Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:00,166 --> 00:00:01,543
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]
2
00:00:01,626 --> 00:00:06,006
George Burns. George Burns.
20 seconds to curtain, Mr. Burns.
3
00:00:06,089 --> 00:00:07,090
I'm ready.
4
00:00:08,133 --> 00:00:10,218
But what is that?
5
00:00:10,301 --> 00:00:14,472
It's my new act,
"Gonzo Fiddles While George Burns."
6
00:00:15,724 --> 00:00:17,142
I like that joke.
7
00:00:17,225 --> 00:00:20,770
It's a pleasure to hear something
that's older than I am.
8
00:00:23,606 --> 00:00:27,902
It's The Muppet Show, with our
special guest star, Mr. George Burns!
9
00:00:27,986 --> 00:00:29,571
[WHOOPS]
10
00:00:29,654 --> 00:00:31,740
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
11
00:00:43,209 --> 00:00:45,378
♪ It's time to play the music ♪
12
00:00:45,462 --> 00:00:47,547
♪ It's time to light the lights ♪
13
00:00:47,630 --> 00:00:50,675
♪ It's time to meet the Muppets
On The Muppet Show tonight ♪
14
00:00:51,968 --> 00:00:54,012
♪ It's time to put on makeup ♪
15
00:00:54,095 --> 00:00:56,306
♪ It's time to dress up right ♪
16
00:00:56,389 --> 00:00:58,224
♪ It's time to get things started ♪
17
00:00:58,308 --> 00:01:00,560
Isn't this opening pretentious?
18
00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:04,981
♪ It's time to get things started
On the most sensational, inspirational ♪
19
00:01:05,065 --> 00:01:07,108
♪ Celebrational, Muppetational ♪
20
00:01:07,192 --> 00:01:09,903
♪ This is what we call ♪
21
00:01:09,986 --> 00:01:13,823
♪ The Muppet Show ♪
22
00:01:13,907 --> 00:01:15,992
[EXPLOSIVE HONK]
23
00:01:17,369 --> 00:01:18,370
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
24
00:01:18,453 --> 00:01:22,332
Okay, thank you,
and welcome again to another Muppet Show.
25
00:01:22,415 --> 00:01:24,167
Hey, we've got a great show tonight
26
00:01:24,250 --> 00:01:27,420
because our guest star
is Mr. George Burns.
27
00:01:27,504 --> 00:01:28,922
[LAUGHS]
28
00:01:29,005 --> 00:01:30,340
That's very funny.
29
00:01:30,423 --> 00:01:31,508
What's funny?
30
00:01:31,591 --> 00:01:34,552
"Gonzo Fiddles While George Burns."
31
00:01:34,636 --> 00:01:39,307
Have you ever thought of checking in
to the Home for the Chronically Strange?
32
00:01:40,892 --> 00:01:45,689
But right now let's start things off
by going south of the border.
33
00:01:45,772 --> 00:01:47,857
[BAND PLAYING LIVELY MUSIC]
34
00:01:49,818 --> 00:01:51,903
♪ Cuánto le gusta, le gusta, le gusta ♪
35
00:01:51,986 --> 00:01:54,072
♪ Le gusta, le gusta, le gusta, le gusta ♪
36
00:01:54,155 --> 00:01:56,074
♪ Cuánto le gusta, le gusta, le gusta ♪
37
00:01:56,157 --> 00:01:57,992
♪ Le gusta, le gusta, le gusta ♪
38
00:01:58,076 --> 00:02:00,203
BOTH:
♪ Cuánto le gusta, le gusta, le gusta ♪
39
00:02:00,286 --> 00:02:02,205
♪ Le gusta, le gusta, le gusta, le gusta ♪
40
00:02:02,288 --> 00:02:04,374
ALL:
♪ Cuánto le gusta, le gusta, le gusta ♪
41
00:02:04,457 --> 00:02:06,751
♪ Le gusta, le gusta, le gusta ♪
42
00:02:06,835 --> 00:02:08,795
♪ We gotta get going
Where are we going? ♪
43
00:02:08,878 --> 00:02:10,714
♪ And what are we going to do? ♪
44
00:02:10,797 --> 00:02:12,632
BOTH:
♪ We're on our way to somewhere ♪
45
00:02:12,716 --> 00:02:15,093
ALL:
♪ The three of us and you ♪
46
00:02:15,176 --> 00:02:17,178
♪ What'll we see there?
Who will be there? ♪
47
00:02:17,262 --> 00:02:19,055
♪ What'll be the big surprise? ♪
48
00:02:19,139 --> 00:02:21,057
BOTH: ♪ There may be señoritas ♪
-♪ Uh-huh ♪
49
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:22,726
BOTH:
♪ With dark and flashing eyes ♪
50
00:02:22,809 --> 00:02:24,894
-♪ We're on our way ♪
BOTH: ♪ We're on our way ♪
51
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,938
-♪ Pack up your pack ♪
-♪ Pack up your pack ♪
52
00:02:27,022 --> 00:02:28,898
-♪ And if we stay ♪
-♪ And if we stay ♪
53
00:02:28,982 --> 00:02:31,067
-♪ We won't come back ♪
-♪ We won't come back ♪
54
00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,194
ALL:
♪ How can we go? ♪
55
00:02:33,278 --> 00:02:35,655
♪ We haven't got a dime ♪
56
00:02:35,739 --> 00:02:39,200
♪ But we're going
And we're gonna have a happy time ♪
57
00:02:40,535 --> 00:02:42,370
♪ Cuánto le gusta, le gusta, le gusta ♪
58
00:02:42,454 --> 00:02:44,581
♪ Le gusta, le gusta, le gusta, le gusta ♪
59
00:02:44,664 --> 00:02:46,541
♪ Cuánto le gusta, le gusta, le gusta ♪
60
00:02:46,624 --> 00:02:48,960
♪ Le gusta, le gusta, le gusta ♪
61
00:03:04,893 --> 00:03:07,145
-♪ You take a train
-♪ We'll take a train ♪
62
00:03:07,228 --> 00:03:09,189
-♪ You take a boat ♪
-♪ We'll take a boat ♪
63
00:03:09,272 --> 00:03:11,274
-♪ I'll take a plane ♪
-♪ You take a plane ♪
64
00:03:11,358 --> 00:03:13,401
-♪ You ride the goat ♪
-♪ We'll ride the goat ♪
65
00:03:13,485 --> 00:03:15,403
ALL:
♪ Oh, we don't care ♪
66
00:03:15,487 --> 00:03:17,781
♪ We'll either walk or climb ♪
67
00:03:17,864 --> 00:03:20,825
♪ But we're going
And we're going to have a happy time ♪
68
00:03:20,909 --> 00:03:22,702
PIGGY:
Everybody!
69
00:03:22,786 --> 00:03:24,662
ALL:
♪ Cuánto le gusta, le gusta, le gusta ♪
70
00:03:24,746 --> 00:03:26,706
♪ Le gusta, le gusta, le gusta, le gusta ♪
71
00:03:26,790 --> 00:03:28,750
♪ Cuánto le gusta, le gusta, le gusta ♪
72
00:03:28,833 --> 00:03:31,586
♪ Le gusta, le gusta, le gusta! ♪
73
00:03:34,464 --> 00:03:35,548
[SCREAMS]
74
00:03:37,133 --> 00:03:41,262
Tsk. Well, there it is,
your basic Latin number.
75
00:03:41,346 --> 00:03:44,641
Well, actually,
it's your basic pig-latin number.
76
00:03:47,727 --> 00:03:49,562
What's going on? Who are you?
77
00:03:49,646 --> 00:03:51,356
The name's Fleet Scribbler.
78
00:03:51,439 --> 00:03:54,150
I'm a gossip columnist
for the Daily Scandal.
79
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:57,654
Sorry, we don't allow reporters backstage
during the show.
80
00:03:57,737 --> 00:04:01,574
What a headline: "Muppets Ban Press,
Reporter Thrown Out by Frog."
81
00:04:01,658 --> 00:04:05,578
Wait, uh, on the other hand,
can I offer you a cup of coffee?
82
00:04:05,662 --> 00:04:10,750
What a headline: "Frog Bribes Reporter,
Muppets Desperate for Publicity."
83
00:04:10,834 --> 00:04:12,794
Oh, this isn't gonna be easy.
84
00:04:12,877 --> 00:04:17,215
Say, is it true you're dropping a lot
of stuff from the show this year?
85
00:04:17,298 --> 00:04:20,051
-Uh, no, no, not particularly.
-Uh-huh.
86
00:04:20,135 --> 00:04:22,846
"Muppets Relying on Same Old Tired Junk."
87
00:04:22,929 --> 00:04:24,431
Wait, on the other hand,
88
00:04:24,514 --> 00:04:26,850
we have a lot of new innovative stuff.
89
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:31,688
Ah, "Muppets Changing Format,
Desperate to Sustain Show."
90
00:04:31,771 --> 00:04:34,941
I never knew
the press could be so depressing.
91
00:04:35,025 --> 00:04:38,903
Hey, Kermit, aren't you supposed
to be introducing George Burns?
92
00:04:38,987 --> 00:04:40,363
Oh, yeah. Excuse me.
93
00:04:41,531 --> 00:04:44,242
-What a headline that would make.
-What?
94
00:04:44,325 --> 00:04:48,038
"Gonzo Fiddles While George Burns."
95
00:04:49,873 --> 00:04:52,792
That joke is definitely making a comeback.
96
00:04:54,586 --> 00:04:56,546
It's a very special night
on The Muppet Show.
97
00:04:56,629 --> 00:05:00,884
With us is one of the men of comedy
who can really be called special.
98
00:05:00,967 --> 00:05:04,054
Here he is with a cigar and a song,
Mr. George Burns.
99
00:05:04,137 --> 00:05:05,472
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
100
00:05:05,555 --> 00:05:07,390
[PLAYING ELEGANT JAZZ MUSIC]
101
00:05:12,520 --> 00:05:16,274
Thank you, thank you very much,
and I'm delighted to be here.
102
00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:19,194
I'm really glad you could make it, George.
103
00:05:19,277 --> 00:05:21,863
It's an honor to be playing piano for you.
104
00:05:21,946 --> 00:05:24,949
Thank you.
I haven't worked with a dog for years.
105
00:05:25,033 --> 00:05:26,743
You mean you've worked with a dog?
106
00:05:26,826 --> 00:05:28,620
Oh, sure, back in vaudeville.
107
00:05:28,703 --> 00:05:31,206
In those days, dog acts were popular.
108
00:05:31,289 --> 00:05:35,001
So I picked up a dog off the street
and went to the theater to do my act.
109
00:05:35,085 --> 00:05:37,629
I walked out on-stage
with the dog under my arm,
110
00:05:37,712 --> 00:05:40,423
-stood there and sang my songs.
-Mm-hm.
111
00:05:40,507 --> 00:05:43,635
In the middle of my third song,
the dog did his act.
112
00:05:45,011 --> 00:05:46,930
Twice.
113
00:05:47,013 --> 00:05:48,932
He bit me.
114
00:05:49,015 --> 00:05:52,268
The dog bit me
right in the middle of my top note.
115
00:05:52,352 --> 00:05:55,563
To make matters worse,
the theater manager came back,
116
00:05:55,647 --> 00:05:57,273
canceled me and hired the dog.
117
00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,025
Oh.
118
00:05:59,109 --> 00:06:01,319
I hope you won't hold that
against us dogs.
119
00:06:01,403 --> 00:06:05,532
Oh, no, no, no, I love dogs,
especially if they can play in my key.
120
00:06:05,615 --> 00:06:10,245
Oh, listen, I can play in any key.
I'm another Jascha Heifetz.
121
00:06:10,328 --> 00:06:12,580
Jascha Heifetz played the violin.
122
00:06:12,664 --> 00:06:16,251
Nobody will know the difference, George.
123
00:06:16,334 --> 00:06:19,713
Okay, Rowlf, in my key,
"Train Back Home." Ahem.
124
00:06:20,714 --> 00:06:23,299
♪ I guess I'll take the train back home ♪
125
00:06:26,136 --> 00:06:30,098
Hold it, hold it, hold it, Rowlf.
You're liable to hurt yourself.
126
00:06:30,181 --> 00:06:33,685
Play like you're not getting paid.
Nice and easy.
127
00:06:33,768 --> 00:06:34,853
Nice and easy it is.
128
00:06:34,936 --> 00:06:36,604
-Right from the top.
-Right.
129
00:06:36,688 --> 00:06:39,649
♪ I guess I'll take the train back home ♪
130
00:06:39,733 --> 00:06:43,153
♪ There's no more sights here left
For me to see ♪
131
00:06:43,236 --> 00:06:46,823
♪ I've wined and dined
And gazed on bill of fares ♪
132
00:06:46,906 --> 00:06:50,118
♪ Till Mother's homemade pies
Look good to me ♪
133
00:06:50,201 --> 00:06:53,913
♪ San Francisco is a grand old place ♪
134
00:06:53,997 --> 00:06:56,791
♪ When I get back I'll never, never roam ♪
135
00:06:56,875 --> 00:07:01,921
♪ Tell those cable cars to wait ♪
And open up that Golden Gate ♪
136
00:07:02,005 --> 00:07:06,384
♪ I'm going to take the train back home
To San Francisco ♪
137
00:07:06,468 --> 00:07:11,556
♪ I'm going to take the train back home
To Powell and Market ♪
138
00:07:11,639 --> 00:07:14,642
♪ To see the Ferry Building ♪
139
00:07:14,726 --> 00:07:17,645
♪ To wave to Oakland ♪
140
00:07:17,729 --> 00:07:20,774
♪ To eat at Fisherman's Wharf ♪
141
00:07:20,857 --> 00:07:24,194
♪ To visit Sausalito ♪
142
00:07:24,277 --> 00:07:26,863
♪ To go to Finocchio's ♪
143
00:07:26,946 --> 00:07:30,241
♪ Took me so long to finish this song ♪
144
00:07:30,325 --> 00:07:32,243
♪ I just missed the train back home ♪
145
00:07:32,327 --> 00:07:33,870
Isn't that a nice song?
146
00:07:33,953 --> 00:07:36,081
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]
147
00:07:40,960 --> 00:07:43,713
Oh, that George Burns is a great singer.
148
00:07:43,797 --> 00:07:45,799
Yeah, well, so am I, Statler.
149
00:07:45,882 --> 00:07:48,343
-What?
-Sure. You wanna hear me sing?
150
00:07:48,426 --> 00:07:50,720
-Only if you sing tenor.
-Tenor?
151
00:07:50,804 --> 00:07:53,264
Ten or 11 miles away.
152
00:07:54,891 --> 00:07:58,395
PIGGY: How should I know
what "cuánto le gusta" means?
153
00:07:58,478 --> 00:08:00,355
Hiya, chickie baby.
154
00:08:00,438 --> 00:08:02,774
Watch it, buster.
155
00:08:02,857 --> 00:08:05,527
I'm Fleet Scribbler
from the Daily Scandal.
156
00:08:05,610 --> 00:08:06,861
I'm a reporter.
157
00:08:08,154 --> 00:08:11,491
And what can your chickie baby do for you?
158
00:08:11,574 --> 00:08:14,202
Well, I wanted to talk to you.
159
00:08:14,285 --> 00:08:17,372
You want to interview me. Ah!
160
00:08:17,455 --> 00:08:19,666
Well, uh, not exactly.
161
00:08:19,749 --> 00:08:21,793
Oh. What do you want?
162
00:08:21,876 --> 00:08:23,837
-Dirt.
-What?
163
00:08:23,920 --> 00:08:28,591
You know, scandal, the hot skinny,
what really goes on behind the scenes.
164
00:08:28,675 --> 00:08:30,510
Well, I couldn't do that.
165
00:08:30,593 --> 00:08:34,264
There is such a thing as loyalty
to one's fellow performers.
166
00:08:34,347 --> 00:08:35,849
Hmm, too bad.
167
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:40,020
I also wanted to do a picture spread
of you, something for Page Three.
168
00:08:42,939 --> 00:08:46,317
Well, ahem, first of all, Kermit and I...
169
00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:47,694
[PIGGY SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
170
00:08:47,777 --> 00:08:49,279
-...just the other day...
-Wow.
171
00:08:49,362 --> 00:08:52,824
Hey, wait a second.
Hey, Scribbler, those are all lies!
172
00:08:52,907 --> 00:08:54,868
[PIGGY & SCRIBBLER SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
173
00:08:54,951 --> 00:08:57,245
[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT BIG-BAND MUSIC]
174
00:08:58,705 --> 00:08:59,998
Huh, huh.
175
00:09:02,250 --> 00:09:04,377
ALL:
♪ Pardon me, boy ♪
176
00:09:04,461 --> 00:09:06,796
♪ Is this the Chattanooga Choo Choo? ♪
177
00:09:06,880 --> 00:09:08,465
CHORUS:
♪ Choo choo ♪
178
00:09:08,548 --> 00:09:10,759
ALL:
♪ Track 29 ♪
179
00:09:11,801 --> 00:09:14,346
♪ Hey, you can give me a shine ♪
180
00:09:15,430 --> 00:09:16,890
♪ Doo ba-ba-bop ♪
181
00:09:16,973 --> 00:09:19,017
-♪ Can you afford ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Who? Who? ♪
182
00:09:19,100 --> 00:09:21,394
ALL:
♪ To board the Chattanooga Choo Choo? ♪
183
00:09:21,478 --> 00:09:23,146
♪ Whoo, whoo ♪
184
00:09:23,229 --> 00:09:26,274
-♪ I've got my fare ♪
CHORUS: ♪ Ba, ba, ba ♪
185
00:09:26,358 --> 00:09:28,735
ALL:
♪ And just a trifle to spare ♪
186
00:09:28,818 --> 00:09:31,404
♪ Three, four, five, six, seven, eight ♪
187
00:09:31,488 --> 00:09:35,033
♪ When you hear the whistle blowing eight
To the bar ♪
188
00:09:35,116 --> 00:09:38,620
♪ Then you know that Tennessee
Is not very far ♪
189
00:09:38,703 --> 00:09:42,540
ALL: ♪ Shovel all the coal in
Gotta keep it rollin' ♪
190
00:09:42,624 --> 00:09:47,003
♪ Whoo, whoo
Chattanooga, there you are ♪
191
00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:48,838
♪ Whoo ♪
192
00:09:48,922 --> 00:09:49,964
♪ Whoo, whoo ♪
193
00:09:50,048 --> 00:09:52,050
♪ Pardon me, boy ♪
194
00:09:52,133 --> 00:09:54,886
♪ Is this the Chattanooga Choo Choo? ♪
195
00:09:54,969 --> 00:09:56,596
-Hey! Whoa!
-Hey!
196
00:09:56,680 --> 00:09:58,598
Hey, hey!
197
00:10:01,643 --> 00:10:03,311
Uh, excuse me, Mr. Burns.
198
00:10:03,395 --> 00:10:06,064
I wanted to warn you about this reporter
that's backstage.
199
00:10:06,147 --> 00:10:07,816
He writes a gossip column.
200
00:10:07,899 --> 00:10:08,942
That's all right.
201
00:10:09,025 --> 00:10:12,987
As long as he doesn't write
the obituary column, I'm not worried.
202
00:10:13,071 --> 00:10:17,826
But he writes for the Daily Scandal,
and he'll do anything for sensationalism.
203
00:10:17,909 --> 00:10:21,496
Pay no attention to him, Burns.
Uh, he's only a frog.
204
00:10:21,579 --> 00:10:22,664
Uh, thanks.
205
00:10:22,747 --> 00:10:25,917
Uh, look,
I'll get right down to the point, Burns.
206
00:10:26,001 --> 00:10:27,919
How much are they paying you on this show?
207
00:10:28,003 --> 00:10:30,922
-Hey, now, wait a second.
-Let me handle this, Kermit.
208
00:10:31,006 --> 00:10:33,133
They're paying me 250,000 dollars.
209
00:10:34,342 --> 00:10:36,344
Aw, come on, is that a lie?
210
00:10:36,428 --> 00:10:37,887
One of my best.
211
00:10:37,971 --> 00:10:39,222
Oh.
212
00:10:39,305 --> 00:10:42,434
For years,
you were nothing but a vaudeville actor,
213
00:10:42,517 --> 00:10:44,310
and now you've made two films.
214
00:10:44,394 --> 00:10:48,440
-Is it difficult to be an actor?
-No, it's very easy to be an actor.
215
00:10:48,523 --> 00:10:51,818
If you do a scene where you walk into
a room and the man tells you to sit down,
216
00:10:51,901 --> 00:10:54,029
if you sit down, that's good acting.
217
00:10:54,112 --> 00:10:58,658
If he tells you to sit down
and you keep standing, that's bad acting.
218
00:10:58,742 --> 00:11:01,745
I always sit down. I'm a good actor.
219
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:05,540
I've been around so long, though,
I can sit down and get paid for doing it.
220
00:11:05,623 --> 00:11:06,833
I'm in the right business.
221
00:11:08,918 --> 00:11:11,046
-That's the end of the interview.
-The interview.
222
00:11:11,129 --> 00:11:12,547
Goodbye, kid.
223
00:11:12,630 --> 00:11:15,216
Ah. You really took care of him,
Mr. Burns.
224
00:11:15,300 --> 00:11:16,343
Thanks, Kermit.
225
00:11:16,426 --> 00:11:19,429
-How many cigars do you smoke a day?
-About 20 a day.
226
00:11:20,513 --> 00:11:23,099
At my age,
I've gotta hold on to something.
227
00:11:26,019 --> 00:11:28,730
NARRATOR:
And now Veterinarian's Hospital,
228
00:11:28,813 --> 00:11:33,902
the continuing story of a quack
gone to the dogs.
229
00:11:35,111 --> 00:11:36,988
Ahem. Uh...
230
00:11:37,072 --> 00:11:39,949
Dr. Bob,
are you ready for your next patient?
231
00:11:40,033 --> 00:11:42,243
Next patient?
What happened to the last one?
232
00:11:42,327 --> 00:11:44,996
-He left for a better doctor.
-Which doctor?
233
00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:48,291
-That's right. Ha-ha-ha! Witch doctor!
-Witch doctor!
234
00:11:48,375 --> 00:11:51,711
-Oh, here it is, Dr. Bob.
-Hmm?
235
00:11:51,795 --> 00:11:53,838
It's a telephone.
What's the matter with it?
236
00:11:53,922 --> 00:11:55,173
It isn't working.
237
00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:59,594
Isn't working?
Tell it to get a job so it can pay me.
238
00:11:59,678 --> 00:12:02,430
-Maybe it's a pay phone.
-A pay phone!
239
00:12:02,514 --> 00:12:04,516
Oh, wow.
240
00:12:04,599 --> 00:12:08,144
Dr. Bob, do you know anything
about repairing telephones?
241
00:12:08,228 --> 00:12:10,897
-No, but I can look it up in the book.
-The medical book?
242
00:12:10,980 --> 00:12:12,732
No, the telephone book.
243
00:12:14,651 --> 00:12:17,320
-What do you think, Dr. Bob?
-It must be jaundice.
244
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:18,446
How do you know?
245
00:12:18,530 --> 00:12:20,740
Well, look at all these yellow pages.
246
00:12:23,410 --> 00:12:24,703
-Dr. Bob.
-Hmm?
247
00:12:24,786 --> 00:12:27,622
Do you think
the telephone needs an anesthetic?
248
00:12:27,706 --> 00:12:30,458
-Well, if so, make it a local.
-Why?
249
00:12:30,542 --> 00:12:33,086
Because long distance costs too much.
250
00:12:36,840 --> 00:12:40,510
Wait a minute. Nurse Piggy.
Do you have the next line?
251
00:12:40,593 --> 00:12:43,680
-Yes, but I can't say it.
-How come?
252
00:12:43,763 --> 00:12:46,016
The line's busy. Ha-ha-ha!
253
00:12:46,099 --> 00:12:47,767
The line's busy!
254
00:12:47,851 --> 00:12:49,102
-Dr. Bob?
-Hmm?
255
00:12:49,185 --> 00:12:51,855
Dr. Bob, wow,
are you ever going to operate?
256
00:12:51,938 --> 00:12:54,691
-Uh, no, but I know who will.
-Who?
257
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:56,192
The telephone operator.
258
00:12:57,569 --> 00:13:01,281
NARRATOR: And so, once again,
Dr. Bob is off the hook.
259
00:13:01,364 --> 00:13:02,490
You talking to me?
260
00:13:02,574 --> 00:13:06,119
Tune in next week,
when you'll hear Nurse Piggy say:
261
00:13:06,202 --> 00:13:08,288
Does the phone remind you of anything?
262
00:13:08,371 --> 00:13:10,874
Well, it does ring a bell.
263
00:13:10,957 --> 00:13:12,667
Ring a bell! Ha-ha-ha!
264
00:13:12,751 --> 00:13:14,461
Yes?
265
00:13:14,544 --> 00:13:15,628
No, no.
266
00:13:16,171 --> 00:13:18,256
[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT MUSIC]
267
00:13:19,799 --> 00:13:23,803
♪ Last week down our alley comes a toff ♪
268
00:13:23,887 --> 00:13:27,515
♪ Nice old geezer with a nasty cough ♪
269
00:13:27,599 --> 00:13:31,353
♪ Sees my missus, takes his topper off ♪
270
00:13:31,436 --> 00:13:35,106
♪ In a very gentlemanly way ♪
271
00:13:35,190 --> 00:13:39,069
♪ "Ma'am," says he
"I have some news to tell ♪
272
00:13:39,152 --> 00:13:42,947
♪ Your rich uncle Tom of Camberwell ♪
273
00:13:43,031 --> 00:13:46,701
♪ Popped off recent
'Cause he weren't too well ♪
274
00:13:46,785 --> 00:13:49,579
♪ Leaving you his little donkey gray" ♪
275
00:13:50,663 --> 00:13:54,459
ALL:
♪ "Wot cher!" all the neighbors cried ♪
276
00:13:54,542 --> 00:13:58,338
♪ "Who're you going to meet, Bill?
Have you bought the street, Bill?" ♪
277
00:13:58,421 --> 00:14:02,050
♪ Laugh, ha!
I thought I should have died ♪
278
00:14:02,133 --> 00:14:05,095
♪ Knocked 'em in the Old Kent Road ♪
279
00:14:05,178 --> 00:14:06,262
[STATLER LAUGHS]
280
00:14:06,346 --> 00:14:10,058
♪ Every evening on the stroke of 5 ♪
281
00:14:10,141 --> 00:14:14,187
♪ Me and my missus takes a little drive ♪
282
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:18,149
♪ You'd say
"Wonderful, they're still alive" ♪
283
00:14:18,233 --> 00:14:22,028
♪ If you saw that little donkey go ♪
284
00:14:22,112 --> 00:14:26,116
♪ I soon showed him that he'd have to do ♪
285
00:14:26,199 --> 00:14:29,911
♪ Just whatever he was wanted to ♪
286
00:14:29,994 --> 00:14:33,748
♪ Still I shan't forget that rowdy crew ♪
287
00:14:33,832 --> 00:14:37,502
♪ Hollering, "Whoa, steady, Neddy, whoa" ♪
288
00:14:39,212 --> 00:14:40,505
Watch the hands.
289
00:14:41,631 --> 00:14:43,383
Watch the feet.
290
00:14:43,466 --> 00:14:45,844
Watch your wallet. Here we go.
291
00:14:52,517 --> 00:14:53,601
Everybody!
292
00:14:53,685 --> 00:14:57,480
ALL:
♪ "Wot cher!" all the neighbors cried ♪
293
00:14:57,564 --> 00:15:01,317
♪ "Who're you going to meet, Bill?
Have you bought the street, Bill?" ♪
294
00:15:01,401 --> 00:15:05,363
♪ Laugh, ha!
I thought I should have died ♪
295
00:15:05,447 --> 00:15:09,451
♪ Knocked 'em in the Old Kent Road ♪
296
00:15:09,534 --> 00:15:16,541
♪ Knocked 'em in the Old Kent Road ♪
297
00:15:16,624 --> 00:15:18,460
[WALDORF & STATLER LAUGH]
298
00:15:21,963 --> 00:15:26,009
Uh, excuse me, Mr. Burns, remember me?
I'm Gonzo.
299
00:15:26,092 --> 00:15:30,221
Oh, one of the Marx Brothers.
Groucho, Chico, Harpo, and Gonzo.
300
00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:34,351
No. No, no, I'm The Great Gonzo.
I'm in show business too.
301
00:15:34,434 --> 00:15:36,728
Well, how did you get a name like Gonzo?
302
00:15:36,811 --> 00:15:38,021
My mother gave it to me.
303
00:15:38,104 --> 00:15:39,314
-Your mother?
-Mm-hm.
304
00:15:39,397 --> 00:15:42,525
Yeah. She died two years
before I was born.
305
00:15:42,609 --> 00:15:44,944
Well, if she died two years
before you were born,
306
00:15:45,028 --> 00:15:46,613
how could she give you that name?
307
00:15:46,696 --> 00:15:49,366
-She left a note to my father.
-She left a note to your father.
308
00:15:49,449 --> 00:15:50,575
I thought so.
309
00:15:50,658 --> 00:15:53,411
-Coming from you, that sounds believable.
-Yep.
310
00:15:53,495 --> 00:15:56,122
Look, I hope you don't mind me
coming in here like this,
311
00:15:56,206 --> 00:15:58,333
but I know you love show business,
312
00:15:58,416 --> 00:16:01,753
and those stories about the early days
are really interesting.
313
00:16:01,836 --> 00:16:03,505
Well, some of them are pretty dull.
314
00:16:03,588 --> 00:16:07,550
How can you say that?
I haven't told you any of my stories yet.
315
00:16:07,634 --> 00:16:09,094
Oh, yours? I thought you meant...
316
00:16:09,177 --> 00:16:11,096
I remember my first act.
317
00:16:11,179 --> 00:16:14,766
I worked with a kangaroo
who could tell time.
318
00:16:14,849 --> 00:16:16,685
A kangaroo who could tell time?
319
00:16:16,768 --> 00:16:18,353
Yeah, it was a trick.
320
00:16:18,436 --> 00:16:21,690
He kept a pocket watch in his pouch.
321
00:16:21,773 --> 00:16:24,776
If you got a pouch,
that's the place to keep it.
322
00:16:24,859 --> 00:16:26,778
Yeah, but he was always wrong.
323
00:16:26,861 --> 00:16:29,406
He kept his watch on Australia time.
324
00:16:29,489 --> 00:16:30,615
Makes sense.
325
00:16:30,699 --> 00:16:33,785
Not really. He's never been to Australia.
326
00:16:33,868 --> 00:16:37,080
Well, that makes sense too.
Where did he come from?
327
00:16:37,163 --> 00:16:38,748
Sydney.
328
00:16:38,832 --> 00:16:40,959
I thought you said
he's never been to Australia.
329
00:16:41,042 --> 00:16:42,419
Sydney's his agent.
330
00:16:42,502 --> 00:16:44,587
-Has he got an office in Pittsburgh?
-Yeah.
331
00:16:44,671 --> 00:16:46,297
-Used to handle me.
-Mm.
332
00:16:46,381 --> 00:16:47,549
You know something, Gonzo?
333
00:16:47,632 --> 00:16:50,343
You sound like somebody
I used to work with.
334
00:16:50,427 --> 00:16:51,511
-Really?
-Mm-hm.
335
00:16:51,594 --> 00:16:54,014
Oh! That's a compliment.
336
00:16:54,097 --> 00:16:55,807
You know who that is?
337
00:16:55,890 --> 00:16:57,976
Sure. Walter Matthau.
338
00:16:59,019 --> 00:17:01,104
-Yeah, that's her.
-Mm.
339
00:17:01,187 --> 00:17:05,525
I must be getting old.
I think I enjoyed talking to him.
340
00:17:07,152 --> 00:17:09,863
[BALLROOM DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
341
00:17:11,031 --> 00:17:13,491
Kermie. Kermie, won't you dance with me?
342
00:17:13,575 --> 00:17:14,951
Kermie!
343
00:17:17,787 --> 00:17:20,457
♪ I won't dance
Don't ask me ♪
344
00:17:20,540 --> 00:17:23,168
♪ I won't dance
Don't ask me ♪
345
00:17:23,251 --> 00:17:27,005
♪ I won't dance, madame, with you ♪
346
00:17:27,088 --> 00:17:31,301
♪ My heart won't let my feet
Do things they should do ♪
347
00:17:33,511 --> 00:17:34,846
-♪ You know what? ♪
-♪ What? ♪
348
00:17:34,929 --> 00:17:37,390
-♪ You're lovely ♪
-♪ And so what? ♪
349
00:17:37,474 --> 00:17:38,683
♪ I'm lovely ♪
350
00:17:38,767 --> 00:17:42,604
♪ But, oh, what you do to me ♪
351
00:17:42,687 --> 00:17:47,817
♪ I'm like an ocean wave
That's bumped on the shore ♪
352
00:17:47,901 --> 00:17:51,696
♪ I feel so absolutely stumped
On the floor ♪
353
00:17:54,240 --> 00:17:58,328
♪ When you dance you're charming
And you're gentle ♪
354
00:17:58,411 --> 00:17:59,454
♪ Oh, yeah? ♪
355
00:17:59,537 --> 00:18:04,668
♪ Especially when you do the Continental ♪
356
00:18:04,751 --> 00:18:09,047
♪ But this feeling isn't purely mental ♪
357
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:14,260
♪ For heaven rest us
I'm not asbestos ♪
358
00:18:14,344 --> 00:18:17,972
♪ And that's why I won't dance
Why should I? ♪
359
00:18:18,056 --> 00:18:20,600
♪ I won't dance
How could I? ♪
360
00:18:20,684 --> 00:18:21,893
♪ I won't dance ♪
361
00:18:21,976 --> 00:18:24,604
♪ Merci beaucoup ♪
362
00:18:24,688 --> 00:18:29,734
♪ I know that music leads the way
To romance ♪
363
00:18:29,818 --> 00:18:34,280
♪ So if I hold you in my arms! ♪
364
00:18:34,364 --> 00:18:35,949
♪ I won't dance ♪
365
00:18:38,702 --> 00:18:41,746
-Bravo! Bravo!
-Why are you yelling "bravo"?
366
00:18:41,830 --> 00:18:43,289
Did you like it that much?
367
00:18:43,373 --> 00:18:46,584
No, a friend of mine, Joe Bravo,
he's sitting in the third row.
368
00:18:46,668 --> 00:18:49,129
-Oh.
-Bravo! Bravo!
369
00:18:49,212 --> 00:18:50,463
BOTH:
Up here!
370
00:18:53,508 --> 00:18:55,593
[BEEPING]
371
00:18:58,096 --> 00:19:02,600
This is a recorded
analytic program readout.
372
00:19:02,684 --> 00:19:06,104
We will start with the upper right
of the module.
373
00:19:06,187 --> 00:19:10,191
You will note
the longitudinally polarized antenna.
374
00:19:10,275 --> 00:19:13,111
This component is virtually indestructible
375
00:19:13,194 --> 00:19:16,072
and is guaranteed
for the life of the unit.
376
00:19:16,156 --> 00:19:17,198
[ALARM RINGING]
377
00:19:17,282 --> 00:19:20,577
There is an alarm system
which is activated
378
00:19:20,660 --> 00:19:23,621
if any portion of the machine is damaged.
379
00:19:23,705 --> 00:19:28,293
Adjacent to the alarm
is the digital iambic generator.
380
00:19:28,376 --> 00:19:29,711
[BEEPS]
381
00:19:29,794 --> 00:19:35,842
This unit is pressurized
with large amounts of methane gas.
382
00:19:35,925 --> 00:19:37,594
[BURPS]
383
00:19:37,677 --> 00:19:41,431
On the top
of the intercellular power generator
384
00:19:41,514 --> 00:19:45,393
you will see
a spherical voltage oblongata.
385
00:19:45,477 --> 00:19:46,478
[GRUNTS]
386
00:19:46,561 --> 00:19:53,151
It should be noted that this unit alone
is worth over 17,000 dollars.
387
00:19:53,234 --> 00:19:57,530
By way of contrast,
the Doppler sublimated magneto
388
00:19:57,614 --> 00:20:00,658
located on the front of the generator
389
00:20:00,742 --> 00:20:07,665
can be purchased in any hardware store
for about 37 cents.
390
00:20:07,749 --> 00:20:12,045
The intercellular power structure
and generator itself
391
00:20:12,128 --> 00:20:17,717
is filled with a series of manxome coils
attenuated dicotyledonously.
392
00:20:17,801 --> 00:20:18,843
[GROWLING]
393
00:20:18,927 --> 00:20:20,095
In the same circuit
394
00:20:20,178 --> 00:20:24,432
there is an intaglio
of numismatic krypton wavelengths
395
00:20:24,516 --> 00:20:27,060
which abrogates the hydromatic mome raths
396
00:20:27,143 --> 00:20:32,482
at the rate of five ventricle icons
per microcantabile.
397
00:20:32,565 --> 00:20:35,026
The electromagnetic console...
398
00:20:35,110 --> 00:20:37,028
[GROWLING]
399
00:20:39,114 --> 00:20:40,824
COMPUTER [MUFFLED]:
In conclusion,
400
00:20:40,907 --> 00:20:45,120
nothing can keep this machine
from performing its primary function,
401
00:20:45,203 --> 00:20:49,874
which is to be the most powerful
exploding device known to man.
402
00:20:49,958 --> 00:20:51,167
[CLOCK TICKING]
403
00:20:53,962 --> 00:20:57,298
Disgusting. Ever seen eating like that?
404
00:20:57,382 --> 00:20:58,425
-Sure.
-Where?
405
00:20:58,508 --> 00:21:00,802
Thanksgiving dinner with my in-laws.
406
00:21:03,138 --> 00:21:07,142
Hey, Kermit, do you know about
the reporter who's snooping around?
407
00:21:07,225 --> 00:21:08,643
Yeah, Fleet Scribbler.
408
00:21:08,727 --> 00:21:11,312
Well, he asked me to tell him
all about the show's scandals
409
00:21:11,396 --> 00:21:13,023
and behind-the-scenes dirt.
410
00:21:13,106 --> 00:21:14,858
Oh, I know, it's just awful.
411
00:21:14,941 --> 00:21:18,945
-It was. I didn't know where to begin.
-What?
412
00:21:19,029 --> 00:21:21,406
I mean, I could have talked for hours.
413
00:21:21,489 --> 00:21:23,658
Yeesh. I don't wanna hear about it.
414
00:21:23,742 --> 00:21:26,244
Now he's talking to the Swedish Chef.
415
00:21:26,327 --> 00:21:29,122
Well, he can't get any information
from him.
416
00:21:29,205 --> 00:21:31,207
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
417
00:21:36,004 --> 00:21:38,089
[SPEAKING IN GIBBERISH]
418
00:21:41,426 --> 00:21:43,386
[SCRIBBLER CHUCKLING]
419
00:21:43,470 --> 00:21:45,972
On the other hand...
420
00:21:46,056 --> 00:21:47,432
[KERMIT GULPS]
421
00:21:47,515 --> 00:21:51,478
Ladies and gentlemen, once again,
the one and only Mr. George Burns.
422
00:21:51,561 --> 00:21:53,563
[PLAYING ELEGANT JAZZ MUSIC]
423
00:21:55,398 --> 00:21:58,360
Well, what do you say, George,
would you do one more song for us?
424
00:21:58,443 --> 00:22:01,571
You don't think I came over here
just to do one song?
425
00:22:01,654 --> 00:22:05,909
Mr. Burns.
Oh, I've been a fan of yours for years.
426
00:22:05,992 --> 00:22:10,163
Would you sing a song just for moi?
427
00:22:10,246 --> 00:22:12,248
I could never say no to a lady.
428
00:22:12,332 --> 00:22:16,378
Well, you don't have to worry, then.
It's only Miss Piggy. Ha-ha-ha.
429
00:22:16,461 --> 00:22:18,463
Cool it, flea bait.
430
00:22:18,546 --> 00:22:21,091
Now, where were we?
431
00:22:21,174 --> 00:22:23,635
I was about to say yes to a lady.
432
00:22:23,718 --> 00:22:25,261
Thank you, Mr. Burns.
433
00:22:25,345 --> 00:22:26,846
Let's get the group out,
434
00:22:26,930 --> 00:22:29,683
because the song I'm gonna sing
needs all the help I can get.
435
00:22:29,766 --> 00:22:32,394
-Mm-hm.
ROWLF: Come on out, everybody. Here we go.
436
00:22:32,477 --> 00:22:34,646
-Now, Rowlf, in my key.
-All right.
437
00:22:34,729 --> 00:22:37,399
-Kids, I want you all to follow me.
-Yes, sir.
438
00:22:37,482 --> 00:22:40,110
♪ I could be happy, could be sad
Could be good, could be bad ♪
439
00:22:40,193 --> 00:22:42,070
♪ It all depends on you ♪
440
00:22:42,153 --> 00:22:46,241
♪ All depends on you ♪
441
00:22:46,324 --> 00:22:47,909
That's nice.
442
00:22:47,992 --> 00:22:50,829
♪ Could be humble, could be proud
Could be lonesome in a crowd ♪
443
00:22:50,912 --> 00:22:52,956
♪ It all depends on you ♪
444
00:22:53,039 --> 00:22:58,003
♪ All depends on you ♪
445
00:22:58,086 --> 00:23:00,839
♪ I could make money and spend it
Go right on living or end it ♪
446
00:23:00,922 --> 00:23:03,591
♪ You're to blame, honey, for what I do ♪
447
00:23:03,675 --> 00:23:08,430
♪ What I do ♪
448
00:23:08,513 --> 00:23:12,142
♪ Could be beggar, could be king
Could be almost any old thing ♪
449
00:23:12,225 --> 00:23:17,814
ALL:
♪ It all depends on you ♪
450
00:23:17,897 --> 00:23:21,276
♪ Bum, bum, bum, bum ♪
451
00:23:21,359 --> 00:23:23,361
Now hold that note.
I'll find another song.
452
00:23:23,445 --> 00:23:24,446
♪ You ♪
453
00:23:24,529 --> 00:23:25,530
Oh, I got it.
454
00:23:25,613 --> 00:23:27,490
♪ You made me love you
I didn't wanna do it ♪
455
00:23:27,574 --> 00:23:29,617
♪ Didn't wanna do it
Didn't wanna do it ♪
456
00:23:29,701 --> 00:23:33,663
♪ Didn't wanna do it
Didn't wanna do it ♪
457
00:23:33,747 --> 00:23:37,417
-♪ You made me want you-- ♪
-♪ Didn't wanna do it ♪
458
00:23:38,501 --> 00:23:40,879
♪ You made me want you
And all the time you knew it ♪
459
00:23:40,962 --> 00:23:43,173
♪ All the time you knew it
All the time you knew it ♪
460
00:23:43,256 --> 00:23:46,259
♪ All the time you knew it
All the time you knew it ♪
461
00:23:46,343 --> 00:23:49,346
-♪ You made me happy sometimes-- ♪
-♪ Didn't wanna do it ♪
462
00:23:51,181 --> 00:23:53,475
♪ You made me happy sometimes
You made me sad ♪
463
00:23:53,558 --> 00:23:57,729
♪ And there were times, dear
You made me feel so glad ♪
464
00:23:57,812 --> 00:24:00,815
♪ So glad ♪
465
00:24:00,899 --> 00:24:03,485
That's nice. Let's... Let's do that again.
466
00:24:03,568 --> 00:24:05,195
♪ So glad ♪
467
00:24:05,278 --> 00:24:08,948
♪ So glad ♪
468
00:24:09,032 --> 00:24:11,326
-♪ You made me sigh for-- ♪
-♪ Didn't wanna do it ♪
469
00:24:13,495 --> 00:24:15,580
♪ You made me sigh
For I didn't wanna tell you ♪
470
00:24:15,663 --> 00:24:17,123
♪ I want your love, that's true ♪
471
00:24:17,207 --> 00:24:19,626
♪ Yes, I do, you know I do
Indeed I do ♪
472
00:24:19,709 --> 00:24:21,086
[BAND PLAYING UPBEAT JAZZ MUSIC]
473
00:24:21,169 --> 00:24:25,924
ALL: ♪ Gimme, gimme, gimme, gimme
What I cry for ♪
474
00:24:26,007 --> 00:24:32,097
♪ You know you've got the kind of kisses
That I'd die for ♪
475
00:24:32,180 --> 00:24:38,895
♪ You know you made me love you ♪
476
00:24:38,978 --> 00:24:42,440
[GEORGE SCATTING]
477
00:24:42,524 --> 00:24:43,525
MUPPETS:
♪ You ♪
478
00:24:43,608 --> 00:24:47,028
[GEORGE SCATTING]
479
00:24:47,112 --> 00:24:48,113
MUPPETS:
♪ You ♪
480
00:24:48,196 --> 00:24:50,031
[GEORGE SCATTING]
481
00:24:50,115 --> 00:24:53,243
ALL: ♪ Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba
Ba-ba-ba-ba ♪
482
00:24:53,326 --> 00:24:55,537
GONZO:
♪ Didn't wanna do it ♪
483
00:24:56,830 --> 00:24:57,956
[GONZO GULPS]
484
00:25:00,000 --> 00:25:02,460
♪ But you did ♪
485
00:25:02,544 --> 00:25:09,551
MUPPETS:
♪ Yes, we did ♪
486
00:25:09,634 --> 00:25:11,636
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]
487
00:25:15,765 --> 00:25:17,767
Well, it's been another busy show,
488
00:25:17,851 --> 00:25:20,770
and here we are at the place
where it all stops.
489
00:25:20,854 --> 00:25:22,313
Let's give a warm thank you
490
00:25:22,397 --> 00:25:25,233
to our very special guest star,
Mr. George Burns!
491
00:25:25,316 --> 00:25:26,860
[CHEERS]
492
00:25:26,943 --> 00:25:28,570
[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING AND CHEERING]
493
00:25:28,653 --> 00:25:33,074
Hey, Mr. Burns, is it true that you
and Miss Piggy were seen the other night
494
00:25:33,158 --> 00:25:35,326
at a certain discotheque?
495
00:25:35,410 --> 00:25:36,828
[SCRIBBLER COUGHS]
496
00:25:36,911 --> 00:25:40,415
-Good night, Fleet.
-See you next time on The Muppet Show!
497
00:25:40,498 --> 00:25:42,584
[ALL CHATTERING]
498
00:25:42,667 --> 00:25:44,753
[BAND PLAYING THEME MUSIC]
499
00:26:18,495 --> 00:26:20,163
How do they do it?
500
00:26:20,246 --> 00:26:22,624
How do we watch it?
501
00:26:22,707 --> 00:26:24,209
Why do we watch it?
502
00:26:24,292 --> 00:26:26,336
Why do you watch it?
39399
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.
Afrikaans
Albanian
Amharic
Arabic
Armenian
Azerbaijani
Basque
Belarusian
Bengali
Bosnian
Bulgarian
Catalan
Cebuano
Chichewa
Chinese (Simplified)
Chinese (Traditional)
Corsican
Croatian
Czech
Danish
Dutch
English
Esperanto
Estonian
Finnish
French
Frisian
Galician
Georgian
German
Gujarati
Haitian Creole
Hawaiian
Hungarian
Icelandic
Indonesian
Irish
Italian
Japanese
Kazakh
Khmer
Korean
Kurdish (Kurmanji)
Kyrgyz
Lao
Latvian
Lithuanian
Luxembourgish
Macedonian
Malagasy
Malay
Maltese
Maori
Mongolian
Myanmar (Burmese)
Nepali
Norwegian
Pashto
Polish
Portuguese
Romanian
Russian
Samoan
Serbian
Sesotho
Shona
Sinhala
Slovak
Slovenian
Somali
Spanish
Swahili
Swedish
Tajik
Thai
Turkish
Ukrainian
Urdu
Uzbek
Vietnamese
