:01:24,501
Here we are again with another one
of those things entitled The Muppet Show.
25
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Starting off, we are going
to do the very first piece of material
26
00:01:27,921 --> 00:01:29,339
the Muppets ever did.
27
00:01:29,422 --> 00:01:32,133
No kidding, it was a little song
entitled "Tweedlee Dee,"
28
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and we first did it about 23 years ago.
29
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But tonight we have a new
and very cute version of it
30
00:01:38,640 --> 00:01:40,642
done by our special guest star.
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Ladies and gentlemen, Jaye P. Morgan!
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[CHEERS]
33
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[BAND PLAYING "TWEEDLEE-DEE"]
34
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♪ Tweedlee, tweedlee, tweedlee dee ♪
35
00:01:55,323 --> 00:01:59,119
♪ I'm as happy as can be ♪
36
00:02:00,537 --> 00:02:02,997
♪ Jiminy Cricket, Jiminy Jack ♪
37
00:02:03,081 --> 00:02:05,750
♪ You make my heart go clickety-clack ♪
38
00:02:05,834 --> 00:02:09,838
♪ Tweedlee, tweedlee, tweedlee dee ♪
39
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"Tweedlee, tweedlee dee"?
What am I doing here?
40
00:02:14,384 --> 00:02:16,302
I mean, this is really corny.
41
00:02:16,386 --> 00:02:18,388
I flew 8000 miles to be here.
42
00:02:18,471 --> 00:02:23,184
The plane was late, I haven't slept,
and I'm dressing with a bunch of pigs.
43
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Then they put me
in this birdbrained costume.
44
00:02:26,271 --> 00:02:30,442
Want me to be cute?
The feathers smell like a skunk.
45
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Then I gotta sing.
46
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♪ Tweedlee dee, tweedlee dee ♪
47
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♪ Give it back, give it back
Give your love to me ♪
48
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Huh?
49
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BOTH:
♪ Tweedlee dot, tweedlee dot ♪
50
00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:52,047
♪ Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme
Gimme all the love you got ♪
51
00:02:52,130 --> 00:02:53,715
♪ Chirpy, chirp, chirp, chirp ♪
52
00:02:53,798 --> 00:02:56,634
Hoo-wee, you are one cute bird, Jaye P.
53
00:02:56,718 --> 00:02:58,928
Uh-huh. I'm getting sick too.
54
00:02:59,012 --> 00:03:02,098
In fact, you're one cute Jaye bird,
Jaye P. Heh-heh-heh!
55
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:05,685
Oh, terrific, now they're making bad jokes
on my name.
56
00:03:05,769 --> 00:03:07,687
Huh. I thought it was funny.
57
00:03:07,771 --> 00:03:09,397
This is the worst.
58
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What are you gonna ask me to do next?
59
00:03:11,399 --> 00:03:14,611
Modulate, Jaye P., modulate. Whoo-hoo!
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[IN HIGHER KEY]
♪ Tweedlee, tweedlee, tweedlee dumb ♪
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♪ You're as sweet as bubble gum ♪
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I'm going into a coma.
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♪ Mercy, mercy, puddin' pie ♪
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♪ Say, you've got somethin'
That money can't buy ♪
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BOTH:
♪ Tweedlee, tweedlee, tweedlee dumb ♪
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"Dumb" is right.
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BOTH:
♪ Tweedlee, tweedlee, tweedlee dee ♪
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All right, here we go, head for home.
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Home it is.
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BOTH:
♪ Tweedlee, tweedlee, tweedlee dee! ♪
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[LEAVES RUSTLE]
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Dumb.
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[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
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00:03:56,820 --> 00:03:59,948
Oh, Jaye P. Morgan is terrific.
75
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Yep, but that number was for the birds.
76
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[CHUCKLES]
77
00:04:03,743 --> 00:04:06,287
You had to do that joke, huh?
78
00:04:06,371 --> 00:04:08,915
One of us had to, and I lost the toss.
79
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-Cheep, cheep! Heh-heh-heh! Cheep!
-Okay, way to go, bird.
80
00:04:14,045 --> 00:04:16,548
Back to your dressing nest.
81
00:04:16,631 --> 00:04:20,010
Oh, Jaye P.
Hey, that was a terrific number.
82
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-It was?
-Oh, it really was.
83
00:04:22,095 --> 00:04:25,265
I just can't tell you what a thrill it is
to have you on the show.
84
00:04:25,348 --> 00:04:28,101
Aw, thank you, Kermit.
Nice of you to say so.
85
00:04:28,184 --> 00:04:31,521
I'd like to say,
I'm really indifferent about being here.
86
00:04:33,148 --> 00:04:35,108
Indifferent?
87
00:04:35,191 --> 00:04:37,736
-Yeah. Well, you know what I mean.
-But what's wrong?
88
00:04:37,819 --> 00:04:41,239
That last number was terrific.
It was really cute.
89
00:04:41,322 --> 00:04:42,907
Yeah, it was cute, wasn't it?
90
00:04:42,991 --> 00:04:45,785
Oh, it was. It was just so cute.
91
00:04:45,869 --> 00:04:47,370
I hate cute.
92
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Uh, we're in trouble.
93
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Uh, listen, Jaye P.,
we're not all cute around here.
94
00:04:53,585 --> 00:04:55,587
Rawr-- Oh, Jaye P.!
95
00:04:55,670 --> 00:04:57,505
Wait, Animal, don't do it!
96
00:04:57,589 --> 00:05:00,091
I-- Cute's not the only thing I hate!
97
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-Jaye P.!
JAYE: Animal, don't do that!
98
00:05:01,926 --> 00:05:04,262
Hey, Chef, you're on! Animal!
99
00:05:04,346 --> 00:05:06,514
[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT FOLK MUSIC]
100
00:05:06,598 --> 00:05:08,683
[SINGING IN GIBBERISH]
101
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♪ Bork, bork, bork ♪
102
00:05:17,484 --> 00:05:20,153
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
103
00:05:20,236 --> 00:05:25,492
...coconut... coconut, uh...
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...open the coconut.
105
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[CONTINUES SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
106
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...the top... the bottom...
107
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[CONTINUES SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
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...cut the coconut.
109
00:05:37,212 --> 00:05:39,464
[CONTINUES SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
110
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Saw-zen. Saw-zen the coconut.
111
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[HUMMING]
112
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[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
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...clubber... clubber the coconut.
114
00:05:50,684 --> 00:05:52,018
[HUMMING]
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00:05:52,102 --> 00:05:54,187
[SPEAKING GIBBERISH]
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...coconut.
117
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...a bomb?
118
00:06:05,907 --> 00:06:07,659
[MUTTERING GIBBERISH]
119
00:06:07,742 --> 00:06:08,868
...a bomb?
120
00:06:08,952 --> 00:06:10,662
Oh, wait just a minute.
121
00:06:10,745 --> 00:06:14,749
That's the second time tonight
they've used a bomb joke.
122
00:06:17,627 --> 00:06:19,879
Ha, ha. Three's a charm.
123
00:06:22,465 --> 00:06:25,510
Hey, bang-up job, Chef.
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[LAUGHS]
125
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-Hey, Kermit.
-Yeah?
126
00:06:28,430 --> 00:06:29,597
How's Jaye P.?
127
00:06:29,681 --> 00:06:33,476
Oh, she's fine. She was a little upset
because the opening number was cute,
128
00:06:33,560 --> 00:06:34,769
but she's okay now.
129
00:06:34,853 --> 00:06:37,355
-Good.
-I sent up a cake to her dressing room.
130
00:06:37,439 --> 00:06:38,606
Hmm.
131
00:06:38,690 --> 00:06:42,569
Wait, Kermit.
Not the cake that was here on the table?
132
00:06:42,652 --> 00:06:43,695
Uh, yeah. Why?
133
00:06:43,778 --> 00:06:46,156
Oh. Crazy Harry baked that.
134
00:06:46,239 --> 00:06:48,324
[HARRY LAUGHING]
135
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[BOMB EXPLODES]
136
00:06:54,914 --> 00:06:57,000
[COUGHING]
137
00:06:58,793 --> 00:07:02,714
Hey, Kermit,
can we get back to the cute part?
138
00:07:04,841 --> 00:07:06,259
Uh, Jaye P., I'll be right up!
139
00:07:06,343 --> 00:07:10,305
-Fozzie, go introduce the next number.
-Yes. Yes, sir, yes, yes.
140
00:07:10,388 --> 00:07:14,225
Hey, hey, uh, Kermit wants me
to do the next introduction. Ahem.
141
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STATLER:
Oh, yeah?
142
00:07:15,894 --> 00:07:17,562
Well, he's the only one who does.
143
00:07:17,645 --> 00:07:18,688
[BOTH LAUGH]
144
00:07:18,772 --> 00:07:20,774
Hey, come on, guys, no heckling.
145
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:23,234
I'm not even out here to tell jokes.
146
00:07:23,318 --> 00:07:24,861
Have you ever been?
147
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Hey, you know that the bear is funny.
148
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You're right.
149
00:07:31,076 --> 00:07:33,661
In fact, I never enjoyed you more
than I did last week.
150
00:07:33,745 --> 00:07:35,497
-Mm.
-Oh, tha--
151
00:07:35,580 --> 00:07:37,999
Well, I didn't do an act last week.
152
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I rest my case.
153
00:07:40,585 --> 00:07:42,712
"Rest my--" Ha-ha-ha!
154
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[SIGHS]
155
00:07:43,922 --> 00:07:46,174
Uh, ladies and gentlemen,
156
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here is Gonzo the Great
with a trumpet solo,
157
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"Flight of the Bumblebee."
158
00:07:52,138 --> 00:07:54,057
That does it, I'm leaving.
159
00:07:55,308 --> 00:07:57,394
[PLAYING "FLIGHT OF THE BUMBLEBEE"]
160
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[BEE BUZZING]
161
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[ANIMAL GROWLING]
162
00:08:05,985 --> 00:08:08,071
[ROWLF YELPING]
163
00:08:10,407 --> 00:08:13,827
[GONZO YELPS THEN CRASHES]
164
00:08:13,910 --> 00:08:16,621
[BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
165
00:08:20,458 --> 00:08:24,546
You know, the trouble with women
is they always take things personally.
166
00:08:24,629 --> 00:08:26,381
I don't.
167
00:08:27,882 --> 00:08:32,762
The trouble with men
is that they're all too wishy-washy.
168
00:08:32,846 --> 00:08:35,974
Well, sometimes yes...
169
00:08:36,057 --> 00:08:39,102
and sometimes no.
170
00:08:41,521 --> 00:08:44,482
The trouble with you
is you can't take criticism.
171
00:08:44,566 --> 00:08:47,986
Now, that's a low-down rotten lie.
What do you mean I can't take criticism?
172
00:08:49,279 --> 00:08:52,240
The trouble with you is you're conceited.
173
00:08:52,323 --> 00:08:56,578
I am not.
Although I have every reason to be.
174
00:08:58,788 --> 00:09:01,833
The trouble with you
is you're always sticking your nose
175
00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:04,961
into everybody's business.
176
00:09:05,045 --> 00:09:07,047
Ah, what choice have I got?
177
00:09:09,215 --> 00:09:11,885
The trouble with you
is you're so stubborn.
178
00:09:11,968 --> 00:09:14,054
You refuse to change.
179
00:09:15,180 --> 00:09:16,681
Wanna bet?
180
00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:23,021
[PLAYING UPBEAT TUNE]
181
00:09:37,869 --> 00:09:39,329
[PLAYING SAME TUNE]
182
00:09:39,412 --> 00:09:42,165
Hey, I didn't know
you could play the piano.
183
00:09:42,248 --> 00:09:44,209
I didn't know it either.
184
00:09:44,292 --> 00:09:45,835
I'll join in.
185
00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,004
[PLAYING UPBEAT DUET]
186
00:09:50,840 --> 00:09:52,550
Very good. Here I go.
187
00:09:53,593 --> 00:09:55,637
Oh, he's good.
188
00:10:00,183 --> 00:10:01,685
Yeah.
189
00:10:01,768 --> 00:10:03,478
Ah.
190
00:10:05,522 --> 00:10:07,774
This is my part. Take it.
191
00:10:07,857 --> 00:10:09,609
[FOZZIE PLAYING]
192
00:10:09,693 --> 00:10:11,152
-Very good.
-Thank you.
193
00:10:11,236 --> 00:10:13,780
[ROWLF PLAYING]
194
00:10:13,863 --> 00:10:15,782
[FOZZIE PLAYING]
195
00:10:15,865 --> 00:10:17,450
Yeah. Together.
196
00:10:19,369 --> 00:10:21,121
Okay.
197
00:10:21,204 --> 00:10:24,332
You take it now, okay? Ready, go.
198
00:10:26,376 --> 00:10:27,961
Ah.
199
00:10:29,587 --> 00:10:31,214
Come on in.
200
00:10:36,136 --> 00:10:38,346
This is fun. Ah.
201
00:10:45,562 --> 00:10:47,397
-Ready? Modulate.
-What? What's that?
202
00:10:47,480 --> 00:10:49,232
[BOTH PLAYING IN HIGHER KEY]
203
00:10:49,315 --> 00:10:52,027
-Yay, you did it.
-Thank you. Whatever.
204
00:10:53,737 --> 00:10:55,947
-Oh, my hat!
-Hey.
205
00:10:56,031 --> 00:10:57,824
What do I do?
206
00:10:59,034 --> 00:11:00,785
-Can you play hatless?
-What?
207
00:11:00,869 --> 00:11:03,455
-Can you play hatless?
-I don't know. Who wrote it?
208
00:11:03,538 --> 00:11:05,623
-Keep playing!
-Yes, sir.
209
00:11:07,042 --> 00:11:08,960
Oh, that's how it works, huh?
210
00:11:09,044 --> 00:11:11,254
-Just play!
-Yes, sir.
211
00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,301
Big finish.
212
00:11:20,180 --> 00:11:21,556
-Watch out!
-Huh?
213
00:11:21,639 --> 00:11:23,183
[FOZZIE PLAYS GLISSANDO]
214
00:11:23,266 --> 00:11:24,809
[BOTH YELP]
215
00:11:26,519 --> 00:11:29,731
-Well, Jaye P., how are you doing?
-Just terrible.
216
00:11:30,940 --> 00:11:33,401
So far, I've been attacked by Animal,
217
00:11:33,485 --> 00:11:35,820
and two explosions have gone off
next to me.
218
00:11:35,904 --> 00:11:39,491
I'm starting to feel like a moving target
around here.
219
00:11:39,574 --> 00:11:41,951
Let me explain about those explosions.
220
00:11:42,035 --> 00:11:44,412
On this show,
explosions are one of our trademarks.
221
00:11:44,496 --> 00:11:46,206
I can believe that.
222
00:11:46,289 --> 00:11:49,751
In fact, on this show,
things blow up all the time.
223
00:11:49,834 --> 00:11:51,252
Anything can blow up.
224
00:11:52,962 --> 00:11:54,631
Uh, you see what I mean?
225
00:11:54,714 --> 00:11:56,508
Wow, ha-ha-ha.
226
00:11:56,591 --> 00:12:00,470
-How'd you do that?
-Oh, well, it was really quite simple.
227
00:12:02,055 --> 00:12:03,890
In fact, it's rather fun.
228
00:12:05,225 --> 00:12:08,853
I guess you could say
you get a bang out of it, huh?
229
00:12:08,937 --> 00:12:13,066
Uh, well, you could say that,
but, uh, we did that joke last year.
230
00:12:13,149 --> 00:12:14,651
Check.
231
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,446
-What else could we talk about?
-Uh, how about your hat?
232
00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:19,989
Oh, great idea.
233
00:12:20,073 --> 00:12:22,450
You know explosions are one
of your trademarks?
234
00:12:22,534 --> 00:12:25,203
-Mm-hm.
-Spectacular hats are one of mine.
235
00:12:25,286 --> 00:12:26,705
Ah, that one is fantastic.
236
00:12:26,788 --> 00:12:30,542
I particularly wanted to wear this one
on The Muppet Show too.
237
00:12:30,625 --> 00:12:31,751
Well, why is that?
238
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:39,342
I guess you could say I blew my top?
239
00:12:40,468 --> 00:12:42,053
Yeah, well, you could say that,
240
00:12:42,137 --> 00:12:44,180
-but we did that joke last year.
-Joke last year.
241
00:12:44,264 --> 00:12:45,473
Figures.
242
00:12:45,557 --> 00:12:48,351
This talk spot is about over.
Shall we leave?
243
00:12:48,435 --> 00:12:50,353
-Why not?
-After you.
244
00:12:56,151 --> 00:12:58,987
Ah, do you suppose that means
we'll never see them again?
245
00:12:59,070 --> 00:13:00,822
Well, we can always hope.
246
00:13:03,783 --> 00:13:05,869
[PLAYING SULTRY JAZZ MUSIC]
247
00:13:05,952 --> 00:13:08,038
[SCATTING]
248
00:13:10,623 --> 00:13:12,667
Two, three, four.
249
00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:14,836
[WHISTLING ALONG]
250
00:13:29,851 --> 00:13:31,936
[SCATTING]
251
00:13:38,818 --> 00:13:40,904
[WHISTLING]
252
00:13:55,335 --> 00:13:57,420
[SCATTING]
253
00:14:05,553 --> 00:14:07,555
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
254
00:14:10,892 --> 00:14:12,018
NARRATOR:
And now...
255
00:14:12,102 --> 00:14:17,065
[IN ECHOING VOICE]
Pigs in Space.
256
00:14:19,776 --> 00:14:23,238
Starring the fatuous
Captain Link Hogthrob,
257
00:14:23,321 --> 00:14:26,491
the recalcitrant First Mate Miss Piggy,
258
00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:30,829
and the describable Dr. Strangepork.
259
00:14:30,912 --> 00:14:33,581
When last we left the spaceship Swinetrek,
260
00:14:33,665 --> 00:14:39,254
it was in serious danger as it plummeted
towards Earth at an alarming rate.
261
00:14:39,337 --> 00:14:41,464
Uh, Dr. Strangepork,
262
00:14:41,548 --> 00:14:45,135
why are we plummeting toward Earth
at an alarming rate?
263
00:14:45,218 --> 00:14:47,721
We've lost the number three engine.
264
00:14:47,804 --> 00:14:49,764
How long will it take to fix it?
265
00:14:49,848 --> 00:14:52,434
We can't. It's really lost. It fell off.
266
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:54,561
[HOGTHROB GASPING]
267
00:14:54,644 --> 00:14:56,396
Is there anything we can do?
268
00:14:56,479 --> 00:14:59,274
Yes, we can maintain our present altitude
269
00:14:59,357 --> 00:15:01,901
if we lighten the weight
of the rocket ship.
270
00:15:01,985 --> 00:15:05,196
Oh. How much weight
will we have to toss overboard?
271
00:15:05,280 --> 00:15:08,241
Mm, one pig.
272
00:15:08,324 --> 00:15:09,617
Yeah, that should do it.
273
00:15:10,660 --> 00:15:12,245
Rather drastic, isn't it?
274
00:15:12,328 --> 00:15:14,706
Oh, I wasn't thinking of you, Link.
275
00:15:14,789 --> 00:15:17,167
-You're the captain.
-Oh.
276
00:15:17,250 --> 00:15:20,879
Well, then perhaps it isn't so drastic.
277
00:15:20,962 --> 00:15:23,006
Well, I would volunteer myself,
278
00:15:23,089 --> 00:15:28,345
except that I'm the only one who knows
how all this technical stuff works.
279
00:15:28,428 --> 00:15:29,929
That's very true.
280
00:15:30,013 --> 00:15:32,307
Well, if it isn't you or me...
281
00:15:34,059 --> 00:15:35,352
Ah.
282
00:15:36,603 --> 00:15:37,812
[SIGHS]
283
00:15:42,650 --> 00:15:45,737
Well, I just finished doing the laundry.
284
00:15:45,820 --> 00:15:49,282
Oh. Well, thank you, First Mate Piggy.
285
00:15:49,366 --> 00:15:51,409
But I'm telling you right now,
286
00:15:51,493 --> 00:15:54,996
that is the last laundry
this pig is doing.
287
00:15:55,080 --> 00:15:57,082
You can say that again.
288
00:15:59,459 --> 00:16:01,294
-Uh, Miss Piggy...
-Hmm?
289
00:16:01,378 --> 00:16:03,672
I have a new assignment for you.
290
00:16:03,755 --> 00:16:06,049
Oh, yes, my Kapitän?
291
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:08,885
Ahem. Uh, Dr. Strangepork, do you mind?
292
00:16:08,968 --> 00:16:11,388
Oh, of course. See you later, Link.
293
00:16:11,471 --> 00:16:13,515
Bon voyage, Miss Piggy.
294
00:16:15,433 --> 00:16:17,644
Weird exit line.
295
00:16:17,727 --> 00:16:20,397
Uh, First Mate Piggy,
296
00:16:20,480 --> 00:16:21,481
I need your help.
297
00:16:21,564 --> 00:16:24,275
Yes! A real assignment! Yes, yes!
298
00:16:24,359 --> 00:16:25,860
We are losing altitude.
299
00:16:25,944 --> 00:16:26,945
[GASPS]
300
00:16:27,028 --> 00:16:29,239
And we must lighten the weight
of the rocket
301
00:16:29,322 --> 00:16:31,741
by throwing something overboard.
302
00:16:31,825 --> 00:16:36,705
Oh. And... And you want me
to help you decide what?
303
00:16:36,788 --> 00:16:37,997
-No.
-Oh?
304
00:16:38,081 --> 00:16:40,208
We've already decided what.
305
00:16:40,291 --> 00:16:41,793
What?
306
00:16:43,128 --> 00:16:44,295
[HOGTHROB GULPS]
307
00:16:48,842 --> 00:16:51,803
Are you out of your mind?!
308
00:16:53,054 --> 00:16:55,807
Uh, no hard feelings, I hope, Miss Piggy.
309
00:16:55,890 --> 00:16:58,226
No hard feelings?! Why you--
310
00:16:58,309 --> 00:16:59,519
[PIGGY SCREAMS]
311
00:17:02,313 --> 00:17:04,357
Au revoir, fatso!
312
00:17:07,068 --> 00:17:08,820
"Fatso" this!
313
00:17:08,903 --> 00:17:10,447
-Hi-yah!
-Whoa!
314
00:17:10,530 --> 00:17:12,198
-Hi-yah! Hi-yah!
HOGTHROB: Whoa!
315
00:17:12,282 --> 00:17:15,660
NARRATOR: Tune in next week
and see the replacement for
316
00:17:15,744 --> 00:17:19,873
Pigs in Space.
317
00:17:21,458 --> 00:17:24,085
Here is a Muppet news flash.
318
00:17:24,169 --> 00:17:28,006
A charter flight carrying
the London Symphony Orchestra
319
00:17:28,089 --> 00:17:31,676
has been forced to jettison
some of the musical instruments.
320
00:17:31,760 --> 00:17:33,094
The--
321
00:17:37,140 --> 00:17:41,144
Well, Uncle J.P., sir, I think you'll find
that things around your theater here
322
00:17:41,227 --> 00:17:43,646
are the same as last time you came.
323
00:17:43,730 --> 00:17:45,648
That bad, huh?
324
00:17:45,732 --> 00:17:46,983
Oh.
325
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:49,319
Well, I'll just have a look around.
326
00:17:49,402 --> 00:17:54,324
I believe in giving the frog a fair trial
before I throw him out.
327
00:17:54,407 --> 00:17:56,409
But, sir, uh...
328
00:17:56,493 --> 00:17:57,786
-Hey, Kermit?
-Hm?
329
00:17:57,869 --> 00:18:00,246
I think you should know that my uncle,
J.P. Grosse,
330
00:18:00,330 --> 00:18:03,625
the man who owns this theater,
is making another inspection.
331
00:18:03,708 --> 00:18:06,836
Oh, not J.P. I don't think I can take it.
332
00:18:06,920 --> 00:18:10,131
Of all the people I can't stand
to have here when we're doing a show,
333
00:18:10,215 --> 00:18:12,676
J.P. is the worst.
334
00:18:12,759 --> 00:18:13,885
Hmm.
335
00:18:13,968 --> 00:18:17,472
I mean, J.P. is without a doubt
the most difficult, impossible,
336
00:18:17,555 --> 00:18:19,724
-unfriendly...
-Uh, uh... Oh.
337
00:18:19,808 --> 00:18:22,185
Oh, hi, Jaye P. Oh!
338
00:18:22,268 --> 00:18:24,354
Um, uh, Jaye P.!
339
00:18:24,437 --> 00:18:26,439
When I said "J.P." just now,
340
00:18:26,523 --> 00:18:29,484
I didn't mean "Jaye P." J.P.
I meant "J.P." J.P.
341
00:18:29,567 --> 00:18:30,735
-Know what I mean?
-No.
342
00:18:30,819 --> 00:18:34,030
-Ahem. Uh, right.
-Wrong.
343
00:18:34,114 --> 00:18:36,700
Oh, you see,
I love having you on the show,
344
00:18:36,783 --> 00:18:39,160
but J.P. Grosse,
the man who owns this theater,
345
00:18:39,244 --> 00:18:42,831
is the meanest, stingiest,
most heartless person I know.
346
00:18:42,914 --> 00:18:43,998
[CLEARS THROAT]
347
00:18:45,041 --> 00:18:48,211
I hope you mean that
as a compliment, frog.
348
00:18:48,294 --> 00:18:49,546
Uh...
349
00:18:50,588 --> 00:18:53,091
I think I just put both feet in my mouth.
350
00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:57,971
[BAND PLAYING STATELY MUSIC]
351
00:19:02,642 --> 00:19:05,228
Ladies and gentlemen,
352
00:19:05,311 --> 00:19:09,691
today I talk to you of crime...
353
00:19:12,610 --> 00:19:16,239
a matter of utmost urgency.
354
00:19:16,322 --> 00:19:19,409
We must all be forever on our guard
355
00:19:19,492 --> 00:19:22,704
against this rising wave of banditry...
356
00:19:23,872 --> 00:19:26,875
yes, yes, banditry and skullduggery...
357
00:19:27,917 --> 00:19:33,173
or our entire universe is in danger
of being stolen from under us.
358
00:19:33,256 --> 00:19:34,966
My friends...
359
00:19:36,051 --> 00:19:40,096
My friends,
I caution you to keep out an eagle eye
360
00:19:40,180 --> 00:19:43,016
for the blackguards and rapscallions
361
00:19:43,099 --> 00:19:46,436
who are perpetrating this reign
of latrociny.
362
00:19:48,355 --> 00:19:51,274
"Latrociny," that means stealing.
363
00:19:52,317 --> 00:19:55,737
Why, if it weren't
for my own eternal vigilance
364
00:19:55,820 --> 00:20:00,200
[STAMMERING]
and absolute awareness of crime,
365
00:20:00,283 --> 00:20:05,205
I'm certain that the rising legions
of sneak thieves and ne'er-do-wells
366
00:20:05,288 --> 00:20:10,251
and snakes in the grasses
would strip this theater...
367
00:20:10,335 --> 00:20:11,878
bare.
368
00:20:16,299 --> 00:20:17,425
[STAMMERS]
369
00:20:19,844 --> 00:20:21,846
Uh, now, remember...
370
00:20:21,930 --> 00:20:23,306
make "watchfulness"...
371
00:20:23,390 --> 00:20:24,933
[YELLS]
372
00:20:25,016 --> 00:20:26,142
...your watchword.
373
00:20:26,226 --> 00:20:29,187
Uh, thank you and good night.
374
00:20:29,270 --> 00:20:30,939
Wait a minute!
375
00:20:31,022 --> 00:20:34,109
I now realize
television has one major advantage
376
00:20:34,192 --> 00:20:35,902
over a live stage show.
377
00:20:35,985 --> 00:20:37,612
Oh? What's that?
378
00:20:37,696 --> 00:20:39,614
A television, you can turn off.
379
00:20:42,367 --> 00:20:45,912
-Kermit!
-You guys better return that eagle!
380
00:20:45,995 --> 00:20:47,706
In about 30 days!
381
00:20:47,789 --> 00:20:49,249
Or more.
382
00:20:49,332 --> 00:20:50,333
-Hey, chief?
-Hm?
383
00:20:50,417 --> 00:20:53,003
-What's the closing number?
-A song with Jaye P. Morgan.
384
00:20:53,086 --> 00:20:56,756
It's gonna be great. At least, I hope so.
We've been a little rough on her.
385
00:20:56,840 --> 00:20:59,718
It's a perfect song for Jaye P.
"That Old Black Magic."
386
00:20:59,801 --> 00:21:01,428
I only hope Jaye P. will do it.
387
00:21:01,511 --> 00:21:04,848
Ah, if the price is right, I'll do it.
388
00:21:04,931 --> 00:21:08,143
Always wanted to sing.
389
00:21:08,226 --> 00:21:11,855
Oh, boy,
having two J.P.'s around is really rough.
390
00:21:11,938 --> 00:21:14,024
Glad you recognize talent, kid.
391
00:21:14,107 --> 00:21:17,027
-Maybe I'll let you keep the theater.
-Um...
392
00:21:17,110 --> 00:21:20,363
Now, let's talk
about the singing contract.
393
00:21:20,447 --> 00:21:23,199
Uh... Well, you see, J.P.,
394
00:21:23,283 --> 00:21:27,120
I'd love for you to sing, and I'm sure
you've got a swell singing voice...
395
00:21:27,203 --> 00:21:28,246
Yeah, well...
396
00:21:28,329 --> 00:21:31,124
Go introduce Jaye P. Morgan
while I handle this.
397
00:21:31,207 --> 00:21:33,960
Yeah, good luck, silver tongue. Oy.
398
00:21:34,044 --> 00:21:35,754
Uh, now, um...
399
00:21:35,837 --> 00:21:37,756
All right, where do I sign?
400
00:21:37,839 --> 00:21:40,300
Uh, well, um, uh...
401
00:21:40,383 --> 00:21:42,218
Hoo, boy.
402
00:21:45,263 --> 00:21:49,267
Ladies and gentlemen, here is one of
the really super ladies of song,
403
00:21:49,351 --> 00:21:52,729
Miss Jaye P. Morgan,
with "That Old Black Magic."
404
00:21:57,067 --> 00:21:58,276
JAYE P.:
Hey.
405
00:21:58,360 --> 00:22:00,445
[BAND PLAYING LIVELY SWING MUSIC]
406
00:22:02,572 --> 00:22:06,368
♪ That old black magic
Has me in its spell ♪
407
00:22:06,451 --> 00:22:10,038
♪ That old black magic
That you weave so well ♪
408
00:22:10,121 --> 00:22:13,792
♪ Icy fingers up and down my spine ♪
409
00:22:13,875 --> 00:22:17,504
♪ That same old witchcraft
When your eyes meet mine ♪
410
00:22:17,587 --> 00:22:21,591
♪ The same old tingle that I feel inside ♪
411
00:22:21,675 --> 00:22:25,845
♪ When that elevator starts its ride ♪
412
00:22:25,929 --> 00:22:27,305
♪ Down and down I go ♪
413
00:22:27,389 --> 00:22:29,140
♪ Round and round I go ♪
414
00:22:29,224 --> 00:22:32,394
♪ Like a leaf
Caught in the tide ♪
415
00:22:32,477 --> 00:22:35,939
♪ I should stay away
But what can I do? ♪
416
00:22:36,022 --> 00:22:40,235
♪ I hear your name and I'm aflame ♪
417
00:22:40,318 --> 00:22:43,738
♪ Aflame with burning desire ♪
418
00:22:43,822 --> 00:22:47,200
-♪ That only your kiss ♪
-♪ Put out the fire ♪
419
00:22:55,250 --> 00:22:59,045
♪ For you're the lover I have waited for ♪
420
00:22:59,129 --> 00:23:02,799
♪ The mate that fate had me created for ♪
421
00:23:02,882 --> 00:23:06,428
♪ And every time your lips meet mine ♪
422
00:23:06,511 --> 00:23:08,888
BAND: ♪ Baby! ♪
-♪ Down and down I go ♪
423
00:23:08,972 --> 00:23:10,724
♪ Round and round I go ♪
424
00:23:10,807 --> 00:23:14,019
♪ In a spin
I'm lovin' that spin I'm in ♪
425
00:23:14,102 --> 00:23:17,313
♪ Under that old black magic called love ♪
426
00:23:17,397 --> 00:23:21,651
♪ Uh-huh, in a spin
I'm lovin' that spin I'm in ♪
427
00:23:21,735 --> 00:23:25,488
♪ Under that old black magic called love ♪
428
00:23:25,572 --> 00:23:29,159
BOTH: ♪ Oh, in a spin
I'm lovin' that spin I'm in ♪
429
00:23:29,242 --> 00:23:32,662
♪ Under that old black magic called love ♪
430
00:23:40,962 --> 00:23:44,257
♪ Aflame with such a burning desire ♪
431
00:23:44,341 --> 00:23:48,178
-♪ That only your kiss ♪
-♪ Put out the fire ♪
432
00:23:56,394 --> 00:23:59,773
♪ So you're the lover I have waited for ♪
433
00:23:59,856 --> 00:24:03,860
♪ You're the mate
That fate had me created for ♪
434
00:24:03,943 --> 00:24:07,405
♪ And every time your lips meet mine ♪
435
00:24:07,489 --> 00:24:09,824
BAND: ♪ Baby! ♪
-♪ Down and down I go ♪
436
00:24:09,908 --> 00:24:11,785
♪ Round and round I go ♪
437
00:24:11,868 --> 00:24:15,038
♪ In a spin
♪ I'm lovin' that spin I'm in ♪
438
00:24:15,121 --> 00:24:17,874
♪ Under that old black magic called love ♪
439
00:24:17,957 --> 00:24:22,754
♪ Uh-huh, I'm in a spin
I'm lovin' that spin I'm in ♪
440
00:24:22,837 --> 00:24:25,757
♪ Under that old black magic called love ♪
441
00:24:27,092 --> 00:24:30,303
BOTH: ♪ I'm in a spin
I'm lovin' that spin I'm in ♪
442
00:24:30,387 --> 00:24:34,140
♪ Under that old black magic called love ♪
443
00:24:34,224 --> 00:24:37,977
♪ Under that old black magic ♪
444
00:24:38,061 --> 00:24:42,440
♪ Called love ♪
445
00:24:44,859 --> 00:24:46,861
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
446
00:24:52,742 --> 00:24:55,787
We started this some time ago
and it has to end someplace,
447
00:24:55,870 --> 00:24:58,039
so this must be the place.
448
00:24:58,123 --> 00:25:01,042
But before we go,
let us have a warm thank-you
449
00:25:01,126 --> 00:25:02,711
for our very special guest star.
450
00:25:02,794 --> 00:25:05,088
Ladies and gentlemen, Jaye P. Morgan!
451
00:25:05,171 --> 00:25:07,215
[BOTH CHEER AND AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]
452
00:25:07,298 --> 00:25:10,802
Oh, so warm.
Thank you, thank you, thank you.
453
00:25:10,885 --> 00:25:12,554
Kermit, it was... Ah.
454
00:25:12,637 --> 00:25:16,016
You know, I've been blown up,
beaten up, insulted...
455
00:25:16,099 --> 00:25:19,811
Everything's happened to me.
But I've had a great time. I mean it.
456
00:25:19,894 --> 00:25:23,148
Oh. Well, it tends to be like that
around here.
457
00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:26,276
And now, for my first song...
458
00:25:26,359 --> 00:25:27,569
[KERMIT STAMMERING]
459
00:25:27,652 --> 00:25:32,407
I'd like to dedicate this to all the boys
at the J.P. Grosse Collection Agency.
460
00:25:32,490 --> 00:25:33,533
Yeah.
461
00:25:33,616 --> 00:25:36,369
♪ Give me that money
Can't get enough ♪
462
00:25:36,453 --> 00:25:37,495
♪ Just keep... ♪
463
00:25:37,579 --> 00:25:39,581
See you next time on The Muppet Show!
464
00:25:39,664 --> 00:25:42,751
♪ Money
Just keep it comin' ♪
465
00:25:42,834 --> 00:25:45,295
♪ Hey, yeah, money... ♪
466
00:25:45,378 --> 00:25:47,255
[ALL CHATTERING]
467
00:25:47,339 --> 00:25:49,466
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
468
00:26:20,080 --> 00:26:24,292
I wonder if anybody watches this show
besides us.
469
00:26:24,376 --> 00:26:26,211
Besides me.
34174
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